1 00:00:00,960 --> 00:00:03,400 Speaker 1: One of the things that I always wrestle with is 2 00:00:03,520 --> 00:00:08,000 Speaker 1: really like this ultra competitive comparison kind of thing in 3 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:09,720 Speaker 1: my head that I'm not doing enough. 4 00:00:11,760 --> 00:00:16,000 Speaker 2: Marie Fourlio is a powerhouse entrepreneur, the creator of Marie TV, 5 00:00:16,520 --> 00:00:19,680 Speaker 2: a best selling author, and a world class coach. But 6 00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:23,840 Speaker 2: in this conversation, Marie isn't in mentoring mode. She's opening 7 00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:27,680 Speaker 2: up in a big way. Alongside her best friend Chris Carr. 8 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:31,000 Speaker 1: She is my first, my last, my only phone called 9 00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:34,840 Speaker 1: when everything is going right, or most frequently when everything 10 00:00:34,920 --> 00:00:35,920 Speaker 1: is going wrong. 11 00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:39,680 Speaker 2: And they don't hold back from the heartbreak to the healing. 12 00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:43,519 Speaker 1: She opened the door for me to be able to 13 00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:46,000 Speaker 1: ask for the kind of support I needed in a 14 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:47,200 Speaker 1: really traumatic moment. 15 00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:50,520 Speaker 3: The shit was hitting the fan in my life, and 16 00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:53,559 Speaker 3: I had more perspective when it really hit the fan 17 00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:54,600 Speaker 3: in her life. 18 00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:58,400 Speaker 2: And after digging deep, they bring the laughter and real talk. 19 00:00:58,560 --> 00:01:00,640 Speaker 2: Only your ride or die would to share. 20 00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:04,680 Speaker 1: The only person in the world who can say painful 21 00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:08,160 Speaker 1: truth and to not have nymanna like slapper. 22 00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:10,520 Speaker 3: Is the only time you can change somebody is when 23 00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:12,039 Speaker 3: they're in diverse Now that a. 24 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:18,160 Speaker 2: Preach joined host Martin Luther King the Third Andrea Waters 25 00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:23,280 Speaker 2: king Mark Kilberger and Craig Kilberger for an honest, unapologetic 26 00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:28,640 Speaker 2: conversation about relationships, finding light in the darkest moments, and 27 00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:30,440 Speaker 2: the biggest lessons learned along the way. 28 00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:34,319 Speaker 1: I stood there and I was like WHOA. 29 00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:45,759 Speaker 2: Before today's episode begins, please be advised this conversation includes 30 00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:49,240 Speaker 2: discussions about suicide and mental health. Some of the content 31 00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:52,840 Speaker 2: may be distressing. If you or someone you know is struggling, 32 00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:57,200 Speaker 2: help is available. Call the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline 33 00:01:57,240 --> 00:02:00,280 Speaker 2: at nine to eight eight or text home to seven 34 00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:03,160 Speaker 2: four one seven four one to reach the crisis text line. 35 00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:06,400 Speaker 2: These services are free and available twenty four to seven. 36 00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:12,400 Speaker 4: Welcome to My Legacy. Today's guest is Marie Fourlio. Marie 37 00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:16,640 Speaker 4: built her business and platform on purpose, resilience, an unshakable belief, 38 00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:20,400 Speaker 4: and she's made a career of helping others unlock the same. Marie, 39 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:22,600 Speaker 4: We're so honored to have you with us here today 40 00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:25,560 Speaker 4: and on My Legacy. We always ask our guests to 41 00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:29,560 Speaker 4: bring a plus one, someone who they admire, they turn 42 00:02:29,639 --> 00:02:33,120 Speaker 4: to in times of challenge and grief and hope, someone 43 00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:36,360 Speaker 4: who's their ride or die. Marie, can you introduce who 44 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:37,079 Speaker 4: your plus one is? 45 00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:42,640 Speaker 1: Today I brought the one and only magical Unicorn, herself, 46 00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:45,360 Speaker 1: Miss Chris Carr. And for those of you who do 47 00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:48,800 Speaker 1: not know my best friend in the entire world, she 48 00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:52,119 Speaker 1: is a powerhouse herself. She is a multiple New York 49 00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:54,760 Speaker 1: Times Number one best selling author. She is someone who 50 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:57,600 Speaker 1: has spent over two decades of her life not just 51 00:02:57,720 --> 00:03:01,960 Speaker 1: surviving but thriving with cant and has inspired millions to 52 00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:05,320 Speaker 1: do the same. She's got books, she's got podcasts, through 53 00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:08,600 Speaker 1: her coaching, through everything she shares with the world. The 54 00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:11,040 Speaker 1: New York Times has called her a new role model, 55 00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:14,600 Speaker 1: and Oprah has named her a force for good and 56 00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:18,679 Speaker 1: for good reason. And personally, Chris is literally she's my 57 00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:20,919 Speaker 1: soul sister. Like we talk about this all the time. 58 00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:24,680 Speaker 1: We do not understand how we are not legitimate family, 59 00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:28,960 Speaker 1: but we are meant family, and she is the person. 60 00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:31,320 Speaker 1: We were talking about this the other day, like we 61 00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:34,600 Speaker 1: have never let each other down, and we started celebrating 62 00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:38,680 Speaker 1: our friend anniversary. I think it's been over fifteen years. 63 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:41,880 Speaker 1: And she is my first, my last, my only phone 64 00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:45,400 Speaker 1: call when everything is going right or most frequently when 65 00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:48,320 Speaker 1: everything is going wrong, because that happens to all of 66 00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:49,040 Speaker 1: us in life. 67 00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:50,640 Speaker 2: I had a spectacular introduction. 68 00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:52,600 Speaker 4: Chris, When did you know that Marie was going to 69 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:56,760 Speaker 4: be your soul sister, your friends, your lifelong writer, die. 70 00:03:56,640 --> 00:03:59,240 Speaker 3: Companion from the first moment I spoke to her. So 71 00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:02,480 Speaker 3: we at each other because back in the day when 72 00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:04,760 Speaker 3: you're doing everything and you're building your life and you're 73 00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:07,920 Speaker 3: building your business, and you're wearing all the hats as 74 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:13,760 Speaker 3: young puppy entrepreneurs, we were also our customer service. And 75 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:18,000 Speaker 3: so I bought one of her products because so many 76 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:20,320 Speaker 3: people had said to me, you should, you should know 77 00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:24,039 Speaker 3: about Marie. You should. You guys would really love each other, 78 00:04:24,279 --> 00:04:26,239 Speaker 3: and so I was like, Oh, who is this Marie? 79 00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:28,440 Speaker 3: And so I went and I bought her live in 80 00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:30,240 Speaker 3: the moment booty camp. And I was like, I don't 81 00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:32,080 Speaker 3: know what any of that is, but it sounds like 82 00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:34,680 Speaker 3: I need to know what it is and have a 83 00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:38,000 Speaker 3: little bit of that in my life. And we got 84 00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:41,440 Speaker 3: on the phone and we have not stopped talking ever since. 85 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:46,400 Speaker 5: That is so so special. Let me Marie ask a question. 86 00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:49,800 Speaker 5: You grew up in a small town in New Jersey 87 00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:53,680 Speaker 5: and have said your mom was a big factor in 88 00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:57,640 Speaker 5: shaping your grit. What do you carry forward from those 89 00:04:57,800 --> 00:04:59,120 Speaker 5: early years. 90 00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:03,240 Speaker 1: Well so much. But I think the quick story that 91 00:05:03,279 --> 00:05:05,919 Speaker 1: I will tell that has really shaped my life was 92 00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:08,520 Speaker 1: the fact that my mom, like so many of our parents, 93 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:11,440 Speaker 1: didn't grow up with a lot of resources. She actually 94 00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:15,479 Speaker 1: had two alcoholic parents and grew up in the Nork, 95 00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:17,960 Speaker 1: New Jersey, and she learned, really by necessity, how to 96 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:20,400 Speaker 1: stretch a dollar bill around a block like five or 97 00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:23,799 Speaker 1: six times. And she had made a promise to herself 98 00:05:23,839 --> 00:05:26,080 Speaker 1: when she was young that she would somehow find a 99 00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:28,599 Speaker 1: way to a better life. And so one of my 100 00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:30,919 Speaker 1: best memories as a kid was sitting around her kitchen 101 00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:34,480 Speaker 1: table in New Jersey, and it was Sundays and cutting 102 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:37,040 Speaker 1: out coupons because my mom loved to teach me all 103 00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:39,279 Speaker 1: the ways that our family could save money. And so 104 00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:41,479 Speaker 1: I think most of the people here were all of 105 00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:44,200 Speaker 1: a certain age where you might remember something that were 106 00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:47,640 Speaker 1: called proofs of purchase, where if you purchased a bunch 107 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:51,280 Speaker 1: of boxes of cereal for particular brand or right milk cartons, 108 00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:53,760 Speaker 1: and you collected all those little squares and you mailed 109 00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:56,600 Speaker 1: them in, you could get cool stuff like cooking utensils 110 00:05:56,920 --> 00:06:00,520 Speaker 1: or a recipe book or something. And my mom's favorite 111 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:03,920 Speaker 1: thing that she loved more than anything was this tiny 112 00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:08,400 Speaker 1: little AMFM radio that she got for free from Tropicana 113 00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:10,280 Speaker 1: Orange Juice. So it looked like an orange I had 114 00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:12,120 Speaker 1: red white straw sticking out of the top that was 115 00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:14,800 Speaker 1: the antenna. And as a kid, I knew I could 116 00:06:14,839 --> 00:06:17,760 Speaker 1: always find my mom somewhere from listening to the tiny 117 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:22,120 Speaker 1: little sound of this radio. So one day coming home 118 00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:26,120 Speaker 1: from school, walking home, and I hear like Diana Ross blasting, 119 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:28,800 Speaker 1: you know, really small out of this radio. And as 120 00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:32,240 Speaker 1: I approach the house, it's coming from a weird orientation, 121 00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:35,599 Speaker 1: and I look up and I see my tiny little 122 00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:39,200 Speaker 1: mom perched precariously on the roof of our two story house, 123 00:06:39,279 --> 00:06:42,960 Speaker 1: no ladder, no nothing. I'm terrified. I'm like, Mom, what 124 00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:45,440 Speaker 1: are you doing up there? Are you okay? And she 125 00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:48,760 Speaker 1: yells down and she's like, ree, don't worry about it. 126 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:49,800 Speaker 2: The roofer. 127 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:51,600 Speaker 1: You know, there's a leak. The roofer said it was 128 00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:53,479 Speaker 1: going to be at least five hundred bucks to fix it. 129 00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:56,760 Speaker 1: I said, screw that, I'm doing it myself. So that 130 00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:59,760 Speaker 1: gives you a little flavor of MoMA Poorlia sounds a 131 00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:03,360 Speaker 1: me So for context, this was the nineteen eighties, right, 132 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:06,080 Speaker 1: This is all pre Internet, this is pre Google, this 133 00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:08,480 Speaker 1: is pre YouTube. And my mom only had a high 134 00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:11,920 Speaker 1: school education. So one day it was in the fall, 135 00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:14,600 Speaker 1: I'm coming home from school and it was dark out. 136 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:17,520 Speaker 1: It's Jersey, right, It's like four o'clock and it's spooky already. 137 00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:21,680 Speaker 1: And as I'm approaching the house, everything is dark and 138 00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:25,160 Speaker 1: it's quiet. Now I'm Italian American and if your house 139 00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:28,840 Speaker 1: is dark and quiet, this is not good news. So 140 00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:32,880 Speaker 1: I'm terrified. I'm like, what's going on? Where's my mom? 141 00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:36,160 Speaker 1: Got that pit in my stomach, like something is seriously wrong. 142 00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:39,600 Speaker 1: So I walk in the house silence, and then I 143 00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:42,640 Speaker 1: start hearing these little clicks and clacks from the kitchen. 144 00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:46,240 Speaker 1: I tiptoe over and I see my mom in the kitchen. 145 00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:48,720 Speaker 1: She's hunched over the table and it looks like an 146 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:54,280 Speaker 1: operating room. There's a spotlight on screwdrivers, electrical tape, and 147 00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:58,800 Speaker 1: then in about twenty pieces was a completely dismantled Tropicana 148 00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:02,120 Speaker 1: range radio. And I stood back and I was like, Mom, 149 00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:03,080 Speaker 1: are you okay? 150 00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:03,720 Speaker 2: What happened? 151 00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:06,360 Speaker 1: That's your favorite thing? Is it broken? And she looks 152 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:09,040 Speaker 1: up at me and she says, rae. She goes, I'm fine, 153 00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:11,240 Speaker 1: She's like the antenna was a little busted, the dial 154 00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:14,000 Speaker 1: wasn't working, so I'm fixing it. And I stood there 155 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:15,840 Speaker 1: and I watched her work her magic, and then I 156 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:19,320 Speaker 1: finally thought to ask the question I should have always asked, 157 00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:23,160 Speaker 1: which was this, Hey, mom, how do you know how 158 00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:26,640 Speaker 1: to do so many different things that you've never done before? 159 00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:30,000 Speaker 1: But nobody's shown you how to do it? And she 160 00:08:30,080 --> 00:08:32,079 Speaker 1: puts down her screwdriver and she cocks her head to 161 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:34,120 Speaker 1: the side and she said, ray, what are you talking about. 162 00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:37,840 Speaker 1: Nothing in life is that complicated. If you roll up 163 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:39,920 Speaker 1: your sleeves, you get in there and you do it, 164 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:44,040 Speaker 1: everything is figure outable. And I kid you, guys not. 165 00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:48,240 Speaker 1: I stood there and I was like, whoa everything is 166 00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:51,600 Speaker 1: everything is figure out? Well, I was like, everything else, big, 167 00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:54,920 Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, everything is figure outible. And so it 168 00:08:55,040 --> 00:09:00,080 Speaker 1: was just this belief in possibility and grittiness and going 169 00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:02,440 Speaker 1: for it even though you have no clue what the 170 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:05,840 Speaker 1: heck you're doing. That really became the driving force in 171 00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:07,400 Speaker 1: my life and still is today. 172 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:10,640 Speaker 6: And it was a great book. Yes, I grew up 173 00:09:10,679 --> 00:09:14,520 Speaker 6: with a single parent. She was a nurse and first 174 00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:19,040 Speaker 6: black nurse in her hometown, and very much so like 175 00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:21,440 Speaker 6: one day I would come home, even if she's worked 176 00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:24,880 Speaker 6: a double shift, and she had the outlets pulled out 177 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:28,160 Speaker 6: literally of the wall, and she changed she was figuring 178 00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:31,240 Speaker 6: out how to change the electrical outlets in our house, 179 00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:33,800 Speaker 6: or you know. So it just reminded me of such 180 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:38,440 Speaker 6: a beautiful book and so important for young girls. That 181 00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:41,360 Speaker 6: again that I bought not only a copy for myself 182 00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:44,160 Speaker 6: but for our daughter, and we read and studied and 183 00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:45,360 Speaker 6: talked about it together. 184 00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:49,160 Speaker 1: That looks me so much. I can hardly even tell 185 00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:51,680 Speaker 1: you and thank you for sharing that. And I think 186 00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:54,320 Speaker 1: that so many of us, Chris, I know you come 187 00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:58,400 Speaker 1: from such scrappy beginnings as well, and we learned these 188 00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:01,960 Speaker 1: invaluable lessons about how to not let the fact that 189 00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:05,240 Speaker 1: you may not know or understand something stop you from 190 00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:05,960 Speaker 1: moving forward. 191 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,280 Speaker 7: Maria, I wanted to ask you a question. You know, 192 00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:10,320 Speaker 7: it was many years ago when you were twenty three 193 00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:13,840 Speaker 7: years old you had the courage to launch Marie TV 194 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:16,440 Speaker 7: when many women at that time were not creating that 195 00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:19,960 Speaker 7: type of content. And that was courageous, that was adacious, 196 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:23,160 Speaker 7: that was wonderful and obviously been now very successful. I'm 197 00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:25,880 Speaker 7: sure there's been lots of upstowns in that process. But 198 00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:29,520 Speaker 7: how did you find your confidence and trust in yourself 199 00:10:29,679 --> 00:10:32,480 Speaker 7: to go ahead and to create that vision, to create 200 00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:34,280 Speaker 7: that platform, to create that voice. 201 00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:36,319 Speaker 1: I was born in seventy five, so it was kind 202 00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:39,040 Speaker 1: of grown up in the eighties there. And my idea 203 00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:42,760 Speaker 1: of a successful, powerful business woman had like huge shoulder 204 00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:46,120 Speaker 1: pads and she was in this corner glass office. It 205 00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:48,400 Speaker 1: was kind of imagery that I think I just saw 206 00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:51,520 Speaker 1: in the media. And I had this notion that one 207 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:56,080 Speaker 1: had to be perfectly educated and speak at a particular 208 00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:59,800 Speaker 1: level and use particular language in order to be successful. 209 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:03,760 Speaker 1: And I remember being on Wall Street, on the floor 210 00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:06,040 Speaker 1: of the New York Stock Exchange and trying to kind 211 00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:10,040 Speaker 1: of step into my idealized image of what a successful 212 00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:12,360 Speaker 1: young woman was. And I tried to do that in 213 00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:15,160 Speaker 1: the magazine world, both on the advertising side and the 214 00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:18,959 Speaker 1: editorial side, and kind of all these different beautiful opportunities 215 00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:24,040 Speaker 1: that were career opportunities. But I kept feeling completely disconnected 216 00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:26,760 Speaker 1: because I was trying to be something that I wasn't. 217 00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:31,679 Speaker 1: And so after feeling like a failure and leaving jobs, 218 00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:33,800 Speaker 1: even though I had a very strong work ethic and 219 00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:37,920 Speaker 1: I was never afraid of hard work, I couldn't deny 220 00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:42,600 Speaker 1: from a soul level that I wasn't where my soul wanted. 221 00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:42,680 Speaker 6: Me to be. 222 00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:46,080 Speaker 1: And the moment that I relaxed and said, you know what, 223 00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:50,240 Speaker 1: I don't speak perfectly, I don't have I graduated from college. 224 00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:51,920 Speaker 1: I was the first in my family to go to college. 225 00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:54,800 Speaker 1: But I don't have higher degrees. I am way far 226 00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:57,720 Speaker 1: from perfect. I'm quirky, I'm weird, I have a strange 227 00:11:57,720 --> 00:11:59,800 Speaker 1: sense of humor. I like all of these different things. 228 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:03,080 Speaker 1: And I started just expressing the true essence of who 229 00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:06,720 Speaker 1: I am. That's actually when things started to come together. 230 00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:11,520 Speaker 1: So releasing this notion of perfection, releasing this notion of 231 00:12:11,559 --> 00:12:14,600 Speaker 1: having to be someone that I genuinely wasn't, that was 232 00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:16,840 Speaker 1: the only place it came from. That and just a 233 00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:19,199 Speaker 1: lot of pain of failure of trying to be something 234 00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:20,960 Speaker 1: I wasn't and it did not work out. 235 00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:26,840 Speaker 4: Marie, you spoke about where from pain comes courage, and 236 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:29,600 Speaker 4: in the same way, Chris, we all know your story. 237 00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:31,840 Speaker 4: The world knows your story. How you know in your 238 00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:35,320 Speaker 4: early thirties you received what you know talk about pain 239 00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:37,400 Speaker 4: and courage. What would have been a devastating for most 240 00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:40,720 Speaker 4: people diagnosis in a rare and curable stage four cancer, 241 00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,960 Speaker 4: and instead of retreating from it, you built a movement 242 00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:47,440 Speaker 4: around health and wellness. Take us back to that moment, 243 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:51,200 Speaker 4: and can you help us understand where you found that 244 00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:54,320 Speaker 4: courage from when you decided to share your story and 245 00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:55,640 Speaker 4: to build your movement. 246 00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:58,280 Speaker 3: I think my courage came out of fear, but also 247 00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:01,560 Speaker 3: out of anger, if I'm to be totally honest, because 248 00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:05,280 Speaker 3: you know, when you're in your early thirties and or 249 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:08,120 Speaker 3: work for a lot of people young adults with cancer, 250 00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:10,280 Speaker 3: when you're just starting out, you're trying to get your 251 00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:12,520 Speaker 3: life together. You're trying to figure out who you're going 252 00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:15,080 Speaker 3: to be and how you're going to make a living, 253 00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:18,720 Speaker 3: and you know, maybe you've got dreams of starting a 254 00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:22,400 Speaker 3: family or whatever that is. And then something like an 255 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:28,400 Speaker 3: incurable cancer diagnosis comes your way. It's so destabilizing, and 256 00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:31,840 Speaker 3: so the initial thing was I'm terrified, am I going 257 00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:33,719 Speaker 3: to live? I'm going to die? So I have this 258 00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:36,439 Speaker 3: rare cancer that can be slow growing, but it can 259 00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:39,560 Speaker 3: also be very aggressive, and so for me, it was 260 00:13:39,640 --> 00:13:43,320 Speaker 3: a first and foremost find the best doctor, figure out 261 00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:45,680 Speaker 3: what this thing is, and then come up with a 262 00:13:45,679 --> 00:13:50,199 Speaker 3: game plan. And the first doctor suggested a triple organ transplant, 263 00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:54,080 Speaker 3: and I thought that that was crazy. I had never 264 00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:57,600 Speaker 3: heard of anybody surviving something like that, and so I 265 00:13:57,640 --> 00:14:00,480 Speaker 3: said thank you, but no thank you again. Much like Marie, 266 00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:03,440 Speaker 3: I didn't have a higher degree. I actually wasn't even 267 00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:06,440 Speaker 3: interested in health and wellness. I figured, like fiber was 268 00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:08,440 Speaker 3: for later. Right now, I got to get my shit 269 00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:11,200 Speaker 3: together make a living, and so this was not something 270 00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:15,319 Speaker 3: that I thought was important or something that I want 271 00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:17,480 Speaker 3: to spend a lot of time educating myself on. But 272 00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:20,600 Speaker 3: then when you're up against the ropes, you find out 273 00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:23,440 Speaker 3: real quickly what you do need to put your focus on, 274 00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:25,960 Speaker 3: and for me, it was my health. And so I 275 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:29,720 Speaker 3: went about interviewing all of these different doctors, and I 276 00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:34,280 Speaker 3: think it was my first experience of saying, Okay, honestly, 277 00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:36,680 Speaker 3: these people work for me, and I'm looking for my 278 00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:39,840 Speaker 3: second in command. It was my first first opportunity of 279 00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:43,680 Speaker 3: being a CEO, and it was just it was becoming 280 00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:45,560 Speaker 3: the CEO of my health, which is what I often 281 00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:49,880 Speaker 3: talk about. As I kept meeting more people and interviewing them, 282 00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:53,640 Speaker 3: I decided, Okay, once I find my second in command, 283 00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:55,920 Speaker 3: then I really have to look outside of the box, 284 00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:59,560 Speaker 3: and when I finally did, he was like, look, this 285 00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:01,880 Speaker 3: can be grow slow growing, it can be aggressive, all 286 00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:04,920 Speaker 3: the things I just share with you. Sometimes it can change. 287 00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:07,400 Speaker 3: And so we're just going to watch and wait, and 288 00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:08,880 Speaker 3: we're going to track you, and we're going to wait 289 00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:11,160 Speaker 3: for cancer to make the first move, and we're going 290 00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:14,560 Speaker 3: to get a baseline and until then, you're going to 291 00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:17,480 Speaker 3: watch and live. And I said, well, I don't really 292 00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:20,560 Speaker 3: know what that means, and he said, go figure it out. 293 00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:24,840 Speaker 3: And so it was through that fear and that frustration 294 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:30,120 Speaker 3: that I decided to carve another path. And for me, 295 00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:34,280 Speaker 3: I think the anger was really about how come there 296 00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:36,720 Speaker 3: isn't a lot of information out there for people like me, 297 00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:40,960 Speaker 3: a young adult living with stage four cancer who doesn't 298 00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:44,320 Speaker 3: have the kind of opportunities to like have chemo and 299 00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:48,840 Speaker 3: radiation and surgery, And how come there isn't there are 300 00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:52,360 Speaker 3: any books or media or resources for people like us 301 00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:55,640 Speaker 3: who are living with these chronic diseases. And in a 302 00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:59,120 Speaker 3: lot of ways, you know, especially back then and even 303 00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:01,680 Speaker 3: before then, the Big Sea was still something that you 304 00:16:02,520 --> 00:16:05,960 Speaker 3: whispered about, you know, And so I think it was 305 00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:07,840 Speaker 3: part of the reason why I came out with the 306 00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:12,200 Speaker 3: film crazy sexy cancer. Everybody said, do not call it that, 307 00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:16,000 Speaker 3: and I was like, oh, I'm calling it that, And honestly, 308 00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:19,360 Speaker 3: that's where it began. It came from my own pain, 309 00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:21,360 Speaker 3: as Marie would say, and then it just turned into 310 00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:25,360 Speaker 3: something else, especially when you take the thing that is 311 00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:28,880 Speaker 3: so difficult for you and then you can Marie and 312 00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:31,120 Speaker 3: I share this in common a lot, which is we 313 00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:35,960 Speaker 3: use our creativity as tools for our healing. And I 314 00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:38,840 Speaker 3: think that that's something that we both champion in each other. 315 00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:41,920 Speaker 3: Is her creative power is something that I'm in awe of. 316 00:16:42,040 --> 00:16:44,200 Speaker 3: It's something I always want her to continue to like 317 00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:47,720 Speaker 3: put a foot on the gas and move towards because 318 00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:52,040 Speaker 3: it's this unlimited supply of possibility and potential that I 319 00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:55,960 Speaker 3: get really inspired by. And I think I have moments 320 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:59,720 Speaker 3: where I've offered the same experience for her, but ultimately 321 00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:03,720 Speaker 3: to you know, just get back to your question. I think, Marie, now, 322 00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:04,600 Speaker 3: did it came from pain? 323 00:17:05,359 --> 00:17:09,680 Speaker 6: And I just want to take a moment because, particularly 324 00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:13,640 Speaker 6: if there are young women that are listening. But when 325 00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:17,119 Speaker 6: what both of you all have just talked about, you know, 326 00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:23,280 Speaker 6: I think sometimes we want to gloss over fear, anger, pain, 327 00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:25,760 Speaker 6: but leaning into. 328 00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:26,960 Speaker 2: Those things you know. 329 00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:29,240 Speaker 6: You know, we I say to our daughter all the 330 00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:32,640 Speaker 6: time that you know, courage is not not being afraid, 331 00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:36,320 Speaker 6: it's doing it even when you are afraid. But if 332 00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:40,119 Speaker 6: they can learn young women at such a young age 333 00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:44,840 Speaker 6: that in those moments, something beautiful can be birthed. 334 00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:49,280 Speaker 4: Scrolling won't change your life, but subscribing just might tap 335 00:17:49,359 --> 00:17:53,280 Speaker 4: that button and stay connected to conversations that kept. 336 00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:56,280 Speaker 6: Now back to my legacy. 337 00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:59,399 Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, I'm so glad you brought Chris. I 338 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:03,040 Speaker 4: gotta say it, and why immediately. The friendship is so amazing, Marie. 339 00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:05,680 Speaker 4: If I can ask a question, I always deeply moved 340 00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:08,680 Speaker 4: here and Chris speak a moment ago. I'm so curious 341 00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:11,520 Speaker 4: what has she taught you? Not through her words, though, 342 00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:13,240 Speaker 4: but how she lives her life. 343 00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:15,680 Speaker 1: I feel like I learned from my best friend every day, 344 00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:20,360 Speaker 1: and in terms of just witnessing how she shows up 345 00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:25,920 Speaker 1: in the world for everyone else. I have never witnessed 346 00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:31,600 Speaker 1: someone so committed to her family and her friends, like 347 00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:34,440 Speaker 1: when you are on Chris's inner circle. The things that 348 00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:38,159 Speaker 1: she's taught me is just you stop at nothing to 349 00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:43,919 Speaker 1: show up and dive full in when your people need you, 350 00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:46,960 Speaker 1: and Honestly, I've gone through the past probably a little 351 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,879 Speaker 1: over two years for me, has been one of the 352 00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:52,440 Speaker 1: hardest of my life. Both of my parents their health declining. 353 00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:54,399 Speaker 1: And I know this is something in you know, a 354 00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:57,320 Speaker 1: journey that many of us go through in various ways, 355 00:18:57,680 --> 00:19:00,080 Speaker 1: and for me it's been the past few years. And 356 00:19:00,119 --> 00:19:03,640 Speaker 1: I think watching Chris over the course of our friendship, 357 00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:06,160 Speaker 1: how she showed up has really given me a lot 358 00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:08,600 Speaker 1: of strength for how I wanted to show up for 359 00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:10,960 Speaker 1: my own family in their time of need. 360 00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:15,399 Speaker 6: And in fact, even on your Instagram, there is something 361 00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:18,919 Speaker 6: that I would like to share. You said that my 362 00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:24,480 Speaker 6: mom almost died last year twice my dad's health nos 363 00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:28,320 Speaker 6: died at the same time. It was the most hellish, 364 00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:32,840 Speaker 6: painful six months of my life. Can you talk a 365 00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:36,480 Speaker 6: little bit more about those six months and what you 366 00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:38,800 Speaker 6: learned in those moments of crisis. 367 00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:43,639 Speaker 1: Yes, so those six months extended to over two years 368 00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:48,600 Speaker 1: and essentially, you know, and I'll say this, and I 369 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:51,479 Speaker 1: think it's important. What I'm about to say is it 370 00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:54,280 Speaker 1: can be heard in a way that's like, wow, this 371 00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:56,320 Speaker 1: is shocking. But I want to say this because I 372 00:19:56,359 --> 00:20:00,639 Speaker 1: think many people experience this in their lives and have 373 00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:04,280 Speaker 1: trouble finding people to relate to. But my mom after 374 00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:08,199 Speaker 1: being devastated by COVID in twenty twenty three. She's a 375 00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:10,760 Speaker 1: tiny woman. I've told the story about her already. She's 376 00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:15,080 Speaker 1: extremely resilient, and within about two weeks of having COVID 377 00:20:15,119 --> 00:20:17,399 Speaker 1: and no one knew it, she lost almost thirty pounds, 378 00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:19,399 Speaker 1: so she looked like a skeleton. She was in the 379 00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:22,280 Speaker 1: emergency room and the doctors kept telling her there was 380 00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:24,960 Speaker 1: nothing wrong with her, and if you would have seen her, 381 00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:29,199 Speaker 1: you would have said, she's probably close to death, like 382 00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:34,200 Speaker 1: what are you smoking. So, as a person who wanted 383 00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:35,919 Speaker 1: to dive in and say, you know, we need to 384 00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:38,439 Speaker 1: handle this, it was like, at the same time that 385 00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:42,639 Speaker 1: my mom was crumbling, my dad we realized his memory 386 00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:46,840 Speaker 1: wasn't just some memory issues but going into dementia slash Alzheimer's. 387 00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:51,560 Speaker 1: So everything was crashing at once fast forward because it 388 00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:54,520 Speaker 1: was impossible for us to find anything that would help 389 00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:57,040 Speaker 1: my mom. She actually tried to take her own life 390 00:20:57,400 --> 00:21:00,240 Speaker 1: three times over the course of the past two years. 391 00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:05,560 Speaker 1: And so as you can imagine, very traumatic, very difficult, 392 00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:10,280 Speaker 1: and navigating quote unquote healthcare system that's not really designed 393 00:21:10,320 --> 00:21:14,879 Speaker 1: to get people well has been difficult, to say the least, 394 00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:20,240 Speaker 1: I think it has. The whole experience has shown me 395 00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:24,119 Speaker 1: really how many challenges we have in this country. You know, 396 00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:28,439 Speaker 1: as someone who prides myself on being a boss in 397 00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:33,199 Speaker 1: many ways, being hopefully a somewhat good communicator, and have 398 00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:36,720 Speaker 1: an ability to kind of navigate complex systems, it has 399 00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:40,000 Speaker 1: made my heartbreak to think about so many others who 400 00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:44,040 Speaker 1: have similar struggles, who don't have the experience or the 401 00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:45,719 Speaker 1: ability to do some of the things that I've been 402 00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:49,480 Speaker 1: able to do. The system is crushing. So I'll pause 403 00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:51,359 Speaker 1: there in a moment, but I just wanted to say 404 00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:54,120 Speaker 1: that for anyone who might be listening right now who 405 00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:58,440 Speaker 1: is going through an experience with chronic illness aging parents, 406 00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:01,840 Speaker 1: my heart goes out to you. It will not last forever. 407 00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:04,159 Speaker 1: I think one of the things I've learned is how 408 00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:06,600 Speaker 1: important it is to give yourself breaks and take care 409 00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:09,720 Speaker 1: of yourself. And I think we need to keep having 410 00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:14,840 Speaker 1: these conversations because our population is aging, and we don't 411 00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:18,320 Speaker 1: really have the infrastructure or the support to help people 412 00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:22,800 Speaker 1: really exist in their last stages of life with dignity, 413 00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:26,200 Speaker 1: with safety, with care, and then all of the caregivers, 414 00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:28,639 Speaker 1: many of which we're in our thirties, forties, fifties and 415 00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:33,320 Speaker 1: sixties who are struggling with growing a family and their 416 00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:36,480 Speaker 1: children and then also having to take care of your 417 00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:38,679 Speaker 1: elders as well. So I think there's a lot of 418 00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:40,920 Speaker 1: opportunity for growth and transformation there. 419 00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:43,120 Speaker 6: And how did Chris show up for you in those 420 00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:44,800 Speaker 6: in those six months? 421 00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:47,800 Speaker 1: So can I tell you guys this? So we have 422 00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:52,000 Speaker 1: we have a code in text which is essentially an emoji, 423 00:22:52,359 --> 00:22:55,800 Speaker 1: and it's an ambulance emoji. That emoji is not used 424 00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:58,240 Speaker 1: all the time, but when one of us sends the 425 00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:02,280 Speaker 1: other the ambulance emoji, it is essentially I need you 426 00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:06,080 Speaker 1: right now. And we never quote unquote cry wolf. But 427 00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:08,639 Speaker 1: the way that Chris showed up for me is like 428 00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:13,120 Speaker 1: when I sent those emojis, like hey, this is happening 429 00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:17,159 Speaker 1: right now, she dropped everything and just strategized with me. 430 00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:19,600 Speaker 1: And she would often ask me, do you need me 431 00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:22,800 Speaker 1: to listen? Do we need to brainstorm? Do you need 432 00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:25,760 Speaker 1: me to get in my car? So it was kind 433 00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:28,760 Speaker 1: of that level of knowing that I was probably in 434 00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:33,879 Speaker 1: a really fragile state and that she opened the door 435 00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:36,360 Speaker 1: for me to be able to ask for the kind 436 00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:39,280 Speaker 1: of support I needed in a really traumatic moment. 437 00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:43,480 Speaker 7: It's really on honor that and just myself and my 438 00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:46,439 Speaker 7: brother Craig. We lost our father about a handful of 439 00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:49,760 Speaker 7: weeks ago, but nine ten weeks ago. Sorry, thank you, 440 00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:52,240 Speaker 7: We appreciate that. So we do have a good understanding 441 00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:55,480 Speaker 7: of the dysfunction of the medical system that really separates 442 00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:58,680 Speaker 7: the mind and the body. And just want to say 443 00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:01,840 Speaker 7: how challenging that it is. And I want to say 444 00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:04,600 Speaker 7: thank you for sharing that, and especially for sharing with 445 00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:07,680 Speaker 7: such detail and such rawness about the challenges your mom's 446 00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:11,720 Speaker 7: gone through, especially the last little while, because aging is difficult, 447 00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:14,879 Speaker 7: but aging parents without a medical system that really understands 448 00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:19,159 Speaker 7: the wholeness of that process is equally difficult. Chris, I 449 00:24:19,200 --> 00:24:22,280 Speaker 7: want to direct the same type of question for you 450 00:24:22,359 --> 00:24:26,719 Speaker 7: to give listeners inspiration, advice and courage. Let's take us 451 00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:29,480 Speaker 7: back to the pandemic, when your father was sick and 452 00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:32,480 Speaker 7: was dying, your business was struggling because of the pandemic, 453 00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:37,600 Speaker 7: and you just celebrated quote unquote your twentieth anniversary of 454 00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:41,399 Speaker 7: having incurable cancer. Now, for anybody else, any one of 455 00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:43,840 Speaker 7: those would have been a crisis, but this is must 456 00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:47,840 Speaker 7: have felt like an emotional tsunami. What pulled you through, 457 00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:50,080 Speaker 7: what got you through through that moment? What advice do 458 00:24:50,119 --> 00:24:52,960 Speaker 7: you have for people that are going through very challenging times. 459 00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:57,600 Speaker 3: I look back at that time, and I know all 460 00:24:57,640 --> 00:25:00,679 Speaker 3: the things that Marie has gone through in these for years, 461 00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:04,480 Speaker 3: and I feel like I was just a little ahead, 462 00:25:05,119 --> 00:25:07,760 Speaker 3: meaning like the shit was hitting the fan in my life, 463 00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:11,639 Speaker 3: and I had more perspective when it really hit the 464 00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:14,359 Speaker 3: fan in her life. And so a lot of the 465 00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:16,400 Speaker 3: mistakes that I made in my own life I could 466 00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:19,760 Speaker 3: try to avoid in hers. So even saying things like 467 00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:21,879 Speaker 3: do you want me to listen, as opposed to just 468 00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:24,159 Speaker 3: barreling in with advice you have to do this, you 469 00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:26,119 Speaker 3: have to do that, you have to do this, you know, 470 00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:29,399 Speaker 3: was something that I learned through my own experience of grief. 471 00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:33,359 Speaker 3: I did not want to touch grief. So as somebody 472 00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:36,160 Speaker 3: who has lived with stage four cancer for over two decades, 473 00:25:36,200 --> 00:25:38,159 Speaker 3: you would think that grief would be an emotion that 474 00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:41,040 Speaker 3: I am very familiar with, because there's a lot of 475 00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:45,280 Speaker 3: grief that comes from the loss of an identity, the 476 00:25:45,359 --> 00:25:50,640 Speaker 3: loss of physical capabilities, the loss of you know, your health. 477 00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:53,439 Speaker 3: And yet I had a blind spot because it felt 478 00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:55,840 Speaker 3: so hot and so big to me that if I 479 00:25:55,880 --> 00:25:58,880 Speaker 3: thought that if I even touched it, and what would 480 00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:01,880 Speaker 3: happen is my whole life foot fall apart. Because there 481 00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:07,960 Speaker 3: was so much systemic and generational trauma in those places 482 00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:11,639 Speaker 3: and in those hot spots, and so I kept avoiding it. 483 00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:14,800 Speaker 3: And I think for me that avoidance would come through 484 00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:21,600 Speaker 3: working harder, creating more, helping others further, just hustle, and 485 00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:24,280 Speaker 3: the more success I got, the easier it was to 486 00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:28,919 Speaker 3: continue down that path. So it really wasn't until the 487 00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:33,840 Speaker 3: pandemic and this constellation of loss came my way. My 488 00:26:34,119 --> 00:26:37,159 Speaker 3: father was my chosen father, so I didn't meet my 489 00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:40,679 Speaker 3: biological father until I was a teenager, and so he 490 00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:43,679 Speaker 3: and I had a very very close relationship. We still do, 491 00:26:44,359 --> 00:26:46,760 Speaker 3: and I actually think Marie has a close relationship with 492 00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:49,080 Speaker 3: him on the other side, because she's always reminding me 493 00:26:49,359 --> 00:26:52,160 Speaker 3: Ken said this, and Ken would tell us to do that, 494 00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:54,760 Speaker 3: and Ken would say that this thing that you're doing 495 00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:58,119 Speaker 3: is like naughty town, USA, cut it out right. So 496 00:26:58,680 --> 00:27:01,280 Speaker 3: she has had a lot of she's been impacted by 497 00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:04,360 Speaker 3: him as well. But it was really those moments when 498 00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:07,800 Speaker 3: everything starts to fall apart that I think we have 499 00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:11,800 Speaker 3: this opportunity to do the deep healing. And as a 500 00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:14,400 Speaker 3: result of that, you know, my book is called I'm 501 00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:17,520 Speaker 3: Not a Morning Person, Morning with You, and it's because 502 00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:19,919 Speaker 3: I didn't want to be a morning person. And yet 503 00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:23,600 Speaker 3: it's those places that we avoid that often hold our freedom, 504 00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:27,399 Speaker 3: as everybody here knows and then some And so I 505 00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:30,920 Speaker 3: went on this pilgrimage, in this journey that was really 506 00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:35,480 Speaker 3: about having the courage to explore my grief and then 507 00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:39,320 Speaker 3: kind of understanding that we can't amputate any of our 508 00:27:39,359 --> 00:27:42,480 Speaker 3: emotions and expect to be whole. And I believe going 509 00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:45,920 Speaker 3: back to that first question of you know, if joy 510 00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:48,480 Speaker 3: is the is the path to a good life, and 511 00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:51,600 Speaker 3: you know, wholeness is the point, then we certainly can't 512 00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:55,560 Speaker 3: amputate something like grief. And so when everything was going 513 00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:58,160 Speaker 3: on and has continued to go on for both of us, 514 00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:02,159 Speaker 3: I think because I had had a little bit of 515 00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:06,280 Speaker 3: that experience, certainly living it, but also then writing about it. 516 00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:08,120 Speaker 3: Because when you write about something, you have to put 517 00:28:08,119 --> 00:28:10,960 Speaker 3: words to it in a different way other than in 518 00:28:11,040 --> 00:28:16,080 Speaker 3: how you would tell your therapist. And so in some 519 00:28:16,119 --> 00:28:19,440 Speaker 3: ways I've felt very very privileged to be Marie's best 520 00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:22,440 Speaker 3: friend during this time, because I felt like I had 521 00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:26,240 Speaker 3: something to offer that the younger me would not have 522 00:28:26,359 --> 00:28:27,119 Speaker 3: had to offer. 523 00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:31,080 Speaker 7: And Chris, just you can't amputate grief so powerful, so 524 00:28:31,119 --> 00:28:35,040 Speaker 7: important in terms of wholeness. But you were there and 525 00:28:35,080 --> 00:28:39,280 Speaker 7: you showed up with Marie, of course, and that was 526 00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:44,200 Speaker 7: really impactful. But what did Marie do to show up 527 00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:47,480 Speaker 7: for you and just give us some tangible things? And 528 00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:49,640 Speaker 7: so if you have a best friend going through a crisis, 529 00:28:49,640 --> 00:28:51,640 Speaker 7: going through difficult time, and when everybody to be listening 530 00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:54,320 Speaker 7: to this, Chris, how did Marie show up and give 531 00:28:54,320 --> 00:28:56,360 Speaker 7: you that love and connection that you needed, especially at 532 00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:56,840 Speaker 7: that time. 533 00:28:57,080 --> 00:29:01,200 Speaker 3: Well, Marie always keeps me connected to my source. And 534 00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:03,880 Speaker 3: I think that's one of the greatest things that she 535 00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:07,400 Speaker 3: does for me. She not only stands for me as 536 00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:09,840 Speaker 3: a person, but she stands for the parts of me 537 00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:12,440 Speaker 3: that I neglect, and there are plenty of them. 538 00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:14,640 Speaker 7: What do you mean by that? What can you explain 539 00:29:14,640 --> 00:29:15,640 Speaker 7: that moment? That's really deep? 540 00:29:15,720 --> 00:29:18,800 Speaker 3: Explain that little So when you're going through difficult time, 541 00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:22,280 Speaker 3: especially she now that when you know your parents are 542 00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:24,200 Speaker 3: getting older and you're in the stage where maybe you're 543 00:29:24,200 --> 00:29:27,560 Speaker 3: caring for young people and older people, there's a lot 544 00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:30,640 Speaker 3: of pressure on you to be that caregiver, and there's 545 00:29:30,680 --> 00:29:33,160 Speaker 3: a lot of very serious decisions that also have to 546 00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:35,080 Speaker 3: be made during that time. So you need to be 547 00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:37,960 Speaker 3: your sharpest, you need to be at full capacity. Well, 548 00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:40,760 Speaker 3: how can you be at full capacity when you're absolutely 549 00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:44,600 Speaker 3: exhausted and burnt out? And so of course you're not 550 00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:46,520 Speaker 3: going to take the time in those moments, or you 551 00:29:46,520 --> 00:29:48,920 Speaker 3: don't think that take the time to recuperate and to 552 00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:51,520 Speaker 3: really take care of yourself because you're in fight or 553 00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:55,760 Speaker 3: flight mode. You know, somebody's survival is dependent on you 554 00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:59,240 Speaker 3: and how you show up. And so your best friend, 555 00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:01,240 Speaker 3: if you're like you have a best friend like me 556 00:30:01,320 --> 00:30:04,280 Speaker 3: who'll kick your ass, will be the person who will 557 00:30:04,320 --> 00:30:07,160 Speaker 3: say like, hey, you're doing a great job, but you 558 00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:09,280 Speaker 3: need this, or you need to take care of yourself, 559 00:30:09,320 --> 00:30:11,040 Speaker 3: or you need a rest or you need play, you 560 00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:12,480 Speaker 3: need to come to the city, We need to have 561 00:30:12,520 --> 00:30:15,959 Speaker 3: a good time, We need to see a scary movie. 562 00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:18,640 Speaker 3: Do you need me to brainstorm? How can I help you? 563 00:30:18,720 --> 00:30:21,280 Speaker 3: What doors can I open for you? So it's all 564 00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:24,960 Speaker 3: of those things, right, And she is truly the person 565 00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:26,760 Speaker 3: that I would go to when I have the best 566 00:30:26,800 --> 00:30:29,080 Speaker 3: news on the planet, and She's the first person I'm 567 00:30:29,080 --> 00:30:30,760 Speaker 3: gonna go to when I have the worst news on 568 00:30:30,800 --> 00:30:34,640 Speaker 3: the planet, because she's gonna hold my hair when I'm 569 00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:39,560 Speaker 3: barfing because I'm totally overwhelmed by what's going on. And 570 00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:41,920 Speaker 3: then she's gonna give me a hug, and then she's 571 00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:43,920 Speaker 3: gonna say, how can I help you put this back 572 00:30:43,960 --> 00:30:47,960 Speaker 3: together again? And probably if she's gonna help you put 573 00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:50,959 Speaker 3: something back together again, it's gonna come back together in 574 00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:56,520 Speaker 3: a much better, stronger, and more loving way. 575 00:30:56,720 --> 00:31:00,800 Speaker 1: We feel each other very intuitively, and and I can 576 00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:05,360 Speaker 1: feel in Chris that she's depleted. Like I'm showing up 577 00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:08,120 Speaker 1: with my full humor. I might drive to her. She 578 00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:10,680 Speaker 1: lives a couple hours away. We love some of the 579 00:31:10,680 --> 00:31:13,400 Speaker 1: same foods. I'm like, we're making this soup, We're watching 580 00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:16,200 Speaker 1: our favorite show. We're doing x Y or Z, or 581 00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:18,800 Speaker 1: I'm making you come into the city and I'm cooking 582 00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:21,200 Speaker 1: for you and I'm going to take you shopping, or 583 00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:23,880 Speaker 1: I'm gonna somehow fill your well in a way that's 584 00:31:23,920 --> 00:31:26,960 Speaker 1: going to keep you aligned with that joy and yourself 585 00:31:27,040 --> 00:31:29,760 Speaker 1: and the fact that everything's gonna be okay and you 586 00:31:29,920 --> 00:31:32,080 Speaker 1: don't have to hold it together on your own and 587 00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:35,680 Speaker 1: I got you. And if you need to just melt 588 00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:39,720 Speaker 1: and lose it and have it be messy, I will 589 00:31:39,800 --> 00:31:41,920 Speaker 1: sit here and get in the mess with you, and 590 00:31:41,960 --> 00:31:43,960 Speaker 1: you don't have to clean it up. I got that too. 591 00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:47,360 Speaker 2: Coming up, Marie four Leo and Chris Carr. She has 592 00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:50,400 Speaker 2: the relationship advice they wish they'd hurt sooner, and how 593 00:31:50,440 --> 00:31:53,160 Speaker 2: they show up for each other through life's toughest moments. 594 00:31:58,000 --> 00:32:00,400 Speaker 4: Now back to my legacy, let us. 595 00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:07,280 Speaker 6: Talk a little bit about romantic relationships, because obviously the 596 00:32:07,320 --> 00:32:09,960 Speaker 6: two of you all are such a powerful system for 597 00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:15,280 Speaker 6: each other, but you've also built strong, loving partnerships with 598 00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:20,080 Speaker 6: two amazing men. Marie, I think it's been more than 599 00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:24,560 Speaker 6: two decades with your partner, Josh. Yes, we're coming up 600 00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:29,560 Speaker 6: almost on thirty thirty years together, and like us, you 601 00:32:29,600 --> 00:32:33,280 Speaker 6: were wise enough to have a partner with a little 602 00:32:33,280 --> 00:32:39,360 Speaker 6: bit of seasoning on them. I think that there's a 603 00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:42,120 Speaker 6: little bit of age the same with us, which is 604 00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:48,440 Speaker 6: absolutely so wonderful and spicy. But what have you learned 605 00:32:49,320 --> 00:32:53,280 Speaker 6: about what it really really takes to grow together through 606 00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:57,719 Speaker 6: the ups and downs of life with your romantic partner? 607 00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:00,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, oh my gosh. And by the way, this is 608 00:33:00,840 --> 00:33:04,120 Speaker 1: something Chris and I, Oh, we talk about this all 609 00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:07,000 Speaker 1: the time. But for me with Josh, so yeah, it's 610 00:33:07,000 --> 00:33:10,680 Speaker 1: like twenty two plus years and he is just such 611 00:33:10,760 --> 00:33:16,680 Speaker 1: a magical, incredible, creative, loving human being. And I can 612 00:33:16,720 --> 00:33:19,320 Speaker 1: say this because we say this often like the times, 613 00:33:19,360 --> 00:33:22,040 Speaker 1: like we have so much love and adoration and respect 614 00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:26,120 Speaker 1: for one another and there's such deep rapport and support 615 00:33:26,160 --> 00:33:29,480 Speaker 1: and like soul level recognition, and then at so many 616 00:33:29,520 --> 00:33:32,640 Speaker 1: times we want to we're just like I can't stand you, 617 00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:35,920 Speaker 1: you know, like it's just like we drive each other absolutely, Baddy. 618 00:33:36,160 --> 00:33:38,960 Speaker 2: Try working together too, Yes. 619 00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:41,320 Speaker 1: Oh gosh, I say this to Chris too. I say 620 00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:43,560 Speaker 1: this to Chris. I'm like, if Josh and I work together. 621 00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:47,440 Speaker 1: So Josh is primarily an actor, writer, director, so he's 622 00:33:47,440 --> 00:33:50,000 Speaker 1: in the entertainment field, and I've got, you know, my 623 00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:53,920 Speaker 1: own Loneline empire. If him and I work together, I 624 00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:56,880 Speaker 1: would be in an orange jumpsuit because I would have 625 00:33:57,000 --> 00:34:00,680 Speaker 1: murdered this or man and be just a way for it. 626 00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:03,920 Speaker 1: Because that's the level that we can get to. I'm 627 00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:07,400 Speaker 1: joking obviously, but some of the things that we've learned, 628 00:34:07,920 --> 00:34:11,240 Speaker 1: I will say probably the most I've done every retreat 629 00:34:11,280 --> 00:34:14,279 Speaker 1: one could do read every book one could read, because 630 00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:17,239 Speaker 1: I'm that person who loves to learn and tries to 631 00:34:16,960 --> 00:34:21,080 Speaker 1: to just be a better person. And doctor Harville Hendrix 632 00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:25,240 Speaker 1: and Helen Kelly the Mago American Therapy. 633 00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:27,360 Speaker 4: Yes, yes, yes. 634 00:34:27,840 --> 00:34:31,319 Speaker 1: Our butt continues to save our butts on the car 635 00:34:31,440 --> 00:34:33,759 Speaker 1: rides where I'm like, really, did you just say that 636 00:34:34,120 --> 00:34:35,000 Speaker 1: or whatever? 637 00:34:35,960 --> 00:34:37,320 Speaker 6: Automatically going to the script. 638 00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:40,279 Speaker 1: We try and then sometimes one of us slips out, 639 00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:42,160 Speaker 1: and of course like if it's Josh, I'm like, you're 640 00:34:42,160 --> 00:34:47,000 Speaker 1: not doing dialogue. 641 00:34:45,320 --> 00:34:47,680 Speaker 7: As a dutiful husband, and craigsy husband, just give us 642 00:34:47,680 --> 00:34:49,400 Speaker 7: like the thirty seconds of what you're talking about with 643 00:34:49,440 --> 00:34:51,400 Speaker 7: the script and the therapy, we just take us a 644 00:34:51,400 --> 00:34:52,000 Speaker 7: step back and. 645 00:34:53,680 --> 00:34:54,520 Speaker 1: Very silent. 646 00:34:56,719 --> 00:35:00,600 Speaker 7: Yes, yes, so so so, just just engage to listen. 647 00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:04,200 Speaker 6: It is I think one of the most potent and 648 00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:10,239 Speaker 6: powerful ways of facilitating love and conversation, certainly in with 649 00:35:10,480 --> 00:35:14,080 Speaker 6: your romantic partners, you know, kind of dialoguing and really 650 00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:18,839 Speaker 6: hearing what your partner is saying and then not responding 651 00:35:18,880 --> 00:35:21,600 Speaker 6: as much. So for me, a lot of it is 652 00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:25,439 Speaker 6: so closely rooted in that the whole idea too, of 653 00:35:26,800 --> 00:35:30,680 Speaker 6: nonviolence and agape love. Because you separate, you separate the 654 00:35:30,719 --> 00:35:33,440 Speaker 6: actions or the words from the individual so that you 655 00:35:33,440 --> 00:35:34,640 Speaker 6: can come back together whole. 656 00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:38,759 Speaker 1: Yes, and so anyone can google learn about it. They're 657 00:35:38,800 --> 00:35:41,759 Speaker 1: still teaching Harville and Helen and I recommend everyone you know, 658 00:35:41,760 --> 00:35:43,839 Speaker 1: get a hold of their books, watch their videos. There's 659 00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:46,600 Speaker 1: a new documentary that's out. It's fabulous stuff, whether it's 660 00:35:46,680 --> 00:35:49,200 Speaker 1: romantic or otherwise. But I think Josh and I really, 661 00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:51,680 Speaker 1: for me, I have to always come back to celebrating 662 00:35:51,680 --> 00:35:56,080 Speaker 1: our differences. Yeah, we're very, very different people because each 663 00:35:56,120 --> 00:35:59,760 Speaker 1: of us in their philosophical and kind of research clinical 664 00:35:59,760 --> 00:36:02,879 Speaker 1: frame work, you know, we all have wounds that were 665 00:36:02,880 --> 00:36:07,440 Speaker 1: formed very early on that sort of determine our lens 666 00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:10,640 Speaker 1: on the world, and that in our romantic relationships are 667 00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:15,640 Speaker 1: very often we're almost magnetically attracted to the exact opposite 668 00:36:15,680 --> 00:36:17,600 Speaker 1: of who's going to push your buttons so that you 669 00:36:17,680 --> 00:36:21,200 Speaker 1: can both heal together. And so for Josh and I, 670 00:36:21,239 --> 00:36:24,200 Speaker 1: we find that, for example, one of my fears is 671 00:36:24,239 --> 00:36:27,560 Speaker 1: being suffocated. So I love freedom. I love freedom, I 672 00:36:27,600 --> 00:36:31,360 Speaker 1: love freedom. And Joshi's fear, his kind of core childhood wound, 673 00:36:31,400 --> 00:36:34,400 Speaker 1: is being abandoned. So you could just see when one 674 00:36:34,480 --> 00:36:37,240 Speaker 1: person doesn't want to be suffocated and one person doesn't 675 00:36:37,239 --> 00:36:39,240 Speaker 1: want to be abandoned. You have like a saltmn pepper 676 00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:41,440 Speaker 1: shaker of the exact things that will drive it with 677 00:36:41,600 --> 00:36:47,279 Speaker 1: our bonkers. So I think for us celebrating the differences, 678 00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:50,960 Speaker 1: coming back to tools that actually work. I think also 679 00:36:52,120 --> 00:36:55,960 Speaker 1: the courage to know I am not the same person 680 00:36:56,239 --> 00:36:58,840 Speaker 1: that I was twenty two plus years ago, and neither 681 00:36:58,920 --> 00:37:04,120 Speaker 1: is he, and being able to courageously sit and talk 682 00:37:04,200 --> 00:37:08,920 Speaker 1: and discover anew who this person is now, who do 683 00:37:09,000 --> 00:37:14,160 Speaker 1: they want to become? And can we continue to grow 684 00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:18,799 Speaker 1: together without holding one another back and honoring our differences 685 00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:22,160 Speaker 1: as we both evolve forward, And that's like an ever 686 00:37:22,960 --> 00:37:26,880 Speaker 1: growing dance. We certainly don't always get it right, but 687 00:37:27,040 --> 00:37:30,799 Speaker 1: what I'm proud of is that we keep coming back 688 00:37:30,840 --> 00:37:33,799 Speaker 1: to the core of we love each other. We want 689 00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:36,920 Speaker 1: to see each other happy. We're committed to each other's 690 00:37:37,040 --> 00:37:41,040 Speaker 1: health and well being, and we're committed to it being 691 00:37:41,280 --> 00:37:45,040 Speaker 1: messy and too working it through when things aren't going well. 692 00:37:45,120 --> 00:37:47,680 Speaker 1: And that's you know that can be often in any 693 00:37:47,760 --> 00:37:49,960 Speaker 1: human relationship where you have friction. 694 00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:53,680 Speaker 6: And Chris, I know that Brian has been with you 695 00:37:53,800 --> 00:37:58,399 Speaker 6: throughout from your diagnosis to your healing. What has he 696 00:37:58,440 --> 00:38:01,160 Speaker 6: taught you about love in partnership. 697 00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:04,960 Speaker 3: Well, you know, prior to Brian, I was always looking 698 00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:12,040 Speaker 3: for the guy who would leave me basically, so I 699 00:38:12,480 --> 00:38:15,960 Speaker 3: for me, my core woman is also abandonment. It's somebody 700 00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:18,399 Speaker 3: who met her father later in life. My father left 701 00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:20,759 Speaker 3: when I was conceived, and so I think I was 702 00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:24,799 Speaker 3: always looking for that daddy figure. And I remember as 703 00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:28,960 Speaker 3: a child thinking, well, if I am successful, maybe one 704 00:38:29,040 --> 00:38:32,000 Speaker 3: day he'll hear about me and he'll want to meet 705 00:38:32,040 --> 00:38:36,120 Speaker 3: me because I'll have value, right, And so I would 706 00:38:36,160 --> 00:38:38,279 Speaker 3: and I also imagine what he might have been like. 707 00:38:38,320 --> 00:38:41,279 Speaker 3: I saw him as like this big warrior and you know, 708 00:38:41,360 --> 00:38:43,719 Speaker 3: he's a lot of bravado. I don't know where my 709 00:38:43,880 --> 00:38:46,239 Speaker 3: little childhood mind came up with all this stuff, maybe 710 00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:49,600 Speaker 3: like superhero type of stuff. And so I was always 711 00:38:49,600 --> 00:38:53,160 Speaker 3: looking for that big warrior, bravado guy who had a 712 00:38:53,160 --> 00:38:57,759 Speaker 3: lot of charisma and a lot of daddy troubles too, right. 713 00:38:58,000 --> 00:39:02,399 Speaker 3: And so it really wasn't until my diagnosis that as 714 00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:05,440 Speaker 3: I was healing other aspects of my life and really 715 00:39:05,600 --> 00:39:07,960 Speaker 3: kind of saying, Okay, if you only have a certain 716 00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:10,719 Speaker 3: amount of time left. If that's the case, how do 717 00:39:10,760 --> 00:39:14,040 Speaker 3: you want to spend it? That I think I saw 718 00:39:14,120 --> 00:39:15,120 Speaker 3: somebody like Brian. 719 00:39:15,280 --> 00:39:15,680 Speaker 1: I don't. 720 00:39:15,880 --> 00:39:18,160 Speaker 3: We knew each other and we had been in previous 721 00:39:18,200 --> 00:39:21,120 Speaker 3: relationships and we had been in our friend circles, but 722 00:39:21,200 --> 00:39:23,360 Speaker 3: I hadn't seen him as somebody who could be a 723 00:39:23,400 --> 00:39:26,680 Speaker 3: partner with me. And so Brian is a filmmaker. He 724 00:39:26,840 --> 00:39:31,359 Speaker 3: is an Emmy Award winning editor film editor. And when 725 00:39:31,400 --> 00:39:35,200 Speaker 3: I was making my film Crazy Sexy Cancer, one of 726 00:39:35,200 --> 00:39:37,799 Speaker 3: our mutual friends was like, maybe Brian can cut a 727 00:39:37,800 --> 00:39:40,360 Speaker 3: little trailer for you, because they knew that I wanted 728 00:39:40,400 --> 00:39:43,480 Speaker 3: to submit it to a little industry night to see 729 00:39:43,520 --> 00:39:47,040 Speaker 3: if so I could get representation. So he cut that 730 00:39:47,040 --> 00:39:49,120 Speaker 3: trailer for me, and he started to teach me a 731 00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:51,719 Speaker 3: whole lot about filmmaking because I had always been in 732 00:39:51,760 --> 00:39:54,520 Speaker 3: front of the camera, but right before my diagnosis, I 733 00:39:54,520 --> 00:39:56,799 Speaker 3: had moved to wanting to be behind the camera because 734 00:39:56,800 --> 00:39:59,160 Speaker 3: I wanted to basically call the shots. And we were 735 00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:02,799 Speaker 3: little bit dating, but not really. It was really for me. 736 00:40:02,840 --> 00:40:05,440 Speaker 3: It was about the focus of the film. But as 737 00:40:05,560 --> 00:40:09,320 Speaker 3: this four years went on, you know, making the project together, 738 00:40:09,880 --> 00:40:13,799 Speaker 3: you know, he became the partner that I always I 739 00:40:13,840 --> 00:40:18,160 Speaker 3: think deserved and hadn't didn't see because I was so 740 00:40:18,239 --> 00:40:22,319 Speaker 3: trapped in my own wounds, and so we ended up 741 00:40:22,600 --> 00:40:26,399 Speaker 3: leaving our careers and working together. And I think that 742 00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:29,879 Speaker 3: in and of itself becomes this practice for relationship. As 743 00:40:29,920 --> 00:40:33,759 Speaker 3: Marie has said, we have had many conversations where we've 744 00:40:33,760 --> 00:40:37,719 Speaker 3: coached each other through hot relationship moments, and I'd say 745 00:40:37,760 --> 00:40:41,080 Speaker 3: the biggest thing that I have learned from him specifically is, 746 00:40:42,239 --> 00:40:44,239 Speaker 3: and Marie loves when I say this, so you will 747 00:40:44,239 --> 00:40:46,640 Speaker 3: know exactly what I'm saying, Marie, is the only time 748 00:40:46,680 --> 00:40:49,280 Speaker 3: you can change somebody is when they're in diapers. 749 00:40:50,480 --> 00:40:51,040 Speaker 2: That's one of the. 750 00:40:51,320 --> 00:40:55,000 Speaker 7: Best That's good, yes, is that at the beginning of 751 00:40:55,040 --> 00:40:56,720 Speaker 7: life and the end of life or just the beginning 752 00:40:56,760 --> 00:40:57,160 Speaker 7: of life. 753 00:40:57,400 --> 00:40:58,440 Speaker 2: Just obviously. 754 00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:03,840 Speaker 6: Got it, Oh my goodness. 755 00:41:03,880 --> 00:41:06,000 Speaker 3: And I've had to learn. I had to learn, like, Okay, 756 00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:08,399 Speaker 3: who is this person that I'm with that I can 757 00:41:08,600 --> 00:41:12,120 Speaker 3: like champion and love and love for who he is. 758 00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:15,640 Speaker 3: And and then if you want to change somebody, it's 759 00:41:15,680 --> 00:41:18,759 Speaker 3: because there's something in you that really is desiring to 760 00:41:18,760 --> 00:41:21,960 Speaker 3: be healed. And so for me it was like, Okay, 761 00:41:22,040 --> 00:41:24,120 Speaker 3: I got the focus on the wrong place. What are 762 00:41:24,160 --> 00:41:26,480 Speaker 3: the wounds, what's the what are the booboos, what are 763 00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:31,080 Speaker 3: the hurt nooks and crannies of my being that need 764 00:41:31,160 --> 00:41:34,279 Speaker 3: that care. And then I think, I mean, I'm still 765 00:41:34,320 --> 00:41:37,760 Speaker 3: on this path. But the more work we put into 766 00:41:37,800 --> 00:41:41,880 Speaker 3: that area, I guess our relationships benefit too, because we 767 00:41:41,960 --> 00:41:45,520 Speaker 3: sort of like let the love flourish as opposed to, 768 00:41:45,800 --> 00:41:48,040 Speaker 3: you know, try to control and suffocate it and make 769 00:41:48,080 --> 00:41:49,840 Speaker 3: it look a certain way that it doesn't want to 770 00:41:49,840 --> 00:41:50,640 Speaker 3: be in the first place. 771 00:41:51,600 --> 00:41:59,200 Speaker 5: That's amazing and sometimes we say, particularly with the quote 772 00:41:59,239 --> 00:42:01,280 Speaker 5: you can only chance someone in diapers. 773 00:42:01,680 --> 00:42:07,120 Speaker 6: Now that a preach and that comes directly from a 774 00:42:07,120 --> 00:42:08,360 Speaker 6: preacher's KIDK. 775 00:42:08,640 --> 00:42:10,200 Speaker 1: So there you go, preach. 776 00:42:10,120 --> 00:42:14,000 Speaker 5: I can make a whole sermon around it. I want 777 00:42:14,040 --> 00:42:17,680 Speaker 5: to ask both of you something about uh particularly for 778 00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:26,400 Speaker 5: our uh single listeners uh be because certainly dating can 779 00:42:26,480 --> 00:42:34,040 Speaker 5: be frustrating and challenging, and you know everybody has a checklist. 780 00:42:35,480 --> 00:42:39,680 Speaker 5: What maybe what's one thing that you were looking for 781 00:42:39,800 --> 00:42:45,600 Speaker 5: in your twenties, but now it's what you love most 782 00:42:46,040 --> 00:42:47,240 Speaker 5: about your partner. 783 00:42:47,640 --> 00:42:49,640 Speaker 6: Before you answer this, did you ever think in your 784 00:42:49,680 --> 00:42:52,359 Speaker 6: life that Martin Luther King would be asking you about 785 00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:59,480 Speaker 6: your dating checklist? 786 00:42:53,719 --> 00:42:53,759 Speaker 2: No? 787 00:43:01,440 --> 00:43:04,719 Speaker 3: No, I cannot wait for dinner tonight and be like, honey. 788 00:43:04,440 --> 00:43:08,919 Speaker 2: I tell you about my day so. 789 00:43:09,120 --> 00:43:12,839 Speaker 1: Just as a little context, Jersey girl Italian American grew 790 00:43:12,920 --> 00:43:16,040 Speaker 1: up on the Jersey Shore, which really big hair, lots 791 00:43:16,040 --> 00:43:19,960 Speaker 1: of tanning beds, gold gym, muscles, guidos. I can say 792 00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:23,400 Speaker 1: that because I'm Italian American, so like probably on my 793 00:43:23,600 --> 00:43:26,239 Speaker 1: list in my early twenties was like a really good 794 00:43:26,360 --> 00:43:31,239 Speaker 1: tan and gold chains. And then as it got to 795 00:43:31,800 --> 00:43:37,800 Speaker 1: like a more mature age, someone like Josh who is 796 00:43:37,960 --> 00:43:42,520 Speaker 1: so willing to do the work And when I say 797 00:43:42,560 --> 00:43:46,520 Speaker 1: the work, I mean the work of loving themselves and 798 00:43:46,560 --> 00:43:49,600 Speaker 1: another human being who is as flawed as I am, 799 00:43:50,080 --> 00:43:52,480 Speaker 1: who is as wild as I am, who has as 800 00:43:52,520 --> 00:43:55,720 Speaker 1: many different expressions as I am. So somebody who's willing 801 00:43:55,760 --> 00:43:58,399 Speaker 1: to not just you know, assume that they know it all, 802 00:43:58,480 --> 00:44:00,680 Speaker 1: but be willing to be curious and grow and learn. 803 00:44:00,920 --> 00:44:04,120 Speaker 1: So yeah, from from tans and kind of oiled up 804 00:44:04,160 --> 00:44:07,160 Speaker 1: big muscles and gold chains to the inner. 805 00:44:11,320 --> 00:44:13,560 Speaker 3: You know, I don't even know if I knew what 806 00:44:13,760 --> 00:44:16,800 Speaker 3: I wanted. I was just sort of flailing all around, 807 00:44:17,120 --> 00:44:17,399 Speaker 3: you know. 808 00:44:17,840 --> 00:44:18,279 Speaker 4: Back then. 809 00:44:18,760 --> 00:44:22,560 Speaker 3: But what I know now is that I really am 810 00:44:22,640 --> 00:44:26,720 Speaker 3: so grateful to have a partner that I love talking 811 00:44:26,800 --> 00:44:31,280 Speaker 3: to that is endlessly curious, that you know, can dive 812 00:44:31,320 --> 00:44:33,600 Speaker 3: into any topic out there. Even when we go out 813 00:44:33,600 --> 00:44:36,720 Speaker 3: and we meet people and maybe he doesn't know anything 814 00:44:36,760 --> 00:44:40,440 Speaker 3: about the thing that they do, he's endlessly fascinated by 815 00:44:40,520 --> 00:44:44,400 Speaker 3: it and he wants to have those really wonderful conversations. 816 00:44:44,480 --> 00:44:49,400 Speaker 3: And I think, as my life has continued, it's just 817 00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:52,319 Speaker 3: so we it's so we're so lucky when we can 818 00:44:52,360 --> 00:44:54,480 Speaker 3: have deep conversations with the people. 819 00:44:54,200 --> 00:44:54,759 Speaker 1: That we love. 820 00:44:56,280 --> 00:45:00,759 Speaker 6: And I do want to take us back to where 821 00:45:00,840 --> 00:45:06,000 Speaker 6: we began, which is just the deep and unwavering friendship between. 822 00:45:05,640 --> 00:45:06,200 Speaker 4: The two of you. 823 00:45:06,280 --> 00:45:09,600 Speaker 6: All part of that too, showing up and being there 824 00:45:09,600 --> 00:45:12,560 Speaker 6: for each other. Sometimes you have to kind of stand 825 00:45:12,640 --> 00:45:16,080 Speaker 6: in some hard truth or one truth, and so I 826 00:45:16,080 --> 00:45:18,919 Speaker 6: would like to ask each of you what would be 827 00:45:19,200 --> 00:45:23,200 Speaker 6: the one truth that you have said to each other 828 00:45:23,560 --> 00:45:27,280 Speaker 6: that you all really needed to hear at that moment. 829 00:45:28,040 --> 00:45:30,239 Speaker 1: I can be very hard headed, I will say that, 830 00:45:33,239 --> 00:45:36,240 Speaker 1: and I sometimes I'm like, I need to open everything 831 00:45:36,239 --> 00:45:38,880 Speaker 1: as figure outable. Oh wow, I wrote that. Boy do 832 00:45:38,960 --> 00:45:41,359 Speaker 1: I need a reminder? Here's what I want to say. 833 00:45:41,440 --> 00:45:43,319 Speaker 1: I will find the truth. But I just want to, 834 00:45:43,800 --> 00:45:47,160 Speaker 1: like with Chris, she's really the one person in the 835 00:45:47,200 --> 00:45:50,120 Speaker 1: world and I really think she is the only person 836 00:45:50,120 --> 00:45:53,960 Speaker 1: in the world who can say what may be to 837 00:45:54,080 --> 00:45:57,879 Speaker 1: perhaps my ego, you know, like a painful truth, and 838 00:45:57,960 --> 00:46:03,480 Speaker 1: to not have me want to like slap her one person, 839 00:46:03,520 --> 00:46:07,480 Speaker 1: because she will know how to kind of talk about intention, 840 00:46:07,800 --> 00:46:10,120 Speaker 1: to like kind of fill the space with love and 841 00:46:10,120 --> 00:46:14,400 Speaker 1: say hey, because I know she's standing for the essence 842 00:46:14,440 --> 00:46:17,360 Speaker 1: of me, the soul of me, the highest of me 843 00:46:18,280 --> 00:46:21,400 Speaker 1: that I can I know she's speaking never to hurt me, 844 00:46:21,719 --> 00:46:23,680 Speaker 1: but to help me rise up and to help me 845 00:46:23,760 --> 00:46:27,560 Speaker 1: ease my suffering. One of the things that I always 846 00:46:27,600 --> 00:46:31,240 Speaker 1: wrestle with, less so now than in my earlier years, 847 00:46:31,320 --> 00:46:36,440 Speaker 1: but is really like this ultra competitive comparison kind of 848 00:46:36,480 --> 00:46:38,839 Speaker 1: thing in my head that I'm not doing enough, that 849 00:46:38,920 --> 00:46:41,000 Speaker 1: oh I should be doing more. It's kind of this 850 00:46:41,120 --> 00:46:45,480 Speaker 1: addiction to productivity and achievement, and some of which can 851 00:46:45,520 --> 00:46:47,680 Speaker 1: be really beautiful and that can drive us, and then 852 00:46:47,719 --> 00:46:50,359 Speaker 1: for me, I've noticed it can go awry and it 853 00:46:50,360 --> 00:46:53,280 Speaker 1: can be a monster that can feel just terrible inside. 854 00:46:53,880 --> 00:46:56,880 Speaker 1: And anytime that I've found myself in a space like 855 00:46:56,920 --> 00:46:59,200 Speaker 1: that where I'm torturing me and I'm still you know, 856 00:46:59,280 --> 00:47:01,520 Speaker 1: no matter how hard I'm working or how much I'm producing, 857 00:47:01,520 --> 00:47:04,480 Speaker 1: it's still never enough. And let's say I'm comparing myself 858 00:47:04,480 --> 00:47:07,080 Speaker 1: to a colleague or somebody out there, She'll be the 859 00:47:07,080 --> 00:47:09,520 Speaker 1: one to be like, Okay, well this is what I 860 00:47:09,560 --> 00:47:12,960 Speaker 1: know about you, Marie, you are such a powerful manifestor 861 00:47:13,000 --> 00:47:13,799 Speaker 1: do you really want that? 862 00:47:14,120 --> 00:47:15,319 Speaker 2: Do you want X, Y or Z? 863 00:47:15,440 --> 00:47:17,040 Speaker 1: Because I know you could get it and we could 864 00:47:17,040 --> 00:47:18,759 Speaker 1: write down, does that do you really want that? 865 00:47:18,880 --> 00:47:19,080 Speaker 5: Life? 866 00:47:19,080 --> 00:47:22,799 Speaker 8: And then when she does that to me, I'm no, like, 867 00:47:22,800 --> 00:47:26,080 Speaker 8: like it brings it all together. So she has this 868 00:47:26,239 --> 00:47:30,719 Speaker 8: way of taming my inner demons and my monsters, and 869 00:47:30,760 --> 00:47:34,160 Speaker 8: so the truth is really getting me back aligned with 870 00:47:34,360 --> 00:47:37,640 Speaker 8: how powerful of a creator that I am. And the 871 00:47:37,680 --> 00:47:39,680 Speaker 8: truth I usually need to hear is like I'm doing 872 00:47:39,760 --> 00:47:42,399 Speaker 8: exactly what I really want to do. It's this thing 873 00:47:42,400 --> 00:47:45,240 Speaker 8: and I'm pointing to my head for all of our listeners. 874 00:47:45,920 --> 00:47:48,520 Speaker 8: It's my mind that can often take me off into 875 00:47:48,560 --> 00:47:49,920 Speaker 8: these very tortuous places. 876 00:47:53,800 --> 00:47:57,120 Speaker 3: So with me, I as much I will stand for 877 00:47:57,160 --> 00:47:59,360 Speaker 3: people and stand for people in my family especially, and 878 00:47:59,440 --> 00:48:03,080 Speaker 3: you know myner in our circle, I can also disappear 879 00:48:03,320 --> 00:48:09,200 Speaker 3: and vanish and hide, and you become my own little 880 00:48:09,280 --> 00:48:13,759 Speaker 3: happy hermit cave dweller. And Marie always knows when it's 881 00:48:13,800 --> 00:48:15,799 Speaker 3: gone too far and she'll just you know, pull me 882 00:48:15,840 --> 00:48:19,640 Speaker 3: out of the cave, sometimes by my hair, but always lovingly. 883 00:48:21,160 --> 00:48:24,720 Speaker 3: But also there are those moments when I actually don't 884 00:48:24,880 --> 00:48:29,600 Speaker 3: know how to use my voice, and they tend to 885 00:48:29,600 --> 00:48:33,680 Speaker 3: be in similar situations, and literally she will coach me 886 00:48:33,920 --> 00:48:36,840 Speaker 3: and she'll give me the script to follow. And you 887 00:48:36,920 --> 00:48:39,359 Speaker 3: think that when you are grown up, you don't need 888 00:48:39,400 --> 00:48:42,440 Speaker 3: help with things like scripts and how to talk to people, 889 00:48:42,920 --> 00:48:46,440 Speaker 3: but I think oftentimes we actually do, especially when they're 890 00:48:46,480 --> 00:48:49,799 Speaker 3: conversations that are difficult and maybe scary. And when I 891 00:48:49,800 --> 00:48:52,880 Speaker 3: say scary, because they're tapping into something an old wound 892 00:48:52,960 --> 00:48:56,640 Speaker 3: or a place that still needs love and care in ourselves. 893 00:48:56,760 --> 00:48:59,680 Speaker 3: And so she's my script doctor. 894 00:49:00,400 --> 00:49:04,280 Speaker 7: That's awesome, script doctor. What a great conversation. Thank you, guys. 895 00:49:04,280 --> 00:49:06,880 Speaker 7: This has just been absolutely remarkable. 896 00:49:06,400 --> 00:49:08,520 Speaker 4: And just listening to the two of you, I gotta say, 897 00:49:08,520 --> 00:49:10,120 Speaker 4: I think this is one of my favorite episodes You've 898 00:49:10,120 --> 00:49:15,080 Speaker 4: ever had because of just the vulnerability, the rawness, the 899 00:49:15,120 --> 00:49:18,279 Speaker 4: holding each other accountable, the storytelling, and just clearly the 900 00:49:18,360 --> 00:49:20,440 Speaker 4: love between the two of you. It's just such a 901 00:49:20,440 --> 00:49:26,840 Speaker 4: beautiful model for friendship. Courage comes from pain, the places 902 00:49:26,840 --> 00:49:32,160 Speaker 4: we avoid hold our freedom. We cannot amputate any emotions 903 00:49:32,280 --> 00:49:35,680 Speaker 4: and expect to be whole. And of course, I think 904 00:49:35,719 --> 00:49:40,400 Speaker 4: my personal favorite only time we could change someone in diapers. 905 00:49:40,680 --> 00:49:42,879 Speaker 4: I think that one my wife is going to quote 906 00:49:42,880 --> 00:49:44,840 Speaker 4: to me a few times. The two of you have 907 00:49:44,920 --> 00:49:47,839 Speaker 4: brought such a beautiful friendship to share with us. 908 00:49:48,280 --> 00:49:54,080 Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you, thank you for joining us. If 909 00:49:54,080 --> 00:49:57,960 Speaker 2: you enjoyed today's conversation, subscribe, share, and follow us on 910 00:49:58,080 --> 00:50:02,399 Speaker 2: at my Legacy movement on social media and YouTube. New 911 00:50:02,440 --> 00:50:07,080 Speaker 2: episodes drop every Tuesday. At its core, this podcast honors 912 00:50:07,160 --> 00:50:10,800 Speaker 2: doctor King's vision of the beloved community and the power 913 00:50:10,840 --> 00:50:15,840 Speaker 2: of connection. A Legacy Plus Studio production distributed by iHeartMedia 914 00:50:16,000 --> 00:50:20,240 Speaker 2: creator and executive producer Suzanne Hayward co executive producer Lisa Lyle. 915 00:50:20,640 --> 00:50:23,279 Speaker 2: Listen on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your 916 00:50:23,320 --> 00:50:24,200 Speaker 2: podcasts on