WEBVTT - Saints and Sinners with Layla Taylor 0:00:02.640 --> 0:00:07.120 Hey, the folks in this episode, Layla's got a boyfriend. 0:00:08.480 --> 0:00:11.920 Welcome to this episode of Amy and TJ Roads. It's 0:00:11.960 --> 0:00:16.400 called Secret Lies of Mormon Wives. But not all the 0:00:16.480 --> 0:00:19.200 wives are necessarily wives. 0:00:19.280 --> 0:00:22.600 Well, look, things happen. Life happens. Yes, wives get divorced 0:00:22.640 --> 0:00:25.200 and then they move on and they get new boyfriends, 0:00:25.360 --> 0:00:28.320 or they marry, or they enjoy single life. But yeah, 0:00:28.360 --> 0:00:30.320 you get all of the above. It's a mixed bag, 0:00:31.000 --> 0:00:31.800 just like life is. 0:00:32.040 --> 0:00:34.400 But Layla that we're talking about is Layla Taylor. Of course, 0:00:34.440 --> 0:00:37.479 one of the stars of the hit show. It's a 0:00:37.560 --> 0:00:40.960 hit show, but last year season one, it took a 0:00:40.960 --> 0:00:44.159 bunch of hits after the season aired, and all that 0:00:44.240 --> 0:00:45.760 was talked when it first got pitched to us, we 0:00:45.800 --> 0:00:47.400 had a couple of folks in the studio with us. 0:00:47.520 --> 0:00:50.680 They said, oh, yeah, the swinging scandal. That's all we 0:00:50.760 --> 0:00:54.080 heard about was the swinging scandal. Is it over yet? 0:00:54.720 --> 0:00:57.760 I think the swinging scandal is over, but there are 0:00:57.760 --> 0:01:00.800 more scandals to be had, because look, I think it's 0:01:00.840 --> 0:01:04.160 interesting these this group of women were trying to modernize 0:01:04.240 --> 0:01:06.600 or at least show the world. We all have our 0:01:07.680 --> 0:01:10.520 our thoughts about what the Mormon Church is what it means, 0:01:10.840 --> 0:01:13.360 and they're like, hey, y'all got it all wrong. We're 0:01:13.400 --> 0:01:15.759 just like you in a lot of ways. We make mistakes. 0:01:15.800 --> 0:01:20.760 Sometimes we drink, sometimes we curse, sometimes we sometimes we 0:01:20.840 --> 0:01:23.360 have sex with people who aren't our husband's I mean whatever. 0:01:23.480 --> 0:01:25.319 But I think that was the intent at least to 0:01:25.720 --> 0:01:28.160 kind of pull back the curtains. And you know a 0:01:28.160 --> 0:01:30.840 lot of people. Some people were offended, some people were shocked, 0:01:30.880 --> 0:01:32.080 and some people couldn't stop watching. 0:01:32.200 --> 0:01:33.840 So I should say that the young ladies sitting in 0:01:33.880 --> 0:01:35.440 our studio right now was not caught up in that 0:01:35.440 --> 0:01:35.959 swinger skin. 0:01:36.160 --> 0:01:36.440 She was not. 0:01:36.520 --> 0:01:38.000 I should make sure we say that we we're talking about. 0:01:38.040 --> 0:01:41.480 Leayla Taylor was on the show. She was a part 0:01:41.600 --> 0:01:44.000 of the I keep messing. I want to say mon 0:01:44.080 --> 0:01:44.840 talk because of. 0:01:44.840 --> 0:01:47.360 Where we're from, right, it sounds like mon mon talk 0:01:47.800 --> 0:01:50.200 like Montauk, New York. It's just north of or east 0:01:50.200 --> 0:01:50.840 of the Hampton's. 0:01:50.880 --> 0:01:55.480 But it's mom hawk talk like as in TikTok. And 0:01:55.520 --> 0:01:58.400 that is where they absolutely made their mark. They absolutely 0:01:58.400 --> 0:02:00.880 blew up. They continue to have a huge, a massive following. 0:02:00.920 --> 0:02:03.000 But Layla Taylor was a part of that original group 0:02:03.040 --> 0:02:06.880 and a part of the season one hit, which is 0:02:06.960 --> 0:02:10.840 now coming back for another season. Miss Layla Taylor in 0:02:10.919 --> 0:02:16.320 the studio with us. Now Laila's got a boyfriend. Are 0:02:16.320 --> 0:02:17.680 we gonna meet this guy on the season? 0:02:17.760 --> 0:02:18.000 You do? 0:02:18.480 --> 0:02:21.400 We will? How How many how many shows in do 0:02:21.440 --> 0:02:22.560 we have to go to meet this guy? 0:02:23.800 --> 0:02:24.480 What do you mean? Like? 0:02:24.919 --> 0:02:26.519 How many episodes? 0:02:26.520 --> 0:02:29.280 I think he's introduced on the second episode, so we 0:02:29.320 --> 0:02:31.240 only got into the first That's why we didn't know. 0:02:31.520 --> 0:02:34.080 I have right, we don't know anything. You're not public 0:02:34.160 --> 0:02:34.520 yet with. 0:02:35.080 --> 0:02:36.560 No, Well we're not together. 0:02:37.040 --> 0:02:40.600 You not together anymore, so you have to watch the 0:02:40.720 --> 0:02:44.480 arc of your relationship play out in front of everyone. 0:02:44.560 --> 0:02:44.720 Ya. 0:02:45.520 --> 0:02:47.560 How do you How do you feel about that? 0:02:47.760 --> 0:02:50.000 I think it's gonna be hard for sure, just because 0:02:50.040 --> 0:02:51.919 I feel like, looking back at a relationship too, I'm 0:02:52.000 --> 0:02:54.200 kind of like questioning a lot of things and questioning 0:02:54.240 --> 0:02:58.400 his general like intentions with being with me. But I 0:02:58.440 --> 0:03:00.480 think at the same time, like I'm able to share 0:03:00.600 --> 0:03:02.400 what it's like to date as a single mom and 0:03:02.480 --> 0:03:05.040 kind of like the dating culture in Utah. It's such 0:03:05.080 --> 0:03:07.880 a mess there, honestly, and it's very unique experience. So 0:03:08.280 --> 0:03:10.320 if I can kind of shed light on that and 0:03:10.360 --> 0:03:12.000 share that, I'm happy about it. 0:03:12.040 --> 0:03:15.600 I have so many questions. Do so when we're watching 0:03:15.639 --> 0:03:17.440 the season, because we of course will be tuning in 0:03:17.480 --> 0:03:19.400 to all the other episodes. We just were able to 0:03:19.400 --> 0:03:24.080 see the first episode. But do you all end the 0:03:24.120 --> 0:03:26.680 season together like all of. 0:03:26.680 --> 0:03:28.400 Us girls know you and your guy? 0:03:28.639 --> 0:03:31.040 Yeah, we did, okay, So this is a surprise for 0:03:31.120 --> 0:03:34.000 folks who will be watching the season. Yes, it turns 0:03:34.040 --> 0:03:38.480 out after the cameras went away, so did your Relationshipah. 0:03:37.760 --> 0:03:39.320 How long after the cameras went away? 0:03:39.840 --> 0:03:42.160 It was like just right after whoa? 0:03:42.640 --> 0:03:44.760 Because you talked about his intentions and that's something that 0:03:44.800 --> 0:03:47.240 was talked about in the very first episode. It's got 0:03:47.280 --> 0:03:48.920 to be a little tough for dating now because a 0:03:48.920 --> 0:03:51.680 lot of people are seeking you out to build it. Okay, 0:03:51.680 --> 0:03:52.400 so you're running out. 0:03:53.120 --> 0:03:55.920 I feel like it's something that I'm very cautious about, 0:03:56.400 --> 0:03:58.080 and you know, people will put on the front and 0:03:58.120 --> 0:03:59.600 say like, oh, I don't care about that. I don't 0:03:59.600 --> 0:04:01.200 care about show, I don't care about any of that. 0:04:01.280 --> 0:04:02.400 I don't want to be a part of it. But 0:04:02.520 --> 0:04:04.840 it was convenient that every single time the cameras are up, 0:04:05.280 --> 0:04:06.960 that man loved the. 0:04:06.960 --> 0:04:09.400 Camera loved it. Yeah. 0:04:09.440 --> 0:04:13.200 Wow, Now now this honestly, is even more interesting to 0:04:13.320 --> 0:04:15.880 watch because you can see for yourself or judge for 0:04:15.920 --> 0:04:18.320 yourself when you see how the two of you interact 0:04:18.360 --> 0:04:20.680 when the cameras are on and now knowing what you're 0:04:20.720 --> 0:04:24.880 telling us, that's fascinating but also heartbreaking. Have you seen 0:04:24.960 --> 0:04:26.280 any of the episodes yet? 0:04:26.600 --> 0:04:28.880 I'm gonna see it all when it drops, So it's 0:04:28.920 --> 0:04:31.400 gonna be definitely interesting to watch about all of us girls, 0:04:31.400 --> 0:04:32.800 Like we'll hear things like when we go to like 0:04:32.800 --> 0:04:34.920 pressling things like that, people are like, oh, like this here, 0:04:34.960 --> 0:04:36.680 and I'm like, oh, keep telling me more because like 0:04:36.720 --> 0:04:38.200 we haven't seen any think I'm like, just fill the 0:04:38.200 --> 0:04:39.440 whole whole season for me. 0:04:39.640 --> 0:04:41.159 I have the episode up now if you want to. 0:04:42.000 --> 0:04:42.279 I don't. 0:04:43.120 --> 0:04:46.080 That's too bad, but that's a part of it was 0:04:46.120 --> 0:04:49.320 supposed to be a complete relationship conversation here, but that 0:04:49.480 --> 0:04:54.120 is that actually sucks. And for people who are listening now, oh, 0:04:54.480 --> 0:04:57.880 young women, young men who deal with like how do 0:04:57.960 --> 0:04:59.320 you know what do you see? You have a you 0:04:59.320 --> 0:05:01.160 had a unique situation and that you were a star 0:05:01.200 --> 0:05:04.200 of this huge, phenomenal, phenomenal show, so you could see 0:05:04.240 --> 0:05:07.120 why somebody would come and try to increase their followers 0:05:07.200 --> 0:05:09.919 or something like that. Yeah, but for the rest, for 0:05:10.000 --> 0:05:12.640 normal folks who are dating, what did you see that 0:05:12.760 --> 0:05:16.040 everybody should be aware of that you look back and go, 0:05:16.240 --> 0:05:18.720 I come on, I knew this dude was not on 0:05:18.760 --> 0:05:19.480 the up and up. 0:05:19.560 --> 0:05:22.040 Love bombing yea bombing. 0:05:22.160 --> 0:05:25.120 The first start of our relationship, he came in extremely 0:05:25.160 --> 0:05:27.240 hot right away, Like I think he said I love 0:05:27.240 --> 0:05:29.120 you to me two weeks into seeing each other. We 0:05:29.120 --> 0:05:31.320 were official a month into seeing each other, so very 0:05:31.400 --> 0:05:34.440 just hot from the start, would overdo the guests, would 0:05:34.480 --> 0:05:37.039 overdo the words of affirmation and just saying things that 0:05:37.040 --> 0:05:38.440 I was like, well, that's crazy to say. I think, 0:05:38.480 --> 0:05:41.000 like two months into seeing charge of he was like, yeah, 0:05:41.040 --> 0:05:43.000 one day when we get engaged, and like when we 0:05:43.040 --> 0:05:44.840 get married, and he would refer to like my kids 0:05:44.880 --> 0:05:46.880 as like, oh, like our family and things like that. 0:05:46.960 --> 0:05:50.200 So just very aggressive from the get go. And I 0:05:50.800 --> 0:05:52.880 feel like as a single mom though, like I crave 0:05:53.000 --> 0:05:55.000 like a family. So like when I was hearing that, 0:05:55.080 --> 0:05:56.760 like it was it was what you want to hear, 0:05:56.839 --> 0:05:57.840 what I wanted to hear and I feel and he 0:05:57.920 --> 0:06:00.080 knew that, and he knew exactly how to kind of 0:06:00.120 --> 0:06:02.520 like get me in and get me good. 0:06:02.600 --> 0:06:06.760 It's called manipulation. I know that. You know it's funny because, yes, TJ, 0:06:06.880 --> 0:06:08.760 I think maybe was it a year ago when we 0:06:08.839 --> 0:06:10.839 started talking about love bombing, you were like, what is 0:06:10.880 --> 0:06:14.120 love bombing? But the point being is it's disingenuous and 0:06:14.160 --> 0:06:16.320 it's manipulative, and really, when you think about it, it 0:06:16.520 --> 0:06:20.080 tends to be done by people who are trying to 0:06:20.720 --> 0:06:23.159 feel something, so they love bombing you so that you'll 0:06:23.200 --> 0:06:25.000 love them and then they'll fill love. So it's not 0:06:25.040 --> 0:06:27.040 even really about them loving you. It's about them wanting 0:06:27.080 --> 0:06:31.240 you to give them feelings of affirmation and love. It's 0:06:31.440 --> 0:06:33.520 it's not at all love. It's the opposite of love. 0:06:33.520 --> 0:06:35.320 It's it's interesting narcissism. 0:06:35.440 --> 0:06:37.960 Yeah, is he already We broke up less than two 0:06:37.960 --> 0:06:40.400 months ago and he's already in a new relationship. 0:06:40.279 --> 0:06:41.880 Which is all you needed to know. 0:06:42.279 --> 0:06:42.799 Very telling. 0:06:42.920 --> 0:06:44.520 He's just one of those people I don't think can 0:06:44.560 --> 0:06:46.680 be alone, and he seeks a lot of his validation 0:06:46.839 --> 0:06:49.760 through others, and I understand that it's definitely a very 0:06:49.880 --> 0:06:52.680 mature or immature characteristic to have, and hopefully he can 0:06:52.720 --> 0:06:55.440 work through that and find like joy in his self. 0:06:55.520 --> 0:06:57.280 I feel like you don't need someone to validate you 0:06:57.320 --> 0:06:59.400 all the time, so that will hopefully come with age 0:06:59.440 --> 0:07:01.760 for him. But and my friend had sent me a 0:07:01.760 --> 0:07:03.680 screenshot of like what he posted about his girlfriend on 0:07:03.720 --> 0:07:05.279 his story, and it's very similar to how he would 0:07:05.320 --> 0:07:08.440 speak about me, like the most resilient person I've ever met, 0:07:08.440 --> 0:07:09.960 the most amazing person I've ever met. And I was like, 0:07:09.960 --> 0:07:11.800 that's exactly what you're telling me two months ago. 0:07:12.280 --> 0:07:15.000 So how did how did you how did you meet 0:07:15.200 --> 0:07:17.760 how did you meet him? And yeah, how did he 0:07:17.800 --> 0:07:18.480 come into your life? 0:07:18.680 --> 0:07:19.000 Hinge? 0:07:19.880 --> 0:07:20.240 Hinge? 0:07:20.320 --> 0:07:22.640 Yeah, I've learned my lesson. I met my ex husband too, 0:07:22.680 --> 0:07:25.960 actually on Mormon dating app, and I just feel like 0:07:26.000 --> 0:07:27.760 they never work out for me. I'm going to stay 0:07:27.800 --> 0:07:30.920 far away from dating apps moving forward now because two 0:07:30.960 --> 0:07:33.000 for two now on failed relationship. 0:07:34.200 --> 0:07:37.640 Oh don't you're in a safe space. We both have 0:07:37.680 --> 0:07:40.480 two divorces. So it turns out if you end up 0:07:40.520 --> 0:07:43.840 with your best friend that actually has been so far, 0:07:44.920 --> 0:07:48.600 I'd say so far it absolutely has been the most successful, 0:07:48.640 --> 0:07:51.360 most amazing relationship because it was built on friendship, not 0:07:51.480 --> 0:07:56.560 on love bombing or just immediate gratification, genuine connection. Correct, Yes, 0:07:56.640 --> 0:07:57.280 that breaks up. 0:07:58.400 --> 0:08:00.920 We talked a lot about relationships podcast We have different 0:08:00.920 --> 0:08:04.560 podcasts and doing so It's just that I'm very disappointed 0:08:04.600 --> 0:08:07.000 to hear not just about the breakup because that sounds 0:08:07.000 --> 0:08:09.040 like a good thing, but that somebody came into your 0:08:09.080 --> 0:08:10.920 life and tried to do this right as soon and 0:08:10.960 --> 0:08:13.800 you're talking what was the reason he gave? Like at 0:08:13.840 --> 0:08:17.440 the end of the show you said it was pretty quick, 0:08:17.440 --> 0:08:17.920 like it was. 0:08:18.520 --> 0:08:21.320 It was a very abrupt breakup too. It was very unexpected. 0:08:21.320 --> 0:08:24.120 We were actually planning on going to Disneyland with my 0:08:24.200 --> 0:08:28.040 kids the next day. We had a flights booked, I 0:08:28.080 --> 0:08:29.960 had everything set up, it was ready to go. I 0:08:29.960 --> 0:08:32.160 actually booked his flights and everything, so kind of funny. 0:08:32.360 --> 0:08:34.079 And came over that night after he got off of 0:08:34.120 --> 0:08:36.120 work and he's like you came and crying, bawling his 0:08:36.120 --> 0:08:37.559 eyes out. I was like, that's that's odd. Why is 0:08:37.600 --> 0:08:38.719 he like upset? And I was like, oh my gosh, 0:08:38.760 --> 0:08:40.480 like are you okay? And he goes we're done and 0:08:40.520 --> 0:08:41.920 I was like, oh. 0:08:41.640 --> 0:08:44.240 What, yeah, so you had no idea this was the. 0:08:44.200 --> 0:08:46.360 Previous day like the same thing, like I love you 0:08:46.400 --> 0:08:47.800 so much, I can't wait to spend the rest of 0:08:47.800 --> 0:08:48.800 your life for me, and just comes to my house 0:08:48.840 --> 0:08:51.080 and it's like we're done. And I was just very 0:08:51.600 --> 0:08:55.400 caught off guard and just extremely confused because I really 0:08:55.400 --> 0:08:57.959 did not expect it. I've never been so caught off guard. 0:08:59.160 --> 0:09:02.760 Yeah, I'm I'm assuming you asked to follow up? 0:09:02.880 --> 0:09:03.360 Oh I did? 0:09:03.400 --> 0:09:05.559 I was like, what, Like, did I do something? Did 0:09:05.559 --> 0:09:07.520 I say something like what's going on? Because at that moment, 0:09:07.559 --> 0:09:11.080 like I was pretty like very very into this man. 0:09:11.200 --> 0:09:14.160 You know, we were talking future things like yeah, I 0:09:14.200 --> 0:09:16.760 was probably abrupt and too soon, Like I genuinely did 0:09:16.800 --> 0:09:18.520 see a future with him. So it sucked for sure, 0:09:18.520 --> 0:09:20.080 And I was like, did I do something? Like, I'm 0:09:20.080 --> 0:09:22.800 just so confused, And he just mentioned a couple of 0:09:22.880 --> 0:09:26.200 things that he didn't want moving forward, So he was 0:09:26.200 --> 0:09:27.880 like I didn't love the show, Like I don't know 0:09:27.920 --> 0:09:29.240 if I want this to be a part of my life. 0:09:29.240 --> 0:09:32.240 But like I said, the season never at that and 0:09:32.280 --> 0:09:34.080 he was never against the show when he was filming, 0:09:34.400 --> 0:09:35.920 when I would be like, hey, like they might want 0:09:35.920 --> 0:09:37.120 to film this, are you okay that? Oh? 0:09:37.160 --> 0:09:37.679 Absolutely? 0:09:37.720 --> 0:09:39.480 Like what time do you need me there? Very like 0:09:39.920 --> 0:09:42.160 enthusiastic and like wanting to be a part of this comerience. 0:09:42.160 --> 0:09:45.000 So I was like, okay, like, that's that's a little 0:09:45.000 --> 0:09:47.320 interesting that you don't like this now, but you never 0:09:47.400 --> 0:09:50.720 had an issue with it before. And then religions because 0:09:50.720 --> 0:09:54.520 we're a part of or he is. I'm not very 0:09:54.520 --> 0:09:56.360 active and I wasn't very active when I met him, 0:09:56.440 --> 0:09:58.520 and that was never an issue for him. And then 0:09:58.920 --> 0:10:00.760 right when we were like mid day, he was like, Okay, 0:10:00.760 --> 0:10:02.640 I want to start being active again. I was like okay, yeah, 0:10:02.679 --> 0:10:04.760 Like if that's important to you, then that's important to me. 0:10:04.800 --> 0:10:06.280 I feel like that's an important thing to do when 0:10:06.280 --> 0:10:07.719 like you're in a relationship and you're trying to be 0:10:07.760 --> 0:10:10.080 serious to the person is kind of take on what 0:10:10.520 --> 0:10:12.280 they love and what makes them happy and kind of 0:10:12.280 --> 0:10:13.800 try to support them in that. So I was like, okay, 0:10:13.840 --> 0:10:15.400 Like I'll start to go to church with you on Sunday. 0:10:15.400 --> 0:10:18.240 I can't promise you how active I'll be, but I'll 0:10:18.360 --> 0:10:22.440 try for you. And he would just do very kind 0:10:22.480 --> 0:10:24.760 of double standard things that he would We would go 0:10:24.760 --> 0:10:26.719 to church. In five minutes into getting home, he's trying 0:10:26.720 --> 0:10:28.440 to rip my clothes off and have sex with me. 0:10:28.640 --> 0:10:30.760 So it's just like things like that and that's not okay, 0:10:30.800 --> 0:10:32.200 and like the church, so it was just like the 0:10:32.240 --> 0:10:34.440 double standards there were hard. He didn't like Matt I 0:10:34.440 --> 0:10:36.880 was getting into modeling. He didn't like that I made 0:10:36.920 --> 0:10:40.640 a lot of money. I just think very insecure, unfortunately. 0:10:40.760 --> 0:10:42.720 And I think that in the church, we're kind of 0:10:42.720 --> 0:10:45.720 taught that the men are at the forefront of the 0:10:45.720 --> 0:10:48.000 household and they're the bread winners and they kind of 0:10:48.080 --> 0:10:49.880 rule the household and kind of things like that, and 0:10:49.920 --> 0:10:51.520 I think that's what he had in his head for 0:10:51.600 --> 0:10:55.440 like his future. And I'm super hyper independent, I obviously 0:10:55.440 --> 0:10:57.160 it would be the breadwinner on a relationship and things 0:10:57.200 --> 0:10:58.600 like that. I think that that was really hard for 0:10:58.720 --> 0:11:00.880 him to like understand that. 0:11:00.960 --> 0:11:03.200 He didn't have any of these conversations with you about 0:11:03.200 --> 0:11:05.280 any of this. He just dropped a bomb after he 0:11:05.320 --> 0:11:07.200 loved bombed you. Then he dropped the bomb of yeah, 0:11:07.679 --> 0:11:08.480 this isn't gonna work. 0:11:08.600 --> 0:11:08.960 Yeah no. 0:11:09.120 --> 0:11:11.199 And he did this to me a previous time in 0:11:11.440 --> 0:11:13.200 our relationship as well, And I think that's shown on 0:11:13.200 --> 0:11:15.800 season two that he abruptly broke up with me another 0:11:15.840 --> 0:11:18.480 time too. Didn't really say much reasoning. He just says like, 0:11:18.520 --> 0:11:20.080 I don't feel like this is right, and then later 0:11:20.080 --> 0:11:22.840 gave me reconings and completely I think they actually showed this, 0:11:22.960 --> 0:11:25.800 but completely like ripping me apart, telling me everything that 0:11:25.840 --> 0:11:28.280 I'm doing wrong, and just kind of like picking me 0:11:28.360 --> 0:11:30.800 apart and looking back, I just wanted to be loved 0:11:30.840 --> 0:11:32.040 so badly, so in that moment, I was like, oh 0:11:32.080 --> 0:11:33.920 my gosh, I'll fix all of this, like I'm so, 0:11:33.920 --> 0:11:35.480 so so sorry. And then we ended up breaking up 0:11:35.520 --> 0:11:37.840 like officially like a month after that. But I think 0:11:37.880 --> 0:11:41.720 he just there's this kind of toxicness with you. How 0:11:41.760 --> 0:11:43.160 that I was mentioning like the dating culture. I think 0:11:43.200 --> 0:11:47.920 everyone there seeks perfection to an unnecessarily a necessary level. 0:11:47.960 --> 0:11:50.320 I feel like everyone is so after that and they 0:11:50.360 --> 0:11:52.840 want their partner to be completely perfect and that's not attainable. 0:11:53.040 --> 0:11:56.720 When you say people in Utah, are you talking about Mormons. 0:11:56.320 --> 0:11:59.120 Yes, I think it's something that's like literally embedded into 0:11:59.160 --> 0:12:02.080 people's brains that perfection is something that you need to 0:12:02.120 --> 0:12:03.800 have and you need to seek that, and if you're 0:12:03.800 --> 0:12:06.240 not perfect, then like you're not as worthy. 0:12:06.320 --> 0:12:09.920 I feel like, so I obviously have well, I have 0:12:10.280 --> 0:12:12.280 very limited knowledge of the Mormon church, but I did 0:12:12.360 --> 0:12:14.560 have a friend growing up who was and she explained 0:12:14.559 --> 0:12:16.560 it to me that the more successful you are, the 0:12:16.559 --> 0:12:20.200 more seemingly perfect you are. It's regarded as God shining 0:12:20.240 --> 0:12:23.160 a light on you. So by being perfect or being 0:12:23.200 --> 0:12:25.240 close to being perfect, and having the perfect family and 0:12:25.240 --> 0:12:27.800 having your kids all stay warm, and it's actually proof 0:12:27.880 --> 0:12:31.600 to the other members of the congregation that you are 0:12:31.760 --> 0:12:33.959 loved by God. Yes, is that correct? 0:12:34.080 --> 0:12:36.000 I don't think necessarily loved by God, but I think 0:12:36.040 --> 0:12:41.080 it's just you socially are more accepted. You're socially more 0:12:41.480 --> 0:12:45.640 like loved. I feel like it's just looks and how 0:12:45.679 --> 0:12:48.440 you present yourself as very very important in Utah, and 0:12:48.679 --> 0:12:52.160 people talk like no other and things get around quickly, 0:12:52.440 --> 0:12:54.480 and if you're not showing up to church like, people 0:12:54.480 --> 0:12:55.479 are noticing. 0:12:55.200 --> 0:12:56.200 And there's a lot of judgment. 0:12:56.280 --> 0:12:58.640 Yeah, a lot of judgment if you're gone missions. 0:12:58.760 --> 0:13:02.640 Yeah, everyone is very very judgmental in the stay And 0:13:02.640 --> 0:13:14.920 it's super hard, especially if we're regarding the show. When 0:13:14.920 --> 0:13:17.040 the show first came out in the show title or release, 0:13:17.080 --> 0:13:18.920 the amount of hate that we got from people that 0:13:19.000 --> 0:13:21.520 claim to be very active members, which you're not supposed 0:13:21.520 --> 0:13:23.959 to judge, you know, if you look in scriptures, the 0:13:24.000 --> 0:13:26.120 only person that was supposed to judgeus is God. So 0:13:26.679 --> 0:13:29.400 to have like the backlash from the members was very interesting, 0:13:29.440 --> 0:13:31.360 And now they've lightened up a lot since the show's 0:13:31.360 --> 0:13:32.600 come out, and they kind of see that, like, we're 0:13:32.640 --> 0:13:35.439 not misrepresenting, We're just showing people at different levels within 0:13:35.480 --> 0:13:38.040 the faith and that's beautiful, I think, and they've kind 0:13:38.040 --> 0:13:40.080 of like stepped back since then. But yeah, it's kind 0:13:40.120 --> 0:13:42.240 of funny that it's always the members that are the 0:13:42.240 --> 0:13:44.239 most active that are the most judgmental. 0:13:44.480 --> 0:13:48.000 Have you ever seen the most judgmental folks I've ever met? 0:13:48.080 --> 0:13:50.040 Are the most religious folks the ones sitting in the 0:13:50.080 --> 0:13:50.520 front row? 0:13:50.600 --> 0:13:50.760 Yeah? 0:13:51.600 --> 0:13:54.440 Yeah, and that There's been that way my entire life. 0:13:54.480 --> 0:13:56.719 And I used to always say, who did Jesus hang 0:13:56.760 --> 0:14:00.280 out with us? Yeah? Really like the degenerate. It's like 0:14:00.400 --> 0:14:05.800 us after the tax collectors, the prostitutes, the people who 0:14:05.840 --> 0:14:09.600 were considered outcast in society for whatever it was. That's us, 0:14:09.880 --> 0:14:12.520 I know exactly. I'm including us in all of that. Yes, 0:14:12.559 --> 0:14:14.559 but that is the truth, and that's something that I 0:14:14.600 --> 0:14:17.240 think is so often forgotten. You said you part of 0:14:17.520 --> 0:14:19.680 the reason he gave you for not wanting to be 0:14:19.720 --> 0:14:21.720 in a relationship with you anymore was that you had 0:14:21.720 --> 0:14:25.240 stepped back from the church. Why have you was you 0:14:25.320 --> 0:14:27.600 stepping back from the church a part of being a 0:14:27.640 --> 0:14:30.000 member of mom talk and why did you do that? 0:14:30.160 --> 0:14:33.200 No, I convert to the church when I was sixteen, 0:14:33.240 --> 0:14:35.440 so at a very very young age. And my reason, 0:14:35.560 --> 0:14:37.160 frickin birting, is that I kind of had like a 0:14:37.160 --> 0:14:39.800 messy life growing up, and my home life was kind 0:14:39.800 --> 0:14:41.320 of a wreck, and I didn't really have that family 0:14:41.400 --> 0:14:43.400 unit that like a lot of families in the church 0:14:43.880 --> 0:14:46.880 present themselves with having. And I started kind of spending 0:14:46.880 --> 0:14:48.960 a lot of times with my friends at their families, 0:14:48.960 --> 0:14:51.280 and I would come over for scripture studies, and I 0:14:51.400 --> 0:14:54.480 just always admired how close their family seemed on the outside. 0:14:54.760 --> 0:14:56.760 And that's something that I just wanted so badly for myself. 0:14:56.800 --> 0:14:59.080 So I started taking missionary lessons, where they have missionaries 0:14:59.080 --> 0:15:00.520 come to your house and they teach you about like 0:15:00.520 --> 0:15:03.440 the fundamental things behind the church. So honestly, like when 0:15:03.440 --> 0:15:05.880 I converted, I didn't know a lot. 0:15:06.080 --> 0:15:06.760 You were sixteen. 0:15:06.800 --> 0:15:07.960 I was sixteen. I was a baby. 0:15:08.000 --> 0:15:10.040 I mean, you're still just twenty four, you know. I mean, 0:15:10.040 --> 0:15:12.600 I'm still is yes, I mean absolutely, But I think 0:15:12.600 --> 0:15:14.640 it's pretty cool that you can be open about all 0:15:14.680 --> 0:15:17.640 of that. I see someone who was looking for love 0:15:17.680 --> 0:15:18.600 and looking for belonging. 0:15:18.720 --> 0:15:20.960 Yeah, exactly, and that's what I wanted really badly. 0:15:21.000 --> 0:15:22.680 I just thought, my little six year old brain, like, 0:15:22.720 --> 0:15:24.800 if I'm a part of the church and they preach 0:15:24.840 --> 0:15:27.120 so much that family is like the center of everything, 0:15:27.160 --> 0:15:29.880 then like I could have that one day if I converted. 0:15:29.560 --> 0:15:29.960 To the church. 0:15:30.000 --> 0:15:32.240 And that's kind of whereing my mind went in that moment. 0:15:32.720 --> 0:15:34.680 And now that I'm older, I've kind of like done 0:15:34.680 --> 0:15:37.200 my own research on my own and kind of figured 0:15:37.200 --> 0:15:39.200 out some things that like I don't necessarily love about 0:15:39.240 --> 0:15:40.520 the church or things that I do love, like the 0:15:40.520 --> 0:15:43.720 community and the family aspect is amazing, but there's just 0:15:43.720 --> 0:15:46.640 some things that morally I don't align with and I 0:15:46.680 --> 0:15:50.560 can't be part of something that I don't completely like 0:15:51.600 --> 0:15:54.120 align with. Yeah, so's it's hard for me. And I 0:15:54.160 --> 0:15:55.560 still have so much respect for it because at that 0:15:55.600 --> 0:15:56.760 point in my life, I was going through a lot 0:15:56.800 --> 0:15:59.400 of mental health issues and kind of at the peak 0:15:59.440 --> 0:16:00.920 of those things in my life. So I feel like 0:16:00.960 --> 0:16:03.040 it was a really big saving grace for me that 0:16:03.080 --> 0:16:05.080 I really really needed to get through that hard time 0:16:05.120 --> 0:16:07.520 in my life. But now I'm just older and it's 0:16:07.560 --> 0:16:10.520 just not for me and yeah, just nothing but respect 0:16:10.560 --> 0:16:12.560 for the churches again helped me a lot, but just 0:16:12.680 --> 0:16:14.440 not something that I associate myself with. 0:16:14.520 --> 0:16:16.120 Wait, I how here you know you're on the show 0:16:16.120 --> 0:16:18.040 called The Secret Laws of Mormon. Wow, you're no longer 0:16:18.040 --> 0:16:18.400 a Mormon. 0:16:18.480 --> 0:16:20.440 Yeah, neither is Jesse. A couple of our cast members 0:16:20.440 --> 0:16:24.800