Speaker 1: I'm over here trying to eat my disco fries and
Speaker 1: you over here and talk about some merger that didn't
Speaker 1: go through. Look here, Brian, take that peen on the
Speaker 1: water energy to the end of the fucking bar and
Speaker 1: let me enjoy my Monte Cristo in peace. Hey, everybody,
Speaker 1: welcome to hold up. This is the show with big
Speaker 1: opinions about nothing, things that mean the world to us
Speaker 1: that maybe other people don't care about at all. I
Speaker 1: am one of your hosts. I'm a co host. My
Speaker 1: name is Josh Johnson. I'm a writer for The Daily Show,
Speaker 1: and I am joined by those Sayslan and certain more
Speaker 1: noises here. Great, you rude, don't I'm rude. Make noise.
Speaker 1: You can make a noise to ship. Come on, just
Speaker 1: go bra bra no negro, brack brack. You can't. I
Speaker 1: maybe try. You can't roll your tongue. I can. I
Speaker 1: can roll. But this is not even what the episodes about.
Speaker 1: No do it. We're gonna talk about this. Do you
Speaker 1: do it? Ra? Ra Right, it's it's not working. You
Speaker 1: can't do it. That's okay. A lot of people can't. Genetic,
Speaker 1: you know what, Just give me time. It's genetic. Little
Speaker 1: genetic my mom can't do it. But well, today on
Speaker 1: the show, we're gonna be talking about something that's uh,
Speaker 1: that's close to both of those. I think people will
Speaker 1: be surprised at which side we landed on knowing us,
Speaker 1: because you know, now there's been thirty some odd episodes
Speaker 1: to get to know us. If you didn't before the
Speaker 1: show start, if you don't know us from stand up,
Speaker 1: if you don't know it's from the show, you know
Speaker 1: our personalities now. And so I think they're going to
Speaker 1: be some shocked some shocked faces that we won't see
Speaker 1: because this is all audio. Um, and now it's on
Speaker 1: the YouTube. They can see my hair. Okay, yes it is.
Speaker 1: This is on YouTube. Yep, I am working on it. Okay.
Speaker 1: Ever since my injury, I haven't been able to bench
Speaker 1: the same that I was bending before you broke the
Speaker 1: TT Today's episode, for those of you that don't know,
Speaker 1: Josh had it didn't muscle injury to his uh, pectoral muscles,
Speaker 1: which is if you don't know the titty muscle. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: it is the meat. So today's episode is happy Hour
Speaker 1: versus brunch. By the way, this comment came from Little
Speaker 1: sale Boat. We check out the comments when you leave them.
Speaker 1: So shoot us a suggestion on what you want to
Speaker 1: hear us talk about anyway, dut say, get into it.
Speaker 1: Do you want to tell the people where you landed?
Speaker 1: I think you should start? Okay, what wait? What I
Speaker 1: want to do? What I want to do? What I
Speaker 1: want to do is, first of all, before you say
Speaker 1: where you're gonna be, before I say where I was
Speaker 1: gonna be. I want to give the people time to think.
Speaker 1: What do you think? Josh picked? What do I think?
Speaker 1: What do you think? I picked? Playing the music? Okay,
Speaker 1: we're done, Joshua, Um, I'm happy hour. Wow. Y'all didn't
Speaker 1: expect that, did you? No? No, you probably didn't because
Speaker 1: I don't drink. But I feel like happy hour has
Speaker 1: more benefits to society than brunch do es Well, I
Speaker 1: thought it was because of your love of discounted apps.
Speaker 1: It is partially, but it is half because you can
Speaker 1: get the half prize appetizers that um a happy hour,
Speaker 1: but you don't have to buy alcohol to get them.
Speaker 1: I know that this. This is the other thing is
Speaker 1: that I I that obviously means that you're on the
Speaker 1: brunch side. Yeah, And my opinion is that happy hour
Speaker 1: makes life easier and better through discounts, while brunch makes
Speaker 1: it harder and more bougie for no reason with orange
Speaker 1: juice and vodka. Okay, first of all, mimosa is orange
Speaker 1: juice and champagne. Oh champagne. Okay, that's that's my bad.
Speaker 1: I was thinking of screw drivers, um, but still not
Speaker 1: worth it. First of all, breakfast on a Sunday lasting
Speaker 1: until two pm blessing too sometimes three. I'm in places
Speaker 1: that did brunch till four o'clock because they know people
Speaker 1: party in the city, right, and church was to almost
Speaker 1: brunch to go till four right. That's why I don't
Speaker 1: like the fact that Golden Krral on a Sunday, their
Speaker 1: breakfast ends at eleven third. That's only the third hour
Speaker 1: of church. Yeah, you're trying to miss people. You're missing
Speaker 1: people like the Golden KRL. Like we were to go
Speaker 1: in Crawl in Atlanta and they're like breakfast in that
Speaker 1: eleven and my mother were what why? And she literally said,
Speaker 1: but people are still in church, and the lady went,
Speaker 1: I know, yeah, everybody at worked. I knew it was wrong,
Speaker 1: but it was like corporate like no, even white church
Speaker 1: and Georgia is still in at eleven. You gotta get
Speaker 1: people till one o'clock. Come on, now, you gotta get
Speaker 1: so to get there to get dressed. Sunday, you're supposed
Speaker 1: to be able to chill and get your breakfast. I
Speaker 1: shouldn't be in a hurry on Sunday to get some victles.
Speaker 1: That sounds wold. The thing about brunch, though, is one
Speaker 1: your mimoses are bottomless. Also, we have changed the lifestyle
Speaker 1: when it comes to brunch, so now it's not just
Speaker 1: orange juice. We've done expanded the juices. Okay, it's not
Speaker 1: about orarange no more. We all have to listen. I
Speaker 1: one day had bottomless mimoses and they have pomegranate juice.
Speaker 1: Baby girl, you know how expencive, how pricey juice? That
Speaker 1: a pomegran not Oh have you heard it in the Bible.
Speaker 1: It might actually not be an apple that eve is
Speaker 1: uh the attempts Adam with It's actually a pomegranate, That's
Speaker 1: what I heard too, Yeah, which would be very difficult
Speaker 1: to bite into. That's desk wild, That's it. I think, honestly,
Speaker 1: I think that that's why they got kicked out of
Speaker 1: the garden is because, like Adam bit into a whole pomegranate,
Speaker 1: and the guy was like, you're too dumb to be here, Paradise.
Speaker 1: What are you doing? You too? You bit right into it.
Speaker 1: I told you not to eat it at all, and
Speaker 1: then you bit it in the face. I told you
Speaker 1: not to eat it at all anyway. Yeah, I told
Speaker 1: you to leave it alone. Maybe that's why pomegranate is
Speaker 1: so hard to open it to stains your fingers. But
Speaker 1: I got that. I know how to sin. You stained
Speaker 1: with sin? That like just the scarlet let on your fingers,
Speaker 1: on your fingers and guilty. For those of you that
Speaker 1: don't read anything, you missed all of these, Yeah, the Bible,
Speaker 1: to the Scarlet Letter, to the sin in general. Get
Speaker 1: your books up. Call your mama because something is off.
Speaker 1: Put your books up. Probably the most ratchet way I've heard,
Speaker 1: So it would be told to become literate, you'll get
Speaker 1: your books up. You ain't never read The Prince by Machiavelli.
Speaker 1: Get your books ha ha, Oh you've never read the
Speaker 1: Count of Monte Cristo. Why don't you get your books up? Kids? God? What,
Speaker 1: there were a lot of books I didn't read because
Speaker 1: Wishbone was on TV. Yeah, yeah, Wishbone nullified the need
Speaker 1: to read several books, like because even though Wishbone, there's
Speaker 1: no way that they covered all the details, you still
Speaker 1: spoiled the whole story because we got the gist. I
Speaker 1: know what they're doing. I know what's doing. But when
Speaker 1: they did Cyrano Diversion rack, I was like, you know what.
Speaker 1: Oh when they did Ulysses, when they did the Odyssey,
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, but you know the dog because
Speaker 1: the dog can't shoot the arrow because they didn't have
Speaker 1: any thumbs. Oh, so they had the fake little you
Speaker 1: remember more of the fake yeah, to make it look
Speaker 1: like a dog shot of arrow. I remember they were
Speaker 1: doing Romeo and Juliet. My mom walked Biden was like,
Speaker 1: see you go too far? Yeah, go too far. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's I mean. My mother fuck with uh wish And
Speaker 1: who she didn't with was Clifford. That's when my mother
Speaker 1: did not the idea of you know what it is though,
Speaker 1: Clifford was a bad influence because Clifford is why to
Speaker 1: this day you'll go to a friend's house and they
Speaker 1: got a rabbit dog that doesn't have any home training,
Speaker 1: and everybody thinks it's cute. Because that's what Clifford was
Speaker 1: Clifford would destroy a whole town, leave bodies mangled, right,
Speaker 1: houses and shampoos. And we were all like, he's big
Speaker 1: and he's red. Isn't that cute? Nah? No, there's an
Speaker 1: entire city living under a thread of devastation from this dog.
Speaker 1: Who is what? A Doberman, a red golden what is it?
Speaker 1: A dog? Yeah? And so now I'll go to a
Speaker 1: friend's house and it's dog will be kissing on the
Speaker 1: wall and they're like, no, no, Pooky, don't. Oh my god.
Speaker 1: You know he's a puppy. He's only five. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: that's so grown, that's so grown, But don't want you
Speaker 1: go by dog gears and that's in that dog in
Speaker 1: the dog thirty five. Oh, that's just a drunk uncle.
Speaker 1: And nobody, nobody has home traded all their dogs because
Speaker 1: we grew up on Clifford and we're like, oh, it's
Speaker 1: normal for your dog to be a terrorist. Listen. I
Speaker 1: remember as a little girl, how was like six years
Speaker 1: old and I came home with a Clifford book. I
Speaker 1: was sidden like reading a book from the library of school,
Speaker 1: and mom was like, what's this. I said, it's Clifford
Speaker 1: a big red dog, and she goes, hm, that dog
Speaker 1: is too big, and then she just walked away. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but you you're also talking about somebody who had been
Speaker 1: an adult for too long. When you when you're an
Speaker 1: adult for enough years, you're like, I can't even this
Speaker 1: is not when I was six years old. She was.
Speaker 1: That's an adult. She's been a full adult for five years.
Speaker 1: End up for a while, as soon as I showed up.
Speaker 1: But like every time she's like, that dog is too big.
Speaker 1: I don't see what the point is. That dog is
Speaker 1: so secured the number and the job. So when the
Speaker 1: cartoon came out, remember where they were, like, my mate,
Speaker 1: they got a cliff of carton. They gave that big
Speaker 1: gass dog a cartoon for what I say when I
Speaker 1: get a damn dog like she is not And they
Speaker 1: came with a live action movie. She's like, don't you
Speaker 1: come on with me talking about that movie with that
Speaker 1: big gass dog. Like she was not a fan because
Speaker 1: she's being reasonable and she's plugging in. But okay, Like
Speaker 1: as a kid, you're like, wow, what if I had
Speaker 1: a giant dog? Wouldn't that be cool? When I could
Speaker 1: ride him and stuff and then she as a grown woman,
Speaker 1: is like, if there was a dog that big, there's
Speaker 1: no way it wouldn't be problems. Yes, now because now
Speaker 1: the dog's too big to even protect. Because now all
Speaker 1: all the burglar has to do is run between his
Speaker 1: own legs and the dog won't be able to catch him.
Speaker 1: But then the dog could just just step on him.
Speaker 1: Maybe Clifford, clumsy Clifford might step on the front porch
Speaker 1: trying to kill the burglar. You know, it wouldn't be
Speaker 1: helpful if you tried to ride that dog from brunch.
Speaker 1: This is my thing about brunch, because I don't remember
Speaker 1: we were not talking about Clifford all the Clifford. Clifford
Speaker 1: versus wishbone cliff for another day. Yes, write that down,
Speaker 1: Somebody write that down, Clifford versus wish What what? Nigga?
Speaker 1: What you know? We've been away. I'm not gonna tell
Speaker 1: the people. I'm not gonna tell the people. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: let them. I'm gonna let them hear Yo. Somebody sent
Speaker 1: me a d M with a huge list of topics,
Speaker 1: and now I can't find the DM oh dann, So
Speaker 1: now I gotta hunt it down. Also, some rude ass
Speaker 1: person dm me yo. First of all, when you're demon people,
Speaker 1: watch your fucking mouth. How about that? Watch how you
Speaker 1: talk to people. You're gonna take the time to find
Speaker 1: me on the internet to talk to me about this podcast.
Speaker 1: Watch your fucking mouth. You're talking to me crazy on
Speaker 1: the phone that I paid for. You gotta take a screenshot.
Speaker 1: Whoever's watching our YouTube, take a screenshot of dul safe
Speaker 1: point and gonna be laughing because watch your fucking mouth,
Speaker 1: you understand. Somebody was like, well, how can you say
Speaker 1: you don't read YouTube comics comments when you know that's
Speaker 1: how you get topics for this show. You can't say that,
Speaker 1: And I'm just like, First of all, bitch, I said,
Speaker 1: I don't read to YouTube comments about my stand up. Second,
Speaker 1: I don't want I don't read the YouTube comments on
Speaker 1: the show either, as literally somebody else's job. But I
Speaker 1: do read some of the comments. But I'm not somebody
Speaker 1: who goes to scroll through. I'm not somebody who sits
Speaker 1: up and looks at every single comment, because in between
Speaker 1: good comments you'll get bad comments and people are sucking mean. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so for my mental health, you goofy hole. I don't
Speaker 1: read comments on our coors Internet This is another get
Speaker 1: your books up moment. Yes, get your fucking books up,
Speaker 1: because you're also bib like really bringing world together, Like
Speaker 1: for my mental health, you goofy hole like jeez, all right,
Speaker 1: half fun you know what? You know what from my
Speaker 1: for my blood pressure as it's like wait, wait, p
Speaker 1: on g p, get out of my internet. I mean
Speaker 1: the way that people talk to people want. I don't
Speaker 1: need to input your funk about your big right, if
Speaker 1: you're a fan of the show, thank you so much,
Speaker 1: but the coming to my d m s and then
Speaker 1: just try to one check me or insult me because
Speaker 1: I rarely read my d ms anyway because a lot
Speaker 1: of times I don't know where they are. And then
Speaker 1: they have so many different there are different like categories
Speaker 1: of d ms. So like people you follow, people you
Speaker 1: don't follow, and then more people you don't follow. But
Speaker 1: then there's like top requests to people you don't follow,
Speaker 1: and then all requests people I'm not reading. No, no,
Speaker 1: I'm with it, I'm with you. So it's like if
Speaker 1: I'm sitting that brunch enjoying stuffed French toast, m hmm,
Speaker 1: I'm talking about for sixteen dollars. By the way, stepping
Speaker 1: fussy up. Uh, listen, the day that you realize that
Speaker 1: you've been to pay sixteen dollars for eggs even though
Speaker 1: the eg yo, I didn't everybody was talking about the
Speaker 1: eggs and I didn't realize what was going on. And
Speaker 1: the eggs are gotten, so you know that the eggs
Speaker 1: are expensive. The eggs, real eggs have caught up to
Speaker 1: brunch prices. Oh so now now they've got to be
Speaker 1: that expensive just so that the restaurants can stay open.
Speaker 1: There was just a shortage. Yeah, there's a shortage. What
Speaker 1: happened to the chickens? I mean, it's a good question.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm not gonna act like I know exactly the
Speaker 1: Wait a minute, so we had a wing shortage, and
Speaker 1: now we got an egg shortage. Egg shorgea the moment.
Speaker 1: Oh it's bird flew. Lord, don't y'all tell my mama
Speaker 1: that bird flew is back. As someone who was an
Speaker 1: avid bruncher, I would go to this place called Marlow's
Speaker 1: Tavern in Atlanta all the time, and we, me and
Speaker 1: my home girl were literally goal like every Sunday, to
Speaker 1: the point that the people that worked there because it
Speaker 1: was like a buffet too. But what they would do,
Speaker 1: which I think was probably against some health regulation maybe.
Speaker 1: And this is also a very popular brunch spot. Um
Speaker 1: and their bottles and mimosas were, uh, let's just say
Speaker 1: one day my home girl had to drive us home
Speaker 1: from brunch because your girl couldn't do it because the
Speaker 1: server kept doing the math because it was fifteen dollar
Speaker 1: bottles of lemosis, right bamas mimosas, And he was like listen.
Speaker 1: I was like I had to. He's like, yeah, but
Speaker 1: that's like seven he said. If you have another one,
Speaker 1: it's only fire dogs a piece. And I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: he's right, okay, and I had no another one. He's like, see,
Speaker 1: not only three dollars a piece. Hey, you could get
Speaker 1: it down to one fifty, he said it. And I
Speaker 1: was like, sir, I don't have it in me. I'm
Speaker 1: not drinking fifteen mimosa's first the suck at all. And
Speaker 1: plus he was like, you could have your way with
Speaker 1: me anywhere. I gotta drink fifteen mimosas. Don't you want
Speaker 1: a fifty cent mimosa? That would bet you'd have to
Speaker 1: drink thirty mimosas. You'd have to be a hero. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Cent Mimosas are a possibility. If you want your stomach bumps,
Speaker 1: if you don't have anything to do on Monday, go
Speaker 1: ahead and get that fifty cent mimosa. Go ahead and
Speaker 1: live your life. We're getting down the fifty cents fifth
Speaker 1: and fifteen daughters bottomless. The other thing about a mimosa,
Speaker 1: it's it's most the most acidic thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: or the champagne exactly clear. Yeah, that's gotta burn. It
Speaker 1: does sometimes, But that's why you need that good breakfast.
Speaker 1: That's why you need them grits. That's why you need
Speaker 1: the French toasts. The thing about happy hour, it's happy
Speaker 1: hour in most places, the only last two hours. I
Speaker 1: also found out in certain states happy hours illegal. I know,
Speaker 1: because it's dangerous, because it's sexy, because it's a rebel. Okay,
Speaker 1: happy hours every day, clearly, not every day, because it's
Speaker 1: not allowed some places. There's some places that they won't
Speaker 1: even let happy hour come through because they're scared of
Speaker 1: what it'll do to the community. From four pm, from
Speaker 1: four to six pm, They're like, hey, we can't let
Speaker 1: people have a happy hour. It's like footloose in real life,
Speaker 1: all right, if people just start dancing. What might happen?
Speaker 1: You might lose the youth. I think it's like you
Speaker 1: you worked in a restaurant, so you can use the
Speaker 1: come on generation is lost? This too much happy Hour.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you so. Morris Chestnut was the guest
Speaker 1: last night on the show. And I will tell you this.
Speaker 1: We don't make niggas like that no more. We don't.
Speaker 1: We don't. We don't fucking him Michael straighthand like, we
Speaker 1: don't make black men like that. We ain't printing them
Speaker 1: out no more. We're just not. Wow. They're both in
Speaker 1: their fifties, and I'm like, come more, Chestnut has been
Speaker 1: fined my whole life, right, But you're like, go Moreris Chests.
Speaker 1: That's fine. You're like yeah, yea, yeah yeah. And you
Speaker 1: see him in person, the way this nigga smelled throut, Yeah,
Speaker 1: this man's cologne with a pen. You understand, Like, we
Speaker 1: don't make this dude anymore. We don't like even look
Speaker 1: at the whole class of dude, like the young black
Speaker 1: like the younger black actors. Okay, we ain't making now
Speaker 1: more more Chestnuts, right, We're not making any more Terrence
Speaker 1: Hours either. But that's neither here nor there. What I'm
Speaker 1: saying is that I just gotta let you go because
Speaker 1: I also don't know what you're being, so I'm like,
Speaker 1: we'll find it. What I'm saying is that, like bors
Speaker 1: chest that is like, that's the manner will take you
Speaker 1: to brunch because he wants you to have a nice sunday.
Speaker 1: He wants to get to know you. You know, this
Speaker 1: is like how dare you? First of all? How how
Speaker 1: how in the full dare how dare you mean? How
Speaker 1: very daren me? Look, you cannot just try to attach
Speaker 1: Morris chest to brunch like it's an upcoming script. Okay,
Speaker 1: can't be like here chestnuts attached. You can't do that.
Speaker 1: That's a brunch happy hour. Happy hour is taking you
Speaker 1: to a happy place, trying to get you as drunk
Speaker 1: as possible in rush hour traffic. You understand there do
Speaker 1: you read rush our traffic? But once happy hours over,
Speaker 1: you have to take a happy ass home. No, you
Speaker 1: don't have to leave a happy hour happy I was
Speaker 1: just how you start the night. You have to go
Speaker 1: home eventually. Eventually, if you're drunken ship at five thirty,
Speaker 1: what else are you gonna do that day? No? No, no,
Speaker 1: but it's not about You could say the same thing
Speaker 1: about brunch with all the mimoses. Okay, chilling brunch, we
Speaker 1: chilling brunch, brunch. Brunch. Brunch was the reason that that
Speaker 1: Uberan left with nightclubs. Brunch are the reason Uberan left
Speaker 1: was invented? Right, happy hour? First of all, if you
Speaker 1: notice you work their restaurants before, right, yea happy hour
Speaker 1: is during that time in a restaurant where no one's there,
Speaker 1: Like a lot of restaurants were closed from like three
Speaker 1: to five happy hours at time where no one's out
Speaker 1: of restaurant, So like, hey, how do we get people
Speaker 1: in here? Would I rather have no money? Or would
Speaker 1: I rather sell these potato skins for seven dollars instead
Speaker 1: of fourteen? Right? All I'm saying is happy hour brings
Speaker 1: people together. So brunch in a way that is pressureless
Speaker 1: unlike brunch. See the drawback of brunch, the drawback of brunches.
Speaker 1: Maybe you went to happy hour the night before, Maybe
Speaker 1: you did get a little too hammered. Happy hour on Saturday,
Speaker 1: Happy hours Monday, Friday delicious. But Saturday can have brunch.
Speaker 1: You can have brunch on Saturday. You got a brunch
Speaker 1: on Saturday, but you can't have happy hour on Saturday,
Speaker 1: but you have happy hour on Friday. Right, Yeah, So
Speaker 1: I'm saying maybe you went hard on a happy hour
Speaker 1: and now brunch is something that's hard to make it too. Brunch,
Speaker 1: you gotta get up. You're like, you're like barely bluing
Speaker 1: yourself together. You're barely holding on until you get your
Speaker 1: food in you everything. You're not feeling well. Nobody's like
Speaker 1: that for happy hour. Nobody goes so hard before happy
Speaker 1: hour that they can't make it to happy hour because
Speaker 1: they were at work. Exactly Brunch sometimes it's a trial
Speaker 1: to get there. Listen, first of all, that's why I
Speaker 1: last till two, because you know your constituents, customer your
Speaker 1: customer base might have been up late the night before,
Speaker 1: might not have gone to bed, so four in the
Speaker 1: morning you passed out. For in the morning, you get
Speaker 1: six hours to sleep. Baby girl, it's only ten a m.
Speaker 1: Hat and brunch last till too. You can still get
Speaker 1: some eggs, you can still get somebody French tursts, still
Speaker 1: still get to Amolet your brunch is trying to drain
Speaker 1: the people's wallets dry. I'm trying to keep money in
Speaker 1: those pockets. What happened? Hey, Hey, hey, hey, they have
Speaker 1: brunched specials. Why would you bottomless mimosas are the special?
Speaker 1: Why would I buy five mimosas at fifteen dollars apiece
Speaker 1: when I can pay the twenty dollars for the bottomless mimosas.
Speaker 1: And then you can tell them, hey, let me get
Speaker 1: a little more orange juice. Let me get a little
Speaker 1: less orange juice. Let me get some cranberry juice. Just
Speaker 1: give me a class of champagne Mommy's breakfast juice. Whatever
Speaker 1: you need to do, They will adjust those mimosas for
Speaker 1: you accordingly, unless they are a bunch of cheap funks
Speaker 1: who pre mixed their mimosas. Was this me? Notice? Is
Speaker 1: mostly orange juice? Anyway, What I'm saying is that if
Speaker 1: it's a good Sunday morning, don't nobody want to get
Speaker 1: dragged out of bed early to go get grits? You.
Speaker 1: I don't know why people can up so early on Saturday.
Speaker 1: It makes me, It drives me mad. But but a
Speaker 1: good brun cheese. See this is the thing. Happy. I
Speaker 1: always have a lot of tension in a happy hour,
Speaker 1: all right, because somebody just got off of work. You've
Speaker 1: been stressed out all day, and now you're bringing that
Speaker 1: tension to be released at Happy hour with price cheese fast.
Speaker 1: I'm over here trying to eat my disco fries and
Speaker 1: you over here and talk about some merger that didn't
Speaker 1: go through. Look here, Brian, take that pean on the
Speaker 1: water energy to the end of the fucking bar and
Speaker 1: let me enjoy my Monte Cristo in peace. Okay, So
Speaker 1: i'm happy hour because there's too many people getting right
Speaker 1: off of work, right off of work, and you know what,
Speaker 1: happy I was meeting for people that did want to
Speaker 1: go home. You just got off of work. You don't
Speaker 1: want to go home. I wish you wouldn't have brought
Speaker 1: up too many people things because now brunch, oh, you
Speaker 1: won't talk about too many people about that? What? What
Speaker 1: about that line? What about that line? Just sit down,
Speaker 1: get a reservation. Reservations They don't all do reservations, they don't.
Speaker 1: You don't have to wait in a line other people
Speaker 1: who are hungry, tired, hungover. Yes, no, no, my my
Speaker 1: my place brings you no line, my break my place
Speaker 1: bringing happy hours can't have a line. If it's bumping,
Speaker 1: they might have a line they don't definitely have a line.
Speaker 1: Brunch prices don't. Brunt place do definitely have a line. Yeah,
Speaker 1: if they're if they're good. And don't get me wrong,
Speaker 1: I've waited in line to have a brunch place I
Speaker 1: had never had before because somebody told me how good
Speaker 1: it was, and I got in there and it was
Speaker 1: as good as they said it was. I'm not saying
Speaker 1: the line is wrong. I'm just saying if you're already
Speaker 1: a little tired from the night before, a little hungover,
Speaker 1: and then that's the other thing too. Some of these
Speaker 1: places have a line so long that you end up
Speaker 1: really being pressed. Like it's like, all right, we're about
Speaker 1: to get in at one, so I hope everybody knows
Speaker 1: what they want at the table because we need to
Speaker 1: order as soon as we sit down, because some of
Speaker 1: these places are strict and what I don't like. I
Speaker 1: was in the airport the other day trying to get
Speaker 1: breakfast and I just wanted to croissant just to check
Speaker 1: whatever croissant cheese and whatever on it. And I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: we're not really doing breakfast anymore. I said, what is
Speaker 1: it ten forty? He said it's ten thirty five, and
Speaker 1: I walked the funk away. I just didn't eat. I
Speaker 1: was like, I'm not going to I'm not gonna have
Speaker 1: your early hamburger. Also, I'm looking at the fucking croissants. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's ten. If it was ten fifty five, I can
Speaker 1: give you that. Ten thirty five. Did the sausage just
Speaker 1: turn off? Did the sausage decided to stop being sausage? Right?
Speaker 1: Did this sausage just become a honey baked tam? Like?
Speaker 1: What the funk are you talking about? So? I think
Speaker 1: there should always be like a I mean five to
Speaker 1: ten in a great spirit and some shing like that,
Speaker 1: but the whole life. Oh it's ten, it's ten. So
Speaker 1: my question is like, so when you stop serving breakfast
Speaker 1: ten thirty one or was it ten twenty nine? Oh
Speaker 1: that's my favorite when somebody, when somebody pulls that, I
Speaker 1: want to lose my mind because if I'm already there,
Speaker 1: Like let's say, if I'm just walking in, I have
Speaker 1: no rights. Okay, I'll give that up. I've worked in
Speaker 1: a restaurant. I know it's like if I walk in
Speaker 1: at ten thirty one and I want to sit down,
Speaker 1: get my waters, get myself situated, and then order a
Speaker 1: whole breakfast, and y'all stop doing breakfast at ten thirty.
Speaker 1: Then I'm with you. I'm fully with you. I don't
Speaker 1: even try it. I don't even try to push. My
Speaker 1: thing is if I walk in at ten, tell me hey,
Speaker 1: because I'm a US, go listen, did you come here
Speaker 1: for bakfast? Because breakfast is about to end? And I've
Speaker 1: had places get us served breakfast even though breakfast had ended,
Speaker 1: because we were still in there they let me know,
Speaker 1: or because you were still you were in the line.
Speaker 1: Still breakfast in is a brunchings at two. We had
Speaker 1: a very long wait, longer than we anticipated. You waited
Speaker 1: for like an hour, and now it's one fifty five
Speaker 1: when you're sitting down, we won't honor the breakfast, or
Speaker 1: it's to something you've been in line for an hour,
Speaker 1: But it was anybody who got in line after two
Speaker 1: o'clock could not get breakfast. And they were like, hey,
Speaker 1: it's after two. This is the last batch of people.
Speaker 1: We're not doing any more about it, and we're not
Speaker 1: doing anybody else for breakfast that I can respect. Everybody
Speaker 1: that was in this line waiting. Okay, all you'll get breakfast.
Speaker 1: No new people we're not doing this that I can
Speaker 1: respect happy hours. I've been happy. Hey, happy hour ends
Speaker 1: a six, coming here five five, be prepared, I know
Speaker 1: what you want to drink now, right, and be prepared,
Speaker 1: and I get these half fire chicken fingers. That's not
Speaker 1: your baby, girl. If I know when breakfast ends, and
Speaker 1: then I get there and have the time to get there,
Speaker 1: sit down, get served water, everything before breakfast is ended.
Speaker 1: And so I'm still like within five ten minutes before
Speaker 1: breakfast ends, and you tell me there's no more breakfast,
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, then there was never breakfast here because
Speaker 1: if it stops at ten thirty, I showed up at
Speaker 1: ten and then by the time you are ready take
Speaker 1: my order, it was like ten ten and you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: we stopped doing breakfast. It's like, okay, is this also
Speaker 1: a gas station? Like help me out here. I do
Speaker 1: think it's very interesting that people can pick and choose.
Speaker 1: It's like, well, you know, we start serving breakfast at
Speaker 1: ten thirty, and I was like, but it's ten o'clock now. Well,
Speaker 1: but by the time your food is ready, then I
Speaker 1: was like that that that that that I'm ordering at
Speaker 1: ten you're telling me the pancake batter just throws itself
Speaker 1: out at ten twenty nine. The thing that ends up
Speaker 1: happening though, And I've since I've been at restaurants before,
Speaker 1: I can I can genuinely say there will be things
Speaker 1: that take the one that. There are some dishes where
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, okay, I can I can see how
Speaker 1: this is over because there was like a dish that
Speaker 1: it took a while to cook because they did the
Speaker 1: whole they would do like pans of it at a time,
Speaker 1: and so it's like, okay, that takes twenty months to cook.
Speaker 1: So it's gonna be just barely past breakfast by the
Speaker 1: time we saved. What time did you start cooking it? Oh,
Speaker 1: but they ran out, that's the thing, So it'll be
Speaker 1: like it'll be ten twenty and they're like, we're done
Speaker 1: with breakfast at ten thirty. So at ten twenty, I'm like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: let me get this whole breakfast cast. The roll thing
Speaker 1: you guys are talking about you seem so famous for, right,
Speaker 1: And they're like, oh, that actually takes twenty minutes to make,
Speaker 1: and if and if we make one for you, that's fine.
Speaker 1: We sold one, but now the other eight people that
Speaker 1: it can feed won't know to order it. It's so
Speaker 1: it's just gonna go to waste. And I'm like, it's
Speaker 1: not just tell those people they can order it. I
Speaker 1: worked to restaurants before, and I'm just like there's a
Speaker 1: lot of things that happened. Like I'll be at a
Speaker 1: restaurant they're like, I'm like, hey, can I get this,
Speaker 1: and they'll go, actually, we don't. I was like, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna stop you right there. I hear you is this
Speaker 1: pre made? Well, no, we don't really do substitutions. I'm
Speaker 1: just asking you to give me different cheese. It's it's
Speaker 1: hard to when a place doesn't do substitutions if they
Speaker 1: are not doing them because they don't know how to
Speaker 1: do anything better, or if they're not doing them because
Speaker 1: they're that like per sneak any about it. Some places
Speaker 1: are just per snickitty, which makes me feel like that
Speaker 1: you pre make everything if you're that person, Like, oh,
Speaker 1: I can't because like one of my friends she has
Speaker 1: a joke about, like Daniel Pereg he has a joke
Speaker 1: about like being at brunch and just starting it with
Speaker 1: like is it possible that's out? She'll start everything. But
Speaker 1: it's like I'm changing in order. It's I'm getting tomatoes
Speaker 1: taken off of something, I'm getting crutons taken out of something,
Speaker 1: I'm getting avocado taken off of something. For the most part,
Speaker 1: I'll eat this however you make it, but don't look
Speaker 1: me in my face and tell me it looks like
Speaker 1: I'm just some type of asshole, because I'm like, yo,
Speaker 1: can I just not get tomatoes and crutons in this salad?
Speaker 1: And sometimes avocado makes me sick? So can I not
Speaker 1: get these things? Well? Actually, Also, I don't like it
Speaker 1: when anybody who works at a job acts like it's there.
Speaker 1: It's there. Establishment oh that you're bothering them at their house.
Speaker 1: You're bothering them at their house. If I didn't come
Speaker 1: in here, you can't pay your rent, So I don't
Speaker 1: understand why you're getting an attitude with me. And I've
Speaker 1: a server before, people like, oh, you think that way,
Speaker 1: because it's like. What I don't like is when people
Speaker 1: treat I know how to treat wade staff because I've
Speaker 1: been a waiter before. I've been a server before. So
Speaker 1: when I get somebody who if I see you split
Speaker 1: a check three ways at another table, don't come over
Speaker 1: and tell me you can't split a fucking check. I
Speaker 1: just saw you split the check at that table. Do
Speaker 1: you don't want to split a check because you don't
Speaker 1: want to take three black people's credit cards? What the
Speaker 1: fund is happening in here? There's a lot of times
Speaker 1: I've been arresting. I'm like, I know, I just saw
Speaker 1: you just put the check. Or people be like, oh, no,
Speaker 1: we can do it. No, he can do it. I
Speaker 1: don't understand why we don't want to ask people to
Speaker 1: do their job no more. Yeah, people are very timid
Speaker 1: around the idea of like, no, you need to do this.
Speaker 1: This is like really important. I'm I'm an American. I
Speaker 1: can't do this. Man. Also, when we started, they were
Speaker 1: like you want to separate checks? And you go yes.
Speaker 1: Your friends like no, and I said, yes, Well, he
Speaker 1: don't want him to do that much work. Why the
Speaker 1: funk not? He's not doing any work. It's the computer.
Speaker 1: It's why we have computers. So when you get the restaurant,
Speaker 1: they're like, we don't split checks. Oh, you don't want
Speaker 1: to make no money because if you don't put a check,
Speaker 1: you just created a problem for me. I mean, I'll
Speaker 1: throw this out there right now. This seems like a
Speaker 1: brunch problem. I feel like, no, it's the restaurant. No,
Speaker 1: it was a restaurant problem. And you're like a happy
Speaker 1: hour you don't have the same issues. You don't feel
Speaker 1: like more than one person at a time goes the
Speaker 1: happy hour. No, no, no, I just mean that at
Speaker 1: happy hour, it's like if people don't split checks. Splitting
Speaker 1: a check is splitting a check. You've seen people a
Speaker 1: check and fucking Applebee's. That's not expensive. Sometimes people let
Speaker 1: you know who they are and you can't act surprise later.
Speaker 1: You know. Sometimes people tell you, hey, I'm the brunch
Speaker 1: type person. I need to be taken out, wined and
Speaker 1: dined in the early parts of the afternoon. And then
Speaker 1: there's some people who are like, hey, I'm over here
Speaker 1: at happy hour trying to get in as much as
Speaker 1: I can. Off of the man, all right, because as
Speaker 1: soon as it turns six o one, you know, the
Speaker 1: happiness is shutting down. We're going full price on all
Speaker 1: the chicken wings. Let me take advantage of them before
Speaker 1: they can take advantage of me. You know, well, let's
Speaker 1: let's let's let's kick it to the listeners, because I
Speaker 1: I feel like neither one of us really budged and
Speaker 1: uh maybe we didn't defend that. Well, no our positions
Speaker 1: because you know what brunch is boogie right? But happy
Speaker 1: hour for the poor either, it's not fully Yeah, there
Speaker 1: there are some. Here's the thing. Happy hour has the
Speaker 1: same vibes as try and get into a club before
Speaker 1: a certain time because that's when the cover charges. Yes, yes, yes, okay, okay, okay, okay,
Speaker 1: that's I can admit that wholeheartedly. I'm lucky enough to
Speaker 1: be at a point in my life where sometimes I'm
Speaker 1: there for the happy hour. I am you know what's
Speaker 1: happy hour? I just felt like eating there. You know,
Speaker 1: it's true because a lot of times you're on the road,
Speaker 1: look at God, you're just like, al right, well I
Speaker 1: just flewid and it's four o'clock. Yeah, you get the
Speaker 1: closest place, Yeah, the closest place. What is the ruby Tuesdays?
Speaker 1: I honestly, I'm a kind of the nineties. I enjoy
Speaker 1: a salad bar I just do we don't tap the
Speaker 1: pamm Well, listen the listeners. I want to know, are
Speaker 1: you bad and bougie or are you pinch your pantis?
Speaker 1: Are you? Are you fat at bougie? Are you. Josh,
Speaker 1: it's really where are sensible? I want to thank you
Speaker 1: out to listen in another episode of Hold Up. Uh.
Speaker 1: What I expected you to do this week is you know,
Speaker 1: stip your books up all right? You can get kid
Speaker 1: on your phone. You will be out here being literate.
Speaker 1: You don't even be looking at TikTok all day long
Speaker 1: unless you watching them. Uh. Then people make stuff when
Speaker 1: and that's that's cool, but otherwise put it on phone,
Speaker 1: put a kid on our path. Read a book, okay,
Speaker 1: learn the classics alright, learn a word today. You know
Speaker 1: you're worried everybody's wording for today, strumpet. Look it up, y'all,
Speaker 1: please read. Take care of yourselves. And if you're looking
Speaker 1: to catch up with us, you can find Duels Say
Speaker 1: Sloan at dul Say Sloan on Everything. And if you're
Speaker 1: looking to catch up with me, you can find me
Speaker 1: at my other podcasts at Josh Johnson Show wherever you
Speaker 1: get your podcast. We love you, we appreciate you, and
Speaker 1: have a safe, happy, healthy and booge your weekend. Get
Speaker 1: the behind me Satan. Hey, everybody, it's Josh here. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna be doing stand up on the Road as part
Speaker 1: of the Freshman Tour on March tenth and eleven. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna be in Kansas City at the Kansas City Improv.
Speaker 1: You get your tickets from their website Improv KC dot
Speaker 1: com or in the link that we provide. And then
Speaker 1: after that, I'm gonna be in Fort Collins March thirty
Speaker 1: one and April one. Okay, so it's not a joke.
Speaker 1: I'm really gonna be there and I'm gonna be doing
Speaker 1: a show for you. If you come, you can get
Speaker 1: go their website Comedy Fort Collins dot com or just
Speaker 1: check out the link that we provide. Duel Say is
Speaker 1: also going to be on the road. Dulsa is gonna
Speaker 1: be out here in this you read. You can catch
Speaker 1: me this weekend at the Laughing Tap in Milwaukee February third,
Speaker 1: in the fourth. Then you can see me also out
Speaker 1: and about in the mall with your daddy at the
Speaker 1: Grand Rappids Comedy Club February and in the mall with
Speaker 1: your uncle it laughs, Seattle, March third and the fourth.
Speaker 1: I'm just out here trying to just have older men
Speaker 1: take me to Rainbow. Hey, what are we doing for
Speaker 1: your birthday? I don't know Yet's gonna be in the
Speaker 1: mall with somebody's daddy,