1 00:00:01,840 --> 00:00:09,560 Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garland. Hey, everybody, 2 00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:14,760 Speaker 1: welcome to I Choose Me With yours. Truly, I was thinking, 3 00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:18,079 Speaker 1: it's been a minute since we've done a Jenny's Journal, 4 00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:21,840 Speaker 1: so I feel like I want to share with you 5 00:00:22,920 --> 00:00:29,160 Speaker 1: something relatively big that happened in my life. And I 6 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:31,240 Speaker 1: don't know, I just feel like sharing with you. So 7 00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:36,360 Speaker 1: here's a little something from Jenny's Journals. June sixth, twenty five. 8 00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:40,760 Speaker 1: Oh my god, today was it? Fiona, my baby bird? 9 00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:45,120 Speaker 1: She graduated high school? And Yeah, I'm out here on 10 00:00:45,159 --> 00:00:48,040 Speaker 1: the porch writing this, enjoying the night air, sitting down 11 00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:51,559 Speaker 1: for the first time today, and it's just hitting me 12 00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:55,680 Speaker 1: all over again. Sitting there this morning on the metal 13 00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:59,040 Speaker 1: bench in the hot sun with her sisters and Dave, 14 00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:03,120 Speaker 1: her uncle Peter, and Lily. I can honestly say we 15 00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:06,720 Speaker 1: were one big, very happy family in that moment. It 16 00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:08,880 Speaker 1: wasn't lost on me that all the hard work our 17 00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:12,640 Speaker 1: family has done to stay united had culminated into this 18 00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:16,080 Speaker 1: highly anticipated and pivotal moment in all of our lives. 19 00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:20,280 Speaker 1: Watching her walk across that stage, and yes, being that 20 00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:23,720 Speaker 1: family that yells out and pops off confetti Cannons, basically 21 00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:27,280 Speaker 1: making a spectacle of themselves to show her how proud 22 00:01:27,400 --> 00:01:29,880 Speaker 1: we are of her. In that moment she walked up 23 00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:32,920 Speaker 1: to receive her Diplumber, her hand stretch out to shake 24 00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:37,760 Speaker 1: the Dean's hand, it felt somehow like my entire mom 25 00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:41,440 Speaker 1: life just slash before my eyes, and I could feel 26 00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:45,920 Speaker 1: this sort of triumphant moment of not just our family 27 00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:51,320 Speaker 1: but her. All the crazy ups and the gut wrenching 28 00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:55,040 Speaker 1: downs that are high school, but mostly just this totally 29 00:01:55,840 --> 00:02:00,600 Speaker 1: overwhelming feeling of awe for her and joy for me, 30 00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:08,840 Speaker 1: such relief she made it. Her experience wasn't a cakewalk. Yes, 31 00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:13,200 Speaker 1: we are privileged. Did she ask for it? No? But 32 00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:15,680 Speaker 1: however you want to look at it, she was lucky 33 00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:18,520 Speaker 1: to be born into the situation she was. Others have 34 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:22,239 Speaker 1: had much harder times, for sure, and her experience is hers, 35 00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:25,960 Speaker 1: So I will let her speak about it. I'll just 36 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:30,040 Speaker 1: say for me as a mom, her high school years 37 00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:33,800 Speaker 1: have been really hard to watch, really hard on me. 38 00:02:34,919 --> 00:02:38,520 Speaker 1: And it's been almost even harder to not jump in 39 00:02:38,639 --> 00:02:43,040 Speaker 1: and fix it, fix it all. It's so so hard 40 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:47,360 Speaker 1: to watch your kid hurt. She literally had to fight 41 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:53,919 Speaker 1: against the dumbest stereotype ever, being called dumb just because 42 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:57,960 Speaker 1: she looks a certain way, mean kids labeled her too emotional. 43 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:01,320 Speaker 1: That one really got to me. I've had it said 44 00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:05,200 Speaker 1: about me and it's just a straight up attempt to 45 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:09,960 Speaker 1: belittle a person. But Fiona feels things beautifully and deeply, 46 00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:14,600 Speaker 1: and I think that's actually one of her greatest strengths. 47 00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:17,160 Speaker 1: She was trying to figure it all out, but there 48 00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:21,480 Speaker 1: were so many texts over the four years from her 49 00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:26,080 Speaker 1: needing support or wanting to be anywhere but there, Please 50 00:03:27,639 --> 00:03:30,720 Speaker 1: email the attendants I need to leave, you know those 51 00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:34,240 Speaker 1: kind of texts. Do I think she was bullied? Yeah? 52 00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:38,680 Speaker 1: I do. Some kids think it's fun to hurt other people. 53 00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:42,400 Speaker 1: I don't understand it, but I do recognize it. You 54 00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:45,920 Speaker 1: just want to scoop up your kid and literally shield 55 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:50,200 Speaker 1: them from every single crappy word. And it wasn't just 56 00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:53,040 Speaker 1: the mean kid stuff. It was the quiet stuff too. 57 00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:57,400 Speaker 1: Some teachers were just total angels. She would tell me 58 00:03:57,480 --> 00:04:00,400 Speaker 1: stories from classroom discussion she had had with some of them, 59 00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:03,520 Speaker 1: and she just would light up whenever she talked about 60 00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:08,120 Speaker 1: some they actually saw her, you know, saw past her 61 00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:12,680 Speaker 1: appearance and the teen drama to the genuinely curious, caring 62 00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:17,279 Speaker 1: and intelligent girl she is. They nurtured her spirit, but 63 00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:21,760 Speaker 1: then there were others who just didn't. They just completely 64 00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:26,119 Speaker 1: missed her. And when someone in authority just doesn't see 65 00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:29,640 Speaker 1: your kid, that can be just as damaging as any 66 00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:33,600 Speaker 1: mean girl or bully. They can make them feel invisible 67 00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:37,479 Speaker 1: or maybe unworthy, and that's a tough, tough feeling for 68 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:41,560 Speaker 1: any kid to carry around. There was also a toxic relationship. 69 00:04:41,760 --> 00:04:45,320 Speaker 1: I'll let her share that if she wants to, but 70 00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:49,359 Speaker 1: it affected basically all four years of her experience. My 71 00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:53,080 Speaker 1: heart literally ached watching her go through it, trying to 72 00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:57,000 Speaker 1: figure out those insane feelings, the confusion, the constant ups 73 00:04:57,040 --> 00:04:59,760 Speaker 1: and downs. There were so many times and I just 74 00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:03,760 Speaker 1: won't to jump in and yell at her or give 75 00:05:03,839 --> 00:05:06,640 Speaker 1: him a piece of my mind. Sorry, that kind of 76 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:10,480 Speaker 1: sounds like my grandma. But to see her finally break 77 00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:15,200 Speaker 1: free and start putting herself back together after all that, honestly, 78 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:20,640 Speaker 1: it was like watching the most glorious sunrise ever with 79 00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:23,680 Speaker 1: such a relief, and it reinforced to me just how 80 00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:33,839 Speaker 1: incredibly strong she is. I guess beyond being just a 81 00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:37,680 Speaker 1: proud mom, I have learned along the way too. All 82 00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:41,080 Speaker 1: this reminded me how important it is to really listen 83 00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:44,680 Speaker 1: to my kids. It made me wonder have I done 84 00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:49,320 Speaker 1: a good enough job. Sometimes the stuff they're not saying 85 00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:52,839 Speaker 1: is way more important than what they are. The complaints 86 00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:57,200 Speaker 1: about school, the out of nowhere mood changes, the wanting 87 00:05:57,240 --> 00:06:01,120 Speaker 1: to be alone, those are usually signals or something deeper 88 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:04,920 Speaker 1: going on, And I get it. All the absolute bullshit 89 00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:07,160 Speaker 1: the kids have to deal with today and grow up 90 00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:12,640 Speaker 1: subjected to, don't even get me started. I've tried to 91 00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:14,880 Speaker 1: create a space where each of the girls know they 92 00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:17,800 Speaker 1: can actually tell me anything. But I know there have 93 00:06:17,839 --> 00:06:22,120 Speaker 1: been times when my workload has deprived one or another 94 00:06:22,680 --> 00:06:26,400 Speaker 1: of much needed mom time or wifetime for that matter. 95 00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:29,680 Speaker 1: But that's a different entry for another day. So many 96 00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:32,600 Speaker 1: times I've wished I could wave a magic wand and 97 00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:36,400 Speaker 1: make everything better for everyone, But you have to teach 98 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:39,760 Speaker 1: them to stand up for themselves. There were definitely times 99 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:41,640 Speaker 1: when I wanted to storm the school and raise hell, 100 00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:45,760 Speaker 1: but I knew I had to find that balance with Fiona. 101 00:06:46,839 --> 00:06:49,240 Speaker 1: Both Peter and Dave were always my reminders to take 102 00:06:49,279 --> 00:06:53,320 Speaker 1: a deep breath and calm down, think things through. I 103 00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:56,560 Speaker 1: believe things always work out, and it was quite possible. 104 00:06:56,760 --> 00:06:59,240 Speaker 1: I did actually need two dads to get me through 105 00:06:59,279 --> 00:07:02,120 Speaker 1: this with my feet on the ground. I was a 106 00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:06,520 Speaker 1: full time life coach and therapist and cheerleader, all wrapped 107 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:10,640 Speaker 1: up in a mom costume. I tried to do my best. 108 00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:14,080 Speaker 1: I'd encourage Fiona to talk to her teachers, to speak 109 00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:18,200 Speaker 1: her mind, to take charge of things and claim her power. 110 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:21,640 Speaker 1: When it came to the boy, we talk about boundaries. 111 00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:25,360 Speaker 1: We talked about what she deserved and how important it 112 00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:28,800 Speaker 1: was to put herself first, to choose herself. I think 113 00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:30,880 Speaker 1: teaching our kids to find their own voice is one 114 00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:34,040 Speaker 1: of the best things we can do for them. And 115 00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:37,280 Speaker 1: as excruciating as it was to watch her go through 116 00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:42,000 Speaker 1: all that those experiences, the dumb labels, the emotional roller coaster, 117 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:46,640 Speaker 1: they didn't break her, not at all. They actually built 118 00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:52,400 Speaker 1: something incredible inside her. She learned how strong she is, 119 00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:57,280 Speaker 1: She learned to trust her gut, and she learned what 120 00:07:57,400 --> 00:08:00,680 Speaker 1: she will and absolutely will not put up with in 121 00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:06,119 Speaker 1: relationships moving forward. Those aren't easy lessons, but boy, old boy, 122 00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:11,000 Speaker 1: are they important ones. I honestly envy that she received 123 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:14,960 Speaker 1: these big life lessons this young, because I didn't, and 124 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:17,440 Speaker 1: I know there will be so many more, but let's 125 00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:22,360 Speaker 1: just get through this big event today. Please. It's just 126 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:24,560 Speaker 1: part of her story now, it's not her whole story. 127 00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:28,760 Speaker 1: But she did it. She pushed through, she learned, she 128 00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:32,439 Speaker 1: grew into this amazing young woman. Like I've always told 129 00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:34,880 Speaker 1: all the girls since we saw The Help back in 130 00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:38,839 Speaker 1: twenty eleven, you is smart, You is kind, and you 131 00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:43,440 Speaker 1: is important. She learned to be resilient no matter what. Yeah, 132 00:08:43,559 --> 00:08:46,880 Speaker 1: she's got some scars, sure, but she's also got the 133 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:50,520 Speaker 1: wisdom and the strength that came from going through tough times. 134 00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:55,360 Speaker 1: We had a sweet family party for her. Lola, Dave 135 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:57,440 Speaker 1: and I did the prep. Luca made a fun game 136 00:08:57,520 --> 00:09:02,200 Speaker 1: to celebrate her. She called it Fiona Jeopardy Soupani. My 137 00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:05,920 Speaker 1: friend treated us all to such inspiring Thai food. I 138 00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:08,720 Speaker 1: can't even tell you how good it was. Peter made 139 00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:10,760 Speaker 1: it through the years movie of her, and there were 140 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:14,280 Speaker 1: flowers and family and dear friends. We laughed, we cried. 141 00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:19,480 Speaker 1: My baby bird is officially ready to fly, and I'm 142 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:22,480 Speaker 1: just here watching her take off. My heart is so 143 00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:26,040 Speaker 1: full of gratitude it could burst. And not only am 144 00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:28,960 Speaker 1: I proud of her, but I'm proud of me too, 145 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:34,280 Speaker 1: this last one has been the most challenging. But hey, 146 00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:37,720 Speaker 1: let's go out with a bang, right, Mom. That's all 147 00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:41,360 Speaker 1: I had to say about that. But I'm curious. Did 148 00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:43,400 Speaker 1: you have a kid that graduated, You have a kid 149 00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:47,960 Speaker 1: that had a tough time in high school? I don't know. 150 00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:49,760 Speaker 1: Are you like me? Are you out there trying to 151 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:52,760 Speaker 1: hold everything up for everybody all the time and you're 152 00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:56,520 Speaker 1: just making it up as you go. Being a mom 153 00:09:56,640 --> 00:10:00,719 Speaker 1: is the hardest, most rewarding job you will ever have, 154 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:05,079 Speaker 1: and I see you. As far as I'm concerned, all 155 00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:08,160 Speaker 1: moms are superheroes. I mean, that's how I look at 156 00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:09,920 Speaker 1: my mom now, which is much different than how I 157 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:12,680 Speaker 1: used to look at her. But I just want you 158 00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:17,200 Speaker 1: to know that it's okay to take a moment, to choose, 159 00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:21,400 Speaker 1: to allow yourself to take a deep breath and just 160 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:25,080 Speaker 1: revel in this moment of accomplishment, not just for your kid, 161 00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:30,280 Speaker 1: but for you. You did it too, You graduated from 162 00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:34,400 Speaker 1: high school all over again, and I'm so proud of us.