1 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:17,440 Speaker 1: Personally with the Long Duelsman. 2 00:00:18,079 --> 00:00:21,360 Speaker 2: The second episode in the two part series of Conversations 3 00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:24,159 Speaker 2: with My Friends at Aves Garden. Ave's Garden is a 4 00:00:24,200 --> 00:00:26,840 Speaker 2: senior living facility here in Nashville, and Remy and I 5 00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:30,760 Speaker 2: started volunteering there as a therapy animal team many years ago. Now. 6 00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:33,400 Speaker 2: It showed me how often our seniors are forgotten about 7 00:00:33,479 --> 00:00:36,960 Speaker 2: within their communities. So I'm hopeful that this series and 8 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:38,879 Speaker 2: the last one we did a couple months ago, that 9 00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:42,360 Speaker 2: I can encourage more people to volunteer and get involved 10 00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:45,400 Speaker 2: with the senior living facility that's near you. The stories 11 00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:47,760 Speaker 2: they have to share are so wonderful and full of 12 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:51,040 Speaker 2: wisdom and knowledge and advice. This week we are talking 13 00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:53,760 Speaker 2: to Backsei. She's seventy eight years old and has a 14 00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:56,960 Speaker 2: lifetime of knowledge as a teacher, a stay at home mom, 15 00:00:57,040 --> 00:00:59,920 Speaker 2: a working mom, a wife, and so many more things. 16 00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:02,000 Speaker 2: So it's time for you all to meet her. Let's 17 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:13,120 Speaker 2: go Welcome this week to the podcast. I want to 18 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:16,200 Speaker 2: call you Banksey. Do you know who Banksy is? It's 19 00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:19,840 Speaker 2: a very famous like anonymous author artist right now? 20 00:01:19,959 --> 00:01:23,880 Speaker 1: Oh okay, but you are Baxy. 21 00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:25,640 Speaker 2: Where did this name come from? 22 00:01:25,680 --> 00:01:29,560 Speaker 1: Backsey nickname for Baxter Okay. My dad thought I was 23 00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:32,480 Speaker 1: going to be a boy, and Baxter was my grandmother's 24 00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:35,000 Speaker 1: maiden name, and he was going to name his son Baxter. 25 00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:37,440 Speaker 1: And it turned out I was a girl. And he's 26 00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:38,520 Speaker 1: still named me Baxter. 27 00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:40,199 Speaker 2: It doesn't matter. 28 00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:43,480 Speaker 1: My mother came up with Backsy is a nickname. 29 00:01:43,959 --> 00:01:46,160 Speaker 2: So have you been backseyed pretty much your entire life? 30 00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:47,440 Speaker 1: Then? Yes? 31 00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:51,360 Speaker 2: Okay, And so nobody really knows you as Baxter. 32 00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:53,560 Speaker 1: It's some people call me Baxter. 33 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:55,920 Speaker 2: Okay. How do you feel about that? 34 00:01:56,880 --> 00:02:00,160 Speaker 1: Okay, because it's really somebody that really knows me that 35 00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:01,160 Speaker 1: would call me Baxter. 36 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:04,360 Speaker 2: It feels more professional if you were in a work setting, 37 00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:05,600 Speaker 2: Miss Baxter. 38 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:07,280 Speaker 1: I don't know about that. 39 00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:10,720 Speaker 2: But talk to me about your life. I want to 40 00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:14,120 Speaker 2: hear your life story through your eyes, and we can 41 00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:17,799 Speaker 2: start wherever you want, but maybe from childhood to now. 42 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:19,120 Speaker 2: Give me a picture of your life. 43 00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:22,600 Speaker 1: Okay. I was born in New Orleans and lived there 44 00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:26,320 Speaker 1: till I came up to school to Vanderbilt. But my 45 00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:28,320 Speaker 1: day had always had a boat, so I spent a 46 00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:30,160 Speaker 1: lot of time on the water. Spent a lot of 47 00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:32,360 Speaker 1: time on the Mississippi Gulf coast, where a lot of 48 00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:37,000 Speaker 1: his family was born and raised, went to a girls 49 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:41,600 Speaker 1: school from fifth grade to twelfth grade. Came to Vanderbilt 50 00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:45,240 Speaker 1: because the ratio of boys to girls was three to one. 51 00:02:45,639 --> 00:02:48,040 Speaker 1: It snowed and it was a good school. 52 00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:51,560 Speaker 2: So much better than the girls' school. Yeah, okay, I'm 53 00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:56,040 Speaker 2: following exactly. And is that where did you meet your husband? 54 00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:57,920 Speaker 1: Yes? Did you get my husband there? He was in 55 00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:01,600 Speaker 1: law school and I was in undergraduate We met and 56 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:04,840 Speaker 1: I guess sixty seven and married in sixty nine. 57 00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:07,320 Speaker 2: Okay, and still married. 58 00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:10,640 Speaker 1: Today, have fifty six years. Wow, we'll get. 59 00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:13,000 Speaker 2: To that part because I'm gonna need to know how 60 00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:16,600 Speaker 2: you lasted fifty six years. But you guys meet in college, 61 00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:18,680 Speaker 2: then what did your life look like after college? 62 00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:21,320 Speaker 1: He was in law school and it was when people 63 00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:25,280 Speaker 1: were still being called to He was drafted. But since 64 00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:29,160 Speaker 1: he was in law school and he had some experience, 65 00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:32,880 Speaker 1: he went to a military high school. He could go 66 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:37,240 Speaker 1: into the not ROTC, but maybe it was OROTC, take 67 00:03:37,320 --> 00:03:40,840 Speaker 1: ROTC courses and he wouldn't have to be drafted. He 68 00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:43,680 Speaker 1: could stay and finish in law school, but he would 69 00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:46,200 Speaker 1: owe the government two years in the army. 70 00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:48,560 Speaker 2: Okay, so drafted no matter what. It was just a 71 00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:52,520 Speaker 2: difference of timing. Yeah, okay, so he ended up graduating 72 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:55,160 Speaker 2: as a lawyer. Yeah, but then he goes to. 73 00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:58,840 Speaker 1: Serve Yes, And we went to Fort Bragg for two years, 74 00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:02,320 Speaker 1: and he ended up being the legal officer for the 75 00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:06,680 Speaker 1: training center there at Fort Bragg. They were starting to 76 00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:11,920 Speaker 1: wind down the war at that point, and when we 77 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:15,600 Speaker 1: first married, he had orders to go to Vietnam, but 78 00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:19,240 Speaker 1: they were closing down the training center as time went on, 79 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:22,680 Speaker 1: and his colonel said, Tommy Besey really wouldn't want you 80 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:25,680 Speaker 1: to go to Vietnam, which he couldn't ask Tommy that, 81 00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:28,479 Speaker 1: but he could put it through me, and he said, 82 00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:32,119 Speaker 1: I need you to help me close the training center, 83 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:35,680 Speaker 1: so I want you to stay here. He worked that 84 00:04:35,839 --> 00:04:36,720 Speaker 1: out for us. 85 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:39,560 Speaker 2: Was that a big relief for you his life? 86 00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:41,240 Speaker 1: It was definitely. 87 00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:44,000 Speaker 2: I'm sure at that time too, you were seen around 88 00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:47,200 Speaker 2: you a lot of people that were serving and your friends, 89 00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:50,200 Speaker 2: I would imagine their husbands. Was that part of that experience. 90 00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:55,400 Speaker 1: We lived off campus, off campus, off the base, and 91 00:04:55,480 --> 00:05:00,240 Speaker 1: so half the people that in our little subdivision were 92 00:05:00,279 --> 00:05:03,640 Speaker 1: maybe related to the Service and the other half wasn't, 93 00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:06,359 Speaker 1: So we saw a little bit of both. 94 00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:09,359 Speaker 2: Yeah, So you were like Okay, you're going to serve, 95 00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:11,479 Speaker 2: but thankfully you're going to serve here. You don't have 96 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:13,760 Speaker 2: to go anywhere. And did he service two years and 97 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:16,600 Speaker 2: then he was done? Yes, so stopped after and went 98 00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:18,280 Speaker 2: to officially being just a lawyer. 99 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:18,640 Speaker 1: Yes. 100 00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:21,400 Speaker 2: And what about you? What did your life look like 101 00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:22,039 Speaker 2: in this time? 102 00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:25,839 Speaker 1: Okay, I majored in math in college and got my 103 00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:29,600 Speaker 1: secondary education degree so I could teach school. So I 104 00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:33,800 Speaker 1: taught it on base for about a half a year. 105 00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:37,400 Speaker 1: I came in January to a class that had driven 106 00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:42,520 Speaker 1: off to two teachers the semester before. So I taught 107 00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:46,520 Speaker 1: school for while he was in the service in North Carolina. 108 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:48,640 Speaker 2: Did you like teaching? Was that something you had always 109 00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:49,200 Speaker 2: wanted to do. 110 00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:52,760 Speaker 1: I always loved math, and I was always helping my 111 00:05:52,839 --> 00:05:56,800 Speaker 1: classmates in math, and even sometimes helping the teacher in math, 112 00:05:57,640 --> 00:06:00,240 Speaker 1: And so I thought, if I ever have to have 113 00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:02,320 Speaker 1: a job, this is what I would want to do. 114 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:04,640 Speaker 2: Back See, I'm gonna be really honest with you. The 115 00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:07,240 Speaker 2: one subject I was terrible at and school was math. 116 00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:10,240 Speaker 2: And I still to the day don't think I can 117 00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:11,360 Speaker 2: do much math. 118 00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:15,040 Speaker 1: Well, you know, some people are gifted in other ways. 119 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:17,720 Speaker 2: Yes, sEH very much. I could do just about everything else, 120 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:20,240 Speaker 2: but math was always my kryptonite. I just it was 121 00:06:20,279 --> 00:06:22,599 Speaker 2: the one thing I couldn't quite figure out. Did you 122 00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:24,640 Speaker 2: continue teaching after he left the service? 123 00:06:24,839 --> 00:06:26,920 Speaker 1: We had a baby right away when we got back 124 00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:31,600 Speaker 1: to Tennessee, and I stayed home twelve years and then 125 00:06:31,680 --> 00:06:34,599 Speaker 1: went back when the kids by then by the time 126 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:39,160 Speaker 1: I went back to teaching after twelve years, and we 127 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:41,480 Speaker 1: had three kids and they were in like second grade, 128 00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:43,880 Speaker 1: fifth grade, and seventh grade. 129 00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:46,560 Speaker 2: What was it like for you as a stay at 130 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:48,240 Speaker 2: home mom. Was that something you wanted? 131 00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:51,880 Speaker 1: Yes, I enjoyed being home with the kids, but then 132 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:56,160 Speaker 1: they would go to Mother's day out and I'd get 133 00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:58,880 Speaker 1: babysitters and go do fun things too. 134 00:06:59,279 --> 00:07:02,520 Speaker 2: Yeah. So you had the experience of both getting to 135 00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:04,440 Speaker 2: be home with him while also I need a break 136 00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:07,160 Speaker 2: for a little bit. Yeah, okay, and you go back 137 00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:09,119 Speaker 2: to teaching after those twelve years. 138 00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:10,720 Speaker 1: Talked for twenty five years. 139 00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:13,440 Speaker 2: Wow. So when you look at your life and you're 140 00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:15,880 Speaker 2: kind of looking over the course of your entire life, 141 00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:18,240 Speaker 2: is there things you wish you would have known in 142 00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:20,880 Speaker 2: that process, or things you wish people would have told you, 143 00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:23,560 Speaker 2: or anything that you just think about and you're like, dang, 144 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:26,760 Speaker 2: I really wish I would have known more about this. 145 00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:30,320 Speaker 1: Not that I can think of off haying okay to me, 146 00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:33,960 Speaker 1: I think I've had a pretty happy life and fulfilled life, 147 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:38,000 Speaker 1: and things are a little bit rougher now, but this 148 00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:40,000 Speaker 1: is a good place to be in our situation. 149 00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:43,560 Speaker 2: And you and your husband, now, is he still with us? 150 00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:46,160 Speaker 1: Yes he is, he's in memory kyere okay? 151 00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:49,840 Speaker 2: And what is that relationship like now you've married? You 152 00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:52,640 Speaker 2: told me fifty six years me about that? How do 153 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:55,600 Speaker 2: you even manage to stay with somebody for fifty six years? 154 00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:56,880 Speaker 2: And what does it look like? To me? 155 00:07:57,080 --> 00:08:01,280 Speaker 1: Marriage is not a fifty to fifty proposition. I think 156 00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:04,120 Speaker 1: each side has to do a lot more. I think 157 00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:07,400 Speaker 1: it's about a ninety ninety with something you work at 158 00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:10,080 Speaker 1: and you can't just say you did that so I 159 00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:13,720 Speaker 1: get to do this. There has to be compromised and 160 00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:16,600 Speaker 1: sometimes you have to give in more than you want, 161 00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:19,480 Speaker 1: but you still want to have that marriage and be together. 162 00:08:21,320 --> 00:08:23,720 Speaker 2: Were there moments through your guys as marriage that were 163 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:25,760 Speaker 2: really tough on you guys, and you were like, I 164 00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:27,360 Speaker 2: don't know how we made it through this. 165 00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:31,040 Speaker 1: When he first he was a disc attorney and when 166 00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:34,760 Speaker 1: we first moved back to his hometown. This was in 167 00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:39,240 Speaker 1: seventy three. He was an assistant DA for eleven counties, 168 00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:42,520 Speaker 1: so he was on the road a lot, and the 169 00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:46,400 Speaker 1: kids were little, and it would have been maybe a 170 00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:48,400 Speaker 1: little bit easier for him to be home a little 171 00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:51,320 Speaker 1: bit more, but he was the one that was making 172 00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:53,840 Speaker 1: the money and providing a living forest, so I couldn't 173 00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:54,720 Speaker 1: complain about that. 174 00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:58,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, you have gotten to live both lifestyles, right, The 175 00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:00,880 Speaker 2: traditional life's a little bit more of the modern where 176 00:09:00,880 --> 00:09:03,640 Speaker 2: you did work and your kids. What are maybe tips 177 00:09:03,679 --> 00:09:06,400 Speaker 2: that you can give for people, maybe their new moms, 178 00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:09,480 Speaker 2: maybe they're moms who are going through it but through 179 00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:11,960 Speaker 2: different phases. It's the stay at home mom and as 180 00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:13,800 Speaker 2: the more non traditional mom. 181 00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:17,920 Speaker 1: You just do what you have to do, is what 182 00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:21,120 Speaker 1: I would say. I looked at the future and with 183 00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:25,520 Speaker 1: his salary and thinking of college is and the kids 184 00:09:25,559 --> 00:09:27,920 Speaker 1: going to school, I thought, I need to get back 185 00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:32,120 Speaker 1: out in the workforce and help and make a little 186 00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:34,080 Speaker 1: money too, so the kids can go to college where 187 00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:36,000 Speaker 1: they want to go and so forth. 188 00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:39,240 Speaker 2: Was that hard for you to transition from the stay 189 00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:41,080 Speaker 2: at home mom to then going back to work. 190 00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:45,559 Speaker 1: No. The nice thing about teaching is that my hours 191 00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:47,920 Speaker 1: were very close to the kids hours, so I didn't 192 00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:51,880 Speaker 1: have to worry about babysitting and that type of thing. 193 00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:53,920 Speaker 1: When I was out of school they were out of school, 194 00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,520 Speaker 1: or when they were out of school, so was I, 195 00:09:55,720 --> 00:10:01,320 Speaker 1: and that made it easier. So to me, teaching for 196 00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:06,800 Speaker 1: a mother is easier than other school jobs for that reason. 197 00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:10,360 Speaker 2: What did you learn about kids? Maybe it's a funny 198 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:12,520 Speaker 2: thing because you were a teacher, but you were also 199 00:10:12,559 --> 00:10:15,280 Speaker 2: a mother. What's things that you've learned about kids over 200 00:10:15,679 --> 00:10:19,320 Speaker 2: so many years in education and as a mom that 201 00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:21,040 Speaker 2: might be wisdom for some other people. 202 00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:25,000 Speaker 1: Some of the students that I had as students, I 203 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,800 Speaker 1: wouldn't have given you a nickel farm when I had 204 00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:32,240 Speaker 1: him in school, But is a matured and grew up 205 00:10:32,559 --> 00:10:34,720 Speaker 1: and so forth. There was this one guy and I 206 00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:36,439 Speaker 1: told him, I said, I wouldn't have given a nickel 207 00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:39,480 Speaker 1: from you in high school. And he became a great 208 00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:42,160 Speaker 1: mechanic and we take our cars to him and I've 209 00:10:42,160 --> 00:10:44,080 Speaker 1: told him that. He said, oh, I know, Miss Thompson, 210 00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:46,360 Speaker 1: I was just terrible. I was just terrible in school. 211 00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:50,880 Speaker 2: It's so funny to see, I would imagine, now, is 212 00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:53,120 Speaker 2: there a lot of those instances where you've had students 213 00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:55,240 Speaker 2: when they were really young and now you've gotten to 214 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:57,040 Speaker 2: see where they are in their life. 215 00:10:57,080 --> 00:11:01,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, and it can be rewarding. Times. They'll come back 216 00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:03,760 Speaker 1: to you and say, man, I hated you in high school, 217 00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:06,240 Speaker 1: but you really did help me with this. 218 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:08,920 Speaker 2: This, and this. Were you one of those teachers that 219 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:12,160 Speaker 2: was really strict or did you do more of the 220 00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:13,400 Speaker 2: fun side of teaching? 221 00:11:13,559 --> 00:11:16,160 Speaker 1: No. I never got the most popular teacher, let's put 222 00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:20,160 Speaker 1: it that way. But I think my students did well 223 00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:21,160 Speaker 1: when they went to school. 224 00:11:21,679 --> 00:11:25,200 Speaker 2: You wanted it to be an educational experience more than 225 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:27,880 Speaker 2: it was about being their friends, right, And you need 226 00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:30,520 Speaker 2: both In all honesty, you need both types of teachers, 227 00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:33,440 Speaker 2: and especially in math, you need the educational type because 228 00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:36,280 Speaker 2: that's a particular subject that's a little bit hard to 229 00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:39,240 Speaker 2: just have fun and also understand what's happening. So I 230 00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:40,160 Speaker 2: do understand that. 231 00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:45,800 Speaker 1: What's your age, I'm seventy eight. 232 00:11:45,679 --> 00:11:47,880 Speaker 2: Seventy eight. So you get to this different part of 233 00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:50,320 Speaker 2: your life and people start to have all these questions 234 00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:52,880 Speaker 2: of do you have any regrets, what's something you wish 235 00:11:52,920 --> 00:11:56,640 Speaker 2: you did? Is there anything that comes to mind for you? 236 00:11:56,800 --> 00:12:00,640 Speaker 1: Not? Really nothing, not really, how. 237 00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:02,240 Speaker 2: Does that feel to know like you can look back 238 00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:04,280 Speaker 2: on your life and you don't have a regret. 239 00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:07,960 Speaker 1: There were things that maybe some of my friends did 240 00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:10,079 Speaker 1: in high school that I didn't do. When I went 241 00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:13,080 Speaker 1: to the girls high school, a lot of them did 242 00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:16,600 Speaker 1: their debut and were growing up in New Orleans. They 243 00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:19,440 Speaker 1: were the carnivals and all that stuff, and I was 244 00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:21,840 Speaker 1: friends with them, but it was not something that our 245 00:12:21,920 --> 00:12:25,719 Speaker 1: family was that involved with. But so somebody might say, oh, 246 00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:28,280 Speaker 1: was that something you missed and that not really, it 247 00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:30,960 Speaker 1: wasn't that important when you look back at things. 248 00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:33,720 Speaker 2: Is that often when you do look back at things 249 00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:36,640 Speaker 2: and you realize that there was stuff that you stressed 250 00:12:36,679 --> 00:12:42,280 Speaker 2: out about that weren't actually worth what you stressed out about. 251 00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:46,600 Speaker 1: Probably, But there again, what would have to think about 252 00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:49,120 Speaker 1: that for a while to come up with the answer. 253 00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:51,199 Speaker 2: They are, is there stuff you're really glad that you 254 00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:53,440 Speaker 2: did do and you made sure that you made happen 255 00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:57,160 Speaker 2: in your life? Because I think you talk to people 256 00:12:57,160 --> 00:13:00,240 Speaker 2: and they look at their life and they're like, Oh, 257 00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:03,680 Speaker 2: I'm really glad that I made sure I traveled, I'm 258 00:13:03,679 --> 00:13:06,440 Speaker 2: really glad that I got married, And what are those 259 00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:07,760 Speaker 2: keystone moments. 260 00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:11,280 Speaker 1: Where I wanted to be married. That was It was 261 00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:14,000 Speaker 1: something that I just assumed would happen at some point 262 00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:17,640 Speaker 1: in time in my life. I've retired from teaching in 263 00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:22,080 Speaker 1: seven and right at that same time, my sister came 264 00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:25,600 Speaker 1: down with ovarian cancer, and it was just a good 265 00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:28,240 Speaker 1: time that I did retire. She lived in Pennsylvania and 266 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:31,480 Speaker 1: we were in Tennessee, but I got to spend about 267 00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:34,440 Speaker 1: three months of the last ten months of her life. 268 00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:36,480 Speaker 1: I would go up there every two or three weeks 269 00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:40,000 Speaker 1: and spend a good bit of time helping care for 270 00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:44,160 Speaker 1: her and so forth. I'm really sorry, but I was 271 00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:46,040 Speaker 1: glad that I had that opportunity. 272 00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:49,920 Speaker 2: The spending time with people that you loved, Yeah, it's 273 00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:54,000 Speaker 2: such an important part that often it's difficult to make 274 00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:57,480 Speaker 2: time for and life is happening. Yeah, but it's cool 275 00:13:57,520 --> 00:14:00,000 Speaker 2: to hear you say that was a priority for you. Yeah, 276 00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:01,880 Speaker 2: and you can look at that moment and know I 277 00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:03,600 Speaker 2: did everything, yeah that I could. 278 00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:07,000 Speaker 1: She was ten and a half years older than I was, 279 00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:09,400 Speaker 1: so in a way she was like a second mother too. 280 00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:13,640 Speaker 2: Oh was that your only sister? Did you have other siblings? 281 00:14:13,679 --> 00:14:15,520 Speaker 1: I have a brother that's still with us. 282 00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:17,960 Speaker 2: Okay, And how close are you guys today. 283 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:19,800 Speaker 1: He was nine and a half years older, so I 284 00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:21,640 Speaker 1: was kind of like an only child in a way. 285 00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:22,600 Speaker 2: You were the baby. 286 00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:23,600 Speaker 1: I was the baby. 287 00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:28,000 Speaker 2: Yes, child, you were. Did you have a different experience 288 00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:29,480 Speaker 2: than them growing up? Yeah? 289 00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:33,120 Speaker 1: I think I did, because they were in high school 290 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:37,120 Speaker 1: or even through college by the time I started doing 291 00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:41,680 Speaker 1: some things. Every so often, my mother would make my 292 00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:44,400 Speaker 1: sister take me on a date when she'd have a 293 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:46,080 Speaker 1: babysitter for me or something. 294 00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:48,120 Speaker 2: So you would be the third wheel on the day, 295 00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:51,800 Speaker 2: and I'd sit between the two of them. Hey, that 296 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:53,960 Speaker 2: was a learning experience for her to figure out how 297 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:57,520 Speaker 2: the guy handled things. Yeap, that was great. What was 298 00:14:57,560 --> 00:14:59,520 Speaker 2: your favorite date that you went on with her? That? 299 00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:00,720 Speaker 1: Take me to the movies? 300 00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:03,840 Speaker 2: I love this. Yeah, and you just sit there in 301 00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:06,920 Speaker 2: between them. Yeah, we did. They get you popcorn and 302 00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:07,960 Speaker 2: candy and everything. 303 00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:10,760 Speaker 1: One time my sister got sick and the boy came 304 00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:14,680 Speaker 1: and took me. Anyway, tell me that boy ended up 305 00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:17,360 Speaker 1: to be the husband. No, he didn't, but that was 306 00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:18,160 Speaker 1: a good one. Yeah. 307 00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:19,360 Speaker 2: I wonder where he is today. 308 00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:21,640 Speaker 1: He's still in New Orleans. I think he's still alive. 309 00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:26,640 Speaker 1: I'm not quite sure how he was his sister's funeral, so, 310 00:15:27,280 --> 00:15:29,160 Speaker 1: but it's been several years since then. 311 00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:33,440 Speaker 2: Did watching your sister date and having those experiences help 312 00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:35,800 Speaker 2: you understand what you were looking for? Because you did 313 00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:37,160 Speaker 2: say you really wanted to get married. 314 00:15:38,160 --> 00:15:42,000 Speaker 1: She got divorced a couple of years after she got married, 315 00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:45,360 Speaker 1: So the first one turned out not to be the 316 00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:45,960 Speaker 1: best one. 317 00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:49,440 Speaker 2: Do you learn some lessons through that? What was the 318 00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:51,920 Speaker 2: things when you first met your husband? Can you tell 319 00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:53,520 Speaker 2: me your guess his first meeting story? You said you 320 00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:54,400 Speaker 2: met in college. 321 00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:59,600 Speaker 1: He had a job off campus giving exercise to recruits 322 00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:03,479 Speaker 1: for the police department and for the highway patrol in Donaldson, 323 00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:08,440 Speaker 1: And on the weekends he would come and sometimes crash 324 00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:12,240 Speaker 1: at one of a good friend's apartment in town. And 325 00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:14,040 Speaker 1: at the end of the year he had gotten a 326 00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:18,200 Speaker 1: cake of beer and to thank him and invited people 327 00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:20,040 Speaker 1: over to have a kind of an end of the 328 00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:22,600 Speaker 1: school thing. And I had a date with a friend 329 00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:26,240 Speaker 1: of Tommy's that he had just run into on the 330 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:29,520 Speaker 1: Cave golf course. They were both running and Tommy said, 331 00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:31,800 Speaker 1: come on. And Tommy asked the boy who he had 332 00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:34,000 Speaker 1: a date with, and he described me, and he said, oh, 333 00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:35,640 Speaker 1: I know who she is. You all come on to 334 00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:36,280 Speaker 1: the party. 335 00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:38,720 Speaker 2: So this is your Chris's first day? 336 00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:42,160 Speaker 1: No, it was I was with this other guy, our 337 00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:44,840 Speaker 1: first date, and who I always thought was the really 338 00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:48,480 Speaker 1: cutest guy in the world, and I was so excited 339 00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:51,440 Speaker 1: to have a date with him. And then we went 340 00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:54,160 Speaker 1: to the party and I met Tommy and I could 341 00:16:54,160 --> 00:16:56,440 Speaker 1: have cared less after that for that boy. 342 00:16:57,040 --> 00:17:00,240 Speaker 2: That is so funny. So that moment forward was your 343 00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:03,280 Speaker 2: guys is yes? Yeah? How quickly after the party did 344 00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:04,680 Speaker 2: you guys go on your first day? 345 00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:08,440 Speaker 1: Temmy says it was the next night, but I thought 346 00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:10,439 Speaker 1: it was the next week. I'm not quite sure, but 347 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:11,280 Speaker 1: it was pretty quick. 348 00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:14,240 Speaker 2: So you both felt the same way, I guess. So 349 00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:16,920 Speaker 2: was it Do you guys look at that and say 350 00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:18,160 Speaker 2: it was love at first sight? 351 00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:25,560 Speaker 1: Sometimes he had to he was fighting it. Shall we say, Okay, 352 00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:27,959 Speaker 1: he put up a little bit of a struggle, but 353 00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:29,679 Speaker 1: I slowly reeled him in. 354 00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:31,600 Speaker 2: Was it love at first sight? 355 00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:34,520 Speaker 1: For you? It was? So you very much believe in that. 356 00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:40,000 Speaker 2: But that's a possibility. And did you learn things about 357 00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:43,480 Speaker 2: yourself over the course of your marriage and relationship with 358 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:46,480 Speaker 2: him that maybe you hadn't learned about yourself quite yet 359 00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:49,840 Speaker 2: because you were I would assume somewhere twenty twenty one 360 00:17:49,840 --> 00:17:50,560 Speaker 2: when you met him. 361 00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:53,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, I can go ahead. See I would have been 362 00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:57,640 Speaker 1: twenty yeah, Okay, so it's twenty two when we married. 363 00:17:57,880 --> 00:18:01,359 Speaker 2: Okay, So met around twenty yeah, and got married a few. 364 00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:04,040 Speaker 1: Years later, and he's five years older, so he was 365 00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:05,760 Speaker 1: twenty seven, okay, And you're. 366 00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:11,320 Speaker 2: Telling me you had to do the convincing with him. Yeah. 367 00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:14,040 Speaker 1: He was the first, the oldest of four boys, and 368 00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:17,720 Speaker 1: the first one to maybe be in the situation to 369 00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:21,280 Speaker 1: get married and so forth. And it was just a 370 00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:22,720 Speaker 1: little hard for him to settle down. 371 00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:27,760 Speaker 2: Maybe, But it's always the guys. Yeah, it's the first plunge. 372 00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:31,159 Speaker 2: But you probably too. Do you recall your guys his 373 00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:32,919 Speaker 2: proposal when he did propose to you. 374 00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:40,520 Speaker 1: My parents at this point were living in the Bahamas, 375 00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:43,919 Speaker 1: and Tommy and I had both gone down there and 376 00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:47,159 Speaker 1: with he. I didn't realize it, but he was going 377 00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:51,280 Speaker 1: to propose down there, and my grandmother was still alive 378 00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:53,840 Speaker 1: and she had taken us out to dinner. I got 379 00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:58,080 Speaker 1: up and go to the bathroom. Timmy tells my grandmother 380 00:18:58,160 --> 00:19:01,520 Speaker 1: that he's going to as me to marry him, and 381 00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:04,200 Speaker 1: so I come back to the table and my grandmother says, oh, 382 00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:07,000 Speaker 1: I hear you all were getting married. So that was 383 00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:07,960 Speaker 1: our proposal. 384 00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:13,199 Speaker 2: No, right before it's supposed to happen. Did he just 385 00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:14,280 Speaker 2: go run in the face. 386 00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:17,520 Speaker 1: No, I can't really remember what happened after that. 387 00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:19,639 Speaker 2: But so did he have the ring with him? 388 00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:22,439 Speaker 1: Didn't have a ring? Okay, But we came back to 389 00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:25,680 Speaker 1: Tennessee and we went shopping and we picked out one, 390 00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:28,080 Speaker 1: and then we came back later and picked it up 391 00:19:28,119 --> 00:19:30,280 Speaker 1: and turned out it was a little bit bigger one 392 00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:32,240 Speaker 1: than he had showed me the first time around. 393 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:38,400 Speaker 2: And wow, gosh, Grandma, how did you do that? Did 394 00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:40,359 Speaker 2: he just kind of look at you potentially and was like, 395 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:42,320 Speaker 2: so you want to get married? 396 00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:45,120 Speaker 1: Which is arkward we worked out. 397 00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:49,080 Speaker 2: Obviously you're still married today. So sometimes the it's always 398 00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:52,000 Speaker 2: the funny ways that they happened that Sometimes you see 399 00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:54,960 Speaker 2: the very grandiose proposals and the things, and those are 400 00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:56,840 Speaker 2: often the ones that don't quite work. It's the ones 401 00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:59,960 Speaker 2: that happened like this that work out because you learn 402 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,520 Speaker 2: roll with the punches. Yeah, and it sounds like both 403 00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:07,680 Speaker 2: of you are that. So personality wise, how are each 404 00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:09,720 Speaker 2: of you guys? How would you describe each of you guys. 405 00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:13,040 Speaker 1: Okay, he is very outgoing. He's a people person. He 406 00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:17,400 Speaker 1: loves people and knows everybody. And I'm probably not quite 407 00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:20,159 Speaker 1: as a people person, but I like to know people 408 00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:24,160 Speaker 1: too and so forth. But I guess we're both fairly outgoing. 409 00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:28,560 Speaker 2: Okay, that's always beneficial too. Did you guys since you 410 00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:30,879 Speaker 2: met at a party and did you guys, were you, 411 00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:33,679 Speaker 2: guys the type of couple that loved to host and 412 00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:35,720 Speaker 2: do things with your friends and stuff as you guys 413 00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:39,000 Speaker 2: were coming up or were you focused on the kid 414 00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:41,280 Speaker 2: thing because that happened pretty quickly. 415 00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:44,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, we married two years before the first one came, okay, 416 00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:47,560 Speaker 1: but we had just moved back to Nashville. There was 417 00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:52,119 Speaker 1: a lot of his classmates lived in Nashville or state 418 00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:55,720 Speaker 1: in Nashville, so there was a group of law friends 419 00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:58,400 Speaker 1: that we got to be good friends with and would 420 00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:00,000 Speaker 1: party with and so forth. 421 00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:04,160 Speaker 2: See. I love learning about the younger version of you 422 00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:08,240 Speaker 2: because now you today, what is your life like when 423 00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:11,200 Speaker 2: you're in the Apes Garden community? What has that been 424 00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:14,080 Speaker 2: like as life has transitioned and your kids have gotten 425 00:21:14,119 --> 00:21:16,240 Speaker 2: older and life's been happening. 426 00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:20,720 Speaker 1: It's quite different in a way. I'm enjoying not having 427 00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:24,200 Speaker 1: to think about what to cook at night. I enjoy 428 00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:27,400 Speaker 1: cooking if you tell me what to make. After a while, 429 00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:29,240 Speaker 1: you just get tired of trying to think of what 430 00:21:29,359 --> 00:21:32,040 Speaker 1: to cook. I've gotten where I can go back. I'm 431 00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:35,200 Speaker 1: playing bridge with friends here at apes, which was something 432 00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:37,760 Speaker 1: I did had to give up when I went back 433 00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:41,000 Speaker 1: to teaching our kids. Two of our kids live here 434 00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:43,560 Speaker 1: in town, so get to see some of the grandchildren 435 00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:47,560 Speaker 1: more often. Our third child lives in Lebanon, which in 436 00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:49,720 Speaker 1: too far away. Seven grandchildren. 437 00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:53,920 Speaker 2: Wow, So transition from we've got stay at home mom, 438 00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:57,600 Speaker 2: and then we had working mom, and now we have grandma. 439 00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:03,160 Speaker 1: Yeah, and great grandma now just grandma, just grandma. 440 00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:06,880 Speaker 2: Okay, grandma? And what what is it like having grandkids? 441 00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:10,120 Speaker 2: Is it a different experience than having kids of your own. 442 00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:11,520 Speaker 1: Because you can give them back. 443 00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:13,800 Speaker 2: You don't have to watch everything they do. 444 00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:17,520 Speaker 1: But really it's a different kind of love and you 445 00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:21,720 Speaker 1: just you get to enjoy it without all as many 446 00:22:21,760 --> 00:22:25,800 Speaker 1: diaper changes and so forth and responsibilities. You can just 447 00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:26,800 Speaker 1: enjoy them more. 448 00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:29,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's much more of a fun experience. Then you 449 00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:34,280 Speaker 2: don't have all the responsibility anymore. What is the hardest part? 450 00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:37,000 Speaker 2: Maybe that it's been and maybe it's not hard, maybe 451 00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:42,000 Speaker 2: it's just different, but about getting older and life changing. 452 00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:46,400 Speaker 1: With my husband and the Alzheimer's. I still have a husband, 453 00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:50,680 Speaker 1: but he's not my husband, and that's been a hard 454 00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:56,359 Speaker 1: thing for me to you regret what's going on right now, 455 00:22:57,280 --> 00:23:00,720 Speaker 1: to have to be in this situation. This has been 456 00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:03,760 Speaker 1: a good place to be that I can get over 457 00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:07,200 Speaker 1: to see him very easily as much as I want. 458 00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:09,800 Speaker 1: You don't have to get in the car and drive, 459 00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:13,320 Speaker 1: and it's pretty easy for the kids to get here 460 00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:15,840 Speaker 1: and so forth. So we're trying to make the best 461 00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:20,720 Speaker 1: of a unfortunate situation, but not one that we're going 462 00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:23,760 Speaker 1: through alone for sure. Yeah, there are lots of people 463 00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:24,399 Speaker 1: going through this. 464 00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:27,920 Speaker 2: You have the support here, yes, And that's why I 465 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:30,119 Speaker 2: always find it really important to talk about it, because 466 00:23:30,119 --> 00:23:33,520 Speaker 2: it's one of those things that people often find really 467 00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:36,000 Speaker 2: difficult to talk about because of how hard it is. 468 00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:38,960 Speaker 2: But there's so many people that are going through this, 469 00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:42,639 Speaker 2: and I think when people can know that they're not 470 00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:45,800 Speaker 2: alone in that experience and that it is hard, and 471 00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:49,200 Speaker 2: the emotions and things that you're going through while it's 472 00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:52,439 Speaker 2: happening are all very normal, and all you want to 473 00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:54,840 Speaker 2: do is love them and be there for them. And 474 00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:57,480 Speaker 2: sometimes that's not even an option. Yeah, and I think 475 00:23:57,520 --> 00:23:59,920 Speaker 2: that's really hard for people. But to know that there's 476 00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:04,000 Speaker 2: others who are experiencing that same thing is really beneficial. 477 00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:04,760 Speaker 1: Yeah. 478 00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:07,200 Speaker 2: And it's a support group in a way. 479 00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:10,879 Speaker 1: Yes, yes it is. And sometimes we'll get together and 480 00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:14,199 Speaker 1: tell stories about what our husbands are doing, and we 481 00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:18,200 Speaker 1: can laugh about some of the things and so forth. 482 00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:20,840 Speaker 2: Is it helpful for you when you go to see him? 483 00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:25,400 Speaker 2: Does he remember some of the earlier days of your guys' relationship? 484 00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:28,199 Speaker 1: I would say so. We don't really talk about it 485 00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:32,399 Speaker 1: too much because I don't want him to feel that 486 00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:37,960 Speaker 1: he's forgotten things. He's still he would like to go. 487 00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:41,960 Speaker 1: He's not quite sure where we're living right now. He's 488 00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:45,480 Speaker 1: confused about that. We lived in just a small town 489 00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:46,920 Speaker 1: called Heartsville, Tennessee. 490 00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:54,760 Speaker 2: It's okay, it's okay. And what have you learned as 491 00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:58,960 Speaker 2: somebody who is not only are you his partner and 492 00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:01,600 Speaker 2: his wife, but you are someone who's also dealing with 493 00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:06,240 Speaker 2: somebody who has the memory lote. What's something you've learned 494 00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:11,080 Speaker 2: in that experience that you know you just wish people knew, 495 00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:14,240 Speaker 2: or maybe you just want to share it because it's important. 496 00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:20,640 Speaker 1: I've got to remember that it's not him. At times, 497 00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:25,520 Speaker 1: it's the disease, because how just like a child, you 498 00:25:25,560 --> 00:25:29,560 Speaker 1: want them to behave and especially when they're out with 499 00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:32,400 Speaker 1: people and so forth. And I have to remind myself 500 00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:37,800 Speaker 1: that it's not his fault. This is just his progression 501 00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:41,480 Speaker 1: and it is what it is. And pick what battles 502 00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:44,320 Speaker 1: to fight and what battles to Just if he wants 503 00:25:44,359 --> 00:25:46,600 Speaker 1: to sleep in his clothes for three days, it's not 504 00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:48,280 Speaker 1: the end of the world. Yeah. 505 00:25:48,359 --> 00:25:50,879 Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm very much pick and choose what's necessary to 506 00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:51,800 Speaker 2: be concerned about. 507 00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:52,480 Speaker 1: Yeah. 508 00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:55,359 Speaker 2: Is it also helpful you do have your kids and 509 00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:59,080 Speaker 2: your grandchildren. Is it helpful when they're around to support you. 510 00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:01,320 Speaker 1: Definitely, to keep. 511 00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:04,920 Speaker 2: You momentum and continuing to deal with that, Yeah, because 512 00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:08,919 Speaker 2: I can imagine the emotional toll it takes on you. You 513 00:26:08,119 --> 00:26:11,520 Speaker 2: want to spend time with them, while also that juxtaposition, 514 00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:16,159 Speaker 2: is it's also hard? Yes, yes, so getting you to 515 00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:18,600 Speaker 2: recharge your batteries, probably, hanging out. 516 00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:20,760 Speaker 1: With your kids, Yeah, it helps, it helps. 517 00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:23,960 Speaker 2: And playing games with the friends downstairs. 518 00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:25,000 Speaker 1: Yes. 519 00:26:25,440 --> 00:26:27,439 Speaker 2: How do you take care of yourself now? Because you 520 00:26:27,480 --> 00:26:30,959 Speaker 2: were you look amazing. What's the secret to you and 521 00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:31,480 Speaker 2: your health? 522 00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:34,640 Speaker 1: I walk five miles every morning. You walk. I don't 523 00:26:34,640 --> 00:26:36,360 Speaker 1: even walk five miles every day. 524 00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:37,919 Speaker 2: That's incredible. 525 00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:38,560 Speaker 1: Yeah. 526 00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:40,560 Speaker 2: Have you done that your whole life? Or is this 527 00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:41,119 Speaker 2: a newer thing. 528 00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:47,320 Speaker 1: I've always been doing exercise or playing tennis or whatever. 529 00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:50,400 Speaker 1: In high school I played volleyball and basketball and tennis. 530 00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:54,399 Speaker 1: And in college and not for the college team or 531 00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:57,720 Speaker 1: anything like that, but I played destraorty and I've played 532 00:26:57,720 --> 00:26:59,960 Speaker 1: on Memorial Gymnasium floor. 533 00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:04,040 Speaker 2: That's amazing. So we have an athlete on our hands 534 00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:04,520 Speaker 2: over here. 535 00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:08,719 Speaker 1: But I did. I enjoy being outside and I enjoy eating, 536 00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:11,480 Speaker 1: and if I walk five miles a day, I can 537 00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:13,040 Speaker 1: just about eat what I want. 538 00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:17,800 Speaker 2: That's called balance. Yes, we like it. This is good 539 00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:20,880 Speaker 2: and anything else. Is there any other hobbies or things 540 00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:22,680 Speaker 2: that you enjoy at this point in your life? 541 00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:26,120 Speaker 1: I like working jukesaw puzzles Okay, yes, puzzles. 542 00:27:26,240 --> 00:27:29,280 Speaker 2: Yes, that's very good for brain health too, I've learned, 543 00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:32,240 Speaker 2: and it makes sense why they frustrate me so much, 544 00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:36,160 Speaker 2: very much part of that. I always love to end 545 00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:40,360 Speaker 2: these episodes with a piece of advice or motivation. So 546 00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:43,000 Speaker 2: maybe a piece of life advice. Does that sound like 547 00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:45,800 Speaker 2: something you are up for or maybe something that's you're 548 00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:47,919 Speaker 2: really passionate about and you just want to share with 549 00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:49,680 Speaker 2: the world. That can be an option too. 550 00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:53,040 Speaker 1: Let's see, I do have one kind of weird thing 551 00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:53,760 Speaker 1: in my life. 552 00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:55,280 Speaker 2: Yeah, please share. I love weird things. 553 00:27:55,280 --> 00:27:57,440 Speaker 1: My mother and daddy were step brother and sister. 554 00:27:57,760 --> 00:28:04,199 Speaker 2: What what Okay? So their parents got together. 555 00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:07,520 Speaker 1: My mother's mother died and my daddy's daddy died. The 556 00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:12,040 Speaker 1: surviving parents married when my mother was maybe nine and 557 00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:16,400 Speaker 1: my dad twelve, and they grew up together and ended 558 00:28:16,480 --> 00:28:17,320 Speaker 1: up getting married. 559 00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:21,880 Speaker 2: Wow. Yeah, was that always a running joke of the family. 560 00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:25,120 Speaker 1: It wasn't a joke, but when they wanted to get 561 00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:27,520 Speaker 1: they wanted to get married when my mother was getting 562 00:28:27,560 --> 00:28:30,600 Speaker 1: out of high school and they said, no, Eleanor was 563 00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:32,720 Speaker 1: my mother's name, you go on to college. If you 564 00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:36,360 Speaker 1: still feel the same way, then you'll have our blessings. 565 00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:40,080 Speaker 1: Because the parents were worried about if you get a divorce, 566 00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:41,920 Speaker 1: if it doesn't work, you're still. 567 00:28:42,040 --> 00:28:42,800 Speaker 2: You're still family. 568 00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:46,600 Speaker 1: You're still family exactly. But they were married like sixty 569 00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:47,680 Speaker 1: seven years. 570 00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:50,959 Speaker 2: So okay, So their parents were okay with it as 571 00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:55,160 Speaker 2: long as they waited and really thought about us exactly Okay, 572 00:28:55,320 --> 00:28:57,800 Speaker 2: but then they ended up being married for sixty some years, 573 00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:03,640 Speaker 2: so it worked. That's so crazy. When you learned that story, 574 00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:06,920 Speaker 2: were you like, wait what, yeah, it kind I take 575 00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:08,880 Speaker 2: you back. You're like, these are your my parents, but 576 00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:09,960 Speaker 2: this feels weird. 577 00:29:10,800 --> 00:29:13,400 Speaker 1: I felt like I was special because I only had 578 00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:16,760 Speaker 1: one set of grandparents and some of my cousins had 579 00:29:16,800 --> 00:29:19,720 Speaker 1: other sets. But so I got doted upon by the 580 00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:21,600 Speaker 1: one set of grandparents that I did have. 581 00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:24,800 Speaker 2: Wow, that's so fun. Fun fact? 582 00:29:24,880 --> 00:29:25,040 Speaker 1: Is that? 583 00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:27,000 Speaker 2: The fun fact that you always brought it when you would. 584 00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:32,000 Speaker 1: Go yeah sometimes I almost got on a quiz show. 585 00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:34,400 Speaker 2: What like a game song? 586 00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:37,840 Speaker 1: Yeah? I tried out in Nashville, and I know putting 587 00:29:37,880 --> 00:29:40,400 Speaker 1: that on my you would feel out what was interesting 588 00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:43,160 Speaker 1: about you? And I put that my parents were brother 589 00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:43,720 Speaker 1: and sister. 590 00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:46,200 Speaker 2: How did that not get you on? Automatically? 591 00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:52,520 Speaker 1: I got to where we did a like a play show. Okay, 592 00:29:52,680 --> 00:29:55,040 Speaker 1: I didn't win. It was Tic Tac dough or something 593 00:29:55,120 --> 00:29:55,480 Speaker 1: like that. 594 00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:58,080 Speaker 2: Is it not a good Tic Tac toe play? 595 00:29:58,240 --> 00:30:00,080 Speaker 1: I didn't win the game, so I didn't get to 596 00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:03,280 Speaker 1: be on the a contestant on the show. But it 597 00:30:03,320 --> 00:30:04,720 Speaker 1: was still a fun experience. 598 00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:08,720 Speaker 2: Wow, that's a very big fun fact. Did anybody else 599 00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:10,400 Speaker 2: in your family go on to marry each other or 600 00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:11,200 Speaker 2: was it just them? 601 00:30:11,240 --> 00:30:16,240 Speaker 1: Just them? No blood relation there now, no no, But. 602 00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:19,320 Speaker 2: It's always funny because it's not there's no weirdness to 603 00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:23,200 Speaker 2: it because they're not related, but they're half related. Yeah, 604 00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:25,520 Speaker 2: and more than anything, it would be weird for their 605 00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:28,800 Speaker 2: parents than anybody else. Then everybody else is just kind 606 00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:31,520 Speaker 2: of okay, yeah, that's a funny story. But the parents 607 00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:36,760 Speaker 2: would be the ones to be like, no, we're married first. Wow. Okay, 608 00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:39,160 Speaker 2: that was a good thing to end on. Did you 609 00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:43,240 Speaker 2: also want to share life advice too, or you. 610 00:30:42,120 --> 00:30:47,920 Speaker 1: Just when we got the diagnosis, it was hard, but 611 00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:51,320 Speaker 1: you just have to roll with the punches and just 612 00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:55,520 Speaker 1: make the best of the situation and keep going forward, 613 00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:57,160 Speaker 1: just do the best you can. 614 00:30:57,760 --> 00:31:00,200 Speaker 2: That is good, and it also sounds like that's what 615 00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:02,600 Speaker 2: you guys have been doing in your marriage, your entire life. 616 00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:05,800 Speaker 2: So I'm glad that you're here to share your story 617 00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:08,480 Speaker 2: and thank you for sharing and also being vulnerable and 618 00:31:08,600 --> 00:31:12,200 Speaker 2: also sharing the funny moments. But also just to say 619 00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:15,840 Speaker 2: that hopefully as you guys move forward through all of this, 620 00:31:16,080 --> 00:31:18,240 Speaker 2: that you just have the support and love that you 621 00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:20,440 Speaker 2: need to continue, because. 622 00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:23,480 Speaker 1: That's important to have. It's all that matters. 623 00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:26,640 Speaker 2: If there's anything I've learned in my thirty two years 624 00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:29,080 Speaker 2: of life is those that are in your life, who 625 00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:32,360 Speaker 2: you love and care for, are genuinely what propel you forward. 626 00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:35,760 Speaker 2: Always thank you very much for being here. Thank you, 627 00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:39,200 Speaker 2: Thank you. Apes' Garden community is a local treasure here 628 00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:42,680 Speaker 2: in Nashville doing amazing work caring for and engaging people 629 00:31:42,720 --> 00:31:45,600 Speaker 2: living with memory loss. They're expanding to help even more families, 630 00:31:45,640 --> 00:31:47,680 Speaker 2: and they rely on support from people like us. We 631 00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:50,960 Speaker 2: all have aging brains, so supporting Ape's Garden benefits us all. 632 00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:53,000 Speaker 2: And if you're interested in learning more on how to help, 633 00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:56,320 Speaker 2: you can do so at Apesgarden dot org. VACSI wrapped 634 00:31:56,360 --> 00:31:58,640 Speaker 2: up this series on senior living residents. But if you 635 00:31:58,640 --> 00:32:00,600 Speaker 2: want to hear more of these stories, you know, because 636 00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:02,680 Speaker 2: I'm happy to keep doing them. Also, if there are 637 00:32:02,680 --> 00:32:05,760 Speaker 2: any other topics you hope to hear, this podcast is 638 00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:08,800 Speaker 2: all for you. It's meant to help you and inspire you. 639 00:32:09,320 --> 00:32:11,600 Speaker 2: I'm just kind of the vessel that it's going through. 640 00:32:11,640 --> 00:32:13,520 Speaker 2: If you will, be sure to check out all these 641 00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:16,160 Speaker 2: videos on YouTube. If you're a more visual person like 642 00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:19,560 Speaker 2: myself or follow on Instagram at take this personally. I 643 00:32:19,600 --> 00:32:21,760 Speaker 2: hope everyone is getting into the holiday spirit. I know 644 00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:24,680 Speaker 2: I am, and have a wonderful week. I'm so happy 645 00:32:24,680 --> 00:32:25,920 Speaker 2: that you're here. Talk soon.