WEBVTT - Thinking Sideways: The Truth about Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer 0:00:14.520 --> 0:00:26.000 Stories. We're happy holidays, everybody from thinking sideways as always. 0:00:26.079 --> 0:00:29.600 I am Steve, joined by my lovely ho co host 0:00:30.880 --> 0:00:34.360 and Devin. I don't know you were just pointing to him. 0:00:34.400 --> 0:00:37.199 I thought I wasn't lovely any No, no, you're You're 0:00:37.240 --> 0:00:42.919 lovely and married. Your little elf had because it's the holiday. 0:00:45.080 --> 0:00:48.559 Since since it's that happy time of year, we decided that, 0:00:48.920 --> 0:00:53.760 in our tradition of investigating stories about the holidays, that 0:00:53.840 --> 0:00:57.160 we look into the story of Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. 0:00:57.800 --> 0:00:59.880 That's that's a big mystery. This, by the way, was 0:00:59.880 --> 0:01:07.480 a listener suggestion was suggested by now just kidding. Yeah, 0:01:07.760 --> 0:01:14.280 if you somehow aren't familiar with the story of Rudolph, 0:01:14.560 --> 0:01:22.440 here is the story of Rudolph. You know Dasher and 0:01:22.560 --> 0:01:27.760 Dancer and Francer and pix Comic and Cupid and Donner 0:01:27.920 --> 0:01:36.440 and Blitz. But do you recall the most famous reindeer 0:01:36.480 --> 0:01:42.800 of all, Rudolph the red Nosed Reindeer had a very 0:01:42.920 --> 0:01:49.200 shining nose, and if you ever saw it, you would 0:01:49.200 --> 0:01:55.760 even say it close. All of the other reindeers used 0:01:55.800 --> 0:02:00.400 to lat them call him names. They never let or 0:02:00.640 --> 0:02:07.720 Rudolf joining in. They reindeer games. Then one foggy christ 0:02:07.960 --> 0:02:15.280 Mussy Saven came to say, Rudolf with your nose, So, Brian, 0:02:16.000 --> 0:02:20.120 want you guide my slage in nine? Then how the 0:02:20.240 --> 0:02:25.440 reindeer loved him? As they shot it out with glee, 0:02:26.240 --> 0:02:36.120 Rudolf the red nosed reindeer, you go down in his story. Now, 0:02:36.160 --> 0:02:38.760 I think you know the story Rudolf, though. The question 0:02:38.960 --> 0:02:42.919 is how did he come to be and why does 0:02:42.960 --> 0:02:45.959 his nose glow? And each of us has done a 0:02:46.000 --> 0:02:49.240 little research. We've kind of gone out and got our 0:02:49.280 --> 0:02:52.560 own theories as to where where where all this comes 0:02:52.560 --> 0:02:57.080 from their widely diversion, they kind of are. I personally 0:02:57.120 --> 0:02:59.040 believe that I've gotten to the bottom of the story. 0:02:59.120 --> 0:03:02.160 He helped okay, okay, And I think the whole thing 0:03:02.240 --> 0:03:06.440 starts with Santa. Yeah, okay. So we all think that 0:03:06.560 --> 0:03:09.520 Santa is We all know that Santa is the good 0:03:09.560 --> 0:03:13.840 guy who takes toys to the good girls and boys. 0:03:14.160 --> 0:03:17.440 But I also I personally believe that Santa is a 0:03:17.440 --> 0:03:21.760 bit of a mad scientist, and I think that's how 0:03:21.840 --> 0:03:31.480 this happened. In my extremely cursory investigation into genetic manipulation, 0:03:32.240 --> 0:03:36.360 I think I figured out how this happened. Yeah, Santa. Santa. Actually, 0:03:36.360 --> 0:03:39.640 you know, um was pretty pretty busy one day of 0:03:39.680 --> 0:03:40.920 the year, but after that he had a lot of 0:03:40.920 --> 0:03:46.040 time in his hands, exactly to kill time old laboratory. 0:03:46.120 --> 0:03:53.480 So I personally think that Santa made Rudolf, and I think, well, 0:03:53.720 --> 0:03:58.600 Santa is a master of genetic manipulation, and he luded 0:03:58.920 --> 0:04:03.600 some unsuspect acting reindeer into his lab, probably with a 0:04:03.760 --> 0:04:08.360 handful of grass cart or something, and then once he 0:04:08.440 --> 0:04:11.680 got the little guy in there, he started the process 0:04:11.840 --> 0:04:15.960 of creating his own glowing reindeer. So now you're saying 0:04:15.960 --> 0:04:21.000 that Rudolph's snows glowed, that Rudolph glowed overall. Let me 0:04:21.120 --> 0:04:23.040 let me go, let me, let me finish this, and 0:04:23.200 --> 0:04:27.400 then you'll get an idea. The first step was in this, 0:04:27.640 --> 0:04:33.360 you know, this bioengineering of a reindeer, was to introduce 0:04:33.680 --> 0:04:37.159 traits of a creature that is known as a new 0:04:37.160 --> 0:04:41.120 to break. I'm sorry, what a new to break? New 0:04:41.200 --> 0:04:44.640 to branks. This is a big science e word. New 0:04:44.760 --> 0:04:48.160 braanks are a member of the family of new to Bronchia, 0:04:48.880 --> 0:04:56.120 which their soft bodied moss basically slugs. They have this awesome, 0:04:56.480 --> 0:05:02.880 awesome ability to incorporate certain bits of biology from creatures 0:05:02.880 --> 0:05:06.800 that they consume into their bodies. Why didn't we develop 0:05:06.880 --> 0:05:09.400 that That would be kind of cool. I know that'll 0:05:09.440 --> 0:05:12.680 be eating lions all the time and stuff. Here's well, 0:05:12.680 --> 0:05:15.800 here's what they do is, there's there's a certain new 0:05:15.839 --> 0:05:19.279 to break which is called the sea swallow, and it 0:05:19.520 --> 0:05:23.080 feeds on the Portuguese man war, which you know, is 0:05:23.120 --> 0:05:27.680 a jellyfish with nasty, nasty stingers. It eats them. It 0:05:27.760 --> 0:05:31.880 incorporates the stinger and the toxin into itself, so it 0:05:32.120 --> 0:05:34.719 is dangerous to other creatures that try to eat it. 0:05:34.880 --> 0:05:42.600 So it's Kirby got it. Yeah, Yeah, that's exactly Okay. 0:05:42.920 --> 0:05:48.680 From there, Santa, again, being the super scientist that he is, 0:05:49.520 --> 0:05:55.640 figured out how to introduce angels glow into the animal system. 0:05:55.640 --> 0:05:59.200 And Angels glow is I'm gonna destroy this, but it 0:05:59.400 --> 0:06:05.520 is a photo hob dress luminescent creature. I believe that 0:06:05.600 --> 0:06:09.560 might be how you say it, that could be correct 0:06:09.560 --> 0:06:14.440 as well. Angels glow back is a bacteria that is bioluminescent. 0:06:15.120 --> 0:06:17.240 So this is where I'm getting the glowing part in. 0:06:17.880 --> 0:06:23.320 There's actually accounts of soldiers in the Civil War getting 0:06:23.680 --> 0:06:27.080 this bacteria into their wounds and the wounds would glow 0:06:27.120 --> 0:06:31.120 at night, and oddly enough, it had kind of an 0:06:31.160 --> 0:06:34.320 anti bacterial effect on the wounds, so it helps sterilize him, 0:06:34.360 --> 0:06:41.920 which is an awesome side effect. How could bacteriaioaziness to 0:06:42.000 --> 0:06:46.680 other bacteria? Again, this is Santa who figured this out, 0:06:46.720 --> 0:06:50.920 and not on you. I don't know how, but what 0:06:51.040 --> 0:06:55.360 he's doing is that he's introducing this into their food. 0:06:55.800 --> 0:06:58.479 And because they've gone to this this trade of the 0:06:58.960 --> 0:07:02.640 what was that little guy All the angels glow? No, no, no, no, 0:07:03.160 --> 0:07:06.039 the sea swallow. Sorry, not the angels glows. The bacteria. 0:07:06.080 --> 0:07:09.320 The sea swallow is the critter that was incorporated into 0:07:09.600 --> 0:07:13.360 said reindeer, The poor little guy you lured in and 0:07:13.680 --> 0:07:17.160 from there created a glowing reindeer. Now, the great thing 0:07:17.200 --> 0:07:19.000 is the reindeer don't globe all the time because he 0:07:19.040 --> 0:07:21.000 only needs him to glow it a little bit of 0:07:21.000 --> 0:07:23.440 the year at a time, one day. Yes, so we 0:07:23.480 --> 0:07:27.040 didn't feed it this thing the whole time. But that's 0:07:27.080 --> 0:07:29.560 how he gets a reindeer that glows. So I'm saying 0:07:29.560 --> 0:07:32.280 the whole reindeer is glowing, not just the nose. Rudolph. 0:07:32.640 --> 0:07:35.120 By the way, I don't think it's a single reindeer, 0:07:35.160 --> 0:07:38.480 because unless we're gonna say he's a magical reindeer, reindeer 0:07:38.520 --> 0:07:41.120 lived like ten or twenty years, so I'm guessing that 0:07:41.200 --> 0:07:45.200 because he's a master manipulation, he's also cloning said reindeer, 0:07:45.280 --> 0:07:47.320 so he's probably either that he's just created this master 0:07:47.440 --> 0:07:51.520 race of glowing reindeer. But yeah, essentially, yeah, you don't 0:07:52.160 --> 0:07:57.520 what is the head shade? No? No, I mean okay, yes, yes, yes, 0:07:58.040 --> 0:08:01.240 Rudolph's nose glows by bio woman at that's that's that 0:08:01.360 --> 0:08:05.520 much is clear. Okay that I am in line with 0:08:05.560 --> 0:08:08.720 you that the nose is biouminescent, but not the rest 0:08:08.720 --> 0:08:13.640 of the reindeer. No, he's obviously an alien. Okay, Okay, 0:08:13.680 --> 0:08:18.440 here's listen. Okay, obviously like, no, he wasn't engineered. He 0:08:18.960 --> 0:08:21.240 It makes a lot of sense because he can fly right, 0:08:21.400 --> 0:08:24.360 and his nose is bioluminescent, and we don't have mammals 0:08:24.360 --> 0:08:28.640 that have evolved to have bioluminescent parts on Earth, but 0:08:29.040 --> 0:08:33.319 on other planets there would be the necessity for that potentially. Listen, 0:08:33.400 --> 0:08:35.440 you don't know, have you been to another planet? Do 0:08:35.520 --> 0:08:39.000 you know? Yeah? I actually haven't. Unfortunately, there you go, 0:08:39.559 --> 0:08:41.400 so you just have to do the math. I mean really, 0:08:41.600 --> 0:08:44.360 like really, there are a lot of alien sightings around 0:08:44.360 --> 0:08:46.880 their UFO sightings around the North Pole, just like do 0:08:46.960 --> 0:08:49.560 the math people. Aliens are among us in the form 0:08:49.640 --> 0:08:54.640 of Rudolph. I'm sorry you laughing at my like very 0:08:54.679 --> 0:08:58.280 well done research right now? Are you sure because you 0:08:58.320 --> 0:09:00.360 look like your laugh I'm laughing at the idea about 0:09:00.360 --> 0:09:03.560 the research. Oh okay, so wait, but I can prove it. 0:09:05.040 --> 0:09:08.000 Do you remember last year we talked about Santa and 0:09:08.040 --> 0:09:11.560 we talked about how it became clear through lots of 0:09:11.600 --> 0:09:13.920 analysis that we didn't do that we stole from other people, 0:09:14.480 --> 0:09:18.679 that uh, really he's just using quantum mechanics to like 0:09:19.040 --> 0:09:20.960 make it to all the different houses. I think I 0:09:20.960 --> 0:09:22.920 feel like we kind of agreed that that was what 0:09:23.080 --> 0:09:27.199 was happening, right Well, no, actually I said it was magic. Okay, 0:09:27.200 --> 0:09:30.480 well you were wrong. Where do you think Santa found 0:09:30.520 --> 0:09:33.600 all of the quantum mechanics science? Like really, where do 0:09:33.640 --> 0:09:35.360 you think, like do you think he just like I 0:09:35.520 --> 0:09:38.000 was like, oh, suddenly I know how to use quantum mechanics. No, 0:09:38.240 --> 0:09:40.840 Rudolph gave it to him, obviously. The talking reindeer with 0:09:40.880 --> 0:09:44.199 the bioluminescent knows. That's why Santa was like, oh, hey, 0:09:44.240 --> 0:09:45.720 I can't figure out how to do any of this. 0:09:45.960 --> 0:09:51.000 It's foggy. I can't do anything. And then Rudolph was like, oh, hey, hey, 0:09:51.160 --> 0:09:55.600 you know what, actually, remember how I'm I'm an alien. Cool, 0:09:55.960 --> 0:09:58.520 let's do this, and he helped him. But wouldn't it 0:09:58.720 --> 0:10:01.480 would actually make more sense for Rudolph to help him 0:10:01.520 --> 0:10:04.360 just engineer like a heads up display, like a fluor display, 0:10:04.400 --> 0:10:07.760 like forward looking for red. Despite the fact that Rudolph 0:10:07.800 --> 0:10:14.760 is an alien, he's still a reindeer. Do you know 0:10:15.320 --> 0:10:18.520 he flies, He doesn't need to like do a heads 0:10:18.559 --> 0:10:20.440 up display. He can just be like, oh hey yeah, 0:10:20.480 --> 0:10:22.959 no attach it, like, we'll just fly. That's cool. I'll 0:10:23.000 --> 0:10:26.040 use my bioluminescent knows to like see through the fog, 0:10:26.400 --> 0:10:29.360 no problem, and then you use your quantum mechanics to 0:10:29.400 --> 0:10:31.839 get us there even faster. I feel like that's a 0:10:31.880 --> 0:10:36.720 win win. It's obviously, are you I'm sorry? Is that 0:10:36.720 --> 0:10:39.120 that's a look of disapproval? Yeah, Joe, you're the one 0:10:39.160 --> 0:10:43.840 given the funny look. Oh I don't know, I that 0:10:43.880 --> 0:10:48.079 bioluminescent knows. Obviously it is true though, right, I mean, 0:10:48.360 --> 0:10:50.560 Steve and I Steve and I we agree on that. 0:10:50.640 --> 0:10:53.120 I mean, of course, if he was an alien, most 0:10:53.160 --> 0:10:55.839 of the planets that, like any alien would come from, 0:10:55.840 --> 0:10:59.559 would probably be darker than ours. There are hundreds, if 0:10:59.559 --> 0:11:06.119 not thous if not millions, of habitable, life supporting planets 0:11:06.320 --> 0:11:11.200 in this universe right obviously that are in the Goldilock zone. 0:11:11.240 --> 0:11:14.800 Obviously he knows how to fly, or he can fly, 0:11:15.080 --> 0:11:20.120 or he has whatever quantum mechanics himself to fly. He 0:11:20.160 --> 0:11:24.040 can help Santa fly much faster, so they could travel 0:11:24.120 --> 0:11:27.360 from the far reaches of the universe. As he's an alien, 0:11:27.400 --> 0:11:30.559 he doesn't age. He doesn't have the natural age restrictions 0:11:30.679 --> 0:11:35.000 of the normal reindeer, which he said was ten twenty years. Yeah. Yeah, 0:11:35.040 --> 0:11:38.160 obviously he's outlived that. So he's nearly immortal then, yeah, 0:11:38.160 --> 0:11:40.520 pretty much. Yeah, that's making a lot of advances in 0:11:40.559 --> 0:11:42.280 human aging too. I mean, it might be some of 0:11:42.280 --> 0:11:44.960 our descenters will have to be two three years old. Yeah. 0:11:45.000 --> 0:11:48.079 So I'm just saying, obviously he's an alien. Case in 0:11:48.200 --> 0:11:51.560 point I like case closed. Really, well, have you consider 0:11:51.559 --> 0:11:56.040 the possibility that perhaps he's his origins were actually terrestrial, 0:11:56.080 --> 0:11:59.160 but that he was abducted by aliens and modified No, 0:11:59.280 --> 0:12:02.520 I didn't because no, No, there's a lot of there's 0:12:02.559 --> 0:12:04.320 a lot of a big, huge body of research on 0:12:04.360 --> 0:12:09.320 that particular theory. Yeah, exactly. I actually didn't find any 0:12:09.360 --> 0:12:12.520 of that, which is interesting. I just I was really 0:12:12.600 --> 0:12:15.080 just two and two together to kind of have to 0:12:15.120 --> 0:12:16.680 find that, ye kind of have to look in the 0:12:16.760 --> 0:12:20.720 dark corners of my mind. Oh, there's lots of research 0:12:20.760 --> 0:12:25.840 on the Internet of Joe's mind. Yeah, got it. Okay, 0:12:25.920 --> 0:12:28.520 Well this is why both of your theories suck. I'm 0:12:28.520 --> 0:12:32.040 gonna tell you all right to answer the question of 0:12:32.160 --> 0:12:35.160 why why did his nose glow? All? The answer is 0:12:35.200 --> 0:12:39.080 it didn't glow. It's a myth. Yeah, yeah, let me explain. 0:12:39.160 --> 0:12:43.400 I'm sorry. Are you saying that Rudolph Is is a myth? Uh? No, 0:12:43.679 --> 0:12:46.840 Rudolf was real, Rudoff. Rudolf actually did exist. He might 0:12:46.840 --> 0:12:49.360 still be alive for all I know. Yeah, So let's 0:12:49.360 --> 0:12:51.120 go back to the beginning. Um. He was born into 0:12:51.120 --> 0:12:55.400 a respectable Northpole reindeer family. Dating the year of birth unknown. 0:12:56.280 --> 0:12:58.440 Rudolph was a sickly child. As he grew older, he 0:12:58.480 --> 0:13:01.760 became somewhat book is, being a bit of a weakling 0:13:01.760 --> 0:13:03.880 and also being good at school. Didn't really earn him 0:13:03.920 --> 0:13:07.560 any friends or allies. So you're saying he was a 0:13:07.640 --> 0:13:10.520 rangeer equivalent of a nerd. I kind of like that. 0:13:10.600 --> 0:13:14.160 Did you wear glasses? That's unknown? Yeah, he might have 0:13:14.200 --> 0:13:19.760 worn context, well anyway, spent context. Yeah, speaking of allies, 0:13:19.840 --> 0:13:21.360 it would be so hard to put in your eye 0:13:23.800 --> 0:13:29.240 getting getting him back out of so I wanted to 0:13:29.320 --> 0:13:32.080 put a couple of this to rest, So I talked 0:13:32.080 --> 0:13:35.640 about friends. There. There was a nineteen sixty four document 0:13:35.679 --> 0:13:38.760 around Rudolf's life which first introduced this claim that Rudolf 0:13:38.800 --> 0:13:41.760 eight friends with a young elf named Hermie. Yeah. Have 0:13:41.800 --> 0:13:45.040 you seen that film? Yeah? A million times. Yeah, it's 0:13:45.080 --> 0:13:47.920 a hard hitting documentary, it is. It is, Yeah, but 0:13:48.800 --> 0:13:51.920 a lot of journalistic malpractice here though. Frankly, that so 0:13:52.040 --> 0:13:54.760 Hermie that the alf dreamed of becoming a dentist. Yeah, 0:13:54.880 --> 0:13:58.200 yeah exactly. I mean now els eat Elvin food, which 0:13:58.240 --> 0:14:02.080 does not cost two. You'd don't need dentists up at 0:14:02.080 --> 0:14:05.319 the North Pole. The candy, Yeah, no, they don't need candy. 0:14:05.440 --> 0:14:09.120 That's for kids. It's because they secretly hate him humans 0:14:09.120 --> 0:14:11.440 and they want to rock their teeth out. But you know, 0:14:11.559 --> 0:14:13.840 if if he had to exceed it in getting into 0:14:13.880 --> 0:14:16.079 dental school and good luck with that, losers, since they're 0:14:16.080 --> 0:14:18.840 aren'ty dal schools at the North Pole. He would have 0:14:18.880 --> 0:14:21.160 had a pretty lonely professional life, and he would have 0:14:21.200 --> 0:14:22.960 had to have shut it his business after the first 0:14:23.040 --> 0:14:24.400 month or so and go to work in the night 0:14:24.400 --> 0:14:29.120 shift at the plaid pantry. They have plaid pantries up there. 0:14:29.360 --> 0:14:31.840 I thought that was a local change. Yeah, and I 0:14:31.880 --> 0:14:34.640 think they called something else up there, but yeah, yeah, 0:14:34.720 --> 0:14:38.960 similar things. But yeah, Hermie, if he had ever existed, 0:14:39.000 --> 0:14:41.640 would have been toiling away in Santa's sweatshops. And it's 0:14:41.680 --> 0:14:44.120 really unlikely he and Rudolph would ever even have met. 0:14:44.640 --> 0:14:46.760 And also because Reindeer carried the tix of cause lime 0:14:46.840 --> 0:14:50.840 disease els generally gave them a wide berth So yeah, 0:14:50.880 --> 0:14:53.800 so no Hermie. But and the Hermie thing is not 0:14:53.840 --> 0:14:56.240 the only bit of bs Thatt the so called documentary 0:14:56.280 --> 0:14:59.800 introduced into the whole Rudolph story. The film itself was 0:14:59.800 --> 0:15:02.120 an ready boy, a girl, a guy named Burl Ives 0:15:02.520 --> 0:15:04.960 now Burl Eyes was a singer. He was not a 0:15:05.040 --> 0:15:07.520 reporter or a journalist in any way, shape or form, 0:15:08.160 --> 0:15:10.480 And tell you, tell you, to tell you the three guys. 0:15:10.520 --> 0:15:13.280 It's hard to take anything that calls itself a documentary. Seriously, 0:15:13.320 --> 0:15:17.200 what it's not hosted by someone like Heroldo Rivera. I mean, really, guys, 0:15:17.560 --> 0:15:20.720 take better take better care in your personnel choices next time. 0:15:20.760 --> 0:15:23.560 But you think okay, yeah, yeah, I mean yeah, I mean. 0:15:24.640 --> 0:15:27.320 Another big lie that these jokers put out in this 0:15:27.480 --> 0:15:30.280 film is that the Yetti also knows the abominable Snowman. 0:15:30.480 --> 0:15:36.680 Remember that. Yeah, he he was just yeah, he was 0:15:36.800 --> 0:15:39.360 just misunderstood that he was actually really pretty cool once 0:15:39.400 --> 0:15:42.120 he guys aching tooth fixed by that fictitious self named 0:15:42.160 --> 0:15:46.600 hermi Uh. In reality, Leaghetti is a vicious eight hundred 0:15:46.600 --> 0:15:48.600 pound monster that'll tear your head off and make the 0:15:48.640 --> 0:15:51.960 rest of you into jerky ash Yeah, and he'll just, 0:15:52.160 --> 0:15:54.960 like you know, suddenly appear in the middle of a 0:15:55.160 --> 0:16:01.360 platinum pyramid. Was a platorm pyramid? Yeah exactly? Yeah, yeah, 0:16:01.480 --> 0:16:03.440 I guy you want to run into But thanks of 0:16:03.480 --> 0:16:05.760 these jokers that made this what's the word I'm thinking 0:16:05.800 --> 0:16:09.440 of execrable execrable film, The myth of the Benevolent Yetti 0:16:09.520 --> 0:16:11.520 lives on, and every year, without fail, at least a 0:16:11.560 --> 0:16:13.760 couple of tourists wind up getting their faces torn off 0:16:13.760 --> 0:16:15.360 when they get out of their cars to feed the 0:16:15.440 --> 0:16:18.080 nice yetti. So, folks, take my word for it. This 0:16:18.200 --> 0:16:20.960 no such thing as a nice yetti. Al right, okay, 0:16:21.720 --> 0:16:23.760 and one last thing and then I'll then I'll get 0:16:23.760 --> 0:16:26.160 off my high horse here. They also claimed that there's 0:16:26.160 --> 0:16:29.560 a place called the Island of Misfit Toys and that 0:16:29.640 --> 0:16:31.680 Rudolphin heard me, went to this island. And this is 0:16:31.720 --> 0:16:35.040 also again pure bs. Uh. You can't find this island 0:16:35.080 --> 0:16:38.120 on Google Maps, right, you can't walk around street view. Yeah, 0:16:40.160 --> 0:16:44.880 now I looked, I checked out. Yeah I did, you know, 0:16:45.120 --> 0:16:47.360 and and no it's not there. And that's my second 0:16:47.400 --> 0:16:50.840 big thing. It's like, seriously, who exactly transports these misfit 0:16:50.960 --> 0:16:54.000 toys to this island? And doesn't that strike you as 0:16:54.040 --> 0:16:56.560 an amazing waste of time and energy? Yeah? I mean 0:16:57.000 --> 0:17:01.320 I guess the dump is a pretty good alternate, would 0:17:01.320 --> 0:17:12.840 be a lot closer. Yeah, so childhood they're just But anyway, 0:17:13.160 --> 0:17:15.800 there really actually is already a place for misfit toys 0:17:15.840 --> 0:17:17.840 to go to, and it's called the Goodwill and they'll 0:17:17.840 --> 0:17:19.840 pick up probably heard of it, then pick up they 0:17:19.920 --> 0:17:22.000 pick up even better. Yeah, you don't even have to 0:17:22.080 --> 0:17:24.840 go there. They'll pick up for you yeah, episode sponsored 0:17:24.880 --> 0:17:31.200 why I'm kidding, Yeah, sponsored by Goodwill. But yeah, yeah, 0:17:31.400 --> 0:17:33.879 maybe this Island of Misfit Toys was a metaphor for 0:17:33.960 --> 0:17:35.639 the dump for the good Will of the basement. But 0:17:36.160 --> 0:17:37.760 you know, I think it should go with that's saying 0:17:37.800 --> 0:17:41.200 that metaphors don't belong in documentaries, right, I don't know 0:17:41.200 --> 0:17:43.200 if I'm the savaging this week sees of a film. 0:17:43.280 --> 0:17:45.280 Let's get back to Rudolph and let's talk about his 0:17:45.359 --> 0:17:51.040 real story. Okay, yeah, please, ye, So I got off 0:17:51.080 --> 0:17:54.240 of the weeds that I apologize. Uh So, anyway, I 0:17:54.400 --> 0:17:57.000 owe a good deal of my analysis here to Professor 0:17:57.080 --> 0:17:59.960 Haunts Morgan thou of the University of Munich at Doosel Door, 0:18:00.720 --> 0:18:03.240 who is one of the world's most famous Christmas Ologists 0:18:03.600 --> 0:18:06.360 and the leading authority on Rudolph's I think I've read 0:18:06.359 --> 0:18:09.200 a couple of his books, Yeah, and very interesting. They're quick, 0:18:09.240 --> 0:18:12.480 they're quick, but really weighty read. So a lot of 0:18:12.520 --> 0:18:14.520 the stuff about a story is kind of true that 0:18:14.680 --> 0:18:17.720 we know about. Rudolph was indeed pretty much low man 0:18:17.760 --> 0:18:19.680 on the totem pool at school, but not because of 0:18:19.760 --> 0:18:22.840 his nose, which didn't glow and which wasn't read except 0:18:22.880 --> 0:18:26.120 when he was having one of his outbreaks of cystic acting. Yeah, 0:18:26.240 --> 0:18:27.560 and now, but he was a little man because he 0:18:27.600 --> 0:18:30.560 was scrawling and nerdy, and he got good grades. It's 0:18:30.560 --> 0:18:32.560 true that the other reindeer laughed at him and called 0:18:32.640 --> 0:18:35.080 him names, and it's also true that they excluded him 0:18:35.119 --> 0:18:37.600 from the reindeer games, but one a lot. It was 0:18:37.760 --> 0:18:40.879 beyond that. They regularly vandalized this locker with dear Yarine. 0:18:41.480 --> 0:18:44.680 They were constantly giving him wedges, and at least once 0:18:44.720 --> 0:18:46.760 a month, if not more, there was at least one 0:18:46.840 --> 0:18:53.480 humiliating pantsing out the schoolyard. Doesn't matter, Yeah, it kind of, 0:18:53.560 --> 0:18:58.960 does it. Yeah, Then when foggy Christmas Eve, Santa came 0:18:59.000 --> 0:19:01.760 to say, Rudolph with your nose so bright, Well, you 0:19:01.840 --> 0:19:05.080 know that's not what happened, Not what happened at all. Rudolph, 0:19:05.080 --> 0:19:08.040 as you can imagine, was a little bit bitter and 0:19:08.720 --> 0:19:10.440 and so he decided he was going to spoil some 0:19:10.520 --> 0:19:14.479 people's Christmas. So he he cultured himself some e coli, 0:19:15.160 --> 0:19:18.399 and he went down to the Beacon brew on the 0:19:18.440 --> 0:19:21.600 east side of Christmas Town, where reindeer families tended to congregate, 0:19:21.720 --> 0:19:25.080 especially around the holidays. And so for the two days 0:19:25.119 --> 0:19:29.240 before Christmas Eve, he dusted the salad bowl with e coli. 0:19:29.880 --> 0:19:32.959 And he wanted to spoil this fellow reindeers and classmates 0:19:33.240 --> 0:19:36.320 Christmas by making sure they were sick as dogs and 0:19:37.400 --> 0:19:42.600 and yeah, sick as sick as reindeer, I guess so, 0:19:43.640 --> 0:19:46.080 so it succeeded. It wanted what a little beyond is 0:19:46.280 --> 0:19:50.480 his hopes, and he actually sickened about the reindeer population 0:19:50.560 --> 0:19:54.440 of Christmas Town, which left Santa short of labor on 0:19:54.600 --> 0:19:58.159 Christmas Eve, so that the weather that day was not foggy, 0:19:58.200 --> 0:20:01.640 it was clear and cold, but Santa was short one deer, 0:20:01.880 --> 0:20:04.280 and so he didn't come to Rudolphin's and say, with 0:20:04.400 --> 0:20:06.399 your nose so bright, will you guide my slay a night. 0:20:07.200 --> 0:20:17.120 He just basically said, Rudolph, with my team all sick, yeah, 0:20:17.359 --> 0:20:19.919 and so sue rude. He didn't get to He did 0:20:19.960 --> 0:20:22.480 not guide the slag He was actually he was actually 0:20:23.280 --> 0:20:25.440 were were and on the right, and he didn't get that. 0:20:25.520 --> 0:20:28.840 He didn't get the really choice position at the front. Yeah, 0:20:29.080 --> 0:20:33.040 And unfortunately for Rudolph, it it did. Actually the it 0:20:33.119 --> 0:20:35.640 earned him a little grudging admiration from the other reindeer, 0:20:35.760 --> 0:20:38.159 but it was only short lived and pretty soon they 0:20:38.200 --> 0:20:40.920 were back to their sick reindeer games and tormenting poor 0:20:41.040 --> 0:20:45.360 Rudolph again. So after after that his foray into into 0:20:45.400 --> 0:20:48.560 guiding and not guiding helping to pull santas slagh, a 0:20:48.600 --> 0:20:51.640 little time went by it eventually some forensic work was done. 0:20:51.720 --> 0:20:54.720 It was and they managed to figure out that Rudolph 0:20:54.840 --> 0:20:57.760 was actually the guy behind the poisoning. And I don't 0:20:57.800 --> 0:20:59.920 think I mentioned that besides a lot of people getting sick, 0:21:00.080 --> 0:21:08.880 several reindeer died from leally kills people and he kills reindeer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 0:21:09.640 --> 0:21:15.080 yeah it does. And yeah, after all this came out, 0:21:15.320 --> 0:21:19.159 Santa Santa scratched his head and decided it would be 0:21:19.160 --> 0:21:20.960 a good idea to put Rudolf and trap for murder 0:21:21.160 --> 0:21:23.720 since he killed several reindeer. And he took it to 0:21:23.760 --> 0:21:26.359 the eleven d a's office and they pointed out that 0:21:26.560 --> 0:21:30.360 since he's people who died or the reindeer died were 0:21:30.359 --> 0:21:33.320 not humans or else, the most Rudolf could be charged, 0:21:33.320 --> 0:21:39.600 which was poaching. Yeah, Rudolf lawyer up his his attorney 0:21:39.720 --> 0:21:41.760 worked to deal with prosecutor's office and he wind up 0:21:41.800 --> 0:21:44.960 pleading guilty to two counts of first degree poaching and 0:21:45.040 --> 0:21:47.320 one kind of hunting without a license. He served a 0:21:47.359 --> 0:21:49.000 little over a year in the PAN and when he 0:21:49.080 --> 0:21:51.000 got out he changed his name when he moved to 0:21:51.040 --> 0:21:54.720 present Burg, which is a seedy suburb of Christmas Town. Yeah, 0:21:54.760 --> 0:21:57.359 it's just a little ribbon town. Uh. And he was 0:21:57.440 --> 0:21:59.720 never asked the guy at Santa Slay again for obvious 0:22:00.040 --> 0:22:02.600 since he actually did all right, he want up owning 0:22:02.640 --> 0:22:05.200 and operating a small chain of liquor stores, and after 0:22:05.320 --> 0:22:08.280 that his fate is unknown. Oh and and last of all, 0:22:08.359 --> 0:22:10.359 his nickname was not Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer. It 0:22:10.440 --> 0:22:13.400 was Rudolph the Red for the blood on his hands. 0:22:14.480 --> 0:22:19.160 So so, kids, I hope you yeah blood I suppose. Yeah. 0:22:20.920 --> 0:22:26.200 So another heartwarming Christmas tale. Any questions, No, I don't 0:22:26.240 --> 0:22:29.600 think I don't think there's any questions in that obviously 0:22:29.800 --> 0:22:34.240 fantastical idea that you got there, Joe, it was pretty dumb, 0:22:35.600 --> 0:22:40.600 questioning professor. I'm not going to say that I am. 0:22:41.040 --> 0:22:43.600 What I am going to say is that for all 0:22:43.640 --> 0:22:47.760 of our listeners, if you want to, if you're listening 0:22:47.760 --> 0:22:50.000 to this episode on our website, which by the way, 0:22:50.119 --> 0:22:54.280 is Thinking Sideways podcast dot com, you can always find 0:22:54.480 --> 0:22:57.600 the shows there and all of our research links. You 0:22:57.720 --> 0:23:00.879 can also go ahead and find us on iTunes. If 0:23:00.920 --> 0:23:02.879 you're there, take the time to leave a comment at 0:23:02.920 --> 0:23:08.920 a rating. We're also on Stitcher. We're on a lot 0:23:09.080 --> 0:23:12.040 of other apps and and other sites, so there's a 0:23:12.080 --> 0:23:14.000 whole host of places that you can find us and 0:23:14.040 --> 0:23:17.560 stream us and download us. You can always go ahead 0:23:18.000 --> 0:23:22.040 and send us an email. That email address is Thinking 0:23:22.160 --> 0:23:26.479 Sideways Podcast at gmail dot com. We of course got 0:23:26.520 --> 0:23:31.320 the Twitter account, so find us Thinking Sideways. So we 0:23:31.440 --> 0:23:36.000 are there, and of course Facebook. We all love Facebook, 0:23:36.000 --> 0:23:38.680 and we're on Facebook. We've got the Facebook page, we 0:23:38.760 --> 0:23:42.320 got the Facebook group. Tons of people on their great conversations, 0:23:42.400 --> 0:23:45.440 so find us, friend us, like us. All that good 0:23:45.560 --> 0:23:50.000 Christmas jazz and uh that's that's all of that good 0:23:50.080 --> 0:23:54.160 stuff now before well, I just gotta say, right now, Joe, 0:23:54.200 --> 0:24:01.760 you're wrong. He was to he an alien in the 0:24:01.920 --> 0:24:06.360 natural occurrence. They had tried the case like a Christmas chestnut. 0:24:06.440 --> 0:24:08.360 They went down and done like this into the night. 0:24:09.200 --> 0:24:12.879 Really it never seemed to stop. Happy Holidays to you 0:24:13.000 --> 0:24:15.120 and yours from the Thinking side Ways team.