Speaker 1: Wine down with Janet Kramer, and I heard radio podcast
Speaker 1: clearly Catherine and I, well, you guys can't really see this,
Speaker 1: but um, it's like sweater weather, but it's not. It is.
Speaker 1: How how hot is it? Right now? We're still look
Speaker 1: this up right now. I'm actually spending but I'm always
Speaker 1: spending it here because I keep the house. It feels
Speaker 1: like eighty three, which is actually kind of cold for
Speaker 1: Nashville because it's been like a hundred and three. We'll
Speaker 1: see seventy nine then feels okay. Alright, so um, but
Speaker 1: we're both wearing big sweatshirts and we're ready for fall.
Speaker 1: Ready it's been so so ready, very excited because we've
Speaker 1: got Audrina on from the Hills. Um. She's got a
Speaker 1: new book out, which, um, I'm very excited to read
Speaker 1: because she does not hold back and I love that
Speaker 1: about her because she's sharing. It's called Choices, To the
Speaker 1: Hills and Back Again. And I believe she's in the
Speaker 1: waiting room, so let's just pop her on. Hi, can
Speaker 1: you hear me? I can hear you where it's the
Speaker 1: pretty face, Oh my goodness, the tired face here, no
Speaker 1: stop it. You look beautiful, but Honestly, I feel that
Speaker 1: right now because I was just like, god, I look
Speaker 1: shiny and like I just put my kids down five
Speaker 1: minutes early for nap time because I'm like, yeah, I
Speaker 1: just set here up in her room. I'm like, guld
Speaker 1: me like twenty minutes with the dog and watch a movie.
Speaker 1: I know that's this is my best friend Catherine by
Speaker 1: the way, um, but yeah, it's one of those things
Speaker 1: where because I knew we had this, thank you for
Speaker 1: changing the time too. But I was like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: I don't I don't have my someone who was helping
Speaker 1: me during the summer. She left, and so I was
Speaker 1: just like, okay, twelve o'clock, but jas's napps at twelve.
Speaker 1: But then I gotta put the like popping the crate.
Speaker 1: I gotta put it given I I had a Joel
Speaker 1: because I think daughters around the same age six. And
Speaker 1: then I'm like Russian Cabins, like we got this. I've
Speaker 1: helped for sure. I don't know you. It's hard, and
Speaker 1: you know, I don't really have a lot of help either.
Speaker 1: I have my family, but they're all you know, they
Speaker 1: all have their own lives too, so and Kura's so
Speaker 1: picky about who she wants her, you know, wants to
Speaker 1: She's like, I like her, but I don't like her.
Speaker 1: In two hours, I'm gonna count down. I'm like, oh
Speaker 1: my gosh, Well that's good that she's very vocal about like,
Speaker 1: you know what she wants. That's that's a that's a
Speaker 1: good that's a good thing. What is your what is
Speaker 1: your custody split? Um? I have her full time, full time? Okay,
Speaker 1: that is so that's a lot. Yeah, and then um,
Speaker 1: hi talking about something else, Okay, thank you. I brought
Speaker 1: her oatmeal in her room and I was like, here,
Speaker 1: just have some oatmeal. So she painting her nails and
Speaker 1: brought her oatmeal back out. She's so funny. Yeah, So
Speaker 1: I have her seven and then um, she like has
Speaker 1: a FaceTime with her dad every now and then or
Speaker 1: whenever he wants to visit. Mm hmm kind of whenever
Speaker 1: it's up to him. How has that been on you?
Speaker 1: Just having because I mean I'll say, um, I mean
Speaker 1: I have seventy thirty. So I've got seventy and it's um,
Speaker 1: I remember the first year having it. It's just a lot, right,
Speaker 1: you're not used to having. And then I don't have
Speaker 1: a nanny. I don't have, um, my family doesn't live here,
Speaker 1: so it's it's a it's it's a lot. Yeah, that
Speaker 1: would be a lot, and I can't imagine, you know.
Speaker 1: But I also like, you mean, you look like an
Speaker 1: amazing mom obviously, and um so, but how do you
Speaker 1: like handle when you just like a Fortunately I have
Speaker 1: my family, Like my brother lives one min it down
Speaker 1: the street, and um, they have a six year old,
Speaker 1: of five year old and a four year old, so
Speaker 1: she she's like so close to them. And then my
Speaker 1: other sister lives in Laguna, so like twenty minutes from here,
Speaker 1: and she has three kids. And then my other sister
Speaker 1: has twins, so we're all so close. So if anything.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I just I was like, I I need I
Speaker 1: just need, like like two hours, three hours ago, my
Speaker 1: nails done. I just need to like have a moment.
Speaker 1: So I'll go and drop her off with one of
Speaker 1: them and just take time. But now it's like getting
Speaker 1: into this dating world and trying to navigate that is
Speaker 1: so unbelievably hard. And I tried to look up a
Speaker 1: book about it and there's nothing. I'm like, I need tips,
Speaker 1: Like I have no idea how to do that are
Speaker 1: you sorry? Are you dating anyone right now? Yeah? And
Speaker 1: have you been public about them? No? No, okay. I
Speaker 1: was like wait a minute. I was like, I know
Speaker 1: we follow each other, and I'm like, I'm all, I haven't.
Speaker 1: But I'm like, okay, how how many months? Um, it's
Speaker 1: been a few months. But it's just like, um, we've
Speaker 1: been hanging out. It's just trying to figure out, like
Speaker 1: I'll go to l A or I'll rush somewhere for
Speaker 1: like you know, I'm going to l A. Sometimes it's
Speaker 1: two hours in traffic, hang out for a couple of hours,
Speaker 1: and then I have to rush back. But the whole
Speaker 1: time I'm being texted or like when are you coming back?
Speaker 1: Kira wants to you, and it's like I just got here,
Speaker 1: give me like an hour and a half. I'll be there,
Speaker 1: I promise. How has he met your daughter? No? No, no, no? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah. How do you give you some advice? I
Speaker 1: know you've dated someone girlfriend well, but that I have.
Speaker 1: I have so much regret introducing my kids to him
Speaker 1: that fast. I mean, it wasn't fast fast, but it
Speaker 1: was like, you know, a little over a month and
Speaker 1: a half, and or was maybe like it was bad.
Speaker 1: I should not have done that. I think I just
Speaker 1: got so wrapped up in love the first time, you know, feeling.
Speaker 1: But I mean I saw all the signs in the beginning,
Speaker 1: and I should have been like I should have seen that.
Speaker 1: I was just I was. I was so blinded by
Speaker 1: certain things just because I wanted it so bad. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and but now it's like, oh, I will never I
Speaker 1: will never fall into that mistake again, or yeah, I
Speaker 1: think what do you think? Right? It's like if your
Speaker 1: kids get attached to someone and then it ends, it's like,
Speaker 1: how is that going to affect them in their future?
Speaker 1: And like who they end, like their love and like
Speaker 1: how they deal with things you don't know. Luckily, Yeah, luckily,
Speaker 1: I've become friends with that person's ex wife and so
Speaker 1: we still let the kids hang out together. So that's
Speaker 1: been great because they never really they never asked about him.
Speaker 1: They only asked about the daughter. So and then we
Speaker 1: became we had a lot in common, So you got
Speaker 1: a friendship, all right. I know. It's like how cool that.
Speaker 1: I just can understand stand though as a mom, like
Speaker 1: you want to see how it's going to work together
Speaker 1: with the kids, because I mean, I was on that
Speaker 1: boat of like don't ever. But then I'm like, how
Speaker 1: do you know if it's even good? Like what if
Speaker 1: you what if the kids hate each other? Right? And
Speaker 1: what if like you know, because it's like you have
Speaker 1: to see like how they are around the kids. So
Speaker 1: it's like if they're not good around the kids, and
Speaker 1: it's like, well that shoot, I just I've been dating
Speaker 1: you for six months. Now I really like you, but
Speaker 1: now you kind of now I just waited six months
Speaker 1: because really it's I think for me, it's going to
Speaker 1: be in a it'll have to be in a group setting,
Speaker 1: you know. So how are you with um seeing all
Speaker 1: the news articles that have been picking up from your book?
Speaker 1: I mean, first of all, congrats on your book coming out.
Speaker 1: Does that give you anxiety? Though? Yeah, I'm not reading
Speaker 1: any of it because I feel like there's so many
Speaker 1: headlines that will take one thing or like yeah I
Speaker 1: went on a couple of days with Chris fine, or
Speaker 1: I'm met Leo, Like it's not all they take those
Speaker 1: small things and like blow it up. So there and
Speaker 1: then little things about Lauren and like if you actually
Speaker 1: read it, it's really not that like but it's great.
Speaker 1: I mean, I guess the headlines makes for a good
Speaker 1: cliffhanger of people wanting to read the book information, But
Speaker 1: I just honestly, I don't. I don't read any of it.
Speaker 1: I just I did it, and then I just like
Speaker 1: that's that. I just bubble. So I'm obviously I've I've
Speaker 1: been following your journey. I feel connected to you on
Speaker 1: the levels of what you've been through in relationships and
Speaker 1: when you were writing this book, was there a piece
Speaker 1: of you that well, actually, I want to back up
Speaker 1: even further when you talk about abuse, was it Did
Speaker 1: he ever acknowledge the abuse and actually say like, yes,
Speaker 1: I abused you. No, it was always my fault for
Speaker 1: something like I didn't give him enough attention, or I
Speaker 1: didn't answer all of his calls, or it was always
Speaker 1: something I did where it's like you start questioning yourself,
Speaker 1: like well, maybe I do deserve this, or maybe I'm
Speaker 1: not good enough for I'm not working hard enough to
Speaker 1: make this a better relationship. Like you start taking it on,
Speaker 1: like blaming yourself, and and then you start believing it
Speaker 1: and you're constantly trying to change yourself to make someone
Speaker 1: else happy. So yeah, and I also think too, I
Speaker 1: remember talking to my therapist at one point and I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: he just pushed me, and she's like what, Like, that's
Speaker 1: that's abuse. But I'm like, but it wasn't, like he
Speaker 1: didn't hit and it's like it's they make you feel
Speaker 1: like that. Okay, well you were the one or you know,
Speaker 1: so it's a very that you deserved it because you
Speaker 1: made me mad kind of thing. Yeah, did you ever
Speaker 1: watch Made No, it's a good show that was. You
Speaker 1: need to watch that because it really touched on more
Speaker 1: emotional and verbal abuse. But it was it shined a
Speaker 1: light to say, this is still abuse. Whether you get fist,
Speaker 1: hand fist, clothes punched to your face or a push
Speaker 1: or you know that or the intent or he's blacked
Speaker 1: like that is still abuse. And I think so many
Speaker 1: I know I have to I'm like, well, he didn't
Speaker 1: choke me this time. He just pushed me, like you know.
Speaker 1: And then and then well it was kind of my
Speaker 1: fault because I was screaming or you know, and they
Speaker 1: just make you feel like it's your fault. So thank
Speaker 1: you for sharing that, And now how do you deal
Speaker 1: with that moving forward into a healthy relationship. Well, I've
Speaker 1: done so much shealing. I mean I haven't really been
Speaker 1: with anyone, like in a serious relationship at all. So
Speaker 1: it's been almost like five years. Oh my gosh, yeah
Speaker 1: almost five years. Um, and so I haven't the last guy.
Speaker 1: I kind of like I went on a date with
Speaker 1: a few dates, and like for me, it's you know,
Speaker 1: whenever you're a mom, like you don't consistently date someone
Speaker 1: or see someone every day or I've the other day,
Speaker 1: it's like once a week or once every two weeks.
Speaker 1: And that's kind of how I was three years ago.
Speaker 1: So the guy was dating then, Um, I just started.
Speaker 1: I started seeing signs of of just like control and
Speaker 1: wanting to push and move too fast, and that for me,
Speaker 1: I was like, nope, I'm done, this is over, like
Speaker 1: not doing this again. So I think now I noticed
Speaker 1: so many signs from going to therapy and just working
Speaker 1: on myself and learning to love myself and SETI and
Speaker 1: not people please are giving because you feel like you're
Speaker 1: gonna hurt someone's feelings. Um, and I just get out
Speaker 1: of there. But now it's like now I run too fast,
Speaker 1: you know. I I hear you so much Like if
Speaker 1: I feel like if I was healed and took more time,
Speaker 1: I would have seen the signs gotten out and not
Speaker 1: you know, just still believe certain things about myself. But
Speaker 1: it's interesting now. And you make that point is because
Speaker 1: I was almost gonna say to you too, um after
Speaker 1: this when we do our catchup, is like I'm almost
Speaker 1: afraid I'm never going to let someone in again because
Speaker 1: I'm just so I'm so um guarded guarded, it's not
Speaker 1: even guarded. I hold so much space and sacred space
Speaker 1: for like my house and my surroundings, and I like,
Speaker 1: I like being alone, like I had got on this date. Um.
Speaker 1: It was our second date, and honestly, in my gut,
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't I don't want him here right now,
Speaker 1: like I I. But I'm like I've never told someone
Speaker 1: to leave ever, and so I think he was like
Speaker 1: kind of sense in my vibe and he was like,
Speaker 1: do you want me to leave? And I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: Old Janna would be like no, that's fine, like because
Speaker 1: I feel bad or you know, or I'll just go
Speaker 1: sleep or I don't know whatever I'm like, but I
Speaker 1: was like no, like this is my opportunity to do
Speaker 1: it different. And I was like, yeah, I do, like
Speaker 1: I want to be alone and I just remember being
Speaker 1: like so feeling so empowered and it felt so healthy
Speaker 1: and good. He didn't like that, but that's not mine
Speaker 1: to take gone, right, So that's what I started to
Speaker 1: realize to him, like I can speak my truth and
Speaker 1: then not take on what their feelings are. Like I know,
Speaker 1: I was still nice. I was just like, yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean for you to just want to be alone, realize
Speaker 1: that and to put your foot down, like that's so
Speaker 1: good for you to do it, because then it gives
Speaker 1: you that confidence and that security that you can do
Speaker 1: that and it's okay. Well, and here's the thing that
Speaker 1: I'll say to what you said though, is like you
Speaker 1: will it just you will let someone in. I know
Speaker 1: I will in time to but it's not. And another
Speaker 1: thing too, that we we have our kids, right, I'm
Speaker 1: sure I don't know if you do want another kid.
Speaker 1: I do like a couple more, but if not, I'm
Speaker 1: good with one. Right. And so it's like you don't
Speaker 1: have to you know now that you don't have to
Speaker 1: settle for someone like you get to like you get
Speaker 1: to have that checklist and go okay, like I don't
Speaker 1: have to settle for for anybody I know. And I
Speaker 1: think the guy has he's making the list like, how
Speaker 1: did you meet him? Was it on Riya? No, I've
Speaker 1: never been on any dating sites. Um, but i really
Speaker 1: like him and he's really nice and I've been taking
Speaker 1: things super slowful of that and so patient, which is great. Um,
Speaker 1: it's just like this figuring out how to navigate, how
Speaker 1: to hang out without like rushing away, like leaving all
Speaker 1: the time, and like Okay, you gotta go by, and
Speaker 1: like having time to hang out before she wants you
Speaker 1: back and I'm together to you know, getting to know
Speaker 1: each other and hanging out. It's so hard. So I
Speaker 1: don't know if you could go back to the Hills era,
Speaker 1: what would you change personally the Hills era? UM, I
Speaker 1: feel like I would say no and stick to my nose,
Speaker 1: even with the producers being pressured into situations or being
Speaker 1: with someone that I didn't want to be with our
Speaker 1: fight over, I would say no, my nose know, and
Speaker 1: I'm not doing instead of being like, well, okay, it's
Speaker 1: going to be good for the ratings, I'll just do it,
Speaker 1: and then it gives my gives everybody in the world
Speaker 1: this picture of me that I'm not or that's not
Speaker 1: really really happened, and at the time, I didn't get
Speaker 1: to clear that up because you're under contract. So once
Speaker 1: the show ended, we were all just like, oh, we
Speaker 1: could speak our truth, like that's what really happened. Um,
Speaker 1: but yeah, it's just like saying no and not falling
Speaker 1: into peer pressure or not people pleasing and just owning
Speaker 1: who I was and not like being confused or like
Speaker 1: being pulled in different directions. And just like after it ended,
Speaker 1: I felt so lost. I didn't know who I was
Speaker 1: or what I wanted. And it's just like I'm sitting
Speaker 1: there like, well, now what I've done this for so long,
Speaker 1: and now I don't know what to do, Like no
Speaker 1: one's calling me and telling me where to be or
Speaker 1: what I have to do right now. It's so crazy.
Speaker 1: So I had to find myself again. Sure, yeah, sometimes
Speaker 1: it's really good to say now and stick with it
Speaker 1: and stick with it. I know that's always my problem.
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, well, I know, I mean that would
Speaker 1: be hard on the show just see if I could
Speaker 1: make work. So that's why I just don't think I
Speaker 1: could ever do like because I'm just so I I
Speaker 1: read all the stuff and like it's just like I'm
Speaker 1: like but that's not who like, that's not what I meant,
Speaker 1: or that's not like even when they pick certain things up,
Speaker 1: it's like, but you know, so we have to have
Speaker 1: real thick skin for that. Yeah. Yeah, I always don't
Speaker 1: read it, but I don't know how. Also, just creating
Speaker 1: habits and working that no muscle over and over and
Speaker 1: over to the point where you're so comfortable saying no,
Speaker 1: I'm good, that's it. No, it's no. Yeah, And well
Speaker 1: I think now I've gotten to that place because and
Speaker 1: now I'm very confident in what I say and sticking
Speaker 1: to it, which is which is nice. Back then absolutely not.
Speaker 1: But were you, um, were you afraid to write about
Speaker 1: the abuse in the book at all? With I'm relating
Speaker 1: to your daughter too? But yeah, I mean I didn't
Speaker 1: even really want to include that in there. But if
Speaker 1: you google, it's out there. It's already out there. So
Speaker 1: the book writer I was working with, who was amazing.
Speaker 1: She's like, Audrina, this is out there. Is in the
Speaker 1: police report, it's in the declaration, it's in all the
Speaker 1: court documents. It's not something you could just pretend didn't happen. Um,
Speaker 1: And I you know, that was such a pivotal moment
Speaker 1: in my life that helped me with what I needed,
Speaker 1: and like just that was it for me. That was
Speaker 1: the last straw. So as much as I didn't want
Speaker 1: to include any of that and just pretend it didn't happen,
Speaker 1: it did happen and it did affect me on so
Speaker 1: many levels. And you know, there's pros and cons to it,
Speaker 1: and for me, it like helped me. That was it, Like,
Speaker 1: you can't there's got to be you can't just keep
Speaker 1: putting up with abuse like that, whether it's emotional, verbal, physical.
Speaker 1: You have to not isolate and get your friends. You
Speaker 1: need help, you need someone to pull you out. And
Speaker 1: so times for me, I didn't want to call the
Speaker 1: police because I knew it would go public. So I
Speaker 1: kept trying to hide everything for so long and it
Speaker 1: just got to a point where it's like enough is enough.
Speaker 1: I can't do this anymore. What was your enough? Like
Speaker 1: do you remember the moment where you're just like, okay, enough, Well,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of moments, but it's just like being
Speaker 1: woken up in the middle of the night, being cussed at,
Speaker 1: calling being called names, and it's like I've been sleeping,
Speaker 1: Like what are you talk like you're the one out
Speaker 1: partying till four in the morning with who knows you know,
Speaker 1: doing whatever. Um, it's just the constant accusations and telling
Speaker 1: me that no one will ever love me and I'll
Speaker 1: never be good enough for anyone that I am, you know,
Speaker 1: just all the name calling, in the belittling, it just
Speaker 1: you start to believe it. And I just started to
Speaker 1: cave in and isolate, and I was losing so much
Speaker 1: weight and I just wasn't myself. My strength was gone,
Speaker 1: but I had strength for my daughter and she was
Speaker 1: still a baby. And for me, it's like I don't
Speaker 1: ever want her right now. She doesn't realize what's going on,
Speaker 1: but I don't ever want her to have to experience
Speaker 1: that or see someone treat me like that and think
Speaker 1: it's okay. So that gave me strength and being like
Speaker 1: enough is enough. My daughter will never see this. She's
Speaker 1: going to be strong, she'll never let anyone treat her
Speaker 1: like this. And for me, that's what helped me be
Speaker 1: get out of it. And just I did give a
Speaker 1: hundred and twenty percent. I went to therapy, I did
Speaker 1: everything I possibly could to make sure I did everything
Speaker 1: so I could walk away knowing like I gave, I
Speaker 1: gave it all I had, and so this is it.
Speaker 1: I'm never turning back. I love. Yeah, good for you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: kids have a way of really help, you know, helping
Speaker 1: you find that strength. I feel like, I mean, you
Speaker 1: have to do it for your kids. You do. And
Speaker 1: I remember the first time, you know, I was crying
Speaker 1: and I went in Kira's room. I went in her
Speaker 1: room and I shut the door, and he kept following me,
Speaker 1: and I was just broke. I finally just broke down,
Speaker 1: but I couldn't like run from her. You know. She
Speaker 1: started consoling me, like patting me, and like, I'm so
Speaker 1: glad that you shared that. I know that that has
Speaker 1: to feel somewhat empowering to and also you're going to
Speaker 1: help so many people. Yeah. I was at actually at
Speaker 1: a book signing UM and Jersey the other day and
Speaker 1: this lady came up and she was just started crying
Speaker 1: and I had to give up, get up and give
Speaker 1: her a hug. She's like, you know my daughter, and
Speaker 1: I She's like I was, I went through domestic abuse,
Speaker 1: and she's like it was physical, it was like it
Speaker 1: was worse than what you went through, but like it
Speaker 1: was just that feeling and just reading your book and
Speaker 1: knowing that I have felt that before, She's like it
Speaker 1: gave me the chills, and like she just started crying
Speaker 1: and then I almost started crying. So there's so many
Speaker 1: people out there that that need to hear it and
Speaker 1: need to talk about it. You can't hide it, don't
Speaker 1: be ashamed of it. Don't feel humiliated. Like everybody has
Speaker 1: gone through something and it is embarrassing if you're going
Speaker 1: through it and you want to hide it. But there's
Speaker 1: so many people out there that are going they're going
Speaker 1: through the same thing that need help. And you know
Speaker 1: it's not the end. There's light at the end of
Speaker 1: the tunnel. You just have to be strong and there's
Speaker 1: For me, it was going to church and God and
Speaker 1: therapy in my family. That's what helped pull me out
Speaker 1: of it. Would you say that's kind of the message
Speaker 1: your overall message of the book. Yeah, And I talked
Speaker 1: about that too, Like I go to saddle Back with
Speaker 1: Rick Warren and I just his message. Like I literally
Speaker 1: would go by myself all the time. I just I
Speaker 1: went to Bible studies, small groups, everything, and I would
Speaker 1: just I always would just cry and I just just
Speaker 1: just overwhelming feeling and then the goose bumps knowing that
Speaker 1: you're not alone and God's with you. It was just
Speaker 1: very healing. And the people that were there that helped
Speaker 1: me through it like understood what I was going through,
Speaker 1: so there's no judgment. Mm hmm, that's great. It was healing.
Speaker 1: I mean, I I love you and I'm just I'm
Speaker 1: I'm rooting for you, and um, I cannot wait to
Speaker 1: read your book. I feel like I know you and
Speaker 1: we've never out. I know, That's why I'm like, but
Speaker 1: I'm just like, I'm always like, I know, we're Instagram
Speaker 1: and I've never met our first time, we have a
Speaker 1: we have a very similar past, and yeah, but that's
Speaker 1: why I'm like, I feel like we're friends. But I'm like,
Speaker 1: I know, I've been trying to plan a trip to
Speaker 1: Nashville because Jason and actually lived there and Heari's friends
Speaker 1: with Delilah, so we've been trying to get out there.
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna let you know when we are. Just
Speaker 1: come stay at my place. Let's do it, just come
Speaker 1: stay hang out. Well, just like exactly, they'd be besties,
Speaker 1: all right, Well, we know you're a busy lady, so um,
Speaker 1: they thank you for like this is like no, um,
Speaker 1: you are amazing, and yeah, we'll come come come see
Speaker 1: me in Nashville and we'll hang out. I will. I'll
Speaker 1: write you. We'll figure something out because we got to
Speaker 1: hang out. I love it. I'm proud of you and
Speaker 1: I'm excited for you. And have give yourself like a
Speaker 1: good like to night over night or in l A
Speaker 1: with the new dude. Okay, just like just tell you,
Speaker 1: just be like, hey, s see, you might just have
Speaker 1: to hire someone. You might just have to get somebody
Speaker 1: that can you get you can do it. You did
Speaker 1: because I know, actually I do. I need to. Well,
Speaker 1: I have someone that helps to. It's just I've just
Speaker 1: gotta do it. You just gotta do it. It's the
Speaker 1: only way you're gonna be able to do. Yeah, you're
Speaker 1: on a heart journey, so it and I mean, girl's
Speaker 1: gotta get late. Everyone smile alright, and there's for you.
Speaker 1: All right, girlfriend, have a great day. Okay bye. Oh.
Speaker 1: I love her. She's so pretty. She's beautiful. I know
Speaker 1: she's so pretty. And also I feel like it's hard.
Speaker 1: I'm like laughing. I'm like I got fifty fifty and
Speaker 1: when I had the kids. I'm like overwhelmed, and she's
Speaker 1: like seven, can only leave the kid for two hours.
Speaker 1: I'm like, holy crap, you go. Yeah, it's impressive, She's
Speaker 1: she's awesome. I'm just, um, yeah, there's so many more
Speaker 1: things I wanted to ask her. At the same time,
Speaker 1: it's like they're they're doing so much tea about the
Speaker 1: Hills and the seven and like this like that to me,
Speaker 1: I like, I don't It's not that I don't care
Speaker 1: about it. I care about who, like who she is today, right, well,
Speaker 1: and she's doing yeah, I mean it sounds like some
Speaker 1: of that just wasn't real anyway. So it's like her
Speaker 1: celebrate who she is and what she's doing. Now I
Speaker 1: agree with that. Yeah, we're we're best friends. I love it.
Speaker 1: I know, I was like, right, I like your friends. Well,
Speaker 1: we like are ish. I think I can't remember who
Speaker 1: started who followed who first, but we just yeah, we
Speaker 1: just became friends and then you know, yeah, she's adorable. Um,
Speaker 1: well that was a great show. Anything going on with you, Catherine,
Speaker 1: not really? You know, I got a just kids summer
Speaker 1: school starting. H I cannot wait for the kids to
Speaker 1: go back to school. I cannot believe the kids go
Speaker 1: to school on Friday. I am so excited. I didn't
Speaker 1: think it was like summer, which it did. It went
Speaker 1: by really really fast. Yeah, but I'm fine with it
Speaker 1: being yeah. And everybody's like, I can't believe whatever, and
Speaker 1: I'm like me, neither of it. It's kind of great.
Speaker 1: I know, I was walking Leo to go, like I
Speaker 1: love kids. It's like, you don't have to say that,
Speaker 1: we know you love. I'm trying to be healed, Jana,
Speaker 1: I'm working on it or is. Yeah. One of the
Speaker 1: neighbors saying the same thing. She's like, I can't believe
Speaker 1: summer's over. I'm like, yeah, but like I'm I'm ready,
Speaker 1: and I think the kids are ready to yeah for sure.
Speaker 1: And also with how um I was taking the week
Speaker 1: on and then really but then I'm still being here
Speaker 1: even on the week off, so it's like I feel
Speaker 1: like I haven't had a break minus that one week,
Speaker 1: and I'm just like I'm spent. Yeah, that's a lot.
Speaker 1: I mean it's a lot um but yeah, okay, well
Speaker 1: that's good. You know, nothing groundbreaking and therapy that you've learned,
Speaker 1: not really, I mean I've only you know, I go
Speaker 1: once a month now because you graduated. I graduated, you know.
Speaker 1: I think I'm where I'm at now is and kind
Speaker 1: of what we talked about is the healing process and
Speaker 1: working on myself but trying to figure out what that
Speaker 1: looks like and just trying to figure that part of
Speaker 1: it out, which is exciting but also kind of overwhelming.
Speaker 1: What part overwhelms you? I just don't really know where
Speaker 1: to start, what to do? You know, I'm like any
Speaker 1: like Amy, what do I do? You know? With emotions
Speaker 1: or physical or just all of it? Like where do
Speaker 1: I start? I mean, I definitely the emotions are coming in,
Speaker 1: which one's like I don't know all of them, you know,
Speaker 1: because you know me, it's like I take a little
Speaker 1: while for my emotions to hit with death, with any
Speaker 1: kind of thing, Like I'm not the one that's going
Speaker 1: to be necessarily crying at the funeral home. A month
Speaker 1: or two later it'll hit me kind of thing, you know,
Speaker 1: So it's it's hit me later, but just in and
Speaker 1: just to like just getting the emotions out, which I
Speaker 1: think is part of the healing I'm I'm learning, you know,
Speaker 1: as part of just letting myself feel those emotions. Um,
Speaker 1: but I mean just more like what am I going
Speaker 1: to do? Like, what are my intentions? Like? What am
Speaker 1: I going to do for myself? What I'm you know,
Speaker 1: I'm just kind of figuring out that. Next up, Well,
Speaker 1: you texted the group pickleball. I did, so we might
Speaker 1: start playing pickleball. Yes, I need a hobby, Amy told me.
Speaker 1: She literally goes, you know what you need to do.
Speaker 1: You need to just go to Barnes and Noble and
Speaker 1: just like search the book aisle. And I'm like, I
Speaker 1: really don't like the self help book thing, and she's overwhelming.
Speaker 1: She's like no, she was like, just look at the
Speaker 1: books and like, hey, you see a book on gardening
Speaker 1: and that seems interesting. Pick it up. I'm like, not,
Speaker 1: you're not a gardener. Know your audience, your audience, whatever
Speaker 1: sparks your interest. Yeah that. I was like, okay, I'll
Speaker 1: go do that. So that's funny. Pickleball, is it right now? Pickleball? Yeah? No,
Speaker 1: I would love to play pickleball. All right, Well that's good,
Speaker 1: and then you'll let me know when you're ready for
Speaker 1: the other stuff. But in time, okay. When you just
Speaker 1: talk about that really fast, because it was it was
Speaker 1: on my stories. Oh, I mean it was it was
Speaker 1: already on my stories. Let me just yeah whatever whatever,
Speaker 1: that's yes, okay. Um, so we were having a little
Speaker 1: wine night and so just like out of fun. It's
Speaker 1: not like she's ready to date. Okay, it's not. Katherine
Speaker 1: is not ready to date. It's too soon. But here's
Speaker 1: the thing, if you want to great, no, there's no
Speaker 1: timeline on things. Okay. Having said that, I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's sunny. Vote for dating app? So what was funny?
Speaker 1: Some people didn't like that that I did that or
Speaker 1: here I'll tell I'll tell you all. So okay, So
Speaker 1: so what was funny is that? So we signed her
Speaker 1: up for this one. I won't say which one it is,
Speaker 1: please do not and I won't. And then I start
Speaker 1: scrolling because I'm going to ax them for her. So
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm on a mission to find, you know,
Speaker 1: just a little fun little you know, because it sometimes
Speaker 1: it's just fun to flirt, right, Let's just find you
Speaker 1: a fun little flirt to text, and which I understand
Speaker 1: is not very healing, and blah blah blah, like you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. Okay, she hasn't fun for a second?
Speaker 1: Rebbing wine rebbing fun? Well, like the third person was again,
Speaker 1: I have the phone in my hand, and the third
Speaker 1: face I see is my ex husband. I have died,
Speaker 1: I screamed, and like through the phone. Um, I'm still
Speaker 1: slightly worried about what happened. Well, that's this is the
Speaker 1: funny thing. So we don't know if she hearted or
Speaker 1: exed nothing. She did not even have the phone. Katherine's
Speaker 1: like this, she um, but I threw the phone and
Speaker 1: then when we went to pick up the phone, he
Speaker 1: was gone. So I don't know. You might have asked,
Speaker 1: like when I threw it, like you might have accidentally
Speaker 1: hearted if he saw that. I can't even imagine what
Speaker 1: would go through his mind because it literally pops up
Speaker 1: that you hearted. Yeah, I would die. I would. I
Speaker 1: can't even think about it. I can't even think about it.
Speaker 1: It's just funny. It's hilarious. Though. Half the people were like,
Speaker 1: this is a funny. You can laugh about it, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, like I know that he's dating and
Speaker 1: it's great. I'm so happy for him, Like you do
Speaker 1: you boo, like go date. It was just funny seeing
Speaker 1: it like for my best friends, like on her like
Speaker 1: dating app was and just yeah, people thought it was
Speaker 1: your ex husband. Some people thought it was your ex husband, like,
Speaker 1: why are you getting upset because she's on in her
Speaker 1: I was like no, no no, no, Like the funny part
Speaker 1: is that was my ex and like what else were
Speaker 1: they because it's not healing to be on a dating app. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like I'm a bad friend or and then also you
Speaker 1: know who cares that Mike's on there? I was like, guys,
Speaker 1: it was just yeah, definitely missed the point. I'm just
Speaker 1: it's just just funny, like you know, wine drunken night
Speaker 1: with our girlfriends and we see my ex husband. It's
Speaker 1: just funny. And I'm like, yeah, I mean, I'm sure
Speaker 1: everybody knows we don't like each other. So you guys
Speaker 1: right into the theater and you guys like, we just
Speaker 1: don't like each other, and can you tell that story
Speaker 1: each other? It was so funny because your son was like, oh,
Speaker 1: both of them, long story short at a movie theater.
Speaker 1: I've ran into this man maybe three times, and one
Speaker 1: time I have we even remotely even spoken. Well, the
Speaker 1: funny part is is like you think that because you're
Speaker 1: the person that ultimately like served you didn't serve him,
Speaker 1: but like you yeah, yeah, it was just it was
Speaker 1: just not pretty at the end for us for sure,
Speaker 1: And I understand respect, but like, I get it, it's awkward.
Speaker 1: I don't really love awkward. So I've avoided him at
Speaker 1: all costs, even to where Jane doesn't even tell me
Speaker 1: when he's showing up. One time he walks in the
Speaker 1: house and I'm like just standing there. So anyway, fast
Speaker 1: forward movie theater. I see Jolie, then I see Jason.
Speaker 1: I'll go, no, the next one it's going to be him.
Speaker 1: So anyway, I do the little wave. It's fine. In
Speaker 1: my head, he didn't wave back. Maybe he did. I
Speaker 1: don't know. Our heads a key, that's my story. But
Speaker 1: then I'm like maybe he did, you know, probably fine,
Speaker 1: and I'm like I'm like, okay, let's go, let's go.
Speaker 1: And so I'm like Russian and I'm real fast, like dude,
Speaker 1: what's it, what's the deal? And I'm like, Mike stand
Speaker 1: there like so, and I was like, don't y'all know
Speaker 1: we don't like each other, like you know, so we anway,
Speaker 1: So I'm like we're fine, We're fine. And then we
Speaker 1: get in the line to get popcorn and stuff, and
Speaker 1: of course, you know, he goes up to the thing first,
Speaker 1: and then the register right next She's like next and
Speaker 1: I'm like no, the next then I'm like there's no more.
Speaker 1: So I was like okay. So I like walk up
Speaker 1: and I'm talking to Joli and Jason. Then somehow something
Speaker 1: is said where we literally like lock eyes and we're
Speaker 1: both like you can just see it in our faces,
Speaker 1: were like and so, and he was cordial. He's like, hey,
Speaker 1: what maybe are you saying or whatever? And I was like,
Speaker 1: your mom's I've literally felt like a child that needed
Speaker 1: to like, you know, so I just got it and
Speaker 1: then I just we just stopped speaking, didn't look at
Speaker 1: each other anymore, and we just walked away. And then
Speaker 1: kids say yeah, they're like dude, and he was like
Speaker 1: that was awkward. Yeah, yeah, I was in mer kat
Speaker 1: and I was like, yeah, we're seeing each other since.
Speaker 1: I mean, it was good to get it out of
Speaker 1: the way. It's so good. It's out of the way,
Speaker 1: and it's it's fine, it's fine, everything's fine. It's fine,
Speaker 1: everything's fine. I will say though, we we have been
Speaker 1: very cordial. Good. Yeah, so that's good. That's the best,
Speaker 1: the best for the kids, y'all don't have to be right.
Speaker 1: We have to be. I mean, I think through time
Speaker 1: we will get more cordial. Yeah, if we're around each other,
Speaker 1: if our kids were doing sports or something. Is the
Speaker 1: only time I think that that really would fall into
Speaker 1: play because people are taking you know, or whatever. But
Speaker 1: I just hear us again, you don't but you don't
Speaker 1: have to, like, no, don't. Honestly, we probably don't ever
Speaker 1: really speak to each other because like, you don't have
Speaker 1: to be Like, if you don't want someone in life,
Speaker 1: you don't you have a choice to not speak to
Speaker 1: that person. You have a choice, you don't. You don't
Speaker 1: have to be mean. But that's when I remember last August,
Speaker 1: which when um, you know, Julie started school. He's like,
Speaker 1: why are you being so cold? And I'm like, I'm
Speaker 1: not being anything, and I don't like, I'm just I'm
Speaker 1: choosing not to speak to you in this moment. Well,
Speaker 1: and that takes time to realize, Like you can do
Speaker 1: that with anybody. You can choose not to speak yea um.
Speaker 1: But yeah, So anyways, that was fun seeing him on
Speaker 1: the dating app. That was just for fun. Janice signing
Speaker 1: she's not on there anymore. She got off. It's fine.
Speaker 1: Speaking of which, like I have started thinking about I
Speaker 1: don't know because like on dating apps, it's like, well
Speaker 1: the one that I'm on or was or whatever, um
Speaker 1: it's like lisbon is real Paris. Literally it doesn't do
Speaker 1: because I'm like, okay, that's no, no no. If I'm
Speaker 1: like that's stupid, I'm not even gonna like do this
Speaker 1: anymore because it's just And then I feel like, can
Speaker 1: I could I get on? Like I don't think I
Speaker 1: could get on like a hinge or a bumble Like no,
Speaker 1: I don't think he Probably mine just has to be
Speaker 1: like through well and I don't know that I could
Speaker 1: do it for real a dating atmost. I just don't know.
Speaker 1: And like how do you meet people? I don't know.
Speaker 1: We're going to have to, like I'm not going to
Speaker 1: We're gonna have to, Jane, I'm I'm I'm I'm good
Speaker 1: right now, you know what. That's the thing. That's what
Speaker 1: you know what we're good. I'm very good. And if
Speaker 1: it's something is meant to be, it's meant to be
Speaker 1: and it'll happen. Now that might not happen if I'm
Speaker 1: just sitting in my room. So I do have to
Speaker 1: get out a little bit, Like you're not gonna when
Speaker 1: I'm ready. But yeah, Jesus isn't gonna be like bam
Speaker 1: Man in the room. I think that's probably Jesus as
Speaker 1: big as pet Peeve. If it's going to happen, it'll happen.
Speaker 1: Like you got to do something, you have to actually
Speaker 1: get out and do it, which you know. But no,
Speaker 1: I'm not there yet. I am in a very good
Speaker 1: spot where I am not playing games, which, by the way,
Speaker 1: from last week's episode, um, I realize, I think you
Speaker 1: know it. I'm just gonna be myself and not do
Speaker 1: the woman avoid or whatever. And then I had reached
Speaker 1: out and it was very well received, and so end
Speaker 1: of the day, I'm like, look, someone's gonna like you.
Speaker 1: You don't need to play games. They want you. They're
Speaker 1: gonna want you. So I get it. The whole sperm
Speaker 1: chases the egg that we talked about this like, I
Speaker 1: get like the whole like two available not but I'm like,
Speaker 1: I just I'm not going to be the one. I
Speaker 1: cannot play games. So if this person is going to
Speaker 1: like me, and it's like a very it's like a
Speaker 1: turtle snail movement at the moment, and that's amazing, and
Speaker 1: that's great, and I'm like here for that because I'd
Speaker 1: like to see if it could be something. And also
Speaker 1: like I'm if I'm thinking of this person, I'm going
Speaker 1: to text him and say I'm thinking of you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't like those games, which I think at the
Speaker 1: like the do I text? So I not text? What
Speaker 1: do I say or not? Even like I just think
Speaker 1: we know who we are, we are older now, like
Speaker 1: take it or leave it. I think that it does
Speaker 1: pertain more though to what's set up in the beginning
Speaker 1: and I expectations from the beginning as far as paying
Speaker 1: and stuff like that. I think that's that I agreed
Speaker 1: with her on that mess that one up last time. Well,
Speaker 1: and that's hard for you, and I mean and that's
Speaker 1: just something that now that you'll think through if there's
Speaker 1: you know, next time or whatever. But yeah, no, like
Speaker 1: I was even thinking that with like the few like
Speaker 1: silly guys that sent messages. I'm like, I don't want
Speaker 1: to stress about what I say. I'm not even gonna
Speaker 1: stress like it is what it is either like me
Speaker 1: for being stupid and responses or don't you know it's so.
Speaker 1: But it's funny how we like overthink and like, well,
Speaker 1: if I say this, then they think that's say well
Speaker 1: that's why. Now I'm just like screw it. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: just Texas person and say hey, I'm thinking of you,
Speaker 1: hope you have a great day. And then it was
Speaker 1: like so well received and like see, you know, we
Speaker 1: just overthink everything. Just be you, I know. But then
Speaker 1: I'm like it and then I never think it because
Speaker 1: I was talking to just dating is so interesting. One
Speaker 1: of my girlfriends, she was like, I had this really long,
Speaker 1: great like chat with this guy we were voice memoing
Speaker 1: that hadn't met yet, and then he's like, you know,
Speaker 1: i'll give you a call on Wednesday. Well it's been
Speaker 1: a week, and it's like just say something. Just be
Speaker 1: like hey, actually I'm not interested in anymore or like
Speaker 1: for the guy, and then for her, I was like
Speaker 1: just be like hey, like you know, I think he's interested,
Speaker 1: then let it go. But also like dudes like please
Speaker 1: don't ghost girls. I feel good does not at this age,
Speaker 1: man like why just be like hey, I mean that's
Speaker 1: what I had to do. When I was doing Hawk
Speaker 1: Girl summer. One person that wanted to like be in something,
Speaker 1: I was just like, I'm just that's not the season.
Speaker 1: I'm in. I just want to have a little a
Speaker 1: little fun and do my thing and heal and be alone.
Speaker 1: Having said that, if it was that other one or
Speaker 1: like they're right and then I then I then I
Speaker 1: would be like, okay, let yeah, let's day. Well of course,
Speaker 1: well that just honestly, isn't that why you date? You
Speaker 1: lead through the ones that you want to spend the
Speaker 1: more time with you don't. That's very true, you know, Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I think the biggest thing and then need be
Speaker 1: patient for the other ones if they need more well,
Speaker 1: and just being confident in yourself. Yeah, it's not about you.
Speaker 1: Oh no, I know any of it. Yeah. I mean,
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, even if they don't
Speaker 1: like you, it's truly not about you. Don't want to
Speaker 1: be with someone that do and like you one thousand percent.
Speaker 1: And actually that's been easier this go around and be
Speaker 1: like all right, I've noticed that. Yeah, if he just
Speaker 1: doesn't get me. If someone does text and say, hey,
Speaker 1: I told you I was going to call you on Wednesday,
Speaker 1: but I'm not into it, it's like, okay, instead of
Speaker 1: taking that on yourself, but like I'm not good enough,
Speaker 1: he doesn't like I. Let that go, I let that
Speaker 1: go in the river. Yeah, you really can totally tell. Yeah,
Speaker 1: see growing works, Growing rocks in the river's actually works. No,
Speaker 1: but I mean, yeah, you know you do, I'll take you. Well,
Speaker 1: we'll go through you, or you can go solo. But
Speaker 1: I might do that or herself as I love you. Um,
Speaker 1: but yeah, no, it's good. It's good. Like when you
Speaker 1: actually release those shame messages, you're like, I know, and
Speaker 1: especially this one person that I'm kind of like, you know,
Speaker 1: have a little crush on. Um, I know, at the
Speaker 1: end of the day, if it doesn't work, it's not
Speaker 1: because it's something that I did. It's just the season
Speaker 1: in the space that that person might be in and
Speaker 1: I'm not going to take it on. And that feels
Speaker 1: so different. And then and again, it doesn't mean it
Speaker 1: might not be disappointing. Oh it'll be disappointing for sure.
Speaker 1: And that's but that's not like you're in your old
Speaker 1: habits or you're not feeling like just don't let it
Speaker 1: still go to that place if I'm not good enough,
Speaker 1: Like being disappointed in something that you wanted if it
Speaker 1: doesn't happen is obviously normal too. Yeah, it'll just mean
Speaker 1: that it wasn't yeah the right time or right wasn't
Speaker 1: the right one, and that's okay, good times, good times, okay. Well,
Speaker 1: having said that, UM, I listened to last week's podcast.
Speaker 1: I don't usually listen, but I wanted to see the
Speaker 1: whole here, the whole like sperm chases egg thing. And
Speaker 1: then I was like, all right, time to debrief. And
Speaker 1: then I was like, oh, left him hanging. I got
Speaker 1: a debrief now again because some things are just better
Speaker 1: left and said yeah, publicly for sure, but I love
Speaker 1: you guys, yep, talk to you next week.