1 00:00:01,600 --> 00:00:05,840 Speaker 1: Before we begin this week's episode, please make sure to 2 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:09,719 Speaker 1: leave a five star review on Apple podcast You can 3 00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:12,400 Speaker 1: only do this if you're listening to this on an iPhone, 4 00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:15,800 Speaker 1: so please make sure to rate, review and subscribe on 5 00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:19,840 Speaker 1: Apple podcasts. Please five star reviews only. Hold me Down, 6 00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:22,720 Speaker 1: Don't Hold me Up. Merch is now available on the 7 00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:25,079 Speaker 1: site as well as my book list, so please visit 8 00:00:25,120 --> 00:00:28,120 Speaker 1: the link in the show notes below. If you would 9 00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:31,640 Speaker 1: like to support the PhD podcast, please sign up at 10 00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:37,440 Speaker 1: www dot patreon dot com. Forward slash the PhD Podcast. 11 00:00:38,159 --> 00:00:40,440 Speaker 1: Thank you all so much for holding the Kid Down, 12 00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:42,880 Speaker 1: and I really do hope that y'all enjoyed this week's 13 00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:48,919 Speaker 1: episode as much as I did. Later, welcome you are 14 00:00:49,000 --> 00:01:25,240 Speaker 1: now listening to psional. Oh Hey, Professional home Girls and niggas. 15 00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:28,120 Speaker 1: It's the kid of the name from the PhD Podcast. 16 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:30,960 Speaker 1: The only place where you will hear interviews from black 17 00:01:30,959 --> 00:01:34,360 Speaker 1: women anonymously on stories that were enlightened and expand on 18 00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:37,479 Speaker 1: taboo topics. Now, if you hear someone that sounds familiar, 19 00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:40,480 Speaker 1: mind the business that pays you child. If you like 20 00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:44,640 Speaker 1: the PhD Podcast, please rate, review, and subscribe on Apple podcasts. 21 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:47,840 Speaker 1: Please findus our reviews only Hold Me Down, Don't Hold 22 00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:50,640 Speaker 1: Me Up. Merchant is now available on the site as 23 00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:52,480 Speaker 1: well as my book list, so please make sure to 24 00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:55,200 Speaker 1: visit the link in the show notes below. You can 25 00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:57,680 Speaker 1: connect with the kid on Instagram at the Professional home 26 00:01:57,760 --> 00:02:01,120 Speaker 1: Girl and at the PhD podcast. If you are on Twitter, 27 00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:04,360 Speaker 1: please follow me at the PSD podcast. If you are 28 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:07,600 Speaker 1: all caught up with episodes, please listen to bonus episodes 29 00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:11,239 Speaker 1: by supporting the PSG podcast Patreon account. To support, please 30 00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:17,000 Speaker 1: visit www dot patreon dot com. Forward slash the PSG podcast. Now, 31 00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:19,480 Speaker 1: please keep in mind that all of my guests are anonymous. 32 00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:23,320 Speaker 1: So let's begin this week's episode. As always, I am 33 00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:27,280 Speaker 1: super excited about this week's episode. Before we begin, I 34 00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:29,760 Speaker 1: want to say this is the first because normally all 35 00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:32,680 Speaker 1: of my guests are anonymous, but today you might have 36 00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:35,480 Speaker 1: an ideal who our guest is because she is Antoinet 37 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:38,880 Speaker 1: from Intoinet's Tell from the Amazing et by Jazz and 38 00:02:38,919 --> 00:02:42,320 Speaker 1: Sullivan Hotels. So to my guests, how are you doing? 39 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:45,360 Speaker 1: I am well, thank you, thank you so much for 40 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:51,480 Speaker 1: having me. Of course, So how has this Panini press? 41 00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:58,800 Speaker 1: Then treating your child? Wait? Saying that again, this Panini press, 42 00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:04,800 Speaker 1: Panini Press ma'am, I don't even know what that is. 43 00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:07,600 Speaker 1: I'm too old for the for the lango. Now wait 44 00:03:07,639 --> 00:03:12,000 Speaker 1: a minute. When I got myself started, wait a minute, 45 00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:18,520 Speaker 1: and I'm so tired. How has the panther been treating 46 00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:22,880 Speaker 1: you know? Uh, you know, like everybody else, I've been 47 00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:28,120 Speaker 1: really fortunate that. Um, I have a roof over my head, 48 00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:32,440 Speaker 1: I have food, you know. I so I choose to 49 00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:35,480 Speaker 1: look at it that way. UM, I live in Brooklyn, 50 00:03:35,640 --> 00:03:40,440 Speaker 1: so too are you do? So I just see all 51 00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:43,240 Speaker 1: these lines of people waiting for food, and it's just 52 00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:46,560 Speaker 1: I'm just like, wow, I have nothing to complain about. 53 00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:49,680 Speaker 1: So I feel that way. But then I'm also like, no, 54 00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:52,400 Speaker 1: you can also honor how you may or may not 55 00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:55,760 Speaker 1: feel sometimes because it's hard, you know, it's hard as 56 00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:58,920 Speaker 1: the isolation. But I'm good, I really am. I having 57 00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:02,880 Speaker 1: lost anyone, um, any family or anything like that. So 58 00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:07,480 Speaker 1: I'm yeah, I've definitely had people who had it in 59 00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:11,520 Speaker 1: my life. UM. I even feel I even now that 60 00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:13,720 Speaker 1: you know, people are doctors are saying like, yeah, you 61 00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:15,960 Speaker 1: probably had COVID last year, and I was like, okay, 62 00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:18,839 Speaker 1: but that was before they really knew what it was. Yeah, 63 00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:20,919 Speaker 1: I think I had it, like in December, like I 64 00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:24,800 Speaker 1: think it was twenty nineteen, same December. And then in 65 00:04:24,839 --> 00:04:27,200 Speaker 1: February again, I was like, oh my god, because I 66 00:04:27,279 --> 00:04:32,520 Speaker 1: was yeah, because I couldn't breathe in February, and they 67 00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:35,800 Speaker 1: were kept trying to tell me I had I had anxiety. 68 00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:40,080 Speaker 1: I was like, I'm not anxious. I just can't breathe, 69 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:42,600 Speaker 1: like something's wrong. But I didn't have a fever, so 70 00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:45,359 Speaker 1: they weren't. They weren't testing for that. But you know, 71 00:04:45,839 --> 00:04:48,200 Speaker 1: I do have a bunch of loved ones who I 72 00:04:48,279 --> 00:04:53,400 Speaker 1: cared deeply for and they've lost um parents and things 73 00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:56,080 Speaker 1: like that. So trying to be a support to folks 74 00:04:56,400 --> 00:05:02,480 Speaker 1: because yeah, yeah, it's really rough. Um. So I feel 75 00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:05,159 Speaker 1: like people have an idea who you are just off 76 00:05:05,160 --> 00:05:06,640 Speaker 1: of your tails, Like can you get to listen a 77 00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:10,320 Speaker 1: little bit a little about yourself. I think people are 78 00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:13,200 Speaker 1: would be shocked to know who I am. I'm finding 79 00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:15,640 Speaker 1: that so many people are hitting me up to be 80 00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:19,040 Speaker 1: like they want me to be at like a sexpert, right, 81 00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:23,160 Speaker 1: like mah, you got any fun that I think for 82 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:30,160 Speaker 1: Oh wait, can we got here the way? This? Not this? 83 00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:34,760 Speaker 1: And a big part I know that, like a big 84 00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:38,039 Speaker 1: part of my tail is about owning you know, your 85 00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:41,880 Speaker 1: body and your sexuality. UM. But a part of that 86 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:44,920 Speaker 1: has to do with like my own development and where 87 00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:48,920 Speaker 1: I'm at and the fact that, like, um, for a while, 88 00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:52,320 Speaker 1: I didn't feel like I did that. Um. My first 89 00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:56,600 Speaker 1: sexual experience was great as a young child, and so 90 00:05:56,640 --> 00:06:00,280 Speaker 1: I had like detached from my body you know, way 91 00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:03,960 Speaker 1: um in a lot of ways and neglected it. And 92 00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:07,560 Speaker 1: then when I started to be sexually active, I waited 93 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:10,320 Speaker 1: quite a while to do that, and I was just 94 00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:13,400 Speaker 1: for the taking. I was really wrapped up and being 95 00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:19,520 Speaker 1: a quote unquote good girl and being likable and pleasing 96 00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:28,640 Speaker 1: a man and you know, like faking orgasms, like trying 97 00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:33,080 Speaker 1: to get chose instead of experiencing pleasure for myself and 98 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:36,880 Speaker 1: like not shying away from that. And so I'm really 99 00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:46,720 Speaker 1: coming into that now unfortunately, you know COVID now and joy. 100 00:06:47,279 --> 00:06:53,640 Speaker 1: But you know, I'm just I have always and I've 101 00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:58,640 Speaker 1: always somehow been very independent and very clear about who 102 00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:02,080 Speaker 1: I was and my work and my and my value, 103 00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:09,720 Speaker 1: but it often didn't translate into intimate relationships. UM. So 104 00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:14,080 Speaker 1: now that it is translating, I'm like, oh, y'all got 105 00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:17,720 Speaker 1: me fucked up? Like I'm not I'm not incident from 106 00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:20,720 Speaker 1: like high school and college, Like that's not who I am. Like, 107 00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:24,600 Speaker 1: I'm a grown ass woman and I'm not. I will 108 00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:27,760 Speaker 1: never tell anybody that I'm just not it's it's not yours. 109 00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:31,520 Speaker 1: And I think that for me, that kind of verbage 110 00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:35,360 Speaker 1: is um that makes me uncomfortable. I'm not saying that 111 00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:38,360 Speaker 1: other people shouldn't. I'm just saying that I feel like 112 00:07:38,760 --> 00:07:44,880 Speaker 1: when you when we do engaging that kind of um, 113 00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:50,200 Speaker 1: that kind of language with folks and with with with partners, men, women, 114 00:07:50,360 --> 00:07:54,960 Speaker 1: non binary, whatever, that you know, not everybody's adult enough 115 00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:58,000 Speaker 1: to hear that and not and not use that power. 116 00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:01,640 Speaker 1: You know, some people, some people they use their they 117 00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:05,840 Speaker 1: don't use their powers for good. And so I would 118 00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:09,200 Speaker 1: love to be able to be in a partnership where 119 00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:12,000 Speaker 1: I felt safe enough that you know where yeah, you know, 120 00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:17,400 Speaker 1: I don't feel like this person has feels ownership over me. 121 00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:20,760 Speaker 1: But my my experience just hasn't been that, So I'm good. 122 00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:25,240 Speaker 1: How did you reconnect with your body after the being 123 00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:30,480 Speaker 1: first introduced to a sex that that was I'm still 124 00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:33,040 Speaker 1: doing it? Um. A lot of it had to do 125 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:38,240 Speaker 1: with a lot of physical activity in terms of like, um, 126 00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:42,040 Speaker 1: I was really grateful that I came up dancing and 127 00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:45,880 Speaker 1: so I was always in movement. Um, and with that, 128 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:48,080 Speaker 1: like you have to be in your body, you have 129 00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:51,679 Speaker 1: to be like connected to it in a certain way 130 00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:55,520 Speaker 1: not to cut you off. I'm gonna I'm gonna send 131 00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:59,239 Speaker 1: you my home girl's account because she's a ballet instructor 132 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:02,600 Speaker 1: and that's how she was able to reconnect to her 133 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:06,760 Speaker 1: body with lament and now she teaches um how connect 134 00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:09,720 Speaker 1: with the body through l A and they did a 135 00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:13,120 Speaker 1: documentary with So I'm gonna connect y'all. I think that 136 00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:16,640 Speaker 1: would be really please. I would love to to talk 137 00:09:16,679 --> 00:09:22,040 Speaker 1: to her because it really does make a huge, huge difference. Um. 138 00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:24,000 Speaker 1: So it was through that. It was through a lot 139 00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:27,680 Speaker 1: of hard conversations with myself. I realized that I would 140 00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:32,560 Speaker 1: neglect my body when I would like I wouldn't even 141 00:09:32,559 --> 00:09:35,600 Speaker 1: take that much. I would like throw like shade, butter 142 00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:37,720 Speaker 1: or lotion on my body and I even take time 143 00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:41,199 Speaker 1: to like massage it in Like I just wasn't caring 144 00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:45,280 Speaker 1: for myself. And so now that I put intention behind, like, no, 145 00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:48,520 Speaker 1: you have to love your body and when it comes 146 00:09:48,559 --> 00:09:53,520 Speaker 1: to even just caring for your skin, masturbation, sexual exploration, 147 00:09:53,640 --> 00:10:00,920 Speaker 1: speaking up not faking orgasms. UM. Just it's different for everybody, 148 00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:05,440 Speaker 1: but UM, I do think it definitely shifted for me 149 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:07,600 Speaker 1: when I had a girlfriend who was like, wait, you've 150 00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:10,240 Speaker 1: never had an orgasm. She's like, aren't you having sex? 151 00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:13,360 Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, that's She was like, that's ridiculous. 152 00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:16,320 Speaker 1: So she shout out to her. She went out and 153 00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:18,640 Speaker 1: was like, no, we're going to a sex shop and 154 00:10:18,679 --> 00:10:21,920 Speaker 1: we were we were like, I think, fresh out of college, 155 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:26,440 Speaker 1: and she bought me vibrator. Baby, she bought me a vibrator, 156 00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:30,080 Speaker 1: and I said, oh, ship, that there is what I 157 00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:39,840 Speaker 1: was wst tot. I was just like, yo, there's so 158 00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:50,880 Speaker 1: many Um, there's there's so many like what is the word? 159 00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:52,679 Speaker 1: Do I have the language for it? There's just so 160 00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:56,800 Speaker 1: many things that I was not experiencing, so many uh 161 00:10:56,920 --> 00:11:00,040 Speaker 1: points of pleasure and so like and and not a 162 00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:03,160 Speaker 1: realizing and and it opened my mind up to the 163 00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:08,360 Speaker 1: possibilities of what I could be experiencing, because up until 164 00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:13,560 Speaker 1: you experience, you know, true pleasure, UM, you don't need 165 00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:17,560 Speaker 1: you don't have any basis exactly. And so I think 166 00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:20,000 Speaker 1: it was also I don't think it was by accident 167 00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:23,640 Speaker 1: that I was able that the first time that I 168 00:11:23,679 --> 00:11:26,960 Speaker 1: did finally have an orgasm, that it was through me 169 00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:32,160 Speaker 1: pleasuring myself. And I think that that is really important. Um. 170 00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:35,040 Speaker 1: I think self pleasure is really important, and not just 171 00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:38,240 Speaker 1: with toys, but just with even just standing in the mirror, 172 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:40,439 Speaker 1: Like sometimes I'll just stand in the mirror and like 173 00:11:41,520 --> 00:11:43,360 Speaker 1: and make it a point to stand in front of 174 00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:45,880 Speaker 1: the mirror and put my shade butter or or stand 175 00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:49,480 Speaker 1: in the in the mirror naked and whatever those things are. 176 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:54,480 Speaker 1: It is, it absolutely is, um, And I'm I'm I 177 00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:58,480 Speaker 1: haven't done this yet, but I look forward to sharing 178 00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:01,920 Speaker 1: space with a partner where I can also do that 179 00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:04,520 Speaker 1: and where they can see me do that. And it's 180 00:12:04,559 --> 00:12:08,040 Speaker 1: not performative, for it's just my way of being. Yeah, 181 00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:10,840 Speaker 1: you see what I'm saying. Like there's a certain type 182 00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:14,800 Speaker 1: of self possessed woman, um that like that's just her 183 00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:17,559 Speaker 1: way of being. It's like you're here and you can 184 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:20,960 Speaker 1: admire it. But this is absolutely for that. And I 185 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:25,240 Speaker 1: just again, so much of my sexual history has been 186 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:29,200 Speaker 1: for everybody else. What advice would you to those that 187 00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:35,960 Speaker 1: experienced trauma with their bodies? M I would say it's 188 00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:38,920 Speaker 1: different for everybody because so many people go different routes, 189 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:47,000 Speaker 1: um man, I would say first and acknowledging. Um. For 190 00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:50,000 Speaker 1: a while, it wasn't something that I talked about at 191 00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:53,120 Speaker 1: all because I was very young and it was an 192 00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:55,760 Speaker 1: ongoing thing. It didn't just happen once. It was like 193 00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:59,160 Speaker 1: a period of my life where I was, you know, 194 00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:03,400 Speaker 1: being molested in rape by you know, a babysitter and 195 00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:07,200 Speaker 1: other people like it was just fun. So we just discussing, 196 00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:15,360 Speaker 1: you can't leave your kid? Would I trust it? Right? Um? 197 00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:18,000 Speaker 1: So I think, I don't know. The advice that I 198 00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:23,960 Speaker 1: would give that worked for me was to acknowledge it 199 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:30,440 Speaker 1: within myself. Um, definitely go to therapy because I you know, 200 00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:33,880 Speaker 1: your mind will put up blocks so that you don't 201 00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:36,560 Speaker 1: I don't remember half of it, but I know that 202 00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:44,319 Speaker 1: I know that feeling. Absolutely. I know that feeling um 203 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:47,520 Speaker 1: that I have when I when I do recall certain 204 00:13:47,559 --> 00:13:51,120 Speaker 1: things and it takes me back there. But now I 205 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:56,720 Speaker 1: feel really empowered in the sense of I'm able to 206 00:13:56,800 --> 00:14:01,720 Speaker 1: talk about it because so many women and then have 207 00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:05,720 Speaker 1: the same experience. You know, so many people, and so 208 00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:08,360 Speaker 1: I'm like, the more we talk about it and not 209 00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:14,840 Speaker 1: normalize it, but normalize right, the conversation because so many 210 00:14:14,880 --> 00:14:17,760 Speaker 1: families were sweeping under the broad that never happened. Like, no, 211 00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:22,640 Speaker 1: it absolutely happened. It's absolutely going to affect me and 212 00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:25,040 Speaker 1: help shape me as a person. So I can either 213 00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:30,960 Speaker 1: choose to let this, this experience, you know, and this assault, 214 00:14:32,320 --> 00:14:38,520 Speaker 1: um like run my life, or I can shift things 215 00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:40,920 Speaker 1: and I can choose to overcome it, and I can 216 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:44,280 Speaker 1: choose to persevere and I can choose to allow it 217 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:50,800 Speaker 1: to inform um and inform some of my decision making, 218 00:14:51,480 --> 00:14:57,040 Speaker 1: inform my commitment to myself, because when that happens to you, 219 00:14:57,040 --> 00:15:00,480 Speaker 1: you have to recommit so deeply to yourself in order 220 00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:06,280 Speaker 1: to be okay. And um, that looks different for everybody. 221 00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:09,400 Speaker 1: Like I know a woman who you know, the same 222 00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:12,240 Speaker 1: type thing happened to her and she was like after 223 00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:18,520 Speaker 1: that super exploratory with her sexuality. Um and just like 224 00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:22,520 Speaker 1: basically became like a dominator. And like for me, that 225 00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:26,640 Speaker 1: wasn't that's not my truth, that wasn't my dreame. Um. 226 00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:29,320 Speaker 1: So it's different for everybody. But you have to I 227 00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:32,200 Speaker 1: think you have to be really honest about where you're 228 00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:34,680 Speaker 1: at and what you can try to figure out what 229 00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:36,640 Speaker 1: you need. And if you don't know what you need, 230 00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:40,360 Speaker 1: that's okay, but to talk to somebody who can help 231 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:45,080 Speaker 1: guide you, you know, yeah, reconnect, whether it's through yoga, 232 00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:48,680 Speaker 1: whether it's through um what are some A lot of 233 00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:52,000 Speaker 1: people do martial arts. I really love boxing, and it's 234 00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:58,200 Speaker 1: usually physical activities. UM. And then also I I've done 235 00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:00,680 Speaker 1: nude shoots, like I've done things that I've done them. 236 00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:05,480 Speaker 1: I've done them despite the fear, you know, because there's 237 00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:07,960 Speaker 1: a lot of that I have carried and still carried, 238 00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:10,080 Speaker 1: like a lot of shame, not a lot now, but 239 00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:16,720 Speaker 1: some shame around my body. And UM, just putting myself 240 00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:21,760 Speaker 1: in positions where you know, I'm still comfortable, but I 241 00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:26,200 Speaker 1: know that it's outside of my norm and I do 242 00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:30,240 Speaker 1: it anyway, and I'm just I just become really proud 243 00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:33,080 Speaker 1: of myself of like, wow, I'm no longer that you 244 00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:37,440 Speaker 1: know that little girl. They couldn't say no, Like I'm empowered. 245 00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:40,800 Speaker 1: I'm making these decisions for myself and I feel good 246 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:44,280 Speaker 1: about it. So that's that's a very personal journey for 247 00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:48,240 Speaker 1: each and every individual. UM. One of the reasons why 248 00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:53,920 Speaker 1: I love this EP is because it promotes and explores sexuality, classism, 249 00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:57,480 Speaker 1: body shane, and feminism. So when you first heard it, 250 00:16:58,080 --> 00:17:01,960 Speaker 1: what did it mean to you? So when I first 251 00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:06,480 Speaker 1: heard up well one, I was irritated because I was now. 252 00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:10,000 Speaker 1: I was irritated because, um, Jasmine is my friend, like 253 00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:12,159 Speaker 1: me went to high school together and this is the 254 00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:15,280 Speaker 1: first project of hers. Were like, no one heard anything, 255 00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:17,960 Speaker 1: and we were all like, what the fun? And we 256 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:21,960 Speaker 1: like the women who you hear from their tails are right, 257 00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:24,280 Speaker 1: like why she is her cousin, Amanda's our best friend, 258 00:17:24,320 --> 00:17:26,719 Speaker 1: Like these are all people we know. Ari she just 259 00:17:26,840 --> 00:17:30,040 Speaker 1: kind of in love with through Instagram and they created 260 00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:32,640 Speaker 1: a friendship. So it's like, but you can also tell 261 00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:36,280 Speaker 1: the dynamics on the actual EP. I think that's why 262 00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:39,280 Speaker 1: people like love it so much. Yeah, because it's personal. 263 00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:41,359 Speaker 1: But you know she and she didn't tell us what 264 00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:44,080 Speaker 1: she was doing with it. She just would ask us, 265 00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:46,280 Speaker 1: you know, like hey, can you record? Like she hit me, 266 00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:47,760 Speaker 1: I was like, can you talk the ship that you 267 00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:51,320 Speaker 1: talk about owning your body? Like talk some ship? And 268 00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:53,520 Speaker 1: I was like okay, and so like I sent it 269 00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:55,880 Speaker 1: to her on a voice note. That was it. I 270 00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:58,639 Speaker 1: was at work and I went into a bathroom stall stalled. 271 00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:00,560 Speaker 1: I was like, what do you need this for? And 272 00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:03,159 Speaker 1: then a year later she's like, oh I need you 273 00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:05,479 Speaker 1: to sign this PaperWorks, like what are you talking about? 274 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:09,560 Speaker 1: And she she created and part of it was the 275 00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:16,840 Speaker 1: her creative process. She she felt um. She was struggling 276 00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:19,200 Speaker 1: this time around. She was really nervous this time around. 277 00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:23,680 Speaker 1: I could not be happier about the reception that she's 278 00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:28,760 Speaker 1: getting because we see her, We're like, girl, are you yeah? 279 00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:31,640 Speaker 1: It's like, girl, your voice alone, like nobody's saying like you, 280 00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:35,320 Speaker 1: like that's a given, but like your pen is insane, 281 00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:38,840 Speaker 1: like it's it's crazy. And that's the That's the thing 282 00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:42,920 Speaker 1: that I'm most impressed with her as a person because 283 00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:45,200 Speaker 1: I I listened to the EP and I think of 284 00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:52,840 Speaker 1: her because I'm like her ability to oh god, she 285 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:56,080 Speaker 1: she's able to be in a room with very different 286 00:18:56,119 --> 00:18:59,240 Speaker 1: women and whether she agrees with them or not, there's 287 00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:03,199 Speaker 1: no judge. And I'm like, I'm always so because I'm like, 288 00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:05,200 Speaker 1: I'm a libra, so I'm a judge in the jersey. 289 00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:08,600 Speaker 1: And she's just like, that's not who that that's not 290 00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:10,800 Speaker 1: you know, it might that might be where you're at 291 00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:12,520 Speaker 1: at and that's not where she's at. That's not what 292 00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:15,720 Speaker 1: she wants to do. And she she does this thing 293 00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:18,440 Speaker 1: where she wants to understand people. She wants to understand 294 00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:21,840 Speaker 1: their subtext, she wants to understand their why, and she 295 00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:28,320 Speaker 1: wants to give people Women are oftentimes a voice um 296 00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:33,760 Speaker 1: that are often overlooked. Her to the side, not her valued, 297 00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:38,840 Speaker 1: not humanized, and like even like other on the other 298 00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:41,760 Speaker 1: side is some ship that like I don't, I don't 299 00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:48,120 Speaker 1: necessarily connect with, but like after hearing her write those lyrics, 300 00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:50,680 Speaker 1: I was like, I actually can connect with this woman, 301 00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:53,720 Speaker 1: Like I've never asked the man for ship, but like 302 00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:57,560 Speaker 1: I understand the idea of like I have worked so 303 00:19:57,720 --> 00:20:01,600 Speaker 1: hard in my life and I'm tired, and I want 304 00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:08,040 Speaker 1: to get to this other side of the track. So 305 00:20:09,119 --> 00:20:12,520 Speaker 1: it's everything, and I'm like, she can, she can, just 306 00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:15,840 Speaker 1: she just she just can create a story and and 307 00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:19,520 Speaker 1: put you in it and and it just feels so relatable. 308 00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:21,879 Speaker 1: So when I heard it, I stayed up. I'm like 309 00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:24,959 Speaker 1: the insane person in our group and I'm writing all night, 310 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:28,560 Speaker 1: like ye're already already, And she was like she was 311 00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:31,040 Speaker 1: not talking to us that whole day. I could tell 312 00:20:31,119 --> 00:20:32,600 Speaker 1: like she was nervous, and we were like, oh, she 313 00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:34,400 Speaker 1: high her or whatever you like when the group check 314 00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:37,639 Speaker 1: and when that ship came out I was up until 315 00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:39,760 Speaker 1: like four o'clock in the morning. I had to work 316 00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:43,760 Speaker 1: the next day, and I was just like yo, I was. 317 00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:47,000 Speaker 1: I couldn't believe it. I said this serious. I said 318 00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:50,680 Speaker 1: that this is how you come back, bitch, get it together, bitch, 319 00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:53,200 Speaker 1: I said, are you put it on a shirt? Oh? 320 00:20:53,400 --> 00:21:01,679 Speaker 1: Shut now? Nia, Like, as a woman, know as a 321 00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:05,080 Speaker 1: black woman, I just don't understand how you just can't 322 00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:10,680 Speaker 1: relate to this ep like, like, that's the thing about 323 00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:13,879 Speaker 1: it is that even if, even if that story isn't 324 00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:17,560 Speaker 1: your story, you know somebody whose story is You got 325 00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:20,560 Speaker 1: a home girl this out here, dickmatized, and you bang 326 00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:23,600 Speaker 1: with her head because she might be paid and you're 327 00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:25,720 Speaker 1: not even You're like, yeah, she's paying his friend, and 328 00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:29,240 Speaker 1: I get watch out is good. I don't. I don't 329 00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:32,640 Speaker 1: agree with it. Baby. I love that girl, and here 330 00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:35,960 Speaker 1: we go, right, and then Amanda's tale, like that's that's 331 00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:39,960 Speaker 1: our best friend, and like everybody has been Amanda's tale 332 00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:41,399 Speaker 1: at one point in their life. I don't give a 333 00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:43,840 Speaker 1: funk with it. Listen, Honestly, that's one of my favory 334 00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:49,479 Speaker 1: tales because I feel it's so and I think that like, 335 00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:52,200 Speaker 1: you're a beautiful woman, I'm a beautiful woman, but for 336 00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:54,600 Speaker 1: me sometimes I do feel like, damn, like where did 337 00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:58,399 Speaker 1: everybody get these asses from? Like like and you be 338 00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:00,640 Speaker 1: feeling like you're not enough even though you are more 339 00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:04,399 Speaker 1: than enough. But that's what society when you yourself to 340 00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:06,840 Speaker 1: these bother bodies and you just be like fuck, Like, 341 00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:08,679 Speaker 1: I think what she did was just so raw, and 342 00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:10,359 Speaker 1: I hurt you on another interview and you was like, 343 00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:12,520 Speaker 1: she's the most confident one, like she could pull a 344 00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:14,199 Speaker 1: nick and all this other stuff. I'm like a lot 345 00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:17,679 Speaker 1: of want to feel like that, well a man Amanda 346 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:20,840 Speaker 1: is well, I don't know if she's the most confident, 347 00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:26,760 Speaker 1: but Amanda is the most in charge of her sexuality. 348 00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:31,560 Speaker 1: And like Amanda when she puts who when she taps 349 00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:35,960 Speaker 1: in like tap tap captain to that thing, that thing 350 00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:41,119 Speaker 1: is her baby. She I'll be looking at her work like, goddamn, 351 00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:44,719 Speaker 1: she's amazing, Like she has that it thing, Like she 352 00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:47,160 Speaker 1: can just make a man feel good and just by 353 00:22:47,280 --> 00:22:50,679 Speaker 1: fucking sitting next to him, I'm like, how do you 354 00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:54,280 Speaker 1: do this? It's amazing to watch, it's amazing to watch, 355 00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:57,720 Speaker 1: but it's also very real that like underneath some of that, 356 00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:01,960 Speaker 1: you know, and everybody's everybody spelled them. And I was 357 00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:07,520 Speaker 1: so proud of her because Yo, like that ship that 358 00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:10,480 Speaker 1: we talked about in our friends, you know, like at 359 00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:15,520 Speaker 1: the at the at the house, drinking wine, just chilling, 360 00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:18,119 Speaker 1: Like that's not something that you put out to the masses. 361 00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:21,159 Speaker 1: And I feel like while she was saying it, she 362 00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:25,560 Speaker 1: was having she was having realizations. While she was saying 363 00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:28,679 Speaker 1: she was she was just like, all right, fuck it. 364 00:23:28,680 --> 00:23:31,400 Speaker 1: And she was really nervous about put about that coming out. 365 00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:38,560 Speaker 1: And but again a testament to jazz, because you're not 366 00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:41,800 Speaker 1: gonna you're not gonna bear yourself like that to somebody 367 00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:46,199 Speaker 1: who you don't trust. And so for for Amanda, I 368 00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:49,200 Speaker 1: think she was just like, I trust her that she's 369 00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:54,320 Speaker 1: gonna take my my most vulnerable part and she's going 370 00:23:54,359 --> 00:23:58,240 Speaker 1: to package this in a way where it is reflective 371 00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:02,600 Speaker 1: of me and and and and I'm okay, And that's 372 00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:05,879 Speaker 1: exactly what she did. And it's just like it's a 373 00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:08,439 Speaker 1: testament to the both of them. It's a testament definitely 374 00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:11,679 Speaker 1: the Jasmine's writing and her work and her ability to 375 00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:18,680 Speaker 1: just see people, her ability to just exactly positive feedback 376 00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:22,920 Speaker 1: you received from your tail. No I knew the girl's 377 00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:29,000 Speaker 1: gonna like that. What I was waiting for a word 378 00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:31,240 Speaker 1: of men? That's my next question. What was someone that 379 00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:35,359 Speaker 1: reacts from the men? Um? You know what, it's a 380 00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:38,119 Speaker 1: it's interesting a lot. There's a lot of men that 381 00:24:38,119 --> 00:24:40,800 Speaker 1: are like, I really bang because you know, now we're 382 00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:42,960 Speaker 1: in this new age where it's like, yeah, you know, 383 00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:45,760 Speaker 1: I'm trying to give a woman her agency. I'm trying. Yeah, 384 00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:50,640 Speaker 1: you mean, I was like, okay, right right, You're like okay, okay, okay, 385 00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:55,560 Speaker 1: right out of here. But there's some men who are 386 00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:59,639 Speaker 1: completely about it, and um, they're like, you know, I 387 00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:04,680 Speaker 1: really rock with what you said. Um, and they find 388 00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:07,359 Speaker 1: it really attractive, you know, like wow, like this woman 389 00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:10,639 Speaker 1: is um, you know, she knows who she is, she 390 00:25:10,680 --> 00:25:15,960 Speaker 1: owns their ship. There are other ones though then the 391 00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:18,320 Speaker 1: main thing that they always say is like, I bet 392 00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:23,879 Speaker 1: you this bitch can't keep it man. And you know 393 00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:26,280 Speaker 1: what if I gotta tell you that I'm yours and 394 00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:28,480 Speaker 1: that you possessed me and only in order to have you, 395 00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:31,960 Speaker 1: I'm the loving you. I don't want you. But did 396 00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:38,959 Speaker 1: you receive any feedback from women? No? Not not one woman. Um, 397 00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:42,760 Speaker 1: that's not one. That not one. And I haven't seen 398 00:25:42,760 --> 00:25:45,720 Speaker 1: any negative feedback about the project because I'm again that 399 00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:49,680 Speaker 1: crazy friend. It's like either like I've been seen nothing 400 00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:53,920 Speaker 1: but praises. Yeah, I saw, I've seen praises. The only thing, 401 00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:56,480 Speaker 1: you know, the women they like hold up when she's 402 00:25:56,520 --> 00:26:00,440 Speaker 1: talking about pion his rent. Yeah, but know y'all pay 403 00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:04,439 Speaker 1: something right before to stop it. But the but the 404 00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:07,639 Speaker 1: other thing too is like she's telling a story. I 405 00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:09,679 Speaker 1: have seen the dummies, so they are just like if 406 00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:12,159 Speaker 1: she really serious, like she really telling us to do? 407 00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:14,600 Speaker 1: That's like, why you didn't listen to that, You're an idiot? 408 00:26:15,359 --> 00:26:18,399 Speaker 1: But why do you think ownership is so important for 409 00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:20,880 Speaker 1: men when it comes to sex and body in our bodies? 410 00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:30,840 Speaker 1: Oh child? Well, I think I think a lot of 411 00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:34,560 Speaker 1: it has to do with how we're raised, how we're 412 00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:36,000 Speaker 1: taking I think a lot of it has to do 413 00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:42,760 Speaker 1: with religion. Um. I have always been someone who I 414 00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:46,840 Speaker 1: love God, but I was never quite hit with religion. 415 00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:50,720 Speaker 1: I was always like, this feels a little conflicting and 416 00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:55,120 Speaker 1: a little like it feels constraining, feels restrictive. I don't 417 00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:58,960 Speaker 1: understand this. And so there's a couple like you know, 418 00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:02,879 Speaker 1: like that you know, I came from somebody's rib, like 419 00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:07,159 Speaker 1: know the funk I didn't like that doesn't even make sense. 420 00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:12,400 Speaker 1: That's stupid people. But like there, like what the fun 421 00:27:12,560 --> 00:27:14,840 Speaker 1: kind of sense? Doesn't making anything? He came from my 422 00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:18,600 Speaker 1: womb like we birth, we birth people. If anything, it 423 00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:21,080 Speaker 1: was a collapse, like what are you talking about? I 424 00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:26,240 Speaker 1: came from your rib? Why you rib that? Right? But 425 00:27:26,359 --> 00:27:29,080 Speaker 1: that doesn't make sense. And as a kid, like I 426 00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:33,080 Speaker 1: used to because I strangely enough, my mother is Italian, 427 00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:36,240 Speaker 1: so I grew up Catholic. And then my dad was 428 00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:39,159 Speaker 1: like he wasn't he wasn't nothing jil he but his 429 00:27:39,760 --> 00:27:41,520 Speaker 1: mind was Baptist. He was just like all right, I 430 00:27:41,640 --> 00:27:48,159 Speaker 1: love right, like I'm gonna keep a pushing. But I 431 00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:52,120 Speaker 1: remember being being in like these c c D Catholic 432 00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:55,800 Speaker 1: school classes and I got my little Holy Communion and 433 00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:58,320 Speaker 1: I was like all right, but like this ship though, 434 00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:00,359 Speaker 1: still does not make sense to me. And and I 435 00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:03,520 Speaker 1: couldn't wrap my head around Mary being a virgin, and 436 00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:07,359 Speaker 1: I'm like that doesn't make sense. And I remember asking 437 00:28:07,440 --> 00:28:11,800 Speaker 1: somebody like why would she be a virgin? Like she 438 00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:15,320 Speaker 1: just had a baby, like she was married, what's the problem, 439 00:28:15,680 --> 00:28:19,240 Speaker 1: Like this doesn't make sense to me? And the other 440 00:28:19,359 --> 00:28:21,560 Speaker 1: thing too. Was that, you know, they were talking about 441 00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:23,440 Speaker 1: how it was such a sin, it was such a 442 00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:27,200 Speaker 1: sin to have pre marital sex. Meanwhile, I'm a young 443 00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:30,840 Speaker 1: kid getting raped not telling anybody, and so I'm sitting 444 00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:33,159 Speaker 1: in there like wait a minute, Like am I sinning? 445 00:28:33,359 --> 00:28:34,879 Speaker 1: But I don't want to do this? And so I 446 00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:40,440 Speaker 1: was always in confidences to me. Now you now you 447 00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:43,800 Speaker 1: have people, you know, scholars that are going back and 448 00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:47,360 Speaker 1: researching the language of that time, and they're like, actually, 449 00:28:47,480 --> 00:28:50,160 Speaker 1: virgin back then didn't mean virgin what it means now 450 00:28:50,280 --> 00:28:52,560 Speaker 1: it just meant young woman. She was a virgin and 451 00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:55,800 Speaker 1: young woman, Like like, it doesn't mean that she was 452 00:28:55,880 --> 00:29:03,840 Speaker 1: never never to me? Canal change it every now but everything. 453 00:29:04,120 --> 00:29:07,000 Speaker 1: But but that's the thing, is it. So you're supposed 454 00:29:07,040 --> 00:29:10,120 Speaker 1: to be pure, supposed to be untouched, if you're of 455 00:29:10,280 --> 00:29:14,560 Speaker 1: the lord, you know, your your husband's fucking property. It's 456 00:29:14,600 --> 00:29:17,080 Speaker 1: just like, I'm good love. And even even in like 457 00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:20,880 Speaker 1: taking somebody's last name, like even in the tradition of 458 00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:24,320 Speaker 1: giving a bride away at the wedding, it's like, yo, 459 00:29:24,480 --> 00:29:27,160 Speaker 1: I love my dad to death, but you're not giving me. 460 00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:29,440 Speaker 1: You could walk me down the aisle, but I'm not 461 00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:35,080 Speaker 1: your property. To give away. And so those distinctions to 462 00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:39,720 Speaker 1: me are really important because I don't ever want to 463 00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:42,520 Speaker 1: raise I don't have any children yet, but if I 464 00:29:42,680 --> 00:29:45,600 Speaker 1: did not, you know, my my girlfriends, our girl group, 465 00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:47,680 Speaker 1: we have kids in our group, and I don't want 466 00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:50,200 Speaker 1: to raise any young girls or young boys to believe 467 00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:57,720 Speaker 1: they're anybody's property. And so um yeah, that's that's it's 468 00:29:58,160 --> 00:30:02,720 Speaker 1: And listen again, I'm not saying that this is for everyone. 469 00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:05,520 Speaker 1: I know plenty of women who are in relationships and 470 00:30:05,520 --> 00:30:08,120 Speaker 1: they're like, I came from my man's rib and I'm like, 471 00:30:08,320 --> 00:30:12,880 Speaker 1: cool if that works for you and for me right, 472 00:30:13,040 --> 00:30:15,800 Speaker 1: and it's like and I do indeed love it. That's 473 00:30:15,920 --> 00:30:20,160 Speaker 1: your ship. I'm good, y'all happy like y'all gotta understanding 474 00:30:20,560 --> 00:30:24,200 Speaker 1: and a dynamic that wouldn't work for me, but for me, 475 00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:29,360 Speaker 1: you came from my womb, Nigga, you came from you 476 00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:32,360 Speaker 1: came from over here, or it was a collapse we 477 00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:35,000 Speaker 1: had sex and you know, or somebody has sex and 478 00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:37,560 Speaker 1: then we both got here. Like but like this domain, 479 00:30:38,640 --> 00:30:40,400 Speaker 1: why do you think there are still a stig months 480 00:30:40,480 --> 00:30:46,240 Speaker 1: around in women who desired nice days and money? Oh chab, 481 00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:52,240 Speaker 1: But I'll be baby when I tell you, I'll be 482 00:30:52,320 --> 00:30:57,160 Speaker 1: so afraid to ask somebody. I don't know why, baby, 483 00:30:57,360 --> 00:31:00,080 Speaker 1: I will, I will. I can't tell you how me, 484 00:31:02,040 --> 00:31:10,560 Speaker 1: how many men, how many trips I paid for? I 485 00:31:10,720 --> 00:31:12,640 Speaker 1: just said, I've always and you know what, And I 486 00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:17,760 Speaker 1: think part of that is um in my head, at 487 00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:20,640 Speaker 1: least for me, is a power thing where I'm like, 488 00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:25,560 Speaker 1: if we're on this date and he pays for everything, 489 00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:28,959 Speaker 1: and then like he's sending me giftsed he's gonna want 490 00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:31,360 Speaker 1: something in return that gives me anxiety, Like I don't 491 00:31:31,400 --> 00:31:36,680 Speaker 1: want him. Yeah, that gives me anxiety. And there's the 492 00:31:36,800 --> 00:31:39,680 Speaker 1: other side of me, or the side that I'm trying 493 00:31:39,720 --> 00:31:42,600 Speaker 1: to kill, where I'm trying to be this likable girl 494 00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:44,280 Speaker 1: where it's like, oh, I don't want you to think 495 00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:46,160 Speaker 1: that I'm a gold digger, so I'm gonna go above 496 00:31:46,240 --> 00:31:49,960 Speaker 1: and beyond to show you get like I'm not the 497 00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:52,120 Speaker 1: average girl, Like I can do it for myself and 498 00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:54,040 Speaker 1: I'll do it for you because I care about you 499 00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:58,840 Speaker 1: and I love you so much. If you got it, 500 00:31:59,320 --> 00:32:00,800 Speaker 1: I'm at the point where if you got it and 501 00:32:00,840 --> 00:32:04,240 Speaker 1: you want to give me something, I have to I 502 00:32:04,360 --> 00:32:06,920 Speaker 1: have to allow that. Like I had a joke on 503 00:32:07,040 --> 00:32:08,920 Speaker 1: because I have a podcast and I had to I 504 00:32:09,000 --> 00:32:11,800 Speaker 1: had to tell my my homegirl that I deal with shanty. 505 00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:16,120 Speaker 1: I have this whole thing now. Where after hotels came out, 506 00:32:16,120 --> 00:32:18,480 Speaker 1: I was like, you know, I'm I realized that I have. 507 00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:23,880 Speaker 1: I've had a lot of mistalt girl episode and oh, 508 00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:25,880 Speaker 1: I'm like, bitch, I just trying to be a hot girl. 509 00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:31,800 Speaker 1: So this week, baby, I was like, I did it again. 510 00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:36,360 Speaker 1: I said, oh my god, somebody literally DM me and 511 00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:39,400 Speaker 1: say can I send you some gifts? Because just for 512 00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:44,560 Speaker 1: being dope and it it made me so wildly uncomfortable. 513 00:32:44,600 --> 00:32:49,680 Speaker 1: I was like, want to listen to me? I said, 514 00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:52,200 Speaker 1: why would you want to send me again? And he 515 00:32:52,360 --> 00:32:55,120 Speaker 1: was like, because like I can just send you a gift. 516 00:32:55,120 --> 00:32:56,800 Speaker 1: I just think you're dope and I just think you 517 00:32:56,840 --> 00:32:58,600 Speaker 1: should you know, I just want to send this to you. 518 00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:02,520 Speaker 1: And I was like we again. I just wanted to 519 00:33:02,560 --> 00:33:05,040 Speaker 1: send it baby. Then I got into that. I got 520 00:33:05,120 --> 00:33:06,680 Speaker 1: into the bullshit. It was like, well, why do you 521 00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:08,760 Speaker 1: feel like you need to do that. You don't have 522 00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:10,680 Speaker 1: to buy me something if you want to get to 523 00:33:10,760 --> 00:33:16,480 Speaker 1: know me, and he was just like a girl. He 524 00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:22,120 Speaker 1: was like, y'all drag. I just tried to buy you, 525 00:33:22,680 --> 00:33:25,080 Speaker 1: buy you a little bag, and so that the ball 526 00:33:28,320 --> 00:33:31,000 Speaker 1: I did, but that was I did. But he was married. 527 00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:40,920 Speaker 1: But baby, I'm trying to get it back that we 528 00:33:41,040 --> 00:33:44,360 Speaker 1: are in love. Okay, he chose me. We were out 529 00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:48,800 Speaker 1: one night, baby, it pays me fancy adjacent. He wanted 530 00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:52,280 Speaker 1: to meet Jasmine. He looked over there started whisper in 531 00:33:52,320 --> 00:33:54,560 Speaker 1: my ear, and my dumbass was like, aren't you still married? 532 00:33:57,920 --> 00:34:08,839 Speaker 1: We don't want man No, but baby, girl, don't get 533 00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:11,560 Speaker 1: don't get sucked up on this podcast because I kept 534 00:34:11,640 --> 00:34:15,440 Speaker 1: through this phone. Don't play with me because me and 535 00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:18,239 Speaker 1: Shanty really do have beef over this, like she really 536 00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:22,320 Speaker 1: is not man I'm all right, we don't talk about 537 00:34:22,320 --> 00:34:24,080 Speaker 1: it anymore. So how are you going to move forward with? 538 00:34:24,280 --> 00:34:27,319 Speaker 1: Want to normalizing men that want to do nice things 539 00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:32,320 Speaker 1: for you, especially they don't want anything in return. Man O, 540 00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:35,200 Speaker 1: man o, man o, man I you know what I've 541 00:34:35,280 --> 00:34:38,839 Speaker 1: been This is a real thing for a lot of women, 542 00:34:39,480 --> 00:34:43,680 Speaker 1: that it's a real thing. It's interesting too because I 543 00:34:43,719 --> 00:34:46,040 Speaker 1: actually have to have a conversation with somebody who is 544 00:34:46,080 --> 00:34:48,160 Speaker 1: a man later and tell them that they can't buyrow 545 00:34:48,239 --> 00:34:49,839 Speaker 1: money from me because I agree to it. And now 546 00:34:49,840 --> 00:34:52,480 Speaker 1: I'm like this will really jam me up. I don't 547 00:34:52,480 --> 00:34:56,640 Speaker 1: want it. This doesn't fit as I want to help 548 00:34:56,719 --> 00:35:00,160 Speaker 1: this person, but like it's up. But the other thing too. 549 00:35:01,200 --> 00:35:03,120 Speaker 1: It is a very good friend, but I'm not in 550 00:35:03,200 --> 00:35:05,799 Speaker 1: the I just I just can't do it. But it's 551 00:35:05,880 --> 00:35:10,960 Speaker 1: also that man, that male. I'm uncomfortable with the dynamic. 552 00:35:12,200 --> 00:35:14,640 Speaker 1: And maybe it's because I grew up so close to 553 00:35:14,760 --> 00:35:20,840 Speaker 1: my dad that I feel for men who might not 554 00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:25,439 Speaker 1: have a bunch of money, who are quality fucking men, 555 00:35:28,360 --> 00:35:32,799 Speaker 1: and like what, like what, I'm not gonna that their 556 00:35:32,960 --> 00:35:37,120 Speaker 1: value doesn't go down? And so I'm always I have 557 00:35:37,280 --> 00:35:40,040 Speaker 1: this confliction, like this confliction in me where I'm like, 558 00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:46,080 Speaker 1: m hmmm, I don't want a man to feel like 559 00:35:46,200 --> 00:35:50,800 Speaker 1: he has to be able to provide, provide, provide, and 560 00:35:50,880 --> 00:35:56,040 Speaker 1: that's his only identity. That's such a shallow identity. You 561 00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:59,640 Speaker 1: have to be able to feel right, And I'm like, 562 00:35:59,760 --> 00:36:02,440 Speaker 1: I don't I wouldn't want that in a relationship. Now, 563 00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:06,080 Speaker 1: if you have, just have it, I've never experienced it, 564 00:36:06,320 --> 00:36:08,239 Speaker 1: that would be so great. But like the kind of 565 00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:11,680 Speaker 1: connection I'm looking for, I don't know if it's possible 566 00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:17,040 Speaker 1: with someone who is only wrapped up in I'm a provider. 567 00:36:17,120 --> 00:36:19,560 Speaker 1: I'm a provider, like you have to take some time 568 00:36:19,600 --> 00:36:22,960 Speaker 1: to just be a human too, So I don't define 569 00:36:23,080 --> 00:36:26,200 Speaker 1: a man like when I define a man, money doesn't 570 00:36:26,239 --> 00:36:30,719 Speaker 1: come up. I don't. I don't consider it um now. 571 00:36:30,880 --> 00:36:32,719 Speaker 1: I don't want you to be a user. On the 572 00:36:32,800 --> 00:36:38,719 Speaker 1: other hand either, but materialistic things and money, like I 573 00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:42,120 Speaker 1: want to be financially stable with Like my one of 574 00:36:42,160 --> 00:36:44,960 Speaker 1: my ex boyfriends, he was a provider and he was 575 00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:48,520 Speaker 1: very stable, but he was also very emotionally abusive. So 576 00:36:48,680 --> 00:36:53,359 Speaker 1: it's like you gotta be careful what you ask, you know. Yeah, 577 00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:57,480 Speaker 1: but but there's also people. Yeah, I mean, it's something 578 00:36:57,560 --> 00:36:59,800 Speaker 1: that I have to I have to reconcile with myself 579 00:37:00,160 --> 00:37:03,320 Speaker 1: because people we'll try to do nice things for me 580 00:37:03,520 --> 00:37:06,600 Speaker 1: or even like a compliment, and I always am like, oh, 581 00:37:07,000 --> 00:37:08,799 Speaker 1: you're gassing me, ha ha, And I have to make 582 00:37:08,840 --> 00:37:11,360 Speaker 1: a joke. And I have more and more people in 583 00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:14,160 Speaker 1: my life now who called me out on it, and 584 00:37:14,280 --> 00:37:16,480 Speaker 1: even then who are like, yeah, you can't take a compliment, 585 00:37:16,600 --> 00:37:22,040 Speaker 1: can't you? Sorry for you makes feel comfortable. So that's 586 00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:25,239 Speaker 1: that's something that I have to really I have to 587 00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:27,680 Speaker 1: think about if I have to unpack that. I don't 588 00:37:27,719 --> 00:37:32,200 Speaker 1: know what that is besides to be continued, I don't know. 589 00:37:34,160 --> 00:37:43,200 Speaker 1: Besides what was your favorite telling? Why? Yeah, Amanda's Amanda, Well, 590 00:37:43,320 --> 00:37:48,359 Speaker 1: I already talked about it, man, Um that tale was great. Um, 591 00:37:49,680 --> 00:38:00,520 Speaker 1: I was you. I don't agree with you find out 592 00:38:00,560 --> 00:38:03,960 Speaker 1: because we had like a Valentine We had a Valentine's 593 00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:07,239 Speaker 1: Day dinner at her house was just the girls. I 594 00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:09,920 Speaker 1: think her her boyfriend was on the road. So she 595 00:38:10,040 --> 00:38:11,719 Speaker 1: was like, all right, you os to come over here, 596 00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:14,920 Speaker 1: and so we we were like all single. No, we 597 00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:17,040 Speaker 1: weren't shot teams, never saying I don't know where how 598 00:38:17,080 --> 00:38:20,279 Speaker 1: many it was, but oh he was working too long story. Sure, 599 00:38:20,280 --> 00:38:23,440 Speaker 1: we are talking talking our ship, playing these games, spilling 600 00:38:23,480 --> 00:38:25,360 Speaker 1: our guys. Let me find out she in finded us 601 00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:33,320 Speaker 1: over here just a good and nobody's asking I'm not 602 00:38:33,360 --> 00:38:40,719 Speaker 1: on these interviews. I'm like, nobody's asking her about put 603 00:38:40,719 --> 00:38:44,600 Speaker 1: out the tail? Yea a couple of fause. I thought 604 00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:47,680 Speaker 1: I was the only person like what is her tail? 605 00:38:50,560 --> 00:38:52,880 Speaker 1: Because again I think that hurts. The whole thing is 606 00:38:52,920 --> 00:38:55,800 Speaker 1: like I'm telling people's stories. Fuck me like I'm telling 607 00:38:55,840 --> 00:39:00,160 Speaker 1: I'm a storyteller. Um, but I loved I of a 608 00:39:00,239 --> 00:39:03,040 Speaker 1: man this tail, and I also actually, really I really 609 00:39:03,160 --> 00:39:08,000 Speaker 1: aspired Preciouses. I really admire Preciouses tail. While it's it's 610 00:39:08,080 --> 00:39:11,360 Speaker 1: not my tail, but I something about it when I 611 00:39:11,520 --> 00:39:13,840 Speaker 1: hear her is She's got the sweetest little sucking boys. 612 00:39:14,440 --> 00:39:19,399 Speaker 1: But I'm just like, wow, precious Precious is very much 613 00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:22,040 Speaker 1: like I know my funk, I know what I want, 614 00:39:22,080 --> 00:39:24,520 Speaker 1: I know what I'm what. I'm not compromising and you 615 00:39:24,560 --> 00:39:32,520 Speaker 1: either gonna because there you go, and I'm like, wow, 616 00:39:32,719 --> 00:39:35,440 Speaker 1: I don't think I've ever. Childhood also plays a very 617 00:39:35,680 --> 00:39:40,120 Speaker 1: intricate part. You don't sometimes seem to understand that when 618 00:39:40,160 --> 00:39:42,680 Speaker 1: she was talking about like I'm not I'm not struggling 619 00:39:42,760 --> 00:39:44,680 Speaker 1: my adulthood, Like I did that ship without the child 620 00:39:45,320 --> 00:39:48,840 Speaker 1: and I didn't have an option as a child. So 621 00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:56,560 Speaker 1: what was your favorite song? Oh? Oh, my favorite? M hmm. 622 00:39:59,320 --> 00:40:03,080 Speaker 1: That's hard because can I give you my favorite song 623 00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:06,239 Speaker 1: the song that resonates the most with me? And I'm 624 00:40:06,280 --> 00:40:11,520 Speaker 1: the one that I play the most. Okay, my absolute 625 00:40:11,680 --> 00:40:16,600 Speaker 1: favorite song is on it because I know my girl. 626 00:40:16,760 --> 00:40:18,680 Speaker 1: She don't wanna do that ship. Well, she wanted, she 627 00:40:18,719 --> 00:40:21,520 Speaker 1: wanted to work for already, but she was like, did 628 00:40:21,640 --> 00:40:24,200 Speaker 1: you just say stood on it? Like she was like, oh, 629 00:40:24,320 --> 00:40:26,959 Speaker 1: my god, because this is outside of her comfort zone. 630 00:40:27,360 --> 00:40:30,400 Speaker 1: She was like, I'm not the girl that sings about sex, 631 00:40:30,560 --> 00:40:33,200 Speaker 1: Like I'm not that girl. So to hear her do 632 00:40:33,440 --> 00:40:37,359 Speaker 1: that and then to have the juxtaposition of we're gonna 633 00:40:37,440 --> 00:40:43,320 Speaker 1: make this sound like the girl her Ty song and 634 00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:46,080 Speaker 1: we're gonna be when I tell you that ship is 635 00:40:46,200 --> 00:40:48,920 Speaker 1: ruined for me. Like, I know so many people who 636 00:40:48,960 --> 00:40:50,680 Speaker 1: hit me up like, yo, I'm sucking to your girls 637 00:40:50,719 --> 00:40:53,480 Speaker 1: songs and I could never turn that on and enjoy it. 638 00:40:53,640 --> 00:40:56,919 Speaker 1: Like I would love to put that on and eat 639 00:40:57,480 --> 00:41:00,239 Speaker 1: right and literally eat them and leave nothing thing on 640 00:41:00,280 --> 00:41:02,960 Speaker 1: the plate, but like I just can't. It's like right 641 00:41:03,040 --> 00:41:09,279 Speaker 1: in the right, creepy, creepy, creepy. We're like, no, I'm good, 642 00:41:09,360 --> 00:41:16,359 Speaker 1: I'm good. Um. The song that resonates the most with me, yeah, girl, 643 00:41:16,480 --> 00:41:22,560 Speaker 1: Like yeah, Um, that one, I'm like, oh god, And 644 00:41:22,680 --> 00:41:25,279 Speaker 1: that one I think you just pulled from from like 645 00:41:25,560 --> 00:41:27,960 Speaker 1: every woman. It's just like I just don't know a 646 00:41:28,040 --> 00:41:31,200 Speaker 1: woman who that doesn't resonate with um. But the one 647 00:41:31,280 --> 00:41:34,000 Speaker 1: that I played the most, which is probably the one 648 00:41:34,040 --> 00:41:41,239 Speaker 1: that everybody's like, what I love? So I'm like, I 649 00:41:41,320 --> 00:41:56,960 Speaker 1: can't wait to listen tripping. It's so raggedy, it's so fun. 650 00:41:57,160 --> 00:42:01,040 Speaker 1: Do you recommend that the whole face? When I had 651 00:42:01,120 --> 00:42:03,520 Speaker 1: my whole face, it was once on me exploring what 652 00:42:03,680 --> 00:42:06,239 Speaker 1: I like an experiment. So when I do get to 653 00:42:06,280 --> 00:42:09,360 Speaker 1: a certain age, I know exactly what I want and 654 00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:14,880 Speaker 1: I'm not trying to I'm not compromising. Yeah, yeah, I 655 00:42:14,960 --> 00:42:18,799 Speaker 1: mean it's funny. I think that it depends on how 656 00:42:18,880 --> 00:42:21,440 Speaker 1: you define it. I think everybody should have whatever fucking 657 00:42:21,520 --> 00:42:25,640 Speaker 1: phase she wants. Um, but I I the my only 658 00:42:26,480 --> 00:42:30,759 Speaker 1: my only um hang up with that is do it 659 00:42:30,920 --> 00:42:33,760 Speaker 1: so that other people don't get hurt in the process. 660 00:42:34,160 --> 00:42:39,799 Speaker 1: So like, do it, but do heart and with like yeah, 661 00:42:40,080 --> 00:42:43,640 Speaker 1: like within some integrity, like seriously, like be honest, be 662 00:42:43,840 --> 00:42:48,040 Speaker 1: honest about what's happening. Um, but I think every woman 663 00:42:48,080 --> 00:42:52,840 Speaker 1: should experience what it whatever it is that she motherfucking pleases. 664 00:42:53,239 --> 00:42:57,440 Speaker 1: And it's funny Like I look at my girlfriends and 665 00:42:58,120 --> 00:43:00,200 Speaker 1: I'm the one that's like always I always to be 666 00:43:00,280 --> 00:43:03,760 Speaker 1: in love. I'm almost out of them. I'm I probably 667 00:43:03,800 --> 00:43:06,960 Speaker 1: have more bodies because I've been single the longust and 668 00:43:07,200 --> 00:43:13,760 Speaker 1: that's been trying. So I'm like, okay, I would I'm 669 00:43:13,800 --> 00:43:16,440 Speaker 1: all about partnership. Like I love the idea. But I'm 670 00:43:16,480 --> 00:43:19,160 Speaker 1: always the one that's single because I also feel like 671 00:43:19,280 --> 00:43:22,080 Speaker 1: I'm the one that's like, oh, that one doesn't feel right, Oh, 672 00:43:22,239 --> 00:43:25,320 Speaker 1: that one doesn't feel right. Not you, not you? And 673 00:43:25,440 --> 00:43:28,239 Speaker 1: then um, and then in my dating some of the 674 00:43:28,320 --> 00:43:30,439 Speaker 1: people that I give chances to, it's just like, girl, 675 00:43:30,520 --> 00:43:35,160 Speaker 1: what right, who're you doing? So some people I think 676 00:43:35,200 --> 00:43:36,960 Speaker 1: would look at me and be like, oh, she's a hope. 677 00:43:37,000 --> 00:43:39,640 Speaker 1: But it's like it depends on I don't care, Like 678 00:43:39,680 --> 00:43:42,120 Speaker 1: it depends on how you define it. Um. You know 679 00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:47,240 Speaker 1: I have. Yeah, I've had plenty of experiences. They weren't 680 00:43:47,280 --> 00:43:52,200 Speaker 1: all quality. Um, but I never wanted the phase where 681 00:43:52,200 --> 00:43:54,520 Speaker 1: I was sleeping with different people at the same time. 682 00:43:54,719 --> 00:43:57,239 Speaker 1: I've never been interested in that. But also, like you 683 00:43:57,280 --> 00:43:59,400 Speaker 1: said earlier, your childhood plays a role in that. Like 684 00:44:00,560 --> 00:44:04,680 Speaker 1: I think it has to do with me just needing 685 00:44:04,719 --> 00:44:09,399 Speaker 1: to feel protected and so that just feels too risky. Um. 686 00:44:10,120 --> 00:44:12,160 Speaker 1: But I know women that do, and I'm like okay, 687 00:44:12,360 --> 00:44:14,200 Speaker 1: And I used to be the girl that judge them, 688 00:44:14,719 --> 00:44:23,359 Speaker 1: and now I'm like, oh, yeah, that's how I That's 689 00:44:23,440 --> 00:44:27,360 Speaker 1: really how I feel. Let what do you want listeners 690 00:44:27,400 --> 00:44:35,080 Speaker 1: to take away from? Oh from Anthwery Because you're getting 691 00:44:35,080 --> 00:44:42,439 Speaker 1: you off. I want God, can you talk to ship 692 00:44:42,520 --> 00:44:45,560 Speaker 1: real quick though? That shin you be talking? Um? What 693 00:44:45,719 --> 00:44:48,839 Speaker 1: do I want? I want people to know. I want 694 00:44:48,880 --> 00:44:55,840 Speaker 1: people to commit to themselves and commit to their truth, 695 00:44:56,760 --> 00:44:59,919 Speaker 1: whatever that is. I want them to commit to their 696 00:45:00,320 --> 00:45:06,640 Speaker 1: their their sexual truth. And like if it if if 697 00:45:06,719 --> 00:45:09,360 Speaker 1: it's something you want, honor that, if it's something that 698 00:45:09,440 --> 00:45:12,239 Speaker 1: you don't want honored that. So if you want to 699 00:45:12,280 --> 00:45:14,719 Speaker 1: be telling people that the pussy is there is honor it, 700 00:45:14,840 --> 00:45:18,320 Speaker 1: go for it. If you don't, then don't. But do 701 00:45:18,760 --> 00:45:21,000 Speaker 1: the main thing that I'm trying to say is do 702 00:45:21,200 --> 00:45:23,560 Speaker 1: what is best for you. Do what feels right and 703 00:45:23,640 --> 00:45:27,800 Speaker 1: your spirit and in your heart, um and not what 704 00:45:28,800 --> 00:45:32,040 Speaker 1: you feel like it is expected of you and and 705 00:45:32,200 --> 00:45:41,480 Speaker 1: and um and risk risk the god risk, the idea 706 00:45:41,600 --> 00:45:48,240 Speaker 1: of like making disappointing someone. I mean, that's that's always 707 00:45:48,280 --> 00:45:52,120 Speaker 1: a risk, you know. But you have to be honest 708 00:45:52,160 --> 00:45:54,759 Speaker 1: with Yeah, you have to be honest and just only 709 00:45:54,800 --> 00:45:59,440 Speaker 1: who you are. Be self possessed men, women whoever be 710 00:45:59,600 --> 00:46:04,160 Speaker 1: self possessed. Wait, one more thing. Are you excited about 711 00:46:04,320 --> 00:46:09,960 Speaker 1: hotels possibly becoming a documentary? Oh? Yeah, of course I'm 712 00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:15,680 Speaker 1: excited that. Yeah, that's gonna be amazing. I'm excited. I'm 713 00:46:15,760 --> 00:46:21,840 Speaker 1: just mostly excited, um out of everything, just to see 714 00:46:23,200 --> 00:46:29,799 Speaker 1: my girl step into the light that I have known 715 00:46:30,080 --> 00:46:34,120 Speaker 1: that she there was hers. We've known it since we 716 00:46:34,160 --> 00:46:37,920 Speaker 1: were fourteen, and we're just like, girl stepped the funk 717 00:46:38,000 --> 00:46:40,399 Speaker 1: into it and I and I see her stepping into 718 00:46:40,480 --> 00:46:43,640 Speaker 1: it and seeing it more and more, because you know, 719 00:46:43,840 --> 00:46:46,880 Speaker 1: for her, when you're talented like that, you're just talented 720 00:46:46,960 --> 00:46:49,520 Speaker 1: like that, and that's just like what what? What is 721 00:46:49,560 --> 00:46:54,160 Speaker 1: everybody so hype about? But I can't wait for the 722 00:46:54,320 --> 00:46:57,040 Speaker 1: moment to hit when she's yeah, oh I am the 723 00:46:57,120 --> 00:47:00,440 Speaker 1: ship I am. And I feel like she kind I 724 00:47:00,480 --> 00:47:02,600 Speaker 1: feel like she knows that. She's also just like this 725 00:47:02,719 --> 00:47:06,520 Speaker 1: feels weird now. So I'm just so excited to just 726 00:47:06,600 --> 00:47:10,600 Speaker 1: see all the possibilities um for her and to just 727 00:47:10,680 --> 00:47:13,279 Speaker 1: see where everything goes and to just like cheer her. 728 00:47:13,320 --> 00:47:15,120 Speaker 1: But I am super excited for her, and I am 729 00:47:15,160 --> 00:47:17,640 Speaker 1: super excited for you and the rest of the lazy. 730 00:47:18,560 --> 00:47:20,680 Speaker 1: This is like, this is a classic and she's talking 731 00:47:20,680 --> 00:47:22,520 Speaker 1: about this is not even an album. I'm my girl, 732 00:47:22,880 --> 00:47:27,239 Speaker 1: so what the album gonna look like? I should have 733 00:47:27,320 --> 00:47:34,680 Speaker 1: called an album the album, Like what the hell is this? 734 00:47:36,160 --> 00:47:40,600 Speaker 1: But answering that I appreciate you. This was amazing. I 735 00:47:40,640 --> 00:47:44,080 Speaker 1: feel like my listener round listen there. So if y'all 736 00:47:44,080 --> 00:47:45,719 Speaker 1: want to reach out to her, if you want to 737 00:47:45,880 --> 00:47:48,239 Speaker 1: ask her any questions, comment concerns, please make sure to 738 00:47:48,320 --> 00:47:50,640 Speaker 1: email me at hello at the PFG podcast dot com. 739 00:47:50,680 --> 00:47:52,759 Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure we're gonna be following her journey because 740 00:47:52,800 --> 00:47:55,040 Speaker 1: she's a model. She's about to get this this money 741 00:47:55,080 --> 00:48:08,600 Speaker 1: from these nigmas. You are, girl, baby, somebody sliding my 742 00:48:08,719 --> 00:48:12,759 Speaker 1: DM to day after that's my type. Cut it out. 743 00:48:13,000 --> 00:48:19,760 Speaker 1: I was, okay, you've never been like, wait a minute, Okay, 744 00:48:20,440 --> 00:48:23,880 Speaker 1: I will not not with him. So who are you tight, sir? 745 00:48:24,640 --> 00:48:31,520 Speaker 1: He's sliding a dove. Pray for me, m