Speaker 1: Motherfucking many years old mini episode. Motherfucking mini episode. Yeah, yeah, yep,
Speaker 1: there it is. There it is. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome
Speaker 1: to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me, the
Speaker 1: podcast where we die deep deep into the pockets of
Speaker 1: black conspiracy theories and we finally worked to prove the
Speaker 1: theories that you the listener have at home. That's right,
Speaker 1: motherfucker's this a mini episode, a motherfucking mini episode, And
Speaker 1: just like all the many episodes, a true tradition we've
Speaker 1: built here is that I get to hear from youth
Speaker 1: of fans and and unpack the conspiracy theories that you've
Speaker 1: been kicking around, the ones that you weird freaks funk
Speaker 1: around in. And boy, oh boy, is this a fun
Speaker 1: weird one. This is a nice, interesting conspiracy theory that
Speaker 1: came to me. It was sent to me, and and
Speaker 1: it came from a person who introduced herself by a
Speaker 1: name that is not the name from her email. Does
Speaker 1: that mean that she's writing from a different person's email
Speaker 1: or is she giving me a pseudonym? It's hard to
Speaker 1: know either way. I'm going to play her conspiracy theory
Speaker 1: for you. Now, what a blank to in my name
Speaker 1: is Phoebe. I just wanted to look into a theory
Speaker 1: my mom has had my whole life, well, more like
Speaker 1: a phobia. She is deathly afraid of cats. Yes, cats,
Speaker 1: small fuzzy feline friends that live in the home. Pets. Yes,
Speaker 1: she thinks. Has told me many many times that cants
Speaker 1: will steal your soul, that thing they do when they're
Speaker 1: pressing into your body and looking up into your eyes.
Speaker 1: She's like, that's them, that's that's them thinking about it
Speaker 1: to try to take your soul. To figure out how
Speaker 1: to take it. Now, in her older age, I've gotten
Speaker 1: her to admit that there might have been a movie,
Speaker 1: maybe a Stephen King's story made in the in the eighties,
Speaker 1: that involved this, But I think she had the belief
Speaker 1: before that, and I think that movie just reinforced her fear.
Speaker 1: So I would love if you would look into this,
Speaker 1: if it's just from that story, that Stephen King movie,
Speaker 1: if that movie even exists, or if this is an
Speaker 1: older thing to be like, you know, cats are not
Speaker 1: to be trusted. Love the show piece. Okay, Well, thank
Speaker 1: you so much, Phoebe. If that is in fact your
Speaker 1: real name, I am very excited about this conspiracy theory,
Speaker 1: because you know what, my wife actually holds the exact
Speaker 1: same theory. She there's a cat that I think, I
Speaker 1: believe it's straight, that lives in our neighborhood, and every
Speaker 1: time she sees it, she says, that motherfucker's evil. She
Speaker 1: she hisses at it. She's very cruel to this cat,
Speaker 1: and she's cruel to all cats. She's an unkind person
Speaker 1: and someone should shoot her in the knee. But the
Speaker 1: point is she has long maintained that cats steal people's souls,
Speaker 1: and even when I asked her where this comes from,
Speaker 1: it's all. It seems irrational, it seems completely unfounded. And
Speaker 1: so based on your suggestion, I decided to do some research.
Speaker 1: I did some deep digging, and what I found is
Speaker 1: there are a fair amount of cultural and historical examples
Speaker 1: of people making this exact same claim. Your mother, Phoebe
Speaker 1: is not as crazy as you think. For example, the
Speaker 1: Highland people of Scotland believe in a cat sithe that
Speaker 1: is basically like a demonic version of traditional cats. It's
Speaker 1: as large as a dog and very very black. That
Speaker 1: seems to be an ongoing theme with things that people
Speaker 1: call evil. But I won't. I won't get too hung
Speaker 1: up on UH on the racial implications there, but very
Speaker 1: very black with a white stamp on its chest. And
Speaker 1: many believe this cat is actually which or or that
Speaker 1: these types of cats are witches who have the ability
Speaker 1: to transform nine different times in their lifes man in
Speaker 1: order to you guessed it, suck out the souls of
Speaker 1: unsuspecting victims. They also believe that this cat sith can
Speaker 1: steal the soul of the dead before God can claim them.
Speaker 1: That they can basically stand next to UH, next to
Speaker 1: a dead body and get a leftover soul. That's sort
Speaker 1: of lingering around now, Why a soul would just hang
Speaker 1: out in a dead body? No idea to keep moving soul?
Speaker 1: What the funk are you? Did? This? Starting to feel
Speaker 1: a little like necrophilia? You sick freak. Get out of there,
Speaker 1: go do go do untethered soul ship you loser. Anyway,
Speaker 1: this forced UH, the the the Highland people to take
Speaker 1: extra steps to protect they're dead. They basically would would
Speaker 1: guard these bodies and extinguish fires nearby so that the
Speaker 1: the cat sith couldn't find the dead bodies, and they
Speaker 1: even went so far as to put cat nip in
Speaker 1: their homes while the funerals were going on, in order
Speaker 1: to basically distract the cats that and keep them from
Speaker 1: finding the dead. There are also records of them performing
Speaker 1: some pretty fucked up rituals called tagger tag arm. I
Speaker 1: don't know how to say this. I'm not Scottish, nor
Speaker 1: do I want to be. They sound silly, but tag
Speaker 1: aram or what is in English translated to giving supper
Speaker 1: to the devil, where cats were roasted alive. You heard
Speaker 1: me right, They roasted cats alive on a spit in
Speaker 1: order to conjure the devil, who was then compelled to
Speaker 1: grant them a wish. To those brave enough to perform
Speaker 1: this ceremony, they were burning fucking cats so that they
Speaker 1: could they could get their friend, the devil, to to
Speaker 1: give them wishes. There they were interesting people, the Highland people,
Speaker 1: and I hope I never get to meet them. They're
Speaker 1: also English superstition, and this is the one that I
Speaker 1: think it's most common in America. There's an English superstition
Speaker 1: which I know has carried into modern times that cats
Speaker 1: steal baby's breath. We've all heard it. The belief is
Speaker 1: either that because of jealousy or the smell of titty
Speaker 1: milk on the baby's lips. The cat will intentionally suffocate
Speaker 1: a new baby in the house while they're sleeping. Did
Speaker 1: they love titty milk? Apparently, and they're willing to murder
Speaker 1: for it. They're willing to kill a newborn baby for
Speaker 1: some sweet titty milk. And wouldn't we all who wouldn't
Speaker 1: want some titty milk? And who wouldn't kill a baby
Speaker 1: for that titty milk? Now, this theory the widespread that actually,
Speaker 1: in not in sevente all the way back in a
Speaker 1: jury at the Corners in quest in Plymouth, England, found
Speaker 1: a cat guilty of killing a baby in this way. Similarly,
Speaker 1: in nine in the Nebraska State Journal printed an alleged
Speaker 1: report from a doctor who said he'd witness the house
Speaker 1: cat lying on the baby's breasts U Paul on either
Speaker 1: side of the baby's mouth. The cats live, pressing those
Speaker 1: of the child. In the infant's face as pale as
Speaker 1: that of the corpse, its lips with the blueness of death.
Speaker 1: That basically that cat was sucking the soul out that baby. Now,
Speaker 1: this continues in Iceland. There's a legend of of a
Speaker 1: creature called the Yule cat that basically eats humans who
Speaker 1: do not have on fancy new clothes during the Christmas holiday.
Speaker 1: Basically Christmas time comes. If you're still as bummy as
Speaker 1: you were before the holidays started, you getting eaten by
Speaker 1: the Yule cat. If you're a bummy bitch, you're a
Speaker 1: kitty dish. That's the deal up. In Iceland, in the
Speaker 1: Middle Ages, it was commonly believed that cats were connected
Speaker 1: to Satan, that they were like friends with Satan, so
Speaker 1: much so that they believed that cats were solely responsible
Speaker 1: for the bubonic plague, which killed nearly sixty percent of
Speaker 1: the population around the world. It killed a lot of
Speaker 1: motherfucker's and these niggas thought that cats were more dangerous
Speaker 1: than thanos. You understand, sixty percent better than fifty. That's
Speaker 1: just mat and I, as you know, am a mathematician.
Speaker 1: Along with being a comedian and a future father, I'm
Speaker 1: a mathematician first, that is that is the core of
Speaker 1: who I am. A mathematician. And so like the Avengers,
Speaker 1: these people believed that cats were so terrible that they
Speaker 1: teamed up to beat the ship out of cats and
Speaker 1: murder them in the streets. There was there was a
Speaker 1: mass murder of kitty cats because they believed that were
Speaker 1: responsible for the the plague that took over the world. Now,
Speaker 1: the irony of all of this, if any of you
Speaker 1: have studied history much like me, I'm also a historian, mathematician, uh, comedian,
Speaker 1: future father, and of course historian that's number four, but
Speaker 1: number four historian. Those of you that have studied history
Speaker 1: know that the bubonic plague was actually started by a
Speaker 1: disease spread through rats, which cats probably could have helped
Speaker 1: stop if they weren't getting slaughtered by a bunch of
Speaker 1: cat devil weirdos. You know what I mean? Were you
Speaker 1: gonna put a halt to this if we would have
Speaker 1: kept our eye on the ball on this one. But
Speaker 1: that's neither here nor there. They did what they had
Speaker 1: to do and it worked out perfectly for the whites.
Speaker 1: Say anyway, On a less tragic note, there are some
Speaker 1: members of the Buddhist community who believe that cats actually
Speaker 1: are vessels for human souls, that they're not stealing human souls,
Speaker 1: but actually a human soul is where it is stored
Speaker 1: inside of a kidty cat like an urn after you die.
Speaker 1: Not so much it's stealing, but it's borrowing it until
Speaker 1: you your soul is ready to ascend to paradise. Uh And,
Speaker 1: and that's that's kind of nice. That's a sweet feeling
Speaker 1: that I probably could leave the episode with. I could
Speaker 1: leave you with that information, but I want to leave
Speaker 1: you with one more thing, because I I read. I
Speaker 1: went on Cora, which, as we all know, is not
Speaker 1: the best place to find information, but it is the
Speaker 1: best place to find sass answers. And somebody on Cora
Speaker 1: asked this exact same question that you're asking for, be
Speaker 1: about whether or not cats steal souls, and they the
Speaker 1: best response I found one that I really enjoyed. It said,
Speaker 1: do cats steal human souls? And somebody said, I find
Speaker 1: the best way to lose your soul is to go
Speaker 1: on Cora and ask a really stupid question. You're clearly
Speaker 1: suffering from the same problem, but I'm sure the question
Speaker 1: you ask has done the trick for you. It's certainly
Speaker 1: stupid enough. And boy, oh boy, is that the kind
Speaker 1: of healthy dialogue that I think we all need. You know,
Speaker 1: a nice person goes on the Internet and ask about
Speaker 1: something that haunts their dreams, and then an even uh,
Speaker 1: an even nicer man goes, you're a fucking idiot, stay
Speaker 1: off the internet. And I don't know who's right or
Speaker 1: who's wrong in this situation, but I bet we can
Speaker 1: figure it out, you know. I bet if we put
Speaker 1: our heads together, we'll figure it out. So to answer
Speaker 1: your question of Phoebe, I think there's a fair amount
Speaker 1: of evidence that that cats don't that that cats at
Speaker 1: least have a a toxic history, shall we say, within
Speaker 1: a toxic relationship with with humans and and the human world,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Even if they're not stealing souls,
Speaker 1: they're not to be trusted. And I like cats, but
Speaker 1: I don't trust the motherfucker's I keep my eye on
Speaker 1: a kitty cat, you know what I mean. I'm not
Speaker 1: just gonna let them keep hanging out regular around me. Anyway.
Speaker 1: I think that answered everything that you needed to know.
Speaker 1: That certainly was a lot of information. Not sure how
Speaker 1: much of it was helpful. But if you want to
Speaker 1: ask me a question about murderous animals and get relatively
Speaker 1: unhelpful answers about it, you can send me those questions
Speaker 1: and those conspiracy theories to my mama pot at gmail
Speaker 1: dot com. I would love to hear from you. Also
Speaker 1: subscribe to the podcast review the podcast Jesus Christ, How
Speaker 1: many times do I have to keep telling you fucker's this?
Speaker 1: Are you trying to upset me? Are you trying to
Speaker 1: turn me into a person who rages deep into the night.
Speaker 1: Come on, people, the time is now, you know anyway, Bye, bitch.
Speaker 1: Motherfucking many years, so many years, so, motherfucking many years. So,
Speaker 1: motherfucking many years, so many years, motherfucking many years. So