1 00:00:01,920 --> 00:00:05,399 Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio Podcast. 2 00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:09,120 Speaker 2: All Right, So this week's Thursday Therapy, We've got Talia 3 00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:11,600 Speaker 2: we Met. She's the founder of We Met through Thalia 4 00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:14,800 Speaker 2: at High End, a matchmaking agency base out of New 5 00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:18,760 Speaker 2: York City in Miami. So she has a book out 6 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:22,800 Speaker 2: called how to Attract the Right Guy, Avoid situations, step 7 00:00:22,840 --> 00:00:26,279 Speaker 2: into wifey energy, and get him to commit. So we 8 00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:30,000 Speaker 2: don't she's not on yet, but you don't ever do this, 9 00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:32,479 Speaker 2: but because usually we just go straight into it on 10 00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:35,920 Speaker 2: Therapy Thursday. But I've got obviously Kristen and Alan today. 11 00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:40,760 Speaker 2: So while we were waiting on her, I love this 12 00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:42,920 Speaker 2: book for a couple of reasons. But I also remember 13 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:46,040 Speaker 2: when I got divorced, someone gave me the book Why 14 00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:47,000 Speaker 2: Men Love Bitches. 15 00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:52,440 Speaker 1: I've not heard that that's an actual title. That's incredible. No, no, 16 00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:54,560 Speaker 1: I'm sure it is never heard. I'm pretty sure it is. 17 00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:55,400 Speaker 1: That's incredible. 18 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:58,680 Speaker 2: And it was something where I'm like, okay, because I 19 00:00:58,720 --> 00:01:02,279 Speaker 2: feel like when you're dating, you know, there's all these 20 00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:04,319 Speaker 2: things like all right, step into wife the energy, you know, 21 00:01:04,319 --> 00:01:06,640 Speaker 2: get him to commit. But and I think back on 22 00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:08,160 Speaker 2: that book now and i'm reading it, I'm like, well, 23 00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:09,679 Speaker 2: I don't want to do that because that's not me. 24 00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:13,400 Speaker 2: And so then with this situation too, like I'm really 25 00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:16,440 Speaker 2: excited to talk to her because I feel like when 26 00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:18,880 Speaker 2: it's the right person, he's going to commit. So like Alan, 27 00:01:18,959 --> 00:01:21,840 Speaker 2: it's like if I was to play the quote unquote 28 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:24,760 Speaker 2: games or you know, not return the cat, Well I 29 00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:27,319 Speaker 2: didn't for a minute, but not because I was trying 30 00:01:27,319 --> 00:01:31,120 Speaker 2: to play a game. I just I wonder do you 31 00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:33,679 Speaker 2: guys even like that, like just be you because right 32 00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:36,040 Speaker 2: because you're gonna you're gonna commit to the right person. 33 00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:36,800 Speaker 3: Yeah. 34 00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:39,560 Speaker 4: I think it's all about the timeframe as well. What 35 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:42,160 Speaker 4: period of dating are you in if you just split 36 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:43,880 Speaker 4: up with someone and you just want to have fun, 37 00:01:43,959 --> 00:01:46,679 Speaker 4: So therefore you can be whatever you can put on 38 00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:49,280 Speaker 4: whatever persona you want because it doesn't matter. You're not 39 00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:52,600 Speaker 4: looking for your husband at that point. And I guess 40 00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:56,120 Speaker 4: one of my questions is based around this, like when 41 00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:59,360 Speaker 4: does it become a point where is dating It's almost 42 00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:02,240 Speaker 4: like you need to a strategy, you know, but dating, 43 00:02:02,560 --> 00:02:05,800 Speaker 4: and that shouldn't be the case. So based on the 44 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:08,160 Speaker 4: timeline that you're in and what you want to achieve, 45 00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:12,239 Speaker 4: when is it the right time to be yourself and 46 00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:14,120 Speaker 4: if you want to be a wife, then give off 47 00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:16,600 Speaker 4: those vibes. But that's not always the right thing at 48 00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:17,119 Speaker 4: the right time. 49 00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:19,480 Speaker 1: I'm going to sound a little ruthless, but I guess 50 00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:21,600 Speaker 1: for me, like it's a very cut and dry policy, 51 00:02:21,639 --> 00:02:24,000 Speaker 1: like I'm either dating to marry you or I'm not 52 00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:26,800 Speaker 1: dating at all. Like I've never been like a I 53 00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:28,480 Speaker 1: don't even want a second date with someone who's not 54 00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:32,160 Speaker 1: interesting to me in that way. I get that, like 55 00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:36,520 Speaker 1: I'm pretty all in, which we've seen from track record, 56 00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:40,800 Speaker 1: But you know, like I'm like, it shouldn't be a strategy, 57 00:02:40,840 --> 00:02:43,120 Speaker 1: which I hate and I agree with Alan because it 58 00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:46,079 Speaker 1: is so strategic and where do you even find real 59 00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:47,359 Speaker 1: people anymore? 60 00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:50,000 Speaker 2: Well, she just got on, so let's get her on 61 00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:51,400 Speaker 2: and then we'll dive right into it. 62 00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:54,040 Speaker 1: Hello, how are you. 63 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:59,200 Speaker 2: I'm Janna Alan Kristen. Well, we just started chatting before 64 00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:01,760 Speaker 2: you came on out your new book that's out How 65 00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:06,000 Speaker 2: to Attract the Right Guy. And Allan even an interesting 66 00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:08,920 Speaker 2: point because I was saying, basically, I've read you know 67 00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:12,079 Speaker 2: the Why Men Love Bitches and and you Know things 68 00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:15,360 Speaker 2: to do for dating. But when I was reading those books, 69 00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:17,519 Speaker 2: I'm like, well, I don't want to play quote unquote games. 70 00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:19,240 Speaker 2: It's not saying they're games, but I just want to 71 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:22,160 Speaker 2: be me. And and then I was asking him, like, 72 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:25,040 Speaker 2: as a guy, you know, do you like that? And 73 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:27,880 Speaker 2: you basically said it was about the timing, right. 74 00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:28,880 Speaker 5: Yeah. 75 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:31,440 Speaker 4: You get people who date for very short periods of 76 00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:34,160 Speaker 4: time or on their own matchmaking sights, and then you 77 00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:37,840 Speaker 4: get people who you see them or you speak to them, 78 00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:40,560 Speaker 4: they've been they've been dating people for years and they've 79 00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:43,760 Speaker 4: been on dating apps for years. As a as a woman, 80 00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:49,360 Speaker 4: when does it become a point where you end up 81 00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:54,040 Speaker 4: just settling for someone that the best person of an 82 00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:58,640 Speaker 4: average bunch, or debate is it actually true love? And 83 00:03:58,680 --> 00:04:01,000 Speaker 4: when I think there's like a cloudy the area there, 84 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:05,040 Speaker 4: will they date so much that they almost settle for 85 00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:08,720 Speaker 4: the person who is just the best of that bunch 86 00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:10,200 Speaker 4: and not the actual true love? 87 00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:11,320 Speaker 5: Do you find that a lot? 88 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,800 Speaker 3: So as a matchmaker and as a dating coach, I 89 00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:16,280 Speaker 3: advise against that, you know, and I talk about this 90 00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:18,600 Speaker 3: in my book about being really clear about what you're 91 00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:21,919 Speaker 3: looking for, because when you're trying to find someone without 92 00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:24,160 Speaker 3: their description, that's like trying to find a missing person 93 00:04:24,400 --> 00:04:28,359 Speaker 3: without the description. So it's almost impossible. So what I 94 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:32,279 Speaker 3: recommend in chapter three is to make a list of 95 00:04:32,279 --> 00:04:34,080 Speaker 3: the things that you're really looking for in a person, 96 00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:36,080 Speaker 3: so that when he does show up in your life, 97 00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:38,640 Speaker 3: you can easily identify and say this is my guy, 98 00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:40,440 Speaker 3: like this is the one who I want to start 99 00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:42,039 Speaker 3: a family with, I want to settle down with. 100 00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:46,320 Speaker 1: Do you feel like love at first sight is a 101 00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:46,960 Speaker 1: true or false? 102 00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:51,599 Speaker 3: I think that there's lust at first sight. I think 103 00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:55,640 Speaker 3: that physical attraction. Yeah, I think there's absolutely lest at 104 00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:59,080 Speaker 3: first sight. Yes, I don't think there's love at first 105 00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:01,640 Speaker 3: sight because how can you try really love someone without 106 00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:03,960 Speaker 3: knowing who they are? But I do believe in lust 107 00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:04,880 Speaker 3: at first site for sure. 108 00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:08,320 Speaker 1: Does that translate to love at first site eventually for you? 109 00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:10,840 Speaker 1: Or do you think let's get all of that out 110 00:05:10,839 --> 00:05:13,160 Speaker 1: of the way first before it becomes something more. 111 00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:16,760 Speaker 3: I think, going back to what I was saying, I 112 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:18,839 Speaker 3: think that there's no such thing as love at first 113 00:05:18,839 --> 00:05:21,400 Speaker 3: sight because I think if you really define love, that's 114 00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:25,360 Speaker 3: knowing someone's flaws. How can you love someone's flaws and 115 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:27,520 Speaker 3: who they really are and everything they embody if you 116 00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:28,840 Speaker 3: don't actually know them. 117 00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:31,960 Speaker 1: So do you think the chemistry that you have with them, though, 118 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:34,279 Speaker 1: can lead or be like a signal or symptom to 119 00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:38,000 Speaker 1: love eventually, Like in the ratio of people that have 120 00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:41,080 Speaker 1: had love lust at first sight, do they transfer over 121 00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:44,000 Speaker 1: to like marriage or do you think that's just like 122 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:48,120 Speaker 1: crazy hormonal like primal attraction. 123 00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:52,000 Speaker 3: I would say it's probably pheromones and just physical attraction 124 00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:52,839 Speaker 3: doing its same. 125 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:55,880 Speaker 2: Honey, what do you think it was? Because you always 126 00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:58,479 Speaker 2: say I'm staring it up because you always say it was. 127 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:02,880 Speaker 2: I sure because we both say, you know it was 128 00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:05,200 Speaker 2: that love it quote unquote love at first. I knew 129 00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:07,400 Speaker 2: from the moment that I met you saw you. 130 00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:11,280 Speaker 5: Yeah, but we had also spoken for a few weeks. 131 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:14,039 Speaker 1: Sure, sure, sure, sure, So we. 132 00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:16,920 Speaker 4: Got to know each other, not physically face to face, 133 00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:19,240 Speaker 4: but we got to know each other on face thing. 134 00:06:19,839 --> 00:06:23,440 Speaker 2: So, Alan, what would you say in you know, when 135 00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:25,640 Speaker 2: it comes to attracting the right guy and the things 136 00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:27,760 Speaker 2: that women do like so stepping into the energy, what 137 00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:30,560 Speaker 2: do you think is one of the biggest turnoffs that 138 00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:34,160 Speaker 2: you see from dating? And then I'm curious to them 139 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:36,240 Speaker 2: to throw it back at you tell you who you 140 00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:38,680 Speaker 2: know when you're writing this, like where do you think 141 00:06:38,760 --> 00:06:42,200 Speaker 2: the women fall fall short with that, so like, what's 142 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:47,400 Speaker 2: the guy's perspective and then this, yeah, experts for experts. 143 00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:51,720 Speaker 5: Well that's I think that's an individual thing, isn't it. 144 00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:54,400 Speaker 2: Well, what don't you like when you were dating girls? 145 00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:56,760 Speaker 2: Like what was what was too much? I guess, or 146 00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:58,440 Speaker 2: what was a turnoff? Instantly? 147 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:04,440 Speaker 5: Masculine women for me is a is a big thumb off? 148 00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:09,080 Speaker 3: Oh I love that. Yeah, yeah, that's my chapter two. 149 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:11,320 Speaker 2: So can you explain that just a little because I 150 00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:14,720 Speaker 2: remember when you did help me. You you that was 151 00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:16,160 Speaker 2: the first time I ever heard that was from you 152 00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:17,280 Speaker 2: when we first started dating. 153 00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:18,280 Speaker 5: Yeah. 154 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:22,160 Speaker 4: I think you find out as you get older and 155 00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:26,200 Speaker 4: as you're mature what type of women you're actually not 156 00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:29,520 Speaker 4: just attracted to, but connect with. And I don't connect 157 00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:32,560 Speaker 4: with masculine women. I'm quite a masculine guy, so therefore 158 00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:37,720 Speaker 4: I connect more with feminine women. So offtter feminine women. 159 00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:40,880 Speaker 4: So a masculine women for me on a first date, 160 00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:43,400 Speaker 4: who is overpowering or what? 161 00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:45,320 Speaker 5: That's just not for me. 162 00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:50,360 Speaker 2: So you're not talking like muscles, You're talking like energy. Yeah, 163 00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:51,320 Speaker 2: what would you say? 164 00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:55,320 Speaker 3: For sure? I agree with him one hundred percent. Feminine 165 00:07:55,600 --> 00:08:00,600 Speaker 3: femininity is what makes women so powerful and so magical 166 00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:04,280 Speaker 3: and magnetic. And in chapter two I talk about the 167 00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:07,440 Speaker 3: feminine energy and how if you can hone in on 168 00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:09,920 Speaker 3: that and you can turn off your boss babe, you know, 169 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:12,400 Speaker 3: while you're on a date with someone, how that will 170 00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:15,440 Speaker 3: lead to way more attraction for the guy, because guys 171 00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:16,840 Speaker 3: are attracted to feminine energy. 172 00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:18,960 Speaker 1: So I get that. 173 00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:21,120 Speaker 2: I also think though, too, just to like defend my 174 00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:23,840 Speaker 2: masculine girls out there, because I think I've played in 175 00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:28,880 Speaker 2: both arenas where my masculine energy comes out when I'm 176 00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:32,400 Speaker 2: feeling like I either have to put on a front 177 00:08:32,559 --> 00:08:36,079 Speaker 2: or defend or to like when I'm trying so hard. 178 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:38,199 Speaker 2: Is when it would really come out for me, was 179 00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:41,559 Speaker 2: when I was like really really trying hard as opposed 180 00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:44,840 Speaker 2: to just stepping into who I was. 181 00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:48,720 Speaker 1: I would agree with that though, and I would also 182 00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:51,160 Speaker 1: say I think you and I are wired similarly, like 183 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:53,520 Speaker 1: we will be severely independent to the point like we're 184 00:08:53,559 --> 00:08:56,440 Speaker 1: not we don't need you. But then I think the 185 00:08:56,559 --> 00:08:58,880 Speaker 1: right person for both of us has been able to 186 00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:01,040 Speaker 1: take that and demolish it pretty quickly. 187 00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:02,840 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, because I think I did that with you too, 188 00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:05,920 Speaker 2: Like I at first I think I had a big 189 00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:09,160 Speaker 2: old shield up, but then your energy then just brings 190 00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:12,239 Speaker 2: me down to who I'm supposed to, my authentic femininity. 191 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:16,800 Speaker 3: Feminine energy is about receiving, because what we forget is 192 00:09:17,080 --> 00:09:19,760 Speaker 3: when guys are in their masculine, they want to provide 193 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:22,679 Speaker 3: and protect and they want to give us something, whether 194 00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:25,480 Speaker 3: that's carrying, you know, carrying our bags into the house 195 00:09:25,679 --> 00:09:28,000 Speaker 3: or you know, whatever that is. And so I think 196 00:09:28,040 --> 00:09:30,559 Speaker 3: it's all about remembering too. It's okay to receive, and 197 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:32,840 Speaker 3: it's okay for a guy to step into his masculine 198 00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:34,199 Speaker 3: and for you to be the receiver. 199 00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:51,640 Speaker 1: When you met your person? Did was it tricky to 200 00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:54,199 Speaker 1: know what you know? Because you have a very you're 201 00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:57,720 Speaker 1: very educated in this matchmaking world. So is it hard 202 00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:01,120 Speaker 1: to take off almost your business hat essentially when you 203 00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:04,600 Speaker 1: start dating someone? Now, now what you know to like 204 00:10:04,679 --> 00:10:05,960 Speaker 1: not overanalyze. 205 00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:08,640 Speaker 3: I was going to say, no, I think I I 206 00:10:08,679 --> 00:10:10,560 Speaker 3: think if any of my friends were here, I think 207 00:10:10,559 --> 00:10:12,760 Speaker 3: they would chime in and say, she actually follows her 208 00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:16,000 Speaker 3: own rules. And so I'm not typically the one going 209 00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:18,760 Speaker 3: through like a crazy heartbreak where someone love bomby because 210 00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:21,640 Speaker 3: I'm really good identifying things and I also know what 211 00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:24,320 Speaker 3: I know myself, and I write that in the book too, 212 00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:27,760 Speaker 3: Like chapter one's about looking within and understanding who you 213 00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:30,400 Speaker 3: are so that you know what's the best match for you. 214 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,440 Speaker 3: Because if you don't know who you are and you 215 00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:33,920 Speaker 3: don't know what's a good fit, that's going to be 216 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,240 Speaker 3: really hard to find that right person. 217 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,320 Speaker 2: What's the wife the energy? 218 00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:41,000 Speaker 1: What do you think that energy is? 219 00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:44,920 Speaker 3: It's the feminine energy. It's about like, it's about receiving. 220 00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:48,360 Speaker 3: It's about being in your feminine It's about you know, 221 00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:51,560 Speaker 3: showing up in a way that's also like I'm open, 222 00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:54,280 Speaker 3: I'm available, you know, when you're out, and about if 223 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,760 Speaker 3: you're trying to meet someone organically, it's about showing up 224 00:10:56,760 --> 00:11:00,120 Speaker 3: with that openness, because I do think that sometimes my 225 00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:02,800 Speaker 3: girlfriends are single and they're out and I'm like, girl, 226 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:05,240 Speaker 3: you don't look approachable right now, Like you look pissed, 227 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:07,000 Speaker 3: you know, and we need we need you to be 228 00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:10,280 Speaker 3: in that like happy, like vibrant energy to attract that 229 00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:13,160 Speaker 3: right guy who's going to like spot you or see you. 230 00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:16,880 Speaker 3: And so why the energy is a lot of things 231 00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:18,320 Speaker 3: you have to read the book, but I think the 232 00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:20,160 Speaker 3: biggest one I want to say is you have to 233 00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:22,240 Speaker 3: be in that open, receiving moade. 234 00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:26,920 Speaker 1: If you find yourself accidentally love bumbed, say someone that's listening, 235 00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:29,480 Speaker 1: it's been accidentally love bumbed, because I think it still 236 00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:31,040 Speaker 1: gets the best of us. Right, even if you're like 237 00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:33,880 Speaker 1: well educated, know yourself, you're like, oh, oh, that's exciting. 238 00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:38,200 Speaker 1: Now what is this like that's not the guy for you? 239 00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:40,960 Speaker 1: Or is there like a series of questions? 240 00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:44,080 Speaker 3: I would say the first thing is if someone you're 241 00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:46,440 Speaker 3: only seeing them for the first time on a first 242 00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:48,320 Speaker 3: date or second day at third date, and they're telling 243 00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:50,120 Speaker 3: you how much they like you and how they can't 244 00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:51,959 Speaker 3: wait for you to meet their family and all this stuff. 245 00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:54,120 Speaker 3: It's like, how do you know you like me? You 246 00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:57,400 Speaker 3: don't even know me? You know, that's love bomby. It's 247 00:11:57,480 --> 00:12:00,840 Speaker 3: it's not it's not genuine, and it doesn't come from 248 00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:03,440 Speaker 3: a good place. It's like they have another hidden aginda 249 00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:04,240 Speaker 3: that you don't know about. 250 00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:07,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, that actually made my throat close when you said it. 251 00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:10,440 Speaker 2: So so and I'm like, well you feah the person, 252 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:11,760 Speaker 2: it's all good, it's happy. 253 00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:15,840 Speaker 1: I don't know. I remember in college I dated this 254 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:19,480 Speaker 1: gentleman briefly and super super sweet, but it was like 255 00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:22,160 Speaker 1: date too and I came out This still gives me 256 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:24,079 Speaker 1: a vibe and I think he meant well, I hope, 257 00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:27,120 Speaker 1: and I hope he's not behind bar somewhere, but he 258 00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:29,319 Speaker 1: I came out to my vehicle to like leave for 259 00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:32,800 Speaker 1: my serving shift, you know, four thirty PM, real motivated, right, 260 00:12:33,160 --> 00:12:35,640 Speaker 1: And I come out and there's like this. Not only 261 00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:37,559 Speaker 1: is there a love letter and a rose, but it's 262 00:12:37,559 --> 00:12:40,320 Speaker 1: put inside one of those plastic protectors so in case 263 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:43,200 Speaker 1: it rained, his words wouldn't be smudged. And I thought, 264 00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:45,400 Speaker 1: I can't breathe. I can't breathe in how do I say? 265 00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:48,400 Speaker 1: I'm having an EpiPen like needed reaction right now even 266 00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:51,000 Speaker 1: telling the story. But I just remember being like, this 267 00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:53,360 Speaker 1: is too much, too soon. Obviously we were young, but 268 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:57,280 Speaker 1: I have heard girlfriends like older, you know girlfriends we 269 00:12:57,320 --> 00:12:58,880 Speaker 1: have now that go on dates and they're like, yeah, 270 00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:02,240 Speaker 1: that just escalated really quickly, and it just really throws 271 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:05,000 Speaker 1: off my energy. It makes me feel like a little unsafe. 272 00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:08,880 Speaker 3: I love how you bring up energy because I always 273 00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:11,440 Speaker 3: say your nervous system will always guide you in the 274 00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:15,160 Speaker 3: right direction. So if you tap, if you know yourself 275 00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:17,240 Speaker 3: and you're tapping in after a date and you're like, 276 00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:19,280 Speaker 3: how do I feel how this person make me feel 277 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:22,000 Speaker 3: if you feel like your nervous system shutting down, you 278 00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:23,640 Speaker 3: kind of like when you said your throat closed up. 279 00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:27,880 Speaker 3: That is such a telltale sign that the universe, god, 280 00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:29,560 Speaker 3: whatever you pray to, is trying to warn you that 281 00:13:29,679 --> 00:13:32,760 Speaker 3: this isn't it sounds great on the outside. I even 282 00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:34,840 Speaker 3: tell one of my personal stories I think in chapter 283 00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:38,240 Speaker 3: three about someone trying to love on me and say 284 00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:40,600 Speaker 3: all the right things, but like my nervous system was 285 00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:42,960 Speaker 3: trying to communicate, And that's such an important thing to 286 00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:45,600 Speaker 3: listen to because your body will never steer you the 287 00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:46,080 Speaker 3: wrong way. 288 00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:49,400 Speaker 1: Ever, how did you meet the person that you are 289 00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:50,680 Speaker 1: in a relationship with now? 290 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:54,760 Speaker 3: Oh? Just through friend introduction. I had someone play match 291 00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:55,440 Speaker 3: to make your on me. 292 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:58,839 Speaker 1: So I love that too, and I sometimes feel overwhelmed 293 00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:01,600 Speaker 1: for like the women now that are dating and men 294 00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:05,079 Speaker 1: I suppose, but that have to do everything like through apps. 295 00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:07,880 Speaker 1: It just feels so tricky to me. Do you have 296 00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:11,440 Speaker 1: any advice for people navigating apps and swiping left right? 297 00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:14,800 Speaker 3: I do, so I think that the obvious thing that 298 00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:16,800 Speaker 3: comes to my mind is tell all of your friends 299 00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:19,840 Speaker 3: that are taken to think of you just be like, hey, 300 00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:22,080 Speaker 3: if you meet a guy who's x y Z think 301 00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:24,160 Speaker 3: of me, especially for in a room at like a house, 302 00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:26,680 Speaker 3: swimming party or a barbecue and you see someone who 303 00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:30,000 Speaker 3: single and seems really great, think of me in that moment. 304 00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:33,920 Speaker 3: I think sometimes the take and married friends forget about 305 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:36,560 Speaker 3: the single friends. But at the end of the day, 306 00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:38,880 Speaker 3: like those single friends are really relying on them to 307 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:42,400 Speaker 3: make introductions that are more insightful because dating apps are 308 00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:44,240 Speaker 3: a lot harder because you don't have anyone who's pre 309 00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:46,920 Speaker 3: vetted that person. There's no vouching. You're kind of just 310 00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:48,640 Speaker 3: hoping for the best. 311 00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:55,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, I'm so glad to be off the 312 00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:55,720 Speaker 2: dating apps. 313 00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:59,880 Speaker 1: Me too, I'm glad you're off the dating we were. 314 00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:02,600 Speaker 2: I was looking at old photos and it was when 315 00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:06,560 Speaker 2: I was divorced, and I was like, oh my gosh, babe. 316 00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:09,160 Speaker 2: I was like these photos of me, what did you say? 317 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:10,480 Speaker 5: I was starving? 318 00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:14,120 Speaker 2: I was starving. He goes, he goes, did you actually 319 00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:15,920 Speaker 2: post this photo? And it was me and like a 320 00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:18,800 Speaker 2: bikini top in the pool with like my hands up 321 00:15:18,880 --> 00:15:22,120 Speaker 2: and I'm like, this is I'm cringing at myself from 322 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:26,200 Speaker 2: I was. He's like he's like, He's like, wow, bab 323 00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:28,320 Speaker 2: And I was like and then the filters, the amount 324 00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:30,320 Speaker 2: of filters I was putting on my face and just 325 00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:33,080 Speaker 2: like the sexy like trying to show my boobs and 326 00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:35,880 Speaker 2: just I mean, I was really putting it out there 327 00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:39,880 Speaker 2: in a very as a one would say, hungry, thirsty way. 328 00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:43,240 Speaker 2: But it's hard, you know, and I just I don't know. 329 00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:45,240 Speaker 2: But it was funny because we were at baseball and 330 00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:47,920 Speaker 2: I started laughing about it because my ex was there 331 00:15:47,920 --> 00:15:50,680 Speaker 2: and we were talking about dating apps, and I was 332 00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:52,160 Speaker 2: just like, Oh, it's got to be it's got to 333 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:53,640 Speaker 2: be rough out there, you know. And he's like, when 334 00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:55,040 Speaker 2: I get back on, he's like, maybe you can help 335 00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:58,120 Speaker 2: me with profile pics. I'm like, dear lord, what is 336 00:15:58,160 --> 00:16:00,880 Speaker 2: this world coming to. I'm gonna my ex husband with 337 00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:02,920 Speaker 2: this profile photost. 338 00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:04,080 Speaker 1: I don't have much to say in the pre vetting 339 00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:06,480 Speaker 1: section of referencing prevetting, No. 340 00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:07,880 Speaker 2: But I was like, oh, I just can't wait to 341 00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:11,200 Speaker 2: sit down with, you know, the one he does end 342 00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:13,080 Speaker 2: up with, because I would love that. I'd like everyone 343 00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:16,480 Speaker 2: to be happy in all the things. But back to this, No, 344 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:19,400 Speaker 2: I can't even imagine. You know, the world of dating. 345 00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:23,000 Speaker 2: It's hard, especially when you when someone really wants to 346 00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:25,200 Speaker 2: find that person because it's lonely when you don't like 347 00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:30,520 Speaker 2: As much as I found peace being alone, there's something 348 00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:33,160 Speaker 2: so magical to have an incredible partner by your side, 349 00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:36,040 Speaker 2: and you know, I want that for everybody to have 350 00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:39,040 Speaker 2: that amazing relationship and to have, you know, peace in 351 00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:42,040 Speaker 2: all the areas alone but also in a relationship. So 352 00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:44,600 Speaker 2: I love you know that you're trying to help people 353 00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:47,240 Speaker 2: guide them in the right way. But having said that, 354 00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:49,160 Speaker 2: in the dating world there is a lot of ghosting. 355 00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:52,120 Speaker 2: So for the people that I've experienced that, you know, 356 00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:54,080 Speaker 2: do you talk about that at all in your book 357 00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:56,280 Speaker 2: and kind of how to navigate because it makes you 358 00:16:56,360 --> 00:16:59,320 Speaker 2: feel like you're not good enough, And I think that's 359 00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:03,160 Speaker 2: just I know I felt that in past when that 360 00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:05,119 Speaker 2: would happen. But to me, I always go, okay, I 361 00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:07,600 Speaker 2: always know at the very end, you know, it all 362 00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:09,280 Speaker 2: happened for a reason. I found the one that I 363 00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:10,919 Speaker 2: was supposed to end up with. But it's hard to 364 00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:11,840 Speaker 2: see that in the moment. 365 00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:18,600 Speaker 3: I know, and I always say, rejection is God's protection, 366 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:20,600 Speaker 3: and I think that's the biggest thing we have to 367 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:23,280 Speaker 3: remember is that if he wanted to, he would, and 368 00:17:23,320 --> 00:17:25,600 Speaker 3: if he wanted to reach out. He would. There's no 369 00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:28,800 Speaker 3: excuses for it, and at the end of the day, 370 00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:31,720 Speaker 3: it's just protecting you and that will lead you to 371 00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:34,960 Speaker 3: meeting that right person instead of wasting more time, more dates, 372 00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:38,480 Speaker 3: investing your energy into someone that is not meant for you. 373 00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:41,960 Speaker 3: I don't know what it is with the ghosting culture. 374 00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:45,560 Speaker 3: I know that, you know, when I was single, I 375 00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:47,960 Speaker 3: would always say the text like, hey, I think you're amazing. 376 00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:49,959 Speaker 3: I just don't think we're the right fit, and I 377 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:53,639 Speaker 3: wish more people would do that. I don't touch on 378 00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:55,200 Speaker 3: it much in the book, just because I felt like 379 00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:57,240 Speaker 3: I had I mean, there's so many things I wanted 380 00:17:57,280 --> 00:17:59,280 Speaker 3: to cover in the book, and that's why I'm writing 381 00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:01,200 Speaker 3: a second book, because there's just so I wanted to 382 00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:04,160 Speaker 3: be digestible, and it's such a quick read, and each 383 00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:07,639 Speaker 3: chapter has an activity, like an exercise, and so I 384 00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:10,919 Speaker 3: couldn't put everything in there. But I definitely think ghosting 385 00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:12,480 Speaker 3: is something you just have to remember, like, don't take 386 00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:15,960 Speaker 3: it personal. That person was either not ready or you know, 387 00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:19,080 Speaker 3: some of the past came back into their life, which 388 00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:21,600 Speaker 3: you don't want to get involved in a triangle situation anyway. 389 00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:25,000 Speaker 3: So just always know that there are things that the universe, 390 00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:27,160 Speaker 3: God sees that you don't see, and it's just protecting 391 00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:28,800 Speaker 3: you from something that's not meant for you. 392 00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:32,119 Speaker 2: Kristin, did you ever ghost anybody? 393 00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:32,680 Speaker 1: Maybe? 394 00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:33,159 Speaker 3: Did you? 395 00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:33,840 Speaker 5: Bet? 396 00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:38,080 Speaker 1: Probably my younger years. For sure, I had to of 397 00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:40,320 Speaker 1: just because I wasn't. I didn't want to hurt anyone's 398 00:18:40,359 --> 00:18:43,800 Speaker 1: feeling one thousand percent so and not to be that 399 00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:47,400 Speaker 1: ghosting isn't hurtful. But I think it wasn't called ghosting, 400 00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:48,880 Speaker 1: by the way, I don't know what that G form 401 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:49,480 Speaker 1: was called, but. 402 00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:52,879 Speaker 2: Avoiding I think that was exactly the same thing. I 403 00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:55,720 Speaker 2: wouldn't because I would I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. 404 00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:58,080 Speaker 2: But then again, post divorce, I'm like, you know what, 405 00:18:58,119 --> 00:19:00,080 Speaker 2: I'm gonna do this differently. And I remember I I 406 00:19:00,119 --> 00:19:01,800 Speaker 2: even sent it to Julie. I'm like, okay, this is 407 00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:03,639 Speaker 2: a copy paste. I was like, how does this sound? 408 00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:07,080 Speaker 2: You know, I had a great time, you were very great. 409 00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:09,480 Speaker 2: Having said that, this is just not the relationship that 410 00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:11,600 Speaker 2: I see. It was like, very kind, but you're a 411 00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:16,320 Speaker 2: great person. And then it was like, you know, I 412 00:19:16,359 --> 00:19:18,280 Speaker 2: totally get it. But if you ever I'm like, no, 413 00:19:18,359 --> 00:19:20,199 Speaker 2: I just I closed it like I tried to. I 414 00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:21,760 Speaker 2: tried to be kind, but then you kept trying. He 415 00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:23,439 Speaker 2: kept trying to open the door again. I'm like, no, no, 416 00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:25,840 Speaker 2: I already said I don't. I said everything I wanted 417 00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:27,880 Speaker 2: to say. And that's when my friend Julie was like, Okay, 418 00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:29,879 Speaker 2: now you can say nothing. Like now you're allowed to 419 00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:31,600 Speaker 2: say nothing because you've already said everything. 420 00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:36,080 Speaker 5: I think ghosting also is un lesson. 421 00:19:36,119 --> 00:19:37,919 Speaker 4: I'm may be completely wrong here, but I think a 422 00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:40,240 Speaker 4: part of ghosting is if you're a man and you've 423 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:43,879 Speaker 4: ghosted someone, a lot of that is your negative relationship 424 00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:47,560 Speaker 4: with yourself because you're ghosting someone. So if you've ghosted someone, 425 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:50,720 Speaker 4: then you've been complimentary and you've led them in a way. 426 00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:55,000 Speaker 4: But once you realize, okay, you've you've led them in 427 00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:57,600 Speaker 4: and you know that they want you, No, no, I 428 00:19:57,600 --> 00:20:00,480 Speaker 4: don't want them, or I don't I feel like I'm 429 00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:03,639 Speaker 4: good enough to have this person, or it could, but 430 00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:06,240 Speaker 4: again it goes back to where you are yourself and 431 00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:09,439 Speaker 4: what your relationship as for yourself. Some people do it 432 00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:12,359 Speaker 4: just if you wanted and then discard that person. 433 00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:15,560 Speaker 2: I used to do that back in the twenties. Negative 434 00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:18,520 Speaker 2: that was my Yeah, messed upness for sure. I can 435 00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:20,720 Speaker 2: relate to that piece from twenties. 436 00:20:20,840 --> 00:20:24,080 Speaker 4: So do you coach people personally as well, like one 437 00:20:24,119 --> 00:20:26,800 Speaker 4: to one or do you just guide them towards your book? 438 00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:29,480 Speaker 3: No, So I have two different companies. To have my 439 00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:31,800 Speaker 3: matchmaking company and then I have my coaching business. So 440 00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:35,680 Speaker 3: my coaching business, I coach men and women. And that's 441 00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:38,199 Speaker 3: if you know, if you're always out being social when 442 00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:39,920 Speaker 3: you're meeting a ton of people and let's just say 443 00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:42,560 Speaker 3: your roster's pretty big and you're just trying to learn 444 00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:46,040 Speaker 3: how to date better and get better results, that's kind 445 00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:48,520 Speaker 3: of where I come in. And I love a really 446 00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:51,240 Speaker 3: good complex situation of like, okay, we're on date three 447 00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:53,280 Speaker 3: and this is what happened at dinner, and like I 448 00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:55,199 Speaker 3: just made your advice on this, like how do I navigate? 449 00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:57,520 Speaker 3: And I'm like, oh, they're so good. I love a 450 00:20:57,520 --> 00:20:58,600 Speaker 3: good complex situation. 451 00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:01,280 Speaker 2: I'd be so f on. Well, thank you so much 452 00:21:01,359 --> 00:21:04,040 Speaker 2: for coming on the show. Everyone go grab her book 453 00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:07,160 Speaker 2: how to track the right guy, avoid situationships, step into 454 00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:09,719 Speaker 2: wife the energy, and get him to commit. Thank you 455 00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:10,920 Speaker 2: so much for coming on. 456 00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:13,320 Speaker 3: Thank you for having me, thank you, of course 457 00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:19,439 Speaker 2: Thank you, Bye girl, bye