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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha.

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Speaker 2: I want your stuff. I've never told you production by

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Speaker 2: her radio.

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Speaker 3: And welcome to another happy hour. Eventually we're coming back to.

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Speaker 1: The Sex and the City rewatches, y'all.

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Speaker 3: We are kind of just I think if you've been

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Speaker 3: around with the show, you know the timing that this

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Speaker 3: is where we're scramble because there's too many things happening,

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Speaker 3: because soon enough we're about to go into like holiday content.

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Speaker 1: But for now, this is one of those Samantha has

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Speaker 1: questions Happy hours.

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Speaker 3: But before we start, know that if we're talking about

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Speaker 3: anything specific branded, we're not currently sponsored by them.

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Speaker 1: One day maybe who knows, maybe they care. Whatever.

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Speaker 3: If you are doing anything happy hour ish, do so responsibly.

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Speaker 1: We trust you do. Be good to yourself. Annie, are

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Speaker 1: you doing anything happy hour ish?

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Speaker 2: Unfortunately? No?

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Speaker 1: Oh no, all right, next time you sid anything, just water.

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Speaker 2: It's like warm water.

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Speaker 3: You gotta keep out that voice. Yeah, I'm also on

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Speaker 3: my bubbly water. We're slowly coming back up like we

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Speaker 3: got too much to do. We don't even have time

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Speaker 3: to enjoy happy hour. I think that's honestly.

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Speaker 1: Where we are.

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Speaker 3: But with that, I have some thoughts and I think

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Speaker 3: this is gonna end up being an actual episode episode

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Speaker 3: because it's a pretty big subject. So I have already

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Speaker 3: told y'all my love of trying to find hobbies and such.

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Speaker 3: One of the things I do love is dancing. I've

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Speaker 3: always loved dancing, and honestly, this is one of my

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Speaker 3: main forms of social interaction.

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Speaker 2: I have.

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Speaker 3: Been a part of groups for years. Like so, our

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Speaker 3: little gym has a few of the instructors that I

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Speaker 3: love and I feel like connect with and we have

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Speaker 3: similar styles and I get to exercise for a full

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Speaker 3: hour and just really go all out, kind of reminiscent

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Speaker 3: of like cheerleading days. Yeah, I was a cheerleader where

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Speaker 3: I actually got to do routines and choreograph and be

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Speaker 3: really loud and just fun.

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Speaker 1: So I think I have flown a little too.

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Speaker 3: High in this socialization because I usually separated. Now some

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Speaker 3: of my Zumba friends zoom and like Cardio jam friends

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Speaker 3: what the classes are called I talked to outside of

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Speaker 3: I have made friends, actual friends friends with but like

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Speaker 3: it takes a minute to get to that point, but

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Speaker 3: it does feel like a very separate group of friends.

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Speaker 3: You know, I have my work friends. I have my

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Speaker 3: old work friends, I have my school friends and I

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Speaker 3: have my zup of friends, which actually came together for

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Speaker 3: one of my birthday parties and that was really awkward

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Speaker 3: for me.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and you and I have talked about this before

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Speaker 2: because you asked me, do you like bring in your

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Speaker 2: your separate groups of friends, and I was like, generally no,

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Speaker 2: unless there's a big event. Yeah, just because I feel

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Speaker 2: like I have to manage if they'll like each other,

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Speaker 2: they'll get along.

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Speaker 3: It makes me anxious. It makes me anxious if someone

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Speaker 3: seems like they're unhappy, they're not going to like each other.

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Speaker 3: All these things, those things like being like the host,

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Speaker 3: that neasy approval from people that I love or care about,

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Speaker 3: it makes me really anxious. So with that, yeah, like

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Speaker 3: I have a Zumba sad friends because like I had

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Speaker 3: one instructor leave and go to a fancy, fancy club

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Speaker 3: that I can't afford to go to.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, OK, I can't do that.

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Speaker 3: I found another group of people who I really love

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Speaker 3: and it's actually very heavily Asian and Latino base and

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Speaker 3: I love that. But it's different, Like there's a pretty

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Speaker 3: big black community in there, but it's a lot more

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Speaker 3: like international, like very big. So with that that they

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Speaker 3: have kind of started the oh you're fun, your outgoing,

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Speaker 3: because when I'm out, I'm out what I sound like,

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Speaker 3: I'm such like to the point they were like, are

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Speaker 3: you from New York? Your your personality reminds your confidence

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Speaker 3: reminds of me of New York, which I'm like, I

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Speaker 3: don't know what that means, but I'm all about hyping

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Speaker 3: people up. But to that point that people are like,

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Speaker 3: you need to hunt hang out with us. We have

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Speaker 3: a WhatsApp chat, join that group, I'm like, no, I'm

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Speaker 3: not doing that. And they're like, here's my number. Talk

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Speaker 3: to me like I actually exchange numbers quite a bit,

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Speaker 3: and I'm like, I don't. Actually, it takes me a

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Speaker 3: long time to get to this point. And with that,

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Speaker 3: I think this is my constant problem over my over

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Speaker 3: anxious mind that makes me hate everything, like the expectations

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Speaker 3: of it, because I'm like, I'm not this person that

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Speaker 3: you see here in real life, you know what I mean. Like,

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Speaker 3: I'm not this hype person where I'm like dancing with you,

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Speaker 3: having fun, telling you go get it, you're doing so great,

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Speaker 3: all these things. That's not my real personality, if that

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Speaker 3: makes sense, And I've always said I am an introvert

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Speaker 3: at heart with extrovert talents, as in, I can network, yes,

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Speaker 3: but it literally grinds me into the ground.

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Speaker 1: It feels like work.

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Speaker 3: So with all of this, I started really thinking about

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Speaker 3: the friendships and this group, this specific group that I

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Speaker 3: have joined, is very like I said international. When I

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Speaker 3: say international, though, like they are trying to make friends

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Speaker 3: because they probably have either recently moved here or have

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Speaker 3: a language barrier, like a giant array of people. And

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Speaker 3: I know that they feel a connection with me because

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Speaker 3: I am so like vocal and encouraging and like I

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Speaker 3: love dancing. I want you to love dancing. You have

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Speaker 3: good energy, I have good energy. We're gonna vibe together

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Speaker 3: type of thing. At the same time that I'm like,

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Speaker 3: but I really don't want to be your friend.

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Speaker 1: And then this made me.

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Speaker 3: Think about like, but am I missing out on these

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Speaker 3: good friendships on some like are these good things happening?

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Speaker 3: Like so I did get an invite specifically because I

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Speaker 3: was in the front. Again, I have socialized so hard,

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Speaker 3: and they think I'm teaching things, like they think I

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Speaker 3: can teach and coordinate things, and I'm like, uh, I

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Speaker 3: can show you what I'm doing you can follow along

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Speaker 3: type of thing. But with that that means they also

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Speaker 3: think again that I'm really fun to go out with

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Speaker 3: and hang out with and a party person. So I

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Speaker 3: got invited to a birthday party to someone that I

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Speaker 3: barely new, and I was going back and forth and say,

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Speaker 3: really she was asking me to come on, but you

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Speaker 3: really really need to come all these things, and it

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Speaker 3: was like she sent me a text with the EVI

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Speaker 3: it was very sweet, and.

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, okay, I should go. I should go.

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Speaker 3: Like my partner's telling me I should go because I've

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Speaker 3: been by myself, and again, this is my only socialization, y'all.

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Speaker 3: I have not gone out much at all, and I'm

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Speaker 3: starting to feel that. But like I went back and forth,

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Speaker 3: I was like, Okay, I'm gonna go.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna go.

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Speaker 3: I'm gonna go, And then it came I was like, no,

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Speaker 3: I'm not going, not gonna go. It turned out to

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Speaker 3: be like there was gonna be a group of twenty people,

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Speaker 3: two people I kind in you and the rest not really.

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Speaker 3: And then I was like, we're going to a restaurant

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Speaker 3: that has belly dancing and I don't even know that

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Speaker 3: is to an area that I don't love going to

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Speaker 3: anyway with probably a and if you know Atlanta, it's

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Speaker 3: probably gonna cost twenty dollars to park anywhere, yep. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: And it's already gonna be thirty minutes outside of with

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Speaker 3: another fifteen minutes of traffic, and then a lot of

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Speaker 3: these a lot of restaurants now won't let you split

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Speaker 3: the check, and that that one of those things was

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Speaker 3: those focuses are like what if there's twenty of us

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Speaker 3: and they were like, you can't split the check, And I'm.

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Speaker 1: Like, I don't trust y'all. I don't know who you are.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to buy you a people's don't you.

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Speaker 4: Know, Like, yeah, nothing happened, Like I think these are

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Speaker 4: really good people, but like there's so many horror stories

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Speaker 4: and like making friends and as we're getting older that

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Speaker 4: I'm like, do I even want again?

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Speaker 3: I'm having a hard enough time And I've talked about

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Speaker 3: this before keeping up of friendships that I have. Now

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Speaker 3: like I don't see them more than like once every

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Speaker 3: two months, and I already feel kind of bad about

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Speaker 3: that in general, So I'm like.

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Speaker 1: What is this? But at the same time, if.

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Speaker 3: Like I don't know if my partner and I were

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Speaker 3: to not be together and I am alone all the time,

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Speaker 3: what am I going to do? I have other friends

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Speaker 3: who are in relationships with families. It would be beneficial

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Speaker 3: to have more friends, as well as the fact that

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Speaker 3: I do want to make like friends outside of just work.

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Speaker 1: Not just you any of course I'm not gonna make you,

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Speaker 1: but you know.

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Speaker 3: What I mean, like something that's beyond to get that

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Speaker 3: like life first understanding, because like it's been one of

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Speaker 3: the cool things that where these classes has brought in

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Speaker 3: guests even because they're like fascinating things that they do.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, wow, that's so cool. Let's talk about it.

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Speaker 3: Because that's not in my field, that's not something that

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Speaker 3: I have in common. And again that just went down to,

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Speaker 3: all right, what does friendship look like today? Especially trying

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Speaker 3: to create friendships now, And that made me think about how.

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Speaker 1: Older as we get older.

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Speaker 3: Because of this group of Zuma people, most of them

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Speaker 3: are over thirty, if not forties, Like it goes as

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Speaker 3: high as eighty. There's an eighty year old woman in there.

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Speaker 3: She went me ninety and she is killing it. Like

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Speaker 3: I'm like, what the hell? This is amazing? So like

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Speaker 3: we have a wide range. But it did make me

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Speaker 3: think wonder, like, what does that look like for them?

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Speaker 3: What does these friendships look like for us as we

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Speaker 3: get older? What does friendship look like for us? As

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Speaker 3: to COVID, what does friendship look go for us? As

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Speaker 3: for gen zers? And of course I had to look

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Speaker 3: into a little bit of it, and it does talk

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Speaker 3: about for like how it is harder for an older

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Speaker 3: person than they give you a whole lot of advice.

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Speaker 3: But here's what a psychology today said. As we transition

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Speaker 3: into adulthood, our social circles naturally shrink as we prioritize

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Speaker 3: other responsibilities such as work, family, and personal pursuits. This

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Speaker 3: narrowing of social networks can limit the opportunities for meeting

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Speaker 3: new people and forming meaningful connections. For many, the demands

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Speaker 3: of adulthood, such as career obligations, family responsibilities, and personal commitments,

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Speaker 3: leave little time and energy for socializing. Unlike in childhood,

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Speaker 3: where free time is abundant, in social interactions are woven

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Speaker 3: into the fabric of daily life, adults often have to

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Speaker 3: actively carve out time for social activities amidst their busy schedules.

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Speaker 3: Research shows it takes about fifty hours of contact to

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Speaker 3: form a friendship and closer to two hundred to form

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Speaker 3: a close friendship, and this was the twenty nineteen study.

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Speaker 3: This amount of time and energy can make the prospect

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Speaker 3: of making friends seem overwhelming, leading many to prioritizing existing

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Speaker 3: relationships or forego social opportunities altogether, something just me, two

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Speaker 3: hundred hours is a lot of time. And also my

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Speaker 3: personality type is I can't just be acquaintances. I'm gonna

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Speaker 3: need to know about you.

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Speaker 2: That's true, you are that way.

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Speaker 3: I can't help it that the intensity that which a

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Speaker 3: lot of people find intimidating.

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Speaker 2: Mm hmm.

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Speaker 3: That's my personality type and I can't I don't know

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Speaker 3: how to retract that any.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I could see that, I mean. And the funny

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Speaker 2: thing is I feel like I'm slightly the opposite of

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Speaker 2: you because I can make friends easy.

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Speaker 3: That's why I was gonna ask you, like, do you

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Speaker 3: make friends easily?

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Speaker 2: Yes? But after COVID, there were a lot of people

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Speaker 2: who I just didn't keep up contact with, Like if

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Speaker 2: I if not for COVID, we would have. But then

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Speaker 2: COVID happened, and so it was like, I'm not really

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Speaker 2: big I don't talk to you on the phone. I

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Speaker 2: hate talking on the phone. I don't really like this

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Speaker 2: kind of zoom thing we're doing. I appreciate that this

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Speaker 2: is something we have to do now, but I it's

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Speaker 2: just not my thing. So there's a lot of people

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Speaker 2: that I made friendships with that I thought we were

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Speaker 2: we were really good friends, and then COVID happened, and

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Speaker 2: now we're like maybe twice a year I hear from them,

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Speaker 2: So I don't have It's not like the strong bond

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Speaker 2: of you know, two hundred hours or whatever. But I'm

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Speaker 2: really good at making the friend and if it's easy.

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Speaker 1: Keeping the friends right, but once.

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Speaker 2: It's like, oh no, I got to talk to you

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Speaker 2: on the phone.

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Speaker 3: I think the last time I made a really friend

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Speaker 3: connection was through Zoomba or the cardio jam class. And

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Speaker 3: it's been a minute since we've hung out, but we

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Speaker 3: do hang out actively outside of and that was in

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Speaker 3: the last it's pretty COVID, So last seven years, I'm

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Speaker 3: trying to think of friendships even in like outside of you,

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Speaker 3: because you probably came around the same time as he did.

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Speaker 1: Honestly, not to think about it. I don't think I

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Speaker 1: have done that because it just feels again.

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Speaker 3: I can't do anything like friendships on an easy scale.

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Speaker 3: I need a deep scale and like acquaintances and like

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Speaker 3: I would say like you're, you know, friend of friends,

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Speaker 3: and then I'll be like they're my friend too, Like

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Speaker 3: we were connected.

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Speaker 1: But we don't.

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Speaker 3: We're not connected right well, Like there's so many things

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Speaker 3: to that, and I feel like there are certain people

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Speaker 3: that we could connect, but it's going to take work,

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Speaker 3: and because those responsibilities, it takes a lot, Like you

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Speaker 3: don't have that time half the time. And yeah, with

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Speaker 3: the pandemic, it only got worse. And I was thinking

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Speaker 3: about this should have been a joey question about gen

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Speaker 3: zers and how they've been doing because it kind of

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Speaker 3: came out at the young adult time of like trying

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Speaker 3: to figure out how to make friends when the time

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Speaker 3: was we were all in lockdown.

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Speaker 1: This was from a BBC article.

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Speaker 3: They write experts say that overall social circles have shrunk

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Speaker 3: after a lonely couple of years during the pandemic, and

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Speaker 3: in some cases were never established at all. This means

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Speaker 3: some young people are seeking new ways of making friends,

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Speaker 3: so they're finding new ways to do this, particularly social

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Speaker 3: media reared. Gen z are now using new platforms to

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Speaker 3: build sustainable close connections in a way that generations before

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Speaker 3: them didn't. Simply young workers are getting more creative about

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Speaker 3: the ways in which they meet people. So I do

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Speaker 3: find that fascinating, but also feel like when we used

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Speaker 3: to make fun of you know, we I guess like

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Speaker 3: a generation would make fun of people being online all

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Speaker 3: the time, be like your internet friends, yeah, because like

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Speaker 3: my generation, like internet friends was literally like aim, yeah

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Speaker 3: friends type of young jets, like those are your internet

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Speaker 3: friends that you never actually really knew your pin pals

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Speaker 3: that weren't pin pals, Like that's what we were thinking of,

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Speaker 3: but in this level of like where they had to

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Speaker 3: use that as a way to finding best friends and

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Speaker 3: friendships out in that or being in real life friends

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Speaker 3: connecting with people because they you know, so on social media,

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Speaker 3: y'all get it along great, and then you're like, let's

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Speaker 3: take this in real life type of conversation. So I

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Speaker 3: do find that interesting, Like how do you connect if

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Speaker 3: it's if it's this difficult for someone who once upon

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Speaker 3: a time knew how to make friends. I had too

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Speaker 3: many friends to this point, like I don't want friends

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Speaker 3: in real life, and I kind of use social media

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Speaker 3: also as a way of like, I'm not lonely.

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Speaker 1: I'm fine. I see people, I see the trends.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, and I'm sure we're gonna in our whole

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Speaker 2: episode that will do about this. I'm sure we'll talk

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Speaker 2: about it more. But I kind of hesitate when I

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Speaker 2: see headlines like this. But there's been a lot of

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Speaker 2: headlines about loneliness, rewires your brain and the horrific ways,

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Speaker 2: oh my goodness me and all these things. And I

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Speaker 2: think a lot of us did experience loneliness in some

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Speaker 2: fashion during the pandemic. So I can like imagine gen

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Speaker 2: Z when you're that's the time and you're going out

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Speaker 2: to the world and kind of finding yourself, and then

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Speaker 2: instead it's like, no, stay in, go online. Yeah. And

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Speaker 2: also like I used to get asked this lot because

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Speaker 2: I had friends who really wanted to date, and they'd

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Speaker 2: be like, what do I do? What do I do?

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Speaker 2: I'm laughing because I'm the worst person to ask, but

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Speaker 2: it would be go to. My advice I used to

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Speaker 2: give was go to a club of something you'd like,

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Speaker 2: Go do events that you like, and hopefully you'll meet

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Speaker 2: someone who has a shared interest. And I think even

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Speaker 2: for friends. That's a good but then the pandemic comes in. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: unless you find an online space for that. I'm glad

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Speaker 2: that that exists, but I don't think it's the same right.

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Speaker 3: Interestingly, we just had a conversation y'all listeners last week

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Speaker 3: because we're recording this and This in the future, where

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Speaker 3: each was talking about her exploring craft groups and art

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Speaker 3: groups and meeting new friends and her new quest to

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Speaker 3: do this. And I'm like, oh my god, this is

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Speaker 3: perfect ting talk to me about this, because I've seen

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Speaker 3: this as a new route of like socialization. People are

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Speaker 3: doing more and more of those types of things where

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Speaker 3: it's wholesome activities that they may do typically what would

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Speaker 3: be thought of as being alone activity but coming together

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Speaker 3: to make friends.

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Speaker 1: And I love that.

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Speaker 3: But then also I did think I was thinking about

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Speaker 3: this too, that I feel like the pandemic and again

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Speaker 3: this we had a whole conversation about the loneliness epademic

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Speaker 3: and about men's lowliness, and it turned out to be

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Speaker 3: everyone and it's not just men's loowness. They just like

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Speaker 3: to pin that to make them seem like they're a

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Speaker 3: victim somehow.

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Speaker 1: But anyway, all that to say.

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Speaker 3: Is like there was a lot of loss, not physically

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Speaker 3: for sure, but like in friendships, like when pandemic happened

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Speaker 3: people there were hours reading articles about people talking about

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Speaker 3: the fact that they refused to mask when I'm not

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Speaker 3: my health is compromised. I need you to wear a mask,

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Speaker 3: or we have to social distance, or we need to

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Speaker 3: do these things if you got to put this in practice,

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Speaker 3: and that really ruins some friendships because of that kind

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Speaker 3: of politicized conversation as well as politics, Like immediately, like

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Speaker 3: the bottom line was if you voted this way, we're

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Speaker 3: not friends. And I think that's more of a leftist

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Speaker 3: view of like if you voted for Trump, we're not

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Speaker 3: talking to you, you're not a friend, because there's felt

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Speaker 3: a complete disregard for anything about a person of who

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Speaker 3: is a marginalized person in general, Like you really care

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Speaker 3: so little about me that you don't think this is

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Speaker 3: a big deal and because it doesn't bother you, I

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Speaker 3: already know you're not reliable. That's kind of that thought process,

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Speaker 3: and I can't trust you. I can't trust you. So

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Speaker 3: there's so much to that that that really shook up

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Speaker 3: friendships in itself and kind of put a boundary of

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Speaker 3: pretty hard boundary. I mean, we were going to talk

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Speaker 3: about dating, and I kind of put that in aside

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Speaker 3: burner because the world is, you know, burning in flames.

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Speaker 3: But like that's that conversation too, of like, oh no,

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Speaker 3: that we got a hard no if you voted this way,

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Speaker 3: even if you think it's a mistake, I don't trust you.

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Speaker 3: And then about the fact that people have lied because

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Speaker 3: they realized it does cause that big boundary mm hmmm,

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Speaker 3: which I think is funny. But you know, with all

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Speaker 3: of that, it is interesting, like as because I feel

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Speaker 3: guilty now. I feel guilty that I didn't make it

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Speaker 3: and I haven't been back to that class yet, so

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Speaker 3: I hope, like I feel.

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Speaker 1: Like I need to make it up.

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Speaker 3: But it's the odd part of this is even with

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Speaker 3: this could be just my anxiety and general because even

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Speaker 3: with a large crowd like people that I do love

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Speaker 3: and know so well, I don't want to be in

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Speaker 3: a large crowd.

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Speaker 1: I would rather be me and you. Yeah, maybe I'm being.

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Speaker 3: Selfish, but also because trying to interact with people because

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Speaker 3: you don't get along with everyone. I'm not gonna gonna

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Speaker 3: get along with all of your friends. You're not gonna

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Speaker 3: get along with all my friends, and that's okay, that's okay,

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Speaker 3: So let's just not make everybody uncomfortable.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I mean I agree generally, I prefer smaller,

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Speaker 2: smaller things to bigger things. And I I told Samantha this,

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Speaker 2: but I recently had I was hanging out with a

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Speaker 2: bunch of friends and they took me to a place

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Speaker 2: that really overstimulated me, and I just I couldn't concentrate

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Speaker 2: on anything. I was like trying to listen in over here,

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Speaker 2: and I'm trying to listen in over here, and I'm

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Speaker 2: like making sure everything's okay over here. So I feel

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Speaker 2: like that if you have anything like that where you

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Speaker 2: get over stimulated, if you get in a big group

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Speaker 2: of people you're not sure how they're gonna mesh together,

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Speaker 2: it makes sense to me.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, But wondering for our listeners, have you been making friends?

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Speaker 3: Is that a goal that you may had, because I

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Speaker 3: think also in our episode, we're gonna talk about the

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Speaker 3: fact that because of the changes in family and like

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Speaker 3: what was the normal family, women are making more and

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Speaker 3: more friends, probably most likely and more diverse friends. Because

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Speaker 3: at once upon a time, my mother had no friends

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Speaker 3: but her sister, I think and now she's finally doing things,

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Speaker 3: but because she grew up in an era of I

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Speaker 3: am a wife, I am a mother, and this is

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Speaker 3: my main goals. My daughter is my best friend type

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Speaker 3: of conversation that my husband is my best friend. Type

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Speaker 3: of conversation that they let go of those friendships. And

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Speaker 3: I think that's obviously changed big time. And I'm interested

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Speaker 3: in when we researched this, what that looks like, especially

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Speaker 3: again now with people having less children as well as

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Speaker 3: people choosing to not have children at all or waiting longer,

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Speaker 3: waiting longer.

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Speaker 2: Yes, and also the generationals. It's gen Z versus our parents,

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Speaker 2: generation versus our generation. Yeah, so, listeners, we haven't researched

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Speaker 2: this episode yet, so please let us know if there's

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00:21:11,359 --> 00:21:13,320
Speaker 2: anything you want us to look into, or if you

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Speaker 2: have any thoughts about it. You can email us at

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Speaker 2: Hello at stuffannevertold you dot com. You can find us

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00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:21,399
Speaker 2: on blue Sky at mom Stuff podcast orangish Gram and

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Speaker 2: TikTok at Stuff I've Never Told You. We're also on

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Speaker 2: YouTube and we have a place you can get merch

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Speaker 2: Cotton Bureau to check that out. We also have a

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Speaker 2: book you can get wherever you get your books. Thanks

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00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:34,480
Speaker 2: as always to our super producer Christina, our executive producer

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Speaker 2: My and your contributor Joey. Thank you, and thanks to

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Speaker 2: you for listening. Stuff Long Ever Told You is production

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Speaker 2: by Heart Radio. For more podcasts from my heart Radio,

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