WEBVTT - Bridezilla w/ Loni Love 0:00:01.720 --> 0:00:05.600 Positively Gam is sponsored by Vasiline. See how they are 0:00:05.640 --> 0:00:12.840 working towards equitable skin care for all at basiline dot com. 0:00:12.880 --> 0:00:16.400 How many times have you Elier? I've been married four times? 0:00:17.160 --> 0:00:27.360 Where do bail sound like a Lauren clocks? Do you folks? Times? Lonny? 0:00:27.440 --> 0:00:34.720 You ain't right? What's up, everybody? I'm Gammy and this 0:00:34.920 --> 0:00:38.440 is positively gam. Every week I have raw, in depth 0:00:38.440 --> 0:00:44.640 conversation with inspirational people pushing for change on everything from aging, relationships, 0:00:44.680 --> 0:00:48.960 politics and wellness to the current issues facing the black community. 0:00:49.240 --> 0:00:53.880 In this episode, we're going to be discussing comedy, dating, 0:00:54.560 --> 0:01:00.480 and my favorite thing weddings. Joining me is Lonnie, who 0:01:00.640 --> 0:01:05.360 is a Detroit native actress, comedian, author of the book 0:01:05.480 --> 0:01:08.480 I Tried To Change So You Don't Have To, and 0:01:08.640 --> 0:01:12.840 co host of The Real She recently joined Weed's hit 0:01:12.880 --> 0:01:17.160 show Bridezillas as the show's narrator and is the executive 0:01:17.160 --> 0:01:22.160 producer and host of Little Women Atlanta Unfiltered, which airs 0:01:22.240 --> 0:01:28.160 Friday's on Lifetime starting January twenty nine. Lonnie, welcome to 0:01:28.440 --> 0:01:32.720 Positively gam. You're staying so busy in the pandemic. Do 0:01:32.800 --> 0:01:36.400 you have any time to rest? Oh? My goodness, First 0:01:36.400 --> 0:01:39.520 of all, can I just say how I just love you. 0:01:39.640 --> 0:01:43.920 I follow you on Instagram. You encourage me. I see 0:01:43.959 --> 0:01:47.600 the six pack, and I'm like, I'm gonna get a tupac, 0:01:48.360 --> 0:01:51.240 get a too fat day. I've got that six so 0:01:51.240 --> 0:01:56.760 I'm gonna get that too. I know you don't don't 0:01:56.760 --> 0:01:59.320 even worry about that. Everybody doesn't even like a six 0:01:59.360 --> 0:02:03.880 bad girl that ever. But thank you so much. Okay, 0:02:03.920 --> 0:02:07.800 so that's what you say. It's so nice to meet 0:02:07.840 --> 0:02:11.200 you finally, and it's nice to meet you as well. 0:02:11.280 --> 0:02:13.720 And like I said, you look beautiful, Like the listeners 0:02:13.760 --> 0:02:16.880 can't see you, but you look absolutely beautiful. How did 0:02:16.880 --> 0:02:19.920 you get into comedy? You know what? Game? I was 0:02:20.040 --> 0:02:23.040 unhappy with my life. I was an engineer. I was 0:02:23.080 --> 0:02:26.720 sitting there at twenty two, twenty three years old, and 0:02:27.120 --> 0:02:31.240 I had a manager who had had a fatal heart attack, 0:02:32.040 --> 0:02:36.959 and I never forgot when he told me, he says, 0:02:37.480 --> 0:02:41.880 lived the way you want to live. And when he died, 0:02:42.520 --> 0:02:46.280 you know, me being that young, being in that atmosphere, 0:02:46.320 --> 0:02:49.040 I said, I really need to do what I want 0:02:49.040 --> 0:02:51.519 to do. So I already I had started doing comedy 0:02:51.639 --> 0:02:55.079 in college and then I decided I was just gonna 0:02:55.120 --> 0:02:58.560 try it, and I went down to the Hollywood Improv 0:02:58.800 --> 0:03:01.720 and I started just every night, just you know, I 0:03:01.720 --> 0:03:04.160 would do my engineering work in the day, I would 0:03:04.200 --> 0:03:06.480 go to the clubs that night. And it took me 0:03:06.520 --> 0:03:09.080 about eight years before I was able to get a manager. 0:03:09.360 --> 0:03:11.919 And then I started doing the road. And one day 0:03:11.919 --> 0:03:14.160 at my job we had a layoff. So I went 0:03:14.200 --> 0:03:16.600 to one of my bosses. I said, you know, save 0:03:16.639 --> 0:03:18.799 a job and lay me off. And that was in 0:03:18.960 --> 0:03:21.680 like two thousand two, and I started doing the road 0:03:21.919 --> 0:03:26.639 and I never looked back. I never looked back in engineering. Wow. 0:03:26.800 --> 0:03:30.239 And that was a risk. It was that was a 0:03:30.360 --> 0:03:34.960 risk of quit regular paycheck with with with dient a 0:03:35.040 --> 0:03:38.080 bit offits because you know, you know my mom, and 0:03:38.200 --> 0:03:42.600 my mom was still mad. She's like, you quit that 0:03:42.680 --> 0:03:45.440 good job because you know black mama's you know what 0:03:45.440 --> 0:03:49.880 I mean. They like you get you a good state 0:03:49.960 --> 0:03:53.280 pay and John get you a good jumento exactly you're 0:03:53.280 --> 0:03:56.400 gonna get you wanna lose your pinchion, You're did a benefits. 0:03:56.800 --> 0:03:59.480 I said, yes, Ma, I'm buy my own. I won't 0:03:59.520 --> 0:04:02.360 buy my own own. So because one day I was signing, 0:04:02.520 --> 0:04:05.600 I was a closer. I was um I had got 0:04:05.640 --> 0:04:07.800 my way up because I worked for Xerox for eight 0:04:07.880 --> 0:04:10.080 years and I got all the way up to being 0:04:10.480 --> 0:04:12.880 a manager. And I was a project manager, but I 0:04:12.920 --> 0:04:15.320 was the closer, and I was going to close the 0:04:15.360 --> 0:04:18.320 contracts and I would be doing jokes and all kinds 0:04:18.320 --> 0:04:21.600 of stuff. And one day it just hit me. Gam 0:04:21.640 --> 0:04:23.599 I was like, I saw I was signing a five 0:04:23.640 --> 0:04:27.839 million dollar contract, and I said, wait, manute, I'm signing 0:04:27.839 --> 0:04:31.600 a five million dollar contract for somebody else. I need 0:04:31.600 --> 0:04:35.279 to because I was making about sixty tho dollars. I 0:04:35.360 --> 0:04:38.560 was like, wait, these numbers ain't adding up. And that 0:04:38.600 --> 0:04:40.840 really encouraged me to just said, you know what, I 0:04:40.880 --> 0:04:44.559 have to create my own equity, my own wealth. And 0:04:44.720 --> 0:04:47.520 that really encouraged me and pushed me. So I did 0:04:47.520 --> 0:04:50.719 it during the pandemic. Let me ask you if you 0:04:50.880 --> 0:04:55.479 find it hard being funny during these times when it's 0:04:55.520 --> 0:04:58.960 been just so you know, the world isn't just such 0:04:59.120 --> 0:05:03.479 a aramatized space. Yeah, but this is the time that 0:05:03.560 --> 0:05:06.280 we need comics. This is the time that we need 0:05:06.279 --> 0:05:09.719 the Dave Chappelle's, the the Kevin Harts, you know me 0:05:10.240 --> 0:05:13.760 even you know on my show, we try to provide 0:05:13.839 --> 0:05:18.080 some escapism, But then you have to find, you know, 0:05:18.160 --> 0:05:20.880 some funny even in the dark times. I mean, our 0:05:21.000 --> 0:05:24.160 president gave us plenty of things to laugh about. Those 0:05:24.200 --> 0:05:29.320 tweets that he was. He was ridiculous. He was utterly ridiculous. 0:05:29.360 --> 0:05:32.960 He had something every day that you could literally laugh at. 0:05:33.160 --> 0:05:35.920 I remember one tweet he sent out and it was like, 0:05:36.040 --> 0:05:38.839 the reason why we don't want the immigrants is simple, 0:05:39.240 --> 0:05:44.880 we full. And we're like, wait, we're fool. Have you 0:05:44.960 --> 0:05:48.440 been in North Dakota. It's all that man over there 0:05:48.480 --> 0:05:52.000 in North Dakota, you type of we full. So it's like, 0:05:52.120 --> 0:05:54.440 that's what as comics, that's what we're supposed to do. 0:05:54.520 --> 0:05:58.279 We're supposed to make people even in dark times. We're 0:05:58.279 --> 0:06:06.560 gonna make people laugh. That's our job. Right now. We fool, 0:06:07.240 --> 0:06:09.719 That's why we can. We can't have nobody. We fool. 0:06:10.200 --> 0:06:12.080 And then when he walked up there and he walked 0:06:12.320 --> 0:06:15.760 the plane with the toilet paper, It's like, how can 0:06:15.800 --> 0:06:18.200 you not laugh at that? It was so many things 0:06:18.240 --> 0:06:21.800 to get us through even the darkest of times we 0:06:21.839 --> 0:06:24.680 could get as comics. This is what we're supposed to do. 0:06:24.760 --> 0:06:28.120 We're supposed to find some way to help people escape, 0:06:28.160 --> 0:06:30.440 even if it's just for a mere moment, that's the 0:06:30.480 --> 0:06:33.800 sign of a good comic. Yeah, I guess you're right. 0:06:34.080 --> 0:06:37.320 How do you tell in this time where people are 0:06:37.360 --> 0:06:40.760 so quick to cancel you it's a cancel culture. How 0:06:40.800 --> 0:06:44.240 do you tell jokes you know, and share your point 0:06:44.279 --> 0:06:47.680 of view and without facing the media backlash? Well, you 0:06:47.720 --> 0:06:51.440 know what, It's called grace and a lot of liquor. Um. 0:06:53.680 --> 0:06:56.320 You gotta you know what I mean. It's like, the 0:06:56.480 --> 0:06:59.240 fearless ones are the ones that don't care. They didn't 0:06:59.279 --> 0:07:04.120 tried to cancel someone like Chappelle many times. You know. 0:07:04.200 --> 0:07:05.880 The thing is that we're gonna look back on the 0:07:05.960 --> 0:07:07.880 things that he says and we're gonna be like, why 0:07:07.960 --> 0:07:11.240 those are some classics? It was fearless. It's about being 0:07:11.320 --> 0:07:14.440 real and sometimes when you are authentic at the time, 0:07:14.680 --> 0:07:17.360 you don't want to hear that at the time you don't. 0:07:17.720 --> 0:07:20.040 But the thing is when you say you're a comics. See, 0:07:20.040 --> 0:07:23.240 the problemly is everybody want to be a comic, and 0:07:23.280 --> 0:07:26.560 that's not it. There are some people that's professional comics 0:07:26.600 --> 0:07:28.320 that we need to let them be comments. If you're 0:07:28.320 --> 0:07:31.360 a congressman, you ain't up damn comic, So stop trying 0:07:31.360 --> 0:07:34.320 to do jokes. Do you do the lawmak it. Let 0:07:34.320 --> 0:07:37.240 the comics be the comics. But as far as you know, 0:07:37.360 --> 0:07:40.560 cancel culture. If you're a true comic, you can't let 0:07:40.600 --> 0:07:43.280 that get to you because you're supposed to be fearless 0:07:43.320 --> 0:07:45.800 and your job. You have to take risks. There's some 0:07:45.840 --> 0:07:49.360 things that I said that I've joked about and people 0:07:49.400 --> 0:07:52.720 which have tried to cancel. But that's just that's what 0:07:52.920 --> 0:07:55.679 happens when you're in it. That's part of the whole game. 0:07:55.760 --> 0:07:57.360 You have to deal with the good and the bad. 0:07:57.400 --> 0:08:00.360 And in the end, people give you grace. They know 0:08:00.560 --> 0:08:03.440 your heart, they know what you're about, and you deal 0:08:03.480 --> 0:08:07.680 with it and it blows over facts. Now you encourage 0:08:07.720 --> 0:08:11.840 people to embrace their flaws and just try to live 0:08:11.880 --> 0:08:15.080 their life to to the fullest. What was the turning 0:08:15.120 --> 0:08:18.040 point for you when you made that decision that you 0:08:18.120 --> 0:08:22.240 were going to live your life for yourself. I think 0:08:22.280 --> 0:08:26.360 it was when I moved here from college. I had 0:08:26.520 --> 0:08:29.880 I moved here with my college boyfriend and I was 0:08:30.160 --> 0:08:33.200 living with him and his mother. That was the first mistake, 0:08:33.640 --> 0:08:36.880 living with him and his mother, and she was gonna 0:08:36.880 --> 0:08:39.320 tell me how to be a lady and this is 0:08:39.360 --> 0:08:41.640 what you need to do to keep mad, because this 0:08:41.679 --> 0:08:44.000 is what I did. And I was like, but you 0:08:44.200 --> 0:08:47.160 killed your husband. You know, he had a heart attack. 0:08:47.280 --> 0:08:51.319 You probably killed him because of your mouth anyway, So 0:08:51.440 --> 0:08:53.800 it was all of these things that a lady is 0:08:53.800 --> 0:08:56.280 supposed to do, but I just really wasn't happy with 0:08:56.320 --> 0:08:58.800 myself and it it had nothing to do with my partner. 0:08:59.160 --> 0:09:01.560 It had everything to do with me. And then I 0:09:01.600 --> 0:09:05.800 started researching and really started asking myself questions about what 0:09:05.840 --> 0:09:08.040 it What was it that made me happy? What was 0:09:08.080 --> 0:09:10.880 the things that I wanted to do? And I started 0:09:10.960 --> 0:09:14.840 really you know, getting spiritual, asking God to give me signs. 0:09:15.360 --> 0:09:19.040 And finally, once I you know, calm myself down and 0:09:19.080 --> 0:09:22.680 I really started listening to him and things just started 0:09:22.720 --> 0:09:25.480 coming my way. That made it easy for me to 0:09:25.559 --> 0:09:28.920 make decisions. So I left the relationship and I was 0:09:29.000 --> 0:09:31.760 on my own and I was able to move forward. 0:09:31.760 --> 0:09:34.920 And that's when I got into becoming an entertainer. That's 0:09:34.960 --> 0:09:37.880 really interesting because I still struggle with that. I still 0:09:37.880 --> 0:09:44.000 struggle with feeling free enough to just fully be myself. 0:09:44.920 --> 0:09:49.360 But why is that? You know, I'm still very concerned 0:09:49.559 --> 0:09:53.280 with my image and how people see me. I think 0:09:53.320 --> 0:09:57.439 I feel like people have a certain expectation of who 0:09:57.520 --> 0:10:02.320 I am as Jada's mother. That's been an issue for years. 0:10:02.559 --> 0:10:05.040 But you know what the thing is when I when 0:10:05.080 --> 0:10:08.800 I watch you, I feel that you are so real 0:10:09.480 --> 0:10:13.319 and you give us the truth. Sometimes we don't want it, 0:10:13.520 --> 0:10:16.000 but then we can't go back and say, no she tripping, 0:10:16.280 --> 0:10:18.800 you don't be tripping, You'll be hitting it on the nail. 0:10:19.240 --> 0:10:21.760 But see, the thing is in this country, we're living 0:10:21.760 --> 0:10:26.040 in all these compartments where people like they don't want 0:10:26.080 --> 0:10:28.040 us to say black women. A lot of times, it's 0:10:28.080 --> 0:10:30.800 like sometimes when we're talking about affects black women, when 0:10:30.920 --> 0:10:34.080 talking about all women, we're talking about black women. Then 0:10:34.080 --> 0:10:35.840 they get mad when you do that. But what I 0:10:35.920 --> 0:10:38.160 like about you, You're like, no, let me tell you 0:10:38.200 --> 0:10:40.680 I'm a black woman. This is a fact that me 0:10:41.080 --> 0:10:44.719 and is affecting my culture. And sometimes it's hard. I know, 0:10:44.920 --> 0:10:48.440 I understand that being we're talk show host, so we're 0:10:48.440 --> 0:10:50.920 supposed to reveal some things, but then they try to 0:10:51.040 --> 0:10:53.120 you know, they sometimes they try to shut you down 0:10:53.520 --> 0:10:56.400 and make you feel like no, no, no, you've been racist, 0:10:56.840 --> 0:10:59.720 or you're not being this, or you've been It's like, no, 0:11:00.320 --> 0:11:03.320 can we for one minute, talk as a black woman. 0:11:03.800 --> 0:11:07.000 You're a black woman, you're a mother, you're a survivor. 0:11:07.520 --> 0:11:10.280 Let you be you. They don't want us to be 0:11:10.360 --> 0:11:15.400 great sometimes, can we just for one moment, can we 0:11:15.440 --> 0:11:19.079 just speak our t without having a worry by everybody 0:11:19.120 --> 0:11:25.160 else's feelings. We got feelings too, thank you. That's all 0:11:25.200 --> 0:11:27.679 we're asking. And this is a thing. Well, it's not 0:11:27.720 --> 0:11:30.280 like we're saying you're not this, or you're not great, 0:11:30.360 --> 0:11:32.640 or this woman is not this, a white woman is 0:11:32.679 --> 0:11:35.040 not greater. This is his fact. We're talking about us 0:11:35.120 --> 0:11:37.800 for a minute. And that's the thing. For so long 0:11:37.960 --> 0:11:40.880 black women have been put you know, they say we've 0:11:40.920 --> 0:11:42.719 been put on the bottom. I said, we've never been 0:11:42.760 --> 0:11:46.280 on the bottom. We've always been you know there, We've 0:11:46.280 --> 0:11:48.480 always we've been taking care of the country. We always 0:11:48.480 --> 0:11:51.600 been a backbone. People try to say, oh, the Democratic Party, 0:11:51.800 --> 0:11:54.760 the black women, we've always been doing that. But then 0:11:54.840 --> 0:11:57.240 when we try to sit back and give our own 0:11:57.320 --> 0:11:59.719 the pet on the back, all of a sudden, now, 0:12:00.040 --> 0:12:03.120 my god, it's all women. Yeah, all of a sudden, 0:12:03.160 --> 0:12:06.720 that's a problem, right, And I'm like, it's not a problem. 0:12:06.760 --> 0:12:09.319 Just let us be great. And we we got y'all 0:12:09.480 --> 0:12:12.520 were your sisters too. But let us be over here, 0:12:12.600 --> 0:12:15.480 let us, you know, have this moment amongst each other. 0:12:15.679 --> 0:12:18.040 And that's what we saw when we saw Kamala. When 0:12:18.160 --> 0:12:23.319 Kamla became vice president, it was like she's black. Okay, 0:12:23.480 --> 0:12:26.600 let us enjoy this for just a moment. And now 0:12:27.280 --> 0:12:31.520 she's a woman. Now she's in an interracial relationship, now 0:12:31.559 --> 0:12:34.679 she's this. But for this one second, let us enjoy 0:12:34.720 --> 0:12:37.400 the fact that this is another sister that I made 0:12:37.440 --> 0:12:41.080 it through the glass ceiling. Let us enjoy that. And 0:12:41.120 --> 0:12:45.480 you talk about Kamala being in an interracial marriage, you 0:12:45.480 --> 0:12:49.760 yourself are in an interracial relationship. How was that like 0:12:49.960 --> 0:12:53.320 for you? And how did you two meet? We met 0:12:53.360 --> 0:12:58.839 on a dating app. Really yet we met on a 0:12:59.040 --> 0:13:05.600 thirting app. And you know, the thing is, for one minute, 0:13:05.720 --> 0:13:09.440 I was only dating certain type of men. And then 0:13:10.679 --> 0:13:14.679 I stopped five years dating and just concentrated because my 0:13:14.720 --> 0:13:18.280 relationships wasn't going right because I didn't know myself. That's 0:13:18.320 --> 0:13:21.120 the problem. It wasn't about the dude. It was about 0:13:21.160 --> 0:13:24.840 me and the energy that I was putting in these relationships. 0:13:25.320 --> 0:13:28.320 I said I'm gonna put into my career. And once 0:13:28.320 --> 0:13:32.400 I started doing that my career started blossomy. I started 0:13:32.400 --> 0:13:35.599 blossoming as a woman. It's never too late, even what 0:13:35.840 --> 0:13:38.280 you just said, it to learn who you are as 0:13:38.280 --> 0:13:41.040 a woman. So you have to give yourself that. Once 0:13:41.080 --> 0:13:44.440 I started doing that, I started, you know, I started 0:13:44.440 --> 0:13:47.600 getting busy in Hollywood, and then I decided one day 0:13:47.640 --> 0:13:49.760 I looked around and I said, well, you know, I 0:13:49.880 --> 0:13:53.440 decided purposely not to have kids. I decided purposely not 0:13:53.520 --> 0:13:58.360 to get married. But you know, I needed some support 0:13:58.480 --> 0:14:01.360 in my life because I was going through different situations 0:14:01.360 --> 0:14:03.160 like you come home and it's like you'll be on 0:14:03.200 --> 0:14:05.079 your phone with the girlfriend and she's a girl. I 0:14:05.080 --> 0:14:08.120 ain't got time. You know, you ain't got nobody. You 0:14:08.160 --> 0:14:11.320 look around, You're like, well, where is everybody? I ain't 0:14:11.320 --> 0:14:14.400 got no Let me find somebody I could talk to, 0:14:14.760 --> 0:14:18.679 somebody could be my support. Exactly how did you decide 0:14:18.720 --> 0:14:21.480 to use an app? Because I have I have friends 0:14:21.560 --> 0:14:25.640 that are single that I'm actually trying to convince them 0:14:25.720 --> 0:14:28.280 to to use a dating app though I never used 0:14:28.320 --> 0:14:31.880 one myself. So what was that experience? Like what app 0:14:31.920 --> 0:14:34.600 did you use? And how did you decide what app 0:14:34.680 --> 0:14:37.240 you were going to use? Well, I wanted an app 0:14:37.360 --> 0:14:40.160 that was going to be safe because you know, me 0:14:40.240 --> 0:14:44.120 being out there and entertainment. There are certain apps non 0:14:44.160 --> 0:14:46.760 selemts can use, and I would say give it a try. 0:14:47.120 --> 0:14:49.400 I would say be safe about it, but give it 0:14:49.440 --> 0:14:52.080 a try. But first, before you do all of that, 0:14:52.400 --> 0:14:55.160 right down what you want, write a list of things 0:14:55.160 --> 0:14:59.160 of attributes that you really that really make you happy 0:14:59.200 --> 0:15:02.720 as a woman, things that you desire, things that you want. 0:15:03.280 --> 0:15:06.160 Then I found an app and it's Bumble and I 0:15:06.200 --> 0:15:11.000 like Bumble because it's more about me, Like I have 0:15:11.120 --> 0:15:13.880 to reach out to the guy. So that's the whole 0:15:13.920 --> 0:15:16.520 thing about Bumble. It's not like the you know, a 0:15:16.560 --> 0:15:19.080 bunch of guys a guy can It's like a bumble bee. 0:15:19.080 --> 0:15:22.160 So they sting you, you have to approach him. Once 0:15:22.200 --> 0:15:24.640 he stings you, you have to approach him. And that's 0:15:24.640 --> 0:15:28.080 what I liked. I'm in control of the situation, and 0:15:28.200 --> 0:15:31.160 so I was still started dating. I was on that 0:15:31.240 --> 0:15:33.760 app for about a year and a half and it 0:15:33.920 --> 0:15:36.360 was some ups and downs, you know, but I was 0:15:36.480 --> 0:15:39.520 really honest with myself. You know, if he had pictures, 0:15:39.520 --> 0:15:42.880 if the guys had pictures of kids in it, or 0:15:43.240 --> 0:15:44.680 you know, if he was in the gym, I said, 0:15:44.680 --> 0:15:46.240 I ain't gonna be in the gym, so don't let 0:15:46.240 --> 0:15:50.160 me even be bothered with him. Don't let me fool myself, 0:15:50.200 --> 0:15:51.920 you know what I mean. So there were there were 0:15:51.960 --> 0:15:54.240 certain things that I was just and so that's how we, 0:15:54.520 --> 0:15:56.880 you know, I ended up. I was dating a couple 0:15:56.880 --> 0:16:01.880 of guys and James. It something about him. It was 0:16:01.960 --> 0:16:04.880 his eyes because I never dated a white guy before, 0:16:05.160 --> 0:16:07.160 but it was something about his eyes that was just 0:16:07.240 --> 0:16:10.800 so kind. And then I saw all his pictures were 0:16:10.920 --> 0:16:13.000 nice and he just seemed like a really nice guy. 0:16:13.040 --> 0:16:15.280 So I was like, I just sent him a little text, 0:16:15.480 --> 0:16:19.120 you know, And I remember they they sting you first, 0:16:19.400 --> 0:16:21.720 so you know that they have some interest in you. 0:16:21.840 --> 0:16:25.080 It's not you going after him. He he stings you first. 0:16:25.120 --> 0:16:27.800 Then you you can reply or you you you don't 0:16:27.800 --> 0:16:31.120 have to. And so we hit it off. But I 0:16:31.200 --> 0:16:35.040 was also dating a brother too, and I liked the brother. 0:16:35.480 --> 0:16:38.120 But it just turns out that he was a musician. 0:16:38.280 --> 0:16:41.720 He was busy. He just didn't have time for me. James, 0:16:41.800 --> 0:16:43.680 on the other hand, as I was, and I tell women, 0:16:43.720 --> 0:16:45.840 I said, date more than once. Don't just get stuck 0:16:45.880 --> 0:16:49.080 on one person. Say that again, Say that again. Lonnie, 0:16:49.160 --> 0:16:52.440 because no, seriously, black women, I think at least it 0:16:52.640 --> 0:16:55.240 was back in my day when I was growing up, 0:16:55.280 --> 0:16:58.240 it was like we hooked up with one person and honey, 0:16:59.360 --> 0:17:01.680 you mine, you know what I mean, And we don't 0:17:01.800 --> 0:17:07.240 know how to date, and we called dating. Now women 0:17:07.280 --> 0:17:10.600 that are trying to date different men now they house, oh, 0:17:10.640 --> 0:17:14.600 they're just dating. They're dating. They're just dating, and that's 0:17:14.640 --> 0:17:18.920 what it is. They're just dating. And because in our culture, though, 0:17:19.200 --> 0:17:22.240 we're told that, okay, just be with one person because 0:17:22.240 --> 0:17:23.879 if you like you just said, if you if you 0:17:23.960 --> 0:17:25.800 date more than one, because they think you have a 0:17:25.880 --> 0:17:29.639 sex with him and it's not always that. And guess 0:17:29.640 --> 0:17:34.760 what if you are you're grown, that's your business. That's 0:17:34.800 --> 0:17:38.440 your business. Okay, just be safe about it. So you 0:17:38.760 --> 0:17:41.000 do it all kinds of stuff and coming up with stuff. 0:17:41.119 --> 0:17:43.320 But I try to tell women, how do you know 0:17:43.400 --> 0:17:46.199 what you what you like? If you always doing it 0:17:46.240 --> 0:17:48.600 one at a time, you know what I mean, it's 0:17:48.640 --> 0:17:51.040 like until you really get to know yourself and know 0:17:51.080 --> 0:17:53.400 who you are. So I was dating both of them, 0:17:53.640 --> 0:17:56.560 and the brother just didn't work out. But then I 0:17:56.640 --> 0:17:59.720 was like, wow, this is new and interesting. But he 0:17:59.840 --> 0:18:03.480 was filling out everything that I wanted on my list 0:18:03.560 --> 0:18:06.000 of getting to know me, you know what I mean. 0:18:06.280 --> 0:18:09.399 Going We went to a concert, a classical concert. He 0:18:09.520 --> 0:18:13.679 loved it. You know, we're compatible. So it was like, huh, 0:18:14.320 --> 0:18:17.479 I'm compatible with him, and and then it just started 0:18:17.520 --> 0:18:22.320 dawning on me. Yam. We're living in a country that's 0:18:22.359 --> 0:18:24.800 got all different types of cultures. You mean to tell 0:18:24.800 --> 0:18:28.080 me we're not gonna find each other attractive. We gotta 0:18:28.119 --> 0:18:31.760 stop this, We gotta stop this is you. You're not 0:18:31.920 --> 0:18:35.280 doing this. You you playing out the culture. That's not true. 0:18:35.880 --> 0:18:39.240 Black men had been doing this for years. That is 0:18:39.280 --> 0:18:51.040 so true, Lonnie, that is so true. How many times 0:18:51.160 --> 0:18:54.760 have you been married? I've been married four times? Where 0:18:54.800 --> 0:19:00.800 the bell sound like a Laren plocks? Do you times? 0:19:01.960 --> 0:19:10.560 A lot of you ain't right? You've been back? Yes, 0:19:11.040 --> 0:19:13.920 I started, y'all. You gotta remember, I started, y'all because 0:19:14.320 --> 0:19:16.920 I was married by the time I graduated from high school. 0:19:16.960 --> 0:19:19.359 Because I got pregnant with Jada when I was in 0:19:19.440 --> 0:19:21.800 high school. So we got married. That was a month 0:19:21.840 --> 0:19:25.800 back then, like having an illegitimate child and my family 0:19:25.880 --> 0:19:30.520 was absolutely unacceptable. That just wasn't gonna happen. So I 0:19:30.680 --> 0:19:35.240 married at seventeen. That didn't last long. I guess we 0:19:35.359 --> 0:19:39.679 made it to a year maybe not? Wow? Okay, okay? 0:19:39.760 --> 0:19:42.400 And then then how how long were your other marriages? 0:19:42.880 --> 0:19:48.280 My second marriage lasted four years, my third marriage lasted 0:19:48.280 --> 0:19:53.280 for over twenty years. Yeah, and now my fourth marriage, 0:19:53.359 --> 0:19:57.480 we've been married for five years. Now. Oh, let's sleep. 0:19:58.000 --> 0:20:02.160 Oh when you ever ride Zilla? No, I was not. 0:20:03.119 --> 0:20:06.680 I actually love you or bride Zilla? I really do 0:20:07.480 --> 0:20:12.960 you be cracking me? Oh? But it feels like this 0:20:13.080 --> 0:20:16.359 is got to be scripted. There's no way in the 0:20:16.400 --> 0:20:19.200 world these women can be that crazy. Yes they are. 0:20:19.560 --> 0:20:24.760 They are. They seriously, they seriously are. And the reason 0:20:24.760 --> 0:20:27.920 why I wanted to do it was because they were 0:20:28.080 --> 0:20:32.720 mostly African American women. This is the season of bride Zilla, 0:20:33.160 --> 0:20:36.920 and usually they have a white voice, but because this 0:20:37.000 --> 0:20:41.160 season was predominantly African American women, they wanted an African 0:20:41.160 --> 0:20:44.040 American voice. And I didn't believe it at first either. 0:20:44.080 --> 0:20:46.720 That's these girls can't be this crazy. They are. They 0:20:46.720 --> 0:20:49.840 are straight up because that's their day, that's their one 0:20:50.280 --> 0:20:52.800 time to be that princess, and they want it right 0:20:53.119 --> 0:20:56.640 and it don't ever go right. They don't ever go right. 0:20:57.080 --> 0:20:59.920 Let's see my third only had I've been married for 0:21:00.000 --> 0:21:03.160 more times, but I only had two weddings. But my 0:21:03.640 --> 0:21:07.400 last wedding that I had, which and I always planned everything, 0:21:07.960 --> 0:21:14.480 I'm telling you, it was torrential torrential rain and the 0:21:14.560 --> 0:21:18.040 wedding was supposed to be outside by the water. Oh no, 0:21:18.960 --> 0:21:23.320 it was horrendous. I was crying. It was awful. It 0:21:23.400 --> 0:21:26.280 was awful, but but you had the wedding. Though we 0:21:26.400 --> 0:21:28.840 had it, my husband got me through it. He just 0:21:29.000 --> 0:21:32.959 was like, listen, it's gonna be okay because we're getting married. 0:21:33.240 --> 0:21:37.080 It's gonna be okay. And we were fine. We were fine. 0:21:37.119 --> 0:21:40.480 It ended up being great time for us. We made 0:21:40.520 --> 0:21:43.320 it work because at the end of the day, he 0:21:43.480 --> 0:21:46.359 really made me focus on the fact that it wasn't 0:21:46.400 --> 0:21:50.520 about the wedding. That's what I'm saying. It wasn't about 0:21:50.520 --> 0:21:53.880 the wedding. He sounds he sounds like a great guy. 0:21:54.000 --> 0:21:56.399 That's what I'm talking about. That's what you look for 0:21:56.880 --> 0:22:00.240 in a partner. But the thing is, okay, after is 0:22:00.280 --> 0:22:02.480 what made you want to get married again? Because that 0:22:02.560 --> 0:22:05.760 twenty years is a lot. It is it is I 0:22:05.920 --> 0:22:10.600 actually enjoy being married. I actually enjoy being married. We 0:22:10.800 --> 0:22:16.719 just grew apart, and I had lost my oldest sister. 0:22:17.760 --> 0:22:20.879 I had lost a cousin who was younger than me. 0:22:21.080 --> 0:22:25.680 She died from Both of them died from cancer, and 0:22:25.880 --> 0:22:29.040 I just kind of looked over my life and I 0:22:29.080 --> 0:22:32.880 was like, there are I have more years behind me 0:22:33.520 --> 0:22:36.600 that I have left in front of me, and I 0:22:36.760 --> 0:22:41.000 just I gotta be happy, and I just we weren't happy. 0:22:41.160 --> 0:22:44.120 And I don't even think he recognized it. I don't 0:22:44.119 --> 0:22:46.800 even think my husband at the time recognized it that 0:22:47.160 --> 0:22:50.800 he deserved to be loved the way he needed to 0:22:50.840 --> 0:22:54.439 be loved, But so did I. And and that's that 0:22:54.600 --> 0:22:59.000 just tells you how smart and how strong you are, 0:22:59.040 --> 0:23:01.520 because a lot of people will stay in long marriages 0:23:02.000 --> 0:23:04.280 because they feel like we've been together, we bought us, 0:23:04.320 --> 0:23:07.240 will stick together, but there's still that happiness, which kind 0:23:07.240 --> 0:23:11.639 of is what I like being single. I really I 0:23:11.720 --> 0:23:14.400 love the aspect of being single. I love the aspect 0:23:14.440 --> 0:23:19.080 of being an entertainer. But I needed that support system. 0:23:19.720 --> 0:23:23.679 And so then once I found it, I'm like, it's funny, 0:23:23.680 --> 0:23:27.280 because you know, I make jokes sometimes because I remember 0:23:27.320 --> 0:23:29.880 one time we were having sex and it was from 0:23:29.920 --> 0:23:33.520 the bat and I and I forgot he was white 0:23:33.880 --> 0:23:37.399