WEBVTT - #198 If You Had One Week Left To Live 0:00:00.360 --> 0:00:04.160 If I only had one week left, who would I call? 0:00:05.000 --> 0:00:09.600 What would I say? Where would I go? What would 0:00:09.640 --> 0:00:15.080 I do? What would I eat? I think these are 0:00:15.320 --> 0:00:29.160 really good questions to have. What's up, everybody, Welcome back 0:00:29.160 --> 0:00:32.159 to the podcast Episode one. Thanks for being here and 0:00:32.200 --> 0:00:35.080 watching and listening wherever you're coming from all of the 0:00:35.120 --> 0:00:39.320 different platforms, whether it's Spotify or YouTube or Apple podcast 0:00:39.440 --> 0:00:42.440 or iHeartRadio. Thank you for being here. I love to 0:00:42.440 --> 0:00:45.879 do this and one of my favorite things of all 0:00:45.920 --> 0:00:49.720 the things that I do, I answer your questions. Email 0:00:49.800 --> 0:00:54.000 me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Could be about 0:00:54.040 --> 0:00:57.120 any subject and we'll put it in the queue and 0:00:57.200 --> 0:00:59.200 we'll pull them up randomly. I don't have any notes 0:00:59.320 --> 0:01:01.360 or I'm not prepared for any of the questions, so 0:01:01.400 --> 0:01:03.880 we'll just walk through it as I hear it for 0:01:03.920 --> 0:01:08.720 the first time reacts to it, just like we're two friends. Okay, 0:01:09.000 --> 0:01:14.840 first question, subject line here says, let's see family and 0:01:14.920 --> 0:01:18.240 career happiness. Hey, grand your my name is Joe. I'm 0:01:18.240 --> 0:01:21.240 from Farmington, Utah. First of all, I love the show. 0:01:21.319 --> 0:01:24.720 Keep it up. I'm a second semester freshman in college. 0:01:25.080 --> 0:01:27.640 I have no idea what I want to study in 0:01:27.640 --> 0:01:30.120 in other words, I don't know what I want to 0:01:30.120 --> 0:01:32.880 do with my life. I don't know what career to 0:01:32.959 --> 0:01:35.600 aim for. My biggest goal in life is to have 0:01:35.680 --> 0:01:38.399 a happy family. I want to make enough money for 0:01:38.480 --> 0:01:41.520 them to be able to live comfortably. But I'm not 0:01:41.560 --> 0:01:44.679 a money seeker by any means. Every interest of mine 0:01:45.200 --> 0:01:49.080 would make me a happy worker, but it wouldn't earn 0:01:49.240 --> 0:01:54.200 much money in the workforce, which should be my priority, 0:01:54.240 --> 0:02:00.640 a happy, comfortable family or my own personal happiness. Thanks Joe, 0:02:01.120 --> 0:02:03.360 all right, Joe, shout out to beautiful Utah. Thank you 0:02:03.400 --> 0:02:10.480 for email. And brother, let's walk through this. I think 0:02:10.520 --> 0:02:14.040 this is the old the old saying putting the cart 0:02:14.080 --> 0:02:18.440 before the horse. You are you're asking me a question 0:02:18.800 --> 0:02:25.919 on what to prioritize when one of the options hasn't 0:02:25.960 --> 0:02:30.240 even happened. It's just completely hypothetical. So you're like, hey, Granger, 0:02:30.480 --> 0:02:33.240 which of these should I choose? And one of them 0:02:33.680 --> 0:02:37.680 doesn't exist. I'm gonna say, hey, Joe, it's gonna be 0:02:37.680 --> 0:02:39.680 hard to it's gonna be hard to prioritize and make 0:02:39.720 --> 0:02:42.960 decisions on things that don't exist. Yet I understand the ambition, 0:02:43.120 --> 0:02:46.120 I understand the dream and the hope that one day, 0:02:46.200 --> 0:02:50.560 Lord will and you will have a family. But first, 0:02:50.600 --> 0:02:54.280 you don't know if that's going to happen. Second, and 0:02:54.400 --> 0:02:58.240 most importantly, you don't know how they are going to 0:02:58.280 --> 0:03:02.639 react to what you do for a living. They might 0:03:02.720 --> 0:03:07.280 not need money or to be quote unquote comfortable, like 0:03:07.400 --> 0:03:11.280 you're saying, maybe you find a wife that just loves 0:03:11.280 --> 0:03:14.560 you for who you are and loves you because you're 0:03:14.639 --> 0:03:18.800 happy with what you do, regardless of if it makes 0:03:18.960 --> 0:03:22.000 money or not, regardless of if she can go to 0:03:22.120 --> 0:03:25.560 Amazon and buy stuff all day long. Maybe she's just 0:03:25.600 --> 0:03:27.720 like Joe, I just I love you. I know we 0:03:27.760 --> 0:03:29.680 don't have a lot of money, but we have a 0:03:29.720 --> 0:03:32.720 lot of love. And I love you and I love 0:03:32.760 --> 0:03:34.600 that you're happy at what you do even though it 0:03:34.600 --> 0:03:37.960 doesn't make a lot. I love you for what you do. Joe, 0:03:37.960 --> 0:03:39.920 What if you found a woman like that? I hope 0:03:39.960 --> 0:03:45.200 you do. By the way, but all this planning, all 0:03:45.200 --> 0:03:49.360 this worrying, all this prioritizing for something that hasn't happened, 0:03:49.360 --> 0:03:52.280 you don't know if you find a wife that says, Joe, 0:03:52.520 --> 0:03:55.560 it's more important to me that you are happy doing 0:03:55.600 --> 0:03:58.560 something you love instead of making a lot of money 0:03:58.560 --> 0:04:02.040 for us, that we don't need. It's another thing to 0:04:02.040 --> 0:04:05.200 say for your kids to be looking up to you, saying, 0:04:06.800 --> 0:04:10.560 you know, dad never made a whole lot of money, 0:04:11.280 --> 0:04:15.200 but he always loved what he did. He was always happy, 0:04:15.400 --> 0:04:18.159 and that is more inspiring to me as a kid 0:04:18.839 --> 0:04:21.120 than a dad that hates what he does. He just 0:04:21.240 --> 0:04:23.440 does it because he's trying to make money so the 0:04:23.480 --> 0:04:29.800 wife could go spend it. Does that make sense? Chase 0:04:29.839 --> 0:04:34.480 after what you are passionate about right now, study in 0:04:34.520 --> 0:04:37.799 your second semester of college. What you love right now. 0:04:38.240 --> 0:04:41.080 That's going to make everything easier in the long run. 0:04:48.720 --> 0:04:52.320 Next question says open heart surgery at twenty seven. Hey Granger, 0:04:53.400 --> 0:04:56.479 starting my week out with your podcast has completely changed 0:04:56.600 --> 0:04:59.200 my work week. It always gets me in a great 0:04:59.240 --> 0:05:01.680 state of mind. Thank you for that. I'm twenty seven 0:05:01.760 --> 0:05:04.920 years old. I'm a female from Iowa. I have open 0:05:04.960 --> 0:05:08.800 heart surgery a week from tomorrow to replace my AORDA. 0:05:09.400 --> 0:05:12.320 I am feeling very anxious and nervous, and I'm struggling 0:05:12.400 --> 0:05:14.599 with those see you, laters, I'm gonna have to give 0:05:14.640 --> 0:05:17.800 throughout the week. I'm constantly thinking about the worst case 0:05:17.839 --> 0:05:22.559 scenario and it's starting to weigh extremely heavily. On me. Also, 0:05:22.600 --> 0:05:25.320 my boss is pushing me really hard on a return 0:05:25.400 --> 0:05:29.760 date to work. I am already unhappy at my job 0:05:30.000 --> 0:05:32.760 and feel pressure to put this surgery off for them 0:05:33.040 --> 0:05:36.520 to get through our busy season. How do you handle this? 0:05:37.120 --> 0:05:40.200 I was raised to be loyal and work hard always, 0:05:40.440 --> 0:05:43.359 but I'm struggling to put myself first here. Thanks for 0:05:43.400 --> 0:05:46.520 all the content. You'll never understand how much it means 0:05:46.520 --> 0:05:51.359 to me. God bless Morgan. All Right, Morgan, thank you 0:05:51.400 --> 0:05:54.880 so much for being vulnerable and for the email. And 0:05:57.520 --> 0:05:59.960 it's got to be very difficult for you a case. 0:06:00.160 --> 0:06:05.120 Imagine going through open heart surgery, something so serious at 0:06:05.160 --> 0:06:08.479 such a young age. So my heart goes out for 0:06:08.560 --> 0:06:12.800 you with this, And I also can't imagine the see 0:06:12.800 --> 0:06:16.479 you laters that you're gonna have to give what I 0:06:16.480 --> 0:06:21.680 think is a gift just reading this once, not being 0:06:21.720 --> 0:06:23.839 able to fully process what's going on here, But my 0:06:23.880 --> 0:06:25.839 first reaction as I read it for the first time 0:06:25.880 --> 0:06:31.000 here is that it's a gift for anyone to be 0:06:31.160 --> 0:06:37.040 able to have a chance to think about their own 0:06:37.080 --> 0:06:41.560 mortality in a way so much that you are you're 0:06:41.560 --> 0:06:46.320 gonna say goodbyes to people like, Hey, I'm going into 0:06:46.400 --> 0:06:49.920 surgery next week. I want to say goodbye, and I 0:06:49.920 --> 0:06:52.840 don't want to make this awkward, but I want to 0:06:52.839 --> 0:06:56.560 say goodbye because well it's an open heart surgery and 0:06:57.480 --> 0:07:02.080 you know, anything could happen. Let me say that, not 0:07:02.120 --> 0:07:06.520 a lot of people get that kind of opportunity. Not 0:07:07.440 --> 0:07:11.480 a lot of people get a chance to evaluate their 0:07:11.520 --> 0:07:16.040 own mortality, how fragile their life is. Not a lot 0:07:16.040 --> 0:07:20.040 of people get that chance, and it is a gift 0:07:20.360 --> 0:07:26.520 to see in the mirror your own fragility. I hope 0:07:26.560 --> 0:07:29.320 you see it that way. I hope that you could 0:07:29.360 --> 0:07:34.120 come to see it this way. I want to talk 0:07:34.160 --> 0:07:38.640 about to the boss thing. This is crazy. It's crazy 0:07:38.640 --> 0:07:40.920 for all of us listening and from the outside looking in, 0:07:41.480 --> 0:07:44.520 it's crazy. You're going into an open heart surgery. You 0:07:44.920 --> 0:07:47.080 got a lot going on, you got a lot on 0:07:47.120 --> 0:07:50.160 your mind, and your boss is saying, hey, I really 0:07:50.160 --> 0:07:52.720 need to know, so if I could plan ahead, or 0:07:52.760 --> 0:07:57.200 really need to know when you're coming back. So you 0:07:57.240 --> 0:07:59.720 don't like it, your boss is pushing you in a 0:07:59.720 --> 0:08:02.440 weird way. I think this is a really good time 0:08:02.480 --> 0:08:05.640 in my opinion too, because you asked what would you do? 0:08:06.280 --> 0:08:07.960 I think this is a really good time. Morgan to 0:08:08.000 --> 0:08:11.880 go to your boss and say, at this time in 0:08:11.920 --> 0:08:15.920 my life, as much as I have appreciated the work, 0:08:17.040 --> 0:08:22.960 I'm going to take some time off inevitably extended. I'm 0:08:22.960 --> 0:08:26.080 not sure if I'm coming back. And I appreciate the 0:08:26.080 --> 0:08:29.240 opportunity so much and everything that you have done for 0:08:29.360 --> 0:08:31.280 me with this kind of platform that you've given me, 0:08:31.320 --> 0:08:37.000 whatever the job is, But due to this medical condition 0:08:37.200 --> 0:08:40.760 and this surgery, I don't know how soon I can 0:08:40.800 --> 0:08:42.959 get back to work. I don't know how soon I'll 0:08:43.000 --> 0:08:46.440 be back to feeling normal, or if pushing it too 0:08:46.520 --> 0:08:51.560 hard at work might cause an extended recovery for me. 0:08:52.520 --> 0:08:55.360 So all that being said, I think, out of respect 0:08:55.400 --> 0:08:58.600 for you and our busy season, I would say, don't 0:08:58.640 --> 0:09:03.280 expect me to come back. I think that's a really 0:09:03.320 --> 0:09:05.760 good This is a really good time in your life 0:09:05.920 --> 0:09:09.040 for a really good excuse to back away from something 0:09:09.040 --> 0:09:12.839 that you don't like anyway, And during that time, I 0:09:12.880 --> 0:09:16.480 would really encourage you, Morgan to dig in deep to 0:09:16.559 --> 0:09:22.600 your own mortality. Be thinking during this week before the surgery, 0:09:23.160 --> 0:09:25.560 not in some kind of weird, morbid, scary way, but 0:09:25.679 --> 0:09:30.480 be thinking if I only had one week to live 0:09:30.520 --> 0:09:34.560 on this earth. And of course you'll have this is 0:09:35.120 --> 0:09:37.600 doctors are great, so there's nothing to worry about. But 0:09:38.160 --> 0:09:40.439 I think it's a great thought experiment. If I only 0:09:40.480 --> 0:09:45.040 had one week left, who would I call? What would 0:09:45.080 --> 0:09:49.640 I say? Where would I go? What would I do? 0:09:51.000 --> 0:09:55.400 What would I eat? I think these are really good 0:09:55.520 --> 0:09:58.000 questions to have, and I hope you do that. I 0:09:58.040 --> 0:10:00.520 hope you email back to and let us know how 0:10:00.559 --> 0:10:09.760 this goes. Next question says subject line saved by narcissistic parent. 0:10:10.400 --> 0:10:15.400 Saved but narcissistic parent. That's what it says. Hey, grand 0:10:15.480 --> 0:10:17.600 I'd like to stay anonymous. I'm a believer in Christ 0:10:17.640 --> 0:10:20.320 and I've been struggling with PTSD for the past year 0:10:20.360 --> 0:10:24.400 from verbal and physical abuse from my mom. I need 0:10:24.400 --> 0:10:27.840 to talk to her about the problems that I'm having 0:10:27.960 --> 0:10:30.800 with her, but I'm super nervous and feel like I'll 0:10:30.840 --> 0:10:38.880 shut down if I confront her. Any advice, Yeah, I'm sorry, 0:10:38.880 --> 0:10:42.559 I'm so sorry, And my advice would be because I 0:10:42.600 --> 0:10:46.560 think it's a legitimate concern. I think she's probably you 0:10:46.640 --> 0:10:49.440 said she's narcissistic. She's probably someone that could shut you 0:10:49.520 --> 0:10:53.840 down with a look or a talk, or a gesture 0:10:53.920 --> 0:10:58.960 or body language. And you're not gonna be able to 0:10:58.960 --> 0:11:03.720 to express yourself. She could shut you down. Okay, so 0:11:03.840 --> 0:11:06.800 let's know that, and let's go into the situation differently. 0:11:08.520 --> 0:11:13.480 One thing you need for your PTSD is you need 0:11:13.480 --> 0:11:17.680 to forgive her. Now, I don't know how many times 0:11:17.720 --> 0:11:20.839 I've said this in one hundred and ninety eight episodes 0:11:21.760 --> 0:11:28.920 that forgiveness is not something you need to totally believe 0:11:29.000 --> 0:11:32.840 inside you when you say it. The healing really starts 0:11:33.200 --> 0:11:40.400 after you express it. And maybe more importantly, when you 0:11:40.480 --> 0:11:46.480 forgive someone that is that does not matter how they 0:11:46.559 --> 0:11:49.400 respond to the forgiveness, whether or not it worked or not. 0:11:50.280 --> 0:11:53.560 Forgiveness is on your part, not the other person. Otherwise 0:11:53.559 --> 0:11:58.520 it's not forgiveness. You forgiving someone has nothing to do 0:11:59.240 --> 0:12:01.480 with how they take it or if they accept it, 0:12:01.559 --> 0:12:05.600 or if they say agreed or yes or whatever. That's 0:12:05.640 --> 0:12:10.160 not forgiveness. Forgiveness is total grace on your part to 0:12:10.160 --> 0:12:18.720 say I no longer hold you guilty. Right. You don't 0:12:18.720 --> 0:12:21.920 have to believe it, but you can say it and 0:12:22.000 --> 0:12:27.359 let let your heart catch up to that later. And 0:12:27.679 --> 0:12:32.440 that's complicated, but there is such healing in forgiveness when 0:12:32.480 --> 0:12:36.240 you just say it, and there's no strings attached to it. 0:12:36.240 --> 0:12:41.080 It's like, Mom, I forgive you after all these years, 0:12:41.120 --> 0:12:43.520 and you don't have to add things to it. You 0:12:43.559 --> 0:12:47.280 don't have to say but or although, or even though 0:12:47.600 --> 0:12:51.719 or however. You just say I forgive you and I 0:12:51.840 --> 0:12:56.079 love you, not because of something you've done, but because 0:12:56.120 --> 0:12:59.880 of who you are. You're my mom, and you all 0:12:59.840 --> 0:13:02.320 will be, and I love you, and I just want 0:13:02.360 --> 0:13:08.680 you to know, without strings attached, that I forgive you now. 0:13:09.080 --> 0:13:14.000 Forgiving like that doesn't have to be trusting or giving 0:13:14.000 --> 0:13:16.360 a second chance. It has nothing to do with giving 0:13:16.400 --> 0:13:22.240 them a second chance. Forgiving is something for you, a 0:13:22.320 --> 0:13:25.280 grace from you, a gift of grace from you that 0:13:25.400 --> 0:13:29.640 then begins your healing. Mama, forgive you, and I love you, 0:13:30.040 --> 0:13:34.680 and I just want to tell you that. Okay, So 0:13:35.280 --> 0:13:38.360 that's not completely solving your problem. That's just solving the 0:13:38.480 --> 0:13:41.679 content of your discussion, but not how you deliver it. 0:13:41.880 --> 0:13:45.640 My suggestion would be, because she could shut you down 0:13:46.600 --> 0:13:51.040 if because of who she is, I would suggest a letter. 0:13:51.360 --> 0:13:55.239 I think that's a good thing, A good old fashioned 0:13:55.400 --> 0:13:59.480 handwritten letter, not a text or a phone call, because 0:13:59.480 --> 0:14:02.000 she shut you down in either one of those two things, 0:14:02.480 --> 0:14:07.200 and email's weird. I'm talking old fashioned good letter. You 0:14:07.280 --> 0:14:11.400 got a letter and you gotta pin and you write 0:14:11.400 --> 0:14:14.920 this out and you say whatever you need to say. 0:14:15.120 --> 0:14:17.560 But I want forgiveness to be part of it, and 0:14:17.600 --> 0:14:19.520 I want I love you, Mom to be part of it. 0:14:19.560 --> 0:14:23.000 And I want no caveats, no strings attached in it. 0:14:24.440 --> 0:14:28.800 And then what you can do. You could deliver it. 0:14:29.080 --> 0:14:30.640 You could hand deliver it. You can go to our 0:14:30.680 --> 0:14:33.360 house and say, Mom, there's a lot of things i 0:14:33.360 --> 0:14:36.600 want to say, and a lot of things that I've 0:14:36.600 --> 0:14:43.320 wanted to say over the years, and I'm I'm dealing 0:14:43.360 --> 0:14:47.880 with insecurities and I wanted to hand this to you 0:14:47.920 --> 0:14:51.360 and just say I put everything in this letter. I'm 0:14:51.400 --> 0:14:54.840 feeling vulnerable right now, so I put everything in this letter. Mom. 0:14:55.040 --> 0:14:57.960 Look her in the eye. Mom, can you please read it? 0:14:59.080 --> 0:15:01.400 Not right now, but when I leave, can you read it? 0:15:02.600 --> 0:15:07.400 Thank you, and then you're out. That would be my 0:15:07.480 --> 0:15:09.920 first option. I would suggest that first. My second option 0:15:09.960 --> 0:15:14.960 would be delivering it where she doesn't see you. It's 0:15:15.000 --> 0:15:18.200 not as cool and not as effective, but you could 0:15:18.280 --> 0:15:22.560 just put it in her mailbox or something like that. 0:15:22.560 --> 0:15:24.080 That's where I'm going. That's where I'm going with that. 0:15:24.320 --> 0:15:34.280 That answer. Let's hit another one here, Subjecline says, boys work, 0:15:34.480 --> 0:15:38.800 roles and advice. Hello, my two boys, Logan twelve and 0:15:38.920 --> 0:15:42.560 land In ten, and their neighborhood friend Bentley ten came 0:15:42.640 --> 0:15:45.320 up with an idea for a yard work company, a 0:15:45.440 --> 0:15:49.720 VIP company. Actually, I initially gave them an eye roll, 0:15:49.800 --> 0:15:52.520 thinking these kids don't even make their bed without a fight, 0:15:52.600 --> 0:15:54.160 How the heck are they going to do a VIP 0:15:54.320 --> 0:15:58.800 servius service? But like the awesome parent that I aspire 0:15:59.000 --> 0:16:02.760 to be, I said, sure, go ahead, do it, and 0:16:02.800 --> 0:16:05.760 do it well. I gave them a few pointers on 0:16:06.760 --> 0:16:12.400 and off they went. They have helped neighbors dig a 0:16:12.440 --> 0:16:16.640 small pond, gathered up sticks, overseeing a small burn pile, 0:16:17.040 --> 0:16:19.640 and blown leaves. The neighbors have been pleased with their 0:16:19.680 --> 0:16:22.720 work and have given them fair pay. And Doctor Pepper, 0:16:23.880 --> 0:16:26.000 it sounds good and it is for the most part, 0:16:26.160 --> 0:16:29.680 besides a few disagreements. What advice do you have for 0:16:29.800 --> 0:16:32.840 them in regards to choosing and sticking to their roles 0:16:32.880 --> 0:16:37.760 and responsibilities and also working through disagreements? My sons argue 0:16:37.800 --> 0:16:41.160 over the management position. Go figure, And of course they 0:16:41.160 --> 0:16:43.960 play more than they work. They are still just kids 0:16:44.720 --> 0:16:47.200 just looking for tips on how to encourage them while 0:16:47.200 --> 0:16:49.920 they still learn the value of hard work. Yeah, this 0:16:50.040 --> 0:16:54.280 is great. It's a great email, and I'm happy for 0:16:54.440 --> 0:16:56.800 you and your parenting. I love the sentence you wrote 0:16:56.880 --> 0:17:00.760 where you said, being the awesome parent aspire to be. 0:17:02.080 --> 0:17:05.560 That's that's humble. I like it. It's like it's like 0:17:05.640 --> 0:17:08.240 admitting that you're not an awesome parent, but you want 0:17:08.240 --> 0:17:11.719 to be so you'll you'll do things according to the 0:17:11.760 --> 0:17:18.480 map that you've created. I like that. I like the 0:17:19.200 --> 0:17:22.160 part where it says at the end they play more 0:17:22.200 --> 0:17:24.840 than they work. I'm glad for that. I think it's 0:17:24.840 --> 0:17:28.960 a good thing. I'm glad that these boys ten and 0:17:29.040 --> 0:17:33.760 ten and twelve still have the ability to play and work. 0:17:33.800 --> 0:17:37.440 I think I think learning that balance will be something 0:17:37.480 --> 0:17:41.960 they continue through adolescents into manhood. They'll continue to learn 0:17:42.920 --> 0:17:45.040 the difference between work and play and where those two 0:17:45.040 --> 0:17:47.960 things come together. And I would want them now to 0:17:48.000 --> 0:17:54.399 have a little bit more play. Your question is what 0:17:54.480 --> 0:17:57.400 advice do you have in regards to choosing and sticking 0:17:57.440 --> 0:18:03.680 to their roles and responsibilities. One thing I would recommend is, well, 0:18:03.720 --> 0:18:08.480 first of all, make sure you manage your expectations about 0:18:08.560 --> 0:18:12.320 how this is gonna go right, because if they wake 0:18:12.400 --> 0:18:15.399 up next week and they're like, VIP service is done, Mom, 0:18:15.480 --> 0:18:20.879 we're done. Manage your expectation so that you say, okay, okay, 0:18:21.440 --> 0:18:24.960 I understand, and I'm I'm really pleased with the work 0:18:24.960 --> 0:18:29.240 that you've done so far. Okay. Make sure that you're 0:18:29.280 --> 0:18:32.400 not like, no, you start this, you're gonna finish it 0:18:32.560 --> 0:18:34.240 and you gotta go all the way to the rest 0:18:34.240 --> 0:18:36.920 of November or whatever it might be. Make sure that 0:18:36.920 --> 0:18:38.920 that's not what it is. That's where it gets kind 0:18:38.920 --> 0:18:42.920 of complicated. I would recommend that they pay for every 0:18:43.040 --> 0:18:47.520 tool that they use. Now you can jumpstart them and maybe, 0:18:48.119 --> 0:18:52.040 let's see, maybe you got them a rake, you know, 0:18:52.200 --> 0:18:59.440 for the leaves. Maybe you got them like a propane 0:18:59.480 --> 0:19:02.200 lder for the burn pile. I don't know what else. 0:19:02.640 --> 0:19:05.879 But from now on, now that you've got them kickstarted 0:19:05.920 --> 0:19:10.280 on this thing, from now on, I would say, let's 0:19:10.280 --> 0:19:12.200 have them pay for the new tools that they need. 0:19:12.280 --> 0:19:16.000 So if they go, hey, Mom, now they don't only 0:19:16.040 --> 0:19:18.000 want us to rake leaves, they also want us to 0:19:18.040 --> 0:19:21.639 trim the hedges. Soul, can you get us a hedge trimmer? 0:19:22.560 --> 0:19:25.560 And it's like, no, no, I can't do that. You 0:19:25.600 --> 0:19:28.360 can continue working and you could find out how much 0:19:28.359 --> 0:19:31.400 the hedge trimmer cost down at the sporting at the 0:19:31.440 --> 0:19:34.960 hardware store, and we'll find out how much that cost. 0:19:35.000 --> 0:19:37.760 And now you know how much to work towards so 0:19:37.800 --> 0:19:39.520 that you can get that. You guys could split it 0:19:39.560 --> 0:19:41.840 three ways if you want. And then when you get 0:19:41.880 --> 0:19:44.160 the hedge trimmer, that's going to open up new business. 0:19:44.160 --> 0:19:48.080 Now you could advertise hedge trimming and then you'll make 0:19:48.160 --> 0:19:51.359 up for that cost. Right, That's such an important lesson 0:19:51.400 --> 0:19:56.560 to learn right off. So manage your expectations and then 0:19:57.280 --> 0:20:00.400 let them buy things. If they mess things up, let 0:20:00.400 --> 0:20:02.080 them pay for that too. The only thing I would 0:20:02.080 --> 0:20:04.199 push them on is if they start a job at 0:20:04.200 --> 0:20:06.560 one of the neighbor's house, they have to finish it. 0:20:07.480 --> 0:20:09.600 You and Dad are not gonna come bail them out. 0:20:09.960 --> 0:20:13.680 They're not gonna leave a half raked pile of leaves 0:20:14.080 --> 0:20:16.000 in the yard and then you and Dad are gonna 0:20:16.040 --> 0:20:18.480 go at nine pm and finish it up for them. 0:20:18.960 --> 0:20:20.960 Be bad. We don't want to do that. So they're 0:20:20.960 --> 0:20:24.879 gonna finish everything they start. Otherwise they're gonna call the 0:20:24.880 --> 0:20:29.280 neighbors themselves, not you, and they're gonna say, mister and 0:20:29.320 --> 0:20:34.680 missus Jones. We decides Logan and Landon and Bentley, and 0:20:34.720 --> 0:20:39.719 we decided that we're gonna not continue the VIP service. 0:20:40.160 --> 0:20:44.680 You know, just make sure that they're doing that. And 0:20:45.000 --> 0:20:49.680 here's another thing. If they're having a disagreement about management position, 0:20:51.119 --> 0:20:56.000 then tell them the manager of you three is the 0:20:56.040 --> 0:20:59.320 one that has to make the phone call to the client. 0:21:00.320 --> 0:21:03.080 You have to tell them that you're what time you're coming. 0:21:03.480 --> 0:21:05.439 You have to be the one that tells them that 0:21:05.480 --> 0:21:07.760 you're not going to finish or that you're not going 0:21:07.840 --> 0:21:10.399 to come back next week. Who wants to be the 0:21:10.400 --> 0:21:14.959 manager now also the manager if the other. If one 0:21:15.000 --> 0:21:18.760 guy gets sick, you're doing double duty because you're the manager. 0:21:20.040 --> 0:21:22.440 Who wants to be the manager? Now? Try to weed 0:21:22.480 --> 0:21:23.960 them out with stuff like that. I think that will 0:21:23.960 --> 0:21:26.440 help your disagreements and I think they'll find out, hey, 0:21:26.520 --> 0:21:29.600 being a manager, maybe it's not as cool as I thought. 0:21:31.240 --> 0:21:33.800 I love the story. I appreciate the email. We're going 0:21:33.880 --> 0:21:39.960 to take a break and be right back. This podcast 0:21:40.000 --> 0:21:42.760 is brought to you guys by Better Help. You know, 0:21:42.880 --> 0:21:46.160 sometimes in life when we're faced with tough choices and 0:21:46.400 --> 0:21:50.199 the path forward isn't easy and clear, like I'm going 0:21:50.240 --> 0:21:52.679 to talk fully about in my new book Like a 0:21:52.760 --> 0:21:55.880 River that comes out just in like a week August. 0:21:55.920 --> 0:21:59.240 The first losing our little boy River at three years 0:21:59.280 --> 0:22:03.080 old put us in a place that we could not 0:22:03.359 --> 0:22:07.200 recover on our own. We tried everything, and therapy was 0:22:07.240 --> 0:22:10.400 an important part of that journey. So, whether you're dealing 0:22:10.440 --> 0:22:14.399 with decisions around career, relationships or anything else, therapy can 0:22:14.440 --> 0:22:17.320 help you move forward with confidence. It can help you 0:22:17.480 --> 0:22:20.879 unpack how to trust in order to make decisions to 0:22:20.960 --> 0:22:24.119 continue forward. But I know what you're thinking, where do 0:22:24.200 --> 0:22:28.440 I even go about finding a therapist? That sounds so daunting. Well, 0:22:28.440 --> 0:22:31.960 if you're thinking about trying to start therapy, give Better 0:22:32.040 --> 0:22:37.080 Help a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, 0:22:37.119 --> 0:22:39.160 and suitable to your schedule. Just fill out a brief 0:22:39.200 --> 0:22:42.840 questionnaire to get matched with the licensed therapist and switch 0:22:42.920 --> 0:22:46.640 therapist then at any time for no additional charge. Let 0:22:46.680 --> 0:22:49.879 therapy be your map. With Better Help, visit better Help 0:22:49.960 --> 0:22:53.320 dot com slash granger today and get ten percent off 0:22:53.359 --> 0:22:58.600 your first month. That's Better Help HLP dot com slash granger. 0:22:59.000 --> 0:23:00.960 If you want to get a whole of me personally, 0:23:01.200 --> 0:23:03.480 maybe get a message from me a video message from me. 0:23:03.520 --> 0:23:07.040 It's super easy at cameo dot com slash Granger Smith 0:23:07.359 --> 0:23:10.359 or on the Cameo app search for me Granger Smith. 0:23:10.400 --> 0:23:13.760 I'll make a personalized video message right from my phone 0:23:14.040 --> 0:23:17.399 to you or whoever you want and say whatever you 0:23:17.440 --> 0:23:21.919 need me to say. Encouragement, happy birthday, happy anniversary, whatever 0:23:21.960 --> 0:23:24.360 it might be. Let me do that for you at 0:23:24.359 --> 0:23:27.960 cameo dot com slash Granger Smith. Back to the podcast, 0:23:32.920 --> 0:23:35.919 all right, Back to the podcast. Answering your questions, email 0:23:35.960 --> 0:23:39.520 me Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com and we'll throw 0:23:39.560 --> 0:23:42.879 you in the queue here. Next question, subject line says 0:23:42.960 --> 0:23:48.840 work and it says keep anonymous. Hey Granger, my name is. 0:23:49.800 --> 0:23:52.399 That's always so funny when it just said keep an eye, 0:23:52.440 --> 0:23:55.600 I won't read it. Okay, It says I'm fifteen from Minnesota, 0:23:55.800 --> 0:23:59.200 just recently moved to a new house and it's going good. 0:23:59.600 --> 0:24:01.360 I got a job at a farm and I love 0:24:01.440 --> 0:24:04.080 working on it. But work just takes up all my time. 0:24:04.600 --> 0:24:06.720 I never have time to hang out with my friends 0:24:06.800 --> 0:24:10.520 or family or this sweet girl that I like. I 0:24:10.680 --> 0:24:12.920 just wanted to know what are some ways to help 0:24:13.000 --> 0:24:17.440 me balance my time? All right, Anonymous, appreciate your emailing brother. 0:24:17.720 --> 0:24:20.439 I don't know what's going on in this email because 0:24:22.359 --> 0:24:25.800 I'm pretty sure you said fifteen. I know you said fifteen, 0:24:25.840 --> 0:24:30.119 and it sounds like you're thirty five, because you're talking 0:24:30.119 --> 0:24:33.200 about you just moved into a new house and it's 0:24:33.240 --> 0:24:35.840 going good, and then you start talking about the job 0:24:37.080 --> 0:24:39.080 and you don't have any time for friends or family 0:24:40.000 --> 0:24:43.520 or your girl, and it sounds like you bought a 0:24:43.560 --> 0:24:46.080 house and you're living in your house and you're like 0:24:46.080 --> 0:24:49.560 playing bills and playing the mortgage. That's what it sounds like. 0:24:49.640 --> 0:24:54.240 So that's why I'm a little confused. What's going on. 0:24:54.600 --> 0:25:01.000 You're fifteen, I'm assuming I know certainly you're talking about 0:25:01.040 --> 0:25:07.199 your living with your guardian or parents, right right, Okay? 0:25:07.400 --> 0:25:11.439 Why are Why does it sound like you're paying for 0:25:11.480 --> 0:25:12.720 the house? Let me just put it that a way. 0:25:13.000 --> 0:25:16.280 Why does it sound like if you don't work, the 0:25:16.320 --> 0:25:21.479 house goes away. Why is there so much pressure on 0:25:21.560 --> 0:25:27.560 you working all of the time when you're fifteen. Fifteen 0:25:27.600 --> 0:25:31.920 year olds should work, don't hear me wrong on that, 0:25:32.840 --> 0:25:38.440 But fifteen year olds should not work so much that 0:25:38.440 --> 0:25:41.880 they have no time for anything else in their life. 0:25:42.240 --> 0:25:47.720 School is not even mentioned in this email, so you say, 0:25:47.720 --> 0:25:49.240 I never have time to hang out with my friends 0:25:49.320 --> 0:25:53.239 or family or a girl. That's a problem. So I can. 0:25:53.440 --> 0:25:57.760 I could give you tips on balancing time and managing time, 0:25:58.200 --> 0:26:00.240