1 00:00:01,040 --> 00:00:05,160 Speaker 1: Well, hello, Chip, thank you for joining us today. We 2 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:08,719 Speaker 1: are here. Laura Day was here with me on Wednesday 3 00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:12,440 Speaker 1: on the podcast, and she is back. Hi Laura. So, 4 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:16,120 Speaker 1: Laura is New York Times best selling author and well 5 00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:20,279 Speaker 1: known practicing intuitive and we talked a lot about poning 6 00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:24,040 Speaker 1: your own intuition, really understanding what intuition is, and then 7 00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:28,400 Speaker 1: using it in business. On Wednesday and Friday, I told 8 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:30,680 Speaker 1: the listeners we Chip and I wanted to talk to 9 00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:34,480 Speaker 1: you about how to use intuition in our love practices. 10 00:00:34,680 --> 00:00:37,160 Speaker 1: I note Chip and I are both single, so maybe 11 00:00:37,159 --> 00:00:39,720 Speaker 1: even in dating. And I've heard you talk a little 12 00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:41,800 Speaker 1: bit about our patterns and how we kind of get 13 00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:44,960 Speaker 1: in our own ways, and so help us. Would you 14 00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:49,440 Speaker 1: help us navigate how to your intuition? And you know 15 00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:53,000 Speaker 1: you you love love, so we love love too, and 16 00:00:53,080 --> 00:00:57,720 Speaker 1: we both are looking through love. And by the way, 17 00:00:58,560 --> 00:01:04,160 Speaker 1: human contact, so real deep connection, even connection that's a 18 00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:12,400 Speaker 1: bit fraught, biggest indicator of survival, more than your smoking 19 00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:17,400 Speaker 1: status or your exercise status. I mean, I love factoids, 20 00:01:17,440 --> 00:01:21,880 Speaker 1: So connection is actually really important. And I think that 21 00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:26,920 Speaker 1: when we're looking for love, there's there's almost a shame 22 00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:30,559 Speaker 1: element in that. Oh what why don't I have love, 23 00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:34,280 Speaker 1: I must be unlovable. Do I smell? You know, there's 24 00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:40,240 Speaker 1: a whole there's a whole stigma to being unattached. And 25 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:42,840 Speaker 1: the fact of the matter is often when we go 26 00:01:42,959 --> 00:01:48,400 Speaker 1: through transitions in self, we do, especially when you're young, 27 00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:52,440 Speaker 1: we do go through periods where we're not attached because 28 00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:55,840 Speaker 1: we're not quite in one place to attach to yet. 29 00:01:56,640 --> 00:02:01,600 Speaker 1: So I want to give you some really simple tips 30 00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:04,680 Speaker 1: attracting love, and then I want to talk a little 31 00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:08,440 Speaker 1: bit about how to do a profile that attracts love. 32 00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:15,520 Speaker 1: That's good because I know that that you know people 33 00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:19,200 Speaker 1: in generations, even I am, that's that's often how you meet, 34 00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:23,200 Speaker 1: so it in person, you're One of the mistakes that 35 00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:26,880 Speaker 1: people make when they're looking for love is they really 36 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:33,919 Speaker 1: hone what they're looking for, as opposed to finding experiences 37 00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:40,280 Speaker 1: of how they want to feel in the relationship. In intuition, 38 00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:45,520 Speaker 1: there's something called telepathy, and telepathy is the sense is 39 00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:50,800 Speaker 1: the information we're transmitting to others, and we're often not 40 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:54,960 Speaker 1: aware of the trend of what we're transmitting. So you know, 41 00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:58,959 Speaker 1: sometimes when you're alone and you walk into a place, 42 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:04,800 Speaker 1: what you're feeling is discomfort, and that's what you're transmitting. 43 00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:09,280 Speaker 1: So learning, for example, how do you make yourself more comfortable, 44 00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:14,800 Speaker 1: whether it's deep breathing vodka, screaming before you go out, 45 00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:18,280 Speaker 1: or wearing something that's not too tight. You know, knowing 46 00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:26,760 Speaker 1: your your keys to shift and practicing them because you know, practice, 47 00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:31,520 Speaker 1: discipline and practice really helps help you send out something different. 48 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:35,440 Speaker 1: I always I wrote a book called Practical Intuition and Love, 49 00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:38,040 Speaker 1: and one of the things I pointed out, and it's 50 00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:42,440 Speaker 1: statistically also true, is when you're in love, it seems 51 00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:44,800 Speaker 1: like everyone's in love with you. Why don't you tell 52 00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:49,280 Speaker 1: me this when I was single? Um? Um, the guests 53 00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:56,320 Speaker 1: love and it does because we are chemical warehouses, and 54 00:03:56,400 --> 00:04:00,280 Speaker 1: when you are in love, you are creating all of 55 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:05,400 Speaker 1: those wonderful neuro transmitters that say, I'm yummy because someone's 56 00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:08,280 Speaker 1: made me feel yummy and I'm having that experience. You know, 57 00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:12,160 Speaker 1: just like your brain reads a breakup the same way 58 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:16,200 Speaker 1: it reads physical pain. No, you're not making a big thing. 59 00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:19,240 Speaker 1: It's the same thing as having a tooth pulled without novacaine. 60 00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:24,320 Speaker 1: So one of the things that you can do is 61 00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:27,640 Speaker 1: to learn how to find your own state of pleasure 62 00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:30,960 Speaker 1: and how to find things in interactions that are pleasurable. 63 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:33,920 Speaker 1: Often in interactions, even if we're sitting alone in a cafe, 64 00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:38,640 Speaker 1: we will, we will, you know, go to our discomfort, 65 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:43,080 Speaker 1: find a fantasy you love, be in the fantasy. Do 66 00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:46,960 Speaker 1: it for a few minutes. Notice if somebody comes up 67 00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:50,360 Speaker 1: to you. It's really interesting. When you test these things 68 00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:54,920 Speaker 1: out and you get verification of them, you realize, you know, 69 00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:58,400 Speaker 1: it's not because you're too short, it's because you're too stressed. 70 00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:04,560 Speaker 1: So so create a state, really, create a state of 71 00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:09,200 Speaker 1: pleasure and focus on what you want to feel because 72 00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:13,080 Speaker 1: that will attract to you. You know, be in your 73 00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:18,520 Speaker 1: your love reality, because that will attract to you what 74 00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:25,000 Speaker 1: you want. Whereas often our checklist is really comes from 75 00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:29,719 Speaker 1: our patterns and our history, and we're not sending out 76 00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:34,440 Speaker 1: anything that anyone can respond to. That's funny because I've 77 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:41,880 Speaker 1: I've often thought um that I must give off vibes 78 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:45,640 Speaker 1: that I'm not looking and I'm not available, and because 79 00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:48,640 Speaker 1: i feel like I never get hit on, and but 80 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:51,599 Speaker 1: when i'm when I do get hit on, I go 81 00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:53,760 Speaker 1: to this place like, oh, they're not hitting on me. 82 00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:57,920 Speaker 1: So then in turn, I'm sending a message that like 83 00:05:58,080 --> 00:06:01,800 Speaker 1: I'm not picking up with their footing down, if that 84 00:06:01,839 --> 00:06:03,760 Speaker 1: makes sense. So it's like I need to talk to 85 00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:06,240 Speaker 1: myself and put myself into space where like when I'm 86 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:09,240 Speaker 1: walking into the bar, like I am here to meet somebody, 87 00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:13,400 Speaker 1: and I need to like get in that space or 88 00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:22,240 Speaker 1: go in being aware of your genuine, pleasurable desire to 89 00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:29,159 Speaker 1: connect and then and then make it your task to connect. 90 00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:33,279 Speaker 1: And what you'll find is sure, sometimes you'll connect with 91 00:06:33,279 --> 00:06:36,120 Speaker 1: people you don't want to connect to. Sometimes you'll connect 92 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:39,760 Speaker 1: and think and you know, be shut down. But make 93 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:44,320 Speaker 1: it make it your You know, you want to be 94 00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:49,560 Speaker 1: somebody who who gets connected with in a warm and 95 00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:53,159 Speaker 1: genuine way or in a passionate way that wants to 96 00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:57,440 Speaker 1: go home with you or whatever it is. And and 97 00:06:57,560 --> 00:07:01,240 Speaker 1: so you know, I think I'm also like you. I'm 98 00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:04,360 Speaker 1: always kind of not really in my body. And so 99 00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:07,799 Speaker 1: I when I when I went to my high school reunion, 100 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:11,520 Speaker 1: boys were saying, I mean, I couldn't lose my virginity 101 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:15,600 Speaker 1: in high school. I couldn't give it away. And you know, 102 00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:18,960 Speaker 1: I thought, Wow, you know it's because I'm skinny, or 103 00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:21,640 Speaker 1: you know, it's because I don't know, I'm I'm too 104 00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:25,720 Speaker 1: much of a nerd or no it was because I 105 00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:28,040 Speaker 1: was in a different place and I just was not 106 00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:30,920 Speaker 1: noticing all of the cues. You know, I had to 107 00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:35,240 Speaker 1: wait my high school reunion or thirty or whatever it was. 108 00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:38,880 Speaker 1: Um So I mean, I I don't I think that 109 00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:42,200 Speaker 1: when you make a change to say, oh, I have 110 00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:46,840 Speaker 1: to notice more, that doesn't really work because you can't 111 00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:51,840 Speaker 1: notice what you can't notice. Whereas if your change is 112 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:56,160 Speaker 1: I want to I want to connect with people who 113 00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:59,520 Speaker 1: want to connect with me. Does this feel good? Does 114 00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:02,320 Speaker 1: that a good? Yeah? Sometimes I'll make an ascid myself. 115 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:05,239 Speaker 1: Mud on your face is proof you're doing doing something 116 00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:10,360 Speaker 1: new and different. That's a that's positionally a lot better. 117 00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:16,120 Speaker 1: The other thing is, before you go out, ask yourself 118 00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:21,560 Speaker 1: who would really be a great person to connect with tonight? 119 00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:24,920 Speaker 1: And then notice what you notice, and it may be 120 00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:28,680 Speaker 1: a real non sequitur. You know, you may see shrimp, 121 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:34,839 Speaker 1: you may see uh fields of wheat, You may see 122 00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:40,560 Speaker 1: a snaggle tooth, and then by the shrimp you find 123 00:08:40,559 --> 00:08:43,600 Speaker 1: this person who happens in conversation you find out to 124 00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:46,920 Speaker 1: be from Kansas, where we feel. You know, it's funny 125 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:52,400 Speaker 1: into little bits and pieces. It's really wonderful to to 126 00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:57,120 Speaker 1: cue yourself in advance. When you're actually physically going out, 127 00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:00,960 Speaker 1: you know this same thing. In a sense, A lot 128 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:07,760 Speaker 1: of the time in in doing profiles, people are either oppositional. 129 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:11,199 Speaker 1: You know, I'm gonna be me. You know you can 130 00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:14,560 Speaker 1: be you after you get to know somebody. You know, 131 00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:17,680 Speaker 1: I'm just gonna be me, Or I'm going to show 132 00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:24,480 Speaker 1: a fantasy instead of really who who would you want? 133 00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:28,880 Speaker 1: You know, what does your couple look like? And who 134 00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:33,199 Speaker 1: are you in that picture? And you know, once again, 135 00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:37,160 Speaker 1: people are so this is what I'm looking for? Or 136 00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:40,880 Speaker 1: I want to be desired, But no, you don't want 137 00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:43,440 Speaker 1: to be desired by psycho killer. You know, you want 138 00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:47,800 Speaker 1: to be desired by somebody who matches you. So you 139 00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:51,319 Speaker 1: can use intuition and and and I'm going to give 140 00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:53,040 Speaker 1: you a trick to this. In a moment, you can 141 00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:58,480 Speaker 1: use intuition to notice, how is that person's head tilted? 142 00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:02,240 Speaker 1: What's that us? And wearing the person I want to 143 00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:07,880 Speaker 1: be in relationship? Um, which of the thousands of interests 144 00:10:07,920 --> 00:10:12,920 Speaker 1: I have does this person really connect with this person? 145 00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:18,960 Speaker 1: Being myself? And and then make your profile as the 146 00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:23,040 Speaker 1: person you are, but as the person you want to 147 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:28,720 Speaker 1: be in relationship. One of these stakes we make when 148 00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:31,959 Speaker 1: we ask who do we want to be? Is we 149 00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:35,640 Speaker 1: think about the answer And the problem is you think 150 00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:40,720 Speaker 1: from an old reality. Intuition is what's possible. Creativity is 151 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:44,760 Speaker 1: mixing what's already happened. So when you say who do 152 00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:50,800 Speaker 1: I want to be? In relationship, allow yourself to notice 153 00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:54,880 Speaker 1: as opposed to looking for answers. You may notice in 154 00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:59,480 Speaker 1: a feeling. You may notice you know a song of 155 00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:03,679 Speaker 1: a way of being. You may notice a friend of 156 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:07,800 Speaker 1: yours who you hadn't thought of for years, but actually 157 00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:11,240 Speaker 1: that's who you want to feel like. You know, Intuition 158 00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:16,400 Speaker 1: will use anything to give you the information, just like 159 00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:21,240 Speaker 1: when we're speaking, will use any words to be able 160 00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:25,360 Speaker 1: to convey our message. So don't you know, don't pick 161 00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:29,040 Speaker 1: what you know in your head, in your patterns that 162 00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:33,200 Speaker 1: hasn't been successful. Is the best part of you, you know, 163 00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:38,080 Speaker 1: lead with your music. You may not think of holding 164 00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:42,520 Speaker 1: your instrument in the picture, but actually, even though you're 165 00:11:42,559 --> 00:11:46,600 Speaker 1: not a pro musician, you may want someone who cares 166 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:50,720 Speaker 1: that you play this instrument. You don't notice what you're 167 00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:56,040 Speaker 1: drawn to doing um And the other thing is you 168 00:11:56,160 --> 00:12:02,360 Speaker 1: don't want someone who doesn't want you authentically that's a 169 00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:05,840 Speaker 1: lot of work. Now, that doesn't mean when everyone when 170 00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:08,240 Speaker 1: anyone ever says, let me be completely honest, I know 171 00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:16,360 Speaker 1: they're about to say something shitty, no offense, but but 172 00:12:17,679 --> 00:12:21,800 Speaker 1: exactly so, so it's not you know, you don't you 173 00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:25,400 Speaker 1: don't need to be completely honest because actually a lot 174 00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:28,040 Speaker 1: of the things you want to be on you have 175 00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:32,200 Speaker 1: to be honest about, are things you're working on. And 176 00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:36,080 Speaker 1: so you know, what you what you want in a 177 00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:41,479 Speaker 1: sense is to reflect the other part of the connection 178 00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:45,560 Speaker 1: that you want to make. And when you do that 179 00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:50,560 Speaker 1: in your profile, if you're silly and if you want slick, 180 00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:55,160 Speaker 1: I want laughter in a relationship. Laughter for me is hot, 181 00:12:55,559 --> 00:13:01,240 Speaker 1: a good laugh wow. And and I'm not a romantic 182 00:13:01,559 --> 00:13:03,880 Speaker 1: at my age. I don't want more jewelry. I don't 183 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:06,640 Speaker 1: need someone to shower me with. I've had my child, 184 00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:09,080 Speaker 1: I don't you know, I don't care if you're a 185 00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:12,720 Speaker 1: pole dancer, um, you know. And my husband doesn't happen 186 00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:18,040 Speaker 1: to be another kind of um. So, So if your profile, 187 00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:22,400 Speaker 1: be the person you want to be in relationship, don't 188 00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:25,760 Speaker 1: be the person to attract that person because you're doing 189 00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:29,520 Speaker 1: that from habit, and habit hasn't worked I love that 190 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:37,200 Speaker 1: tip because that's so true too. It's like the person 191 00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:40,520 Speaker 1: that you meet at the beginning of a relationship oftentimes 192 00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:43,000 Speaker 1: shifts as you get into the relationship with them, because 193 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:45,920 Speaker 1: we're all kind of operating from this um like I 194 00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:48,040 Speaker 1: think it's a it's a part of us maybe, but 195 00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:51,000 Speaker 1: it's like a presentation version of us. Whereas what I 196 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:54,120 Speaker 1: hear you saying is be the person that you are 197 00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:56,760 Speaker 1: in relationship and who you want to be and the 198 00:13:56,840 --> 00:14:00,079 Speaker 1: feelings that you want to have in relation to it, 199 00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:03,680 Speaker 1: like lead with that instead and you'll draw in a 200 00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:06,800 Speaker 1: partner that matches at that level. Yeah. I mean it's 201 00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:10,079 Speaker 1: funny too because people often are like, what's your type? 202 00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:13,400 Speaker 1: What's your type? And it's like it's so natural to 203 00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:17,560 Speaker 1: go physical, and but I know in my heart that 204 00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:20,120 Speaker 1: I want somebody that's to make me laugh, like and 205 00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:22,400 Speaker 1: that just kind of gets me. And of course it's 206 00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:25,120 Speaker 1: like we all have like physical things that were attracted to, 207 00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:26,800 Speaker 1: but at the end of the day, we're all going 208 00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:29,680 Speaker 1: to get old and ugly, like, and I want I 209 00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:33,360 Speaker 1: want to find someone that I get older. I know 210 00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:39,000 Speaker 1: you're neither. You are neither, so you're old And my 211 00:14:39,160 --> 00:14:43,280 Speaker 1: husband looks at me like I was I wanted to 212 00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:48,080 Speaker 1: be looked at when I was fifteen and perfect love it, 213 00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:53,640 Speaker 1: you know it is. Laughter is important, but the difference 214 00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:58,480 Speaker 1: between your friend and your lover is not the laughter, 215 00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:03,360 Speaker 1: right and is important, you know. And once again, and 216 00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:06,479 Speaker 1: I hope I'm not I hope I'm not being um 217 00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:11,000 Speaker 1: uh two untoward. But one of the great ways to 218 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:16,400 Speaker 1: send out telepathy or to something to do before going 219 00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:20,200 Speaker 1: to a party is to pleasure yourself and have all 220 00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:25,120 Speaker 1: of those care of that and then go to the 221 00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:29,360 Speaker 1: party and there you are, you know, post pleasure, Come 222 00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:34,800 Speaker 1: come join me here. You know, it's a pleasure is 223 00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:39,000 Speaker 1: a very powerful drug. And that part of a I mean, 224 00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:41,520 Speaker 1: and of course I'm speaking from my bias, but I 225 00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:46,560 Speaker 1: think that part of a relationship is a really really 226 00:15:46,720 --> 00:15:51,120 Speaker 1: important part and really doesn't have Listen, I'm sixty three. 227 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,520 Speaker 1: My skin does not fit me the way it used to. 228 00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:59,200 Speaker 1: But it is an important part to nurture and keep 229 00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:04,280 Speaker 1: and keep as as as precious. And I think that 230 00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:11,040 Speaker 1: we we tend to be, you know, over scrutinize ourselves 231 00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:15,560 Speaker 1: and beauty and love making and pleasure. It's not about 232 00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:20,359 Speaker 1: that spider vein or that extra ten pounds. It's about 233 00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:23,960 Speaker 1: how you can elicit those chemicals and someone else and 234 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:27,360 Speaker 1: how they can elicit them in you. And often the 235 00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:32,560 Speaker 1: perfectionism gets really gets in the way. I have noticed 236 00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:37,200 Speaker 1: with my young students there is a real tendency to 237 00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:43,760 Speaker 1: kind of frigidity and interesting, like no one gets like hairy, messy, 238 00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:49,680 Speaker 1: sweaty and gooey anymore. And you know, I mean it's 239 00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:54,520 Speaker 1: it is really um important to find a way to 240 00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:57,760 Speaker 1: believe me, I can name every single defect on my body, 241 00:16:57,800 --> 00:17:00,000 Speaker 1: probably not every single one because I can't see behind 242 00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:03,840 Speaker 1: me that well, but I can name a lot of them. 243 00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:07,880 Speaker 1: But pleasure is where all of those defects are joining 244 00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:11,760 Speaker 1: in that wonderful coming together. And I think that um 245 00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:16,600 Speaker 1: so so it is important. And beauty is in the 246 00:17:16,680 --> 00:17:20,439 Speaker 1: eyes of the beholder. I didn't make that up right, 247 00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:26,600 Speaker 1: And and beauty grows as we treasure something. I mean, 248 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:31,239 Speaker 1: I think we all have that favorite talisman that is 249 00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:35,080 Speaker 1: worthless and ugly, like your you know, ugly blanket as 250 00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:37,720 Speaker 1: a child, but it was your ugly blanket and it 251 00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:39,760 Speaker 1: gave you comfort and you want to chew on it 252 00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:43,600 Speaker 1: and you want to hug it. You know, That's what 253 00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:47,040 Speaker 1: love is you're you're someone's person and they're your person. 254 00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:50,880 Speaker 1: In my mind, that's what and I'm talking about about 255 00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:56,640 Speaker 1: romantic love, and actually romantic love get even more powerful 256 00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:01,359 Speaker 1: past that initial age of that oh my god, I 257 00:18:01,359 --> 00:18:04,879 Speaker 1: can't keep my hands off you, to that stage where 258 00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:09,679 Speaker 1: together you've made a new person called a relationship, and 259 00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:13,600 Speaker 1: that person is integral and like any person, that person 260 00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:17,440 Speaker 1: needs to be waxed, that person needs to be exercised. 261 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:21,520 Speaker 1: That person sometimes needs to be disciplined. But you've made 262 00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:25,080 Speaker 1: a new person, and knowing what that person is is 263 00:18:25,119 --> 00:18:27,440 Speaker 1: really important, and often we don't. I wanted to tell 264 00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:31,440 Speaker 1: the quick story of my my husband. Um. I had 265 00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:34,200 Speaker 1: a list when I met my husband, and it was 266 00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:37,840 Speaker 1: a very short list. I wanted someone age appropriate. They 267 00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:41,080 Speaker 1: had to have been married and divorced, have been good 268 00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:43,240 Speaker 1: to their ex wife. They had to be a parent 269 00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:46,720 Speaker 1: and a good parent to their children. They needed to 270 00:18:46,760 --> 00:18:51,360 Speaker 1: have nothing to do with any Hollywood or creative endeavor, 271 00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:57,520 Speaker 1: including a Hollywood dentist. Um. And and I think that 272 00:18:57,680 --> 00:19:02,119 Speaker 1: was I think that was it, and I'm I had. 273 00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:05,880 Speaker 1: I was doing a workshop fifteen years before I met 274 00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:09,480 Speaker 1: my husband, and this woman said, oh, and I write 275 00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:12,280 Speaker 1: the readings my students give me on butcher black paper 276 00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:15,399 Speaker 1: so people can see how readings are worded. And she said, oh, 277 00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:18,720 Speaker 1: you're going to meet a Colorado cowboy, has something to 278 00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:20,280 Speaker 1: do with film or At the time, I was in 279 00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:24,040 Speaker 1: another relationship, and I so incorrectly. It was one of 280 00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:26,000 Speaker 1: my poorest teaching moments. Said to her, you know what, 281 00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:28,320 Speaker 1: this reading is off, but thank you for the effort. 282 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:31,320 Speaker 1: That happens sometimes. I had to then call and apologize 283 00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:36,560 Speaker 1: fifteen years later. So, I meet this man and and 284 00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:41,160 Speaker 1: he's not my type. I'm not interested. He doesn't fit 285 00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:46,560 Speaker 1: my checklist. He's a screenwriter and a TV writer, and 286 00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:53,080 Speaker 1: he loves movies, and you know, and and and I 287 00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:57,280 Speaker 1: called my friend and I said, you know, don't, don't, 288 00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:00,679 Speaker 1: don't encourage him. He said, she's listen, you have to 289 00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:02,680 Speaker 1: go to the same events. He can be your plus one. 290 00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:06,840 Speaker 1: So I treated him like I treated a girlfriend because 291 00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:10,760 Speaker 1: I knew I wasn't interested. Fast forward eleven years. We've 292 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:15,679 Speaker 1: been married eight years. You know how I was able 293 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:19,040 Speaker 1: to get past all of my patterning and all of 294 00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:23,040 Speaker 1: my biases because originally he felt really boring to me. 295 00:20:23,119 --> 00:20:27,440 Speaker 1: He had no deep seated rage, he had no childhood trauma, 296 00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:33,399 Speaker 1: like nothing really juicy to fix and grab onto. He 297 00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:36,359 Speaker 1: was he was employed. I mean, he was just like 298 00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:41,239 Speaker 1: this boring, normal person who ends up being you know, 299 00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:45,480 Speaker 1: my wonderful husband who I my Instagram following knows as 300 00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:51,639 Speaker 1: my delicious Steven because it caught me unaware. It was 301 00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:57,000 Speaker 1: because I thought, okay, yeah, this is not no way 302 00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:59,040 Speaker 1: I would ever be with this person. I even told 303 00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:01,800 Speaker 1: my friends like, don't even like let me go there, 304 00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:06,720 Speaker 1: like I'm not interested. And and now you know, he 305 00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:09,080 Speaker 1: wakes up three hours later than I do, and I 306 00:21:09,119 --> 00:21:11,040 Speaker 1: wake up and he could see how much I touch 307 00:21:11,119 --> 00:21:13,840 Speaker 1: him and sniff him and look at him, and you know, 308 00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:20,720 Speaker 1: when he's asleep, he'd probably be mortified. More creatures of pattern, 309 00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:25,680 Speaker 1: and chances are what you're attracted to is what you're 310 00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:29,359 Speaker 1: trying to work through, So keeping openness. I also had 311 00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:34,880 Speaker 1: a three date rule, you know, where where I really 312 00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:38,680 Speaker 1: made myself even if I wasn't interested in someone at 313 00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:41,400 Speaker 1: least you know, socially, or meet them for a coffee, 314 00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:46,840 Speaker 1: meet them three times, because it really we we do, 315 00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:49,880 Speaker 1: we create things. And I think that's the one interesting 316 00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:53,080 Speaker 1: thing about internet dating is that you move a lot 317 00:21:53,119 --> 00:21:55,760 Speaker 1: of different kinds of people. I've never done it. Um, 318 00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:59,600 Speaker 1: it's not really my demographic, but I know that that 319 00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:04,280 Speaker 1: A there's so many sites now and it's really wonderful. 320 00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:06,679 Speaker 1: One of the things that happened during COVID are really 321 00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:10,679 Speaker 1: good relationships happened because people couldn't kind of meet and 322 00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:13,240 Speaker 1: hook up right away, and they got to each other 323 00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:15,879 Speaker 1: and had disagreements and called at the wrong time in 324 00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:20,719 Speaker 1: the moment when your pimple patches were stone and you know, 325 00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:24,520 Speaker 1: and it was great because people formed real relationships and 326 00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:27,480 Speaker 1: then met each other and often had a little bit 327 00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:31,520 Speaker 1: of a you know, wow, and then realized, wow, I 328 00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:35,200 Speaker 1: know you, you know me, we've been we've been walking 329 00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:40,439 Speaker 1: together for these months, and and great relationships that wouldn't 330 00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:43,800 Speaker 1: have happened happened because they were meeting each other from 331 00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:47,280 Speaker 1: another angle. We have a lot of friends who actually 332 00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:49,960 Speaker 1: got coupled up during the pandemic for that exact reason. 333 00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:52,600 Speaker 1: I think it was. I think it's also kind of 334 00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:54,840 Speaker 1: something you touched on in the last podcast we did, 335 00:22:55,359 --> 00:22:58,080 Speaker 1: was just about the importance of connection or was at 336 00:22:58,080 --> 00:22:59,800 Speaker 1: the beginning of this one. I can't remember, but how 337 00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:03,159 Speaker 1: that is something we're all yeah, and in the beginning 338 00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:05,600 Speaker 1: of this one. We're all seeking connection and just the 339 00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:08,480 Speaker 1: importance of that in our lives. And I do think 340 00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:11,919 Speaker 1: we try to pretend like that's not, but it's a 341 00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:15,720 Speaker 1: core wiring of humans, you know, to connect, and so 342 00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:18,879 Speaker 1: getting out of our own way seems to be a 343 00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:24,240 Speaker 1: very important process to that. Well. And I was gonna 344 00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:28,119 Speaker 1: say something about the Internet dating to like I you know, 345 00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:30,120 Speaker 1: I struggle with it. I mean, even though I do 346 00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:33,320 Speaker 1: it and I think there's a million benefits to doing it, 347 00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:38,760 Speaker 1: I also think too it, Um, it allows me to 348 00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:43,399 Speaker 1: stay stuck in some patterns because I can judge somebody 349 00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:47,280 Speaker 1: for a few words in a few pictures versus like 350 00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:50,399 Speaker 1: giving them a shot. And you know, the last like 351 00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:53,199 Speaker 1: real connection that I felt with somebody like it was 352 00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:58,080 Speaker 1: a chance meeting in a bar. And so I'm sort 353 00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:02,560 Speaker 1: of holding onto that as like what I want because 354 00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:04,960 Speaker 1: it was so much more electric than any than like 355 00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:09,120 Speaker 1: swiping left or right could ever be. UM. And so 356 00:24:09,359 --> 00:24:12,560 Speaker 1: you know, I'm curious if you have any advice for me, 357 00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:16,520 Speaker 1: or for anybody listening, um, how to get out of 358 00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:20,080 Speaker 1: my patterns when it comes to just looking at something 359 00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:24,359 Speaker 1: that's two dimensional, UM, Because you know, it's like I 360 00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:28,440 Speaker 1: would get to you know, one of the things that's 361 00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:30,679 Speaker 1: really helpful, and it's it's interesting. It's one of the 362 00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:34,240 Speaker 1: things that I've trained doctors to do is, like before 363 00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:39,520 Speaker 1: before they look at their schedule for today, just take 364 00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:42,160 Speaker 1: a little note. What what comes to your attention when 365 00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:45,200 Speaker 1: you're looking at your eleven o'clock patient, you're eleven fifteen patient. 366 00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:49,000 Speaker 1: Because we've managed care, you have fifteen minicipation. But so 367 00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:54,719 Speaker 1: so when when you see somebody's picture, have the person 368 00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:58,560 Speaker 1: be the target, and then remove your attention from the person, 369 00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:03,720 Speaker 1: and notice how do you feel with this? Like, forget 370 00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:06,000 Speaker 1: their description, how do you feel? What do you want 371 00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:08,359 Speaker 1: to talk about? What where would be fun to be? 372 00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:12,080 Speaker 1: Listen to them? The thing that people forget about telepathy. 373 00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:14,520 Speaker 1: One of the hardest things to train isn't how to 374 00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:19,280 Speaker 1: send a message, but how to listen. So allow a 375 00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:23,399 Speaker 1: dialogue to happen without looking, you know, look at the 376 00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:26,199 Speaker 1: picture and then put it down for a moment, and 377 00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:30,159 Speaker 1: notice what are they saying to you? Because maybe they're saying, 378 00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:33,320 Speaker 1: I'm wearing a black leather jacket, but I'm actually a 379 00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:36,719 Speaker 1: math a math nerd, And maybe you love that, and 380 00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:40,000 Speaker 1: maybe you start the conversation that would have gone nowhere 381 00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:44,000 Speaker 1: with you know, integrals, you know, I mean, it's it's 382 00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:48,520 Speaker 1: it really. You get so much more information that you're 383 00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:53,080 Speaker 1: than you're aware of, and trying that out is so helpful. 384 00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:57,080 Speaker 1: The other thing that I think is very helpful, and 385 00:25:57,240 --> 00:26:00,680 Speaker 1: I was not a good practitioner of this when I 386 00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:05,040 Speaker 1: was dating, But another thing that I think is is 387 00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:09,200 Speaker 1: very helpful is to realize that this is a whole person. 388 00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:14,120 Speaker 1: And speaking as a mother, you know this is some 389 00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:18,720 Speaker 1: mother's son or daughter. This is a whole human being. 390 00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:23,400 Speaker 1: And even if they're not your type, when you give 391 00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:27,520 Speaker 1: someone the respect of just being aware that this is 392 00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:33,360 Speaker 1: a whole person, they may reveal to you a treasure 393 00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:40,159 Speaker 1: that you didn't know existed, either about themselves or about yourself. Also, 394 00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:46,959 Speaker 1: remember every person is connected to tens, hundreds, thousands of 395 00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:49,800 Speaker 1: other people I met. I had a rule that I 396 00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:53,680 Speaker 1: only met people through these two girlfriends who had long marriages, 397 00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:55,720 Speaker 1: because I knew I could not trust my intuition to 398 00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:58,719 Speaker 1: pick me a husband. My intuition was very good at 399 00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:01,359 Speaker 1: picking the same and over and over and over again. 400 00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:05,200 Speaker 1: So I went on a diet of men, and any 401 00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:07,679 Speaker 1: man who asked me out absolutely not any man I 402 00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:11,720 Speaker 1: was attracted to, absolutely not. I only went out with 403 00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:15,639 Speaker 1: men that these two friends of mine picked for me 404 00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:17,480 Speaker 1: and had known for at least ten years. That was 405 00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:22,600 Speaker 1: part of my list of checklists, and and it was 406 00:27:23,240 --> 00:27:29,480 Speaker 1: it was so you know, helpful just to give just 407 00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:34,080 Speaker 1: to really give people a chance as people. And maybe 408 00:27:34,119 --> 00:27:37,480 Speaker 1: that this person won't be the love of your life. 409 00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:39,399 Speaker 1: Maybe they're a great plumber though, and you happen to 410 00:27:39,400 --> 00:27:42,800 Speaker 1: have a leak in your kitchen. Uh, you know, maybe 411 00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:46,480 Speaker 1: you're a great stylist and they really need help, and 412 00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:49,720 Speaker 1: you know, being open to people as people. Nobody wants 413 00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:52,800 Speaker 1: to be objectified. And I often get when I do 414 00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:55,679 Speaker 1: a love workshop students and workshop that says, well, I 415 00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:57,680 Speaker 1: really want a baby, so I really want to meet 416 00:27:57,720 --> 00:27:59,320 Speaker 1: a man and fall in love. And I'm like, no, 417 00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:05,280 Speaker 1: you're objectifying somebody. If you want a sperm donor there 418 00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:09,359 Speaker 1: are really cheaper, easier ways to get a downor. Um. 419 00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:12,480 Speaker 1: You know, you don't want to be objectified, and you 420 00:28:12,520 --> 00:28:16,120 Speaker 1: don't want to objectify someone else because that actually makes 421 00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:21,920 Speaker 1: less of you. Um. And And I find and this 422 00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:25,560 Speaker 1: is from observing really tens of thousands of students over 423 00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:31,040 Speaker 1: the years that the people who find good relationships and 424 00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:33,320 Speaker 1: and that are able to work through the hairy parts 425 00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:37,840 Speaker 1: because they're always harry parts. Um are are the people 426 00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:41,320 Speaker 1: who kind of don't cheat, you know who when they 427 00:28:41,320 --> 00:28:44,240 Speaker 1: say they'll show up, show up, and even if the 428 00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:50,120 Speaker 1: other person doesn't, that's they're bad, you know, And and 429 00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:55,520 Speaker 1: have integrity because you really can't cheat in relationship. And 430 00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:59,680 Speaker 1: one of the things that I think people benefit with 431 00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:05,480 Speaker 1: love through intuitive training is you realize that people know 432 00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:08,800 Speaker 1: when you're lying. They may not know, but they know, 433 00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:13,840 Speaker 1: and often repressed that because they want you because what 434 00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:18,680 Speaker 1: you're exhibiting is great. But people know when you're lying. 435 00:29:19,120 --> 00:29:22,640 Speaker 1: So it's not that we always have to be honest, 436 00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:28,760 Speaker 1: but choose your lies really carefully and and work through 437 00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:33,320 Speaker 1: the parts of self. You know, I'm not going to 438 00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:35,520 Speaker 1: tell somebody the minute I meet them that I have 439 00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:37,480 Speaker 1: a terrible temper and you do not want to be 440 00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:41,640 Speaker 1: in the same room with me when I'm bitchy. Um. 441 00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:47,800 Speaker 1: But I'm also not gonna pretend the opposite, you know, 442 00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:52,080 Speaker 1: I'm going to find that balance of integrity and good presentation, 443 00:29:53,400 --> 00:29:57,920 Speaker 1: you know, um. And And I think that we often 444 00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:03,320 Speaker 1: feel like the mix of what we are isn't good enough, 445 00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:06,120 Speaker 1: but it is. It's good enough for someone. I mean, 446 00:30:06,160 --> 00:30:09,280 Speaker 1: I was fifty two years old and a totally neurotically 447 00:30:09,320 --> 00:30:12,280 Speaker 1: devoted mother when I fell in love with my husband, 448 00:30:12,960 --> 00:30:18,320 Speaker 1: and you know, he wanted to demonstrate that he was Mr. 449 00:30:18,560 --> 00:30:22,360 Speaker 1: Charmed Wind and dined me, not knowing there's nothing I 450 00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:24,920 Speaker 1: hate more than putting on five and shields and going 451 00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:31,160 Speaker 1: to a chop form in front of a TV, you know, 452 00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:37,000 Speaker 1: in my Mickey Mouse Boxer shorts, and almost lost the 453 00:30:37,080 --> 00:30:43,040 Speaker 1: game because he was just like to chic, And it's 454 00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:46,400 Speaker 1: you know, if you're you, you'll find you. And by 455 00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:48,520 Speaker 1: the way, you don't know who you are. You don't 456 00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:50,760 Speaker 1: know all the wonderful things about you. And that's what's 457 00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:54,560 Speaker 1: so wonderful about relationship. Talking again about going into the 458 00:30:54,560 --> 00:31:00,520 Speaker 1: bar and noticing is that people learn through interaction. So 459 00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:04,440 Speaker 1: whether it's positive or negative or slightly humiliating, and we've 460 00:31:04,480 --> 00:31:08,320 Speaker 1: all had those, you can learn about someone else, but 461 00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:13,960 Speaker 1: you can also learn about yourself. And it's wonderful when 462 00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:19,520 Speaker 1: we get fascinated not about improving ourselves because often again 463 00:31:19,560 --> 00:31:23,760 Speaker 1: we improve in these patterned neurotic ways, but just like, 464 00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:29,040 Speaker 1: oh maybe I am a little vindictive and controlling. Oh 465 00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:32,360 Speaker 1: that was really smart that I just said in conversation 466 00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:34,440 Speaker 1: with that person. Let me write it. I always tell 467 00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:37,040 Speaker 1: us students on Instagram because you email me that that 468 00:31:37,120 --> 00:31:45,960 Speaker 1: was really smart. You know, lead with that that curiosity 469 00:31:46,040 --> 00:31:48,840 Speaker 1: and listen. If you're funny and quirky and someone doesn't 470 00:31:48,880 --> 00:31:50,800 Speaker 1: get you because you put it in your pro you'r 471 00:31:50,840 --> 00:31:55,320 Speaker 1: swiping pro flot file, then someone's not going to get you. 472 00:31:55,360 --> 00:31:57,720 Speaker 1: They're probably there are a lot of people out there. 473 00:31:57,760 --> 00:32:00,719 Speaker 1: There is a lid for every kettle. Remember when I 474 00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:04,080 Speaker 1: want all in Love I was. That was eleven years ago. 475 00:32:04,120 --> 00:32:07,920 Speaker 1: I was fifty two and all of my single girlfriend said, 476 00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:11,240 Speaker 1: oh there's nobody out there. All the men are blah 477 00:32:11,240 --> 00:32:15,400 Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah. And I was like, yeah, okay, 478 00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:19,400 Speaker 1: that's your deal. I know that I want to be 479 00:32:19,560 --> 00:32:24,640 Speaker 1: partnered and I know that I want to feel important 480 00:32:24,680 --> 00:32:28,640 Speaker 1: to someone who is important to me. And yeah, a 481 00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:32,120 Speaker 1: lot of people didn't want me and the right person did. 482 00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:36,880 Speaker 1: And I think that you we tend to You know, 483 00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:41,360 Speaker 1: once again, rejection does it physically hurts? You know? Being 484 00:32:41,400 --> 00:32:46,600 Speaker 1: able to comfort ourselves to self soothed is really important 485 00:32:47,280 --> 00:32:51,520 Speaker 1: because opening yourself up does mean that you will be 486 00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:55,000 Speaker 1: hurt in places that maybe you haven't been hurt before, 487 00:32:55,640 --> 00:32:58,200 Speaker 1: and you need to have a friend to hold you, 488 00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:05,400 Speaker 1: or breathing technique or screaming technique to release the distress, 489 00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:08,480 Speaker 1: or you're not going to have the courage to be 490 00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:12,200 Speaker 1: able to let something bigger in. And by the way, 491 00:33:12,560 --> 00:33:19,000 Speaker 1: love sucks because love takes the courage to know something 492 00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:22,400 Speaker 1: could happen to this person who's your heart. I mean, 493 00:33:22,480 --> 00:33:27,040 Speaker 1: I actually truly experienced love until I had my son, 494 00:33:27,640 --> 00:33:30,520 Speaker 1: who was irreplaceable. There was no way any longer to 495 00:33:30,640 --> 00:33:35,480 Speaker 1: protect myself, you know, because here was literally my heart 496 00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:38,720 Speaker 1: walking outside of my body, so that when I fell 497 00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:41,920 Speaker 1: in love as a someone who had had a child, 498 00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:46,720 Speaker 1: there was more. There were more ventricles available in my 499 00:33:46,920 --> 00:33:52,400 Speaker 1: heart because I knew, Wow, this person could devastate me, 500 00:33:53,240 --> 00:33:58,160 Speaker 1: and not allowing for that possibility, then I assure my 501 00:33:58,240 --> 00:34:04,840 Speaker 1: own devastation. Uh. I know you did a lot of 502 00:34:05,040 --> 00:34:11,879 Speaker 1: what did you say? And I have an amen? A Yes, 503 00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:13,960 Speaker 1: I totally agree with you. And I know you do 504 00:34:14,040 --> 00:34:17,759 Speaker 1: a lot of work about navigating heartbreak with intuition and 505 00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:21,040 Speaker 1: how your intuition can either set you free or keep 506 00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:23,160 Speaker 1: you stuck. Can you speak to that a little bit, 507 00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:25,440 Speaker 1: because I do think that you're right, like, do you 508 00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:29,120 Speaker 1: open yourself up to love? There's always a chance for heartbreak. Well, 509 00:34:29,280 --> 00:34:34,160 Speaker 1: you know heartbreak, heartbreak often you know that there are 510 00:34:34,160 --> 00:34:38,040 Speaker 1: different levels of it. I mean, here are some tips 511 00:34:38,080 --> 00:34:43,520 Speaker 1: for heartbreak. You're not if if someone leaves you, you 512 00:34:43,560 --> 00:34:46,279 Speaker 1: are not going to understand. You're not going to be 513 00:34:46,360 --> 00:34:52,200 Speaker 1: open to intelligent understanding until you're over it, so that 514 00:34:52,440 --> 00:34:56,520 Speaker 1: the obsessive thinking, what it does is it keeps you 515 00:34:56,600 --> 00:35:00,600 Speaker 1: attached to a limb that's that's rotting and going to 516 00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:05,080 Speaker 1: poison you. One of the most important things when there's 517 00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:09,400 Speaker 1: a separation, when there's a loss, is to just deal 518 00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:11,640 Speaker 1: with what's going on in your own life in the moment. 519 00:35:12,120 --> 00:35:15,960 Speaker 1: The other thing is that that people often continue conversations 520 00:35:16,080 --> 00:35:20,799 Speaker 1: telepathically with the person who wrote their heart and then 521 00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:25,359 Speaker 1: the person there is then never really any closure because 522 00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:28,600 Speaker 1: the person never feels your absence. I mean, the first 523 00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:35,600 Speaker 1: documented research on telepathy was done at Mommadies Medical Center 524 00:35:35,640 --> 00:35:39,279 Speaker 1: I think in the early nineties fifties. And we do 525 00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:41,520 Speaker 1: hear each other. We don't always know where you're in 526 00:35:41,560 --> 00:35:44,280 Speaker 1: each other, but we hear each other and we tend 527 00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:49,359 Speaker 1: to be in conversation with people who have left us, 528 00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:53,520 Speaker 1: and that does a lot of things that are not healthy. One, 529 00:35:54,280 --> 00:35:57,359 Speaker 1: you're having a dialogue, so neither of you actually get 530 00:35:57,400 --> 00:36:00,440 Speaker 1: to separate. And often someone will say, well, I want 531 00:36:00,520 --> 00:36:02,520 Speaker 1: him to call me. I'm sending the message call me, 532 00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:04,279 Speaker 1: call me. I'm like, why would he call you? You're 533 00:36:04,280 --> 00:36:07,920 Speaker 1: talking to them already, Try not talking. See how quickly 534 00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:11,840 Speaker 1: you get that phone call? Right? No, I mean you 535 00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:14,640 Speaker 1: don't you know, if you're scratching the edge. The person 536 00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:18,320 Speaker 1: doesn't doesn't have the need, And we often, I think, 537 00:36:19,200 --> 00:36:23,839 Speaker 1: suffocate relationships by being always in that telepathic dialogue when 538 00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:27,680 Speaker 1: actually what we need to do is say, hey, please 539 00:36:27,760 --> 00:36:32,200 Speaker 1: put the toilet seat down, you know, say it instead 540 00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:35,759 Speaker 1: send sending it, sending it and and it and it 541 00:36:35,880 --> 00:36:40,600 Speaker 1: getting confused. Um. So it's really important. And the way 542 00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:44,799 Speaker 1: to change telepathy is to find a dialogue you want 543 00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:49,480 Speaker 1: to have. And it takes discipline, redirect your attention. So 544 00:36:49,760 --> 00:36:55,719 Speaker 1: let's say you're you know you're having you know, how 545 00:36:55,760 --> 00:36:58,319 Speaker 1: could you do this to me? You know why I 546 00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:00,200 Speaker 1: did this for you? Why don't you love of me? 547 00:37:00,280 --> 00:37:02,880 Speaker 1: Blah blah blah. Every time you think of that person, 548 00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:07,279 Speaker 1: think of a love you want, or think of an 549 00:37:07,280 --> 00:37:09,719 Speaker 1: employer who you want to have give you a promotion, 550 00:37:10,160 --> 00:37:16,840 Speaker 1: and and and consciously shift that dialogue because then, remember 551 00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:19,560 Speaker 1: I said that the relationship is a person. There are 552 00:37:19,560 --> 00:37:23,560 Speaker 1: three people in the relationship, you other and relationship. Although 553 00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:26,839 Speaker 1: now that people are so openly polyamorous and sometimes you 554 00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:30,479 Speaker 1: you you, you you in the relationship. But well let's 555 00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:34,239 Speaker 1: just keep it simple for the sake of discussion. So you, you, 556 00:37:34,360 --> 00:37:38,960 Speaker 1: and the relationship. And part of the problem is with heartbreak, 557 00:37:39,440 --> 00:37:44,560 Speaker 1: the relationship dies slowly, even if the people are a part, 558 00:37:45,200 --> 00:37:49,160 Speaker 1: you know, in a sense together you have one complete brain, 559 00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:53,000 Speaker 1: and you have to separate out what's yours and what's theirs. 560 00:37:53,239 --> 00:37:57,920 Speaker 1: And we confuse that you know, this person loved me, 561 00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:03,600 Speaker 1: therefore I as attractive. Then now they don't love me. 562 00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:09,200 Speaker 1: I'm not attractive now, and we we become in a 563 00:38:09,320 --> 00:38:16,520 Speaker 1: sense neurologically drug dependent on that connection. So it's really 564 00:38:16,600 --> 00:38:24,120 Speaker 1: important to find connections, behaviors, activities that give you that 565 00:38:24,320 --> 00:38:28,840 Speaker 1: same feeling. You know. One of the greatest practices for 566 00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:35,799 Speaker 1: love is friendship, you know, is really finding a way 567 00:38:35,840 --> 00:38:39,280 Speaker 1: that someone else can comfort you or make you feel good, 568 00:38:39,400 --> 00:38:42,480 Speaker 1: or you can do that for someone else you know 569 00:38:42,719 --> 00:38:46,680 Speaker 1: or be interested like you know. Part parenting teaches you 570 00:38:46,719 --> 00:38:50,360 Speaker 1: a lot about love. I remember learning all the Pokemon? 571 00:38:50,719 --> 00:38:55,560 Speaker 1: Do you think that interested me? But I love my 572 00:38:55,680 --> 00:38:58,600 Speaker 1: son and that's how I taught him phelepathy. I think 573 00:38:58,640 --> 00:39:01,360 Speaker 1: a pokemon, and he would tell me which pokemon he 574 00:39:01,480 --> 00:39:05,680 Speaker 1: was thinking of, vice versa. But you know, love is 575 00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:09,759 Speaker 1: how can I be engaged in other and how can 576 00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:12,279 Speaker 1: I find an angle where I'm not thinking it but 577 00:39:12,320 --> 00:39:20,680 Speaker 1: I'm genuinely engaged. So for heartbreak, often the severance traumatizes us, 578 00:39:20,760 --> 00:39:24,440 Speaker 1: and then we re traumatize ourselves literally every second of 579 00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:29,960 Speaker 1: the day, and and the traumatization is often a feeling 580 00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:32,799 Speaker 1: that if we could figure it out, we can make 581 00:39:32,840 --> 00:39:36,960 Speaker 1: ourselves whole, or we can make something better. But really 582 00:39:37,360 --> 00:39:40,839 Speaker 1: taking yourself out of a painful dynamic is what makes 583 00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:43,399 Speaker 1: it better. And then if there's a chance something can 584 00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:48,120 Speaker 1: heal or heal in a different way, it does, and 585 00:39:48,160 --> 00:39:52,719 Speaker 1: it's it really is important to honor heartbreak the same 586 00:39:52,760 --> 00:39:57,560 Speaker 1: way you would honor having a major operation, because to 587 00:39:57,760 --> 00:40:01,319 Speaker 1: your brain and body, they are very much the same. 588 00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:05,480 Speaker 1: The incidence of heart attack is heightened after a loss. 589 00:40:06,040 --> 00:40:09,479 Speaker 1: You know that it's a real thing and and to 590 00:40:09,480 --> 00:40:12,680 Speaker 1: take care of yourself is important. The other thing is 591 00:40:12,719 --> 00:40:18,520 Speaker 1: that every trauma, every loss, awakens the story of loss 592 00:40:18,600 --> 00:40:23,920 Speaker 1: in our life. So learning the story of loss is 593 00:40:23,960 --> 00:40:27,359 Speaker 1: really important. For me. My mother suicide, and when I 594 00:40:27,440 --> 00:40:32,120 Speaker 1: was fourteen, that was my first major, major loss. So 595 00:40:32,320 --> 00:40:36,840 Speaker 1: every loss or potential for loss felt huge to me 596 00:40:36,880 --> 00:40:40,279 Speaker 1: because at fourteen I was left in an awful situation. 597 00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:44,400 Speaker 1: It's not so true as an adult. No a loss. 598 00:40:45,520 --> 00:40:49,080 Speaker 1: Yeah it's a loss, but I can take care of myself. 599 00:40:49,160 --> 00:40:51,839 Speaker 1: I can feed myself, I can you know, it's not 600 00:40:51,920 --> 00:40:55,880 Speaker 1: the same thing. So learning what your story of loss 601 00:40:56,200 --> 00:40:59,920 Speaker 1: is and also what your story of love is because 602 00:41:00,080 --> 00:41:04,759 Speaker 1: is a lot of us. For example, think, okay, if 603 00:41:04,800 --> 00:41:09,560 Speaker 1: someone loves me, they protect me, because that's maybe what 604 00:41:09,680 --> 00:41:13,759 Speaker 1: we needed as children. And when you investigate that, well, 605 00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:17,200 Speaker 1: protection actually doesn't mean they're only always on my side anymore. 606 00:41:17,239 --> 00:41:21,960 Speaker 1: Protection actually now should mean that they're honest with me, 607 00:41:22,440 --> 00:41:26,719 Speaker 1: so that in the world I can do better. You know, Um, 608 00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:29,040 Speaker 1: I used to say to my son, I'm tough on you, 609 00:41:29,120 --> 00:41:32,520 Speaker 1: so the world won't be um. You know, you get 610 00:41:32,560 --> 00:41:34,200 Speaker 1: it at home and you go into the world and 611 00:41:34,239 --> 00:41:38,239 Speaker 1: you do the right thing. And so really learning that 612 00:41:38,360 --> 00:41:41,520 Speaker 1: those stories. And that doesn't mean thinking about them and 613 00:41:41,560 --> 00:41:45,960 Speaker 1: studying them. That means noticing, Okay, this hurts, When have 614 00:41:46,040 --> 00:41:49,160 Speaker 1: I felt this before? And what did I do that 615 00:41:49,280 --> 00:41:52,440 Speaker 1: made it better? And if that doesn't work. You know, 616 00:41:53,239 --> 00:41:58,919 Speaker 1: we often neglect one of the greatest resources we have, 617 00:41:59,719 --> 00:42:02,640 Speaker 1: which is one another. And I'm not even talking about 618 00:42:03,160 --> 00:42:09,799 Speaker 1: true deep friendships, you know. I mean when I had COVID, 619 00:42:09,840 --> 00:42:13,560 Speaker 1: I went online to my group on Instagram and I said, 620 00:42:13,560 --> 00:42:17,640 Speaker 1: oh God, I feel awful, and someone had the infermission 621 00:42:17,719 --> 00:42:22,000 Speaker 1: oh sinc in vitamin. See, it really helped immediately helped. 622 00:42:22,480 --> 00:42:26,640 Speaker 1: Maybe not everybody their intuitives, but you know, we we 623 00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:29,879 Speaker 1: we have we can support each other. Even if it's 624 00:42:29,960 --> 00:42:33,080 Speaker 1: at a coffee shop, you're sitting down on a bench 625 00:42:33,400 --> 00:42:37,640 Speaker 1: and you get into a conversation, we can find comfort. 626 00:42:37,719 --> 00:42:42,640 Speaker 1: And comfort is a very important thing when you're undergoing heartbreak, 627 00:42:42,719 --> 00:42:45,880 Speaker 1: but not as important as self discipline is not letting 628 00:42:45,880 --> 00:42:51,160 Speaker 1: yourself re traumatize yourself. And that is so hard to 629 00:42:51,200 --> 00:42:55,320 Speaker 1: do because it pulls at us, and the telepathy pulls 630 00:42:55,360 --> 00:42:59,239 Speaker 1: at us. It's so true. I could talk about this 631 00:42:59,320 --> 00:43:01,880 Speaker 1: all day, but all I know You've given us so 632 00:43:01,920 --> 00:43:04,080 Speaker 1: many good tips. Laura, tell the people where they can 633 00:43:04,080 --> 00:43:05,840 Speaker 1: find you if they want to find out more about 634 00:43:05,880 --> 00:43:12,240 Speaker 1: how to use um intuition in their love practices. So 635 00:43:12,760 --> 00:43:16,640 Speaker 1: in the mornings, a group of us exchange readings on 636 00:43:16,800 --> 00:43:21,240 Speaker 1: Laura Day into it on Instagram. Um, Laura Day dot 637 00:43:21,280 --> 00:43:25,520 Speaker 1: com is my website and you can google me and 638 00:43:25,600 --> 00:43:28,440 Speaker 1: I pop up. I'm the only one who reads my email, 639 00:43:28,560 --> 00:43:30,839 Speaker 1: so I always tell people when it says contact Laura 640 00:43:30,880 --> 00:43:33,560 Speaker 1: on my website, make it short, because people say such 641 00:43:33,640 --> 00:43:36,960 Speaker 1: private things to me. I don't want an assistant reading them. 642 00:43:37,239 --> 00:43:42,319 Speaker 1: But take it short, and I always always respond amazing. 643 00:43:42,400 --> 00:43:44,279 Speaker 1: I love that. I'll put all the info for Laura 644 00:43:44,360 --> 00:43:46,440 Speaker 1: in the description of this podcast. Laura, thank you so 645 00:43:46,560 --> 00:43:48,840 Speaker 1: much you were you took over our v podcast that 646 00:43:48,960 --> 00:43:53,920 Speaker 1: we can really appreciate this great thank you. I really 647 00:43:54,040 --> 00:43:56,839 Speaker 1: enjoyed it. It was a wonderful way to spend time 648 00:43:56,880 --> 00:43:59,560 Speaker 1: in Palermo. Yeah, there you go. Enjoy the rest of 649 00:43:59,560 --> 00:44:00,840 Speaker 1: your trip. Get back to that