Speaker 1: If I only had one week left, who would I call?
Speaker 1: What would I say? Where would I go? What would
Speaker 1: I do? What would I eat? I think these are
Speaker 1: really good questions to have. What's up, everybody, Welcome back
Speaker 1: to the podcast Episode one. Thanks for being here and
Speaker 1: watching and listening wherever you're coming from all of the
Speaker 1: different platforms, whether it's Spotify or YouTube or Apple podcast
Speaker 1: or iHeartRadio. Thank you for being here. I love to
Speaker 1: do this and one of my favorite things of all
Speaker 1: the things that I do, I answer your questions. Email
Speaker 1: me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Could be about
Speaker 1: any subject and we'll put it in the queue and
Speaker 1: we'll pull them up randomly. I don't have any notes
Speaker 1: or I'm not prepared for any of the questions, so
Speaker 1: we'll just walk through it as I hear it for
Speaker 1: the first time reacts to it, just like we're two friends. Okay,
Speaker 1: first question, subject line here says, let's see family and
Speaker 1: career happiness. Hey, grand your my name is Joe. I'm
Speaker 1: from Farmington, Utah. First of all, I love the show.
Speaker 1: Keep it up. I'm a second semester freshman in college.
Speaker 1: I have no idea what I want to study in
Speaker 1: in other words, I don't know what I want to
Speaker 1: do with my life. I don't know what career to
Speaker 1: aim for. My biggest goal in life is to have
Speaker 1: a happy family. I want to make enough money for
Speaker 1: them to be able to live comfortably. But I'm not
Speaker 1: a money seeker by any means. Every interest of mine
Speaker 1: would make me a happy worker, but it wouldn't earn
Speaker 1: much money in the workforce, which should be my priority,
Speaker 1: a happy, comfortable family or my own personal happiness. Thanks Joe,
Speaker 1: all right, Joe, shout out to beautiful Utah. Thank you
Speaker 1: for email. And brother, let's walk through this. I think
Speaker 1: this is the old the old saying putting the cart
Speaker 1: before the horse. You are you're asking me a question
Speaker 1: on what to prioritize when one of the options hasn't
Speaker 1: even happened. It's just completely hypothetical. So you're like, hey, Granger,
Speaker 1: which of these should I choose? And one of them
Speaker 1: doesn't exist. I'm gonna say, hey, Joe, it's gonna be
Speaker 1: hard to it's gonna be hard to prioritize and make
Speaker 1: decisions on things that don't exist. Yet I understand the ambition,
Speaker 1: I understand the dream and the hope that one day,
Speaker 1: Lord will and you will have a family. But first,
Speaker 1: you don't know if that's going to happen. Second, and
Speaker 1: most importantly, you don't know how they are going to
Speaker 1: react to what you do for a living. They might
Speaker 1: not need money or to be quote unquote comfortable, like
Speaker 1: you're saying, maybe you find a wife that just loves
Speaker 1: you for who you are and loves you because you're
Speaker 1: happy with what you do, regardless of if it makes
Speaker 1: money or not, regardless of if she can go to
Speaker 1: Amazon and buy stuff all day long. Maybe she's just
Speaker 1: like Joe, I just I love you. I know we
Speaker 1: don't have a lot of money, but we have a
Speaker 1: lot of love. And I love you and I love
Speaker 1: that you're happy at what you do even though it
Speaker 1: doesn't make a lot. I love you for what you do. Joe,
Speaker 1: What if you found a woman like that? I hope
Speaker 1: you do. By the way, but all this planning, all
Speaker 1: this worrying, all this prioritizing for something that hasn't happened,
Speaker 1: you don't know if you find a wife that says, Joe,
Speaker 1: it's more important to me that you are happy doing
Speaker 1: something you love instead of making a lot of money
Speaker 1: for us, that we don't need. It's another thing to
Speaker 1: say for your kids to be looking up to you, saying,
Speaker 1: you know, dad never made a whole lot of money,
Speaker 1: but he always loved what he did. He was always happy,
Speaker 1: and that is more inspiring to me as a kid
Speaker 1: than a dad that hates what he does. He just
Speaker 1: does it because he's trying to make money so the
Speaker 1: wife could go spend it. Does that make sense? Chase
Speaker 1: after what you are passionate about right now, study in
Speaker 1: your second semester of college. What you love right now.
Speaker 1: That's going to make everything easier in the long run.
Speaker 1: Next question says open heart surgery at twenty seven. Hey Granger,
Speaker 1: starting my week out with your podcast has completely changed
Speaker 1: my work week. It always gets me in a great
Speaker 1: state of mind. Thank you for that. I'm twenty seven
Speaker 1: years old. I'm a female from Iowa. I have open
Speaker 1: heart surgery a week from tomorrow to replace my AORDA.
Speaker 1: I am feeling very anxious and nervous, and I'm struggling
Speaker 1: with those see you, laters, I'm gonna have to give
Speaker 1: throughout the week. I'm constantly thinking about the worst case
Speaker 1: scenario and it's starting to weigh extremely heavily. On me. Also,
Speaker 1: my boss is pushing me really hard on a return
Speaker 1: date to work. I am already unhappy at my job
Speaker 1: and feel pressure to put this surgery off for them
Speaker 1: to get through our busy season. How do you handle this?
Speaker 1: I was raised to be loyal and work hard always,
Speaker 1: but I'm struggling to put myself first here. Thanks for
Speaker 1: all the content. You'll never understand how much it means
Speaker 1: to me. God bless Morgan. All Right, Morgan, thank you
Speaker 1: so much for being vulnerable and for the email. And
Speaker 1: it's got to be very difficult for you a case.
Speaker 1: Imagine going through open heart surgery, something so serious at
Speaker 1: such a young age. So my heart goes out for
Speaker 1: you with this, And I also can't imagine the see
Speaker 1: you laters that you're gonna have to give what I
Speaker 1: think is a gift just reading this once, not being
Speaker 1: able to fully process what's going on here, But my
Speaker 1: first reaction as I read it for the first time
Speaker 1: here is that it's a gift for anyone to be
Speaker 1: able to have a chance to think about their own
Speaker 1: mortality in a way so much that you are you're
Speaker 1: gonna say goodbyes to people like, Hey, I'm going into
Speaker 1: surgery next week. I want to say goodbye, and I
Speaker 1: don't want to make this awkward, but I want to
Speaker 1: say goodbye because well it's an open heart surgery and
Speaker 1: you know, anything could happen. Let me say that, not
Speaker 1: a lot of people get that kind of opportunity. Not
Speaker 1: a lot of people get a chance to evaluate their
Speaker 1: own mortality, how fragile their life is. Not a lot
Speaker 1: of people get that chance, and it is a gift
Speaker 1: to see in the mirror your own fragility. I hope
Speaker 1: you see it that way. I hope that you could
Speaker 1: come to see it this way. I want to talk
Speaker 1: about to the boss thing. This is crazy. It's crazy
Speaker 1: for all of us listening and from the outside looking in,
Speaker 1: it's crazy. You're going into an open heart surgery. You
Speaker 1: got a lot going on, you got a lot on
Speaker 1: your mind, and your boss is saying, hey, I really
Speaker 1: need to know, so if I could plan ahead, or
Speaker 1: really need to know when you're coming back. So you
Speaker 1: don't like it, your boss is pushing you in a
Speaker 1: weird way. I think this is a really good time
Speaker 1: in my opinion too, because you asked what would you do?
Speaker 1: I think this is a really good time. Morgan to
Speaker 1: go to your boss and say, at this time in
Speaker 1: my life, as much as I have appreciated the work,
Speaker 1: I'm going to take some time off inevitably extended. I'm
Speaker 1: not sure if I'm coming back. And I appreciate the
Speaker 1: opportunity so much and everything that you have done for
Speaker 1: me with this kind of platform that you've given me,
Speaker 1: whatever the job is, But due to this medical condition
Speaker 1: and this surgery, I don't know how soon I can
Speaker 1: get back to work. I don't know how soon I'll
Speaker 1: be back to feeling normal, or if pushing it too
Speaker 1: hard at work might cause an extended recovery for me.
Speaker 1: So all that being said, I think, out of respect
Speaker 1: for you and our busy season, I would say, don't
Speaker 1: expect me to come back. I think that's a really
Speaker 1: good This is a really good time in your life
Speaker 1: for a really good excuse to back away from something
Speaker 1: that you don't like anyway, And during that time, I
Speaker 1: would really encourage you, Morgan to dig in deep to
Speaker 1: your own mortality. Be thinking during this week before the surgery,
Speaker 1: not in some kind of weird, morbid, scary way, but
Speaker 1: be thinking if I only had one week to live
Speaker 1: on this earth. And of course you'll have this is
Speaker 1: doctors are great, so there's nothing to worry about. But
Speaker 1: I think it's a great thought experiment. If I only
Speaker 1: had one week left, who would I call? What would
Speaker 1: I say? Where would I go? What would I do?
Speaker 1: What would I eat? I think these are really good
Speaker 1: questions to have, and I hope you do that. I
Speaker 1: hope you email back to and let us know how
Speaker 1: this goes. Next question says subject line saved by narcissistic parent.
Speaker 1: Saved but narcissistic parent. That's what it says. Hey, grand
Speaker 1: I'd like to stay anonymous. I'm a believer in Christ
Speaker 1: and I've been struggling with PTSD for the past year
Speaker 1: from verbal and physical abuse from my mom. I need
Speaker 1: to talk to her about the problems that I'm having
Speaker 1: with her, but I'm super nervous and feel like I'll
Speaker 1: shut down if I confront her. Any advice, Yeah, I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry, And my advice would be because I
Speaker 1: think it's a legitimate concern. I think she's probably you
Speaker 1: said she's narcissistic. She's probably someone that could shut you
Speaker 1: down with a look or a talk, or a gesture
Speaker 1: or body language. And you're not gonna be able to
Speaker 1: to express yourself. She could shut you down. Okay, so
Speaker 1: let's know that, and let's go into the situation differently.
Speaker 1: One thing you need for your PTSD is you need
Speaker 1: to forgive her. Now, I don't know how many times
Speaker 1: I've said this in one hundred and ninety eight episodes
Speaker 1: that forgiveness is not something you need to totally believe
Speaker 1: inside you when you say it. The healing really starts
Speaker 1: after you express it. And maybe more importantly, when you
Speaker 1: forgive someone that is that does not matter how they
Speaker 1: respond to the forgiveness, whether or not it worked or not.
Speaker 1: Forgiveness is on your part, not the other person. Otherwise
Speaker 1: it's not forgiveness. You forgiving someone has nothing to do
Speaker 1: with how they take it or if they accept it,
Speaker 1: or if they say agreed or yes or whatever. That's
Speaker 1: not forgiveness. Forgiveness is total grace on your part to
Speaker 1: say I no longer hold you guilty. Right. You don't
Speaker 1: have to believe it, but you can say it and
Speaker 1: let let your heart catch up to that later. And
Speaker 1: that's complicated, but there is such healing in forgiveness when
Speaker 1: you just say it, and there's no strings attached to it.
Speaker 1: It's like, Mom, I forgive you after all these years,
Speaker 1: and you don't have to add things to it. You
Speaker 1: don't have to say but or although, or even though
Speaker 1: or however. You just say I forgive you and I
Speaker 1: love you, not because of something you've done, but because
Speaker 1: of who you are. You're my mom, and you all
Speaker 1: will be, and I love you, and I just want
Speaker 1: you to know, without strings attached, that I forgive you now.
Speaker 1: Forgiving like that doesn't have to be trusting or giving
Speaker 1: a second chance. It has nothing to do with giving
Speaker 1: them a second chance. Forgiving is something for you, a
Speaker 1: grace from you, a gift of grace from you that
Speaker 1: then begins your healing. Mama, forgive you, and I love you,
Speaker 1: and I just want to tell you that. Okay, So
Speaker 1: that's not completely solving your problem. That's just solving the
Speaker 1: content of your discussion, but not how you deliver it.
Speaker 1: My suggestion would be, because she could shut you down
Speaker 1: if because of who she is, I would suggest a letter.
Speaker 1: I think that's a good thing, A good old fashioned
Speaker 1: handwritten letter, not a text or a phone call, because
Speaker 1: she shut you down in either one of those two things,
Speaker 1: and email's weird. I'm talking old fashioned good letter. You
Speaker 1: got a letter and you gotta pin and you write
Speaker 1: this out and you say whatever you need to say.
Speaker 1: But I want forgiveness to be part of it, and
Speaker 1: I want I love you, Mom to be part of it.
Speaker 1: And I want no caveats, no strings attached in it.
Speaker 1: And then what you can do. You could deliver it.
Speaker 1: You could hand deliver it. You can go to our
Speaker 1: house and say, Mom, there's a lot of things i
Speaker 1: want to say, and a lot of things that I've
Speaker 1: wanted to say over the years, and I'm I'm dealing
Speaker 1: with insecurities and I wanted to hand this to you
Speaker 1: and just say I put everything in this letter. I'm
Speaker 1: feeling vulnerable right now, so I put everything in this letter. Mom.
Speaker 1: Look her in the eye. Mom, can you please read it?
Speaker 1: Not right now, but when I leave, can you read it?
Speaker 1: Thank you, and then you're out. That would be my
Speaker 1: first option. I would suggest that first. My second option
Speaker 1: would be delivering it where she doesn't see you. It's
Speaker 1: not as cool and not as effective, but you could
Speaker 1: just put it in her mailbox or something like that.
Speaker 1: That's where I'm going. That's where I'm going with that.
Speaker 1: That answer. Let's hit another one here, Subjecline says, boys work,
Speaker 1: roles and advice. Hello, my two boys, Logan twelve and
Speaker 1: land In ten, and their neighborhood friend Bentley ten came
Speaker 1: up with an idea for a yard work company, a
Speaker 1: VIP company. Actually, I initially gave them an eye roll,
Speaker 1: thinking these kids don't even make their bed without a fight,
Speaker 1: How the heck are they going to do a VIP
Speaker 1: servius service? But like the awesome parent that I aspire
Speaker 1: to be, I said, sure, go ahead, do it, and
Speaker 1: do it well. I gave them a few pointers on
Speaker 1: and off they went. They have helped neighbors dig a
Speaker 1: small pond, gathered up sticks, overseeing a small burn pile,
Speaker 1: and blown leaves. The neighbors have been pleased with their
Speaker 1: work and have given them fair pay. And Doctor Pepper,
Speaker 1: it sounds good and it is for the most part,
Speaker 1: besides a few disagreements. What advice do you have for
Speaker 1: them in regards to choosing and sticking to their roles
Speaker 1: and responsibilities and also working through disagreements? My sons argue
Speaker 1: over the management position. Go figure, And of course they
Speaker 1: play more than they work. They are still just kids
Speaker 1: just looking for tips on how to encourage them while
Speaker 1: they still learn the value of hard work. Yeah, this
Speaker 1: is great. It's a great email, and I'm happy for
Speaker 1: you and your parenting. I love the sentence you wrote
Speaker 1: where you said, being the awesome parent aspire to be.
Speaker 1: That's that's humble. I like it. It's like it's like
Speaker 1: admitting that you're not an awesome parent, but you want
Speaker 1: to be so you'll you'll do things according to the
Speaker 1: map that you've created. I like that. I like the
Speaker 1: part where it says at the end they play more
Speaker 1: than they work. I'm glad for that. I think it's
Speaker 1: a good thing. I'm glad that these boys ten and
Speaker 1: ten and twelve still have the ability to play and work.
Speaker 1: I think I think learning that balance will be something
Speaker 1: they continue through adolescents into manhood. They'll continue to learn
Speaker 1: the difference between work and play and where those two
Speaker 1: things come together. And I would want them now to
Speaker 1: have a little bit more play. Your question is what
Speaker 1: advice do you have in regards to choosing and sticking
Speaker 1: to their roles and responsibilities. One thing I would recommend is, well,
Speaker 1: first of all, make sure you manage your expectations about
Speaker 1: how this is gonna go right, because if they wake
Speaker 1: up next week and they're like, VIP service is done, Mom,
Speaker 1: we're done. Manage your expectation so that you say, okay, okay,
Speaker 1: I understand, and I'm I'm really pleased with the work
Speaker 1: that you've done so far. Okay. Make sure that you're
Speaker 1: not like, no, you start this, you're gonna finish it
Speaker 1: and you gotta go all the way to the rest
Speaker 1: of November or whatever it might be. Make sure that
Speaker 1: that's not what it is. That's where it gets kind
Speaker 1: of complicated. I would recommend that they pay for every
Speaker 1: tool that they use. Now you can jumpstart them and maybe,
Speaker 1: let's see, maybe you got them a rake, you know,
Speaker 1: for the leaves. Maybe you got them like a propane
Speaker 1: lder for the burn pile. I don't know what else.
Speaker 1: But from now on, now that you've got them kickstarted
Speaker 1: on this thing, from now on, I would say, let's
Speaker 1: have them pay for the new tools that they need.
Speaker 1: So if they go, hey, Mom, now they don't only
Speaker 1: want us to rake leaves, they also want us to
Speaker 1: trim the hedges. Soul, can you get us a hedge trimmer?
Speaker 1: And it's like, no, no, I can't do that. You
Speaker 1: can continue working and you could find out how much
Speaker 1: the hedge trimmer cost down at the sporting at the
Speaker 1: hardware store, and we'll find out how much that cost.
Speaker 1: And now you know how much to work towards so
Speaker 1: that you can get that. You guys could split it
Speaker 1: three ways if you want. And then when you get
Speaker 1: the hedge trimmer, that's going to open up new business.
Speaker 1: Now you could advertise hedge trimming and then you'll make
Speaker 1: up for that cost. Right, That's such an important lesson
Speaker 1: to learn right off. So manage your expectations and then
Speaker 1: let them buy things. If they mess things up, let
Speaker 1: them pay for that too. The only thing I would
Speaker 1: push them on is if they start a job at
Speaker 1: one of the neighbor's house, they have to finish it.
Speaker 1: You and Dad are not gonna come bail them out.
Speaker 1: They're not gonna leave a half raked pile of leaves
Speaker 1: in the yard and then you and Dad are gonna
Speaker 1: go at nine pm and finish it up for them.
Speaker 1: Be bad. We don't want to do that. So they're
Speaker 1: gonna finish everything they start. Otherwise they're gonna call the
Speaker 1: neighbors themselves, not you, and they're gonna say, mister and
Speaker 1: missus Jones. We decides Logan and Landon and Bentley, and
Speaker 1: we decided that we're gonna not continue the VIP service.
Speaker 1: You know, just make sure that they're doing that. And
Speaker 1: here's another thing. If they're having a disagreement about management position,
Speaker 1: then tell them the manager of you three is the
Speaker 1: one that has to make the phone call to the client.
Speaker 1: You have to tell them that you're what time you're coming.
Speaker 1: You have to be the one that tells them that
Speaker 1: you're not going to finish or that you're not going
Speaker 1: to come back next week. Who wants to be the
Speaker 1: manager now also the manager if the other. If one
Speaker 1: guy gets sick, you're doing double duty because you're the manager.
Speaker 1: Who wants to be the manager? Now? Try to weed
Speaker 1: them out with stuff like that. I think that will
Speaker 1: help your disagreements and I think they'll find out, hey,
Speaker 1: being a manager, maybe it's not as cool as I thought.
Speaker 1: I love the story. I appreciate the email. We're going
Speaker 1: to take a break and be right back. This podcast
Speaker 1: is brought to you guys by Better Help. You know,
Speaker 1: sometimes in life when we're faced with tough choices and
Speaker 1: the path forward isn't easy and clear, like I'm going
Speaker 1: to talk fully about in my new book Like a
Speaker 1: River that comes out just in like a week August.
Speaker 1: The first losing our little boy River at three years
Speaker 1: old put us in a place that we could not
Speaker 1: recover on our own. We tried everything, and therapy was
Speaker 1: an important part of that journey. So, whether you're dealing
Speaker 1: with decisions around career, relationships or anything else, therapy can
Speaker 1: help you move forward with confidence. It can help you
Speaker 1: unpack how to trust in order to make decisions to
Speaker 1: continue forward. But I know what you're thinking, where do
Speaker 1: I even go about finding a therapist? That sounds so daunting. Well,
Speaker 1: if you're thinking about trying to start therapy, give Better
Speaker 1: Help a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible,
Speaker 1: and suitable to your schedule. Just fill out a brief
Speaker 1: questionnaire to get matched with the licensed therapist and switch
Speaker 1: therapist then at any time for no additional charge. Let
Speaker 1: therapy be your map. With Better Help, visit better Help
Speaker 1: dot com slash granger today and get ten percent off
Speaker 1: your first month. That's Better Help HLP dot com slash granger.
Speaker 1: If you want to get a whole of me personally,
Speaker 1: maybe get a message from me a video message from me.
Speaker 1: It's super easy at cameo dot com slash Granger Smith
Speaker 1: or on the Cameo app search for me Granger Smith.
Speaker 1: I'll make a personalized video message right from my phone
Speaker 1: to you or whoever you want and say whatever you
Speaker 1: need me to say. Encouragement, happy birthday, happy anniversary, whatever
Speaker 1: it might be. Let me do that for you at
Speaker 1: cameo dot com slash Granger Smith. Back to the podcast,
Speaker 1: all right, Back to the podcast. Answering your questions, email
Speaker 1: me Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com and we'll throw
Speaker 1: you in the queue here. Next question, subject line says
Speaker 1: work and it says keep anonymous. Hey Granger, my name is.
Speaker 1: That's always so funny when it just said keep an eye,
Speaker 1: I won't read it. Okay, It says I'm fifteen from Minnesota,
Speaker 1: just recently moved to a new house and it's going good.
Speaker 1: I got a job at a farm and I love
Speaker 1: working on it. But work just takes up all my time.
Speaker 1: I never have time to hang out with my friends
Speaker 1: or family or this sweet girl that I like. I
Speaker 1: just wanted to know what are some ways to help
Speaker 1: me balance my time? All right, Anonymous, appreciate your emailing brother.
Speaker 1: I don't know what's going on in this email because
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure you said fifteen. I know you said fifteen,
Speaker 1: and it sounds like you're thirty five, because you're talking
Speaker 1: about you just moved into a new house and it's
Speaker 1: going good, and then you start talking about the job
Speaker 1: and you don't have any time for friends or family
Speaker 1: or your girl, and it sounds like you bought a
Speaker 1: house and you're living in your house and you're like
Speaker 1: playing bills and playing the mortgage. That's what it sounds like.
Speaker 1: So that's why I'm a little confused. What's going on.
Speaker 1: You're fifteen, I'm assuming I know certainly you're talking about
Speaker 1: your living with your guardian or parents, right right, Okay?
Speaker 1: Why are Why does it sound like you're paying for
Speaker 1: the house? Let me just put it that a way.
Speaker 1: Why does it sound like if you don't work, the
Speaker 1: house goes away. Why is there so much pressure on
Speaker 1: you working all of the time when you're fifteen. Fifteen
Speaker 1: year olds should work, don't hear me wrong on that,
Speaker 1: But fifteen year olds should not work so much that
Speaker 1: they have no time for anything else in their life.
Speaker 1: School is not even mentioned in this email, so you say,
Speaker 1: I never have time to hang out with my friends
Speaker 1: or family or a girl. That's a problem. So I can.
Speaker 1: I could give you tips on balancing time and managing time,
Speaker 1: but that's a conversation I would have with a thirty
Speaker 1: year old, not a fifteen year old. That's different. I
Speaker 1: could talk to you about your power list and coming
Speaker 1: up with your schedule and making your you know, making
Speaker 1: your checklist and what time you're waking up, and I
Speaker 1: could talk to you about that, But that's silly because
Speaker 1: we have a lot of other priorities. There's like three
Speaker 1: priorities for you, in my opinion, three priorities that come
Speaker 1: before working. Working at this point is making money so
Speaker 1: that you could help out a little bit at the house.
Speaker 1: I get it, so that you could maybe be saving
Speaker 1: for a truck, I get it. And saving for a
Speaker 1: few things that you like, some clothes, new pair of jeans,
Speaker 1: a movie night with the sweet girl. You're talking about
Speaker 1: that stuff. And if you're working more than that, then
Speaker 1: we need to talk about why, and is this the
Speaker 1: right job? And is the house too expensive? And is
Speaker 1: everyone managing money okay that you're working so much? Those
Speaker 1: kind of questions, those are the kind of questions I have. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I would go there instead of ways to balance your
Speaker 1: life besides telling you, hey, anonymous, if you don't fix
Speaker 1: this now, you're gonna realize quickly you're only fifteen once.
Speaker 1: If you neglect friends and parents and family and this girl,
Speaker 1: if you neglect them for this job to make money,
Speaker 1: that will go away, that will get spent, that will
Speaker 1: get eaten up in some truck payment. If you do
Speaker 1: that too much, you're gonna have serious problems in three,
Speaker 1: four five years, because you're gonna look back and realize, oh, man,
Speaker 1: I chewed up my teenage years and they're gone and
Speaker 1: I don't have them back. And those were formative years
Speaker 1: for me. Those were the years that I was learning
Speaker 1: about life and girls and friendship and being social. These
Speaker 1: were years and I was supposed to learn that, and
Speaker 1: instead I didn't. I was stuck in my work. So
Speaker 1: be very careful. You're only fifteen once. Be very careful
Speaker 1: with how you use that time. Nice question. Subjecline says
Speaker 1: failed marriages and says, hey, Granger, my name is David.
Speaker 1: I'm from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I'm newly married. All my life
Speaker 1: I've been surrounded by failed marriages, regardless if it's family, friends,
Speaker 1: or whoever it may be. My dad passed away when
Speaker 1: I was ten years old, so I really don't remember
Speaker 1: how my parents' marriage was. What advice do you have
Speaker 1: to give a newly wedded man? PS, My wife walked
Speaker 1: down the aisle too. You're in it. We are huge fans.
Speaker 1: Thanks for your time, David, David, I appreciate you, brother,
Speaker 1: Thank you so much, and congratulations on the new marriage.
Speaker 1: I'm happy for you, guys, and I'm very honored that
Speaker 1: you used you're in it for for such a special
Speaker 1: moment in your life. Thank you so much. I love
Speaker 1: that to have that kind of connection. I typically when
Speaker 1: I get a question like this, I pull out a
Speaker 1: similar card each time to play right. It's like, OK,
Speaker 1: if this was a card game, I'm pulling out this card.
Speaker 1: If you're gonna genuinely just generally ask me advice for
Speaker 1: a newly wedded man or couple or woman, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: pull out the card and said that says be selfless.
Speaker 1: Remember now, remind yourself now daily that is not just
Speaker 1: you any It's not just about you. And when Jesus
Speaker 1: says love your neighbor as yourself. I said this last week.
Speaker 1: We have to assume when Jesus says love your neighbor
Speaker 1: as yourself, not more than yourself, or love your neighbor
Speaker 1: and some relation to yourself, it's very clear that he's
Speaker 1: saying love your neighbor the same meaning. There is an
Speaker 1: assumption that you already love yourself. It doesn't say learn
Speaker 1: to love yourself and then then once you learn to
Speaker 1: love yourself, then you could love your neighbors. That's what
Speaker 1: the culture says, and kind of twist that all the time.
Speaker 1: You hear weird stuff like that, get a learn. Remember
Speaker 1: you have to learn to love yourself first, and then
Speaker 1: when you loved yourself, you could love others. How many
Speaker 1: times have y'all heard that twisted, weird cultural garbage. And
Speaker 1: that's not what Jesus said, And that's not what you
Speaker 1: know to believe, because you know, if you think about
Speaker 1: it with your heart, you think about yourself, you think
Speaker 1: who you are inherently, how you were born, your nature,
Speaker 1: your human nature says, take care of myself. I'm hungry,
Speaker 1: feed me, I'm thirsty, I need drink, I'm tired, need
Speaker 1: to lay down like we're so primal. I have a headache.
Speaker 1: I can't think until I have some aspirin. I got
Speaker 1: a headache, oh man, got this ache and back today
Speaker 1: I just oh, I got this crik in my neck
Speaker 1: and every time I turn left, I just cannot stop
Speaker 1: thinking about this crik in my neck. And I'll do
Speaker 1: anything to relieve that. Or let's flip it. Man. Know
Speaker 1: what I can go for tonight? Some steak? Oh man.
Speaker 1: There's nothing like a good steak on a night like this,
Speaker 1: or football games on huh. I can't wait. I've been
Speaker 1: waiting for this game, this game, and this moment. I've
Speaker 1: been wanting to see this particular game for like a year.
Speaker 1: This is the rematch of last year's crazy game, and
Speaker 1: this year it's primetime seven pm. And I've got my
Speaker 1: couch ready, my TV ready, and I'm ready for no distractions,
Speaker 1: ready to watch my game. This is what we do.
Speaker 1: This is what humans do. We love ourselves. That's the default,
Speaker 1: and so Jesus is saying, go against the default and
Speaker 1: love your neighbor as yourself like that, like you do,
Speaker 1: like when you get a headache, and you'd aspirin when
Speaker 1: you want to watch the game, when that's what you want,
Speaker 1: when that's what you need when you want that steak,
Speaker 1: when you want to lay down, take all those things
Speaker 1: that love you give. Yeah, just do that to others too.
Speaker 1: It's not the default. It takes effort to do that.
Speaker 1: It takes a big switch of the brain to go, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm David, I'm newly wed. Now I've got a wife.
Speaker 1: Now it's not just about me, and Jesus is saying,
Speaker 1: and I'm saying now because I agree. I'm saying that
Speaker 1: you don't have to go above and beyond for your wife.
Speaker 1: You don't have to pour out superficial love. You don't
Speaker 1: have to wake up and go, how am I going
Speaker 1: to multiply this love over and over to my wife today?
Speaker 1: Because you can't sustain that. All you all you need
Speaker 1: to do is love her like you love yourself. That's it.
Speaker 1: So watch her, think about her, think about when she's
Speaker 1: whatever equivalent to that football game is to her. Make
Speaker 1: sure you don't schedule anything. Then whatever that equivalent thing
Speaker 1: is to your stake, your craving, cook it for one night,
Speaker 1: whatever equivalent feeling that you get when you just want
Speaker 1: to lay down and take a nap and close off
Speaker 1: the world. You're so tired, make the bed for her,
Speaker 1: turn down the blinds and the lights, make it nice,
Speaker 1: and say, babe, you go to bed early to night.
Speaker 1: You had a tough night last night. Go to bed
Speaker 1: early to night. I'll take care of the dishes, I'll
Speaker 1: take care of everything. So you're just you're not going
Speaker 1: above and beyond. You're just you're giving her what you
Speaker 1: would do, how you would treat yourself. That's just not revolutionary.
Speaker 1: This is not brand new, groundbreaking information. But it's marriage saving.
Speaker 1: It's marriage saving. And for all the people said this
Speaker 1: last week too, for all the people that are thinking, hey,
Speaker 1: one problem, I don't love myself. In fact, I hate myself,
Speaker 1: I would say, I don't agree. I don't agree. Hating
Speaker 1: is not the opposite of loving. Hating is a close brother.
Speaker 1: It takes a lot of passion, a lot of energy,
Speaker 1: a lot of attention to hate something. So if you're
Speaker 1: hating yourself, that means you're pouring a lot of attention
Speaker 1: on yourself. The only thing opposite of love is indifference.
Speaker 1: I don't care, could care less. I don't care at all.
Speaker 1: I hadn't even thought about it. Nobody's indifferent to themselves. Okay, lover.
Speaker 2: Just like you love yourself, You'll be good.
Speaker 1: Let's hit another one here. Subject line says fatherhood. Hey Granger,
Speaker 1: my name is Cody from San Augustine, Texas. I'm twenty seven,
Speaker 1: been a fan for the past ten to eleven years.
Speaker 1: My question is do you have any tips for a
Speaker 1: first time dad? My wife and I were expecting our
Speaker 1: son in September, so i'd greatly appreciate to have some
Speaker 1: advice from a favorite country singer. I already plan on
Speaker 1: raising him around the church. Many blessings for Amber London,
Speaker 1: Lincoln Maverick and yourself. All Right, Cody, thanks for emailing brother,
Speaker 1: thank you for being a fan, and congratulations expecting a
Speaker 1: son in September. And guess what that's My birthday is
Speaker 1: in September two. So I'd love to tell first time
Speaker 1: dads because we're so dads are so out of the
Speaker 1: loop and out of control. We having a baby as
Speaker 1: a dad is something that is just it's helpless because
Speaker 1: we can't do anything. We can't we can't even help
Speaker 1: our wives. It's hard to even provide comfort because a
Speaker 1: lot of I don't even want it from us at least,
Speaker 1: and what do we know about any of it, so
Speaker 1: all we can do is sit there and stress out
Speaker 1: about it. So don't take that. That's not the that's
Speaker 1: not the advice I'm giving. My advice is this, you
Speaker 1: say tips for a first time debt, Well, all you
Speaker 1: gotta do it's super easy if you think about it.
Speaker 1: All you have to do is stay one step ahead
Speaker 1: of them. It can get daunting thinking about, man, I
Speaker 1: gotta gotta got my son coming. Oh man, I gotta
Speaker 1: get him a go kart. I gotta think about baseball.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, summer league baseball. I better get him
Speaker 1: a glove. And then we're gonna have to think about
Speaker 1: maybe moving closer to some kind of training for him,
Speaker 1: because he's probably gonna want to be a pitcher in baseball.
Speaker 1: And then oh yeah, I gotta make sure that he's
Speaker 1: got a good bye. Every boy needs a good bike,
Speaker 1: and so I should make sure that we get this
Speaker 1: driveway paved because it's dirt and we're gonna need to
Speaker 1: get that drive And like, your brain can go crazy
Speaker 1: thinking about having a boy in your house for the
Speaker 1: next eighteen years. But you don't have to think about that.
Speaker 1: All you have to do is follow as he changes,
Speaker 1: and he's gonna change quickly. You just gotta follow. And
Speaker 1: the pattern that's already laid up before you is stay
Speaker 1: one step ahead. For instance, right now you're a few
Speaker 1: months from birth, right, well, all you gotta think about
Speaker 1: right now is making your wife making helping her get
Speaker 1: that nursery set up. And that's your only job right now.
Speaker 1: It's your only goal. That's my only advice to you,
Speaker 1: And your only goal is get this nursery set up right,
Speaker 1: make it less work on your wife, make her not
Speaker 1: need to worry about where the baby is gonna lay
Speaker 1: its little babyhead. Okay, and then when the baby comes,
Speaker 1: Now you got a certain amount of months before it's
Speaker 1: gonna need to start taking a bottle, unless it's unless
Speaker 1: it's only breastfair. If it's breastfeeding, that's one thing. But
Speaker 1: if it's not breastfeeding, you got to learn how to
Speaker 1: make the formula. That's easy. Learn that, and then you
Speaker 1: got a few months until the baby is scooting around,
Speaker 1: so then you got to kind of prepare the floor.
Speaker 1: And then you got several months after that. Now the
Speaker 1: baby's walking, so now you can baby proof the house then,
Speaker 1: and then you got several months after that before the
Speaker 1: baby is climbing, So then you got to watch the
Speaker 1: chairs in the kitchen. So you're always just, Okay, what's
Speaker 1: the next step, what's the what's the kid gonna be
Speaker 1: doing six months from now? Okay, gotta make sure we
Speaker 1: got to take care of these chairs and the kitchen
Speaker 1: because this kid's gonna climb up on the kitchen table.
Speaker 1: And if you're one step ahead, then you don't have
Speaker 1: to worry about the next eighteen years. You could, you
Speaker 1: could even do your research for each tiny stage, but
Speaker 1: babies are laid out and they go down this timeline
Speaker 1: that's so predictable. It's beautiful. It's great for parenting. We
Speaker 1: don't have to worry about five years from now. We
Speaker 1: don't have to worry about a toddler when they're an infant.
Speaker 1: You don't have to worry about a teenager when they're
Speaker 1: a kid, when they're an adolescent. So there you go.
Speaker 1: Don't be thinking about what's he gonna drive? Is he
Speaker 1: gonna get my truck? Am I gonna pass that down
Speaker 1: to him? It's too much thinking. That's it. Another question
Speaker 1: question here says in a slump, can use some advice,
Speaker 1: Hey Grange, your my name is Lily I have written
Speaker 1: the podcast before, but I could really use some advice.
Speaker 1: I'm fourteen years old. I'm going into high school. I
Speaker 1: have been homeschooled for seven years, but this year my
Speaker 1: parents decided to do something different. I'm gonna go to
Speaker 1: the school at the church that I have been attending.
Speaker 1: I'm the type of person that finds comfort in having
Speaker 1: control over things in my life, but lately I have
Speaker 1: felt that I don't have control over anything. I know
Speaker 1: that ultimately God is in control. I also know there
Speaker 1: are some things that I have zero control over, but
Speaker 1: I'm just not sure what to do. I feel like
Speaker 1: I've been in a slump lately, and I'm struggling to
Speaker 1: get out of it. So many things in my life
Speaker 1: are changing, and I have always struggled with change. I've
Speaker 1: never liked it. I'm praying that God will reveal the
Speaker 1: answers to me, but I could really use some advice.
Speaker 1: What would be something you would do in this situation?
Speaker 1: Thank you so much, God, bless all right, Lily, thank
Speaker 1: you so much for the question and for emailing and
Speaker 1: being vulnerable and being fourteen and listening to a podcast
Speaker 1: like this. I'm going to give you an answer that
Speaker 1: would be different if I gave it to a thirty
Speaker 1: year old or a forty year old or a twenty
Speaker 1: year old. I'm going to give you a different answer
Speaker 1: because you're a fourteen year old. It's nothing against you.
Speaker 1: I just think I think the answer should change depending
Speaker 1: on the decade you're living in. What I mean by
Speaker 1: that is I love that you're praying. I love that
Speaker 1: you're leaning into God's sovereignty and providence and you're kind
Speaker 1: of unpacking that a little bit. That's good. I want
Speaker 1: you to think about this. The community people around us
Speaker 1: is what builds confidence. We don't build confidence by ourselves alone.
Speaker 1: We build confidence in a community. So how do you
Speaker 1: find a community if you're not part of one and
Speaker 1: you need, desperately need it to build confidence to help
Speaker 1: mitigate the change that's hitting you right now? This change
Speaker 1: that's just all over you and you're like, oh, it's
Speaker 1: icky change. I don't like it. I just want it
Speaker 1: back to normal. I just want to be homeschooled again.
Speaker 1: That was better. So how do you find the community.
Speaker 1: Think about yourself and your passions, maybe not even passions,
Speaker 1: just think about what you like. What do you like?
Speaker 1: Do you like? Okay, gonna I'm gonna be stumped here
Speaker 1: because you're a fourteen year old girl and I never
Speaker 1: was a fourteen year old girl. Let me speak from me, okay,
Speaker 1: me me me baseball cards or NFL football, aggie football,
Speaker 1: baseball gloves, checkers cards, maybe check maybe maybe some kind
Speaker 1: of skip bow or one of those card games. Movies,
Speaker 1: certain kinds, a very specific kind of movie. So what
Speaker 1: I'm doing this exercise, I want you to, first of all,
Speaker 1: just go down this list. And if I were you,
Speaker 1: I would get this list and I would write the
Speaker 1: fourteen year old girl things, not the granger fourteen year
Speaker 1: old things, write the lily things on a piece of paper,
Speaker 1: write it out, and then try to make an order
Speaker 1: of that. So it's like number one is this. I
Speaker 1: love this. And I'm not talking about Jesus. I'm not
Speaker 1: talking about mom and dad. I'm not talking about Grandma.
Speaker 1: I'm talking about hobbies, games, interest, talents, that stuff. Maybe
Speaker 1: it's drawing, maybe it's painting, maybe it's singing, maybe it's
Speaker 1: playing an instrument. Make a list and try to order it,
Speaker 1: and when you get that top three, seek out those
Speaker 1: people that's your tribe. So say, say your first thing
Speaker 1: is water painting. Love. You love to paint with watercolors, right,
Speaker 1: Put it that way. You love it, that's your passion,
Speaker 1: and you're pretty dang good at it too. So you
Speaker 1: go to your school, this new school, and you find
Speaker 1: someone anyone, a teacher, the principal, and and you say,
Speaker 1: I want I want to get together with other people
Speaker 1: that paint with water colors. And then guess what, guess what,
Speaker 1: Whatever your top three list is, I promise you on
Speaker 1: that list, you're gonna find a group might be one, two, three, five,
Speaker 1: seven people that are like, man, I love painting with watercolors.
Speaker 1: And you go, I have an idea. I think every
Speaker 1: Monday night we meet at seven pm. We meet and
Speaker 1: we have a prompt that we paint all six days,
Speaker 1: and then on the seventh day, on Monday, we get
Speaker 1: together at seven pm and we show each other the prompt.
Speaker 1: So I'll come up with the prompt, and then next
Speaker 1: week you come up with the prompt, some kind of
Speaker 1: idea or line or title, and then we paint it
Speaker 1: and we come together. And what you're doing without even
Speaker 1: knowing it at that point, you're building community, camaraderie, friendships.
Speaker 1: We need this. You're building confidence they're pouring into you,
Speaker 1: you're pouring out to them. That's how you live. That's
Speaker 1: how you survive. That's how you mitigate that change. That's
Speaker 1: how it's not weird anymore. Now you're home, you have friends,
Speaker 1: you have family. That's how you do it. I love
Speaker 1: you guys. All y'all for emailing and as always, see
Speaker 1: you next Monday. Gee, thanks for joining me on the
Speaker 1: Grangersmith Podcast. I appreciate all of you. Guys. You could
Speaker 1: help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If
Speaker 1: you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel. Hit that little
Speaker 1: like button and notification spell so that you never miss
Speaker 1: anytime I upload a video. If you have a question
Speaker 1: for me that you would like me to answer, email
Speaker 1: Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2: Yie