1 00:00:04,559 --> 00:00:07,960 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, I'm Jemma Spake and welcome back to the 2 00:00:07,960 --> 00:00:11,280 Speaker 1: Psychology of Your Twenties, the podcast where we talk through 3 00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:16,000 Speaker 1: the biggest changes, moments, and transitions of our twenties and 4 00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:26,840 Speaker 1: what they mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back 5 00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:29,920 Speaker 1: to the show. Welcome back to the podcast. It is 6 00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:32,320 Speaker 1: so great to have you here. Back for another episode. 7 00:00:33,080 --> 00:00:36,600 Speaker 1: Today we are talking about a ride of passage for 8 00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:40,560 Speaker 1: so many of us, but also one of the scariest 9 00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:44,040 Speaker 1: things you can do in your twenties, moving to a 10 00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:49,000 Speaker 1: new city, whether it's after you graduate college, or for college, 11 00:00:49,080 --> 00:00:52,960 Speaker 1: or just for fun, for work, for a relationship. Leaving 12 00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:57,440 Speaker 1: what we know and the place we call home can be. Honestly, 13 00:00:58,040 --> 00:01:01,880 Speaker 1: it's romantic, it's exciting. It's also conflicting. Right there is 14 00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:04,480 Speaker 1: the allure of a fresh start, and then there is 15 00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:09,440 Speaker 1: also a deep fear fear around like I am I 16 00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:12,840 Speaker 1: even gonna like this? Am I gonna make friends? Am 17 00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:14,720 Speaker 1: I going to be able to afford it? Am I 18 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:17,960 Speaker 1: going to find the places and the routines and the 19 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:22,000 Speaker 1: community that I love. I have moved around a lot 20 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:24,200 Speaker 1: in my life, but especially in my twenties. I'm on 21 00:01:24,240 --> 00:01:28,080 Speaker 1: my third city of my twenties so far, and you 22 00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:30,240 Speaker 1: guys know, I've just moved internationally for the first time. 23 00:01:30,319 --> 00:01:34,360 Speaker 1: I now call London home, and I think all the 24 00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:37,360 Speaker 1: experiences that I've had before have actually given me a 25 00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:40,080 Speaker 1: bit of a routine and a formula that I am 26 00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:43,399 Speaker 1: currently following to adjust to this new city and to 27 00:01:43,480 --> 00:01:46,640 Speaker 1: make this place feel like home. And so I want 28 00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:49,760 Speaker 1: to share that with you all. I will say it 29 00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:53,960 Speaker 1: isn't without its challenges. I don't want to romanticize it 30 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:58,040 Speaker 1: too much because part of the reality, and I guess 31 00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:01,280 Speaker 1: the price you pay for a new beginning is that 32 00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:04,160 Speaker 1: it's gonna be hard, and you are going to be sad, 33 00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:08,080 Speaker 1: and there will be lonely times. I won't lie London 34 00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:11,160 Speaker 1: has London's kind of knocked me on my butt. I've 35 00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:13,880 Speaker 1: been pretty lonely. I haven't really found my groove yet. 36 00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:16,919 Speaker 1: I missed my dog. I miss my dog. It feels 37 00:02:16,919 --> 00:02:21,000 Speaker 1: like I'm literally grieving somebody. But having a plan is 38 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:23,560 Speaker 1: sometimes all you kind of need to break out of 39 00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:27,080 Speaker 1: that funk and just let you enjoy the process a 40 00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:30,320 Speaker 1: little bit more, because that's what it is. It's a process. 41 00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:33,480 Speaker 1: It's gonna get better. We'll also, of course touch on 42 00:02:34,360 --> 00:02:38,480 Speaker 1: the psychology and the science to why these tips feel 43 00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:41,000 Speaker 1: adjusting to a new city work and what the research 44 00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:44,799 Speaker 1: tells us to do. But without further ado, let's get 45 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:49,320 Speaker 1: into my five best tips for moving to a new 46 00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:57,360 Speaker 1: city in your twenties. Moving to a new city is 47 00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:00,280 Speaker 1: again always going to be difficult for literally everyone. It 48 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:04,920 Speaker 1: does not discriminate for a few obvious reasons, for a 49 00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:07,000 Speaker 1: few non obvious ones as well that I want to 50 00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:10,839 Speaker 1: go through and I want to touch on number one. 51 00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:12,800 Speaker 1: The reason it's going to be hard is because it's 52 00:03:12,919 --> 00:03:17,080 Speaker 1: complete upheaval to your routine, your sense of stability, and 53 00:03:17,160 --> 00:03:22,760 Speaker 1: what is comfortable for you. We are psychologically grounded by 54 00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:26,320 Speaker 1: what we know and by having a stable environment, and 55 00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:32,160 Speaker 1: having that stable environment directly links to emotional stability even 56 00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:35,840 Speaker 1: physical health at times as well. When you first move 57 00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:39,520 Speaker 1: to a new city, it could literally be the city over, 58 00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:41,480 Speaker 1: it could be an hour away, but there is always 59 00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:45,600 Speaker 1: going to be a lack of familiarity that feels stressful 60 00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:48,480 Speaker 1: and uncomfortable at times, at least for a few months. 61 00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:53,119 Speaker 1: You're constantly encountering you stimuli and new things and new 62 00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:56,960 Speaker 1: streets and new systems and smells, and your brain has 63 00:03:57,000 --> 00:04:01,360 Speaker 1: to be more active in dissecting and processing these things 64 00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:06,440 Speaker 1: compared to the status quo of your previous home city. 65 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:10,600 Speaker 1: This whole process taxes your cognitive resources more than usual, 66 00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:15,160 Speaker 1: and you may not immediately notice how much the strains 67 00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:20,000 Speaker 1: and overwhelmed you, but it will. It's inevitable, and it's 68 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:22,680 Speaker 1: going to lead to exhaustion and a lot of emotion. 69 00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:29,640 Speaker 1: That's what makes this adjustment period pretty difficult. Often how 70 00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:35,360 Speaker 1: this manifests is obviously through homesickness. Homesickness is like heartbreak 71 00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:39,960 Speaker 1: in a lot of ways. It's like a longing for 72 00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:42,560 Speaker 1: what we used to know and what felt easy and safe, 73 00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:46,280 Speaker 1: even if it wasn't what was best for us. Yes, 74 00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:49,120 Speaker 1: where we used to live isn't a person, I know that, 75 00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:52,440 Speaker 1: but it's you have an attachment to it, like it 76 00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:56,240 Speaker 1: is a relationship. You have memories, you have feelings, you 77 00:04:56,279 --> 00:04:59,880 Speaker 1: have traditions with your old city, and moving away from 78 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:03,920 Speaker 1: it is an unacknowledged grief that things are never going 79 00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:06,080 Speaker 1: to be the same, like it's never going to be 80 00:05:06,160 --> 00:05:09,960 Speaker 1: what it was, and that that's grief, that's sadness. The 81 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:12,360 Speaker 1: second reason moving to a new city is bound to 82 00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:15,760 Speaker 1: be difficult is that you typically have fewer social connections. 83 00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:19,919 Speaker 1: I know, call me miss obvious, but it impacts you 84 00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:22,240 Speaker 1: on a level beyond what you think it does. Some 85 00:05:22,279 --> 00:05:24,760 Speaker 1: of you may be really lucky, maybe the lucky ones, 86 00:05:24,839 --> 00:05:29,360 Speaker 1: and you've moved to be closer to your friends. I'm 87 00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:33,040 Speaker 1: deeply jealous of you. But that's also not that's not 88 00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:36,919 Speaker 1: the norm. Typically we are starting from scratch, and that 89 00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:40,120 Speaker 1: is so isolating, even when you know you call your 90 00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:43,920 Speaker 1: friends every day, even when they come and visit. Sometimes 91 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:46,240 Speaker 1: you just want a friend you can go out for 92 00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:49,599 Speaker 1: a beer with once a week. Sometimes you just want 93 00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:52,880 Speaker 1: physical connections, somebody you can sit across from at a 94 00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:57,400 Speaker 1: table and just vent to and they're just there for 95 00:05:57,480 --> 00:05:59,839 Speaker 1: you and there and you could reach out and touch them. 96 00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:03,559 Speaker 1: I remember when I first moved to Sydney. I knew 97 00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:07,560 Speaker 1: so few people, and I was trying so hard, desperately 98 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:09,280 Speaker 1: hard to meet people. I was doing all the things. 99 00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:11,640 Speaker 1: I was rock climbing, I was life drawing, etc. Etc. 100 00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:14,560 Speaker 1: None of it was working. And I just called my 101 00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:17,640 Speaker 1: dad and I was like, all I want is a friend, 102 00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:21,480 Speaker 1: one single friend. That's all I want. That would make 103 00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:25,560 Speaker 1: this easier. It goes without saying not having that support 104 00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:31,400 Speaker 1: system it lowers our coping in so many ways somewhat 105 00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:35,120 Speaker 1: similar to this, and the third reason it's so difficult, 106 00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:37,560 Speaker 1: the one I hear so few people actually talk about, 107 00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:41,640 Speaker 1: is moving for a period of time is going to 108 00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:45,080 Speaker 1: mean that you don't know who you are. It's just natural. 109 00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:48,920 Speaker 1: It will always force an identity reset, whether you want 110 00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:51,320 Speaker 1: it to or not. When you move to a new city, 111 00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:56,520 Speaker 1: you don't just lose places and people like you lose mirrors, 112 00:06:57,040 --> 00:07:02,200 Speaker 1: the people who knew you're history and your patterns and 113 00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:05,720 Speaker 1: your inside jokes and the roles or the archetypes you played. 114 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:08,560 Speaker 1: In your old city. You didn't have to explain who 115 00:07:08,560 --> 00:07:13,320 Speaker 1: you were like your identity was socially reinforced constantly. In 116 00:07:13,360 --> 00:07:17,160 Speaker 1: a new place, no one knows your backstory. You're suddenly 117 00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:21,480 Speaker 1: untethered from the version of yourself that was consistently reflected 118 00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:27,720 Speaker 1: back to you. Psychologically, this is destabilizing because our sense 119 00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:32,840 Speaker 1: of self is not just formed in isolation. It's relational. 120 00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:36,840 Speaker 1: It's formed in our relationships to other people. Research on 121 00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:40,320 Speaker 1: self concept clarity shows that when external feedback and social 122 00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:45,320 Speaker 1: continuity disappear, we experience more anxiety, more doubt, and more 123 00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:50,120 Speaker 1: emotional volatility. You're starting from scratch in like in more 124 00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:54,640 Speaker 1: ways than one. So how long is that going to last? 125 00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:57,360 Speaker 1: That is what a lot of us probably want to know, 126 00:07:58,320 --> 00:08:00,880 Speaker 1: like skip to the good part. When is it gonna 127 00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:03,640 Speaker 1: get better for me? I spoke about this in my 128 00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:09,679 Speaker 1: I Moved to London episode, But I believe it takes 129 00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:12,800 Speaker 1: six months to adjust to a new city. Six months 130 00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:15,040 Speaker 1: before you know if it was the right decision or 131 00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:18,240 Speaker 1: if it was the wrong one. No major feelings you 132 00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:21,960 Speaker 1: have before six months can be trusted. You can't decide 133 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,120 Speaker 1: like I'm going to apply for citizenship and I'm going 134 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:28,480 Speaker 1: to move here permanently. But you equally cannot decide this 135 00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:31,640 Speaker 1: was the worst call I've ever made and I need 136 00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:35,760 Speaker 1: to go home now. Even if you feel either of 137 00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:40,840 Speaker 1: those things really strongly and really deeply, your emotions before 138 00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:44,800 Speaker 1: the six month mark cannot be trusted. The consensus is 139 00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:47,880 Speaker 1: in some psychological communities, you know it takes ninety days 140 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:51,160 Speaker 1: to form a habit. It's a bit oversimplified when you 141 00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:54,680 Speaker 1: look at that research, but let's say ninety days, let's 142 00:08:54,679 --> 00:08:58,640 Speaker 1: say three months, three months to get used to a routine, 143 00:08:58,679 --> 00:09:00,640 Speaker 1: to get used to a habit, the habit of a 144 00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:03,440 Speaker 1: new city, the new systems, the new customs, and then 145 00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:07,040 Speaker 1: I think it takes another three months to really decide 146 00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:10,319 Speaker 1: if you like that routine. You've gotten used to it, 147 00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:13,240 Speaker 1: do you enjoy it? At six months you will be 148 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:16,360 Speaker 1: so surprised. You will wake up one day and things 149 00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:19,200 Speaker 1: might not be perfect, but you will notice a shift. 150 00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:23,720 Speaker 1: You've made some friends, you can navigate transport easier, you 151 00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:28,960 Speaker 1: have a bit of a weekend routine, markets, shops, walk 152 00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:33,720 Speaker 1: trivia that starts to feel normal. At this point, your 153 00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:36,560 Speaker 1: allostatic load as well is also going to lower. Like 154 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:39,480 Speaker 1: we spoke about before, moving to a new city is 155 00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:42,559 Speaker 1: a major life event. It's going to temporarily increase cortisol. 156 00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:45,680 Speaker 1: It's also going to be triggering your sympathetic nervous system. 157 00:09:45,679 --> 00:09:48,040 Speaker 1: You're going to be very, very stressed when you get 158 00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:53,640 Speaker 1: into the routines. Predictability naturally lowers some of those responses. 159 00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:56,959 Speaker 1: With that in mind, let's get into some of the 160 00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:59,520 Speaker 1: tips that can help you make that transition a little 161 00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:02,880 Speaker 1: bit smoother before the sixth month mark and after the 162 00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:06,480 Speaker 1: sixth month mark as well. Starting with my most important 163 00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:09,760 Speaker 1: tip of or do not go home for the first 164 00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:13,520 Speaker 1: three months if you can avoid it. The worst thing 165 00:10:13,559 --> 00:10:16,240 Speaker 1: I did when I moved to Sydney was that I 166 00:10:16,320 --> 00:10:18,720 Speaker 1: kept going back to Canberra. And the worst thing I 167 00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:21,000 Speaker 1: did when I moved to Canberra was that I kept 168 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:25,360 Speaker 1: going back to Melbourne like every weekend. And I get it, 169 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:27,160 Speaker 1: like I have sympathy for that version of me. I 170 00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:30,080 Speaker 1: was so lonely. I miss my friends, I miss what 171 00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:33,680 Speaker 1: I knew, But it meant that in hindsight, it took 172 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:40,240 Speaker 1: me longer to adjust because I wasn't investing and I 173 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:42,360 Speaker 1: didn't have the free time on the weekends that I 174 00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:44,559 Speaker 1: needed to make a real investment in my new city. 175 00:10:45,559 --> 00:10:48,200 Speaker 1: Consider it like how I consider it now is like 176 00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:52,880 Speaker 1: going no contact with an X. You can't, you know, 177 00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:58,200 Speaker 1: expect to adjust to being single or being in a 178 00:10:58,240 --> 00:11:02,040 Speaker 1: new city if you are constantly reminded of what you 179 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:06,800 Speaker 1: had before and all the good feelings towards that place, 180 00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:10,000 Speaker 1: like all those good feelings keep getting activated the more 181 00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:15,760 Speaker 1: you return, meaning that the positive association doesn't reduce. To reference. 182 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:21,000 Speaker 1: The psychology here, adjustment to something new relies on habituation 183 00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:24,600 Speaker 1: and also extinction learning. If you want to adjust to 184 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,840 Speaker 1: not having something, or to a new habit or a 185 00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:30,320 Speaker 1: new routine, you have this learned response to your old 186 00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:33,280 Speaker 1: city right one of positive feelings, one of joy, friendship, 187 00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:37,480 Speaker 1: relief when returning. That means your new city at this 188 00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:41,840 Speaker 1: time is never going to be able to compete with that. 189 00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:45,319 Speaker 1: The more you continue to reinforce that feeling. The only 190 00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:48,320 Speaker 1: way you can extinguish that association and make room for 191 00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:51,200 Speaker 1: this new city to feel as comfortable as your old 192 00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:55,520 Speaker 1: one is to stop that feeling of like this place 193 00:11:55,559 --> 00:11:57,160 Speaker 1: I used to live is the only place I'm going 194 00:11:57,240 --> 00:12:01,920 Speaker 1: to feel good in. By constantly going back, you are 195 00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:06,360 Speaker 1: not giving yourself the best chance here if you just 196 00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:10,719 Speaker 1: keep returning every weekend. This is like classic negative reinforcement 197 00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:15,040 Speaker 1: as well. The discomfort you are experiencing in the new 198 00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:19,360 Speaker 1: city is being reduced by going home to the old city, 199 00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:23,360 Speaker 1: which basically strengthens the urge to escape again next weekend, 200 00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:26,000 Speaker 1: which means you form a habit of avoidance towards your 201 00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:28,839 Speaker 1: new city, meaning you and the new city never get 202 00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:31,559 Speaker 1: to form your own relationship, the same way that when 203 00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:33,560 Speaker 1: you break up with the next like you and your 204 00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:37,720 Speaker 1: self and you're feeling okay, being single never gets to 205 00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:40,480 Speaker 1: happen if you keep going back to them. I know 206 00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:42,680 Speaker 1: it feels strange to hear me talking about cities is 207 00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:45,280 Speaker 1: if they were people, and is if they are relationships. 208 00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:47,720 Speaker 1: But I think when we frame it in this way, 209 00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:49,679 Speaker 1: like it makes a little bit more sandsome and we 210 00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:55,960 Speaker 1: understand the we understand the emotional implications better. If you 211 00:12:56,040 --> 00:12:59,040 Speaker 1: want to feel like your new city is the new 212 00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:02,960 Speaker 1: normal and as good for you, go no contact with 213 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:06,880 Speaker 1: your old city. Tip Number two for the first three 214 00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:10,959 Speaker 1: months at least. Never spend a Friday night at home. 215 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,760 Speaker 1: This is probably my most controversial one. I know some 216 00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:18,160 Speaker 1: people that's the day they really recharge, and especially for 217 00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:20,880 Speaker 1: my introverted listeners, like I'm sorry, I know you're gonna 218 00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:23,360 Speaker 1: hate me for saying this, but part of what makes 219 00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:26,760 Speaker 1: a new place feel like home is, of course the 220 00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:30,160 Speaker 1: relationships you build there and the fun memories you make 221 00:13:30,280 --> 00:13:32,959 Speaker 1: on your weekends or on your nights off. When we 222 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:36,000 Speaker 1: are experiencing a lot of stress and a lot of 223 00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:39,920 Speaker 1: overwhelm and a lot of anxiety from all this newness, 224 00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:44,439 Speaker 1: it's very easy to withdraw and to want to recharge 225 00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:46,439 Speaker 1: by yourself, and you want to watch to the office 226 00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:49,640 Speaker 1: for the fifteenth time, and you want to cook your 227 00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:51,679 Speaker 1: comfort meal, and you want to cuddle up in bed 228 00:13:52,559 --> 00:13:56,280 Speaker 1: at that moment, you have to ignore that instinct and 229 00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:58,200 Speaker 1: you have to do the hard thing. You gotta go 230 00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:00,320 Speaker 1: out and meet new people. You have to go and 231 00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:02,760 Speaker 1: make some plans. You got to go to a social 232 00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:06,040 Speaker 1: media but board game night, get into some kind of 233 00:14:06,559 --> 00:14:11,000 Speaker 1: pottery pilates painting class. You gotta go drinking with your colleagues. 234 00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:13,760 Speaker 1: You can rest on Thursday night, you can rest on 235 00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:18,720 Speaker 1: Saturday night, but Friday nights, as a practice, at least 236 00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:21,400 Speaker 1: for the first three six months, are going to be 237 00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:24,040 Speaker 1: your social nights. And unless you are sick or unless 238 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:28,120 Speaker 1: you are dying, you are going to be somewhere that 239 00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:32,800 Speaker 1: is not home. I think having that one day where 240 00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:37,360 Speaker 1: you make this a priority is super important because it 241 00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:41,040 Speaker 1: gets us into the practice of being social and meeting 242 00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:45,840 Speaker 1: new people when the path of least resistance, especially in 243 00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:48,120 Speaker 1: the early days, would be to do nothing and to 244 00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:51,560 Speaker 1: spend that time alone. A bonus tip for you as 245 00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:55,000 Speaker 1: well that I think falls under this is don't be 246 00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:57,920 Speaker 1: afraid to get desperate and to do things you otherwise 247 00:14:57,920 --> 00:15:02,000 Speaker 1: wouldn't for friendship. Don't be a friend aid to come 248 00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:05,680 Speaker 1: on too strong, and to message the same person a 249 00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:07,640 Speaker 1: few times in a road to ask what their plans 250 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:10,960 Speaker 1: are or to reach out to people that you don't 251 00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:15,560 Speaker 1: really know that well slash at all, to do something 252 00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:18,880 Speaker 1: or to go to I don't know, an event or 253 00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:23,080 Speaker 1: a meetup that you would normally maybe avoid friendship meetups, 254 00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:27,920 Speaker 1: concerts alone, dinner by yourself, like drinks with mutual mutual 255 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:32,400 Speaker 1: mutual friends, like feels awkward, chances are if somebody else 256 00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:35,920 Speaker 1: is there, they're feeling the same way. They are in 257 00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:40,600 Speaker 1: a similar position to be in that situation. For example, 258 00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:43,240 Speaker 1: somebody who is doing this very well is my boyfriend 259 00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:45,800 Speaker 1: right now. Like he has take I told him his 260 00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:48,120 Speaker 1: tip and he has taken it to like a new level. 261 00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:50,720 Speaker 1: He's like Thursday, Friday, Saturday, goodbye, you will not be 262 00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:53,880 Speaker 1: seeing me. Like last night he went to a sketch 263 00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:55,840 Speaker 1: night for three hours with a bunch of strangers. I've 264 00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:59,360 Speaker 1: never seen him draw in his life. I didn't see 265 00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:01,040 Speaker 1: the picture. I don't I don't know what he drew. 266 00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:03,880 Speaker 1: He didn't bring it home for me, so maybe he 267 00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:07,240 Speaker 1: didn't go. He definitely did. Like another night as well, 268 00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:10,600 Speaker 1: he went to a board game night. I think's like 269 00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:13,480 Speaker 1: on Saturday, and like this is the same guy who 270 00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:17,840 Speaker 1: to give you some context, like when we were in Sydney. 271 00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:21,240 Speaker 1: Typical night for him is he would work really like, 272 00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:23,040 Speaker 1: get home at seven, go to the gym, play video 273 00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:27,600 Speaker 1: games with his buddies. Probably like Monday to Friday and 274 00:16:27,640 --> 00:16:29,840 Speaker 1: Sunday he would do that, and then maybe like Friday 275 00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:32,800 Speaker 1: and Saturday, we'd go and do something social. So this 276 00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:36,560 Speaker 1: is not his norm, but you've got to make the 277 00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:38,680 Speaker 1: most And what I respect about what he's doing right 278 00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:41,000 Speaker 1: now is like he's making the most of the momentum 279 00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:45,000 Speaker 1: and the motivation that the first few months and the 280 00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:48,560 Speaker 1: desperation of the first few months is going to give you. 281 00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:53,440 Speaker 1: Also another bonus tip, sorry, bonus tip like two point three, 282 00:16:54,160 --> 00:16:58,400 Speaker 1: lower your social expectations at first. You're not aiming for 283 00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:01,880 Speaker 1: the perfect friendship group. You are aiming for at least 284 00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:07,720 Speaker 1: the beginning one friend in the next three months. One friend, 285 00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:11,040 Speaker 1: just one person that you click with, that you like, 286 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:14,960 Speaker 1: that you could see yourself getting to know. Then move 287 00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:19,760 Speaker 1: from there. Don't immediately feel like if you don't have 288 00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:23,080 Speaker 1: the big group of friends, you know you're never going 289 00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:26,240 Speaker 1: to have that. When I moved to Sydney, it took 290 00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:30,960 Speaker 1: me three years in Sydney to get anything close to 291 00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:35,200 Speaker 1: a friendship group that felt cohesive and whole. It did come, 292 00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:37,600 Speaker 1: it just took me a little while longer. The way 293 00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:39,600 Speaker 1: I got there as well, was I just focused on 294 00:17:40,119 --> 00:17:43,399 Speaker 1: that one friend, that two friend, those individual relationships first, 295 00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:47,119 Speaker 1: and then I moved from there. Okay, we're going to 296 00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:50,560 Speaker 1: take a short break here, but when we return, I 297 00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:55,200 Speaker 1: have three more tips for you, plus a bonus one. 298 00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:59,280 Speaker 1: I actually think most people overlook when they first moved 299 00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:08,679 Speaker 1: to a new city, So stay with us. We're up 300 00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:14,120 Speaker 1: to tip number three. Tip number three, make a bucket 301 00:18:14,119 --> 00:18:17,520 Speaker 1: list for your new city and start ticking one thing 302 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:22,080 Speaker 1: off that bucket list per week, even and especially if 303 00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:26,359 Speaker 1: it means that you have to go alone. This time 304 00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:28,399 Speaker 1: is going to be tough. We've already talked about that, 305 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:30,879 Speaker 1: we've already covered that. We're done with that. But it 306 00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:33,960 Speaker 1: will be easier if you romanticize it a little bit 307 00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:36,840 Speaker 1: more and you kind of treat it like you're just 308 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:40,879 Speaker 1: a long term tourist, at least at first. Yesterday I 309 00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:44,040 Speaker 1: ticked off an item from my bucket list. I went 310 00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:46,680 Speaker 1: to the British Library and I wrote my scripts there 311 00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:49,080 Speaker 1: and it was great. I got out of my house. 312 00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:53,280 Speaker 1: I saw some original like Sylvia Plath letters, someone did 313 00:18:53,359 --> 00:18:55,520 Speaker 1: try to steal my seat whilst I was in the bathroom. 314 00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:58,160 Speaker 1: But you know, I saw new things, I had fun, 315 00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:03,439 Speaker 1: it was snowing. Why I have found this helpful is because, firstly, yes, 316 00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:06,879 Speaker 1: it keeps you focusing on all the amazing parts of 317 00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:09,560 Speaker 1: this new city that you are yet to see, even 318 00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:12,000 Speaker 1: on the days it's hard. Keeps you focused on the 319 00:19:12,040 --> 00:19:16,320 Speaker 1: privilege of this experience. It also has kept me occupied 320 00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:21,280 Speaker 1: during times when I do feel lonely. You know, yes, 321 00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:24,119 Speaker 1: it's not ideal doing things alone when you feel lonely. 322 00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:26,960 Speaker 1: You might think it makes it worse. But going where 323 00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:30,639 Speaker 1: the people are and going where there is newness and 324 00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:33,280 Speaker 1: novelty and things that you're actually excited to see and 325 00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:34,960 Speaker 1: you would be excited to see if you are only 326 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:38,480 Speaker 1: here for a week, makes it so much better and 327 00:19:38,520 --> 00:19:41,040 Speaker 1: just reminds me like there is so much to explore here, 328 00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:43,680 Speaker 1: and there is so much to like get out and see, 329 00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:47,080 Speaker 1: even if I'm doing it alone to begin with. It 330 00:19:47,119 --> 00:19:52,760 Speaker 1: also creates what we call place attachment. Places don't feel 331 00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:58,000 Speaker 1: meaningful because of time alone or even because of relationships alone. 332 00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:00,840 Speaker 1: They feel meaningful because of memory, the memories that we 333 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:04,919 Speaker 1: create through effort, And this is one way of doing it. 334 00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:09,600 Speaker 1: Having that adventurer mindset, I think also additionally helps you 335 00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:13,120 Speaker 1: find cool stuff and cool places that feel like your 336 00:20:13,119 --> 00:20:15,640 Speaker 1: own and also make you feel like a local, feel 337 00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:19,440 Speaker 1: like you know the local secrets because you're wondering, you're walking, 338 00:20:19,640 --> 00:20:23,480 Speaker 1: you are doing stuff, you are appreciating again the privilege 339 00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:26,520 Speaker 1: of this experience, and honestly, I think there is also 340 00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:31,920 Speaker 1: a big dopamine element here. Having this bucket list gives 341 00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:34,760 Speaker 1: your brain something to look forward to, and that sense 342 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:41,080 Speaker 1: of forward motion is protective during transitions. It combats the 343 00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:46,840 Speaker 1: emotional flatness that often comes with loneliness and adjustment because 344 00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:52,400 Speaker 1: you're generating regular experiences and moments for yourself of reward 345 00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:56,600 Speaker 1: and accomplishment and dopamine and novelty. Make your bucket list. 346 00:20:56,720 --> 00:20:59,280 Speaker 1: I will say, I still have things on my Sydney 347 00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:03,040 Speaker 1: and my camera bucket list that I didn't do, and 348 00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:06,919 Speaker 1: I regret that. So I'm fully committed to my London 349 00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:10,639 Speaker 1: one and to pursuing that like novelty and all the 350 00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:14,960 Speaker 1: fun things that this city has for me, We're actually 351 00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:17,840 Speaker 1: gonna do a full one eighty here for tip number four. 352 00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:25,040 Speaker 1: Bucket lists. Novelty important amazing. So are your routines. You 353 00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:28,280 Speaker 1: need to establish a routine that you are consistent and 354 00:21:28,359 --> 00:21:31,920 Speaker 1: loyal to. You guys know me, I am, honestly, I'm 355 00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:35,120 Speaker 1: such a routine hater. I love just like waking up 356 00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:37,880 Speaker 1: and being like, what's on the agenda for the day, 357 00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:39,920 Speaker 1: and like making it up as I go along. That's 358 00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:43,000 Speaker 1: how my brain operates. I don't love the structure. But 359 00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:47,359 Speaker 1: when I moved to a new city, I get invested. 360 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:51,040 Speaker 1: I get serious about my routine because I know this 361 00:21:51,119 --> 00:21:54,760 Speaker 1: is the key, the psychological key, the routine key that 362 00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:58,680 Speaker 1: unlocks so many other doors for me in this new environment. Pick, 363 00:21:59,119 --> 00:22:02,800 Speaker 1: for example, one or to community spaces and go as 364 00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:07,359 Speaker 1: much as possible. Repetition is your best friend here. Going 365 00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:11,000 Speaker 1: to the same coffee shop, the same local grocery store, 366 00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:15,920 Speaker 1: the same gym classes, pottery classes, morning walk every day. 367 00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:19,520 Speaker 1: Doing those things is how you are going to build community, 368 00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:24,439 Speaker 1: your community simply through convenience and exposure. And I know 369 00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:27,560 Speaker 1: it works. I know this works because I've done it before. 370 00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:32,879 Speaker 1: When you stay loyal to your routine and your local 371 00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:38,320 Speaker 1: favorites and your environment favorites, I get location favorites. I 372 00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:41,080 Speaker 1: should say, you find other people who will do the 373 00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:43,639 Speaker 1: same and who are already operating on a similar cycle 374 00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:48,320 Speaker 1: as you, and through simple exposure you gain closeness. These 375 00:22:48,359 --> 00:22:51,679 Speaker 1: people may not necessarily become your best friends, but they 376 00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:55,240 Speaker 1: will become your community. And the value of these low 377 00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:58,879 Speaker 1: effort daily conversations with familiar people, the girl in your 378 00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:03,520 Speaker 1: boxing class that the man selling the big issue is crucial. 379 00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:05,880 Speaker 1: These are crucial even if they're not the most important, 380 00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:09,480 Speaker 1: because it makes us feel less invisible, especially in big 381 00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:13,320 Speaker 1: cities where you sometimes feel like, you know, would anybody 382 00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:17,320 Speaker 1: even notice if I'm missing? This is a nice way 383 00:23:17,359 --> 00:23:21,920 Speaker 1: to not feel so terrifying terrifyingly small. On top of that, 384 00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:27,240 Speaker 1: one further psychological bonus is that this mere exposure effect 385 00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:31,560 Speaker 1: also does actually help us love the city more, not 386 00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:34,880 Speaker 1: just the people we encounter the city in general. One 387 00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:39,920 Speaker 1: of the most robust findings in social psychology is that 388 00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:44,120 Speaker 1: we like people and places more simply because we encounter 389 00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:50,560 Speaker 1: them repeatedly. Frequency for adjustment matters. That's why your old town, 390 00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:53,760 Speaker 1: your old home, your old city felt special. You just 391 00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:56,399 Speaker 1: spend a lot of time there and you build up 392 00:23:56,400 --> 00:24:00,320 Speaker 1: your routine and people without perhaps even realizing it. So 393 00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:03,880 Speaker 1: investing in that now in your new city is going 394 00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:08,880 Speaker 1: to pay just mass dividends in the future. Think we're 395 00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:11,600 Speaker 1: now up to like think we're up to tip number five. 396 00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:15,560 Speaker 1: So we're gonna move into some more like very specific 397 00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:20,200 Speaker 1: practical territory. This is something I'm really glad I have 398 00:24:20,359 --> 00:24:22,920 Speaker 1: done in the past, and I continue to do. A 399 00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:26,040 Speaker 1: super practical tip to kind of break things up. Do 400 00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:28,080 Speaker 1: not sign a lease if you have just moved to 401 00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:30,080 Speaker 1: a new city. Do not sign a la straight away, 402 00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:34,240 Speaker 1: And do not sign a lease before you move and 403 00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:37,720 Speaker 1: you see the place. Get an airbnb. This is this 404 00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:40,639 Speaker 1: tip is so important to me. Get an airbnb or sublet, 405 00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:43,639 Speaker 1: stay with friends. Stay with friends and friends for at 406 00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:47,320 Speaker 1: least the first couple to few weeks if you can. 407 00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:52,240 Speaker 1: Here is my justification for this, especially in big cities, 408 00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:56,800 Speaker 1: where you live really matters, and not just whether the 409 00:24:56,800 --> 00:25:00,680 Speaker 1: neighborhood is, say, or you like the apartment or people friendly, 410 00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:03,640 Speaker 1: but whether it's close enough to work, how long your 411 00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:07,480 Speaker 1: commute's going to be, whether it contains people your similar age, 412 00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:10,720 Speaker 1: whether it's got the amenities you like, the vibes you like, 413 00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:14,760 Speaker 1: the green spaces you like. There is this panicked instinct 414 00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:17,960 Speaker 1: we have, and I've certainly had it before to kind 415 00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:21,000 Speaker 1: of lock down a place like straight away because we 416 00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:23,000 Speaker 1: don't obviously we want to roof over our head. But 417 00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:27,000 Speaker 1: I really recommend exploring a few neighborhoods and streets and 418 00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:31,159 Speaker 1: places before you pay all that money for potentially a 419 00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:34,160 Speaker 1: location you don't like or that it's going to give 420 00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:36,760 Speaker 1: you a two hour commute or doesn't suit your needs. 421 00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:40,440 Speaker 1: I've actually had this happen with a few friends just recently. 422 00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:43,600 Speaker 1: They moved overseas in the past few months. My friends 423 00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:46,320 Speaker 1: Matt and his wife Sofia, they moved to Canada and 424 00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:50,960 Speaker 1: they took over someone's lease before they got there because 425 00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:54,840 Speaker 1: they were so stressed about finding a place, and like 426 00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:57,240 Speaker 1: they are almost an hour and a half from where 427 00:25:57,240 --> 00:26:00,120 Speaker 1: they work and from where all their friends live, and 428 00:26:00,640 --> 00:26:03,720 Speaker 1: from like live music venues and the cinemas and the 429 00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:06,879 Speaker 1: bars that they like, and they're stuck in that twelve 430 00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:08,879 Speaker 1: month contract now. And I don't blame them, like I 431 00:26:08,880 --> 00:26:11,760 Speaker 1: think they really wanted the security of it. But it's 432 00:26:11,840 --> 00:26:18,159 Speaker 1: worth the extra money and the reduction in security to 433 00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:22,439 Speaker 1: really explore before you commit when you first move, because 434 00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:27,760 Speaker 1: rent is freaking expensive and leases are hard to break. 435 00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:31,600 Speaker 1: Having that two week three week buffer, I think of 436 00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:34,440 Speaker 1: it as insurance. It's insurance for the choice you make 437 00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:38,400 Speaker 1: on the location you live. We did two weeks at 438 00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:41,880 Speaker 1: an Airbnb in Camden when we first moved to London, 439 00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:44,399 Speaker 1: and like, H shout out to our airbnb hosts. I 440 00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:49,040 Speaker 1: don't think they're listening, but because I don't think they're 441 00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:52,800 Speaker 1: not my target demographic. But they were so kind. They 442 00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:55,440 Speaker 1: were like these guys in their like forties or fifties, 443 00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:57,840 Speaker 1: and they were so welcoming, and they gave us so 444 00:26:57,880 --> 00:27:02,199 Speaker 1: many recommendations, and they like we really locked in on 445 00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:04,719 Speaker 1: seeing as many neighborhoods as possible. Because we did that, 446 00:27:05,280 --> 00:27:07,760 Speaker 1: I was so convinced, actually, to give my own story 447 00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:10,639 Speaker 1: on this, I was so convinced when we moved to London. Stupidly, 448 00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:12,120 Speaker 1: I was like, I want to move to notting Hill. 449 00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:15,520 Speaker 1: I know, probably because I saw the movie, but also 450 00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:17,399 Speaker 1: because I have friends who lived there, and I was like, 451 00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:20,000 Speaker 1: notting Hill is trendy. I want to live in notting Hill. 452 00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:22,320 Speaker 1: And then we went and saw a few places there 453 00:27:22,359 --> 00:27:25,680 Speaker 1: and I was like, I do not want to live here. 454 00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:29,000 Speaker 1: This is actually not that great. It's a bit far 455 00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:33,119 Speaker 1: from everything else, and it's a bit po posh, not 456 00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:35,560 Speaker 1: posh off for notting Hill, and that was a great 457 00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:37,879 Speaker 1: decision and I would have chosen notting Hill if we 458 00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:40,800 Speaker 1: didn't have that buffer, and I would have never felt 459 00:27:40,840 --> 00:27:43,520 Speaker 1: comfortable leaving my house an exercise gear or without a 460 00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:46,440 Speaker 1: full face and makeup. So I'm so glad we did that. 461 00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:50,240 Speaker 1: Before we wrap up, I have two small bonus tips 462 00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:53,760 Speaker 1: for you guys, for before I go yes, no me, 463 00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:56,240 Speaker 1: I've got to do my extra credit work for you guys. 464 00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:57,879 Speaker 1: I've got to give you something a little bit extra. 465 00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:01,480 Speaker 1: Bonus tip number one. Actually, I think by this stage, 466 00:28:01,520 --> 00:28:03,720 Speaker 1: just like bonus diip memberfore, I forgot about the once before. 467 00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:06,080 Speaker 1: But bonus tip number one. When you move to a 468 00:28:06,119 --> 00:28:09,600 Speaker 1: new city, I actually think it's really important to invest 469 00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:14,320 Speaker 1: in making your home or your room nice and cozy, 470 00:28:14,359 --> 00:28:18,200 Speaker 1: even if it costs that little bit extra. And I'm 471 00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:22,639 Speaker 1: going to explain why moving countries. Yeah, it's it's expensive. 472 00:28:22,840 --> 00:28:28,720 Speaker 1: Visas alone are like a tenth of people's like yearly incomes. 473 00:28:29,200 --> 00:28:34,320 Speaker 1: But if there is one thing you're going to spend 474 00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:37,840 Speaker 1: money on when you get there, making the place you 475 00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:43,240 Speaker 1: live feel comfortable and feel homely, is it as we've 476 00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:45,880 Speaker 1: been like buying furniture and decorating and doing all that 477 00:28:45,880 --> 00:28:49,320 Speaker 1: stuff at our new place. I keep definitely feeling this 478 00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:51,000 Speaker 1: sense of like, why am I spending money on this? 479 00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:53,920 Speaker 1: Why did I buy a rug? Like why did I 480 00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:56,400 Speaker 1: buy a lamp? Why did I buy a nice couch? 481 00:28:56,440 --> 00:28:58,120 Speaker 1: Like that's silly and we're just gonna sell it. We're 482 00:28:58,120 --> 00:29:02,040 Speaker 1: not gonna be here for that long. And the answer is, 483 00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:04,440 Speaker 1: like it does feel like it helps. It feels like 484 00:29:04,560 --> 00:29:06,640 Speaker 1: if I'm gonna live here and really give it something, 485 00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:09,320 Speaker 1: if I don't feel comfortable, I'm gonna be gone in 486 00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:11,720 Speaker 1: six months because I'm gonna hate it. I need to 487 00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:13,960 Speaker 1: feel like my space is safe and comfortable and has 488 00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:16,920 Speaker 1: my personality involved in it so that I have somewhere 489 00:29:16,960 --> 00:29:19,840 Speaker 1: to retreat to when things get hard. Otherwise I'm gonna 490 00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:24,480 Speaker 1: burn out pretty quick and I'm gonna feel pretty, you know, disheartened. 491 00:29:25,040 --> 00:29:28,040 Speaker 1: If you really want to give your city or crack, 492 00:29:28,440 --> 00:29:30,720 Speaker 1: you can do all the things, but you've got to 493 00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:33,760 Speaker 1: be invested as well, and you have to make it 494 00:29:34,280 --> 00:29:38,720 Speaker 1: mentally easier on yourself by making it comfortable. The three 495 00:29:38,800 --> 00:29:41,760 Speaker 1: things I would actually say to spend money on if 496 00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:43,640 Speaker 1: you are going to spend money when you move to 497 00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:47,880 Speaker 1: a new city. Nice bed sheets, and nice towels, a 498 00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:52,160 Speaker 1: nice lamp or a nice light source, and then like 499 00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:54,240 Speaker 1: a nice picture frame or some nice pictures or some 500 00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:58,080 Speaker 1: nice art. It does make a big difference. Our final 501 00:29:58,240 --> 00:30:03,600 Speaker 1: tip of this episode probably are most important. Don't try 502 00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:06,720 Speaker 1: so hard to recreate your old life in a new place. 503 00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:10,920 Speaker 1: No matter how hard you try, it's just never going 504 00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:13,200 Speaker 1: to be the same, and it's just going to make 505 00:30:13,240 --> 00:30:16,600 Speaker 1: you more miserable. If there was ever a time to 506 00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:20,480 Speaker 1: try new things, to reinvent yourself, to force yourself to 507 00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:25,360 Speaker 1: build different habits, routines, enjoy different things, this is your time. 508 00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:28,480 Speaker 1: Like right now, you have a blank slate to be 509 00:30:28,520 --> 00:30:31,160 Speaker 1: an entirely new person if you want to be so, 510 00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:33,480 Speaker 1: if you want to do so. So many people never 511 00:30:33,520 --> 00:30:36,280 Speaker 1: get that opportunity, and they remain the same versions of 512 00:30:36,360 --> 00:30:40,120 Speaker 1: themselves for their whole lives because they feel caged in 513 00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:43,000 Speaker 1: by geography and the people they know and their hometown 514 00:30:43,080 --> 00:30:45,640 Speaker 1: or their home city. This is going to be hard, 515 00:30:46,160 --> 00:30:49,440 Speaker 1: it's also going to be a freaking great adventure. And 516 00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:52,480 Speaker 1: I want you to lean in as much as possible 517 00:30:52,520 --> 00:30:54,480 Speaker 1: to the fresh start and the new beginnings and how 518 00:30:54,480 --> 00:30:57,440 Speaker 1: you're going to make this different the person you want 519 00:30:57,440 --> 00:31:00,520 Speaker 1: to be and I think it will. I think all 520 00:31:00,680 --> 00:31:03,120 Speaker 1: that that whole mentality of like cool, this is gonna 521 00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:04,520 Speaker 1: be tough, but I'm gonna make the most of it, 522 00:31:04,560 --> 00:31:08,240 Speaker 1: and I'm gonna reinvent myself whatever it is like it 523 00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:10,800 Speaker 1: makes you feel a little bit more positive and unoptimistic 524 00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:14,640 Speaker 1: about the future when the hard stuff does come up. 525 00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:20,320 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening. I'm so excited for you. 526 00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:21,960 Speaker 1: If you've just moved, or if you are in the 527 00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:24,800 Speaker 1: process of thinking about moving, even if you're six months 528 00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:27,000 Speaker 1: down the line, like it's gonna get great, It's gonna 529 00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:29,360 Speaker 1: be amazing, it's gonna get better. If you have made 530 00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:31,800 Speaker 1: it to the end of this episode, welcome. Thank you 531 00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:34,840 Speaker 1: so much for listening so far. I appreciate that you 532 00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:37,640 Speaker 1: stayed to the end. Leave a comment down below. If 533 00:31:37,680 --> 00:31:39,880 Speaker 1: you've just moved to a new city, where are you living? 534 00:31:40,000 --> 00:31:41,680 Speaker 1: If you are about to move to a new city, 535 00:31:41,680 --> 00:31:43,920 Speaker 1: where are you going? If you have a dream city 536 00:31:43,960 --> 00:31:46,760 Speaker 1: that you want to move to, where is it? And 537 00:31:47,320 --> 00:31:49,800 Speaker 1: if you've just moved to Sydney, by any chance, here 538 00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:53,040 Speaker 1: is something for your bucket list. If the weather is 539 00:31:53,120 --> 00:31:56,480 Speaker 1: nice this weekend, go to Red Leaf Bay and then 540 00:31:56,520 --> 00:31:59,600 Speaker 1: get a tasty pastry from Breaking Blue. That is a 541 00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:02,520 Speaker 1: freebie tip for my people who've maybe just moved to Sydney. 542 00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:05,800 Speaker 1: That's something I would have on my buckle list, So enjoy. 543 00:32:05,880 --> 00:32:08,840 Speaker 1: Good luck. Make sure you're following us on Instagram. Make 544 00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:12,000 Speaker 1: sure you are subscribed slash following wherever you're listening right now, 545 00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:15,800 Speaker 1: and that's Apple Spotify, the iHeartRadio app, so that you 546 00:32:15,840 --> 00:32:18,000 Speaker 1: know when we release new episodes and you can stay 547 00:32:18,040 --> 00:32:21,400 Speaker 1: in touch. Good luck on your new adventure. I sent 548 00:32:21,520 --> 00:32:24,800 Speaker 1: some amazing friends and some amazing memories in your near future. 549 00:32:26,040 --> 00:32:27,880 Speaker 1: I just have a good feeling about it. I can 550 00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:31,240 Speaker 1: sense it for you. Until next time, be safe, be kind, 551 00:32:31,320 --> 00:32:34,200 Speaker 1: be gentle to yourself. Thank you for listening, and we 552 00:32:34,280 --> 00:32:35,880 Speaker 1: will talk very very soon.