Speaker 1: I'm Honey German. My parents are Dominican. I was born
Speaker 1: and raised in New York City. I love sneakers and
Speaker 1: I'm a body positive advocate. I'm Caroline Bermudez, but I
Speaker 1: was born and raised in Ohio. I'm a wife, a mama,
Speaker 1: and a worker being. This is life English. You know,
Speaker 1: we are always combing the news social media. This is
Speaker 1: something that's a part of our job that we just
Speaker 1: can't avoid. And I came across an article this is
Speaker 1: now a couple of weeks ago that I really wanted
Speaker 1: to bring up because I feel like is it a
Speaker 1: sensitive subject? This is my question to you, honey, And
Speaker 1: I want to bring this question to our podcast because
Speaker 1: I feel like it's something that isn't being discussed at
Speaker 1: length because I feel like people are too afraid to
Speaker 1: touch it. We're so pc now, we are so worried
Speaker 1: about offending people that we are not speaking our truth.
Speaker 1: So let me just give you the background. You know
Speaker 1: Richie Torres, right, yeah, I love him. If you're not
Speaker 1: from New York, um, Richie Torres, he represents the South
Speaker 1: Bronx and uh. He was recently quoted as saying that
Speaker 1: he never heard anyone locally using the term latin X.
Speaker 1: Do the majority of Hispanics actually use the term latin x.
Speaker 1: So this tweet stood out to me because I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be fully transparent and forth right and let you all
Speaker 1: know I never understood latin X. I know it's been
Speaker 1: in use for the past what five six years, but
Speaker 1: but more so in recent years, and I've always been
Speaker 1: confused by it. But I never wanted to not look
Speaker 1: woke per se. You know, I know it's crazy, right,
Speaker 1: you know. I was recording something earlier this week and
Speaker 1: somebody was there and they were like born raised in
Speaker 1: New York, Dominican, and they were interviewing me, and they asked,
Speaker 1: how do you feel being Latins Latins? Thinks like they
Speaker 1: just couldn't even say the word Latins, like it was
Speaker 1: like a Hispanic person. And that goes to show you
Speaker 1: how highly unpopular the word is among Hispanics and Latinos. So, like,
Speaker 1: you know, there's tons of studies on this word. It's
Speaker 1: just not popular. It's and they actually view it as
Speaker 1: exclusionary to everyday people. Yeah, it's very I always felt
Speaker 1: like it was a great idea to make it gender
Speaker 1: neutral so that the LGBTQ community didn't feel like they
Speaker 1: had to identify with being a Latina feminina or Latino masculino.
Speaker 1: But I felt like that's where it should have ended
Speaker 1: me myself. I don't use the term. I still refer
Speaker 1: to myself as a Latina and nobody in my life
Speaker 1: uses the term. And I have like forty five cousins.
Speaker 1: I've never heard anyone say I'm a latin X never yet.
Speaker 1: It's trendy. Yeah, it's something that you know, companies love
Speaker 1: to use, but it's it's weird because I feel like
Speaker 1: media companies and even advocacy groups they've started to shy
Speaker 1: away from it and are no longer even using it.
Speaker 1: It's eating a weight. It was a great idea, but
Speaker 1: Latinos didn't embrace it the way I guess people thought
Speaker 1: they would. You took the words out of my mouth.
Speaker 1: I think that when a community embraces something and they
Speaker 1: really start to adopt it and they start to use it,
Speaker 1: and I don't believe that we as a community have
Speaker 1: agreed with that label per se. You know. So so
Speaker 1: for example, something that you just said, um really hit me.
Speaker 1: We have always been taught to either add the masculine
Speaker 1: or the feminine Latino Latino Latinos in general. Okay, I
Speaker 1: would never ever want to make somebody else feel badly,
Speaker 1: so I can understand the intentions of latin X. But
Speaker 1: I think that it's been highlighted more by companies, by organizations,
Speaker 1: by people who are not Latinos honest, because I am
Speaker 1: not not one of my family members, not my mother,
Speaker 1: my father, my cousins, my brothers, sisters, none of us
Speaker 1: have ever used that, not even the next generation, which
Speaker 1: are my nieces, my nephews, you know, my kids. It's
Speaker 1: not something that is in practice with us. But then again,
Speaker 1: there's that other side of me that feels like, well,
Speaker 1: wait a minute. If there is a small population of
Speaker 1: our people or our community that feels comfortable with that,
Speaker 1: who are we to say that it's not I don't know.
Speaker 1: I feel like it's just so hard to change something
Speaker 1: that big and something that is our language. How are
Speaker 1: we going to change being a Latina to an English word?
Speaker 1: I'm a latin XT. Like you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: It's just like you're taking You're giving us something but
Speaker 1: then taking something away in the same breath. You're taking
Speaker 1: away our language. If you if you see it that way,
Speaker 1: I feel like this is a personal choice. I feel like,
Speaker 1: if if you want to use it in a way
Speaker 1: that's non gendered, non binary, and very inclusive, go for it.
Speaker 1: But if I know what my gender is and I had,
Speaker 1: and I've identified as a Latina since the moment I
Speaker 1: was born, I don't have to change my label just
Speaker 1: because a media company says this is the new term
Speaker 1: that we're going to use. I saw an ad the
Speaker 1: other day, and I'm not going to name the company
Speaker 1: because obviously I don't think that there was any malintent
Speaker 1: with it, and that's the reason why I won't name
Speaker 1: the company. I think that they thought that they were
Speaker 1: being very forward thinking by using latin X in this
Speaker 1: certain promotion, and it was actually on Telemundo, which is
Speaker 1: obviously a Spanish language station, and I was very surprised
Speaker 1: by it because I thought, Okay, here's this big company
Speaker 1: trying to get in and I feel like that's what
Speaker 1: it is. They're trying to get in on on something
Speaker 1: where I feel like their message could have resonated a
Speaker 1: whole lot more if they were just authentic with it.
Speaker 1: I think that they were trying to be trendy, you know,
Speaker 1: by using Latin X and trying to trying to showcase
Speaker 1: like a certain demographic. And I'm not sure that everybody
Speaker 1: has really adopted it or everybody feels comfortable using it,
Speaker 1: like much like you said, I feel more comfortable calling
Speaker 1: my off of Latina because that's who I am. But
Speaker 1: who am I to take that away from somebody else.
Speaker 1: NBC did a study and the word is preferred by
Speaker 1: like only two percent of the Latino community. It's not
Speaker 1: something that people love and use all the time. But
Speaker 1: media companies are using it to appear progressive, I guess,
Speaker 1: to appear woke and very in tune with what's happening
Speaker 1: right now. They also cater a lot to Gen Z
Speaker 1: millennials and you know that younger generation that's coming up
Speaker 1: that they probably equate with one day just using that
Speaker 1: term altogether. So I guess they're trying to be progressive
Speaker 1: and they're trying to think ahead. Meanwhile, forgetting everybody who's
Speaker 1: used latino and latino their entire life, Well, now, how
Speaker 1: do you have a question for you? Because you are
Speaker 1: more in tune with a lot of the Latin artists,
Speaker 1: like I know you listen to Bad Bunny, which, by
Speaker 1: the way, I listened to the album It's fantastic um.
Speaker 1: But Bad Bunny does use the term a lot. So
Speaker 1: do you think that that really might be it? Because
Speaker 1: he is somebody who speaks to gen Z and millennials
Speaker 1: and things like that. I would love to hear your
Speaker 1: perspective on that. But Bad Bunny he's very LGBTQ friendly.
Speaker 1: He has spoken out about, you know, crimes against the
Speaker 1: trance community. He's also a gender bender himself, you know,
Speaker 1: Bad Bunny has no problem with portraying himself as a
Speaker 1: woman in his videos. He's super dope, you know. So
Speaker 1: I can see why he would use the term because
Speaker 1: he's trying to push you know, progressiveness into maybe, let's say,
Speaker 1: people in Puerto Rico, maybe people in the Dominican Republic
Speaker 1: who are not, as I guess, woke and accepting of
Speaker 1: different lifestyles. So I think he's just like, I'm going
Speaker 1: to take the label off of myself. I'm not a lot,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm a Latin X. And then you know what,
Speaker 1: maybe things will start to change in countries where people
Speaker 1: are still being killed because of how they choose to identify.
Speaker 1: What he's doing is amazing. I love him. He's spearheading
Speaker 1: the movement and he's just putting it out there. You
Speaker 1: know what, It's not about your gender, it's not about
Speaker 1: male or female. It's about how you identify. And I
Speaker 1: can definitely see him being one of those artists that
Speaker 1: would prefer to use that term. I do applaud bad
Speaker 1: Money for the things that he's doing to bring the
Speaker 1: awareness for you know, the l g B t Q
Speaker 1: I a community, but also I just think as a whole,
Speaker 1: the black and brown communities have a lot of work
Speaker 1: to do when it comes to understanding and accepting what
Speaker 1: this means to their families and their communities. For example,
Speaker 1: the other day, and just to kind of segue into
Speaker 1: this whole conversation, my sons were listening to a song.
Speaker 1: We were driving in the car and there's a song
Speaker 1: called Boyfriend. I don't know if you've ever heard it
Speaker 1: by Dove Cameron, and she says that she can do
Speaker 1: better than her boyfriend. And my kids were very confused
Speaker 1: by that. They said, well, wait a minute, how can
Speaker 1: she be a better boyfriend than him if she's a girl.
Speaker 1: And I said, well, honey, I said, you know, there
Speaker 1: are different types of relationships, and so I was explaining
Speaker 1: to them how women can love women and men can
Speaker 1: love men, and how this young woman who's singing in
Speaker 1: the song, because this was brought up in the car,
Speaker 1: is maybe explaining to this girl that she has different
Speaker 1: feelings for her and maybe that she could take the
Speaker 1: place of what her boyfriend isn't doing. So I'm explaining
Speaker 1: this to my kids, and so my little guy Asher
Speaker 1: looks at me and he says, Mommy, do you think
Speaker 1: it was hard for little nos X? And I said,
Speaker 1: what do you mean, honey, And he goes, well, because
Speaker 1: little nos X is gay? And I said he is gay.
Speaker 1: And I said, and you know what, Ash, I said,
Speaker 1: that is a very good question because little nos X
Speaker 1: has actually spoken out about how difficult it has been
Speaker 1: for him to be a gay man in the music industry.
Speaker 1: This is my six and my eight year old, honey,
Speaker 1: And the realization came to me. My parents never had
Speaker 1: conversations like this with me about homosexuality, heterosexuality, I mean
Speaker 1: anything that was not a thing that there was zero conversation. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And so for me, I looked at it as an
Speaker 1: educational moment. It was challenging. I'll be honest, because I
Speaker 1: feel like you have to put it through a filter
Speaker 1: of what can a six and an eight year old
Speaker 1: really understand? And so I said to him, I said, well,
Speaker 1: where did you hear about Little Nozas And he said, oh,
Speaker 1: I remember at the awards we were watching the I
Speaker 1: Heart Radio Music Awards together. When he was accepting his award,
Speaker 1: he had mentioned that it was difficult for him, and
Speaker 1: so I explained to him about how tough it's been
Speaker 1: for Little Nozex in the indust Right now, that being said,
Speaker 1: he said to me, he goes, Mommy, isn't weird for
Speaker 1: a boy to like another boy? And I said, oh
Speaker 1: my gosh, ash or No, I said, what I said,
Speaker 1: what he feels for another boy feels natural to him.
Speaker 1: I said, just like when you get older, you're going
Speaker 1: to feel something that's natural to you. Whether it is
Speaker 1: liking a boy or liking a girl, that is going
Speaker 1: to feel right for you. I said, So, if there
Speaker 1: was anybody in our family who was gay, would you
Speaker 1: still love them? And he said yes, and I said absolutely,
Speaker 1: I said, and that's the reason why it's not weird.
Speaker 1: I said, It's just something that may not feel natural
Speaker 1: to you. But when I got out of that, car
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my gosh, I hope I did
Speaker 1: the right I don't know what I said. I like,
Speaker 1: you know, you're just going through all of these things
Speaker 1: in your head and you're trying to do the right
Speaker 1: thing because this isn't the same world that we grew
Speaker 1: up in. And you know what, Carolina, I thank you
Speaker 1: so much for not passing along. You know, these toxic
Speaker 1: traits that some of our parents had and which some
Speaker 1: of our parents still have to this day. And you know,
Speaker 1: being open enough with your kids and and being so
Speaker 1: forward thinking and opening up their mind at such a
Speaker 1: young age as to the differences between love and different people.
Speaker 1: And it may not it may not be for you,
Speaker 1: but it's for some for other people. Because you know
Speaker 1: my family, we have instances of you know, people come
Speaker 1: out as gay, and some people are not accepting older
Speaker 1: people especially It's just like to them, it's just like,
Speaker 1: but what happened, what went wrong? Nothing went wrong? Shut
Speaker 1: your ass down. This is not for you. You already
Speaker 1: lived your life. Don't worry about this, kid. And I'm
Speaker 1: saying so you the fact that your mind is here,
Speaker 1: that it gives me so much hope that the next
Speaker 1: few generation of parents will no longer be the generation
Speaker 1: of parents that I had that are hateful over someone's
Speaker 1: sexual preference or who they love. Because that Carolina breaks
Speaker 1: my heart. I find it absolutely disgusting and it's it's
Speaker 1: just a sensitive topic for me and someone I love very,
Speaker 1: very dearly. I decided to come out and it just
Speaker 1: wasn't meant the best way by my family, especially my mom.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, first of all, this is not even
Speaker 1: your child. I need you to take multiple seats. Lady.
Speaker 1: You already raised all your kids, you already had all
Speaker 1: your marriages. This is not for you to give your opinion.
Speaker 1: She would kill me or she would hurt me speaking
Speaker 1: like this right now. But is a fact. And I
Speaker 1: thank you man. You are that new mom that this
Speaker 1: world needs. I'm trying, you know. The thing that I
Speaker 1: always think of is that one day my child is
Speaker 1: going to be in middle school and there's gonna be
Speaker 1: a child who might be questioning themselves whether they want
Speaker 1: to come out as gay or queer, or if they're trans.
Speaker 1: These are realities of life. This is happening whether people
Speaker 1: like it or not. And I would never want my
Speaker 1: child to be the person to shun them, or ridicule them,
Speaker 1: or make them feel terrible about being who they are.
Speaker 1: I can't control my children's actions, but what I can
Speaker 1: do is try to educate them now now at six
Speaker 1: and a. And that's why I said, it's like I looked.
Speaker 1: I I sat there in the car, and I'm thinking
Speaker 1: of myself. My kid is six. He heard one thing
Speaker 1: on an award show and that's stuck with him so
Speaker 1: that when Little nos X came on, he asked me, Mommy,
Speaker 1: was it hard for That means that they are comprehending
Speaker 1: and understanding so much more than we give them credit for.
Speaker 1: And that's where I think that we need to step
Speaker 1: up as parents to make that change, you know, at
Speaker 1: the end of the day, you know, circling back to
Speaker 1: the Latin X term, I feel like it's a personal choice.
Speaker 1: If you feel like that's what you identify as, by
Speaker 1: all means, go for it. You know. I don't see
Speaker 1: it as a negative thing. I don't see it as
Speaker 1: something that should be adopted by everyone. I just think
Speaker 1: it's just like whatever label you choose to select for yourself,
Speaker 1: let that be it. You know. I don't think it's
Speaker 1: a negative thing. I think it is that we have
Speaker 1: not practiced using it enough. I think that it's a
Speaker 1: foreign thing for us, because we've been conditioned to say Latino,
Speaker 1: Latino for basically our whole lives, you know. And don't
Speaker 1: get me started on this. Because we were doing a
Speaker 1: evaluation for my son the other day and they pulled
Speaker 1: up his paperwork and on the paperwork, they had him
Speaker 1: listed as non Latino. And so I called the school
Speaker 1: and this is interesting. So I called the school and
Speaker 1: I said, you know, hi, I'd like to speak to,
Speaker 1: you know, the supervisor who was running the meeting and everything.
Speaker 1: And they said, oh, we can take a note for
Speaker 1: her because she isn't here. And I said, I just
Speaker 1: need to adjust something on my child's paperwork. And they said, oh,
Speaker 1: what is the problem. Is this name misspelled? Is at this?
Speaker 1: And I said no, I noticed that he's listed as
Speaker 1: non Latino and that is not true. And the woman
Speaker 1: kind of giggled and she was like oh, And I said,
Speaker 1: I go, that's very important to me. I said, and
Speaker 1: I need somebody to change that because I am Latino.
Speaker 1: My child is fifty Latino, period, and a story it
Speaker 1: needs to be documented. So I think that it's very
Speaker 1: interesting that we're having this conversation right now because in
Speaker 1: the future, will my child say I'm latin X, Well,
Speaker 1: he says, you know what I mean. So that's where
Speaker 1: I feel like we are really opening this conversation for
Speaker 1: people to maybe examine how are they gonna use it
Speaker 1: moving forward or how are we going to identify moving forward?
Speaker 1: And there are plenty of people who will tell me
Speaker 1: that my kids are white passing. Yes they are, and
Speaker 1: they are white boys with blue eyes and blonde hair
Speaker 1: are and they are Latinos through and through. You can't
Speaker 1: take that away from them, Like I have tons of
Speaker 1: cousins that are white passing. These girls open their mouth, girl,
Speaker 1: and it's the most Dominican ship you'll ever hear in
Speaker 1: your life. You can't take you, you know, with the
Speaker 1: latin X term. One last thing I'll say is I
Speaker 1: am all for, you know, moving away from the masculine
Speaker 1: term Latino to generalize us all because obviously we're not
Speaker 1: all men, were not all masculine, So it's just like,
Speaker 1: use whatever term is good for you. But if it was,
Speaker 1: I guess too, and the term being a masculine term,
Speaker 1: I guess I can see me all for it. I
Speaker 1: can see that. Yeah, well let's move it to the
Speaker 1: salon because we got a submission. And I want to
Speaker 1: bring this up to you because I would love see.
Speaker 1: The thing is, Honey and I are so different, and
Speaker 1: that's what I love about this podcast. Because Honey is raw,
Speaker 1: she is unedited. I always have to take the space
Speaker 1: of like, well, I'm a mom and I would do
Speaker 1: the nice thing, and that's really genuinely who I am, though,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So we we both kind
Speaker 1: of go back to our roots when it comes to
Speaker 1: things like this. This is great. So our listener, Teresa,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna paraphrase is basically she wrote us an email
Speaker 1: saying that she listens and loves the podcast. Teresa, thank
Speaker 1: you so so much. I love that you're listening, And
Speaker 1: she said, I am not even a Latina, but I
Speaker 1: love listening to you guys. You remind me a lot
Speaker 1: of me and my cousins. We are Italian and we
Speaker 1: totally identify with the topics that you guys talk about. Now,
Speaker 1: I want to ask you guys a question. I hate
Speaker 1: my friend's new friend. I don't want her hanging out
Speaker 1: with us. How do I tell her it's definitely caused
Speaker 1: a space in our relationship. I don't want to lose
Speaker 1: my friend, but I really don't want to hang out
Speaker 1: with this new check. Okay, Teresa, here we go. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna unleash Honey on you right now because I know
Speaker 1: that Honey has got a lot to say, So go ahead.
Speaker 1: How do you deal with it when your friend has
Speaker 1: a new person in their life that you don't really
Speaker 1: approve of. First of all, you don't have the right
Speaker 1: to bring new people into my life. Oh, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: go straight off the rip with it. Yeah, you met
Speaker 1: your home girl at work, you love her, you love
Speaker 1: weird ship. I don't got to accept that I didn't
Speaker 1: choose this friend. I chose you a bit. That's like
Speaker 1: when you invite somebody somewhere and they bring somebody who
Speaker 1: the hell said you can bring a plus one? So
Speaker 1: over there. If that's your home girl and y'all vibe
Speaker 1: and y'all are jelling, that's cool. But you know what, Teresa,
Speaker 1: if you don't like this new person, it'sn't that mandatory
Speaker 1: that this be your friend. Your home girl got a
Speaker 1: new friend, y'all do your thing over there, but let
Speaker 1: it be one of on me and you and are
Speaker 1: other mutual friends that I'm obviously accepting of and I
Speaker 1: have a good time with. You shouldn't be subjected to
Speaker 1: hang out with nobody that you're not feeling. That's like
Speaker 1: you going on a date with a man you never
Speaker 1: even met. Talk about I met this guy and I'm
Speaker 1: dating him. Girl, let's date him together? Bitch? Absolutely not.
Speaker 1: That's not my type. I don't like him. You don't
Speaker 1: want to pick him off a bumble? Why I gotta
Speaker 1: date him too? Now? No? Immediately, No, immediately, No, especially
Speaker 1: if you don't like her, if you hate her, But
Speaker 1: how do you say it? Honey? But like, how do
Speaker 1: you say it to her? That's my issue. It's like,
Speaker 1: how do you even approach the conversation? Okay, Caroline, Okay, Okay,
Speaker 1: Hi Carolina, ya can I talk to you? It's something
Speaker 1: that you know, It's been on the back of my mind,
Speaker 1: Like I know you got your new homegirl. Let's let's say, daisy,
Speaker 1: I see you a daisy. You have a good time.
Speaker 1: But you know, it's weird because like, I don't know her.
Speaker 1: I don't feel like me and her have anything in common.
Speaker 1: I just feel I don't know her. And I and
Speaker 1: I feel weird when we're hanging out. I feel like
Speaker 1: I cannot trust her. And this is a major thing
Speaker 1: for me, Carolina. I need to feel comfortable speaking to
Speaker 1: you and telling you what I feel and what I
Speaker 1: think without feeling like my conversation with you is going
Speaker 1: to go elsewhere. Talk about Oh, I was hanging out
Speaker 1: with Honey and Carolina, guess what Honey said, or guess
Speaker 1: who Honey doesn't like, or guess what's happening in Honey's relationship.
Speaker 1: I need to feel, Carolina, like our time together is
Speaker 1: a safe space. I cannot be worried about somebody that
Speaker 1: I don't vibe with being there consuming our conversations and
Speaker 1: taking them elsewhere. So if this is your new friend,
Speaker 1: I really would rather have you guys, just you know,
Speaker 1: so you see where this goes. Maybe in two years
Speaker 1: when you're like, wow, this is my ride to die.
Speaker 1: This bitch been through the trenches with me. I love her,
Speaker 1: I trust her. Then bring her to me. But not
Speaker 1: a new home girl that you met off a bumble bff.
Speaker 1: You know that's the thing, right, Carolina. Women meet each
Speaker 1: other one girl, yes, bumble bff. Women that don't have
Speaker 1: a lot of friends going bumble bff and me home girls?
Speaker 1: Is this a real thing? Though? This is on bumble
Speaker 1: the app. Yes, girl, the girl that invent the bumble
Speaker 1: decided that women need to be meet home girls, and
Speaker 1: they have a thing called bumble Bff. Imagine you're meeting
Speaker 1: the random person off of bumble Bff and then bringing
Speaker 1: her to my house. I'd like, who is this girl?
Speaker 1: Did you met this woman? How do we know this
Speaker 1: woman that going? Wait for me to turn around and
Speaker 1: bend over in front of my husband, don't we bringing straight? Honey?
Speaker 1: My goodness. Wait, First of all, you are speaking so
Speaker 1: much truth of your own truth, which I absolutely love
Speaker 1: about you because I think that there are so many
Speaker 1: people who feel this way. But Teresa, now it's me
Speaker 1: and you are speaking to Carolina. Yes, okay, Teresa, So
Speaker 1: now it's me, It's Carolina, and I'm just gonna keep
Speaker 1: it all the way real with you and let you
Speaker 1: know that I am the wrong person to ask for
Speaker 1: advice on this thing, because I'm the unifier. I am
Speaker 1: the friend that wants all my friends to be friends.
Speaker 1: I am the connector. And this is the problem. You know,
Speaker 1: I have a friend who has a bunch of different
Speaker 1: groups of friends, and she keeps them separate. She doesn't
Speaker 1: want anybody commingling, and she likes to keep them separate
Speaker 1: for some reason. And I'm always the more the merrier. Oh,
Speaker 1: come on it, as long as it doesn't make anybody uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: But Teresa, you're not looking for somebody to unify you. Guys,
Speaker 1: you really feel strongly that this friend, this new friend,
Speaker 1: is not your style. It's not the type of person
Speaker 1: that you want to hang out with. So, going back
Speaker 1: to what Honey said, I would tell your friend Daisy, like, hey,
Speaker 1: can we can we just like talk for a second,
Speaker 1: because I really want to let you know what's been
Speaker 1: on my mind. I love you as a friend, I'm
Speaker 1: glad you found a new friend, but she is completely
Speaker 1: not my vibe. I just feel a certain type of
Speaker 1: way whenever she's around. I feel like we are not
Speaker 1: ourselves or our friendship is not the same when she's around.
Speaker 1: So maybe, just for the time being, would it be
Speaker 1: cool if you know, either give me a heads up
Speaker 1: so I can make that decision if I want to
Speaker 1: hang out with you guys and you're together, or maybe
Speaker 1: we just kind of continue to do things on our own.
Speaker 1: I think that honesty is the best policy, And if
Speaker 1: you're going to talk to your friend, you got to
Speaker 1: really talk to your friend, because you don't want to
Speaker 1: be going behind her back and having her here that
Speaker 1: you hate her new friend. That's just going to bring
Speaker 1: them closer together. But I think if you are just
Speaker 1: honest and upfront about it and just say, look, I
Speaker 1: need a little bit of space. I know you really
Speaker 1: are enthusiastic about us trying to all hang together, but
Speaker 1: I'm just not feeling it. And hopefully she'll be respectful
Speaker 1: of your decision. I'm sure she will be. Honesty is
Speaker 1: always the best policy. Just don't be aggressive about it, Teresa.
Speaker 1: I know how us New York girls are, I know
Speaker 1: how spicy are. Italis all too so just easy, take
Speaker 1: it easy, Just be like, can I talk to you
Speaker 1: about something? You have a glass of wine or something.
Speaker 1: Just keep it cool and it will work out. I
Speaker 1: think that it's also hard. You brought up something that
Speaker 1: is interesting to me on bumble. There have been studies
Speaker 1: out that have said that Americans are the loneliest that
Speaker 1: they've been in decades. And again, I'm going to throw
Speaker 1: it back to the pandemic I think that it definitely
Speaker 1: separated a lot of people. I've mentioned my single friends
Speaker 1: before who really really felt it. During the pandemic, I
Speaker 1: saw one of my friends from l A for the
Speaker 1: first time in almost two years, and when I tell you,
Speaker 1: that hug was so real because she has not been
Speaker 1: around that many people, and she just said, you have
Speaker 1: no idea what that hug meant to me. And it
Speaker 1: broke my heart because here I am daily getting hugs
Speaker 1: from my children and my husband and and I never
Speaker 1: put it through that filter. So I don't want to
Speaker 1: come down on something like bumble bff because I think
Speaker 1: that that's a really positive and wonderful thing. I wasn't
Speaker 1: even aware of it, but I have been reading about
Speaker 1: how lonely people are, and how afraid people are to
Speaker 1: step out of their comfort zones, or how challenging it
Speaker 1: is for women to make friends. It really is, and
Speaker 1: that brings me to this. You know, the only reason
Speaker 1: I know about bumble bff is because one of my
Speaker 1: friends made a friend on bumble bff. And you know what, Carolina.
Speaker 1: She brought her around me and I've hung god with
Speaker 1: her maybe five or six times, and she is a
Speaker 1: great person. She was just new to the city and
Speaker 1: didn't know anybody, and she used the app and she
Speaker 1: is a beautiful person. She is so cute, and she's like,
Speaker 1: you guys are my extended family in this city. I
Speaker 1: didn't know anybody. I just I just picked up and moved.
Speaker 1: So I'm not coming down on bumble bff. I just
Speaker 1: use it as an example. But it is a great
Speaker 1: way for you girls to meet and it's hard to
Speaker 1: make friends as adult women. If you can use the
Speaker 1: app and it's successful for you, by all means, go
Speaker 1: for it. Just give me your heads up before you
Speaker 1: bring a strange into my space, because you know I'm
Speaker 1: born and raised New Yorker and I'm always with my side.
Speaker 1: I what this bit here for? Oh my gosh no.
Speaker 1: And then there's me from the Midwest. Come on in.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna open the door for you all. Let me go,
Speaker 1: let me grab you something. You know, I don't worry
Speaker 1: about it. You can stay here for two weeks. Don't worry. No.
Speaker 1: Actually that goes back on what we were talking about
Speaker 1: letting them stay in the past couple of episodes. Um,
Speaker 1: but I will say when I moved to New York
Speaker 1: and this is something that was super challenging for me.
Speaker 1: I moved to New York in two thousand five and
Speaker 1: I knew zero people, no people, And I remember I
Speaker 1: joined a gym because I've always liked to exercise. I'm always,
Speaker 1: you know, taking care of myself. And I specifically remember
Speaker 1: being in the changing room in the locker room, and
Speaker 1: there was a girl by the way. We were both
Speaker 1: fully dressed, so it wasn't like an awkward situation, and
Speaker 1: I tried to like say to her, oh, I love
Speaker 1: your I love your boots. And I remember they were
Speaker 1: ugg boots and they were so cute. They had like
Speaker 1: little sparkles or whatever on them, and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: trying to make conversation. And this girl was the biggest
Speaker 1: bitch to me. You would have thought that I had
Speaker 1: Shrek ears and I looked like I had Donkeys face
Speaker 1: or thing. She looked at me like I was crazy
Speaker 1: for even approaching her to talk. And here I am
Speaker 1: just trying to be friendly, maybe strike up a conversation, yeah,
Speaker 1: and making a friend. You know, we are complimenting her
Speaker 1: boots that belonged to a four year old woman was
Speaker 1: back in the day. And I give her a pass.
Speaker 1: I give us, but but still it was just that
Speaker 1: was me making an attempt to strike up a conversation
Speaker 1: with somebody. And when it's really challenging, and I was
Speaker 1: twenty six years old at the time. Normally people form
Speaker 1: their friendships either in high school, college, that that first
Speaker 1: job out of out of school, or that first job
Speaker 1: that they get when their entry level, and they really
Speaker 1: come up with a group of people. And I think
Speaker 1: that that's really challenging. And I here, I am in
Speaker 1: New York, trying to make my way in this industry
Speaker 1: that is super competitive and tough, and I just needed
Speaker 1: a friend. And I can see theresa why your friend
Speaker 1: might be branching out to make other friends. And I
Speaker 1: don't know what her status is. I don't know if
Speaker 1: she's married or not or whatever, but I just think
Speaker 1: that maybe be honest, be upfront, don't let it affect
Speaker 1: your friendship, because I think that's the fear that I
Speaker 1: have for you. It's like, don't come off so strong
Speaker 1: that you turn your friend off completely where she's like, wow,
Speaker 1: what a bit you know, but definitely let her know
Speaker 1: that it might take you some time to warm up.
Speaker 1: And I hope that we helped you. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I always feel like we leave people more confused after
Speaker 1: we talk about it. Now we definitely helped her. Don't
Speaker 1: worry about it. We told her to be honest, say
Speaker 1: how you feel, and don't tell them the friendship has
Speaker 1: to end. Whatever you do, just don't be like you
Speaker 1: gotta end the friendship because it's like one of the
Speaker 1: least thing that might happen with a friend totally might
Speaker 1: fall in love, and you told if you tell them
Speaker 1: they can't be together, and then you'll be the one
Speaker 1: that's out. You will be the one that is the
Speaker 1: third person out. So thank you Theresa for writing to us.
Speaker 1: You know you guys can always submit your questions at
Speaker 1: l I Spanglish is where we are. On Instagram, you
Speaker 1: can d m us. You can also d m me
Speaker 1: on my purse on all account. I'm at the real Carolina.
Speaker 1: You're looking for that raw and unfiltered advice, hit me
Speaker 1: up on a Graham I am hunting German. Wait a minute,
Speaker 1: I give raw and unfiltered advices just different from yours.
Speaker 1: But you put you put frosting on your advice and
Speaker 1: sprinkles and you make it pretty. I'd be like, here's
Speaker 1: a raw pound cake. This is all I got for you.
Speaker 1: That's it. So, guys, thank you so much for joining
Speaker 1: us for another episode of Life in Spanglish. We want
Speaker 1: you to rate and subscribe please so you never miss
Speaker 1: an episode. We just love doing this with y'all every
Speaker 1: single week, So thank you, thank you for listening. Lifense
Speaker 1: Banguish is a production of Lifense Bangulish Productions in partnership
Speaker 1: with My Hearts Michael Podcast Network