1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:37,680 Speaker 1: Welcome. You are now listening to the professional profession It's 2 00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:41,000 Speaker 1: your girl Ebana from the Professional Homegirl podcast, the only 3 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:44,000 Speaker 1: place where you would hear interviews from women of color 4 00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:48,879 Speaker 1: anonymously on stories that will enlighten, and expand on taboo topics. Now, 5 00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:51,839 Speaker 1: if you hear someone that sounds familiar, mind the business 6 00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:54,840 Speaker 1: that pays you child. Please support the show by leaving 7 00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:58,120 Speaker 1: a five star review by some merch or simply share 8 00:00:58,160 --> 00:01:01,120 Speaker 1: these stories with your Professional home Girl. You never know, 9 00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:05,600 Speaker 1: these storylines can be someone else's lifeline. Now, please keep 10 00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:07,800 Speaker 1: in mind that all of my guests are anonymous. So 11 00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:15,039 Speaker 1: let's begin this week's episode. I am so excited to 12 00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:17,560 Speaker 1: be speaking with my guests today. She is an author, 13 00:01:17,760 --> 00:01:23,000 Speaker 1: professional baker, and I heard her bakery. It's amazing, really 14 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:26,800 Speaker 1: good and a survivor of domestic balance. To my guests, 15 00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:28,720 Speaker 1: thank you so much for coming on the show. How 16 00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:31,560 Speaker 1: are you feeling? I am great and thank you for 17 00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:34,800 Speaker 1: having me. Of course, of course, so let's start from 18 00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:38,680 Speaker 1: the beginning. You were previously engaged before you met your 19 00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:45,560 Speaker 1: ex boyfriend, right, yes, tell us about that relationship. So 20 00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:50,240 Speaker 1: I was with him for five years and it was 21 00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:55,240 Speaker 1: my first real relationship. So I was really naive a 22 00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:57,920 Speaker 1: lot about a lot of different things. But you know, 23 00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:07,240 Speaker 1: I got a little bit of trial and error. Um basically, uh, 24 00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:12,960 Speaker 1: just just when it comes to relationships in general, like, um, 25 00:02:13,320 --> 00:02:16,119 Speaker 1: how somebody should be treating you, How you shouldn't be 26 00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:20,080 Speaker 1: allowing people to treat you, UM, how you should love yourself, 27 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:22,920 Speaker 1: how you shouldn't allow other people to love you, like, 28 00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:25,920 Speaker 1: just a lot of different things, um in regards to 29 00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:35,320 Speaker 1: self love and um loving someone else and um, there's 30 00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:36,760 Speaker 1: a lot of things that I put up with that 31 00:02:36,760 --> 00:02:40,839 Speaker 1: I shouldn't have put up with. And basically, um, once 32 00:02:40,840 --> 00:02:47,120 Speaker 1: it finally clicked for me that I um wasn't with 33 00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:52,120 Speaker 1: who I should have been with, then I just wanted 34 00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:55,359 Speaker 1: to cancel our wedding and basically be done with him. 35 00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:58,640 Speaker 1: Not that I left him for someone else. I left 36 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:02,040 Speaker 1: him to find me, right, I like them to better 37 00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:05,880 Speaker 1: myself and be who I needed to be because I 38 00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:09,040 Speaker 1: lost so much of myself trying to be so much 39 00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:11,560 Speaker 1: for him, right. And I don't know, I felt like 40 00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:14,600 Speaker 1: when I was watching your your interviews, was he also 41 00:03:14,639 --> 00:03:18,320 Speaker 1: abuse of No? Um, No, he never put his hands 42 00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:21,920 Speaker 1: on me or anything like that. It was more, um, 43 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:26,040 Speaker 1: more verbal abuse. It wasn't. It wasn't physical abuse, but 44 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:31,160 Speaker 1: it was verbal abuse, right okay, and emotional. So in 45 00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:33,720 Speaker 1: the midst of you growing your baking business, because at 46 00:03:33,760 --> 00:03:37,480 Speaker 1: this time y'all had split up and who was starting over? 47 00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:44,200 Speaker 1: You met your ex boyfriend? Yes, how did me? So? Um? 48 00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:47,440 Speaker 1: I had already been baking um for a few years. 49 00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:51,119 Speaker 1: I started baking at eighteen, so um, I was already 50 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:56,839 Speaker 1: baking UM before I had met him. Um. The way 51 00:03:56,880 --> 00:04:00,400 Speaker 1: that I ended up meeting my ex that was actually abuse, yusef, 52 00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:05,640 Speaker 1: was when I left my ex fiance, when I canceled, 53 00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:10,200 Speaker 1: when I canceled our wedding. Obviously, he wasn't very happy 54 00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:17,840 Speaker 1: about that, so I know he was tight. Yeah, Yeah, 55 00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:22,040 Speaker 1: he wasn't very happy about that. So I ended up 56 00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:24,000 Speaker 1: moving out, and I told him that he could keep 57 00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:27,520 Speaker 1: the apartment, right, and I was just gonna start over. Well, 58 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:31,480 Speaker 1: I ended up coming back to the apartment because he 59 00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:33,479 Speaker 1: told me that he couldn't afford it and I could 60 00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:35,920 Speaker 1: just go ahead and have it. So when I came back, 61 00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:39,800 Speaker 1: just knowing him over the years, I knew something was 62 00:04:39,839 --> 00:04:42,200 Speaker 1: gonna be off. I knew something was wrong. I figured 63 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:44,600 Speaker 1: he had like left the water on or let the 64 00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:47,240 Speaker 1: lights on or something like that, just something petty to 65 00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:52,039 Speaker 1: just get back at me. So when I got back 66 00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:54,480 Speaker 1: to the house, I realized that he had taken everything, 67 00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:57,839 Speaker 1: the bed, the TV, the couch, you know, everything like that. 68 00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:02,080 Speaker 1: So you know, originally we were supposed to split that 69 00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:11,440 Speaker 1: stuff up, but you know whatever, he just took everything, right. Um. Yeah, So, UM, 70 00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:16,800 Speaker 1: I just had to start over on everything. And UM, 71 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:21,000 Speaker 1: I was in a very bad, uh financial stand at 72 00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:23,600 Speaker 1: the time, and I had a friend that I had 73 00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:27,400 Speaker 1: been friends with for a little while, and um, he 74 00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:31,320 Speaker 1: basically said that he wanted to move in as um 75 00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:33,760 Speaker 1: a roommate to kind of help me get back on 76 00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:39,560 Speaker 1: my feet right. And um, when he ended up moving in, 77 00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:46,240 Speaker 1: we ended up like soon being in a relationship. Um. 78 00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:52,120 Speaker 1: It wasn't necessarily planned, but it just happened. Happened, And UM, 79 00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:55,720 Speaker 1: like before, this was really the first person that I've 80 00:05:55,760 --> 00:06:01,400 Speaker 1: ever really opened up to do so comfortable opening up 81 00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:04,880 Speaker 1: to him because he was actually somebody that wanted to 82 00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:09,279 Speaker 1: get to know me. Mum. Before when I would try 83 00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:15,520 Speaker 1: to open up to my ex fiance, he wasn't interested. Mum. 84 00:06:15,839 --> 00:06:19,120 Speaker 1: It's basically like I was complaining about life by um 85 00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:24,400 Speaker 1: trying trying to vent UM. And it was also like 86 00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:28,920 Speaker 1: how I felt didn't matter, So I just didn't talk 87 00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:35,919 Speaker 1: to him about anything, and UM, I just kept everything inside. So, UM, 88 00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:38,520 Speaker 1: this was someone that you know, came into my life 89 00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:40,760 Speaker 1: and he wanted to know those things about me. You know, 90 00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:43,239 Speaker 1: he wanted to know a lot of different things about 91 00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:48,719 Speaker 1: me that I never even um thought about expressing. UM. 92 00:06:48,760 --> 00:06:55,240 Speaker 1: So we started to get very close, and UM the 93 00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:58,200 Speaker 1: connection was crazy, and you know, we we fell in 94 00:06:58,240 --> 00:07:05,080 Speaker 1: love really fast and and UM it was not it 95 00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:10,600 Speaker 1: was not long, not long at all. UM. Honestly, everything 96 00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:16,880 Speaker 1: happened so fast. I can't I want to say that 97 00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:22,800 Speaker 1: we were probably only together for maybe a few weeks 98 00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:30,480 Speaker 1: to a month before UM before things started to kind 99 00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:40,000 Speaker 1: of get crazy. UM. Like everything was good at first, UM, 100 00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:45,760 Speaker 1: but then UM, I started to notice that it was 101 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:48,400 Speaker 1: jealous And I was used to jealousy, but not in 102 00:07:48,440 --> 00:07:51,200 Speaker 1: the way that UM, he was jealous and it made 103 00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:53,360 Speaker 1: me uncomfortable. So I tried to talk to one of 104 00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:56,280 Speaker 1: my friends about it, and UM, they were like, no, 105 00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:58,600 Speaker 1: you know, you just you just gotten out of relationship. 106 00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:02,640 Speaker 1: You know, you're probably just um, you know, nervous that 107 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:04,640 Speaker 1: he's going to turn out the same way that he was. 108 00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:06,760 Speaker 1: You know, give him a chance and give him the 109 00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:09,120 Speaker 1: opportunity to show you that he's not like that. And 110 00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:10,960 Speaker 1: I was like, okay, you know that's valid, so let 111 00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:16,000 Speaker 1: me give him a try. So um, but looking at that, 112 00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:18,480 Speaker 1: looking back at that, now, why do you think you 113 00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:24,080 Speaker 1: didn't trust your gut feeling. Well, obviously now you know, 114 00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:26,080 Speaker 1: I know to trust my gut feeling. But at the 115 00:08:26,720 --> 00:08:29,640 Speaker 1: same time, like back then, you have to think, this 116 00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:35,800 Speaker 1: is only my second boyfriend. And I also I felt 117 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:41,600 Speaker 1: I was in a vulnerable place right and that was 118 00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:47,160 Speaker 1: the perfect opportunity to find me. And I was vulnerable. 119 00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:51,680 Speaker 1: I needed financial stability, I needed emotional connection, and I 120 00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:57,720 Speaker 1: needed love. Yes, so um, he basically took that opportunity 121 00:08:57,800 --> 00:09:01,080 Speaker 1: and he ran with it. You know, I know now 122 00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:05,439 Speaker 1: to listen to my instincts, but back then I just 123 00:09:05,480 --> 00:09:08,160 Speaker 1: thought that I was tripping because when I would talk 124 00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:10,200 Speaker 1: to my friend about it, she would make it seem 125 00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:12,080 Speaker 1: like I was tripping. So I was like, Okay, well, 126 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:18,040 Speaker 1: you know, maybe it's me right, So I was like, no, 127 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:23,200 Speaker 1: you know, there's something's off, but I couldn't exactly put 128 00:09:23,240 --> 00:09:24,800 Speaker 1: my finger on it. And I was like, well, maybe 129 00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:27,880 Speaker 1: I need to get him around some people, because it's 130 00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:30,160 Speaker 1: one thing for me to feel some type a certain 131 00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:32,559 Speaker 1: type of way and tell somebody about it, but maybe 132 00:09:32,559 --> 00:09:35,560 Speaker 1: if they see it right, then they can tell me 133 00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:39,880 Speaker 1: and confirm my feelings. So I didn't tell my family 134 00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:43,920 Speaker 1: what was going on. I just told them that I 135 00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:47,760 Speaker 1: wanted them to meet somebody and I wanted them to, 136 00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:51,199 Speaker 1: you know, kind of see how they felt about him. Right. 137 00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:56,440 Speaker 1: So my cousin had came into town and he was 138 00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:59,040 Speaker 1: a police officer, So I was like, Okay, you know, 139 00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:01,840 Speaker 1: this is the perfect operation tuny for you know, me 140 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:04,959 Speaker 1: to bring him around some people. He came in and 141 00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:08,960 Speaker 1: it was him, my uncle, my mom, and my sister, 142 00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:12,679 Speaker 1: and at first everything was fine. We were sitting there 143 00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:16,920 Speaker 1: having a conversation. And why my boyfriend decided to take 144 00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:19,840 Speaker 1: some drinks before we did this, I don't know, but 145 00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:24,920 Speaker 1: he did it. Yeah. And also before I get to 146 00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:28,280 Speaker 1: this point too, I want to say that I think 147 00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:35,000 Speaker 1: that he was schizophrenic because a lot of times, whenever 148 00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:38,720 Speaker 1: we would have some type of argument or something would 149 00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:41,720 Speaker 1: be wrong, it wasn't real, like it wasn't happening, but 150 00:10:41,760 --> 00:10:43,679 Speaker 1: it was very real to him, and you couldn't tell 151 00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:47,360 Speaker 1: him anything like it was very real to him. So 152 00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:52,000 Speaker 1: bake up a scenario and yeah, I don't believe that 153 00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:54,040 Speaker 1: it happened you over here, Like what the hell are 154 00:10:54,040 --> 00:11:00,360 Speaker 1: you talking about, nigga? Yes. So, like at first, everything 155 00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:03,920 Speaker 1: was fine and then my my uncle comes in and 156 00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:05,560 Speaker 1: he hasn't seen me in a while, so he's looking 157 00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:07,240 Speaker 1: at the tattoos on my arm and stuff, and he 158 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:09,480 Speaker 1: was like, okay, you know, I see you, couse, you 159 00:11:09,520 --> 00:11:11,760 Speaker 1: know I miss you, blah blah blah whatever. Were sitting 160 00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:14,880 Speaker 1: there talking and I kind of keep looking over at 161 00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:17,520 Speaker 1: my boyfriend and he's side eye at me, and I'm like, 162 00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:22,120 Speaker 1: okay whatever. So then O wait, did anybody else see 163 00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:25,880 Speaker 1: how he was looking at you? Nobody said anything, so 164 00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:29,040 Speaker 1: I don't know if they felt some type of way 165 00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:31,600 Speaker 1: or not, because, like I said before, my uncle, I mean, 166 00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:36,199 Speaker 1: I'm sorry my cousin had walked in. Nothing was wrong. 167 00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:38,520 Speaker 1: We were sitting there talking about going to church, like 168 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:41,559 Speaker 1: we weren't having no type of issues or nothing. But 169 00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:44,520 Speaker 1: as soon as he saw my uncle, as soon as 170 00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:48,960 Speaker 1: he saw my cousin, he had an attitude. But you know, 171 00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:51,880 Speaker 1: black people, we come in all different shades and everything 172 00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:55,839 Speaker 1: like that. My cousin. He's light skinned. He asked freckles 173 00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:57,880 Speaker 1: and you know, green eyes and stuff like that, so 174 00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:03,280 Speaker 1: he didn't believe that he was my cousin. Even though 175 00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:06,400 Speaker 1: you're in a room with my mom, my uncle, and 176 00:12:06,520 --> 00:12:13,160 Speaker 1: my sister. He didn't believe it. So he my cousin. 177 00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:18,280 Speaker 1: He walks into the kitchen, and my boyfriend he was like, hey, 178 00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:20,600 Speaker 1: you know, why don't you go in there and you know, 179 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:22,600 Speaker 1: spend him time with your cousin. You know, you haven't 180 00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:24,319 Speaker 1: seen him in a while, you know, go talk to him. 181 00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:25,840 Speaker 1: I was like, okay, cool, So I'll go in there 182 00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:28,160 Speaker 1: and I give him another hug. And as I give 183 00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:30,560 Speaker 1: him a hug, I look over his shoulder and my 184 00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:32,920 Speaker 1: boyfriend's glaring at me, and I'm like, why is he 185 00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:38,679 Speaker 1: looking at me like this? So at that point I 186 00:12:38,679 --> 00:12:41,920 Speaker 1: didn't need to know anybody else's opinion. I didn't want 187 00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:45,959 Speaker 1: I didn't want anything to do with him anymore, because 188 00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:48,200 Speaker 1: there's no reason that you need to be given me 189 00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:52,240 Speaker 1: these type of weird ass vibes like this. So we 190 00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:54,560 Speaker 1: prayed over the food. We didn't even eat. After we 191 00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:58,160 Speaker 1: prayed over the food, we just left because I lost 192 00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:00,240 Speaker 1: my appetite and everything like, we need to go because 193 00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:01,560 Speaker 1: I was gonna break up with him as soon as 194 00:13:01,559 --> 00:13:10,520 Speaker 1: we got in the car. So we we start walking 195 00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:13,960 Speaker 1: out to the car and he's like storming off. I'm like, 196 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:17,000 Speaker 1: what the hell is his problem? So then he gets 197 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:22,520 Speaker 1: out to the car and he was like, bit, you 198 00:13:22,559 --> 00:13:28,839 Speaker 1: got some balls? Yeah? And I was like what And 199 00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:30,560 Speaker 1: he was like you don't let that nigga grab your 200 00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:32,720 Speaker 1: ass right in front of me. I was like, what 201 00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:36,160 Speaker 1: are you talking? Thank you? Thank you, that's all I'm saying. 202 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:38,560 Speaker 1: That's all I'm saying. This is not real. This isn't 203 00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:41,880 Speaker 1: something that literally happened. Like I literally just gave my 204 00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:45,079 Speaker 1: blood cousin they hug. That wasn't something that literally happened. 205 00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:48,679 Speaker 1: So I was like, what are you talking about? Yeah, 206 00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:50,839 Speaker 1: I was like, what are you talking about? He was like, 207 00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:53,200 Speaker 1: take me back to the house, let me grab my stuff. 208 00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:55,920 Speaker 1: I don't never want to see you again. I was like, okay, 209 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,480 Speaker 1: I don't never want to see you again either. What 210 00:13:57,520 --> 00:14:00,440 Speaker 1: are you talking about? So I started driving back to 211 00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:03,959 Speaker 1: the house and he lights a cigarette and he puts 212 00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:07,640 Speaker 1: a cigarette out on me, and um, then he spits 213 00:14:07,679 --> 00:14:14,080 Speaker 1: on me driving on the interstate, and um, he starts 214 00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:18,319 Speaker 1: swerving the staringwheel, so I'm like barely missing cars. Um. 215 00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:21,560 Speaker 1: We get back to the house and he starts packing 216 00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:23,640 Speaker 1: his stuff and I start trying to help him pack 217 00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:27,200 Speaker 1: his stuff because you need to go, like so um, 218 00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:30,160 Speaker 1: he gets math that I'm helping him pack his stuff, 219 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:32,000 Speaker 1: Like I don't know what he was expecting, like I'm 220 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:36,160 Speaker 1: gonna want you to stay. Um. But he was like, 221 00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:38,440 Speaker 1: did you call the police? I said no, I didn't 222 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:40,000 Speaker 1: call the police, Like, I just want you to go, 223 00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:42,720 Speaker 1: like you need to get the fuck out, and m 224 00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:45,920 Speaker 1: he was like, uh. He was like no, I know 225 00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:48,200 Speaker 1: you caught the police. And he had like this big 226 00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:50,840 Speaker 1: it was like a sword and it had, um, like 227 00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:56,320 Speaker 1: some little intricate designs on the bottom of it. Wait 228 00:14:56,360 --> 00:15:01,240 Speaker 1: a sword, yeah, like a long sword. Yeah. And um, 229 00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:06,160 Speaker 1: he like chased me into the spare bedroom and at 230 00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:10,400 Speaker 1: first he held the sword to my stomach and he said, 231 00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:12,360 Speaker 1: if the police come in here, I'm killing you, and 232 00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:14,280 Speaker 1: then I'm killing me. And then he held it to 233 00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:17,960 Speaker 1: my throat and then I ended up running and getting 234 00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:21,320 Speaker 1: away from him, and um, he caught me. He hit 235 00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:24,160 Speaker 1: me on my eye, he hit me on my nose. Um. 236 00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:30,080 Speaker 1: And the crazy thing about this part is like when 237 00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:32,240 Speaker 1: he hit me on my nose, my nose started bleeding 238 00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:37,200 Speaker 1: and it was like it was like he didn't do it. 239 00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:40,440 Speaker 1: So he went and he grabbed some tissue and he 240 00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:43,360 Speaker 1: starts like dotting the blood from my nose, and I 241 00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:46,000 Speaker 1: like pushed him away from me, and so then he 242 00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:54,040 Speaker 1: hits me again. Um sonia, Yeah, So then he wants 243 00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:57,200 Speaker 1: to go get um he found a lock and he 244 00:15:57,240 --> 00:15:58,960 Speaker 1: wants to go try to find a sock so he 245 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:00,400 Speaker 1: could put it in the side of it so he 246 00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:03,840 Speaker 1: could beat me with it. So that I ran. I 247 00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:09,240 Speaker 1: ran out the house and he ended up grabbing me, 248 00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:11,240 Speaker 1: pulling me back into the house and he raped me. 249 00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:14,920 Speaker 1: When he raped me, I had blacked out, Like I 250 00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:20,760 Speaker 1: don't even remember anything until the next morning. Wait, nobody heard, 251 00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:23,360 Speaker 1: was no, Like your neighbors didn't hear nothing going on? Like, 252 00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:29,440 Speaker 1: because I'm pretty sure you exactly exactly nobody Okay, So 253 00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:34,480 Speaker 1: all of this, when it comes to abuse, all of 254 00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:42,160 Speaker 1: this happened within a month's time. So the thing is, 255 00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:46,080 Speaker 1: I would scream so loud in the bathroom, and I 256 00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:48,440 Speaker 1: would get it worse because I was screaming so loud 257 00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:50,320 Speaker 1: in the bathroom because I was trying to get my 258 00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:53,160 Speaker 1: neighbors to hear me, but nobody ever came. Nobody ever came. 259 00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:56,600 Speaker 1: Like they would get mad and they would like throw 260 00:16:56,640 --> 00:17:01,520 Speaker 1: stuff at my car. Yeah, I would. I would come 261 00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,560 Speaker 1: out and have to clean out clean up my car 262 00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:06,640 Speaker 1: because I would have like mud on it. Like nobody, 263 00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:13,439 Speaker 1: nobody ever came for me. Nobody. Um. So then the 264 00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:20,119 Speaker 1: next morning I woke up and UM, I tried to 265 00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:24,560 Speaker 1: call the police, and he was like, UM. He told 266 00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:29,440 Speaker 1: me that if he goes to jail, he's not gonna 267 00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:33,040 Speaker 1: be in there long and when he gets out, he 268 00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:36,320 Speaker 1: knows my schedule, he knows where I live, he knows 269 00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:41,320 Speaker 1: where I work, he knows everywhere I go. And he said, um, 270 00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:44,159 Speaker 1: I'm gonna kill you, and I'm gonna rape your sister, 271 00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:49,399 Speaker 1: and I'm gonna torture your uncle. And I feel like 272 00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:52,280 Speaker 1: when I heard you said then in another interview that 273 00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:53,679 Speaker 1: you did, I feel like that was one of the 274 00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:56,320 Speaker 1: reasons why you stay longer, because you want to get 275 00:17:56,640 --> 00:18:00,399 Speaker 1: family exactly, because at that point it was based like 276 00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:02,840 Speaker 1: not only did I get myself in a situation, I 277 00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:07,520 Speaker 1: got them in a situation, right, and you know, they 278 00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:13,199 Speaker 1: kind of got upset with me. Because I stayed. But 279 00:18:13,280 --> 00:18:15,760 Speaker 1: I didn't stay out of love. I stayed out of fear, 280 00:18:16,119 --> 00:18:20,560 Speaker 1: you know. And yeah, and it's it's not that they 281 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,840 Speaker 1: couldn't handle themselves. It's the fact that they shouldn't have to. 282 00:18:24,359 --> 00:18:28,119 Speaker 1: They shouldn't have to watch after me all the time 283 00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:31,080 Speaker 1: because I made a bad mistake. They shouldn't have to 284 00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:33,840 Speaker 1: be looking over their shoulder and be scared because of 285 00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:37,160 Speaker 1: something that I got them involved in. So basically I 286 00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:39,520 Speaker 1: had I felt like I needed to get out of 287 00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:42,280 Speaker 1: that situation to myself because I got myself in it. 288 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:51,080 Speaker 1: So um, and that's what I thought to do. And um, 289 00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:54,520 Speaker 1: you know the thing about him saying that he was 290 00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:57,919 Speaker 1: gonna be out of jail quick, that was real. That 291 00:18:58,080 --> 00:19:03,359 Speaker 1: was something that actually happened. Um so when he went 292 00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:09,560 Speaker 1: to jail before, yes, yes, he's Um Now, I didn't 293 00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:12,800 Speaker 1: know about this until after I finally got a chance 294 00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:15,440 Speaker 1: to call the police, which is like later on down 295 00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:22,679 Speaker 1: the line. Um, the I have Um, I have repression. 296 00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:27,120 Speaker 1: So there's like certain points in areas that I don't 297 00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:31,199 Speaker 1: necessarily remember because it's something that's too traumatizing for me. 298 00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:35,000 Speaker 1: I literally don't remember block it out. So yeah, yeah, 299 00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:37,280 Speaker 1: my mind would just get rid of it. So that's 300 00:19:37,359 --> 00:19:40,080 Speaker 1: that's part of the reason why I write, because it 301 00:19:40,119 --> 00:19:43,119 Speaker 1: helps me put the pieces of my wife together, you 302 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:47,280 Speaker 1: know that. That's why I said no, I was gonna 303 00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:50,640 Speaker 1: say that's very common with people who experienced trauma, that 304 00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:55,680 Speaker 1: because your mind is trying to pretty much like protect you. Yeah. 305 00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:59,520 Speaker 1: So that's why I don't necessarily know how long it 306 00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:02,920 Speaker 1: was before all of this happened. I just know it 307 00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:08,040 Speaker 1: wasn't long. And I know once he was abusive, I 308 00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:10,720 Speaker 1: was only with him for like a few weeks to 309 00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:14,879 Speaker 1: a month while he was still abusing me, and I 310 00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:18,160 Speaker 1: just stayed with him until I felt like I wasn't 311 00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:20,720 Speaker 1: afraid of him anymore. Because if I was gonna get 312 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,520 Speaker 1: away from him, I didn't want to spend the rest 313 00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:25,560 Speaker 1: of my life looking over my shoulder. I didn't want 314 00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:27,600 Speaker 1: to spend the rest of my life worried about what 315 00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:30,600 Speaker 1: all is he gonna find me. You know, I don't 316 00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:32,080 Speaker 1: want to be scared for the rest of my life. 317 00:20:32,119 --> 00:20:34,240 Speaker 1: So I had to stop being afraid of him because 318 00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:37,000 Speaker 1: he's already taken so much in me. I can't I 319 00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:38,879 Speaker 1: can't allow him to have that part of me too. 320 00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:44,119 Speaker 1: So um the day I finally realized that I was. 321 00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:46,480 Speaker 1: I stopped being afraid of him. We were at his 322 00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:49,760 Speaker 1: grandma's house. Mind, you're going to slow up, slow up. 323 00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:56,400 Speaker 1: So wait, did anybody notice anything different about you during 324 00:20:56,400 --> 00:21:00,800 Speaker 1: this time? Because I'm pretty you had the bruises to 325 00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:06,280 Speaker 1: show for it. No. So, okay, here's the thing. If 326 00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:10,600 Speaker 1: I had well, when I had bruises, nobody was allowed 327 00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:13,240 Speaker 1: to see me, And if I was traumatized, nobody was 328 00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:15,720 Speaker 1: allowed to see me. So he would keep me from work. 329 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:19,440 Speaker 1: Another thing is he had two jobs when he moved 330 00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:21,920 Speaker 1: in to help me pay for you know, everything that 331 00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:24,320 Speaker 1: was going on. When he started abusing me, he quit 332 00:21:24,359 --> 00:21:28,120 Speaker 1: both of his jobs to stalk me full times. Another 333 00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:32,879 Speaker 1: thing is so when he wasn't worked, he quit both jobs. Yes, ma'am, 334 00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:38,280 Speaker 1: and you was at the house. That is crazy. Yes, 335 00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:42,200 Speaker 1: so he knew where I was where all times everything, 336 00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:45,960 Speaker 1: At all times. I had to answer every text, every 337 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:51,080 Speaker 1: phone call, every everything, because I was on a schedule. 338 00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:54,480 Speaker 1: You know what I mean. Like I was hit, like 339 00:21:54,520 --> 00:22:00,480 Speaker 1: I belonged to him. Um I even like even when 340 00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:02,600 Speaker 1: it came to work, I used to have to go 341 00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:05,720 Speaker 1: home on my lunch breaks to spend it, to spend 342 00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:07,600 Speaker 1: it with him to make sure that I wasn't around 343 00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:13,920 Speaker 1: anybody else if I was abused the day before, I 344 00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:16,480 Speaker 1: wasn't allowed to go to work the next day because 345 00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:19,320 Speaker 1: nobody could see that I was traumatized. Nobody could see 346 00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:23,520 Speaker 1: that I have bruises or anything like that. So you 347 00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:25,200 Speaker 1: know how I said, he had hit me and my eye, 348 00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:30,440 Speaker 1: my eye was swollen shut. When my eye was swollen shut, 349 00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:34,159 Speaker 1: what he did was he pried it open repeatedly and 350 00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:37,840 Speaker 1: tell it would finally stay open until it was blood 351 00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:41,640 Speaker 1: shot read. And he sent me to work to tell 352 00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:44,000 Speaker 1: them that I had pink eye. So they sent me 353 00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:47,560 Speaker 1: back home so I could be with him, and had 354 00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:49,800 Speaker 1: me call my mom and tell her that I have 355 00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:52,560 Speaker 1: pink eye. My mom even showed up to my house 356 00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:56,800 Speaker 1: to give me medicine for pink eye. So it was 357 00:22:56,960 --> 00:23:04,080 Speaker 1: it was crazy what happened. Um I met her outside 358 00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:08,879 Speaker 1: and um like, I couldn't even see her long. I 359 00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:11,199 Speaker 1: had a dog at the time, and he let my 360 00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:14,080 Speaker 1: dog loose, so I had to run and go chase 361 00:23:14,119 --> 00:23:16,119 Speaker 1: my dog, so I couldn't spend any time talking to 362 00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:22,840 Speaker 1: my mom. M Yeah, and I always thought that with 363 00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:27,720 Speaker 1: my dog, if anything was to ever happen, he would 364 00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:30,680 Speaker 1: protect me because when I was with my ex fiance, 365 00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:35,840 Speaker 1: like if we would argue, um, my dog, he would 366 00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:39,520 Speaker 1: lick the tears off my face and bark at him. 367 00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:43,040 Speaker 1: But when I was in my abusive relationship, he didn't 368 00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:45,159 Speaker 1: do anything. He sat on the on the couch and 369 00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:49,480 Speaker 1: he was like trembling, but he was scared too. Yeah, 370 00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:54,080 Speaker 1: so it was crazy. Nobody nobody ever saw me. I 371 00:23:54,480 --> 00:24:00,919 Speaker 1: dropped a lot of weight, um and um, Like, you 372 00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:04,080 Speaker 1: could definitely tell there was something wrong with me, but 373 00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:07,879 Speaker 1: nobody knew what it was. You shard the story about 374 00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:12,920 Speaker 1: your niece. She didn't recognize you. Yes, okay. So there 375 00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:15,639 Speaker 1: was two times where he finally let me see my 376 00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:20,000 Speaker 1: friends and family. One of the times I want to 377 00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:25,359 Speaker 1: go see my friends and we were at my friend's 378 00:24:25,359 --> 00:24:28,399 Speaker 1: house and we're, you know, having fun or whatever. He 379 00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:31,040 Speaker 1: calls me and my friend takes my phone and she 380 00:24:31,119 --> 00:24:33,160 Speaker 1: was like, sorry, just can't answer the phone right now, 381 00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:38,440 Speaker 1: and he goes off on her. I don't know what 382 00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:41,000 Speaker 1: he said to her, but I know he went off 383 00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:42,680 Speaker 1: on her by the look on her face. And she 384 00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:45,520 Speaker 1: handed me, handed me the phone and he was like, bit, 385 00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:47,760 Speaker 1: you need to get home now, blah blah, blah whatever. 386 00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:54,119 Speaker 1: And so then like my friends, they were saying, you know, 387 00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:56,240 Speaker 1: you need to get away from him, that that's that's 388 00:24:56,280 --> 00:24:57,880 Speaker 1: not safe. He can't be talking to you like that, 389 00:24:58,359 --> 00:25:00,760 Speaker 1: what's wrong with him? Blah blah blah. And I didn't 390 00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:05,639 Speaker 1: want to get them involved. Um, I was scared to 391 00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:08,280 Speaker 1: get them involved because I had already got my family involved. 392 00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:10,919 Speaker 1: So I knew that I couldn't be with him. I 393 00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:13,399 Speaker 1: knew that I wasn't safe, but I also knew that 394 00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:15,920 Speaker 1: they weren't safe if they tried to save me. So 395 00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:19,639 Speaker 1: I said whatever I could say to keep them away 396 00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:21,760 Speaker 1: from me. I needed to I basically I needed them 397 00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:24,600 Speaker 1: to be mad at me enough to have them leave 398 00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:26,480 Speaker 1: me alone. So I was just like, oh, you know, 399 00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:33,480 Speaker 1: his dick's too good, and um, they obviously were pissed 400 00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:35,920 Speaker 1: off and they were like no, like that's not enough 401 00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:37,679 Speaker 1: for you to stay with him, Like that's not okay, 402 00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:40,320 Speaker 1: that's not that's not something that you are you should 403 00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:41,919 Speaker 1: be putting up with. And I was like, I know, 404 00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:45,280 Speaker 1: but I couldn't. I couldn't say that. I was just like, 405 00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:47,000 Speaker 1: you know, it is, it is what it is. I 406 00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:49,000 Speaker 1: love him, I don't need to stay with him. And 407 00:25:49,119 --> 00:25:52,640 Speaker 1: so they were pissed and I left. UM. The time 408 00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:57,359 Speaker 1: that I saw my family, UM, I had watched in 409 00:25:57,400 --> 00:25:59,960 Speaker 1: the house, and I had walked in my sister's house 410 00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:04,359 Speaker 1: and I always would see my nieces, and you know, 411 00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:08,240 Speaker 1: we had a good relationship. When I walked in the house, UM, 412 00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:10,879 Speaker 1: one of them, I had hugged them, and then the 413 00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:13,440 Speaker 1: other one I hugged and she kind of pulled away 414 00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:16,520 Speaker 1: from me a little bit, and UM, I thought, she 415 00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:20,760 Speaker 1: said how are you? And UM, I said, I'm good, baby, 416 00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:25,280 Speaker 1: how are you? She said, no, who are you? And 417 00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:29,439 Speaker 1: I said, um, Auntie? She said, oh, hi, Auntie, and 418 00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:32,520 Speaker 1: she just wants to go play. And just the fact 419 00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:38,240 Speaker 1: that she did not recognize me was just that still 420 00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:43,040 Speaker 1: gets me, honestly, Like I don't I never thought I 421 00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:45,280 Speaker 1: felt like I was trying to protect everybody, and I 422 00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:49,199 Speaker 1: never thought that they could still see that I wasn't me, 423 00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:53,040 Speaker 1: you know what I mean, especially especially when it being 424 00:26:53,119 --> 00:26:56,639 Speaker 1: kids like that. That was hard for me, like that, 425 00:26:56,840 --> 00:26:58,679 Speaker 1: that's not my kids, but that's my kids, you know, 426 00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:04,720 Speaker 1: that's my babies. And UM, that was hard for me. UM. 427 00:27:05,840 --> 00:27:09,200 Speaker 1: But I wasn't able to stay there long either. UM. 428 00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:12,600 Speaker 1: He ended up calling me and UM, like I went 429 00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:14,639 Speaker 1: upstairs to answer the phone because I didn't want them 430 00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:18,000 Speaker 1: to hear the conversation, and I ended up leaving and 431 00:27:18,359 --> 00:27:24,119 Speaker 1: my sister and um, my family they knew something was up, 432 00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:26,720 Speaker 1: Like they didn't know what was wrong, but they knew 433 00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:28,359 Speaker 1: that something was wrong, like why are you answered the 434 00:27:28,359 --> 00:27:31,119 Speaker 1: phone upstairs? Like why haven't we seen you? Why are 435 00:27:31,119 --> 00:27:33,560 Speaker 1: you losing so much weight? Like they knew something was wrong, 436 00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:37,200 Speaker 1: but they didn't know what was wrong. So, um, I'm 437 00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:43,560 Speaker 1: assuming that I'm assuming that your family liked him. No, no, no, no, 438 00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:46,760 Speaker 1: they didn't like him. Um, they definitely didn't like him, 439 00:27:46,760 --> 00:27:52,400 Speaker 1: but they didn't know why I was with him. They 440 00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:54,560 Speaker 1: didn't like him, they didn't trust him. Like after that 441 00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:58,199 Speaker 1: night that they that we were together, Um, when we 442 00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:02,280 Speaker 1: left after like after I was finally able to really 443 00:28:02,320 --> 00:28:05,199 Speaker 1: talk to them, they told me that, you know, they 444 00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:07,200 Speaker 1: was pretty much ready to fight him, Like they didn't 445 00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:09,320 Speaker 1: they didn't like him, the energy that he was bringing. 446 00:28:09,560 --> 00:28:12,320 Speaker 1: They knew something was wrong, but they didn't know it 447 00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:20,160 Speaker 1: was to that extent because you it's it was literally 448 00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:24,440 Speaker 1: like two different people talking to him, like it was 449 00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:27,439 Speaker 1: like Jacqueline High, like he just he had like a 450 00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:32,879 Speaker 1: completely different persona to him, and um, like they didn't 451 00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:38,200 Speaker 1: like him, but they didn't know that it was like that, Mum. 452 00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:45,480 Speaker 1: So um, I ended up leaving and you know, going 453 00:28:45,560 --> 00:28:50,640 Speaker 1: back home, and that was at but Um, the day 454 00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:54,720 Speaker 1: I realized that I finally stopped being afraid of him, 455 00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:56,560 Speaker 1: we were at his grandma's house. And now, the thing 456 00:28:56,560 --> 00:28:59,800 Speaker 1: with his family is his family and his friends, they 457 00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:03,160 Speaker 1: didn't know that he was to be towards me because 458 00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:07,000 Speaker 1: the stuff that he would do, like beforehand, he would 459 00:29:07,040 --> 00:29:09,880 Speaker 1: try to hide it, but after a while he couldn't 460 00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:12,480 Speaker 1: hide it anymore, so he would doing it for his 461 00:29:12,520 --> 00:29:18,160 Speaker 1: family and friends. Yes, so that sends a lot right there. Yeah, 462 00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:20,720 Speaker 1: And I think I think that his family was afraid 463 00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:28,720 Speaker 1: of him because um, basically, anytime he would get outraged, 464 00:29:28,960 --> 00:29:31,680 Speaker 1: they would just kick us out like they wouldn't. They 465 00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:34,480 Speaker 1: wouldn't trying to help the situation, like nothing was done 466 00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:37,320 Speaker 1: like they they would just kick us out and I 467 00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:39,000 Speaker 1: would just be that like they didn't. They didn't want 468 00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:40,200 Speaker 1: to see it, They didn't want to be a part 469 00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:44,840 Speaker 1: of it. So, um, we were at his grandma's house 470 00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:47,560 Speaker 1: and at this point I wasn't supposed to make eye 471 00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:51,080 Speaker 1: contact with people. He told me that the eyes of 472 00:29:51,160 --> 00:29:54,280 Speaker 1: the window to the soul, so nobody should be making 473 00:29:54,320 --> 00:30:00,000 Speaker 1: direct eye contact with me except for him. So yeah, 474 00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:02,400 Speaker 1: so at this point, you're gonna go to stay in 475 00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:07,240 Speaker 1: the house. Yeah, but he wanted took party every night, 476 00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:09,840 Speaker 1: so we would go out with his friends and his 477 00:30:09,920 --> 00:30:13,080 Speaker 1: family and he would want a party. So but he 478 00:30:13,120 --> 00:30:15,200 Speaker 1: didn't want me to make eye contact with anybody. So 479 00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:20,920 Speaker 1: his cousin had came in, and when his cousin, when 480 00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:23,320 Speaker 1: his cousin came in, he said hi to the both 481 00:30:23,360 --> 00:30:25,520 Speaker 1: of us, and when he said hi to me, he 482 00:30:25,640 --> 00:30:27,920 Speaker 1: got mad because he thought that we looked at each other. 483 00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:32,000 Speaker 1: And at this point he had taken my gun because 484 00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:36,040 Speaker 1: I had a gun, but like after he started abusing me, 485 00:30:36,120 --> 00:30:38,160 Speaker 1: he obviously took it from me and at that point 486 00:30:38,160 --> 00:30:44,120 Speaker 1: it was his so um, so he had my gun 487 00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:47,400 Speaker 1: in his pocket or whatever, and he's going off and 488 00:30:47,400 --> 00:30:50,080 Speaker 1: he was like, oh, you fucking her, and Leah, I 489 00:30:50,120 --> 00:30:52,000 Speaker 1: knew you was a hole and all this other stuff 490 00:30:52,040 --> 00:30:54,520 Speaker 1: like just going off. I'm like, bro, like what the 491 00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:56,200 Speaker 1: fuck are you even talking about? Like all he did 492 00:30:56,240 --> 00:31:01,680 Speaker 1: would say hi, like what is your problem? And so 493 00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:05,040 Speaker 1: his grandma was like, y'all not gonna be doing all 494 00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:08,280 Speaker 1: that up in here, and she ended up kicking us out. 495 00:31:08,960 --> 00:31:11,280 Speaker 1: So when he when she when she kicks us out, 496 00:31:11,480 --> 00:31:13,880 Speaker 1: he was talking about shooting his tires out and he 497 00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:15,320 Speaker 1: was like, he ain't never gonna be able to see 498 00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:17,160 Speaker 1: you again. I can't believe you'd be coming out here 499 00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:20,000 Speaker 1: and seeing him and all this shit y'all got going. 500 00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:22,480 Speaker 1: I'm like, bro, like that's not happening, Like that's not real. 501 00:31:22,600 --> 00:31:28,640 Speaker 1: Like no. So we ended up getting into the car. 502 00:31:28,800 --> 00:31:34,640 Speaker 1: We got in the car and at this point, he 503 00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:38,600 Speaker 1: points the gun at me and I'm driving on the interstate, 504 00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:43,640 Speaker 1: and um, he was like, I should kill you. And 505 00:31:43,960 --> 00:31:48,040 Speaker 1: at this point, like I felt like there wasn't anything 506 00:31:48,080 --> 00:31:51,920 Speaker 1: else that he could do to me. Like you've literally 507 00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:55,480 Speaker 1: done anything that you could possibly do to me, and 508 00:31:55,560 --> 00:31:58,720 Speaker 1: this isn't no way for me to live. So if 509 00:31:58,720 --> 00:32:00,719 Speaker 1: you're gonna do it, like stop talking about it, just 510 00:32:00,720 --> 00:32:03,640 Speaker 1: fucking do it. So I said Pullet, And he said 511 00:32:03,680 --> 00:32:06,480 Speaker 1: what he said, you think I won't, I said Pulley. 512 00:32:06,840 --> 00:32:08,840 Speaker 1: So he put the gun on my head and he 513 00:32:08,920 --> 00:32:12,520 Speaker 1: said I should kill you. And I just started screaming 514 00:32:12,840 --> 00:32:16,200 Speaker 1: and I started, um driving faster, and I said pullet 515 00:32:16,520 --> 00:32:23,280 Speaker 1: pullet pullet, and I just went crazy and um woww 516 00:32:23,720 --> 00:32:27,640 Speaker 1: yeah down just here in that part also made me 517 00:32:27,760 --> 00:32:30,680 Speaker 1: just like my heart breaks for you because at that 518 00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:32,880 Speaker 1: point you were just you get you you was you? 519 00:32:32,960 --> 00:32:36,240 Speaker 1: Was done? Yeah, I was done. And at this point 520 00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:38,600 Speaker 1: and if he would have shot me, we both would 521 00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:40,600 Speaker 1: have been dead. I don't want to interstate driving, like 522 00:32:40,680 --> 00:32:43,280 Speaker 1: what are you talking about? Like we both about to die? 523 00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:46,200 Speaker 1: Like I can't, I can't do this anymore. And I 524 00:32:46,280 --> 00:32:48,960 Speaker 1: just had got to the point where it was just 525 00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:53,320 Speaker 1: like this, this, this is not living. Like what am 526 00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:55,200 Speaker 1: I holding on to life for. If this is what 527 00:32:55,280 --> 00:33:01,320 Speaker 1: life is, I'm not doing it. So um he at 528 00:33:01,360 --> 00:33:04,840 Speaker 1: that point I scared him, and he put the gun 529 00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:08,240 Speaker 1: down and he was quiet the rest of the car 530 00:33:08,360 --> 00:33:14,920 Speaker 1: ride and like he was cool the rest of the night. 531 00:33:15,520 --> 00:33:18,080 Speaker 1: But that was when I realized that I wasn't scared. 532 00:33:18,160 --> 00:33:21,520 Speaker 1: I wasn't scared of him anymore. So basically it was 533 00:33:21,560 --> 00:33:23,800 Speaker 1: a matter of how am I going to get away 534 00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:27,200 Speaker 1: from him? So when I planned on getting away from him, 535 00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:29,400 Speaker 1: the only way that I could think to do it 536 00:33:29,440 --> 00:33:30,959 Speaker 1: was to get to work to be able to call 537 00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:36,640 Speaker 1: the police. So usually, like I said, if we fought 538 00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:38,920 Speaker 1: the night before. I could not go to work because 539 00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:41,200 Speaker 1: nobody can see that I'm traumatized, Nobody can see that 540 00:33:41,280 --> 00:33:44,719 Speaker 1: have bruises, none of that stuff. So I needed to 541 00:33:44,760 --> 00:33:48,560 Speaker 1: get through a day without fighting with him, and it 542 00:33:48,720 --> 00:33:51,400 Speaker 1: was an everyday thing like I couldn't even I couldn't 543 00:33:51,400 --> 00:33:53,720 Speaker 1: even use the restroom by myself. I had to have 544 00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:57,479 Speaker 1: the door open while I'm using the restroom because he 545 00:33:57,520 --> 00:34:00,920 Speaker 1: needed to see and make sure that I'm not I'm 546 00:34:00,960 --> 00:34:03,080 Speaker 1: not on the phone trying to call the police. I'm 547 00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:08,239 Speaker 1: not trying to text another man. I'm not I'm not 548 00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:11,560 Speaker 1: trying to do something to try to fight him with 549 00:34:12,040 --> 00:34:14,839 Speaker 1: or whatever. So anything that I was doing, he had 550 00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:17,200 Speaker 1: to know what I was doing, even phone calls. Phone 551 00:34:17,200 --> 00:34:19,080 Speaker 1: calls had to be answered on speaker phone so he 552 00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:21,200 Speaker 1: can hear what we're talking about. He went through all 553 00:34:21,200 --> 00:34:24,320 Speaker 1: my text messages to know what I'm talking about everything. 554 00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:34,719 Speaker 1: So anyways, I needed to I needed to be able 555 00:34:34,760 --> 00:34:36,240 Speaker 1: to get to work, to be able to call the police. 556 00:34:36,239 --> 00:34:38,080 Speaker 1: And the reason why I never called the police before 557 00:34:38,200 --> 00:34:41,319 Speaker 1: is because that whole time I was still afraid of him, 558 00:34:41,480 --> 00:34:44,400 Speaker 1: and I thought that if I put him in jail, 559 00:34:44,560 --> 00:34:46,480 Speaker 1: he would have came back after me. But at that point, 560 00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:48,799 Speaker 1: since I wasn't afraid of him anymore, it was just like, 561 00:34:49,080 --> 00:34:51,360 Speaker 1: fucking he come back after me. He gonna have to. 562 00:34:51,480 --> 00:34:57,600 Speaker 1: He know we're gonna be fighting. So the next day 563 00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:03,680 Speaker 1: I think it was the way um I want to 564 00:35:03,719 --> 00:35:05,640 Speaker 1: say it was like a Sunday or something. I don't know, 565 00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:09,240 Speaker 1: but um we had went to one of his friends 566 00:35:09,280 --> 00:35:14,000 Speaker 1: parties and um we get to the party. I didn't 567 00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:17,759 Speaker 1: even want to do anything at the party because I 568 00:35:17,760 --> 00:35:20,520 Speaker 1: already know how he operates. So I went into a 569 00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:23,319 Speaker 1: room by myself and I finding the Rubis cube in there, 570 00:35:23,360 --> 00:35:25,840 Speaker 1: and I started playing with a Rubis cube. I just 571 00:35:25,880 --> 00:35:31,120 Speaker 1: need something to occupy my time with um and and 572 00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:33,400 Speaker 1: and just be busy, like I need to to do 573 00:35:33,440 --> 00:35:39,840 Speaker 1: something that's not going to have me fighting. So um 574 00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:43,800 Speaker 1: we um were at the party and people keep walking 575 00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:47,040 Speaker 1: past and they were like, you know, why don't you 576 00:35:47,080 --> 00:35:49,160 Speaker 1: come join the party, blah blah blah, you know, why 577 00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:51,239 Speaker 1: aren't hearing by yourself? I was like, nah, I'm good. 578 00:35:51,280 --> 00:35:53,040 Speaker 1: You know, y'all go out there, y'all have fun. I'm 579 00:35:53,080 --> 00:35:58,520 Speaker 1: good and um So then he comes in there and 580 00:35:58,520 --> 00:36:00,520 Speaker 1: he was like, why you went here being weird? Seeing 581 00:36:00,520 --> 00:36:04,319 Speaker 1: here playing with the Rubi's cube, and he was like, 582 00:36:04,320 --> 00:36:06,000 Speaker 1: you were in here trying to be all sexy and shit. 583 00:36:06,080 --> 00:36:08,320 Speaker 1: Because I had my legs crossed. He's like, you in 584 00:36:08,400 --> 00:36:10,279 Speaker 1: here trying to be all sexy and shit, you know, 585 00:36:10,360 --> 00:36:13,200 Speaker 1: trying to attract all these men. I'm like, oh my god. 586 00:36:13,320 --> 00:36:16,000 Speaker 1: So then Um he was like, he was like, I 587 00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:17,640 Speaker 1: want you to come out here and enjoy the party. 588 00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:19,480 Speaker 1: I was like, no, I don't want to enjoy the party, 589 00:36:19,560 --> 00:36:21,120 Speaker 1: like I don't want to fight with you tonight, Like 590 00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:23,320 Speaker 1: I'm just trying to have a cool night. He was like, no, 591 00:36:23,719 --> 00:36:26,440 Speaker 1: you know, we're not gonna fight. We were okay. He 592 00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:28,600 Speaker 1: was like, We're not gonna fight tonight. I just want 593 00:36:29,239 --> 00:36:32,800 Speaker 1: I just want us to, you know, go enjoy the party. 594 00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:35,799 Speaker 1: I was like okay. So we go out to the party. 595 00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:39,160 Speaker 1: Soon as we go out there, they had a bartender. 596 00:36:39,320 --> 00:36:44,880 Speaker 1: Now we're at somebody's house. So Um says where I 597 00:36:44,880 --> 00:36:46,799 Speaker 1: asked somebody's house. I don't know what type of drink 598 00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:51,920 Speaker 1: this man makes. I don't know. So he asked me 599 00:36:52,120 --> 00:36:54,400 Speaker 1: what type of drink I wanted, and I said I 600 00:36:54,440 --> 00:36:58,040 Speaker 1: don't know. Surprise me. So here goes my boyfriend. He 601 00:36:58,080 --> 00:37:02,000 Speaker 1: gets mad again, and he was like, oh, you know him, Joe. 602 00:37:02,600 --> 00:37:05,359 Speaker 1: He gets mad and he starts punching me in front 603 00:37:05,360 --> 00:37:08,960 Speaker 1: of the whole party. So everybody starts grabbing him off 604 00:37:09,000 --> 00:37:12,240 Speaker 1: of me, and they're trying to like push us away 605 00:37:12,239 --> 00:37:15,600 Speaker 1: from each other. I have one of his friends walking 606 00:37:15,719 --> 00:37:18,040 Speaker 1: past me and they like, whispered in my ear, get 607 00:37:18,040 --> 00:37:22,200 Speaker 1: out while you still can. The girls they tried to 608 00:37:22,239 --> 00:37:24,840 Speaker 1: talk to me and they were like, are you living 609 00:37:24,840 --> 00:37:26,600 Speaker 1: with him? And I was like yeah, and they were like, 610 00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:28,160 Speaker 1: how are you gonna get away? I was like, I 611 00:37:28,200 --> 00:37:32,160 Speaker 1: don't know, and I was like, I'm trying to figure 612 00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:34,400 Speaker 1: it out. And they were like, oh my god, and 613 00:37:34,640 --> 00:37:36,279 Speaker 1: I was like, I know, I'm trying. I don't I 614 00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:37,719 Speaker 1: don't know what to do, but I'm trying to figure 615 00:37:37,760 --> 00:37:40,000 Speaker 1: it out. I was like, I was like, it's been 616 00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:45,000 Speaker 1: like this. And so then we ended up getting kicked 617 00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:47,560 Speaker 1: out of the party because the whole time at that 618 00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:51,520 Speaker 1: point they had to keep pulling him off of me 619 00:37:51,680 --> 00:37:54,600 Speaker 1: because anytime I would get away, he would just come 620 00:37:54,640 --> 00:37:56,600 Speaker 1: and attack me again. So they just kicked us out 621 00:37:56,600 --> 00:38:01,080 Speaker 1: of the party. So we ended up leaving and we 622 00:38:01,200 --> 00:38:03,240 Speaker 1: ended up going back home. When we went back home, 623 00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:07,240 Speaker 1: he shut all the lights off in the house, and 624 00:38:07,840 --> 00:38:11,560 Speaker 1: he got a lighter and some hairspray and he made 625 00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:14,600 Speaker 1: a blue torch and he chased me around the house 626 00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:19,520 Speaker 1: in the dark with the blue torch, and then he 627 00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:22,960 Speaker 1: turned the lights on. He told me I had beautiful flesh, 628 00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:25,120 Speaker 1: and he went and got some seasoning salt and catch 629 00:38:25,200 --> 00:38:27,840 Speaker 1: up and he poured it on me, and he started 630 00:38:27,920 --> 00:38:32,640 Speaker 1: biting at me, now like biting actually into like brakeskin. 631 00:38:32,719 --> 00:38:36,319 Speaker 1: It was basically just to like torment me and traumatize me. 632 00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:38,440 Speaker 1: And he just like bit at me for like the 633 00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:46,040 Speaker 1: rest of the night. And at this point, my phone's dead. 634 00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:51,280 Speaker 1: I don't know where my phone is and I needed 635 00:38:51,360 --> 00:38:53,680 Speaker 1: my alarm to go off to be able to get 636 00:38:53,719 --> 00:38:56,960 Speaker 1: to work. I knew that since we fought, I wasn't 637 00:38:56,960 --> 00:38:58,800 Speaker 1: gonna be able to get to work to be able 638 00:38:58,880 --> 00:39:03,440 Speaker 1: to call the police, and um, it was. It was 639 00:39:03,440 --> 00:39:05,320 Speaker 1: a big mess. So I didn't know how I was 640 00:39:05,320 --> 00:39:08,480 Speaker 1: gonna do what I needed to do. So I prayed 641 00:39:08,719 --> 00:39:10,279 Speaker 1: and I was like, you know, if you can get 642 00:39:10,320 --> 00:39:12,640 Speaker 1: me out of this situation, I will make sure that 643 00:39:12,719 --> 00:39:15,480 Speaker 1: I'm never in the situation again. Like I will do 644 00:39:15,520 --> 00:39:18,240 Speaker 1: whatever I need to do to fix me. And to 645 00:39:18,239 --> 00:39:20,960 Speaker 1: to fix my situation by myself, like just please get 646 00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:23,520 Speaker 1: me out of this situation. I can't I can't do 647 00:39:23,560 --> 00:39:27,160 Speaker 1: this by myself anymore. And usually my alarm would go 648 00:39:27,160 --> 00:39:31,560 Speaker 1: off at seven thirty. At seven twenty seven, UM, a 649 00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:33,600 Speaker 1: little black bird came and staying next to my window, 650 00:39:33,840 --> 00:39:36,719 Speaker 1: and I woke up. What do you what do you 651 00:39:36,760 --> 00:39:40,560 Speaker 1: think that black bird symbolized? And during that moment, UM, 652 00:39:40,600 --> 00:39:44,400 Speaker 1: so I had looked it up and it was like, UM, 653 00:39:44,440 --> 00:39:46,920 Speaker 1: my representation of it was like, UM, it said it 654 00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:53,160 Speaker 1: was a messenger bird. UM. And you know, I felt 655 00:39:53,200 --> 00:39:56,920 Speaker 1: like that that was God telling me, like you this 656 00:39:56,960 --> 00:39:59,000 Speaker 1: is what you prayed for, like like show me what 657 00:39:59,040 --> 00:40:03,600 Speaker 1: you're gonna do. Usually, usually he UM, he was always 658 00:40:03,680 --> 00:40:06,560 Speaker 1: up before me because he needed to make sure that 659 00:40:06,600 --> 00:40:08,520 Speaker 1: I'm not doing something I'm not supposed to be doing, 660 00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:11,680 Speaker 1: so he would always be up before me. This time, 661 00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:14,320 Speaker 1: he was still drunk and he couldn't move out of 662 00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:18,960 Speaker 1: the bed and UM, I was able to get dressed 663 00:40:19,440 --> 00:40:23,120 Speaker 1: and UM be able to leave and go to work. 664 00:40:23,960 --> 00:40:29,000 Speaker 1: And when I got to work, UM, I had talked 665 00:40:29,000 --> 00:40:32,319 Speaker 1: to my manager, and my manager she didn't exactly know 666 00:40:32,400 --> 00:40:34,960 Speaker 1: what was going on, but she knows that I've been 667 00:40:35,120 --> 00:40:41,120 Speaker 1: off and um, she knows I wasn't myself. Um, so 668 00:40:41,200 --> 00:40:43,480 Speaker 1: I had I had told her what was going on, 669 00:40:44,239 --> 00:40:47,000 Speaker 1: and UM, I told her I needed to call the 670 00:40:47,040 --> 00:40:50,000 Speaker 1: police because if if there was ever a time where 671 00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:52,160 Speaker 1: he did come back, I needed her to know that 672 00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:58,960 Speaker 1: he was not supposed to be there. So, UM, I 673 00:40:58,960 --> 00:41:01,880 Speaker 1: I called the police. When I talked to the police, UM, 674 00:41:03,440 --> 00:41:06,719 Speaker 1: I didn't know if I was gonna be able to 675 00:41:06,760 --> 00:41:10,000 Speaker 1: put him in jail because nobody had ever saw me 676 00:41:10,239 --> 00:41:16,160 Speaker 1: being abused, so I didn't have any bruises on me. Yeah, 677 00:41:16,200 --> 00:41:18,640 Speaker 1: I had no evidence, So I was like, I don't 678 00:41:18,640 --> 00:41:20,640 Speaker 1: know how I'm gonna put him in jail. But I 679 00:41:20,680 --> 00:41:26,279 Speaker 1: found out that he had he had a warrant out 680 00:41:26,520 --> 00:41:31,880 Speaker 1: for child support. So I called them and I was like, Hey, 681 00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:34,080 Speaker 1: it's a man in my house. He has a warrant 682 00:41:34,080 --> 00:41:36,560 Speaker 1: out for child support. Can you please come get him? 683 00:41:37,400 --> 00:41:42,520 Speaker 1: And so they pulled up, and you know, I went 684 00:41:42,600 --> 00:41:44,040 Speaker 1: to go talk to talk to him in his car, 685 00:41:44,120 --> 00:41:46,080 Speaker 1: and I was like, listen, I said, I know that 686 00:41:46,120 --> 00:41:48,359 Speaker 1: I called y'all about the warrant, but this man has 687 00:41:48,400 --> 00:41:51,640 Speaker 1: been beating on me and I don't know what to do. 688 00:41:51,920 --> 00:41:56,640 Speaker 1: I need him out of my house and I'm not safe, 689 00:41:57,200 --> 00:42:02,399 Speaker 1: and he looked up his record, and when he looked 690 00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:05,799 Speaker 1: up his record, he was like, I'm not going in 691 00:42:05,840 --> 00:42:08,239 Speaker 1: there by myself. He said, he has a warrant, he 692 00:42:08,320 --> 00:42:11,520 Speaker 1: has a history of violence. I'm not going in there 693 00:42:11,520 --> 00:42:13,719 Speaker 1: by myself. So he called for backup. When he called 694 00:42:13,719 --> 00:42:15,640 Speaker 1: for backup, he said, I don't even want you to 695 00:42:15,680 --> 00:42:19,359 Speaker 1: be here when we take him to jail. So they 696 00:42:19,360 --> 00:42:22,279 Speaker 1: had me give them um my key, and I went 697 00:42:22,320 --> 00:42:25,399 Speaker 1: to McDonald's and then after they arrested him, they came 698 00:42:25,440 --> 00:42:29,440 Speaker 1: back and gave me back my key, and you know, 699 00:42:29,520 --> 00:42:32,080 Speaker 1: went ahead and took him to jail. Now, later on 700 00:42:32,160 --> 00:42:38,200 Speaker 1: I ended up looking up his record before me, he 701 00:42:38,320 --> 00:42:49,680 Speaker 1: had he had a charge for what was it domestic 702 00:42:49,760 --> 00:42:59,480 Speaker 1: violence and it was confinement of a minor and the mother. 703 00:43:00,800 --> 00:43:06,960 Speaker 1: And then after me, there's also been two other counts. 704 00:43:07,840 --> 00:43:10,799 Speaker 1: Why this man is still out on the streets, I 705 00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:14,279 Speaker 1: don't know. So he's out of jail now. Yeah, he 706 00:43:14,320 --> 00:43:17,480 Speaker 1: wasn't even in there long for me. They told me 707 00:43:17,760 --> 00:43:19,600 Speaker 1: that he was supposed to be in jail for at 708 00:43:19,680 --> 00:43:24,640 Speaker 1: least thirty days for the child support. He got bailed 709 00:43:24,680 --> 00:43:30,200 Speaker 1: out in three days. There for three days and when 710 00:43:30,239 --> 00:43:33,759 Speaker 1: they bailed him out. It was on my birthday. You know, 711 00:43:33,920 --> 00:43:36,400 Speaker 1: usually you'll wake up you'll have like a lot of 712 00:43:36,400 --> 00:43:38,799 Speaker 1: messages like on Facebook and Instagram and stuff like that 713 00:43:39,360 --> 00:43:42,279 Speaker 1: for like happy birthdays. So I woke up to a 714 00:43:42,280 --> 00:43:45,640 Speaker 1: whole bunch of messages and I'm thinking that's what it was. No, 715 00:43:46,000 --> 00:43:50,400 Speaker 1: I had eighty seven miss text messages and like thirty 716 00:43:50,400 --> 00:43:53,040 Speaker 1: seven miss phone calls. Every single one of them was 717 00:43:53,120 --> 00:43:56,560 Speaker 1: from him. And he was like, I first just started 718 00:43:56,600 --> 00:43:58,480 Speaker 1: off all nights and he was like, baby, I'm out 719 00:43:58,520 --> 00:44:00,400 Speaker 1: of jail and I'm on my way. I wait to 720 00:44:00,440 --> 00:44:01,879 Speaker 1: see you when I love you and I miss you. 721 00:44:02,080 --> 00:44:05,719 Speaker 1: I got out for your birthday, like oh stuff, and 722 00:44:06,440 --> 00:44:13,480 Speaker 1: um yeah and um. Then like I had talked to 723 00:44:13,880 --> 00:44:15,919 Speaker 1: I had talked to my family and I let them 724 00:44:15,920 --> 00:44:18,719 Speaker 1: know what had been going on because if they saw 725 00:44:18,800 --> 00:44:20,839 Speaker 1: him around, they needed to know that he was not 726 00:44:20,840 --> 00:44:26,879 Speaker 1: supposed to be there. So, um, somebody, somebody has sent 727 00:44:26,960 --> 00:44:30,279 Speaker 1: him a message saying, UM, you know you need to 728 00:44:30,360 --> 00:44:32,839 Speaker 1: leave you alone. You know you you come around blah 729 00:44:32,880 --> 00:44:36,960 Speaker 1: blah blah and um. So he sends me the message 730 00:44:37,200 --> 00:44:40,840 Speaker 1: and he was like, oh, you got a new nigga already. Um, 731 00:44:40,920 --> 00:44:46,120 Speaker 1: I knew you was fucking around, like just escalated from there. Yeah, 732 00:44:46,200 --> 00:44:47,920 Speaker 1: and he was like, well, I'm he was like, I'm 733 00:44:47,960 --> 00:44:49,799 Speaker 1: coming back. I'm gonna beat your ass. So I'm gonna 734 00:44:49,800 --> 00:44:52,360 Speaker 1: do this and I'm gonna do that blah blah blah whatever. 735 00:44:52,440 --> 00:44:58,080 Speaker 1: So I'm like, what the fuck? So then UM to 736 00:44:58,080 --> 00:45:00,759 Speaker 1: reach out to you recently? No, no, no, no no, no, 737 00:45:01,000 --> 00:45:05,120 Speaker 1: hell no no. Um, he hasn't. It was it was 738 00:45:05,160 --> 00:45:08,000 Speaker 1: literally only that day and he was trying to get 739 00:45:08,000 --> 00:45:12,360 Speaker 1: his stuff. Um. I took all his stuff to his 740 00:45:12,440 --> 00:45:17,480 Speaker 1: grandma's house, and his grandma UM was saying that. You know, 741 00:45:17,560 --> 00:45:21,200 Speaker 1: they never really had him at any family functions because 742 00:45:21,600 --> 00:45:24,240 Speaker 1: he would always like be outraged and he would basically 743 00:45:24,320 --> 00:45:28,840 Speaker 1: ruin the party because, um, everybody would be having a 744 00:45:28,880 --> 00:45:31,719 Speaker 1: good time, but he would just blow up because of 745 00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:35,759 Speaker 1: whatever and he would ruin parties and stuff like that. So, um, 746 00:45:35,960 --> 00:45:38,160 Speaker 1: you know he has a history of this. You know, 747 00:45:38,239 --> 00:45:41,200 Speaker 1: this is somebody he's always been. Like I said, I 748 00:45:41,280 --> 00:45:43,799 Speaker 1: don't know why this man is still out. I don't 749 00:45:43,840 --> 00:45:47,239 Speaker 1: know why he's able to just roam this earth like 750 00:45:47,520 --> 00:45:51,640 Speaker 1: he's not destroying people and things and everything, Like I 751 00:45:51,640 --> 00:45:58,439 Speaker 1: don't I don't get it. So um So anyways, um, 752 00:45:58,480 --> 00:46:02,880 Speaker 1: I ended up giving his grandma all his stuff, and 753 00:46:03,320 --> 00:46:05,439 Speaker 1: I ended up going back home, and he was talking 754 00:46:05,440 --> 00:46:07,320 Speaker 1: about he was gonna kill himself and all this stuff, 755 00:46:07,360 --> 00:46:11,760 Speaker 1: and I was just like, I don't care. And so 756 00:46:12,080 --> 00:46:17,920 Speaker 1: then he finally stopped messaging me because I think he 757 00:46:18,080 --> 00:46:20,240 Speaker 1: just realized I was a different person at that point, 758 00:46:20,640 --> 00:46:22,840 Speaker 1: and I think he could realize that I wasn't afraid 759 00:46:22,840 --> 00:46:26,080 Speaker 1: of him anymore, and I think it genuinely bothered him. 760 00:46:26,120 --> 00:46:28,080 Speaker 1: And I also think that he just didn't want to 761 00:46:28,120 --> 00:46:35,960 Speaker 1: go back to jail, so so he he never reached 762 00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:39,239 Speaker 1: out to me after that. UM. The only other time 763 00:46:39,239 --> 00:46:41,640 Speaker 1: that I saw him is I was actually decorating or 764 00:46:41,800 --> 00:46:44,839 Speaker 1: not decorating. I was delivering a cake order and he 765 00:46:44,960 --> 00:46:47,480 Speaker 1: was at the party, and it was like he knew 766 00:46:47,520 --> 00:46:50,080 Speaker 1: that I was gonna be there because he was sitting 767 00:46:50,480 --> 00:46:53,239 Speaker 1: in the dark on some stairs and like I could 768 00:46:53,239 --> 00:46:55,560 Speaker 1: see the lining to his body. I know that man anywhere. 769 00:46:56,480 --> 00:46:58,920 Speaker 1: I could see the lining of his body and he 770 00:46:59,000 --> 00:47:01,360 Speaker 1: was just sitting there stairs at me, and I just left. 771 00:47:01,520 --> 00:47:04,560 Speaker 1: And that was the only time UM that had seen him. 772 00:47:04,600 --> 00:47:08,000 Speaker 1: After that, He's never messaged me or anything after that. UM. 773 00:47:08,000 --> 00:47:11,960 Speaker 1: But I also had him blocked, like after um. After 774 00:47:11,960 --> 00:47:13,920 Speaker 1: I put him in jail, I blocked him and his 775 00:47:14,000 --> 00:47:19,000 Speaker 1: messages and stuff like that. So UM, yeah, So what 776 00:47:19,200 --> 00:47:21,960 Speaker 1: is your relationship like with yourself now? And what role 777 00:47:22,080 --> 00:47:26,520 Speaker 1: did healing play in it? Um? So it took a 778 00:47:26,600 --> 00:47:32,400 Speaker 1: lot of healing and UM forgiving myself, forgiving myself for 779 00:47:32,440 --> 00:47:37,759 Speaker 1: putting myself in a situation, forgiving myself for UM, for 780 00:47:37,880 --> 00:47:43,120 Speaker 1: not loving myself more for not UM for allowing myself 781 00:47:43,160 --> 00:47:44,960 Speaker 1: to be in a certain situations. So I had to 782 00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:47,040 Speaker 1: do a lot of self reflection. But I also had 783 00:47:47,080 --> 00:47:51,720 Speaker 1: to do UM. I had to work on my trust. 784 00:47:51,760 --> 00:47:54,120 Speaker 1: I had to learn how to trust other people, had 785 00:47:54,160 --> 00:47:56,160 Speaker 1: to learn to trust my instincts. I had to learn 786 00:47:57,040 --> 00:48:01,840 Speaker 1: m to UM defend myself. I had to learn a 787 00:48:01,880 --> 00:48:04,160 Speaker 1: lot of different things. I had to learn to love myself. 788 00:48:04,239 --> 00:48:06,920 Speaker 1: Loving myself was hard for a long time, Like I 789 00:48:06,960 --> 00:48:09,919 Speaker 1: couldn't even look at myself in the mirror because there's 790 00:48:09,960 --> 00:48:14,640 Speaker 1: so much shame that comes with being in a domestic 791 00:48:14,719 --> 00:48:20,160 Speaker 1: violence situation. Because even though they're the monster that has 792 00:48:20,280 --> 00:48:24,279 Speaker 1: done all these things, everybody's mad at you and they're like, well, 793 00:48:24,280 --> 00:48:25,960 Speaker 1: why would you do this? You know, all these all 794 00:48:26,000 --> 00:48:28,759 Speaker 1: these good men out here, all these good men out 795 00:48:28,800 --> 00:48:30,560 Speaker 1: here and you know, you decided you wanted to be 796 00:48:30,600 --> 00:48:33,960 Speaker 1: with this one. And if like, there's there's no sign 797 00:48:34,040 --> 00:48:39,839 Speaker 1: up sheet for abuse, Like if I knew that that 798 00:48:39,960 --> 00:48:42,839 Speaker 1: was the outcome of him moving in, if I knew 799 00:48:42,880 --> 00:48:45,160 Speaker 1: that was an outcome of me loving him, I would 800 00:48:45,160 --> 00:48:49,200 Speaker 1: have never been with him in the first place. I 801 00:48:49,239 --> 00:48:53,440 Speaker 1: felt like I would have been safe, I would have 802 00:48:53,440 --> 00:48:55,719 Speaker 1: stayed longer, you know what I mean. So it was 803 00:48:56,000 --> 00:48:58,719 Speaker 1: it was a lot of different things that people didn't understand. 804 00:48:59,120 --> 00:49:01,239 Speaker 1: So then I had to learn to be okay with 805 00:49:01,280 --> 00:49:04,000 Speaker 1: people now understanding. I had to learn to be okay 806 00:49:04,160 --> 00:49:06,240 Speaker 1: with people not wanting to hear my side of the story. 807 00:49:06,440 --> 00:49:11,680 Speaker 1: I had to be okay with people looking down on 808 00:49:11,760 --> 00:49:14,880 Speaker 1: me because I was abused. I had to be okay 809 00:49:14,920 --> 00:49:19,160 Speaker 1: with a lot of different things just to be able 810 00:49:19,200 --> 00:49:23,160 Speaker 1: to heal and to love myself and to be able 811 00:49:23,160 --> 00:49:25,319 Speaker 1: to move forward in life. But I did it, And 812 00:49:25,400 --> 00:49:28,240 Speaker 1: I do love myself, and I do care about myself. 813 00:49:28,280 --> 00:49:32,839 Speaker 1: I care about my well my well being, and I'm 814 00:49:33,000 --> 00:49:34,839 Speaker 1: very proud of myself, you know what I mean. Like 815 00:49:34,880 --> 00:49:38,520 Speaker 1: I don't I'm definitely not a perfect person, but I'm 816 00:49:38,560 --> 00:49:45,279 Speaker 1: definitely an amazing person. And I think that you know, 817 00:49:45,360 --> 00:49:49,200 Speaker 1: the fact that there's a lot of different times that 818 00:49:49,280 --> 00:49:52,680 Speaker 1: I could have died and I'm still here. There's a 819 00:49:52,680 --> 00:49:54,680 Speaker 1: lot of different times where I could have hurt other 820 00:49:54,760 --> 00:49:56,960 Speaker 1: people because of what I was going through, and no 821 00:49:57,000 --> 00:50:04,120 Speaker 1: one else got hurt, you know, So UM, a lot 822 00:50:04,200 --> 00:50:06,680 Speaker 1: of I feel like a lot of times when we 823 00:50:06,840 --> 00:50:12,040 Speaker 1: go through traumatic experiences, UM, people get mad at God, like, 824 00:50:12,160 --> 00:50:14,960 Speaker 1: you know, why, why is this happening? And you know, 825 00:50:15,560 --> 00:50:18,200 Speaker 1: I didn't deserve this and everything like that, and absolutely 826 00:50:18,200 --> 00:50:22,719 Speaker 1: like I don't deserve this. But however, the fact that 827 00:50:22,880 --> 00:50:25,080 Speaker 1: I am still here and I don't have a scratch 828 00:50:25,120 --> 00:50:28,080 Speaker 1: on me, the fact that I am still here and 829 00:50:29,239 --> 00:50:31,799 Speaker 1: I'm able to love again, I'm able to trust again, 830 00:50:31,920 --> 00:50:34,600 Speaker 1: I'm able to heal, I'm able to love, the fact 831 00:50:34,640 --> 00:50:37,719 Speaker 1: that I'm still able to grow and and prosper and 832 00:50:38,200 --> 00:50:40,719 Speaker 1: you know, do these amazing things in the world was 833 00:50:40,800 --> 00:50:44,680 Speaker 1: God's grace for me. So I can't I can't sit 834 00:50:45,280 --> 00:50:49,239 Speaker 1: and um be mad at God for certain decisions that 835 00:50:49,320 --> 00:50:52,640 Speaker 1: I've made and the certain decisions that other people have made. 836 00:50:53,280 --> 00:50:58,360 Speaker 1: And I also can't um put so much on myself either, 837 00:50:58,960 --> 00:51:02,479 Speaker 1: right because so many people are like when I would 838 00:51:02,480 --> 00:51:04,960 Speaker 1: tell my story, they would be like, you know, well, 839 00:51:05,000 --> 00:51:06,360 Speaker 1: why did you do this? Well, why did you go 840 00:51:06,440 --> 00:51:08,160 Speaker 1: pick him up? Why did you do this? Or why'd 841 00:51:08,160 --> 00:51:12,360 Speaker 1: you do that? Like at the time, it was something 842 00:51:12,440 --> 00:51:16,080 Speaker 1: that I felt was necessary. At the time, I felt 843 00:51:16,120 --> 00:51:19,600 Speaker 1: like it was something I was I was doing the 844 00:51:19,719 --> 00:51:21,880 Speaker 1: right thing. You know, there's a lot of things that 845 00:51:21,960 --> 00:51:25,160 Speaker 1: I know now through healing and loving myself and a 846 00:51:25,239 --> 00:51:28,439 Speaker 1: lot of you know, experiences, but I didn't know those 847 00:51:28,480 --> 00:51:33,120 Speaker 1: things at that time. So I can't be mad at 848 00:51:33,160 --> 00:51:36,759 Speaker 1: me for who I used to be. I can't be 849 00:51:36,880 --> 00:51:39,920 Speaker 1: mad at me for who somebody else was to me. 850 00:51:40,120 --> 00:51:43,799 Speaker 1: That was these are these men's decisions for treating me 851 00:51:43,840 --> 00:51:48,359 Speaker 1: the way that they treated me. I understand that, you know, 852 00:51:48,520 --> 00:51:53,799 Speaker 1: I should have left beforehand. But life is a learning experience, 853 00:51:54,120 --> 00:51:57,080 Speaker 1: so I can't put so much on myself and be like, well, 854 00:51:57,080 --> 00:51:58,480 Speaker 1: why did I do this and why did I do that? 855 00:51:58,520 --> 00:52:01,840 Speaker 1: And I did that for so long and I hated 856 00:52:01,920 --> 00:52:06,359 Speaker 1: myself for it because I was like, you know, why 857 00:52:06,360 --> 00:52:08,960 Speaker 1: does the why do these things keep happening to me? 858 00:52:09,360 --> 00:52:13,280 Speaker 1: But I had to look at things in a different 859 00:52:13,320 --> 00:52:17,439 Speaker 1: manner for me to be able to make it through 860 00:52:17,520 --> 00:52:21,840 Speaker 1: and be okay with my process, be okay with myself 861 00:52:21,920 --> 00:52:24,480 Speaker 1: and be okay with the things that I've been through, 862 00:52:24,560 --> 00:52:27,319 Speaker 1: because if it wasn't for a lot of different things 863 00:52:27,320 --> 00:52:30,759 Speaker 1: that has happened to me, I wouldn't be who I 864 00:52:30,840 --> 00:52:33,399 Speaker 1: am today. And I love who I am. I love 865 00:52:33,440 --> 00:52:37,160 Speaker 1: who it has created me to be. So if that's 866 00:52:37,200 --> 00:52:40,839 Speaker 1: what it took to create this version of me, I 867 00:52:40,840 --> 00:52:43,960 Speaker 1: don't like it, but I love me, so I'm okay 868 00:52:44,040 --> 00:52:47,319 Speaker 1: with it. Right right? Come on? Now, that was a 869 00:52:47,360 --> 00:52:58,440 Speaker 1: word right there, child that you would have done differently? 870 00:52:58,560 --> 00:53:06,080 Speaker 1: And if so, what was it? What is it? I 871 00:53:06,200 --> 00:53:13,160 Speaker 1: wish that I would have loved myself before trying to 872 00:53:13,200 --> 00:53:16,440 Speaker 1: love somebody else. I feel like it would have saved 873 00:53:16,560 --> 00:53:21,960 Speaker 1: me from a lot of heartache because since I didn't 874 00:53:21,960 --> 00:53:27,359 Speaker 1: love myself, I kept looking for love through them, and 875 00:53:27,520 --> 00:53:30,920 Speaker 1: because they weren't properly loving me, I'm like, oh, well, 876 00:53:30,960 --> 00:53:33,319 Speaker 1: maybe if I do this, and maybe if I do that, 877 00:53:33,640 --> 00:53:35,879 Speaker 1: maybe if I try this, maybe if I try that, 878 00:53:36,400 --> 00:53:41,720 Speaker 1: you know, maybe they'll love me. And I still didn't 879 00:53:41,719 --> 00:53:46,280 Speaker 1: feel that love because the love that I really needed 880 00:53:46,320 --> 00:53:49,560 Speaker 1: I was supposed to give to myself. So I wish 881 00:53:49,640 --> 00:53:52,839 Speaker 1: I would have loved me first before trying to love 882 00:53:52,880 --> 00:53:56,920 Speaker 1: somebody else. Right, That's what I'm toime I own. This 883 00:53:56,960 --> 00:54:01,520 Speaker 1: was an amazing conversation. Other interviews they didn't allow you 884 00:54:01,560 --> 00:54:06,160 Speaker 1: to like tell this this story. Yeah, Like I feel 885 00:54:06,200 --> 00:54:07,560 Speaker 1: like you was able to tell your story, but it 886 00:54:07,640 --> 00:54:13,640 Speaker 1: was very chopped up. Yeah, right on to the show 887 00:54:13,760 --> 00:54:16,560 Speaker 1: and just being transparent and share your story. And I 888 00:54:16,880 --> 00:54:21,600 Speaker 1: know for a fact that it would definitely inspire everyone 889 00:54:21,640 --> 00:54:28,480 Speaker 1: and encourage them to, like, you know, fight back. Yeah. Yeah, 890 00:54:28,560 --> 00:54:31,279 Speaker 1: I want to thank you for allowing me to be 891 00:54:31,360 --> 00:54:35,160 Speaker 1: on the show. You know, it was um even even 892 00:54:35,200 --> 00:54:39,400 Speaker 1: when it comes to, you know, people not understanding what 893 00:54:39,520 --> 00:54:45,080 Speaker 1: it's like, um to be in an abusive relationship. You know, UM, 894 00:54:45,160 --> 00:54:47,359 Speaker 1: A lot of people have a lot of different assumptions. 895 00:54:47,800 --> 00:54:50,400 Speaker 1: And I was one of those people before too. You know. 896 00:54:50,440 --> 00:54:52,839 Speaker 1: I used to always be like, well, you know, why 897 00:54:52,840 --> 00:54:55,600 Speaker 1: would you put up with that? You know you deserve better. 898 00:54:55,640 --> 00:54:58,040 Speaker 1: That's not something that you know you should be doing. 899 00:54:58,560 --> 00:55:04,439 Speaker 1: And it look me going through that to be able 900 00:55:04,480 --> 00:55:07,080 Speaker 1: to humble myself and be like, oh my god, I 901 00:55:07,120 --> 00:55:11,440 Speaker 1: can't believe that this is a thing. Like it's not 902 00:55:11,840 --> 00:55:14,640 Speaker 1: It's not just a physical hold. It is a complete 903 00:55:15,280 --> 00:55:19,880 Speaker 1: mental hold. It is an emotional hold, and it's you 904 00:55:19,960 --> 00:55:27,000 Speaker 1: have to completely un just unfuck your mind to understand 905 00:55:27,680 --> 00:55:34,319 Speaker 1: life again. So um, it's it's it's a lot better. 906 00:55:34,360 --> 00:55:36,359 Speaker 1: It makes me feel better to be able to tell 907 00:55:36,400 --> 00:55:39,400 Speaker 1: my story because I would rather somebody hear my story 908 00:55:39,440 --> 00:55:41,799 Speaker 1: and learn from it than for them to go through 909 00:55:41,840 --> 00:55:44,359 Speaker 1: what I've been through to have to learn from it 910 00:55:44,440 --> 00:55:46,680 Speaker 1: that way. I don't want that for anybody. I wouldn't 911 00:55:46,680 --> 00:55:49,120 Speaker 1: wish that on anybody, so I would. I would rather 912 00:55:49,239 --> 00:55:51,799 Speaker 1: them hear my story and have an understanding of them. 913 00:55:51,840 --> 00:55:56,560 Speaker 1: In that way, maybe they can help somebody else. Right well, 914 00:55:56,600 --> 00:55:59,160 Speaker 1: if y'all have any questions, comments, and concerns, please make 915 00:55:59,200 --> 00:56:01,640 Speaker 1: sure to email me and hello at the PSG podcast 916 00:56:01,719 --> 00:56:04,200 Speaker 1: dot com. It was a pleasure to have you on 917 00:56:04,200 --> 00:56:10,319 Speaker 1: the show, and unto the next time. Everyone later Bye,