1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:02,120 Speaker 1: Am I the a hole for wanting to break up 2 00:00:02,160 --> 00:00:04,520 Speaker 1: with my girlfriend because she wants to peg me? This 3 00:00:04,680 --> 00:00:08,320 Speaker 1: is okay, Op home to the craziest true stories on Earth. 4 00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:11,840 Speaker 1: I'm Sophia and John is OP the a hole? 5 00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:15,640 Speaker 2: Well, I know there's definitely an tite hole evolved somewhere 6 00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:19,520 Speaker 2: in the Yes. Yeah, I mean, like, I think it 7 00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:23,320 Speaker 2: depends on like like if OPI's like I'm not into that, 8 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:25,880 Speaker 2: then it's kind of like, okay, I that should be right. 9 00:00:25,920 --> 00:00:28,800 Speaker 3: I think based off of nothing, Yeah, no context. 10 00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:31,720 Speaker 1: I think, yeah, you have to expect your partner's wishes 11 00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:33,000 Speaker 1: and whatever they're comfortable with. 12 00:00:33,080 --> 00:00:35,239 Speaker 2: Respect the boundaries, bro, That's what I'm saying. So not 13 00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:36,520 Speaker 2: I'm going not the ape. 14 00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:39,319 Speaker 1: Yeah, But on the other side, if your partner is 15 00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:41,800 Speaker 1: into pegging, don't be like an a hole and be 16 00:00:41,880 --> 00:00:44,279 Speaker 1: like that's disgusting, Like leave it out, like, hey, I'm 17 00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:45,280 Speaker 1: not comfortable with that. 18 00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:45,760 Speaker 2: That ain't me. 19 00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:48,760 Speaker 1: Don't don't shame other people's it's right stuff. 20 00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:52,919 Speaker 2: Yeah, let them have it. Boom Anyhosi. 21 00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:58,840 Speaker 1: So pick me, girlfriends says we've been together since senior 22 00:00:58,920 --> 00:01:01,600 Speaker 1: year of college and have talked about marriage. We're not 23 00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:05,240 Speaker 1: exactly sexually adventurous just normal stuff. But we've been trying 24 00:01:05,240 --> 00:01:07,399 Speaker 1: a few more things lately. She said that she really 25 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:10,160 Speaker 1: wants to try pegging. She said, we've already done anal 26 00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:13,080 Speaker 1: so I shouldn't be too opposed, except we only. 27 00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:15,280 Speaker 3: Did it because she wanted. I can take it or 28 00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:15,720 Speaker 3: leave it. 29 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:17,760 Speaker 1: I told her that I would never agree to pegging, 30 00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:19,880 Speaker 1: and she'll just have to forget about it. She brought 31 00:01:19,959 --> 00:01:22,360 Speaker 1: a strap on to try to convince me it wasn't 32 00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:25,480 Speaker 1: that big of a deal, no king shaming. But I 33 00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:28,240 Speaker 1: have no interest and don't want to try. Yeah, like, yeah, 34 00:01:28,319 --> 00:01:30,959 Speaker 1: if you don't, don't, don't pressure God. She said that 35 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:33,600 Speaker 1: if I don't do it, she'll never be able to 36 00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:37,000 Speaker 1: experience it. I half jokingly said, told her, if she 37 00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:39,360 Speaker 1: keeps pushing it, she'll be free to experience it with 38 00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:40,560 Speaker 1: whoever she wants. 39 00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:42,200 Speaker 3: She started to cry. 40 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:45,880 Speaker 1: Should I just do it because she wants to? Or 41 00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:49,720 Speaker 1: should she respect my decision and drop it. I think 42 00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:53,840 Speaker 1: people should respect your You know, you gotta respect your decisions. 43 00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:57,120 Speaker 2: She really wants to crack this guy's cheeks. She is 44 00:01:57,280 --> 00:01:58,559 Speaker 2: just going for it. 45 00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:01,800 Speaker 1: A bit of context were both raised and Evangelical churches 46 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:04,600 Speaker 1: and have since left. What's adventurous to us, is pretty 47 00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:07,440 Speaker 1: tame to many. It's also why we have difficulty discussing 48 00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:11,680 Speaker 1: consent and boundaries. Discuss those consent and boundaries, discussome, discuss 49 00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:13,960 Speaker 1: those important Wait. 50 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:15,760 Speaker 2: How was it? I'm sorry? How was this pretty tame? 51 00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:21,120 Speaker 2: I don't do you think it's tame? No? I think 52 00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:26,560 Speaker 2: it depends on you. Are I guess your the relationship 53 00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:27,720 Speaker 2: frame of reference. 54 00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:30,839 Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe for like straight men, but you know it's 55 00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:31,720 Speaker 3: tame for other people. 56 00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:35,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, Riley, Briley, that's a lot. Why don't you get pegged? 57 00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:42,520 Speaker 1: Okay, come on anyway, there's an update. Thank you to 58 00:02:42,560 --> 00:02:44,960 Speaker 1: everyone that took the time to comment and share advice. 59 00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:47,600 Speaker 3: It really helped me. Here's the update. We broke up. 60 00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:51,280 Speaker 1: Ah oh not JK. She's next to me on the couch, 61 00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:54,160 Speaker 1: bugging me to rub her feet. I guess she hasn't 62 00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:55,360 Speaker 1: learned anything about. 63 00:02:55,120 --> 00:03:01,000 Speaker 2: Consent, hopefully not with the. 64 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:02,040 Speaker 1: The real update is positive, especially for our relationship. A 65 00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:04,920 Speaker 1: lot has happened. I took advice from the comments to 66 00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:07,959 Speaker 1: have a conversation about boundaries, consent and focusing on things 67 00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:09,840 Speaker 1: we were both comfortable exploring. 68 00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:12,920 Speaker 3: She agreed it was a good idea. Yay, I'm glad 69 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:13,760 Speaker 3: that was positive. 70 00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:14,480 Speaker 2: That's good. 71 00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:18,120 Speaker 1: Hell yeah, god, we were really naive and unprepared for 72 00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:20,040 Speaker 1: all this. We thought we could figure it out as 73 00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:22,160 Speaker 1: we went. She asked if I was willing to share 74 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:24,240 Speaker 1: the websites I was finding this info on so she 75 00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:25,160 Speaker 1: could read them too. 76 00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:27,160 Speaker 3: I told her that I posted on Reddit. 77 00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:30,160 Speaker 1: Actually lucky I did, since someone made a TikTok about 78 00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:32,400 Speaker 1: my post that she saw and she probably didn't want 79 00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:36,000 Speaker 1: to see it. The comments were universally against her. She 80 00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:38,240 Speaker 1: asked me to show her anyway. She read the post 81 00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:40,480 Speaker 1: and some of the comments. She said she knew that 82 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:42,640 Speaker 1: she was wrong, but was a little surprised by how 83 00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:44,520 Speaker 1: negatively people reacted to her. 84 00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:46,520 Speaker 3: I asked why she cried. 85 00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:48,040 Speaker 1: And it was because she was upset I would even 86 00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:51,680 Speaker 1: joke about breaking up. That's fair, that's fair. Yeah, she 87 00:03:51,720 --> 00:03:54,040 Speaker 1: wasn't trying to manipulate me by crying. She thought we 88 00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:56,520 Speaker 1: were just having a conversation. I told her she wasn't 89 00:03:56,560 --> 00:03:59,000 Speaker 1: listening to me, and how uncomfortable I was. I was 90 00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:01,720 Speaker 1: trying to find an it ramp for the conversation, not 91 00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:05,320 Speaker 1: seriously talking about breaking up. I also apologized because I 92 00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:07,960 Speaker 1: was wrong to joke like that. She admitted she wasn't 93 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:10,280 Speaker 1: sensitive to my boundaries and was just focused on what 94 00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:13,800 Speaker 1: she wanted. She recognizes that behavior is really toxic and 95 00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:16,000 Speaker 1: she would think I was anahil. Yes, that's a pun 96 00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:19,640 Speaker 1: if I kept ignoring her boundaries. She also apologized for 97 00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:22,480 Speaker 1: buying the toy and agreed it was a manipulative I'm 98 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:25,000 Speaker 1: glad they're talking. It seems like they're really talking. 99 00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:26,719 Speaker 2: About hashtag free Opie's cheeks. 100 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:26,960 Speaker 4: Yo. 101 00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:30,560 Speaker 2: We gotta we gotta, we gotta keep Opie's cheeks protected. Yep, 102 00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:33,000 Speaker 2: save thephincter, Save thephincter. 103 00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:35,120 Speaker 3: I think this relationship is solid. 104 00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:37,680 Speaker 2: It's it, definitely. I'm not gonna lie. In the beginning, 105 00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:40,520 Speaker 2: I was like, oh, this is bad. It was really bad. 106 00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:44,599 Speaker 2: But it seems like we're coming to a much better, 107 00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:47,480 Speaker 2: better place in Sensus, a safer place. 108 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:48,840 Speaker 3: Opie continues. 109 00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:54,000 Speaker 1: One commentary suggested a yes, no maybe list. This advice 110 00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:56,839 Speaker 1: has made a world of difference. We found some examples 111 00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:59,520 Speaker 1: that helps us create our own. We agreed to be honest, 112 00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:01,919 Speaker 1: no judgment, and not to pressure the other person on 113 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:05,320 Speaker 1: anything they put no or maybe on. We agreed that 114 00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:08,040 Speaker 1: the list was just for discussion. It didn't imply consent. 115 00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:11,039 Speaker 1: We would discuss everything, and we are free to change 116 00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:13,320 Speaker 1: our minds at any time. If you were wondering, I 117 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:16,600 Speaker 1: marked pegging as no for me, and she checked. 118 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:17,440 Speaker 2: Yes, Bree the cheeks. 119 00:05:17,680 --> 00:05:18,479 Speaker 3: She will not bring it. 120 00:05:18,520 --> 00:05:20,800 Speaker 1: Up again unless I change my response, but I'm glad 121 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:23,880 Speaker 1: she was honest. There is still some awkwardness surrounding sex, 122 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:26,480 Speaker 1: enjoying it, exploring it, and even talking about it. We're 123 00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:29,640 Speaker 1: giving each other grace and allowing for mistakes and misunderstandings. 124 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:31,680 Speaker 1: There are plenty of things we're both willing to do 125 00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:34,720 Speaker 1: right now, not to mention. Just regular weekday sex is 126 00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:37,680 Speaker 1: pretty great. The rest of the update is about our future, 127 00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:40,520 Speaker 1: not really related to the original post. 128 00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:43,760 Speaker 3: So let's pause here. Let's just take it in. And 129 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:45,719 Speaker 3: it seems like they're really they're doing great. 130 00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:46,520 Speaker 2: I'm proud of them. 131 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:50,520 Speaker 1: I'm proud of them, especially coming from like an evangelical 132 00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:54,039 Speaker 1: church religious background and being like, Okay, we don't know 133 00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:57,360 Speaker 1: a lot about consent and boundaries, let's learn about it 134 00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:58,479 Speaker 1: and then have a discussion. 135 00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:02,480 Speaker 3: Seems like that was pretty cool, Yeah, vibes. Well, there's more. 136 00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:06,240 Speaker 1: When we were having our discussions about sex and communication, 137 00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:08,920 Speaker 1: we also started talking about a relationship with each other, 138 00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:17,719 Speaker 1: Jesus and church. Yeah, we realized we missed belonging to 139 00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:19,960 Speaker 1: a church community, but wanted to find one that fits 140 00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:22,760 Speaker 1: our values, not our parents. We found a nice church. 141 00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:25,599 Speaker 1: My family would call it church Light. We just started 142 00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:27,719 Speaker 1: going and they were very welcoming and the people are 143 00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:30,120 Speaker 1: very nice and accepting. One of the reasons we joined 144 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:30,960 Speaker 1: was we wanted to be. 145 00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:33,840 Speaker 3: Married in a church. That's right, we're engaged. Yay. 146 00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:37,920 Speaker 1: Oh wow, we were already thinking of marriage, but these 147 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:41,040 Speaker 1: last few months we've really solidified our commitment to each 148 00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:42,200 Speaker 1: other and our future together. 149 00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:45,239 Speaker 3: That's so sweet. She told her parents and they didn't 150 00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:46,320 Speaker 3: give us their blessing. 151 00:06:47,279 --> 00:06:51,520 Speaker 4: Oh awkward, that's not nice. 152 00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:54,960 Speaker 1: We were expecting that her parents are very traditional. They 153 00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:57,800 Speaker 1: won't visit us because we lived together and made it 154 00:06:57,839 --> 00:07:00,000 Speaker 1: clear the last time we visited them that they don't 155 00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:03,800 Speaker 1: don't approve of us and our views. My fiance girlfriend 156 00:07:03,839 --> 00:07:05,599 Speaker 1: at the time told her sister she was on birth 157 00:07:05,640 --> 00:07:08,040 Speaker 1: control and also said that they should get the HPV 158 00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:11,040 Speaker 1: vaccine their adults and can make their own choices, but 159 00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:14,280 Speaker 1: her parents don't see it that way. That cost a poopstorm. 160 00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:16,560 Speaker 1: We weren't invited to Christmas. 161 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:20,640 Speaker 2: Whoa are you kidding? Crazy? Yeah? 162 00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:21,280 Speaker 3: That's crazy? 163 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:25,000 Speaker 2: Wow? Yeah wow crazy not invited to Christmas? 164 00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:25,240 Speaker 1: Wow? 165 00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:29,400 Speaker 3: Okay, that's so yeah, all right. My parents weren't happy. 166 00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:31,679 Speaker 1: They aren't as strict about things, although I can't deny 167 00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:34,480 Speaker 1: the fact that I'm their son not daughter plays a 168 00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:36,920 Speaker 1: part in it. My mom just wants us to have kids, 169 00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:39,000 Speaker 1: so she give me a grandmother. I know my fiance 170 00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:41,320 Speaker 1: wanted her mom to be involved in the wedding planning, 171 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:43,240 Speaker 1: fresh shopping and all that, and. 172 00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:46,320 Speaker 3: For her dad to give her away. She's really disappointed, 173 00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:48,520 Speaker 3: and we're hoping they changed their minds, but we're not 174 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:51,040 Speaker 3: expecting them to. We aren't going to have a big 175 00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:53,360 Speaker 3: wedding since we're paying for it all, but it will 176 00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:56,640 Speaker 3: be what we want and it's for us, not anyone else. 177 00:07:57,400 --> 00:08:00,480 Speaker 2: So the parents are basically not going to be at 178 00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:03,840 Speaker 2: or involved in the wedding and all. It seems like right, it's. 179 00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:10,120 Speaker 1: Or on her side. Sorry, Wow, that's sohly sad. It 180 00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:13,280 Speaker 1: was just such a happy story, just like. 181 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:19,120 Speaker 2: Over over something like like living together and telling like 182 00:08:19,920 --> 00:08:23,680 Speaker 2: its just it's just honestly, at that point, I'm like, 183 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:25,800 Speaker 2: do you actually I'm sorry, but do you actually love 184 00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:28,440 Speaker 2: your kids, like I'm so sorry, I just can't. 185 00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:30,680 Speaker 1: Like, there's like so many situations where like parents like 186 00:08:30,680 --> 00:08:34,080 Speaker 1: abandoned their children ever, like you know, like over them, 187 00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:36,839 Speaker 1: like their child living with another person or being queer, 188 00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:37,280 Speaker 1: and it's. 189 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:40,040 Speaker 3: Like you just don't love your kids, You're just not. 190 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:47,080 Speaker 2: Just drives me insane that they pick these like Hell, look, 191 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:51,520 Speaker 2: I guess I get growing up and having a certain 192 00:08:51,559 --> 00:08:54,120 Speaker 2: thing in years and that being hard to break through. 193 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,960 Speaker 2: I I honestly totally recognize and understand that that's like 194 00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:59,480 Speaker 2: along can be a long journey sometimes. 195 00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:03,480 Speaker 4: But if like my child, I could never imagine, I 196 00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:07,199 Speaker 4: could not imagine my child. Yeah, my child, I could 197 00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:11,320 Speaker 4: never Yeah, Oh my god, that's bonkers. 198 00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:12,000 Speaker 2: Anyways. 199 00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:17,280 Speaker 3: Anyways, you know what else is bonkers? What this next 200 00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:18,360 Speaker 3: story that you're gonna read us. 201 00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:21,440 Speaker 2: Let's get married to it. My wife left me so 202 00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:24,199 Speaker 2: I couldn't leave her first. Now she wants to get 203 00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:27,120 Speaker 2: back together? Should I? This is okayop where we read 204 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:31,000 Speaker 2: the craziest two stories on Earth? I am John and 205 00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:34,400 Speaker 2: Sophia should uh should hope you get back together? With 206 00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:34,959 Speaker 2: his life? 207 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:39,400 Speaker 1: WHOA that seems like they're trying to one up each 208 00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:41,320 Speaker 1: other in the weirdest way possible. 209 00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:43,160 Speaker 3: I don't know if that's a healthy relationship. 210 00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:46,240 Speaker 2: Leave me? So I what if you want to hashtag 211 00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:46,920 Speaker 2: stay toxic? 212 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:48,240 Speaker 3: Yeah, this is like. 213 00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:50,840 Speaker 1: When like someone like when your boss fires you and 214 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:53,559 Speaker 1: you're like, no, you can't fire. 215 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:56,920 Speaker 2: Me because I quits. 216 00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:57,960 Speaker 3: That's what I'm picturing. 217 00:09:58,120 --> 00:10:00,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll leave you so you can't leave me. 218 00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:03,040 Speaker 3: You can't leave me. I'm leaving you. 219 00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:08,320 Speaker 2: What about our life together? Nah? No, stay toxic, Yorks. Well, 220 00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:11,800 Speaker 2: let's read this story from Thoroughway eight four two four 221 00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:15,280 Speaker 2: two oh nine. They say, I met my wife, let's 222 00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:18,200 Speaker 2: call her Anna, during our first year of university. We 223 00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:21,679 Speaker 2: dated through university and got married right after her graduation. 224 00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:26,560 Speaker 2: Things were happy for a while until Anna discovered a 225 00:10:26,679 --> 00:10:29,960 Speaker 2: lump on her right breast. Oh my gosh. I encouraged 226 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,080 Speaker 2: her to have it checked out, and she was reluctant 227 00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:35,000 Speaker 2: to do so, but ultimately did because breast cancer runs 228 00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:39,280 Speaker 2: in her family, and sure enough, that is what she had. Now. 229 00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:42,720 Speaker 2: The good news, if it could be considered good news, 230 00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:45,680 Speaker 2: was that the breast cancer she had was extremely treatable 231 00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:49,600 Speaker 2: with chemo and radiation based on her family's history. Her 232 00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:53,120 Speaker 2: doctor also recommended to get a double misseectomy for her. 233 00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:57,760 Speaker 2: This put Anna in a really dark place. Understandably, Yeah, 234 00:10:57,800 --> 00:10:58,040 Speaker 2: I had a. 235 00:10:58,040 --> 00:11:00,440 Speaker 1: Couple family members who had to do that for answer. 236 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:03,040 Speaker 1: It's like, it really messes with your psyche. 237 00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:06,199 Speaker 2: I am sure. I suggested that she go to therapy, 238 00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:08,920 Speaker 2: but she outright refused and said that she never wanted 239 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:10,360 Speaker 2: to hear me suggest that again. 240 00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:11,200 Speaker 3: Wow. 241 00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:14,000 Speaker 2: So I did my best to be encouraging and supportive 242 00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:16,120 Speaker 2: to her. I took time off work to be at 243 00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:18,959 Speaker 2: every appointment with her. I took on one hundred percent 244 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:21,679 Speaker 2: of the household chores both inside and out, did all 245 00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:24,280 Speaker 2: the shopping, drove Anna to where she needed and wanted 246 00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:27,360 Speaker 2: to go, played out special dates, and I gave her 247 00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:30,840 Speaker 2: an hour long foot massage every night. Literally did whatever 248 00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:34,440 Speaker 2: I can. Oh, be pretty very good, pretty good, pretty good. 249 00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:37,480 Speaker 2: About six weeks into her treatment, Anna brought up the 250 00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:39,840 Speaker 2: idea of going to stay with her sister Sarah for 251 00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:42,800 Speaker 2: a week. This honestly relieved me, as I was burning 252 00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:45,720 Speaker 2: the candle at both ends trying to accomplish everything, and 253 00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:47,840 Speaker 2: I thought some time apart would help us. Both. Two 254 00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:50,839 Speaker 2: nights into her stay with Sarah, Anna called me and 255 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:54,640 Speaker 2: said that she wanted a divorce. 256 00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:59,880 Speaker 5: What well, yeah, oh I did not see that. 257 00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:01,400 Speaker 3: I I think I went. 258 00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:04,520 Speaker 1: It makes so it makes a lot more sense now 259 00:12:04,559 --> 00:12:07,440 Speaker 1: that we have the context of like going through that. 260 00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:10,480 Speaker 3: Yeah, like it doesn't I don't think it's anything that 261 00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:11,000 Speaker 3: OPI did. 262 00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:11,880 Speaker 5: I hope not. 263 00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:13,040 Speaker 2: It doesn't seem like. 264 00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:14,719 Speaker 1: It's anything that OPI did. It seems like when you're 265 00:12:14,760 --> 00:12:17,080 Speaker 1: in that dark of a place, it's kind of hard. 266 00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:19,680 Speaker 1: Like I can't I can't say that I really blame 267 00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:23,080 Speaker 1: OPI's wife because like that's a really hard thing to 268 00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:23,600 Speaker 1: go through. 269 00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:27,080 Speaker 2: Well, some context from OPI's wife. Yes, she said that 270 00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:29,520 Speaker 2: she had read about a lot of men who abandoned 271 00:12:29,520 --> 00:12:32,440 Speaker 2: their wives when their wives get sick, and that she 272 00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:35,959 Speaker 2: was determined to leave me before I could leave her. 273 00:12:36,040 --> 00:12:41,880 Speaker 1: She listens to yikes, I think that like I understand 274 00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:43,760 Speaker 1: you're going through hard time, but like you need to talk, 275 00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:44,559 Speaker 1: like you can't just. 276 00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:45,240 Speaker 3: Leave your party. 277 00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:49,199 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's like like because on the flip side, 278 00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:53,280 Speaker 2: we've also read plenty of stories where like men will 279 00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:56,840 Speaker 2: get in these Andrew Tate rabbit holes of like women 280 00:12:56,920 --> 00:13:00,520 Speaker 2: who lie about the father of the child. So with 281 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:02,760 Speaker 2: no proof, they go on this crazy friends and they're like, 282 00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:05,360 Speaker 2: I need a paternity test, and there's like, yeah, literally, 283 00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:08,840 Speaker 2: the guy acknowledges there's zero signs. Ye are like I 284 00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:10,960 Speaker 2: need this paternity test anyways, and then the moment is 285 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:14,120 Speaker 2: like what the hell? Like, yeah, you're accusing me of 286 00:13:14,559 --> 00:13:16,120 Speaker 2: this heinous thing that I did not do to you. 287 00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:18,760 Speaker 3: Yeah, don't make accusations that you don't have. 288 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:23,680 Speaker 2: Yeah. I can't put words into how much this rushed me. 289 00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:24,680 Speaker 3: Yeah. 290 00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:29,040 Speaker 2: I loved my wife. She was my everything. I begged 291 00:13:29,040 --> 00:13:32,160 Speaker 2: her to reconsider, and I told her that I never 292 00:13:32,559 --> 00:13:36,440 Speaker 2: thought of leaving her, not even once. I asked her 293 00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:40,040 Speaker 2: again to go to therapy. She refused. Again, I asked 294 00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:42,520 Speaker 2: her to go to couple's therapy with me, and she wouldn't. 295 00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:44,920 Speaker 2: I asked her what I could do to convince her 296 00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:48,840 Speaker 2: that I wanted to say. She said there was nothing. 297 00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:51,920 Speaker 2: I am a man, and therefore I was going to leave. 298 00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:54,160 Speaker 2: End of story. 299 00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:55,880 Speaker 3: Oh this is so sad. 300 00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:58,840 Speaker 2: It took about a year because of where we live, 301 00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:03,600 Speaker 2: thanks COVID, but eventually everything was finalized. I ended up 302 00:14:03,679 --> 00:14:06,880 Speaker 2: selling the house and splitting the proceeds between me and 303 00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:11,320 Speaker 2: my now ex wife. I didn't want to stay in 304 00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:14,040 Speaker 2: that town anymore, so I put in a transfer request 305 00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:16,520 Speaker 2: at my job and ended up moving to a town 306 00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:19,440 Speaker 2: about two hours away. For the past couple of years, 307 00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:22,320 Speaker 2: I've been focusing on myself more. I got a dog. 308 00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:25,000 Speaker 2: I've been on a few dates, but nothing serious, and 309 00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:29,400 Speaker 2: I picked up hiking as a hobby and started gardening. Okay, Opa, 310 00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:35,120 Speaker 2: just sounds like such a garden and pet his dog. 311 00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:40,560 Speaker 2: Out of the blue, Anna called me three weeks ago. 312 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,080 Speaker 2: She said that she'd been in town on a trip 313 00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:45,920 Speaker 2: with friends and saw me and all of her old 314 00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:49,480 Speaker 2: feelings started rushing back. She said she was sick and 315 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:51,800 Speaker 2: out of her mind at the time, and that I 316 00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:55,320 Speaker 2: couldn't hold her words or actions against her. She said 317 00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:58,560 Speaker 2: she still loved me, that she always had, and that 318 00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:01,880 Speaker 2: she regretted leaving me. She begged me to give her 319 00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:07,400 Speaker 2: another chance. We got to take a break, a quick 320 00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:12,080 Speaker 2: pause here and break down what is going on? Yeah, 321 00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:14,120 Speaker 2: I mean everyone watching Sophie. 322 00:15:14,240 --> 00:15:19,080 Speaker 1: I mean I think one, I don't think that OPI 323 00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:22,359 Speaker 1: is obligated to do anything. I think that is probably 324 00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:24,560 Speaker 1: very hurt. I mean, it seems like they're very hurt 325 00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:27,080 Speaker 1: by this. Yeah, And I think you're obligated to get 326 00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:27,960 Speaker 1: back with this person. 327 00:15:28,280 --> 00:15:29,000 Speaker 2: Yeah. 328 00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:31,600 Speaker 1: However, on the other hand, which is not saying this 329 00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:33,440 Speaker 1: is like what I'm about to say. I don't think 330 00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:36,640 Speaker 1: it justifies it, but I think again, when you go 331 00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:40,280 Speaker 1: through something like that, I understand like having all of 332 00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:43,400 Speaker 1: those dark feelings and stuff and then coming out on 333 00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:46,040 Speaker 1: the other side. I mean, like what was I thinking, Yeah, 334 00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:48,880 Speaker 1: you know when you're just cause like there, I mean 335 00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:50,760 Speaker 1: a lot of cancers can alter. 336 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,360 Speaker 2: Your mind and I don't and I don't know how 337 00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:55,680 Speaker 2: like the chemo and everything else that was one thing 338 00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:58,480 Speaker 2: can really affect Yeah, I wasn't thinking about the beginning. 339 00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:00,560 Speaker 2: I was like, oh, maybe that like plays a role 340 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:00,760 Speaker 2: in it. 341 00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:03,360 Speaker 1: Which again, it doesn't mean that OPI has to get 342 00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:06,040 Speaker 1: back together with them, but it does kind of. 343 00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:12,080 Speaker 2: I think the the unfortunate bottom line is that like 344 00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:15,440 Speaker 2: Ope so badly wanted to stay and then she was 345 00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:19,200 Speaker 2: like nah, and Ope's had for the past year to 346 00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:24,080 Speaker 2: try to rebuild his life, and this like chain pulling 347 00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:26,800 Speaker 2: back is like, hey, I've been I've been for a year, 348 00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:31,720 Speaker 2: you know, trying to get back, and now there's this 349 00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:36,440 Speaker 2: whole yanking thing. I mean, like that's crazy, crazy whiplash. 350 00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:40,680 Speaker 2: And at a point where he was helping and stuff 351 00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:47,040 Speaker 2: to the whole like rabbit hole of whatever, like men 352 00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:50,520 Speaker 2: leaving over this, or like men men thinking their wives 353 00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:54,600 Speaker 2: are lying about their kid because they listen to some podcast. 354 00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:56,320 Speaker 2: It's just don't go down the rabbit. 355 00:16:58,360 --> 00:17:01,160 Speaker 3: Talk to your partner, talk please. 356 00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:06,040 Speaker 2: Please, Well, let's get back to the story. I am 357 00:17:06,119 --> 00:17:10,520 Speaker 2: so confused. Yeah, fair, If I'm being honest, I still 358 00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:13,360 Speaker 2: love Anna, but I'm no longer in love with her. 359 00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:16,879 Speaker 2: She broke my heart. I was devastated when she ended things. 360 00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:19,840 Speaker 2: It took me a long time to get my head right. 361 00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:22,760 Speaker 2: But I also know she was in a bad place 362 00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:25,400 Speaker 2: because of the cancer. Do I owe it to her 363 00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:28,719 Speaker 2: and what we had to hear her out? I'm scared 364 00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:31,680 Speaker 2: that if we reconnect, I'll always feel like she'll have 365 00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:33,399 Speaker 2: one foot out the door. 366 00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:36,320 Speaker 3: I don't think you owe it to anyone. 367 00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:39,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, but if you because it also doesn't similar you're 368 00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:41,360 Speaker 1: in love with her, Like if you were still in love, 369 00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:44,040 Speaker 1: like you still had feelings, then maybe you could see 370 00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:44,639 Speaker 1: how it goes. 371 00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:47,080 Speaker 3: You could be like, hey, you know, maybe i'll consider 372 00:17:47,119 --> 00:17:48,200 Speaker 3: this if you go to therapy. 373 00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:49,560 Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe we. 374 00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:51,800 Speaker 3: Could work this out. But like, it doesn't seem like 375 00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:53,040 Speaker 3: you're still in love with. 376 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:55,240 Speaker 2: Her, So don't push yourself that's a great point. 377 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:56,840 Speaker 3: Yeah, to try and be something that you're not. 378 00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,560 Speaker 2: The point of therapy too, is like, hey, look that 379 00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:02,280 Speaker 2: was some thing that Leuie like really could have used. 380 00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:05,480 Speaker 2: And like, if you want to get back together to me, like, 381 00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:08,200 Speaker 2: you can't just shut this down and be like absolutely 382 00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:10,919 Speaker 2: don't don't she said, don't even mention it ever again. 383 00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:13,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I'd be like, don't chut me out if 384 00:18:13,280 --> 00:18:16,720 Speaker 1: we're gonna even consider this exactly, But now you don't 385 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:17,359 Speaker 1: owe it to that. 386 00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:22,200 Speaker 2: Nope, I agree, I agree, Obi says, but maybe that's unfair. 387 00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:24,919 Speaker 2: I don't know what I should do. Should I give 388 00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:29,680 Speaker 2: for another chance like she wants? And then this one 389 00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:33,440 Speaker 2: comment sums it up. I've never recognized couple getting back 390 00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:36,280 Speaker 2: together unless the issues that drove them apart are quote 391 00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:39,880 Speaker 2: unquote fixed. Cancer was not the problem. Lack of communication, 392 00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:43,200 Speaker 2: trust in a willingness to compromise was on her end. 393 00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:46,719 Speaker 2: She made unilateral decisions without caring about how it affected you. 394 00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:49,920 Speaker 2: She refused therapy. The way you're writing this, it's all 395 00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:52,760 Speaker 2: about what she wants. What sounds like the dynamic that 396 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:56,160 Speaker 2: destroyed your marriage, So what changed? I wouldn't do it. 397 00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:58,400 Speaker 2: But if you want to open the door. You need 398 00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:02,000 Speaker 2: to start with brutally honest cup therapy and her active 399 00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:06,399 Speaker 2: and honest participation in a non negotiable and deal breaker. Otherwise, 400 00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:09,320 Speaker 2: have the therapy to hash out and bury the past 401 00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:13,320 Speaker 2: and see if dating is an eventual possibility. You guys 402 00:19:13,359 --> 00:19:16,320 Speaker 2: need to start from scratch. And it's okay if you 403 00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:19,159 Speaker 2: try it and you can't quote unquote move on like 404 00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:22,840 Speaker 2: she expects you to. She hurts you regardless of her motivations. 405 00:19:23,119 --> 00:19:26,280 Speaker 2: There are sometimes things you can't undo. 406 00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:28,359 Speaker 3: They really send that up. Well, yeah, that was a 407 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:29,200 Speaker 3: great comment. 408 00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:32,680 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think, like I think a perfect device. Yeah, 409 00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:36,280 Speaker 2: and especially now at this point, having like the outside 410 00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:40,600 Speaker 2: just like having the the unbiased and professional input of 411 00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:43,719 Speaker 2: a therapist who yeah, doesn't have a stake in this 412 00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:46,920 Speaker 2: and can kind of help, I feel like help see 413 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:50,639 Speaker 2: op that It's like, hey, you don't have to do this, 414 00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:53,280 Speaker 2: but explore this. If this is something you want for 415 00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:56,399 Speaker 2: the wife. It's like, hey, understand you in a dark place, 416 00:19:56,440 --> 00:20:01,000 Speaker 2: but here's the unfortunate reality of the consequence. Yeah, the 417 00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:05,000 Speaker 2: choice that was made. Yeah, but we do have an update. 418 00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:07,560 Speaker 3: Ooh, I hope it's better. 419 00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:09,960 Speaker 2: Let's see what happens they get back together. 420 00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:13,000 Speaker 3: Is that your conspiracy theory or is just spoiling. 421 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:16,720 Speaker 2: Riley just playing mind games with us at this point. First, 422 00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:19,000 Speaker 2: I'd like to say thank you to everyone who left 423 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:22,080 Speaker 2: comments on the original post. I know what people mean 424 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:25,320 Speaker 2: when they say rip my inbox. I posted that and 425 00:20:25,359 --> 00:20:28,040 Speaker 2: went to bed, never expecting it would blow up so much. 426 00:20:28,359 --> 00:20:30,760 Speaker 2: By the time I woke up, the post was locked. 427 00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:33,280 Speaker 2: Not sure why, so I couldn't respond to any comments, 428 00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:35,240 Speaker 2: but I read as many as I could and tried 429 00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:38,840 Speaker 2: to take everything into consideration. Many of you suggested that 430 00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:41,240 Speaker 2: I reach out to my ex wife Anna for an 431 00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:45,360 Speaker 2: in person conversation. The overwhelming consensus was that meeting her 432 00:20:45,359 --> 00:20:48,120 Speaker 2: in person would tell me all I needed to know, 433 00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:52,280 Speaker 2: and you were right. That seemed reasonable to me, so 434 00:20:52,359 --> 00:20:54,480 Speaker 2: I texted her and she jumped at the chance to meet, 435 00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:57,639 Speaker 2: and we did so yesterday after I was done with work. 436 00:20:57,960 --> 00:20:59,640 Speaker 2: I chose to ask her to meet at a local 437 00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:03,160 Speaker 2: coffee shop. Maybe it sounds bad, but I didn't want 438 00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:05,639 Speaker 2: to meet her at my house or anywhere private, just 439 00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:09,080 Speaker 2: in case. Anyways, Anna was there already when I got there. 440 00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:11,399 Speaker 2: She got up and hugged me. I let her, but 441 00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:17,679 Speaker 2: didn't hug back. Rough aar. Then we sat down and 442 00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:20,199 Speaker 2: I asked her to remain quiet while I talked, and 443 00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:23,240 Speaker 2: I told her everything. I'm gonna sum it up here 444 00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:26,159 Speaker 2: because I honestly don't remember everything I said. I just 445 00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:29,399 Speaker 2: talked for a while, like ten minutes solid, while she 446 00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:32,399 Speaker 2: sat there and teared up. But I told her things 447 00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:35,240 Speaker 2: like how much she had devastated me. I told her 448 00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:37,920 Speaker 2: that I would have stuck with her through thick and thin, 449 00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:40,560 Speaker 2: no matter what. I told her that I loved her 450 00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:44,400 Speaker 2: and that hadn't changed after her diagnosis or her treatment plan. 451 00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:47,639 Speaker 2: I told her that I was broken after she initiated 452 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,879 Speaker 2: the divorce, and I told her how hard it was 453 00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:52,639 Speaker 2: for me to pull myself back together. A lot of 454 00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:55,320 Speaker 2: you pointed out that if Anna and I got back together, 455 00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:57,880 Speaker 2: I should be worried about what she would do next 456 00:21:57,880 --> 00:22:00,359 Speaker 2: time she got sick or if I got sick, and 457 00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:03,159 Speaker 2: you were right. So I told her that too, and 458 00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:05,919 Speaker 2: she got mad and interrupted me. At that point, she 459 00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:08,480 Speaker 2: said I was being unfair, that I wasn't taking into 460 00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:11,760 Speaker 2: consideration her mental health at the time. She said she 461 00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:15,240 Speaker 2: wasn't thinking straight, but that now she was. I took 462 00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:17,400 Speaker 2: the chance to ask her if she had been to therapy. 463 00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:20,520 Speaker 2: She told me that she hadn't and that she had 464 00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:24,359 Speaker 2: no plans to, and that she didn't need it. I 465 00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:28,719 Speaker 2: have to admit that crushed me a little. I asked 466 00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:33,679 Speaker 2: her why, just why all caps? It's the one question 467 00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:37,200 Speaker 2: I've really wrestled with over the months, and she said 468 00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:40,080 Speaker 2: that she'd gone looking for support groups and found a 469 00:22:40,119 --> 00:22:43,200 Speaker 2: lot of women who had stories about their partners leaving. 470 00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:50,159 Speaker 2: She even mentioned Reddit funnily enough at it wormholes. She 471 00:22:50,359 --> 00:22:54,080 Speaker 2: said that she had talked through it with her sister, Sarah. 472 00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:57,040 Speaker 2: Anna said that Sarah, to her credit, had tried to 473 00:22:57,080 --> 00:23:00,760 Speaker 2: dissuade her from divorcing me, but that between social media 474 00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:04,359 Speaker 2: and some of Anna's friends, Anna felt like she had 475 00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:07,280 Speaker 2: to go through with it to be seen as a 476 00:23:07,359 --> 00:23:08,040 Speaker 2: strong woman. 477 00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:12,200 Speaker 3: Oh don't are you listening to Anna? 478 00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:20,000 Speaker 2: These friends are not good, not good, Like why would 479 00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:23,200 Speaker 2: they want to see this for you? Of like, we 480 00:23:23,359 --> 00:23:26,760 Speaker 2: only have to assume, I mean, maybe the narrative OPI 481 00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:30,080 Speaker 2: painted was or Opie's wife painted was was different. Like 482 00:23:30,119 --> 00:23:34,720 Speaker 2: we have to assume they see something of the husband's character, 483 00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:36,160 Speaker 2: of what he had been doing during. 484 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:38,160 Speaker 3: This time, like taking care of her every day. 485 00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:42,320 Speaker 2: Something I'm lost. This is word for word what she 486 00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:45,439 Speaker 2: said to me. I don't remember anything else exactly, but 487 00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:48,399 Speaker 2: I will never forget that she broke my heart and 488 00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:51,960 Speaker 2: threw away our relationship because somehow, in her mind that 489 00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:59,040 Speaker 2: translated to being strong. Wow. She then started trying to 490 00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:01,520 Speaker 2: tell me that we can get back together again, but 491 00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:05,320 Speaker 2: at that point I just told her flat out that 492 00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:08,639 Speaker 2: was not happening. What it comes down to for me 493 00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:11,320 Speaker 2: is that I just can't trust her. I would always 494 00:24:11,359 --> 00:24:14,360 Speaker 2: be worrying about the same thing happening again. Yeah. She 495 00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:16,200 Speaker 2: cried a lot and tried to convince me for a 496 00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:18,640 Speaker 2: little while. When I got up to leave, she threw 497 00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:23,480 Speaker 2: her iced coffee in my face and stormed out, whoa yeah, 498 00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:24,040 Speaker 2: I mean. 499 00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:27,879 Speaker 1: Yeah, wow, it does not seem like she's in a 500 00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:29,000 Speaker 1: stable place right now. 501 00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:31,560 Speaker 3: Not the move, and she's not going to therapy. 502 00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:35,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, Like like that one comment that something's up, it's 503 00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:39,840 Speaker 2: like not much has really changed, it's still yeah, yeah. 504 00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:42,480 Speaker 1: Like you can't just have that happen and then be like, Okay, 505 00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:44,280 Speaker 1: we can go just go back to how it was before. 506 00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:47,160 Speaker 1: Like you have to make some changes and like work 507 00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:50,040 Speaker 1: on yourself, because that is a hard thing to mentally 508 00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:51,080 Speaker 1: go through, and. 509 00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:52,320 Speaker 3: You need to get help. 510 00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:54,240 Speaker 2: Yeah, and like, but. 511 00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:55,840 Speaker 1: It seems like she says she's got this whole thing. 512 00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:57,240 Speaker 1: She's like, I need to be a strong woman. 513 00:24:57,359 --> 00:24:59,560 Speaker 3: I can't. Like it's very like got it on the. 514 00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:02,160 Speaker 1: You know, like how certain men think that you can't 515 00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:03,680 Speaker 1: go to therapy because you have to be strong. 516 00:25:04,119 --> 00:25:05,359 Speaker 3: She has some of that mentality. 517 00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:09,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think I think that that is an astute observation, Sophia, 518 00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:13,680 Speaker 2: thank you. So. Yeah, we are definitely not getting back 519 00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:17,160 Speaker 2: to get there. I have the closure I always wanted. 520 00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:20,239 Speaker 2: I wish it felt better. I've been dwelling on it 521 00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:22,920 Speaker 2: for the past day and a half. I kept wondering 522 00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:26,320 Speaker 2: if there's something I could have done better, some way 523 00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:29,880 Speaker 2: I could have saved a relationship, but I know there 524 00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:33,679 Speaker 2: is not. I've blocked your number. I kind of hope 525 00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:39,119 Speaker 2: I never have to hear from her. I can't. I 526 00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:44,760 Speaker 2: mean fair, Yeah, I'm curious in the comments if anyone 527 00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:47,440 Speaker 2: what you would have done, or if you or someone 528 00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:50,480 Speaker 2: you know has has been through a similar situation, because 529 00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:55,119 Speaker 2: that's I mean, that's kind of an impossible scenario to imagine. 530 00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:57,680 Speaker 2: I mean, I could never imagine. 531 00:25:57,760 --> 00:25:58,440 Speaker 3: That's really tough. 532 00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:01,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, wow, there, Riley. 533 00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:02,680 Speaker 5: I know I know she was in a bad headspace, 534 00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:05,520 Speaker 5: but the red flag for me early on was not 535 00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:08,480 Speaker 5: going to therapy. Yeah, yeah, because it's good to have 536 00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:11,560 Speaker 5: a third perspective and her attitude towards me. 537 00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:14,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, but just like that, I think what stands out 538 00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:17,560 Speaker 1: to me is after the fact, when she claims that 539 00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:19,920 Speaker 1: she's in a like she's in her right mind now, 540 00:26:20,359 --> 00:26:21,679 Speaker 1: but she's like, well, I don't need therapy. 541 00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:22,840 Speaker 3: It's like, no, you do. 542 00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:26,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, I refuse therapy. I throw iced coffee in your face. 543 00:26:27,119 --> 00:26:29,600 Speaker 5: Also, the one comment that bothered me a lot was like, 544 00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:33,240 Speaker 5: you can't blame me for thinking that way. Like, if 545 00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:37,159 Speaker 5: someone has emotions like you just got to divorce, you 546 00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:39,520 Speaker 5: should let them feel any way they need to be felt, 547 00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:43,560 Speaker 5: because you know they're going through a very traumatic experience. Like, yeah, 548 00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:45,479 Speaker 5: it doesn't seem fair being like you can't judge me 549 00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:46,720 Speaker 5: for the way I was because I was in a 550 00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:49,520 Speaker 5: bad headspace. You need to be like respect how they 551 00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:50,159 Speaker 5: felt about that. 552 00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:53,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, Like it has to be like I understand why 553 00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:55,600 Speaker 1: you did it, but you need to understand how it 554 00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:56,760 Speaker 1: made me feel. 555 00:26:56,600 --> 00:26:59,439 Speaker 2: Exactly, Like both both sides need to be validated and 556 00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:02,920 Speaker 2: understood that It's like, hey, this there was terrible things 557 00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:05,240 Speaker 2: happening to both of us. Yeah, you know, and just 558 00:27:05,280 --> 00:27:07,600 Speaker 2: because something terrible was happening to you doesn't mean it 559 00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:10,520 Speaker 2: was yeah, peaches, sunshine and roses for me. 560 00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:13,240 Speaker 1: On the other side, like, I had a person who 561 00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:16,280 Speaker 1: I knew and I won't give any specific details, but 562 00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:19,080 Speaker 1: who's going the very hard time in their life, and 563 00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:22,080 Speaker 1: I tried to help them and then they like lashed 564 00:27:22,119 --> 00:27:24,800 Speaker 1: out at me, said very nasty things, and I like 565 00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:27,680 Speaker 1: stopped talking to them for like the rest of that year. 566 00:27:28,359 --> 00:27:30,359 Speaker 3: And then at the end they. 567 00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:32,840 Speaker 1: Did apologize, and I'm like, yeah, that that's you know, 568 00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:36,600 Speaker 1: like you can't expect me to try and keep like 569 00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:39,120 Speaker 1: helping you when. 570 00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:40,040 Speaker 3: You treat someone badly. 571 00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:44,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, regardless of And after that, I did forgive them. 572 00:27:44,040 --> 00:27:46,240 Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, you've come back and you've apologized, 573 00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:48,320 Speaker 1: you've owned up to it. Yeah, But like I don't 574 00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:50,159 Speaker 1: have to go through I don't have to be treated badly. 575 00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:53,280 Speaker 3: Yeah, if even when you're going through something. 576 00:27:53,119 --> 00:27:57,240 Speaker 1: Or be obligated to yeah to help you through that, yeah. 577 00:27:57,119 --> 00:27:59,959 Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, don't attack the people trying to help. 578 00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:06,159 Speaker 3: Apologize your actions. At least I'll at least own up 579 00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:06,840 Speaker 3: to your actions. 580 00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:09,280 Speaker 1: Because people are You're always like, there's always going to 581 00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:12,080 Speaker 1: be people going through really hard stuff, and sometimes when 582 00:28:12,119 --> 00:28:14,080 Speaker 1: you're going through that hard stuff, you're going to say 583 00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:16,960 Speaker 1: things that you don't mean the moment, but just own 584 00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:17,359 Speaker 1: up to it. 585 00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:19,560 Speaker 2: Could not agree more. 586 00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:22,840 Speaker 5: My question is, do you think earlier in the marriage, 587 00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:25,320 Speaker 5: do you think there was other red flags that could 588 00:28:25,359 --> 00:28:29,080 Speaker 5: have led up to this reaction or Sophia, you've known 589 00:28:29,119 --> 00:28:31,359 Speaker 5: someone that's been through something like this, Does it just 590 00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:33,520 Speaker 5: come out of anywhere? 591 00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:34,880 Speaker 2: Come out of nowhere? 592 00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:38,720 Speaker 1: I mean the situation that like I experienced was much 593 00:28:38,760 --> 00:28:42,040 Speaker 1: different because it wasn't like a terminal. There was not terminal. 594 00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:45,960 Speaker 1: It wasn't like a disease. It was more like different, 595 00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:50,040 Speaker 1: that's all. Yeah, this might be a case where it 596 00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:56,960 Speaker 1: truly did come out when ex wife got diagnosed. Yeah, 597 00:28:57,200 --> 00:28:59,680 Speaker 1: so I couldn't. I don't think I could could compare. 598 00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:02,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, And it's and it's hard too because it's like 599 00:29:02,840 --> 00:29:05,040 Speaker 2: I think a lot of people, I mean, we've read 600 00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:09,160 Speaker 2: twenty seven to twenty eight hundred stories on this show, 601 00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:11,400 Speaker 2: and a lot of times what we see is like 602 00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:15,400 Speaker 2: maybe there were red flags initially, but the rose tinted 603 00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:19,360 Speaker 2: glasses just cancel them out. So it's highly possible that like, 604 00:29:19,400 --> 00:29:23,080 Speaker 2: for instance, the therapy, like even in just casual conversations 605 00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:25,560 Speaker 2: of I don't know, mental health or something like, it 606 00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:28,280 Speaker 2: can it can encroach. Maybe there was the red flags 607 00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:31,560 Speaker 2: of Opie's wife being like oh, yeah, no, that's stupid 608 00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:35,640 Speaker 2: or whatever, but Opie couldn't like fully like sink his 609 00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:38,840 Speaker 2: teeth into or understand what she was saying in the moment. 610 00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:41,840 Speaker 2: I mean, we've rightly know, we've read hundreds of stories 611 00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:44,480 Speaker 2: probably where that was the case and they just like 612 00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:46,440 Speaker 2: couldn't see the red flags. 613 00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:49,280 Speaker 5: Yeah, I just yeah, I was just curious that if that, 614 00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:55,080 Speaker 5: if the cancer and the mindset just completely altered her mindset, 615 00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:58,640 Speaker 5: or if there were like, oh red earlier in the relationship. 616 00:29:59,160 --> 00:30:01,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, like I don't really know that we had any Yeah, 617 00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:02,160 Speaker 2: we didn't. We didn't. 618 00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:02,640 Speaker 3: We don't know. 619 00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:04,160 Speaker 5: I want more context. 620 00:30:04,720 --> 00:30:08,400 Speaker 2: More always more context is needed, But you know what, 621 00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:12,320 Speaker 2: we also always need more of a final story to 622 00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:14,160 Speaker 2: read for this episode