WEBVTT - Thursday Therapy: Step into Wifey Energy 0:00:01.920 --> 0:00:05.399 Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio Podcast. 0:00:06.640 --> 0:00:09.120 All Right, So this week's Thursday Therapy, We've got Talia 0:00:09.240 --> 0:00:11.600 we Met. She's the founder of We Met through Thalia 0:00:11.600 --> 0:00:14.800 at High End, a matchmaking agency base out of New 0:00:14.840 --> 0:00:18.760 York City in Miami. So she has a book out 0:00:19.320 --> 0:00:22.800 called how to Attract the Right Guy, Avoid situations, step 0:00:22.840 --> 0:00:26.279 into wifey energy, and get him to commit. So we 0:00:26.320 --> 0:00:30.000 don't she's not on yet, but you don't ever do this, 0:00:30.160 --> 0:00:32.479 but because usually we just go straight into it on 0:00:32.520 --> 0:00:35.920 Therapy Thursday. But I've got obviously Kristen and Alan today. 0:00:36.080 --> 0:00:40.760 So while we were waiting on her, I love this 0:00:40.880 --> 0:00:42.920 book for a couple of reasons. But I also remember 0:00:42.960 --> 0:00:46.040 when I got divorced, someone gave me the book Why 0:00:46.080 --> 0:00:47.000 Men Love Bitches. 0:00:48.520 --> 0:00:52.440 I've not heard that that's an actual title. That's incredible. No, no, 0:00:52.760 --> 0:00:54.560 I'm sure it is never heard. I'm pretty sure it is. 0:00:54.640 --> 0:00:55.400 That's incredible. 0:00:56.000 --> 0:00:58.680 And it was something where I'm like, okay, because I 0:00:58.720 --> 0:01:02.279 feel like when you're dating, you know, there's all these 0:01:02.280 --> 0:01:04.319 things like all right, step into wife the energy, you know, 0:01:04.319 --> 0:01:06.640 get him to commit. But and I think back on 0:01:06.640 --> 0:01:08.160 that book now and i'm reading it, I'm like, well, 0:01:08.160 --> 0:01:09.679 I don't want to do that because that's not me. 0:01:10.800 --> 0:01:13.400 And so then with this situation too, like I'm really 0:01:13.560 --> 0:01:16.440 excited to talk to her because I feel like when 0:01:16.480 --> 0:01:18.880 it's the right person, he's going to commit. So like Alan, 0:01:18.959 --> 0:01:21.840 it's like if I was to play the quote unquote 0:01:21.880 --> 0:01:24.760 games or you know, not return the cat, Well I 0:01:24.760 --> 0:01:27.319 didn't for a minute, but not because I was trying 0:01:27.319 --> 0:01:31.120 to play a game. I just I wonder do you 0:01:31.120 --> 0:01:33.679 guys even like that, like just be you because right 0:01:33.720 --> 0:01:36.040 because you're gonna you're gonna commit to the right person. 0:01:36.640 --> 0:01:36.800 Yeah. 0:01:36.840 --> 0:01:39.560 I think it's all about the timeframe as well. What 0:01:39.800 --> 0:01:42.160 period of dating are you in if you just split 0:01:42.240 --> 0:01:43.880 up with someone and you just want to have fun, 0:01:43.959 --> 0:01:46.679 So therefore you can be whatever you can put on 0:01:46.720 --> 0:01:49.280 whatever persona you want because it doesn't matter. You're not 0:01:49.320 --> 0:01:52.600 looking for your husband at that point. And I guess 0:01:52.600 --> 0:01:56.120 one of my questions is based around this, like when 0:01:56.160 --> 0:01:59.360 does it become a point where is dating It's almost 0:01:59.440 --> 0:02:02.240 like you need to a strategy, you know, but dating, 0:02:02.560 --> 0:02:05.800 and that shouldn't be the case. So based on the 0:02:05.840 --> 0:02:08.160 timeline that you're in and what you want to achieve, 0:02:09.520 --> 0:02:12.239 when is it the right time to be yourself and 0:02:12.280 --> 0:02:14.120 if you want to be a wife, then give off 0:02:14.440 --> 0:02:16.600 those vibes. But that's not always the right thing at 0:02:16.600 --> 0:02:17.119 the right time. 0:02:17.240 --> 0:02:19.480 I'm going to sound a little ruthless, but I guess 0:02:19.480 --> 0:02:21.600 for me, like it's a very cut and dry policy, 0:02:21.639 --> 0:02:24.000 like I'm either dating to marry you or I'm not 0:02:24.080 --> 0:02:26.800 dating at all. Like I've never been like a I 0:02:26.800 --> 0:02:28.480 don't even want a second date with someone who's not 0:02:28.520 --> 0:02:32.160 interesting to me in that way. I get that, like 0:02:32.200 --> 0:02:36.520 I'm pretty all in, which we've seen from track record, 0:02:37.280 --> 0:02:40.800 But you know, like I'm like, it shouldn't be a strategy, 0:02:40.840 --> 0:02:43.120 which I hate and I agree with Alan because it 0:02:43.240 --> 0:02:46.079 is so strategic and where do you even find real 0:02:46.120 --> 0:02:47.359 people anymore? 0:02:48.000 --> 0:02:50.000 Well, she just got on, so let's get her on 0:02:50.080 --> 0:02:51.400 and then we'll dive right into it. 0:02:52.080 --> 0:02:54.040 Hello, how are you. 0:02:54.440 --> 0:02:59.200 I'm Janna Alan Kristen. Well, we just started chatting before 0:02:59.200 --> 0:03:01.760 you came on out your new book that's out How 0:03:01.760 --> 0:03:06.000 to Attract the Right Guy. And Allan even an interesting 0:03:06.080 --> 0:03:08.920 point because I was saying, basically, I've read you know 0:03:08.960 --> 0:03:12.079 the Why Men Love Bitches and and you Know things 0:03:12.080 --> 0:03:15.360 to do for dating. But when I was reading those books, 0:03:15.400 --> 0:03:17.519 I'm like, well, I don't want to play quote unquote games. 0:03:17.560 --> 0:03:19.240 It's not saying they're games, but I just want to 0:03:19.240 --> 0:03:22.160 be me. And and then I was asking him, like, 0:03:22.400 --> 0:03:25.040 as a guy, you know, do you like that? And 0:03:25.600 --> 0:03:27.880 you basically said it was about the timing, right. 0:03:28.480 --> 0:03:28.880 Yeah. 0:03:29.000 --> 0:03:31.440 You get people who date for very short periods of 0:03:31.520 --> 0:03:34.160 time or on their own matchmaking sights, and then you 0:03:34.200 --> 0:03:37.840 get people who you see them or you speak to them, 0:03:37.880 --> 0:03:40.560 they've been they've been dating people for years and they've 0:03:40.600 --> 0:03:43.760 been on dating apps for years. As a as a woman, 0:03:45.920 --> 0:03:49.360 when does it become a point where you end up 0:03:49.440 --> 0:03:54.040 just settling for someone that the best person of an 0:03:54.040 --> 0:03:58.640 average bunch, or debate is it actually true love? And 0:03:58.680 --> 0:04:01.000 when I think there's like a cloudy the area there, 0:04:01.000 --> 0:04:05.040 will they date so much that they almost settle for 0:04:05.160 --> 0:04:08.720 the person who is just the best of that bunch 0:04:08.920 --> 0:04:10.200 and not the actual true love? 0:04:10.240 --> 0:04:11.320 Do you find that a lot? 0:04:11.960 --> 0:04:13.800 So as a matchmaker and as a dating coach, I 0:04:13.840 --> 0:04:16.280 advise against that, you know, and I talk about this 0:04:16.320 --> 0:04:18.600 in my book about being really clear about what you're 0:04:18.640 --> 0:04:21.919 looking for, because when you're trying to find someone without 0:04:21.920 --> 0:04:24.160 their description, that's like trying to find a missing person 0:04:24.400 --> 0:04:28.359 without the description. So it's almost impossible. So what I 0:04:28.400 --> 0:04:32.279 recommend in chapter three is to make a list of 0:04:32.279 --> 0:04:34.080 the things that you're really looking for in a person, 0:04:34.160 --> 0:04:36.080 so that when he does show up in your life, 0:04:36.160 --> 0:04:38.640 you can easily identify and say this is my guy, 0:04:38.800 --> 0:04:40.440 like this is the one who I want to start 0:04:40.480 --> 0:04:42.039 a family with, I want to settle down with. 0:04:43.760 --> 0:04:46.320 Do you feel like love at first sight is a 0:04:46.360 --> 0:04:46.960 true or false? 0:04:48.880 --> 0:04:51.599 I think that there's lust at first sight. I think 0:04:51.600 --> 0:04:55.640 that physical attraction. Yeah, I think there's absolutely lest at 0:04:55.640 --> 0:04:59.080 first sight. Yes, I don't think there's love at first 0:04:59.120 --> 0:05:01.640 sight because how can you try really love someone without 0:05:01.720 --> 0:05:03.960 knowing who they are? But I do believe in lust 0:05:03.960 --> 0:05:04.880 at first site for sure. 0:05:05.520 --> 0:05:08.320 Does that translate to love at first site eventually for you? 0:05:08.480 --> 0:05:10.840 Or do you think let's get all of that out 0:05:10.839 --> 0:05:13.160 of the way first before it becomes something more. 0:05:15.200 --> 0:05:16.760 I think, going back to what I was saying, I 0:05:16.800 --> 0:05:18.839 think that there's no such thing as love at first 0:05:18.839 --> 0:05:21.400 sight because I think if you really define love, that's 0:05:21.800 --> 0:05:25.360 knowing someone's flaws. How can you love someone's flaws and 0:05:25.400 --> 0:05:27.520 who they really are and everything they embody if you 0:05:27.520 --> 0:05:28.840 don't actually know them. 0:05:29.240 --> 0:05:31.960 So do you think the chemistry that you have with them, though, 0:05:32.000 --> 0:05:34.279 can lead or be like a signal or symptom to 0:05:34.920 --> 0:05:38.000 love eventually, Like in the ratio of people that have 0:05:38.080 --> 0:05:41.080 had love lust at first sight, do they transfer over 0:05:41.160 --> 0:05:44.000 to like marriage or do you think that's just like 0:05:45.240 --> 0:05:48.120 crazy hormonal like primal attraction. 0:05:48.880 --> 0:05:52.000 I would say it's probably pheromones and just physical attraction 0:05:52.200 --> 0:05:52.839 doing its same. 0:05:53.800 --> 0:05:55.880 Honey, what do you think it was? Because you always 0:05:55.880 --> 0:05:58.479 say I'm staring it up because you always say it was. 0:05:59.000 --> 0:06:02.880 I sure because we both say, you know it was 0:06:02.920 --> 0:06:05.200 that love it quote unquote love at first. I knew 0:06:05.200 --> 0:06:07.400 from the moment that I met you saw you. 0:06:08.520 --> 0:06:11.280 Yeah, but we had also spoken for a few weeks. 0:06:12.000 --> 0:06:14.039 Sure, sure, sure, sure, So we. 0:06:14.080 --> 0:06:16.920 Got to know each other, not physically face to face, 0:06:16.920 --> 0:06:19.240 but we got to know each other on face thing. 0:06:19.839 --> 0:06:23.440 So, Alan, what would you say in you know, when 0:06:23.480 --> 0:06:25.640 it comes to attracting the right guy and the things 0:06:25.640 --> 0:06:27.760 that women do like so stepping into the energy, what 0:06:27.920 --> 0:06:30.560 do you think is one of the biggest turnoffs that 0:06:30.600 --> 0:06:34.160 you see from dating? And then I'm curious to them 0:06:34.200 --> 0:06:36.240 to throw it back at you tell you who you 0:06:36.240 --> 0:06:38.680 know when you're writing this, like where do you think 0:06:38.760 --> 0:06:42.200 the women fall fall short with that, so like, what's 0:06:42.360 --> 0:06:47.400 the guy's perspective and then this, yeah, experts for experts. 0:06:47.920 --> 0:06:51.720 Well that's I think that's an individual thing, isn't it. 0:06:51.920 --> 0:06:54.400 Well, what don't you like when you were dating girls? 0:06:54.440 --> 0:06:56.760 Like what was what was too much? I guess, or 0:06:56.800 --> 0:06:58.440 what was a turnoff? Instantly? 0:07:01.480 --> 0:07:04.440 Masculine women for me is a is a big thumb off? 0:07:05.680 --> 0:07:09.080 Oh I love that. Yeah, yeah, that's my chapter two. 0:07:09.720 --> 0:07:11.320 So can you explain that just a little because I 0:07:11.360 --> 0:07:14.720 remember when you did help me. You you that was 0:07:14.720 --> 0:07:16.160 the first time I ever heard that was from you 0:07:16.200 --> 0:07:17.280 when we first started dating. 0:07:18.000 --> 0:07:18.280 Yeah. 0:07:18.480 --> 0:07:22.160 I think you find out as you get older and 0:07:22.200 --> 0:07:26.200 as you're mature what type of women you're actually not 0:07:26.280 --> 0:07:29.520 just attracted to, but connect with. And I don't connect 0:07:29.600 --> 0:07:32.560 with masculine women. I'm quite a masculine guy, so therefore 0:07:32.600 --> 0:07:37.720 I connect more with feminine women. So offtter feminine women. 0:07:37.880 --> 0:07:40.880 So a masculine women for me on a first date, 0:07:41.560 --> 0:07:43.400 who is overpowering or what? 0:07:43.680 --> 0:07:45.320 That's just not for me. 0:07:45.360 --> 0:07:50.360 So you're not talking like muscles, You're talking like energy. Yeah, 0:07:50.400 --> 0:07:51.320 what would you say? 0:07:52.200 --> 0:07:55.320 For sure? I agree with him one hundred percent. Feminine 0:07:55.600 --> 0:08:00.600 femininity is what makes women so powerful and so magical 0:08:00.720 --> 0:08:04.280 and magnetic. And in chapter two I talk about the 0:08:04.320 --> 0:08:07.440 feminine energy and how if you can hone in on 0:08:07.480 --> 0:08:09.920 that and you can turn off your boss babe, you know, 0:08:09.960 --> 0:08:12.400 while you're on a date with someone, how that will 0:08:12.480 --> 0:08:15.440 lead to way more attraction for the guy, because guys 0:08:15.440 --> 0:08:16.840 are attracted to feminine energy. 0:08:18.280 --> 0:08:18.960 So I get that. 0:08:19.080 --> 0:08:21.120 I also think though, too, just to like defend my 0:08:21.200 --> 0:08:23.840 masculine girls out there, because I think I've played in 0:08:23.880 --> 0:08:28.880 both arenas where my masculine energy comes out when I'm 0:08:28.880 --> 0:08:32.400 feeling like I either have to put on a front 0:08:32.559 --> 0:08:36.079 or defend or to like when I'm trying so hard. 0:08:36.600 --> 0:08:38.199 Is when it would really come out for me, was 0:08:38.200 --> 0:08:41.559 when I was like really really trying hard as opposed 0:08:41.600 --> 0:08:44.840 to just stepping into who I was. 0:08:46.520 --> 0:08:48.720 I would agree with that though, and I would also 0:08:48.880 --> 0:08:51.160 say I think you and I are wired similarly, like 0:08:51.200 --> 0:08:53.520 we will be severely independent to the point like we're 0:08:53.559 --> 0:08:56.440 not we don't need you. But then I think the 0:08:56.559 --> 0:08:58.880 right person for both of us has been able to 0:08:59.320 --> 0:09:01.040 take that and demolish it pretty quickly. 0:09:01.120 --> 0:09:02.840 Oh yeah, because I think I did that with you too, 0:09:02.880 --> 0:09:05.920 Like I at first I think I had a big 0:09:05.960 --> 0:09:09.160 old shield up, but then your energy then just brings 0:09:09.200 --> 0:09:12.239 me down to who I'm supposed to, my authentic femininity. 0:09:12.720 --> 0:09:16.800 Feminine energy is about receiving, because what we forget is 0:09:17.080 --> 0:09:19.760 when guys are in their masculine, they want to provide 0:09:19.800 --> 0:09:22.679 and protect and they want to give us something, whether 0:09:22.760 --> 0:09:25.480 that's carrying, you know, carrying our bags into the house 0:09:25.679 --> 0:09:28.000 or you know, whatever that is. And so I think 0:09:28.040 --> 0:09:30.559 it's all about remembering too. It's okay to receive, and 0:09:30.600 --> 0:09:32.840 it's okay for a guy to step into his masculine 0:09:32.840 --> 0:09:34.199 and for you to be the receiver. 0:09:48.040 --> 0:09:51.640 When you met your person? Did was it tricky to 0:09:51.800 --> 0:09:54.199 know what you know? Because you have a very you're 0:09:54.280 --> 0:09:57.720 very educated in this matchmaking world. So is it hard 0:09:57.720 --> 0:10:01.120 to take off almost your business hat essentially when you 0:10:01.160 --> 0:10:04.600 start dating someone? Now, now what you know to like 0:10:04.679 --> 0:10:05.960 not overanalyze. 0:10:06.320 --> 0:10:08.640 I was going to say, no, I think I I 0:10:08.679 --> 0:10:10.560 think if any of my friends were here, I think 0:10:10.559 --> 0:10:12.760 they would chime in and say, she actually follows her 0:10:12.800 --> 0:10:16.000 own rules. And so I'm not typically the one going 0:10:16.040 --> 0:10:18.760 through like a crazy heartbreak where someone love bomby because 0:10:18.760 --> 0:10:21.640 I'm really good identifying things and I also know what 0:10:21.760 --> 0:10:24.320 I know myself, and I write that in the book too, 0:10:24.360 --> 0:10:27.760 Like chapter one's about looking within and understanding who you 0:10:27.840 --> 0:10:30.400 are so that you know what's the best match for you. 0:10:30.880 --> 0:10:32.440 Because if you don't know who you are and you 0:10:32.480 --> 0:10:33.920 don't know what's a good fit, that's going to be 0:10:34.000 --> 0:10:36.240 really hard to find that right person. 0:10:38.000 --> 0:10:39.320 What's the wife the energy? 0:10:39.600 --> 0:10:41.000 What do you think that energy is? 0:10:41.480 --> 0:10:44.920 It's the feminine energy. It's about like, it's about receiving. 0:10:45.080 --> 0:10:48.360 It's about being in your feminine It's about you know, 0:10:49.080 --> 0:10:51.560 showing up in a way that's also like I'm open, 0:10:51.640 --> 0:10:54.280 I'm available, you know, when you're out, and about if 0:10:54.320 --> 0:10:56.760 you're trying to meet someone organically, it's about showing up 0:10:56.760 --> 0:11:00.120 with that openness, because I do think that sometimes my 0:11:00.120 --> 0:11:02.800 girlfriends are single and they're out and I'm like, girl, 0:11:03.000 --> 0:11:05.240 you don't look approachable right now, Like you look pissed, 0:11:05.360 --> 0:11:07.000 you know, and we need we need you to be 0:11:07.080 --> 0:11:10.280 in that like happy, like vibrant energy to attract that 0:11:10.400 --> 0:11:13.160 right guy who's going to like spot you or see you. 0:11:13.800 --> 0:11:16.880 And so why the energy is a lot of things 0:11:16.920 --> 0:11:18.320 you have to read the book, but I think the 0:11:18.360 --> 0:11:20.160 biggest one I want to say is you have to 0:11:20.200 --> 0:11:22.240 be in that open, receiving moade. 0:11:23.480 --> 0:11:26.920 If you find yourself accidentally love bumbed, say someone that's listening, 0:11:27.120 --> 0:11:29.480 it's been accidentally love bumbed, because I think it still 0:11:29.480 --> 0:11:31.040 gets the best of us. Right, even if you're like 0:11:31.120 --> 0:11:33.880 well educated, know yourself, you're like, oh, oh, that's exciting. 0:11:34.840 --> 0:11:38.200 Now what is this like that's not the guy for you? 0:11:38.400 --> 0:11:40.960 Or is there like a series of questions? 0:11:41.320 --> 0:11:44.080 I would say the first thing is if someone you're 0:11:44.160 --> 0:11:46.440 only seeing them for the first time on a first 0:11:46.480 --> 0:11:48.320 date or second day at third date, and they're telling 0:11:48.360 --> 0:11:50.120 you how much they like you and how they can't 0:11:50.120 --> 0:11:51.959 wait for you to meet their family and all this stuff. 0:11:51.960 --> 0:11:54.120 It's like, how do you know you like me? You 0:11:54.120 --> 0:11:57.400 don't even know me? You know, that's love bomby. It's 0:11:57.480 --> 0:12:00.840 it's not it's not genuine, and it doesn't come from 0:12:01.160 --> 0:12:03.440 a good place. It's like they have another hidden aginda 0:12:03.440 --> 0:12:04.240 that you don't know about. 0:12:04.840 --> 0:12:07.000 Yeah, that actually made my throat close when you said it. 0:12:07.040 --> 0:12:10.440 So so and I'm like, well you feah the person, 0:12:10.480 --> 0:12:11.760 it's all good, it's happy. 0:12:12.520 --> 0:12:15.840 I don't know. I remember in college I dated this 0:12:16.000 --> 0:12:19.480 gentleman briefly and super super sweet, but it was like 0:12:19.600 --> 0:12:22.160 date too and I came out This still gives me 0:12:22.200 --> 0:12:24.079 a vibe and I think he meant well, I hope, 0:12:24.120 --> 0:12:27.120 and I hope he's not behind bar somewhere, but he 0:12:27.360 --> 0:12:29.319 I came out to my vehicle to like leave for 0:12:29.440 --> 0:12:32.800 my serving shift, you know, four thirty PM, real motivated, right, 0:12:33.160 --> 0:12:35.640 And I come out and there's like this. Not only 0:12:35.720 --> 0:12:37.559 is there a love letter and a rose, but it's 0:12:37.559 --> 0:12:40.320 put inside one of those plastic protectors so in case 0:12:40.360 --> 0:12:43.200 it rained, his words wouldn't be smudged. And I thought, 0:12:43.320 --> 0:12:45.400 I can't breathe. I can't breathe in how do I say? 0:12:45.400 --> 0:12:48.400 I'm having an EpiPen like needed reaction right now even 0:12:48.400 --> 0:12:51.000 telling the story. But I just remember being like, this 0:12:51.040 --> 0:12:53.360 is too much, too soon. Obviously we were young, but 0:12:53.440 --> 0:12:57.280 I have heard girlfriends like older, you know girlfriends we 0:12:57.320 --> 0:12:58.880 have now that go on dates and they're like, yeah, 0:12:58.880 --> 0:13:02.240 that just escalated really quickly, and it just really throws 0:13:02.240 --> 0:13:05.000 off my energy. It makes me feel like a little unsafe. 0:13:06.480 --> 0:13:08.880 I love how you bring up energy because I always 0:13:08.920 --> 0:13:11.440 say your nervous system will always guide you in the 0:13:11.480 --> 0:13:15.160 right direction. So if you tap, if you know yourself 0:13:15.160 --> 0:13:17.240 and you're tapping in after a date and you're like, 0:13:17.240 --> 0:13:19.280 how do I feel how this person make me feel 0:13:19.280 --> 0:13:22.000 if you feel like your nervous system shutting down, you 0:13:22.080 --> 0:13:23.640 kind of like when you said your throat closed up. 0:13:23.920 --> 0:13:27.880 That is such a telltale sign that the universe, god, 0:13:27.920 --> 0:13:29.560 whatever you pray to, is trying to warn you that 0:13:29.679 --> 0:13:32.760 this isn't it sounds great on the outside. I even 0:13:32.760 --> 0:13:34.840 tell one of my personal stories I think in chapter 0:13:34.920 --> 0:13:38.240 three about someone trying to love on me and say 0:13:38.240 --> 0:13:40.600 all the right things, but like my nervous system was 0:13:40.600 --> 0:13:42.960 trying to communicate, And that's such an important thing to 0:13:43.080 --> 0:13:45.600 listen to because your body will never steer you the 0:13:45.600 --> 0:13:46.080 wrong way. 0:13:46.320 --> 0:13:49.400 Ever, how did you meet the person that you are 0:13:49.400 --> 0:13:50.680 in a relationship with now? 0:13:51.080 --> 0:13:54.760 Oh? Just through friend introduction. I had someone play match 0:13:54.760 --> 0:13:55.440 to make your on me. 0:13:55.960 --> 0:13:58.839 So I love that too, and I sometimes feel overwhelmed 0:13:58.840 --> 0:14:01.600 for like the women now that are dating and men 0:14:01.640 --> 0:14:05.079 I suppose, but that have to do everything like through apps. 0:14:05.320 --> 0:14:07.880 It just feels so tricky to me. Do you have 0:14:07.920 --> 0:14:11.440 any advice for people navigating apps and swiping left right? 0:14:12.440 --> 0:14:14.800 I do, so I think that the obvious thing that 0:14:14.840 --> 0:14:16.800 comes to my mind is tell all of your friends 0:14:16.800 --> 0:14:19.840 that are taken to think of you just be like, hey, 0:14:19.880 --> 0:14:22.080 if you meet a guy who's x y Z think 0:14:22.080 --> 0:14:24.160 of me, especially for in a room at like a house, 0:14:24.160 --> 0:14:26.680 swimming party or a barbecue and you see someone who 0:14:26.760 --> 0:14:30.000 single and seems really great, think of me in that moment. 0:14:30.960 --> 0:14:33.920 I think sometimes the take and married friends forget about 0:14:33.960 --> 0:14:36.560 the single friends. But at the end of the day, 0:14:36.600 --> 0:14:38.880 like those single friends are really relying on them to 0:14:38.960 --> 0:14:42.400 make introductions that are more insightful because dating apps are 0:14:42.400 --> 0:14:44.240 a lot harder because you don't have anyone who's pre 0:14:44.320 --> 0:14:46.920 vetted that person. There's no vouching. You're kind of just 0:14:47.760 --> 0:14:48.640 hoping for the best. 0:14:50.680 --> 0:14:55.040 Yeah, I mean, I'm so glad to be off the 0:14:55.120 --> 0:14:55.720 dating apps. 0:14:57.080 --> 0:14:59.880 Me too, I'm glad you're off the dating we were. 0:15:00.160 --> 0:15:02.600 I was looking at old photos and it was when 0:15:02.600 --> 0:15:06.560 I was divorced, and I was like, oh my gosh, babe. 0:15:06.600 --> 0:15:09.160 I was like these photos of me, what did you say? 0:15:09.200 --> 0:15:10.480 I was starving? 0:15:10.640 --> 0:15:14.120 I was starving. He goes, he goes, did you actually 0:15:14.160 --> 0:15:15.920 post this photo? And it was me and like a 0:15:15.960 --> 0:15:18.800 bikini top in the pool with like my hands up 0:15:18.880 --> 0:15:22.120 and I'm like, this is I'm cringing at myself from 0:15:23.400 --> 0:15:26.200 I was. He's like he's like, He's like, wow, bab 0:15:26.240 --> 0:15:28.320 And I was like and then the filters, the amount 0:15:28.320 --> 0:15:30.320 of filters I was putting on my face and just 0:15:30.360 --> 0:15:33.080 like the sexy like trying to show my boobs and 0:15:33.320 --> 0:15:35.880 just I mean, I was really putting it out there 0:15:36.720 --> 0:15:39.880 in a very as a one would say, hungry, thirsty way. 0:15:40.360 --> 0:15:43.240 But it's hard, you know, and I just I don't know. 0:15:43.560 --> 0:15:45.240 But it was funny because we were at baseball and 0:15:45.360 --> 0:15:47.920 I started laughing about it because my ex was there 0:15:47.920 --> 0:15:50.680 and we were talking about dating apps, and I was 0:15:50.760 --> 0:15:52.160 just like, Oh, it's got to be it's got to 0:15:52.200 --> 0:15:53.640 be rough out there, you know. And he's like, when 0:15:53.640 --> 0:15:55.040 I get back on, he's like, maybe you can help 0:15:55.080 --> 0:15:58.120 me with profile pics. I'm like, dear lord, what is 0:15:58.160 --> 0:16:00.880 this world coming to. I'm gonna my ex husband with 0:16:00.920 --> 0:16:02.920 this profile photost. 0:16:02.560 --> 0:16:04.080 I don't have much to say in the pre vetting 0:16:04.160 --> 0:16:06.480 section of referencing prevetting, No. 0:16:06.440 --> 0:16:07.880 But I was like, oh, I just can't wait to 0:16:08.200 --> 0:16:11.200 sit down with, you know, the one he does end 0:16:11.320 --> 0:16:13.080 up with, because I would love that. I'd like everyone 0:16:13.120 --> 0:16:16.480 to be happy in all the things. But back to this, No, 0:16:16.600 --> 0:16:19.400 I can't even imagine. You know, the world of dating. 0:16:19.480 --> 0:16:23.000 It's hard, especially when you when someone really wants to 0:16:23.040 --> 0:16:25.200 find that person because it's lonely when you don't like 0:16:25.400 --> 0:16:30.520 As much as I found peace being alone, there's something 0:16:30.560 --> 0:16:33.160 so magical to have an incredible partner by your side, 0:16:33.240 --> 0:16:36.040 and you know, I want that for everybody to have 0:16:36.080 --> 0:16:39.040 that amazing relationship and to have, you know, peace in 0:16:39.440 --> 0:16:42.040 all the areas alone but also in a relationship. So 0:16:42.600 --> 0:16:44.600 I love you know that you're trying to help people 0:16:44.680 --> 0:16:47.240 guide them in the right way. But having said that, 0:16:47.280 --> 0:16:49.160 in the dating world there is a lot of ghosting. 0:16:49.360 --> 0:16:52.120 So for the people that I've experienced that, you know, 0:16:52.520 --> 0:16:54.080 do you talk about that at all in your book 0:16:54.080 --> 0:16:56.280 and kind of how to navigate because it makes you 0:16:56.360 --> 0:16:59.320 feel like you're not good enough, And I think that's 0:16:59.520 --> 0:17:03.160 just I know I felt that in past when that 0:17:03.200 --> 0:17:05.119 would happen. But to me, I always go, okay, I 0:17:05.200 --> 0:17:07.600 always know at the very end, you know, it all 0:17:07.640 --> 0:17:09.280 happened for a reason. I found the one that I 0:17:09.320 --> 0:17:10.919 was supposed to end up with. But it's hard to 0:17:10.920 --> 0:17:11.840 see that in the moment. 0:17:13.560 --> 0:17:18.600 I know, and I always say, rejection is God's protection, 0:17:19.000 --> 0:17:20.600 and I think that's the biggest thing we have to 0:17:20.640 --> 0:17:23.280 remember is that if he wanted to, he would, and 0:17:23.320 --> 0:17:25.600 if he wanted to reach out. He would. There's no 0:17:25.680 --> 0:17:28.800 excuses for it, and at the end of the day, 0:17:28.840 --> 0:17:31.720 it's just protecting you and that will lead you to 0:17:31.800 --> 0:17:34.960 meeting that right person instead of wasting more time, more dates, 0:17:35.240 --> 0:17:38.480 investing your energy into someone that is not meant for you. 0:17:39.800 --> 0:17:41.960 I don't know what it is with the ghosting culture. 0:17:42.520 --> 0:17:45.560 I know that, you know, when I was single, I 0:17:45.560 --> 0:17:47.960 would always say the text like, hey, I think you're amazing. 0:17:48.320 --> 0:17:49.959 I just don't think we're the right fit, and I 0:17:50.000 --> 0:17:53.639 wish more people would do that. I don't touch on 0:17:53.680 --> 0:17:55.200 it much in the book, just because I felt like 0:17:55.240 --> 0:17:57.240 I had I mean, there's so many things I wanted 0:17:57.280 --> 0:17:59.280 to cover in the book, and that's why I'm writing 0:17:59.280 --> 0:18:01.200 a second book, because there's just so I wanted to 0:18:01.280 --> 0:18:04.160 be digestible, and it's such a quick read, and each 0:18:04.240 --> 0:18:07.639 chapter has an activity, like an exercise, and so I 0:18:07.680 --> 0:18:10.919 couldn't put everything in there. But I definitely think ghosting 0:18:10.960 --> 0:18:12.480 is something you just have to remember, like, don't take 0:18:12.520 --> 0:18:15.960 it personal. That person was either not ready or you know, 0:18:16.520 --> 0:18:19.080 some of the past came back into their life, which 0:18:19.080 --> 0:18:21.600 you don't want to get involved in a triangle situation anyway. 0:18:21.680 --> 0:18:25.000 So just always know that there are things that the universe, 0:18:25.000 --> 0:18:27.160 God sees that you don't see, and it's just protecting 0:18:27.160 --> 0:18:28.800 you from something that's not meant for you. 0:18:29.640 --> 0:18:32.119 Kristin, did you ever ghost anybody? 0:18:32.160 --> 0:18:32.680 Maybe? 0:18:32.880 --> 0:18:33.159 Did you? 0:18:33.240 --> 0:18:33.840 Bet? 0:18:35.160 --> 0:18:38.080 Probably my younger years. For sure, I had to of 0:18:38.400 --> 0:18:40.320 just because I wasn't. I didn't want to hurt anyone's 0:18:40.359 --> 0:18:43.800 feeling one thousand percent so and not to be that 0:18:44.520 --> 0:18:47.400 ghosting isn't hurtful. But I think it wasn't called ghosting, 0:18:47.440 --> 0:18:48.880 by the way, I don't know what that G form 0:18:49.000 --> 0:18:49.480