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Speaker 1: Grandma Karen wants to steal my dad's horses. He said

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Speaker 1: something to her, I will never forget.

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Speaker 2: Uh, probably save a horse. Ride a cowboy.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah, saddle and skidaddle, good gravy, that old

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Speaker 3: skin looking like the sweet leather saddle of the steed

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Speaker 3: I want to ride.

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Speaker 2: Hmmm.

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Speaker 4: Backstory.

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Speaker 1: Dad was an English professor and also raised horses, Arabians

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Speaker 1: to be specific. We lived in the Midwest on a

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Speaker 1: ten acre spread next to cattle ranches and such. That's

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Speaker 1: pretty big, prop's that's a cool place to be. That

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Speaker 1: was the kind of guy who taught me to try

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Speaker 1: to be kind, never swear in front of a lady,

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Speaker 1: open the door for people, et cetera, et cetera. Most

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Speaker 1: of things stuck with me throughout my life, except for

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Speaker 1: the swearing.

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Speaker 4: You he's got a mouth like a sailor. It's right.

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Speaker 1: One day, a Saturday, I believe, a couple of local

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Speaker 1: girls around twelve came over and rang the bell. My

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Speaker 1: dad answered the door and they asked if they could

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Speaker 1: ride our horses. Of course, he politely said no, he

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Speaker 1: couldn't do that and close the door.

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Speaker 4: Imagine the liability.

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Speaker 1: Issues if they fell off and hurt themselves.

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Speaker 2: True, sue the Dada.

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Speaker 5: That's right.

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Speaker 1: Also, Arabians tend to be high strung and not too

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Speaker 1: accommodating to inexperienced riders, except for a couple we owned

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Speaker 1: who were total patient sweethearts, and that was that. Rights,

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Speaker 1: It's gonna work out so well, right Oway, Nope, or

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't be posting this.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, come on, this is Reddit.

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Speaker 1: That's how it goes. Not more than a half hour later,

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Speaker 1: the doorbell chimes again. I'm in the living room watching

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Speaker 1: TV with Dad, and he answers the door. Standing on

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Speaker 1: the front porch are the two girls again and someone

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Speaker 1: who I took to be the entitled nana grandma grandmama.

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Speaker 5: Dad.

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Speaker 4: Hello, what can I do for you? Grandma Karen, my

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Speaker 4: granddaughter would like to ride your horses. Dad, clearly puzzled.

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Speaker 4: I can't do that. You don't even have to pay

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Speaker 4: them much.

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Speaker 2: The horses.

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Speaker 1: Hey there, Hey, their sugar cube. Here's a dollar for

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Speaker 1: all your heart to work today. Go buy some hay

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Speaker 1: and jump around a little.

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Speaker 4: He just eats it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Dad is confused for exercising your horses.

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Speaker 4: They'll do it for two dollars an hour, pretty cheap.

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Speaker 4: If you ask me, well, she's asking for pay. What

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Speaker 4: are you talking about?

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Speaker 2: Insane?

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Speaker 4: Bro?

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Speaker 1: Your first, you have you on desky to come to

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Speaker 1: my house, and then I pay you to let you

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Speaker 1: use my horses.

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Speaker 2: That's ridiculous.

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Speaker 1: No, Dad, clearly holding in his temper. I'm sorry, ma'am,

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Speaker 1: but this isn't happening. I have to decline. But your

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Speaker 1: horses can use the exercise. They look so fast, and

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Speaker 1: we have the time to ride your obese horses. Why

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Speaker 1: don't you stop feeding them cheeseburgers and start paying my

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Speaker 1: kids to exercise? Now, Dad, this is not a discussion.

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Speaker 1: Shut it down, Daddy, O shut it down, big Daddy.

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Speaker 1: Then he does something I've ever seen before.

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Speaker 2: He did a haymaker across Grandma Karen's Wow.

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Speaker 1: He closes the door in Grandma Karen's face mid retort, wow,

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Speaker 1: I'm standing there, dumbstruck. Dad is staring off in the distance. Slowly,

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Speaker 1: he says, what the fuck? If monkeys started climbing out

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Speaker 1: of his ass? I wouldn't have been more surprised. Dad

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Speaker 1: slowly turns around to see my eleven year old self

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Speaker 1: standing there with my mouth wide open. He gives me

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Speaker 1: a sheepish grin and says, don't tell your mother. He

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Speaker 1: took me out for dairy queen later on. And I've

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Speaker 1: been holding onto this for forty years. Forty years, forty years,

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Speaker 1: but I feel him laughing over my shoulder as I

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Speaker 1: write this. We love a beautiful ending.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, we love a beautiful but it's also beautiful too.

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Speaker 2: How Karen's just have existed throughout the ages, even forty

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Speaker 2: years ago. Karen's doing their thing, asking to ride your

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Speaker 2: horses and have you pay them.

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Speaker 5: That's great.

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Speaker 1: Also two dollars an hour, like forty years ago.

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Speaker 5: Bro, that's been my way, my.

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Speaker 2: God, getting away with murder.

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Speaker 1: Well, but you know, maybe maybe we're totally off base.

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Speaker 1: Maybe maybe Grandma Garett deserves around the horses. You can

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Speaker 1: tell us in the comments everything you thought about this story.

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Speaker 5: Maybe maybe that was a little bit of the a hole.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, maybe maybe let know see you next time.

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Speaker 2: Today, I affed.

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Speaker 3: Up by accidentally turning myself in from mana man.

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Speaker 2: But there's been a manner in this room.

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Speaker 4: Done it?

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Speaker 2: Do it? Okay? Op?

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Speaker 5: How do you accidentally do that?

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Speaker 2: Uh? You know, your your wife acting up and uh

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Speaker 2: then you're like, I want the estate to myself and

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Speaker 2: the butler's conveniently around the corner, pusher down the stairs,

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Speaker 2: right dead. And then you blame it on the butler. Right.

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Speaker 2: Your whole family comes and like, what the hell happened?

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Speaker 2: You're like, well, the butler did it, And the butler's like,

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Speaker 2: I did no such thing, missus. Theodore was my love

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Speaker 2: and my darling, and we had a secret affair for

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Speaker 2: forty three years. And then you're mad. You kill the butler. Ooh,

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Speaker 2: the butler dead down the stairs. The body of the

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Speaker 2: of your wife isn't even gone. Butler dead next to

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Speaker 2: the on top of the wife. Now suspicions mounting.

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Speaker 4: Wow.

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Speaker 2: Your family's like, okay, you must be the killer, the butler,

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Speaker 2: your wife. You're done. You throw yourself down the stairs. Wow.

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Speaker 2: Three for three stairs, three people zero, and then you

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Speaker 2: turn yourself in, turn yourself in dead ghosts.

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Speaker 1: I see, I was a ghost. He thought he was

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Speaker 1: going to McDonald's and he said.

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Speaker 5: I want a burger. He actually drove to the police

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Speaker 5: station and said I did a mad Oh sprat's not again.

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Speaker 2: No, my dyslexia strikes once more.

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Speaker 5: I thought police, said McDonald's.

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Speaker 2: This happened a few years ago. I was driving a

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Speaker 2: quiet residential neighborhood late at night, trying to get to

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Speaker 2: a friend's house. Everyone on the streets had their garbage

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Speaker 2: recycling bends out and one was knocked over with everything

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Speaker 2: spilling out. I tried to dodge it, but I felt

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Speaker 2: my car go over a bump. As I looked in

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Speaker 2: the rear view mirror, I see something that looks like

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Speaker 2: an animal. I immediately stop, and as soon as I

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Speaker 2: open the door, I am hit by the smell of

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Speaker 2: a skunk. Oh God, skunk smell is no good.

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Speaker 5: Have you smelled skunk before?

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Speaker 2: Have you not?

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Speaker 5: No? Do they not?

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Speaker 2: Do they have skunks in Florida?

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Speaker 1: Oh?

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Speaker 5: You know, I don't know if they do or don't.

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Speaker 5: But I've just evaded. I've evaded.

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Speaker 2: Well, I've like, I've like definitely, I mean a dozen times. Maybe, Wow,

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Speaker 2: that's a lot. Although although, all right, maybe I'm rewriting

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Speaker 2: some history right now, because is history. Yeah, Like my

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Speaker 2: parents whenever they would like smell skunk stuff, like, oh wow,

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Speaker 2: there's a skunk in the area again, But what if

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Speaker 2: it was just weed? Like some really like skunk weed.

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Speaker 1: And you because you have to talk in code, right,

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Speaker 1: you can't just say to your kid, like there's some marijuaa.

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Speaker 5: I guess weed you can kind of get away with.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, but my parents didn't want me to know

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Speaker 2: what weed. I was sheltered. They don't know what weed is.

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Speaker 2: Some skunk, Yeah, some skunk? Like how many times is

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Speaker 2: it actually a skunk? And how many times is it weed?

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Speaker 4: Dude?

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Speaker 2: Now like, no, no, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I time to go back into the timeline and they

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Speaker 1: scope all this out. Damn this whole whiteboard.

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Speaker 2: Wow, Like I'm just coming to that realization now, okay,

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Speaker 2: all right, anyway.

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Speaker 1: While sam reevaluates his entire childhood, he's going to tell

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Speaker 1: you the story.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, alright. I immediately stop, and as soon as I

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Speaker 2: open the door, I him hit by the smell of

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Speaker 2: a skunk. Once I confirm it's dead, I get back

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Speaker 2: in my car and start freaking out. I've never hit

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Speaker 2: anything before, and the idea that I just killed something

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Speaker 2: in what the blood hits me hard. I call my

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Speaker 2: friend to tell him I'll be a little bit late,

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Speaker 2: and as soon as he picks up, I start bawling

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Speaker 2: my eyes out. I try to tell him what happened

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Speaker 2: is best I can. While crying. My friend asks if

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Speaker 2: I want him to call someone, and I say yes,

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Speaker 2: I'm thinking he means the city or whoever you call

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Speaker 2: to report roadkill. I tell him exactly where I am,

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Speaker 2: and he tells me to stay put and he'll call

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Speaker 2: me right back.

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Speaker 1: Oh no, this guy is overreacting. He'd rain over a skunk.

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Speaker 2: It happens, It happens. You don't need to call anyone.

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Speaker 5: He's just bawling his eyes out. I don't know.

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Speaker 2: Less than ten minutes go by, and I hear sirens

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Speaker 2: shortly after, police pull him behind me. Ambulance and fire

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Speaker 2: arrive shortly after. Now it's close to one am and

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Speaker 2: people are starting to come out of their houses and

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Speaker 2: the street is packed. Police officers are telling me to

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Speaker 2: roll down my windows and look around my car. Paramedics

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Speaker 2: and firefighters are doing the same thing. Bear in mind

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Speaker 2: the horrendous smell they're all dealing with. They get to

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Speaker 2: my way and I'm still crying but extremely confused. So

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Speaker 2: I start to tell them what happened, and they came

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Speaker 2: and they keep asking where is he, where's the skunk?

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Speaker 2: Where's the body? I get out and point to the skunk,

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Speaker 2: and then all hell breaks God. They start yelling at me,

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Speaker 2: asking if I'm branking them and telling me I committed

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Speaker 2: a crime. Between their disparagement, I realized that they were

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Speaker 2: responding to a homicide.

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Speaker 1: You're telling me it wasn't like the president skunk that

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Speaker 1: he just imagined, like thea comes like you have killed

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Speaker 1: the President's secret skunk.

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Speaker 2: You are imagining it's like, you know, like how the

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Speaker 2: turkey gets pardoned by the government, like a skunk get

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Speaker 2: pardons by the government, and she just killed the pardon skunk. Dude, dude,

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Speaker 2: you can't kill a pardon skunk. Between their disparagements, I

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Speaker 2: realized they were spunning through a homicide. I called my

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Speaker 2: friend and realized that he thought I killed someone, and

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Speaker 2: so he goes and instantly calls the police like he

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Speaker 2: doesn't even like confirm the checked.

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Speaker 4: Dude, you're just.

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Speaker 2: Like, yo, my friend just killed someone, pick her up,

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Speaker 2: arrest her some friend. Dang some friend, bro.

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Speaker 5: Just get stitches, okay.

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Speaker 2: In my distress state, all he could make out was

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Speaker 2: oh my god, I hit him. He's dead, Oh my God,

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Speaker 2: and lots of crying and swearing. The mix up had

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Speaker 2: to be explained to everyone around, including the neighbors that

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Speaker 2: came outside. Police were pissed off and gave me a

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Speaker 2: very long lecture, but ultimately decided not to charge me

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Speaker 2: the kicker. One of the neighbors heard the story and

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Speaker 2: gave me an odd look and said, the skunk's been

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Speaker 2: there a few hours. They already left the message about it.

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Speaker 2: The bump was from the spilled recycling. The police get

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Speaker 2: mad again and eventually killed me to leave. So you

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Speaker 2: didn't even kill a skuk.

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Speaker 5: Wow.

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Speaker 2: All in all, it was a valuable learning experience to

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Speaker 2: text when I'm crying instead of calling.

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Speaker 1: You just can't you can't overreact that. I don't know,

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm sorry.

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Speaker 2: But it's a skunk, bro.

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Speaker 5: But also the friend, dude, honestly, friend, what is the friend?

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Speaker 2: I think the friend has it out for Opie, like

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Speaker 2: to all the police to say, yeah, my friend just

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Speaker 2: murdered someone, like without asking any.

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Speaker 1: If I called you in that like same fashion, like

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Speaker 1: what what would you do?

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Speaker 5: Would you call the police on me?

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Speaker 2: I would ask, like, what's actually going on?

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Speaker 5: What happened? Who is the person? What do you want

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Speaker 5: me to do?

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Speaker 1: Also, it's like I just killed like like it sounded

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Speaker 1: the friends.

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Speaker 5: I said, like, oh he's dead, He's dead. It's like

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Speaker 5: who's dead? Like what can you make out? Like what's Yeah,

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Speaker 5: what's the situation?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, give me more contacts? Right, he's dead police, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: Like I would ask you like what you wanted to do.

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Speaker 2: And then like also it's reported as a homicide. It's

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Speaker 2: not even like a hit and run or like a

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Speaker 2: like manslaughter, Like the friend is like, Yo, my friend

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Speaker 2: just murdered someone, not even like it was an accident,

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Speaker 2: like that friend has it out for you.

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Speaker 1: I wonder if I wonder if maybe it was a

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Speaker 1: game of telephone where it's like the person that killed

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Speaker 1: the skunk told him and there was like, oh, he

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Speaker 1: like he hit someone or something. And then that person

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Speaker 1: goes and calls the police and they're like, oh he

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Speaker 1: killed someone. Yeah, and then they came out with all

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Speaker 1: but yeah, you're right. The friend is suspicious.

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Speaker 2: Friend is suspicious. Friend does not have your best intentions

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Speaker 2: as heart, Leave him, Leave him,