WEBVTT - Crying on Planes with Jodi Picoult

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<v Speaker 1>Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea.

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<v Speaker 2>You're in New York. I am.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm in New York City. I got here.

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<v Speaker 3>I flew from San Francisco this morning. I had a

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<v Speaker 3>great dinner last night. Oh what's that restaurant called in

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<v Speaker 3>San Francisco, Nopa?

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<v Speaker 1>Oh it was so good. If you're in San Francisco,

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<v Speaker 1>you got to go there. Anyway.

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<v Speaker 3>I had dinner with my nephew. Oh, he's not my nephew,

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<v Speaker 3>he's my cousin. I don't know what any one's relation

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<v Speaker 3>to me is my doctor cousin Ted, who I tried

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<v Speaker 3>to get a prescription from, and then his partner, and

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<v Speaker 3>then my niece, she's leaving for a semester abroad, and

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<v Speaker 3>my sister and Doug. I had on the I had

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<v Speaker 3>on the road. Doug and I went wine tasting. We

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<v Speaker 3>went to Napa. I had a show in Saratoga. Then

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<v Speaker 3>he and I went to San Francisco. We went to

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<v Speaker 3>Point Reyis.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, he lovely.

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<v Speaker 3>We went to the beach in San Francisco. There's a

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<v Speaker 3>huge doggy beach and we went there on Saturday, and

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<v Speaker 3>Doug humiliated me. No, he yeah, yeah, I couldn't even

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<v Speaker 3>pretend I knew him. It was so humiliating. He had

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<v Speaker 3>the zoomies for close to like forty five minutes. I

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<v Speaker 3>thought he was going to have a heart attack. And

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<v Speaker 3>me trying to call my dog when he doesn't come

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<v Speaker 3>is so embarrassing and humiliating at a dog park, especially

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<v Speaker 3>when everyone's off leash, because everyone's like, well, then you

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<v Speaker 3>shouldn't be here, and it's like, well, then fine, that's

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<v Speaker 3>not my dog. So I just walked in a different

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<v Speaker 3>direction hoping he'd follow.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 3>I mean, he's screaming, Doug Come, Doug Come, in front

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<v Speaker 3>of all these other beach goers.

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<v Speaker 1>It's just humiliating.

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<v Speaker 3>It's like, especially with no response, and I have like treats,

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<v Speaker 3>I'm trying to bribe him with treats. But other than that,

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<v Speaker 3>I have to say he was fucking awesome because he

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<v Speaker 3>has like he's a little bipolar. He goes into a

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<v Speaker 3>restaurant immediately and lies down and goes to sleep. As

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<v Speaker 3>soon as we're sitting at a restaurant, I was like,

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<v Speaker 3>that's so awesome. He doesn't beg for food.

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<v Speaker 1>It's perfect.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, And then when you get him on the beach

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<v Speaker 3>and he's got this big personality there, So I mean,

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<v Speaker 3>I was pretty pleased with him.

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<v Speaker 1>I brought him on stage at one of my shows

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<v Speaker 1>at the Saratoga Mountain Winery.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh, which reminds me of my Vegas residency starts this Saturday.

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<v Speaker 3>Coming to Vegas nine September first, is my very first

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<v Speaker 3>Vegas residence date. So I will be there with bells

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<v Speaker 3>on everybody. I hope I see you there, excellent. Our

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<v Speaker 3>guest today is the number one New York Times bestselling

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<v Speaker 3>author of twenty nine novels, including Mad Honey, My Sister's Keeper,

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<v Speaker 3>and her newest book, which you guys are gonna love

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<v Speaker 3>By any Other Name, Please welcome Jody Pico.

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<v Speaker 4>Hi, Jody, Hello, how.

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<v Speaker 1>Are you great?

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<v Speaker 3>Congratulations on your latest book, which is called by any

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<v Speaker 3>other Name. So let's talk about the subject matter in

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<v Speaker 3>this book, because it's fascinating and a lot of what

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<v Speaker 3>are they called Bardologists?

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<v Speaker 1>Is that what that they called? I think I saw a.

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<v Speaker 3>Word of that once, Right, Shakespeare lovers, this has been

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<v Speaker 3>a very heavy debate that's been going on for a

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<v Speaker 3>very long time, and I fucking love it. I love

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<v Speaker 3>it that Shakespeare wasn't necessarily we don't have enough proof

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<v Speaker 3>to know that Shakespeare was responsible for writing all of

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<v Speaker 3>what Shakespeare wrote. And I'm using quotation marks because a

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<v Speaker 3>lot of the experiences which you cover in this book

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<v Speaker 3>this is like, how would you describe it?

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<v Speaker 1>It's I mean, it's a novel.

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<v Speaker 4>It's definitely a novel. Yeah. To me.

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<v Speaker 5>It's a book about how women have been written out

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<v Speaker 5>of history by the men who were writing history, About

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<v Speaker 5>how women's voices have been silenced and are still being

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<v Speaker 5>silenced today. Takes place half in Elizabethan, England and half

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<v Speaker 5>in the modern world, and it's the story of two women.

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<v Speaker 4>One is in fifteen eighty one.

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<v Speaker 5>It's Amelia Bassano, who's a real life historical figure, and

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<v Speaker 5>she is a female playwright who can't get her stuff

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<v Speaker 5>in front of the public because she's a female playwright,

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<v Speaker 5>and she winds up paying a man for the use

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<v Speaker 5>of his name, and that man is William Shakespeare. And

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<v Speaker 5>then in twenty twenty four, it's the story of her descendant,

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<v Speaker 5>a woman named Melina Green, who's written a play about

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<v Speaker 5>her ancestor, Emilia, and is trying to get it to Broadway,

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<v Speaker 5>but in a very male dominated theater world that is

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<v Speaker 5>not happening, and she too has to decide whether she'll

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<v Speaker 5>write herself out of history in order to see her

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<v Speaker 5>work up on the stage.

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<v Speaker 4>And to me, it's a little bit of everything.

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<v Speaker 5>It is a page turner, it is a historical it's

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<v Speaker 5>the spiciest thing I've ever written. It is also the

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<v Speaker 5>timeliest thing I've ever written, because you know, women are

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<v Speaker 5>still fighting to be heard today and we're living in

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<v Speaker 5>a time when there's a small group of people who

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<v Speaker 5>are making decisions about what the rest of us should

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<v Speaker 5>be reading and who gets to write those stories.

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<v Speaker 3>Yes, I mean it's not only timely, this would be

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<v Speaker 3>timely at any point during history, because we're talking about

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<v Speaker 3>a five century span of time where we're still up

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<v Speaker 3>against the same barriers of entry as women.

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<v Speaker 1>So I heard this quote yesterday. It was interesting. What

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<v Speaker 1>was it.

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<v Speaker 3>I was listening to a podcast and it says you

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<v Speaker 3>can go decades without anything changing, and then in a

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<v Speaker 3>week it can feel like decades have changed. Like when

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<v Speaker 3>Kamala gets elected in November, that will be that kind

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<v Speaker 3>of feeling like we've been trying so hard, so hard,

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<v Speaker 3>so hard, and then it happens like this right in

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<v Speaker 3>the book. So, Amelia Basano is a real life person,

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<v Speaker 3>So how does that work when you're writing that, because

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<v Speaker 3>how can you write about some characters that are real

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<v Speaker 3>and some that are fictionalized.

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<v Speaker 5>So we know certain things about the real Amelia Bassano's life.

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<v Speaker 5>Most of them come from this diary of this hack

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<v Speaker 5>doctor slash astrologer that she went.

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<v Speaker 4>To when she had also.

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<v Speaker 5>And so this guy, his name was Simon Foreman. He

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<v Speaker 5>basically spent all his time trying to sleep with her,

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<v Speaker 5>which she also documented, by the way, and she rejected him.

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<v Speaker 5>But it tells us that she was Italian, that her

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<v Speaker 5>family came over from Italy because they were super talented musicians,

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<v Speaker 5>and Henry the eighth brought them over to be the

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<v Speaker 5>recorder consort to the king, and then they began working

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<v Speaker 5>for Queen Elizabeth. First, we know that she was Jewish,

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<v Speaker 5>and like the rest of her family, she had to

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<v Speaker 5>hide her religion. We know that when she was seven

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<v Speaker 5>and her dad died, she was given as award to

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<v Speaker 5>a countess who was really really atypical and gave her

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<v Speaker 5>this incredible classical education and a legal education, which girls,

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<v Speaker 5>especially not noble girls, were never given. And then when

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<v Speaker 5>Amelia was twelve, this woman got remarried and so Amelia

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<v Speaker 5>was kind of like lost for a little bit, and

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<v Speaker 5>for a summer she lived with the woman's brother, who

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<v Speaker 5>was a baron who happened to be the ambassador to

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<v Speaker 5>Denmark when he did a diplomatic visit to the King

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<v Speaker 5>and Queen. The next year, she was given as a

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<v Speaker 5>courtesan to the Lord Chamberlain of England, and he was

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<v Speaker 5>in charge of all theater. He was fifty six, she

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<v Speaker 5>was thirteen.

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<v Speaker 1>What a beautiful coupling.

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<v Speaker 4>It's lovely, isn't it.

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<v Speaker 5>She would have met all the players in the theater industry,

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<v Speaker 5>because every play crossed his desk for censorship, so she

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<v Speaker 5>would have met the playwrights, she would have met the actors,

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<v Speaker 5>she would have met the producers, the theater owners, all

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<v Speaker 5>those people for the ten years she was with him.

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<v Speaker 5>Then she gets pregnant, so she's twenty three years old.

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<v Speaker 5>She cannot be a pregnant mistress when he's already married,

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<v Speaker 5>so he marries her off to her wastrel of a

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<v Speaker 5>cousin who winds up blowing through all the money that

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<v Speaker 5>he gives her to be comfortable.

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<v Speaker 4>And she's now twenty three years old.

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<v Speaker 5>She's got a husband she hates, she has a kid

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<v Speaker 5>she has to support, and she has no idea how

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<v Speaker 5>to do that, and then we don't know anything about

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<v Speaker 5>Amelia for years, for decades, until sixteen eleven, when she's

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<v Speaker 5>in her late forties, and suddenly she is the first

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<v Speaker 5>woman to publish a book of poetry in England, which

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<v Speaker 5>in and of itself is a reason you should know

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<v Speaker 5>her name right. But you know, there's this time period

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<v Speaker 5>between the two, like decades. People don't show up in

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<v Speaker 5>their mid forties and publish a book of poetry like

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<v Speaker 5>you know, especially when women weren't doing that, which tells

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<v Speaker 5>me she was writing before that, she just may not

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<v Speaker 5>have been using her name. And in terms of Shakespeare.

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<v Speaker 4>You know same thing.

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<v Speaker 5>We know a lot of facts about Shakespeare. We know

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<v Speaker 5>that he was a businessman, a producer. We know he

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<v Speaker 5>was an actor. We know that he evaded taxes twice.

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<v Speaker 5>We know that he had multiple restraining orders from his

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<v Speaker 5>colleagues that he worked with. We know that when there

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<v Speaker 5>was a famine he hoarded grain and he jacked up

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<v Speaker 5>the price for all his neighbors. He was a lovely individual.

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<v Speaker 5>He also never left the country. He was not educated

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<v Speaker 5>at a university. He was self educated. But when he

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<v Speaker 5>died he didn't own a single book. He didn't bequeath

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<v Speaker 5>a book to anybody when he died. He was not

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<v Speaker 5>buried in Poet's Corner at Westminster like all the other writers,

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<v Speaker 5>even many you've never heard of who were in this

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<v Speaker 5>famous when he died, not a single other playwright said

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<v Speaker 5>anything about the loss of such a great talent, although

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<v Speaker 5>by far he was the best known quote playwright of

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<v Speaker 5>the time, you know. So what we know about him

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<v Speaker 5>legally and historically is that he was a businessman, not

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<v Speaker 5>that he was a writer. There is no proof that

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<v Speaker 5>he wrote anything with his name attached to it. And

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<v Speaker 5>it's my belief that people used his name and paid

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<v Speaker 5>him for the use of it so he could make

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<v Speaker 5>a quick book, and they were the ones writing under

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<v Speaker 5>his name. And I think Amelia is one of several

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<v Speaker 5>people who was doing that.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh interesting, Okay, but here's my question.

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<v Speaker 3>If that's all true, right, and he wasn't credited as

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<v Speaker 3>being a writer, even if other people were using his name,

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<v Speaker 3>he would still have been recognized when he died as

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<v Speaker 3>a writer because those plays were all produced under his

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<v Speaker 3>name as written by Shakespeare in real time.

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<v Speaker 5>Unless it was kind of like an inside joke in

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<v Speaker 5>the theater world.

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<v Speaker 4>Like an open secret, which I actually think it was.

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<v Speaker 5>And there's there's actually a scene in the book where

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<v Speaker 5>I write about the First Folio, which everyone knows Shakespeare's

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<v Speaker 5>first folio, right. It's a collection of like thirty odd

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<v Speaker 5>plays that he allegedly wrote by himself while he had

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<v Speaker 5>two full time jobs. And he was also allegedly the

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<v Speaker 5>only playwright of the time who didn't collaborate.

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<v Speaker 4>But okay, whatever, So he has this folio.

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<v Speaker 5>After he's dead, all these plays are brought together, and

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<v Speaker 5>they're brought together by his nemesis, Ben Johnson. Okay, Ben

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<v Speaker 5>Johnson and Shakespeare hated each other, and Ben Johnson was

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<v Speaker 5>the first guy to take all of his plays and

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<v Speaker 5>instead of looking at them as kind of pulp fiction, saying,

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<v Speaker 5>oh no, this is the four of my work. So

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<v Speaker 5>all of a sudden, Shakespeare's dead and someone's collecting his plays,

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<v Speaker 5>and his nemesis, Ben Johnson is the one who writes

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<v Speaker 5>all of the preparatory material, saying you know, all these

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<v Speaker 5>lovely things about Shakespeare's as a playwright. But if you

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<v Speaker 5>read between the lines of what Ben Johnson actually wrote,

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<v Speaker 5>he said it has things like don't look on the

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<v Speaker 5>face of this playwright, look at his words, and there's

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<v Speaker 5>this whole conspiracy theory about the actual etching of Shakespeare

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<v Speaker 5>that everybody knows. It's the picture you're thinking of when

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<v Speaker 5>you think of Shakespeare that was on the first folio,

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<v Speaker 5>and how in it it looks like he has two

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<v Speaker 5>left arms in other words, no quote right arm right,

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<v Speaker 5>and there's a line around his face that looks like

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<v Speaker 5>he's wearing a mask. And there are all these people

0:10:25.960 --> 0:10:29.120
<v Speaker 5>who've used that to say, oh, see, that's proof that

0:10:29.120 --> 0:10:31.400
<v Speaker 5>that everyone was kind of in on this joke, and

0:10:31.440 --> 0:10:34.320
<v Speaker 5>Ben Johnson was leaving us a bunch of puzzles and clues,

0:10:34.640 --> 0:10:37.440
<v Speaker 5>thinking everyone in the future is going to figure this out.

0:10:37.800 --> 0:10:39.640
<v Speaker 5>But apparently we missed the punchline.

0:10:39.679 --> 0:10:39.839
<v Speaker 2>Well.

0:10:39.840 --> 0:10:41.439
<v Speaker 6>And I can't remember if this was in the book

0:10:41.559 --> 0:10:43.760
<v Speaker 6>or in some an interview that I read with you,

0:10:43.840 --> 0:10:46.960
<v Speaker 6>but you had mentioned at some point that Shakespeare as

0:10:47.040 --> 0:10:49.439
<v Speaker 6>we know it, traditionally a lot of times it was hyphenated,

0:10:49.720 --> 0:10:51.560
<v Speaker 6>and that back then was known to be like this

0:10:51.640 --> 0:10:54.439
<v Speaker 6>is an imaginary character, or this is you know, sort

0:10:54.480 --> 0:10:55.160
<v Speaker 6>of a pseudonym.

0:10:55.440 --> 0:10:58.320
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, that's also something that people bring up that's to

0:10:58.400 --> 0:11:01.080
<v Speaker 5>me more hypothetical, like, oh, it's not a real name.

0:11:01.679 --> 0:11:03.400
<v Speaker 5>I think what's more interesting is to look at the

0:11:03.400 --> 0:11:06.280
<v Speaker 5>fact that, like Shakespeare didn't speak all these other languages, right,

0:11:07.160 --> 0:11:10.079
<v Speaker 5>because he wasn't educated at university. He didn't go to

0:11:10.120 --> 0:11:13.440
<v Speaker 5>Cambridge or Oxford or whatever. But some of the source

0:11:13.559 --> 0:11:15.960
<v Speaker 5>material for the stories that he used for the plays

0:11:16.400 --> 0:11:22.199
<v Speaker 5>was only available in ancient Latin, Ancient Greek, Italian, French.

0:11:22.280 --> 0:11:25.120
<v Speaker 5>He didn't speak those languages, and it wasn't like people

0:11:25.120 --> 0:11:27.040
<v Speaker 5>were going around telling all these stories all the time,

0:11:27.320 --> 0:11:28.800
<v Speaker 5>and they weren't translated yet.

0:11:28.880 --> 0:11:31.200
<v Speaker 4>So how does he know this stuff? You know?

0:11:31.520 --> 0:11:35.719
<v Speaker 5>How does he know about where the Queen of Denmark's

0:11:35.760 --> 0:11:39.560
<v Speaker 5>closets are in her bedchamber when he's never been to Denmark?

0:11:39.760 --> 0:11:42.240
<v Speaker 5>How does he know that a certain type of tree

0:11:42.280 --> 0:11:45.600
<v Speaker 5>grows on the north bank of a river in Italy?

0:11:46.000 --> 0:11:48.400
<v Speaker 5>You know, to me, this is all really interesting. And

0:11:48.480 --> 0:11:51.400
<v Speaker 5>why especially this is a good one. Why does Shakespeare

0:11:51.440 --> 0:11:54.680
<v Speaker 5>all of a sudden stop writing historical plays about kings

0:11:55.160 --> 0:11:57.280
<v Speaker 5>and start writing Italian wedding comedies.

0:11:58.040 --> 0:11:59.280
<v Speaker 4>That feels like an odd choice.

0:12:00.040 --> 0:12:00.880
<v Speaker 1>It's all very valid.

0:12:01.000 --> 0:12:03.440
<v Speaker 3>It's also fascinating, you know, because I've only really heard

0:12:03.480 --> 0:12:06.040
<v Speaker 3>about all of that kind of conjecture about Shakespeare, but

0:12:06.040 --> 0:12:08.160
<v Speaker 3>I've never I mean, I would say your book is

0:12:08.320 --> 0:12:10.720
<v Speaker 3>the biggest dive I've taken into it because I'm not

0:12:10.760 --> 0:12:13.679
<v Speaker 3>a barnologist someone who is obsessed with Shakespeare and all

0:12:13.679 --> 0:12:15.599
<v Speaker 3>of that. And I don't even know the reference of

0:12:15.640 --> 0:12:19.400
<v Speaker 3>the first folio that you're making. That's how uneducated I

0:12:19.440 --> 0:12:21.440
<v Speaker 3>am on this topic. First, I need you to answer

0:12:21.440 --> 0:12:25.720
<v Speaker 3>the editorial question, how does one from an editorial standpoint,

0:12:26.000 --> 0:12:30.480
<v Speaker 3>combine historical real figures with fictional characters, like why are

0:12:30.480 --> 0:12:31.560
<v Speaker 3>the rules around that?

0:12:31.720 --> 0:12:32.840
<v Speaker 1>As a writer, well, I.

0:12:32.840 --> 0:12:34.800
<v Speaker 5>Mean I write fiction, so there are no rules, which

0:12:34.800 --> 0:12:37.960
<v Speaker 5>is holy. You have it much harder because you're writing nonfiction.

0:12:38.040 --> 0:12:40.480
<v Speaker 5>But for me, I can do anything that I want, and.

0:12:40.480 --> 0:12:43.320
<v Speaker 3>So even when you're using a real life person, you

0:12:43.360 --> 0:12:45.319
<v Speaker 3>can say that they absolutely.

0:12:44.800 --> 0:12:46.920
<v Speaker 6>Oh she's been that a while Amelia was home.

0:12:47.000 --> 0:12:47.559
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I've done.

0:12:47.559 --> 0:12:49.880
<v Speaker 1>If there's a statute of limitations.

0:12:49.559 --> 0:12:51.440
<v Speaker 5>You should also know, Chelsea, I've never written about you,

0:12:51.480 --> 0:12:52.400
<v Speaker 5>so you can sleep tonight.

0:12:52.640 --> 0:12:54.760
<v Speaker 1>But don't worry. I've done enough of that.

0:12:56.600 --> 0:12:59.760
<v Speaker 5>I made sure that when I finished the book, I

0:13:00.559 --> 0:13:04.160
<v Speaker 5>the actual references, the actual truth, and the places that

0:13:04.200 --> 0:13:06.840
<v Speaker 5>I departed from the truth, because I did want people

0:13:06.920 --> 0:13:09.000
<v Speaker 5>to know what was real and what was was not real.

0:13:09.320 --> 0:13:11.480
<v Speaker 5>I think it's really important too to say that even

0:13:11.520 --> 0:13:14.160
<v Speaker 5>if you haven't been a Shakespeare scholar, I'm going to

0:13:14.200 --> 0:13:16.880
<v Speaker 5>give you enough knowledge to get through this book and

0:13:17.000 --> 0:13:19.120
<v Speaker 5>know what you need to know. You don't need to

0:13:19.120 --> 0:13:21.680
<v Speaker 5>come into this having read any of Shakespeare's plays.

0:13:21.720 --> 0:13:22.440
<v Speaker 1>Really, no, you don't.

0:13:22.520 --> 0:13:22.840
<v Speaker 2>You don't.

0:13:22.880 --> 0:13:25.480
<v Speaker 1>I speak from experience. This is a very juicy book.

0:13:25.559 --> 0:13:27.920
<v Speaker 3>I love it, and I love the toggling back and

0:13:27.960 --> 0:13:31.080
<v Speaker 3>forth from the present day to a different time, you know.

0:13:31.160 --> 0:13:33.120
<v Speaker 3>I love like having a period piece setting. And then

0:13:33.200 --> 0:13:36.480
<v Speaker 3>these two characters, these two main protagonists that are mimicking

0:13:36.520 --> 0:13:38.600
<v Speaker 3>each other in their lives in a way. And I

0:13:38.640 --> 0:13:40.200
<v Speaker 3>do want to talk about this theme of the book

0:13:40.240 --> 0:13:42.480
<v Speaker 3>because this really hit me hard, probably because I'm always

0:13:42.520 --> 0:13:44.280
<v Speaker 3>paranoida just about ending up.

0:13:44.160 --> 0:13:46.240
<v Speaker 1>Like you know, on the street or something.

0:13:47.120 --> 0:13:50.520
<v Speaker 3>I mean, the contrast from her life of getting being

0:13:50.600 --> 0:13:55.360
<v Speaker 3>this guy's mistress and treating her with respect and adjuration.

0:13:55.559 --> 0:13:58.240
<v Speaker 3>This man truly adored her, and the way that this

0:13:58.400 --> 0:14:00.680
<v Speaker 3>is written and she, you know, she gets carted off

0:14:00.720 --> 0:14:02.720
<v Speaker 3>and she's sold to some guy. She doesn't know where

0:14:02.720 --> 0:14:05.120
<v Speaker 3>she's going, and she ends up in one of probably

0:14:05.200 --> 0:14:08.080
<v Speaker 3>the best circumstances short of actually falling in love with

0:14:08.160 --> 0:14:11.280
<v Speaker 3>your captor. You know, this guy allowed her to read

0:14:11.360 --> 0:14:13.960
<v Speaker 3>his plays, This guy who ran all the theaters in London,

0:14:14.200 --> 0:14:16.320
<v Speaker 3>he allowed her to read her plays. He loved hearing

0:14:16.360 --> 0:14:19.280
<v Speaker 3>her poetry. He wanted her to flourish, and he admired her,

0:14:19.560 --> 0:14:22.520
<v Speaker 3>and she had a beautiful life with him until the

0:14:22.760 --> 0:14:24.360
<v Speaker 3>I don't want to give anything away in this book,

0:14:24.400 --> 0:14:28.600
<v Speaker 3>but until her circumstances change, and then there's a shift

0:14:29.320 --> 0:14:32.840
<v Speaker 3>that is a really fucking hard pill to swallow. Yeah,

0:14:32.880 --> 0:14:36.080
<v Speaker 3>as a reader, it was so painful to even read.

0:14:36.200 --> 0:14:38.640
<v Speaker 3>You know, what her next situation entailed and where she

0:14:38.720 --> 0:14:41.880
<v Speaker 3>went and then that dynamic, and it made me think

0:14:41.920 --> 0:14:45.040
<v Speaker 3>about as a writer, when you're writing, especially as someone

0:14:45.080 --> 0:14:48.760
<v Speaker 3>who's written as many books as you have, what is

0:14:48.880 --> 0:14:52.120
<v Speaker 3>the methodology there? Like how do you think about those

0:14:52.520 --> 0:14:54.640
<v Speaker 3>turns of events? Like do you want to make them

0:14:54.680 --> 0:14:58.560
<v Speaker 3>as drastically different as like the contrast so stark?

0:14:58.800 --> 0:14:59.720
<v Speaker 1>Is that your intention?

0:15:00.280 --> 0:15:02.840
<v Speaker 5>I think that the pitfall I didn't want to hit

0:15:02.960 --> 0:15:06.160
<v Speaker 5>in this book because Amelia does suffer so many tragic

0:15:06.240 --> 0:15:08.760
<v Speaker 5>moments in her life. I didn't want you to be like,

0:15:08.800 --> 0:15:10.760
<v Speaker 5>oh my god, not again, you know, Like I didn't

0:15:10.800 --> 0:15:13.560
<v Speaker 5>want it to feel overwhelming, and part of being able

0:15:13.560 --> 0:15:16.040
<v Speaker 5>to combat that comes again from that diary from that

0:15:16.120 --> 0:15:19.680
<v Speaker 5>astrologer doctor. You know, when she talked about her life

0:15:20.080 --> 0:15:22.960
<v Speaker 5>with the Lord Chamberlain, with this guy who is so

0:15:23.080 --> 0:15:26.160
<v Speaker 5>wealthy and who was the theater head of all of England.

0:15:26.160 --> 0:15:27.960
<v Speaker 4>Basically she was so.

0:15:28.120 --> 0:15:31.960
<v Speaker 5>Proud of what she achieved. Then she talks about how

0:15:32.080 --> 0:15:34.040
<v Speaker 5>all kinds of men would give her jewels and would

0:15:34.080 --> 0:15:36.400
<v Speaker 5>look at her and noticed what she looked like. And

0:15:37.440 --> 0:15:40.120
<v Speaker 5>you could tell that even though she wound up in

0:15:40.160 --> 0:15:43.240
<v Speaker 5>a very poor, different circumstance than she was for those

0:15:43.280 --> 0:15:46.280
<v Speaker 5>ten years, she was like, hey, I was someone. Don't

0:15:46.280 --> 0:15:48.440
<v Speaker 5>forget if I was someone. And it was hearing that

0:15:48.640 --> 0:15:51.720
<v Speaker 5>fire in her that made me want to create her

0:15:51.960 --> 0:15:54.280
<v Speaker 5>as you know, really a spitfire, someone who keeps on

0:15:54.320 --> 0:15:57.320
<v Speaker 5>getting up every time she's knocked down. Interestingly, you talk

0:15:57.360 --> 0:15:59.600
<v Speaker 5>about how kind the Lord Chamberlain was to her. We

0:15:59.600 --> 0:16:02.680
<v Speaker 5>don't know anything about that relationship. We know that she

0:16:03.120 --> 0:16:05.560
<v Speaker 5>from what she says in these diaries that are written down,

0:16:05.760 --> 0:16:08.320
<v Speaker 5>that he kept her well and that she seemed to

0:16:08.360 --> 0:16:11.720
<v Speaker 5>be comfortable with him, but we don't know anything else

0:16:11.920 --> 0:16:14.520
<v Speaker 5>about it. And in my opinion, you know, I was

0:16:14.560 --> 0:16:17.520
<v Speaker 5>thinking Okay, here's someone who is thirteen years old winds

0:16:17.600 --> 0:16:20.800
<v Speaker 5>up in this you know, artificial relationship with a fifty

0:16:20.840 --> 0:16:23.200
<v Speaker 5>six year old man where she's literally being groomed to

0:16:23.200 --> 0:16:26.240
<v Speaker 5>be his court is in. And I didn't want again

0:16:26.320 --> 0:16:29.320
<v Speaker 5>there to be a terrible time for Amelia during those

0:16:29.360 --> 0:16:31.600
<v Speaker 5>ten years, because it seemed like she enjoyed it, And

0:16:31.680 --> 0:16:33.840
<v Speaker 5>I thought, I don't really see her falling head over

0:16:33.880 --> 0:16:36.360
<v Speaker 5>heels with this guy, but I do see her finding

0:16:36.400 --> 0:16:38.720
<v Speaker 5>a friendship there. And you know, that was why I

0:16:38.800 --> 0:16:41.960
<v Speaker 5>chose to characterize and write Lord Hunston the Lord Chamberlain

0:16:42.000 --> 0:16:44.800
<v Speaker 5>the way that I did. So sometimes it means taking

0:16:44.880 --> 0:16:47.480
<v Speaker 5>a clue out of history and just sort of spinning

0:16:47.480 --> 0:16:50.120
<v Speaker 5>it and extrapolating it to create the character around it.

0:16:50.200 --> 0:16:52.480
<v Speaker 1>I mean, what a luxury are you? Just like, take

0:16:52.560 --> 0:16:55.040
<v Speaker 1>what you like and discard what you don't. You know that?

0:16:55.360 --> 0:16:58.360
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I mean that is the definition and essence of

0:16:58.400 --> 0:16:59.080
<v Speaker 3>being a writer.

0:16:59.520 --> 0:17:01.680
<v Speaker 5>Okay, but wait, can I tell you the freakiest thing

0:17:01.680 --> 0:17:03.360
<v Speaker 5>that happened to me when I was writing this book

0:17:03.680 --> 0:17:05.520
<v Speaker 5>one of them way is that I wanted to combat

0:17:05.600 --> 0:17:08.080
<v Speaker 5>again all the tragedy in Amelia's life was I thought

0:17:08.080 --> 0:17:10.520
<v Speaker 5>this woman deserved a little happiness, and so I wanted

0:17:10.560 --> 0:17:12.280
<v Speaker 5>to give her a love affair with a man she

0:17:12.359 --> 0:17:16.159
<v Speaker 5>truly loved. And there's this historical fact when Amelia's in

0:17:16.160 --> 0:17:19.480
<v Speaker 5>her sixties, she goes to court. She represents herself in court,

0:17:19.520 --> 0:17:22.720
<v Speaker 5>which is crazy, and she's fighting her brother in law

0:17:22.920 --> 0:17:25.280
<v Speaker 5>after her husband's death. She was basically supposed to get

0:17:25.280 --> 0:17:27.359
<v Speaker 5>money from a patent that hewned, and her brother in

0:17:27.440 --> 0:17:29.520
<v Speaker 5>law stole it all. At the end of this trial,

0:17:30.040 --> 0:17:33.440
<v Speaker 5>out of nowhere, the Earl of Southampton comes swaning into

0:17:33.480 --> 0:17:36.480
<v Speaker 5>the court room and he goes, hey, this isn't my court,

0:17:36.520 --> 0:17:39.520
<v Speaker 5>but if it was, I'd find in favor of her. Now,

0:17:39.600 --> 0:17:42.639
<v Speaker 5>this would never happen. You would just not see a

0:17:42.640 --> 0:17:46.840
<v Speaker 5>noble intervene in some commoner's life, right, And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa,

0:17:46.960 --> 0:17:48.960
<v Speaker 5>why did this guy come out of nowhere to talk

0:17:49.000 --> 0:17:51.880
<v Speaker 5>to Amelia? And then I realized, you know, during those

0:17:51.920 --> 0:17:54.120
<v Speaker 5>ten years that she was living with the Lord Chamberlain,

0:17:54.480 --> 0:17:58.040
<v Speaker 5>court was a pretty small group of courtiers and ladies nobles.

0:17:58.440 --> 0:18:01.080
<v Speaker 5>She would have known Southampton, and he was about three

0:18:01.119 --> 0:18:03.359
<v Speaker 5>and a half years younger than she was. He was

0:18:03.400 --> 0:18:05.639
<v Speaker 5>considered to be quite a hotty of the time. So

0:18:05.680 --> 0:18:07.520
<v Speaker 5>I'm like, great, I'm going to have them get it on.

0:18:07.800 --> 0:18:10.920
<v Speaker 5>So I'm writing all this great Elizabethan six, you know,

0:18:11.200 --> 0:18:13.760
<v Speaker 5>and I was really enjoying the relationship I created for them,

0:18:13.760 --> 0:18:17.200
<v Speaker 5>which was like this absolute doomed love affair, because there

0:18:17.240 --> 0:18:19.879
<v Speaker 5>was no world in which the Earl of Southampton was

0:18:19.920 --> 0:18:23.040
<v Speaker 5>ever going to wind up, you know, completely married to

0:18:23.400 --> 0:18:26.760
<v Speaker 5>some commoner like Amelia. Anyway, I write the whole thing.

0:18:26.840 --> 0:18:29.000
<v Speaker 5>I finished the book and I go to the Victorian

0:18:29.040 --> 0:18:32.399
<v Speaker 5>Albert Museum in England because I've been invited to hold

0:18:32.520 --> 0:18:35.840
<v Speaker 5>and see the miniature of Amelia that exists. So I

0:18:35.920 --> 0:18:38.000
<v Speaker 5>go to the archives. The archives take it out. I'm

0:18:38.000 --> 0:18:40.520
<v Speaker 5>holding her in my hands, which was just amazing, but

0:18:40.520 --> 0:18:44.400
<v Speaker 5>my eye keeps getting drawn to the box that had

0:18:44.400 --> 0:18:46.520
<v Speaker 5>all these miniatures in it, and the one that was

0:18:46.600 --> 0:18:49.080
<v Speaker 5>right next to her, and it's a man with long,

0:18:49.280 --> 0:18:52.159
<v Speaker 5>curly red hair looked a lot like mine. And I

0:18:52.240 --> 0:18:54.119
<v Speaker 5>just kept staring at it, and I said to the archive,

0:18:54.200 --> 0:18:56.560
<v Speaker 5>is who is that? And they said, oh, well, we

0:18:56.600 --> 0:18:59.400
<v Speaker 5>don't know. That's an unknown man. And I said, can

0:18:59.440 --> 0:19:01.119
<v Speaker 5>you tell me what was painted? So they look it

0:19:01.200 --> 0:19:03.000
<v Speaker 5>up and it's about the exact same time as the

0:19:03.040 --> 0:19:06.719
<v Speaker 5>Amelia miniature, and I pull up on my phone an

0:19:06.720 --> 0:19:10.520
<v Speaker 5>accredited painting of the Earl of Southampton which looks exactly

0:19:10.640 --> 0:19:13.600
<v Speaker 5>like that, and I said, I think maybe it's him,

0:19:13.960 --> 0:19:16.439
<v Speaker 5>and they start looking at it and they realize we

0:19:16.520 --> 0:19:18.960
<v Speaker 5>do a deep dive. The miniature that I've pulled up

0:19:19.000 --> 0:19:22.399
<v Speaker 5>was painted four years later by the same artist. Even

0:19:22.480 --> 0:19:26.399
<v Speaker 5>more interestingly, in that unknown man miniature, the man is

0:19:26.440 --> 0:19:29.080
<v Speaker 5>on a black background instead of a traditional blue.

0:19:29.400 --> 0:19:30.160
<v Speaker 4>His hand is.

0:19:30.080 --> 0:19:33.800
<v Speaker 5>Covering his heart, and it's painted on the three of

0:19:33.920 --> 0:19:37.880
<v Speaker 5>hearts a playing card, which in early you know Elizabethan

0:19:38.359 --> 0:19:42.560
<v Speaker 5>tarot called cardamancy, kind of signified a soulmate, someone you

0:19:42.680 --> 0:19:45.480
<v Speaker 5>love desperately but would never wind up with. All of

0:19:45.520 --> 0:19:47.520
<v Speaker 5>those things would have been the decision of the person

0:19:47.560 --> 0:19:48.440
<v Speaker 5>sitting for the portrait.

0:19:49.000 --> 0:19:50.800
<v Speaker 4>And after doing deep.

0:19:50.560 --> 0:19:53.280
<v Speaker 5>Research, the archivists have written me back and they're like, yeah,

0:19:53.280 --> 0:19:55.440
<v Speaker 5>we think this actually could be Southampton. So for the

0:19:55.480 --> 0:19:57.920
<v Speaker 5>past couple hundred years, the two of them have been

0:19:57.960 --> 0:19:59.480
<v Speaker 5>nestled next to each other in a.

0:19:59.440 --> 0:20:01.600
<v Speaker 4>Box at the Victoria and Albert Museum.

0:20:01.960 --> 0:20:05.679
<v Speaker 5>So maybe sometimes you write stuff and it becomes history.

0:20:05.720 --> 0:20:08.040
<v Speaker 3>I don't know, this is turning into an episode of murder.

0:20:08.080 --> 0:20:12.479
<v Speaker 3>She wrote, what about her marrying her cousin. Is that

0:20:12.520 --> 0:20:12.960
<v Speaker 3>true too?

0:20:13.160 --> 0:20:16.439
<v Speaker 1>Did that happen historically, Yeah, that is historically true.

0:20:16.560 --> 0:20:18.800
<v Speaker 4>His name was Alfonse O. Lanner. He was a jerk.

0:20:19.119 --> 0:20:21.080
<v Speaker 5>He did go through all of her money. He wanted

0:20:21.119 --> 0:20:23.360
<v Speaker 5>to be a night, so he kept on. He kept

0:20:23.440 --> 0:20:27.160
<v Speaker 5>trying multiple things, but he basically just blew through her cash.

0:20:27.200 --> 0:20:29.120
<v Speaker 5>And he did go off to try to be a knight.

0:20:29.480 --> 0:20:33.119
<v Speaker 5>He did wind up, ironically on a mission that Southampton

0:20:33.280 --> 0:20:36.440
<v Speaker 5>was leading, a naval mission on behalf of the queen.

0:20:36.720 --> 0:20:39.440
<v Speaker 5>He never became a knight, and she could not stand him.

0:20:39.680 --> 0:20:41.120
<v Speaker 5>I mean, that's all we know is that he did

0:20:41.119 --> 0:20:43.720
<v Speaker 5>not treat her well and she was not happy with him,

0:20:44.080 --> 0:20:45.360
<v Speaker 5>and she did not want the marriage.

0:20:45.600 --> 0:20:48.920
<v Speaker 3>It's also fascinating, and you know what, it's so nice

0:20:48.960 --> 0:20:50.760
<v Speaker 3>to put it in modern terms, in the way that

0:20:50.840 --> 0:20:52.719
<v Speaker 3>you write and the way that this book is.

0:20:53.119 --> 0:20:54.720
<v Speaker 1>Like our listeners are.

0:20:55.000 --> 0:20:57.639
<v Speaker 3>They love books and they love reading, and they're going

0:20:57.680 --> 0:21:00.760
<v Speaker 3>to love this book because it's I love that.

0:21:00.680 --> 0:21:02.240
<v Speaker 1>You are learning through fiction.

0:21:02.480 --> 0:21:05.320
<v Speaker 3>You know there is history involved here, and that you're

0:21:05.400 --> 0:21:07.879
<v Speaker 3>learning a lot about Shakespeare. That is for someone I

0:21:07.880 --> 0:21:10.040
<v Speaker 3>don't know a lot about Shakespeare, but I would like

0:21:10.080 --> 0:21:12.280
<v Speaker 3>to know more and this is just fascinating.

0:21:12.359 --> 0:21:13.840
<v Speaker 1>It's just so well done.

0:21:14.000 --> 0:21:16.000
<v Speaker 4>Oh, thank you. I think it's also for me.

0:21:16.280 --> 0:21:18.560
<v Speaker 5>It was really important to have the modern element in

0:21:18.600 --> 0:21:20.840
<v Speaker 5>the book as well, to have the story of her

0:21:21.000 --> 0:21:24.480
<v Speaker 5>descendant trying to get this play mounted, you know, about

0:21:24.520 --> 0:21:27.240
<v Speaker 5>her ancestor, because as someone who for the past ten

0:21:27.320 --> 0:21:29.560
<v Speaker 5>years has been fortunate enough to work in the world

0:21:29.600 --> 0:21:32.879
<v Speaker 5>of theater, it's a very male dominated profession, and the

0:21:32.920 --> 0:21:35.840
<v Speaker 5>gatekeepers are a bunch of old white men who like

0:21:35.960 --> 0:21:39.520
<v Speaker 5>to see stories that reflect their own experience on a stage.

0:21:39.640 --> 0:21:40.560
<v Speaker 4>And that's cyclical.

0:21:40.640 --> 0:21:42.280
<v Speaker 5>You know, if you only see a certain kind of

0:21:42.320 --> 0:21:44.880
<v Speaker 5>story on a stage, you start to think maybe that's

0:21:44.920 --> 0:21:46.639
<v Speaker 5>the only one that should be worth telling.

0:21:47.280 --> 0:21:48.880
<v Speaker 4>Everything that Melina is.

0:21:48.880 --> 0:21:52.359
<v Speaker 5>Told about her fictional play by any other name, that

0:21:52.560 --> 0:21:56.200
<v Speaker 5>it's too emotional, that it's too small, that nobody would

0:21:56.200 --> 0:21:58.119
<v Speaker 5>want to see the story of a woman or of

0:21:58.400 --> 0:22:01.560
<v Speaker 5>a young girl coming of age. Those are all verbatim

0:22:01.680 --> 0:22:03.479
<v Speaker 5>things that I was told when I was working on

0:22:03.520 --> 0:22:04.040
<v Speaker 5>my first show.

0:22:04.320 --> 0:22:07.920
<v Speaker 6>Jeez, And now you're adapting the book Thief, right, Yeah,

0:22:08.000 --> 0:22:09.560
<v Speaker 6>I am so exciting.

0:22:10.000 --> 0:22:12.119
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, the same team that was working with me on

0:22:12.160 --> 0:22:15.120
<v Speaker 5>that show, the original show. Between the lines, we've adapted

0:22:15.160 --> 0:22:17.040
<v Speaker 5>the book Thief and it's going to the West End

0:22:17.160 --> 0:22:18.600
<v Speaker 5>in the fall of twenty twenty five.

0:22:18.680 --> 0:22:20.800
<v Speaker 1>Oh, how cool is that? That's so awesome?

0:22:21.359 --> 0:22:24.320
<v Speaker 3>Does what's your experience been like as a female author?

0:22:25.000 --> 0:22:25.720
<v Speaker 1>How's that been?

0:22:26.040 --> 0:22:26.119
<v Speaker 4>So?

0:22:26.520 --> 0:22:30.160
<v Speaker 5>It's really interesting because I think the reason that by

0:22:30.200 --> 0:22:33.320
<v Speaker 5>any other name is so personal to me and really

0:22:33.400 --> 0:22:35.359
<v Speaker 5>is the book of my heart, is that I have

0:22:35.400 --> 0:22:39.280
<v Speaker 5>written so many controversial things, but I am rarely like

0:22:39.359 --> 0:22:40.400
<v Speaker 5>the characters.

0:22:40.000 --> 0:22:40.639
<v Speaker 4>That I write.

0:22:41.000 --> 0:22:43.000
<v Speaker 5>However, this is a book about what it means to

0:22:43.000 --> 0:22:45.720
<v Speaker 5>be a female storyteller, and that is exactly who I am.

0:22:46.040 --> 0:22:47.560
<v Speaker 5>And let me tell you what it is to be

0:22:47.560 --> 0:22:50.199
<v Speaker 5>a female storyteller. You sit down on a plane and

0:22:50.280 --> 0:22:52.240
<v Speaker 5>someone says what do you do? And you say, I'm

0:22:52.240 --> 0:22:54.399
<v Speaker 5>a writer. They look at you, see you're a woman

0:22:54.440 --> 0:22:56.600
<v Speaker 5>and they say, oh, do you write romance? And I

0:22:56.600 --> 0:22:58.720
<v Speaker 5>say no, do you write children's books?

0:22:59.000 --> 0:22:59.080
<v Speaker 4>No?

0:22:59.320 --> 0:23:02.119
<v Speaker 5>Oh, you must write women's fiction. Those are only the

0:23:02.200 --> 0:23:05.720
<v Speaker 5>three categories that women ever write. Apparently, what is even

0:23:05.720 --> 0:23:08.000
<v Speaker 5>women's fiction? Why is there no men's fiction? Why do

0:23:08.080 --> 0:23:09.160
<v Speaker 5>they just get to be fiction?

0:23:09.560 --> 0:23:09.760
<v Speaker 4>You know?

0:23:09.840 --> 0:23:13.200
<v Speaker 5>So there's still this sense that female writers are pigeonholed

0:23:13.520 --> 0:23:16.400
<v Speaker 5>in a way that men never are. If you get

0:23:16.440 --> 0:23:20.160
<v Speaker 5>a man who writes a really great book about family

0:23:20.200 --> 0:23:23.760
<v Speaker 5>and relationships, they are hailed as the great American author,

0:23:24.080 --> 0:23:26.600
<v Speaker 5>as if it is incongruous to have both a heart

0:23:26.640 --> 0:23:29.879
<v Speaker 5>and a penis right, And I don't think that's mutually exclusive,

0:23:30.840 --> 0:23:33.440
<v Speaker 5>you know, And I think that because of that, women

0:23:33.560 --> 0:23:36.520
<v Speaker 5>still feel pigeonholed as writers, even though there are plenty

0:23:36.520 --> 0:23:38.800
<v Speaker 5>of women on the bestseller list. The place where we

0:23:38.840 --> 0:23:42.560
<v Speaker 5>start to see gender discrimination in publishing is in reviews.

0:23:42.960 --> 0:23:46.000
<v Speaker 5>Fewer women are reviewed, and there are fewer female reviewers.

0:23:46.280 --> 0:23:49.080
<v Speaker 5>And at the very very top echelons of publishing, although

0:23:49.119 --> 0:23:51.920
<v Speaker 5>we see a lot of female editors, who runs these

0:23:51.960 --> 0:23:54.160
<v Speaker 5>publishing companies, it's usually a man.

0:23:54.960 --> 0:23:56.720
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, Okay.

0:23:56.760 --> 0:23:58.320
<v Speaker 3>On that, We're going to take a break and we

0:23:58.359 --> 0:24:02.359
<v Speaker 3>will be right back with Jodi Pico this week.

0:24:02.440 --> 0:24:05.120
<v Speaker 6>Write in if you have questions about fitness. It could

0:24:05.160 --> 0:24:08.080
<v Speaker 6>be something specific you're dealing with in your fitness routine,

0:24:08.160 --> 0:24:10.399
<v Speaker 6>how to maintain your motivation or get started with a

0:24:10.400 --> 0:24:13.200
<v Speaker 6>new routine, or questions you have on a deeper level

0:24:13.200 --> 0:24:15.920
<v Speaker 6>about your physical health and fitness. Right into Dear Chelsea

0:24:16.000 --> 0:24:20.600
<v Speaker 6>Podcast at gmail dot com.

0:24:20.760 --> 0:24:23.359
<v Speaker 3>Okay, we're back with author Jody Pico. Okay, Jody, we're

0:24:23.359 --> 0:24:25.800
<v Speaker 3>gonna give out some advice today. Okay, are you ready?

0:24:25.920 --> 0:24:26.440
<v Speaker 4>I love it?

0:24:26.560 --> 0:24:30.199
<v Speaker 6>Okay, Well, Jody, I know you write about a lot

0:24:30.240 --> 0:24:32.960
<v Speaker 6>of controversial topics, so we have some controversial topics in

0:24:33.000 --> 0:24:34.280
<v Speaker 6>our advice portion today.

0:24:34.600 --> 0:24:36.640
<v Speaker 1>Great, but we're starting with a fun one.

0:24:36.880 --> 0:24:41.960
<v Speaker 6>Sam is writing in and says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a

0:24:42.000 --> 0:24:45.040
<v Speaker 6>forty nine year old divorced woman, and I'm looking ahead

0:24:45.200 --> 0:24:47.159
<v Speaker 6>as my last kid is headed off to college in

0:24:47.200 --> 0:24:50.600
<v Speaker 6>a few years. Since my divorce, I've discovered how much

0:24:50.640 --> 0:24:53.480
<v Speaker 6>I need and crave alone time. I didn't get much

0:24:53.480 --> 0:24:55.919
<v Speaker 6>of it as a single parent, but as I've gotten older,

0:24:56.040 --> 0:24:59.520
<v Speaker 6>I love it. I consider myself an extroverted, introvert who

0:24:59.600 --> 0:25:03.160
<v Speaker 6>really needs solitude to recharge. I've often dreamt that once

0:25:03.160 --> 0:25:05.360
<v Speaker 6>my last kid leaves the nest, I would move out

0:25:05.359 --> 0:25:08.080
<v Speaker 6>somewhere on the East Coast, work remotely for my job,

0:25:08.320 --> 0:25:12.200
<v Speaker 6>and just enjoy peacefulness and calm in a small seaside town.

0:25:12.320 --> 0:25:14.800
<v Speaker 6>I've started opening up about this to friends and family,

0:25:14.840 --> 0:25:17.400
<v Speaker 6>who have mostly thought I was kidding, but deep down

0:25:17.520 --> 0:25:19.440
<v Speaker 6>I really want this to be the trajectory for this

0:25:19.520 --> 0:25:20.439
<v Speaker 6>next phase of life.

0:25:21.080 --> 0:25:22.560
<v Speaker 1>I have a great network where I live.

0:25:22.720 --> 0:25:23.879
<v Speaker 6>All my family is here.

0:25:23.960 --> 0:25:24.760
<v Speaker 1>We're a tight group.

0:25:25.000 --> 0:25:27.600
<v Speaker 6>I'm getting some pushback, in particular from my sister, who

0:25:27.640 --> 0:25:30.200
<v Speaker 6>cannot fathom that I would move away, saying that I

0:25:30.240 --> 0:25:33.280
<v Speaker 6>should be preparing myself to be the doting grandmother around

0:25:33.280 --> 0:25:35.960
<v Speaker 6>the corner. I guess I'm just looking for either some

0:25:36.040 --> 0:25:38.360
<v Speaker 6>validation that I'm not crazy or a two y four

0:25:38.400 --> 0:25:40.760
<v Speaker 6>across the head to knock some reality into me that

0:25:40.920 --> 0:25:43.040
<v Speaker 6>just because my kids leave the house doesn't mean I

0:25:43.040 --> 0:25:46.040
<v Speaker 6>should move away on some weird eat prey love journey.

0:25:46.040 --> 0:25:49.200
<v Speaker 1>But should I Sam Wow?

0:25:49.359 --> 0:25:51.720
<v Speaker 5>So I mean, I am a new grandma, and let

0:25:51.720 --> 0:25:54.280
<v Speaker 5>me tell you, it's the best thing ever. But I

0:25:54.400 --> 0:25:58.560
<v Speaker 5>don't live around the corner for my grandkids, so everything

0:25:58.640 --> 0:26:00.399
<v Speaker 5>is a journey for me if I see them, or

0:26:00.400 --> 0:26:02.840
<v Speaker 5>it's a journey for them to see me. And it

0:26:02.920 --> 0:26:07.480
<v Speaker 5>feels to me from the letter you just read that honestly,

0:26:08.000 --> 0:26:09.600
<v Speaker 5>she's already kind of made up her mind.

0:26:10.240 --> 0:26:11.160
<v Speaker 4>She wants to go.

0:26:11.440 --> 0:26:15.320
<v Speaker 5>And I don't think there's anything wrong with a mom

0:26:15.320 --> 0:26:18.760
<v Speaker 5>who has been in the wings watching her kids grow

0:26:18.840 --> 0:26:22.160
<v Speaker 5>up suddenly stepping out to be the focus of the limelight.

0:26:22.640 --> 0:26:26.160
<v Speaker 5>I think if she is at all worried about making

0:26:26.240 --> 0:26:29.159
<v Speaker 5>such a radical move. Go rent an airbnb for a

0:26:29.160 --> 0:26:31.480
<v Speaker 5>few months and rent out your own house and see

0:26:31.480 --> 0:26:34.560
<v Speaker 5>how it feels, and then if it works, then look

0:26:34.600 --> 0:26:37.760
<v Speaker 5>for something more permanent. But it sounds to me like

0:26:37.800 --> 0:26:39.520
<v Speaker 5>she's kind of already made up her mind.

0:26:39.720 --> 0:26:41.919
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, a lot of our callers are right in or

0:26:41.960 --> 0:26:43.639
<v Speaker 3>call in when they've made up their mind and they

0:26:43.720 --> 0:26:46.160
<v Speaker 3>need another person to go Yep, you're doing the right thing.

0:26:46.480 --> 0:26:48.919
<v Speaker 3>And I would say, as someone at the same exact

0:26:48.960 --> 0:26:50.880
<v Speaker 3>age who did not have to raise children and did

0:26:50.880 --> 0:26:52.840
<v Speaker 3>not have to put my time and energy into someone,

0:26:53.200 --> 0:26:56.840
<v Speaker 3>if you have a calling to spend time alone and

0:26:56.880 --> 0:26:59.159
<v Speaker 3>you have a desire to do that, that means you

0:26:59.240 --> 0:27:01.439
<v Speaker 3>have been deprived of that, and that you need to

0:27:01.480 --> 0:27:04.479
<v Speaker 3>go and run towards yourself with open arms. When we

0:27:04.560 --> 0:27:08.080
<v Speaker 3>have these feelings and it's just someone's advice that is

0:27:08.119 --> 0:27:11.399
<v Speaker 3>holding you back, that's not valid. Like if someone's telling

0:27:11.440 --> 0:27:13.920
<v Speaker 3>you no, you shouldn't be doing that. You have every

0:27:14.000 --> 0:27:17.680
<v Speaker 3>right to pursue your dreams and you haven't pursued them yet.

0:27:17.960 --> 0:27:20.320
<v Speaker 3>And so like Jody what you're saying, you're a forty

0:27:20.400 --> 0:27:22.960
<v Speaker 3>nine year old new grandmother, you've also pursued your dreams

0:27:23.040 --> 0:27:25.640
<v Speaker 3>during all of this, right, you've been able.

0:27:25.359 --> 0:27:26.560
<v Speaker 1>To pursue who you want to be.

0:27:26.760 --> 0:27:29.520
<v Speaker 5>I'm assuming yeah, absolutely, or I wouldn't be here today.

0:27:29.520 --> 0:27:32.159
<v Speaker 5>But I also had an amazing support network, and I

0:27:32.200 --> 0:27:33.960
<v Speaker 5>love that. You might think I'm forty nine, but I'm

0:27:34.000 --> 0:27:34.680
<v Speaker 5>fifty eight.

0:27:34.840 --> 0:27:37.440
<v Speaker 3>Right, Well, but I'm saying yes, okay, yeah, well we're

0:27:37.440 --> 0:27:41.960
<v Speaker 3>all forty nine for this purpose of this conversation. But yes,

0:27:42.080 --> 0:27:46.399
<v Speaker 3>I think as women, I can't stress enough or try

0:27:46.400 --> 0:27:48.439
<v Speaker 3>to help you enough to make the decision to do

0:27:48.560 --> 0:27:51.240
<v Speaker 3>what you want to do how you want to do it.

0:27:51.800 --> 0:27:54.960
<v Speaker 3>You are free now of responsibility. There's no one saying

0:27:55.720 --> 0:27:59.200
<v Speaker 3>having a grandchild or grand baby any minute, and then

0:27:59.320 --> 0:28:01.639
<v Speaker 3>that's a break when you get to it. And and

0:28:01.720 --> 0:28:05.080
<v Speaker 3>Jody's advice about getting something temporarily, it's great advice. I mean,

0:28:05.160 --> 0:28:07.399
<v Speaker 3>go try it out that way. If you find a

0:28:07.440 --> 0:28:09.960
<v Speaker 3>place and you're like, oh, I don't love this section

0:28:10.119 --> 0:28:13.040
<v Speaker 3>of town or this area, you can pick up and

0:28:13.080 --> 0:28:15.040
<v Speaker 3>move to another place and try it out there until

0:28:15.080 --> 0:28:17.760
<v Speaker 3>you find a place that does fit and that doesn't.

0:28:17.760 --> 0:28:21.000
<v Speaker 3>But like, your happiness is the most important thing, Like

0:28:21.080 --> 0:28:23.320
<v Speaker 3>you are in charge of it and no one else

0:28:23.400 --> 0:28:24.520
<v Speaker 3>is bringing you the happiness.

0:28:24.760 --> 0:28:27.200
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, Like she's got a vision for her life. Follow

0:28:27.280 --> 0:28:30.080
<v Speaker 6>that vision, and of course when you do have grandkids,

0:28:30.119 --> 0:28:33.040
<v Speaker 6>they're gonna love coming and seeing Granny in the seaside down.

0:28:33.240 --> 0:28:34.960
<v Speaker 1>M M right, yeah, yeah.

0:28:35.000 --> 0:28:37.199
<v Speaker 5>I also think I think that the saddest thing in

0:28:37.240 --> 0:28:38.840
<v Speaker 5>the world is when you get to the end of

0:28:38.840 --> 0:28:40.560
<v Speaker 5>your life and you think, what if I had done that?

0:28:41.000 --> 0:28:42.360
<v Speaker 5>You know, I mean, to me, that would be the

0:28:42.400 --> 0:28:46.040
<v Speaker 5>greatest loss. And it's okay to fail because that means

0:28:46.040 --> 0:28:47.160
<v Speaker 5>you were brave enough to try.

0:28:47.480 --> 0:28:49.920
<v Speaker 3>But also, in your book, like this woman is not

0:28:50.000 --> 0:28:53.200
<v Speaker 3>given any choices along the way, she is not given

0:28:53.240 --> 0:28:55.719
<v Speaker 3>any choices. We live in a time where we have

0:28:55.840 --> 0:28:58.719
<v Speaker 3>the ability to make a choice for ourselves. In the

0:28:58.800 --> 0:29:01.440
<v Speaker 3>current time we are living in. You were allowed to

0:29:01.520 --> 0:29:03.720
<v Speaker 3>go and do that, so go fucking do it.

0:29:05.520 --> 0:29:08.120
<v Speaker 6>Sam, Keep us posted when you find your airbnb on

0:29:08.160 --> 0:29:10.880
<v Speaker 6>the sea side, send us a picture, yes, Jony.

0:29:11.120 --> 0:29:12.760
<v Speaker 1>Before we move on, I have to tell you this.

0:29:13.000 --> 0:29:15.240
<v Speaker 6>I one of my favorite memories of my father, whose

0:29:15.240 --> 0:29:17.719
<v Speaker 6>birthday it is today, not understanding what it's like to

0:29:18.000 --> 0:29:21.240
<v Speaker 6>live with a teenage girl. I was reading My Sister's

0:29:21.320 --> 0:29:22.520
<v Speaker 6>Keeper many years.

0:29:22.360 --> 0:29:24.000
<v Speaker 1>Ago when I was one of my favorite books of

0:29:24.000 --> 0:29:24.400
<v Speaker 1>all time.

0:29:24.600 --> 0:29:27.360
<v Speaker 6>So good, gosh, thank you and one of the best

0:29:27.480 --> 0:29:29.960
<v Speaker 6>endings of all time. And I got to the end,

0:29:30.080 --> 0:29:34.920
<v Speaker 6>I turned the final page. I'm weeping, sobbing uncontrollably. My

0:29:35.080 --> 0:29:37.520
<v Speaker 6>dad hears this from the other room, comes out from

0:29:37.560 --> 0:29:40.280
<v Speaker 6>his office and is like, oh my god, what's going on?

0:29:40.400 --> 0:29:43.040
<v Speaker 6>Who died? Like a total panic, and I was like,

0:29:43.200 --> 0:29:45.480
<v Speaker 6>couldn't breathe. I'm just like pointing at the book like no,

0:29:45.520 --> 0:29:48.440
<v Speaker 6>it's just it's this. He was so pissed at me.

0:29:48.680 --> 0:29:51.440
<v Speaker 6>He's just like, I truly thought that someone in our

0:29:51.480 --> 0:29:54.440
<v Speaker 6>life had died, but he gave me that one of

0:29:54.480 --> 0:29:55.520
<v Speaker 6>those wonderful memories.

0:29:56.360 --> 0:29:58.960
<v Speaker 3>Because of that, I know, It's like, man, have never

0:29:59.200 --> 0:30:00.920
<v Speaker 3>cried reading a book? Ookay, I guess I know.

0:30:01.200 --> 0:30:02.800
<v Speaker 1>It's like, what do.

0:30:02.760 --> 0:30:04.920
<v Speaker 3>You notice, Jodie when you're on planes that you cry

0:30:04.960 --> 0:30:06.160
<v Speaker 3>more when you're reading a book.

0:30:06.440 --> 0:30:07.000
<v Speaker 4>Oh yeah.

0:30:07.200 --> 0:30:09.760
<v Speaker 5>So it's funny because when I was adapting the book Thief,

0:30:09.800 --> 0:30:12.200
<v Speaker 5>I was writing part of the ending and I was

0:30:12.240 --> 0:30:15.680
<v Speaker 5>crying really really, really hard, and like the flight attendant

0:30:15.680 --> 0:30:17.560
<v Speaker 5>came over and wanted to make sure I was okay.

0:30:18.040 --> 0:30:20.920
<v Speaker 5>And my co librettist when he was doing his part

0:30:20.960 --> 0:30:23.480
<v Speaker 5>of the ending, the flight attendant came over and gave

0:30:23.520 --> 0:30:26.000
<v Speaker 5>him wine because we were just a wreck, you know.

0:30:26.120 --> 0:30:28.960
<v Speaker 4>Writing this on the plane, so yeah, I cry all

0:30:29.000 --> 0:30:29.920
<v Speaker 4>the time when I write.

0:30:29.960 --> 0:30:32.200
<v Speaker 3>There's something about being in the altitude that makes you

0:30:32.440 --> 0:30:34.040
<v Speaker 3>like I can watch something on a plane that I

0:30:34.080 --> 0:30:36.360
<v Speaker 3>would not cry at in real life, and I'll be crying.

0:30:37.160 --> 0:30:38.280
<v Speaker 1>But anyway.

0:30:38.480 --> 0:30:39.040
<v Speaker 4>Yeah.

0:30:39.120 --> 0:30:42.760
<v Speaker 6>Well, our next question comes from Lynette. She is twenty seven.

0:30:43.480 --> 0:30:46.000
<v Speaker 6>She says, you're Chelsea. I would love to get your

0:30:46.000 --> 0:30:48.880
<v Speaker 6>opinion on how to ease my new amazing man into

0:30:48.960 --> 0:30:51.840
<v Speaker 6>my life, which includes my drug addicted dad and my

0:30:51.960 --> 0:30:55.680
<v Speaker 6>currently imprisoned fellon mother. I am my little sister's only

0:30:55.760 --> 0:30:59.280
<v Speaker 6>parent practically, she lives with me, and my new boyfriend

0:30:59.280 --> 0:31:01.960
<v Speaker 6>knows that I've been the only stable mother figure for her,

0:31:02.400 --> 0:31:04.480
<v Speaker 6>but he hasn't met her yet and really has no

0:31:04.560 --> 0:31:07.800
<v Speaker 6>idea how bad my parents' situation is. My fear is

0:31:07.800 --> 0:31:09.720
<v Speaker 6>that it will all be too much for him, as

0:31:09.760 --> 0:31:12.200
<v Speaker 6>it has been for other partners in the past. I'm

0:31:12.240 --> 0:31:14.480
<v Speaker 6>stressed and scared and don't know how to ease someone

0:31:14.480 --> 0:31:17.040
<v Speaker 6>into a life with someone like me with a broken family.

0:31:17.520 --> 0:31:19.840
<v Speaker 6>Any advice would be in the world to me. Thank

0:31:19.880 --> 0:31:22.240
<v Speaker 6>you so much, Lynette, and she's joining us here.

0:31:22.440 --> 0:31:27.320
<v Speaker 1>Hi, Lynette, Hilanette. Hello, Hi, Hi, this is Jodi Pico,

0:31:27.400 --> 0:31:28.560
<v Speaker 1>our special guest today.

0:31:28.880 --> 0:31:29.880
<v Speaker 4>It's so nice to meet you.

0:31:30.280 --> 0:31:31.720
<v Speaker 1>So what does your boyfriend know?

0:31:32.200 --> 0:31:34.280
<v Speaker 2>So at this point, he knows about my mom being

0:31:34.280 --> 0:31:37.480
<v Speaker 2>in prison, and I've kind of shared how my dad

0:31:37.520 --> 0:31:40.680
<v Speaker 2>smokes weed and has always done that and you know,

0:31:40.760 --> 0:31:42.400
<v Speaker 2>back in the day, was like a little bit of

0:31:42.400 --> 0:31:46.160
<v Speaker 2>a drug dealer. But he doesn't know that he's homeless

0:31:46.400 --> 0:31:49.480
<v Speaker 2>and like really you know, a drug addict when it

0:31:49.480 --> 0:31:53.640
<v Speaker 2>comes to like meth. And we've had a lot of disputes,

0:31:53.760 --> 0:31:57.280
<v Speaker 2>me and him, my dad, and he still struggles with it,

0:31:57.440 --> 0:32:01.280
<v Speaker 2>and he's still really involved in like my little sister's life,

0:32:01.320 --> 0:32:03.800
<v Speaker 2>and you know, he comes around here and there, and

0:32:04.400 --> 0:32:07.520
<v Speaker 2>you know, holidays are coming up, so he's probably going

0:32:07.560 --> 0:32:12.760
<v Speaker 2>to meet him at some point. And sorry, and I

0:32:12.840 --> 0:32:14.520
<v Speaker 2>just don't know how to say it. I feel like

0:32:14.560 --> 0:32:18.720
<v Speaker 2>I'm withholding the truth almost from him really because when

0:32:18.720 --> 0:32:21.680
<v Speaker 2>he meets him, it's it's pretty obvious, like family has

0:32:21.720 --> 0:32:24.720
<v Speaker 2>expressed how he doesn't look well and like where is

0:32:24.720 --> 0:32:28.360
<v Speaker 2>he staying, And he'll swing by just to like, you know,

0:32:28.400 --> 0:32:31.880
<v Speaker 2>see my sister and me. But I really don't want

0:32:31.880 --> 0:32:34.760
<v Speaker 2>a relationship with my dad. I've you know. Like I said,

0:32:34.800 --> 0:32:38.360
<v Speaker 2>I've had spats with him, and I don't know, it's

0:32:38.440 --> 0:32:41.160
<v Speaker 2>just hard. My little sister says the same thing, like

0:32:41.240 --> 0:32:45.840
<v Speaker 2>he's just so obviously crazy and doesn't want to change,

0:32:45.920 --> 0:32:48.240
<v Speaker 2>doesn't want help, Like he hasn't had a job for

0:32:48.360 --> 0:32:50.760
<v Speaker 2>like over a year, and he talks about getting a

0:32:50.840 --> 0:32:55.240
<v Speaker 2>job and helping but doesn't really And the real thing

0:32:55.280 --> 0:32:57.680
<v Speaker 2>we need him to do is he has he's working

0:32:57.720 --> 0:33:00.640
<v Speaker 2>on my little sister's car. She's about to get license.

0:33:00.840 --> 0:33:04.280
<v Speaker 2>She really needs to have a car. And that's really

0:33:04.320 --> 0:33:07.400
<v Speaker 2>why we keep the contact, is to just get him

0:33:07.440 --> 0:33:09.760
<v Speaker 2>to at least do that, fix the car, bring it

0:33:10.040 --> 0:33:12.560
<v Speaker 2>for her like he promised he'd do. But at this point,

0:33:12.640 --> 0:33:14.760
<v Speaker 2>it's like you've had over a year to do it,

0:33:15.360 --> 0:33:19.240
<v Speaker 2>and here we are, you know, and this boyfriend's so great,

0:33:19.320 --> 0:33:22.160
<v Speaker 2>like he helps us so much, you know, and I

0:33:22.240 --> 0:33:25.080
<v Speaker 2>just feel so guilty that I haven't been totally honest.

0:33:25.280 --> 0:33:28.880
<v Speaker 2>And I'm afraid that the longer I wait, you know,

0:33:29.040 --> 0:33:31.760
<v Speaker 2>the more distrust he's going to build with me, you know.

0:33:31.880 --> 0:33:34.880
<v Speaker 2>And I don't think he's not going to accept it.

0:33:34.920 --> 0:33:37.240
<v Speaker 2>But it's just a hard conversation to have, you know,

0:33:37.360 --> 0:33:40.560
<v Speaker 2>Like even now talking about it is making me super anxious,

0:33:40.680 --> 0:33:42.160
<v Speaker 2>you know, because it's.

0:33:42.000 --> 0:33:44.760
<v Speaker 3>Oh my god, you've had to bear so much responsibility

0:33:44.800 --> 0:33:45.600
<v Speaker 3>for your family.

0:33:45.640 --> 0:33:47.000
<v Speaker 1>You're such an amazing sister.

0:33:47.720 --> 0:33:50.120
<v Speaker 2>Thank you, Chelsea. You are you know, I think anybody

0:33:50.120 --> 0:33:52.520
<v Speaker 2>would do what I'm doing. But it's just hard because

0:33:52.560 --> 0:33:55.120
<v Speaker 2>he's such a gas lighter and he's just always got

0:33:55.160 --> 0:33:58.040
<v Speaker 2>an excuse for everything, for why he is the way

0:33:58.040 --> 0:34:01.280
<v Speaker 2>he is, And even like talking about the drugs, he's like, oh, well,

0:34:01.320 --> 0:34:04.600
<v Speaker 2>it's just crystal, and I'm like, it's not just crystals.

0:34:05.560 --> 0:34:08.719
<v Speaker 2>It's a hard drug. Like why don't you see how

0:34:09.080 --> 0:34:11.840
<v Speaker 2>it's broken our family, How you shouldn't how you should

0:34:11.880 --> 0:34:15.200
<v Speaker 2>look for help, Like, you know, my mom is in

0:34:15.239 --> 0:34:18.279
<v Speaker 2>prison from a lot of issues with alcohol. You know,

0:34:18.400 --> 0:34:22.000
<v Speaker 2>her second DUI, like her first one was child endangerment

0:34:22.040 --> 0:34:25.240
<v Speaker 2>for having a little sister in the car. And they're

0:34:25.280 --> 0:34:27.879
<v Speaker 2>just both so crazy and they make each other more

0:34:27.920 --> 0:34:32.360
<v Speaker 2>crazy and they enable each other. And it's like he's

0:34:32.520 --> 0:34:35.200
<v Speaker 2>always told me like I'm there for you, I'll always

0:34:35.200 --> 0:34:38.000
<v Speaker 2>be here for you, like whatever you need. But it's

0:34:38.040 --> 0:34:40.120
<v Speaker 2>like he really doesn't know just how bad it is.

0:34:40.239 --> 0:34:42.880
<v Speaker 2>You know, We've only been dating seriously for like a month,

0:34:43.520 --> 0:34:44.359
<v Speaker 2>so it.

0:34:44.360 --> 0:34:47.080
<v Speaker 3>Sounds like you really need to set some boundaries with

0:34:47.440 --> 0:34:50.400
<v Speaker 3>your parents. I don't know what the benefit is of

0:34:50.480 --> 0:34:53.680
<v Speaker 3>having your father remain in your life in the condition

0:34:53.800 --> 0:34:55.880
<v Speaker 3>he's in. I don't think that's going to have a

0:34:55.880 --> 0:34:59.719
<v Speaker 3>good impact on your little sister. And it's definitely just

0:35:00.000 --> 0:35:02.840
<v Speaker 3>adding a level of stress to your life. You already

0:35:02.840 --> 0:35:05.880
<v Speaker 3>have enough that you're dealing with, don't you agree, Jodie?

0:35:06.120 --> 0:35:07.759
<v Speaker 4>Absolutely? Absolutely.

0:35:08.040 --> 0:35:11.240
<v Speaker 5>And I also want to know, Lynnette, what was his response,

0:35:11.320 --> 0:35:13.520
<v Speaker 5>your boyfriend's response when you did tell him like that

0:35:13.560 --> 0:35:15.040
<v Speaker 5>your mom was in prison and stuff.

0:35:15.040 --> 0:35:16.080
<v Speaker 4>What did you say to you?

0:35:16.560 --> 0:35:19.239
<v Speaker 2>He was really supportive, you know, he he kind of

0:35:19.280 --> 0:35:21.080
<v Speaker 2>said the same thing, like I don't know how you're

0:35:21.760 --> 0:35:24.839
<v Speaker 2>managing everything that you are, Like, I'm here for you.

0:35:25.120 --> 0:35:27.680
<v Speaker 2>I can only imagine how hard it is. I've always

0:35:27.719 --> 0:35:30.160
<v Speaker 2>been really involved, like my parents have always been troubled,

0:35:30.239 --> 0:35:33.200
<v Speaker 2>and it's just pushed me away and wanted to push

0:35:33.280 --> 0:35:35.560
<v Speaker 2>me to work harder and be better. And it makes

0:35:35.600 --> 0:35:37.799
<v Speaker 2>me build that spite too, because it's like I've done

0:35:37.840 --> 0:35:38.280
<v Speaker 2>it all.

0:35:38.120 --> 0:35:40.120
<v Speaker 1>For myself, And what about your little sister.

0:35:40.560 --> 0:35:42.839
<v Speaker 2>She at one point was kind of like an empathizer,

0:35:42.880 --> 0:35:45.719
<v Speaker 2>and she like, my dad is the cool guy. And

0:35:45.840 --> 0:35:49.120
<v Speaker 2>he's always the lax parent, and so she would kind

0:35:49.160 --> 0:35:50.920
<v Speaker 2>of talk to me and be like, don't be so

0:35:50.960 --> 0:35:53.719
<v Speaker 2>hard on him, and like, well, he's trying. And now

0:35:53.760 --> 0:35:56.439
<v Speaker 2>that she's I think opened her eyes and a little

0:35:56.480 --> 0:36:00.120
<v Speaker 2>bit older and realizes just how bad it is, she

0:36:00.640 --> 0:36:02.799
<v Speaker 2>is getting kind of like a distaste for him, and

0:36:03.160 --> 0:36:06.319
<v Speaker 2>it just sucks that this is our dad. And I'm like,

0:36:06.400 --> 0:36:08.960
<v Speaker 2>I know, and you know, that's heartbreaking for her to

0:36:09.000 --> 0:36:10.960
<v Speaker 2>be so young, because I had it a little later,

0:36:11.040 --> 0:36:13.560
<v Speaker 2>like I was like in college when I really got

0:36:13.600 --> 0:36:16.000
<v Speaker 2>to open my eyes to it all. And here she is,

0:36:16.080 --> 0:36:19.360
<v Speaker 2>like sixteen barely and having to deal with that and

0:36:19.400 --> 0:36:22.360
<v Speaker 2>then also manage the fact that we have to balance

0:36:22.360 --> 0:36:24.680
<v Speaker 2>this relationship so he will just own up to what

0:36:24.719 --> 0:36:28.560
<v Speaker 2>he said he'll do for us, and it's hard. She's

0:36:28.600 --> 0:36:31.360
<v Speaker 2>so strong and so mature and she really does handle

0:36:31.400 --> 0:36:33.279
<v Speaker 2>it well, but I know it's heartbreaking for her.

0:36:33.400 --> 0:36:36.400
<v Speaker 3>You know, Yeah, what do you think about setting some boundaries?

0:36:36.640 --> 0:36:38.680
<v Speaker 3>Can you set boundaries and tell him that he's not

0:36:38.760 --> 0:36:40.759
<v Speaker 3>welcome to come by the house. I don't think this

0:36:40.920 --> 0:36:43.279
<v Speaker 3>car fucking Matt Like, you can't depend on him for

0:36:43.360 --> 0:36:46.480
<v Speaker 3>fixing the car. He's unreliable and he's smoking crystal math.

0:36:46.880 --> 0:36:48.520
<v Speaker 3>It's a rap on him until he gets his shit

0:36:48.600 --> 0:36:50.880
<v Speaker 3>together as far as responsibilities go.

0:36:51.280 --> 0:36:54.360
<v Speaker 2>I know, I know. And the thing is like, she

0:36:54.480 --> 0:36:57.279
<v Speaker 2>really does need it, and you know we could, I

0:36:57.280 --> 0:36:59.839
<v Speaker 2>could try and do without it, but we do need

0:36:59.840 --> 0:37:02.080
<v Speaker 2>the help. And he says it's a simple fix, so

0:37:02.160 --> 0:37:05.880
<v Speaker 2>it should happen sooner than later. But I've already started,

0:37:05.920 --> 0:37:07.920
<v Speaker 2>Like Chelsea, I was paying his phone bill for the

0:37:08.000 --> 0:37:11.080
<v Speaker 2>last year, so recently I told him. I was like, Dad,

0:37:11.239 --> 0:37:13.920
<v Speaker 2>I can't do this anymore, Like this added expense is

0:37:14.040 --> 0:37:16.120
<v Speaker 2>kind of crazy for me. Like if you can get

0:37:16.160 --> 0:37:18.520
<v Speaker 2>your own phone, that would really help, you know, Like,

0:37:18.640 --> 0:37:20.880
<v Speaker 2>and so he's like, I know, I'll do it, but

0:37:20.920 --> 0:37:22.600
<v Speaker 2>by the end of the month, like I'll just get

0:37:22.600 --> 0:37:24.680
<v Speaker 2>a Walmart phone and do it that way so you

0:37:24.719 --> 0:37:26.359
<v Speaker 2>don't have to pay for it. And I feel bad,

0:37:26.640 --> 0:37:28.560
<v Speaker 2>you know, all my aunts everybody tells me too, like

0:37:28.600 --> 0:37:30.560
<v Speaker 2>you need to stop paying his phone bill, like he's

0:37:30.560 --> 0:37:31.280
<v Speaker 2>not together.

0:37:31.800 --> 0:37:34.600
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, And I think the types of boundaries that Chelsea

0:37:34.800 --> 0:37:37.239
<v Speaker 6>is talking about are things like I'll pay it to

0:37:37.320 --> 0:37:38.600
<v Speaker 6>the end of the month, and then at the end

0:37:38.640 --> 0:37:40.560
<v Speaker 6>of the month, you shut the phone off, you know,

0:37:40.640 --> 0:37:44.000
<v Speaker 6>whether or not he's gotten one for himself. You need

0:37:44.040 --> 0:37:49.200
<v Speaker 6>to be focusing on protecting yourself, your energy, and your sister.

0:37:49.480 --> 0:37:51.680
<v Speaker 6>And right now your dad is not a safe person

0:37:51.760 --> 0:37:54.400
<v Speaker 6>to be around either one of you. I think you're

0:37:54.480 --> 0:37:55.920
<v Speaker 6>right also about the car situation.

0:37:56.280 --> 0:37:58.120
<v Speaker 3>I mean, if it's such an easy fix, someone else

0:37:58.160 --> 0:37:59.600
<v Speaker 3>can do it, you know what I mean. It's almost

0:37:59.640 --> 0:38:02.040
<v Speaker 3>like a having anything that you need from him is

0:38:02.120 --> 0:38:05.120
<v Speaker 3>not a good dynamic between somebody who is a drug addict.

0:38:05.440 --> 0:38:07.719
<v Speaker 3>You don't want to have anything from him, and you

0:38:07.719 --> 0:38:09.600
<v Speaker 3>don't want him to come by, like you have to

0:38:09.680 --> 0:38:13.480
<v Speaker 3>set a boundary before you even, you know, broach this

0:38:13.560 --> 0:38:16.560
<v Speaker 3>with your boyfriend. I would say, like, listen, the more honest,

0:38:16.640 --> 0:38:20.399
<v Speaker 3>the better. In every situation, I prefer honesty. I mean, yes,

0:38:20.440 --> 0:38:23.640
<v Speaker 3>it's a month long relationship, it's very new, it is

0:38:23.719 --> 0:38:27.680
<v Speaker 3>a lot of information, but you're so sweet and loving

0:38:27.880 --> 0:38:31.040
<v Speaker 3>like that. You don't have bad vibes. You're not trying

0:38:31.080 --> 0:38:33.200
<v Speaker 3>to pull the wool over someone's eyes. And I'm sure

0:38:33.200 --> 0:38:36.120
<v Speaker 3>he sees that in you, you know, And I think

0:38:36.160 --> 0:38:38.480
<v Speaker 3>you should be honest and be honest about why you've

0:38:38.560 --> 0:38:41.200
<v Speaker 3>kept it from him. And I wonder if maybe he'll

0:38:41.400 --> 0:38:44.759
<v Speaker 3>surprise you with some sort of ideas and solutions about

0:38:44.800 --> 0:38:49.520
<v Speaker 3>boundaries too, because you're raising your sister because your father

0:38:49.719 --> 0:38:52.359
<v Speaker 3>and mother can't do it, there's no reason you should be.

0:38:52.760 --> 0:38:55.319
<v Speaker 1>Helping them in any way. You already have enough to

0:38:55.320 --> 0:38:55.719
<v Speaker 1>deal with.

0:38:56.000 --> 0:38:58.640
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, and right now I want you to focus on

0:38:58.719 --> 0:39:01.440
<v Speaker 6>building your support sys. So, whether that's like relying on

0:39:01.480 --> 0:39:05.160
<v Speaker 6>your aunties, cultivating this relationship with your boyfriend and with

0:39:05.200 --> 0:39:08.640
<v Speaker 6>your sister, reach out to people who are in your

0:39:08.880 --> 0:39:11.960
<v Speaker 6>circle already, who you know you can rely on and trust.

0:39:12.440 --> 0:39:15.600
<v Speaker 6>Work on cultivating your support network because your dad is

0:39:15.640 --> 0:39:18.000
<v Speaker 6>not part of it. He just can't be part of

0:39:18.040 --> 0:39:18.600
<v Speaker 6>it anymore.

0:39:18.920 --> 0:39:21.719
<v Speaker 3>And setting a boundary with people like that is an

0:39:21.760 --> 0:39:24.239
<v Speaker 3>act of love. That doesn't mean you don't love him,

0:39:24.280 --> 0:39:26.560
<v Speaker 3>even if he says you don't love me, This is terrible.

0:39:26.560 --> 0:39:27.319
<v Speaker 1>How you could you do this?

0:39:27.719 --> 0:39:30.560
<v Speaker 3>You have to know coming from me, that that is

0:39:30.600 --> 0:39:32.799
<v Speaker 3>an act of love. That's an act of love on

0:39:32.840 --> 0:39:35.920
<v Speaker 3>behalf of your father and your sister and yourself. By

0:39:35.960 --> 0:39:38.000
<v Speaker 3>saying no, we don't want you around here in the

0:39:38.040 --> 0:39:40.280
<v Speaker 3>shape you're in. We don't want to see this anymore,

0:39:40.880 --> 0:39:44.040
<v Speaker 3>you know, And that's about our respecting yourself and your sister.

0:39:44.520 --> 0:39:46.640
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you're right, it's what I need to do to

0:39:46.680 --> 0:39:49.400
<v Speaker 2>protect her and keep her, you know, on the right path,

0:39:49.480 --> 0:39:54.400
<v Speaker 2>and you know, push him to realize, like there's no excuse,

0:39:54.680 --> 0:39:57.920
<v Speaker 2>it is what it is, and you're right, I need

0:39:57.960 --> 0:40:00.000
<v Speaker 2>to establish a boundary.

0:40:00.239 --> 0:40:00.439
<v Speaker 7>Really.

0:40:01.080 --> 0:40:03.640
<v Speaker 5>I think also you've been such a role model for

0:40:03.719 --> 0:40:07.360
<v Speaker 5>your sister and if she's kind of at this waffling

0:40:07.400 --> 0:40:10.680
<v Speaker 5>stage where she is seeing do I have responsibility to

0:40:10.760 --> 0:40:13.759
<v Speaker 5>my dad or can I make that break? Seeing you

0:40:14.000 --> 0:40:16.440
<v Speaker 5>being able to set those hard boundaries I think is

0:40:16.440 --> 0:40:17.799
<v Speaker 5>going to be really helpful to her.

0:40:18.320 --> 0:40:20.640
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, you're right, Thank you, that's so true.

0:40:20.960 --> 0:40:23.200
<v Speaker 6>I want you to know too that you are not alone.

0:40:23.360 --> 0:40:25.440
<v Speaker 6>There are a lot of people who have gone through

0:40:25.480 --> 0:40:28.719
<v Speaker 6>similar situations. So I'm going to help you look for

0:40:28.880 --> 0:40:32.239
<v Speaker 6>like maybe an alan on which is for families of

0:40:32.320 --> 0:40:35.640
<v Speaker 6>people who have alcohol and drug addiction, or you know,

0:40:35.680 --> 0:40:37.920
<v Speaker 6>some kind of therapy in your area that will be

0:40:38.040 --> 0:40:40.600
<v Speaker 6>low cost or free and that you can go in

0:40:40.719 --> 0:40:42.520
<v Speaker 6>and keep building that support system.

0:40:42.960 --> 0:40:44.600
<v Speaker 1>Okay, thank you so much.

0:40:44.640 --> 0:40:47.240
<v Speaker 3>And I also just before you go, like I really

0:40:47.280 --> 0:40:50.960
<v Speaker 3>want you to recognize what an incredible thing you've done

0:40:51.520 --> 0:40:53.759
<v Speaker 3>and like what are you are continuing to do? There

0:40:53.840 --> 0:40:56.680
<v Speaker 3>is so much value in what you've provided for your sister,

0:40:56.760 --> 0:41:01.040
<v Speaker 3>which is stability, love and comfort like there there is

0:41:01.120 --> 0:41:03.680
<v Speaker 3>no number you can put on that and the impact

0:41:03.760 --> 0:41:06.240
<v Speaker 3>you're having on her life and I'm sure the impact

0:41:06.280 --> 0:41:07.760
<v Speaker 3>on you she's having on your life.

0:41:07.800 --> 0:41:08.799
<v Speaker 1>And just because.

0:41:08.560 --> 0:41:11.799
<v Speaker 3>Everybody would probably do that, does it mean that it's

0:41:11.800 --> 0:41:14.200
<v Speaker 3>without the value that you have brought to the situation.

0:41:14.800 --> 0:41:17.280
<v Speaker 3>And that alone is going to give you the ability

0:41:17.680 --> 0:41:21.040
<v Speaker 3>to move forward with your new boyfriend, to move forward

0:41:21.040 --> 0:41:24.440
<v Speaker 3>with new boundaries. For your father, you are her role model,

0:41:24.560 --> 0:41:29.160
<v Speaker 3>just like Jodie said, and so with every act moving forward,

0:41:29.239 --> 0:41:31.840
<v Speaker 3>and that includes being honest with your boyfriend, think of

0:41:31.920 --> 0:41:34.360
<v Speaker 3>your yourself, setting an example for your younger sister.

0:41:34.719 --> 0:41:37.120
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, yeah, thank you, thank you so much.

0:41:37.239 --> 0:41:40.080
<v Speaker 1>Okay, good luck with everything. Thank you so much for

0:41:40.120 --> 0:41:43.280
<v Speaker 1>calling you. Love you guys, Thank you bye, honey.

0:41:45.040 --> 0:41:49.360
<v Speaker 6>Oh my god, I know, I know, such a sweetheart.

0:41:49.360 --> 0:41:51.920
<v Speaker 6>I do also think maybe Chelsea, we can do a

0:41:52.000 --> 0:41:54.440
<v Speaker 6>GoFundMe with the dear Chelsea listeners and like get that

0:41:54.560 --> 0:41:55.120
<v Speaker 6>sure fixed?

0:41:55.160 --> 0:41:57.200
<v Speaker 1>Yeah I would love Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, let's do that.

0:41:57.480 --> 0:42:00.719
<v Speaker 6>Yeah great, So we'll put that in the so you

0:42:00.719 --> 0:42:04.440
<v Speaker 6>guys can donate their sweetie puss, I know, I know.

0:42:05.080 --> 0:42:06.120
<v Speaker 1>Well, let's take a quick break.

0:42:06.160 --> 0:42:08.319
<v Speaker 6>I've got one more caller who's also got a bit

0:42:08.320 --> 0:42:09.560
<v Speaker 6>of a sticky situation.

0:42:09.920 --> 0:42:11.799
<v Speaker 1>Okay, we'll take a break and we'll be right back.

0:42:15.920 --> 0:42:18.440
<v Speaker 1>And we're back with Jody Pico.

0:42:18.760 --> 0:42:19.680
<v Speaker 6>We are back.

0:42:19.760 --> 0:42:19.960
<v Speaker 2>Well.

0:42:20.040 --> 0:42:23.560
<v Speaker 6>Our last caller today is TJ and he is a

0:42:23.600 --> 0:42:27.200
<v Speaker 6>flight attendant. He says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a gay male

0:42:27.320 --> 0:42:29.560
<v Speaker 6>in my thirties and I've worked as a flight attendant

0:42:29.560 --> 0:42:32.520
<v Speaker 6>for a major US carrier going on seven years. For

0:42:32.600 --> 0:42:37.160
<v Speaker 6>the entire length of that career, I have been poked, prodded, touched, tapped, nudged,

0:42:37.160 --> 0:42:40.080
<v Speaker 6>and flicked. Over the last couple of years, I've become

0:42:40.080 --> 0:42:42.520
<v Speaker 6>more frustrated with people touching me to get my attention.

0:42:43.200 --> 0:42:44.959
<v Speaker 6>When I was more junior in my career, I would

0:42:44.960 --> 0:42:47.560
<v Speaker 6>just brush it off and keep it moving. These days,

0:42:47.600 --> 0:42:49.359
<v Speaker 6>I make it a point to let people know they

0:42:49.400 --> 0:42:50.480
<v Speaker 6>don't get to touch me.

0:42:51.080 --> 0:42:53.200
<v Speaker 1>Here's where things get quote touchy for me.

0:42:53.719 --> 0:42:56.799
<v Speaker 6>Very recently, a grown woman slapped my ass as I

0:42:56.880 --> 0:42:59.040
<v Speaker 6>was bent over grabbing her something from the cart during

0:42:59.040 --> 0:43:02.400
<v Speaker 6>our beverage service in the main cabin. It was completely

0:43:02.400 --> 0:43:04.880
<v Speaker 6>embarrassing and triggering for me to have experienced this in

0:43:04.920 --> 0:43:06.560
<v Speaker 6>my place of work, and even worse.

0:43:06.600 --> 0:43:07.279
<v Speaker 1>When I laid down the.

0:43:07.320 --> 0:43:10.279
<v Speaker 6>Law with her, she said nothing, had no remorse, and

0:43:10.400 --> 0:43:12.160
<v Speaker 6>acted like I was in the wrong for telling her

0:43:12.200 --> 0:43:16.200
<v Speaker 6>not to make unwarranted sexual advances. I requested police meet

0:43:16.239 --> 0:43:19.000
<v Speaker 6>the flight, had her escorted off, filed a police report,

0:43:19.040 --> 0:43:22.240
<v Speaker 6>and requested to press charges. I have a sneaking suspicion

0:43:22.280 --> 0:43:24.400
<v Speaker 6>nothing will be done about this, as we don't have

0:43:24.520 --> 0:43:27.640
<v Speaker 6>much follow through with instances like these. I'm wondering if

0:43:27.680 --> 0:43:29.680
<v Speaker 6>I should take matters into my own hands and bring

0:43:29.680 --> 0:43:33.920
<v Speaker 6>my own legal counsel. As the unofficial spokesperson for flight attendants, Chelsea,

0:43:33.960 --> 0:43:36.200
<v Speaker 6>I'm wondering if you have any litigious insight for me.

0:43:36.520 --> 0:43:41.200
<v Speaker 1>Best. TJ Hi, TJ Hi, Hi. This is Jody. This

0:43:41.280 --> 0:43:42.439
<v Speaker 1>is our special guest day.

0:43:43.040 --> 0:43:43.400
<v Speaker 2>Jody.

0:43:43.880 --> 0:43:44.040
<v Speaker 4>Hi.

0:43:45.360 --> 0:43:47.040
<v Speaker 1>I'm so sorry that happened to you.

0:43:47.320 --> 0:43:50.319
<v Speaker 3>It's like the women's movement is moving so quickly, it's

0:43:50.400 --> 0:43:51.640
<v Speaker 3>flashing before our eyes.

0:43:51.719 --> 0:43:52.719
<v Speaker 1>Now we're acting like men.

0:43:53.520 --> 0:43:56.200
<v Speaker 7>I know the pendulum is swinging.

0:43:56.680 --> 0:43:57.200
<v Speaker 4>I don't know.

0:43:57.440 --> 0:43:59.640
<v Speaker 1>I mean this is really a personal question.

0:44:00.200 --> 0:44:03.359
<v Speaker 3>I mean, how it feels like you really want your

0:44:03.400 --> 0:44:05.640
<v Speaker 3>voice to be heard, And if you were a woman

0:44:05.719 --> 0:44:09.280
<v Speaker 3>in this situation, I would say, you know, be indefatigable

0:44:09.400 --> 0:44:12.000
<v Speaker 3>in your desire and pursuit to have your voice heard.

0:44:12.520 --> 0:44:15.040
<v Speaker 3>So I guess I would say the same thing to you,

0:44:15.080 --> 0:44:19.440
<v Speaker 3>because it takes someone, it takes like a whistleblower to

0:44:19.520 --> 0:44:22.560
<v Speaker 3>get the party started. Like the fact that people still

0:44:22.600 --> 0:44:25.319
<v Speaker 3>think that they can touch flight attendants is a little

0:44:25.360 --> 0:44:26.480
<v Speaker 3>bit antiquated.

0:44:26.840 --> 0:44:30.719
<v Speaker 7>Yeah, definitely. I mean it's interesting because I felt like

0:44:30.880 --> 0:44:32.720
<v Speaker 7>it wasn't being taken very.

0:44:32.600 --> 0:44:33.680
<v Speaker 1>Seriously in the moment.

0:44:33.920 --> 0:44:37.600
<v Speaker 7>Right as I discussed with Catherine, I had looped the

0:44:37.640 --> 0:44:41.279
<v Speaker 7>pilots into what was going on, and their response was, oh, well,

0:44:41.320 --> 0:44:43.640
<v Speaker 7>we'll get a gate agent to meet the flight and

0:44:43.840 --> 0:44:47.680
<v Speaker 7>talk to the passenger. And I said, no, I want

0:44:47.680 --> 0:44:50.200
<v Speaker 7>police because if this was one of the female flight

0:44:50.200 --> 0:44:52.840
<v Speaker 7>attendants getting groped by a man, we would be landing

0:44:52.880 --> 0:44:56.480
<v Speaker 7>this fucking plane. So like it with the program.

0:44:56.800 --> 0:44:59.240
<v Speaker 1>Absolutely, was there alcohol involved?

0:44:59.280 --> 0:44:59.840
<v Speaker 4>Was she drunk?

0:45:00.160 --> 0:45:03.120
<v Speaker 7>So I keep people keep asking that question. And she

0:45:03.320 --> 0:45:06.520
<v Speaker 7>was kind of a weirdo, but she wasn't like, she

0:45:06.640 --> 0:45:10.480
<v Speaker 7>wasn't showing signs of intoxication like red eyes, sirt speech,

0:45:10.520 --> 0:45:12.760
<v Speaker 7>and you know, we're kind of look for those things.

0:45:12.800 --> 0:45:16.040
<v Speaker 7>In fact, she was ordering a drink from me, and

0:45:16.080 --> 0:45:19.719
<v Speaker 7>of course that didn't happen. It was odd, and just

0:45:19.800 --> 0:45:22.919
<v Speaker 7>for more context, as I was handing the drink over

0:45:23.800 --> 0:45:27.359
<v Speaker 7>is when she slapped me and I shot up and

0:45:27.400 --> 0:45:30.000
<v Speaker 7>so before I could even say anything, she looked at

0:45:30.000 --> 0:45:33.120
<v Speaker 7>me and said, sorry, I just couldn't help myself. And

0:45:33.120 --> 0:45:35.000
<v Speaker 7>that's when I just like went in for the kill.

0:45:35.400 --> 0:45:36.560
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, oh my god.

0:45:36.640 --> 0:45:39.799
<v Speaker 3>It feels like the flight like flying and airplanes and

0:45:39.840 --> 0:45:44.360
<v Speaker 3>airplane announcements need a major fucking update, like between people

0:45:44.400 --> 0:45:47.680
<v Speaker 3>wearing flip flops or taking their shoes off and rubbing

0:45:47.719 --> 0:45:49.800
<v Speaker 3>their feet. There was somebody sent me a DM the

0:45:49.880 --> 0:45:51.920
<v Speaker 3>other day of somebody drying their underwear in front of.

0:45:51.920 --> 0:45:53.440
<v Speaker 1>Their seat in first class.

0:45:53.440 --> 0:45:55.560
<v Speaker 3>They had their underwear out and it was hanging on

0:45:55.640 --> 0:45:58.640
<v Speaker 3>some on their trade table like some hook above it

0:45:58.760 --> 0:45:59.360
<v Speaker 3>and drying.

0:46:00.000 --> 0:46:01.880
<v Speaker 1>And I was like, oh, oh my god.

0:46:02.600 --> 0:46:05.560
<v Speaker 3>We need an update in the aviation system of when

0:46:05.560 --> 0:46:08.200
<v Speaker 3>people board planes to understand that there are rules and

0:46:08.239 --> 0:46:11.480
<v Speaker 3>regulations and you're not allowed to physically touch a flight attendant.

0:46:11.840 --> 0:46:15.000
<v Speaker 3>So if you really have the energy to go after this,

0:46:15.120 --> 0:46:17.520
<v Speaker 3>I would say, fucking go for it and try and

0:46:17.719 --> 0:46:18.640
<v Speaker 3>change the system.

0:46:18.800 --> 0:46:19.000
<v Speaker 5>You know.

0:46:19.520 --> 0:46:23.120
<v Speaker 3>I mean this is because it's absolutely true women can

0:46:23.120 --> 0:46:25.239
<v Speaker 3>get away with that kind of behavior now that men

0:46:25.320 --> 0:46:28.880
<v Speaker 3>can't as easily. The behavior has to apply to all sexes.

0:46:29.440 --> 0:46:32.000
<v Speaker 3>So I would say, if you have the like you know,

0:46:32.080 --> 0:46:34.000
<v Speaker 3>if you have the resources and you want to go

0:46:34.080 --> 0:46:37.799
<v Speaker 3>after it, go after it. Otherwise, I mean, I think

0:46:38.000 --> 0:46:40.280
<v Speaker 3>you should go after it with the intention of actually

0:46:40.320 --> 0:46:44.200
<v Speaker 3>making the airlines acknowledge that this is an ongoing problem

0:46:44.200 --> 0:46:46.319
<v Speaker 3>and they need to address it when everybody is boarding

0:46:46.360 --> 0:46:48.480
<v Speaker 3>the flight, like they address all the other things. And

0:46:48.560 --> 0:46:50.960
<v Speaker 3>I've heard that, by the way, on planes, I've heard that,

0:46:51.080 --> 0:46:54.359
<v Speaker 3>especially during COVID, I've heard pilots say, do not get

0:46:54.400 --> 0:46:56.560
<v Speaker 3>upset with your flight attendant. She is not the one

0:46:56.560 --> 0:46:59.319
<v Speaker 3>making you wear a mask, you know. Like they had

0:46:59.360 --> 0:47:03.680
<v Speaker 3>all these preliminary announcements that were varying from airline to airline,

0:47:03.960 --> 0:47:06.160
<v Speaker 3>but they were addressing it, and that does need to

0:47:06.160 --> 0:47:07.520
<v Speaker 3>be a more permanent announcement.

0:47:07.960 --> 0:47:10.560
<v Speaker 7>I mean, ever since this happened, I hop on the

0:47:10.680 --> 0:47:12.600
<v Speaker 7>inner phone before we even go on the aisle and

0:47:12.640 --> 0:47:16.040
<v Speaker 7>I say, as a reminder, take out your headphones when

0:47:16.040 --> 0:47:18.480
<v Speaker 7>you're speaking to us, and do not touch the flight

0:47:18.520 --> 0:47:20.080
<v Speaker 7>attendants like it's a petting zoo.

0:47:20.120 --> 0:47:23.320
<v Speaker 1>It's insane, but perfect. Yeah, you're doing it already.

0:47:23.480 --> 0:47:24.440
<v Speaker 4>Also, the other.

0:47:24.320 --> 0:47:26.759
<v Speaker 5>Thing that I would recommend is if there's a way

0:47:26.760 --> 0:47:30.600
<v Speaker 5>to escalate this through your company, that's really important because

0:47:30.600 --> 0:47:32.839
<v Speaker 5>then it can become a company wide policy. But think

0:47:32.880 --> 0:47:34.920
<v Speaker 5>about other places that you can speak out and tell

0:47:34.960 --> 0:47:38.399
<v Speaker 5>your story, you know, So in terms of I don't

0:47:38.440 --> 0:47:41.080
<v Speaker 5>know if there is this is a great place, for example,

0:47:41.760 --> 0:47:45.200
<v Speaker 5>but there are other outlets like this media. There might

0:47:45.200 --> 0:47:47.200
<v Speaker 5>be someone who would be willing to do a local

0:47:47.200 --> 0:47:49.560
<v Speaker 5>story on it on the news or something like that.

0:47:49.560 --> 0:47:51.960
<v Speaker 5>That might be a really interesting place to spread the word,

0:47:52.000 --> 0:47:53.719
<v Speaker 5>which I think is is really important.

0:47:53.960 --> 0:47:56.239
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I feel like that aspect of things is more

0:47:56.400 --> 0:47:59.520
<v Speaker 3>paramount than theligigious aspect. You want to have to spread

0:47:59.560 --> 0:48:03.200
<v Speaker 3>awareness on every issue, you know, and sometimes when we

0:48:03.280 --> 0:48:06.480
<v Speaker 3>go after something legally, it's like it becomes such negative

0:48:06.560 --> 0:48:09.440
<v Speaker 3>energy that you're putting towards it. So I'm always looking

0:48:09.440 --> 0:48:10.759
<v Speaker 3>for an avenue not to do that.

0:48:11.680 --> 0:48:13.839
<v Speaker 7>And I think that's the biggest problem I'm having with

0:48:13.880 --> 0:48:16.840
<v Speaker 7>this is I'm not like a litigious person by nature.

0:48:16.920 --> 0:48:20.920
<v Speaker 7>I'm not vindictive, and going after somebody on a civil

0:48:21.080 --> 0:48:25.200
<v Speaker 7>level for like a monetary value seems kind of icky.

0:48:25.320 --> 0:48:27.000
<v Speaker 7>But I'm like, is this a way for me to

0:48:27.080 --> 0:48:31.120
<v Speaker 7>turn that page. Is this something where I can see like, oh,

0:48:31.239 --> 0:48:34.520
<v Speaker 7>something has been done about this, this person has been punished.

0:48:34.640 --> 0:48:38.200
<v Speaker 3>But listen, I think the spreading awareness is more important

0:48:38.239 --> 0:48:40.880
<v Speaker 3>than the punishing of this woman. Yeah, she learns her lesson,

0:48:41.120 --> 0:48:43.160
<v Speaker 3>She learned it. She's not going to do that again

0:48:43.320 --> 0:48:45.080
<v Speaker 3>most likely, you know what I mean, she got it.

0:48:45.200 --> 0:48:48.400
<v Speaker 3>You didn't react well to that, so I mean hopefully

0:48:48.400 --> 0:48:50.400
<v Speaker 3>she did. But I think what JODI's saying is right, Like,

0:48:50.400 --> 0:48:52.920
<v Speaker 3>you're sit telling the story here. Millions of people will

0:48:52.960 --> 0:48:56.240
<v Speaker 3>hear this and you're making the announcement yourself on your flights,

0:48:56.280 --> 0:48:59.200
<v Speaker 3>which is great, and keep doing that, you know what

0:48:59.280 --> 0:49:01.080
<v Speaker 3>I mean, because that if I heard that on a plane,

0:49:01.320 --> 0:49:01.799
<v Speaker 3>that's going.

0:49:01.760 --> 0:49:04.799
<v Speaker 1>To make me go, oh my god, who touched too?

0:49:05.000 --> 0:49:06.759
<v Speaker 1>You know what happened here that we're being told that.

0:49:07.280 --> 0:49:09.719
<v Speaker 1>So and you should talk to other flight attendants about it.

0:49:09.719 --> 0:49:11.680
<v Speaker 1>And anytime you can tell the story, do it.

0:49:12.200 --> 0:49:15.080
<v Speaker 6>And if you're a journalist or podcaster listening who wants

0:49:15.080 --> 0:49:16.920
<v Speaker 6>to dig more into the story, contact me and I

0:49:16.920 --> 0:49:17.440
<v Speaker 6>can put.

0:49:17.320 --> 0:49:18.080
<v Speaker 1>You in touch with TJ.

0:49:18.840 --> 0:49:20.040
<v Speaker 7>Yeah, gorgeous.

0:49:20.239 --> 0:49:21.920
<v Speaker 1>All right, Well, thanks for calling in.

0:49:22.200 --> 0:49:23.520
<v Speaker 7>And thank you for having me on.

0:49:23.640 --> 0:49:25.960
<v Speaker 1>Thanks so much, TJ. Good luck with everything. I hope

0:49:25.960 --> 0:49:26.719
<v Speaker 1>I see you on a flight.

0:49:27.160 --> 0:49:30.000
<v Speaker 4>I hope so too. Well, I'll waterboard you.

0:49:29.920 --> 0:49:32.040
<v Speaker 1>With some vodka, okay, and then i'll smack you on

0:49:32.080 --> 0:49:37.240
<v Speaker 1>the ass. That'll be perfect. Okay. Bye, less and learned,

0:49:37.360 --> 0:49:39.759
<v Speaker 1>lesson learned, Yeah, thank you so much.

0:49:39.840 --> 0:49:42.160
<v Speaker 3>Okay, bye bye. Okay, Jody, we're going to wrap up

0:49:42.160 --> 0:49:44.840
<v Speaker 3>with you. First of all, what a great description of

0:49:44.880 --> 0:49:47.239
<v Speaker 3>your book. I want to say thank you for describing

0:49:47.280 --> 0:49:50.080
<v Speaker 3>your book in that way, because many authors have a

0:49:50.120 --> 0:49:53.359
<v Speaker 3>lot of trouble talking about their own books. So it's

0:49:53.480 --> 0:49:56.320
<v Speaker 3>very refreshing to see someone with such a great sense

0:49:56.320 --> 0:50:00.800
<v Speaker 3>of humor and so relatable giving us all this information

0:50:00.840 --> 0:50:03.080
<v Speaker 3>which may not be so relatable, but coming from the

0:50:03.080 --> 0:50:05.600
<v Speaker 3>filter of you makes it more so.

0:50:05.680 --> 0:50:06.080
<v Speaker 4>Thank you.

0:50:06.520 --> 0:50:08.640
<v Speaker 5>Thank you for reading the book. I really appreciate it,

0:50:08.719 --> 0:50:12.960
<v Speaker 5>and I just hope that I hope people really take

0:50:13.000 --> 0:50:15.200
<v Speaker 5>it to heart and see that a lot's changed to

0:50:15.239 --> 0:50:17.600
<v Speaker 5>four hundred years, but a lot sure hasn't.

0:50:18.040 --> 0:50:21.040
<v Speaker 1>Yeah. I think they will. I think they will, all right,

0:50:21.080 --> 0:50:22.680
<v Speaker 1>Thanks so much, Jodie, Take.

0:50:22.600 --> 0:50:26.200
<v Speaker 4>Care, take care, bye bye.

0:50:27.480 --> 0:50:27.840
<v Speaker 1>Okay.

0:50:27.880 --> 0:50:30.919
<v Speaker 3>So upcoming shows that I have you, guys, I will

0:50:30.960 --> 0:50:36.640
<v Speaker 3>be all over Maine, Charlotte, North Carolina, Charleston, South Carolina.

0:50:36.760 --> 0:50:38.800
<v Speaker 3>I'm coming to Texas. I'm coming to Saint Louis and

0:50:38.880 --> 0:50:41.880
<v Speaker 3>Kansas City, and then I will be in Las Vegas

0:50:41.920 --> 0:50:45.719
<v Speaker 3>performing at the Chelsea Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel. My

0:50:45.760 --> 0:50:49.320
<v Speaker 3>first three dates in Vegas our September first, Labor Day weekend,

0:50:49.400 --> 0:50:52.080
<v Speaker 3>and then November two and November thirtieth.

0:50:52.280 --> 0:50:52.920
<v Speaker 1>I'm coming to.

0:50:53.000 --> 0:50:57.120
<v Speaker 3>Brooklyn, New York, at the King's Theater on November eighth,

0:50:57.640 --> 0:51:00.600
<v Speaker 3>and I have tickets on sale throughout the end of

0:51:00.760 --> 0:51:03.800
<v Speaker 3>the year in December, so if you're in a city

0:51:04.360 --> 0:51:08.320
<v Speaker 3>like Philadelphia or Bethlehem, or San Diego or New Orleans

0:51:08.640 --> 0:51:11.440
<v Speaker 3>or Omaha, check Chelseahandler dot com for tickets.

0:51:11.760 --> 0:51:14.520
<v Speaker 6>Okay, if you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an

0:51:14.560 --> 0:51:17.640
<v Speaker 6>email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and

0:51:17.680 --> 0:51:20.440
<v Speaker 6>be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is

0:51:20.560 --> 0:51:24.160
<v Speaker 6>edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine law

0:51:24.440 --> 0:51:26.800
<v Speaker 6>and be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler

0:51:26.800 --> 0:51:31.120
<v Speaker 6>dot com.