Speaker 1: We're taking you inside the mind of a man. This
Speaker 1: is how men Thick and I heard radio podcast. Hey guys,
Speaker 1: I am Kevin Crider. I am in Netflix's Bling Empire,
Speaker 1: also an actor, speaker and activist for UH the a
Speaker 1: API community, and I actually am now a new found
Speaker 1: entrepreneur starting up a couple of companies. And I used
Speaker 1: to model, but no longer modeling anymore. So I'm asked
Speaker 1: eleven questions about me about Kevin Critterer. I'm guessing this
Speaker 1: was polled the most popular questions on the internet and
Speaker 1: it is number one. What are you known for? So
Speaker 1: tell us by yourself. Man, I feel like I'm on
Speaker 1: a date right now. But one am I known for?
Speaker 1: We'll see one of Bling Empire. I'm known for taking
Speaker 1: my shirt off a lot. I'm kind of like the
Speaker 1: guy who gets wild and does that. But really, in
Speaker 1: real life, I'm actually known for doing talks about UH
Speaker 1: my life as an Asian America model and bringing the
Speaker 1: Baboo ceiling and just talking about things in the Asian
Speaker 1: community that is relevant, like media, masculinity and just what's
Speaker 1: going on in the world. Um, who are you in
Speaker 1: your personal life? Oh? How personal do you want to
Speaker 1: get is the question. Um. In my personal life, I'm
Speaker 1: actually somebody in recovery. Um. I'm an antwelve step program.
Speaker 1: I've been sober for over six years. I'm actually somebody
Speaker 1: who likes to I guess this isn't personal, but I
Speaker 1: like to go out and mingle with people. UM. I
Speaker 1: like to go to restaurants. I like to cook a lot. Actually,
Speaker 1: in season two of bling Um Fire, I'm actually cooking
Speaker 1: for one of my dates. And that's what I like
Speaker 1: to do. I like to cook a lot of Italian food.
Speaker 1: I used to want to be Italian when I was
Speaker 1: a little kid, so I like Italian food and Italian things,
Speaker 1: Italian movies, stuff like that. Um, and I actually, you
Speaker 1: like to go to bed really early. A lot of
Speaker 1: people usually make fun of me when I go out
Speaker 1: to events and stuff because I go to bed by ten,
Speaker 1: so they know it's a really fun time. If I
Speaker 1: stay out till like eleven PM, and they're like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, this must be a good time. Yeah, or
Speaker 1: like ten o'clock rolls around, they know I'm going to
Speaker 1: bed Because I like to get up at like six
Speaker 1: six thirty and just start my day and meditate and
Speaker 1: journal and do some fun things until the sun rises
Speaker 1: and then I start my day and then UM Number
Speaker 1: three is three shows that I'm binge watching Besides blaying Empire,
Speaker 1: I would say that three shows that I have been watching,
Speaker 1: UM is The Circle, um, Ozark, and The Stranger Things
Speaker 1: is coming out or it's out now. Also, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: start watching that as well. My favorite food Okay, this
Speaker 1: is a two part question for my favorite food. If
Speaker 1: I could eat the same thing for good day, it
Speaker 1: would be sushi. I mean, I used to hate sushi
Speaker 1: growing up, but I love it now. UM. And the
Speaker 1: other flip side is if sushi wasn't so expensive realistically,
Speaker 1: I would probably have like breakfast foods like omelets and
Speaker 1: pancakes every single day. That's I think something I would love.
Speaker 1: That's my favorite food. UM Number five is tell us
Speaker 1: about your career. I came from an actual personal training
Speaker 1: and business mindset. When I was in college, I used
Speaker 1: to run my own personal training services. I became a
Speaker 1: professional bodybuilder, natural bodybuilder. I became a fitness model. I
Speaker 1: started to do modeling and then I've got an interest
Speaker 1: in acting back in two thousand nine. I've been pursuing
Speaker 1: it ever since. And then um, right now, really what
Speaker 1: I'm doing is I'm going back into acting. I just
Speaker 1: booked my first feature in a movie called Asian Persuasion,
Speaker 1: and it's my first feature that I've ever been in,
Speaker 1: and I'm like super excited to do more of those things,
Speaker 1: do more leading male roles that portray Asian Americans such
Speaker 1: as myself in these movies as romantic leads. And I've
Speaker 1: also started, uh my career in the beverage industry. I'm
Speaker 1: having a company um release its first beverage in probably
Speaker 1: August or September this year, and it's a drink that
Speaker 1: is a sober drink. It's a non alcoholic premium replacements
Speaker 1: and a mixer called Sans and be hitting some of
Speaker 1: the bars and restaurants here in California. Big move because obviously,
Speaker 1: you know, I've never actually started up something and put
Speaker 1: so much time and investment and money into it and just, uh,
Speaker 1: it's such a wild journey starting up your own company.
Speaker 1: And I think a lot of people think, you know, oh,
Speaker 1: you're just the model who likes to take your shirt off, Like, yeah, sure,
Speaker 1: I'd like to do that, but I'd like to do
Speaker 1: this kind of stuff too. Um what's my biggest fear
Speaker 1: in life? Okay, my biggest fear when I was growing up,
Speaker 1: like I was like eight years old, was dying. I
Speaker 1: mean I was only eight and I was afraid of
Speaker 1: dying already. I look behind like I look on a
Speaker 1: label and be like, oh my god, that's so much sodium,
Speaker 1: too much patent, and I can't eat it. I'd be
Speaker 1: like such a freak in that sense. But then now
Speaker 1: I think my biggest fear in life it's actually not
Speaker 1: trying to do the things that I've always wanted to
Speaker 1: do that I dreamt about doing. UM. One of its acting. So,
Speaker 1: like I said, I started acting twelve years ago, and
Speaker 1: five years ago I really quit because I was like, man,
Speaker 1: it just doesn't seem like it's going to happen for me.
Speaker 1: And then UM moved to California, I don't bling empire,
Speaker 1: got asked to do a role, and now it seems
Speaker 1: like the doors are opening up for me again. And
Speaker 1: so that kind of thing is what I'm afraid of,
Speaker 1: is not trying and pursuing the things that I care
Speaker 1: about a lot or dreamt about doing them. And I
Speaker 1: was younger, same thing with starting my own business. UM,
Speaker 1: comic books. I'm starting up a comic book series with
Speaker 1: web Tunes. It's an online comic book illustrator. And something
Speaker 1: that people that know about me when I was younger
Speaker 1: is that I actually wanted to be a combook artist
Speaker 1: when I was five or six years old. But then
Speaker 1: I've found out very quickly accept that drawing, which doesn't
Speaker 1: lead to a very good combook career if you suck
Speaker 1: a drawing. So now that I'm actually created and helping
Speaker 1: to produce a web tune series is like super exciting,
Speaker 1: you know, in the very early development stages that but
Speaker 1: it's super cool. And so those things that I'd be
Speaker 1: afraid of doing, Like it's not like I have a
Speaker 1: fear of skydiving or I have a fear of like
Speaker 1: commitment or things like that. It's like kind of like
Speaker 1: personal stuff that I've always wanted to achieve. What's my
Speaker 1: biggest pet peef Oh my god, Okay, my biggest pet
Speaker 1: peeve is being late. And I was two minutes late
Speaker 1: to do this I Heart radio thing today, and that
Speaker 1: to me just eats me up right like it was
Speaker 1: a zoom thing. It's like, how come you gonna be early? Yeah? Well,
Speaker 1: you know, life happens a little bit. But I hate
Speaker 1: when people are late. And I think here in Los Angeles,
Speaker 1: Los Angeles, uh, fifteen minutes is considered on time still,
Speaker 1: so in Los Angeles time, I'm still on time East
Speaker 1: Coast two minutes late, like, don't even show up. That
Speaker 1: was my mentality back then. But I hate being late
Speaker 1: to things. I hate people when they're late to things too. Um.
Speaker 1: And that's just my pet peeve. What makes me most
Speaker 1: happy people being on time for things. Now, that's that's
Speaker 1: not true. That doesn't make me happy though, But what
Speaker 1: makes me the most happy is actually working and dealing
Speaker 1: with people with integrity and honesty. Um. You know. I
Speaker 1: I find that when people say they're going to do stuff,
Speaker 1: they do it and um and are honest about things.
Speaker 1: And that's kind of what it makes me happy because
Speaker 1: I feel like if we just do those two things
Speaker 1: in the world, we could actually be in a better place, right, Like,
Speaker 1: just let's be honest with each other, let's do and
Speaker 1: and do the things that we say we're gonna do
Speaker 1: and do it well, which would be great, um, and
Speaker 1: then I think the world will just be a better
Speaker 1: place for that. So that's what I'd like to make
Speaker 1: me happy. We're most happy. Um, what is my deal
Speaker 1: Saturday morning? My deal Saturday morning is to get up,
Speaker 1: probably around like seven o'clock. I'll meditate, hit my knees,
Speaker 1: and pray journal for dirty minutes. I'll work out right afterwards,
Speaker 1: get a cup of coffee, um, sitting on a roof
Speaker 1: deck and watch the sunrise a little bit, hopefully with
Speaker 1: a lucky someone. UM, get like a great email that
Speaker 1: says like, hey, you got like a ten thousand or
Speaker 1: twenty tho dollar deal. That'd be amazing, right that that
Speaker 1: hasn't really happened yet. It so, I guess that's not
Speaker 1: my ideal. I haven't been doing my ideals Saturdays. Uh.
Speaker 1: And also going out and just having like a meal
Speaker 1: old friends or a coffee. You just meet up with people,
Speaker 1: go to bed by like ten o'clock, cut all both
Speaker 1: on someone on the couch and making making meal, watch
Speaker 1: the sunrise, my sunset at that time. I'd be awesome. Uh,
Speaker 1: talk to my family and yeah, that's about it. It
Speaker 1: used to be doing yoga too, but then I realized
Speaker 1: I don't like doing yoga that much anymore. That's just me. Um.
Speaker 1: Number ten, are you more of the athlete or the
Speaker 1: armchair quarter. I'm definitely more of the athlete. I grew
Speaker 1: up with athletics since I was probably like four years old,
Speaker 1: like skiing, snowboarding, playing tennis, baseball. I mean, I love
Speaker 1: movement and athletics. I don't think I could ever be
Speaker 1: a couch potato unless like, um, i'll problems happen or
Speaker 1: something number eleven. What keeps me motivated? I think what
Speaker 1: keeps me motivated is just the idea of growth and
Speaker 1: wanted to be better. Um, you know, I have a
Speaker 1: lot of dreams and aspirations, and being thirty eight years old,
Speaker 1: I haven't been able to do much of it actually
Speaker 1: until recently, in the last like two to three years.
Speaker 1: And now I see that I have an opportunity to
Speaker 1: achieve those dreams, or at least give my all out
Speaker 1: effort to achieve them. And um, that keeps you motivated.
Speaker 1: Because I think the idea idea of not trying, keeps
Speaker 1: me motivated. If that makes sense, Yes, that keeps me motivated.
Speaker 1: The fact that I can't look at myself with self
Speaker 1: esteem every day if I didn't try, you know, I think, um,
Speaker 1: having good self esteem is just doing the things you
Speaker 1: say you're going to do and doing it the best,
Speaker 1: but at the same time, if I can't do it
Speaker 1: and I failed, then it's like I think for me
Speaker 1: is to be able to acmount and then and be like,
Speaker 1: you know what, what did I learn that I've done better?
Speaker 1: Maybe not? If I couldn't have done better, then you
Speaker 1: move on. Just wasn't it to be? Um? And so
Speaker 1: that keeps you motivated and really messages that people just
Speaker 1: telling me how this stuff I do in you know,
Speaker 1: reality TV movies content, even this message of sobriety, uh,
Speaker 1: wanting to pave the way for Asian men in Hollywood especially.
Speaker 1: I think that keeps me motivated for sure. I did.
Speaker 1: When I get comments like that or messages um, it
Speaker 1: is reassuring, even though I know I shouldn't probably listen
Speaker 1: to it too much because you know, I don't want
Speaker 1: that to be the main reason why I do things
Speaker 1: because it's always been in my mind to do that,
Speaker 1: but it's it does keep me a little bit more
Speaker 1: motivated and keeping me on the path when I when
Speaker 1: I get comments like that. So that is eleven questions
Speaker 1: with Kevin Crider, that's me him. Now I'm going to
Speaker 1: take a little bit of a commercial break and we'll
Speaker 1: be back to answer. Well, I'll be back to answer
Speaker 1: more live questions. Everyone, Welcome back. I am your host today,
Speaker 1: Kevin Crider. Thanks for coming back and tuning in, and
Speaker 1: we are now going to take the first question from
Speaker 1: a live caller. Hi, a real you are my official
Speaker 1: first caller ever? Really? Yeah, very cool. Um. So I'm
Speaker 1: in this friends with benefits situation and it's really fun.
Speaker 1: But he keeps saying I love you like a lot, yeah,
Speaker 1: and I don't. Yeah, I guess I just don't know
Speaker 1: how to take it, Like I don't all he's saying
Speaker 1: I love you because we've been friends for so long,
Speaker 1: or like I love you we want like maybe someday
Speaker 1: I'll love you forever, you know what I mean? Like, um,
Speaker 1: and yeah, like I I've brought it up, and sometimes
Speaker 1: it feels like he's more than a friend. And he
Speaker 1: then says he can't commit. So I'm just wondering, like,
Speaker 1: is this just something that guy's say frivolously, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean? Like that a common thing. So here's
Speaker 1: the thing that I've learned through my experience of this. Uh, Firstly,
Speaker 1: it sounds like you're not sure if you love him back,
Speaker 1: he's giving me mixed signals. Friends with benefits. It started
Speaker 1: off like that. You start to grow feelings for people,
Speaker 1: but he doesn't want to commit. That is somebody who
Speaker 1: is just basically saying I can't commit and he might
Speaker 1: have feelings for you that I don't doubt, but probably
Speaker 1: won't be with you. And if uh, I would say
Speaker 1: because that look when you know, and especially when guys know,
Speaker 1: we know. I think too many people guys and girls
Speaker 1: use this phrase of like I can't commit, but I
Speaker 1: really care. It's kind of like stringing you along to
Speaker 1: see if it kind of like turns into something better
Speaker 1: or somebody else comes up better. Like I'm sure he
Speaker 1: still likes you, he wants to stay friends with you,
Speaker 1: But at the same time, if he can't commit, then
Speaker 1: I would say he really isn't in his mind really
Speaker 1: looking at you as a serious prospect. Um. You guys
Speaker 1: started off as friends now friends with benefits across that line,
Speaker 1: and I will say from my own experience, it's hard
Speaker 1: to go back once you cross that line. So um,
Speaker 1: you might have to be okay with losing a friend. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that makes sense. Yeah, if he can't commit and he
Speaker 1: says he doesn't want to commit, then believe him totally. Yeah,
Speaker 1: totally fine, honestly, like fine with me. Anyways, thank you, welcome,
Speaker 1: I Rebecca, Hi, how are you? I'm fantastic are here?
Speaker 1: You have a question? Um? Yeah, I have opinions, but
Speaker 1: they're not scientific answers. Well, let's hope they can help. Um.
Speaker 1: So basically, um, obviously, like everybody the world, I'm on
Speaker 1: the dating apps and I am just getting more and
Speaker 1: more frustrated because I've had conversations with guys but nobody
Speaker 1: ever follows through for an in person meet up, you know,
Speaker 1: like they don't like it's this is where like the
Speaker 1: rubber meets the road, and you know, I'm trying not
Speaker 1: to take the rains so they can ask, but it
Speaker 1: just seems like it's going nowhere. And I'm seeing faith
Speaker 1: in apps altogether. So should I stay or should I
Speaker 1: ask more often for an in person date? Well? Okay,
Speaker 1: so where are you located? First of all, I'm in
Speaker 1: New York City? Okay? Um? And what I should say this?
Speaker 1: You asked, just to clarify, you asked the guys to
Speaker 1: meet up and none of them want to follow up?
Speaker 1: Is that? What that is no, they just don't ask
Speaker 1: to fall like, so we'll will be engaged in like
Speaker 1: chats and really great back and forth and and this
Speaker 1: is this happens with all the guys, all of them,
Speaker 1: and nobody ever then takes it to the next step
Speaker 1: to say, hey, why don't we meet up now? So
Speaker 1: you kind of just like messaging air time like there's
Speaker 1: dead air and then nothing happens. Right, Yeah, we have
Speaker 1: a great, great talks and nobody wants to take the
Speaker 1: next step. They're too cowardly, I guess. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's the being coward or they're
Speaker 1: too busy, or I'm glad you called yourself a coward
Speaker 1: as well, because that's kind of what's happening. Oh no,
Speaker 1: I'm not calling myself account. I'm calling the guys a
Speaker 1: coward because they're not taking they're not taking the bold
Speaker 1: step to like say you know, and then if I
Speaker 1: do it, then they just look like, oh, I'm being
Speaker 1: a preshy female. And so it's just like do they
Speaker 1: say that or is that your assumption of that? That's
Speaker 1: my assumption of it, Like I and that's like I
Speaker 1: think they're being coward's by not saying, hey, let's just
Speaker 1: meet up for a cup of coffee. Let's just see
Speaker 1: where this goes. Like they're chickening out right, so sounds judgmental, right, Like,
Speaker 1: here's the thing. If I were on the other end,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't want a date or somebody. You think I'm
Speaker 1: a coward right away, So that's probably saying you sometime right,
Speaker 1: these people aren't who you want to want to be,
Speaker 1: Like you already labeled them as something which is already
Speaker 1: not a good step. And secondly, I always tell my
Speaker 1: female friends this, and I know it's hard, right, Like
Speaker 1: its structurally and society an were mindset to do courting
Speaker 1: and dating a certain way. I'll tell you what the
Speaker 1: best dates I've ever had, and the girls that I've
Speaker 1: actually been with the longest they actually asked me out first,
Speaker 1: and I've asked out many goals before. So I would
Speaker 1: just say be bold if you're really interested in them. Firstly,
Speaker 1: I would say try not to think of them as
Speaker 1: cowards right away. They could be busy people. They could
Speaker 1: have many options, right like I'm sure you have many
Speaker 1: options to um and also to just say hey, I'd
Speaker 1: love to meet up to coffee. Continue this conversation or
Speaker 1: something right, like set up something small. But Kevin, I
Speaker 1: don't think they have cowards right away. I'm thinking that
Speaker 1: we're having we have these great conversations and then they're
Speaker 1: not doing anything. So eventually I think of them as cowards.
Speaker 1: And it's not like it's a judgment thing, but it's
Speaker 1: just like, well, b B, you know, be a little
Speaker 1: bit more than to be something that there maybe not.
Speaker 1: So think of it as like something that you're screening
Speaker 1: for yourself, right. You want someone to be a certain
Speaker 1: way you have in your mind a certain outcome That
Speaker 1: could also be hurting you in the dating apps too,
Speaker 1: because like, look, if you give up controlling things right,
Speaker 1: things happen for you a little bit more smoother, or
Speaker 1: if they don't, at least you didn't like put too
Speaker 1: much emotional energy into it. Um. I have a question though,
Speaker 1: like what what's wrong with them? Are you afraid to
Speaker 1: go out outside the apps and just do it in
Speaker 1: real life or what's holding me back? I guess well, no,
Speaker 1: I mean I just I mean obviously the past two
Speaker 1: years not very you know, the bars aren't being flooded
Speaker 1: with prospects, so you know you're going for bars you're
Speaker 1: going to bars to find guys. Know I'm being I'm
Speaker 1: being I'm not talking literally, but like, you know, I'm
Speaker 1: not really going to bars a man, But it's just
Speaker 1: been hard to meet people out and about. So I
Speaker 1: what I say is like, I don't think it's really
Speaker 1: so hard. Maybe like you just have to put yourself
Speaker 1: in situations to actually meet people. Like I don't go
Speaker 1: to bars and bars that much, right, Like I go
Speaker 1: to restaurants sometimes, go to events, but you know, you
Speaker 1: do things outside. Um, I'm sure you could find place
Speaker 1: to meet people, maybe just looking at the wrong places,
Speaker 1: right Like normally I go to museums. It's just the
Speaker 1: numbers are just very different. The prospects are very different
Speaker 1: then they were pre pandemic, and so like, you know, yes,
Speaker 1: I would love if I was at like a you know,
Speaker 1: like an under forty mixer at MoMA, and of course,
Speaker 1: but they're not. These events aren't taking place in the
Speaker 1: same ways they were pre pandemic. So that's why. And
Speaker 1: I you know, it's just very different times now. But
Speaker 1: I mean, like his, um, you asked me questions, give
Speaker 1: you some answers. Rights, take the reins, Okay, I'll take
Speaker 1: the reins on app Hi Alison, Hi, how are you.
Speaker 1: I'm fantastic. I hear you have a question. I do,
Speaker 1: I do, Okay, thank you so much. First of all,
Speaker 1: I really appreciate it. UM. So So I've been with
Speaker 1: my boyfriend for UM just about a year, just coming
Speaker 1: out a year, and I love him, Thank thank you. UM.
Speaker 1: And it's a great relationship and it's going really really well. UM.
Speaker 1: But our communications style and the way that we argue,
Speaker 1: the argument and communication style is very different. UM. And
Speaker 1: this comes up a lot when especially UM in finance
Speaker 1: things and UM in other general cases, but most most
Speaker 1: recently a lot of finance, but just in general, the
Speaker 1: way that we communicate and and the argument style, it's
Speaker 1: just very different. And UM. And through the relationship, I've
Speaker 1: kind of worked on it, and I've changed the way
Speaker 1: that I approach how we're different to him. So I've
Speaker 1: changed how how I approach our differences UM, and I've
Speaker 1: asked him to do the same to kind of amend
Speaker 1: his style of communication with me. When when we do
Speaker 1: have UM differences, that communication style is that's different. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I feel like most recently it's been coming up and
Speaker 1: as I said in finance situations. Um, I work. I
Speaker 1: work in marketing and he works in real estate and
Speaker 1: we both do really well and um and so, but
Speaker 1: he grew up very frugal and um, and I kind
Speaker 1: of feel like if, um, you know, if we're going
Speaker 1: on vacation or something to enjoy it and and kind
Speaker 1: of thing and um and so so UM, I've approached
Speaker 1: it more like, you know, we're a team, and so
Speaker 1: let's compromise and figure out ways that we can both
Speaker 1: be happy and not stretch our limits and the kind
Speaker 1: of way and and he gets very if it's outside
Speaker 1: of his comfort zone and something he doesn't want to do,
Speaker 1: whole kind of express that I don't want to do
Speaker 1: this and then whole kind of shut down. And and
Speaker 1: I've been very amenable to kind of, you know, go
Speaker 1: my extra mile to make him feel you know, okay,
Speaker 1: I hear you that this is not something that you
Speaker 1: know that you're that you want, are willing to do
Speaker 1: or to stretch for you. And so a lot of
Speaker 1: the time I'll just kind of you know, act we
Speaker 1: ask to to, you know, in certain ways, just to
Speaker 1: to make him more comfortable. UM. And but I like
Speaker 1: to discuss also about why you know, in these circumstances
Speaker 1: of why it would be nice to do these things
Speaker 1: and not all the time, but sometimes anyway, but he
Speaker 1: there it gets very uncomfortable for him, and so so
Speaker 1: we'll argue or communicate is kind of um, just say
Speaker 1: how he feels, and then he'll listen to me. But
Speaker 1: he kind of never budges. And so question then, Alison,
Speaker 1: who who How do you guys work out finances? Is
Speaker 1: that as a joint is that every other? Right? So,
Speaker 1: in the last few months we've been together, it's really
Speaker 1: coming to year just done next week. Um, we've really
Speaker 1: started to to actually join it together, um in the
Speaker 1: last few months, and I think that that's been UM.
Speaker 1: I feel like it's it's really a big step for
Speaker 1: our relationship. UM and um. And but it's also kind
Speaker 1: of uh, I just we kind of spend money differently
Speaker 1: in that way, so it's it's hard to kind of
Speaker 1: get to that that you know, humpy middle ground. But um,
Speaker 1: but it's just so what I hear is you have
Speaker 1: a joint account, all the finances go in there, but
Speaker 1: he you know, you obviously have to talk about how
Speaker 1: you're going to spend it, and he doesn't want to budge,
Speaker 1: even though there is money in that joint account, is
Speaker 1: what I'm kind of hearing, right, Yeah. Yeah, And and
Speaker 1: for me it's um. Ultimately, it's not about whether or
Speaker 1: not we're spending that spending the money. It's kind of
Speaker 1: I think that the way that he approaches it the
Speaker 1: way that you know, I like to compromise I and
Speaker 1: and talk it through and just figure out how we
Speaker 1: could both be happy. And often he'll you know, he'll
Speaker 1: express his view and then listen to me, but then
Speaker 1: he'll just shut down if it's not going his way.
Speaker 1: And so the big question I have is um. And again,
Speaker 1: I've tried to ask him to change the way that
Speaker 1: he approaches our differences. But my question is if someone
Speaker 1: is kind of stuck in the way that they argue
Speaker 1: or the way that they communicate, is it too late, um,
Speaker 1: to to ask for a change in their communication style. Yeah,
Speaker 1: just leave them now, I'm kidding. Next, No, I'm kidding. Look,
Speaker 1: it's it's you guys have been together for a year.
Speaker 1: You're gonna really really know each other more now, Um,
Speaker 1: communication style is important. At least you guys are communicating firstly, Okay,
Speaker 1: you know, he's uncomfortable with things. What I find is
Speaker 1: maybe hard for this and this is hard to hear,
Speaker 1: is are you trying to change him? And does he
Speaker 1: feel like he is being asked to change when he
Speaker 1: doesn't want to, because that can be hard, right, Because
Speaker 1: here's the thing. Unconditional love means accept them for who
Speaker 1: they are. Right. Uh, do you want to unconditionally love him?
Speaker 1: Or you want to conditionally love him? And that's so
Speaker 1: you know this about him? You kind of like are
Speaker 1: finding out this about him? Are you expecting him to change?
Speaker 1: Or just because you change, it's now like a transactional thing,
Speaker 1: so he should change, like talk to me here. Oh yeah, no,
Speaker 1: I just I think that my view of I think
Speaker 1: he's wonderful and I and I as a person, I
Speaker 1: would never want him to change. That's why I love him. Um.
Speaker 1: I just think that even if we have differences, that
Speaker 1: part of being in a relationship could could ultimately be
Speaker 1: that both people, both people compromise and not just one
Speaker 1: or or it shouldn't be one person every single time.
Speaker 1: And so you feel like you compromise more right than
Speaker 1: he right? Right, So so it's the communication. And so
Speaker 1: I've been asking him in in in hour, um in
Speaker 1: these moments, I kind of just asked him to communicate
Speaker 1: with me differently, or can you try a different approach,
Speaker 1: and and these kinds of things just because Um, as
Speaker 1: I said, he kind of. I mean, I guess it's
Speaker 1: really it's just how he feels. But he does shut
Speaker 1: down if we if it will express how he feels
Speaker 1: about it, and he'll he'll definitely he's listening to me,
Speaker 1: he's listening to what I say how I feel. But
Speaker 1: then ultimately, if it continues to get talked about, he'll
Speaker 1: he'll just stress an opinion more and then just shut down.
Speaker 1: And so yeah, so maybe that's something something. Uh, you're
Speaker 1: in a really difficult situation. I get it. You want
Speaker 1: to budge, you want to go on vacation. You guys
Speaker 1: see money differently. Um, Look, unfortunately money hurts relationships, right,
Speaker 1: conversations like that. I find I hate the fact that
Speaker 1: it does. It's probably one of my number one resentments
Speaker 1: in the world. Actually I love it. Everybody likes to
Speaker 1: think and I am still true believer that love will
Speaker 1: conquer that. But it's like, you know, I've seen it.
Speaker 1: I've seen money destroyed relationships. I've seen Uh, it's hurt relationships.
Speaker 1: I've seen other people more money be able to manipulate relationships, right,
Speaker 1: and all that kind of stuff. We've seen it all. Um,
Speaker 1: when it comes to money, you, I think the fact
Speaker 1: that you guys are even talking about it and only
Speaker 1: a year in strong, um, I think maybe a way
Speaker 1: to look at this is to see the progress in
Speaker 1: your relationship. Yes, it's not perfect yet, he's not doing
Speaker 1: exactly what you want. It's one year. Like I think
Speaker 1: in the mindset of looking long term in your relationship
Speaker 1: that you're this is a forever type of person. You know,
Speaker 1: you admit it. You guys can work this out, and
Speaker 1: maybe it's some type of compromise with you guys were like,
Speaker 1: you know, you guys have this joint account and then
Speaker 1: you have a separate account for your own fun money.
Speaker 1: And then maybe if you have another fun money account
Speaker 1: where you're like, you know what, maybe I got plenty
Speaker 1: of money in this fun account. I'm doing this and
Speaker 1: it's really yours anyway, like all of yours, right, Just
Speaker 1: it's just the allusion to him. It's like it's like
Speaker 1: kind of not an illusion. It's uh framing the account
Speaker 1: differently to make it look like you have more than
Speaker 1: you guys really have, like this is the fun stuff, right,
Speaker 1: Like that's a that's a compromise, and then be like, oh, okay,
Speaker 1: like I love that. That's a really great idea. That
Speaker 1: would definitely I feel like that would be a lot
Speaker 1: less stressed to just to frame it that way. So
Speaker 1: I'm gonna try that. That's actually really great. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: know for me as a boyfriend, if I saw that,
Speaker 1: I'd be like, oh yeah, like I already know what
Speaker 1: it is. But it's like, oh, you know, this is
Speaker 1: thought out. It makes sense. We have plenty in our
Speaker 1: joint and this like and you have this your own
Speaker 1: account and then you spend it the way you want
Speaker 1: to on a vacation or whatever. It's like, okay, cool,
Speaker 1: you know you're being and then um, yeah, definitely, but
Speaker 1: I think that's a really great idea. Cool. Glad I
Speaker 1: could help. Thank you, thanks so much. Welcome. Hi, Hello,
Speaker 1: Kevin him. I'm really glad to get to talk to
Speaker 1: you today. Yes, so I started a new job recently
Speaker 1: in a new city. Thank you. Thanks. Um Los Angeles
Speaker 1: my hometown, the town both for both of us. M Yeah,
Speaker 1: I so I started this new job and you know,
Speaker 1: I haven't met a lot of people, new people yet
Speaker 1: being here. Um, and so as you can imagine, like
Speaker 1: I'm always saying yes to anything I get invited to
Speaker 1: so that there's like a chance of meeting new people
Speaker 1: and connecting because it's a new city and all that. So, um,
Speaker 1: a male coworker just asked me to dinner and I
Speaker 1: said yes and was immediately hoping he'd invite other people.
Speaker 1: But as soon as I said yes, he said, great,
Speaker 1: it's a date, and um, like Kevin, I like, I
Speaker 1: think he's cute, but it's a new job and a
Speaker 1: new city. And I guess I'm just worried personally that
Speaker 1: like my other coworkers will make assumptions about me going
Speaker 1: on a date with a coworker so quickly. So I'm
Speaker 1: just wondering, like do I tell him beforehand? I don't
Speaker 1: want it to be a date, but I just want
Speaker 1: to hang out, Like I don't know how to go
Speaker 1: about talking to about this. Welcome to l A. This
Speaker 1: happens a lot. And to be real, as a guy
Speaker 1: who would do something like that, uh, let's just say,
Speaker 1: like I did that right. I would appreciate from your
Speaker 1: candle that like you told him what you told me,
Speaker 1: and I would totally be it gives me a choice
Speaker 1: then right to be like, Okay, I'm going to treat
Speaker 1: this as a friend thing. It's not a date, and
Speaker 1: I'll behave accordingly. Or if you lead them on too
Speaker 1: thinking it's a date, and then things happen, which is
Speaker 1: in firstly, I'm going to feel like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: like am I wrong? Like what happened? You know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, it's it's it's it's it's I'm only going
Speaker 1: to act based off of the information that I have,
Speaker 1: which is, oh, I said it's a date, You're still here.
Speaker 1: It must be a date, you know. Um, when you
Speaker 1: look at it that way, you might be able to
Speaker 1: be able to break the news to him in like
Speaker 1: a very like empathetic way, you know, like be like, hey, look,
Speaker 1: I'm really excited. I know you have good intentions with this.
Speaker 1: I don't think it's the appropriate time right now. I
Speaker 1: do think you're cute. I just really you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, Like it's cool, right and and and then
Speaker 1: be like, you know, just I'm not trying to lead
Speaker 1: you on. That's why conversation and I'm telling you I
Speaker 1: think he'll have such a great response to that, because
Speaker 1: I'd be like, you know what, look, maybe you knew
Speaker 1: I love to bring other people on board. You know, like,
Speaker 1: what do you if he's a good dude, he's what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, if he even if he doesn't do that,
Speaker 1: and he's like, you know what, all right, you know
Speaker 1: I'm really actually looking to date, Like, uh, let's just
Speaker 1: alter plans, don't take up personally, you know, like you
Speaker 1: guys each other a lot of time, so either way,
Speaker 1: only good stuff can happen from the conversation. But yeah, no,
Speaker 1: that's super helpful, Kevin, because I think, like I mean, honestly,
Speaker 1: as you're talking, I'm like, right, communication is always best.
Speaker 1: But are we hate we hate confrontation of like breaking
Speaker 1: the news to someone, right. Trust me, It's easy for
Speaker 1: me to say this, but I've had many tough conversations
Speaker 1: that I've delayed, but I've had to have them. And
Speaker 1: you know, when you come from the place of like
Speaker 1: not wanting to hurt the other person too, that's a
Speaker 1: great place from you. It sounds like you don't and
Speaker 1: you don't want to mislead them. It won't come across
Speaker 1: like anything that you come from that place. Well, also, Kevin,
Speaker 1: what you just said is super helpful. That like the
Speaker 1: way you phrased it, It's like it keeps the door open,
Speaker 1: Like I like, you know, because he is cute and
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be opposed down the line to going on
Speaker 1: a date. But like, I'm very conscious in this moment
Speaker 1: of not yeah giving my coworkers the wrong impression as
Speaker 1: I established myself welcome, and I'm sure you will need
Speaker 1: much help down the line. I'll be calling you back, Kevin.
Speaker 1: First year is the toughest I'm telling you here. Oh man, well,
Speaker 1: thank you, and I really appreciate your help definitely. By
Speaker 1: Kendall Bike by Kevin. Thanks. Look, Hi, Hi, how's it
Speaker 1: going on? Good? How are you? I'm great? You must
Speaker 1: have a burning question to ask if you're on this
Speaker 1: I do, yes, all right. So I'm just wondering I
Speaker 1: need advice. Uh So, like when the first date goes
Speaker 1: well and things start, you know, heating up at the
Speaker 1: end of the night, and you're like into it, but
Speaker 1: there's a part of you that wants to kind of
Speaker 1: just slow it down. Um, Like, is there a good
Speaker 1: way to let your date know gently and like without
Speaker 1: offending them, Like, Hey, I'm enjoying this, but like, let's
Speaker 1: wait a little longer, you know, I mean just put
Speaker 1: your hand and now I'm kidding and don't do that.
Speaker 1: Uh yeah, that's that's an awkward position. Um. Look, I've
Speaker 1: never been on the other end where uh someone was
Speaker 1: moving too fast and I just slowed them down. So
Speaker 1: please like understand like where this advice is coming from.
Speaker 1: It's not from experience, Okay, I know from a guy
Speaker 1: when I've tried to move things a little bit faster
Speaker 1: to and you slow down. Um. And if I really
Speaker 1: actually saw something with you, then I would slow down
Speaker 1: and I would honor that. Um. If I didn't want
Speaker 1: anything more than just to like, you know, that night, uh,
Speaker 1: you know, it might be a different conversation. Okay, you know,
Speaker 1: and just move on right. UM. So the next question
Speaker 1: for you to ask is do you actually like this
Speaker 1: guy would slow down or do you just not want
Speaker 1: to have that perception of like, oh I sleep people
Speaker 1: on the first date, so I shouldn't do this. Um
Speaker 1: talk to me about that. Well, yeah, I mean it's
Speaker 1: not so much that I just I do I do
Speaker 1: kind of like the guy, like I would like to
Speaker 1: see him again. Um, but I'm just not sure, like
Speaker 1: if I'm ready for that with him yet, I just
Speaker 1: wanna you know what I mean, Like, I just want
Speaker 1: to wait. I'm not really someone who like sleeps with
Speaker 1: a lot of people, so I just want to make
Speaker 1: sure we actually like get along, you know. Yeah, sure,
Speaker 1: So okay, that's that's valid what you're saying that. Um,
Speaker 1: I would probably just communicate that with him and just
Speaker 1: tell him. I mean, it sounds like this already happened,
Speaker 1: but you're kind of preparing is for the next time,
Speaker 1: correct you see this guy? Yeah? Yeah, I'd be like, hey, look,
Speaker 1: I like you think you're cute, Like I see this.
Speaker 1: Excuse me, I might see this going a little bit
Speaker 1: further than just uh physical, and I'd like to actually
Speaker 1: get to know a little bit more before we get physical.
Speaker 1: I'm just a little uncomfortable moving at that pace. That's all.
Speaker 1: When you when somebody just expresses that they might be
Speaker 1: a little uncomfortable with something that paced, like you know,
Speaker 1: an pole wouldn't honor that, And somebody who is a
Speaker 1: good person for you would honor that and just be like, yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: you know that's my pace, Like here them now, and
Speaker 1: then be like Okay, that's great. Now that I know
Speaker 1: where you're coming from, I know you know where I'm
Speaker 1: coming from. Uh, let's just see if we can play
Speaker 1: along in this date together still and and dating room,
Speaker 1: and then you'll find out each other's paces, find each
Speaker 1: other's preferences, and if it doesn't match, then there's it
Speaker 1: doesn't match. Move on. Yeah, that's that's a good way
Speaker 1: to put it. Like pacing. You know, I'm a very
Speaker 1: fast paced person when it comes to like wanting to
Speaker 1: be with someone, right, Um, you know physical obviously, I
Speaker 1: think a lot of guys are more than initiatives. Right,
Speaker 1: That's what I was gonna say. It's usually a lot
Speaker 1: of from my experience, girls need to slow things down.
Speaker 1: So it's always the pace is different. But it's almost
Speaker 1: like dancing, right, like, uh, somebody might lead too fast.
Speaker 1: You just kind of gonna slow down a little bit.
Speaker 1: Somebody might lead too slow. You're trying to paste them
Speaker 1: up a little bit faster. Like probably won't go exactly
Speaker 1: the timing you want, but it will at least go
Speaker 1: at a more comfortable pace for yourself. Mm hmm. Thank you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's that's thank you. Yeah, that's good advice. Thanks for
Speaker 1: jumping on. Kylie. Yeah, thanks, all right, that is we
Speaker 1: got for our callers. We're gonna take a break and
Speaker 1: then we're gonna come back for some Q and a
Speaker 1: welcome back everybody. I'm Kevin Crider, I'm your host, and
Speaker 1: now is the time for Q and a first one. Kevin,
Speaker 1: we know you from Bling Empire. How has your life
Speaker 1: changed in the past two years? Man, My life has
Speaker 1: changed so much in the last two years. I've upgraded
Speaker 1: to a new bedroom, one bedroom, the first time I've
Speaker 1: ever had a one bedroom in my life. Uh, there's
Speaker 1: a little bit more pressures to that obviously, like it's
Speaker 1: a big overhead. I'm actually in the process of possibly
Speaker 1: moving to another place if things don't change up a
Speaker 1: little bit, just to keep them a little bit more
Speaker 1: financially feasible for myself. Things that are changed, I don't
Speaker 1: skateboard around as much, do a little bit more ubering,
Speaker 1: or I'll take public transportation, um to get two places
Speaker 1: I need to my my social friends have changed quite
Speaker 1: a bit, Like you know, came out during the pandemic
Speaker 1: and now there's just so many people like events and
Speaker 1: wonderful peers that I get to meet and associate with.
Speaker 1: And two Uh, maybe even have collaborations and conversations with
Speaker 1: and just being the presence of and some of these
Speaker 1: people like I grew up with watching and you know,
Speaker 1: using some of these business owners platforms, right like I
Speaker 1: mean serious business owners like the founders of dating apps
Speaker 1: or beverages like all this stuff. It's wild to me. Um.
Speaker 1: So I'm just getting used to actually being in the
Speaker 1: public eye and just being around people like that. Um.
Speaker 1: And now I know that people have some questions about
Speaker 1: me getting flirty with Kim Lee and with the status
Speaker 1: is now Um, we are friends and we've come back
Speaker 1: to just being friends right now. Um. Yes, there was
Speaker 1: a physical thing but obviously kind of got um messed
Speaker 1: up with some influence of friends and circumstances and a
Speaker 1: pop like opinions from other people. But um, it's harder
Speaker 1: to go back as friends because I feel like there's
Speaker 1: more boundaries now, Like I think we need some time
Speaker 1: to kind of just forget and forgive about all those
Speaker 1: things that happen, um, and maybe even go our separate
Speaker 1: ways a little bit. But yes, it was, um not
Speaker 1: the best experience I've had. Uh. And then how do
Speaker 1: I navigate from friends to boyfriend? The girlfriend I haven't
Speaker 1: done it yet, so I'm not too sure if I
Speaker 1: can qualiply for this question. I would say one thing
Speaker 1: is to not tell your friends squat. Don't tell them
Speaker 1: anything about what's going on with your other friend. Keep
Speaker 1: it very separate, and try to keep it to yourself
Speaker 1: you're in the relationship because once you get friends in,
Speaker 1: they all have opinions, they all have dirt on you
Speaker 1: gets lost in translation, facts get thrown out or that
Speaker 1: that facts get diluted and change. So like, really, it's
Speaker 1: just best if you keep relationship about YouTube, keep people
Speaker 1: out of it. Um Am I looking to settle down
Speaker 1: anytime soon? Where are you looking for a relationship. I'm
Speaker 1: absolutely going to settle down. I know a lot of
Speaker 1: people don't believe that, but I hope as more and
Speaker 1: more blank Empire shown, um and the more I'm in
Speaker 1: the public eye and doing career stuff that people can see, like,
Speaker 1: I'm really taking this a lot more seriously. Like you know,
Speaker 1: everybody kind of graduates from the party person to become
Speaker 1: a more serious and I've I've definitely hit that because
Speaker 1: you know, I've dated around enough, I've had my fun.
Speaker 1: I know what I want and I want something with
Speaker 1: someone that I can grow with and share share everything
Speaker 1: with the ups and downs, right, share the struggle, share
Speaker 1: the victories, share the success, share the everything. So I'd
Speaker 1: love to be able to find someone to do that with.
Speaker 1: And then what makes men ready to commit to a
Speaker 1: relationship or marriage. You can't really force men to be
Speaker 1: in the mindset and be ready. Some men need to
Speaker 1: get it out of their systems. Some men just want
Speaker 1: something right away. I mean, I remember when I was
Speaker 1: in college, like the first girl I wanted, that first
Speaker 1: girl I wanted to date. That it was I thought
Speaker 1: I could turn into something serious. Never did turn anything serious.
Speaker 1: I saw a marriage and I was like, yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't want to be around other people, um, other than
Speaker 1: this person. Like I don't know what I mean by
Speaker 1: It's like, I don't. I didn't intentionally want to be
Speaker 1: somebody who dates a lot of people or anything. I didn't.
Speaker 1: I was like, I just want to be a one
Speaker 1: person person forever. And that obviously didn't happen. That girl
Speaker 1: broke my heart and here I am now, So you know,
Speaker 1: back then I was ready. So it just depends where
Speaker 1: you are in life. Now I look back and I'm
Speaker 1: collat it. I wasn't with that person. But to make
Speaker 1: basically answer your question, what makes the person ready as time?
Speaker 1: It's very vague, but like it just takes time, you know,
Speaker 1: thirty eight years old now, Like I'm ready, you know,
Speaker 1: like I'm not in the most perfect financial situation in
Speaker 1: my career, but I'm ready. You know. I've experienced enough.
Speaker 1: I know what I don't like, i know what I
Speaker 1: want more of, and I'm at that point where I'm
Speaker 1: not looking for perfect relationship anymore. I'm not looking for
Speaker 1: that person to be perfect. I just would like someone
Speaker 1: to you know, who fits me well, likes values, all
Speaker 1: that kind of stuff. Appearances like I have like an
Speaker 1: attractive girlfriend as well. Um, I mean that's just a
Speaker 1: given that you're attracted to someone. But um, somebody who's kind,
Speaker 1: somebody who's uh giving as well, and somebody who gives
Speaker 1: their time as well to me. Um, that'd be great.
Speaker 1: All right. How do you tell if a guy is
Speaker 1: interested in you? You can tell if a guy's interested
Speaker 1: in you, because this can be tricked you Sometimes I'm shy,
Speaker 1: I don't believe it or not, and I won't actually
Speaker 1: be talkative or trying to joke around with you. Um,
Speaker 1: it's really in the you can really see in the eyicontact,
Speaker 1: uh and the feeling if you're intuitive enough and you're
Speaker 1: in touch with that to see if a guy's interested,
Speaker 1: and you'll feel it. Um. And because sometimes like I'm
Speaker 1: overly nice and people think I'm interested, but I'm not.
Speaker 1: It's just you know, that's how I am, because I
Speaker 1: feel super comfortable, like I'm not that attracted to you.
Speaker 1: I mean sometimes right, and then sometimes I'm just like
Speaker 1: super shy, Like I'll be like yeah, and I'm just
Speaker 1: like listening and I'm just really into it. You'll see,
Speaker 1: you know, um, You'll just feel it out. And that's
Speaker 1: kind of how it goes. If you you can't tell
Speaker 1: at all, probably not interested. And if you don't have
Speaker 1: that feeling either, probably not interested in you. All right, everybody,
Speaker 1: that wraps it up for how men think? I was
Speaker 1: your host for today, Kevin Crieterer. You can find me
Speaker 1: on Netflix's Bling Empire season two was out now. It
Speaker 1: was ranking top ten and the TV section. Um. You
Speaker 1: can find me on Instagram and TikTok Kevin Crider k
Speaker 1: R E I D E R. And you can also
Speaker 1: find what I'm up to on those links as well
Speaker 1: with my Macha That's out and my non alcoholic beverages
Speaker 1: that are launching later this summer so you can find
Speaker 1: me there. Feel free to d M me with more questions.
Speaker 1: I'd love to answer it on my social media as well.
Speaker 1: This is How Men Think and I Heart Radio London
Speaker 1: Audio Production listen each Thursday on the iHeart Radio app,
Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts