WEBVTT - Let Them with Mel Robbins 0:00:00.920 --> 0:00:04.680 Happy New Year, everybody, Happy new Year, Catherine. 0:00:04.519 --> 0:00:05.520 Happy Tuesday. 0:00:06.080 --> 0:00:07.040 It's a new year. 0:00:07.680 --> 0:00:10.880 Twenty twenty four is over, twenty twenty five is here. 0:00:12.360 --> 0:00:14.760 Let's get queer, let's get used to it. 0:00:15.440 --> 0:00:16.280 Let's please do. 0:00:16.480 --> 0:00:19.079 Also, we are now airing what are we doing on 0:00:19.120 --> 0:00:20.119 YouTube now, Catherine? 0:00:20.239 --> 0:00:21.959 Airing our full episodes or. 0:00:22.040 --> 0:00:25.880 Yes, we have full episodes available on YouTube as well 0:00:25.920 --> 0:00:29.000 as some older episodes that we're putting out now. So 0:00:29.400 --> 0:00:31.639 check for the weekly episode. They go up on Thursdays, 0:00:31.680 --> 0:00:34.960 just like the podcast, and you know we're throwing an 0:00:35.000 --> 0:00:38.040 extra old episode, okay, Fani, Great, well, great. 0:00:37.920 --> 0:00:38.600 Okay, yes. 0:00:38.760 --> 0:00:41.239 People ask all the time where they can watch the podcast, 0:00:41.400 --> 0:00:43.479 so now you can watch it and it's the full episodes, 0:00:43.560 --> 0:00:44.440 right Catherine. 0:00:44.120 --> 0:00:46.280 Yes, yeah, oh great, this is awesome. 0:00:46.520 --> 0:00:48.880 Yeah, you're gonna love it. And you have a book 0:00:48.920 --> 0:00:49.400 coming out. 0:00:49.760 --> 0:00:52.479 I'm coming out. I'll have what she's having ready for 0:00:52.520 --> 0:00:52.960 pre order. 0:00:53.000 --> 0:00:55.880 Comes out of my fiftieth birthday, Everybody February twenty fifth, 0:00:56.200 --> 0:00:58.360 and you can also watch me on E on January 0:00:58.440 --> 0:01:01.360 twelfth for the Critics' Choice Awards. I'm hosting again, so 0:01:01.440 --> 0:01:04.160 I will be doing that. Then on February twenty fifth, 0:01:04.200 --> 0:01:05.760 my book will be coming out and then I have 0:01:05.800 --> 0:01:07.039 another surprise in March. 0:01:08.640 --> 0:01:12.160 So many surprises, I know, so many. I'm excited about 0:01:12.160 --> 0:01:15.200 the New Year. I'm excited. Do you have goals set resolution? 0:01:15.280 --> 0:01:15.640 No? 0:01:15.640 --> 0:01:17.320 No, we come on, Catherine. I don't have time for 0:01:17.360 --> 0:01:18.280 reading that bullshit. 0:01:19.120 --> 0:01:23.560 No, but we do have a very very special, motivational 0:01:23.760 --> 0:01:27.440 New Year's guest who everyone is gonna love because she's 0:01:27.520 --> 0:01:29.760 all over the place right now with her new book. 0:01:29.920 --> 0:01:33.000 She's an author, she is a mind set coach and 0:01:33.160 --> 0:01:36.759 host of one of the most listened to podcasts in 0:01:36.840 --> 0:01:40.679 the world. Please welcome Mel Robbins. We have Mel Robbins 0:01:40.720 --> 0:01:44.040 here today, you guys, which is I've ingested all of 0:01:44.160 --> 0:01:46.160 Mel Robbins. I don't think there's a thing about you 0:01:46.200 --> 0:01:46.920 that I don't. 0:01:46.720 --> 0:01:48.400 Know, and you still invited me. 0:01:48.520 --> 0:01:49.880 I know, I know. It's a lot. 0:01:49.920 --> 0:01:52.360 It's kind of like when people drown themselves in information 0:01:52.400 --> 0:01:54.440 about me. I always seem like I'm so sorry and 0:01:54.480 --> 0:01:57.080 I ran and they're like, I've read everything, I've looked 0:01:57.080 --> 0:01:59.120 at everything, I'm so prepared for this interview, and I'm 0:01:59.120 --> 0:02:00.640 always like, I'm really so that you had to listen 0:02:00.680 --> 0:02:02.320 to all that, which is exactly what you said to me. 0:02:02.360 --> 0:02:03.720 When I ran into you the other day at some 0:02:03.720 --> 0:02:07.120 podcasts we were both doing. You were like, I'm so sorry. 0:02:07.160 --> 0:02:09.560 It was Mel Robbins week at my house. So we 0:02:09.720 --> 0:02:12.959 are educated because I knew of you from social media. 0:02:13.880 --> 0:02:15.880 But then when I read your story in your new book, 0:02:16.120 --> 0:02:18.080 The Let Them Theory, I like that you also come 0:02:18.120 --> 0:02:19.120 up with your own theories. 0:02:19.240 --> 0:02:22.399 I love that you talk in the beginning of the book. 0:02:22.200 --> 0:02:25.200 About your story, which is incredible, that you were eight 0:02:25.320 --> 0:02:28.440 hundred thousand dollars in debt and you. 0:02:28.320 --> 0:02:30.760 Were at the end of your rope, uh huh, and 0:02:31.000 --> 0:02:31.600 you had no. 0:02:31.520 --> 0:02:32.760 Idea how you were going to pay, and you had 0:02:32.800 --> 0:02:35.200 four children, and you had no idea how you were 0:02:35.200 --> 0:02:37.200 going to pay your finances, and you guys were broke. 0:02:37.680 --> 0:02:41.399 And I was also fucking furious with my husband because 0:02:41.400 --> 0:02:42.480 I thought it was his fault. 0:02:42.200 --> 0:02:44.280 Of course, and it's always everyone else's fault. 0:02:45.600 --> 0:02:48.760 And then you decided one day that you used to 0:02:48.880 --> 0:02:50.919 start practicing five four three two one. 0:02:51.120 --> 0:02:53.320 Yes. Well, the story is that I was having this 0:02:53.400 --> 0:02:55.160 moment if you've ever had a moment in your life, 0:02:55.400 --> 0:02:58.040 and I know you have, which is why we like 0:02:58.080 --> 0:03:02.320 each other, where you literally find yourself talking to yourself 0:03:02.320 --> 0:03:05.800 out loud, and you're saying, that's it. No more drinking. 0:03:06.160 --> 0:03:07.760 I'm not going to be bitch to everybody. I gotta 0:03:07.800 --> 0:03:09.239 find a job. I got to get in shape, I 0:03:09.240 --> 0:03:11.440 got to tell people what's going on. I got to 0:03:11.480 --> 0:03:14.079 take responsibility for my life. And by God, melt when 0:03:14.080 --> 0:03:16.880 that alarm rings tomorrow morning, you cannot lay there like 0:03:16.919 --> 0:03:19.359 a human pot roast, marinating in your problems. You got 0:03:19.400 --> 0:03:20.720 to get your ass out of bed and get those 0:03:20.800 --> 0:03:24.800 kids on the bus. And at that moment, I swear 0:03:24.800 --> 0:03:27.800 to God, a rocket ship launched across a television screen 0:03:27.840 --> 0:03:30.240 at the end of a commercial, and I thought, that's it. 0:03:30.480 --> 0:03:32.839 That's the answer. Tomorrow morning, when that alarm rings, I'm 0:03:32.840 --> 0:03:35.360 going to rocket myself out of bed so fast. I'm 0:03:35.400 --> 0:03:37.280 not going to be in that bed when that anxiety hits. 0:03:37.320 --> 0:03:37.560 Now. 0:03:38.120 --> 0:03:40.280 I had had four Bourbon Manhattans that night, so it 0:03:40.320 --> 0:03:42.200 could have been the alcohol that gave me that idea, 0:03:42.560 --> 0:03:45.360 because I was drinking an awful lot back then. But 0:03:46.040 --> 0:03:50.200 that was the moment that changed my life because the 0:03:50.280 --> 0:03:55.400 very next morning, the alarm ring. And what's interesting about life? 0:03:55.400 --> 0:03:57.280 And when I show you this, you will never unsee it. 0:03:57.440 --> 0:03:59.640 And it's not my breasts, which you definitely don't want 0:03:59.640 --> 0:04:01.480 to see right now, but we'll get a picture. We'll 0:04:01.480 --> 0:04:04.320 get a picture of those. But there is this moment 0:04:05.000 --> 0:04:08.560 that defines your whole life, and it's this five second window. 0:04:09.400 --> 0:04:12.560 And it's the moment between knowing what you need to 0:04:12.600 --> 0:04:17.400 do and actually doing it. And we make a critical 0:04:17.440 --> 0:04:21.720 mistake where you know the thing that you need to do, 0:04:21.800 --> 0:04:24.480 but instead of doing it, you stop and consider how 0:04:24.480 --> 0:04:28.200 you feel about it. It's this moment of hesitation. And 0:04:28.279 --> 0:04:31.320 as soon as you drift from knowing what you need 0:04:31.320 --> 0:04:32.960 to do to thinking about whether or not you feel 0:04:32.960 --> 0:04:36.200 like doing it, in that five second moment of hesitation 0:04:36.360 --> 0:04:40.400 comes the doubt and the anxiety and the procrastination. And 0:04:40.600 --> 0:04:42.200 what's happening in your brain I didn't know this at 0:04:42.240 --> 0:04:45.240 the time, is that you're moving from being conscious to 0:04:45.320 --> 0:04:48.480 switching into the default mode in your brain where your 0:04:48.480 --> 0:04:51.120 patterns and habits take over. And I had a habit 0:04:51.160 --> 0:04:53.400 of avoidance, AD a habit of blaming. I had a 0:04:53.440 --> 0:04:55.240 habit of anger. I had a habit of hitting the 0:04:55.279 --> 0:04:57.479 snooze button over and over and over again. 0:04:57.400 --> 0:05:01.040 Like kind of like a victim mentality percent because. 0:05:00.880 --> 0:05:06.320 My problems felt so overwhelming that My response was to freeze, 0:05:07.120 --> 0:05:10.680 and I didn't think anything that I was going to 0:05:10.720 --> 0:05:13.120 do is going to matter, So why I do it? Right? 0:05:13.720 --> 0:05:17.159 And that's what I find is a massive challenge for 0:05:17.200 --> 0:05:20.080 most of us, that we all know the little things 0:05:20.120 --> 0:05:22.400 that we could be doing that would make us a 0:05:22.400 --> 0:05:24.680 little happier, healthier, Right. 0:05:24.680 --> 0:05:27.920 Right, that seemed like an uphill, almost insurmountable to even 0:05:27.960 --> 0:05:28.360 get there. 0:05:28.360 --> 0:05:29.560 But they're not insurmountable. 0:05:29.560 --> 0:05:34.080 They're not insurmountable. But if you have the opinion, well, 0:05:34.080 --> 0:05:38.080 why does it matter? Because in that moment when the 0:05:38.120 --> 0:05:41.440 alarm ring and I remembered the rocket launch, and this 0:05:41.520 --> 0:05:44.920 window of hesitation opened, and I go, I don't feel 0:05:44.960 --> 0:05:47.159 like any out of it. It's dark, it's cold, it's 0:05:47.160 --> 0:05:50.000 February in Boston. We're eight hundred thousand dollars in debt. 0:05:50.240 --> 0:05:52.800 How is this going to help? And for whatever reason, 0:05:52.960 --> 0:05:56.880 I just started counting backwards, just like NASA does, five four, three, 0:05:57.000 --> 0:05:59.440 two one, and I stood up and it was bizarre. 0:06:00.320 --> 0:06:02.040 And that was the first morning that I had gotten 0:06:02.080 --> 0:06:05.480 out of bed when the alarm rang in months, And 0:06:05.520 --> 0:06:08.359 so I went on with my day the next morning, 0:06:08.400 --> 0:06:09.600 same thing. Now, what were you. 0:06:09.560 --> 0:06:10.400 Doing before that? 0:06:10.480 --> 0:06:12.320 You would just your alarm would go off and you 0:06:12.360 --> 0:06:13.520 would just sit in bed and lie. 0:06:13.640 --> 0:06:16.640 I would rot in bed like most people and literally 0:06:16.680 --> 0:06:18.640 over your pocket. I mean, if you think about those 0:06:18.640 --> 0:06:21.040 moments where you wake up and you either hate your job, 0:06:21.120 --> 0:06:23.720 or you're in a crappy relationship, or you're not happy, 0:06:23.839 --> 0:06:26.960 or you're struggling with something. You wake up and you 0:06:26.960 --> 0:06:30.000 don't want to face a day. And so instead of 0:06:30.160 --> 0:06:32.720 facing the day, which would help, because once you get 0:06:32.800 --> 0:06:36.440 up you can keep going, typically I would lay there 0:06:37.040 --> 0:06:39.159 and as I would lay there and stare at the ceiling, 0:06:39.600 --> 0:06:42.479 and that feeling of dread would come over my body. 0:06:42.760 --> 0:06:45.479 My mind would then take over and start racing through 0:06:45.520 --> 0:06:48.440 all the problems that were going on, and they just 0:06:48.560 --> 0:06:52.159 started stacking up like a gravity blanket, pinning me there. 0:06:52.560 --> 0:06:55.080 And then when you feel that you don't want to 0:06:55.120 --> 0:06:58.320 wake up, what you want to do is avoid the day. 0:06:58.400 --> 0:07:00.760 And so I would hit the snoozee and to try 0:07:00.760 --> 0:07:03.960 to fall back asleep because I'm hoping that I'm just 0:07:04.000 --> 0:07:06.200 waking up in a nightmare. This isn't actually my life. 0:07:06.720 --> 0:07:08.600 And then ultimately it would get to the point where 0:07:08.640 --> 0:07:11.480 the kids are standing next to me and the bus 0:07:11.640 --> 0:07:14.920 is already gone. And now I'm like, Okay, here we 0:07:14.960 --> 0:07:21.920 go again. And it's stunning how the smallest things can 0:07:22.000 --> 0:07:28.080 feel impossible in life, impossible. And what I know now 0:07:28.240 --> 0:07:33.200 is there's so much that explains why we're wired this way. 0:07:33.720 --> 0:07:35.480 But I didn't know any of this then. I just 0:07:35.560 --> 0:07:37.760 knew that my life was falling apart, and everything that 0:07:37.800 --> 0:07:40.480 I cared about was circling the drain, and there was 0:07:40.560 --> 0:07:42.400 absolutely nothing I was doing. 0:07:42.720 --> 0:07:43.360 That was helping. 0:07:44.120 --> 0:07:47.160 And yet I knew the little things that could help. 0:07:47.240 --> 0:07:49.240 I mean, obviously, if you don't have any money and 0:07:49.320 --> 0:07:51.280 you can barely put food on the table, you should 0:07:51.280 --> 0:07:55.120 get a job. Right. If you are drinking every night 0:07:55.240 --> 0:07:57.400 and then waking up with a hangover, it's not helping 0:07:57.400 --> 0:08:02.040 you face the stuff. And so avoids became a chronic 0:08:02.200 --> 0:08:05.160 habit for me, and this one little tool five four 0:08:05.280 --> 0:08:09.080 three two one, and pushing through this sort of insight 0:08:09.160 --> 0:08:11.800 that oh my god, there's a window of time between 0:08:12.240 --> 0:08:14.520 knowing what you need to do and then your brain 0:08:14.640 --> 0:08:17.520 killing your motivation to do it. And if you act 0:08:17.600 --> 0:08:20.320 in that window, whether it's speaking up at work or 0:08:20.360 --> 0:08:22.880 starting the hard conversation or getting your ass up off 0:08:22.920 --> 0:08:23.920 the couch, and or. 0:08:23.920 --> 0:08:25.800 An example, you use in the book is like, you know, 0:08:25.840 --> 0:08:28.680 someone asking you to dance and it being a great idea, 0:08:28.840 --> 0:08:30.440 but then you think about it and you're like, do 0:08:30.520 --> 0:08:30.960 I want to be. 0:08:30.920 --> 0:08:32.559 Dancing in front of all these people? Do I actually 0:08:32.600 --> 0:08:33.720 want to get up and dance? Yeah? 0:08:33.720 --> 0:08:36.280 And in that five seconds you lose your mojo when 0:08:36.320 --> 0:08:38.040 you could have been dancing this whole time and having 0:08:38.040 --> 0:08:38.840 a good time. Yes. 0:08:39.200 --> 0:08:40.920 And so you know, one of the things that I 0:08:40.960 --> 0:08:43.120 point out that I love to point out when I'm 0:08:43.240 --> 0:08:45.559 teaching this is if you think about the most famous 0:08:45.600 --> 0:08:49.320 tagline in the world, just do it right? Those three 0:08:49.360 --> 0:08:52.960 words right, just do it? What's the most powerful ward? 0:08:53.480 --> 0:08:53.560 Do? 0:08:54.040 --> 0:08:59.320 No, it's not it, It's just it's just I'm gonna 0:08:59.320 --> 0:09:03.400 explain why if Nike's tadline had been do it, that's 0:09:03.440 --> 0:09:07.880 not that inspiring. The word just acknowledges both your humanity 0:09:07.960 --> 0:09:12.920 and your potential. See, they're calling you from the sideline 0:09:13.600 --> 0:09:16.839 and inviting you to join in the game of life. 0:09:17.679 --> 0:09:19.840 They're saying, I see you there, I see that you 0:09:20.000 --> 0:09:22.560 want this, and I see you doubting yourself. I see 0:09:22.559 --> 0:09:26.560 you questioning yourself. They're acknowledging the only thing that is 0:09:26.559 --> 0:09:29.520 stopping you and it's that moment of hesitation where you 0:09:29.559 --> 0:09:32.400 stop and think and you question yourself. And that was 0:09:32.440 --> 0:09:36.280 my whole life. And so discovering this little tool five 0:09:36.360 --> 0:09:41.559 four three two one both acknowledge the just you're hesitating, 0:09:42.000 --> 0:09:45.600 and it became a tool that helped me push through 0:09:45.640 --> 0:09:49.280 anxiety or fear, or procrastination or old habits to do 0:09:49.360 --> 0:09:54.640 the little things that actually are everything, HM, just one 0:09:54.679 --> 0:09:56.480 small move at a time. 0:09:57.040 --> 0:10:00.720 And so then this led to you getting and realizing 0:10:00.720 --> 0:10:03.920 that you wanted to be a motivational speaker, right and 0:10:03.960 --> 0:10:06.040 within that when you're talking about the little steps you 0:10:06.080 --> 0:10:08.040 have to take in order to succeed and build a 0:10:08.080 --> 0:10:12.720 life that you want. Yeah, you were motivationally speaking without 0:10:12.720 --> 0:10:13.840 getting paid in the beginning. 0:10:14.040 --> 0:10:16.680 Yeah, So what happened is I used the five second 0:10:16.760 --> 0:10:19.920 role to turn my life back on track over the 0:10:19.960 --> 0:10:22.200 course of three years. And so I am in my 0:10:22.280 --> 0:10:24.760 life outside of Boston five for three two one networking 0:10:24.880 --> 0:10:26.360 until I get a job five worth three two one 0:10:26.360 --> 0:10:28.600 finding a second job five or three two one, going 0:10:28.640 --> 0:10:31.120 for walks like just one move one move on move 0:10:31.640 --> 0:10:34.000 in complete survival mode, like I'm trying to pay bills, 0:10:34.040 --> 0:10:35.800 I'm trying to get these kids to school. I am 0:10:35.840 --> 0:10:38.480 trying to keep my marriage on track. I'm trying not 0:10:38.559 --> 0:10:40.920 to be a raging bitch to everybody. I'm trying not 0:10:40.960 --> 0:10:43.440 to drink myself into the ground, one move, one move, 0:10:43.520 --> 0:10:46.400 one move at a time. And so I had never 0:10:46.440 --> 0:10:49.160 told anybody about it, because, first of all, sounds stupid. 0:10:49.800 --> 0:10:51.640 Oh Chelsea, you want to change your life? Count to five, 0:10:51.800 --> 0:10:55.920 I'm out. Podcast interviews over. And I also had no 0:10:55.960 --> 0:11:00.520 idea why it worked. I almost felt like I'd been 0:11:00.520 --> 0:11:02.720 given this little magic trick. Maybe I was a witch, 0:11:02.880 --> 0:11:05.160 Maybe there was some sort of spell I had learned. 0:11:05.880 --> 0:11:09.640 And I get a call from somebody that I had 0:11:09.679 --> 0:11:11.560 gone to college with and she's like, hey, now there's 0:11:11.559 --> 0:11:16.079 this event happening in San Francisco and they are offering 0:11:16.200 --> 0:11:18.679 two tickets to San Francisco and two nights at the 0:11:18.720 --> 0:11:21.000 Saint Regis And all you got to do is talk 0:11:21.000 --> 0:11:23.679 about career change. And you've changed your career so many times. 0:11:23.720 --> 0:11:25.640 I thought of you. Now, I don't think that's a compliment, 0:11:25.760 --> 0:11:28.480 But when you hear that you're eight hundred thousand dollars 0:11:28.520 --> 0:11:30.080 in debt and you've got leans on your house, that 0:11:30.120 --> 0:11:32.600 sounds like a vacation. Chelsey. So I'm like, I'll do it. 0:11:33.440 --> 0:11:35.320 I had no idea what ted was. I had no 0:11:35.400 --> 0:11:37.680 idea what ted X was. So I show up in 0:11:37.720 --> 0:11:40.760 San Francisco and it's one of the first ever TEDx conferences. 0:11:41.320 --> 0:11:43.920 It's not even registering that I'm going to walk on 0:11:43.960 --> 0:11:46.240 a stage and there's going to be seven hundred people there, 0:11:47.040 --> 0:11:51.000 and so they didn't really prepare you. You got nineteen minutes. 0:11:51.080 --> 0:11:53.800 I had a cheesy slide deck. If you watch my 0:11:53.880 --> 0:11:57.520 TEDx talk, you're witnessing a twenty one minute long panic attack. 0:11:57.679 --> 0:12:00.839 Look closely at minute one and you'll see a crash. 0:12:00.920 --> 0:12:03.319 That is the kind of rash people get when they 0:12:03.320 --> 0:12:06.040 are drinking. And I'm darting around the stage. 0:12:06.040 --> 0:12:08.000 I sho watch this. This is the one where Chris 0:12:08.040 --> 0:12:09.760 is in the audience or is that a separate ted talk. 0:12:09.840 --> 0:12:10.600 Oh no, that's the one. 0:12:10.679 --> 0:12:11.120 That's the one. 0:12:11.200 --> 0:12:13.440 And I'm darting in and out all over the place. 0:12:13.640 --> 0:12:17.400 And I wasn't planning on talking about the five second roll. 0:12:18.320 --> 0:12:19.560 I forgot how to end the speech. 0:12:19.840 --> 0:12:21.640 I remember that you were like, oh wait, I have 0:12:21.679 --> 0:12:23.319 one more thing to tell you at the end, and 0:12:23.360 --> 0:12:26.079 You're like, which, yes, why I'm fucking here In the 0:12:26.120 --> 0:12:26.920 first place. 0:12:26.760 --> 0:12:29.400 Yes, and then the part that you didn't see, because 0:12:29.440 --> 0:12:31.560 I ultimately had to write to them. I was so 0:12:31.720 --> 0:12:34.600 disassociated at the end, I barely remember it, Like, as 0:12:34.640 --> 0:12:37.200 I'm if I watched that video, I'm like, I don't 0:12:37.200 --> 0:12:40.199 even remember being on that stage. And at the very 0:12:40.280 --> 0:12:41.760 end after I say that, oh yeah, I'm like, oh, 0:12:41.840 --> 0:12:44.079 and if you have any questions, here's my email address. 0:12:44.440 --> 0:12:46.320 And I walk off the stage and I say to 0:12:46.360 --> 0:12:50.120 my husband, Honest to God, thank God, that's over. Thank God. 0:12:50.280 --> 0:12:52.160 Only those people saw that. This was the worst moment 0:12:52.160 --> 0:12:53.600 in my life. And I went on with my life. 0:12:54.280 --> 0:12:57.360 A year goes by and Tedex puts it online. I 0:12:57.360 --> 0:13:01.160 don't even know it's online. Another years goes by and 0:13:01.200 --> 0:13:05.640 it starts to go viral, and I start getting messages 0:13:06.000 --> 0:13:08.839 at that email address and people are like, I saw 0:13:08.840 --> 0:13:10.320 that thing. You didn't. I'm like, were you in the audience? 0:13:10.400 --> 0:13:14.120 Like no, no, no, it's online. And so I would stay 0:13:14.200 --> 0:13:17.680 up at night responding to emails from strangers because I 0:13:17.760 --> 0:13:20.360 was so blown away that this little thing that I 0:13:20.440 --> 0:13:23.520 invented was helping people stay sober, or helping them lose 0:13:23.520 --> 0:13:26.520 one hundred pounds, or helping them change jobs. Because it's 0:13:26.559 --> 0:13:29.440 a tool that helps you go from thinking about something 0:13:29.480 --> 0:13:30.160 to doing it well. 0:13:30.160 --> 0:13:32.760 Also, it's also it would be elementary if it was 0:13:32.880 --> 0:13:34.920 just five four three two one Get up. What you're 0:13:34.960 --> 0:13:38.280 explaining is that if you miss that little window, you're 0:13:38.320 --> 0:13:41.200 missing your day, you're missing your goals, you're missing your dreams. 0:13:41.480 --> 0:13:44.319 So it's what your brain does, and that's an integral 0:13:44.360 --> 0:13:44.760 part of it. 0:13:44.920 --> 0:13:48.880 Yes, And so then what happened is people started to 0:13:48.920 --> 0:13:51.280 write and ask if I would come, like do that 0:13:51.480 --> 0:13:55.440 talk at events. Now, Meanwhile, I'm a normal person. I 0:13:55.480 --> 0:13:57.680 think celebrities like you are people that get paid to 0:13:57.720 --> 0:13:59.760 do this. People have books, people that you know, have 0:13:59.800 --> 0:14:02.160 a have some sort of thing to say and have 0:14:02.200 --> 0:14:04.839 credentials to talk about this stuff. Like, I'm basically somebody 0:14:04.840 --> 0:14:07.600 who's fucked up her life and I figured out a 0:14:07.679 --> 0:14:10.320 simple thing to help me crawl out of the hole 0:14:10.800 --> 0:14:12.880 that I had dug for myself and then fallen into. 0:14:13.559 --> 0:14:16.199 And so I didn't even think that I would get 0:14:16.200 --> 0:14:18.680 paid to do something like this. So I show up 0:14:18.920 --> 0:14:21.800 at seven of different events. And here's the irony. They 0:14:21.800 --> 0:14:25.400 were all women's events. So they're all women's empowerment events, 0:14:25.960 --> 0:14:28.840 and I'm speaking for free, and I will never forget this. 0:14:28.960 --> 0:14:33.040 I was at the Pennsylvania Women's Conference, and this would 0:14:33.040 --> 0:14:38.840 have been probably two thousand and thirteen or late twenty twelve, 0:14:39.120 --> 0:14:42.240 and I was in a room and the rooms are 0:14:42.280 --> 0:14:43.880 starting to get a little bit bigger, and so they're 0:14:43.880 --> 0:14:46.320 probably I don't know, seven hundred thousand people in there. 0:14:46.640 --> 0:14:49.160 And this woman comes up to me afterwards, Honest to god, 0:14:49.240 --> 0:14:52.240 she says, Mel, do you mind if I ask you 0:14:52.240 --> 0:14:54.840 a question? I said, yeah, absolutely, And she says, you know, 0:14:55.200 --> 0:14:58.880 I spoke this morning at another breakout session and I 0:14:58.920 --> 0:15:01.120 just thought you were absolutely fan fantastic. But I was 0:15:01.160 --> 0:15:04.120 just curious, have you gotten your check yet? I said, check, 0:15:05.400 --> 0:15:08.080 you got paid for this? And she took a step 0:15:08.120 --> 0:15:10.880 back and she went, oh my god, I just assumed. 0:15:10.920 --> 0:15:13.000 I mean, you have a big breakout where I'm like, 0:15:13.480 --> 0:15:14.280 you got paid for this. 0:15:15.400 --> 0:15:15.600 Now. 0:15:15.640 --> 0:15:20.479 Meanwhile, I'm still have leans on my house and I'm thinking. 0:15:21.640 --> 0:15:23.200 I could make money doing this. 0:15:24.320 --> 0:15:29.200 And I thought, you are you are the world's biggest idiot, Mel. 0:15:29.280 --> 0:15:31.160 And then I had a problem because I had no 0:15:31.200 --> 0:15:34.080 idea what to charge because I don't have a book, 0:15:34.120 --> 0:15:35.840 I don't have this, I don't have anything. I have 0:15:35.920 --> 0:15:39.160 this ted talk and I'm now starting to understand the 0:15:39.240 --> 0:15:41.880 value of it, because it is really like a credential 0:15:41.960 --> 0:15:45.040 when it comes to keynote speaking. And so I came 0:15:45.120 --> 0:15:47.640 up with this little thing that anybody starting a business 0:15:47.640 --> 0:15:49.960 should steal. I basically said to myself, I'm going to 0:15:50.080 --> 0:15:52.720 use the five second world to stop myself, because you 0:15:52.760 --> 0:15:55.120 can use five four three two one to push yourself 0:15:55.120 --> 0:15:57.800 forward or five four three two one to put yourself 0:15:57.840 --> 0:16:00.960 in pause. And the next time somebody calls me and 0:16:01.000 --> 0:16:03.440 they asked me if I'm available, I'm going to five 0:16:03.520 --> 0:16:05.160 or ThReD you want I pause, and I say, yeah, 0:16:05.160 --> 0:16:07.000 I think I could make it. And then I'm going 0:16:07.040 --> 0:16:09.480 to say what's your budget? And then I'm going to 0:16:09.520 --> 0:16:13.680 say five four three two one normally am double because 0:16:13.680 --> 0:16:16.440 I didn't know what to charge right. So a couple 0:16:16.400 --> 0:16:18.560 of weeks later, I get a call and it's from 0:16:18.600 --> 0:16:20.840 a guy who's in Dallas. Then he's calling me to 0:16:20.840 --> 0:16:22.440 see if I can come down and give a speech 0:16:23.160 --> 0:16:26.040 at some big event where there's going to be a 0:16:26.040 --> 0:16:29.760 bunch of people that are small business owners in it. 0:16:29.800 --> 0:16:32.200 And I said, great, I think I'm available. How much 0:16:32.600 --> 0:16:37.600 is it? He said, ten thousand dollars. I dropped the 0:16:37.680 --> 0:16:43.320 fucking phone. I that was like almost four months of 0:16:43.360 --> 0:16:43.960 my mortgage. 0:16:44.360 --> 0:16:44.680 Wow. 0:16:44.920 --> 0:16:48.960 I had no idea. I was expecting five hundred dollars 0:16:50.080 --> 0:16:52.640 and I pick up the phone. I forgot the second 0:16:52.640 --> 0:16:55.040 part about doubling the thing, and I'm like, yes, yes, yes, yes, 0:16:55.240 --> 0:16:58.280 And then a really important thing happened. I was so 0:16:59.680 --> 0:17:02.960 nerve and I felt so unworthy of that amount of 0:17:02.960 --> 0:17:05.919 money that I spent half of it with a graphic 0:17:05.960 --> 0:17:09.560 designer because I figured if I had a fancy presentation 0:17:10.760 --> 0:17:15.160 that that would make me seem fancy enough for that 0:17:15.240 --> 0:17:20.119 kind of money. And the nerves were really important, and 0:17:20.160 --> 0:17:23.200 the preparation was important because there are moments in your life, 0:17:23.240 --> 0:17:25.320 these at bat moments where you step up to the 0:17:25.359 --> 0:17:28.040 plate that you want to meet the moment. And because 0:17:28.080 --> 0:17:32.840 I prepared, I stepped onto that stage and I destroyed it. 0:17:33.600 --> 0:17:36.439 And he came up to me afterwards and he was like, 0:17:36.680 --> 0:17:38.760 I have been in this business twenty years. You are 0:17:38.880 --> 0:17:41.840 the single best female speaker I've ever seen in my life, 0:17:41.880 --> 0:17:44.879 and your top three of all time period. Who runs 0:17:44.920 --> 0:17:47.000 your business? And I was like, you do and he 0:17:47.040 --> 0:17:49.520 has run my business ever since. Oh wow, in terms 0:17:49.520 --> 0:17:52.320 of the speaking side of the business. And that next year, 0:17:52.400 --> 0:17:54.960 forty seven speeches, the next year ninety nine speeches. The 0:17:55.000 --> 0:17:58.320 next year was like one hundred and seventeen. And you know, 0:17:58.400 --> 0:18:02.239 I was so committed to paying off our debt and 0:18:02.280 --> 0:18:05.400 to paying our savings back. And because we had gotten 0:18:05.480 --> 0:18:07.600 into that hole because when my husband went into the 0:18:07.640 --> 0:18:10.800 restaurant business, when the first pizza joint was successful, we 0:18:10.800 --> 0:18:13.480 were complete idiots. We cashed everything out, We took out 0:18:13.480 --> 0:18:16.159 credit cards, a home equity line. We you know, what 0:18:16.200 --> 0:18:19.760 could possibly go wrong, and everything went wrong. And so 0:18:19.840 --> 0:18:22.560 when the business started to do this everything that we 0:18:22.600 --> 0:18:24.720 had worked our whole lives for, I was forty one 0:18:24.800 --> 0:18:27.560 years old. Three kids under the age of ten started 0:18:27.560 --> 0:18:29.919 going down in the dream too. And you know, if 0:18:29.920 --> 0:18:32.480 you're somebody that believes in manifesting, which I do, I 0:18:32.600 --> 0:18:35.760 never made a vision board that was like divorce, alcoholism, 0:18:35.840 --> 0:18:39.440