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Speaker 1: Time now for today's Strawberry Letter and listen. If you

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Speaker 1: need advice on relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting, and more,

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Speaker 1: Please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM dot com

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Speaker 1: and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your

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Speaker 1: letter live on the air, just like we're going to

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Speaker 1: read this one right here, right now. Buckle up and

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Speaker 1: hold on tight. We got it for you here it is.

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Speaker 1: Row up every letter subject. I'm doing wifey things without

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Speaker 1: a ring. Dear Stephen Shirley, My boyfriend and I have

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Speaker 1: been dating for three years and we moved in together

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Speaker 1: with a plan to get married and start a family.

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Speaker 1: I'm thirty years old and he is twenty five. After

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Speaker 1: a year and a half of living together, he bought

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Speaker 1: me an engagement ring, and I've found out because he

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Speaker 1: was dropping hints about it. Then one day in November,

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Speaker 1: he admitted to me that he had bought the ring,

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Speaker 1: but he's not as happy in this relationship as he

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Speaker 1: should be. He told me that he's having doubts about

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Speaker 1: marrying me. I asked him what made him feel that way.

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Speaker 1: He told me that a minor things, but I needed

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Speaker 1: to work on them before we got engaged. He told

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Speaker 1: me that he would like for his dinner to be

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Speaker 1: ready when he gets home on the days that I'm

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Speaker 1: off work. He says he does not want me to

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Speaker 1: wait until he gets home to ask what he would

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Speaker 1: like to eat. He also said that I don't send

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Speaker 1: him as many nudes as I used to. I told

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Speaker 1: him I could work on the cooking thing, but I

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Speaker 1: stopped sending nude picks to him because I had gained

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Speaker 1: a few pounds and wasn't feeling very sexy most days.

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Speaker 1: He said, other than that everything was fine with us.

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Speaker 1: I couldn't help but think there was something more that

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Speaker 1: is bothering him. He has made a few other suggestions

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Speaker 1: to me about things I should do to make him

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Speaker 1: feel like the man of the house, and each time

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Speaker 1: he says they will make me a better wife, while

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Speaker 1: I'm not playing the role of wife without a ring

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Speaker 1: on my finger, and he does not understand that I've

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Speaker 1: been walking on eggshelves to keep him happy because I

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Speaker 1: want my ring and I want to marry him. As

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Speaker 1: time goes by, I'm starting to have a change of heart.

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Speaker 1: I'm doing wifey things without a ring. I feel like

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Speaker 1: he's up to something and he's playing games because he's

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Speaker 1: not ready to commit. Should I give him an ultimatum

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Speaker 1: or should I be patient and let things progress? Well,

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Speaker 1: I mean, it depends on really, really what you want.

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Speaker 1: You say you want a ring and you do want

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Speaker 1: to marry him, so I say, do what you feel,

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Speaker 1: and you feel something. You say he's having doubts and

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Speaker 1: you think he's playing games and he's not ready to commit.

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Speaker 1: That could be what it is. I mean, he could be,

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Speaker 1: you know, getting cold feet, or deciding since you guys

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Speaker 1: are living together, that he doesn't have to marry you.

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Speaker 1: He can get you to do all these things without

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Speaker 1: you know, the benefit of marriage or whatever. I mean.

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Speaker 1: I agree with you. You shouldn't be doing wifey things

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Speaker 1: without the benefits. So how about this, Why don't you stop?

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Speaker 1: Why don't you stop doing those things? That means a

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Speaker 1: lot of things. It could mean moving out, It could mean,

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Speaker 1: you know, you guys separating for a while. It could

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Speaker 1: mean putting him out. But if you truly want to

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Speaker 1: marry him and you want your ring, do you want

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Speaker 1: just want the ring and the marriage or do you

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Speaker 1: I mean the wedding or do you really know what

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Speaker 1: it takes to be a you know, to be married

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Speaker 1: to him, him telling you, wait a minute, is this

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Speaker 1: the nineteen fifties? I want my dinner ready when I

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Speaker 1: get home, girl, Please, I want my dinner. Who are

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Speaker 1: you talking to? Yeah? You know? Uh anyway, you know

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Speaker 1: you're you're thirty, he's twenty five. It sounds like, um,

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Speaker 1: you know, he's a little more old school and older

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Speaker 1: than his years allowed than his twenty five years. So

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Speaker 1: I just say this, if you really if that's really

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Speaker 1: what you want from this man, sounds like he's starting

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Speaker 1: to take this whole living together arrangement for granted. So

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Speaker 1: you're gonna have to make a move. You're gonna have

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Speaker 1: to make a move if that means giving him him

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Speaker 1: an ultimatum, look, marry me or I'm out or getting

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Speaker 1: you know, let's getting gay aged. You probably never should

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Speaker 1: have moved in with him without becoming engaged and having

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Speaker 1: a date and all of that. So now you got

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Speaker 1: a backtrack and do that to make to let him

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Speaker 1: know that you're serious about what you want, and then

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Speaker 1: after that you'll see how it goes. But yeah, you're

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Speaker 1: probably gonna have to make a major move like leave

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Speaker 1: to get what you want. See you know what I feel, Sorry,

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Speaker 1: for this lady, because this is so atypical. I know

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Speaker 1: exactly what this is, so let me put you on game.

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Speaker 1: Glad you called uncle Steve. I know exactly what's happening.

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Speaker 1: Your boyfriend y'all been dating for three years, moved in

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Speaker 1: together with a plan to get married. Start the fan.

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Speaker 1: I'm thirty twenty five. Pumped the brakes. That's part of

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Speaker 1: the problem right there. You're a little bit older. You

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Speaker 1: have a biological clock ticking. A man has no biological clock.

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Speaker 1: He has a financial clock, and at twenty five, neither

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Speaker 1: one of those have gone off yet. This is truth.

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Speaker 1: His financial clock hasn't gone off yet, and he doesn't

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Speaker 1: have a biological clock. Your biological clock is going crazy.

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Speaker 1: So now you've moved in a man, moving in with

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Speaker 1: a man that has different ideals than you do. You've

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Speaker 1: heard that he was gonna he bought you an engagement ring.

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Speaker 1: You find out because he was dropping hits. One day

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Speaker 1: in November, he admitted to me that he had bought

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Speaker 1: the ring, but he wasn't happy with the relationship as

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Speaker 1: he should be. He told me that he's having doubts

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Speaker 1: about married me. That Shirley has absolutely correct. It's called

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Speaker 1: cold feating. I asked him what made him feel that way.

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Speaker 1: He told me that there were minor things, but I

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Speaker 1: needed to work on them before we got engaged. He

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Speaker 1: told me that he would like for his dinner to

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Speaker 1: be ready when he gets home on days that I'm

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Speaker 1: off for work. He says, he doesn't want me to

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Speaker 1: wait till he gets home to ask him what he

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Speaker 1: would like to eat. Let me show you exactly how

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Speaker 1: minor that is. Here's a guy that expects you to

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Speaker 1: have dinner ready when he gets home on the days

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Speaker 1: that you're off work, which means you have a job. Also,

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Speaker 1: he doesn't want to wait until he gets home to

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Speaker 1: ask him what he would like to eat, so he

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Speaker 1: thinks he posted to walk in the house at twenty five,

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Speaker 1: slide his ass up on the table and jest STARTI, well,

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Speaker 1: what are you supposed to do? Guess what he wants?

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Speaker 1: So you did a very decent theme to ask him

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Speaker 1: what he wants. He also said that you don't send

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Speaker 1: as many nudes as I want, as you too used too.

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Speaker 1: I could work on the cooking, but I'll stopped sending

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Speaker 1: new picture to him because I gained weight. No, you

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Speaker 1: stop sending new picture to him because y'all lay together

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Speaker 1: here every night he seen him. Heir, you need a

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Speaker 1: picture up. This is stupid. Hey, I'll be back. I

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Speaker 1: got the rest of him. Okay, hang right there, Steve.

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Speaker 1: Part two of your Responses coming up at twenty three

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Speaker 1: minutes after the hour. Subjects of today's Strawberry Letter, I'm

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Speaker 1: doing wifey things without a ring. We'll be back right

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Speaker 1: after this. You're listening show, all right, Steve, Come on,

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Speaker 1: let's recap today's Strawberry Letters. Subject I'm doing wifey things

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Speaker 1: without a ring. Oh, this is such an easy letter

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Speaker 1: for me because boyd, lady, I feel for you. Thirty

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Speaker 1: years old, he twenty five bought the engagement ring. Then

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Speaker 1: he admitted that he had bought the ring, but he

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Speaker 1: wasn't happy the relationship. He was having doubt. Shirley Neillen,

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Speaker 1: on the head as called cold Feet, asked him what

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Speaker 1: made him feel that way. He told me some minding

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Speaker 1: things I needed to work on before we got in game.

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Speaker 1: So he told him he wants his dinner to be

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Speaker 1: ready when he getting home on days that I'm off work,

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Speaker 1: and like I said earlier, which means that she works too.

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Speaker 1: But he says he don't want to wait till he

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Speaker 1: get home for you to ask him what he want

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Speaker 1: to eat? Well, what is she supposed to do? Dog?

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Speaker 1: Guess what you want? That's the cool thing to do.

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Speaker 1: Then he said, you don't send as many new pictures

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Speaker 1: as I used to. I told him I could work

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Speaker 1: on the cooking, but I stopped sending the new picture

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Speaker 1: to him because I gained a few problems. It wasn't

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Speaker 1: feeling sexy most of the days. Hold on, lady, you

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Speaker 1: live with him. It's why you're not sending as many news.

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Speaker 1: He dare every night. Take your own. Damn, you're tripping

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Speaker 1: with me phone dog. See, lady, he has turned this

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Speaker 1: thing around on you. And what he's done is the

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Speaker 1: reason he doesn't understand what you're saying to him is

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Speaker 1: because you're not helping him understand. You so desperately want

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Speaker 1: this ring that you've allowed this man to turn this

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Speaker 1: into all one sided request. Everything is what he won't

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Speaker 1: you to do. What he won't pictures, He won't cook it,

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Speaker 1: he won't fool he said. Other than that, everything was fine.

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Speaker 1: I couldn't think, But that was he said that. I

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Speaker 1: couldn't think. But he was something more than that. Bothered him,

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Speaker 1: made a few others suggesting to me about things I

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Speaker 1: could do to make him feel more like the man

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Speaker 1: at the house. Wait a minute, Wait a minute. First

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Speaker 1: of all, the dude is not understanding this because you're

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Speaker 1: not helping him understand all this is. There's a bunch

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Speaker 1: of one sided requests. You can't be totally one completely

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Speaker 1: or during this boy. It's something wrong with him, but

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Speaker 1: you ain't making no request of him. Your desperation for

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Speaker 1: this ring is allowing you to let this man make

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Speaker 1: all what's wrong with you ain't nothing wrong with him.

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Speaker 1: He perfect. So you are trying to be engaged to Christ.

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Speaker 1: That's the only thing I can think of, because that's

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Speaker 1: the only perfect person out there ever lived on this earth,

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Speaker 1: and he's not here yet. So now, why you got

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Speaker 1: this boy propped up like he all of that one thing? Now?

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Speaker 1: Now you walk around on eggshells to keep him happy?

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Speaker 1: What keep him happy? Here's the line in there. You

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Speaker 1: got to do some things to make him feel like

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Speaker 1: the man at the house. That's not your job. If

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Speaker 1: he is the only man in the house and he

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Speaker 1: don't feel like the man of the house house, then

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Speaker 1: what inadequacy does he have? If he don't feel like

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Speaker 1: the man at the house, it's because you must be

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Speaker 1: doing a lot of stuff that he no he should

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Speaker 1: be doing, but he got all these requests heaped on you, lady.

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Speaker 1: As time goes by, I'm starting to have a change

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Speaker 1: of heart, and you should. I'm doing wifey things without

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Speaker 1: a ring. I feel like he's up to something and

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Speaker 1: he's playing games because he's not ready to commit. He

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Speaker 1: ain't ready to commit. He's not going to commit, and

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Speaker 1: he got you thinking that the reason he's not gonna

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Speaker 1: commit because it's all your fault. He the one don't

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Speaker 1: feel like the man at the house. What they got

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Speaker 1: to do with you? So here we go, start cooking

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Speaker 1: what he wants him cereal, have a fold of lucky

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Speaker 1: charms waiting on his ass when he comes in the house.

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Speaker 1: I'll tell you what, cook old ass food. Folding here,

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Speaker 1: old ass food make him feel like, you know, a

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Speaker 1: man's man. Have some chicken feet and just and just

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Speaker 1: crock pot with none but beans and rice in it,

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Speaker 1: corn bread, old ass meals. Coming in the house, having

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Speaker 1: some fried spam sitting there with some tripe and some

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Speaker 1: scrambled eggs. Cooking some real old ass grown man like

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Speaker 1: it's coming there with some hot water, corn bread and

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Speaker 1: and just some red eye graving. No damn meat. Just

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Speaker 1: make a pot of graving. Give him a straw, tell

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Speaker 1: him that what we're eating today, Tell him gravy, old

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Speaker 1: country ass meal. Come home, ain't number damn just a

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Speaker 1: bowl of slough. Yeah, just come in there, ain't nothing

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Speaker 1: but some greens, just greens. All that on smoked turkey.

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Speaker 1: Damn that hamhock Yeah, reads with a big ass hawk

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Speaker 1: in it. Bowler limeal beach feeting his ass like an

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Speaker 1: old ass man. This is blood pressure, lady, that's all

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Speaker 1: my unt life. There's nothing wrong with you. It's something

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Speaker 1: wrong with him. Yeah, it's not you. And the second

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Speaker 1: thoughts you're starting to half is because you're starting to

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Speaker 1: realize you're walking on eggshells in your own house. That

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Speaker 1: little boy ready to get married, and you're gonna marry

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Speaker 1: somebody that think he ain't a man because he's messed

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Speaker 1: up bout your age anyway, because Mamma has said a

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Speaker 1: couple of things about it. Gonna send him pack a

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Speaker 1: lunch next time you go, got buy him a lunch

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Speaker 1: box with superhe All right, listen, come home, have a

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Speaker 1: happy Meal waiting on his as your comments under the

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Speaker 1: Egg Strawberry Letter and Steve Harvey FM on Instagram and Facebook,

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Speaker 1: and don't forget to check out the Strawberry Letter on

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Speaker 1: the podcast on demand. Coming up at forty six after

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Speaker 1: the hour from the Talk, it will be Our Girl

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Speaker 1: and Republican Cheryl Underwood. Right after this, you're listening to

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Speaker 1: The Stave Harvey Morning Show