1 00:00:14,520 --> 00:00:26,000 Speaker 1: Stories. We're happy holidays, everybody from thinking sideways as always. 2 00:00:26,079 --> 00:00:29,600 Speaker 1: I am Steve, joined by my lovely ho co host 3 00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:34,360 Speaker 1: and Devin. I don't know you were just pointing to him. 4 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:37,199 Speaker 1: I thought I wasn't lovely any No, no, you're You're 5 00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:42,919 Speaker 1: lovely and married. Your little elf had because it's the holiday. 6 00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:48,559 Speaker 1: Since since it's that happy time of year, we decided that, 7 00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:53,760 Speaker 1: in our tradition of investigating stories about the holidays, that 8 00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:57,160 Speaker 1: we look into the story of Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. 9 00:00:57,800 --> 00:00:59,880 Speaker 1: That's that's a big mystery. This, by the way, was 10 00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:07,480 Speaker 1: a listener suggestion was suggested by now just kidding. Yeah, 11 00:01:07,760 --> 00:01:14,280 Speaker 1: if you somehow aren't familiar with the story of Rudolph, 12 00:01:14,560 --> 00:01:22,440 Speaker 1: here is the story of Rudolph. You know Dasher and 13 00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:27,760 Speaker 1: Dancer and Francer and pix Comic and Cupid and Donner 14 00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:36,440 Speaker 1: and Blitz. But do you recall the most famous reindeer 15 00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:42,800 Speaker 1: of all, Rudolph the red Nosed Reindeer had a very 16 00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:49,200 Speaker 1: shining nose, and if you ever saw it, you would 17 00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:55,760 Speaker 1: even say it close. All of the other reindeers used 18 00:01:55,800 --> 00:02:00,400 Speaker 1: to lat them call him names. They never let or 19 00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:07,720 Speaker 1: Rudolf joining in. They reindeer games. Then one foggy christ 20 00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:15,280 Speaker 1: Mussy Saven came to say, Rudolf with your nose, So, Brian, 21 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:20,120 Speaker 1: want you guide my slage in nine? Then how the 22 00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:25,440 Speaker 1: reindeer loved him? As they shot it out with glee, 23 00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:36,120 Speaker 1: Rudolf the red nosed reindeer, you go down in his story. Now, 24 00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:38,760 Speaker 1: I think you know the story Rudolf, though. The question 25 00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:42,919 Speaker 1: is how did he come to be and why does 26 00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:45,959 Speaker 1: his nose glow? And each of us has done a 27 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:49,240 Speaker 1: little research. We've kind of gone out and got our 28 00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:52,560 Speaker 1: own theories as to where where where all this comes 29 00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:57,080 Speaker 1: from their widely diversion, they kind of are. I personally 30 00:02:57,120 --> 00:02:59,040 Speaker 1: believe that I've gotten to the bottom of the story. 31 00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:02,160 Speaker 1: He helped okay, okay, And I think the whole thing 32 00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:06,440 Speaker 1: starts with Santa. Yeah, okay. So we all think that 33 00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:09,520 Speaker 1: Santa is We all know that Santa is the good 34 00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:13,840 Speaker 1: guy who takes toys to the good girls and boys. 35 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:17,440 Speaker 1: But I also I personally believe that Santa is a 36 00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:21,760 Speaker 1: bit of a mad scientist, and I think that's how 37 00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:31,480 Speaker 1: this happened. In my extremely cursory investigation into genetic manipulation, 38 00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:36,360 Speaker 1: I think I figured out how this happened. Yeah, Santa. Santa. Actually, 39 00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:39,640 Speaker 1: you know, um was pretty pretty busy one day of 40 00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:40,920 Speaker 1: the year, but after that he had a lot of 41 00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:46,040 Speaker 1: time in his hands, exactly to kill time old laboratory. 42 00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:53,480 Speaker 1: So I personally think that Santa made Rudolf, and I think, well, 43 00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:58,600 Speaker 1: Santa is a master of genetic manipulation, and he luded 44 00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:03,600 Speaker 1: some unsuspect acting reindeer into his lab, probably with a 45 00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:08,360 Speaker 1: handful of grass cart or something, and then once he 46 00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:11,680 Speaker 1: got the little guy in there, he started the process 47 00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:15,960 Speaker 1: of creating his own glowing reindeer. So now you're saying 48 00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:21,000 Speaker 1: that Rudolph's snows glowed, that Rudolph glowed overall. Let me 49 00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:23,040 Speaker 1: let me go, let me, let me finish this, and 50 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:27,400 Speaker 1: then you'll get an idea. The first step was in this, 51 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:33,360 Speaker 1: you know, this bioengineering of a reindeer, was to introduce 52 00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:37,159 Speaker 1: traits of a creature that is known as a new 53 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:41,120 Speaker 1: to break. I'm sorry, what a new to break? New 54 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:44,640 Speaker 1: to branks. This is a big science e word. New 55 00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:48,160 Speaker 1: braanks are a member of the family of new to Bronchia, 56 00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:56,120 Speaker 1: which their soft bodied moss basically slugs. They have this awesome, 57 00:04:56,480 --> 00:05:02,880 Speaker 1: awesome ability to incorporate certain bits of biology from creatures 58 00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:06,800 Speaker 1: that they consume into their bodies. Why didn't we develop 59 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:09,400 Speaker 1: that That would be kind of cool. I know that'll 60 00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:12,680 Speaker 1: be eating lions all the time and stuff. Here's well, 61 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:15,800 Speaker 1: here's what they do is, there's there's a certain new 62 00:05:15,839 --> 00:05:19,279 Speaker 1: to break which is called the sea swallow, and it 63 00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:23,080 Speaker 1: feeds on the Portuguese man war, which you know, is 64 00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:27,680 Speaker 1: a jellyfish with nasty, nasty stingers. It eats them. It 65 00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:31,880 Speaker 1: incorporates the stinger and the toxin into itself, so it 66 00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:34,719 Speaker 1: is dangerous to other creatures that try to eat it. 67 00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:42,600 Speaker 1: So it's Kirby got it. Yeah, Yeah, that's exactly Okay. 68 00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:48,680 Speaker 1: From there, Santa, again, being the super scientist that he is, 69 00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:55,640 Speaker 1: figured out how to introduce angels glow into the animal system. 70 00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:59,200 Speaker 1: And Angels glow is I'm gonna destroy this, but it 71 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:05,520 Speaker 1: is a photo hob dress luminescent creature. I believe that 72 00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:09,560 Speaker 1: might be how you say it, that could be correct 73 00:06:09,560 --> 00:06:14,440 Speaker 1: as well. Angels glow back is a bacteria that is bioluminescent. 74 00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:17,240 Speaker 1: So this is where I'm getting the glowing part in. 75 00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:23,320 Speaker 1: There's actually accounts of soldiers in the Civil War getting 76 00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:27,080 Speaker 1: this bacteria into their wounds and the wounds would glow 77 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:31,120 Speaker 1: at night, and oddly enough, it had kind of an 78 00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:34,320 Speaker 1: anti bacterial effect on the wounds, so it helps sterilize him, 79 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:41,920 Speaker 1: which is an awesome side effect. How could bacteriaioaziness to 80 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:46,680 Speaker 1: other bacteria? Again, this is Santa who figured this out, 81 00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:50,920 Speaker 1: and not on you. I don't know how, but what 82 00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:55,360 Speaker 1: he's doing is that he's introducing this into their food. 83 00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:58,479 Speaker 1: And because they've gone to this this trade of the 84 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:02,640 Speaker 1: what was that little guy All the angels glow? No, no, no, no, 85 00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:06,039 Speaker 1: the sea swallow. Sorry, not the angels glows. The bacteria. 86 00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:09,320 Speaker 1: The sea swallow is the critter that was incorporated into 87 00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:13,360 Speaker 1: said reindeer, The poor little guy you lured in and 88 00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:17,160 Speaker 1: from there created a glowing reindeer. Now, the great thing 89 00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:19,000 Speaker 1: is the reindeer don't globe all the time because he 90 00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:21,000 Speaker 1: only needs him to glow it a little bit of 91 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,440 Speaker 1: the year at a time, one day. Yes, so we 92 00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:27,040 Speaker 1: didn't feed it this thing the whole time. But that's 93 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:29,560 Speaker 1: how he gets a reindeer that glows. So I'm saying 94 00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:32,280 Speaker 1: the whole reindeer is glowing, not just the nose. Rudolph. 95 00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:35,120 Speaker 1: By the way, I don't think it's a single reindeer, 96 00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:38,480 Speaker 1: because unless we're gonna say he's a magical reindeer, reindeer 97 00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:41,120 Speaker 1: lived like ten or twenty years, so I'm guessing that 98 00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:45,200 Speaker 1: because he's a master manipulation, he's also cloning said reindeer, 99 00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:47,320 Speaker 1: so he's probably either that he's just created this master 100 00:07:47,440 --> 00:07:51,520 Speaker 1: race of glowing reindeer. But yeah, essentially, yeah, you don't 101 00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:57,520 Speaker 1: what is the head shade? No? No, I mean okay, yes, yes, yes, 102 00:07:58,040 --> 00:08:01,240 Speaker 1: Rudolph's nose glows by bio woman at that's that's that 103 00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:05,520 Speaker 1: much is clear. Okay that I am in line with 104 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:08,720 Speaker 1: you that the nose is biouminescent, but not the rest 105 00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:13,640 Speaker 1: of the reindeer. No, he's obviously an alien. Okay, Okay, 106 00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:18,440 Speaker 1: here's listen. Okay, obviously like, no, he wasn't engineered. He 107 00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:21,240 Speaker 1: It makes a lot of sense because he can fly right, 108 00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:24,360 Speaker 1: and his nose is bioluminescent, and we don't have mammals 109 00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:28,640 Speaker 1: that have evolved to have bioluminescent parts on Earth, but 110 00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:33,319 Speaker 1: on other planets there would be the necessity for that potentially. Listen, 111 00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:35,440 Speaker 1: you don't know, have you been to another planet? Do 112 00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:39,000 Speaker 1: you know? Yeah? I actually haven't. Unfortunately, there you go, 113 00:08:39,559 --> 00:08:41,400 Speaker 1: so you just have to do the math. I mean really, 114 00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:44,360 Speaker 1: like really, there are a lot of alien sightings around 115 00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:46,880 Speaker 1: their UFO sightings around the North Pole, just like do 116 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:49,560 Speaker 1: the math people. Aliens are among us in the form 117 00:08:49,640 --> 00:08:54,640 Speaker 1: of Rudolph. I'm sorry you laughing at my like very 118 00:08:54,679 --> 00:08:58,280 Speaker 1: well done research right now? Are you sure because you 119 00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:00,360 Speaker 1: look like your laugh I'm laughing at the idea about 120 00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:03,560 Speaker 1: the research. Oh okay, so wait, but I can prove it. 121 00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:08,000 Speaker 1: Do you remember last year we talked about Santa and 122 00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:11,560 Speaker 1: we talked about how it became clear through lots of 123 00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:13,920 Speaker 1: analysis that we didn't do that we stole from other people, 124 00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:18,679 Speaker 1: that uh, really he's just using quantum mechanics to like 125 00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:20,960 Speaker 1: make it to all the different houses. I think I 126 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:22,920 Speaker 1: feel like we kind of agreed that that was what 127 00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:27,199 Speaker 1: was happening, right Well, no, actually I said it was magic. Okay, 128 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:30,480 Speaker 1: well you were wrong. Where do you think Santa found 129 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:33,600 Speaker 1: all of the quantum mechanics science? Like really, where do 130 00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:35,360 Speaker 1: you think, like do you think he just like I 131 00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:38,000 Speaker 1: was like, oh, suddenly I know how to use quantum mechanics. No, 132 00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:40,840 Speaker 1: Rudolph gave it to him, obviously. The talking reindeer with 133 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:44,199 Speaker 1: the bioluminescent knows. That's why Santa was like, oh, hey, 134 00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:45,720 Speaker 1: I can't figure out how to do any of this. 135 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:51,000 Speaker 1: It's foggy. I can't do anything. And then Rudolph was like, oh, hey, hey, 136 00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:55,600 Speaker 1: you know what, actually, remember how I'm I'm an alien. Cool, 137 00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:58,520 Speaker 1: let's do this, and he helped him. But wouldn't it 138 00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:01,480 Speaker 1: would actually make more sense for Rudolph to help him 139 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:04,360 Speaker 1: just engineer like a heads up display, like a fluor display, 140 00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:07,760 Speaker 1: like forward looking for red. Despite the fact that Rudolph 141 00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:14,760 Speaker 1: is an alien, he's still a reindeer. Do you know 142 00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:18,520 Speaker 1: he flies, He doesn't need to like do a heads 143 00:10:18,559 --> 00:10:20,440 Speaker 1: up display. He can just be like, oh hey yeah, 144 00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:22,959 Speaker 1: no attach it, like, we'll just fly. That's cool. I'll 145 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:26,040 Speaker 1: use my bioluminescent knows to like see through the fog, 146 00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:29,360 Speaker 1: no problem, and then you use your quantum mechanics to 147 00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:31,839 Speaker 1: get us there even faster. I feel like that's a 148 00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:36,720 Speaker 1: win win. It's obviously, are you I'm sorry? Is that 149 00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:39,120 Speaker 1: that's a look of disapproval? Yeah, Joe, you're the one 150 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:43,840 Speaker 1: given the funny look. Oh I don't know, I that 151 00:10:43,880 --> 00:10:48,079 Speaker 1: bioluminescent knows. Obviously it is true though, right, I mean, 152 00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:50,560 Speaker 1: Steve and I Steve and I we agree on that. 153 00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:53,120 Speaker 1: I mean, of course, if he was an alien, most 154 00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:55,839 Speaker 1: of the planets that, like any alien would come from, 155 00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:59,559 Speaker 1: would probably be darker than ours. There are hundreds, if 156 00:10:59,559 --> 00:11:06,119 Speaker 1: not thous if not millions, of habitable, life supporting planets 157 00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:11,200 Speaker 1: in this universe right obviously that are in the Goldilock zone. 158 00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:14,800 Speaker 1: Obviously he knows how to fly, or he can fly, 159 00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:20,120 Speaker 1: or he has whatever quantum mechanics himself to fly. He 160 00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:24,040 Speaker 1: can help Santa fly much faster, so they could travel 161 00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:27,360 Speaker 1: from the far reaches of the universe. As he's an alien, 162 00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:30,559 Speaker 1: he doesn't age. He doesn't have the natural age restrictions 163 00:11:30,679 --> 00:11:35,000 Speaker 1: of the normal reindeer, which he said was ten twenty years. Yeah. Yeah, 164 00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:38,160 Speaker 1: obviously he's outlived that. So he's nearly immortal then, yeah, 165 00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:40,520 Speaker 1: pretty much. Yeah, that's making a lot of advances in 166 00:11:40,559 --> 00:11:42,280 Speaker 1: human aging too. I mean, it might be some of 167 00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:44,960 Speaker 1: our descenters will have to be two three years old. Yeah. 168 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:48,079 Speaker 1: So I'm just saying, obviously he's an alien. Case in 169 00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:51,560 Speaker 1: point I like case closed. Really, well, have you consider 170 00:11:51,559 --> 00:11:56,040 Speaker 1: the possibility that perhaps he's his origins were actually terrestrial, 171 00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:59,160 Speaker 1: but that he was abducted by aliens and modified No, 172 00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:02,520 Speaker 1: I didn't because no, No, there's a lot of there's 173 00:12:02,559 --> 00:12:04,320 Speaker 1: a lot of a big, huge body of research on 174 00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:09,320 Speaker 1: that particular theory. Yeah, exactly. I actually didn't find any 175 00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:12,520 Speaker 1: of that, which is interesting. I just I was really 176 00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:15,080 Speaker 1: just two and two together to kind of have to 177 00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:16,680 Speaker 1: find that, ye kind of have to look in the 178 00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:20,720 Speaker 1: dark corners of my mind. Oh, there's lots of research 179 00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:25,840 Speaker 1: on the Internet of Joe's mind. Yeah, got it. Okay, 180 00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:28,520 Speaker 1: Well this is why both of your theories suck. I'm 181 00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:32,040 Speaker 1: gonna tell you all right to answer the question of 182 00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:35,160 Speaker 1: why why did his nose glow? All? The answer is 183 00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:39,080 Speaker 1: it didn't glow. It's a myth. Yeah, yeah, let me explain. 184 00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:43,400 Speaker 1: I'm sorry. Are you saying that Rudolph Is is a myth? Uh? No, 185 00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:46,840 Speaker 1: Rudolf was real, Rudoff. Rudolf actually did exist. He might 186 00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:49,360 Speaker 1: still be alive for all I know. Yeah, So let's 187 00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:51,120 Speaker 1: go back to the beginning. Um. He was born into 188 00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:55,400 Speaker 1: a respectable Northpole reindeer family. Dating the year of birth unknown. 189 00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:58,440 Speaker 1: Rudolph was a sickly child. As he grew older, he 190 00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:01,760 Speaker 1: became somewhat book is, being a bit of a weakling 191 00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:03,880 Speaker 1: and also being good at school. Didn't really earn him 192 00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:07,560 Speaker 1: any friends or allies. So you're saying he was a 193 00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:10,520 Speaker 1: rangeer equivalent of a nerd. I kind of like that. 194 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:14,160 Speaker 1: Did you wear glasses? That's unknown? Yeah, he might have 195 00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:19,760 Speaker 1: worn context, well anyway, spent context. Yeah, speaking of allies, 196 00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:21,360 Speaker 1: it would be so hard to put in your eye 197 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:29,240 Speaker 1: getting getting him back out of so I wanted to 198 00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:32,080 Speaker 1: put a couple of this to rest, So I talked 199 00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:35,640 Speaker 1: about friends. There. There was a nineteen sixty four document 200 00:13:35,679 --> 00:13:38,760 Speaker 1: around Rudolf's life which first introduced this claim that Rudolf 201 00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:41,760 Speaker 1: eight friends with a young elf named Hermie. Yeah. Have 202 00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:45,040 Speaker 1: you seen that film? Yeah? A million times. Yeah, it's 203 00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:47,920 Speaker 1: a hard hitting documentary, it is. It is, Yeah, but 204 00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:51,920 Speaker 1: a lot of journalistic malpractice here though. Frankly, that so 205 00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:54,760 Speaker 1: Hermie that the alf dreamed of becoming a dentist. Yeah, 206 00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:58,200 Speaker 1: yeah exactly. I mean now els eat Elvin food, which 207 00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:02,080 Speaker 1: does not cost two. You'd don't need dentists up at 208 00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:05,319 Speaker 1: the North Pole. The candy, Yeah, no, they don't need candy. 209 00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:09,120 Speaker 1: That's for kids. It's because they secretly hate him humans 210 00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:11,440 Speaker 1: and they want to rock their teeth out. But you know, 211 00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:13,840 Speaker 1: if if he had to exceed it in getting into 212 00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:16,079 Speaker 1: dental school and good luck with that, losers, since they're 213 00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:18,840 Speaker 1: aren'ty dal schools at the North Pole. He would have 214 00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:21,160 Speaker 1: had a pretty lonely professional life, and he would have 215 00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:22,960 Speaker 1: had to have shut it his business after the first 216 00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:24,400 Speaker 1: month or so and go to work in the night 217 00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:29,120 Speaker 1: shift at the plaid pantry. They have plaid pantries up there. 218 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:31,840 Speaker 1: I thought that was a local change. Yeah, and I 219 00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:34,640 Speaker 1: think they called something else up there, but yeah, yeah, 220 00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:38,960 Speaker 1: similar things. But yeah, Hermie, if he had ever existed, 221 00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:41,640 Speaker 1: would have been toiling away in Santa's sweatshops. And it's 222 00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:44,120 Speaker 1: really unlikely he and Rudolph would ever even have met. 223 00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:46,760 Speaker 1: And also because Reindeer carried the tix of cause lime 224 00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:50,840 Speaker 1: disease els generally gave them a wide berth So yeah, 225 00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:53,800 Speaker 1: so no Hermie. But and the Hermie thing is not 226 00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:56,240 Speaker 1: the only bit of bs Thatt the so called documentary 227 00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:59,800 Speaker 1: introduced into the whole Rudolph story. The film itself was 228 00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:02,120 Speaker 1: an ready boy, a girl, a guy named Burl Ives 229 00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:04,960 Speaker 1: now Burl Eyes was a singer. He was not a 230 00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:07,520 Speaker 1: reporter or a journalist in any way, shape or form, 231 00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:10,480 Speaker 1: And tell you, tell you, to tell you the three guys. 232 00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:13,280 Speaker 1: It's hard to take anything that calls itself a documentary. Seriously, 233 00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:17,200 Speaker 1: what it's not hosted by someone like Heroldo Rivera. I mean, really, guys, 234 00:15:17,560 --> 00:15:20,720 Speaker 1: take better take better care in your personnel choices next time. 235 00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:23,560 Speaker 1: But you think okay, yeah, yeah, I mean yeah, I mean. 236 00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:27,320 Speaker 1: Another big lie that these jokers put out in this 237 00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:30,280 Speaker 1: film is that the Yetti also knows the abominable Snowman. 238 00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:36,680 Speaker 1: Remember that. Yeah, he he was just yeah, he was 239 00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:39,360 Speaker 1: just misunderstood that he was actually really pretty cool once 240 00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:42,120 Speaker 1: he guys aching tooth fixed by that fictitious self named 241 00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:46,600 Speaker 1: hermi Uh. In reality, Leaghetti is a vicious eight hundred 242 00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:48,600 Speaker 1: pound monster that'll tear your head off and make the 243 00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:51,960 Speaker 1: rest of you into jerky ash Yeah, and he'll just, 244 00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,960 Speaker 1: like you know, suddenly appear in the middle of a 245 00:15:55,160 --> 00:16:01,360 Speaker 1: platinum pyramid. Was a platorm pyramid? Yeah exactly? Yeah, yeah, 246 00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:03,440 Speaker 1: I guy you want to run into But thanks of 247 00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:05,760 Speaker 1: these jokers that made this what's the word I'm thinking 248 00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:09,440 Speaker 1: of execrable execrable film, The myth of the Benevolent Yetti 249 00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:11,520 Speaker 1: lives on, and every year, without fail, at least a 250 00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:13,760 Speaker 1: couple of tourists wind up getting their faces torn off 251 00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:15,360 Speaker 1: when they get out of their cars to feed the 252 00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:18,080 Speaker 1: nice yetti. So, folks, take my word for it. This 253 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:20,960 Speaker 1: no such thing as a nice yetti. Al right, okay, 254 00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:23,760 Speaker 1: and one last thing and then I'll then I'll get 255 00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:26,160 Speaker 1: off my high horse here. They also claimed that there's 256 00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:29,560 Speaker 1: a place called the Island of Misfit Toys and that 257 00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:31,680 Speaker 1: Rudolphin heard me, went to this island. And this is 258 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:35,040 Speaker 1: also again pure bs. Uh. You can't find this island 259 00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:38,120 Speaker 1: on Google Maps, right, you can't walk around street view. Yeah, 260 00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:44,880 Speaker 1: now I looked, I checked out. Yeah I did, you know, 261 00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:47,360 Speaker 1: and and no it's not there. And that's my second 262 00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:50,840 Speaker 1: big thing. It's like, seriously, who exactly transports these misfit 263 00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:54,000 Speaker 1: toys to this island? And doesn't that strike you as 264 00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:56,560 Speaker 1: an amazing waste of time and energy? Yeah? I mean 265 00:16:57,000 --> 00:17:01,320 Speaker 1: I guess the dump is a pretty good alternate, would 266 00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:12,840 Speaker 1: be a lot closer. Yeah, so childhood they're just But anyway, 267 00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:15,800 Speaker 1: there really actually is already a place for misfit toys 268 00:17:15,840 --> 00:17:17,840 Speaker 1: to go to, and it's called the Goodwill and they'll 269 00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:19,840 Speaker 1: pick up probably heard of it, then pick up they 270 00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:22,000 Speaker 1: pick up even better. Yeah, you don't even have to 271 00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:24,840 Speaker 1: go there. They'll pick up for you yeah, episode sponsored 272 00:17:24,880 --> 00:17:31,200 Speaker 1: why I'm kidding, Yeah, sponsored by Goodwill. But yeah, yeah, 273 00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:33,879 Speaker 1: maybe this Island of Misfit Toys was a metaphor for 274 00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:35,639 Speaker 1: the dump for the good Will of the basement. But 275 00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:37,760 Speaker 1: you know, I think it should go with that's saying 276 00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:41,200 Speaker 1: that metaphors don't belong in documentaries, right, I don't know 277 00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:43,200 Speaker 1: if I'm the savaging this week sees of a film. 278 00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:45,280 Speaker 1: Let's get back to Rudolph and let's talk about his 279 00:17:45,359 --> 00:17:51,040 Speaker 1: real story. Okay, yeah, please, ye, So I got off 280 00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:54,240 Speaker 1: of the weeds that I apologize. Uh So, anyway, I 281 00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:57,000 Speaker 1: owe a good deal of my analysis here to Professor 282 00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:59,960 Speaker 1: Haunts Morgan thou of the University of Munich at Doosel Door, 283 00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:03,240 Speaker 1: who is one of the world's most famous Christmas Ologists 284 00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:06,360 Speaker 1: and the leading authority on Rudolph's I think I've read 285 00:18:06,359 --> 00:18:09,200 Speaker 1: a couple of his books, Yeah, and very interesting. They're quick, 286 00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:12,480 Speaker 1: they're quick, but really weighty read. So a lot of 287 00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:14,520 Speaker 1: the stuff about a story is kind of true that 288 00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:17,720 Speaker 1: we know about. Rudolph was indeed pretty much low man 289 00:18:17,760 --> 00:18:19,680 Speaker 1: on the totem pool at school, but not because of 290 00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:22,840 Speaker 1: his nose, which didn't glow and which wasn't read except 291 00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:26,120 Speaker 1: when he was having one of his outbreaks of cystic acting. Yeah, 292 00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:27,560 Speaker 1: and now, but he was a little man because he 293 00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:30,560 Speaker 1: was scrawling and nerdy, and he got good grades. It's 294 00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:32,560 Speaker 1: true that the other reindeer laughed at him and called 295 00:18:32,640 --> 00:18:35,080 Speaker 1: him names, and it's also true that they excluded him 296 00:18:35,119 --> 00:18:37,600 Speaker 1: from the reindeer games, but one a lot. It was 297 00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:40,879 Speaker 1: beyond that. They regularly vandalized this locker with dear Yarine. 298 00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:44,680 Speaker 1: They were constantly giving him wedges, and at least once 299 00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:46,760 Speaker 1: a month, if not more, there was at least one 300 00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:53,480 Speaker 1: humiliating pantsing out the schoolyard. Doesn't matter, Yeah, it kind of, 301 00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:58,960 Speaker 1: does it. Yeah, Then when foggy Christmas Eve, Santa came 302 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:01,760 Speaker 1: to say, Rudolph with your nose so bright, Well, you 303 00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:05,080 Speaker 1: know that's not what happened, Not what happened at all. Rudolph, 304 00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:08,040 Speaker 1: as you can imagine, was a little bit bitter and 305 00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:10,440 Speaker 1: and so he decided he was going to spoil some 306 00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:14,479 Speaker 1: people's Christmas. So he he cultured himself some e coli, 307 00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:18,399 Speaker 1: and he went down to the Beacon brew on the 308 00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:21,600 Speaker 1: east side of Christmas Town, where reindeer families tended to congregate, 309 00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:25,080 Speaker 1: especially around the holidays. And so for the two days 310 00:19:25,119 --> 00:19:29,240 Speaker 1: before Christmas Eve, he dusted the salad bowl with e coli. 311 00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:32,959 Speaker 1: And he wanted to spoil this fellow reindeers and classmates 312 00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:36,320 Speaker 1: Christmas by making sure they were sick as dogs and 313 00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:42,600 Speaker 1: and yeah, sick as sick as reindeer, I guess so, 314 00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:46,080 Speaker 1: so it succeeded. It wanted what a little beyond is 315 00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:50,480 Speaker 1: his hopes, and he actually sickened about the reindeer population 316 00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:54,440 Speaker 1: of Christmas Town, which left Santa short of labor on 317 00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:58,159 Speaker 1: Christmas Eve, so that the weather that day was not foggy, 318 00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:01,640 Speaker 1: it was clear and cold, but Santa was short one deer, 319 00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:04,280 Speaker 1: and so he didn't come to Rudolphin's and say, with 320 00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:06,399 Speaker 1: your nose so bright, will you guide my slay a night. 321 00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:17,120 Speaker 1: He just basically said, Rudolph, with my team all sick, yeah, 322 00:20:17,359 --> 00:20:19,919 Speaker 1: and so sue rude. He didn't get to He did 323 00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:22,480 Speaker 1: not guide the slag He was actually he was actually 324 00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:25,440 Speaker 1: were were and on the right, and he didn't get that. 325 00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:28,840 Speaker 1: He didn't get the really choice position at the front. Yeah, 326 00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:33,040 Speaker 1: And unfortunately for Rudolph, it it did. Actually the it 327 00:20:33,119 --> 00:20:35,640 Speaker 1: earned him a little grudging admiration from the other reindeer, 328 00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:38,159 Speaker 1: but it was only short lived and pretty soon they 329 00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:40,920 Speaker 1: were back to their sick reindeer games and tormenting poor 330 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:45,360 Speaker 1: Rudolph again. So after after that his foray into into 331 00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:48,560 Speaker 1: guiding and not guiding helping to pull santas slagh, a 332 00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:51,640 Speaker 1: little time went by it eventually some forensic work was done. 333 00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:54,720 Speaker 1: It was and they managed to figure out that Rudolph 334 00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:57,760 Speaker 1: was actually the guy behind the poisoning. And I don't 335 00:20:57,800 --> 00:20:59,920 Speaker 1: think I mentioned that besides a lot of people getting sick, 336 00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:08,880 Speaker 1: several reindeer died from leally kills people and he kills reindeer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 337 00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:15,080 Speaker 1: yeah it does. And yeah, after all this came out, 338 00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:19,159 Speaker 1: Santa Santa scratched his head and decided it would be 339 00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:20,960 Speaker 1: a good idea to put Rudolf and trap for murder 340 00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:23,720 Speaker 1: since he killed several reindeer. And he took it to 341 00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:26,359 Speaker 1: the eleven d a's office and they pointed out that 342 00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:30,360 Speaker 1: since he's people who died or the reindeer died were 343 00:21:30,359 --> 00:21:33,320 Speaker 1: not humans or else, the most Rudolf could be charged, 344 00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:39,600 Speaker 1: which was poaching. Yeah, Rudolf lawyer up his his attorney 345 00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:41,760 Speaker 1: worked to deal with prosecutor's office and he wind up 346 00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:44,960 Speaker 1: pleading guilty to two counts of first degree poaching and 347 00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:47,320 Speaker 1: one kind of hunting without a license. He served a 348 00:21:47,359 --> 00:21:49,000 Speaker 1: little over a year in the PAN and when he 349 00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:51,000 Speaker 1: got out he changed his name when he moved to 350 00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:54,720 Speaker 1: present Burg, which is a seedy suburb of Christmas Town. Yeah, 351 00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:57,359 Speaker 1: it's just a little ribbon town. Uh. And he was 352 00:21:57,440 --> 00:21:59,720 Speaker 1: never asked the guy at Santa Slay again for obvious 353 00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:02,600 Speaker 1: since he actually did all right, he want up owning 354 00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:05,200 Speaker 1: and operating a small chain of liquor stores, and after 355 00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:08,280 Speaker 1: that his fate is unknown. Oh and and last of all, 356 00:22:08,359 --> 00:22:10,359 Speaker 1: his nickname was not Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer. It 357 00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:13,400 Speaker 1: was Rudolph the Red for the blood on his hands. 358 00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:19,160 Speaker 1: So so, kids, I hope you yeah blood I suppose. Yeah. 359 00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:26,200 Speaker 1: So another heartwarming Christmas tale. Any questions, No, I don't 360 00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:29,600 Speaker 1: think I don't think there's any questions in that obviously 361 00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:34,240 Speaker 1: fantastical idea that you got there, Joe, it was pretty dumb, 362 00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:40,600 Speaker 1: questioning professor. I'm not going to say that I am. 363 00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:43,600 Speaker 1: What I am going to say is that for all 364 00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:47,760 Speaker 1: of our listeners, if you want to, if you're listening 365 00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:50,000 Speaker 1: to this episode on our website, which by the way, 366 00:22:50,119 --> 00:22:54,280 Speaker 1: is Thinking Sideways podcast dot com, you can always find 367 00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:57,600 Speaker 1: the shows there and all of our research links. You 368 00:22:57,720 --> 00:23:00,879 Speaker 1: can also go ahead and find us on iTunes. If 369 00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:02,879 Speaker 1: you're there, take the time to leave a comment at 370 00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:08,920 Speaker 1: a rating. We're also on Stitcher. We're on a lot 371 00:23:09,080 --> 00:23:12,040 Speaker 1: of other apps and and other sites, so there's a 372 00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:14,000 Speaker 1: whole host of places that you can find us and 373 00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:17,560 Speaker 1: stream us and download us. You can always go ahead 374 00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:22,040 Speaker 1: and send us an email. That email address is Thinking 375 00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:26,479 Speaker 1: Sideways Podcast at gmail dot com. We of course got 376 00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:31,320 Speaker 1: the Twitter account, so find us Thinking Sideways. So we 377 00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:36,000 Speaker 1: are there, and of course Facebook. We all love Facebook, 378 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:38,680 Speaker 1: and we're on Facebook. We've got the Facebook page, we 379 00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:42,320 Speaker 1: got the Facebook group. Tons of people on their great conversations, 380 00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:45,440 Speaker 1: so find us, friend us, like us. All that good 381 00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:50,000 Speaker 1: Christmas jazz and uh that's that's all of that good 382 00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:54,160 Speaker 1: stuff now before well, I just gotta say, right now, Joe, 383 00:23:54,200 --> 00:24:01,760 Speaker 1: you're wrong. He was to he an alien in the 384 00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:06,360 Speaker 1: natural occurrence. They had tried the case like a Christmas chestnut. 385 00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:08,360 Speaker 1: They went down and done like this into the night. 386 00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:12,879 Speaker 1: Really it never seemed to stop. Happy Holidays to you 387 00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:15,120 Speaker 1: and yours from the Thinking side Ways team.