Speaker 1: Episode to seventy three, Why you keep self sabotaging your
Speaker 1: budget and how to stop. Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast,
Speaker 1: where you'll learn to save money, embrace simplicity right, and
Speaker 1: liver with your life. Here your host Jen and Jill
Speaker 1: m h. Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast. My name
Speaker 1: is Jen, my name is Jill, and today we are
Speaker 1: talking about budgeting and something that is near and dear
Speaker 1: to my heart, self sabotaging your budget. Because when I
Speaker 1: started budgeting, that's all I did was self sabotage my
Speaker 1: my perfect quote unquote perfect budget. Yeah, we we love
Speaker 1: to do it, like the thing we don't want to do,
Speaker 1: we do, and then we keep doing it. We wonder why,
Speaker 1: and then it can turn into a really awful cycle
Speaker 1: where we're down on ourselves and we think we're the
Speaker 1: worst and we're never going to be capable, and that's
Speaker 1: not true. But there is something too in in any
Speaker 1: of our behaviors, in any area of our life that
Speaker 1: we want to see improvement. Somehow things can interrupt or
Speaker 1: we can interrupt ourselves, and we don't have all the
Speaker 1: answers for you, but we're going to take a little
Speaker 1: bit of a look at why does this happen? Because
Speaker 1: you're not alone, this does happen for all of us.
Speaker 1: And what are some things that we can consider that
Speaker 1: are that are going to help us stay on the
Speaker 1: track of what we've identified is most helpful for our finances. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and so we're going to take the perspective of looking
Speaker 1: at some of the psychology behind it, looking at some
Speaker 1: of the areas you should probably be giving yourself grace
Speaker 1: that you might not, and some of the mistakes that
Speaker 1: can come from living in this self sabotage and and
Speaker 1: kind of internalizing it. So that's what we're talking about today.
Speaker 1: But first, this episode is brought to you by the
Speaker 1: Frugal Friends Club. So you you know about our private membership.
Speaker 1: So to celebrate the new year, to the new year,
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Speaker 1: why not. We know motivation is high in January and
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Speaker 1: stay motivated past the hype. We want you to stay
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Speaker 1: specifically for our listeners paying off debt, and it's filled
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Speaker 1: is meant to help you pay off debt faster. And
Speaker 1: if you have other financial goals, it also as a byproduct,
Speaker 1: helps with those. But that's kind of our mindset when
Speaker 1: we put something in there, and then it will also
Speaker 1: help you figure out what to do after. So remember
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Speaker 1: clueless on what to do, like specifically what to do after.
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Speaker 1: this year, had to Frugal Friends podcast dot com slash
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Speaker 1: the sale that we're running through January ten. See it
Speaker 1: in there. Who So, if budgeting is really something that
Speaker 1: you are focusing on right now, we definitely we definitely
Speaker 1: have resources for you in the Frugal Friends Club, but
Speaker 1: we also have a ton of other free resources via
Speaker 1: the podcast. So a few episodes you might want to
Speaker 1: queue up for after this our episode two thirty seven,
Speaker 1: which is Kakipo the Japanese Art of Mindful Budgeting, and
Speaker 1: then episode one Psychological Tricks for sticking to a budget.
Speaker 1: Those are probably my two favorite budgeting episodes, so to
Speaker 1: seven and one really good ones to queue up for
Speaker 1: after this. But let's let's get into talking about self sabotage. Jill,
Speaker 1: where are we're heading? Where are we going? So this
Speaker 1: first article comes from the Motley Fool and titled six
Speaker 1: Ways to stop Sabotaging your finances, although they actually go
Speaker 1: into six ways that you are sabotaging your finances or
Speaker 1: we are sabotaging. I'll say we because I'm not trying
Speaker 1: to point fingers here. I'm a part of this. It's
Speaker 1: uh I, I fall victim to the holiday spending. So
Speaker 1: it's going through what are some of the things that
Speaker 1: kind of interrupt our best laid plans? But then what
Speaker 1: can we replace it with? So well, go through all six.
Speaker 1: The first one, the first thing that we can do
Speaker 1: to sabotage our financial goals and best laid plans is
Speaker 1: not having best laid plans. You know, it, it's called
Speaker 1: not budgeting. So and they reference a debt dot com
Speaker 1: survey that showed that thirty three percent of Americans do
Speaker 1: not budget their money, although nine percent believe that everyone should.
Speaker 1: So you've got you've got a bit of a gap there,
Speaker 1: and honestly, I would imagine it's higher than that, although
Speaker 1: that's a lot of people. And then even when we
Speaker 1: do set a budget, whether or not we're looking at it,
Speaker 1: paying attention to it, following it is a whole other
Speaker 1: ball game. You know. We also describe budgeting as a
Speaker 1: spending plan, So if that's a more approachable term for
Speaker 1: making a plan for your money, then sure, call it
Speaker 1: whatever you want to call it. But we're not going
Speaker 1: to do very well if we don't actually know what
Speaker 1: we're doing, if we've not assigned a task for our money,
Speaker 1: or know how much is going coming in or going out.
Speaker 1: So instead of not budgeting, we could try creating a
Speaker 1: spending plan, creating a budget and viewing it as a
Speaker 1: tool in order to meet our goals. Again, Jen mentioned
Speaker 1: all the different a few different episodes that you could
Speaker 1: queue up. If this is your particular area of sabotage
Speaker 1: to your finances, is just like not doing it, not
Speaker 1: having the motivation, feeling like it's going to be strict
Speaker 1: and stringent, all of these things that kind of rail
Speaker 1: against this thing that we know we should be doing.
Speaker 1: Look at some different alternatives to maybe what you have
Speaker 1: in mind as what a budget looks like. It does
Speaker 1: not have to be a strict spreadsheet that details things
Speaker 1: down to the penny. There is so much freedom and
Speaker 1: flexibility in this. But having some sort of plan is
Speaker 1: going to help us not sabotage. Yeah, and it doesn't
Speaker 1: have to be a restrictive plan. You know that we
Speaker 1: love to make a you know, a guilt free, values
Speaker 1: based budget. That's and I think so this leads into
Speaker 1: number two. The second self sabotage is building an impossible budget.
Speaker 1: I know this was my problem because I looked at
Speaker 1: numbers on a screen and I said, and I wrote
Speaker 1: them down, and I said, this is the perfect budget.
Speaker 1: This is what I should be spending on this, this,
Speaker 1: this is what I have to spend on this, this,
Speaker 1: and so this is what I should have left over.
Speaker 1: And this was a budget for an ideal person, not
Speaker 1: a budget for me, not for where I was at.
Speaker 1: And so doing that and failing at it, month after
Speaker 1: month led me to stop budgeting. And so I was
Speaker 1: trying to create these impossible budgets, which just led me
Speaker 1: to not budget at all. And so I think those
Speaker 1: two can go hand in hand more than we think.
Speaker 1: And the thing to do instead is to create a
Speaker 1: flexible budget. Is too we see them so like we
Speaker 1: hear zero based budget and you know, fifty budget. We
Speaker 1: think we have to stick to these things, these models
Speaker 1: that other people have made, when really you just want
Speaker 1: to have a plan for your spending and life always
Speaker 1: finds a way to interrupt your best laid plans, and
Speaker 1: so finding ways to navigate that. We had a I
Speaker 1: forget which challenge it was that we did in the membership,
Speaker 1: but like I think it was for goals that we
Speaker 1: had people identify, like, Okay, they're going to be roadblocks
Speaker 1: for you, you know, creating these habits to get to
Speaker 1: these goals. Think of them now, and think of ways
Speaker 1: you can go around them, like just just anticipate them.
Speaker 1: Think of them now. You know, if you go back
Speaker 1: and look at your last ninety days of transactions and
Speaker 1: look at the ones that you wish you hadn't made,
Speaker 1: that's a roadblock. Look at that and figure out what
Speaker 1: was what was something that I could have said or
Speaker 1: done differently so that I could have avoid spending this
Speaker 1: money that I really didn't want to spend. So just
Speaker 1: do that in advance. Yeah, and this next one is
Speaker 1: kind of connected to that idea of what you're saying, Jen.
Speaker 1: Another area that we can sabotage ourselves is not saying no.
Speaker 1: It's kind of like a double negative, but the inability
Speaker 1: to say no usually well to both ourselves and others.
Speaker 1: I can really identify with this one, particularly when it
Speaker 1: comes to something that seems really fun, like if you
Speaker 1: throw a fun an activity at me, It is very
Speaker 1: hard to say no to myself for others. And I'm
Speaker 1: not advocating for deprivation here, but I think this is
Speaker 1: an area that can really, like truly sabotage what we've
Speaker 1: said we wanted to do, and it doesn't have to
Speaker 1: I have tried to challenge myself to find a way
Speaker 1: to be able to say yes to whatever is exciting me,
Speaker 1: but no to the interruption of financial goals that it
Speaker 1: might mean. So like, for instance, there have been many
Speaker 1: times when it's not difficult to like try and get
Speaker 1: me to go out to eat cooking sometimes feels like overwhelming,
Speaker 1: and I like going out to eat. But some weeks
Speaker 1: it's not in the meal plan, it's not in the
Speaker 1: spending plan, it's just not there. But there are many
Speaker 1: times where Eric is very successful and just hey, let's
Speaker 1: go hit up a heavy hour, like let's tell you know, oh,
Speaker 1: I gotta run to loads, But of course ends up
Speaker 1: taking like two or three hours instead of the fifteen
Speaker 1: minutes he thought. And now I'm hungry, and so yes,
Speaker 1: it's easy for me to say, yes, let's go out
Speaker 1: to eat. But and I'm not saying that this happens
Speaker 1: perfectly every time. Sometimes I just do. I give in,
Speaker 1: and I sabotage in some small ways the thing that
Speaker 1: I said that I wouldn't do. But I have found
Speaker 1: in some conditions like this happy medium where I'm able
Speaker 1: to kind of create that pause of oh, I'm excited
Speaker 1: about that I don't have to deprive myself of the
Speaker 1: entire thing. But what is a good like negotiation here,
Speaker 1: what's a good compromise? And so there have been times
Speaker 1: where Okay, yes I would love to go out, but
Speaker 1: let's eat the dinner that I've prepared and just go
Speaker 1: have a drink out, or let's eat here, and let's
Speaker 1: just get out of the house. Let's go on a
Speaker 1: scooter ride, let's go on a walk, let's go do
Speaker 1: whatever it is. It doesn't have to be that I
Speaker 1: don't do something or I don't have fun. But it
Speaker 1: doesn't have to mean that I'm spending a ton of
Speaker 1: money that I didn't plan or want to spend. And
Speaker 1: that's also connected to what we talk about regularly of
Speaker 1: values based spending and so the kind of what to
Speaker 1: do instead here in that when we recognize that inability
Speaker 1: to say no to ourselves, I think the biggest piece
Speaker 1: and they reference this in the article, is creating a pause,
Speaker 1: just an opportunity to reflect and process doesn't have to
Speaker 1: be very long. We're not talking about getting our journal
Speaker 1: out and sitting with quiet music for an hour, but thinking, oh, okay,
Speaker 1: what's happening here? What is it that is causing me
Speaker 1: to want to spend this money? Is it aligned with
Speaker 1: my value? Is it actually something I need or want
Speaker 1: or has been on my radar or priority list for
Speaker 1: a while, or is it not? Is it totally peripheral.
Speaker 1: I'm going to be really bummed in a week when
Speaker 1: I look back at this expenditure that this happened, and
Speaker 1: is there an alternative? Is there some way that I
Speaker 1: can engage in this while maybe spending as much or
Speaker 1: spending at all, and still get the thing that like,
Speaker 1: the fun piece, the connection with others, you name it. Yeah. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: It's this hard balance between saying no and not depriving yourself, right,
Speaker 1: Like we love no spend challenges, which at their core
Speaker 1: really seem to be depriving because we're saying, actually, don't
Speaker 1: spend money on anything, whether you value it or not,
Speaker 1: just for a month. But it's in order to get
Speaker 1: clarity on really the priorities of what you value. If
Speaker 1: you have an income that where you can afford everything
Speaker 1: you value, that is fantastic, that is the goal is
Speaker 1: to create that, But not all of us are there yet,
Speaker 1: and so on the way there. While you are achieving
Speaker 1: other financial goals, there are always going to be some
Speaker 1: values and things you love that lose out to higher
Speaker 1: value things and higher value goals. And I think that's
Speaker 1: where we say we want to say yes as much
Speaker 1: as possible, as long as it's within the parameters of
Speaker 1: that plan. Yeah, yeah, I mean we have to prioritize
Speaker 1: that what else in life can we say yes to
Speaker 1: every single thing and it actually go well or be beneficial.
Speaker 1: So there will have to be even in the midst
Speaker 1: of identifying our values, prioritizing what am I going to
Speaker 1: tackle first, what's going to take precedent here? Yeah, and
Speaker 1: even in the cases where you can afford everything, eventually
Speaker 1: everything then becomes less meaningful and what it's gonna say, meaningless,
Speaker 1: but like less meaningful when you are forced to choose,
Speaker 1: the thing that you choose automatically becomes more special. And
Speaker 1: so that's not like a way that we kind of
Speaker 1: want to like live our lives, but it can be
Speaker 1: some solace to know that when you choose everything, like
Speaker 1: when you're in that spending mode where you're just spending
Speaker 1: on everything, then then nothing is really meaningful. But when
Speaker 1: you're making these intentional choices, the things you say yes
Speaker 1: to are more special. Maybe that's somehow encouraging. Probably not
Speaker 1: in the moment, but just sit with it. We'll see. Uh.
Speaker 1: Number four is caring what other people think? This is Yeah. Again,
Speaker 1: I feel personally like I could have written this because
Speaker 1: one of the things that kept me spending was not
Speaker 1: so much caring what people think, but just caring about
Speaker 1: being their fomo. Honestly, it was like fear of missing out.
Speaker 1: It wasn't even necessarily what they thought of me, but
Speaker 1: it did depend. I mean it was kind of I
Speaker 1: didn't want other people having fun experiences and then hear
Speaker 1: about it later, so it was still like other people oriented.
Speaker 1: So it can be I think this can go to
Speaker 1: either way, and it's why finding your values and maybe
Speaker 1: we should have switched up this weekend, next week or
Speaker 1: next episode the next one's about Maus whoops. But it's
Speaker 1: really important to go on the difficult journey of figuring
Speaker 1: out who you are and what you want and what
Speaker 1: you value, so that you can know, am I is
Speaker 1: this what I want? Or am I being influenced by
Speaker 1: somebody else? Or am I like kind of quasi trying
Speaker 1: to impress this person or have the same experiences that
Speaker 1: make sure they don't experience something fun that I didn't.
Speaker 1: So that you can get to the point where you
Speaker 1: stop caring. Earlier in life, I'm there, Yeah, I hit
Speaker 1: that I'm a little concern for what the rest of
Speaker 1: life is gonna look like, because I don't think you're
Speaker 1: supposed to like truly stop ring until you're like in
Speaker 1: your sixties, but it's happened in my thirties, So stay tuned.
Speaker 1: There's always more room to care less that I believe that,
Speaker 1: Uh yeah, And there's a reason that there's a term
Speaker 1: for this type of scenario of keeping up with the Joneses.
Speaker 1: But the reality is that it always will fall flat.
Speaker 1: If that's the aim, it will never be achieved, or
Speaker 1: when it is, when that target is hit, if that's
Speaker 1: the target, it will quickly shift to a new target,
Speaker 1: And there is very little actual personal fulfillment in that. Again,
Speaker 1: we we all can fall into this or sabotage ourselves
Speaker 1: in this way and and want things that other people
Speaker 1: have or want to be perceived in a certain way.
Speaker 1: But I think challenging ourselves to have a deeper aim
Speaker 1: in the way that we live our life, which connects
Speaker 1: to how we spend our money, is ultimately what's going
Speaker 1: to be most fulfilling. We need to have deeper, more
Speaker 1: anchored aims than just what is the person next to
Speaker 1: me doing. Yeah. So the next one in the way
Speaker 1: that we can sabotage ourselves is by making spending easy
Speaker 1: really just not having many boundaries or parameters or barriers
Speaker 1: to spending making and I'm talking primarily impulse spending, because
Speaker 1: we all spend money, and no part of us is
Speaker 1: advocating for never spending and never buying things and never
Speaker 1: doing fun stuff. So but when we don't have many
Speaker 1: barriers in place or tethers on our ability to spend again,
Speaker 1: it lowers the barrier to entry for some of those
Speaker 1: impulse purchases. And this can happen to any one of us,
Speaker 1: and the article kind of for inces this example. This
Speaker 1: might not be for everyone, but helpful to kind of understand.
Speaker 1: When we have our debit cards or credit cards already
Speaker 1: entered into whatever website, whether it's Amazon or a place
Speaker 1: that we regularly schedule or shop at online, it already
Speaker 1: has that information. We don't have to go find our
Speaker 1: credit cards or type it all in again. It's just
Speaker 1: yet put it in the shopping cart and one click
Speaker 1: by and done. That can make it really easy for
Speaker 1: us to late night when all of our decision making
Speaker 1: fatigue has caught up with us and our guards are
Speaker 1: down and we're just scrolling and buying and scrolling and buying.
Speaker 1: And so if that's you, one of the things that
Speaker 1: that can be done is first of all, not make
Speaker 1: it so easy to get to those sites on your phone.
Speaker 1: So if if that's like a late night thing that's happening,
Speaker 1: instead put a block on on those maybe don't have
Speaker 1: those apps down did on your phone, or find some
Speaker 1: way to interrupt your habit of picking up your phone
Speaker 1: after ten pm and scrolling those sites or put and
Speaker 1: all of these habits are going to need to be
Speaker 1: replaced with something. It's not a matter of just cutting
Speaker 1: it out, it's what am I going to do instead?
Speaker 1: And so could there be a game that you're playing
Speaker 1: on your phone instead of shopping? Could there be a
Speaker 1: book that you read instead of shopping, Like find other
Speaker 1: things that are going to keep you entertained rather than
Speaker 1: just the shopping piece. They also reference in this article
Speaker 1: paying cash that for me is not the answer, it
Speaker 1: could be for you. So I'm mentioning it because for
Speaker 1: some people it feels like a bigger barrier to have
Speaker 1: to spend cash on something. They actually feel it coming
Speaker 1: out of their wallets in that way. For me, when
Speaker 1: I spend cash, I just feel like, oh, there's no
Speaker 1: law all of this, it's fair game, Like spend it
Speaker 1: however you want to. Because you're never going to see
Speaker 1: it again. So whatever it is for you identifying, how
Speaker 1: have you potentially made spending easy and in what ways
Speaker 1: can you create barriers? I know we've talked about even
Speaker 1: with emails, the unroll me site that you can sign
Speaker 1: up for and it kind of compiles all of the
Speaker 1: different email lists that you're on, and so you're not
Speaker 1: consistently being bombarded with all these ads and marketing techniques
Speaker 1: that sometimes you might impulse spend on. So there's all
Speaker 1: sorts of technology and things that we can implement ourselves
Speaker 1: to interrupt this kind of thoughtless, mindless impulse purchasing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: no spending after nine Just try that rule. Try that
Speaker 1: rule on for size. Once nine PM hits, we're not
Speaker 1: buying anything. Uh. And then the last one on this
Speaker 1: list that we will just go throughefe because why do
Speaker 1: we really have to reiterate this is your self sabotage
Speaker 1: number six, failing to imagine the future. Because you will,
Speaker 1: on average live till eighties something and on average you
Speaker 1: will only work until sixty three. So the average person
Speaker 1: and I know, like mom said, you're special, but like
Speaker 1: she was probably average too, and you're probably all average
Speaker 1: you know, so like, just plan to live into your
Speaker 1: eighties plan. No one's pointing fingers, we are all I'm
Speaker 1: looking at myself, like I can see myself in the
Speaker 1: in the video camera as I say this, and I'm
Speaker 1: looking at myself and saying your average jen, So stop
Speaker 1: stop thinking you're going to die in your fifties, and
Speaker 1: so just say you need to. And the point of
Speaker 1: that is is that you need to be putting savings
Speaker 1: for retirement into your plan. There, if you are old
Speaker 1: enough to be able to queue up this podcast and
Speaker 1: listen to it with the attention span to listen all
Speaker 1: the way through, then you are old enough to invest
Speaker 1: for retirement. And that's even Yeah, no, absolutely you are.
Speaker 1: Even if you're not eighteen yet, there's still ways that
Speaker 1: you can start doing that. So yeah, it is never
Speaker 1: too early. You save money on retirement the earlier you start.
Speaker 1: So if you're really looking for ways to save money
Speaker 1: from this podcast, here's a good one, start investing earlier.
Speaker 1: And now for the next article. So our next one
Speaker 1: is from Well and Good and it's five sneaky ways
Speaker 1: your mind sabotages you're spending and these are really short,
Speaker 1: so we'll go through them quickly, because it's more of
Speaker 1: a less like actionable steps and more of like, here's
Speaker 1: some places to give yourself grace or here's my places
Speaker 1: you might want to dig into. Yeah, and my disclaimer is,
Speaker 1: first of all, the word sneaky in this title I
Speaker 1: have to disagree with, like, none of these are that sneaky,
Speaker 1: and you'll kind of see why as we go through them.
Speaker 1: But also the purpose of well, our intention in talking
Speaker 1: about this article is to continue to challenge us towards
Speaker 1: curiosity about self, which can lead to greater understanding of self,
Speaker 1: which can lead to creating systems, habits, mindsets around the
Speaker 1: things that we know to be true about who we
Speaker 1: are and create an individualized plan that is aimed at
Speaker 1: well being and freedom and helps us in our finances.
Speaker 1: So a lot of this article, at least when I
Speaker 1: read it, can come across as just like, oh, and
Speaker 1: here's a problem, and here's a problem, and here's a problem.
Speaker 1: The titles are the titles are abrasive that I felt
Speaker 1: offended right without much way of like, okay, but what
Speaker 1: do we do about this? And so that's where we
Speaker 1: your fellow frugal friends will kind of fill in the blanks,
Speaker 1: but I think some of these are worth noting because
Speaker 1: we are whole people and a lot of these mental, emotional,
Speaker 1: relational things that are identified in this article are accurate.
Speaker 1: While come across abrasive, It's worth identifying them so that
Speaker 1: you could take a deeper dive on the things that
Speaker 1: feel relevant for you and how understanding that more might
Speaker 1: help you in your financial decisions. Yeah. So I'm not
Speaker 1: even gonna read the ones that the titles that they wrote.
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna write the one read the ones that
Speaker 1: Jill rewrote. So number one is your attachment style impacts
Speaker 1: your relationship with money? And I was unfamiliar with attachment styles, um,
Speaker 1: but apparently they are how you relate to others, so secure, avoidant, anxious, disorganized.
Speaker 1: If you recognize one of those or multiples in your
Speaker 1: relationship with others, those have a direct effect on how
Speaker 1: you relate to money. So uh, this doctor says each
Speaker 1: attachment style may respond from that desire to avoid discomfort.
Speaker 1: And I feel like a lot. I mean, even if
Speaker 1: you don't have what this article calls an insecure attachment style,
Speaker 1: that's offensive. I'm very secure. I'm very secure in my
Speaker 1: negative attachment styles. Thank you. I really some of our
Speaker 1: spending is to avoid discomfort, I think, and so I've
Speaker 1: found that like very eye opening that if you can
Speaker 1: identify something in your relationships, then it's very likely that
Speaker 1: it's going to have some impact in your money. So
Speaker 1: to fill in the blanks a little bit more attachment
Speaker 1: styles that it is research done by psychiatrists and psychoanalysts
Speaker 1: John Bowlby who identified various attachment styles and children to
Speaker 1: their parents or caregivers. So the four different attachment styles
Speaker 1: that you listed anxious, avoidant, disorganized, secure, those are the
Speaker 1: four attachment styles identified by Bowlby that happens and occurs
Speaker 1: as children. And it is particularly related to the way
Speaker 1: that we've attached to our parent or caregiver and it
Speaker 1: has to do with how they how they responded to
Speaker 1: us in childhood and what that instilled in us and
Speaker 1: our understanding of relationships. And so this these different attachment
Speaker 1: styles than most research points to the fact that you're
Speaker 1: you're really not going to change in attachment style. Whatever
Speaker 1: was instilled in you as a child is the attachment
Speaker 1: style that you're living with. It Again, I don't want
Speaker 1: to not have room for hope here or that we
Speaker 1: can't learn more about ourselves or operate aimed at health
Speaker 1: within those attachment styles. But whatever is instilled in us
Speaker 1: as far as attachment to our parents or caregiver can
Speaker 1: then bear weight an impact on our relationships and behaviors
Speaker 1: into adulthood. So this isn't like I don't want to say,
Speaker 1: oh zero, focus in on attachment style and make all
Speaker 1: of your financial decisions around that or any other aspect
Speaker 1: of life. But if this sounds curious to you, of mm,
Speaker 1: I wonder what my attachment style is, what what was
Speaker 1: learned for me in response to my parent or caregiver,
Speaker 1: and how does that impact my relationships. Certainly this is
Speaker 1: the curiosity with self, the understanding of ourselves that will
Speaker 1: help us in the way that we relate, and of
Speaker 1: course it bears impact on our behaviors. The article doesn't
Speaker 1: go into much depth about what that's going to mean,
Speaker 1: and I would say understanding our attachment style will first
Speaker 1: and foremost help us in relationships and our relationship with ourselves,
Speaker 1: But then peripheral impact can be our relationship with money
Speaker 1: and the decisions and behaviors that occur in us as
Speaker 1: a result of that. So just a quick side note
Speaker 1: on attachments. I'm thank you for giving that explanation because
Speaker 1: that's super fascinating. I had I had never never heard
Speaker 1: of this before. My my clinical licensure is surfacing here
Speaker 1: in this That's why we pay you the big books,
Speaker 1: because you've got those letters. Okay, number two, this one
Speaker 1: is so so true. We've talked about this a lot.
Speaker 1: Is our emotions and that includes being disregulated can impact
Speaker 1: our money decisions. I don't love how the article only
Speaker 1: focuses on disregulated emotions. I think we move and out
Speaker 1: of being regulated and disregulated, and both can bear weight
Speaker 1: and do bear weight on the money decisions that we make.
Speaker 1: We don't only make poor money decisions when we're disregulated.
Speaker 1: We can also make poor money decisions when we're regulated.
Speaker 1: But recognizing what happens for us when we are in
Speaker 1: either state, whether feeling really kind of lacking control in
Speaker 1: our emotions, or feeling really down or sad, or feeling
Speaker 1: really elated and happy and on top of the world,
Speaker 1: all of these things can impact what we choose to
Speaker 1: do with our money. We've talked about this in depth,
Speaker 1: so I'm not going to say much more than that,
Speaker 1: other than it's worth looking at and maybe even keeping
Speaker 1: a journal, keeping a law recognizing, oh, when I'm feeling
Speaker 1: this way, here's what I'm likely to do. Is that
Speaker 1: beneficial for me? Great, let's keep doing that, is it not?
Speaker 1: What could I replace that with? Absolutely? Number three is
Speaker 1: neuro divergences that need to be considered. So that's an
Speaker 1: umbrella term for any all variations including a d h D, autism,
Speaker 1: Asperger's dyslexia, epilepsy, hyperlexia, o c D, direct the Yeah,
Speaker 1: so a lot all right, And there are a lot
Speaker 1: more people that have neuro divergences, whether even slightly, that
Speaker 1: do impact how you budget and you don't even realize it.
Speaker 1: And so I think having that's one of the important
Speaker 1: parts of really figuring out yourself and doing kind of
Speaker 1: that deep work, so that if you have kind of
Speaker 1: tendencies towards one of these, even if it's undiagnosed, but
Speaker 1: maybe you just see something. And I'm mostly talking about
Speaker 1: a d h D. I think there's a lot more
Speaker 1: people that have that just because of the you know,
Speaker 1: an environmental like environmental situation is just so ripe for
Speaker 1: creating that it looks. I think a lot of people
Speaker 1: kind of can tend towards that, and so learning from
Speaker 1: that and giving yourself grace in the way you budget.
Speaker 1: It doesn't mean you can't budget, it doesn't mean you
Speaker 1: are incapable of budgeting. It means you you should budget differently. Uh,
Speaker 1: And a lot of that means a little bit more
Speaker 1: flexibility in your budget, and I think all of us
Speaker 1: need more flexibility in our budget. But just definitely having
Speaker 1: more grace for yourself if you do tend towards one
Speaker 1: of these divergences. Yeah, whether neuro divergent or neurotypical. It's
Speaker 1: important to understand our personal makeup and the way that
Speaker 1: we make decisions, the way we view the world around us,
Speaker 1: how that impacts our behaviors. It's important for all of us,
Speaker 1: and I think giving the permission to create, particularly when
Speaker 1: we're talking about finances, a system that includes and recognizes
Speaker 1: those aspects of ourselves, not trying a one size fits all,
Speaker 1: because one size does not fit all. I think T
Speaker 1: shirt companies are recognizing that now. And so whatever you
Speaker 1: know about yourself, not putting that aside and trying to
Speaker 1: make a round peg fit into a square hole, but
Speaker 1: incorporating that. How does my knowledge about whatever it is
Speaker 1: that I know about myself, whether it's one of the
Speaker 1: neuro divergences that Jen listed or something else or not
Speaker 1: even under that category. Whatever, We're all humans, and so
Speaker 1: what does that inform me about how I can be
Speaker 1: kind to myself in my approach to finances while also
Speaker 1: not ignoring it? Right, not going to either extreme of
Speaker 1: oh well because of this, I'm not capable at all,
Speaker 1: or because of this I yeah, you name it. It
Speaker 1: could go in either direction. But utilizing this knowledge and
Speaker 1: information to inform and create systems that are kind to
Speaker 1: you around finances. And next number four is our own
Speaker 1: manipulation of ourselves is one of the things that can
Speaker 1: lead to sabotage of money. I don't I don't love
Speaker 1: this terminology, like I don't love the term manipulation. I'm
Speaker 1: not saying it doesn't exist, but it sounds quite negative
Speaker 1: that we're like manipulating ourselves. I don't think a lot
Speaker 1: of it is on purpose or is like maniacal or
Speaker 1: or tiv Yeah, but I think I think maybe a
Speaker 1: better way to define this would be what's realistic or
Speaker 1: not realistic? In what ways are we maybe thinking something
Speaker 1: is going to happen? This might be like fantastical thinking
Speaker 1: versus what's reality, or creating something I know that we
Speaker 1: mentioned in that first article, creating something that's completely unrealistic,
Speaker 1: not not something that's possible for us or desired even Uh,
Speaker 1: this can be either give some examples of like oh,
Speaker 1: I'll do I'll do that later, or I'll i'll totally
Speaker 1: budget when X y Z happens. And I don't think
Speaker 1: that's manipulation. That might be just like thinking something is
Speaker 1: going to be true that isn't true, Maybe having a
Speaker 1: fantastical view of ourselves and what we're gonna do or
Speaker 1: what we're capable of, and not actually looking at, well,
Speaker 1: what are my patterns of behaviors and what could I
Speaker 1: reasonably expect to get done in the next week, Or
Speaker 1: is it true that tomorrow I'll do the budget or
Speaker 1: is it better that I'll do it right now? Carve
Speaker 1: out space as I'm thinking about it. So just kind
Speaker 1: of yeah, I guess that there's a possibility that we
Speaker 1: kind of like trick ourselves. But I think it's just
Speaker 1: a matter of looking at what's reasonable, what's realistic, and
Speaker 1: not continuing to find ourselves in this cycle of telling
Speaker 1: ourselves something's going to happen when it when it's not
Speaker 1: going to happen, and maybe even we know full well
Speaker 1: it's not going to happen. So just taking a little
Speaker 1: bit more of a realistic approach with ourselves. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: like selective rationalization. It's here saying you're gonna it's definitely,
Speaker 1: I'm going to do this tomorrow. I'll just fall asleep tonight.
Speaker 1: I'll track today's and tomorrow's transactions tomorrow. It's this is
Speaker 1: what it sounds like. But I think when it comes
Speaker 1: to the first sentence was like, it's important to be
Speaker 1: aware when someone else is attempting to manipulate you. And
Speaker 1: I know this is talking about self, but I think
Speaker 1: a lot of our manipulation is like super well intentioned. Honestly,
Speaker 1: most most manipulation is like just the people around us
Speaker 1: wanting what they think is best for us. Uh, And
Speaker 1: we can take some of that on and internalize it
Speaker 1: and kind of create that in ourselves and want what
Speaker 1: other people think is best for us, when really we
Speaker 1: should be doing a little more realistic rationalization. Okay, what
Speaker 1: is best for me? So just a little addition to that.
Speaker 1: And then the last one is you're still embracing learned
Speaker 1: behaviors that no longer serve you. This was the only
Speaker 1: one that I thought was not abrasive. But so this
Speaker 1: kind of I think, I guess, ties a little bit
Speaker 1: into the attachment styles, but is focused on things that
Speaker 1: you can change. So they're saying our upbringing around finances
Speaker 1: and money greatly affects our spending habits in the future.
Speaker 1: For example, if you're raised by people who had insecure
Speaker 1: attachment styles, you likely picked up on their spending habits.
Speaker 1: For me, it was my mom always, every every weekend,
Speaker 1: we went to the mall. Like shopping was a hobby,
Speaker 1: it was an activity, and so that was the way
Speaker 1: we bonded. And if we wanted to bond, we went
Speaker 1: to the mall. And that when I became an adult,
Speaker 1: and I think about this every Black Friday too, because
Speaker 1: my favorite part of Thanksgiving was not the meal. It
Speaker 1: was planning the Black Friday shopping route and sale acquisition
Speaker 1: of sale items. That was the best part for me.
Speaker 1: And nobody is surprised if you know me and and
Speaker 1: that habit, that behavior no longer serves me in adulthood,
Speaker 1: and it was a kind of a little difficult to
Speaker 1: let go of. It was it took my job actually
Speaker 1: requiring me to work every Black Friday for five years.
Speaker 1: That broke me of it. So thank you Greg, Thank
Speaker 1: you Greg. So yeah, like there are these things and
Speaker 1: you can accept that. Like when I was younger, Black Friday,
Speaker 1: you know, strategic shopping was very fun and it served
Speaker 1: me in that way and it no longer serves me today.
Speaker 1: And so I can be happy about what I did
Speaker 1: and when I did it and still change and create
Speaker 1: different behaviors today without feeling guilty about the past, without
Speaker 1: losing anything in the present or future. Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: just recognizing cycles and patterns of behavior and where to
Speaker 1: interrupt them. Sometimes it can help us even draw it out,
Speaker 1: like literally draw out a circle and identify like where
Speaker 1: does it start, what happens next, what happens next, what
Speaker 1: happens next, what's the end? How does it then get
Speaker 1: back into the cycle again? And then once we have
Speaker 1: that written out around the circle, identifying where can this
Speaker 1: be interrupted? At what point do I want to interrupt it?
Speaker 1: And and and with what can I interrupt it and just
Speaker 1: begin practicing changing and shifting some of those learned behaviors.
Speaker 1: You know how I love to interrupt you when you
Speaker 1: are just on this like rampage of wisdom with something
Speaker 1: that doesn't need to be shifted or changed the week.
Speaker 1: That's right, it's time for the best minute of your
Speaker 1: entire week. Maybe a baby was born and his name
Speaker 1: is Williams. Maybe you paid off your mortgage, maybe your
Speaker 1: car died, and you're happy to not have to pay
Speaker 1: that bill anymore. That's bill Buffalo Bills, Bill Clint, this
Speaker 1: is the bill of the week. This has come from Florida.
Speaker 1: And a few months ago I applied to have my
Speaker 1: p m I removed. So my house had gained quite
Speaker 1: a bit of equity in the last housing bump. So
Speaker 1: this past month was the first month that I didn't
Speaker 1: have to pay p m I on a fairly new mortgage.
Speaker 1: And so that's a hundred and twenty dollars a month.
Speaker 1: But I'm going to continue to just keep paying it
Speaker 1: against the principal, so MUCKs additional d of the principle
Speaker 1: over the life of Alane will be another seventy four grand,
Speaker 1: So I'm pretty happy about that. Thanks. Yes, Tim from Florida.
Speaker 1: This is amazing well done. I mean that that p
Speaker 1: m I. That's one of those things that once it's
Speaker 1: rolled in near mortgage many people can forget about. But
Speaker 1: the fact that you remembered it and you were able
Speaker 1: to get rid of it, it sounds like before when
Speaker 1: you thought you could because the value of your home increased,
Speaker 1: which is amazing. So it's it's something. There's just tip
Speaker 1: for all housing in Florida to be more. Really, yeah,
Speaker 1: take a look at But then how wise of you
Speaker 1: to keep paying what you were used to paying towards
Speaker 1: your mortgage and applying that what you were paying to
Speaker 1: p m I to the principle instead and the difference
Speaker 1: that's going to make for you in the long run.
Speaker 1: That's just you've just hacked some housing, right there. Tim
Speaker 1: from Florida, Well done. Yeah, I love this because p
Speaker 1: m I, especially right now when it's not advantageous to refinance,
Speaker 1: but so many housing values have gone up to where
Speaker 1: so many people can get p m I off and
Speaker 1: you can make the decision. I can either like stopped,
Speaker 1: you know, buying lattes and save a d twenty dollars
Speaker 1: a month, or I can just look at this one
Speaker 1: simple thing that I didn't even know existed, or that
Speaker 1: I could remove and just take it off and I
Speaker 1: can buy all my Latte's and save the same amount
Speaker 1: and not think about it. It's so easy. And I
Speaker 1: will say that sometimes you will have to pay for
Speaker 1: an inspection not inspection appraisal to do that if you're
Speaker 1: not refinancing. Honestly, it's a lot cheaper. It's like five
Speaker 1: versus closing costs for refinancing. But you would you would
Speaker 1: make that out ideally if the interest rates weren't crazy.
Speaker 1: So if you think your mortgage has gone up, check
Speaker 1: Zillo and then take a little bit off of that
Speaker 1: because Zillo is very generous. See if you have that
Speaker 1: twenty equity, I think I think they might require maybe
Speaker 1: just a smidge over, they'll automatically take it off. I
Speaker 1: think it at of the loan paid off, But that
Speaker 1: doesn't necessarily mean you have to pay off of the
Speaker 1: loan to get p m I removed. You have to
Speaker 1: have that of equity. So if your house price has
Speaker 1: gone up, check it. You may be able to get
Speaker 1: p m I off and have those latta's. I love that.
Speaker 1: If you are listening and you're similar to Tim from Florida,
Speaker 1: just hack in housing and getting rid of p m
Speaker 1: I and paying down principle, or you're like Jen who
Speaker 1: is just concerned about getting her lattes and no one
Speaker 1: yelling at her. Whatever your bill is, send it to us. Really, truly,
Speaker 1: we've ripped through a lot of our bills now and
Speaker 1: we need more. So Frugal Friends Podcast, Calm Slash Bill.
Speaker 1: Leave us your bill. You won't be waiting in the
Speaker 1: wings for six months anymore. Yeah, this is not something
Speaker 1: we thought about when we went to two episodes a week.
Speaker 1: This was an oversight and we need your help. We
Speaker 1: need your bills. We do need your bills. And now
Speaker 1: it's time for heatening round all right. So today in
Speaker 1: the Vulnerability Lightning Vulnerability Lightning p P, how do you
Speaker 1: divert yourself away from self sabotaging behaviors. Let's give the
Speaker 1: people some real world, actionable tips. Let's give them something
Speaker 1: to talk about. Let's give him something to do. Okay, this,
Speaker 1: here's this good Jill Uh. This one took a lot
Speaker 1: of thought for me. I really had to think through
Speaker 1: like what what could be myself sabotaging? And did mention
Speaker 1: this already? So but it's this is true for me?
Speaker 1: Bears repeating, yeah, I do. Pause. I have kind of
Speaker 1: formed so much of a habit of this that I
Speaker 1: don't truly hardly notice it anymore. But if I think
Speaker 1: about my behaviors, I pause when it comes to spending.
Speaker 1: Whether I'm at home and shopping online or out in
Speaker 1: a store, I do regularly check in with myself to
Speaker 1: determine how I'm feeling about making the purchases, whether I
Speaker 1: feel like it's a good decision, if it's actually something
Speaker 1: that is on the list or is truly going to
Speaker 1: solve a problem, or if it's in the spending plan
Speaker 1: like and that pause. Many times that check in is yep,
Speaker 1: good to go, keep moving forward. But there are plenty
Speaker 1: of times too where that pause makes me realize, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm feeling uneasy about this. I'm feeling kind of
Speaker 1: uncertain about springing for this item that wasn't on the list.
Speaker 1: It kind of just caught my eye. I don't actually
Speaker 1: think I'm gonna be like thrilled that I bought this
Speaker 1: when I get home or when it arrives at my doorstep,
Speaker 1: and okay, let's take it out of the cart. That
Speaker 1: can still create more pauses of now how am I
Speaker 1: feeling now that it's not in my cart anymore? But
Speaker 1: this I think has been something and I can't totally
Speaker 1: say when this fully solidified for me as a habit,
Speaker 1: but now that it's kind of just become part of
Speaker 1: my regular practices, I think it's a huge thing that
Speaker 1: has helped me in my finances. Maybe in our after
Speaker 1: show I'll talk about how that can swing the other way.
Speaker 1: I realized this, I wanted to talk with you about it, Okay,
Speaker 1: I can't wait to hear um for me. I think,
Speaker 1: so I have to kind of two things. So the
Speaker 1: first is, now that we're doing more home renovations, were
Speaker 1: buying a lot more on Amazon. So before, like my
Speaker 1: the way I diverted myself was I just like didn't
Speaker 1: go like I didn't have the app. I just stayed
Speaker 1: off and I would you know, I would play solitaire
Speaker 1: or something instead. But now I kind of have to
Speaker 1: be there, and so I have been kind of doing
Speaker 1: not a thirty day rule, but like putting things in
Speaker 1: my car into leaving them there for like a very
Speaker 1: long time to make sure that I still want them,
Speaker 1: to make sure I can't find them second hand or
Speaker 1: for free on the buy nothing group. So that has
Speaker 1: been kind of my first one UM. And then the second,
Speaker 1: I think my most kind of self My most destructive
Speaker 1: spending behavior is definitely like fast food. It's just been
Speaker 1: a habit since since I became a mom, honestly that
Speaker 1: I have picked up. Like I never did fast food
Speaker 1: before I had a child, and I was a vegetarian,
Speaker 1: so it was just like not the only place I
Speaker 1: could really go would was Taco Bell and that's not
Speaker 1: fast food. That's that's fast Mexican. Uh so I doesn't
Speaker 1: count and and so so this is actually like my
Speaker 1: biggest struggle right now is actually this one, and it's
Speaker 1: the one that I'm really having trouble overcoming. So I
Speaker 1: am buying more snacks like snack bars, because especially in pregnancy,
Speaker 1: like hunger will just come over me, but the will
Speaker 1: to make food does not come over me at the
Speaker 1: same time. And so having like kind bars or r
Speaker 1: X bars or like bars has been something that has
Speaker 1: been helpful for me. And I'll keep dried fruit in
Speaker 1: my glove compartment because that can stay in my hot
Speaker 1: car and not get gross. So yeah, that has been
Speaker 1: those tactics nice. Yeah. Yeah. And here's the thing too,
Speaker 1: at least for you, Jen for right now. Again, I
Speaker 1: think life has lived in seasons and I think recognizing
Speaker 1: what that means for you right now and giving some
Speaker 1: space for it, maybe even starting to put it into
Speaker 1: the budget for now, because not only are you a
Speaker 1: mom of a toddler, but you're pregnant. So I don't
Speaker 1: anticipate that what you're describing is going to last super long.
Speaker 1: But you're extra tired and you have extra demands on
Speaker 1: you and your body. That okay, So like, what if
Speaker 1: more convenience foods are necessary for the next three months,
Speaker 1: what could that mean for me? And how could I
Speaker 1: make decisions that feel like more healthy for me but
Speaker 1: still allows room for convenience, Like I just I still
Speaker 1: think that there's space for this. Like we're not static,
Speaker 1: you know, right, And the bars are kind of my
Speaker 1: like compromise to be like I really shouldn't be, you know,
Speaker 1: going to McDonald's and Chick fil A as frequently as
Speaker 1: I am. I want to have more like nutritious foods,
Speaker 1: but I also don't expect myself to meal prep like
Speaker 1: I once did in my heyday. So oh girl, yes
Speaker 1: had did. And that day, that day is over the
Speaker 1: golden years. The sun has set on that day. The
Speaker 1: sun might rise again when all of your children are
Speaker 1: like able to wipe themselves. Oh gosh, what a dream.
Speaker 1: You've put hope in my heart. I'm so glad. I hope,
Speaker 1: I hope we put hope in all of your hearts today,
Speaker 1: and just at least motivation for curiosity about yourself and
Speaker 1: how the makeup of who you are impacts your spending
Speaker 1: and ways in which you can tailor your spending and
Speaker 1: your money decisions around that. Thank you so much for listening,
Speaker 1: And just a friendly reminder from the Frugal Friends that
Speaker 1: we got a Frugal Friends club, which is like, I
Speaker 1: just love saying that is the word club. The word
Speaker 1: club is one of my favorite words. It's on sale.
Speaker 1: The sale is on if you want to know what
Speaker 1: kind of success are members are having. Here's one of
Speaker 1: our favorite wins we saw this past year comes from
Speaker 1: Wendy who said, we saved six hundred dollars thanks to
Speaker 1: last night's group and the challenge checklist. We do not
Speaker 1: have to buy a new dishwasher yet. My husband and
Speaker 1: I didn't know there was a filter to clean L
Speaker 1: O L. Now to fix the dryer. Oh man. These
Speaker 1: simple things that we learn when we're in club and
Speaker 1: in community and in relationship with other people we might
Speaker 1: not have realized before, and it saved Wendy six d
Speaker 1: dollars and who knows what it did for her dryer
Speaker 1: stay too, joined the club Masker. You don't know the
Speaker 1: questions to ask until you get into community with other
Speaker 1: people who are asking those questions, and that's what we
Speaker 1: do in the Frugal Friends Club. So congrats Wendy. If
Speaker 1: you want to check out all of the courses, the interviews,
Speaker 1: the challenge, the groups, the club, head to Frugal Friends Club.
Speaker 1: We should buy that you are L to Frugal Friends
Speaker 1: podcast dot com, slash club. Get in the club until
Speaker 1: we buy that you are L. We'll see you at
Speaker 1: the other one by Frugal Friends is produced by Eric
Speaker 1: sirianni Okay Jen. I realized this recently. I don't even
Speaker 1: it feels like this could potentially be a whole episode,
Speaker 1: but there might actually not be much more to say
Speaker 1: than what I'm about to say. But one of the
Speaker 1: downsides of frugality for me hot take has been my
Speaker 1: now realization of the pressure to make wise decisions every
Speaker 1: single time with my money. I think you know, when
Speaker 1: I define frugality as being wise, good stewards of all
Speaker 1: of our resources. It's a beautiful definition and I love
Speaker 1: it and it serves me well. But what I'm what
Speaker 1: I've been realizing in myself is this underlying pressure to
Speaker 1: always be making the best decision, and it can sometimes,
Speaker 1: uh like be debilitating of Okay, I'm about to pull
Speaker 1: the trigger on this thing, But is that the best
Speaker 1: most wise stewardship of this resource? Am I doing this
Speaker 1: in the best possible way? Could I have gotten the
Speaker 1: second hand? If I had tried hard or done more?
Speaker 1: Could I have found a deal or a coupon? Could
Speaker 1: I have hacked this more? It's like and that this
Speaker 1: might not be everyone's experience. I'm just realizing that, especially
Speaker 1: as you've mentioned being in renovations, Like I'm spending a
Speaker 1: lot of money right now, money I have set aside
Speaker 1: money that is there to be spent on the particular
Speaker 1: things that I'm spending it on. But even in that,
Speaker 1: it's like, am I getting this vanity for the best
Speaker 1: Am I getting the best possible vanity for the best
Speaker 1: possible deal so that I can be the best possible
Speaker 1: steward of this thing? Because I have a reputation coming there.
Speaker 1: I knew we were going there. Yeah, to myself too,
Speaker 1: not just my reputation to all my frugal friends listeners,
Speaker 1: but like to myself, like I don't want I don't
Speaker 1: want to lose this, but sometimes it can feel overwhelming. Sorry,
Speaker 1: what we're gonna say. Do you remember at the beginning
Speaker 1: of the episode when I said, there's always room to
Speaker 1: care less and you have a lot of room to
Speaker 1: go Jill, Okay, okay, you've got a lot to stop caring.
Speaker 1: And I think it's like we all we hear all
Speaker 1: the time that are our listeners and our frugal friends,
Speaker 1: their favorite thing about us is the relatability. And we
Speaker 1: don't expect our listeners to make the best possible decision
Speaker 1: every time, and ultimately what is best in the moment,
Speaker 1: time may tell that in the long run it was
Speaker 1: actually not the best. To say, so, there is no
Speaker 1: way you are ever going to make the best decision
Speaker 1: unless you are like a psychic, like every single time. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's just way it is the flip side of me,
Speaker 1: or the way that the pendulum can swing. When I
Speaker 1: talk about that pause that I've created and how that
Speaker 1: has served me, well, what can also come with that pause?
Speaker 1: Are all of those thoughts like, oh, well, could I
Speaker 1: have gotten yeah, you name it, like could there have
Speaker 1: been a way that I could have gotten a better
Speaker 1: deal on this? Or is this actually the thing that
Speaker 1: I want to be purchasing and so like. But yet
Speaker 1: if I did that every time and I researched to
Speaker 1: like the n teenth degree, all of these things like
Speaker 1: movement and progress wouldn't be made either. Like, it does
Speaker 1: come a point where okay, you kind of try a
Speaker 1: few different things and it might not be exhausted, but
Speaker 1: you just you gotta pull the trigger, yeah, and and
Speaker 1: give up the need to make the perfect decision. Just
Speaker 1: give it up. And I got to hold onto an
Speaker 1: educated we'll see what a guess is all our decisions are? Yeah, okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: well thanks Jan