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Speaker 1: We're taking you inside the mind of a man. This

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Speaker 1: is how men Thick and I heard radio podcast. Hey guys,

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Speaker 1: I am Kevin Crider. I am in Netflix's Bling Empire,

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Speaker 1: also an actor, speaker and activist for UH the a

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Speaker 1: API community, and I actually am now a new found

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Speaker 1: entrepreneur starting up a couple of companies. And I used

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Speaker 1: to model, but no longer modeling anymore. So I'm asked

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Speaker 1: eleven questions about me about Kevin Critterer. I'm guessing this

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Speaker 1: was polled the most popular questions on the internet and

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Speaker 1: it is number one. What are you known for? So

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Speaker 1: tell us by yourself. Man, I feel like I'm on

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Speaker 1: a date right now. But one am I known for?

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Speaker 1: We'll see one of Bling Empire. I'm known for taking

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Speaker 1: my shirt off a lot. I'm kind of like the

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Speaker 1: guy who gets wild and does that. But really, in

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Speaker 1: real life, I'm actually known for doing talks about UH

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Speaker 1: my life as an Asian America model and bringing the

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Speaker 1: Baboo ceiling and just talking about things in the Asian

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Speaker 1: community that is relevant, like media, masculinity and just what's

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Speaker 1: going on in the world. Um, who are you in

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Speaker 1: your personal life? Oh? How personal do you want to

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Speaker 1: get is the question. Um. In my personal life, I'm

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Speaker 1: actually somebody in recovery. Um. I'm an antwelve step program.

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Speaker 1: I've been sober for over six years. I'm actually somebody

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Speaker 1: who likes to I guess this isn't personal, but I

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Speaker 1: like to go out and mingle with people. UM. I

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Speaker 1: like to go to restaurants. I like to cook a lot. Actually,

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Speaker 1: in season two of bling Um Fire, I'm actually cooking

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Speaker 1: for one of my dates. And that's what I like

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Speaker 1: to do. I like to cook a lot of Italian food.

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Speaker 1: I used to want to be Italian when I was

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Speaker 1: a little kid, so I like Italian food and Italian things,

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Speaker 1: Italian movies, stuff like that. Um, and I actually, you

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Speaker 1: like to go to bed really early. A lot of

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Speaker 1: people usually make fun of me when I go out

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Speaker 1: to events and stuff because I go to bed by ten,

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Speaker 1: so they know it's a really fun time. If I

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Speaker 1: stay out till like eleven PM, and they're like, oh

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Speaker 1: my god, this must be a good time. Yeah, or

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Speaker 1: like ten o'clock rolls around, they know I'm going to

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Speaker 1: bed Because I like to get up at like six

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Speaker 1: six thirty and just start my day and meditate and

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Speaker 1: journal and do some fun things until the sun rises

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Speaker 1: and then I start my day and then UM Number

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Speaker 1: three is three shows that I'm binge watching Besides blaying Empire,

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Speaker 1: I would say that three shows that I have been watching,

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Speaker 1: UM is The Circle, um, Ozark, and The Stranger Things

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Speaker 1: is coming out or it's out now. Also, I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: start watching that as well. My favorite food Okay, this

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Speaker 1: is a two part question for my favorite food. If

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Speaker 1: I could eat the same thing for good day, it

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Speaker 1: would be sushi. I mean, I used to hate sushi

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Speaker 1: growing up, but I love it now. UM. And the

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Speaker 1: other flip side is if sushi wasn't so expensive realistically,

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Speaker 1: I would probably have like breakfast foods like omelets and

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Speaker 1: pancakes every single day. That's I think something I would love.

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Speaker 1: That's my favorite food. UM Number five is tell us

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Speaker 1: about your career. I came from an actual personal training

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Speaker 1: and business mindset. When I was in college, I used

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Speaker 1: to run my own personal training services. I became a

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Speaker 1: professional bodybuilder, natural bodybuilder. I became a fitness model. I

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Speaker 1: started to do modeling and then I've got an interest

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Speaker 1: in acting back in two thousand nine. I've been pursuing

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Speaker 1: it ever since. And then um, right now, really what

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Speaker 1: I'm doing is I'm going back into acting. I just

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Speaker 1: booked my first feature in a movie called Asian Persuasion,

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Speaker 1: and it's my first feature that I've ever been in,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like super excited to do more of those things,

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Speaker 1: do more leading male roles that portray Asian Americans such

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Speaker 1: as myself in these movies as romantic leads. And I've

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Speaker 1: also started, uh my career in the beverage industry. I'm

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Speaker 1: having a company um release its first beverage in probably

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Speaker 1: August or September this year, and it's a drink that

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Speaker 1: is a sober drink. It's a non alcoholic premium replacements

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Speaker 1: and a mixer called Sans and be hitting some of

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Speaker 1: the bars and restaurants here in California. Big move because obviously,

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Speaker 1: you know, I've never actually started up something and put

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Speaker 1: so much time and investment and money into it and just, uh,

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Speaker 1: it's such a wild journey starting up your own company.

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Speaker 1: And I think a lot of people think, you know, oh,

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Speaker 1: you're just the model who likes to take your shirt off, Like, yeah, sure,

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Speaker 1: I'd like to do that, but I'd like to do

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Speaker 1: this kind of stuff too. Um what's my biggest fear

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Speaker 1: in life? Okay, my biggest fear when I was growing up,

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Speaker 1: like I was like eight years old, was dying. I

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Speaker 1: mean I was only eight and I was afraid of

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Speaker 1: dying already. I look behind like I look on a

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Speaker 1: label and be like, oh my god, that's so much sodium,

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Speaker 1: too much patent, and I can't eat it. I'd be

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Speaker 1: like such a freak in that sense. But then now

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Speaker 1: I think my biggest fear in life it's actually not

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Speaker 1: trying to do the things that I've always wanted to

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Speaker 1: do that I dreamt about doing. UM. One of its acting. So,

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Speaker 1: like I said, I started acting twelve years ago, and

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Speaker 1: five years ago I really quit because I was like, man,

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Speaker 1: it just doesn't seem like it's going to happen for me.

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Speaker 1: And then UM moved to California, I don't bling empire,

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Speaker 1: got asked to do a role, and now it seems

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Speaker 1: like the doors are opening up for me again. And

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Speaker 1: so that kind of thing is what I'm afraid of,

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Speaker 1: is not trying and pursuing the things that I care

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Speaker 1: about a lot or dreamt about doing them. And I

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Speaker 1: was younger, same thing with starting my own business. UM,

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Speaker 1: comic books. I'm starting up a comic book series with

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Speaker 1: web Tunes. It's an online comic book illustrator. And something

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Speaker 1: that people that know about me when I was younger

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Speaker 1: is that I actually wanted to be a combook artist

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Speaker 1: when I was five or six years old. But then

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Speaker 1: I've found out very quickly accept that drawing, which doesn't

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Speaker 1: lead to a very good combook career if you suck

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Speaker 1: a drawing. So now that I'm actually created and helping

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Speaker 1: to produce a web tune series is like super exciting,

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Speaker 1: you know, in the very early development stages that but

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Speaker 1: it's super cool. And so those things that I'd be

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Speaker 1: afraid of doing, Like it's not like I have a

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Speaker 1: fear of skydiving or I have a fear of like

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Speaker 1: commitment or things like that. It's like kind of like

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Speaker 1: personal stuff that I've always wanted to achieve. What's my

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Speaker 1: biggest pet peef Oh my god, Okay, my biggest pet

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Speaker 1: peeve is being late. And I was two minutes late

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Speaker 1: to do this I Heart radio thing today, and that

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Speaker 1: to me just eats me up right like it was

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Speaker 1: a zoom thing. It's like, how come you gonna be early? Yeah? Well,

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Speaker 1: you know, life happens a little bit. But I hate

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Speaker 1: when people are late. And I think here in Los Angeles,

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Speaker 1: Los Angeles, uh, fifteen minutes is considered on time still,

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Speaker 1: so in Los Angeles time, I'm still on time East

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Speaker 1: Coast two minutes late, like, don't even show up. That

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Speaker 1: was my mentality back then. But I hate being late

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Speaker 1: to things. I hate people when they're late to things too. Um.

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Speaker 1: And that's just my pet peeve. What makes me most

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Speaker 1: happy people being on time for things. Now, that's that's

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Speaker 1: not true. That doesn't make me happy though, But what

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Speaker 1: makes me the most happy is actually working and dealing

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Speaker 1: with people with integrity and honesty. Um. You know. I

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Speaker 1: I find that when people say they're going to do stuff,

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Speaker 1: they do it and um and are honest about things.

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Speaker 1: And that's kind of what it makes me happy because

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Speaker 1: I feel like if we just do those two things

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Speaker 1: in the world, we could actually be in a better place, right, Like,

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Speaker 1: just let's be honest with each other, let's do and

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Speaker 1: and do the things that we say we're gonna do

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Speaker 1: and do it well, which would be great, um, and

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Speaker 1: then I think the world will just be a better

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Speaker 1: place for that. So that's what I'd like to make

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Speaker 1: me happy. We're most happy. Um, what is my deal

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Speaker 1: Saturday morning? My deal Saturday morning is to get up,

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Speaker 1: probably around like seven o'clock. I'll meditate, hit my knees,

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Speaker 1: and pray journal for dirty minutes. I'll work out right afterwards,

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Speaker 1: get a cup of coffee, um, sitting on a roof

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Speaker 1: deck and watch the sunrise a little bit, hopefully with

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Speaker 1: a lucky someone. UM, get like a great email that

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Speaker 1: says like, hey, you got like a ten thousand or

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Speaker 1: twenty tho dollar deal. That'd be amazing, right that that

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Speaker 1: hasn't really happened yet. It so, I guess that's not

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Speaker 1: my ideal. I haven't been doing my ideals Saturdays. Uh.

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Speaker 1: And also going out and just having like a meal

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Speaker 1: old friends or a coffee. You just meet up with people,

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Speaker 1: go to bed by like ten o'clock, cut all both

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Speaker 1: on someone on the couch and making making meal, watch

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Speaker 1: the sunrise, my sunset at that time. I'd be awesome. Uh,

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Speaker 1: talk to my family and yeah, that's about it. It

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Speaker 1: used to be doing yoga too, but then I realized

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Speaker 1: I don't like doing yoga that much anymore. That's just me. Um.

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Speaker 1: Number ten, are you more of the athlete or the

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Speaker 1: armchair quarter. I'm definitely more of the athlete. I grew

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Speaker 1: up with athletics since I was probably like four years old,

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Speaker 1: like skiing, snowboarding, playing tennis, baseball. I mean, I love

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Speaker 1: movement and athletics. I don't think I could ever be

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Speaker 1: a couch potato unless like, um, i'll problems happen or

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Speaker 1: something number eleven. What keeps me motivated? I think what

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Speaker 1: keeps me motivated is just the idea of growth and

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Speaker 1: wanted to be better. Um, you know, I have a

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Speaker 1: lot of dreams and aspirations, and being thirty eight years old,

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Speaker 1: I haven't been able to do much of it actually

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Speaker 1: until recently, in the last like two to three years.

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Speaker 1: And now I see that I have an opportunity to

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Speaker 1: achieve those dreams, or at least give my all out

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Speaker 1: effort to achieve them. And um, that keeps you motivated.

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Speaker 1: Because I think the idea idea of not trying, keeps

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Speaker 1: me motivated. If that makes sense, Yes, that keeps me motivated.

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Speaker 1: The fact that I can't look at myself with self

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Speaker 1: esteem every day if I didn't try, you know, I think, um,

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Speaker 1: having good self esteem is just doing the things you

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Speaker 1: say you're going to do and doing it the best,

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Speaker 1: but at the same time, if I can't do it

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Speaker 1: and I failed, then it's like I think for me

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Speaker 1: is to be able to acmount and then and be like,

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Speaker 1: you know what, what did I learn that I've done better?

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Speaker 1: Maybe not? If I couldn't have done better, then you

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Speaker 1: move on. Just wasn't it to be? Um? And so

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Speaker 1: that keeps you motivated and really messages that people just

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Speaker 1: telling me how this stuff I do in you know,

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Speaker 1: reality TV movies content, even this message of sobriety, uh,

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Speaker 1: wanting to pave the way for Asian men in Hollywood especially.

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Speaker 1: I think that keeps me motivated for sure. I did.

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Speaker 1: When I get comments like that or messages um, it

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Speaker 1: is reassuring, even though I know I shouldn't probably listen

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Speaker 1: to it too much because you know, I don't want

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Speaker 1: that to be the main reason why I do things

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Speaker 1: because it's always been in my mind to do that,

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Speaker 1: but it's it does keep me a little bit more

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Speaker 1: motivated and keeping me on the path when I when

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Speaker 1: I get comments like that. So that is eleven questions

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Speaker 1: with Kevin Crider, that's me him. Now I'm going to

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Speaker 1: take a little bit of a commercial break and we'll

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Speaker 1: be back to answer. Well, I'll be back to answer

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Speaker 1: more live questions. Everyone, Welcome back. I am your host today,

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Speaker 1: Kevin Crider. Thanks for coming back and tuning in, and

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Speaker 1: we are now going to take the first question from

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Speaker 1: a live caller. Hi, a real you are my official

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Speaker 1: first caller ever? Really? Yeah, very cool. Um. So I'm

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Speaker 1: in this friends with benefits situation and it's really fun.

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Speaker 1: But he keeps saying I love you like a lot, yeah,

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Speaker 1: and I don't. Yeah, I guess I just don't know

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Speaker 1: how to take it, Like I don't all he's saying

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Speaker 1: I love you because we've been friends for so long,

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Speaker 1: or like I love you we want like maybe someday

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Speaker 1: I'll love you forever, you know what I mean? Like, um,

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Speaker 1: and yeah, like I I've brought it up, and sometimes

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Speaker 1: it feels like he's more than a friend. And he

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Speaker 1: then says he can't commit. So I'm just wondering, like,

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Speaker 1: is this just something that guy's say frivolously, you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean? Like that a common thing. So here's

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Speaker 1: the thing that I've learned through my experience of this. Uh, Firstly,

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Speaker 1: it sounds like you're not sure if you love him back,

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Speaker 1: he's giving me mixed signals. Friends with benefits. It started

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Speaker 1: off like that. You start to grow feelings for people,

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Speaker 1: but he doesn't want to commit. That is somebody who

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Speaker 1: is just basically saying I can't commit and he might

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Speaker 1: have feelings for you that I don't doubt, but probably

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Speaker 1: won't be with you. And if uh, I would say

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Speaker 1: because that look when you know, and especially when guys know,

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Speaker 1: we know. I think too many people guys and girls

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Speaker 1: use this phrase of like I can't commit, but I

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Speaker 1: really care. It's kind of like stringing you along to

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Speaker 1: see if it kind of like turns into something better

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Speaker 1: or somebody else comes up better. Like I'm sure he

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Speaker 1: still likes you, he wants to stay friends with you,

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Speaker 1: But at the same time, if he can't commit, then

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Speaker 1: I would say he really isn't in his mind really

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Speaker 1: looking at you as a serious prospect. Um. You guys

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Speaker 1: started off as friends now friends with benefits across that line,

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Speaker 1: and I will say from my own experience, it's hard

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Speaker 1: to go back once you cross that line. So um,

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Speaker 1: you might have to be okay with losing a friend. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: that makes sense. Yeah, if he can't commit and he

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Speaker 1: says he doesn't want to commit, then believe him totally. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: totally fine, honestly, like fine with me. Anyways, thank you, welcome,

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Speaker 1: I Rebecca, Hi, how are you? I'm fantastic are here?

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Speaker 1: You have a question? Um? Yeah, I have opinions, but

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Speaker 1: they're not scientific answers. Well, let's hope they can help. Um.

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Speaker 1: So basically, um, obviously, like everybody the world, I'm on

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Speaker 1: the dating apps and I am just getting more and

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Speaker 1: more frustrated because I've had conversations with guys but nobody

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Speaker 1: ever follows through for an in person meet up, you know,

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Speaker 1: like they don't like it's this is where like the

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Speaker 1: rubber meets the road, and you know, I'm trying not

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Speaker 1: to take the rains so they can ask, but it

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Speaker 1: just seems like it's going nowhere. And I'm seeing faith

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Speaker 1: in apps altogether. So should I stay or should I

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Speaker 1: ask more often for an in person date? Well? Okay,

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Speaker 1: so where are you located? First of all, I'm in

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Speaker 1: New York City? Okay? Um? And what I should say this?

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Speaker 1: You asked, just to clarify, you asked the guys to

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Speaker 1: meet up and none of them want to follow up?

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Speaker 1: Is that? What that is no, they just don't ask

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Speaker 1: to fall like, so we'll will be engaged in like

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Speaker 1: chats and really great back and forth and and this

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Speaker 1: is this happens with all the guys, all of them,

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Speaker 1: and nobody ever then takes it to the next step

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Speaker 1: to say, hey, why don't we meet up now? So

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Speaker 1: you kind of just like messaging air time like there's

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Speaker 1: dead air and then nothing happens. Right, Yeah, we have

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Speaker 1: a great, great talks and nobody wants to take the

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Speaker 1: next step. They're too cowardly, I guess. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if it's the being coward or they're

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Speaker 1: too busy, or I'm glad you called yourself a coward

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Speaker 1: as well, because that's kind of what's happening. Oh no,

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Speaker 1: I'm not calling myself account. I'm calling the guys a

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Speaker 1: coward because they're not taking they're not taking the bold

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Speaker 1: step to like say you know, and then if I

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Speaker 1: do it, then they just look like, oh, I'm being

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Speaker 1: a preshy female. And so it's just like do they

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Speaker 1: say that or is that your assumption of that? That's

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Speaker 1: my assumption of it, Like I and that's like I

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Speaker 1: think they're being coward's by not saying, hey, let's just

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Speaker 1: meet up for a cup of coffee. Let's just see

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Speaker 1: where this goes. Like they're chickening out right, so sounds judgmental, right, Like,

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Speaker 1: here's the thing. If I were on the other end,

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't want a date or somebody. You think I'm

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Speaker 1: a coward right away, So that's probably saying you sometime right,

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Speaker 1: these people aren't who you want to want to be,

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Speaker 1: Like you already labeled them as something which is already

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Speaker 1: not a good step. And secondly, I always tell my

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Speaker 1: female friends this, and I know it's hard, right, Like

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Speaker 1: its structurally and society an were mindset to do courting

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Speaker 1: and dating a certain way. I'll tell you what the

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Speaker 1: best dates I've ever had, and the girls that I've

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Speaker 1: actually been with the longest they actually asked me out first,

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Speaker 1: and I've asked out many goals before. So I would

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Speaker 1: just say be bold if you're really interested in them. Firstly,

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Speaker 1: I would say try not to think of them as

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Speaker 1: cowards right away. They could be busy people. They could

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Speaker 1: have many options, right like I'm sure you have many

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Speaker 1: options to um and also to just say hey, I'd

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Speaker 1: love to meet up to coffee. Continue this conversation or

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Speaker 1: something right, like set up something small. But Kevin, I

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Speaker 1: don't think they have cowards right away. I'm thinking that

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Speaker 1: we're having we have these great conversations and then they're

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Speaker 1: not doing anything. So eventually I think of them as cowards.

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Speaker 1: And it's not like it's a judgment thing, but it's

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Speaker 1: just like, well, b B, you know, be a little

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Speaker 1: bit more than to be something that there maybe not.

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Speaker 1: So think of it as like something that you're screening

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Speaker 1: for yourself, right. You want someone to be a certain

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Speaker 1: way you have in your mind a certain outcome That

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Speaker 1: could also be hurting you in the dating apps too,

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Speaker 1: because like, look, if you give up controlling things right,

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Speaker 1: things happen for you a little bit more smoother, or

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Speaker 1: if they don't, at least you didn't like put too

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Speaker 1: much emotional energy into it. Um. I have a question though,

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Speaker 1: like what what's wrong with them? Are you afraid to

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Speaker 1: go out outside the apps and just do it in

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Speaker 1: real life or what's holding me back? I guess well, no,

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Speaker 1: I mean I just I mean obviously the past two

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Speaker 1: years not very you know, the bars aren't being flooded

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Speaker 1: with prospects, so you know you're going for bars you're

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Speaker 1: going to bars to find guys. Know I'm being I'm

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Speaker 1: being I'm not talking literally, but like, you know, I'm

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Speaker 1: not really going to bars a man, But it's just

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Speaker 1: been hard to meet people out and about. So I

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Speaker 1: what I say is like, I don't think it's really

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Speaker 1: so hard. Maybe like you just have to put yourself

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Speaker 1: in situations to actually meet people. Like I don't go

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Speaker 1: to bars and bars that much, right, Like I go

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Speaker 1: to restaurants sometimes, go to events, but you know, you

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Speaker 1: do things outside. Um, I'm sure you could find place

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Speaker 1: to meet people, maybe just looking at the wrong places,

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Speaker 1: right Like normally I go to museums. It's just the

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Speaker 1: numbers are just very different. The prospects are very different

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Speaker 1: then they were pre pandemic, and so like, you know, yes,

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Speaker 1: I would love if I was at like a you know,

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Speaker 1: like an under forty mixer at MoMA, and of course,

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Speaker 1: but they're not. These events aren't taking place in the

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Speaker 1: same ways they were pre pandemic. So that's why. And

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Speaker 1: I you know, it's just very different times now. But

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Speaker 1: I mean, like his, um, you asked me questions, give

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Speaker 1: you some answers. Rights, take the reins, Okay, I'll take

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Speaker 1: the reins on app Hi Alison, Hi, how are you.

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Speaker 1: I'm fantastic. I hear you have a question. I do,

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Speaker 1: I do, Okay, thank you so much. First of all,

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Speaker 1: I really appreciate it. UM. So So I've been with

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Speaker 1: my boyfriend for UM just about a year, just coming

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Speaker 1: out a year, and I love him, Thank thank you. UM.

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Speaker 1: And it's a great relationship and it's going really really well. UM.

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Speaker 1: But our communications style and the way that we argue,

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Speaker 1: the argument and communication style is very different. UM. And

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Speaker 1: this comes up a lot when especially UM in finance

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Speaker 1: things and UM in other general cases, but most most

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Speaker 1: recently a lot of finance, but just in general, the

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Speaker 1: way that we communicate and and the argument style, it's

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Speaker 1: just very different. And UM. And through the relationship, I've

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Speaker 1: kind of worked on it, and I've changed the way

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Speaker 1: that I approach how we're different to him. So I've

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Speaker 1: changed how how I approach our differences UM, and I've

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Speaker 1: asked him to do the same to kind of amend

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Speaker 1: his style of communication with me. When when we do

369
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Speaker 1: have UM differences, that communication style is that's different. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I feel like most recently it's been coming up and

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Speaker 1: as I said in finance situations. Um, I work. I

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Speaker 1: work in marketing and he works in real estate and

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Speaker 1: we both do really well and um and so, but

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Speaker 1: he grew up very frugal and um, and I kind

375
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Speaker 1: of feel like if, um, you know, if we're going

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Speaker 1: on vacation or something to enjoy it and and kind

377
00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:41,640
Speaker 1: of thing and um and so so UM, I've approached

378
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Speaker 1: it more like, you know, we're a team, and so

379
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Speaker 1: let's compromise and figure out ways that we can both

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Speaker 1: be happy and not stretch our limits and the kind

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Speaker 1: of way and and he gets very if it's outside

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Speaker 1: of his comfort zone and something he doesn't want to do,

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Speaker 1: whole kind of express that I don't want to do

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Speaker 1: this and then whole kind of shut down. And and

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Speaker 1: I've been very amenable to kind of, you know, go

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Speaker 1: my extra mile to make him feel you know, okay,

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Speaker 1: I hear you that this is not something that you

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Speaker 1: know that you're that you want, are willing to do

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Speaker 1: or to stretch for you. And so a lot of

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Speaker 1: the time I'll just kind of you know, act we

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00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:23,040
Speaker 1: ask to to, you know, in certain ways, just to

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00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:26,399
Speaker 1: to make him more comfortable. UM. And but I like

393
00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:29,720
Speaker 1: to discuss also about why you know, in these circumstances

394
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Speaker 1: of why it would be nice to do these things

395
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Speaker 1: and not all the time, but sometimes anyway, but he

396
00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:36,879
Speaker 1: there it gets very uncomfortable for him, and so so

397
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:39,920
Speaker 1: we'll argue or communicate is kind of um, just say

398
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Speaker 1: how he feels, and then he'll listen to me. But

399
00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:47,360
Speaker 1: he kind of never budges. And so question then, Alison,

400
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Speaker 1: who who How do you guys work out finances? Is

401
00:23:50,840 --> 00:23:55,720
Speaker 1: that as a joint is that every other? Right? So,

402
00:23:57,080 --> 00:23:59,720
Speaker 1: in the last few months we've been together, it's really

403
00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:02,280
Speaker 1: coming to year just done next week. Um, we've really

404
00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:06,080
Speaker 1: started to to actually join it together, um in the

405
00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:09,359
Speaker 1: last few months, and I think that that's been UM.

406
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:11,560
Speaker 1: I feel like it's it's really a big step for

407
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Speaker 1: our relationship. UM and um. And but it's also kind

408
00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:20,160
Speaker 1: of uh, I just we kind of spend money differently

409
00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:22,720
Speaker 1: in that way, so it's it's hard to kind of

410
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Speaker 1: get to that that you know, humpy middle ground. But um,

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00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:31,040
Speaker 1: but it's just so what I hear is you have

412
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Speaker 1: a joint account, all the finances go in there, but

413
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Speaker 1: he you know, you obviously have to talk about how

414
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Speaker 1: you're going to spend it, and he doesn't want to budge,

415
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Speaker 1: even though there is money in that joint account, is

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00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:45,199
Speaker 1: what I'm kind of hearing, right, Yeah. Yeah, And and

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Speaker 1: for me it's um. Ultimately, it's not about whether or

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00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:52,720
Speaker 1: not we're spending that spending the money. It's kind of

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Speaker 1: I think that the way that he approaches it the

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Speaker 1: way that you know, I like to compromise I and

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Speaker 1: and talk it through and just figure out how we

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Speaker 1: could both be happy. And often he'll you know, he'll

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Speaker 1: express his view and then listen to me, but then

424
00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:13,959
Speaker 1: he'll just shut down if it's not going his way.

425
00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:18,680
Speaker 1: And so the big question I have is um. And again,

426
00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:21,520
Speaker 1: I've tried to ask him to change the way that

427
00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:24,760
Speaker 1: he approaches our differences. But my question is if someone

428
00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:26,679
Speaker 1: is kind of stuck in the way that they argue

429
00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:30,640
Speaker 1: or the way that they communicate, is it too late, um,

430
00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:35,800
Speaker 1: to to ask for a change in their communication style. Yeah,

431
00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:44,200
Speaker 1: just leave them now, I'm kidding. Next, No, I'm kidding. Look,

432
00:25:44,359 --> 00:25:48,480
Speaker 1: it's it's you guys have been together for a year.

433
00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:53,720
Speaker 1: You're gonna really really know each other more now, Um,

434
00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:59,719
Speaker 1: communication style is important. At least you guys are communicating firstly, Okay,

435
00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:03,560
Speaker 1: you know, he's uncomfortable with things. What I find is

436
00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:06,200
Speaker 1: maybe hard for this and this is hard to hear,

437
00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:09,439
Speaker 1: is are you trying to change him? And does he

438
00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:12,280
Speaker 1: feel like he is being asked to change when he

439
00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:15,960
Speaker 1: doesn't want to, because that can be hard, right, Because

440
00:26:16,119 --> 00:26:20,920
Speaker 1: here's the thing. Unconditional love means accept them for who

441
00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:24,840
Speaker 1: they are. Right. Uh, do you want to unconditionally love him?

442
00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:30,160
Speaker 1: Or you want to conditionally love him? And that's so

443
00:26:30,359 --> 00:26:33,159
Speaker 1: you know this about him? You kind of like are

444
00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:38,280
Speaker 1: finding out this about him? Are you expecting him to change?

445
00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:43,920
Speaker 1: Or just because you change, it's now like a transactional thing,

446
00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:49,720
Speaker 1: so he should change, like talk to me here. Oh yeah, no,

447
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:56,440
Speaker 1: I just I think that my view of I think

448
00:26:56,440 --> 00:26:58,720
Speaker 1: he's wonderful and I and I as a person, I

449
00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:01,960
Speaker 1: would never want him to change. That's why I love him. Um.

450
00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:05,600
Speaker 1: I just think that even if we have differences, that

451
00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:09,080
Speaker 1: part of being in a relationship could could ultimately be

452
00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:13,160
Speaker 1: that both people, both people compromise and not just one

453
00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:16,399
Speaker 1: or or it shouldn't be one person every single time.

454
00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:20,719
Speaker 1: And so you feel like you compromise more right than

455
00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:24,680
Speaker 1: he right? Right, So so it's the communication. And so

456
00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:28,399
Speaker 1: I've been asking him in in in hour, um in

457
00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:31,480
Speaker 1: these moments, I kind of just asked him to communicate

458
00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:33,760
Speaker 1: with me differently, or can you try a different approach,

459
00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:37,520
Speaker 1: and and these kinds of things just because Um, as

460
00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:40,040
Speaker 1: I said, he kind of. I mean, I guess it's

461
00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:41,760
Speaker 1: really it's just how he feels. But he does shut

462
00:27:41,840 --> 00:27:45,280
Speaker 1: down if we if it will express how he feels

463
00:27:45,320 --> 00:27:48,320
Speaker 1: about it, and he'll he'll definitely he's listening to me,

464
00:27:48,359 --> 00:27:51,159
Speaker 1: he's listening to what I say how I feel. But

465
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:55,040
Speaker 1: then ultimately, if it continues to get talked about, he'll

466
00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:58,200
Speaker 1: he'll just stress an opinion more and then just shut down.

467
00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:08,080
Speaker 1: And so yeah, so maybe that's something something. Uh, you're

468
00:28:08,080 --> 00:28:10,800
Speaker 1: in a really difficult situation. I get it. You want

469
00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:12,560
Speaker 1: to budge, you want to go on vacation. You guys

470
00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:17,560
Speaker 1: see money differently. Um, Look, unfortunately money hurts relationships, right,

471
00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:21,919
Speaker 1: conversations like that. I find I hate the fact that

472
00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:25,200
Speaker 1: it does. It's probably one of my number one resentments

473
00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:29,080
Speaker 1: in the world. Actually I love it. Everybody likes to

474
00:28:29,119 --> 00:28:32,280
Speaker 1: think and I am still true believer that love will

475
00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:34,560
Speaker 1: conquer that. But it's like, you know, I've seen it.

476
00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:39,440
Speaker 1: I've seen money destroyed relationships. I've seen Uh, it's hurt relationships.

477
00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:44,320
Speaker 1: I've seen other people more money be able to manipulate relationships, right,

478
00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:47,720
Speaker 1: and all that kind of stuff. We've seen it all. Um,

479
00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:52,000
Speaker 1: when it comes to money, you, I think the fact

480
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:54,000
Speaker 1: that you guys are even talking about it and only

481
00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:58,760
Speaker 1: a year in strong, um, I think maybe a way

482
00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:01,080
Speaker 1: to look at this is to see the progress in

483
00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:04,360
Speaker 1: your relationship. Yes, it's not perfect yet, he's not doing

484
00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:08,120
Speaker 1: exactly what you want. It's one year. Like I think

485
00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:11,280
Speaker 1: in the mindset of looking long term in your relationship

486
00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:14,120
Speaker 1: that you're this is a forever type of person. You know,

487
00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:17,320
Speaker 1: you admit it. You guys can work this out, and

488
00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:20,560
Speaker 1: maybe it's some type of compromise with you guys were like,

489
00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:23,320
Speaker 1: you know, you guys have this joint account and then

490
00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:26,720
Speaker 1: you have a separate account for your own fun money.

491
00:29:26,800 --> 00:29:29,440
Speaker 1: And then maybe if you have another fun money account

492
00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:33,000
Speaker 1: where you're like, you know what, maybe I got plenty

493
00:29:33,040 --> 00:29:37,560
Speaker 1: of money in this fun account. I'm doing this and

494
00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:40,360
Speaker 1: it's really yours anyway, like all of yours, right, Just

495
00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:44,160
Speaker 1: it's just the allusion to him. It's like it's like

496
00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:48,160
Speaker 1: kind of not an illusion. It's uh framing the account

497
00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:50,760
Speaker 1: differently to make it look like you have more than

498
00:29:50,800 --> 00:29:53,840
Speaker 1: you guys really have, like this is the fun stuff, right,

499
00:29:53,840 --> 00:29:57,440
Speaker 1: Like that's a that's a compromise, and then be like, oh, okay,

500
00:29:57,520 --> 00:30:03,440
Speaker 1: like I love that. That's a really great idea. That

501
00:30:03,440 --> 00:30:06,040
Speaker 1: would definitely I feel like that would be a lot

502
00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:09,120
Speaker 1: less stressed to just to frame it that way. So

503
00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:13,200
Speaker 1: I'm gonna try that. That's actually really great. Yeah. I

504
00:30:13,240 --> 00:30:15,400
Speaker 1: know for me as a boyfriend, if I saw that,

505
00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:18,400
Speaker 1: I'd be like, oh yeah, like I already know what

506
00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:20,280
Speaker 1: it is. But it's like, oh, you know, this is

507
00:30:20,360 --> 00:30:24,200
Speaker 1: thought out. It makes sense. We have plenty in our

508
00:30:24,320 --> 00:30:26,959
Speaker 1: joint and this like and you have this your own

509
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:28,720
Speaker 1: account and then you spend it the way you want

510
00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:31,120
Speaker 1: to on a vacation or whatever. It's like, okay, cool,

511
00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:38,040
Speaker 1: you know you're being and then um, yeah, definitely, but

512
00:30:38,320 --> 00:30:41,200
Speaker 1: I think that's a really great idea. Cool. Glad I

513
00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:49,040
Speaker 1: could help. Thank you, thanks so much. Welcome. Hi, Hello,

514
00:30:49,160 --> 00:30:54,400
Speaker 1: Kevin him. I'm really glad to get to talk to

515
00:30:54,400 --> 00:31:00,440
Speaker 1: you today. Yes, so I started a new job recently

516
00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:05,000
Speaker 1: in a new city. Thank you. Thanks. Um Los Angeles

517
00:31:05,760 --> 00:31:12,480
Speaker 1: my hometown, the town both for both of us. M Yeah,

518
00:31:12,640 --> 00:31:15,040
Speaker 1: I so I started this new job and you know,

519
00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:17,720
Speaker 1: I haven't met a lot of people, new people yet

520
00:31:17,760 --> 00:31:21,080
Speaker 1: being here. Um, and so as you can imagine, like

521
00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:23,760
Speaker 1: I'm always saying yes to anything I get invited to

522
00:31:24,080 --> 00:31:26,480
Speaker 1: so that there's like a chance of meeting new people

523
00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:31,200
Speaker 1: and connecting because it's a new city and all that. So, um,

524
00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:33,800
Speaker 1: a male coworker just asked me to dinner and I

525
00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:37,240
Speaker 1: said yes and was immediately hoping he'd invite other people.

526
00:31:37,960 --> 00:31:40,560
Speaker 1: But as soon as I said yes, he said, great,

527
00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:43,800
Speaker 1: it's a date, and um, like Kevin, I like, I

528
00:31:43,840 --> 00:31:46,280
Speaker 1: think he's cute, but it's a new job and a

529
00:31:46,320 --> 00:31:49,080
Speaker 1: new city. And I guess I'm just worried personally that

530
00:31:49,160 --> 00:31:52,720
Speaker 1: like my other coworkers will make assumptions about me going

531
00:31:52,760 --> 00:31:56,440
Speaker 1: on a date with a coworker so quickly. So I'm

532
00:31:56,480 --> 00:31:59,400
Speaker 1: just wondering, like do I tell him beforehand? I don't

533
00:31:59,440 --> 00:32:00,960
Speaker 1: want it to be a date, but I just want

534
00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:03,320
Speaker 1: to hang out, Like I don't know how to go

535
00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:09,360
Speaker 1: about talking to about this. Welcome to l A. This

536
00:32:09,520 --> 00:32:12,400
Speaker 1: happens a lot. And to be real, as a guy

537
00:32:13,880 --> 00:32:17,960
Speaker 1: who would do something like that, uh, let's just say,

538
00:32:18,120 --> 00:32:21,320
Speaker 1: like I did that right. I would appreciate from your

539
00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:24,400
Speaker 1: candle that like you told him what you told me,

540
00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:27,080
Speaker 1: and I would totally be it gives me a choice

541
00:32:27,120 --> 00:32:29,720
Speaker 1: then right to be like, Okay, I'm going to treat

542
00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:33,080
Speaker 1: this as a friend thing. It's not a date, and

543
00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:36,000
Speaker 1: I'll behave accordingly. Or if you lead them on too

544
00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:39,040
Speaker 1: thinking it's a date, and then things happen, which is

545
00:32:39,120 --> 00:32:43,640
Speaker 1: in firstly, I'm going to feel like, oh my god,

546
00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:46,560
Speaker 1: like am I wrong? Like what happened? You know what

547
00:32:46,600 --> 00:32:50,560
Speaker 1: I'm saying, it's it's it's it's it's I'm only going

548
00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:52,720
Speaker 1: to act based off of the information that I have,

549
00:32:52,920 --> 00:32:55,600
Speaker 1: which is, oh, I said it's a date, You're still here.

550
00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:58,160
Speaker 1: It must be a date, you know. Um, when you

551
00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:00,240
Speaker 1: look at it that way, you might be able to

552
00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:03,000
Speaker 1: be able to break the news to him in like

553
00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:08,120
Speaker 1: a very like empathetic way, you know, like be like, hey, look,

554
00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:12,640
Speaker 1: I'm really excited. I know you have good intentions with this.

555
00:33:13,560 --> 00:33:16,680
Speaker 1: I don't think it's the appropriate time right now. I

556
00:33:16,720 --> 00:33:19,520
Speaker 1: do think you're cute. I just really you know what

557
00:33:19,600 --> 00:33:22,800
Speaker 1: I mean, Like it's cool, right and and and then

558
00:33:22,880 --> 00:33:25,160
Speaker 1: be like, you know, just I'm not trying to lead

559
00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:29,479
Speaker 1: you on. That's why conversation and I'm telling you I

560
00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:33,320
Speaker 1: think he'll have such a great response to that, because

561
00:33:33,360 --> 00:33:36,800
Speaker 1: I'd be like, you know what, look, maybe you knew

562
00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:40,200
Speaker 1: I love to bring other people on board. You know, like,

563
00:33:40,320 --> 00:33:43,200
Speaker 1: what do you if he's a good dude, he's what

564
00:33:43,240 --> 00:33:46,040
Speaker 1: I'm saying, if he even if he doesn't do that,

565
00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:47,560
Speaker 1: and he's like, you know what, all right, you know

566
00:33:47,680 --> 00:33:51,160
Speaker 1: I'm really actually looking to date, Like, uh, let's just

567
00:33:51,400 --> 00:33:54,400
Speaker 1: alter plans, don't take up personally, you know, like you

568
00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:57,760
Speaker 1: guys each other a lot of time, so either way,

569
00:33:58,240 --> 00:34:02,680
Speaker 1: only good stuff can happen from the conversation. But yeah, no,

570
00:34:02,920 --> 00:34:06,160
Speaker 1: that's super helpful, Kevin, because I think, like I mean, honestly,

571
00:34:06,240 --> 00:34:09,400
Speaker 1: as you're talking, I'm like, right, communication is always best.

572
00:34:09,760 --> 00:34:14,480
Speaker 1: But are we hate we hate confrontation of like breaking

573
00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:18,000
Speaker 1: the news to someone, right. Trust me, It's easy for

574
00:34:18,080 --> 00:34:22,160
Speaker 1: me to say this, but I've had many tough conversations

575
00:34:22,200 --> 00:34:24,920
Speaker 1: that I've delayed, but I've had to have them. And

576
00:34:25,520 --> 00:34:27,279
Speaker 1: you know, when you come from the place of like

577
00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:30,239
Speaker 1: not wanting to hurt the other person too, that's a

578
00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:33,160
Speaker 1: great place from you. It sounds like you don't and

579
00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:36,880
Speaker 1: you don't want to mislead them. It won't come across

580
00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:40,759
Speaker 1: like anything that you come from that place. Well, also, Kevin,

581
00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:43,640
Speaker 1: what you just said is super helpful. That like the

582
00:34:43,680 --> 00:34:46,400
Speaker 1: way you phrased it, It's like it keeps the door open,

583
00:34:46,480 --> 00:34:48,680
Speaker 1: Like I like, you know, because he is cute and

584
00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:51,080
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be opposed down the line to going on

585
00:34:51,120 --> 00:34:53,640
Speaker 1: a date. But like, I'm very conscious in this moment

586
00:34:53,719 --> 00:34:57,920
Speaker 1: of not yeah giving my coworkers the wrong impression as

587
00:34:58,000 --> 00:35:04,160
Speaker 1: I established myself welcome, and I'm sure you will need

588
00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:08,000
Speaker 1: much help down the line. I'll be calling you back, Kevin.

589
00:35:08,960 --> 00:35:13,200
Speaker 1: First year is the toughest I'm telling you here. Oh man, well,

590
00:35:13,239 --> 00:35:17,239
Speaker 1: thank you, and I really appreciate your help definitely. By

591
00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:24,480
Speaker 1: Kendall Bike by Kevin. Thanks. Look, Hi, Hi, how's it

592
00:35:24,520 --> 00:35:29,080
Speaker 1: going on? Good? How are you? I'm great? You must

593
00:35:29,080 --> 00:35:31,319
Speaker 1: have a burning question to ask if you're on this

594
00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:36,960
Speaker 1: I do, yes, all right. So I'm just wondering I

595
00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:40,120
Speaker 1: need advice. Uh So, like when the first date goes

596
00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:44,480
Speaker 1: well and things start, you know, heating up at the

597
00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:46,920
Speaker 1: end of the night, and you're like into it, but

598
00:35:47,360 --> 00:35:48,759
Speaker 1: there's a part of you that wants to kind of

599
00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:52,520
Speaker 1: just slow it down. Um, Like, is there a good

600
00:35:52,520 --> 00:35:55,600
Speaker 1: way to let your date know gently and like without

601
00:35:55,640 --> 00:35:58,799
Speaker 1: offending them, Like, Hey, I'm enjoying this, but like, let's

602
00:35:58,800 --> 00:36:00,839
Speaker 1: wait a little longer, you know, I mean just put

603
00:36:00,880 --> 00:36:02,600
Speaker 1: your hand and now I'm kidding and don't do that.

604
00:36:03,920 --> 00:36:07,879
Speaker 1: Uh yeah, that's that's an awkward position. Um. Look, I've

605
00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:11,680
Speaker 1: never been on the other end where uh someone was

606
00:36:11,719 --> 00:36:13,799
Speaker 1: moving too fast and I just slowed them down. So

607
00:36:13,960 --> 00:36:18,360
Speaker 1: please like understand like where this advice is coming from.

608
00:36:18,400 --> 00:36:23,239
Speaker 1: It's not from experience, Okay, I know from a guy

609
00:36:23,719 --> 00:36:26,920
Speaker 1: when I've tried to move things a little bit faster

610
00:36:27,160 --> 00:36:30,600
Speaker 1: to and you slow down. Um. And if I really

611
00:36:30,680 --> 00:36:35,200
Speaker 1: actually saw something with you, then I would slow down

612
00:36:35,239 --> 00:36:39,560
Speaker 1: and I would honor that. Um. If I didn't want

613
00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:44,000
Speaker 1: anything more than just to like, you know, that night, uh,

614
00:36:44,040 --> 00:36:46,600
Speaker 1: you know, it might be a different conversation. Okay, you know,

615
00:36:46,719 --> 00:36:50,520
Speaker 1: and just move on right. UM. So the next question

616
00:36:50,560 --> 00:36:53,640
Speaker 1: for you to ask is do you actually like this

617
00:36:53,680 --> 00:36:55,919
Speaker 1: guy would slow down or do you just not want

618
00:36:55,960 --> 00:36:58,600
Speaker 1: to have that perception of like, oh I sleep people

619
00:36:58,640 --> 00:37:02,000
Speaker 1: on the first date, so I shouldn't do this. Um

620
00:37:02,840 --> 00:37:06,120
Speaker 1: talk to me about that. Well, yeah, I mean it's

621
00:37:06,160 --> 00:37:08,680
Speaker 1: not so much that I just I do I do

622
00:37:08,880 --> 00:37:10,759
Speaker 1: kind of like the guy, like I would like to

623
00:37:10,800 --> 00:37:16,279
Speaker 1: see him again. Um, but I'm just not sure, like

624
00:37:16,320 --> 00:37:19,080
Speaker 1: if I'm ready for that with him yet, I just

625
00:37:19,080 --> 00:37:21,080
Speaker 1: wanna you know what I mean, Like, I just want

626
00:37:21,080 --> 00:37:24,319
Speaker 1: to wait. I'm not really someone who like sleeps with

627
00:37:24,360 --> 00:37:26,520
Speaker 1: a lot of people, so I just want to make

628
00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:31,360
Speaker 1: sure we actually like get along, you know. Yeah, sure,

629
00:37:31,440 --> 00:37:36,480
Speaker 1: So okay, that's that's valid what you're saying that. Um,

630
00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:39,200
Speaker 1: I would probably just communicate that with him and just

631
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:42,320
Speaker 1: tell him. I mean, it sounds like this already happened,

632
00:37:42,320 --> 00:37:44,479
Speaker 1: but you're kind of preparing is for the next time,

633
00:37:44,680 --> 00:37:48,680
Speaker 1: correct you see this guy? Yeah? Yeah, I'd be like, hey, look,

634
00:37:48,719 --> 00:37:50,680
Speaker 1: I like you think you're cute, Like I see this.

635
00:37:51,640 --> 00:37:53,880
Speaker 1: Excuse me, I might see this going a little bit

636
00:37:53,920 --> 00:37:59,480
Speaker 1: further than just uh physical, and I'd like to actually

637
00:37:59,480 --> 00:38:02,520
Speaker 1: get to know a little bit more before we get physical.

638
00:38:03,040 --> 00:38:06,040
Speaker 1: I'm just a little uncomfortable moving at that pace. That's all.

639
00:38:06,840 --> 00:38:09,239
Speaker 1: When you when somebody just expresses that they might be

640
00:38:09,239 --> 00:38:12,360
Speaker 1: a little uncomfortable with something that paced, like you know,

641
00:38:13,200 --> 00:38:16,880
Speaker 1: an pole wouldn't honor that, And somebody who is a

642
00:38:16,880 --> 00:38:21,880
Speaker 1: good person for you would honor that and just be like, yeah, okay,

643
00:38:22,200 --> 00:38:25,840
Speaker 1: you know that's my pace, Like here them now, and

644
00:38:25,880 --> 00:38:27,800
Speaker 1: then be like Okay, that's great. Now that I know

645
00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:29,879
Speaker 1: where you're coming from, I know you know where I'm

646
00:38:29,920 --> 00:38:34,000
Speaker 1: coming from. Uh, let's just see if we can play

647
00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:36,920
Speaker 1: along in this date together still and and dating room,

648
00:38:37,000 --> 00:38:39,759
Speaker 1: and then you'll find out each other's paces, find each

649
00:38:39,760 --> 00:38:43,160
Speaker 1: other's preferences, and if it doesn't match, then there's it

650
00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:48,040
Speaker 1: doesn't match. Move on. Yeah, that's that's a good way

651
00:38:48,080 --> 00:38:52,520
Speaker 1: to put it. Like pacing. You know, I'm a very

652
00:38:52,560 --> 00:38:54,840
Speaker 1: fast paced person when it comes to like wanting to

653
00:38:54,880 --> 00:38:58,440
Speaker 1: be with someone, right, Um, you know physical obviously, I

654
00:38:58,440 --> 00:39:00,960
Speaker 1: think a lot of guys are more than initiatives. Right,

655
00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:03,399
Speaker 1: That's what I was gonna say. It's usually a lot

656
00:39:03,440 --> 00:39:06,839
Speaker 1: of from my experience, girls need to slow things down.

657
00:39:06,840 --> 00:39:09,760
Speaker 1: So it's always the pace is different. But it's almost

658
00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:13,480
Speaker 1: like dancing, right, like, uh, somebody might lead too fast.

659
00:39:13,560 --> 00:39:15,520
Speaker 1: You just kind of gonna slow down a little bit.

660
00:39:15,760 --> 00:39:18,319
Speaker 1: Somebody might lead too slow. You're trying to paste them

661
00:39:18,360 --> 00:39:21,600
Speaker 1: up a little bit faster. Like probably won't go exactly

662
00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:23,719
Speaker 1: the timing you want, but it will at least go

663
00:39:23,760 --> 00:39:29,239
Speaker 1: at a more comfortable pace for yourself. Mm hmm. Thank you. Yeah,

664
00:39:29,239 --> 00:39:34,080
Speaker 1: that's that's thank you. Yeah, that's good advice. Thanks for

665
00:39:34,160 --> 00:39:39,440
Speaker 1: jumping on. Kylie. Yeah, thanks, all right, that is we

666
00:39:39,600 --> 00:39:42,120
Speaker 1: got for our callers. We're gonna take a break and

667
00:39:42,160 --> 00:39:43,960
Speaker 1: then we're gonna come back for some Q and a

668
00:39:53,719 --> 00:39:57,480
Speaker 1: welcome back everybody. I'm Kevin Crider, I'm your host, and

669
00:39:57,520 --> 00:40:02,560
Speaker 1: now is the time for Q and a first one. Kevin,

670
00:40:02,719 --> 00:40:05,680
Speaker 1: we know you from Bling Empire. How has your life

671
00:40:05,800 --> 00:40:09,520
Speaker 1: changed in the past two years? Man, My life has

672
00:40:09,600 --> 00:40:12,719
Speaker 1: changed so much in the last two years. I've upgraded

673
00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:16,279
Speaker 1: to a new bedroom, one bedroom, the first time I've

674
00:40:16,280 --> 00:40:19,160
Speaker 1: ever had a one bedroom in my life. Uh, there's

675
00:40:19,160 --> 00:40:21,680
Speaker 1: a little bit more pressures to that obviously, like it's

676
00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:25,880
Speaker 1: a big overhead. I'm actually in the process of possibly

677
00:40:26,040 --> 00:40:28,840
Speaker 1: moving to another place if things don't change up a

678
00:40:28,840 --> 00:40:30,600
Speaker 1: little bit, just to keep them a little bit more

679
00:40:30,680 --> 00:40:35,399
Speaker 1: financially feasible for myself. Things that are changed, I don't

680
00:40:35,480 --> 00:40:38,240
Speaker 1: skateboard around as much, do a little bit more ubering,

681
00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:42,120
Speaker 1: or I'll take public transportation, um to get two places

682
00:40:42,200 --> 00:40:46,520
Speaker 1: I need to my my social friends have changed quite

683
00:40:46,520 --> 00:40:49,960
Speaker 1: a bit, Like you know, came out during the pandemic

684
00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:55,040
Speaker 1: and now there's just so many people like events and

685
00:40:55,160 --> 00:40:58,799
Speaker 1: wonderful peers that I get to meet and associate with.

686
00:40:58,920 --> 00:41:03,839
Speaker 1: And two Uh, maybe even have collaborations and conversations with

687
00:41:03,960 --> 00:41:06,839
Speaker 1: and just being the presence of and some of these

688
00:41:06,840 --> 00:41:09,880
Speaker 1: people like I grew up with watching and you know,

689
00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:14,640
Speaker 1: using some of these business owners platforms, right like I

690
00:41:14,680 --> 00:41:19,200
Speaker 1: mean serious business owners like the founders of dating apps

691
00:41:19,360 --> 00:41:22,680
Speaker 1: or beverages like all this stuff. It's wild to me. Um.

692
00:41:22,760 --> 00:41:26,200
Speaker 1: So I'm just getting used to actually being in the

693
00:41:26,239 --> 00:41:29,479
Speaker 1: public eye and just being around people like that. Um.

694
00:41:29,520 --> 00:41:34,560
Speaker 1: And now I know that people have some questions about

695
00:41:34,680 --> 00:41:37,840
Speaker 1: me getting flirty with Kim Lee and with the status

696
00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:43,680
Speaker 1: is now Um, we are friends and we've come back

697
00:41:43,719 --> 00:41:48,360
Speaker 1: to just being friends right now. Um. Yes, there was

698
00:41:48,520 --> 00:41:51,760
Speaker 1: a physical thing but obviously kind of got um messed

699
00:41:51,880 --> 00:41:56,640
Speaker 1: up with some influence of friends and circumstances and a

700
00:41:56,680 --> 00:42:01,520
Speaker 1: pop like opinions from other people. But um, it's harder

701
00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:03,560
Speaker 1: to go back as friends because I feel like there's

702
00:42:03,640 --> 00:42:06,399
Speaker 1: more boundaries now, Like I think we need some time

703
00:42:06,440 --> 00:42:09,879
Speaker 1: to kind of just forget and forgive about all those

704
00:42:09,880 --> 00:42:13,120
Speaker 1: things that happen, um, and maybe even go our separate

705
00:42:13,120 --> 00:42:17,360
Speaker 1: ways a little bit. But yes, it was, um not

706
00:42:17,600 --> 00:42:21,120
Speaker 1: the best experience I've had. Uh. And then how do

707
00:42:21,160 --> 00:42:25,160
Speaker 1: I navigate from friends to boyfriend? The girlfriend I haven't

708
00:42:25,160 --> 00:42:27,080
Speaker 1: done it yet, so I'm not too sure if I

709
00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:30,839
Speaker 1: can qualiply for this question. I would say one thing

710
00:42:31,160 --> 00:42:35,200
Speaker 1: is to not tell your friends squat. Don't tell them

711
00:42:35,239 --> 00:42:38,399
Speaker 1: anything about what's going on with your other friend. Keep

712
00:42:38,400 --> 00:42:43,120
Speaker 1: it very separate, and try to keep it to yourself

713
00:42:43,120 --> 00:42:45,960
Speaker 1: you're in the relationship because once you get friends in,

714
00:42:46,120 --> 00:42:49,319
Speaker 1: they all have opinions, they all have dirt on you

715
00:42:49,840 --> 00:42:53,640
Speaker 1: gets lost in translation, facts get thrown out or that

716
00:42:53,800 --> 00:42:58,640
Speaker 1: that facts get diluted and change. So like, really, it's

717
00:42:58,680 --> 00:43:01,480
Speaker 1: just best if you keep relationship about YouTube, keep people

718
00:43:01,520 --> 00:43:05,600
Speaker 1: out of it. Um Am I looking to settle down

719
00:43:05,640 --> 00:43:08,320
Speaker 1: anytime soon? Where are you looking for a relationship. I'm

720
00:43:08,360 --> 00:43:11,239
Speaker 1: absolutely going to settle down. I know a lot of

721
00:43:11,239 --> 00:43:14,080
Speaker 1: people don't believe that, but I hope as more and

722
00:43:14,120 --> 00:43:17,600
Speaker 1: more blank Empire shown, um and the more I'm in

723
00:43:17,880 --> 00:43:21,200
Speaker 1: the public eye and doing career stuff that people can see, like,

724
00:43:21,239 --> 00:43:24,239
Speaker 1: I'm really taking this a lot more seriously. Like you know,

725
00:43:24,480 --> 00:43:29,160
Speaker 1: everybody kind of graduates from the party person to become

726
00:43:29,160 --> 00:43:31,960
Speaker 1: a more serious and I've I've definitely hit that because

727
00:43:32,320 --> 00:43:35,719
Speaker 1: you know, I've dated around enough, I've had my fun.

728
00:43:35,800 --> 00:43:38,879
Speaker 1: I know what I want and I want something with

729
00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:43,000
Speaker 1: someone that I can grow with and share share everything

730
00:43:43,040 --> 00:43:46,960
Speaker 1: with the ups and downs, right, share the struggle, share

731
00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:51,160
Speaker 1: the victories, share the success, share the everything. So I'd

732
00:43:51,200 --> 00:43:53,399
Speaker 1: love to be able to find someone to do that with.

733
00:43:54,160 --> 00:43:57,040
Speaker 1: And then what makes men ready to commit to a

734
00:43:57,040 --> 00:44:01,040
Speaker 1: relationship or marriage. You can't really force men to be

735
00:44:01,239 --> 00:44:03,600
Speaker 1: in the mindset and be ready. Some men need to

736
00:44:03,640 --> 00:44:05,799
Speaker 1: get it out of their systems. Some men just want

737
00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:08,080
Speaker 1: something right away. I mean, I remember when I was

738
00:44:08,080 --> 00:44:11,239
Speaker 1: in college, like the first girl I wanted, that first

739
00:44:11,280 --> 00:44:14,760
Speaker 1: girl I wanted to date. That it was I thought

740
00:44:14,800 --> 00:44:17,880
Speaker 1: I could turn into something serious. Never did turn anything serious.

741
00:44:18,800 --> 00:44:20,600
Speaker 1: I saw a marriage and I was like, yeah, I

742
00:44:20,640 --> 00:44:24,399
Speaker 1: don't want to be around other people, um, other than

743
00:44:24,440 --> 00:44:26,440
Speaker 1: this person. Like I don't know what I mean by

744
00:44:26,440 --> 00:44:31,040
Speaker 1: It's like, I don't. I didn't intentionally want to be

745
00:44:31,080 --> 00:44:34,280
Speaker 1: somebody who dates a lot of people or anything. I didn't.

746
00:44:34,920 --> 00:44:36,759
Speaker 1: I was like, I just want to be a one

747
00:44:36,800 --> 00:44:41,960
Speaker 1: person person forever. And that obviously didn't happen. That girl

748
00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:45,520
Speaker 1: broke my heart and here I am now, So you know,

749
00:44:45,640 --> 00:44:47,600
Speaker 1: back then I was ready. So it just depends where

750
00:44:47,600 --> 00:44:50,520
Speaker 1: you are in life. Now I look back and I'm

751
00:44:50,719 --> 00:44:55,279
Speaker 1: collat it. I wasn't with that person. But to make

752
00:44:56,920 --> 00:45:00,560
Speaker 1: basically answer your question, what makes the person ready as time?

753
00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:04,719
Speaker 1: It's very vague, but like it just takes time, you know,

754
00:45:04,960 --> 00:45:07,560
Speaker 1: thirty eight years old now, Like I'm ready, you know,

755
00:45:07,719 --> 00:45:10,920
Speaker 1: like I'm not in the most perfect financial situation in

756
00:45:11,080 --> 00:45:13,919
Speaker 1: my career, but I'm ready. You know. I've experienced enough.

757
00:45:13,960 --> 00:45:15,640
Speaker 1: I know what I don't like, i know what I

758
00:45:15,680 --> 00:45:18,719
Speaker 1: want more of, and I'm at that point where I'm

759
00:45:18,760 --> 00:45:23,399
Speaker 1: not looking for perfect relationship anymore. I'm not looking for

760
00:45:23,440 --> 00:45:26,480
Speaker 1: that person to be perfect. I just would like someone

761
00:45:26,560 --> 00:45:31,680
Speaker 1: to you know, who fits me well, likes values, all

762
00:45:31,680 --> 00:45:34,839
Speaker 1: that kind of stuff. Appearances like I have like an

763
00:45:34,880 --> 00:45:38,719
Speaker 1: attractive girlfriend as well. Um, I mean that's just a

764
00:45:38,800 --> 00:45:42,520
Speaker 1: given that you're attracted to someone. But um, somebody who's kind,

765
00:45:42,640 --> 00:45:46,399
Speaker 1: somebody who's uh giving as well, and somebody who gives

766
00:45:46,400 --> 00:45:49,880
Speaker 1: their time as well to me. Um, that'd be great.

767
00:45:50,960 --> 00:45:52,719
Speaker 1: All right. How do you tell if a guy is

768
00:45:52,800 --> 00:45:56,280
Speaker 1: interested in you? You can tell if a guy's interested

769
00:45:56,320 --> 00:46:02,920
Speaker 1: in you, because this can be tricked you Sometimes I'm shy,

770
00:46:03,160 --> 00:46:05,600
Speaker 1: I don't believe it or not, and I won't actually

771
00:46:05,640 --> 00:46:11,080
Speaker 1: be talkative or trying to joke around with you. Um,

772
00:46:11,120 --> 00:46:15,600
Speaker 1: it's really in the you can really see in the eyicontact,

773
00:46:16,320 --> 00:46:19,399
Speaker 1: uh and the feeling if you're intuitive enough and you're

774
00:46:19,880 --> 00:46:22,440
Speaker 1: in touch with that to see if a guy's interested,

775
00:46:22,480 --> 00:46:26,560
Speaker 1: and you'll feel it. Um. And because sometimes like I'm

776
00:46:26,680 --> 00:46:29,680
Speaker 1: overly nice and people think I'm interested, but I'm not.

777
00:46:30,280 --> 00:46:32,400
Speaker 1: It's just you know, that's how I am, because I

778
00:46:32,400 --> 00:46:34,879
Speaker 1: feel super comfortable, like I'm not that attracted to you.

779
00:46:35,360 --> 00:46:37,880
Speaker 1: I mean sometimes right, and then sometimes I'm just like

780
00:46:37,920 --> 00:46:40,000
Speaker 1: super shy, Like I'll be like yeah, and I'm just

781
00:46:40,040 --> 00:46:42,800
Speaker 1: like listening and I'm just really into it. You'll see,

782
00:46:42,960 --> 00:46:45,799
Speaker 1: you know, um, You'll just feel it out. And that's

783
00:46:45,840 --> 00:46:48,600
Speaker 1: kind of how it goes. If you you can't tell

784
00:46:48,680 --> 00:46:52,319
Speaker 1: at all, probably not interested. And if you don't have

785
00:46:52,360 --> 00:46:56,520
Speaker 1: that feeling either, probably not interested in you. All right, everybody,

786
00:46:56,560 --> 00:46:59,880
Speaker 1: that wraps it up for how men think? I was

787
00:47:00,120 --> 00:47:02,880
Speaker 1: your host for today, Kevin Crieterer. You can find me

788
00:47:03,000 --> 00:47:07,040
Speaker 1: on Netflix's Bling Empire season two was out now. It

789
00:47:07,200 --> 00:47:11,759
Speaker 1: was ranking top ten and the TV section. Um. You

790
00:47:11,760 --> 00:47:14,759
Speaker 1: can find me on Instagram and TikTok Kevin Crider k

791
00:47:15,080 --> 00:47:17,800
Speaker 1: R E I D E R. And you can also

792
00:47:17,840 --> 00:47:20,640
Speaker 1: find what I'm up to on those links as well

793
00:47:20,719 --> 00:47:24,640
Speaker 1: with my Macha That's out and my non alcoholic beverages

794
00:47:24,880 --> 00:47:27,839
Speaker 1: that are launching later this summer so you can find

795
00:47:27,840 --> 00:47:30,120
Speaker 1: me there. Feel free to d M me with more questions.

796
00:47:30,120 --> 00:47:32,399
Speaker 1: I'd love to answer it on my social media as well.

797
00:47:33,760 --> 00:47:36,360
Speaker 1: This is How Men Think and I Heart Radio London

798
00:47:36,400 --> 00:47:40,120
Speaker 1: Audio Production listen each Thursday on the iHeart Radio app,

799
00:47:40,360 --> 00:47:43,279
Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts