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Speaker 1: Countdown with Keith Olderman is a production of I Heart

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Speaker 1: Radio quoting Twitter, we cannot allow Sorrows, Stire, and Bloomberg

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Speaker 1: to buy this election. Get out and vote Republican November

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Speaker 1: six hashtag maga October. Based on the excuse which Kevin

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Speaker 1: McCarthy has provided for his racist, misogynistic, Islamophobic, politically pandering

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Speaker 1: decision to remove Representative Ilhan Omar from the House Foreign

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Speaker 1: Affairs Committee, whoever wrote that tweet which I just read,

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Speaker 1: must also be removed from any position of importance in

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Speaker 1: the House. Because if ilhan Omar tweeted anti Semitic tropes

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Speaker 1: and took too much time to apologize for them, then

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Speaker 1: whoever tweeted the anti semitic trope about Sorrows and Bloomberg

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Speaker 1: and Styre and four years later has yet to apologize

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Speaker 1: for it is equally self disqualified. We cannot allow sorrow, Styre,

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Speaker 1: and Bloomberg to buy this election. Tweeted on October eighteen

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Speaker 1: by Congressman Kevin McCarthy, Welcome to the new McCarthy is um.

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Speaker 1: You are guilty until proven innocent. He is innocent even

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Speaker 1: when proven guilty. The member of the Foreign Affairs She

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Speaker 1: said Americans only like Israel because it's all about the

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Speaker 1: Benjamin's And three years later she said, I didn't know

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Speaker 1: there's a trope when it comes to referring to someone

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Speaker 1: who is Jewish with money. I didn't know there's a

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Speaker 1: trope when it comes to referring to somebody who is

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Speaker 1: Jewish with money. We cannot allow Sorrow, Styre and Bloomberg

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Speaker 1: to buy this election. Kevin McCarthy indeed tweeted that on

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Speaker 1: October eighteen, then he deleted it on October two, thousand eighteen.

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Speaker 1: After he delet did it, he claimed the tweet had

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Speaker 1: nothing to do with Bloomberg Sorrow since stire being Jewish Americans,

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Speaker 1: then said he deleted it because of his sensitivity to

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Speaker 1: threats against Jewish Americans. Then he reminded his Fox News

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Speaker 1: interviewer that Michael Bloomberg put fifty four million dollars into

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Speaker 1: the campaign. It was a statement which contradicted itself about

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Speaker 1: three times in five seconds. It was the statement of

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Speaker 1: a liar. It was the statement of a weasel. It

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Speaker 1: was the statement of an anti Semite. It was the

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Speaker 1: statement of Kevin McCarthy and the new McCarthy ism. Your

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Speaker 1: anti Semitic trope for which you've apologized, gets you kicked

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Speaker 1: off the Foreign Affairs Committee. My anti Semitic trope, which

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Speaker 1: I've lied about for four years, gets me elected Speaker.

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Speaker 1: We do not stop there. McCarthy playing politics with the

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Speaker 1: world economy by threatening the debt limit, went to the

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Speaker 1: White House and insisted he's not playing politics with the

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Speaker 1: world economy by threatening the debt limit. He the president was,

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Speaker 1: And when pushed to name what's spending he wanted cut. McCarthy,

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Speaker 1: like every other Republican in each House, could not name anything,

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Speaker 1: not one program, not one area the New McCarthy ism,

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Speaker 1: And every week and every day and every hour they

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Speaker 1: find something new to perform like that about There is

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Speaker 1: no governing in the Republican Party. There is perpetual martyrdom,

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Speaker 1: There is perpetual victimhood. There is one job in the

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Speaker 1: New McCarthy ism, and one job only getting yourself re elected.

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Speaker 1: Getting the base angry at something, usually something that does

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Speaker 1: not exist, getting them angrier by emphasizing that if the

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Speaker 1: facts say it does not exist, that's only because Republicans

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Speaker 1: are having their rights violated, or they're being canceled, or

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Speaker 1: they're being d platformed. Of your colleagues to the floor.

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Speaker 1: They had a special order on Direct TVs d platforming

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Speaker 1: Newsmax and wanted to ask you, sir, the House will

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Speaker 1: contemplate hearings. You know. I had discussions with a couple

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Speaker 1: of members now because it's very concerning to me. Now.

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Speaker 1: News Max isn't the first one. Oh a n as well,

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Speaker 1: and I think America should be able to have a

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Speaker 1: choice in the news. They are able to get a

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Speaker 1: choice and being able to see it. I would hate

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Speaker 1: to see that someone's being kicked off simply because they

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Speaker 1: provide something conservative, So I think it is a place

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Speaker 1: that we should look at. It is implausible that even

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Speaker 1: this idiot McCarthy is so stupid that he does not

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Speaker 1: know the real news Max story. But it's either that

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Speaker 1: or he is bald face lying. News Max was charging

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Speaker 1: direct TV zero dollars to carry its product on the

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Speaker 1: Direct TV satellite system. Now it has raised the price

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Speaker 1: from zero dollars to a reported tens of millions of

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Speaker 1: dollars a year. Direct TV said, why would we do

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Speaker 1: that when when you gave it to it for free

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Speaker 1: and you're still charging outlet like Roku zero dollars to

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Speaker 1: carry your little network this in the New McCarthy is

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Speaker 1: m merits a congressional hearing with Congressman. This merits political bullying,

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Speaker 1: This merits the interference with the Republicans supposedly sacro sanc

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Speaker 1: world of business and the free market. If you want

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Speaker 1: to hold hearings about news Max, why not drag this

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Speaker 1: fascist Christopher Ruddy, who owns news Max, in and grill

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Speaker 1: him about price gouging, price gouging in the fertilizer market.

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Speaker 1: The irony about Kevin McCarthy and his New McCarthy ism

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Speaker 1: is that the only thing that happened yesterday that threatens

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Speaker 1: him in the least that could burst his anti democracy,

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Speaker 1: anti bipartisan, anti actually do anything credo are eight words

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Speaker 1: he said yesterday in response to Marjorie Traitor Green. The

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Speaker 1: House Oversight Committee was talking about violations of civil right

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Speaker 1: and the murder of Tyree Nichols, and the first thing

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Speaker 1: Congresswoman Cracker emphasized was that the first five officers who

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Speaker 1: killed Nichols were black, which means it can't by rightist.

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Speaker 1: And then she pivoted to something that were the Republicans

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Speaker 1: still actually part of the democratic process in this country

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Speaker 1: and not merely a party that serves as a harbor

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Speaker 1: for insurrection, which Coddle's fascists. If she had said this

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Speaker 1: under those circumstances, she would have gotten kicked off the

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Speaker 1: committee and kicked out of the House before the hearing

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Speaker 1: was over. There's a woman in this room whose daughter

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Speaker 1: was murdered on January six, Ashley Babbitt, and Ashley Babbitt

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Speaker 1: has there's never been a trial. As a matter of fact,

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Speaker 1: no one has cared about the person that shot and

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Speaker 1: killed her, and and no one in this Congress has

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Speaker 1: really addressed that. Is she January six committee didn't address it.

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Speaker 1: And I believe that there are many people uh that

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Speaker 1: came into the capital on January six who civilar tra etcetera, etcetera. Sure,

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Speaker 1: Marjorie Taylor Green defended a terrorist, defended her from a

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Speaker 1: seat on the House Committee on Oversight. But she's rehabilitated. Now,

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Speaker 1: she's the new Marjorie Taylor Green, asked the New York Times,

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Speaker 1: ask the Washington Post. The new McCarthy is um needs

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Speaker 1: many new Richard Nixon's and even more apologists in the media.

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Speaker 1: What he is amazing is that Kevin McCarthy openly disagreed

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Speaker 1: with Marjorie Trailer Green. One of the first things Marjorie

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Speaker 1: Tilly Green said from overse diets was that Ashley Babbitt

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Speaker 1: is murdered. Do you think Ashley Babbitt was murdered? You

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Speaker 1: think the police officer who shot her and was doing

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Speaker 1: his job. I think the police officer did his job.

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Speaker 1: The follow up question, should Ashley Babbitt and the others

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Speaker 1: who violently invaded the capital on January six be defended

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Speaker 1: from a committee stage by a member of your party? Well,

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Speaker 1: we don't know, but as Kevin McCarthy was not asked

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Speaker 1: that because Republicans do not get asked follow up questions anymore,

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Speaker 1: which is how you will remember McCarthy almost cried about

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Speaker 1: ilhan Omar's trope about somebody who is Jewish with money,

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Speaker 1: and nobody nobody asked him, Mr speaker, what about your

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Speaker 1: trope about somebody who is Jewish with money? The new

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Speaker 1: McCarthy is m has many things in common with the

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Speaker 1: original version, but as important as any other component is

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Speaker 1: this it gets the same incompetent, compliant, stenographic Washington Press

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Speaker 1: Corps in three that Joe McCarthy got in nineteen fifty three. Remarkably,

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Speaker 1: there was an accidental outbreak of journalism in the Los

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Speaker 1: Angeles Times, Reporters Laura Rosenhall and Sarah Wire somehow got

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Speaker 1: Bill Barr to speak to them in Sacramento after a

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Speaker 1: conference and respond to the New York Times vivisection of

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Speaker 1: bars suppression of the Muller report at his turning his Q,

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Speaker 1: and on level belief that Trump's Russia conspiracy not only

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Speaker 1: doesn't exist but was fabricated by I don't know, Lennon.

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Speaker 1: When it comes to Bill Barr, I'm as lost as

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Speaker 1: I was when they made his father the headmaster of

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Speaker 1: my high school. The idea that there was a thin

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Speaker 1: basis for doing it doesn't hold water. Bar says of

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Speaker 1: the appointment of John Durham to go hunt for Snipes

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Speaker 1: because it wasn't started as a criminal investigation. Yes, we

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Speaker 1: wanted to hold people accountable if something came up that

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Speaker 1: indicated criminality, or you could prove criminality, but it wasn't

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Speaker 1: a criminal investigation. It was a review to get the story,

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Speaker 1: and he got the story, narrator. He didn't get the story.

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Speaker 1: The l A Times piece makes Bar sound nuts, makes

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Speaker 1: him sound higher than a Chinese spy balloon over Montata,

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Speaker 1: which is the only rational explanation for his last conclusion

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Speaker 1: in the l A Times piece quote, I think Durham's

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Speaker 1: going to explain, to the extent he's allowed to put

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Speaker 1: it out, the whole genesis of the Russia interference claims

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Speaker 1: and how it all occurred. Well, here's hoping he tries

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Speaker 1: under oath before a Senate committee. William Barr bigger idiot

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Speaker 1: than his father. I never thought i'd say that. By

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Speaker 1: the way, two corrections and two apologies. But yesterday's piece

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Speaker 1: on the prospect that certain wording in the New York

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Speaker 1: Times dishonest clearing of Trump on Russia on Halloween two

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Speaker 1: thousand sixteen point to one of their sores being the

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Speaker 1: just arrested x FBI agent Charlie McGonagall, and whether McGonagall

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Speaker 1: had a role in the Wiener laptop comy letter timeline,

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Speaker 1: and if McGonagall might have been indicted in hopes of

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Speaker 1: flipping him on something bigger. All that was, as I stated,

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Speaker 1: the work of Greg oly Are, but I mispronounced his

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Speaker 1: name holy Are, and I called his piece Charlie's angels.

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Speaker 1: Pieces called Charlie's angles. So among other things, I need

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Speaker 1: new glasses and the less virulent spell check still ahead here.

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Speaker 1: If you're going to embezzle, you have to keep your

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Speaker 1: strength up. So embezzled chicken wings, lots and lots of

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Speaker 1: chicken wings, like one hundred thousand chicken wings. Also, as

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Speaker 1: the fascist desperately moved to cage voters and suppressed voting,

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Speaker 1: what one impediment had they left out well sadly to say,

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Speaker 1: a Nebraska state senator just realized what that one impediment

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Speaker 1: was and she wants to impose it. Plus I made

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Speaker 1: the commercial, I fell off the rock, I bankrupted the company.

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Speaker 1: That was a busy day things I promised not to tell.

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Speaker 1: That's next. This is countdown. This is Countdown with Keith Openman.

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Speaker 1: Time for the daily roundup of the miscreants, morons and

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Speaker 1: Donning Krueger effect specimens who constitute today's worst persons in

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Speaker 1: the world. The Bronze one American News. This is the cheaper, sleazier,

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Speaker 1: crazier version of news Max. Of course news Max is

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Speaker 1: the cheaper, sleazier, crazier version of Fox News, And of

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Speaker 1: course Fox News is the cheaper, sleazier, crazier version of Reality.

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Speaker 1: Since Paul Pelosi was attacked by a right wing nut

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Speaker 1: who intended to torture and kill Nancy Pelosi. O A

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Speaker 1: N has show after show, day after day, promulgated the

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Speaker 1: various they don't really hold together, but maybe we can

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Speaker 1: just hate our way through the holes in them conspiracy theories.

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Speaker 1: Clearly somebody at O a N has now gotten a

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Speaker 1: phone call or a letter where they've talked to an

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Speaker 1: actual lawyer, because O A N has issued a statement

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Speaker 1: to the CNN gad Fly Daniel Dale quote. With the

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Speaker 1: release of the video and other evidence, it's clear that

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Speaker 1: an unwanted intruder with evil intent broke into the Pelosi home.

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Speaker 1: Mr Pelosi's nine one one call reveals an incredibly calm

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Speaker 1: and highly intelligent victim trying to relay key information and

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Speaker 1: asking for immediate help without further aggravating a mentally disturbed intruder.

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Speaker 1: We wish Mr Pelosi a speedy and full recovery translation.

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Speaker 1: We wish Mr Pelosi won't sue us. We wish Mr

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Speaker 1: Pelosi will sue, as we wish Mr b don't. Please

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Speaker 1: don't sue, Please don't suite, Please don't sue. Solution sue them.

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Speaker 1: The silver goes to very little former director of food

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Speaker 1: Services at Harvey School District one fifty two outside Chicago.

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Speaker 1: Ms Little has now been charged by Cook County prosecutors

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Speaker 1: with in pantelon. Sure, she stole about a million and

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Speaker 1: a half dollars in taxpayer funds and about nineteen months,

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Speaker 1: but anybody can do that. What she did was to

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Speaker 1: embezzle chicken wings, a lot of chicken wings, eleven thousand

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Speaker 1: cases of chicken wings. Only during an audit by the

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Speaker 1: school district business manager a year ago did they discover that,

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Speaker 1: at the halfway point of the business year, food services

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Speaker 1: had exceeded its annual budget by three hundred thousand dollars.

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Speaker 1: Apparently Miss Little just kept ordering more and more chicken

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Speaker 1: wings quote massive quant of the ease of chicken wings,

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Speaker 1: and then going and picking them up herself at the factory.

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Speaker 1: No word what she did with the eleven thousand cases

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Speaker 1: of chicken wings, nor where those cases are today. But

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Speaker 1: there is a rumor that Miss Little ways more than

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Speaker 1: four thousand pounds. But our winner, State Senator Julie Slama

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Speaker 1: of Nebraska. That's right, Slama as in five slam a Jamma,

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Speaker 1: the nickname of the basketball teams from the University of

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Speaker 1: Houston in the early eighties. What you would prefer her

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Speaker 1: to use her married name? Her husband is named La Groan.

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Speaker 1: You prefer Senator La Groan or Senator slam A Lagron. Okay,

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Speaker 1: now to the serious part. Just when you thought the

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Speaker 1: fascists were out of fascist the ideas, no, sir, not hardly.

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Speaker 1: Senator Slama has already introduced a bill to require voter

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Speaker 1: I D in Nebraska, where they have had almost no

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Speaker 1: voting problems forcades. Now she's introduced an amendment to that

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Speaker 1: voter I D bill to aid early voting. And when

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Speaker 1: I say aid, of course, I mean to stop early

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Speaker 1: voting under Senators slam As amendment Senators slam American Legion

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Speaker 1: Girls Nation, two thousand thirteen. If you want to cast

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Speaker 1: an early vote in Nebraska, you'd have to get it

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Speaker 1: notarized by a notary public, not an online notary public,

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Speaker 1: one in person in Nebraska, in rural Nebraska. If you're

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Speaker 1: saying two hundred miles away from the nearest notary and

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Speaker 1: you're in a wheelchair or something, and that's why you're

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Speaker 1: voting by mail in the first place. Tough. Nebraska State

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Speaker 1: Senator Julie Phi Slama gamma. Mamma wants to keep the

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Speaker 1: minorities from voting, doesn't she? Two days? Worst person in

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Speaker 1: the world. Hey, it's Friday. Friday's are when we do

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Speaker 1: Fridays with Theber. So here's Thurber. Put on your day

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Speaker 1: dreaming hats. James Surber's best known work, best loved work,

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Speaker 1: and maybe just best work has been made into two

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Speaker 1: different films, neither of which is really satisfactory, but each

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Speaker 1: gives you just a glimpse of what your imagination is

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Speaker 1: doing as you hear or read his words. It is

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Speaker 1: a universal It is the story of everybody who's ever lived,

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Speaker 1: who has ever day dreamed. It is the Secret Life

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Speaker 1: of Walter Mitty by James Thurber. We're going through. The

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Speaker 1: Commander's voice was like thin ice breaking. He wore his

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Speaker 1: full dress uniform with the heavily braided white pulled down

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Speaker 1: rakishly over one cold gray eye. We can't make it, sir.

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Speaker 1: It's spoiling for a hurricane. If you ask me, I'm

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Speaker 1: not asking you, Lieutenant Berg said the commander. Throw on

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Speaker 1: the power lights, rever up to undred. We're going through.

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Speaker 1: The pounding of the cylinders increased to pocket to pocket

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Speaker 1: of pocket, A pocket of pocket. The commander stared at

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Speaker 1: the ice forming on the pilot window. He walked over

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Speaker 1: and twisted a row of complicated dials. Switch on number

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Speaker 1: eight auxiliary. He shouted, switch on number eight dog, Hillary repeated.

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Speaker 1: Lieutenant Burg full strength and number three turret, shouted the commander,

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Speaker 1: full strength and number three turret. The crew, bending to

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Speaker 1: their various tasks in the huge, hurtling eight engine Navy hydroplane,

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Speaker 1: looked at each other and grinned. The old man will

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Speaker 1: get us through, they said to one another. The old

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Speaker 1: man ain't afraid of hell. Not so fast. You're driving

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Speaker 1: too fast, said Mrs Middie. What are you driving so

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Speaker 1: fast for? M hm, said Walter Middy. He looked at

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Speaker 1: his wife in the seat beside him with shocked astonishment.

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Speaker 1: She seemed grossly unfamiliar, like a strange woman who had

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Speaker 1: yelled at him in a crowd. You're up to fifty five,

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Speaker 1: she said. You know I don't like to go more

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Speaker 1: than forty. You're up to fifty five. Walter Middy drove

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Speaker 1: on towards Waterbury in silence, the roaring of the s

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Speaker 1: N two O two through the worst storm in twenty

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Speaker 1: years of Navy flying fading in the remote intimate airways

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Speaker 1: of his mind. Your ten stop again, said Mrs Middie.

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Speaker 1: It's one of your days. I wish you'd let Dr

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Speaker 1: Renshaw look you over. Walter Middy stopped the car in

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Speaker 1: front of the building where his wife went to have

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Speaker 1: her hair done. Remember to get those over shoes while

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Speaker 1: I'm having my hair done, she said, I don't need overshoes,

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00:19:59,795 --> 00:20:02,555
Speaker 1: said Middy. She put her mirror back into her bag.

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Speaker 1: We've been all through that at she said, getting out

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Speaker 1: of the car. You're not a young man any longer.

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Speaker 1: He raced the engine a little. Why don't you wear

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Speaker 1: your gloves? Have you lost your gloves? Walter Middy reached

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Speaker 1: in a pocket and brought out the gloves. He put

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Speaker 1: them on, but after she had turned and gone into

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Speaker 1: the building and he had driven onto a red light,

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Speaker 1: he took them off again. Pick it up, brother snapped

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Speaker 1: the cop as the light changed, and Middy hastily pulled

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Speaker 1: on his gloves and lurched ahead. He drove around the

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00:20:34,155 --> 00:20:36,395
Speaker 1: streets aimlessly for a time, and then he drove past

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Speaker 1: the hospital on his way to the parking lot. It's

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Speaker 1: the millionaire banker Wellington McMillan said, the pretty nurse. Yes,

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Speaker 1: said Walter Middy, removing his gloves slowly. Who has the case?

300
00:20:51,075 --> 00:20:54,835
Speaker 1: Dr Renshawn, Dr Wrenbo But but there are two specialists here.

301
00:20:55,035 --> 00:20:58,435
Speaker 1: Dr Remington from New York and Mr Pritchard Mitford from London.

302
00:20:58,675 --> 00:21:02,755
Speaker 1: He flew over. The door opened down a long cool carter,

303
00:21:02,915 --> 00:21:07,275
Speaker 1: and Dr Renshaw came out. He looked distraught and haggard.

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Speaker 1: Hello Middy, he said, we're having the devil's own time

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00:21:10,835 --> 00:21:13,355
Speaker 1: with McMillan, the millionaire banker and close personal friend of

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Speaker 1: Roosevelt obstreosis of the ductal tract tertiary. Wish you'd take

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00:21:19,315 --> 00:21:23,955
Speaker 1: a look at him. Glad to, said Middy. In the

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00:21:23,995 --> 00:21:29,475
Speaker 1: operating room, there were whispered introductions Dr Remington, Dr Middy,

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Speaker 1: Mr Richard Mitford. Dr Middy, and I've read you a

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Speaker 1: book on screpto ricosis, said Pritchard Mitford, shaking hands. Brilliant performance,

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Speaker 1: Thank you, said Walter Middy. Didn't know you're in the

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00:21:43,795 --> 00:21:48,275
Speaker 1: State's Middy grumbled. Remington's coals to Newcastle, bringing Mitford and

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Speaker 1: me up here for a tertiary. You are very kind,

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00:21:52,435 --> 00:21:56,995
Speaker 1: said Middy. A huge, complicated machine connected to the operating

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Speaker 1: table with many tubes and wires began at this moment

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00:22:00,035 --> 00:22:04,915
Speaker 1: to go Pacata, Pacata, pacata. The new Anestata is here,

317
00:22:05,035 --> 00:22:08,235
Speaker 1: is giving way, shouted an intern. There's no one in

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Speaker 1: the east who knows how to fix it. Quiet man,

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Speaker 1: said Middy in a low, cool voice. He sprang to

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Speaker 1: the machine, which was now going pocketa pocket, a creep,

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Speaker 1: pocketa pocket, a creep. He began fingering delicately a roll

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Speaker 1: of glistening dials. Give me a fountain pen, he snapped.

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Speaker 1: Someone handed him a fountain pen. He pulled a faulty

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Speaker 1: piston out of the machine and inserted the pen in

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Speaker 1: its place. That will hold for ten minutes, he said,

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Speaker 1: Get on with the operation. A nurse hurried over and

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00:22:38,235 --> 00:22:41,115
Speaker 1: whispered to Renshaw, and Middy saw the man turn pale.

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Speaker 1: Coreopsis has set in, said Renshaw nervously. If you would

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Speaker 1: take over, Middy. Middy looked at him and at the

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Speaker 1: craven figure of Benbow, who drank, then at the grave,

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Speaker 1: uncertain faces of the two great specialists. If you wish,

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00:22:59,075 --> 00:23:01,595
Speaker 1: he said. They slipped a white gown on him. He

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00:23:01,635 --> 00:23:05,715
Speaker 1: adjusted a mask and drew on thin gloves. Nurse's to him, shiny,

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00:23:05,995 --> 00:23:10,075
Speaker 1: back it up, Mac, look out for that buick. Walter

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00:23:10,155 --> 00:23:13,435
Speaker 1: Middy jammed on the brakes. Wrong lane, mac, said the

336
00:23:13,475 --> 00:23:19,355
Speaker 1: parking lot attendant, looking at Middy closely. Gee yeah, muttered Middy.

337
00:23:19,595 --> 00:23:22,675
Speaker 1: He began cautiously to back out of the lane marked exit.

338
00:23:22,795 --> 00:23:26,275
Speaker 1: Only leave us sit there, said the attendant. I'll put

339
00:23:26,275 --> 00:23:30,875
Speaker 1: her away. Middy got out of the car. Hey better

340
00:23:30,955 --> 00:23:35,475
Speaker 1: leave the key, oh, said Middy, handing the man the

341
00:23:35,475 --> 00:23:38,915
Speaker 1: ignition key. The attendant vaulted into the car, backed it

342
00:23:38,995 --> 00:23:42,195
Speaker 1: up with insolent skill, and put it where it belonged.

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Speaker 1: They're so damn cocky, thought Walter Middy, walking along main Street.

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00:23:48,915 --> 00:23:52,435
Speaker 1: They think they know everything. Once he had tried to

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00:23:52,475 --> 00:23:55,875
Speaker 1: take his chains off outside New Milford, and he got

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00:23:55,915 --> 00:23:58,795
Speaker 1: them wound around the axles. The man had to come

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00:23:58,795 --> 00:24:02,115
Speaker 1: out in a wrecking car and unwind them, a young,

348
00:24:02,595 --> 00:24:07,195
Speaker 1: grinning garageman. Since then, Mrs Middy always made him drive

349
00:24:07,235 --> 00:24:09,795
Speaker 1: to a garage to have the chains taken off. The

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00:24:09,835 --> 00:24:12,555
Speaker 1: Next time, he thought, I'll wear my right arm in

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Speaker 1: a sling. They won't grin at me. Then I have

352
00:24:15,875 --> 00:24:17,595
Speaker 1: my right arm in a sling and they'll see I

353
00:24:17,635 --> 00:24:21,355
Speaker 1: couldn't possibly take the chains, off myself. He kicked at

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Speaker 1: the slush on the sidewalk. Over shoes, he said to himself,

355
00:24:26,075 --> 00:24:28,635
Speaker 1: and he began looking for a shoe store. When he

356
00:24:28,675 --> 00:24:30,595
Speaker 1: came out into the street again with the overshoes in

357
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Speaker 1: a box under his arm, Walter Middy began to wonder

358
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Speaker 1: what the other thing was his wife had told him

359
00:24:35,315 --> 00:24:39,035
Speaker 1: to get. She had told him twice before they set

360
00:24:39,035 --> 00:24:41,915
Speaker 1: out from their house for Waterbury. In a way, he

361
00:24:41,995 --> 00:24:44,795
Speaker 1: hated these weekly trips to town. He was always getting

362
00:24:44,835 --> 00:24:51,395
Speaker 1: something wrong. Clean x, he thought, squibs, razor blades, now, toothpaste,

363
00:24:51,475 --> 00:24:56,995
Speaker 1: toothbrush by carbonet carborundum, initiative referendum. He gave it up,

364
00:24:57,675 --> 00:25:00,515
Speaker 1: but she would remember it. Where's the what's its name?

365
00:25:00,755 --> 00:25:02,835
Speaker 1: She would ask? Don't tell me you forgot the what's

366
00:25:02,875 --> 00:25:06,035
Speaker 1: its name? The newsboy went by, shouting something about the

367
00:25:06,035 --> 00:25:12,235
Speaker 1: Waterbury trial. Perhaps this will refresh your memory. The district

368
00:25:12,275 --> 00:25:15,115
Speaker 1: attorney suddenly thrust a heavy automatic at the quiet figure

369
00:25:15,115 --> 00:25:17,435
Speaker 1: on the witness stand. Have you ever seen this before?

370
00:25:18,755 --> 00:25:22,875
Speaker 1: Walter Middy took the gun and examined it expertly. This

371
00:25:23,075 --> 00:25:26,915
Speaker 1: is my Webley Victor's fifty point eight, oh, he said,

372
00:25:26,955 --> 00:25:30,395
Speaker 1: calmly An excited buzz ran around the courtroom. The judge

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Speaker 1: rapped for order. You are a crack shot with any

374
00:25:33,995 --> 00:25:38,955
Speaker 1: sort of firearms, I believe, said the district attorney, insinuatingly objection,

375
00:25:39,395 --> 00:25:42,835
Speaker 1: shouted Middy's attorney. We have shown that the defendant could

376
00:25:42,835 --> 00:25:45,155
Speaker 1: not have fired the shot. We have shown that he

377
00:25:45,195 --> 00:25:48,155
Speaker 1: wore his right arm in a sling on the night

378
00:25:48,155 --> 00:25:52,115
Speaker 1: of the fourteenth of July. Walter Middy raised his hand briefly,

379
00:25:52,115 --> 00:25:55,955
Speaker 1: and the bickering attorneys were stilled with any known make

380
00:25:56,035 --> 00:25:59,955
Speaker 1: of gun, He said evenly, I could have killed Gregory

381
00:25:59,995 --> 00:26:06,355
Speaker 1: Fitzhurst at three feet with my left hand. Pandemonium broke

382
00:26:06,395 --> 00:26:09,875
Speaker 1: out in the courtroom. A woman scream rose above the bedlam,

383
00:26:09,915 --> 00:26:12,275
Speaker 1: and suddenly a lovely, dark haired girl was in Walter

384
00:26:12,355 --> 00:26:16,195
Speaker 1: Middy's arms. The district attorney struck at her savagely, without

385
00:26:16,315 --> 00:26:18,355
Speaker 1: rising from his chair. Middy let the man have it

386
00:26:18,435 --> 00:26:23,955
Speaker 1: on the point of the chin, your miserable cur puppy biscuit,

387
00:26:25,035 --> 00:26:28,515
Speaker 1: said Walter Middie. He stopped walking in the buildings of Waterbury,

388
00:26:28,595 --> 00:26:31,075
Speaker 1: rose up out of the misty courtroom and surrounded him again.

389
00:26:31,475 --> 00:26:34,995
Speaker 1: A woman who was passing laughed. He said, puppy biscuit.

390
00:26:35,395 --> 00:26:38,115
Speaker 1: She said to her companion. That man said puppy biscuit

391
00:26:38,235 --> 00:26:42,715
Speaker 1: to himself. Walter Middy hurried on. He went into an

392
00:26:42,715 --> 00:26:44,475
Speaker 1: a and p not the first one he came to,

393
00:26:44,555 --> 00:26:47,715
Speaker 1: but a smaller one farther up the street. I want

394
00:26:47,795 --> 00:26:52,195
Speaker 1: some biscuit for small young dogs, he said to the clerk.

395
00:26:52,915 --> 00:26:57,875
Speaker 1: Any special brand, Sir, the greatest pistol shot in the world.

396
00:26:58,435 --> 00:27:03,675
Speaker 1: Thought a moment. It says puppies bark for it on

397
00:27:03,715 --> 00:27:08,435
Speaker 1: the box, said Walter Middy. His wife would be through

398
00:27:08,435 --> 00:27:11,435
Speaker 1: at the hairdressers in fifteen minutes. Middy saw in looking

399
00:27:11,475 --> 00:27:14,595
Speaker 1: at his watch. Unless they had trouble drying it. Sometimes

400
00:27:14,635 --> 00:27:17,995
Speaker 1: they had trouble drying it. She didn't like to get

401
00:27:18,035 --> 00:27:19,955
Speaker 1: to the hotel first. She would want him to be

402
00:27:20,035 --> 00:27:23,235
Speaker 1: there waiting for her as usual. He found a big

403
00:27:23,315 --> 00:27:25,475
Speaker 1: leather chair in the lobby facing the window, and he

404
00:27:25,555 --> 00:27:27,995
Speaker 1: put the overshoes and the puppy biscuit on the floor

405
00:27:28,035 --> 00:27:31,235
Speaker 1: Beside it. He picked up an old copy of Liberty

406
00:27:31,635 --> 00:27:35,675
Speaker 1: and sank down into the chair. Can Germany conquer the

407
00:27:35,715 --> 00:27:39,115
Speaker 1: World through the air? Walter Middy looked at the pictures

408
00:27:39,115 --> 00:27:46,995
Speaker 1: of bombing planes and of ruined streets. The canon Aden

409
00:27:47,075 --> 00:27:49,755
Speaker 1: has got the wind up in young Rawley, Sir, said

410
00:27:49,795 --> 00:27:53,315
Speaker 1: the sergeant. Captain Middy looked at him through tousled hair.

411
00:27:53,875 --> 00:27:57,355
Speaker 1: Get him to bed, he said, wearily. With the others,

412
00:27:57,635 --> 00:28:01,795
Speaker 1: how fly alone. But you can't, sir, said the sergeant, anxiously.

413
00:28:01,995 --> 00:28:04,275
Speaker 1: Takes two men to handle that BOMBA and the archies

414
00:28:04,315 --> 00:28:07,195
Speaker 1: a pounding hell out of the air. Von Rickman's circus

415
00:28:07,235 --> 00:28:11,275
Speaker 1: is between here and Solier. Somebody's got to get that

416
00:28:11,315 --> 00:28:15,595
Speaker 1: ammunition dump, said Middy. I'm going over spot of brandy.

417
00:28:16,155 --> 00:28:18,635
Speaker 1: He poured a drink for the sergeant and one for himself.

418
00:28:19,235 --> 00:28:22,075
Speaker 1: War thundered and wined around the dugout and battered at

419
00:28:22,115 --> 00:28:24,995
Speaker 1: the door. There was a rending of wood and splinters

420
00:28:25,035 --> 00:28:28,835
Speaker 1: flew through the room. Of a near thing, said Captain

421
00:28:28,915 --> 00:28:33,355
Speaker 1: Middy carelessly. The bus barage is closing in, said the sergeant.

422
00:28:34,315 --> 00:28:37,595
Speaker 1: We only live once, sergeant, said Middy, with his faint,

423
00:28:37,755 --> 00:28:42,315
Speaker 1: fleeting smile. Or do we? He poured another brandy and

424
00:28:42,395 --> 00:28:44,795
Speaker 1: tossed it off. I've never seen a man could hold

425
00:28:44,795 --> 00:28:48,315
Speaker 1: his brandy lock usa, said the sergeant, begging your pardon, sir.

426
00:28:48,995 --> 00:28:51,835
Speaker 1: Captain Middy stood up and scrapped on his huge web

427
00:28:52,035 --> 00:28:56,595
Speaker 1: lee Vickers automatic. It's forty kometers through Elsa, said the sergeant.

428
00:28:57,355 --> 00:29:02,435
Speaker 1: Middy finished one last brandy after all, he said, softly.

429
00:29:03,195 --> 00:29:06,635
Speaker 1: What isn't the pounding of the cannon increased? There was

430
00:29:06,675 --> 00:29:09,275
Speaker 1: the rat tat tatting the machine guns, and from somewhere

431
00:29:09,315 --> 00:29:13,035
Speaker 1: came the menacing pucket a pucket a pocket, a pucket

432
00:29:13,195 --> 00:29:17,235
Speaker 1: of the new flame throweries. Walter Middy walked to the

433
00:29:17,275 --> 00:29:21,075
Speaker 1: door of the dugout, humming out prayed to my blonde.

434
00:29:21,515 --> 00:29:25,915
Speaker 1: He turned and waved to the sergeant Cheerio. He said.

435
00:29:27,235 --> 00:29:30,155
Speaker 1: Something struck his shoulder. I've been looking all over this

436
00:29:30,195 --> 00:29:33,275
Speaker 1: hotel for you, said Mrs Middy. Why do you have

437
00:29:33,355 --> 00:29:35,835
Speaker 1: to hide in this old chair? How did you expect

438
00:29:35,875 --> 00:29:40,395
Speaker 1: me to find you? Things? Close in? Said Walter Middy,

439
00:29:40,515 --> 00:29:44,035
Speaker 1: vaguely what Mrs Middy said? Did you get the wats

440
00:29:44,075 --> 00:29:48,555
Speaker 1: it's name the poppy biscuit? What's in that box overshoes?

441
00:29:49,075 --> 00:29:51,275
Speaker 1: Said Middy. Couldn't you put them on in the star?

442
00:29:52,715 --> 00:29:55,835
Speaker 1: I was thinking, said Walter Middy. Does it ever occur

443
00:29:55,875 --> 00:30:00,155
Speaker 1: to you that I am sometimes thinking? She looked at him.

444
00:30:00,315 --> 00:30:02,835
Speaker 1: I'm going to take your temperature when I get you home,

445
00:30:03,795 --> 00:30:06,915
Speaker 1: she said. They went out through the revolving doors that

446
00:30:06,915 --> 00:30:10,355
Speaker 1: made a faintly derisive whistling sound when you push them.

447
00:30:10,395 --> 00:30:13,075
Speaker 1: It was two blocks to the parking lot at the

448
00:30:13,115 --> 00:30:15,955
Speaker 1: drug store on the corner. She said, wait here for me.

449
00:30:16,035 --> 00:30:19,315
Speaker 1: I forgot something. I won't be a minute. She was

450
00:30:19,355 --> 00:30:23,955
Speaker 1: more than a minute. Walter Middy lighted a cigarette. It

451
00:30:24,035 --> 00:30:27,875
Speaker 1: began to rain, rain with sleet in it. He stood

452
00:30:27,915 --> 00:30:30,635
Speaker 1: up against the wall of the drug store smoking. He

453
00:30:30,715 --> 00:30:34,275
Speaker 1: put his shoulders back and his heels together. To hell

454
00:30:34,395 --> 00:30:37,875
Speaker 1: with the handkerchief, said Walter Middy, scornfully. He took one

455
00:30:37,955 --> 00:30:40,795
Speaker 1: last drag on his cigarette and snapped it away. Then,

456
00:30:40,835 --> 00:30:45,515
Speaker 1: with that faint, fleeting smile playing about his lips, he

457
00:30:45,555 --> 00:30:50,635
Speaker 1: faced the firing squad, erect and motionless, proud and disdainful.

458
00:30:50,995 --> 00:30:58,475
Speaker 1: Walter Middy, the Undefeated, inscrutable to the last. The Secret

459
00:30:58,555 --> 00:31:11,915
Speaker 1: Life of Walter Mitty by James Thurber, Still ahead on

460
00:31:11,955 --> 00:31:15,115
Speaker 1: countdown things I've promised not to tell. It's one thing

461
00:31:15,155 --> 00:31:18,315
Speaker 1: to make a pretty good TV commercial, something else altogether,

462
00:31:18,355 --> 00:31:21,475
Speaker 1: to make a pretty good TV commercial and fall off

463
00:31:21,555 --> 00:31:25,355
Speaker 1: a cliff while you're doing it and bankrupt the company

464
00:31:25,355 --> 00:31:29,795
Speaker 1: the commercial is for. I did all that first. In

465
00:31:29,835 --> 00:31:31,755
Speaker 1: each addition, of Countdown, we feature a dog in need.

466
00:31:31,795 --> 00:31:34,635
Speaker 1: You can help. Every dog has its day to Texas

467
00:31:35,235 --> 00:31:39,955
Speaker 1: and Sweetheart. Big Dog Haven of Tennessee has taken over

468
00:31:39,995 --> 00:31:42,195
Speaker 1: the care of Sweetheart and she's gonna need a lot

469
00:31:42,235 --> 00:31:45,635
Speaker 1: of it. Sweetheart is one a big, beautiful, light tan

470
00:31:45,755 --> 00:31:49,475
Speaker 1: colored shepherd and Sweetheart has been shot point blank in

471
00:31:49,515 --> 00:31:52,475
Speaker 1: the chest and the arm along this collapse. The arm

472
00:31:52,555 --> 00:31:55,315
Speaker 1: was broken, her shoulder shattered, she was bleeding out, but

473
00:31:55,355 --> 00:31:59,235
Speaker 1: despite this awful prognosis, she made it through her first surgery.

474
00:31:59,315 --> 00:32:01,555
Speaker 1: She's stable enough that they can go now and try

475
00:32:01,595 --> 00:32:04,635
Speaker 1: to repair the damage to the shoulder without our help.

476
00:32:05,315 --> 00:32:07,835
Speaker 1: You can find Sweetheart on Cuddly or on my Twitter feed.

477
00:32:08,075 --> 00:32:12,035
Speaker 1: Your donations and retreats will truly help. I thank you,

478
00:32:12,595 --> 00:32:33,755
Speaker 1: and of course Sweetheart, thanks you to the number one

479
00:32:33,795 --> 00:32:36,355
Speaker 1: story on the Countdown and my favorite topic, me and

480
00:32:36,475 --> 00:32:38,835
Speaker 1: things I promised not to tell. And it was this

481
00:32:38,875 --> 00:32:42,475
Speaker 1: time of year when my agent called me at ESPN.

482
00:32:43,155 --> 00:32:45,555
Speaker 1: There's an ad agency in Santa Monica. They just called me,

483
00:32:45,595 --> 00:32:47,995
Speaker 1: would you like to do two commercials for Boston Market?

484
00:32:48,635 --> 00:32:53,115
Speaker 1: I answered with profound indifference. Okay, would you like to

485
00:32:53,155 --> 00:32:58,155
Speaker 1: do two commercials for Boston Market? For two dollars. I

486
00:32:58,195 --> 00:33:01,475
Speaker 1: believe my next words were, well, I can't do them today,

487
00:33:01,555 --> 00:33:05,275
Speaker 1: but sure they faxed me. The scripts are actually pretty funny,

488
00:33:05,475 --> 00:33:07,875
Speaker 1: very well done. I think you like them. I believe

489
00:33:07,915 --> 00:33:10,235
Speaker 1: my next next words were, if I don't have to

490
00:33:10,315 --> 00:33:12,915
Speaker 1: kill anybody in them, call them back and say yes

491
00:33:12,995 --> 00:33:17,115
Speaker 1: and get the money. Since the idea was these ads

492
00:33:17,155 --> 00:33:19,915
Speaker 1: would run on sports telecasts, most of them on ESPN,

493
00:33:20,515 --> 00:33:23,875
Speaker 1: My yes got back to management at ESPN pretty quickly.

494
00:33:23,955 --> 00:33:27,395
Speaker 1: You can't do these, one of the executives explained dismissively.

495
00:33:27,635 --> 00:33:31,835
Speaker 1: We don't let anybody do commercials. I laughed. Every one

496
00:33:31,875 --> 00:33:35,075
Speaker 1: of us has done the uh, this is sports center commercials.

497
00:33:35,515 --> 00:33:38,035
Speaker 1: Some of us have written that this is sports center commercials.

498
00:33:38,155 --> 00:33:40,235
Speaker 1: You don't even give us days off for making them,

499
00:33:40,555 --> 00:33:42,355
Speaker 1: let alone give us money. This is money I don't

500
00:33:42,355 --> 00:33:45,435
Speaker 1: have to ask you for. The executive shook his head.

501
00:33:45,795 --> 00:33:49,275
Speaker 1: Those aren't commercials. Those are promotional announcements. They're in your contract.

502
00:33:49,595 --> 00:33:54,475
Speaker 1: Nobody here does commercials, I said. Chris Berman has done

503
00:33:54,875 --> 00:33:57,835
Speaker 1: a beer commercial in three out of the last five

504
00:33:57,915 --> 00:34:02,355
Speaker 1: Super Bowls. My commercial is just for food. Well, he's Berman,

505
00:34:03,115 --> 00:34:05,755
Speaker 1: I pointed out. I went to high school with him

506
00:34:05,755 --> 00:34:07,955
Speaker 1: and I was the star of their most popular program,

507
00:34:07,955 --> 00:34:10,275
Speaker 1: a little thing called Sports Center. TV Guide had just

508
00:34:10,515 --> 00:34:12,315
Speaker 1: named US one of the top ten shows on TV

509
00:34:12,675 --> 00:34:18,035
Speaker 1: shows not sports shows us in Seinfeld. Sorry, well, now

510
00:34:18,075 --> 00:34:20,795
Speaker 1: I got a little angry, which never happened to me

511
00:34:20,835 --> 00:34:23,475
Speaker 1: at ESPN, and I went to my ace in the whole.

512
00:34:24,595 --> 00:34:27,395
Speaker 1: Uh my contract expires in like ten months, and you

513
00:34:27,435 --> 00:34:30,275
Speaker 1: know I intend to leave, and during those ten months,

514
00:34:30,275 --> 00:34:33,355
Speaker 1: you're gonna pay me about two hundred and sixty dollars.

515
00:34:33,355 --> 00:34:35,315
Speaker 1: So Boston Market is gonna pay me two hundred and

516
00:34:35,315 --> 00:34:39,075
Speaker 1: fifty thousand dollars for two days work instead of ten

517
00:34:39,155 --> 00:34:42,915
Speaker 1: months work. Plus they're gonna take me out first class

518
00:34:42,955 --> 00:34:45,355
Speaker 1: to l A for a couple of days, and they're

519
00:34:45,395 --> 00:34:47,555
Speaker 1: probably gonna do some radio spots and I'll make another

520
00:34:47,595 --> 00:34:51,595
Speaker 1: twenty five grand. So you're giving me a choice, make say,

521
00:34:51,875 --> 00:34:57,075
Speaker 1: chudred seventy five thousand dollars in like five days for them,

522
00:34:57,195 --> 00:35:00,035
Speaker 1: or make two hundred and sixty dollars here between now

523
00:35:00,035 --> 00:35:02,915
Speaker 1: and next September when I'm planning and leaving. Anyway, if

524
00:35:02,915 --> 00:35:05,315
Speaker 1: you make me choose between those two, which do you

525
00:35:05,355 --> 00:35:10,195
Speaker 1: expect me to choose? The executive coughed. We'll get back

526
00:35:10,235 --> 00:35:13,195
Speaker 1: to an hour later, he got back to me by phone. Okay,

527
00:35:13,235 --> 00:35:15,395
Speaker 1: we see your point, but there's still two problems. We

528
00:35:15,475 --> 00:35:18,675
Speaker 1: can't just let everybody do commercials. I said, well, you know,

529
00:35:18,995 --> 00:35:21,155
Speaker 1: why don't you just let anybody who went to the

530
00:35:21,235 --> 00:35:23,995
Speaker 1: high school that Berman and I went to do commercials.

531
00:35:24,035 --> 00:35:27,275
Speaker 1: He did not laugh at that. Well, how about only

532
00:35:27,315 --> 00:35:30,235
Speaker 1: your regular weekday sports center anchors get to do commercials?

533
00:35:30,835 --> 00:35:34,075
Speaker 1: There was a grunt and a maybe. Then we got

534
00:35:34,115 --> 00:35:38,435
Speaker 1: to the gist of the real problem. Here's the real problem.

535
00:35:38,635 --> 00:35:42,675
Speaker 1: People on your show. They'll be resentful. And I said,

536
00:35:42,995 --> 00:35:45,755
Speaker 1: why will they be resentful? Because the production assistants are

537
00:35:45,755 --> 00:35:48,115
Speaker 1: expecting that they're going to get their own commercials too.

538
00:35:48,635 --> 00:35:51,515
Speaker 1: And I said, how about this, the day I'm out

539
00:35:51,555 --> 00:35:55,115
Speaker 1: there actually shooting the commercial, I will get Boston Market

540
00:35:55,155 --> 00:35:58,915
Speaker 1: to like cater dinner for the show staff, even if

541
00:35:58,915 --> 00:36:01,475
Speaker 1: I have to pay for it myself. There was a

542
00:36:01,475 --> 00:36:06,715
Speaker 1: long silence. Would management being looted in that? Can we

543
00:36:06,755 --> 00:36:09,755
Speaker 1: get all the side dishes too? I swear to God,

544
00:36:11,595 --> 00:36:15,035
Speaker 1: so off I flew at the beginning of December, during

545
00:36:15,035 --> 00:36:18,275
Speaker 1: a winter that had gone frigid in October in Bristol, Connecticut.

546
00:36:18,355 --> 00:36:20,275
Speaker 1: The next thing I knew I was on the beach

547
00:36:20,755 --> 00:36:26,315
Speaker 1: in Malibu at Leo Corio State Park. The crew is

548
00:36:26,355 --> 00:36:29,235
Speaker 1: complaining because it is raining lightly and only about fifty

549
00:36:29,235 --> 00:36:33,395
Speaker 1: five degrees. To me, fresh from the hinter lands and

550
00:36:33,435 --> 00:36:35,275
Speaker 1: having not been back to l A since I had

551
00:36:35,275 --> 00:36:39,075
Speaker 1: moved out in It's like I'm in Tahiti. And my

552
00:36:39,155 --> 00:36:41,795
Speaker 1: agent was right. The scripts were funny and original. They

553
00:36:41,795 --> 00:36:44,795
Speaker 1: were as send up of the old Calvin Klein obsession

554
00:36:45,395 --> 00:36:49,395
Speaker 1: perfume commercials. There are two extremely thin models and they

555
00:36:49,395 --> 00:36:53,235
Speaker 1: are filmed writhing in frustration on the beach on the

556
00:36:53,275 --> 00:36:57,595
Speaker 1: big rock outcroppings at Leo Corio State Park. She is

557
00:36:57,595 --> 00:37:01,475
Speaker 1: supposed to say, emptiness, How can I fill this empty

558
00:37:01,555 --> 00:37:05,115
Speaker 1: void of emptiness? They are in black and white, but

559
00:37:05,315 --> 00:37:10,155
Speaker 1: I emerge from behind a rock or wherever I'm in color.

560
00:37:10,475 --> 00:37:12,355
Speaker 1: They are in black and white, and I say when

561
00:37:12,355 --> 00:37:14,835
Speaker 1: they say, don't know what to do by this emptiness,

562
00:37:14,875 --> 00:37:19,475
Speaker 1: I say eat something. I then sell the sandwich. Then

563
00:37:19,515 --> 00:37:21,475
Speaker 1: it cuts to a shot of me walking them down

564
00:37:21,515 --> 00:37:24,915
Speaker 1: the beach with my arm over each of their shoulders,

565
00:37:25,235 --> 00:37:27,835
Speaker 1: telling them eating is a good thing, and who's wearing

566
00:37:27,955 --> 00:37:31,355
Speaker 1: cologne or who likes sports or other stupid things like that.

567
00:37:33,715 --> 00:37:36,515
Speaker 1: For a quarter of a million dollars. Well, we start

568
00:37:36,555 --> 00:37:38,715
Speaker 1: this at eight am, and the producer and the director

569
00:37:38,795 --> 00:37:41,195
Speaker 1: John say to me and the two models and the crew, look,

570
00:37:41,275 --> 00:37:43,155
Speaker 1: this rain is just going to get heavier as the

571
00:37:43,235 --> 00:37:45,435
Speaker 1: day goes on. So what we want to do is

572
00:37:45,475 --> 00:37:48,115
Speaker 1: not take a break for lunch. We'll just shoot until

573
00:37:48,155 --> 00:37:50,835
Speaker 1: like two pm, and then you can have lunch. You

574
00:37:50,875 --> 00:37:52,755
Speaker 1: can take your lunch with you, and you'll all get

575
00:37:52,755 --> 00:37:56,275
Speaker 1: paid for a full day. And everybody agrees. The actress agrees,

576
00:37:56,395 --> 00:38:00,155
Speaker 1: and she swears as she agrees. The actress is named Una.

577
00:38:00,675 --> 00:38:04,635
Speaker 1: Una is from Chicago, and it will soon prove Una swear,

578
00:38:04,675 --> 00:38:09,035
Speaker 1: there's more than a longshoreman. This blanking called can blank

579
00:38:09,115 --> 00:38:14,475
Speaker 1: my blanking blank to be fair. Una and the guy

580
00:38:14,555 --> 00:38:17,315
Speaker 1: are dressed in Calvin Klein rags, and they are there

581
00:38:17,435 --> 00:38:20,635
Speaker 1: and they are from there, and they are freezing while

582
00:38:20,675 --> 00:38:23,755
Speaker 1: I am wearing a production company brand new suit and shoes,

583
00:38:24,155 --> 00:38:27,515
Speaker 1: and to me it feels like it's Tahiti. We take

584
00:38:27,555 --> 00:38:29,235
Speaker 1: a couple of hours where we do all the shots

585
00:38:29,275 --> 00:38:31,995
Speaker 1: where I emerge from behind the rocks or go around

586
00:38:31,995 --> 00:38:34,595
Speaker 1: the rocks, or over the rocks, or look over the rocks,

587
00:38:35,075 --> 00:38:37,835
Speaker 1: and the director finally says, okay, we've got five good options.

588
00:38:38,115 --> 00:38:40,355
Speaker 1: Let's set up for the walk down the beach with

589
00:38:40,395 --> 00:38:45,355
Speaker 1: your arms around each other's shoulders. By now it's noon

590
00:38:45,515 --> 00:38:48,115
Speaker 1: or twelve thirty. And as they move the cameras and

591
00:38:48,155 --> 00:38:50,755
Speaker 1: the rain starts to move from a mist to like

592
00:38:50,915 --> 00:38:55,915
Speaker 1: a light rain, two prop guys bring out rakes and

593
00:38:55,995 --> 00:38:57,835
Speaker 1: I'm sitting with the crew and I've been asking them

594
00:38:57,875 --> 00:39:00,315
Speaker 1: questions all morning in between takes about how this is

595
00:39:00,355 --> 00:39:04,435
Speaker 1: all being arranged and made and lit. And I say, rakes,

596
00:39:05,035 --> 00:39:07,475
Speaker 1: what do you need rakes for on a commercial? And

597
00:39:07,515 --> 00:39:10,155
Speaker 1: they say you'll see. And then each time me and

598
00:39:10,275 --> 00:39:12,075
Speaker 1: Una and the guy walked down the beach and the

599
00:39:12,075 --> 00:39:14,355
Speaker 1: director says, cut, we go back to the starting point.

600
00:39:14,435 --> 00:39:18,315
Speaker 1: Now outcome two stage hands with rakes and they rake

601
00:39:18,835 --> 00:39:25,395
Speaker 1: the sand on the beach smooth, and I say, oh, footprints.

602
00:39:26,595 --> 00:39:29,355
Speaker 1: So each time I walk down this damp beach with

603
00:39:29,435 --> 00:39:31,315
Speaker 1: the range just a little harder than it was the

604
00:39:31,395 --> 00:39:34,715
Speaker 1: take before, in my brand new dress shoes, what I'm

605
00:39:34,715 --> 00:39:38,155
Speaker 1: basically doing is polishing the souls of these brand new

606
00:39:38,235 --> 00:39:40,795
Speaker 1: shoes on damp sand. I mean, by the time the

607
00:39:40,835 --> 00:39:44,075
Speaker 1: director John says we are done, these souls of these

608
00:39:44,075 --> 00:39:47,515
Speaker 1: shoes so shiny, I could go ice skating in these shoes.

609
00:39:48,955 --> 00:39:51,435
Speaker 1: And John comes over and he says, listen, we got

610
00:39:51,435 --> 00:39:53,435
Speaker 1: another half an hour. Can we go back and try

611
00:39:53,435 --> 00:39:55,275
Speaker 1: a new way for you to appear on the rocks?

612
00:39:55,555 --> 00:39:57,955
Speaker 1: I mean, can you Can you climb rocks at all?

613
00:39:58,755 --> 00:40:01,275
Speaker 1: And I say, yeah, actually, I'm surprisingly good at it.

614
00:40:01,275 --> 00:40:03,795
Speaker 1: You wouldn't think so, but I can climb rocks. And

615
00:40:03,875 --> 00:40:06,195
Speaker 1: he points to one rock out cropping on the beach.

616
00:40:06,435 --> 00:40:10,155
Speaker 1: Maybe it's high, and he says, try to climb up

617
00:40:10,195 --> 00:40:12,555
Speaker 1: that and go as high as you can. If there's

618
00:40:12,595 --> 00:40:15,275
Speaker 1: nothing that will support you, we'll forget it. And I try,

619
00:40:15,275 --> 00:40:16,875
Speaker 1: and sure enough I get up near the top and

620
00:40:16,915 --> 00:40:19,195
Speaker 1: there is a perfect little shelf in the rock that

621
00:40:19,315 --> 00:40:22,555
Speaker 1: I can comfortably stand on. And the director points the

622
00:40:22,595 --> 00:40:25,395
Speaker 1: camera up and he says, oh, damn, the angle is

623
00:40:25,435 --> 00:40:28,155
Speaker 1: too tough. I can't swing the camera down fast enough

624
00:40:28,395 --> 00:40:31,235
Speaker 1: for when you say eat something, so I refocus on

625
00:40:31,275 --> 00:40:34,195
Speaker 1: the models. They won't work. Is there anything lower on

626
00:40:34,275 --> 00:40:36,675
Speaker 1: the rock where you could stand? Can you come down

627
00:40:36,715 --> 00:40:40,035
Speaker 1: at all? And I said, I think so. I think

628
00:40:40,075 --> 00:40:42,995
Speaker 1: I can come down a little bit. Well, little did

629
00:40:43,075 --> 00:40:47,835
Speaker 1: I know. Sure enough, maybe nine ten ft from the beach,

630
00:40:48,435 --> 00:40:51,995
Speaker 1: up in the sky there is another little foothold on

631
00:40:52,035 --> 00:40:55,355
Speaker 1: this rock outcropping. It is not big enough for me

632
00:40:55,395 --> 00:40:57,595
Speaker 1: to put both my feet on it. But I say,

633
00:40:57,875 --> 00:41:00,035
Speaker 1: if you don't mind me holding onto the rock as

634
00:41:00,075 --> 00:41:02,235
Speaker 1: I say, eat something, I can do it from here.

635
00:41:02,435 --> 00:41:05,355
Speaker 1: And the director says, okay, let's try it. And I

636
00:41:05,435 --> 00:41:08,635
Speaker 1: climbed down the rock and he's moving the camera and

637
00:41:08,675 --> 00:41:11,115
Speaker 1: I put my left foot on this flat part, which

638
00:41:11,155 --> 00:41:13,235
Speaker 1: is nine or ten ft up from the beach, and

639
00:41:13,275 --> 00:41:16,075
Speaker 1: for a couple of seconds everything is fine. I'm good.

640
00:41:17,515 --> 00:41:21,675
Speaker 1: And that's when I feel that my left shoe, my

641
00:41:21,795 --> 00:41:26,155
Speaker 1: brand new left shoe, straight from the floor, Shyme catalog,

642
00:41:26,435 --> 00:41:30,075
Speaker 1: bright and shiny and now having been polished by four

643
00:41:30,155 --> 00:41:32,435
Speaker 1: hours of walking up and down on a wet beach,

644
00:41:32,475 --> 00:41:35,315
Speaker 1: complete with two guys there to rake the beach and

645
00:41:35,435 --> 00:41:38,075
Speaker 1: make sure it is as shiny as it possibly can be.

646
00:41:39,915 --> 00:41:44,555
Speaker 1: My left shoe, slipperier than a diamond, is now moving

647
00:41:44,635 --> 00:41:49,955
Speaker 1: of its own accord. I'm holding. I'm doing a good

648
00:41:50,075 --> 00:41:54,955
Speaker 1: rock climbing job, but the shoe, the shoe is not holding. Hey,

649
00:41:55,115 --> 00:41:58,355
Speaker 1: I say, with some alarm, I'm about to fall off.

650
00:42:00,115 --> 00:42:03,075
Speaker 1: I hit the sand no more than five seconds later,

651
00:42:03,795 --> 00:42:07,275
Speaker 1: So that's about would a sixteen foot drop from my

652
00:42:07,395 --> 00:42:11,515
Speaker 1: head to the beach and four weeks. For years still

653
00:42:11,555 --> 00:42:14,235
Speaker 1: to this day, it has amazed me more than anything

654
00:42:14,235 --> 00:42:17,315
Speaker 1: else that happened. It has amazed me how much went

655
00:42:17,395 --> 00:42:20,875
Speaker 1: through my mind before I crashed. In fact, before I

656
00:42:20,915 --> 00:42:24,955
Speaker 1: actually fell, I know, I did a quick height calculation

657
00:42:25,275 --> 00:42:28,675
Speaker 1: fifteen sixteen feet. I recognized that the outcropping was so

658
00:42:28,835 --> 00:42:31,115
Speaker 1: vertical that I was unlikely to hit any of the

659
00:42:31,235 --> 00:42:34,675
Speaker 1: rock on the way down. But just the same I

660
00:42:34,715 --> 00:42:39,475
Speaker 1: remembered that the rocks continued under the sand sea. I

661
00:42:39,515 --> 00:42:42,275
Speaker 1: took two years of geology, and this was going to

662
00:42:42,355 --> 00:42:46,635
Speaker 1: be a hard landing. More amazingly than all that, Though

663
00:42:46,675 --> 00:42:50,235
Speaker 1: I had taken judo as a kid, I hated every

664
00:42:50,275 --> 00:42:55,635
Speaker 1: minute of judo. Nineteen sixty six, so twenty six and

665
00:42:55,715 --> 00:42:59,475
Speaker 1: twenty seven years before we shot this commercial, I was

666
00:42:59,515 --> 00:43:04,555
Speaker 1: in the studio, the Judo studio in White Plains. Knew

667
00:43:04,555 --> 00:43:09,675
Speaker 1: you work the day of the nineteen Northeast blackout, And

668
00:43:09,755 --> 00:43:12,755
Speaker 1: the only happy memory of the entire judo experience I

669
00:43:12,835 --> 00:43:17,515
Speaker 1: had was when our instructor, Bob Durocher locked us in

670
00:43:17,595 --> 00:43:20,355
Speaker 1: the dojo that had been converted from a store that

671
00:43:20,435 --> 00:43:23,115
Speaker 1: had a front door that was set in several feet

672
00:43:23,115 --> 00:43:25,515
Speaker 1: from the streets so they could put display cases up.

673
00:43:26,355 --> 00:43:28,115
Speaker 1: And now it's pitch black. So he went out and

674
00:43:28,115 --> 00:43:31,555
Speaker 1: got his Volkswagen Karmen Gia drove it up over the

675
00:43:31,595 --> 00:43:35,915
Speaker 1: sidewalk into that set in entryway of this converted storefront.

676
00:43:36,035 --> 00:43:38,915
Speaker 1: He put his high beams on. He flooded the dojo

677
00:43:39,035 --> 00:43:41,235
Speaker 1: with enough light that weak kids could change out of

678
00:43:41,275 --> 00:43:44,395
Speaker 1: our judo stuff, then back into our regular clothes and

679
00:43:44,475 --> 00:43:47,555
Speaker 1: wait for our parents to come get us. He did

680
00:43:47,555 --> 00:43:50,915
Speaker 1: a great job. I didn't like the judo so much,

681
00:43:51,315 --> 00:43:56,955
Speaker 1: but his blackout operations practice was superb. So now with

682
00:43:57,035 --> 00:43:59,435
Speaker 1: all of this having gone through my head, in a second,

683
00:43:59,555 --> 00:44:02,675
Speaker 1: I began to fall, and everything else from that year

684
00:44:02,715 --> 00:44:05,835
Speaker 1: of once a week judo classes comes act to me. Relax.

685
00:44:05,955 --> 00:44:08,515
Speaker 1: As you drop, the more of your body that hits,

686
00:44:08,715 --> 00:44:12,515
Speaker 1: the less you'll get hurt. Hands protect. The head dropped

687
00:44:12,515 --> 00:44:16,475
Speaker 1: like a sack of sand. I did not hit the sand,

688
00:44:16,595 --> 00:44:19,155
Speaker 1: per se. I kind of splattered on my left side

689
00:44:19,395 --> 00:44:23,675
Speaker 1: like swoop as I rolled over onto my back and

690
00:44:23,715 --> 00:44:27,475
Speaker 1: took a breath and sat up. Of all people, Una

691
00:44:27,715 --> 00:44:29,915
Speaker 1: was the first to race over to me. You want

692
00:44:29,955 --> 00:44:33,715
Speaker 1: some blank and tea? I said, uh, no, no thanks.

693
00:44:33,755 --> 00:44:36,635
Speaker 1: Let me let me see if I'm dead. The grips

694
00:44:36,675 --> 00:44:38,155
Speaker 1: tried to help me to my feet, but I felt

695
00:44:38,195 --> 00:44:41,755
Speaker 1: some very sharp pain that which suggested we should slow down.

696
00:44:42,555 --> 00:44:45,355
Speaker 1: The problem was, though, even if I needed an ambulance,

697
00:44:45,355 --> 00:44:47,035
Speaker 1: there was no way to get one down to where

698
00:44:47,035 --> 00:44:49,995
Speaker 1: we were shooting, As that rock outcropping that I had

699
00:44:50,035 --> 00:44:54,035
Speaker 1: just fallen from suggested, I like to call it a

700
00:44:54,075 --> 00:44:58,035
Speaker 1: cliff every now and again. Leo Courio State Park had

701
00:44:58,115 --> 00:45:00,795
Speaker 1: a real cliff in it and a flight of stairs,

702
00:45:00,795 --> 00:45:03,555
Speaker 1: I mean a hundred steps, two hundred steps up to

703
00:45:03,595 --> 00:45:07,115
Speaker 1: the Pacific Coast Highway on a park. Sure enough, I

704
00:45:07,155 --> 00:45:11,195
Speaker 1: was able to stand, but I couldn't move easily. Everything hurt.

705
00:45:11,715 --> 00:45:13,835
Speaker 1: So the two biggest members of the crew let me

706
00:45:13,915 --> 00:45:16,715
Speaker 1: drape my arms over their shoulders, exactly the way I

707
00:45:16,755 --> 00:45:20,115
Speaker 1: had draped my arms over their shoulders of the models

708
00:45:20,195 --> 00:45:25,475
Speaker 1: during the beach shot. I stopped for a second. Hey, Oona,

709
00:45:26,155 --> 00:45:28,955
Speaker 1: are you sure you don't want to Frankin carry me

710
00:45:29,075 --> 00:45:34,075
Speaker 1: up the stairs? She said, with genuine sincerity. Now that's

711
00:45:34,115 --> 00:45:38,435
Speaker 1: blank and funny. Seemed to me like it took about

712
00:45:38,435 --> 00:45:41,395
Speaker 1: a month to get up those stairs. I assumed there

713
00:45:41,395 --> 00:45:43,995
Speaker 1: would be an ambulance waiting by this point. Instead, there

714
00:45:44,155 --> 00:45:48,075
Speaker 1: was a park ranger. This is a state park. I

715
00:45:48,115 --> 00:45:49,675
Speaker 1: have to see you first, then I have to call

716
00:45:49,715 --> 00:45:52,795
Speaker 1: the fire department. I said, well, this pain on my

717
00:45:52,875 --> 00:45:54,835
Speaker 1: side here, this feels like fire, but I don't think

718
00:45:54,835 --> 00:45:57,915
Speaker 1: it's actually fire. He called the fire department. They showed up,

719
00:45:57,915 --> 00:46:01,675
Speaker 1: They assessed me. They called the ambulance. At some point,

720
00:46:01,755 --> 00:46:04,915
Speaker 1: probably when I was being half dragged up the steps,

721
00:46:04,955 --> 00:46:09,195
Speaker 1: something happened on the impact side. If I now tried

722
00:46:09,235 --> 00:46:12,275
Speaker 1: to lower my left arm from way above my head,

723
00:46:12,755 --> 00:46:17,355
Speaker 1: I got severe shooting, burning pain from my left armpit

724
00:46:17,475 --> 00:46:22,075
Speaker 1: to about my left knee. Cleverly I figured out not

725
00:46:22,195 --> 00:46:25,715
Speaker 1: to do that. Keep your left arm above your head

726
00:46:27,115 --> 00:46:30,475
Speaker 1: and it won't hurt. I use the restroom in the

727
00:46:30,555 --> 00:46:33,515
Speaker 1: ranger station. There was no blood, so no kidney damage.

728
00:46:34,075 --> 00:46:38,075
Speaker 1: I'm okay. It does, however, hurt, and something could be broken.

729
00:46:39,275 --> 00:46:41,755
Speaker 1: Now I go back outside, my arm above my head

730
00:46:41,795 --> 00:46:44,235
Speaker 1: like I'm signaling for a cab on the streets of

731
00:46:44,275 --> 00:46:47,275
Speaker 1: New York City. And the ambulance shows up and the

732
00:46:47,355 --> 00:46:49,395
Speaker 1: E M t s tell me to get on their gurney,

733
00:46:49,395 --> 00:46:52,635
Speaker 1: and I said, I can't. I can't lower my arm

734
00:46:53,315 --> 00:46:58,635
Speaker 1: unless I want excruciating pain. I can't move my arm.

735
00:46:58,715 --> 00:47:01,435
Speaker 1: I have to stay in this position, looking like like

736
00:47:01,475 --> 00:47:05,315
Speaker 1: a Flamenco dancer. But I said, listen, can you lock

737
00:47:05,435 --> 00:47:07,715
Speaker 1: the wheels on this gurney? And they said, sure we can,

738
00:47:07,795 --> 00:47:09,475
Speaker 1: of course we can. And I said, just lock the

739
00:47:09,475 --> 00:47:12,915
Speaker 1: wheels and I'll just back up onto the end of

740
00:47:12,955 --> 00:47:17,115
Speaker 1: it and I'll fall backwards. And it worked, and so

741
00:47:17,275 --> 00:47:19,435
Speaker 1: with my left arm still extended over my head, they

742
00:47:19,475 --> 00:47:23,235
Speaker 1: loaded me into the ambulance. Apparently when I fell from

743
00:47:23,235 --> 00:47:26,435
Speaker 1: that rock or cliff as I call it, it looked

744
00:47:26,475 --> 00:47:30,275
Speaker 1: like I had been shot. Fifty sixty people on a

745
00:47:30,315 --> 00:47:34,275
Speaker 1: commercial crew. The shooting day is over. They have missed lunch.

746
00:47:34,395 --> 00:47:37,595
Speaker 1: There is a very nice catered lunch sitting there. And

747
00:47:37,675 --> 00:47:40,955
Speaker 1: they told me later that everybody was so disturbed by

748
00:47:40,995 --> 00:47:43,955
Speaker 1: what happened to me that only three people even took

749
00:47:44,035 --> 00:47:47,875
Speaker 1: something to go and know the director was not filming

750
00:47:47,915 --> 00:47:52,275
Speaker 1: as I fell. Sadly, so we hit every pothole on

751
00:47:52,355 --> 00:47:55,075
Speaker 1: Pacific Coast Highway on the trip from the beach to

752
00:47:55,155 --> 00:48:00,715
Speaker 1: the hospital. Oh, I call my agent from my cell phone,

753
00:48:01,075 --> 00:48:04,115
Speaker 1: she laughed. I called ESPN actually to check on the

754
00:48:04,115 --> 00:48:06,115
Speaker 1: cater dinner. Oh, what's new? Oh, I fell off a

755
00:48:06,115 --> 00:48:09,435
Speaker 1: cliff shooting the commercial, they laughed. And I'm lying there

756
00:48:09,435 --> 00:48:11,515
Speaker 1: in the emergency room waiting for X rays when my

757
00:48:11,555 --> 00:48:14,515
Speaker 1: cell phone rings again and I reached into my left

758
00:48:14,555 --> 00:48:17,075
Speaker 1: pocket and I had the phone halfway to my ear

759
00:48:17,115 --> 00:48:20,195
Speaker 1: when I realized, my left side does not hurt anymore

760
00:48:20,835 --> 00:48:25,515
Speaker 1: at all. It does not hurt at all. Well, that

761
00:48:25,595 --> 00:48:28,715
Speaker 1: was a quick recovery. I sat up. My left side

762
00:48:28,755 --> 00:48:31,675
Speaker 1: felt fine, In fact, it felt great, and a nurse

763
00:48:31,675 --> 00:48:33,875
Speaker 1: came over and suggested I should lie back down again.

764
00:48:33,875 --> 00:48:37,035
Speaker 1: I said, why, somehow I got better on the trip

765
00:48:37,075 --> 00:48:39,795
Speaker 1: from all the potholes and just lying here, In fact,

766
00:48:39,795 --> 00:48:42,635
Speaker 1: I feel great. Did you guys remove my left leg

767
00:48:42,635 --> 00:48:44,835
Speaker 1: while I wasn't looking. Did you replace it with the

768
00:48:44,915 --> 00:48:46,635
Speaker 1: left leg that I had when I was twelve? Because

769
00:48:46,635 --> 00:48:48,675
Speaker 1: I could hop back to Connecticut on my left leg

770
00:48:48,755 --> 00:48:52,955
Speaker 1: right now, just cancel the flight, she laughed. She said, no.

771
00:48:53,635 --> 00:48:55,755
Speaker 1: What I was feeling would be the morphine they gave

772
00:48:55,795 --> 00:48:57,835
Speaker 1: me so they could twist me around and take the

773
00:48:57,955 --> 00:49:01,075
Speaker 1: X rays they needed. And I said, please never ever

774
00:49:01,275 --> 00:49:04,355
Speaker 1: give me any more of that ever again. Thank you.

775
00:49:05,875 --> 00:49:08,715
Speaker 1: My Judo flashback, as it turned out, had done the job.

776
00:49:08,795 --> 00:49:12,235
Speaker 1: I had broken nothing the e R doctor complimented me

777
00:49:12,315 --> 00:49:15,035
Speaker 1: on my fall, and he said, I've probably had six

778
00:49:15,155 --> 00:49:18,875
Speaker 1: or eight different sprains on my left side. It would hurt,

779
00:49:19,035 --> 00:49:21,275
Speaker 1: but it would keep getting better and I'd be able

780
00:49:21,315 --> 00:49:23,635
Speaker 1: to make my flight home the day after next. He

781
00:49:23,755 --> 00:49:27,115
Speaker 1: was completely right, although I now I found twenty five

782
00:49:27,195 --> 00:49:29,755
Speaker 1: years later that it's beginning to hurt like I just

783
00:49:29,875 --> 00:49:33,115
Speaker 1: fell off the cliff. Anyway, I went back to the hotel.

784
00:49:33,195 --> 00:49:35,235
Speaker 1: I ate well, I slept well, I managed to walk

785
00:49:35,275 --> 00:49:36,875
Speaker 1: around with the help of a cane, and I went

786
00:49:36,915 --> 00:49:39,715
Speaker 1: back for day two of the commercial shoot. This one

787
00:49:39,795 --> 00:49:43,355
Speaker 1: is in a mansion in Pasadena, a room teaming full

788
00:49:43,395 --> 00:49:47,675
Speaker 1: of UNA's lying on the floor. They're photographed through chandeliers.

789
00:49:47,675 --> 00:49:49,995
Speaker 1: They're lazy, rich kids who also need to be told

790
00:49:50,035 --> 00:49:55,195
Speaker 1: to eat something. I arrived and walked into applause from

791
00:49:55,195 --> 00:49:58,995
Speaker 1: the crew and I delivered a well rehearsed line. And

792
00:49:59,075 --> 00:50:01,875
Speaker 1: now from my next trick, which is when the director

793
00:50:01,955 --> 00:50:04,155
Speaker 1: John came over and apologized, and he said he thought

794
00:50:04,235 --> 00:50:07,875
Speaker 1: this entry into shot for me would be way easier.

795
00:50:08,115 --> 00:50:09,795
Speaker 1: What I had to do is lie on the floor,

796
00:50:09,995 --> 00:50:15,075
Speaker 1: then sit up and deliver the line eat something. If

797
00:50:15,115 --> 00:50:17,555
Speaker 1: you can sit up, he said, that is if you can't,

798
00:50:17,595 --> 00:50:20,075
Speaker 1: we can do something else. Can you sit up? And

799
00:50:20,115 --> 00:50:21,955
Speaker 1: I thought about it, and I rubbed my lower back,

800
00:50:21,995 --> 00:50:24,195
Speaker 1: and I said, based on the day so far, yeah,

801
00:50:24,235 --> 00:50:28,955
Speaker 1: I could, but probably only six or seven times. And

802
00:50:28,955 --> 00:50:32,155
Speaker 1: and I said, while I can sit up, it's clear

803
00:50:32,195 --> 00:50:34,915
Speaker 1: to me one of those bad sprains was in the

804
00:50:35,035 --> 00:50:38,155
Speaker 1: muscles somewhere my lower back. And if I try to

805
00:50:38,235 --> 00:50:41,515
Speaker 1: lay back down, I lose control. Just crashed back to

806
00:50:41,555 --> 00:50:44,155
Speaker 1: the floor. That actually happened getting out of bed this morning.

807
00:50:45,235 --> 00:50:48,955
Speaker 1: So after each take, the same two guys who had

808
00:50:48,955 --> 00:50:51,075
Speaker 1: walked me up the stairs after I fell at the

809
00:50:51,115 --> 00:50:54,635
Speaker 1: beach gently held my arms and shoulders and lowered me

810
00:50:54,755 --> 00:50:59,555
Speaker 1: back two lying on the floor. We got what we needed.

811
00:50:59,715 --> 00:51:02,035
Speaker 1: I went back to the hotel. I had dinner with

812
00:51:02,075 --> 00:51:04,275
Speaker 1: some friends. The next day. I was a little sore,

813
00:51:04,355 --> 00:51:06,475
Speaker 1: but quickly fine to get back on the plain east

814
00:51:06,515 --> 00:51:09,595
Speaker 1: and sure enough, only time ever, I had a west

815
00:51:09,635 --> 00:51:11,835
Speaker 1: to east tail wind. The flight from l a X

816
00:51:11,875 --> 00:51:15,035
Speaker 1: to Newark took three hours and forty eight minutes. We

817
00:51:15,235 --> 00:51:18,195
Speaker 1: traversed the country like a dart shot from a gun

818
00:51:18,675 --> 00:51:23,475
Speaker 1: or an alderman falling from a rock out cropping. Oh.

819
00:51:23,555 --> 00:51:28,035
Speaker 1: By the way, the commercial was an immediate success, unlike

820
00:51:28,075 --> 00:51:31,755
Speaker 1: any that Boston Market had ever done before. In those days,

821
00:51:31,795 --> 00:51:34,915
Speaker 1: they were packed each night for dinner at every location,

822
00:51:35,195 --> 00:51:40,595
Speaker 1: selling half chickens and full meals with potatoes and salads,

823
00:51:40,715 --> 00:51:42,995
Speaker 1: and they were getting an average of twelve dollars out

824
00:51:42,995 --> 00:51:45,115
Speaker 1: of every customer. The rest of the day the place

825
00:51:45,195 --> 00:51:49,195
Speaker 1: was empty. The idea behind my commercials. They were designed

826
00:51:49,275 --> 00:51:51,595
Speaker 1: bringing a lunch crowd a sandwich in a soda and

827
00:51:51,635 --> 00:51:55,715
Speaker 1: a bag of chips for four dollars. Soon they were

828
00:51:55,835 --> 00:52:00,155
Speaker 1: swamped at lunchtime. Boston Market ordered three more commercials, these

829
00:52:00,195 --> 00:52:01,875
Speaker 1: to be shot in a studio in New York. They

830
00:52:01,915 --> 00:52:06,355
Speaker 1: offered me fifty grand a day. An entire new career

831
00:52:06,595 --> 00:52:09,275
Speaker 1: vista was opening in front of me. I was, for

832
00:52:09,395 --> 00:52:14,435
Speaker 1: a week or two in early the most successful male

833
00:52:14,555 --> 00:52:18,835
Speaker 1: commercial actor in the country. We shot those three spots.

834
00:52:19,555 --> 00:52:22,715
Speaker 1: I interrupted a grunge concert to shout eat something at

835
00:52:22,715 --> 00:52:25,235
Speaker 1: the band, and then I got carried off by the

836
00:52:25,275 --> 00:52:28,315
Speaker 1: crowd in a mosh pit. And I interrupted a Romeo

837
00:52:28,595 --> 00:52:31,675
Speaker 1: soap opera surgeon coming on to his nurse by rising

838
00:52:31,715 --> 00:52:34,915
Speaker 1: from the operating table to shout eat something. And then

839
00:52:34,955 --> 00:52:37,315
Speaker 1: we did something with ball players at the stadium on

840
00:52:37,395 --> 00:52:39,915
Speaker 1: Randall's Island, and I remember nothing of that because, unlike

841
00:52:39,955 --> 00:52:44,115
Speaker 1: the first two, they never edited the film. Because that's

842
00:52:44,275 --> 00:52:48,635
Speaker 1: when it happened. They're equivalent of falling off the cliff.

843
00:52:50,515 --> 00:52:53,115
Speaker 1: I will confess it had not occurred to me. Then again,

844
00:52:53,155 --> 00:52:56,435
Speaker 1: I did not own Boston Market. I did not work

845
00:52:56,475 --> 00:52:59,195
Speaker 1: for their marketing department. I did not run the ad

846
00:52:59,235 --> 00:53:02,955
Speaker 1: agency they employed. But none of them anticipated it either.

847
00:53:03,675 --> 00:53:05,955
Speaker 1: After the first few weeks of giddy glee about the

848
00:53:06,035 --> 00:53:10,275
Speaker 1: lunch crowds I had brought them, somebody noticed something unfortunate

849
00:53:10,315 --> 00:53:14,595
Speaker 1: and unexpected. Basically, for every four dollar lunch they were

850
00:53:14,635 --> 00:53:18,715
Speaker 1: now selling, they were selling one fewer twelve dollar dinner.

851
00:53:19,395 --> 00:53:22,755
Speaker 1: They had not gained any new customers. They had just

852
00:53:22,835 --> 00:53:26,395
Speaker 1: managed to get their customers to each spend eight dollars less.

853
00:53:28,075 --> 00:53:32,595
Speaker 1: These very well made, very memorable commercials worked very very well.

854
00:53:33,195 --> 00:53:35,915
Speaker 1: And the problem with that was each time they did work,

855
00:53:35,995 --> 00:53:40,035
Speaker 1: it cost Boston Market eight dollars. By the end of

856
00:53:41,235 --> 00:53:44,795
Speaker 1: Boston Market was something like nine hundred million dollars in debt,

857
00:53:45,515 --> 00:53:48,315
Speaker 1: It had filed for bankruptcy and had been taken over

858
00:53:48,315 --> 00:53:53,675
Speaker 1: by McDonald's. On the other hand, I got my money

859
00:53:53,955 --> 00:53:56,755
Speaker 1: and in the twenty five years plus since Boston Market

860
00:53:56,795 --> 00:53:59,435
Speaker 1: has not once used a celebrity endorser to try to

861
00:53:59,435 --> 00:54:04,315
Speaker 1: sell their food. Oh and there was one other positive outcome.

862
00:54:04,835 --> 00:54:08,195
Speaker 1: I'm actually very proud of this. The ad agency got

863
00:54:08,235 --> 00:54:11,195
Speaker 1: the award in question. I did not, so I don't

864
00:54:11,355 --> 00:54:14,115
Speaker 1: know which group gave it to us, but that eat

865
00:54:14,315 --> 00:54:19,995
Speaker 1: Something campaign actually won an award because somehow my shouting

866
00:54:20,115 --> 00:54:23,595
Speaker 1: eats something at una and the other way thin models.

867
00:54:24,235 --> 00:54:27,915
Speaker 1: Somehow that cuts through to at least some victims of

868
00:54:27,995 --> 00:54:33,235
Speaker 1: eating disorders. The Boston Market Eat Something ad campaign for

869
00:54:33,275 --> 00:54:36,595
Speaker 1: which I fell off a cliff, okay, a rock outcropping

870
00:54:36,955 --> 00:54:39,795
Speaker 1: for which I fell off a rock outcropping got an

871
00:54:39,835 --> 00:54:58,395
Speaker 1: award from a national Bolimia Association. Countdown has come to

872
00:54:58,475 --> 00:55:01,475
Speaker 1: you from the studios of All Round Broadcasting Empire World

873
00:55:01,595 --> 00:55:06,075
Speaker 1: headquarters in the Sports Capsule Building in New York. Thanks

874
00:55:06,075 --> 00:55:09,235
Speaker 1: for listening. Here are the credits. Most of the music,

875
00:55:09,275 --> 00:55:12,195
Speaker 1: including our theme here from Beethoven's Ninth arranged, produced and

876
00:55:12,235 --> 00:55:14,915
Speaker 1: performed by Brian Ray and John Philip Chanelle, who are

877
00:55:14,915 --> 00:55:18,675
Speaker 1: the Countdown musical directors. Guitarist based and drums by Brian Ray,

878
00:55:18,755 --> 00:55:21,995
Speaker 1: All orchestration and keyboards by John Philip Chanelle, produced by

879
00:55:21,995 --> 00:55:25,155
Speaker 1: t k O Brothers. Other Beethoven selections have been arranged

880
00:55:25,155 --> 00:55:28,715
Speaker 1: and performed by No Horns allowed. The sports music is

881
00:55:28,755 --> 00:55:31,835
Speaker 1: the Olderman theme from ESPN two, and it was written

882
00:55:31,835 --> 00:55:35,675
Speaker 1: by Mitch Warren Davison. Appears courtesy of ESPN Inc. Musical

883
00:55:35,715 --> 00:55:38,835
Speaker 1: comments by Nancy Faust. The best baseball stadium organist ever

884
00:55:39,235 --> 00:55:41,875
Speaker 1: our an outstree today was Stevie van Zant. Everything else

885
00:55:41,955 --> 00:55:44,995
Speaker 1: was pretty much my fault. So let's countdown for this,

886
00:55:45,035 --> 00:55:48,755
Speaker 1: the seven fifty ninth day since Donald Trump's first attempted

887
00:55:48,795 --> 00:55:51,595
Speaker 1: coup against the democratically elected government of the United States.

888
00:55:51,995 --> 00:55:56,195
Speaker 1: Arrest him now while we still can. That scheduled countdown

889
00:55:56,275 --> 00:55:59,715
Speaker 1: is Monday. Until then, I'm Keith Olberman. Good morning, good afternoon, goodnight,

890
00:56:00,195 --> 00:56:19,835
Speaker 1: and good luck ye. Countdown with Keith Alderman is a

891
00:56:19,915 --> 00:56:23,475
Speaker 1: production of I heart Radio. For more podcasts from I

892
00:56:23,595 --> 00:56:27,075
Speaker 1: heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,

893
00:56:27,315 --> 00:56:29,315
Speaker 1: or wherever you get your podcasts.