1 00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:07,000 Speaker 1: Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls podcasts, where we 2 00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:11,760 Speaker 1: focus on all things mental health, personal development, and all 3 00:00:11,760 --> 00:00:14,600 Speaker 1: the small decisions we can make to become the best 4 00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:20,160 Speaker 1: possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr Joy Harden Bradford, 5 00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:25,520 Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. To find more information 6 00:00:25,880 --> 00:00:29,680 Speaker 1: and to get resources, visit the website at Therapy for 7 00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:33,120 Speaker 1: Black Girls dot com. And while I hope you love 8 00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:36,960 Speaker 1: listening to and learning from the podcast, it is not 9 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:39,879 Speaker 1: meant to be a substitute for a relationship with a 10 00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:54,680 Speaker 1: licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, welcome to session three 11 00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:57,920 Speaker 1: of the Therapy for Black Girls podcast. Today we have 12 00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:00,880 Speaker 1: our very first on the Couch episode, and if you'll 13 00:01:00,920 --> 00:01:04,399 Speaker 1: remember from the intro, these episodes will feature me in 14 00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:08,080 Speaker 1: conversation with some very special guest therapist to talk about 15 00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:12,040 Speaker 1: what therapy looks like with them. Sometimes we'll have conversations 16 00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:14,759 Speaker 1: about famous black female characters and what it would look 17 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:17,520 Speaker 1: like to be in therapy with them, and other times 18 00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:20,200 Speaker 1: will just be exploring other issues that women may come 19 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:24,560 Speaker 1: into therapy for. So today our special guest therapist is 20 00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:28,319 Speaker 1: Miss Chavon Odam. Chavon is the owner of a coma 21 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:32,600 Speaker 1: counseling concepts in Washington, d C. She is passionate about 22 00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:35,600 Speaker 1: helping to improve the mental health of women and helping 23 00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:39,920 Speaker 1: to promote women's empowerment and mental health awareness. She received 24 00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:43,840 Speaker 1: her bachelor's degree in psychology from the University of Massachusetts, 25 00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:48,680 Speaker 1: Boston and her master's degree in counseling psychology from Howard University. 26 00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:53,080 Speaker 1: Chavon is a licensed professional counselor in d C, a 27 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:57,280 Speaker 1: National Certified Counselor, and a Certified School Counselor in d C. 28 00:01:58,280 --> 00:02:01,680 Speaker 1: In her practice, she enjoy is providing counseling services to 29 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:05,240 Speaker 1: women and girls, ages forcing and older. I think you 30 00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:08,519 Speaker 1: really enjoy the conversation I had with Chavonne, So let's 31 00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:12,200 Speaker 1: get started. So, Chevon, thank you so much for joining 32 00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:15,200 Speaker 1: us today. I'm super excited to talk with you. So 33 00:02:15,320 --> 00:02:18,760 Speaker 1: tell us which character you're going to be talking about today. 34 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:23,480 Speaker 1: I am talking about Mary Jane Paul from the show 35 00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:27,359 Speaker 1: Being Mary Jane on b E T and Um Gabrielle 36 00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:30,800 Speaker 1: Union is the actress that plays Mary Jane Paul. Oh, 37 00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:35,160 Speaker 1: this should be exciting. Yes, yes, yes, Um. I wrote 38 00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:39,440 Speaker 1: a blog about Mary Jane Paul's character about a month ago, 39 00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:42,320 Speaker 1: so this is really exciting to be able to talk about, 40 00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:44,639 Speaker 1: um some of the things that I would want to 41 00:02:44,680 --> 00:02:48,440 Speaker 1: address if I were her therapists. Sounds good. So can 42 00:02:48,480 --> 00:02:51,240 Speaker 1: you give us a little bit more background information for 43 00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:56,880 Speaker 1: people who might not be familiar with the show. Sure? So, uh, 44 00:02:56,919 --> 00:03:00,400 Speaker 1: per b et Gabrielle Union started his marya Jane Paul, 45 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:03,280 Speaker 1: a wildly successful TV reporter who is searching for love 46 00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:06,360 Speaker 1: in all the wrong places. Um. But UM, now I'm 47 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:10,040 Speaker 1: going to pick up here with my own perspective. UM, 48 00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:14,600 Speaker 1: I've also Mayor James Paul is also a professional black 49 00:03:14,639 --> 00:03:19,840 Speaker 1: woman who comes from a traditional, well to do Black family. 50 00:03:20,639 --> 00:03:24,440 Speaker 1: She is a late thirty something early forty something that 51 00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:26,880 Speaker 1: is tackling with a lot of issues that may be 52 00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:32,400 Speaker 1: familiar to some black professional woman such as UM, such 53 00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:35,600 Speaker 1: as contemplating when to have kids. Is it okay for 54 00:03:35,640 --> 00:03:38,520 Speaker 1: her to have kids because she still have kids? Um, 55 00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:43,600 Speaker 1: also juggling the role of being the successful, reliable family 56 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:47,760 Speaker 1: member and still having family drama at home in which 57 00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:50,360 Speaker 1: she's looked at as a responsible family member to come 58 00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:53,920 Speaker 1: and take care of. UM. I'm trying to think what 59 00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:57,800 Speaker 1: else is um? What ult makes her stand apart? Yeah, 60 00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:01,360 Speaker 1: she's also super independent and she owned her own house, 61 00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:04,440 Speaker 1: she owned her own car, She has a jet set 62 00:04:04,680 --> 00:04:09,120 Speaker 1: um to the jet set kind of group of friends. 63 00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:12,680 Speaker 1: And so every episode is about what are the new 64 00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:15,880 Speaker 1: challenges that Mary Jane is facing. Like, on the outside, 65 00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:19,760 Speaker 1: Mary Jane Paul looks like a black, successful black woman 66 00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:24,200 Speaker 1: that has it all together. She looks beautiful, she dresses amazing, 67 00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:26,440 Speaker 1: she gets to work and be around all these super 68 00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:33,320 Speaker 1: attractive men, but her personal life can be chaotic. Chaotic 69 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:36,719 Speaker 1: is definitely a good word to describe it. Yes, So 70 00:04:36,839 --> 00:04:39,960 Speaker 1: you definitely have given us some great background information. So, 71 00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:42,240 Speaker 1: and you've already kind of alluded to some of the 72 00:04:42,279 --> 00:04:44,560 Speaker 1: answers to this question. But what are some of the 73 00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:47,360 Speaker 1: things that she's struggling with that you think might actually 74 00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:51,720 Speaker 1: they lead her to therapy? M hmmm, Well, some of 75 00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:53,279 Speaker 1: the things I think that she may be struggling with 76 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:57,400 Speaker 1: the self esteem self esteem issues, but also some grief 77 00:04:57,440 --> 00:05:00,640 Speaker 1: and loss issues. Um, for those listeners may have been 78 00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:04,120 Speaker 1: watching every season of Being Mary Jane, we do know 79 00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:08,039 Speaker 1: that this season she started all over in New York City, 80 00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:11,240 Speaker 1: but in the season prior, she was living and I 81 00:05:11,279 --> 00:05:17,000 Speaker 1: believe Georgia and uh, she had a friend that was 82 00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:22,640 Speaker 1: a medical doctor that unfortunately committed suicide and Mary Jane 83 00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:25,919 Speaker 1: had to be the person to plan this at the 84 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:32,239 Speaker 1: funeral and speak at the funeral. And it didn't really 85 00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:37,320 Speaker 1: come across to me that Mary Jane, or is the 86 00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:43,120 Speaker 1: family members really sought out therapy to resolve m pretty 87 00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:50,640 Speaker 1: deep rooted, long existing mental health issues. And so pretty 88 00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:53,960 Speaker 1: much as the season continued, and even this season it starts, 89 00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:57,479 Speaker 1: it's like the friend never died and nobody ever mentioned it, 90 00:05:57,520 --> 00:06:00,760 Speaker 1: And so I kind of wonder if she channeling some 91 00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:05,720 Speaker 1: of this unresolved grief into other life task and professional 92 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:09,279 Speaker 1: tasks to kind of resolve or fill that void. The 93 00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:12,599 Speaker 1: other issues that she also deals with. Two is taking 94 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:15,320 Speaker 1: care of herself, like she does a great thing of 95 00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:19,040 Speaker 1: doing your hair, your nails, and she did the great style. 96 00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:22,360 Speaker 1: Is she has all that? However, she moved to New 97 00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:24,280 Speaker 1: York not just for a fresh start, but it also 98 00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:27,479 Speaker 1: appears that it's giving her an opportunity to really be 99 00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:31,240 Speaker 1: able to tune into herself and figure out, oh, is 100 00:06:31,279 --> 00:06:33,800 Speaker 1: this a romantic interest that I would really want to date? 101 00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:37,520 Speaker 1: Is this? Um? She's living in a hotel room, something 102 00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:40,360 Speaker 1: that Mary Jane hasn't done, and all the seasons prior, 103 00:06:40,440 --> 00:06:44,400 Speaker 1: she had the perfect house with the positive affirmations and 104 00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:49,640 Speaker 1: the post it notes. But this this season is very 105 00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:52,640 Speaker 1: symbolic because it seems like she's in transition in all 106 00:06:52,720 --> 00:06:56,159 Speaker 1: parts of her life. So I definitely would want to 107 00:06:57,120 --> 00:06:59,680 Speaker 1: address those things with her. What does it mean to 108 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:03,000 Speaker 1: her to be in transition, to not know what the 109 00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:05,040 Speaker 1: end results of things are going to be, to not 110 00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:09,240 Speaker 1: be in control of the destiny of her destiny, which 111 00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:11,520 Speaker 1: is really what she had been struggling with, And in 112 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:14,360 Speaker 1: seasons prior, she was in control of everything and now 113 00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:17,560 Speaker 1: she's not. Yeah, I I completely agree with you. I 114 00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:20,480 Speaker 1: was very surprised that they did not start this season 115 00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:23,600 Speaker 1: off with her um in some type of therapy or 116 00:07:23,840 --> 00:07:27,320 Speaker 1: at even addressing her friend that died by suicide, because 117 00:07:27,320 --> 00:07:31,320 Speaker 1: it was such a pivotal moment um in the season. Yeah, 118 00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:33,880 Speaker 1: and you know, for them, And I'm glad you brought 119 00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:36,560 Speaker 1: it up, because you're right, nobody has ever even mentioned 120 00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:39,640 Speaker 1: her again, like they've just pretended almost as if this 121 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:43,000 Speaker 1: character was not like a huge part of the of 122 00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:47,000 Speaker 1: the show. And I expand on that for a little bit. Absolutely, um, 123 00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:49,160 Speaker 1: And that's the other reason why I chose marriaging because 124 00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:53,080 Speaker 1: I feel that I see similar themes like that in 125 00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:58,400 Speaker 1: my day to day work. It's they I had the funeral, 126 00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:02,160 Speaker 1: the person died, the day of the death, past, the 127 00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:04,840 Speaker 1: funeral past, We're never going to talk about it. We're 128 00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:06,840 Speaker 1: never going to talk about it. We're just gonna keep 129 00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:11,280 Speaker 1: waking up every day in starting these fresh, brand new days, 130 00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:18,120 Speaker 1: totally ignoring what happened um last year, last month, last decade. 131 00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:23,520 Speaker 1: And I do like that some TV shows are definitely 132 00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:27,440 Speaker 1: bringing up mental health issues in the black community. However, 133 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:30,520 Speaker 1: I do feel that for this wonderful show because Being 134 00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:32,320 Speaker 1: maryor Jane Paul is, I mean, Being Mayor Jane is 135 00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:35,280 Speaker 1: one of my favorite shows. Um. I do feel though 136 00:08:35,320 --> 00:08:38,720 Speaker 1: that while I'm happy that the conversation these shows are 137 00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:42,600 Speaker 1: bringing these conversations out about for discussion, I really do 138 00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:46,240 Speaker 1: wish that they would continue to have these things. Like 139 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:51,240 Speaker 1: there's that Netflix show Unbreakable Kenney Schmidt, and like there's 140 00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:54,240 Speaker 1: several seasons, there's I mean, there's several shows that seasons. 141 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:58,280 Speaker 1: There's show, there's several shows where you see her in 142 00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:02,080 Speaker 1: a therapist share and it's kind of the understanding like 143 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:05,800 Speaker 1: this is continuous, Like therapy is something that you not 144 00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:09,280 Speaker 1: only talk about you actually go and it's more than 145 00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:13,440 Speaker 1: one session, and I really think that like being Mary 146 00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:16,520 Speaker 1: Jane could have really done something with that. Maybe they 147 00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:18,760 Speaker 1: will do them the season. Maybe somebody might listen to 148 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:20,560 Speaker 1: this interview and be like, you know what, that's your 149 00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:23,600 Speaker 1: next season. Concepts, like every season is going to have 150 00:09:23,679 --> 00:09:26,839 Speaker 1: something with her being in a therapy session, and each 151 00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:30,360 Speaker 1: show is going to be seen that, um, that's gonna 152 00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:33,079 Speaker 1: be centered around the theme are the issues that she 153 00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:35,840 Speaker 1: discussion discusses in her therapy sessions and so I would 154 00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:38,600 Speaker 1: really hope to see that. Yeah, I agree with you. 155 00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:40,800 Speaker 1: I mean, I definitely think that there is there are 156 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:43,520 Speaker 1: hosts of issues that could be discussed with Mary Jane. 157 00:09:43,559 --> 00:09:46,240 Speaker 1: And I'm really glad again that you chose her. Um. 158 00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:48,720 Speaker 1: So how often would you say that you see someone 159 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:51,880 Speaker 1: like her in your practice? So my practice is new. 160 00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:55,880 Speaker 1: I do have some clients, so I actually I see 161 00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:58,320 Speaker 1: those women often. I see those women often not just 162 00:09:58,360 --> 00:10:01,360 Speaker 1: as clients, but I also see them uh um pretty 163 00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:05,440 Speaker 1: much the woman that UM. I socialize and meet a 164 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:08,600 Speaker 1: lot and a lot of the professional networking events that 165 00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:12,080 Speaker 1: I go to because I'm actually targeting that population. Which 166 00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:15,160 Speaker 1: population are you offering to pretty much the black female 167 00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:18,880 Speaker 1: professional population and living in the dish of Columbia, there's 168 00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:22,840 Speaker 1: a ton. There's a ton of professional black woman with 169 00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:29,960 Speaker 1: dream jobs, dream jobs, wonderful physical parents exterior, but a 170 00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:32,840 Speaker 1: host of m resolved emotional issues. So I see it 171 00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:36,760 Speaker 1: often gats you. So, how would you work with somebody 172 00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:39,640 Speaker 1: like Mary Jane if she were to come in your office? 173 00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:42,600 Speaker 1: Are there any particular strategies or techniques you might use 174 00:10:42,679 --> 00:10:45,640 Speaker 1: to help her with some of her concerns? Sure? So 175 00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:51,560 Speaker 1: can I get all technical with my therapy terminology? Not 176 00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:56,560 Speaker 1: too technical? Okay? So, um, what I would first want 177 00:10:56,559 --> 00:10:59,600 Speaker 1: to do is I'm going to take it way back 178 00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:03,960 Speaker 1: to was just basic grad school, one on one where 179 00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:07,360 Speaker 1: you're learning your initial counseling sessions. That I would really 180 00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:10,360 Speaker 1: try to get some background information on her family and 181 00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:13,320 Speaker 1: so kind of explore the family tree. And the reason 182 00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:16,680 Speaker 1: I mentioned that it is because I forget the name 183 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:22,320 Speaker 1: of Mary Jane's mom. But um, Mary Jane's mom. She 184 00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:27,679 Speaker 1: every episode, she's just talking about the tradition of everything. 185 00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:32,920 Speaker 1: How being in these exclusive clubs, these exclusive organizations, living 186 00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:36,680 Speaker 1: in the exclusive neighborhoods, it's all part of a tradition 187 00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:38,960 Speaker 1: of things that have to be done, and this is 188 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:43,920 Speaker 1: what this means to our family. So a kind of 189 00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:47,679 Speaker 1: what started off with information about the family um, getting 190 00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:50,880 Speaker 1: information about the family history to kind of see if 191 00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:55,559 Speaker 1: there are any themes, anythings that are showing up between 192 00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:58,520 Speaker 1: generations that may be of importance to Mary Jane. So 193 00:11:58,520 --> 00:12:01,480 Speaker 1: that's how it started out. And then I would also 194 00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:03,640 Speaker 1: compliment her on her self care, because Mary Jane is 195 00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:06,880 Speaker 1: on point with some of the self care. I mean, 196 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:11,280 Speaker 1: she's already doing some therapeutic stuff, which does another thing 197 00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:13,800 Speaker 1: that she did start and she stopped. She had the 198 00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:17,200 Speaker 1: positive affirmation, she had the post it, And so I 199 00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:20,199 Speaker 1: would also start off my sessions. I think you did 200 00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:23,520 Speaker 1: some really great work with that. And how are you 201 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:27,120 Speaker 1: doing with posting and I mean finding and posting your 202 00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:30,480 Speaker 1: positive affirmations and your post it? And why did you 203 00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:34,839 Speaker 1: stop doing that? Yeah? And what what would you make 204 00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:37,079 Speaker 1: of that? The fact that we haven't seen that so 205 00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:40,360 Speaker 1: much this season, that that you know, part of her 206 00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:44,040 Speaker 1: self care that did seem pretty integirl is missing. What 207 00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:47,720 Speaker 1: what do you make of that? Do you really want 208 00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:55,480 Speaker 1: to know that? So? Um, what I would say is 209 00:12:55,520 --> 00:13:01,600 Speaker 1: that I really truly feel that Mary Jane has kind 210 00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:06,520 Speaker 1: of last focus on her. Mary Jane has done what 211 00:13:06,679 --> 00:13:10,720 Speaker 1: many women have done, which is, hey, I have my 212 00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:13,720 Speaker 1: checklist of how my life is supposed to be and 213 00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:16,280 Speaker 1: these things need to happen. And in that checklist is 214 00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:23,760 Speaker 1: a husband or a same sex partner, and children and wants. 215 00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:29,240 Speaker 1: Some women meet somebody that may resemble um, that may 216 00:13:29,280 --> 00:13:32,800 Speaker 1: resemble that person that may help them accomplish that goal. 217 00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:36,200 Speaker 1: All the other self care actions are kind of put 218 00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:39,640 Speaker 1: on hold or out the window and kind of until 219 00:13:39,679 --> 00:13:42,640 Speaker 1: they're in crises. And I and I say that because 220 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:46,920 Speaker 1: I kind of look at some therapy cise their behaviors 221 00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:50,079 Speaker 1: in their approach to therapy sometimes similar to their approach 222 00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:54,000 Speaker 1: to prayer, and that it's all good, like a lot 223 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:57,040 Speaker 1: of times when everything good we forget, we forget that, Okay, 224 00:13:57,040 --> 00:13:59,679 Speaker 1: if you're with this person, so okay to pray, so 225 00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:01,800 Speaker 1: it's out like everything's going good. You don't need to 226 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:04,199 Speaker 1: do these costs of affirmations. I don't need to look 227 00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:07,480 Speaker 1: at these posts totally forgetting about it because I'm in 228 00:14:07,559 --> 00:14:10,480 Speaker 1: this really good relationship or really feeling this really good 229 00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:12,480 Speaker 1: person and I don't need to do any of that. 230 00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:15,760 Speaker 1: But then when things start going wrong. Oh yeah, let's 231 00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:17,600 Speaker 1: bring out the post it. Let's bring out the prayer 232 00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:19,280 Speaker 1: because if we really need the posts in the prayer 233 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:21,640 Speaker 1: right now. So I think that might be the reason 234 00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:25,200 Speaker 1: why she stopped with the post it's new affirmations, but 235 00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:28,200 Speaker 1: I really want them to bring them back. Yeah, that 236 00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:31,200 Speaker 1: definitely is a very interesting perspective. I would agree with 237 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:34,720 Speaker 1: you there. So what kinds of things might you use 238 00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:37,280 Speaker 1: to help her with some of the relationship stuff because 239 00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:39,760 Speaker 1: that does seem to be a central issue for her. 240 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:44,960 Speaker 1: So I'm a licensed professional counselor, and one of the 241 00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:51,280 Speaker 1: primary therapy techniques that counselors use are it's called cognitive 242 00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:55,680 Speaker 1: behavioral therapy or CBT for short. And one of the 243 00:14:55,920 --> 00:15:00,240 Speaker 1: CBT techniques I would use would might be help with 244 00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:06,600 Speaker 1: her to challenge her thoughts uh and pretty much asking her, Okay, 245 00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:09,240 Speaker 1: why do you think that you should be dating this man? 246 00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:11,080 Speaker 1: And what does it mean for you to be dating 247 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:14,040 Speaker 1: this man? And how does a reflection of you dating 248 00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:19,400 Speaker 1: this person? Because I noticed a lot of her actions 249 00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:25,520 Speaker 1: relationship wise, she she internalizes them as reflections of her 250 00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:27,960 Speaker 1: even to the point was one episode they were seem 251 00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:31,160 Speaker 1: like she was addicted, she was addicted to dating men 252 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:34,720 Speaker 1: that were not good to her. So, as we all know, 253 00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:38,080 Speaker 1: we're familiar with addictions. Who maybe it's familiar with addiction. 254 00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:40,880 Speaker 1: It's kind of like the high that people get, And 255 00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:45,880 Speaker 1: so with her, I would kind of explore what is 256 00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:48,680 Speaker 1: the high that you're getting when you're seeking out these 257 00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:52,000 Speaker 1: relationships and you're staying in these relationships, but somehow you're 258 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:54,680 Speaker 1: not able to get somewhere else in your life? Very 259 00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:57,480 Speaker 1: good points, very good points. Are there other things that 260 00:15:57,600 --> 00:15:59,360 Speaker 1: you feel like you would work with her on You 261 00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:02,720 Speaker 1: mentioned some of the unresolved grief related to the death 262 00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:09,240 Speaker 1: of her friends. Yes, yes, so, Dr Joy, I thought 263 00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:12,200 Speaker 1: long and hard about this because I'm really excited about 264 00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:15,760 Speaker 1: this opportunity and the day so it's down because I 265 00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:20,600 Speaker 1: had so many different techniques. So one of the things 266 00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:23,480 Speaker 1: that I would do to kind of address the grief 267 00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:27,120 Speaker 1: and it's just gonna this might sound confusing for um 268 00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:30,480 Speaker 1: the listeners, is that I would have her write a letter. 269 00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:33,320 Speaker 1: I would have to write a letter to herself. Now 270 00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:35,840 Speaker 1: I would have to write a letter to her friend 271 00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:40,600 Speaker 1: that passed away, and I would invite her to say 272 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,520 Speaker 1: to to pretty much, you don't have to share this 273 00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:47,400 Speaker 1: letter with me and therapy, but you're more open to 274 00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:50,480 Speaker 1: go ahead and do it. And a lot of times 275 00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:54,080 Speaker 1: when I've invited clients to write letters to themselves eight 276 00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:55,840 Speaker 1: times at a tend, they're bringing them to sessions. I 277 00:16:55,880 --> 00:16:58,360 Speaker 1: want to read it like I want to read it, 278 00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:03,600 Speaker 1: and they want to share, and we would really process 279 00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:07,440 Speaker 1: those things. Um, those those topics that were addressing the letter. 280 00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:10,240 Speaker 1: And for those that may not be familiar with Mary 281 00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:15,040 Speaker 1: Jane Paul, what led up to her friend committing suicide 282 00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:19,239 Speaker 1: was the fact that Mary Jane was in love with 283 00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:21,520 Speaker 1: this man that she had been dating on and off 284 00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:27,000 Speaker 1: for years. And what she didn't know was that her 285 00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:32,080 Speaker 1: best friend had fallen in love with the same man, 286 00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:38,800 Speaker 1: and so this friend had developed somewhat sexual relationship with 287 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:42,520 Speaker 1: this man, and both the friend and the man kept 288 00:17:43,359 --> 00:17:48,280 Speaker 1: this a secret. This was happening for years, and somehow 289 00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:51,199 Speaker 1: I forgot how Mary Jane found out about it. But 290 00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:57,080 Speaker 1: Mary Jane found out about it, Okay, okay, yes, and 291 00:17:57,320 --> 00:18:03,600 Speaker 1: so thank you. And so this brought Mary Jane into 292 00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:08,800 Speaker 1: this downward spiral, you know, Oh my gosh, thinks we're 293 00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:10,399 Speaker 1: just getting out of control. And then she has this 294 00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:14,520 Speaker 1: car accident which compromises her physical appearance for a while. 295 00:18:15,359 --> 00:18:18,200 Speaker 1: But while Mary Jane is going through this physical healing 296 00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:22,800 Speaker 1: process that was targeted by this butt dialing, the friend 297 00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:28,160 Speaker 1: is feeling intense shame, intense shame. And what's only what's 298 00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:31,679 Speaker 1: also layering into this intense shame is that this friend 299 00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:36,360 Speaker 1: also has unresolved sexual trauma. She was actually abused by 300 00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:41,160 Speaker 1: her mother's her mother's husband, her stepfather, which Mary Jane 301 00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:46,960 Speaker 1: was very knowledgeable about. And so again I'm looping it 302 00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:51,240 Speaker 1: back into this friend attempts to reach out to Mary 303 00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:53,760 Speaker 1: Jane several times. It doesn't go the way that the 304 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,959 Speaker 1: friend desires it to go. They're both severely emotional scarred 305 00:18:56,960 --> 00:19:01,160 Speaker 1: from this, and so the friend ends up committing suicide. 306 00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:04,520 Speaker 1: And I think with that, Mary Jane, that's down there. No, 307 00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:10,800 Speaker 1: it was a man, it was the people. Yeah, yeah, 308 00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:15,280 Speaker 1: the mutual love interests finds her. So if you individuals 309 00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:17,399 Speaker 1: that are listening haven't watched this show, if you can't 310 00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:21,400 Speaker 1: tell that this show wasn't juicy by now, so, so 311 00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:25,560 Speaker 1: it takes all these different terms and what is even 312 00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:29,199 Speaker 1: more like, oh my gosh, are you kidding me? This 313 00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:34,199 Speaker 1: the same best friend's mother and the perpetrator of this 314 00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:38,080 Speaker 1: right of the rape and abuse comes and they're all like, hey, 315 00:19:38,119 --> 00:19:40,240 Speaker 1: Mary Jane, we want you to play in the funeral. 316 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:47,480 Speaker 1: So um I mentioned this to say that I would 317 00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:53,720 Speaker 1: love to hear what may have been some things, some 318 00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:58,440 Speaker 1: unresolved issues that Mary Jane might bring up in this 319 00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:02,600 Speaker 1: letter to her deceased. And I wonder if Mary Jane, 320 00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:05,720 Speaker 1: when her friend was alive, trying to get her attention 321 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:08,119 Speaker 1: to say we need to make this work, I'm really sorry, 322 00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:12,600 Speaker 1: and all this other stuff. I wonder now in hindsight, 323 00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:14,760 Speaker 1: after the fact that her friend has committed suicide, I 324 00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:16,960 Speaker 1: wonder if Mary Jane feels from guilt. I wonder if 325 00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:20,879 Speaker 1: she feels from guilt towards her friends committing suicide because 326 00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:23,840 Speaker 1: the friend did say, you know, it's always been about you, 327 00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:28,679 Speaker 1: Mary Jane, It's always been about you. And again, another 328 00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:32,800 Speaker 1: professional black woman that people in the upside might say, well, 329 00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:34,919 Speaker 1: what is she yelling at Mary Jane More, She's a 330 00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:37,679 Speaker 1: medical doctor, she had her own house. Why is she 331 00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:40,760 Speaker 1: going for this borrowed man, and why does she look 332 00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:42,920 Speaker 1: at herself like that? Because her friend was just beautiful. 333 00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:47,600 Speaker 1: So Um, I would definitely do the letter writing exercise 334 00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:53,199 Speaker 1: for the Greek but to flip it um. There is 335 00:20:53,720 --> 00:21:00,200 Speaker 1: this um, there's this therapist or therapy pioneer. This name 336 00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:04,400 Speaker 1: was Alfred Adler, and he created something called at Larian therapy. 337 00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:08,159 Speaker 1: And so the modality that I would want to use, 338 00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:10,920 Speaker 1: the technique that I want to use. This Okay, we've 339 00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:14,879 Speaker 1: written letters to ourselves, we've written letters to our deceased friend. 340 00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:19,000 Speaker 1: Now I would like for you to do a future autobiography. 341 00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:22,280 Speaker 1: And I'm sure the person would be like, what, you 342 00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:25,960 Speaker 1: want me to write a future autobiography about my life 343 00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:28,480 Speaker 1: that I haven't lived yet. Yes, I want you to 344 00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:31,080 Speaker 1: write a story for how you would picture the rest 345 00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:33,800 Speaker 1: of your life going or what you would want for 346 00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:36,800 Speaker 1: the rest of your life. And what I'm looking for 347 00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:41,480 Speaker 1: from this technique is that, hopefully this will bring to 348 00:21:42,359 --> 00:21:47,359 Speaker 1: attention what are Mary Jane's self ideal and what does 349 00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:51,800 Speaker 1: she feel responsible in the shaping of her personality, in 350 00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:55,080 Speaker 1: the shaping of her self esteem, in the shaping of 351 00:21:55,119 --> 00:21:59,840 Speaker 1: her relationship choices, and then in the shaping up her 352 00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:03,879 Speaker 1: feeling responsible for how her failu are making all these 353 00:22:04,359 --> 00:22:07,280 Speaker 1: destructive choices. But you didn't feel responsible for your friend 354 00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:12,280 Speaker 1: that was constantly crying out for help. So um, That's 355 00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:16,600 Speaker 1: why I would do the future autobiography. That definitely sounds 356 00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:19,199 Speaker 1: like an interesting activity and I could see, you know, 357 00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:22,159 Speaker 1: something that the listeners might want to think about it 358 00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:24,440 Speaker 1: as well, you know, like who do you see yourself 359 00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:27,520 Speaker 1: as in the future, and how might what you're doing 360 00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:29,520 Speaker 1: now match up with who you want to be in 361 00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:37,760 Speaker 1: the future. Mm hmm, yeah, go ahead, No, because I 362 00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:42,040 Speaker 1: hear that a lot from therapy lines. My female therapy 363 00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:46,160 Speaker 1: clins of color, regardless of socio economic status, academic status, 364 00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:48,000 Speaker 1: and I wish all women would know this. We're all 365 00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:50,480 Speaker 1: the same in that way. I hear this every week. 366 00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:52,960 Speaker 1: I'm not where I'm supposed to be, and I always 367 00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:54,960 Speaker 1: like to say, well, yeah, are you're supposed to be? 368 00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:58,120 Speaker 1: You know, what do you think you're supposed to be? 369 00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:03,520 Speaker 1: So something that you didn't mention, But I think um 370 00:23:03,680 --> 00:23:06,439 Speaker 1: is a central theme with Mary Jane, and maybe you 371 00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:08,879 Speaker 1: can shed some light on this for us. I see 372 00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:13,200 Speaker 1: her engaging in a lot of self sabotaging behaviors. Um, 373 00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:17,560 Speaker 1: would you agree with that? Mm hmmmm. So can you 374 00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:21,359 Speaker 1: talk more about definitely would man love Dr Joey? We 375 00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:26,639 Speaker 1: could spend the whole episode, I mean, and then um, 376 00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:30,239 Speaker 1: she definitely does some self sabotaging. Um. I didn't use 377 00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:32,919 Speaker 1: the terminology, but I believe I briefly touched on it 378 00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:35,600 Speaker 1: without even thinking about it being self sabotaging by saying, 379 00:23:36,359 --> 00:23:39,560 Speaker 1: but they had an episode where somebody had brought your attention. 380 00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:47,120 Speaker 1: You're addicted. You're addicted to pursuing these men who really 381 00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:51,600 Speaker 1: aren't good matches for you, and like you already make 382 00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:55,320 Speaker 1: a bad situation worse by constantly texting them, calling them, 383 00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:58,200 Speaker 1: seeking them out, even if you know these people are 384 00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:03,919 Speaker 1: not good for you. Uh. She also too there was 385 00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:07,000 Speaker 1: a get together that she had at her house it 386 00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:09,920 Speaker 1: wasn't a friend's house. Always loved this episode, and I 387 00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:12,280 Speaker 1: also felt like it was a self sabotage episode as 388 00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:17,760 Speaker 1: well because in this episode, the different professional woman are 389 00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:22,200 Speaker 1: talking about, hey, this is where I am professionally and girl, 390 00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:24,639 Speaker 1: I'm giving you Kudo's good job of lab but my 391 00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:28,560 Speaker 1: personal romantic life sucks. And one friend opens up because 392 00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:30,840 Speaker 1: they're like girl who got her all together? One friend 393 00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:34,000 Speaker 1: opens up and says, I purchased my own engagement ring 394 00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:36,000 Speaker 1: because I didn't like the ring that was given to me. 395 00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:42,200 Speaker 1: Do you remember this episode? Yes? And one thing leads 396 00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:45,120 Speaker 1: to the other and before you know it, Mary Jane 397 00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:49,680 Speaker 1: is just disrespect and all the women again. Like you know, 398 00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:53,360 Speaker 1: she's telling the woman that purchased her own engagement ring 399 00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:57,159 Speaker 1: that she's got self esteemed problems. She's going in on 400 00:24:57,200 --> 00:25:00,520 Speaker 1: the friend as a doctor. It was just that. It 401 00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:04,800 Speaker 1: was just that. So I feel like she has diarrhea 402 00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:09,399 Speaker 1: of the mouth sometimes and she doesn't feel she doesn't 403 00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:12,680 Speaker 1: feel remorseful about things until she says it, like she 404 00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:15,440 Speaker 1: in her mind it looks good, it feels good. It's 405 00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:19,080 Speaker 1: kind of like that X or that person that you dated, 406 00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:23,280 Speaker 1: and you in your mind you're like, this text sounds awesome, 407 00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:25,160 Speaker 1: and then so as you send it, you like where's 408 00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:29,960 Speaker 1: the unsend feature? And so yeah, and so I see 409 00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:35,040 Speaker 1: that happened with her often, and and there's so many 410 00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:36,760 Speaker 1: different ways that I go with that, Like I kind 411 00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:39,680 Speaker 1: of wonder, like, Okay, well, Mary, Mary Jane, you seem 412 00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:43,320 Speaker 1: very confident as this news anchor. You choose these very 413 00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:46,720 Speaker 1: bold and daring topics that are amazing. You feel confident 414 00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:49,080 Speaker 1: in that, But why don't you feel confident in yourself? 415 00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:52,440 Speaker 1: And what is the motivation behind that? So I kind 416 00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:55,080 Speaker 1: of feel like that's why she self sabotages because she's 417 00:25:55,080 --> 00:25:58,119 Speaker 1: really not that confident in herself and her mother is 418 00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:02,560 Speaker 1: always picking on something she's not doing, you know, so 419 00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:07,160 Speaker 1: that also further feeds into the self doubt, which leads 420 00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:09,560 Speaker 1: to her being in situations where she may be doing 421 00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:13,840 Speaker 1: things without thinking and putting her flat mouth. Yeah, and 422 00:26:13,880 --> 00:26:16,280 Speaker 1: I think what was an interesting term? So have you 423 00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:21,960 Speaker 1: finished the most current season? No? I mean episodes? Okay, 424 00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:24,720 Speaker 1: so we won't go there, and we won't go there then. Um, so, 425 00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:28,480 Speaker 1: but where I left off? Where I left off, you 426 00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:33,000 Speaker 1: can know where I left off. She met Lee's ex wife, 427 00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:38,000 Speaker 1: and she met Lee's kids, and so she felt into 428 00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:40,920 Speaker 1: care about Lee's acts until she found out, Oh, Lee's 429 00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:46,000 Speaker 1: ex wife doesn't want Lee. So that's the last episode 430 00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:50,720 Speaker 1: I left off at. Yep, got you? Okay, so we'll 431 00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:54,200 Speaker 1: move on then, So we don't have any spoilers. So 432 00:26:54,359 --> 00:26:57,080 Speaker 1: what so, what are some tips for our listeners who 433 00:26:57,080 --> 00:27:00,000 Speaker 1: may be struggling with things that are similar so similar 434 00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:02,800 Speaker 1: of challenges and concerns. What kinds of tips would you 435 00:27:02,880 --> 00:27:05,560 Speaker 1: have for the listeners to kind of maybe get some 436 00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:09,560 Speaker 1: of this on track in their own lives. Um, the 437 00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:14,320 Speaker 1: tips that I would have is, um, if you haven't 438 00:27:14,359 --> 00:27:18,920 Speaker 1: gone to therapy. O, UM, is it okay if I 439 00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:20,760 Speaker 1: do so a little bit of some self disclosure here 440 00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:27,159 Speaker 1: or no? Absolutely absolutely so, UM, I'm myself a single 441 00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:34,000 Speaker 1: professional black woman and I I definitely there are things 442 00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:35,600 Speaker 1: that I find in come with Mary Jane, like the 443 00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:39,159 Speaker 1: wanting to have the family and great relationship partner. But 444 00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:42,399 Speaker 1: one of the things that, like how I address it 445 00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:45,720 Speaker 1: was Okay, you know what, I want to understand what's 446 00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:48,720 Speaker 1: my motivation behind? Why am I finding myself myself in 447 00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:53,280 Speaker 1: similar places and spaces? So I would encourage a woman 448 00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:55,959 Speaker 1: who haven't gone to therapy to go or if they 449 00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:58,359 Speaker 1: are going to therapy, if you haven't had a chance 450 00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:00,280 Speaker 1: to bring that up with your therapist. Are us that? 451 00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:06,360 Speaker 1: Because um there is a quote that UM I had 452 00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:09,680 Speaker 1: on my Instagram and it's pretty much like certain themes 453 00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:14,000 Speaker 1: will keep coming back in your life over and over 454 00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:17,560 Speaker 1: and over again until you finally have learned the lesson 455 00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:21,760 Speaker 1: that it's trying to teach you. And so I kind 456 00:28:21,760 --> 00:28:24,720 Speaker 1: of feel like sometimes it's kind of hard to step 457 00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:29,160 Speaker 1: outside of ourselves to do that if we don't have 458 00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:34,480 Speaker 1: um if if we don't have the support to do that, 459 00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:38,560 Speaker 1: the other thing is too is. I would also that's 460 00:28:38,600 --> 00:28:41,640 Speaker 1: another thing too that I didn't touch on it that 461 00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:45,640 Speaker 1: how I would also look at how are you handling stress? 462 00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:49,080 Speaker 1: I've seen therapy for the coming is totally admitted to me, 463 00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:53,280 Speaker 1: like listen, I don't like being by myself or I 464 00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:57,080 Speaker 1: don't like when I'm in situations that don't work out 465 00:28:57,640 --> 00:29:01,080 Speaker 1: in my favor, and I'll deal with it like going 466 00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:05,960 Speaker 1: out and having sex with random people. And so again, 467 00:29:06,120 --> 00:29:09,000 Speaker 1: I would kind of I would really really want to explore, 468 00:29:09,520 --> 00:29:13,200 Speaker 1: like okay, um or I I empowered this person to 469 00:29:13,320 --> 00:29:16,760 Speaker 1: kind of feel like, well, what is it that really 470 00:29:16,800 --> 00:29:19,160 Speaker 1: makes you happy? And while I'm talking to I'm trying 471 00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:24,480 Speaker 1: to find the quote, I want to say it exactly. Um. 472 00:29:24,520 --> 00:29:26,720 Speaker 1: The other thing that I would also empower women to 473 00:29:26,800 --> 00:29:32,040 Speaker 1: do is um, if you can find a new hobby, 474 00:29:32,320 --> 00:29:36,840 Speaker 1: like find a new hobby, makes a new friend. Um. 475 00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:40,960 Speaker 1: Me personally, I have different sets of friends, different groups 476 00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:43,560 Speaker 1: of friends, And there was one group of friends that 477 00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:46,200 Speaker 1: I really realized a couple of years ago, like I 478 00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:49,800 Speaker 1: need to kind of kind of step away for a 479 00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:55,560 Speaker 1: little bit because I noticed that, uh, this group of 480 00:29:55,600 --> 00:29:58,880 Speaker 1: friends was really really fixated on being in relationships and 481 00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:03,680 Speaker 1: there was like really singles. So if you have friends 482 00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:07,440 Speaker 1: that are turning every social activity into hey did you 483 00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:10,160 Speaker 1: see a cute somebody here? Though, oh well, tonight was 484 00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:12,200 Speaker 1: not a good night. Those aren't friends you should be 485 00:30:12,240 --> 00:30:16,440 Speaker 1: hanging out with all the time, you know, because if 486 00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:18,760 Speaker 1: that's an issue that you're constantly hung up on, which 487 00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:21,040 Speaker 1: is Mary Jay and she she has a lot of 488 00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:25,960 Speaker 1: relationship issues. UM. Sometimes it's good to have friends that 489 00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:29,640 Speaker 1: are supportive of you, that can be UM, but that 490 00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:33,240 Speaker 1: can also help you to be able to engage in 491 00:30:33,320 --> 00:30:35,800 Speaker 1: other activities that that can bring out the best you. 492 00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:37,800 Speaker 1: So it's like, you have a hobby that you'd like 493 00:30:37,880 --> 00:30:39,760 Speaker 1: to do, maybe you can find a friend group to 494 00:30:39,800 --> 00:30:44,000 Speaker 1: do those hobbies with. Or if you have a class 495 00:30:44,040 --> 00:30:46,200 Speaker 1: that you've wanted to participate in a skill in which 496 00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:49,200 Speaker 1: you're not an expert in, try those things out and 497 00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:51,320 Speaker 1: maybe make some new friends doing that. Because if you 498 00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:54,320 Speaker 1: have friends around you that are constantly talking about these 499 00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:57,360 Speaker 1: things that are provoking anxiety in you, it's just gonna 500 00:30:57,720 --> 00:31:00,240 Speaker 1: maybe it's just gonna exascerbate it. But the other thing 501 00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:04,240 Speaker 1: that I would also empower women to do is um 502 00:31:04,360 --> 00:31:07,160 Speaker 1: that are in similar situations. I saw this show on 503 00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:09,760 Speaker 1: f y I called merried at First Sight are to 504 00:31:09,880 --> 00:31:14,200 Speaker 1: join you from them with what I'm talking about. And 505 00:31:14,320 --> 00:31:18,440 Speaker 1: so there was this character what is her name? She 506 00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:25,600 Speaker 1: was a black woman with the short Janette Yes the 507 00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:31,080 Speaker 1: first season and so Janet and her husband unfortunately their 508 00:31:31,120 --> 00:31:33,440 Speaker 1: their marriage didn't work out, but they gave her a 509 00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:36,280 Speaker 1: spinoff show and one of the things she had similar 510 00:31:36,400 --> 00:31:40,560 Speaker 1: themes with Mary Jane, and basically the theme that kept 511 00:31:40,560 --> 00:31:43,200 Speaker 1: coming up with that a lot of her behavior seeking 512 00:31:43,240 --> 00:31:47,520 Speaker 1: out relationship partners was because her biological clock was dictating 513 00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:54,080 Speaker 1: whom she was picking. And so she was encouraged because 514 00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:55,760 Speaker 1: they are one of the things I like about f 515 00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:58,960 Speaker 1: Y I they have like a sociologist, it's like collegist 516 00:31:59,040 --> 00:32:02,200 Speaker 1: and um, some type of spiritual leader. And so they 517 00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:04,920 Speaker 1: encouraged her. Oh yeah, they have a sexologist too. They 518 00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:08,560 Speaker 1: encouraged her, you might want to go to a fertility 519 00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:11,200 Speaker 1: specialists see what's going on for you and no matter 520 00:32:11,240 --> 00:32:12,880 Speaker 1: what the picture is, to see what you can do 521 00:32:12,960 --> 00:32:16,520 Speaker 1: in terms of preserving your fertility or preserving eggs if 522 00:32:16,520 --> 00:32:20,640 Speaker 1: that's something to feel comfortable with. And so um they 523 00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:22,360 Speaker 1: helped her. They coached her to go and talk to 524 00:32:22,360 --> 00:32:25,440 Speaker 1: her friends about it and of course, you know some 525 00:32:25,440 --> 00:32:28,400 Speaker 1: some sister friends girls, you need to pray about that, 526 00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:31,400 Speaker 1: you're crazy. Some sister friends was like, I support you. 527 00:32:31,640 --> 00:32:33,800 Speaker 1: I totally support you. And at the end of the 528 00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:36,280 Speaker 1: day she thought about it and she said, this will 529 00:32:36,360 --> 00:32:38,640 Speaker 1: make me feel happy and how peace of mind, And 530 00:32:38,680 --> 00:32:41,120 Speaker 1: she went ahead and she decided to go do the 531 00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:44,960 Speaker 1: egg freezing. So I would also empower other women to 532 00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:47,400 Speaker 1: do that. Like if if you are thinking that your 533 00:32:47,400 --> 00:32:50,840 Speaker 1: biological clock is what's motivating you to go and pick 534 00:32:50,920 --> 00:32:54,760 Speaker 1: the wrong men, go talk to fertility specialists about it 535 00:32:54,800 --> 00:32:57,600 Speaker 1: and see what's going on with your body because a 536 00:32:57,600 --> 00:32:59,120 Speaker 1: lot of times we're scared about things that we don't 537 00:32:59,120 --> 00:33:02,320 Speaker 1: even need to be scared of out um. And so 538 00:33:03,640 --> 00:33:06,360 Speaker 1: another thing too, which is really lacking, but I see 539 00:33:06,360 --> 00:33:08,880 Speaker 1: that dr joy you have, which I think is awesome, 540 00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:13,320 Speaker 1: is um why does support group? Why does support group 541 00:33:13,880 --> 00:33:19,520 Speaker 1: that is geared towards helping woman tap into their inner 542 00:33:19,720 --> 00:33:23,280 Speaker 1: beautiful self and really coming up with a plan like 543 00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:25,480 Speaker 1: exploring those themes to be coming up coming up with 544 00:33:25,520 --> 00:33:29,840 Speaker 1: a plan to empower ourselves. So this empowered woman. Empower 545 00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:32,920 Speaker 1: Woman's my favorite quote, but the quote that i UM 546 00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:38,840 Speaker 1: was referencing, it's by pima chodron and it's nothing ever 547 00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:41,560 Speaker 1: goes away until it teaches us what we need to know. 548 00:33:42,360 --> 00:33:48,480 Speaker 1: So I say that quote because if any woman that 549 00:33:48,600 --> 00:33:51,800 Speaker 1: may find themselves being like Mary Jane feeling they're constantly 550 00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:54,760 Speaker 1: chasing their tail over and over and over again, like 551 00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:57,800 Speaker 1: I keep ending up in a similar situation, similar outcomes, 552 00:33:59,040 --> 00:34:02,320 Speaker 1: ask yourself, like what role am I having to play 553 00:34:02,320 --> 00:34:04,760 Speaker 1: in this? And don't be scared to go out and 554 00:34:04,800 --> 00:34:08,759 Speaker 1: reach an expert because a licensed mental health therapist we 555 00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:12,000 Speaker 1: are we're supposed to be non biased. We're supposed to 556 00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:16,760 Speaker 1: be a blank slaighte late and we're different than religious 557 00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:19,640 Speaker 1: leaders or life coaches and that we actually do have 558 00:34:19,719 --> 00:34:22,439 Speaker 1: an ethics board, a licenship board that dictates how we're 559 00:34:22,440 --> 00:34:26,400 Speaker 1: supposed to behave. But we also came to like girls, 560 00:34:26,760 --> 00:34:29,319 Speaker 1: oh no, you're still bid for doing that. You know 561 00:34:29,440 --> 00:34:31,440 Speaker 1: I do that to you too. We can't do that. 562 00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:34,440 Speaker 1: Friends will do that to you, maybe your family will 563 00:34:34,480 --> 00:34:37,520 Speaker 1: do that to you. Maybe, But our license is professional 564 00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:41,919 Speaker 1: LIS's health professionals. That's not what we do, and we 565 00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:45,160 Speaker 1: will help you to be direct. Your focus is your 566 00:34:45,160 --> 00:34:49,120 Speaker 1: thoughts and your energy back on yourself and yeah, other 567 00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:51,919 Speaker 1: things too, which I would love to see Mary Jane do. 568 00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:58,160 Speaker 1: Dr Joy stopped me. But um, one of the things 569 00:34:58,160 --> 00:35:00,400 Speaker 1: that I would love to see Mary Jane do is 570 00:35:01,200 --> 00:35:04,560 Speaker 1: treat herself to something I haven't seen Mary Jane take 571 00:35:04,600 --> 00:35:08,080 Speaker 1: a vacation in any of the season. Is everything that 572 00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:12,480 Speaker 1: she does is always connected to somebody. It's like, when 573 00:35:12,480 --> 00:35:14,480 Speaker 1: did she do something by herself? But the only thing 574 00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:17,480 Speaker 1: you see her do by herself is drink wine seriously. 575 00:35:17,960 --> 00:35:22,600 Speaker 1: And so one of the things that I would advise 576 00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:25,840 Speaker 1: listeners that can see themselves similar to Mary Jane is 577 00:35:27,440 --> 00:35:30,320 Speaker 1: ask yourself, when if the last time you've done something 578 00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:34,600 Speaker 1: spiritually riching for yourself. And spiritually and riching doesn't have 579 00:35:34,680 --> 00:35:36,839 Speaker 1: to be all going to church I'm praying. It could 580 00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:39,560 Speaker 1: be your meditating. It can be I'm treating myself to 581 00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:44,040 Speaker 1: a retreat excuse me in a whole other state. Or 582 00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:46,759 Speaker 1: I'm just gonna take myself to a random trip to 583 00:35:46,760 --> 00:35:48,800 Speaker 1: a bed and breakfast. It might be two hours away, 584 00:35:48,960 --> 00:35:52,080 Speaker 1: and I'm going to disconnect from social media and really 585 00:35:52,160 --> 00:35:55,640 Speaker 1: engage in really good self care. And so that's one 586 00:35:55,640 --> 00:35:57,680 Speaker 1: thing that I would Also another thing that I would 587 00:35:57,719 --> 00:36:01,120 Speaker 1: encourage other women to do because sometimes and I think 588 00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:05,399 Speaker 1: Mary Jane does this. Sometimes we seek out experiences through 589 00:36:05,440 --> 00:36:09,839 Speaker 1: relationships that we can already provide to ourselves. And so, 590 00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:16,160 Speaker 1: you know, we already have awesome personalities because after Joy, 591 00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:18,760 Speaker 1: I believe that all of us women are just awesome people, 592 00:36:19,280 --> 00:36:23,440 Speaker 1: and we're already magnificent. We're pretty magnificent the way that 593 00:36:23,480 --> 00:36:29,560 Speaker 1: we are in um. Sometimes we chase we we chase 594 00:36:29,640 --> 00:36:32,440 Speaker 1: a feeling, we chase an experience, kind of like when 595 00:36:32,480 --> 00:36:36,080 Speaker 1: people chase a high. But we've already got that greatness 596 00:36:36,239 --> 00:36:40,439 Speaker 1: right here that we can create within ourselves. And so 597 00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:45,480 Speaker 1: sometimes I've had some friends tell me, oh my gosh, 598 00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:47,960 Speaker 1: you should want you went. You took yourself out to dinner. 599 00:36:48,239 --> 00:36:52,640 Speaker 1: Yeah why because I was hungry, you know. Or you 600 00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:55,360 Speaker 1: took yourself to the movies by yourself, Yeah why. I 601 00:36:55,360 --> 00:36:57,399 Speaker 1: would never do that because I really wanted to see 602 00:36:57,440 --> 00:37:00,560 Speaker 1: this movie. Because so I did it to wait for 603 00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:03,240 Speaker 1: those things. And so I hear sometimes with some woman 604 00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:08,160 Speaker 1: they believe a certain experiences are only reserved for partnership, 605 00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:11,360 Speaker 1: and so they put a lot of things on hold 606 00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:13,879 Speaker 1: that they could really do to reward themselves because they're 607 00:37:13,880 --> 00:37:17,040 Speaker 1: waiting for someone else to get from that experience. Challenge 608 00:37:17,040 --> 00:37:20,560 Speaker 1: yourself to do different things by yourself. Yeah, those are 609 00:37:20,600 --> 00:37:23,359 Speaker 1: absolutely great point, Savine. You definitely hit on a lot 610 00:37:23,400 --> 00:37:25,720 Speaker 1: of the highlights. And I'm glad you mentioned the idea 611 00:37:25,760 --> 00:37:28,399 Speaker 1: of a group therapy because I think someone like Mary 612 00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:31,680 Speaker 1: Jane really could benefit from group because I think she 613 00:37:31,840 --> 00:37:34,360 Speaker 1: also has a lot of yes men in her life, 614 00:37:34,640 --> 00:37:37,280 Speaker 1: and I think a group would really help her to 615 00:37:37,320 --> 00:37:39,840 Speaker 1: get some perspective from outsiders who may be able to 616 00:37:39,920 --> 00:37:42,399 Speaker 1: kind of call her on some of her stuff that 617 00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:49,759 Speaker 1: she also brings to these other relationships that make them unhealthy. Yes, ma'am, 618 00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:55,920 Speaker 1: she does. And you also notice and I I might 619 00:37:55,920 --> 00:37:59,560 Speaker 1: sound like Sadre from Real Households Atlanta, but everybody knows 620 00:38:00,239 --> 00:38:05,440 Speaker 1: that she always took that. Everybody knows Um. Everybody knows 621 00:38:05,600 --> 00:38:09,760 Speaker 1: that we love our parents no matter what our relationship 622 00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:14,280 Speaker 1: may be, healthy, dysfunctional, whatnot. We there are some things 623 00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:17,759 Speaker 1: that we may keep from our parents. And I do 624 00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:20,160 Speaker 1: believe that it definitely goes into that yes man mentality 625 00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:22,120 Speaker 1: because she does keep things from her mom, because when 626 00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:26,320 Speaker 1: she brings the truth to her mother who her mother's 627 00:38:26,640 --> 00:38:29,879 Speaker 1: her mother, her mother serves at brutal honesty. Like I've 628 00:38:29,920 --> 00:38:32,560 Speaker 1: watched episodes, it doesn't that I could like episodes I 629 00:38:32,560 --> 00:38:35,160 Speaker 1: haven't even been able to relate to and Mary Jade 630 00:38:35,239 --> 00:38:36,600 Speaker 1: mom and they had me ship at home in the 631 00:38:36,640 --> 00:38:39,160 Speaker 1: couch and signs with my own self like wow, I 632 00:38:39,200 --> 00:38:44,800 Speaker 1: felt bred, you know. So yeah, I definitely agree that 633 00:38:44,840 --> 00:38:46,520 Speaker 1: there are a lot of yes men and and that 634 00:38:46,600 --> 00:38:50,000 Speaker 1: can be difficult to I would also empower women to 635 00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:56,080 Speaker 1: do that if you find that you are feeling uncomfortable. 636 00:38:56,280 --> 00:38:59,719 Speaker 1: I'm happy with the way things are going within your 637 00:38:59,719 --> 00:39:03,640 Speaker 1: person gonna life, but yet you're seeing most of the 638 00:39:03,640 --> 00:39:06,399 Speaker 1: people around you saying, well, girl, you're good, girl, You're fine, 639 00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:10,800 Speaker 1: blah blah. You're seeing You're seeing that there's an inconsistency 640 00:39:11,200 --> 00:39:14,960 Speaker 1: challenge that why is that? So? I would say that, 641 00:39:15,760 --> 00:39:19,200 Speaker 1: great point, Chavonne. So are there any resources that you 642 00:39:19,239 --> 00:39:24,359 Speaker 1: would suggest for our listeners? Any blogs or books or workshops. 643 00:39:24,360 --> 00:39:26,960 Speaker 1: Are things that you have seen or heard or suggested 644 00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:29,560 Speaker 1: to other clients, um, that you think would be helpful 645 00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:35,200 Speaker 1: for working on some of these issues, Yes, ma'am, um, 646 00:39:35,280 --> 00:39:39,600 Speaker 1: so one I would There's there's a book that I 647 00:39:39,680 --> 00:39:44,160 Speaker 1: quote all the time. Um. It's called Uninvited by Lisa Trker's. 648 00:39:44,560 --> 00:39:48,279 Speaker 1: I learned about it from some other therapists it's great. 649 00:39:48,400 --> 00:39:52,280 Speaker 1: It's called what to Do when you feel uninvited, alone 650 00:39:52,480 --> 00:39:59,040 Speaker 1: and lonely and oh my goodness. Like, ladies, if you've 651 00:39:59,080 --> 00:40:05,160 Speaker 1: ever had a friendship that's dissolved or relationship um that 652 00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:08,480 Speaker 1: has dissolved, you feel totally guilty about it, Oh my gosh, 653 00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:12,759 Speaker 1: this book will help you kind of get some closure 654 00:40:13,280 --> 00:40:17,759 Speaker 1: on that. And also it will really help you feel empowered, like, 655 00:40:17,800 --> 00:40:20,120 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I really am a great person. And 656 00:40:20,840 --> 00:40:24,879 Speaker 1: you know what, like maybe the things that I thought 657 00:40:24,880 --> 00:40:27,880 Speaker 1: were issues with me aren't issues with me, and I 658 00:40:27,920 --> 00:40:31,239 Speaker 1: maybe I do need to have confidence, confidence to know 659 00:40:31,360 --> 00:40:34,080 Speaker 1: that I am worthy of great things. Great things will 660 00:40:34,160 --> 00:40:37,400 Speaker 1: happen to me, and I need to act in ways 661 00:40:37,520 --> 00:40:44,040 Speaker 1: in which are in line with my greatness. So that's 662 00:40:44,040 --> 00:40:46,520 Speaker 1: a book that I definitely suggest. The other thing too, 663 00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:49,640 Speaker 1: just a little self blog plug. Definitely follow me and 664 00:40:49,680 --> 00:40:55,320 Speaker 1: my blog. My blog is different than my UH therapy 665 00:40:55,680 --> 00:40:59,719 Speaker 1: social media because it's much more of my personal experiences 666 00:40:59,760 --> 00:41:02,440 Speaker 1: of what I'm going through as a professional black woman, 667 00:41:02,800 --> 00:41:08,759 Speaker 1: whether it be work stressors or life stressors, dating stressors. 668 00:41:08,760 --> 00:41:13,719 Speaker 1: I post blogs about it. So sometimes reading about other 669 00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:17,600 Speaker 1: woman's experiences that are similar can be very therapeutic. UH 670 00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:20,799 Speaker 1: sometimes hearing about other woman's experiences can be very therapeutic. 671 00:41:22,120 --> 00:41:26,480 Speaker 1: If there's a local woman's group that is in line 672 00:41:26,520 --> 00:41:29,520 Speaker 1: with your ideals or anything like that that you feel 673 00:41:29,760 --> 00:41:32,560 Speaker 1: might help you tap into be in your inner Chaka Khan. 674 00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:36,840 Speaker 1: I'm every woman. I would empower to do that. So 675 00:41:37,680 --> 00:41:41,040 Speaker 1: I do feel like I'm missing a resource, but definitely 676 00:41:41,200 --> 00:41:44,719 Speaker 1: the least it's her curse book. It's Oh my gosh, Uninvited. 677 00:41:44,719 --> 00:41:47,279 Speaker 1: It's just amazing. Yeah, that sounds like a great book, 678 00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:49,839 Speaker 1: and I've never heard of that one, so you definitely, um, 679 00:41:49,920 --> 00:41:51,800 Speaker 1: don't have to worry about trying to remember this. It 680 00:41:51,880 --> 00:41:54,120 Speaker 1: will all be included in the show notes so that 681 00:41:54,160 --> 00:41:56,680 Speaker 1: you can remember to pick up this book. And what 682 00:41:56,760 --> 00:42:01,000 Speaker 1: was the name of your Black Chavant shop? Von blog 683 00:42:02,360 --> 00:42:08,000 Speaker 1: so s h I v as victory O N n 684 00:42:08,239 --> 00:42:12,800 Speaker 1: E is an echo blog dot WordPress dot com. Perfect 685 00:42:13,120 --> 00:42:15,319 Speaker 1: And where can we find out more about like your 686 00:42:15,320 --> 00:42:21,160 Speaker 1: practice and your social media handles across the platforms awesome? 687 00:42:21,560 --> 00:42:26,000 Speaker 1: So um you can find out about me. My website 688 00:42:26,280 --> 00:42:32,239 Speaker 1: is www dot a coma counseling concepts dot com, a 689 00:42:32,800 --> 00:42:40,200 Speaker 1: k O Mson mary a Counseling concepts dot com and 690 00:42:40,280 --> 00:42:44,560 Speaker 1: you can find me on Instagram, and I am at 691 00:42:45,239 --> 00:42:49,160 Speaker 1: a COMA Underscore Counseling c O U N S E 692 00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:52,799 Speaker 1: l I n G. And I am on Twitter at 693 00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:56,120 Speaker 1: d C M d C Therapist at A COMA Counseling 694 00:42:56,120 --> 00:42:59,080 Speaker 1: O COMA Counseling all one word, and I must on 695 00:42:59,120 --> 00:43:03,520 Speaker 1: Facebook a coma A Counseling concepts Yeah, comacoulum concepts. So 696 00:43:04,160 --> 00:43:07,799 Speaker 1: I'm everywhere there's you can definitely find me in a 697 00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:12,680 Speaker 1: lot of places. And I also have periodic live chats 698 00:43:12,719 --> 00:43:16,799 Speaker 1: on Instagram Live and pretty much it's an opportunity for 699 00:43:16,880 --> 00:43:20,319 Speaker 1: individuals to come our tune in online and you can 700 00:43:20,320 --> 00:43:23,760 Speaker 1: be anonymous and just ask me questions pertaining to mental health, 701 00:43:24,120 --> 00:43:28,920 Speaker 1: pertaining to stigma, pertaining to rejections. Feel free to ask 702 00:43:28,960 --> 00:43:30,880 Speaker 1: me those questions or what it's like to help a 703 00:43:30,960 --> 00:43:33,640 Speaker 1: friend go along. UM. The other thing is too is 704 00:43:33,680 --> 00:43:35,880 Speaker 1: I'm also going to be hosting a series of both 705 00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:39,960 Speaker 1: free and paid events for May Mental Health Awareness Month 706 00:43:39,960 --> 00:43:42,080 Speaker 1: in ma Distry to Columbia to stay tuned for those, 707 00:43:42,440 --> 00:43:45,520 Speaker 1: and it's going to be focused on UM, black women's 708 00:43:45,560 --> 00:43:51,680 Speaker 1: mental health awareness and really getting that conversation going perfect. 709 00:43:51,719 --> 00:43:53,799 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for sharing those Chavon and for 710 00:43:53,920 --> 00:43:57,319 Speaker 1: sharing all of your excellent information this afternoon. I think 711 00:43:57,320 --> 00:44:01,080 Speaker 1: it will definitely be really helpful to our listeners. Thank you. 712 00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:04,920 Speaker 1: Oh and by the way, I did do a blog 713 00:44:05,160 --> 00:44:08,279 Speaker 1: piece about being Mary Jane a month or two ago, 714 00:44:08,960 --> 00:44:12,640 Speaker 1: so if you go and visit my blog chavon Blogs, 715 00:44:12,680 --> 00:44:16,399 Speaker 1: you will find that blog piece on my blog. As 716 00:44:16,440 --> 00:44:19,000 Speaker 1: you can see, Shavan and I had a very lively 717 00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:22,080 Speaker 1: conversation about some of the issues that Mary Jane is 718 00:44:22,080 --> 00:44:24,560 Speaker 1: struggling with, as well as some of the issues she 719 00:44:24,600 --> 00:44:27,640 Speaker 1: sees in the patients in her practice. All of the 720 00:44:27,719 --> 00:44:30,840 Speaker 1: resources that she mentioned are included in the show notes. 721 00:44:31,239 --> 00:44:33,600 Speaker 1: You can find those at Therapy for Black Girls dot 722 00:44:33,640 --> 00:44:38,399 Speaker 1: com slash Session three. And let's keep the conversation going 723 00:44:38,440 --> 00:44:41,400 Speaker 1: over on social media. Let us know your thoughts about 724 00:44:41,400 --> 00:44:43,920 Speaker 1: the session anything else you think we need to talk 725 00:44:43,960 --> 00:44:48,760 Speaker 1: about related to Barry Jane. Use the hashtag TBG in session. 726 00:44:49,480 --> 00:44:52,560 Speaker 1: You can find us on Twitter at Therapy for the 727 00:44:52,640 --> 00:44:55,799 Speaker 1: Number four be Girls, and you can find us on 728 00:44:55,840 --> 00:45:00,239 Speaker 1: Instagram and Facebook at Therapy for Black Girls. And if 729 00:45:00,280 --> 00:45:02,560 Speaker 1: you like what you're hearing so far, make sure to 730 00:45:02,640 --> 00:45:05,400 Speaker 1: leave us a review on iTunes. And if you have 731 00:45:05,520 --> 00:45:08,160 Speaker 1: other thoughts or questions, that you'd like to see answered 732 00:45:08,200 --> 00:45:11,600 Speaker 1: on the podcast. Please send us an email at podcast 733 00:45:11,760 --> 00:45:15,160 Speaker 1: at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. Looking forward to 734 00:45:15,239 --> 00:45:59,920 Speaker 1: talking with you again real soon. Take get care, HM 735 00:46:01,360 --> 00:46:01,760 Speaker 1: party