Speaker 1: Hell I Suck At Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared
Speaker 1: and I heart radio podcast. Hello everyone, thank you for
Speaker 1: joining us on another episode of help by Suck At
Speaker 1: Dating as always Dean Angler joyed in studio by Jared. Hey,
Speaker 1: what's going on? Markie Wong? Yes, I missed you guys
Speaker 1: in Vegas. I wasn't part of that show. Hey Easton
Speaker 1: was there? Mark? Where were you? I go to as
Speaker 1: little as possible. I don't blame it, and so I
Speaker 1: skipped that one. I might have to go next year.
Speaker 1: I mean it was super fun, but it was a lot.
Speaker 1: Did I. I were just gonna say that right now.
Speaker 1: You missed a lot. We missed you out there. Thank you.
Speaker 1: Eastern and I recorded a podcast together on the festival
Speaker 1: grounds Saturday day stage, which was fantastic. I'm sure that
Speaker 1: everyone's probably listening to that podcast by now right. Uh, yeah,
Speaker 1: everyone's listening to It's not gonna see the light of day. Well,
Speaker 1: it's really loud out there. Well, just a Dean show.
Speaker 1: We'll put that one into the vault. No, it was
Speaker 1: the Dean Beccas show. It was I'm trying to get
Speaker 1: the powers that be to let us release a because
Speaker 1: actually was really good. I think the thing with that
Speaker 1: one was there was a live band playing a hundred
Speaker 1: yards away from us. Max was playing Lights down Low,
Speaker 1: not far from where we were recording. Max was phenomenal,
Speaker 1: But uh, yeah, great weekend in Vegas. I think hopefully
Speaker 1: you guys have listened to the last episode where we
Speaker 1: recorded exactly from the Vegas pool party with Jason and Blake.
Speaker 1: With Jason and Blake exactly, it was a good one.
Speaker 1: Was a lot of bro talk, a lot of bro talk,
Speaker 1: which is not necessarily something have or not something that
Speaker 1: we have often on this show. So it's nice to
Speaker 1: be able to kind of like speak candidly about our lives.
Speaker 1: But I think a lot of girls thought there are
Speaker 1: going to be very interested to hear Blake and Jason's
Speaker 1: perspective and how they're dating right now and what's going
Speaker 1: on with their lives. It's crazy because it changes so quickly,
Speaker 1: so so drastically and so quickly. You know, it's like
Speaker 1: they went from being already like attractive, good looking, desirable
Speaker 1: guys to then having the recognizability that you get coming
Speaker 1: off of the TV show, and it's like it's something
Speaker 1: you can really prepare yourself for and so it's always
Speaker 1: interesting to hear their input about what's changed for them personally.
Speaker 1: Do you remember the moment when your name got released. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was on my way to do blood work for
Speaker 1: Paradise and I was in the parking lot, and I
Speaker 1: remember my mom called me. It was like, ABC just
Speaker 1: released your guy's names for the Bachelor rete And it
Speaker 1: was one of the scariest moments of my life because
Speaker 1: a couple of hours later, the local Providence journal put
Speaker 1: um my picture up and said he's twenty six, his
Speaker 1: name is Jared uh He is a restaurant manager in Providence.
Speaker 1: Anything you know about him, please send this email. And
Speaker 1: I remember thinking like, oh, like, I wonder do I
Speaker 1: have enemies out there there? People are gonna like talk
Speaker 1: crap about me. What's about to happen in my life?
Speaker 1: And it was a super intimidating moment. I remember I
Speaker 1: was playing golf I think when our profiles got released,
Speaker 1: and one of the first text messages I got was
Speaker 1: from my college girlfriend, who I've discussed in brief on
Speaker 1: this podcast about how she was always kind of the
Speaker 1: one that got away whatever whatever. Within maybe twenty minutes
Speaker 1: of the profile was being released, I think it was
Speaker 1: on the eighth hole or something like that. She texts
Speaker 1: me a snapshot of my profile and saying, so it
Speaker 1: looks like you got over me. Huh kind of low.
Speaker 1: How long? How long? We did a year? A little
Speaker 1: over a year in college when I was nineteen, So
Speaker 1: we've been apart for seven years, okay, but like it's
Speaker 1: been like going like, yeah, there's it was. But it
Speaker 1: was just one of the first reactions that I had gotten. Like,
Speaker 1: obviously my friends and all that reacted and um, some
Speaker 1: of to your story. There was someone that worked for
Speaker 1: one of those news outlets like People E whatever, it
Speaker 1: was us Weekly that reached out to like fifty of
Speaker 1: my friends. And every single time that she reached out
Speaker 1: to one of my friends, they would obviously send me
Speaker 1: a screenshot and say like, Hey, this person is reaching
Speaker 1: out to me asking me questions about you, like hey,
Speaker 1: how do you know Dean, how is he as a person?
Speaker 1: Blah blah blah blah blah. And I was like, that's
Speaker 1: just really weird that people are asking my friends about
Speaker 1: me that don't know them. I remember being on Facebook
Speaker 1: and remembering the scene the first like thread about me,
Speaker 1: and it was like Jarard's on the Bachelor, and it
Speaker 1: was always people I knew from high school. It was
Speaker 1: so weird for people just to be talking about me
Speaker 1: without me involved in the conversation. That was as experience
Speaker 1: that I ever had about any type of my mind
Speaker 1: was mine was unique because I went on live TV
Speaker 1: right and so everyone and then I had I had
Speaker 1: no way of seeing the reaction afterwards because they still
Speaker 1: had they had my phone. I couldn't get on my
Speaker 1: email anything like that, and so I remember the first
Speaker 1: time that I was able to get on my Facebook
Speaker 1: page was just before my hometown. We were hungover. We're
Speaker 1: staying over in a hotel in Los Angeles before the hometowns,
Speaker 1: you know how that works. And I remember like at
Speaker 1: this point it was me in the final four, but
Speaker 1: like I was just accompanied by my one producer that
Speaker 1: I was working closely with, and so I was like, hey,
Speaker 1: like I'm gonna go down to the pool and just
Speaker 1: like relax for a little bit. She's like, all right, fine,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna stay up here. So obviously, like the first
Speaker 1: thing I did my first second of being alone in
Speaker 1: two months is I go to the computer, get on
Speaker 1: my Facebook page, and I see just like a hundred
Speaker 1: and fifty wall posts of Oh my god, I can't
Speaker 1: believe Dean did this and is on TV and said
Speaker 1: this to Rachel and now he's in a track to
Speaker 1: find love, and like people were like reaching out to
Speaker 1: my brother, and my brother was like saying funny stuff,
Speaker 1: like like complimentary and like encouraging stuff. But it was
Speaker 1: always just like you said, it's funny to see people
Speaker 1: talking about you without you being part of the conversation.
Speaker 1: I remember your opening line, yes, and what was your
Speaker 1: opening line again, which I think that we can all
Speaker 1: look back and laugh at now. But I think it's funny.
Speaker 1: I said, Rachel, I want to go black and never
Speaker 1: go back. Yeah. And then I think there's a lot
Speaker 1: of people that were like, is Dean racist? And then
Speaker 1: my brother came out and said, my brother is the
Speaker 1: nicest person in the world. I think him and Rachel
Speaker 1: would make an incredible couple together, because I think a
Speaker 1: lot of people were reaching out to my brother being like, hey,
Speaker 1: is your brother racist? And my brother is obviously like, oh,
Speaker 1: he's not hot, he's just he was joking the whole
Speaker 1: premise of the season. It was the first black lead
Speaker 1: on one of those shows that was a big deal,
Speaker 1: and I think, oh, you're doing is referencing that right
Speaker 1: that exactly. It's not like ABC wasn't referencing that. They
Speaker 1: sure were. One of the lines that I is a
Speaker 1: pet peeve of mine that I don't like is I
Speaker 1: don't see color. It's like, no, I see color. It's
Speaker 1: just how you treat everybody. You treat everybody equally as
Speaker 1: a human being, like I see color. So like just
Speaker 1: uh remark like that. I've always taken it's a joke
Speaker 1: and it's fine. But that was I remember now. I
Speaker 1: remember that was now, and it's all coming back to
Speaker 1: me seeing you on my TV and being like, that's right,
Speaker 1: like that before you even knew me, dude, I was
Speaker 1: loved man when I got to the limo. I don't
Speaker 1: know if you even want you your Superman shirt the
Speaker 1: other day and you said something about love man, and
Speaker 1: I was gonna text you and be like, what the
Speaker 1: hell is love man? Dean? I am love ben um.
Speaker 1: So when I got out of the limo, I had
Speaker 1: a shirt made for me, a blue shirt with like
Speaker 1: the Superman symbol, but instead of an S, it was
Speaker 1: an L for love man. And what I was you know,
Speaker 1: obviously it was a collaboration, you know, to come up
Speaker 1: with that idea to figure out what I was gonna
Speaker 1: do a limo, and somebody suggested maybe you should like
Speaker 1: jump out of the limo and rip your shirt open
Speaker 1: and run up to Brittain Caitlin and and say that
Speaker 1: your love man, and you're here to like rescue them
Speaker 1: from the other evil bachelors that are trying to steal
Speaker 1: their heart. And I was like, there is no I
Speaker 1: cannot do that. I can't come out of the gate
Speaker 1: so strong with your affection and infatuation with and just cheesiness.
Speaker 1: Well but that is kind of who you are, but
Speaker 1: you can't be like that. So what I ultimately did
Speaker 1: was walked out of the limo, introduced myself to both
Speaker 1: women and then said that I have this alter ego,
Speaker 1: I have this other side of me, and he represents
Speaker 1: um humility and care and love and support. And there
Speaker 1: it is. Eastern's bringing up a picture right now that
Speaker 1: was that that was in Providence, Rhode Island, that I
Speaker 1: filmed in front of the State House ums. That shirt
Speaker 1: was made at the side of the Providence placed mall
Speaker 1: on the stairs next to Prenaire bread on one of
Speaker 1: the producers on his hands and knees, coloring in this
Speaker 1: red heart over this white T shirt. Mind you, this
Speaker 1: was February, so it's like twenty degrees outside and I'm
Speaker 1: just in this T shirt and these gym shorts that
Speaker 1: they bought for me, which was apparently my superhero outfit. Um,
Speaker 1: and then that continued into the limo entrance as well,
Speaker 1: so cringing pretty harder. Dude, it was, Dude, is so bad.
Speaker 1: It was so bad. And I remember like I had
Speaker 1: unbuttoned my shirt and show them the l and I
Speaker 1: was like, I had the shirt made for me, thank god.
Speaker 1: Though in the opening they really just kind of like
Speaker 1: through that, and then it just everybody forgot about it.
Speaker 1: I think the whole, the whole, we started this conversation
Speaker 1: talking about Blake and Jason kind it's all about us, really,
Speaker 1: it's all about us. Well, guys, definitely check out Blake
Speaker 1: and Jason's podcast that we record in Vegas. But I
Speaker 1: guess the point that we were making was because you
Speaker 1: said when you when you were announced, you were getting
Speaker 1: your blood work done for Paradise. Yeah, and they obviously
Speaker 1: did not go to Paradise. So I think which almost helps, uh,
Speaker 1: kind of like what's the word I'm looking for, Like
Speaker 1: when you into the world a little bit better because
Speaker 1: when you go to Paradise, as you know, your first season,
Speaker 1: you're in Paradise all your season is airing, and so
Speaker 1: you don't necessarily fully grasp the idea of how it
Speaker 1: all works, at least I didn't personally, um, And so
Speaker 1: it's nice for them they can kind of, you know,
Speaker 1: enjoy it for the next year. You know, maybe you
Speaker 1: want to be the Bachelor, maybe you want to go
Speaker 1: to Paradise, but at that point they'll have at least
Speaker 1: lived it and enjoyed it and kind of know what
Speaker 1: to expect more forward. It's also interesting for the audience
Speaker 1: because it's probably a lot of people don't know this,
Speaker 1: but you don't get to watch your season of The
Speaker 1: Bachelorette before you go on Paradise. Like for the girls
Speaker 1: going to Paradise, they've seen their entire season to the
Speaker 1: Bachelor's unfair. I've talked about this before. I think, do
Speaker 1: you think it helps or hurts the guys to not
Speaker 1: see themselves what the audience reaction is towards them hurts
Speaker 1: for But I also do think that some guys manifest
Speaker 1: this not edit, but like, if you come across as
Speaker 1: the nicest guy alive on TV, then all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: you're gonna try to cater to that and not be yourself.
Speaker 1: I absolutely with that. And then reversal, if you come
Speaker 1: off like a douche, you're gonna do everything you can
Speaker 1: to try to shake that. You think, probably why not
Speaker 1: unless you really just want to own it like some
Speaker 1: guys have in the past. I guess there are people
Speaker 1: that have gone in, been edited certainly way come out
Speaker 1: and then just embody that lifestyle moving forward. But I
Speaker 1: definitely think that. I think I was talking to Christine
Speaker 1: about this because it's like you go on the Bachelor
Speaker 1: and then you have like five months off until paradise,
Speaker 1: and as going on the Bachelorette, you film it boom
Speaker 1: quickly two or three week break paradise, and it's like
Speaker 1: a lot to like even just process emotionally. And then
Speaker 1: on top of that, you also don't understand exactly how
Speaker 1: the public is going to like perceive you unless your
Speaker 1: grocery store Joe and then you go home night one,
Speaker 1: but you're still just an absolute rock star. Sure, because
Speaker 1: most of the people that are memorable from the Bachelorette
Speaker 1: are usually you know, top six, so he's definitely an anomaly.
Speaker 1: For sure, you don't get to see your entire bachelorette
Speaker 1: experience before you go to Paradise, but grocery store, that's
Speaker 1: a great point. I got to see that. I will
Speaker 1: say I thought that I was going to be I
Speaker 1: didn't think that I was gonna be very well received
Speaker 1: by everyone. Why did you think that? I just had
Speaker 1: no idea, Like I was like, okay, like their goal
Speaker 1: is to make us all look bad. Um, I had
Speaker 1: honestly no idea. And then even like my hometown, I
Speaker 1: was like, it was the weirdest hometown ever. Like they're
Speaker 1: gonna do whatever they can to make it look as
Speaker 1: bad off for me as possible. I felt like, but
Speaker 1: obviously they didn't necessarily In like my first one on
Speaker 1: one when I opened up about my whole experience and stuff,
Speaker 1: I was like, Oh, everyone's gonna give me crap for that,
Speaker 1: But I mean, obviously not so much the case. So
Speaker 1: so it's like, even if you go into Paradise with
Speaker 1: an idea, you never fully know. So, like I said,
Speaker 1: Jason and Blake, if they decided to Paradise or if
Speaker 1: one's the Bachelor, at some point, like they'll have lived
Speaker 1: out their airtime on TV and fully really know what
Speaker 1: they're going into a second time instead of just kind
Speaker 1: of going and blind and like an understanding of how
Speaker 1: it works, but not how it's going to be received.
Speaker 1: That's my take on it. And so, yeah, so like
Speaker 1: to hear about how their dating life is going now
Speaker 1: outside of the show is a unique experience because, like
Speaker 1: you said, you went to Paradise immediately following I don't
Speaker 1: remember how your first Paradise went. Did you didn't leave
Speaker 1: in a relationship, did you? No? No? No, No No? I
Speaker 1: left alone, So I was there for it was pretty
Speaker 1: much probably the same dude I left the day before
Speaker 1: the road ceremony going into was that the controversial one
Speaker 1: of U Kayla? And actually was so who did you?
Speaker 1: I don't alone? No, I didn't have. I only was
Speaker 1: with Ashley, really, and then I want to date with Claire.
Speaker 1: There's other girl there, Um right, that's right, Yeah, of
Speaker 1: course you know Claire. Claire's great, she's a sweetheart. Um.
Speaker 1: On Paradise season two, it was really just Ashley and I.
Speaker 1: And then that's why we became really good friends during filming,
Speaker 1: but not into a relationship. And then I left by myself,
Speaker 1: and then Ashley left the next day. But you weren't
Speaker 1: dating actually after the show or anything like that. No,
Speaker 1: no, no no, we started becoming close in October of that
Speaker 1: year are are We had a charity event together and
Speaker 1: then I saw her and we started hanging out. And
Speaker 1: then that's when we become you know, it started. I
Speaker 1: started realizing that we were going to become close in
Speaker 1: one way or another. I guess my experience with it
Speaker 1: was I went off Paradise and and I continued to
Speaker 1: date from Paradise, you know what I mean. So it's
Speaker 1: like I didn't necessarily come off the show. I came
Speaker 1: off the show The Bachelorette more single than ever. This
Speaker 1: actually brings up a question of mine that I wanted
Speaker 1: to ask you. Within relationships. You said that you continue
Speaker 1: dating right afterwards, not even your personal experience, but just dating.
Speaker 1: Anybody listening and can relate to this. If you're in
Speaker 1: a relationship that's not going well, do you advocate taking
Speaker 1: a break and cutting off communication or do you advocate
Speaker 1: trying to fight through it and continue dating that person?
Speaker 1: I think, because like I heard a story yesterday where
Speaker 1: this girl's dating this guy. They they've been on and
Speaker 1: off for three years. It's not really going that well
Speaker 1: right now, but they're best friends. They lived together, and
Speaker 1: I was saying, you know, sometimes the best thing is
Speaker 1: really caught off communication and figure out if you can
Speaker 1: live without this person, because a lot of times, you know,
Speaker 1: you take a break from somebody and then you realize,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I can't live without this. Everything that
Speaker 1: I was complaining about I overrated in my head because
Speaker 1: it's so small compared to my life without you. I
Speaker 1: think relationships are like farts. If you have to force it,
Speaker 1: it's probably and an on and off again, an on
Speaker 1: and off again relationship after three years, it sounds like
Speaker 1: you're about to your pants. So you would advocate cutting
Speaker 1: off all communication. In my opinion, it's there are definitely
Speaker 1: certain circumstances where you become rare reliant on each other,
Speaker 1: and that's important. But in my opinion, it's like relationships
Speaker 1: do take work, and then is necessary to put work
Speaker 1: into them, but it's not constant. If like, if you're
Speaker 1: constantly like having to remind yourself how important relationship is,
Speaker 1: and maybe it just isn't meant to be. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: would also say I I jump off that. Sure it
Speaker 1: may not meant to be, but I think you really
Speaker 1: it's I don't think you can know that until you
Speaker 1: let it go, if that makes any sense. For example,
Speaker 1: I think I heard something about like Justin bal They
Speaker 1: were dating for like three years and then they broke up,
Speaker 1: and then two months later, Justin was like, I cannot
Speaker 1: live my life without you, which apparently is what mirrors
Speaker 1: is all about. Like Jessica Biel is his mirror, Like
Speaker 1: he can't just not look at himself without seeing her.
Speaker 1: I don't know what, but actually we should bring the
Speaker 1: guest here, all right, hold on one second before we
Speaker 1: get to Lacy. I want to talk about something that's
Speaker 1: very close to my heart right now, because I actually
Speaker 1: just watched the creed To trailer and it made me
Speaker 1: really want to get back into the gym because I
Speaker 1: saw um Michael be joining with the shirt off and
Speaker 1: realized that I really need to start working out again.
Speaker 1: So what I've been doing, and Dean, you've been talking
Speaker 1: about this a lot as well, is beach Body on Demand. Now,
Speaker 1: you guys, you've heard us talking about beach Body on
Speaker 1: Demand for a while have you gotten your free trial yet?
Speaker 1: Because listen, it has the history of success. This is
Speaker 1: the company behind pet Insanity, one Day Fix. You have
Speaker 1: the Hip Hop Abs, which is Dean's favorite obviously, the
Speaker 1: three week Yoga Retreat, which is my favorite. You guys
Speaker 1: have celebrity trainers on there, like Shanty We've talked about
Speaker 1: all the time, but also I love Autumn Calabres and
Speaker 1: now she's the one behind the twenty one day Fixed,
Speaker 1: which I kind of currently need. You guys might not
Speaker 1: know this or not, and we mentioned it a little bit,
Speaker 1: but I'm actually doing chipping Dale's in early December. Tory,
Speaker 1: how do you feel that as a female actually is
Speaker 1: not here you would you want your significant other being
Speaker 1: shipping deals even if you're in the audience. I think
Speaker 1: it's all about like personality for me, Like if you're
Speaker 1: going and being like the sexiest man ever, it's like
Speaker 1: you can you need that confidence, but like I wanted
Speaker 1: to also be like fun, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Like if you're going in and being oh, totally I'm
Speaker 1: not going in trying to be sexy. I'm totally going Yeah,
Speaker 1: That's where I would like if he was like dead serious,
Speaker 1: being like I'm going to be the best of my career.
Speaker 1: This is my life, is my identity. I'd be like, okay,
Speaker 1: maybe like you're have a great body. No, I don't
Speaker 1: plan on waxing my chest or anything like that, but
Speaker 1: I do want to get a dance routine going and
Speaker 1: like gray tan to uh you know, I've actually gone
Speaker 1: back and forth about a spray tan because I don't
Speaker 1: want to be, you know, rip off my shirt and
Speaker 1: have everybody be blinded by bad paleness. But they can
Speaker 1: add ads. Well, apparently it's like more like baby a right,
Speaker 1: ads like an extra line. I got that from neighbors too.
Speaker 1: That's what zach Efron said, So it's gotta be true obviously. Well,
Speaker 1: beach Bondy on Demand, I'm definitely doing for that. But also,
Speaker 1: Beach Bondy on Demand doesn't do just workouts. They do well.
Speaker 1: They do a lot of different fitness level stuff. They
Speaker 1: go bodybuilding, they do weight training, they do cardio, and
Speaker 1: guess what they do dance workouts, which is exactly what
Speaker 1: I need right now. I need some like Backstreet Poison
Speaker 1: in sync in my life. The good thing about Beach
Speaker 1: Body and Demand is you can pretty much schedule your
Speaker 1: workout whenever you want. You could be as short as
Speaker 1: ten minutes, it could be the long as two hours.
Speaker 1: You don't need any extra equipment. Um and it takes
Speaker 1: way less time than driving to the gym, especially in
Speaker 1: this l a traffic parking than walking in That takes
Speaker 1: me like forty five minutes alone to drive to a
Speaker 1: gym and get in there. You lose a validation ticket.
Speaker 1: That's exactly you got a parking ticket because you're tired
Speaker 1: of looking for parkeet spots, so you just take a risk.
Speaker 1: That's the worst. I hate parking tickets. A little bit
Speaker 1: of my soul dies each time I do. UM. So listen, guys,
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Speaker 1: have a Lacey Green who is a YouTube sex sperked
Speaker 1: is what I'm gonna label her as. She's also um,
Speaker 1: very heavy and women's rights, uh strong, feminist, all that
Speaker 1: kind of stuff. I've seen a couple of YouTube videos.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you guys have as well. They're
Speaker 1: they're definitely very interesting. I have, like I think the
Speaker 1: one that I was watching before I came here was
Speaker 1: what was it? It was like eight tips for having
Speaker 1: great sex, and I was like listening to it in
Speaker 1: my house and I was like tips to just use
Speaker 1: the tips and I was like, I was like listening
Speaker 1: to my house, and I was like, I kind of
Speaker 1: put my roommates aren't here, because if they hear me
Speaker 1: listening to this, they're gonna be like, Dean is probably
Speaker 1: sucks at sex via YouTube video. Just you know, you're
Speaker 1: just gaining knowledge in that world. So everyone please give
Speaker 1: a Lacey Green a warm welcome. How are you hey, Lacy?
Speaker 1: How are you very good? Thank you so much for
Speaker 1: joining us. Yeah, happy to be here. Yeah, So, like
Speaker 1: I was just saying, I was just watching some of
Speaker 1: your YouTube videos before coming in, and they're interesting, Like,
Speaker 1: there's definitely a lot to be learned from them. I
Speaker 1: think that they range from being like opinionated subjective things
Speaker 1: to obviously very objective, like these are not just opinions,
Speaker 1: these are facts of matter, which is great. Yeah, there's
Speaker 1: a little grab bag in there. Right, When did you
Speaker 1: watch the fact ones? I watched your like most three
Speaker 1: highly viewed ones. It was help me pull them up.
Speaker 1: It was one of them was like the herpie talk,
Speaker 1: which again is more objective than singular herpie just the
Speaker 1: one um. One of them was eight tips to having
Speaker 1: better sex or something like that. Right, that sounds about right.
Speaker 1: And then what's your most popular one? Has like six
Speaker 1: million views on YouTube? Well, last I checked, it was
Speaker 1: there was one about nudism that was really popular, but
Speaker 1: I haven't actually checked for a while, so I don't know.
Speaker 1: So lets tell us a little bit about yourself, Like
Speaker 1: where did you get started? How did you start this
Speaker 1: YouTube channel? Uh? Well, the long story short is that
Speaker 1: I was raised really religious and did not talk about
Speaker 1: sex or anything like that. And this was around the
Speaker 1: time that YouTube became a thing, and um started making
Speaker 1: videos trying to talk to other teenagers about sexuality and
Speaker 1: eventually decided to become a sex educator. And then came
Speaker 1: the Herpie video. Then came the Herpie video. Social media
Speaker 1: was a mistake was one that I watched as well,
Speaker 1: But that was more. That was one of your more
Speaker 1: recent ones. I'm sorry, I was gonna say, so, how
Speaker 1: did you become a sex professional? A professional? Well? Yeah,
Speaker 1: you said, and what did you describe yourself as a
Speaker 1: sex educator? Is professional? Though those are both pretty good,
Speaker 1: I'm not I thought you're a sexpert, which I'm sure
Speaker 1: you've gotten before. To have gotten that, Yeah, I honestly
Speaker 1: don't like the expert thing because I feel like, what
Speaker 1: does that even mean to be an expert at sex stuff?
Speaker 1: But can there be an expert at sex stuff? In
Speaker 1: your opinion how to help it? Got to go with yes, okay,
Speaker 1: but but it depends on who the person is. You
Speaker 1: can be an expert with a particular person, right, like
Speaker 1: you know your partner so well of course that you're
Speaker 1: just an expert on it. But I don't think like
Speaker 1: the world of sex has experts because there's so much sexuality.
Speaker 1: Don't think there's one person that single sex expert in
Speaker 1: the world. Okay, I agree with you, there's definitely not
Speaker 1: yea what Okay? So I just figured out it was consent.
Speaker 1: It was the herpie talk, and then it was the
Speaker 1: eight ways to make a woman orgasm or the three
Speaker 1: and I am so much more educated because those are
Speaker 1: the only ones you need. Right. I don't know what
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be able to put them for the work
Speaker 1: to the test, but I'm looking forward to it. Well,
Speaker 1: I'm going to need an update with that it goes, So,
Speaker 1: I see, what do you think the most important part
Speaker 1: of sex is? Um? I think communication. You know a
Speaker 1: lot of people talk about how important it is to communicate.
Speaker 1: I think there's a lot of communicating about communicating, but
Speaker 1: people don't actually do it. They don't actually talk about it.
Speaker 1: It's hard. People don't really have the language. So you're
Speaker 1: saying that people talk about communicating, but then they actually
Speaker 1: just don't fall through with it, right, Like everyone says, oh,
Speaker 1: you know, I think it's really important to have open
Speaker 1: communication in our relationship, but then you know everyone's like
Speaker 1: ghosting and being weird, and it's like, this is what
Speaker 1: everyone's Everyone understands it's important, but I think actually doing
Speaker 1: is rarer. Well, I'm I'm pertaining just with sex, not
Speaker 1: just relationship. I think she's I'm talking about second Yeah, totally, yeah,
Speaker 1: because how else do you know how to turn your
Speaker 1: partner on? Or of course, so would that be like
Speaker 1: a good example of a nice question to start off with,
Speaker 1: not start off with, but once you get into it
Speaker 1: with your partner, to be like, what do you like?
Speaker 1: And then to express what you like as well. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think asking someone what feels good and just kind
Speaker 1: of like taking some time to explore and get to
Speaker 1: know their body and get to know, you know, pay
Speaker 1: attention to their reactions to things, take it slow, just
Speaker 1: kind of you know, do some exploring and figure it
Speaker 1: out what works for them and take it from there.
Speaker 1: Sometimes people don't know what they like until you try it,
Speaker 1: you know, so you can ask someone and that can
Speaker 1: be valuable, especially if you're a little older and more experienced.
Speaker 1: But I think it helps to just kind of figure
Speaker 1: it out together too. I mean, that was one of
Speaker 1: the things that I was watching your videos and I
Speaker 1: was like, well, that just seems awkward to me that
Speaker 1: I was going to ask that. I feel like a
Speaker 1: lot of guys are probably a little awkward and in
Speaker 1: saying what they do like and and conversely asking what
Speaker 1: a girl likes, because I if I had to bet,
Speaker 1: I bet a lot of guys would feel like, no,
Speaker 1: I know what I'm doing. I know how to please you,
Speaker 1: so like, I don't need you to tell me what
Speaker 1: you like because you're gonna like this, what's that toxic
Speaker 1: masculine that you've talked about before? Total? But I think
Speaker 1: in that consent video you say something along the lines of,
Speaker 1: um oh, I just had the strain of thought and
Speaker 1: I can't remember what it is, but I remember I
Speaker 1: was watching it and I agree with so much of it.
Speaker 1: But then I was like, well, how do you continue
Speaker 1: to keep the mood passionate? I guess in a sense
Speaker 1: while you're also kind of like breaking it up with
Speaker 1: questions that with the consent stuff, well as so much
Speaker 1: with the consent and stuff, but just in general like communication. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but that's it's just dirty talk, yeah, which I'm admittedly
Speaker 1: horror like, not a big advocate. I'm at it. I'm
Speaker 1: not interested in it be and I don't know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but that's fair enough for me I think of it.
Speaker 1: I think it's less awkward or weird when you think
Speaker 1: of it as dirty talk. And also it's okay, it's
Speaker 1: a little awkward at first that you're just getting to
Speaker 1: know so one, you know, and getting to know what
Speaker 1: they like and trying to figure out what the boundaries
Speaker 1: are here, and maybe it's like a little bit uncomfortable
Speaker 1: at first, but it'll be fine. I've just started to
Speaker 1: open up with like moans and grunts, but I've never
Speaker 1: once had like an English word. Okay, really starting at
Speaker 1: the beginning, I'm working up to it. Okay, do you
Speaker 1: start laughing if dirty talk starts occurring? Snicker under your breath,
Speaker 1: because like it's just it's kind of like an eye
Speaker 1: roll thing for me, where like someone tries talking dirty
Speaker 1: to me. I'm like, okay, let's let's bring ourselves back
Speaker 1: down to earth for a second here. Sure, Well, there's
Speaker 1: different kinds, right There's like the porty dirty talk, and
Speaker 1: then there's the let's talk about sex right now without
Speaker 1: it being weird and clinical dirty talk. So I feel
Speaker 1: like there's maybe different type. You give us an example
Speaker 1: of weird and clinical. Um, do you need more lubrication? Yeah?
Speaker 1: You know no, but I mean yes kind of do
Speaker 1: you need more lubrications you can make it dirty like
Speaker 1: the lube. Interesting what I was gonna say, Oh, because
Speaker 1: you brought up porn, do you think porns are in
Speaker 1: sex ruined sex? It's like a strong statement. It is
Speaker 1: a strong statement, but I think a lot of people
Speaker 1: would argue it really Russell Russell brand is very against porn.
Speaker 1: I think that we are seeing like a moment right
Speaker 1: now are people are rethinking porn, Like it became super
Speaker 1: popular because of the Internet, and now it's so pervasive
Speaker 1: that nine year olds it's like the average age the
Speaker 1: kids are seeing it. Not really Yeah, it's like a
Speaker 1: little much right in porn, Like just it's escalated. I
Speaker 1: feel like I don't think that's it's ruined sex necessarily,
Speaker 1: but it's definitely changed how people think about sex and
Speaker 1: has maybe made people worse at having sex because they
Speaker 1: just follow porn and porn sex is bad. It's like, well,
Speaker 1: it's just very down to the point, you know, it's
Speaker 1: like very formulate. I think one thing that porn has
Speaker 1: definitely ruined in terms in the in the sex world
Speaker 1: is when a guy watches porn, he watches it until
Speaker 1: he gets what he needs to get from it. And
Speaker 1: when a guy, when you carry that same thought process
Speaker 1: over to sex with your partner, I don't think that's
Speaker 1: necessarily a successful way to go about you know, that's
Speaker 1: a very unsuccessful way. I mean, I hear about it
Speaker 1: from their girlfriends then email me like, my boyfriend won't
Speaker 1: get me off. He thinks sex ends when he's done. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and that's a really common thing. I think that started
Speaker 1: before porn though you think, Yeah, I think we just
Speaker 1: sort of think of sex like like having sex through
Speaker 1: a really male perspective. Yeah, no, I agree. And I
Speaker 1: also think that porn has like, like you said, nine
Speaker 1: year olds are seeing naked women now, yeah, and so
Speaker 1: by the time they become twenty, they're like, yeah, I've
Speaker 1: seen this plenty of times. Like there's actually I was
Speaker 1: reading an article about this non epidemic. That's the dramatic.
Speaker 1: I don't think that's a necessarily bad thing at all.
Speaker 1: What I'm saying is, though, no guys are choosing to
Speaker 1: watch porn over having sex with women. Yeah, that's happening.
Speaker 1: I don't know how widespread it is, but I definitely
Speaker 1: hear from guys who preferred to just stay home and masturbate.
Speaker 1: That is cold be a safer way of going about things.
Speaker 1: It is, but it's also no sexual deviance thrown and
Speaker 1: around might be ruining the human spirit. Yeah, you know
Speaker 1: there there was a study that was reading the other
Speaker 1: day about how our age group is having less sex
Speaker 1: than any generation in sixty years. Wow, why do you
Speaker 1: think that is? Well, you know, I was asking about
Speaker 1: that on Twitter and people are like, well, it's got
Speaker 1: to be the porn, right, and they it isn't actually
Speaker 1: the porn. They think it's related to some mixture of stress,
Speaker 1: like the economic situation right now and antidepressants, a lot
Speaker 1: of people using antidepressants. Well, there's actually a really interesting
Speaker 1: video that I watched on YouTube not too long ago
Speaker 1: about this, and I'm going to butcher the information that
Speaker 1: was given in it. But as the world progresses and evolves,
Speaker 1: because our society is now like first world and there's
Speaker 1: more progressive first world societies, that inherently means that they're
Speaker 1: gonna be less children being born when before if if
Speaker 1: you have six kids, for them are probably gonna die,
Speaker 1: which means you need to have more kids to continue
Speaker 1: to live your let your family. Yeah, totally like we
Speaker 1: have more success with our off spirits. But and like,
Speaker 1: obviously that doesn't carry over to everyone, but generally, like
Speaker 1: as that's blanketed over the entire nation or group of people,
Speaker 1: then it kind of is like, Okay, we have to
Speaker 1: have less kids to let them all live. Then we
Speaker 1: don't need a birth six to seven children, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean? Yeah, it's okay to have Maybe it's
Speaker 1: okay to have less sex and fewer babies. Maybe that's
Speaker 1: what I'm making Maybe it's I'm thinking of less babies
Speaker 1: and not less sex, which I'm sure it's different less
Speaker 1: babies I would agree with that. Is it also the
Speaker 1: case that because all of the communication with young people
Speaker 1: today is being done texting and through social media and
Speaker 1: and looking at porn, they don't really know how to
Speaker 1: interact with each other, and therefore they're not able to
Speaker 1: close the deal one way or the other. Not only
Speaker 1: do they not know how to, there's no need to.
Speaker 1: You're communicating online and having virtual sex online. What is
Speaker 1: the point of going out and trying to meet a
Speaker 1: girl because then you can just it's beels better. Of
Speaker 1: course it does. But to a lot of these kids
Speaker 1: that have grown up with this internet age, it's just
Speaker 1: the way life is, and it feels really good it. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think that as they get older, though, people realize
Speaker 1: that there is so much that you get from a
Speaker 1: relationship and from sex with real people that you care about.
Speaker 1: I'm curious though, because I wonder because usually, especially now
Speaker 1: in this age, you know, men and women are going
Speaker 1: through their formative years discovering this. I wonder if it's
Speaker 1: going to be impactful when they do get older in
Speaker 1: their mid to late twenties, and like Mark said, he's
Speaker 1: they're like, I don't know what to do. What are
Speaker 1: you talking about? I think that's already happening with Look
Speaker 1: at online dating. It's an absolute mess. People cannot navigate
Speaker 1: that stuff. It's really do you help give advice on
Speaker 1: online dating? Yeah, all the time, because people the problem
Speaker 1: is the culture, like all everyone together is so bad
Speaker 1: that it's not really something that you can just tell
Speaker 1: one person, like here's what you need to change. It's
Speaker 1: acceptable to ghost people. It's acceptable to be like weird
Speaker 1: and creepy and pervy and harass e because they're not
Speaker 1: real any consequences. Yeah, Or to just treat someone as
Speaker 1: like a hook up, like you know, I'm here to
Speaker 1: just have sex and you know, call it quits without
Speaker 1: actually communicating that to the other persons. You have different expectations.
Speaker 1: It's just all kinds of stuff that's coming up because
Speaker 1: of the Internet. Yeah, there was somebody actually on the
Speaker 1: help I Suck a dating Facebook group which if you're
Speaker 1: not on you should join immediately, um that talks about that,
Speaker 1: And he was asking advice about online dating and he
Speaker 1: said that he just can't get dates right now, and
Speaker 1: you know, he feels like it's a good looking guy
Speaker 1: and the profile picture is good, and he spent time
Speaker 1: on his bio and he was asking, like, what can
Speaker 1: I do? And so I think, like you said, it's
Speaker 1: not so much him, it's more so of the culture
Speaker 1: of online dating. While I advocate it, there is certain
Speaker 1: negatives to it, which are what you just listed. That
Speaker 1: is acceptable to ghost people. It is acceptable to just
Speaker 1: treat it as well. This is just more of a
Speaker 1: hook up thing rather than an actually sex, dehumanizing sex exactly,
Speaker 1: which is what I was trying to refer to earlier
Speaker 1: when we were talking about porn, because I think porn
Speaker 1: has dehumanized sex. Yeah, I would agree. I wanted to
Speaker 1: talk about antidepressants for a second, because you brought that
Speaker 1: up in terms of I forget boring people's sex drives,
Speaker 1: so contributing to people to our generation having less sex.
Speaker 1: And it's a proven scientific that, well, it's one of
Speaker 1: the bigger, more supportive theories, is that so many people
Speaker 1: are on antidepressants, and antidepressants usually kill your sex drive.
Speaker 1: It's same with birth control. You know, hormonal birth control
Speaker 1: pills can do that as well. So there's all these
Speaker 1: hormonal things that we're putting in our bodies that are
Speaker 1: changing the way we experienced sex totally in our society
Speaker 1: has never been more medicated, so especially with antidepressants exactly. So,
Speaker 1: and do you think that there's anything that can be
Speaker 1: done with that, because I'm not sure. Well, you know,
Speaker 1: as someone who's used antidepressants before, my suggestion is make
Speaker 1: sure that there's no you've exhausted all of your options
Speaker 1: of things that you can do to maintain your mental
Speaker 1: health before taking something that's going to bring this whole
Speaker 1: host of other side effects in that may cause more problems,
Speaker 1: but sometimes it's unavoidable, and you know, indidepressants can be
Speaker 1: a lifesaver. So do you feel like we we ignore
Speaker 1: our visceral kind of needs often and once you kind
Speaker 1: of tap back into those, it can kind of help
Speaker 1: boost your sex drive again. And I think to your
Speaker 1: point earlier, like not too long ago, I was super
Speaker 1: stressed out and had incorredit like extreme amounts of anxiety
Speaker 1: that I knows myself, Like I just was unmotivated to
Speaker 1: go out and even meet anyone. My sex drive was
Speaker 1: completely diminished. But like if you, I don't know personally,
Speaker 1: if you go back and like just reacquaint yourself with
Speaker 1: being outside and like the things that we evolved doing,
Speaker 1: you know, like being outside taking in sunlight. So often
Speaker 1: people wake up, go to go to work all day,
Speaker 1: get home and sit on the couch and like they
Speaker 1: have no exposure to sunlight. And it's just like like
Speaker 1: small things like that I think, in my opinion, can
Speaker 1: make a big difference that they're moving forward, like the
Speaker 1: big picture of health. You know, I'm taking care of
Speaker 1: every other aspect of my health as well, and that
Speaker 1: makes it easier to want to have sex. The gym,
Speaker 1: I think that's real, yeah, and working out and taking
Speaker 1: care of yourself, and I think people forget that, and
Speaker 1: I think that's kind of the routine of life that
Speaker 1: becomes so difficult when people say time passes, you buy
Speaker 1: so quickly. I think because like you said, Dean, it
Speaker 1: is go to my job, I come home, I cook
Speaker 1: from my kids, I go to bed, and I do
Speaker 1: the same thing, you know, Monday through Friday and then
Speaker 1: Saturday Sunday. So busy. I just forget to even take
Speaker 1: five minutes for myself. So I think it is very
Speaker 1: important for people out there to really, like you said, Dean,
Speaker 1: live in the moment. Make sure you're even if it's
Speaker 1: for five minutes, be present, go outside, do something that
Speaker 1: you normally wouldn't do. Um, because it really can increase
Speaker 1: a lot of health in your life, not just physical health,
Speaker 1: but emotional health and mental health. Can you tell us
Speaker 1: more about this book you have coming out. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: a sex book. It is out and yeah, oh it
Speaker 1: came out last week September two, actually came out today.
Speaker 1: Well congratulations. Yeah. So what's the book called. It's called
Speaker 1: Sex Plus and it's kind of like an a to
Speaker 1: z of all things sex for younger people and older people,
Speaker 1: um and kind of figuring out how to have a
Speaker 1: great sex life. I would say, you know, there's lots
Speaker 1: of different, um things to think about when it comes
Speaker 1: to that, your body image obviously, your health and safety,
Speaker 1: your mental health, things like that. But do you know,
Speaker 1: like what's going on with your body and what feels
Speaker 1: good and how to maximize your nerve endings? Uh, I'm
Speaker 1: trying to think of a nice clean way to say that. Um,
Speaker 1: do you know how to in a way that feels good?
Speaker 1: There we go, There we go. It's what I like
Speaker 1: it out that feels good for me? What about your partner? Though,
Speaker 1: everyone's got to be feeling good, all two, three, four
Speaker 1: people are. However, I do agree with that a lot.
Speaker 1: So give us maybe like a snippet of the book.
Speaker 1: Exactly is it like kind of those three segments? Is
Speaker 1: a mental, physical and self love? Or like? Um? Well,
Speaker 1: it was partially written to be just sex said like
Speaker 1: the things you should have learned in school, and partially
Speaker 1: written to be like things you're not going to learn
Speaker 1: in school about sex and pleasure and what feels good?
Speaker 1: Orgasm ng, how to have an orgasm? How to give
Speaker 1: a partner an orgasm? How to talk about sex? You know?
Speaker 1: Language words? Those English words you're grasping for cuts, ideas, struggle, Yeah,
Speaker 1: what are some of the words I'm curious. Um, you know,
Speaker 1: I feel like you should just read the chapter. It
Speaker 1: does always baffle me when I'll meet a woman late
Speaker 1: twenties or however old race, some a woman that's been
Speaker 1: sexually active in her life that says that she's never
Speaker 1: had an orgasm. Because I feel like it's more and
Speaker 1: more prevalent now, it's more common in thin it blows
Speaker 1: my mind, Like and even like if I'm not a
Speaker 1: sexual partner with them and they're just like having a
Speaker 1: kind of conversation with me, I'm just like sitting there
Speaker 1: and thinking, like, how have you gone this long without
Speaker 1: having that experience? And maybe they are experiencing it and
Speaker 1: not realizing it because I don't everyone EXPERI is them differently,
Speaker 1: that is true. But I feel like when you come,
Speaker 1: you know, so if she's saying she hasn't an orgasm,
Speaker 1: she probably hasn't. UM. But yeah, a lot of women don't. Really,
Speaker 1: we don't talk about women's pleasure, Like even in a
Speaker 1: sex said class, you know, they're talking about your vagina
Speaker 1: and like giving birth. It's not like pleasure based. We
Speaker 1: don't talk about pleasure, and especially for women, it's very taboo.
Speaker 1: So the way we think about sex is through that
Speaker 1: male lens, like sex ends when he's done. Then I
Speaker 1: think women think about themselves in terms of how can
Speaker 1: I make my my man feel good instead of like
Speaker 1: what feels good for me? I want to change? Well,
Speaker 1: come on, I was a joke. What about what about?
Speaker 1: What about self love? And yeah, well that's also scary
Speaker 1: for a lot of women. Like where I grew up,
Speaker 1: you weren't. It was very taboo. You don't do that,
Speaker 1: Like girls don't do that. It's gross, Like that's something
Speaker 1: that ikey boys do. And I know so many young
Speaker 1: women who do not master your bait. I feel like
Speaker 1: they're not supposed to. Yeah, because it's gross, it's weird.
Speaker 1: But I think that every woman should masturbate every day,
Speaker 1: multiple times a day, maybe like get to know what's
Speaker 1: going on, because that is the best way for you
Speaker 1: to connect with your body and what feels good. And
Speaker 1: if you feel uncomfortable just by yourself and can't orgasm
Speaker 1: by yourself, how are you gonna expect your partner to
Speaker 1: do that for you? You You know? So masturbation, I think
Speaker 1: is actually a really great tool. It is so interesting
Speaker 1: how masturbation it's just completely different for the sexes, Like
Speaker 1: a male masturbating compared to a female, it's just like similar. Well,
Speaker 1: I just mean because it is like for female masturbating
Speaker 1: it is because I feel like you think you should
Speaker 1: have a vibrator to masturbate with. Well, I also think
Speaker 1: that for a female for an orgasm, for a female,
Speaker 1: it's a lot different than for a guy. Like what
Speaker 1: do you mean exactly? It takes a long seconds really, yeah,
Speaker 1: but exactly, but a lot of females need to find
Speaker 1: out exactly how their body works. Were a guy. It
Speaker 1: just it's like, well, that felt good and that took
Speaker 1: eight seconds the first time, so like I'll just do
Speaker 1: that again. And so also think our image of the
Speaker 1: female is there's the candles lit, the nice music, and
Speaker 1: we're doing it just the same as guys. A lot
Speaker 1: of the time, I will say that the scales can
Speaker 1: tip at a certain point where, um, we look at
Speaker 1: sex to the point of through male colored lenses. Whatever
Speaker 1: you however you want to play it, put it where
Speaker 1: once the mail is done, then the sex is over.
Speaker 1: But once that scale tips, a woman can have like
Speaker 1: eight orgasms during sex, well the males only having one.
Speaker 1: And that's like only having one, Like, obviously, once the
Speaker 1: guy has one, he doesn't really want to need to
Speaker 1: have anymore because guys her factory period and women don't, right,
Speaker 1: And so that's kind of the interesting thing is a
Speaker 1: girl can go from having zero to having eight in
Speaker 1: one session, while like I will pretty much almost always
Speaker 1: go from zero to one zero. That's men can actually
Speaker 1: have multiple orgasms as well though, and I have like
Speaker 1: a tutorial in that book as well. Our guys can
Speaker 1: come as many times as a woman. That is a
Speaker 1: real thing that happens that you can do. I would
Speaker 1: I would probably say that I've experienced that before I
Speaker 1: say the same thing. There's been times where, like, you know,
Speaker 1: you come to fruition and for some reason, it's just
Speaker 1: not going away, and you're like, this is I'm tired,
Speaker 1: but obviously you're not, so we're going to keep doing this.
Speaker 1: So it is interesting because I've I've experienced that. As
Speaker 1: Do you recommend keegels for yeah, making men and women? Yeah? Yeah,
Speaker 1: for sures being the like clinching of your pelvic Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's how you stop the stream of p And when
Speaker 1: you do that, it makes it orgasm stronger for everyone,
Speaker 1: and it makes your staying a increase, right, Yeah, well
Speaker 1: you can hold back a little bit better as guy.
Speaker 1: I want to keep talking about personal experiences here, but
Speaker 1: I almost Um, so, what have you found that It's
Speaker 1: probably been the most common question you've ever gotten? Um, well,
Speaker 1: beside the hat orgasm question that I get that from
Speaker 1: a lot from young women, um and my pregnant it
Speaker 1: is probably I get pregnancy scare emails probably twenty to
Speaker 1: thirty times a week. Wow. Yeah, and uh it's usually
Speaker 1: people who understand, oh, you need to take birth control
Speaker 1: and you need to use a condom, but X y
Speaker 1: Z happened like oh the condom slipped off, or we
Speaker 1: think it might have popped, or I missed a pill
Speaker 1: or you know, things like that, and they're freaking out
Speaker 1: that they might be pregnant. Yeah. And I think the
Speaker 1: reason why I get so many of those is because
Speaker 1: they don't know who else to ask. Ye, what would
Speaker 1: you say is your average demographic? Like? Age wise? It
Speaker 1: depends on the type of video, because you know, like
Speaker 1: you saw my channel. Sometimes I talk about more social
Speaker 1: issues stuff, um, that tends to be a older crowd,
Speaker 1: closer to my age, and then the sex stuff tends
Speaker 1: to be a slightly younger crowd, like the more explicit,
Speaker 1: like the feminist stuff is excuse older, and the sex
Speaker 1: stuff excuse a little bit younger. Yeah, yeah, I think so. Okay,
Speaker 1: your highest viewed video is that nudism one ten million views?
Speaker 1: Is why do you think that that one took off?
Speaker 1: Let's let's think about that. Why do you think that
Speaker 1: one took off? I think I in that video, I
Speaker 1: have like my shoulders showing or something. You certainly do.
Speaker 1: They want to see the shoulder that's like the formula
Speaker 1: just got to like take my clothes off more, which
Speaker 1: kind of attis of what you preach? Well, the nudism,
Speaker 1: I would say, is perfectly in line with what I preached,
Speaker 1: because I think people should be comfortable with their body
Speaker 1: and I don't think there's anything wrong being naked. I agree.
Speaker 1: So what do you what's your thoughts on nudism? I mean,
Speaker 1: they can watch the video, but just a very short Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: I don't even remember what I said that video so
Speaker 1: long ago, but I think the nudism is cool and interesting.
Speaker 1: I am not a nudist myself. I've been in some
Speaker 1: nudist space is and found it really awkward. Lacy is
Speaker 1: wearing clothes right now and just for our listeners to
Speaker 1: know update. Um, but I think it's cool, like this
Speaker 1: idea that you can just if it's warm outside and
Speaker 1: you're at the beach and you just be naked. Who cares?
Speaker 1: I will do. The female body is much more beautiful
Speaker 1: than the male body nude. It's like that Seinfeld episode.
Speaker 1: Have you seen Jerry's like walking around Harry and the
Speaker 1: other obviously is beautiful and like well manicured, and she's
Speaker 1: trying to open the pickles. We don't have to go
Speaker 1: down that road, but it's fantastic. Um, So you think
Speaker 1: people should just walking around dude? Huh? I mean that's
Speaker 1: not what I said. I just think that, you know,
Speaker 1: the taboo on nudity is kind of funny to me.
Speaker 1: It's literally just your body without clothes on. It's funny.
Speaker 1: It's crazy to think about how far away we've moved
Speaker 1: from the people that we evolved to be. Like, you know,
Speaker 1: you look back ten thousand years, which in the grand
Speaker 1: scheme of humans isn't that long. And we do think
Speaker 1: so so differently than we used to. Like we're fully
Speaker 1: clothed at all times. We no longer see each other
Speaker 1: in the nude as often as we used to. Um,
Speaker 1: and it's just weird to think, like in such a
Speaker 1: short amount of time. But the way the other way,
Speaker 1: for a while people were wearing had their toil coverings
Speaker 1: at the beach and puritan times in oh yeah, sure, yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: It's sort of an interesting reflection of where a society
Speaker 1: is at right in terms of how they think about
Speaker 1: your body and sexuality. Is it sexualized or not like
Speaker 1: countries which sexualized bodies more cover more like Middle Eastern countries,
Speaker 1: that kind of stuff. Yeah, you said you grew up
Speaker 1: pretty heavily religious. Are you still religious? No, not at all. Zero.
Speaker 1: Do you think that that part of that is because
Speaker 1: you were so it was so oversaturated as a younger person,
Speaker 1: that was probably why I started questioning it. But now
Speaker 1: it's not just like teenage rebellion. It's because I've arrived
Speaker 1: at my conclusions. Okay, so you've arrived at your conclusions.
Speaker 1: But are you open for I don't like reinterpretation or
Speaker 1: anything like that. Yeah, yeah, I'm always open for new
Speaker 1: ideas and okay, yeah, but all of the ideas that
Speaker 1: I have chewed on, I've decided how feel about them.
Speaker 1: Right now, how do your parents feel about the occupation
Speaker 1: you've happened upon, Well, we don't really talk about it
Speaker 1: that much, and that's that's what they know. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: mean for years when I was teaching and going all
Speaker 1: over the place talking about sex with young adults, we
Speaker 1: just did not acknowledge what I do. Now my mom
Speaker 1: acknowledges it. Like I think my mom is reading my book,
Speaker 1: which is yeah, yeah, that's great. Yeah, that's great, And
Speaker 1: I hope that she sees the value and then the
Speaker 1: importance of what you're doing for these young kids who,
Speaker 1: like you said earlier, sometimes I have nobody else to
Speaker 1: talk to. Yeah, I hope so. But I think that they,
Speaker 1: you know, they have also come from really insulated environments,
Speaker 1: so they're dealing with all their own internal as well.
Speaker 1: Yeah it's weird. Um in uh sort of rural area
Speaker 1: outside of Sacramento. Yeah, just very red, very religious, very
Speaker 1: This is how we do things out here. And I
Speaker 1: love I love it out there. But the sex stuff
Speaker 1: not great. It wasn't good. Why do you think sex
Speaker 1: is such a taboo topic? Um, well, that is a
Speaker 1: big question. I'm pretty sure there are libraries of books
Speaker 1: on that. I'm sure, but you know, just my ideas. Um,
Speaker 1: I think that controlling people's sexuality and controlling how they
Speaker 1: feel about their body is a very effective way to
Speaker 1: control masses of people, you know. And at one time
Speaker 1: maybe there was like some reason to do that to
Speaker 1: ensure that people didn't rape or there wasn't too much
Speaker 1: pregnancy or whatever disease. But we live in a different
Speaker 1: world now, you know, we have condoms and birth control
Speaker 1: and things like that. I said, there's probably some religious
Speaker 1: derivatives of it as well as to why we think
Speaker 1: of it such a taboo totally. Well, yes, and that's
Speaker 1: ultimately what I'm getting at. The religion uses sex as
Speaker 1: a tool of control. Yeah, and fear um, which is sad.
Speaker 1: If you're scared of your own body, will dang, you
Speaker 1: have a lot of fears in this life. Then yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, it's pretty cool about you. Lazy? Is that
Speaker 1: Time magazine held you as one of the thirty most
Speaker 1: influential people on the Internet. I feel like that was
Speaker 1: a lie. You think that's a lot so many people
Speaker 1: on the internet. Time Magazine does not lie, Okay, that's true.
Speaker 1: Appreciate we do appreciate the humility, at least I know
Speaker 1: I appreciate it. Love it, I want more of it.
Speaker 1: But at the same time, you were listed as one
Speaker 1: of the thirty people most influential people on the Internet.
Speaker 1: How does that make you feel? Uh, it felt pretty good.
Speaker 1: I also felt like it was a lie when that happened.
Speaker 1: But you know, it's cool that there are mainstream outlets
Speaker 1: that can appreciate the need for open conversations about sex.
Speaker 1: That's kind of what I was going for. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think that's ultimately what it was about. Like having had
Speaker 1: having been able to have such an influence on a
Speaker 1: conversation about sex online is really awesome, also terrifying. I
Speaker 1: love having this open dialogue about sex and learning more
Speaker 1: about yourself and being healthy. Um And one of the
Speaker 1: ways to actually do that, as you guys well know,
Speaker 1: is doing the twenty three and me. Now, everybody has
Speaker 1: talked about this. I'm sure you guys have heard about
Speaker 1: it all the time. Twenty three and Me is a
Speaker 1: DNA testing service that can offer insights into your ancestry, health,
Speaker 1: wellness and traits. UM. So this includes on how your
Speaker 1: DNA can be influenced by your weight, sleep quality, caffeine intake,
Speaker 1: sense of taste, whether you're likely to be lactoast intolerant.
Speaker 1: There's a lot more than twenty three and Me can
Speaker 1: tell you about yourself. It's really easy to do. You
Speaker 1: can simply spit into the two provided that's really actually
Speaker 1: um funny coming in this podcast. Um. But you can
Speaker 1: spit into the two provided into your twenty three and
Speaker 1: me kit and mail your saliva back into the lab
Speaker 1: to be analyzed. So there's a couple of different reports
Speaker 1: that you can do. You can do the bitter taste
Speaker 1: report uh and the sweet versus saliva reports. This this
Speaker 1: way so your DNA can play a role in determining
Speaker 1: your food preferences. Really from me, either sweet to salty.
Speaker 1: I'm more of a sweet guy. I love chocolates and
Speaker 1: ice cream and dessert. So you guys more salty or sweet? Oh? Salty?
Speaker 1: Actually salty? Too sweet toletally right, it's just wait better.
Speaker 1: I can't. I don't even know why people choose salty.
Speaker 1: You guys all love these fruity things. It's all about
Speaker 1: like chips and salsach cover pretzels. Whoa chocolate cover pretzels
Speaker 1: be sweet or salty? I guess that's it's a little
Speaker 1: bit of both. Oh man, there's nothing better than like
Speaker 1: her Hershey's chocolate from name telling you name dropping well.
Speaker 1: And not only can it do about sweet versus salty,
Speaker 1: but you can do also sleep reports, which is very
Speaker 1: important because everybody sleeps. UH. The Sleep Report tells you
Speaker 1: except for you too are unfortunately the sleep. The Deep
Speaker 1: Sleep Report tells you if you are more likely to
Speaker 1: be an especially deep sleeper. UM. The Sleep Movement Report
Speaker 1: tells you how much you're likely to move during your sleep,
Speaker 1: which is a big thing, especially in a a couple of
Speaker 1: these days. And this is all based on your d
Speaker 1: n A. There's also a Saturated Fat and Weight Report
Speaker 1: that tells you, based on your genetics, how your weight
Speaker 1: might be affected and saturated fats in your diet. It
Speaker 1: offers tips on which food to watch out for. UH
Speaker 1: tells you you know if you should be trying to
Speaker 1: eat less saturated fat fat. UM. The Lactose and Tolerance
Speaker 1: Report sheds insights into your genetics may affect your ability
Speaker 1: to design dairy products. Like there's so many reports in
Speaker 1: twenty three and me, it really tells you a lot
Speaker 1: about Not only does it tell you about your ancestry,
Speaker 1: but it also tells about your health, wellness and all
Speaker 1: that good stuff. So you can order twenty three and
Speaker 1: ME Health and Ancestry Service Kit at twenty three and
Speaker 1: me dot com slash dean. That's d E A N
Speaker 1: that's the number twenty three and ME So to three
Speaker 1: A N D M E dot com slash dean. That's
Speaker 1: where you can get your kit to tell you all
Speaker 1: about this DNA testing service that offers insights into a
Speaker 1: lot of different factors of your life, not only just
Speaker 1: your background, but your health wellness, health, your health wellness
Speaker 1: and uh, what you should eat in the future. I
Speaker 1: had a friend that did that, got her twenty three
Speaker 1: kit and she's adopted, so she wanted to know what
Speaker 1: her you know, I don't know what my gen neck
Speaker 1: background is. And not only did it tell her, it
Speaker 1: told her who her birth family is, like it gave
Speaker 1: her the names, so she was reunited with she's never
Speaker 1: met her birth parents and like she has like this
Speaker 1: whole extra family and it's been this beautiful thing. It's
Speaker 1: very cool, And that was from Wow. I seriously just
Speaker 1: gave it to hers like a party favorite. Hey want
Speaker 1: do you wanna know how you go? Like and it's
Speaker 1: totally changed your life and that party favor may have
Speaker 1: become the biggest moment in her life. Yeah, it's it's
Speaker 1: wild wow, well definitely, Oh yeah, I was gonna say
Speaker 1: go check it out. Guys twenty three million dot com
Speaker 1: slash Dean, can you help me talk to Jared about
Speaker 1: and have him open up about a sex life? Me? Yeah,
Speaker 1: Well I think it's a yes. I think it's sex invention.
Speaker 1: I think it's also very different because we know between
Speaker 1: two people, and the idea for me to talk about
Speaker 1: my sex life without my partner here, I think is
Speaker 1: wildly unfair. Well, but you don't have to like give
Speaker 1: specifics about your partner. You can just talk about your
Speaker 1: experiences in general. And I do do that. I speak
Speaker 1: about my experiences in general. I just talked about how
Speaker 1: I've had the experience of having multiple um but and
Speaker 1: and then to further that, I think it's so hard,
Speaker 1: right because as a guy I've grown up, the gentleman
Speaker 1: thing is to not talk about kissing ladies. The gentleman
Speaker 1: thing is to not talk about your sex life. However,
Speaker 1: you don't want to be crossed. We don't want to
Speaker 1: be crass. I don't want to be crass. However, this
Speaker 1: world forces you to do that, not even just from
Speaker 1: Dean and I being on this crazy show, but the
Speaker 1: transparency of the society that we live in today. It's
Speaker 1: very open. You kind of adapt or die, and so
Speaker 1: I struggle that without a lot where I want to
Speaker 1: be as open as possible, but there's still this little
Speaker 1: voice inside of me from my morals growing up, saying
Speaker 1: you should not be talking about this. Well, that's fair enough.
Speaker 1: I think obviously everyone should only talk about the things
Speaker 1: that make them comfortable. But I think sometimes people just
Speaker 1: feel uncomfortable for reasons that they should question more. Yes,
Speaker 1: I agree that if anybody listening out here has any
Speaker 1: issues with a physical, intimate relationship with somebody, they should
Speaker 1: absolutely feel comfortable talking to somebody about that. I will
Speaker 1: say it might be a little more awkward for you
Speaker 1: because when you talk about having sex, we know who
Speaker 1: you're talking about. You know who I'm talking about. And
Speaker 1: obviously her history has been wildly talked about from her
Speaker 1: seasons on the show, and so it's just come to
Speaker 1: a point now where it's something that I don't feel
Speaker 1: like I need to talk about. We're in a very happy,
Speaker 1: loving relationship that everything is going really well. The one
Speaker 1: thing I take away from this whole monologue is you
Speaker 1: don't feel comfortable talking about it because she's not here.
Speaker 1: So one of these days, I feel we're going to
Speaker 1: bring actually in studio. I would feel a lot more
Speaker 1: comfortable with actually here because then we'd able we'd be
Speaker 1: able to talk about it together and express what we're
Speaker 1: comfortable talking about. You be willing to mediate a conversation
Speaker 1: like that, like is there a problem that's happening that
Speaker 1: you're concerned about? You just want the g Okay, I'm quitting.
Speaker 1: I've actually on that week. I don't know what week
Speaker 1: it is, whatever I was sick. I promise you now,
Speaker 1: I'm more than happy to talk about certain things, of course,
Speaker 1: but it is for some reason. It's it's and Dean,
Speaker 1: I'm sure you will experience this as well once you
Speaker 1: are with somebody and in a committed relationship. No, no,
Speaker 1: I don't mean it's a negative way. I mean no, no,
Speaker 1: I mean that I feel like you're going to feel
Speaker 1: the same way I do, where you're like you want
Speaker 1: to protect it, you want to protect some special once
Speaker 1: you guys share together, you want to kind of keep
Speaker 1: to yourself. Yeah, of course, not everything is meant to
Speaker 1: be shared, you know, so I'm very private too. I
Speaker 1: was gonna ask are people do people ask about your
Speaker 1: personal Yeah? They do a lot because you know, you
Speaker 1: talk about sexuality online. They just kind of feel like, well,
Speaker 1: what about you know your experience is so and so,
Speaker 1: or they'll know my exes from like videos they've been
Speaker 1: in or whatever. And yeah, that's always been uncomfortable for
Speaker 1: me as well because I don't like to talk about it.
Speaker 1: I am fine talking about it openly, not on my channel,
Speaker 1: because I don't want it to become like this weird
Speaker 1: spectacle of like, oh, what's a sex educator sex life?
Speaker 1: Like I'm going to broadcast this weirdo. Do you find
Speaker 1: it difficult to meet Why are you in a relationship now? Um,
Speaker 1: I'm going to refrain from me, and do you find
Speaker 1: it difficult to meet people romantically because of your platform?
Speaker 1: In your voice that you kind of have yes, yes, yeah,
Speaker 1: there's like a lot of weirdness with the sex sad stuff. Um,
Speaker 1: I have found good relationships though still some online. So
Speaker 1: I'm just like around, it's weird because it makes it easier,
Speaker 1: but it makes it harder at the same time, right,
Speaker 1: Like if it allows the door to be open to
Speaker 1: more people, but it kind of closes the door on
Speaker 1: others as well. Yeah, because people think it's cool, so
Speaker 1: that opens the door. But I think that there's like
Speaker 1: a humanist like, especially when I was younger and I
Speaker 1: was kind of like getting used to doing this stuff publicly,
Speaker 1: people would be really invasive and I didn't know how
Speaker 1: to assert my boundaries. And also people would just be
Speaker 1: weird and creepy about it. Like dudes would be weird
Speaker 1: and creepy. You know. You go out and they're like,
Speaker 1: so what do you do? And it's like, well, I
Speaker 1: don't want to tell you because you're already given me
Speaker 1: a weird vibe, you know, and then you tell of it.
Speaker 1: It's an even Well, because I talked about this last
Speaker 1: week a little bit. Um, I've got on a few
Speaker 1: dates lately, and one of the girls, I guess, the
Speaker 1: girl that I went on a few dates with, said
Speaker 1: something along the lines of, because your life is so public,
Speaker 1: I find myself closing off because I'm concerned about like
Speaker 1: how public my life would potentially be if we were
Speaker 1: to enter into a relationship together and keep it private
Speaker 1: though if you want to, That's what I said. I
Speaker 1: was like, of course, I would never do anything to
Speaker 1: disrespect your boundaries. But it was the first time I
Speaker 1: had heard, um someone say that's you know, obviously lived
Speaker 1: life more privately than I have over the past year
Speaker 1: say that your life your your life's publicness is a
Speaker 1: turn off to me emotionally. It's kind of a weird
Speaker 1: thing to hear. So I was curious if you've experienced
Speaker 1: it as well. It sounds like you may have, Yeah,
Speaker 1: a little bit, but I mean, no one said that
Speaker 1: to me, But I have felt that way when I've
Speaker 1: dated other YouTubers and stuff. I've just been like, this
Speaker 1: is not I don't like. I don't like the publicity
Speaker 1: because I am a pretty private person. Like all told,
Speaker 1: it's weird you've dated other people from the YouTube space
Speaker 1: as well, but as well as private like more priv
Speaker 1: it people. Yeah, yeah, and I don't like the public
Speaker 1: It's exactly last last week, like, it's it's hard for
Speaker 1: me to imagine dating someone else from Bachelor because of
Speaker 1: the publicity, and like the pressure that gets put on
Speaker 1: it because of that. Yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: It totally has a huge effect on every bit of
Speaker 1: context in the relationship, you know, and if you already
Speaker 1: inherently suck at dating, and then there's all this pressure
Speaker 1: to then be good. Dean, you don't suck at dating,
Speaker 1: but I'm gonna keep saying it so you can keep
Speaker 1: telling me I don't. Okay, I appreciated. What makes you
Speaker 1: think you suck at dating? Uh, well, I'm single, but
Speaker 1: doesn't mean you suck at dating. And truthfully, I think
Speaker 1: that everybody kind of sucks at dating. I don't know,
Speaker 1: that's what I think. Really, yeah, everyone well, like for example,
Speaker 1: relating to each other. For example, you said earlier that
Speaker 1: you don't find that there is a sex expert. There
Speaker 1: might be a sex expert with your partner where you
Speaker 1: know their body in and out, but there's not one
Speaker 1: person that can make everybody happy. Similar to dating. We're like,
Speaker 1: if you don't say you suck at dating, you're pretty
Speaker 1: much saying, well, I can go on any date with
Speaker 1: any person and it's going to be great effect. But
Speaker 1: maybe that's just the the idea I have in my head.
Speaker 1: I see what you're saying where it's like, sure, we
Speaker 1: don't maybe we don't suck as nobody would say they're
Speaker 1: great at dating either, because I think that would be
Speaker 1: very similar to your argument earlier. Yeah, no, I hear
Speaker 1: what you're saying. When I think someone's good at dating,
Speaker 1: to me, that means someone is comfortable being in a
Speaker 1: new context and situations with someone they don't know very well.
Speaker 1: It's comfortable with themselves and doesn't feel overly self conscious,
Speaker 1: and it's maybe good at having conversation right, conversation going,
Speaker 1: but that metric, I think I'd be pretty good at it.
Speaker 1: But that's what it is, right. But I think my
Speaker 1: issue when it comes to dating and kind of the
Speaker 1: I guess the notorious or infamous reputation that helped spin
Speaker 1: this podcast off is I do a bad job of
Speaker 1: communicating the negative feelings that I have right and to
Speaker 1: upset something I don't like, Yes, exactly, I don't like
Speaker 1: to upset people. And when it comes to that point
Speaker 1: when it's necessary to upset someone because in the long
Speaker 1: term it's better for everyone involved, I have in the past,
Speaker 1: and I've been working on it and getting better at it,
Speaker 1: but in the past I have avoided that conversation. And
Speaker 1: I also think that dating for us is more of
Speaker 1: a big encompassing definition, not just like going on a
Speaker 1: date with somebody, but relationships, marriage, knowing the opposite sex
Speaker 1: or the same sex, just like relating to the idea
Speaker 1: of the dating spectrum. Yeah, I see what you're saying.
Speaker 1: I see what you're saying. Well, okay, I guess if
Speaker 1: that's how you're defining it right, No one's good at
Speaker 1: dating explain it relative. Anyways. Are there any final thoughts
Speaker 1: or words for the listeners? Uh? No, you guys are
Speaker 1: so cool. Thanks for having me. This is a fun chat.
Speaker 1: You hear that everyone Lacy thinks Jared and I are cool. Yes,
Speaker 1: and I've never been happy. That's too. I think we're cool,
Speaker 1: and Tori, who's passively sitting over in the corner, does not. Anyways, Lacy,
Speaker 1: be sure to check out I guess everyone that's listening.
Speaker 1: Be sure check out Lacey's book, which hit shelves today
Speaker 1: September twenty. It's called Sex Plus Learning, Loving and Enjoying
Speaker 1: your Body. Be sure to check out her YouTube channel,
Speaker 1: which is just Lacey Green Um. Be sure to follow
Speaker 1: on Instagram Lacy Green. We we don't hate so we
Speaker 1: do hate social media, but still it allows you to
Speaker 1: have a voice that shared with millions of people, which
Speaker 1: is always fantastic. That's true. Social media has its upsides,
Speaker 1: I will admit, um, thank you so much for joining us.
Speaker 1: This was fun. I always love conversations that start one
Speaker 1: place and and somewhere completely different, like we would loll
Speaker 1: X to religion to whatever. Um. So yeah, hopefully we
Speaker 1: can have you back with actually and Jared in studio
Speaker 1: at the same time for the sex prevention sing coming on.
Speaker 1: Thanks guys. Yeah, Lacy offers a lot of help on YouTube,
Speaker 1: and there's a lot of channel on YouTube that can
Speaker 1: offer a lot of advice or help. But there's other
Speaker 1: places online that you can get help from. One of
Speaker 1: them that we're gonna talk about right now. Dean, you've
Speaker 1: been very vocal about seeing a therapist. UH is a
Speaker 1: company called talk Space now. Talk Space is an online
Speaker 1: therapy company that lets you message a license therapist from
Speaker 1: anywhere at any time. All you need is your computer
Speaker 1: with the Internet connection or the talk Space mobile app. UM.
Speaker 1: And this is a way that you can prove your
Speaker 1: mental health even if you had trouble making it making
Speaker 1: the time for it, really, because there's a lot of
Speaker 1: times there's a lot of people out there with very
Speaker 1: busy schedules that are unable to go see a therapist. UM.
Speaker 1: And so this makes it a little bit easier for
Speaker 1: somebody who is very busy to get the attention that
Speaker 1: they need UM and help they need. So talk Space
Speaker 1: is an easy way sending a therapist a message, you
Speaker 1: can get something or if your chest. Whenever you need to.
Speaker 1: You can talk about everyday challenges at work or at home.
Speaker 1: I think we can all relate to that. UM, you
Speaker 1: can really just chat about life if you just want
Speaker 1: to talk to somebody. There are no extra commutes, there's
Speaker 1: no leaving in the office, and the best part is
Speaker 1: there's no judgment. UM. You know, you have to remember
Speaker 1: to that therapy isn't just about venting your innermost thoughts
Speaker 1: are digging into childhood memories. It's talks about about practical
Speaker 1: everyday strategies for stress management, living a happier life. You know,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of stress in this world that could
Speaker 1: be caused from work, UM, problems at home. You know,
Speaker 1: it doesn't have to stem from you know, childhood. UM.
Speaker 1: So having a therapist SIMPLI provides you a designated person
Speaker 1: for you to talk to, and that's what talk Space
Speaker 1: provides to you. UM and all their therapists are licensed therapists.
Speaker 1: You can message them at any time and they help
Speaker 1: you make positive changes to your life. Uh. The talk
Speaker 1: space platform has over two thousand licensed therapists who are
Speaker 1: experienced and addressing life changes that every one of us
Speaker 1: face on a daily basis. Uh, they match you with
Speaker 1: the perfect therapist for a fraction of the price for
Speaker 1: that traditional therapy will cost you. So not only is
Speaker 1: it easy and nvenient, but it is also cheaper. So
Speaker 1: what you can do is you can go to talk
Speaker 1: space dot com slash Dean and you can use the
Speaker 1: same code Dean to get forty five dollars off your
Speaker 1: first month. So if you really want to talk to
Speaker 1: somebody but you just don't have the time or even
Speaker 1: the funds to do it, go to talk space. Check
Speaker 1: it out. They have licensed therapists, over two thousand of
Speaker 1: them that will respond very quickly to whatever you need.
Speaker 1: Just go to talk space dot com slash team. And
Speaker 1: then yet again, if you want forty five dollars off
Speaker 1: your first month, use code Dean d e A. And anyways,
Speaker 1: Lacey Green is just a wonderful human being. She's a
Speaker 1: lot more normal, Like she's not abnormal inner YouTube videos,
Speaker 1: but you know, I feel like on YouTube videos have
Speaker 1: to bring a high energy and like you're happy and
Speaker 1: all that kind of stuff. That's one reason why I
Speaker 1: can never ever be a YouTuber because I can't do
Speaker 1: that quite as well. But she was great. She's great,
Speaker 1: down earth, personable, very knowledgeable within the sex world. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's great to her. Yeah, No, I'm glad. It's it's
Speaker 1: always taboo to talk about sex. It's really nice to
Speaker 1: have somebody come in and be so open about it,
Speaker 1: and then that makes conversely all of us in studio
Speaker 1: a little bit more open about it as well. The
Speaker 1: facilitation of the conversation is helpful. All Right, we're gonna
Speaker 1: get into some emails next. Um, I think we're only
Speaker 1: gonna take one or two this week, but we're gonna
Speaker 1: have Eastern freedom and jump right into it East in
Speaker 1: that wonderful voice of yours. Yeah, the velvety, docile tones
Speaker 1: of thank you for the opportunity. Uh. This first one
Speaker 1: is from page My question is if any of you
Speaker 1: would consider dating someone who is a fan of the
Speaker 1: show you're on. My argument for saying yes is that
Speaker 1: you go on the show to meet someone you would
Speaker 1: never have met until the show. Most of these people
Speaker 1: live in different States, so you probably wouldn't even know
Speaker 1: they existed. Take it from a viewer's perspective, they would
Speaker 1: never know someone existed if they never saw them on
Speaker 1: the show. It's like the show is a mutual friend
Speaker 1: and you met them through that. It's interesting. Obviously, some
Speaker 1: people suck and they would want to hit date or
Speaker 1: hang out for the social media likes, but there actually
Speaker 1: might be people out there that would trying to make
Speaker 1: a move if you weren't on the show and happened
Speaker 1: to be at the same bar. I am a viewer
Speaker 1: slash listener, so I would love for your answer to
Speaker 1: be yes, but I understand why it could be no.
Speaker 1: I will say we talked about this a little bit
Speaker 1: on the last week's episode after Pool, and most of
Speaker 1: us it sounded like we're pretty much against that. But
Speaker 1: now that I think now, like she puts it into perspective, right,
Speaker 1: you're meeting people that you wouldn't have been able to
Speaker 1: meet otherwise. I would say that, like there if someone
Speaker 1: came up to me at a bar and they're like, hey,
Speaker 1: I saw you on the show, I want to buy
Speaker 1: you a drink or go on a date with you,
Speaker 1: whatever it is, and I was like feeling good about it.
Speaker 1: I don't think I would immediately discount it, I said, so,
Speaker 1: I said last week that maybe I would like it's
Speaker 1: it's it's not ideal, but it still is a possibility. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think it all depends on how they people approach you,
Speaker 1: whether they're a fan of the show or not, or
Speaker 1: whether they know who you are or they don't. It's
Speaker 1: if they come up to you and say, hey, you know,
Speaker 1: I know you from the show. You seem really cool.
Speaker 1: I'd love to buy you a drink sometime. I think
Speaker 1: you'd be fine with that. And now, granted they came
Speaker 1: up and we're like, oh my god, Dave, Dad, I
Speaker 1: love you so much, please please please take me on
Speaker 1: a day, please marry me, then you might be a
Speaker 1: little bit more apprehensive. And to her point as well,
Speaker 1: it's it's you meet a lot more people after going
Speaker 1: on and so for you to immediately discount all of
Speaker 1: those people that you would potentially have met or meet
Speaker 1: after the fact is maybe doing yourself a disservice dis justice.
Speaker 1: So yeah, so I guess to her point, it's always possible.
Speaker 1: But to Jared's point, don't do the whole Oh my god,
Speaker 1: oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god. If
Speaker 1: they come up and they fan girl, which I'm sure
Speaker 1: you've had many experiences with, it's probably not a turn on.
Speaker 1: It's not like they only want to talk about the show,
Speaker 1: like you know, like exactly and then they start now
Speaker 1: it granted, I will say, for a date, it is
Speaker 1: a topic of conversation for the simple fact it's such
Speaker 1: a foreign experience everybody, how do you not talk about it?
Speaker 1: But there is a limit that needs to be drawn,
Speaker 1: Like I maybe have experienced it to a small amount,
Speaker 1: but I know, um so my friends who have also
Speaker 1: been on the show have kind of invented to me
Speaker 1: about how they went on a date with a beautiful
Speaker 1: girl who they are really interested in, and then how
Speaker 1: the entire conversation for an hour and a half revolved
Speaker 1: around being on the television show. Which some guys like
Speaker 1: that a lot more than others, you know, like some
Speaker 1: guys love talking about being on TV for the two
Speaker 1: months that they were on it. But for me personally,
Speaker 1: I would I tried to avoid it as much as
Speaker 1: I can not because I'm like disgraced by the things
Speaker 1: that I did on Paradise or anythink that, But just
Speaker 1: because it was an experience and it's happened a year ago.
Speaker 1: It's not your whole identity exactly. And I don't define
Speaker 1: myself by being on Bachelor. And it's such a personal
Speaker 1: experience that is broadcasting to so many people. It's really
Speaker 1: difficult to revisit and then have to express all those
Speaker 1: feelings and emotions again. Um, but let me ask you
Speaker 1: something that I'm curious about. Would you I think here's
Speaker 1: the thing. I think it's probably less attractive for somebody
Speaker 1: who does know who you are, who just tries to
Speaker 1: lie about it and avoid it. I've had people that say, oh,
Speaker 1: I don't watch the show. I don't watch the show,
Speaker 1: and then they'll make points that they only would have
Speaker 1: known by watching the show, and it's like, well, which
Speaker 1: is it? Um, so that point. Yeah that it definitely
Speaker 1: is unattractive, but it's sometimes it can be nice because
Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of the things that I
Speaker 1: experienced maybe didn't necessarily get broadcasted, and so it's like
Speaker 1: a nice way to kind of put things into perspective. Um,
Speaker 1: but yeah, I can answer the question. It's not a
Speaker 1: not a deal breaker. I had a buddy who went
Speaker 1: on the Prices right, and one a crock pot shaped
Speaker 1: like a basketball, and then he got you know, booted off.
Speaker 1: But that was his whole identity for a long time.
Speaker 1: So anyone wanted to talk about if I felt so
Speaker 1: bad for him? Did you ever eat out of the
Speaker 1: crock pot? Uh? Yeah, I mean everyone knew he was
Speaker 1: cooking in it. You know what he did. We made
Speaker 1: some stuff in it. Brings on campionships with him. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Are people randomly selected in the presses? Right? Yeah? It
Speaker 1: was the audience selected beforehand, but then they make it
Speaker 1: look random. I think so. So he knew he was
Speaker 1: going to be up there before he sat down in
Speaker 1: that seat. I probably. I think they have like ten
Speaker 1: people that they had kind of up there, and then
Speaker 1: like they choose like four of them or five of them. However,
Speaker 1: then it is yeah, Tory seems to know. Yeah, Tory,
Speaker 1: you're waving your hands back there. Uh well, I just
Speaker 1: know that. So you like interview before and a lot
Speaker 1: of people like always try to like kind of you
Speaker 1: don't like sell your story. But like one of my
Speaker 1: friends on it, she was like, I work at Disneyland
Speaker 1: and Minimouth and they like ate that up and they
Speaker 1: were like, so if you like stand out and like
Speaker 1: have a cool thing. Then they're like yeah, then like
Speaker 1: that's cool, Like let's highlight you. You know, dude, we
Speaker 1: should told that. I was like I was in the
Speaker 1: audience on Ellen and they were so jealous. It was
Speaker 1: actually add did it twice and then I was Ellen,
Speaker 1: but no big deal and dropping like a lot of
Speaker 1: like a five question questionnaire and the last question always
Speaker 1: is do you or someone you know deserves something like
Speaker 1: fantastic or something? And I want with my girlfriend the
Speaker 1: first time and she was like, I think I had
Speaker 1: just sold my car or something, and she wrote like
Speaker 1: my boyfriend really deserves a car because he's such a
Speaker 1: hard worker and he would really benefit from it something
Speaker 1: like that. And I was like, that's really sweet, but
Speaker 1: I probably not gonna want a car. But yeah, I
Speaker 1: think they like to choose like this sor yeah. So
Speaker 1: you just gotta you know, have a good story. So
Speaker 1: just lie. That's how right, That's how we're here in
Speaker 1: studio right now. Well me and Jared at least you
Speaker 1: guys are actually professionals. That's that's let's do Let's do
Speaker 1: one more and then we'll call it. This is from
Speaker 1: Jessica I'm a thirty one year old who pursued my
Speaker 1: doctorate degree in pharmacy, and I've only been in two
Speaker 1: long term relationships six years each. Both relationships ended from
Speaker 1: lack of commitment on their ends. But I'm certain a
Speaker 1: question and there's something wrong with me. My latest sex
Speaker 1: and I broke up in May. I finally got the
Speaker 1: courage to start online dating about a month ago and
Speaker 1: have had absolutely no luck. It's frustrating, discouraging, and I
Speaker 1: just don't know what to do. Here's the qualities I'm
Speaker 1: looking for in a significant other. Honesty, sense of humor, humble,
Speaker 1: loves family, wants kids, dog lover I have too, sapre nerds,
Speaker 1: and at least a bachelor's degree, you're established in their career.
Speaker 1: That's quite the list. I don't like that last one.
Speaker 1: So I guess my questions for you are, am I
Speaker 1: on the right track or do I just need to
Speaker 1: be patient? Do you recommend I try I do any
Speaker 1: other app or delete the apps entirely and try to
Speaker 1: meet someone organically? Uh? Or should I or should I
Speaker 1: apply for the Bachelor? Well? Sure, apply for the Bacheler
Speaker 1: first and foremost, Jessica, you have way too many filters.
Speaker 1: You want someone honest, hilarious, humble. Those are fine, but
Speaker 1: someone that also has to have a bachelor's degree. Nix
Speaker 1: that one out of your filter for sure. Some of
Speaker 1: that loves dogs, I agree, you ill probably want to
Speaker 1: date some of that loves dogs too, but I wouldn't
Speaker 1: discount someone that doesn't love dogs. I think that you're
Speaker 1: setting too many constraints on the finding someone that's going
Speaker 1: to cut off so many people to do. Like East
Speaker 1: and I just talked about if we didn't date someone
Speaker 1: watched television, we basically not be able to date anyone.
Speaker 1: It sounds like you're cutting out so many people that
Speaker 1: could potentially be a partner for you, And I think
Speaker 1: it's also different difficult for you. Jessica, You've been in
Speaker 1: two relationships over the past twelve years, two very committed relationships,
Speaker 1: so that's tough to like get back. If you're thirty one,
Speaker 1: that means you started dating with last time you're really
Speaker 1: single was nineteen. That's a long time, so it's tough
Speaker 1: getting back in the world. So like, don't easily give up.
Speaker 1: I know you just started dating again back in May,
Speaker 1: probably like a long summer, but definitely don't give up
Speaker 1: on the dating apps. I would advocate not deleting them,
Speaker 1: and I agree with Dean. It does seem like you
Speaker 1: have a lot of checklist that a guy needs to
Speaker 1: check off, Like if your soul mate is a cat person,
Speaker 1: I'd still go with it. Yeah, what are when do
Speaker 1: you wash? Say? She said go on a hundred dates
Speaker 1: in a year? Totally. So my advice to Jessica is
Speaker 1: just put on those dance and shoes. And we're not
Speaker 1: saying it's easy, Jessica, Like, please do mistake that we're
Speaker 1: not saying, oh, just keep going on dates. What's the
Speaker 1: matter with you? We know that it sucks and it's tiresome,
Speaker 1: but you know you've been in long relationships. It might
Speaker 1: not be the worst thing for you right now to
Speaker 1: be single for a while, to really maybe have a
Speaker 1: little self discovery, because when we're in school for a while,
Speaker 1: you had long term relationships. It's signed for some Jessica.
Speaker 1: One suggestion that I might give Jessica as well, and
Speaker 1: I'm meant to give this in the past, but I've
Speaker 1: never really had an opportunity to and it's not the
Speaker 1: ideal situation now, but it kind of would benefit I
Speaker 1: think that what Jessica should do is maybe write a
Speaker 1: list of why her most recent six year relationship didn't
Speaker 1: work the main the mainstays of why it did not
Speaker 1: work that way. In three months, if you're still single
Speaker 1: and you're considering getting back with this guy of six
Speaker 1: years that you guys broke up, then you can look
Speaker 1: back on this list and be like, oh, that's why
Speaker 1: we broke up. Because of what we tend to do
Speaker 1: is looking back, we romanticize the relationships that we had
Speaker 1: and remember the positives, but never remember the negatives. And
Speaker 1: there I've done this before to where I broke up
Speaker 1: with someone and like three or four months later, we
Speaker 1: broke up, and I wrote down a list of the
Speaker 1: things that were like not going right in our relationship,
Speaker 1: and then like six months later, I was like, wow,
Speaker 1: I really missed this girl. And then I went back
Speaker 1: to my notepad and I read every there's like a
Speaker 1: ten list, ten thing list, and I was like, no,
Speaker 1: I don't. I mean I missed her, sure, but I
Speaker 1: cannot get back together with her. So that's something I
Speaker 1: recommend not only to Jessica but to everyone out there,
Speaker 1: is if you break up with someone, just be sure
Speaker 1: to remind yourself later on about why that relationship didn't
Speaker 1: work out, because odds are that's probably going to be
Speaker 1: something that sticks around if you guys try and give
Speaker 1: it another shot. Um, I totally a great Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we tend to romanticize things. Deepen up in mind, Jessica,
Speaker 1: you'll meet the right person. And before we sign out
Speaker 1: of today's episode, I do want to talk about Vegas
Speaker 1: for a second in my et interview because I've got
Speaker 1: I've got to ask about this. But there's been a
Speaker 1: lot of talk online. I've gotten some funny tweets. I
Speaker 1: just want to set the record straight. I like Colton.
Speaker 1: I think Colton is a great guy. So to give
Speaker 1: a little in case our listeners haven't seen the interview
Speaker 1: deemed an interview with Entertainment Tonight over the weekend of Vegas.
Speaker 1: He may have had one too many when he started speaking.
Speaker 1: So here's the other thing. We started drinking at noon
Speaker 1: that day. We were out in the sun all day long.
Speaker 1: I did the flow Rider for like four hours and
Speaker 1: sausted took a thirty minute nap. Continue to drink. Heart
Speaker 1: Festival did an interview and a lot of it was
Speaker 1: out of just like good hearted like humor joking, and
Speaker 1: everybody who watches the video knows you're joking, which is
Speaker 1: why you're getting tweets about it, because all the tweets
Speaker 1: that I've seen have been like pretty positive and funny.
Speaker 1: I mean, I just want to set the record straight.
Speaker 1: I do still think it'll be a dumpster five ever season,
Speaker 1: But I do like I do. I do like Colton,
Speaker 1: and I do wish him nothing but the best. But
Speaker 1: we're not tuning in to watch a cookie cutter, clean,
Speaker 1: fun season. We're tuning in because we all kind of
Speaker 1: think it's gonna be erratic, and I'm excited to watch
Speaker 1: it anyways. I just want to set the record straight
Speaker 1: on that. Alright, A big thank you too our sponsors
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Speaker 1: d e A end to get off. And then another
Speaker 1: big big shout out to twenty three and me the
Speaker 1: Health and Ancestry Service Kit, and you can go to
Speaker 1: twenty three and me dot com slash Dean d E
Speaker 1: A N. So this has been another episode of Help
Speaker 1: I Suck At Dating. Thank you for listening, Thank you
Speaker 1: to Jared, Mark Easton and Tory, and of course thank
Speaker 1: you Lacey Green. Be sure checker out on YouTube at
Speaker 1: Lacy Green. Check out you Dean Well, yeah, thank you
Speaker 1: for Thank you for that, Jared. Be sure to check
Speaker 1: out her book, which just hit shelves today. It's called
Speaker 1: Sex Plus Learning, Loving and Enjoying your Body. Um. I
Speaker 1: think we can all stand to learn a little bit
Speaker 1: from her. She seems to be not just intelligent but
Speaker 1: also very opinionated, which I think is a good combination. UM.
Speaker 1: So check her out Lacey Green, and be sure to
Speaker 1: tune in next week for another episode of Help I
Speaker 1: Suck At Dating, where maybe we'll suck a little less.
Speaker 1: Follow help by Suck At Dating with Dean, Vanessa and
Speaker 1: Jared on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to
Speaker 1: podcast