WEBVTT - Jennie's Journal...She Graduated, and So Did I

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<v Speaker 1>You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garland. Hey, everybody,

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<v Speaker 1>welcome to I Choose Me With yours. Truly, I was thinking,

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<v Speaker 1>it's been a minute since we've done a Jenny's Journal,

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<v Speaker 1>so I feel like I want to share with you

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<v Speaker 1>something relatively big that happened in my life. And I

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<v Speaker 1>don't know, I just feel like sharing with you. So

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<v Speaker 1>here's a little something from Jenny's Journals. June sixth, twenty five.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my god, today was it? Fiona, my baby bird?

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<v Speaker 1>She graduated high school? And Yeah, I'm out here on

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<v Speaker 1>the porch writing this, enjoying the night air, sitting down

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<v Speaker 1>for the first time today, and it's just hitting me

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<v Speaker 1>all over again. Sitting there this morning on the metal

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<v Speaker 1>bench in the hot sun with her sisters and Dave,

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<v Speaker 1>her uncle Peter, and Lily. I can honestly say we

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<v Speaker 1>were one big, very happy family in that moment. It

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<v Speaker 1>wasn't lost on me that all the hard work our

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<v Speaker 1>family has done to stay united had culminated into this

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<v Speaker 1>highly anticipated and pivotal moment in all of our lives.

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<v Speaker 1>Watching her walk across that stage, and yes, being that

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<v Speaker 1>family that yells out and pops off confetti Cannons, basically

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<v Speaker 1>making a spectacle of themselves to show her how proud

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<v Speaker 1>we are of her. In that moment she walked up

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<v Speaker 1>to receive her Diplumber, her hand stretch out to shake

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<v Speaker 1>the Dean's hand, it felt somehow like my entire mom

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<v Speaker 1>life just slash before my eyes, and I could feel

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<v Speaker 1>this sort of triumphant moment of not just our family

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<v Speaker 1>but her. All the crazy ups and the gut wrenching

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<v Speaker 1>downs that are high school, but mostly just this totally

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<v Speaker 1>overwhelming feeling of awe for her and joy for me,

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<v Speaker 1>such relief she made it. Her experience wasn't a cakewalk. Yes,

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<v Speaker 1>we are privileged. Did she ask for it? No? But

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<v Speaker 1>however you want to look at it, she was lucky

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<v Speaker 1>to be born into the situation she was. Others have

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<v Speaker 1>had much harder times, for sure, and her experience is hers,

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<v Speaker 1>So I will let her speak about it. I'll just

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<v Speaker 1>say for me as a mom, her high school years

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<v Speaker 1>have been really hard to watch, really hard on me.

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<v Speaker 1>And it's been almost even harder to not jump in

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<v Speaker 1>and fix it, fix it all. It's so so hard

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<v Speaker 1>to watch your kid hurt. She literally had to fight

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<v Speaker 1>against the dumbest stereotype ever, being called dumb just because

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<v Speaker 1>she looks a certain way, mean kids labeled her too emotional.

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<v Speaker 1>That one really got to me. I've had it said

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<v Speaker 1>about me and it's just a straight up attempt to

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<v Speaker 1>belittle a person. But Fiona feels things beautifully and deeply,

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<v Speaker 1>and I think that's actually one of her greatest strengths.

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<v Speaker 1>She was trying to figure it all out, but there

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<v Speaker 1>were so many texts over the four years from her

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<v Speaker 1>needing support or wanting to be anywhere but there, Please

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<v Speaker 1>email the attendants I need to leave, you know those

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<v Speaker 1>kind of texts. Do I think she was bullied? Yeah?

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<v Speaker 1>I do. Some kids think it's fun to hurt other people.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't understand it, but I do recognize it. You

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<v Speaker 1>just want to scoop up your kid and literally shield

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<v Speaker 1>them from every single crappy word. And it wasn't just

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<v Speaker 1>the mean kid stuff. It was the quiet stuff too.

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<v Speaker 1>Some teachers were just total angels. She would tell me

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<v Speaker 1>stories from classroom discussion she had had with some of them,

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<v Speaker 1>and she just would light up whenever she talked about

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<v Speaker 1>some they actually saw her, you know, saw past her

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<v Speaker 1>appearance and the teen drama to the genuinely curious, caring

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<v Speaker 1>and intelligent girl she is. They nurtured her spirit, but

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<v Speaker 1>then there were others who just didn't. They just completely

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<v Speaker 1>missed her. And when someone in authority just doesn't see

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<v Speaker 1>your kid, that can be just as damaging as any

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<v Speaker 1>mean girl or bully. They can make them feel invisible

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<v Speaker 1>or maybe unworthy, and that's a tough, tough feeling for

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<v Speaker 1>any kid to carry around. There was also a toxic relationship.

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<v Speaker 1>I'll let her share that if she wants to, but

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<v Speaker 1>it affected basically all four years of her experience. My

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<v Speaker 1>heart literally ached watching her go through it, trying to

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<v Speaker 1>figure out those insane feelings, the confusion, the constant ups

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<v Speaker 1>and downs. There were so many times and I just

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<v Speaker 1>won't to jump in and yell at her or give

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<v Speaker 1>him a piece of my mind. Sorry, that kind of

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<v Speaker 1>sounds like my grandma. But to see her finally break

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<v Speaker 1>free and start putting herself back together after all that, honestly,

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<v Speaker 1>it was like watching the most glorious sunrise ever with

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<v Speaker 1>such a relief, and it reinforced to me just how

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<v Speaker 1>incredibly strong she is. I guess beyond being just a

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<v Speaker 1>proud mom, I have learned along the way too. All

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<v Speaker 1>this reminded me how important it is to really listen

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<v Speaker 1>to my kids. It made me wonder have I done

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<v Speaker 1>a good enough job. Sometimes the stuff they're not saying

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<v Speaker 1>is way more important than what they are. The complaints

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<v Speaker 1>about school, the out of nowhere mood changes, the wanting

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<v Speaker 1>to be alone, those are usually signals or something deeper

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<v Speaker 1>going on, And I get it. All the absolute bullshit

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<v Speaker 1>the kids have to deal with today and grow up

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<v Speaker 1>subjected to, don't even get me started. I've tried to

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<v Speaker 1>create a space where each of the girls know they

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<v Speaker 1>can actually tell me anything. But I know there have

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<v Speaker 1>been times when my workload has deprived one or another

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<v Speaker 1>of much needed mom time or wifetime for that matter.

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<v Speaker 1>But that's a different entry for another day. So many

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<v Speaker 1>times I've wished I could wave a magic wand and

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<v Speaker 1>make everything better for everyone, But you have to teach

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<v Speaker 1>them to stand up for themselves. There were definitely times

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<v Speaker 1>when I wanted to storm the school and raise hell,

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<v Speaker 1>but I knew I had to find that balance with Fiona.

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<v Speaker 1>Both Peter and Dave were always my reminders to take

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<v Speaker 1>a deep breath and calm down, think things through. I

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<v Speaker 1>believe things always work out, and it was quite possible.

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<v Speaker 1>I did actually need two dads to get me through

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<v Speaker 1>this with my feet on the ground. I was a

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<v Speaker 1>full time life coach and therapist and cheerleader, all wrapped

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<v Speaker 1>up in a mom costume. I tried to do my best.

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<v Speaker 1>I'd encourage Fiona to talk to her teachers, to speak

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<v Speaker 1>her mind, to take charge of things and claim her power.

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<v Speaker 1>When it came to the boy, we talk about boundaries.

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<v Speaker 1>We talked about what she deserved and how important it

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<v Speaker 1>was to put herself first, to choose herself. I think

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<v Speaker 1>teaching our kids to find their own voice is one

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<v Speaker 1>of the best things we can do for them. And

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<v Speaker 1>as excruciating as it was to watch her go through

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<v Speaker 1>all that those experiences, the dumb labels, the emotional roller coaster,

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<v Speaker 1>they didn't break her, not at all. They actually built

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<v Speaker 1>something incredible inside her. She learned how strong she is,

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<v Speaker 1>She learned to trust her gut, and she learned what

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<v Speaker 1>she will and absolutely will not put up with in

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<v Speaker 1>relationships moving forward. Those aren't easy lessons, but boy, old boy,

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<v Speaker 1>are they important ones. I honestly envy that she received

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<v Speaker 1>these big life lessons this young, because I didn't, and

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<v Speaker 1>I know there will be so many more, but let's

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<v Speaker 1>just get through this big event today. Please. It's just

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<v Speaker 1>part of her story now, it's not her whole story.

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<v Speaker 1>But she did it. She pushed through, she learned, she

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<v Speaker 1>grew into this amazing young woman. Like I've always told

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<v Speaker 1>all the girls since we saw The Help back in

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<v Speaker 1>twenty eleven, you is smart, You is kind, and you

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<v Speaker 1>is important. She learned to be resilient no matter what. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>she's got some scars, sure, but she's also got the

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<v Speaker 1>wisdom and the strength that came from going through tough times.

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<v Speaker 1>We had a sweet family party for her. Lola, Dave

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<v Speaker 1>and I did the prep. Luca made a fun game

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<v Speaker 1>to celebrate her. She called it Fiona Jeopardy Soupani. My

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<v Speaker 1>friend treated us all to such inspiring Thai food. I

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<v Speaker 1>can't even tell you how good it was. Peter made

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<v Speaker 1>it through the years movie of her, and there were

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<v Speaker 1>flowers and family and dear friends. We laughed, we cried.

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<v Speaker 1>My baby bird is officially ready to fly, and I'm

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<v Speaker 1>just here watching her take off. My heart is so

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<v Speaker 1>full of gratitude it could burst. And not only am

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<v Speaker 1>I proud of her, but I'm proud of me too,

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<v Speaker 1>this last one has been the most challenging. But hey,

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<v Speaker 1>let's go out with a bang, right, Mom. That's all

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<v Speaker 1>I had to say about that. But I'm curious. Did

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<v Speaker 1>you have a kid that graduated, You have a kid

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<v Speaker 1>that had a tough time in high school? I don't know.

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<v Speaker 1>Are you like me? Are you out there trying to

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<v Speaker 1>hold everything up for everybody all the time and you're

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<v Speaker 1>just making it up as you go. Being a mom

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<v Speaker 1>is the hardest, most rewarding job you will ever have,

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<v Speaker 1>and I see you. As far as I'm concerned, all

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<v Speaker 1>moms are superheroes. I mean, that's how I look at

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<v Speaker 1>my mom now, which is much different than how I

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<v Speaker 1>used to look at her. But I just want you

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<v Speaker 1>to know that it's okay to take a moment, to choose,

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<v Speaker 1>to allow yourself to take a deep breath and just

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<v Speaker 1>revel in this moment of accomplishment, not just for your kid,

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<v Speaker 1>but for you. You did it too, You graduated from

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<v Speaker 1>high school all over again, and I'm so proud of us.