1 00:00:00,800 --> 00:00:03,480 Speaker 1: Time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if you need 2 00:00:03,520 --> 00:00:07,120 Speaker 1: advice on relationship, dating, work, sex, parenting, and more. You 3 00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:10,039 Speaker 1: can submit your Strawberry letter to Steve Harvey FM dot 4 00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:14,600 Speaker 1: com and click submit Strawberry Letter. My girl, Shirley Strawberry 5 00:00:14,880 --> 00:00:18,280 Speaker 1: is out. Steve Harvey will read the letter. I'll respond. 6 00:00:18,360 --> 00:00:21,720 Speaker 1: Steve will respond as usual, all right, here we go, 7 00:00:22,239 --> 00:00:25,960 Speaker 1: All right, here we go. The subject is my life. 8 00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:31,800 Speaker 1: It's about to be a real Strawberry letter. Man. Let 9 00:00:31,840 --> 00:00:34,520 Speaker 1: me just start by saying, if you wrote in right, 10 00:00:34,680 --> 00:00:41,839 Speaker 1: here we are, yeah, yeah, all right, here we go 11 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:44,880 Speaker 1: this Stephen Shirley. I can hardly believe what I'm about 12 00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:48,760 Speaker 1: to tell you, and I need some advice. I've been 13 00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:51,400 Speaker 1: with my girl for almost three years, and I propose 14 00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:55,080 Speaker 1: to her. Her family lives out of states, so I'm 15 00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:59,400 Speaker 1: not interacted with them much, but her mom comes to 16 00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:03,040 Speaker 1: visit all then we get along very well. Her father 17 00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:06,800 Speaker 1: is deceased and she's an only child. And since we're 18 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:10,360 Speaker 1: getting married, we've been talking more about family dynamics and 19 00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:14,240 Speaker 1: how we were raised. My fiance told me that she 20 00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:17,399 Speaker 1: has a family secret that she needed to share with 21 00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:22,040 Speaker 1: me before we walked down the aisle my fiance told 22 00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:29,600 Speaker 1: me that her great uncle is her real father. She 23 00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:33,920 Speaker 1: told me that her mom's side of the family is 24 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:37,679 Speaker 1: not close, so when her mom was twenty six, she 25 00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:41,200 Speaker 1: started dating an older man and had no idea was 26 00:01:41,240 --> 00:01:44,399 Speaker 1: her uncle, and the uncle had no idea he was 27 00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:48,560 Speaker 1: messing with his niece. She told me that when her 28 00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:53,560 Speaker 1: mom got pregnant, she told her parents who her boyfriend was, 29 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:59,320 Speaker 1: and all hell broke loose. I know this is confusing, 30 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:03,520 Speaker 1: but basically, my future mother in law had a baby 31 00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:09,360 Speaker 1: by her uncle. My fiance told me that her mom 32 00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:13,119 Speaker 1: is the black sheep of the family. I can't believe 33 00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:17,000 Speaker 1: I'm about to marry into a real Strawberry letter type family. 34 00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:19,320 Speaker 1: I have a loving family, and I would love for 35 00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:21,840 Speaker 1: our children to be around both sides of the family. 36 00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:25,640 Speaker 1: My fiance says that families isn't all that important to her, 37 00:02:25,639 --> 00:02:28,200 Speaker 1: and she wants us to start our own family traditions 38 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:31,160 Speaker 1: when we get married and have kids. I'm not sure 39 00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:33,680 Speaker 1: about all of this. Is this a big red flag 40 00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:40,119 Speaker 1: or should I try to work through this mess? All right, Well, 41 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,679 Speaker 1: you know you proposed to your girlfriend. You guys have 42 00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:45,080 Speaker 1: been dating for three years. You're cool with her mom, 43 00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:48,799 Speaker 1: Her dad is deceased. So now you guys are getting married. 44 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:51,720 Speaker 1: You talked about family. Your fiance revealed to you that 45 00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:55,440 Speaker 1: her mom's family is not close, and she told you 46 00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:58,480 Speaker 1: about a family's secret that back when her mom was 47 00:02:58,480 --> 00:03:01,040 Speaker 1: twenty six years old, she dated an older man. She 48 00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:04,639 Speaker 1: didn't know he was her uncle. The uncle didn't know 49 00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:10,520 Speaker 1: that the mom was his niece. Okay, all right. Anyway, 50 00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:14,960 Speaker 1: her mom got pregnant and revealed the who the father was. 51 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:18,440 Speaker 1: The family were crazy, and now the mom is the 52 00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:21,600 Speaker 1: black sheep of the family. So now I don't know. 53 00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:27,079 Speaker 1: You're judging your fiance's mom her past, and you're concerned 54 00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:31,040 Speaker 1: about marrying into a real life Strawberry letter family. You 55 00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:35,920 Speaker 1: have to start a marriage out by telling the truth, 56 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:39,800 Speaker 1: especially if you want a chance to succeed. And your 57 00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:44,080 Speaker 1: fiance did just that by revealing to you her family's 58 00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:48,040 Speaker 1: dark secrets. It's not easy. It's so not easy for 59 00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:52,320 Speaker 1: your fiance to be known as the daughter whose father 60 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:57,160 Speaker 1: is her great uncle. That's a cloud of shame that 61 00:03:57,320 --> 00:04:01,840 Speaker 1: nobody wants. Nobody wants that. However, she wants to start 62 00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:04,720 Speaker 1: her own family traditions with you, and when you all 63 00:04:04,720 --> 00:04:07,600 Speaker 1: are married with kids, but your question to us is 64 00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:10,640 Speaker 1: this is this a big red flag? Or should you 65 00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:13,600 Speaker 1: work through this mess? So the question back to you 66 00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:17,239 Speaker 1: is can you handle the label of being the black 67 00:04:17,279 --> 00:04:19,720 Speaker 1: sheep of the family? Can you handle that with your 68 00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:22,600 Speaker 1: mother in law and your daughter? And if you love 69 00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:31,760 Speaker 1: this woman, then her mom's passed shouldn't matter. It shouldn't matter. Stee. Look, man, 70 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:36,440 Speaker 1: I'm just gonna get right to it. What you're tripping for, dog, 71 00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:39,640 Speaker 1: I don't even understand, I really, man, I mean, look, 72 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:42,200 Speaker 1: what any of this has got to do with you 73 00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:48,080 Speaker 1: unless you're the only concern you can have here is 74 00:04:48,279 --> 00:04:52,479 Speaker 1: some genetic code has gotten passed down to your wife. 75 00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:55,560 Speaker 1: She holding and y'all could have a baby with something 76 00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:57,640 Speaker 1: wrong with it. But I don't know. But it don't 77 00:04:57,640 --> 00:04:59,640 Speaker 1: seem like it happened, because if it didn't happen to 78 00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:04,040 Speaker 1: the girl and they and they don't. I just don't know, man, Yeah, 79 00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:08,680 Speaker 1: I don't get what's wrong here. You you wearried, you 80 00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:12,120 Speaker 1: know the mother in law, y'all get along, y'all getting married. 81 00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:16,159 Speaker 1: Your fiance got a family's secret, so she come and clean. 82 00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:19,839 Speaker 1: She needed to share with you. Told me that her 83 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:24,800 Speaker 1: great uncle is her real father. Okay, she told me 84 00:05:24,839 --> 00:05:27,360 Speaker 1: that her mom's side of the family is not close. 85 00:05:27,839 --> 00:05:31,280 Speaker 1: So her mother was twenty six, she started dating an 86 00:05:31,279 --> 00:05:34,919 Speaker 1: older man and had no idea was her uncle. Okay, 87 00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:39,880 Speaker 1: that's possible. That's possible. And the uncle had no idea. 88 00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:44,040 Speaker 1: He was messing with his knees. That's possible. She told me. 89 00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:46,680 Speaker 1: When her mom got pregnant. Your mom even went to 90 00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:50,599 Speaker 1: her parents and told her who her boyfriend was. You you, 91 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:52,839 Speaker 1: you really don't know. This is my boyfriend here a 92 00:05:52,839 --> 00:05:56,080 Speaker 1: little bit older, but this my boyfriend. Wait a minute, 93 00:05:57,480 --> 00:06:03,840 Speaker 1: that show damn uncle. Yeah, yeah, So all hell broke 94 00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:07,839 Speaker 1: loose in the family, as I would expect it would. 95 00:06:09,279 --> 00:06:12,279 Speaker 1: But basically, my future mother in law had a baby 96 00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:16,480 Speaker 1: by her uncle, And what the hell do that got 97 00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:22,800 Speaker 1: to do with you and your fiance? What? You're making 98 00:06:22,839 --> 00:06:26,279 Speaker 1: a whole lot out of this dog. You're making a 99 00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:30,480 Speaker 1: whole lot out of this m How old are you? Man? 100 00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:34,039 Speaker 1: You got to be younger. You got to be young man, 101 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:37,240 Speaker 1: because you trip it. If you really love this girl 102 00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:40,640 Speaker 1: and you've asked her to marry you. What her mother 103 00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:45,280 Speaker 1: in law did her mother twenty six years ago? Man, 104 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:48,200 Speaker 1: let me I'll be back, all right. Hold that thought, 105 00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:51,359 Speaker 1: Steve will have part two of your response at twenty 106 00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:57,360 Speaker 1: three after the hours. You're listening. All right, Steve, we're back. 107 00:06:57,440 --> 00:07:01,159 Speaker 1: Let's recap today's strawberry letter. My life is about to 108 00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:07,800 Speaker 1: be a real strawberry letter recap. I'm I'm, I'm, I'm confused. Man. 109 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:13,800 Speaker 1: This guy writes in this letter and said he proposed 110 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:16,160 Speaker 1: to this girl and her family lives out of state, 111 00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:18,880 Speaker 1: so you ain't interacted with him much, but her mom 112 00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:22,280 Speaker 1: comes to visit. Y'all get along really well. Her father's deceive. 113 00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:25,480 Speaker 1: She's an only child. Since we're getting married, we've been 114 00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:28,520 Speaker 1: talking more about family dynamics and how we was raised. 115 00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:30,840 Speaker 1: And then she told me she had a family secret 116 00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:32,960 Speaker 1: she need to tell you about. Before we went down 117 00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:36,640 Speaker 1: the aisle. My fiance told me that her great uncle 118 00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:42,200 Speaker 1: is her real father or not her mother's brother. Right, 119 00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:46,320 Speaker 1: her mother's parents one of her one of them's brother 120 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:51,240 Speaker 1: assistant siblings. Yes, dog, dog dog. We're a little bit 121 00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:55,960 Speaker 1: away now. And she told me that her mom's side 122 00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:58,840 Speaker 1: of her family is not close. And when her mom 123 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:02,480 Speaker 1: was twenty six, she started dating an older man, had 124 00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:07,200 Speaker 1: no idea was her uncle. Who would be her mother's 125 00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:13,120 Speaker 1: parents brought sibley, Yes, one of them. Yes, and then 126 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:17,440 Speaker 1: she got pregnant, she told her parents who her boyfriend was, 127 00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:21,280 Speaker 1: and all hell broke loose. And then you said, I 128 00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:24,560 Speaker 1: know this is confusing, but basically my future mother in 129 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:30,080 Speaker 1: law had a baby by her uncle and doc, do 130 00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:33,520 Speaker 1: you really know what has happened in some families? Yeah? 131 00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:38,880 Speaker 1: Or I don't know how you think this, all of 132 00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:40,880 Speaker 1: a sudden is the biggest drung bear letter We didn't 133 00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:45,760 Speaker 1: head because it ain't. And I'm telling you, man, slow 134 00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:48,840 Speaker 1: your roll down. My fiance told me that her mom 135 00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:51,959 Speaker 1: is the black sheep of the family. Yeah, of course 136 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:55,520 Speaker 1: they gonna blame her. How could you? How could you not? 137 00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:59,960 Speaker 1: That was a picture of him. Maybe maybe not Nonna anywhere. 138 00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:03,080 Speaker 1: I can't believe I'm about to marry into a real 139 00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:06,679 Speaker 1: Strawberry letter type family. That what you're tripping for. You 140 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:10,040 Speaker 1: don't even see these people. You just said they live 141 00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:12,320 Speaker 1: out of state. You have very little interaction with them. 142 00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:13,880 Speaker 1: You ain't never met them. You even met the mother. 143 00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:17,360 Speaker 1: She's a beautiful lady. Mistakes happen in life. Party, I 144 00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:19,360 Speaker 1: got news for you to made some You're gonna make 145 00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:26,080 Speaker 1: some more. Yeah, when do people get forgiven? I have 146 00:09:26,160 --> 00:09:28,760 Speaker 1: a loving family, and I would love for our children 147 00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:30,880 Speaker 1: to be around both sides of the family. You ain't 148 00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:34,520 Speaker 1: even around both sides of the family. Yeah, dog, you 149 00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:36,720 Speaker 1: want your kids to be around both sides of the family. 150 00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:39,559 Speaker 1: You ain't even around both sides of the family. The 151 00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:42,959 Speaker 1: where you're going with this? You got so much mustard 152 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:48,760 Speaker 1: on this sandwich right here, it can't taste good. You know, bro, 153 00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:52,199 Speaker 1: mustard is good. But if you put all the mustard 154 00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:55,120 Speaker 1: in the jaw on one sandwich, you're not gonna enjoy 155 00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:58,199 Speaker 1: that sandwich. No, you can't taste it, bro. You you 156 00:09:58,280 --> 00:10:01,160 Speaker 1: ain't got number of mustard on him. My fiance says 157 00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:03,839 Speaker 1: family isn't all that important to her, and she wants 158 00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:06,360 Speaker 1: to start our own family traditions. You know why because 159 00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:09,920 Speaker 1: she comes from a slightly dysfunctional family. That's right. Her 160 00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:12,920 Speaker 1: mama got banned from the family, so her mama raised 161 00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:15,280 Speaker 1: her and took off to the side. She the black 162 00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:17,800 Speaker 1: sheep of the family, so she was never bought or you. 163 00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:21,679 Speaker 1: Probably the fiance ain't been around him because they they 164 00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:25,000 Speaker 1: probably ostracized her mama. So she want to start her 165 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:28,480 Speaker 1: own family traditions with you when we get married and 166 00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:31,280 Speaker 1: have kids. I'm not sure about all? This? Is this 167 00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:33,640 Speaker 1: a big red flag? What is your punk ass talking 168 00:10:33,640 --> 00:10:39,000 Speaker 1: about the red flag? Faulk boy? You got the man up, man, 169 00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:41,120 Speaker 1: put your arms around this girl and embrace her and 170 00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:43,880 Speaker 1: give her the life she never had. What you tripping? 171 00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:48,280 Speaker 1: Faulk Man's this a red flag? You ain't no girl? 172 00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:53,400 Speaker 1: We're talking about some damn red flags? What is your ass? 173 00:10:53,440 --> 00:11:00,560 Speaker 1: Top boy? Boy? Or should I try to work through this? Man? Doc? 174 00:11:00,679 --> 00:11:03,000 Speaker 1: It's not a mess for you to have to work through. 175 00:11:03,840 --> 00:11:08,720 Speaker 1: Your girl came to you and told you a family secret. Yeah, 176 00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:12,679 Speaker 1: she was trying to Yes, she didn't want to get married, 177 00:11:12,679 --> 00:11:16,120 Speaker 1: and that beyond the table. She told you. Should I 178 00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:18,480 Speaker 1: try to work through this mess? Hold a partner. Let 179 00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:22,640 Speaker 1: me say this to you. If you get married. If 180 00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:27,760 Speaker 1: you think this is a mess, you ain't seen nothing yet. Up, 181 00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:34,400 Speaker 1: get married, mess boy, This is nothing, Doc, This ain't 182 00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:37,959 Speaker 1: you don't even see them people. Her mother nice to you. 183 00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:41,719 Speaker 1: Her mother did a great job raising your fiance. The 184 00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:46,480 Speaker 1: mother made a mistake, she did you know she could 185 00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:48,839 Speaker 1: have got taken advantage of She might not be telling 186 00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:54,000 Speaker 1: you all of it. You don't know how that's exactly right, Stephen. 187 00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:56,840 Speaker 1: What you said to Junior she made a mistake Unknowingly. 188 00:11:57,000 --> 00:12:03,680 Speaker 1: She said she didn't know. You don't know, boy, your family, 189 00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:08,520 Speaker 1: Hey man, you're loving ass family, yes, yes, no, loving 190 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:12,840 Speaker 1: ass family. It's some secrets problem. Yeah. He got some 191 00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:19,160 Speaker 1: skeletons too, boy, the stuff my daddy took to his grade. 192 00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:25,160 Speaker 1: I'm a I don't know. Maybe your girl is twenty two, 193 00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:29,440 Speaker 1: maybe her mom is fifty two, fifty three, something like that. 194 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:32,080 Speaker 1: Maybe your girl twenty six and she told you twenty 195 00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:36,920 Speaker 1: six years ago my mom. I'm assuming somewhere like that. Man, 196 00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:39,040 Speaker 1: get off this. Don't write this letter, but that is 197 00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:41,599 Speaker 1: paper Forget on. What you just heard ain't nothing for 198 00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:44,120 Speaker 1: you to what you're fitting to solve. You can't change nothing. 199 00:12:44,559 --> 00:12:47,040 Speaker 1: That's it tripping up something you can't change, and get 200 00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:49,800 Speaker 1: out of you. I love it. Good. Anybody, Steve post 201 00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:53,000 Speaker 1: your comments on today's Strawberry Letter at Steve Harvey FM, 202 00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:55,400 Speaker 1: on the Gram or Facebook, and you can check out 203 00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:59,160 Speaker 1: the Strawberry Letter podcasts on demand now coming up at 204 00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:05,239 Speaker 1: forty six after the hour. Today is Stevie Wonders seventieth birthday, 205 00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:10,400 Speaker 1: and we're gonna say breath Happy birthday. Yeah, right after this, 206 00:13:10,679 --> 00:13:16,360 Speaker 1: happy birthday. You're listening to the Steve Harday Morning Show.