WEBVTT - How Men Think with Kevin Kreider 0:00:00.920 --> 0:00:03.880 We're taking you inside the mind of a man. This 0:00:04.559 --> 0:00:08.680 is how men Thick and I heard radio podcast. Hey guys, 0:00:08.840 --> 0:00:13.040 I am Kevin Crider. I am in Netflix's Bling Empire, 0:00:13.480 --> 0:00:17.520 also an actor, speaker and activist for UH the a 0:00:17.520 --> 0:00:21.480 API community, and I actually am now a new found 0:00:21.560 --> 0:00:25.000 entrepreneur starting up a couple of companies. And I used 0:00:25.040 --> 0:00:29.920 to model, but no longer modeling anymore. So I'm asked 0:00:30.160 --> 0:00:35.000 eleven questions about me about Kevin Critterer. I'm guessing this 0:00:35.080 --> 0:00:38.600 was polled the most popular questions on the internet and 0:00:38.880 --> 0:00:41.640 it is number one. What are you known for? So 0:00:41.760 --> 0:00:44.320 tell us by yourself. Man, I feel like I'm on 0:00:44.320 --> 0:00:46.559 a date right now. But one am I known for? 0:00:47.320 --> 0:00:49.840 We'll see one of Bling Empire. I'm known for taking 0:00:49.880 --> 0:00:52.879 my shirt off a lot. I'm kind of like the 0:00:52.920 --> 0:00:56.120 guy who gets wild and does that. But really, in 0:00:56.160 --> 0:01:00.800 real life, I'm actually known for doing talks about UH 0:01:00.920 --> 0:01:04.160 my life as an Asian America model and bringing the 0:01:04.160 --> 0:01:07.479 Baboo ceiling and just talking about things in the Asian 0:01:07.520 --> 0:01:12.600 community that is relevant, like media, masculinity and just what's 0:01:12.600 --> 0:01:17.040 going on in the world. Um, who are you in 0:01:17.080 --> 0:01:19.720 your personal life? Oh? How personal do you want to 0:01:19.720 --> 0:01:23.440 get is the question. Um. In my personal life, I'm 0:01:23.520 --> 0:01:27.319 actually somebody in recovery. Um. I'm an antwelve step program. 0:01:27.360 --> 0:01:30.840 I've been sober for over six years. I'm actually somebody 0:01:30.959 --> 0:01:34.360 who likes to I guess this isn't personal, but I 0:01:34.440 --> 0:01:37.560 like to go out and mingle with people. UM. I 0:01:37.640 --> 0:01:41.240 like to go to restaurants. I like to cook a lot. Actually, 0:01:41.800 --> 0:01:44.640 in season two of bling Um Fire, I'm actually cooking 0:01:44.680 --> 0:01:47.720 for one of my dates. And that's what I like 0:01:47.760 --> 0:01:49.680 to do. I like to cook a lot of Italian food. 0:01:49.680 --> 0:01:51.840 I used to want to be Italian when I was 0:01:51.840 --> 0:01:55.440 a little kid, so I like Italian food and Italian things, 0:01:56.000 --> 0:02:00.120 Italian movies, stuff like that. Um, and I actually, you 0:02:00.160 --> 0:02:02.440 like to go to bed really early. A lot of 0:02:02.480 --> 0:02:05.280 people usually make fun of me when I go out 0:02:05.320 --> 0:02:07.960 to events and stuff because I go to bed by ten, 0:02:08.480 --> 0:02:10.760 so they know it's a really fun time. If I 0:02:10.800 --> 0:02:13.760 stay out till like eleven PM, and they're like, oh 0:02:13.800 --> 0:02:15.440 my god, this must be a good time. Yeah, or 0:02:15.520 --> 0:02:17.160 like ten o'clock rolls around, they know I'm going to 0:02:17.200 --> 0:02:19.080 bed Because I like to get up at like six 0:02:19.120 --> 0:02:21.600 six thirty and just start my day and meditate and 0:02:22.320 --> 0:02:26.359 journal and do some fun things until the sun rises 0:02:26.400 --> 0:02:30.000 and then I start my day and then UM Number 0:02:30.120 --> 0:02:36.360 three is three shows that I'm binge watching Besides blaying Empire, 0:02:36.720 --> 0:02:40.040 I would say that three shows that I have been watching, 0:02:40.520 --> 0:02:45.080 UM is The Circle, um, Ozark, and The Stranger Things 0:02:45.200 --> 0:02:47.680 is coming out or it's out now. Also, I'm gonna 0:02:47.680 --> 0:02:53.519 start watching that as well. My favorite food Okay, this 0:02:53.639 --> 0:02:56.520 is a two part question for my favorite food. If 0:02:56.560 --> 0:03:01.200 I could eat the same thing for good day, it 0:03:01.240 --> 0:03:04.520 would be sushi. I mean, I used to hate sushi 0:03:04.560 --> 0:03:08.120 growing up, but I love it now. UM. And the 0:03:08.160 --> 0:03:14.280 other flip side is if sushi wasn't so expensive realistically, 0:03:14.680 --> 0:03:18.920 I would probably have like breakfast foods like omelets and 0:03:19.040 --> 0:03:22.560 pancakes every single day. That's I think something I would love. 0:03:23.120 --> 0:03:27.000 That's my favorite food. UM Number five is tell us 0:03:27.040 --> 0:03:31.120 about your career. I came from an actual personal training 0:03:31.520 --> 0:03:35.600 and business mindset. When I was in college, I used 0:03:35.600 --> 0:03:38.800 to run my own personal training services. I became a 0:03:38.800 --> 0:03:43.800 professional bodybuilder, natural bodybuilder. I became a fitness model. I 0:03:43.840 --> 0:03:46.760 started to do modeling and then I've got an interest 0:03:46.800 --> 0:03:50.119 in acting back in two thousand nine. I've been pursuing 0:03:50.120 --> 0:03:53.680 it ever since. And then um, right now, really what 0:03:53.720 --> 0:03:56.440 I'm doing is I'm going back into acting. I just 0:03:56.480 --> 0:03:59.880 booked my first feature in a movie called Asian Persuasion, 0:04:00.480 --> 0:04:02.800 and it's my first feature that I've ever been in, 0:04:02.880 --> 0:04:06.000 and I'm like super excited to do more of those things, 0:04:06.040 --> 0:04:10.960 do more leading male roles that portray Asian Americans such 0:04:10.960 --> 0:04:14.520 as myself in these movies as romantic leads. And I've 0:04:14.600 --> 0:04:19.960 also started, uh my career in the beverage industry. I'm 0:04:20.000 --> 0:04:24.760 having a company um release its first beverage in probably 0:04:24.800 --> 0:04:28.520 August or September this year, and it's a drink that 0:04:28.720 --> 0:04:32.840 is a sober drink. It's a non alcoholic premium replacements 0:04:33.000 --> 0:04:36.680 and a mixer called Sans and be hitting some of 0:04:36.720 --> 0:04:41.720 the bars and restaurants here in California. Big move because obviously, 0:04:42.200 --> 0:04:45.159 you know, I've never actually started up something and put 0:04:45.240 --> 0:04:49.039 so much time and investment and money into it and just, uh, 0:04:49.080 --> 0:04:51.839 it's such a wild journey starting up your own company. 0:04:51.960 --> 0:04:54.400 And I think a lot of people think, you know, oh, 0:04:54.480 --> 0:04:57.320 you're just the model who likes to take your shirt off, Like, yeah, sure, 0:04:57.440 --> 0:04:58.640 I'd like to do that, but I'd like to do 0:04:58.680 --> 0:05:03.359 this kind of stuff too. Um what's my biggest fear 0:05:03.480 --> 0:05:08.520 in life? Okay, my biggest fear when I was growing up, 0:05:08.839 --> 0:05:11.359 like I was like eight years old, was dying. I 0:05:11.400 --> 0:05:13.159 mean I was only eight and I was afraid of 0:05:13.240 --> 0:05:15.880 dying already. I look behind like I look on a 0:05:16.000 --> 0:05:18.320 label and be like, oh my god, that's so much sodium, 0:05:18.320 --> 0:05:20.080 too much patent, and I can't eat it. I'd be 0:05:20.120 --> 0:05:23.280 like such a freak in that sense. But then now 0:05:23.400 --> 0:05:26.440 I think my biggest fear in life it's actually not 0:05:26.560 --> 0:05:28.560 trying to do the things that I've always wanted to 0:05:28.600 --> 0:05:32.839 do that I dreamt about doing. UM. One of its acting. So, 0:05:33.600 --> 0:05:36.760 like I said, I started acting twelve years ago, and 0:05:37.400 --> 0:05:39.720 five years ago I really quit because I was like, man, 0:05:39.720 --> 0:05:41.600 it just doesn't seem like it's going to happen for me. 0:05:42.000 --> 0:05:46.599 And then UM moved to California, I don't bling empire, 0:05:46.920 --> 0:05:49.000 got asked to do a role, and now it seems 0:05:49.040 --> 0:05:51.040 like the doors are opening up for me again. And 0:05:51.480 --> 0:05:54.440 so that kind of thing is what I'm afraid of, 0:05:54.640 --> 0:05:58.080 is not trying and pursuing the things that I care 0:05:58.120 --> 0:05:59.919 about a lot or dreamt about doing them. And I 0:05:59.920 --> 0:06:02.839 was younger, same thing with starting my own business. UM, 0:06:03.040 --> 0:06:07.160 comic books. I'm starting up a comic book series with 0:06:07.560 --> 0:06:11.400 web Tunes. It's an online comic book illustrator. And something 0:06:11.440 --> 0:06:13.480 that people that know about me when I was younger 0:06:13.520 --> 0:06:15.520 is that I actually wanted to be a combook artist 0:06:15.960 --> 0:06:18.320 when I was five or six years old. But then 0:06:18.480 --> 0:06:23.200 I've found out very quickly accept that drawing, which doesn't 0:06:23.279 --> 0:06:25.960 lead to a very good combook career if you suck 0:06:25.960 --> 0:06:30.800 a drawing. So now that I'm actually created and helping 0:06:30.839 --> 0:06:34.480 to produce a web tune series is like super exciting, 0:06:35.000 --> 0:06:37.159 you know, in the very early development stages that but 0:06:37.200 --> 0:06:39.640 it's super cool. And so those things that I'd be 0:06:39.640 --> 0:06:42.039 afraid of doing, Like it's not like I have a 0:06:42.080 --> 0:06:44.680 fear of skydiving or I have a fear of like 0:06:44.800 --> 0:06:47.520 commitment or things like that. It's like kind of like 0:06:47.600 --> 0:06:51.680 personal stuff that I've always wanted to achieve. What's my 0:06:51.800 --> 0:06:56.479 biggest pet peef Oh my god, Okay, my biggest pet 0:06:56.520 --> 0:07:01.680 peeve is being late. And I was two minutes late 0:07:01.760 --> 0:07:05.560 to do this I Heart radio thing today, and that 0:07:06.240 --> 0:07:08.160 to me just eats me up right like it was 0:07:08.200 --> 0:07:10.760 a zoom thing. It's like, how come you gonna be early? Yeah? Well, 0:07:10.800 --> 0:07:12.960 you know, life happens a little bit. But I hate 0:07:12.960 --> 0:07:15.840 when people are late. And I think here in Los Angeles, 0:07:17.000 --> 0:07:20.480 Los Angeles, uh, fifteen minutes is considered on time still, 0:07:20.560 --> 0:07:23.840 so in Los Angeles time, I'm still on time East 0:07:23.840 --> 0:07:27.080 Coast two minutes late, like, don't even show up. That 0:07:27.160 --> 0:07:29.880 was my mentality back then. But I hate being late 0:07:29.960 --> 0:07:34.280 to things. I hate people when they're late to things too. Um. 0:07:34.320 --> 0:07:38.320 And that's just my pet peeve. What makes me most 0:07:38.360 --> 0:07:42.119 happy people being on time for things. Now, that's that's 0:07:42.280 --> 0:07:45.200 not true. That doesn't make me happy though, But what 0:07:45.360 --> 0:07:50.240 makes me the most happy is actually working and dealing 0:07:50.320 --> 0:07:54.200 with people with integrity and honesty. Um. You know. I 0:07:53.920 --> 0:07:56.440 I find that when people say they're going to do stuff, 0:07:56.480 --> 0:07:59.840 they do it and um and are honest about things. 0:08:00.080 --> 0:08:03.000 And that's kind of what it makes me happy because 0:08:03.000 --> 0:08:04.920 I feel like if we just do those two things 0:08:05.960 --> 0:08:08.520 in the world, we could actually be in a better place, right, Like, 0:08:08.600 --> 0:08:11.880 just let's be honest with each other, let's do and 0:08:11.880 --> 0:08:13.840 and do the things that we say we're gonna do 0:08:14.360 --> 0:08:17.440 and do it well, which would be great, um, and 0:08:17.480 --> 0:08:19.200 then I think the world will just be a better 0:08:19.240 --> 0:08:22.440 place for that. So that's what I'd like to make 0:08:22.880 --> 0:08:26.520 me happy. We're most happy. Um, what is my deal 0:08:26.640 --> 0:08:32.160 Saturday morning? My deal Saturday morning is to get up, 0:08:32.760 --> 0:08:36.760 probably around like seven o'clock. I'll meditate, hit my knees, 0:08:36.760 --> 0:08:41.280 and pray journal for dirty minutes. I'll work out right afterwards, 0:08:41.400 --> 0:08:44.319 get a cup of coffee, um, sitting on a roof 0:08:44.320 --> 0:08:48.160 deck and watch the sunrise a little bit, hopefully with 0:08:48.200 --> 0:08:52.599 a lucky someone. UM, get like a great email that 0:08:52.760 --> 0:08:55.480 says like, hey, you got like a ten thousand or 0:08:55.520 --> 0:08:58.360 twenty tho dollar deal. That'd be amazing, right that that 0:08:58.559 --> 0:09:02.679 hasn't really happened yet. It so, I guess that's not 0:09:02.720 --> 0:09:06.679 my ideal. I haven't been doing my ideals Saturdays. Uh. 0:09:06.800 --> 0:09:10.679 And also going out and just having like a meal 0:09:10.720 --> 0:09:13.080 old friends or a coffee. You just meet up with people, 0:09:13.840 --> 0:09:16.320 go to bed by like ten o'clock, cut all both 0:09:16.320 --> 0:09:19.680 on someone on the couch and making making meal, watch 0:09:19.720 --> 0:09:25.080 the sunrise, my sunset at that time. I'd be awesome. Uh, 0:09:25.240 --> 0:09:29.520 talk to my family and yeah, that's about it. It 0:09:29.720 --> 0:09:31.680 used to be doing yoga too, but then I realized 0:09:31.720 --> 0:09:36.360 I don't like doing yoga that much anymore. That's just me. Um. 0:09:36.520 --> 0:09:40.840 Number ten, are you more of the athlete or the 0:09:41.040 --> 0:09:45.679 armchair quarter. I'm definitely more of the athlete. I grew 0:09:45.800 --> 0:09:48.959 up with athletics since I was probably like four years old, 0:09:49.160 --> 0:09:54.000 like skiing, snowboarding, playing tennis, baseball. I mean, I love 0:09:54.200 --> 0:09:56.760 movement and athletics. I don't think I could ever be 0:09:56.840 --> 0:10:01.120 a couch potato unless like, um, i'll problems happen or 0:10:01.160 --> 0:10:06.480 something number eleven. What keeps me motivated? I think what 0:10:06.640 --> 0:10:09.600 keeps me motivated is just the idea of growth and 0:10:09.800 --> 0:10:12.520 wanted to be better. Um, you know, I have a 0:10:12.520 --> 0:10:15.600 lot of dreams and aspirations, and being thirty eight years old, 0:10:15.679 --> 0:10:17.800 I haven't been able to do much of it actually 0:10:17.880 --> 0:10:19.959 until recently, in the last like two to three years. 0:10:20.720 --> 0:10:23.240 And now I see that I have an opportunity to 0:10:24.120 --> 0:10:27.680 achieve those dreams, or at least give my all out 0:10:27.760 --> 0:10:31.040 effort to achieve them. And um, that keeps you motivated. 0:10:31.040 --> 0:10:36.199 Because I think the idea idea of not trying, keeps 0:10:36.240 --> 0:10:40.880 me motivated. If that makes sense, Yes, that keeps me motivated. 0:10:41.240 --> 0:10:44.480 The fact that I can't look at myself with self 0:10:44.600 --> 0:10:48.880 esteem every day if I didn't try, you know, I think, um, 0:10:48.920 --> 0:10:51.200 having good self esteem is just doing the things you 0:10:51.200 --> 0:10:52.880 say you're going to do and doing it the best, 0:10:53.440 --> 0:10:55.480 but at the same time, if I can't do it 0:10:55.800 --> 0:10:58.120 and I failed, then it's like I think for me 0:10:58.280 --> 0:11:00.679 is to be able to acmount and then and be like, 0:11:00.720 --> 0:11:02.680 you know what, what did I learn that I've done better? 0:11:02.920 --> 0:11:05.640 Maybe not? If I couldn't have done better, then you 0:11:05.720 --> 0:11:08.280 move on. Just wasn't it to be? Um? And so 0:11:08.400 --> 0:11:13.160 that keeps you motivated and really messages that people just 0:11:13.240 --> 0:11:17.679 telling me how this stuff I do in you know, 0:11:17.800 --> 0:11:23.880 reality TV movies content, even this message of sobriety, uh, 0:11:24.840 --> 0:11:29.280 wanting to pave the way for Asian men in Hollywood especially. 0:11:29.360 --> 0:11:32.640 I think that keeps me motivated for sure. I did. 0:11:32.720 --> 0:11:36.160 When I get comments like that or messages um, it 0:11:36.280 --> 0:11:38.760 is reassuring, even though I know I shouldn't probably listen 0:11:38.800 --> 0:11:41.800 to it too much because you know, I don't want 0:11:42.200 --> 0:11:44.480 that to be the main reason why I do things 0:11:44.559 --> 0:11:46.920 because it's always been in my mind to do that, 0:11:47.440 --> 0:11:50.040 but it's it does keep me a little bit more 0:11:50.760 --> 0:11:54.040 motivated and keeping me on the path when I when 0:11:54.040 --> 0:11:57.920 I get comments like that. So that is eleven questions 0:11:58.000 --> 0:12:00.679 with Kevin Crider, that's me him. Now I'm going to 0:12:00.760 --> 0:12:02.920 take a little bit of a commercial break and we'll 0:12:02.960 --> 0:12:05.880 be back to answer. Well, I'll be back to answer 0:12:06.160 --> 0:12:19.839 more live questions. Everyone, Welcome back. I am your host today, 0:12:19.960 --> 0:12:23.280 Kevin Crider. Thanks for coming back and tuning in, and 0:12:23.360 --> 0:12:26.400 we are now going to take the first question from 0:12:26.440 --> 0:12:30.959 a live caller. Hi, a real you are my official 0:12:31.240 --> 0:12:38.840 first caller ever? Really? Yeah, very cool. Um. So I'm 0:12:38.880 --> 0:12:47.880 in this friends with benefits situation and it's really fun. 0:12:48.080 --> 0:12:55.360 But he keeps saying I love you like a lot, yeah, 0:12:55.480 --> 0:12:58.680 and I don't. Yeah, I guess I just don't know 0:12:58.679 --> 0:13:00.679 how to take it, Like I don't all he's saying 0:13:01.520 --> 0:13:04.559 I love you because we've been friends for so long, 0:13:05.640 --> 0:13:10.000 or like I love you we want like maybe someday 0:13:10.040 --> 0:13:14.880 I'll love you forever, you know what I mean? Like, um, 0:13:14.960 --> 0:13:18.360 and yeah, like I I've brought it up, and sometimes 0:13:18.400 --> 0:13:21.800 it feels like he's more than a friend. And he 0:13:21.880 --> 0:13:26.679 then says he can't commit. So I'm just wondering, like, 0:13:27.679 --> 0:13:33.080 is this just something that guy's say frivolously, you know 0:13:33.080 --> 0:13:36.760 what I mean? Like that a common thing. So here's 0:13:36.800 --> 0:13:41.280 the thing that I've learned through my experience of this. Uh, Firstly, 0:13:42.200 --> 0:13:44.360 it sounds like you're not sure if you love him back, 0:13:44.440 --> 0:13:48.080 he's giving me mixed signals. Friends with benefits. It started 0:13:48.080 --> 0:13:50.360 off like that. You start to grow feelings for people, 0:13:50.400 --> 0:13:53.320 but he doesn't want to commit. That is somebody who 0:13:53.600 --> 0:13:58.319 is just basically saying I can't commit and he might 0:13:58.400 --> 0:14:02.720 have feelings for you that I don't doubt, but probably 0:14:02.760 --> 0:14:05.440 won't be with you. And if uh, I would say 0:14:05.600 --> 0:14:10.360 because that look when you know, and especially when guys know, 0:14:10.520 --> 0:14:14.880 we know. I think too many people guys and girls 0:14:14.960 --> 0:14:17.440 use this phrase of like I can't commit, but I 0:14:17.480 --> 0:14:19.800 really care. It's kind of like stringing you along to 0:14:19.800 --> 0:14:21.960 see if it kind of like turns into something better 0:14:22.480 --> 0:14:24.960 or somebody else comes up better. Like I'm sure he 0:14:25.040 --> 0:14:27.280 still likes you, he wants to stay friends with you, 0:14:27.640 --> 0:14:29.680 But at the same time, if he can't commit, then 0:14:29.800 --> 0:14:33.480 I would say he really isn't in his mind really 0:14:33.480 --> 0:14:36.760 looking at you as a serious prospect. Um. You guys 0:14:36.760 --> 0:14:39.840 started off as friends now friends with benefits across that line, 0:14:40.400 --> 0:14:42.840 and I will say from my own experience, it's hard 0:14:42.840 --> 0:14:45.920 to go back once you cross that line. So um, 0:14:45.960 --> 0:14:52.160 you might have to be okay with losing a friend. Yeah, yeah, 0:14:52.240 --> 0:14:54.560 that makes sense. Yeah, if he can't commit and he 0:14:54.560 --> 0:14:59.760 says he doesn't want to commit, then believe him totally. Yeah, 0:15:00.360 --> 0:15:07.600 totally fine, honestly, like fine with me. Anyways, thank you, welcome, 0:15:08.920 --> 0:15:13.880 I Rebecca, Hi, how are you? I'm fantastic are here? 0:15:13.960 --> 0:15:18.600 You have a question? Um? Yeah, I have opinions, but 0:15:18.680 --> 0:15:25.160 they're not scientific answers. Well, let's hope they can help. Um. 0:15:25.200 --> 0:15:30.160 So basically, um, obviously, like everybody the world, I'm on 0:15:30.520 --> 0:15:34.480 the dating apps and I am just getting more and 0:15:34.480 --> 0:15:41.320 more frustrated because I've had conversations with guys but nobody 0:15:41.440 --> 0:15:45.920 ever follows through for an in person meet up, you know, 0:15:46.160 --> 0:15:50.280 like they don't like it's this is where like the 0:15:50.360 --> 0:15:53.600 rubber meets the road, and you know, I'm trying not 0:15:53.680 --> 0:15:56.920 to take the rains so they can ask, but it 0:15:57.040 --> 0:16:00.840 just seems like it's going nowhere. And I'm seeing faith 0:16:01.000 --> 0:16:05.120 in apps altogether. So should I stay or should I 0:16:05.240 --> 0:16:09.240 ask more often for an in person date? Well? Okay, 0:16:09.280 --> 0:16:13.080 so where are you located? First of all, I'm in 0:16:13.080 --> 0:16:20.600 New York City? Okay? Um? And what I should say this? 0:16:21.120 --> 0:16:24.000 You asked, just to clarify, you asked the guys to 0:16:24.040 --> 0:16:26.400 meet up and none of them want to follow up? 0:16:26.440 --> 0:16:29.240 Is that? What that is no, they just don't ask 0:16:29.680 --> 0:16:32.480 to fall like, so we'll will be engaged in like 0:16:32.600 --> 0:16:35.720 chats and really great back and forth and and this 0:16:35.760 --> 0:16:38.560 is this happens with all the guys, all of them, 0:16:38.680 --> 0:16:41.400 and nobody ever then takes it to the next step 0:16:41.920 --> 0:16:44.040 to say, hey, why don't we meet up now? So 0:16:44.120 --> 0:16:47.840 you kind of just like messaging air time like there's 0:16:47.840 --> 0:16:51.200 dead air and then nothing happens. Right, Yeah, we have 0:16:51.240 --> 0:16:54.360 a great, great talks and nobody wants to take the 0:16:54.400 --> 0:16:56.760 next step. They're too cowardly, I guess. I don't know. 0:16:56.840 --> 0:16:58.880 I don't know if it's the being coward or they're 0:16:58.880 --> 0:17:02.000 too busy, or I'm glad you called yourself a coward 0:17:02.040 --> 0:17:05.159 as well, because that's kind of what's happening. Oh no, 0:17:05.240 --> 0:17:07.399 I'm not calling myself account. I'm calling the guys a 0:17:07.440 --> 0:17:10.439 coward because they're not taking they're not taking the bold 0:17:10.440 --> 0:17:13.439 step to like say you know, and then if I 0:17:13.520 --> 0:17:15.720 do it, then they just look like, oh, I'm being 0:17:15.760 --> 0:17:19.000 a preshy female. And so it's just like do they 0:17:19.160 --> 0:17:22.720 say that or is that your assumption of that? That's 0:17:22.760 --> 0:17:26.439 my assumption of it, Like I and that's like I 0:17:26.480 --> 0:17:28.639 think they're being coward's by not saying, hey, let's just 0:17:28.680 --> 0:17:30.240 meet up for a cup of coffee. Let's just see 0:17:30.240 --> 0:17:35.640 where this goes. Like they're chickening out right, so sounds judgmental, right, Like, 0:17:35.880 --> 0:17:37.480 here's the thing. If I were on the other end, 0:17:37.840 --> 0:17:40.600 I wouldn't want a date or somebody. You think I'm 0:17:40.600 --> 0:17:43.720 a coward right away, So that's probably saying you sometime right, 0:17:44.280 --> 0:17:46.800 these people aren't who you want to want to be, 0:17:46.880 --> 0:17:51.240 Like you already labeled them as something which is already 0:17:51.400 --> 0:17:54.280 not a good step. And secondly, I always tell my 0:17:54.359 --> 0:17:57.240 female friends this, and I know it's hard, right, Like 0:17:57.920 --> 0:18:04.280 its structurally and society an were mindset to do courting 0:18:04.280 --> 0:18:08.040 and dating a certain way. I'll tell you what the 0:18:08.080 --> 0:18:10.760 best dates I've ever had, and the girls that I've 0:18:10.800 --> 0:18:13.840 actually been with the longest they actually asked me out first, 0:18:14.440 --> 0:18:18.680 and I've asked out many goals before. So I would 0:18:18.680 --> 0:18:24.280 just say be bold if you're really interested in them. Firstly, 0:18:24.720 --> 0:18:28.000 I would say try not to think of them as 0:18:28.000 --> 0:18:30.800 cowards right away. They could be busy people. They could 0:18:30.880 --> 0:18:33.440 have many options, right like I'm sure you have many 0:18:33.480 --> 0:18:37.000 options to um and also to just say hey, I'd 0:18:37.000 --> 0:18:39.119 love to meet up to coffee. Continue this conversation or 0:18:39.200 --> 0:18:42.040 something right, like set up something small. But Kevin, I 0:18:42.040 --> 0:18:44.359 don't think they have cowards right away. I'm thinking that 0:18:44.440 --> 0:18:48.600 we're having we have these great conversations and then they're 0:18:48.600 --> 0:18:51.680 not doing anything. So eventually I think of them as cowards. 0:18:51.760 --> 0:18:53.520 And it's not like it's a judgment thing, but it's 0:18:53.520 --> 0:18:58.800 just like, well, b B, you know, be a little 0:18:58.800 --> 0:19:01.800 bit more than to be something that there maybe not. 0:19:02.119 --> 0:19:04.360 So think of it as like something that you're screening 0:19:04.400 --> 0:19:07.200 for yourself, right. You want someone to be a certain 0:19:07.240 --> 0:19:11.119 way you have in your mind a certain outcome That 0:19:11.160 --> 0:19:13.760 could also be hurting you in the dating apps too, 0:19:13.840 --> 0:19:17.360 because like, look, if you give up controlling things right, 0:19:17.560 --> 0:19:19.720 things happen for you a little bit more smoother, or 0:19:19.760 --> 0:19:21.639 if they don't, at least you didn't like put too 0:19:21.720 --> 0:19:25.480 much emotional energy into it. Um. I have a question though, 0:19:25.600 --> 0:19:28.320 like what what's wrong with them? Are you afraid to 0:19:28.320 --> 0:19:30.800 go out outside the apps and just do it in 0:19:30.840 --> 0:19:35.320 real life or what's holding me back? I guess well, no, 0:19:35.440 --> 0:19:38.080 I mean I just I mean obviously the past two 0:19:38.119 --> 0:19:41.240 years not very you know, the bars aren't being flooded 0:19:41.280 --> 0:19:44.720 with prospects, so you know you're going for bars you're 0:19:44.720 --> 0:19:47.320 going to bars to find guys. Know I'm being I'm 0:19:47.359 --> 0:19:50.720 being I'm not talking literally, but like, you know, I'm 0:19:50.760 --> 0:19:52.600 not really going to bars a man, But it's just 0:19:52.680 --> 0:19:55.600 been hard to meet people out and about. So I 0:19:55.680 --> 0:19:58.040 what I say is like, I don't think it's really 0:19:58.840 --> 0:20:01.399 so hard. Maybe like you just have to put yourself 0:20:01.400 --> 0:20:04.280 in situations to actually meet people. Like I don't go 0:20:04.359 --> 0:20:06.200 to bars and bars that much, right, Like I go 0:20:06.280 --> 0:20:09.280 to restaurants sometimes, go to events, but you know, you 0:20:09.359 --> 0:20:12.280 do things outside. Um, I'm sure you could find place 0:20:12.359 --> 0:20:14.640 to meet people, maybe just looking at the wrong places, 0:20:14.800 --> 0:20:18.159 right Like normally I go to museums. It's just the 0:20:18.480 --> 0:20:21.960 numbers are just very different. The prospects are very different 0:20:23.800 --> 0:20:29.000 then they were pre pandemic, and so like, you know, yes, 0:20:29.040 --> 0:20:31.560 I would love if I was at like a you know, 0:20:32.200 --> 0:20:36.040 like an under forty mixer at MoMA, and of course, 0:20:36.320 --> 0:20:40.480 but they're not. These events aren't taking place in the 0:20:40.680 --> 0:20:44.560 same ways they were pre pandemic. So that's why. And 0:20:44.680 --> 0:20:49.600 I you know, it's just very different times now. But 0:20:49.960 --> 0:20:52.960 I mean, like his, um, you asked me questions, give 0:20:53.000 --> 0:21:00.320 you some answers. Rights, take the reins, Okay, I'll take 0:21:00.320 --> 0:21:04.120 the reins on app Hi Alison, Hi, how are you. 0:21:04.720 --> 0:21:08.040 I'm fantastic. I hear you have a question. I do, 0:21:08.280 --> 0:21:11.240 I do, Okay, thank you so much. First of all, 0:21:11.440 --> 0:21:14.760 I really appreciate it. UM. So So I've been with 0:21:14.760 --> 0:21:18.040 my boyfriend for UM just about a year, just coming 0:21:18.040 --> 0:21:21.439 out a year, and I love him, Thank thank you. UM. 0:21:21.880 --> 0:21:26.639 And it's a great relationship and it's going really really well. UM. 0:21:26.760 --> 0:21:30.639 But our communications style and the way that we argue, 0:21:31.520 --> 0:21:35.480 the argument and communication style is very different. UM. And 0:21:35.600 --> 0:21:39.919 this comes up a lot when especially UM in finance 0:21:40.040 --> 0:21:43.480 things and UM in other general cases, but most most 0:21:43.560 --> 0:21:45.800 recently a lot of finance, but just in general, the 0:21:45.840 --> 0:21:48.320 way that we communicate and and the argument style, it's 0:21:48.400 --> 0:21:52.200 just very different. And UM. And through the relationship, I've 0:21:52.320 --> 0:21:54.280 kind of worked on it, and I've changed the way 0:21:54.320 --> 0:21:58.200 that I approach how we're different to him. So I've 0:21:58.359 --> 0:22:02.720 changed how how I approach our differences UM, and I've 0:22:02.760 --> 0:22:06.760 asked him to do the same to kind of amend 0:22:06.960 --> 0:22:09.480 his style of communication with me. When when we do 0:22:09.600 --> 0:22:15.760 have UM differences, that communication style is that's different. Yeah. 0:22:15.960 --> 0:22:17.960 I feel like most recently it's been coming up and 0:22:18.200 --> 0:22:21.919 as I said in finance situations. Um, I work. I 0:22:22.000 --> 0:22:23.800 work in marketing and he works in real estate and 0:22:23.840 --> 0:22:27.000 we both do really well and um and so, but 0:22:27.080 --> 0:22:30.720 he grew up very frugal and um, and I kind 0:22:30.760 --> 0:22:33.320 of feel like if, um, you know, if we're going 0:22:33.359 --> 0:22:35.920 on vacation or something to enjoy it and and kind 0:22:35.920 --> 0:22:41.640 of thing and um and so so UM, I've approached 0:22:41.680 --> 0:22:44.160 it more like, you know, we're a team, and so 0:22:44.359 --> 0:22:46.760 let's compromise and figure out ways that we can both 0:22:46.760 --> 0:22:49.200 be happy and not stretch our limits and the kind 0:22:49.200 --> 0:22:54.160 of way and and he gets very if it's outside 0:22:54.200 --> 0:22:56.560 of his comfort zone and something he doesn't want to do, 0:22:56.720 --> 0:22:58.280 whole kind of express that I don't want to do 0:22:58.280 --> 0:23:01.399 this and then whole kind of shut down. And and 0:23:01.560 --> 0:23:04.119 I've been very amenable to kind of, you know, go 0:23:04.280 --> 0:23:07.560 my extra mile to make him feel you know, okay, 0:23:07.760 --> 0:23:10.679 I hear you that this is not something that you 0:23:10.680 --> 0:23:12.479 know that you're that you want, are willing to do 0:23:12.640 --> 0:23:14.879 or to stretch for you. And so a lot of 0:23:14.880 --> 0:23:17.480 the time I'll just kind of you know, act we 0:23:17.600 --> 0:23:23.040 ask to to, you know, in certain ways, just to 0:23:23.040 --> 0:23:26.399 to make him more comfortable. UM. And but I like 0:23:26.480 --> 0:23:29.720 to discuss also about why you know, in these circumstances 0:23:29.720 --> 0:23:31.840 of why it would be nice to do these things 0:23:31.960 --> 0:23:34.239 and not all the time, but sometimes anyway, but he 0:23:34.640 --> 0:23:36.879 there it gets very uncomfortable for him, and so so 0:23:37.000 --> 0:23:39.920 we'll argue or communicate is kind of um, just say 0:23:39.960 --> 0:23:42.640 how he feels, and then he'll listen to me. But 0:23:42.680 --> 0:23:47.360 he kind of never budges. And so question then, Alison, 0:23:47.800 --> 0:23:50.800 who who How do you guys work out finances? Is 0:23:50.840 --> 0:23:55.720