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Speaker 1: Hey, they're folks. It is Saturday, July twelfth, and we

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Speaker 1: are down to the final four on Love Island USA.

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Speaker 1: After Ace and Shelley got booted out of the villa.

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Speaker 1: But before they left, Ace and Shelley and the rest

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Speaker 1: of the couples once again taught us some very very

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Speaker 1: valuable relationship lessons. And with that, welcome to this Love

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Speaker 1: Island edition of Amy and TJ, where we go beyond

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Speaker 1: the bods, the hot bods, the kissing games, and the

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Speaker 1: hideaway Suite to identify the real relationship lessons sprinkled throughout

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Speaker 1: the show. There were several sprinkled throughout the show, but

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Speaker 1: Robes we have to start with. I give them credit

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Speaker 1: for Love Island USA. It was the best moment I

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Speaker 1: have ever seen on any episode of any season of

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Speaker 1: this show, having the families.

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Speaker 2: Come That's right because before we had seen in previous

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Speaker 2: seasons they would have the families come in on FaceTime

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Speaker 2: or video chat, but we've never seen them the condestance.

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Speaker 2: That's a long way to go. They're in Fiji, so

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Speaker 2: they would have zero expectation that their family would be

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Speaker 2: able to travel thousands and thousands of miles. But that

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Speaker 2: was a really cool, special and humanizing moment where I

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Speaker 2: think people have treated a lot of these contestants as

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Speaker 2: realities shows stars or Instagram influencer wannabes, and this was

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Speaker 2: such a human moment that everyone could relate to.

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Speaker 1: What was the word you used to use? They said,

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Speaker 1: they treat them contestants reality stars and use one more influencers.

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Speaker 1: So it's easy to talk shit about those people. It's

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Speaker 1: easy to insult them, it's easy to send hate when

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Speaker 1: you see them as contestants or celebrities or influencers. But

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Speaker 1: when you see them as brothers and sons and human beings,

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Speaker 1: it's harder to talk about them the way you do.

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Speaker 1: This was the most humanizing moment, and it's too bad.

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Speaker 1: We need that before we start acting right. But it's

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Speaker 1: not lady people. If we can stop labeling people as

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Speaker 1: a thing. He's a contestant, he's an influencer. No, he's

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Speaker 1: a son, he's a brother, he's a good guy.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, she's a sister. She's a mother. You know, Huma,

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Speaker 2: who's gotten Hudah, excuse me, Hudah, who's gotten so much hate.

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Speaker 2: She's a mom. And all of that was just brought

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Speaker 2: home in this episode. And real tears. Chris breaking down

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Speaker 2: on his mama's shoulder. That was real, and that just

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Speaker 2: shows the emotion and a lot of the intention that

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Speaker 2: I think people were putting to another space. Actually, some

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Speaker 2: of these folks really were here and found love and

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Speaker 2: found friends and found a place a place to belong.

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Speaker 1: So once again, no surprise. Again, we watched these shows

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Speaker 1: often differently with this is not a guilty pleasure for

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Speaker 1: the most part, might have started that way, but all

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Speaker 1: of a sudden now it's become relationship counseling and therapy

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Speaker 1: and recognition. So yes, Ason Shelley left last night, But

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Speaker 1: a big part of the show was, of course the

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Speaker 1: families being there, and family, as we know, is a

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Speaker 1: big part of any relationship any of us have ever

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Speaker 1: been in. So several lessons and several questions we should

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Speaker 1: all be asking ourselves that they showed us last night.

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Speaker 1: One of them, when do you introduce somebody to your family?

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Speaker 1: Another question, how important is that family approval in your relationship?

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Speaker 1: Also can that family and friend approval ultimately be a

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Speaker 1: bad thing? Also ask yourself this, how do you sleep

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Speaker 1: next to your partner every single night? And does it

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Speaker 1: matter at all? These are just a few of the

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Speaker 1: lessons rope. Let's start at the top. Look, they're in

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Speaker 1: a different scenario because they only there for six weeks,

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Speaker 1: different timeline and all that. But in the normal, in

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Speaker 1: the real world, you're gonna tell me it's different for everybody.

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Speaker 1: But let's go generally. I mean, is there a time

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Speaker 1: that's too soon to be introducing to absolutely? Really?

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Speaker 2: Oh yes? Oh wow, I've introduced people to my mom

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Speaker 2: way too soon, And I believe you've heard about it

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Speaker 2: soon though, Like I mean.

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Speaker 1: No, no, are we talking days, weeks or just it might

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Speaker 1: not be ready, you know, for your own sake, I'm

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Speaker 1: not in a good enough position with this person to introduce.

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Speaker 1: Is that what the measures you?

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Speaker 2: Well, it could be. But also I've had the experience

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Speaker 2: of I might have been ready, but my parents weren't,

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Speaker 2: and so that actually was something that I should have

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Speaker 2: considered that I didn't do in the past that actually

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Speaker 2: ended up being a problem.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I have to stop there. How do you know

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Speaker 1: when your parents aren't ready? Because folks are listening to this, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm ready, my partner's ready, but my parents aren't ready.

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Speaker 1: How do you know that?

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Speaker 2: You have to ask them and I think that I

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Speaker 2: have moved past that. In my enthusiasm, I didn't consider

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Speaker 2: where they were and how they thought about me and

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Speaker 2: where I was, And a lot of times in retrospect,

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Speaker 2: I can say this, your parents know best. They know

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Speaker 2: that it's too soon after a breakup, it's too soon

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Speaker 2: after a divorce, it's too soon after everything, and so.

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Speaker 1: You're never going to listen to that.

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Speaker 2: Of course I didn't, okay, but it still was undermining

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Speaker 2: the whole situation because I pushed, I pushed, I pushed.

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Speaker 1: Your parents told us it was too soon. Now it

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Speaker 1: wasn't too soon to meet them. We obviously have been

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Speaker 1: hanging out with your parents many many years before you

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Speaker 1: and I ever started dating. But as far as you

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Speaker 1: dating someone else, they told us it was too soon.

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Speaker 1: That's different from this and introduction. But still parents do

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Speaker 1: chime in on what they think is the right time

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Speaker 1: they do.

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Speaker 2: Yes, you've known my parents for a decade, so that

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Speaker 2: was not even an issue at all. But yes, I

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Speaker 2: think everyone likes to see their children at least get

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Speaker 2: to know themselves and understand what they've just been through

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Speaker 2: before they enter into another relationship.

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Speaker 1: But the introduction part for the parents, I didn't think

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Speaker 1: about it that way. The parents aren't ready to meet

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Speaker 1: whoever you might be dating for whatever reason. Maybe they

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Speaker 1: like the last person you were dating a lot, and

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Speaker 1: we're not ready for the new guy. But it was

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Speaker 1: always for me, just a matter of when this person

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Speaker 1: I'm dating became relevant enough to meet. Like, you don't

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Speaker 1: get the pleasure. You don't get that upside. Don't get

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Speaker 1: that you don't get that privilege of meeting my parents.

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Speaker 2: It's incredibly intimate to meet someone's parents because you learned

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Speaker 2: so much about the person you're dating. You learn about

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Speaker 2: who was raising them, what their values are, what their

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Speaker 2: family family dynamic is, and all of that is very

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Speaker 2: obviously it's instrumental. It's you have to know that. I

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Speaker 2: think at least it makes a huge difference and me

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Speaker 2: understanding You didn't you say this. You understood me more

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Speaker 2: when you got to know my parents more, or when

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Speaker 2: you got to know you're like, oh, I see why

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Speaker 2: she does this, I see why she reacts like that.

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Speaker 1: It's helpful. It's not not helpful. The understanding, Yes, it's helpful,

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Speaker 1: but in saying okay, I can give her a break

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Speaker 1: on that, you see where it comes from. It does

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Speaker 1: with your daughters as well. The time I spend with

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Speaker 1: Anna Lease and Navel now it all and with your mom,

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Speaker 1: I see a circle circle.

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Speaker 2: Yes, hear that, And it's funny too, Like getting to

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Speaker 2: know your dad and seeing his eight grills and how

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Speaker 2: he prepares a meal for thirty when there's four of us,

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Speaker 2: and him wanting to get everywhere an hour before he's

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Speaker 2: supposed to, and seeing your sister saying, Dad, please don't

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Speaker 2: get there so early. I understand why you TikTok the

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Speaker 2: way you do, And even seeing your mom's quiet but

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Speaker 2: all knowing personality, and then when she does chime in,

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Speaker 2: everybody better listen. You see the traits of each and

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Speaker 2: then you're like, that's why he's like this, that's why

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Speaker 2: he does this, and you can understand it.

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Speaker 1: So on this point of when to introduce, does it

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Speaker 1: really it's hard to put a number or time on it.

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Speaker 2: I think it does.

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Speaker 1: Is it really is the most relevant point? When I'm ready,

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Speaker 1: when the person i'm dating's ready, Oh, when my parents

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Speaker 1: are ready, Like all those have to be factored in.

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Speaker 2: I guess I think it has to be factored in.

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Speaker 2: But I do believe when you want this person to

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Speaker 2: be a significant part of your life, when you want

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Speaker 2: to bring them to the family barbecue, when you want

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Speaker 2: to bring them to church, when you want that's when

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Speaker 2: you want to introduce them to your family first. But

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Speaker 2: it's I think it's so individual.

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Speaker 1: How important though another thing the other lesson so as

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Speaker 1: you could pluck out from this last episode, episode thirty four,

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Speaker 1: that just aired on Friday night, how important is and

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Speaker 1: should family approval be, no matter what your no matter

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Speaker 1: all of us want it. Don't we want our family

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Speaker 1: to like the person we're dating.

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Speaker 2: I just my experience has shown if you had asked

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Speaker 2: me this question twenty years ago, I would have said

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Speaker 2: I'd like for it to be something that they approved of,

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Speaker 2: but it wouldn't be a make or break for me,

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Speaker 2: And that is how I have operated. And look, if

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Speaker 2: I had followed my family's feelings or advice beforehand, I

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Speaker 2: probably would have made fewer mistakes in my life. But

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Speaker 2: I think sometimes you have to go through those on

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Speaker 2: your own to figure out what you need and what

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Speaker 2: you want, and mistakes are a part of learning and growing.

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Speaker 2: So I do think it's very important, but I don't

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Speaker 2: think that you should make or break a relationship based

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Speaker 2: on your family's films because they don't know the person

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Speaker 2: the same way you do.

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Speaker 1: And we bring this up because in last night's episode

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Speaker 1: of Almost Said Family Guy for some reason, if we're

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Speaker 1: talking about family, last night's episode of Love Island, we

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Speaker 1: saw so many couples almost flip a switch when the

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Speaker 1: families got there and for them to get support from family,

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Speaker 1: they went back into their relationship renewed and almost with

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Speaker 1: a new energy and optimism about making it work.

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Speaker 2: There's nothing better then, especially because everyone has doubts from

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Speaker 2: their relationships, don't we all? Don't we all question? Wait?

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Speaker 2: Is that the right person for me? Should I be

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Speaker 2: in this relationship? That is a very real and common

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Speaker 2: and maybe even frequent thought that goes into a lot

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Speaker 2: of folks's minds. But when your family says I've been

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Speaker 2: watching and I've been watching every good think about the

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Speaker 2: window into their world these families have had that most

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Speaker 2: people never You and I would never get to see

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Speaker 2: what's going on in our children's lives like this, or

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Speaker 2: have access to the relationship like these families have. So

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Speaker 2: to have had that access and to be able to say,

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Speaker 2: I like her, I like her with you, I like

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Speaker 2: the way he looks at you. That is so reassuring.

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Speaker 2: I can't think of anything more reassuring than that, Because

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Speaker 2: the person who loves you the most, who thinks you

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Speaker 2: should be treated the best, is saying, Hey, this guy

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Speaker 2: that I've been watching, he's the right guy. He's a

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Speaker 2: good guy for you.

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Speaker 1: That's how huge important is that you know? I should

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Speaker 1: ask it this way. I think you already answered it.

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Speaker 1: Have you ever? Have you ever and yes, you have?

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Speaker 1: You've continued with someone in a relationship that your family

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Speaker 1: didn't want you to and they have disapproval. Yes, Now,

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Speaker 1: have you ever gotten out of a relationship with somebody

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Speaker 1: that your parents wish you'd continued? Did they love this boyfriend?

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Speaker 1: They were crazy about him, and like, oh crap, it's

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Speaker 1: gonna piss my parents off if I have to, if

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Speaker 1: I when I break up with this dude because they

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Speaker 1: like him so much.

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Speaker 2: I've never had that experience.

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Speaker 1: Okay, your parents, now.

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Speaker 2: It's always been the opposite.

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Speaker 1: As it was coming out, you can see my eyes

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Speaker 1: going up as I was talking my way through.

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Speaker 2: That is this crazy of me to think, But it

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Speaker 2: seems like when it comes to parents and gender, like

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Speaker 2: most people don't think any guy is good enough for

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Speaker 2: their daughter. But I think a lot of dudes are like,

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Speaker 2: she's good for you, she grounds you, she takes care

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Speaker 2: of you. I think a lot of times I would

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Speaker 2: see more of like the male's parents supporting the woman

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Speaker 2: saying she's good for him, and a lot of the

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Speaker 2: female the girl's parents thinking a guy isn't good enough

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Speaker 2: for her.

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Speaker 1: Why because the question is the same, but the thought

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Speaker 1: is the same whether if you're the parent of a

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Speaker 1: boy or parent of a girl, you want that boy

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Speaker 1: and that girl to be taken care of. Yes, So

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Speaker 1: when the boy is being taken care of by his woman,

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Speaker 1: it's what it's an emotional care. And from the woman's side,

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Speaker 1: is he going to be a protector and a provider? Yes,

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Speaker 1: you think about that stuff first and when you break

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Speaker 1: it down in that way. And what we saw on

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Speaker 1: the show, it was so interesting to see Chris and

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Speaker 1: Hudah in particular, Chris was nervous as hell.

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Speaker 2: Oh he was sweating it. You even pointed out his

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Speaker 2: body language before he because they didn't know which family

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Speaker 2: members were coming or friends. So he was in almost

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Speaker 2: fetal position as much as you can be when you're

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Speaker 2: six eight. But you said look at him. It's like

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Speaker 2: he's a kid who's in trouble.

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Speaker 1: Totally recoiled. He totally was sitting there in the corner

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Speaker 1: like he was being punished and scared. It's weird to

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Speaker 1: see from his six eighth brother doing that. But he

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Speaker 1: was worried that they have seen how Hudah has behaved.

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Speaker 1: He knows his mama and his sister. He got girls

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Speaker 1: coming to her.

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Speaker 2: He kept saying, my people woo.

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Speaker 1: So we were all nervous, and I thought it was

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Speaker 1: gonna go one of two ways when it comes to

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Speaker 1: black women in my experience and my aunt's, my mama's sister,

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Speaker 1: They're either gonna totally embrace and love or are they

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Speaker 1: gonna say hell gnaw and reject. There's very little middle grounds. Yea,

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Speaker 1: I have found. But black women just nurtured that they

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Speaker 1: are and they recognize and they related to her.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I actually I was My heart warmed.

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Speaker 1: You know what.

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Speaker 2: I thought was so cool that they could see somebody

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Speaker 2: who was acting childishly at times and toxically at times

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Speaker 2: and said, you know what, we know her, we understand her.

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Speaker 2: She's a single mom, she's been through a lot of shit,

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Speaker 2: she's had a lot of shitty relationships, and they related

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Speaker 2: to her and they recognized, which I loved her growth,

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Speaker 2: her growth. They were proud of their son for being calm,

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Speaker 2: cool and collected, and that was so cool. So he

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Speaker 2: got props from being really that steady, emotional person who

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Speaker 2: she needed in that moment and allowed her to grow.

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Speaker 2: And so they appreciated what he did and they were

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Speaker 2: proud of him. They said, Mom raised you right, and

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Speaker 2: that was so good to see. But they also liked

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Speaker 2: and loved how Judah evolved and recognized it took some time,

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Speaker 2: as it always does, that she wasn't behaving properly in moments.

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Speaker 1: Family and friend approval is so critical, and I'm thinking

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Speaker 1: of myself in that matter I.

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Speaker 2: Have.

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Speaker 1: I don't think I've ever had my parents expressed to

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Speaker 1: me like, uh uh.

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Speaker 2: This is not somebody I was just gonna ask you that.

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Speaker 1: I don't think I'm thinking back to high school now

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Speaker 1: at this point, I think that might have been somebody

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Speaker 1: in junior high. My mom wasn't feeling like that girl's trouble.

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Speaker 2: But do your parents. My impression of them is that

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Speaker 2: they trust your judgment and they would never want to

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Speaker 2: question it.

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Speaker 1: That's fair. I think certainly my adult I think that's fair.

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Speaker 1: My mom is the one she'll raise a red flag

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Speaker 1: and a heartbeat. She's done that throughout my life. But

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Speaker 1: I don't have many certainly in my adult life and

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Speaker 1: serious relationships have they raised red flags about it? So

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Speaker 1: maybe I've I don't know in that regard, I've brought

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Speaker 1: decent enough people home.

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Speaker 2: I do feel like, tell me what your impression is

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Speaker 2: that both of our parents are rooting for us like

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Speaker 2: heaven in a relationship, yes, oh, yes.

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Speaker 1: Yes, yes. But I have never been in a relationship

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Speaker 1: where I felt unsupported by my parents either, I say,

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Speaker 1: I'm always supporting. I've never been in a relationship where

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Speaker 1: I felt they were rooting weren't rooting for it.

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Speaker 2: I have had that experience when my parents were actively

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Speaker 2: rooting against a relationship. And they've expressed it to you,

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Speaker 2: not towards you, towards other people.

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Speaker 1: I'm nervous, not because I know they ain't shy about it.

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Speaker 2: No, no, they're not. And the thing is they are

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Speaker 2: absolutely rooting for us and for you. They like you,

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Speaker 2: they love you so yes, I and look they would

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Speaker 2: tell me if they weren't.

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Speaker 1: But the other lesson or the other question. At least

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Speaker 1: that they Love Islanders made us think about is can

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Speaker 1: family and friend approval end up being a bad thing? Yeah.

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Speaker 1: We pick it up here with this idea of family

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Speaker 1: approval after the episode of Love Island last night, episode

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Speaker 1: thirty four, in which we saw I go down to

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Speaker 1: the final four. These are the ones that will be

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Speaker 1: of course in the finalely now that America will vote

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Speaker 1: on for the finale on Sunday. But we're talking about

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Speaker 1: family approval. Friend and family approval can be a good thing.

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Speaker 1: We saw ropes in the last episode, how it kind

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Speaker 1: of switched turns some relationships around.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, Hudah and Chris were all bowed up after

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Speaker 2: their families and before they were sitting on opposite sides

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Speaker 2: from They couldn't have been further away from each other,

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Speaker 2: like ooh, this is not going to be good. And

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Speaker 2: at the end they were all over each other.

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Speaker 1: Mama showed up, friends showed up, sister showed up and

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Speaker 1: say we like you guys, and all of a.

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Speaker 2: Sudden boom, approval meant everything, So it.

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Speaker 1: Can mean everything. My opposite side of that is what

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Speaker 1: happens when you're in a relationship. Maybe you've been married

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Speaker 1: five years, ten years, your family is close to this

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Speaker 1: guy or this gal. Can that also be a bad

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Speaker 1: thing and that you're staying in a relationship that's not

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Speaker 1: good necessarily for you, but you don't want to disappoint

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Speaker 1: so many other people who are who have a good

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Speaker 1: impression of your spouse.

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Speaker 2: And the answer to that is yes. And I think

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Speaker 2: in my experience it was children. It wasn't necessarily brothers

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Speaker 2: or family members who were rooting for or wanting you

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Speaker 2: to stay together because they liked the person you were

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Speaker 2: with as much as they like you. But I think

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Speaker 2: kids can throw that into the mix as well, where

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Speaker 2: you know your children love somebody or love their dad,

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Speaker 2: or love their mom or whatever, and that absolutely has

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Speaker 2: an impact on whether you stay. So do some people

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Speaker 2: stay out of guilt because they know everyone in their

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Speaker 2: life loves them so much they don't want to disappoint friends, family, parents, children, Yes,

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Speaker 2: And that is a bad thing. That is never a

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Speaker 2: good thing for you to stay in a relationship because

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Speaker 2: someone else wants you to.

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Speaker 1: Man. You think when you said to you the kid thing,

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Speaker 1: I certainly get and that when you put it with

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Speaker 1: that perspective, then obviously the answer is absolutely you shouldn't

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Speaker 1: stay in a relationship when it comes to kids. I'm

356
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Speaker 1: thinking about let's take kids out of it for a second.

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Speaker 1: But the idea of someone being that you're married to,

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Speaker 1: being so close to your mom, being so close to

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Speaker 1: your sister, being so close in some way, and to

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Speaker 1: the point that if you end up out of the relationship,

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Speaker 1: they might continue with some friendships or relationships with your

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Speaker 1: family members. We can get into that on a whole

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00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:17,200
Speaker 1: other appas that's tough. But when you think of it

364
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Speaker 1: that way, can can that be a bad thing? Yes,

365
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Speaker 1: when you are, but are you starting to listen to

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Speaker 1: those people a little bit and go, Wow, maybe I'm

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Speaker 1: missing something. If everybody loves this gal of this guy,

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Speaker 1: and I'm the only one that has a problem.

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Speaker 2: So I do think that it if it causes you

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Speaker 2: to do some internal reflection, like am I the problem?

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Speaker 2: Am I the issue? Do I need to work on

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Speaker 2: my level of tolerance or my Yes, that can be

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Speaker 2: a good thing. I think that would be the first step, like, Wow,

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Speaker 2: why does everybody else love this person and I'm not

375
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Speaker 2: feeling it? Maybe I'm the one who needs to do

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Speaker 2: some work on myself. So if that is your first

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Speaker 2: instinct that's a good one, that's never a bad thing.

378
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Speaker 2: So yes, I would say that should be the first

379
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Speaker 2: thing you do at a certain point. You have to

380
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Speaker 2: trust your gut, you have to trust your your perception

381
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Speaker 2: of things. And the truth is, your friends and family

382
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:09,879
Speaker 2: can only know that person so well. You obviously know

383
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Speaker 2: that person on a much deeper, much more intimate level.

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Speaker 2: You've seen them at their worst in a way your

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Speaker 2: friends and family maybe have not. So I think there

386
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Speaker 2: are a lot of people who are very good at

387
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Speaker 2: charming the room and working the room and making everyone

388
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Speaker 2: fall in love with them, but when it comes to

389
00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:25,320
Speaker 2: when you close your door, you might act differently. So

390
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Speaker 2: I don't think it's a fair representation of who that

391
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Speaker 2: other person is you're with, you know what I.

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Speaker 1: Will This is again, this is just hitting me now.

393
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Speaker 1: Love island an advantage that they do have. The families

394
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Speaker 1: do get to see people behave behind closed doors quote unquote,

395
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Speaker 1: but they are witnessing things that you normally wouldn't witness.

396
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Speaker 1: So these families probably have a better sense of who

397
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Speaker 1: their loved ones are dating than you and I parents

398
00:19:58,080 --> 00:19:58,960
Speaker 1: had after six weeks.

399
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Speaker 2: Absolutely, because think about it. So for people who don't

400
00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:03,600
Speaker 2: understand a lot of reality shows, they've got cameras up

401
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:05,359
Speaker 2: in your face, and you act differently when you've got

402
00:20:05,359 --> 00:20:08,080
Speaker 2: a camera crew there and lights and micro These folks

403
00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:10,880
Speaker 2: wear these microphones all day. They probably forget they're there.

404
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:14,200
Speaker 2: The cameras are fixed so they don't have photographers or people.

405
00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:17,239
Speaker 2: So you get comfortable, right, you start acting. Then there

406
00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:19,760
Speaker 2: you throw a drink or two in there. I know

407
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:21,680
Speaker 2: they're limited in how much they can drink, but you're

408
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:25,360
Speaker 2: a little bit you know, lubricated, so to speak, and

409
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:29,000
Speaker 2: you will eventually fall into a place of comfort and

410
00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:31,520
Speaker 2: be yourself. And I think we definitely have seen that

411
00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:35,080
Speaker 2: where people genuinely forget in the moment that they're actually

412
00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:38,000
Speaker 2: being watched by millions of people, including the other people's parents.

413
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Speaker 1: Well, I think now these folks probably do. They could

414
00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:43,640
Speaker 1: speak more confidently about the relationships that they're loved ones

415
00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:46,560
Speaker 1: are in than our parents, or in our parents' relationship

416
00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:49,159
Speaker 1: or anybody most parents would normally have. The last thing

417
00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:50,720
Speaker 1: I want to hit on here, the last lesson that

418
00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:51,960
Speaker 1: they taught it is this is kind of funny and

419
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,200
Speaker 1: kind of acute one, but it is worth talking about

420
00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:57,119
Speaker 1: because we always talk about it. This was Chris and Huda.

421
00:20:57,359 --> 00:20:59,200
Speaker 1: They had all kinds of problems in the last two

422
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:02,200
Speaker 1: episodes of they had the back and forth about who

423
00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:04,040
Speaker 1: walked off and he won't kiss them in public, blah.

424
00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:06,840
Speaker 1: But if they weren't doing great, no, before this episode.

425
00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:06,879
Speaker 2: They were not.

426
00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:09,439
Speaker 1: However, there was a shot in this past episode if

427
00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:12,199
Speaker 1: you all caught it. They were sleeping at night, you

428
00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:13,840
Speaker 1: know they do. The lights are out and they just

429
00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:17,080
Speaker 1: take shots of each bed if you will. Sometimes there's

430
00:21:17,119 --> 00:21:20,000
Speaker 1: some making out going on under the covers and different stuff.

431
00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:23,280
Speaker 1: Chris and Huda were just asleep, but they were sleeping.

432
00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:27,000
Speaker 1: This couple that's been through hell, that's not doing great.

433
00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:30,119
Speaker 1: They were all over each other and not in a

434
00:21:30,119 --> 00:21:32,840
Speaker 1: way that they made an intentional effort to cuddle. But

435
00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:36,399
Speaker 1: they were just asleep and naturally and not even in

436
00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:38,359
Speaker 1: a cute way. I say cute way.

437
00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:41,119
Speaker 2: It wasn't a sexual way stage shot.

438
00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:45,439
Speaker 1: They were just you have to be comfortable with someone

439
00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:47,680
Speaker 1: to sleep that way with someone, And they were just

440
00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:50,320
Speaker 1: kind of lay a mess all over each other. And

441
00:21:50,359 --> 00:21:53,200
Speaker 1: I thought it was cute. I said, wow, look at them,

442
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:55,800
Speaker 1: and it made me think, what does that tell us

443
00:21:56,119 --> 00:21:59,879
Speaker 1: about ourselves? Our relationship and where that relationship is they

444
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:03,120
Speaker 1: based on how you sleep in the bed at night.

445
00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:05,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, And we talked about how they slept in the

446
00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:06,560
Speaker 2: bed the night where they were having the fight. He

447
00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:08,679
Speaker 2: turned his back on her. You know, it was a

448
00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:11,200
Speaker 2: very obvious f you physically.

449
00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:16,280
Speaker 1: Yes, conscious, this was not a conscious effort. It was

450
00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:19,000
Speaker 1: a natural thing. Were just sloppily kind of old for

451
00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:19,400
Speaker 1: each other.

452
00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:22,120
Speaker 2: It got me thinking that this is the couple we've

453
00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:25,280
Speaker 2: seen have more conflict than any other couple. But it

454
00:22:25,359 --> 00:22:27,000
Speaker 2: also made me think, we've talked to this how real

455
00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:30,080
Speaker 2: they've been, because that's that's embarrassing to kind of have

456
00:22:30,119 --> 00:22:32,119
Speaker 2: all that mess out there, But to be willing to

457
00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:34,920
Speaker 2: be like that, and to be open and vulnerable, to

458
00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:37,800
Speaker 2: be able to admit you e ft up, to cry,

459
00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:40,920
Speaker 2: to have all those things, it does bring you closer together.

460
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:42,760
Speaker 2: When you realize, hey, we've been through all of this

461
00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:46,400
Speaker 2: shit and we're still here and we're still together, you

462
00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:48,800
Speaker 2: do get a level of intimacy that is far deeper

463
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:51,399
Speaker 2: than sex can give you or physical touch can give you.

464
00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:55,840
Speaker 2: When you've been through hell and you're still there, that

465
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:57,920
Speaker 2: to me is true intimacy. And that's what we saw.

466
00:22:58,119 --> 00:23:01,919
Speaker 1: So that's I ask everybody listening, How do you sleep

467
00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:06,440
Speaker 1: next to your partner every night? Follow up to that?

468
00:23:07,359 --> 00:23:11,120
Speaker 1: Does it matter and give any indication of where your

469
00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:15,480
Speaker 1: relationship is? Maybe not. Some people, for practical reasons, sleep

470
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:19,680
Speaker 1: in separate beds in separate rooms because they like the

471
00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:21,880
Speaker 1: lights so like this, they like the bed like this,

472
00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:25,880
Speaker 1: they like this much noise, all kinds of things. But generally,

473
00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:28,800
Speaker 1: can we read anything about our relationship based on how

474
00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:29,160
Speaker 1: you sleep?

475
00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:31,920
Speaker 2: I think you can to an extent. It's not you know,

476
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:35,199
Speaker 2: it's not black and white. But I will say for me,

477
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:39,520
Speaker 2: if I want to be next to you and near you,

478
00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:42,320
Speaker 2: even though it's warmer than I want, or it's maybe

479
00:23:42,359 --> 00:23:44,840
Speaker 2: louder than I want, or it's bright, but the most

480
00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:47,680
Speaker 2: important thing is I sleep best when I know you're

481
00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:50,240
Speaker 2: next to me. I don't I think for me that

482
00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:53,159
Speaker 2: there's an Again, there's an intimacy to sleeping next to somebody.

483
00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:56,680
Speaker 2: You're vulnerable. You might snore, you might drool, you might you.

484
00:23:56,640 --> 00:24:01,240
Speaker 1: Know all that stuff. Yep, all of it at nightly heavily.

485
00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:05,639
Speaker 2: And if you still love me and want to be

486
00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:07,800
Speaker 2: in the bed next to me, that's something. But that's like,

487
00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:12,119
Speaker 2: that's just absolutely you aren't putting on airs when you're sleeping,

488
00:24:12,119 --> 00:24:14,360
Speaker 2: you're not pretending to be something you're not. You are

489
00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:15,800
Speaker 2: who you are when you sleep.

490
00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:17,600
Speaker 1: And this is a true story, people. This is the

491
00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:21,359
Speaker 1: way we slept last night. I am looking at the

492
00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:23,320
Speaker 1: sectional where the two of us slept last night. We

493
00:24:23,359 --> 00:24:25,639
Speaker 1: fell asleep watching a movie on h ah wow it

494
00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:28,280
Speaker 1: was on Peacock yes, drop right, it was Drop Drop

495
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:31,199
Speaker 1: the movie we uh, we fell asleep on it. We

496
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:33,720
Speaker 1: fell asleep on each other. She was in one part

497
00:24:33,760 --> 00:24:37,400
Speaker 1: of the second sectional, fully, and I was in another part,

498
00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:40,159
Speaker 1: but both my legs were over in her side of

499
00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:44,560
Speaker 1: the sectional. Correct For whatever reason, I woke up in

500
00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:46,399
Speaker 1: the middle of the night and we weren't in that

501
00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:50,000
Speaker 1: position anymore, and instead she had a pillow from the

502
00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:54,479
Speaker 1: bedroom onto the couch and I was laying on a

503
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:55,320
Speaker 1: couch pillow.

504
00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:57,280
Speaker 2: But our head we're touching.

505
00:24:57,080 --> 00:25:01,679
Speaker 1: We're touching. We had angled ourselves on this sectional in.

506
00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:04,560
Speaker 2: This it it's funny.

507
00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:07,600
Speaker 1: This perpendicular way and where our heads were together.

508
00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:09,440
Speaker 2: So it's funny you say that because I woke up

509
00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:11,560
Speaker 2: at because we always I always wake up at three,

510
00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:14,000
Speaker 2: so of course I just automatically woke up at three

511
00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:15,639
Speaker 2: fifteen and I was like, you know what, and I

512
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:17,679
Speaker 2: saw our heads were touching, and we both had two

513
00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:19,520
Speaker 2: little tiny pillows, and I was like, I think I'm

514
00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:21,520
Speaker 2: gonna go get a pillow from the bed. So I

515
00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:23,960
Speaker 2: went up at three fifteen, got the pillow from the bed,

516
00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:26,280
Speaker 2: but our heads were still touching.

517
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:29,760
Speaker 1: So it's interesting. We don't get to do that all

518
00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:32,199
Speaker 1: the time because our schedules during the week are just

519
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:33,760
Speaker 1: an absolute mass. We don't even go to bed at

520
00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:36,639
Speaker 1: the same time, it seems anymore. But I just thought

521
00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:38,800
Speaker 1: that jumped out at me, and it made me think

522
00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:41,040
Speaker 1: about how we sleep, how we slept when we first

523
00:25:41,119 --> 00:25:44,800
Speaker 1: started dating, how we slept when we have had a fight,

524
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:48,080
Speaker 1: how we sleep the night after we make up from

525
00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:50,480
Speaker 1: that fight. All kinds of stuff factors in, So pay

526
00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:52,639
Speaker 1: attention to that, folks, How you sleep tonight. Does the

527
00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:55,080
Speaker 1: say anything about your relationship? Maybe not, but ask yourself

528
00:25:55,119 --> 00:25:57,920
Speaker 1: this as well. Where do you want to be so

529
00:25:58,119 --> 00:26:02,440
Speaker 1: out you see your partner in that bed, where would

530
00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:03,200
Speaker 1: you like to go?

531
00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:07,720
Speaker 2: That is so telling. It might and it could change daily,

532
00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:11,960
Speaker 2: it could change hourly, But generally speaking, I always want

533
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:13,879
Speaker 2: to You always make fun of me because sometimes I'm like,

534
00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:16,240
Speaker 2: all up next to you, and let me just tell you,

535
00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:19,199
Speaker 2: I've never been like that before, but I like for

536
00:26:19,359 --> 00:26:21,680
Speaker 2: one part of my body to be touching one part

537
00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:22,359
Speaker 2: of yours.

538
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:26,080
Speaker 1: All Right, folks, we've been sending across the table as

539
00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:29,040
Speaker 1: we've been recording this, so we're gonna stop now so

540
00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:30,840
Speaker 1: I can get to the other side of the table.

541
00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:33,520
Speaker 1: She's getting antsy. We haven't touched in twenty seven minutes.

542
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:37,520
Speaker 1: So because this has been great and let's ever mind

543
00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:40,439
Speaker 1: obviously all of you all know, but the well, we

544
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:43,639
Speaker 1: got two nights of this. Yeah, so Saturday night tonight

545
00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:46,320
Speaker 1: and then tomorrow's a finale. Huda and Chris, Iris and

546
00:26:46,359 --> 00:26:49,680
Speaker 1: Pepe Alandria and Nick and Anaya.

547
00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:53,720
Speaker 2: And Ryan, Brian, Brian sorry Brian Brian with a why. Okay, yep,

548
00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:56,760
Speaker 2: so kind of like Ryan I wrote down, Ryan Brian

549
00:26:56,840 --> 00:26:57,399
Speaker 2: with a bee.

550
00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:00,479
Speaker 1: Can we say now? No, We'll wait and we'll tell

551
00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:02,200
Speaker 1: you who we like for the We'll do that later.

552
00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:03,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, we'll see that next episode.

553
00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:06,240
Speaker 1: We'll do that later. But folks, we always appreciate you

554
00:27:06,320 --> 00:27:09,320
Speaker 1: all going along on this ride with us. But for now,

555
00:27:09,359 --> 00:27:12,719
Speaker 1: I'm J Holmes alongside my very touchy feeling partner Amy Robot.

556
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:13,880
Speaker 1: We'll talk to y'all soon.

557
00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:19,280
Speaker 2: Mm hmmm mmm hmmm