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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Carly and this is Dakota, your favorite

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime hosts, and we've got some great stories coming up.

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Speaker 2: But before that, we have a quick two minute break

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Speaker 2: from the sponsors that keep the show alive.

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Speaker 3: My friend and her boyfriend brought nothing to the party,

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Speaker 3: but had the audacity to take everything.

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Speaker 1: Dude, I'm George Costanzas, so I actually I relate to this.

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Speaker 3: I approve some friends and I decided to do the

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Speaker 3: trend where we have a dinner and everybody brings a

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Speaker 3: food that starts with the first letter up their name.

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Speaker 3: There is one friend of ours that's a bit of

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Speaker 3: a moocher. Whenever we go out, she never pays for stuff,

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Speaker 3: whether it's the dinner bill, tickets for the movies, et cetera.

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Speaker 3: We always end up paying for her. But everyone accepted

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Speaker 3: this and doesn't really have an issue with it. By

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Speaker 3: the way, this comes from Titty Bean four and if

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Speaker 3: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

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Speaker 3: r slash Okay Storytime subbered it. I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota,

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Speaker 3: and we're here to give good of us goofy. But

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Speaker 3: we don't have all the answers. We only know what

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Speaker 3: we'd do, so let us know what you would do

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Speaker 3: in the comments. However, recently it's become work. She's been

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Speaker 3: dating this guy for a couple of months and she

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Speaker 3: brings him everywhere with her, even when he's not invited.

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Speaker 3: So now we have two people to pay for. I'm

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Speaker 3: sorry she didn't find a guy who she could mooch

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Speaker 3: off of me, idiot.

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Speaker 1: That's the standard technique.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you're broke, so you find a guy to pay

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Speaker 3: for you. Stupid. Also, I feel like I have to

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Speaker 3: say that they have jobs, they're not struggling. It'd be

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Speaker 3: different if they were broke, then, of course I wouldn't mind.

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Speaker 3: I would still mind if they were always making you

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Speaker 3: pay for them. That's still weird.

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Speaker 1: It would certainly be different.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, slightly different.

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Speaker 1: Let me before we continue. O P, this is your fault.

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Speaker 1: It's everyone who's been enabling this person's fault.

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Speaker 3: Honestly, completely agreed, because like, why are we just letting

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Speaker 3: this happen? But yeah, we had the dinner last night,

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Speaker 3: and everyone brought food and put a lot of effort

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Speaker 3: into it. These two, however, showed up with absolutely nothing,

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Speaker 3: not even a bottle of soda. We were annoyed but

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Speaker 3: nobody said anything. It wasn't until at the end of

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Speaker 3: the night, when they were leaving, that I cracked a little.

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Speaker 3: The friend's boyfriend was taking home all the barbecue ribs

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Speaker 3: that were left. I repeat all of it, and it

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Speaker 3: was a lot like dang, be considerate least. He emptied

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Speaker 3: the entire tray of ribs into a container. That's when

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Speaker 3: I politely asked, can you maybe not take all of it?

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Speaker 3: The others might want some too. You got all defensive.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I've just seen this plat in my head.

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Speaker 1: He's just gonna look at you and be like, no,

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Speaker 1: I'm taking it all. To quote Denzel Washington, I'm from

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Speaker 1: round the way. I'm leaving here with something.

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Speaker 3: He got all defensive and asked, why are you treating

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Speaker 3: me like I'm stewing all the food. I clarified that

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Speaker 3: I never said such a thing and that I only

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Speaker 3: asked that he didn't take all of it. He got angry,

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Speaker 3: plopped the ribs back and said, fine, I unneat your food,

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Speaker 3: to which I replied, it seems like you kinda do,

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Speaker 3: and to be honest, you shouldn't have eaten at all

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Speaker 3: since you didn't contribute. Again, as usual. Then my friend came,

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Speaker 3: took him home and just left without saying anything. Now

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Speaker 3: apparently she's angry with us, mainly me. Most of my

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Speaker 3: friend group doesn't think I did anything wrong, but there

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Speaker 3: are a couple who are saying that I shouldn't have

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Speaker 3: said anything. The thing is that I didn't even sing

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Speaker 3: anything to my friend because I don't mind that she

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Speaker 3: doesn't contribute. Why though, I like, what does this girl

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Speaker 3: offer that everyone is so chill with just paying for

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Speaker 3: her all the time.

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Speaker 1: Maybe she's just like maxed out her persuasive abilities.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, she rolls not twenties every time. They're like, you

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Speaker 3: know what, I hate your boyfriend, but I still I

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Speaker 3: still am fine with you.

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Speaker 1: Or maybe she's got like the perfect puppy dog eyes,

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Speaker 1: but I just could you pay for that? I cast

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Speaker 1: puppy dog eyes.

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Speaker 3: Her boyfriend was the one irritating me. He eats the

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Speaker 3: most food, but doesn't contribute, drinks the most drinks, doesn't

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Speaker 3: contribute orders really expensive meals at a restaurant, and doesn't

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Speaker 3: contribute towards the bill. That is insane, Like, why are

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Speaker 3: we treating this like it's normal? I'm hounding him for

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Speaker 3: the freaking Venmo request until he sends it to me.

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Speaker 1: I send all of you. I send him to jail,

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Speaker 1: and all of you need to go to some sort

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Speaker 1: of reformation camp.

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Speaker 3: Like truly, you cannot complain. Cannot complain if you don't request.

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Speaker 1: The money is insane.

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Speaker 3: He never sent it, then ask him to send it

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Speaker 3: until he does.

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Speaker 1: Oh, I just sat at that table and let him

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Speaker 1: get away with it again and again.

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Speaker 3: If he never freaking pays for you know, the bill,

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Speaker 3: then next time we go out to a restaurant, Oh, sorry.

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Speaker 1: Can we get it split? Can we split the bill?

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Speaker 1: Thank you, Belton, I think you just got here. These

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Speaker 1: people aren't broke. They have their own money. Yeah, like

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Speaker 1: these people, and it's.

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Speaker 3: Not sometimes we cover our friends. Apparently they pay for

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Speaker 3: these people all the time, and they have job.

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Speaker 1: This guy came to the pot look, and he tried

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Speaker 1: to steal all the leftover ribs.

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Speaker 3: All of them brought anything nothing. I tried phoning her

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Speaker 3: to clarify that I don't have any issue with her,

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Speaker 3: but she's ignoring me. I don't know. Maybe I should

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Speaker 3: have left well and off alone. Am I the a hole?

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Speaker 1: Yes?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but not for what you think.

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Speaker 1: Yes, but yes, we're.

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Speaker 3: Leaving it well enough alone for too long. Stop leaving

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Speaker 3: it alone. Address it. Sorry everybody, but there is an update, folks.

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Speaker 3: I wanted to clarify. The reason I said I don't

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Speaker 3: really have a problem with her not contributing is because

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Speaker 3: I personally never pay for her in terms of dinners

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Speaker 3: and tickets. I've paid for exactly a drink, some popcorn,

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Speaker 3: and parking before. But she obviously still benefits from me

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Speaker 3: and the others when we bring food and drinks and

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Speaker 3: she brings nothing. I've always thought it was unfair, but

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Speaker 3: nobody wanted to say anything, so I left it alone.

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Speaker 3: I should also mention that she's a friend by association.

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Speaker 3: I've only known her since the beginning of this year.

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Speaker 3: I confronted her like many of you suggested, and started

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Speaker 3: off by saying I thought it was unfair her boyfriend

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Speaker 3: was taking all the food, and that's why I spoke up.

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Speaker 3: She said she's sorry, and the boyfriend only did that

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Speaker 3: because he didn't think anyone would mind. Well, when someone

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Speaker 3: like obviously minded, he was still rude. So I should

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Speaker 3: say that even though she eats at these things, she's

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Speaker 3: never taken copious amounts of food before. I said that

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Speaker 3: I don't speak on behalf of everyone, but I feel

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Speaker 3: it's unfair that she keeps bringing her boyfriend, and also

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Speaker 3: that she never contributes to anything. Since she had just

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Speaker 3: been apologetic, I thought she would respond by saying that

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Speaker 3: she would start to contribute, but instead she asked why

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Speaker 3: I cared so much because I don't even eat ribs,

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Speaker 3: that I embarrassed her and a boyfriend for nothing. I

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Speaker 3: don't eat me, but that was besides the point. My

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Speaker 3: friend put a lot of hours into cooking those ribs

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Speaker 3: just for this guy to take them all. Now, it's

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Speaker 3: not right, and I didn't make a scene.

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Speaker 1: He did.

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Speaker 3: I spoke very politely, so I explained that again and

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Speaker 3: said that she's been an inconsiderate friend. She said, I

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Speaker 3: don't know why you're attacking me when nobody else is

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Speaker 3: a problem, then said that she didn't want to associate

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Speaker 3: with me anymore. Well, now you're not friends by association.

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Speaker 1: Nice.

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Speaker 3: I said that was fine, and that was the end

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Speaker 3: of it.

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Speaker 1: I think the problem has to taking care of itself

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Speaker 1: at this point. However, you should definitely think about what

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Speaker 1: is it that allowed you to let this happen for

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Speaker 1: so long? Yeah, Bike, there's being nice, and then there's

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Speaker 1: just being a complete pushover.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. In Op's case, it does seem like she just

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Speaker 3: like never. It seems like she had never paid for anything,

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Speaker 3: or at least, you know, no more than the three

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Speaker 3: things she mentioned, So I understand a little bit more.

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Speaker 3: Yop wouldn't have had enough of an issue to bring

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Speaker 3: it up until now. But as the group, yeah, but

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Speaker 3: as the group why Yeah. I told the others the outcome,

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Speaker 3: and the friend that introduced mooch to us was really

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Speaker 3: mad that I caused a rift between everyone of her food.

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Speaker 3: So the group essentially split up, and those who were

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Speaker 3: irritated with me will continue to hang out with her. Well,

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Speaker 3: they can keep paying for her and have fun with that.

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Speaker 3: The others who were secretly annoyed but were too polite,

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Speaker 3: also spoke up and decided a branch off too. Our

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Speaker 3: Mooch free group hung out a couple times already, and

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Speaker 3: all the complaints are finally being released. Also, everybody brings

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Speaker 3: something now, which is nice. Not just that, but it's

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Speaker 3: a more relaxing and stress free environment without them. The

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Speaker 3: introducer friend is trying to poach some of the new

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Speaker 3: group to no avail, which I think is funny. But anyway,

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Speaker 3: that's it. Sorry if this was anticlimactic. I know this

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Speaker 3: is like juvenile high school stuff, but hey, that's what happened,

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Speaker 3: and that's the end of that story.

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Speaker 1: A guy I hate scheduled his party on my birthday.

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Speaker 1: Now I'm scared my friends will choose him.

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Speaker 3: Ah text him and say, I freaking hate this guy

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Speaker 3: coming to a birthday party.

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Speaker 1: I seventeen female. I'm turning eighteen. Seven days after this post,

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Speaker 1: I texted my group chat with about eight people in

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Speaker 1: it to invite them over to my house for an

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Speaker 1: intimate birthday party. It will be the first time that

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Speaker 1: I've had a birthday party since my sweet sixteen. Everyone

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Speaker 1: responded with, oh my god, it sounds fun. I'll be there,

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Speaker 1: and then I went to bed, but when I woke up,

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Speaker 1: I saw a text from him from him, I'll call

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Speaker 1: him Bobby. By the way, this comes from user prudent

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Speaker 1: Extent seventeen sixty five. If you want to submit your

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Speaker 1: own stories, go to the our slash Okay stories. I'm

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Speaker 1: sub burn It, I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia, and we are

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Speaker 1: here to give you a good hoot in a holler,

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Speaker 1: We're gonna read this story. Maybe we have advice, maybe

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Speaker 1: we don't know. But if you know or you don't,

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Speaker 1: tell us what you have to think in the comments,

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Speaker 1: tell us your thoughts in the comments, and op says.

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Speaker 1: For some quick background, Bobby is an ale. He's a

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Speaker 1: military kid that moved to my town in my junior year,

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Speaker 1: and we have butted heads since day one. Some of

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Speaker 1: my friends met him at church in the summer before

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Speaker 1: junior year started, and off of the first impression, he

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Speaker 1: seemed cool. But when he met me, we almost immediately

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Speaker 1: didn't get along. In casual conversation, I mentioned that I

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Speaker 1: was Catholic, he's Christian, and he proceeded to dog on

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Speaker 1: my religion non stop, insulting my beliefs and important members

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Speaker 1: of the church for no reason other than to demean me.

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Speaker 1: My friends, however, encouraged us to start over and try

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Speaker 1: to be nice to each other. So I tried. He

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Speaker 1: did not. It's impossible to name all the fights we had,

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Speaker 1: but one prominent one we had for context is from

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Speaker 1: my prom my junior year. I got a gift card

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Speaker 1: to Dennis and told my friends that I would use

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Speaker 1: it to get a round of pancakes for the group.

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Speaker 1: And something for me and my boyfriend at that time

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Speaker 1: after the dance, and if they wanted anything else they'd

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Speaker 1: have to pay for themselves. Everyone agreed and we went

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Speaker 1: around one in the morning. When we went to pay,

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Speaker 1: I paid my share with my gift card. Bobby, who

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Speaker 1: had gotten a whole separate meal, realized that he had

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Speaker 1: been overcharged by around four dollars for a milkshake. He

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Speaker 1: immediately blamed me, and here's how the conversation went. Bobby, Hey,

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Speaker 1: always charge an extra four dollars me.

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Speaker 3: That sucks. You should go talk to the waiter.

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Speaker 1: Bobby, No, you need to go talk to the waiter.

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Speaker 1: Why would I do that because you said you would

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Speaker 1: pay for everyone. But no, I'm being charged. You need

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Speaker 1: to go get this figured out or you owe me

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Speaker 1: four dollars my friend.

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Speaker 3: Bobby, this thing doesn't make sense. Stop blaming her. It's

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Speaker 3: probably a simple mistake. Was that and so charged for

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Speaker 3: their milkshake?

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Speaker 1: No?

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Speaker 3: Well, then the waiter just charged you for your friends,

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Speaker 3: has nothing to do with her.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to reader this.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, oh my god, you just threatened you.

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Speaker 3: Dakota walked out, you slammed the door and scene. I

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Speaker 3: am scared. Bobby made the threat.

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Speaker 1: Now that you have some context about some of the

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Speaker 1: stuff that he likes to pull, it makes sense why

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Speaker 1: I don't want to share a birthday with him, and

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Speaker 1: I shouldn't have to. The only reason why I still

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Speaker 1: hang out with him sometimes is because a few of

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Speaker 1: my friends are still friends with him, and I don't

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Speaker 1: feel like tearing apart my four year long friend group

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Speaker 1: my senior year just for one person worth my time. Anyways,

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Speaker 1: he was held back in elementary school, so instead of

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Speaker 1: turning eighteen, he's turning nineteen in three days. He already

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Speaker 1: made plans to go to the movies with friends that day,

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Speaker 1: and he's having a birthday dinner. So while he's not

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Speaker 1: having a party that day, he still made plans for

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Speaker 1: his birthday already. So I texted my friends and everyone

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Speaker 1: was down to come to my birthday party. On the

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Speaker 1: day of my birthday, I go to bed around nine thirty,

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Speaker 1: and when I woke up at six, I checked my

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Speaker 1: phone and saw a text in the group chat from

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Speaker 1: Bobby that said I would be hosting a birthday party

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Speaker 1: that night. By the way, if you all want to

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Speaker 1: go to Op's instead, I understand, or we could incorporate it.

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Speaker 3: You're choking me right now. I would throw a fit.

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Speaker 3: I'd say, no, we're not incorporating anything, Bobby, it's my birthday.

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Speaker 3: I called DIBs.

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Speaker 1: I know other people that are born on this day,

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Speaker 1: but not today.

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Speaker 3: I'd be like, oh, I'm sorry, Bobby, is your birthday

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Speaker 3: on that day? No, there's no way that Bobby's birthday

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Speaker 3: is the same day.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, this is you know, this is sort of like

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Speaker 1: a make or break moment where you can just kind

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Speaker 1: of be really transparent and go, yeah, I don't want

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Speaker 1: to share my birthday with the person I like the

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Speaker 1: least in the group. OOO.

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Speaker 3: And then you see who follows who's loyal.

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Speaker 1: I think it's pretty clear, especially after the Dnnis incident,

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Speaker 1: that we're not really cool. You threatened me over four dollars.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think you just say, uh sorry, like I

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Speaker 3: already planned this all out, so maybe you could do

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Speaker 3: a different day.

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Speaker 1: In shock, I clarified that it was my birthday and

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Speaker 1: that even if I were to move it, which I

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Speaker 1: would never do, I couldn't because I have softball districts

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Speaker 1: and my clinicals for my CNA all in a congested

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Speaker 1: period of time, right, now, so my birthday is the

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Speaker 1: only day that I could even have my friends over.

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Speaker 1: His reasoning for having his party on that day was

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Speaker 1: because it's the only day that one of his other

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Speaker 1: friends could make it. My girls have my back and

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Speaker 1: aren't going to even entertain going to his party. But

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Speaker 1: I'm scared to talk to some of my guy friends

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Speaker 1: because they might choose to go to his party or

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Speaker 1: leave my party early to go to his. I don't

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Speaker 1: want to back down, but I'm tempted to have a

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Speaker 1: girl's only party so I save myself the hurt of

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Speaker 1: possibly having some of my friends choosing him over me

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Speaker 1: on my birthday. What should I do?

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Speaker 3: Whole firm? That's your birthday party, whole firm. Don't back down,

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Speaker 3: Never back down, never what never give up exactly.

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Speaker 1: I think, Well, you can't really fix this because you're

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Speaker 1: still you know, you're seventeen eighteen. Yeah, I think even

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Speaker 1: if you had the all girls party, you'd still be

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Speaker 1: upset because part of you would know you're having the

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Speaker 1: all girls party because you didn't want, you know, the

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Speaker 1: anyone else to not show up. But yeah, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: This just is a thing. This just happens. Things get

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Speaker 1: planned on the same day, and it's like friend circles

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Speaker 1: like are you know not, like everyone is the same

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00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:54,120
Speaker 1: amount of friends with everybody all the time. People ebb

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Speaker 1: and flow. Conflicts rise and fall, Like you've got a

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Speaker 1: lot of conflict with this guy. The people who go

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Speaker 1: to his birthday probably don't.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. I also think like whoever you said yes to

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Speaker 3: first is priority, So.

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Speaker 1: That is uh, that is part of the calculation there.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, they all said yes to you first.

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Speaker 1: Anyway. Op responds to multiple comments about stupping about ceasing

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Speaker 1: hanging out with buddy. Opie says, I never intentionally hang

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Speaker 1: out with him in the first place, and I don't

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Speaker 1: go to the stuff he hosts. I just don't want

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Speaker 1: to start unnecessary drama one month before we all graduate

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Speaker 1: and move away. Anyways, don't want to split up the

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Speaker 1: group with only one month left. And there's an update.

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Speaker 1: That's good that you have the foresight to know. When

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Speaker 1: I was in high school, I didn't really think that.

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Speaker 1: What I was still under the delusion that it's like, no,

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Speaker 1: we'll still everyone will talk all the time and we'll

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Speaker 1: still be I was never that's where it's at now. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: Keon's an exception. Keon is still best friends with like,

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Speaker 1: you know, fifteen people went high school with.

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Speaker 3: I was never especially sentimental. I like, I really liked

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Speaker 3: all my friends. That's like not to say that I

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Speaker 3: I didn't want to keep those relationships, but I like

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00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:04,520
Speaker 3: I knew that Isabella would be my like ride or

337
00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:07,120
Speaker 3: die forever because I've been friends with her since I

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00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:10,080
Speaker 3: was you know, we went to the kindergarten through end

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00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:12,080
Speaker 3: of high school together. So I was like, we're good.

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00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:15,240
Speaker 3: But yeah, I think I was just like, man, we'll

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00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:17,760
Speaker 3: see everyone's going to different colleges. We'll try and to

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00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:18,400
Speaker 3: stay in touch.

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Speaker 2: We'll see.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, man crazy, but we do. An update ten days later, woo.

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00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:26,760
Speaker 1: So it's been a hectic but good week. Basically, I

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00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:30,320
Speaker 1: did nothing. I sat back and let things play out.

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Speaker 1: After being talked to by a few of my friends,

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Speaker 1: Bobby backed down and said he'd try to find a

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Speaker 1: different date and that was chill. So after that happened,

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Speaker 1: I felt very relieved. However, the night before my birthday,

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Speaker 1: I received a text saying, would you be able to

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00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:50,120
Speaker 1: have a joint party tomorrow night. The only reason why

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Speaker 1: I wanted a separate one is because I want to

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Speaker 1: spend it with the friend that's moving before he moves away.

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Speaker 1: But if he'd be able to come, wouldn't that be fine?

356
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Speaker 1: I'm willing to help pay for some of the food too,

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00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:07,440
Speaker 1: you know what? You know what, Natalie, Natalie, that was nice.

358
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Speaker 3: That's Bobby be for Bendetta. I think that was nice.

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00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:18,560
Speaker 3: I would allow it. Personally, I'd be like, Okay.

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00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:21,280
Speaker 1: Fine, Bobby, Okay, here we go.

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Speaker 3: Okay.

362
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:27,359
Speaker 1: After about thirty minutes of thinking, I responded with this quote,

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Speaker 1: I'm really not comfortable having that person over for my

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00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:34,720
Speaker 1: birthday tomorrow because this is planned to be a very

365
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Speaker 1: intimate hangout of not just my friends, but my family too.

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00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:41,119
Speaker 1: If you want to be with him instead, then I

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00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:44,320
Speaker 1: totally understand and support that. I am so sorry that

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Speaker 1: he's moving, but my family and I aren't wanting to

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Speaker 1: change tomorrow's plans, so I'm going to stick with just

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Speaker 1: the people I invited. And he responded with just okay,

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Speaker 1: Oh boy, I don't think you've done anything categorically wrong. Nah,

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Speaker 1: I don't like Bobby.

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Speaker 3: Now he's probably not coming to your party. We're all good.

374
00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:04,639
Speaker 1: You made a barrier, he made a boundary, and you

375
00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:07,120
Speaker 1: said no that actually I wouldn't.

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00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:09,920
Speaker 4: Shall not cross this line. Do not cross the line.

377
00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:13,359
Speaker 3: This is no touching zone. When is that not of

378
00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:14,119
Speaker 3: the museum?

379
00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:18,800
Speaker 1: Oh yes, sank Azria's pharaoh could never happen today, by

380
00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:21,440
Speaker 1: the way, not preaching on that, just an observation.

381
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:23,640
Speaker 3: So Robny Mallick is, however Egyptian.

382
00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:28,800
Speaker 1: Yes, stat Bar is good casting. So it's the afternoon

383
00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:31,679
Speaker 1: of and he texted the group chat saying he was

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Speaker 1: inviting a bunch of people over for his birthday party

385
00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:37,199
Speaker 1: even though his birthday was over and it was my

386
00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:40,320
Speaker 1: birthday now, and he was gonna start his party at five,

387
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:42,800
Speaker 1: and he knew that my party started at five.

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Speaker 3: That's like, so messed up. You angered Bobby, He said,

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Speaker 3: I'll give her one more chance, and then I'm going

390
00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:53,399
Speaker 3: nuclear because this is be for Bendetta again. I'm Natalie Portman.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah. He said he was gonna have like

392
00:18:56,400 --> 00:19:01,360
Speaker 1: a big swimming and shooting thing planned. I immeasurably stressed

393
00:19:01,359 --> 00:19:04,359
Speaker 1: out again because why did he reinstate his plans again?

394
00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:08,040
Speaker 1: And will the idea of shooting make my friends when

395
00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:10,760
Speaker 1: I go to his party instead? But instead of responding,

396
00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:13,560
Speaker 1: I just sat back and let things play out. Long

397
00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:16,480
Speaker 1: story short, everyone showed up and stayed the whole night. Yeah.

398
00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:19,240
Speaker 1: Because also, it's totally weird to be like, by the way,

399
00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:21,600
Speaker 1: same day, I know you guys are all doing this thing,

400
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:23,760
Speaker 1: but now I'm doing this thing. It's yeah, we're not.

401
00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:25,359
Speaker 1: If you want, like, we're not doing that.

402
00:19:25,359 --> 00:19:28,320
Speaker 3: That's weird. Even seventeen year olds realized that's weird.

403
00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:31,119
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're not doing that. We had tons of fun

404
00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:33,879
Speaker 1: and no one even mentioned leaving to go to his place.

405
00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:36,760
Speaker 1: Everyone had the full intention of spending the day with

406
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Speaker 1: me and my family. Later, I looked on his instant

407
00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:41,359
Speaker 1: story and saw that the only people that showed up

408
00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:44,240
Speaker 1: to his party was his friend that's moving his girlfriend.

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00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:46,680
Speaker 1: It was a very happy ending for me at least,

410
00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:51,080
Speaker 1: and I know that my friends are the most loyal. Yeah.

411
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:53,080
Speaker 3: Nice, so pee, And now you're all going to go

412
00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:56,720
Speaker 3: to college and probably not with each other.

413
00:19:57,119 --> 00:19:59,439
Speaker 1: And that's the end of this story. Let's head to

414
00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:00,000
Speaker 1: the next one.

415
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:03,679
Speaker 3: My girlfriend chose her best friend over me in a

416
00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:05,120
Speaker 3: country where I knew no one.

417
00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:07,960
Speaker 1: Well, you can start to meet new people, at least.

418
00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:11,320
Speaker 3: My twenty two male girlfriend twenty one female and I

419
00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:14,160
Speaker 3: have been together for six months. It was a long

420
00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:17,840
Speaker 3: distance relationship. We met online for a while before we

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00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:20,439
Speaker 3: decided that I come visit and stay with her for

422
00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:22,800
Speaker 3: a month. Since I work from home. It's been two

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00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:25,000
Speaker 3: weeks since I came to visit with her. By the way,

424
00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:27,159
Speaker 3: this comes from throw a R four and if you

425
00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:28,560
Speaker 3: want to spit your own stories, go to the r

426
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:33,000
Speaker 3: slush Okay, storytime separate. I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, and we're

427
00:20:33,040 --> 00:20:34,639
Speaker 3: here to give good avice scoofy. But we don't have

428
00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:36,679
Speaker 3: all the answers. We only know what we'd do, So

429
00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:38,360
Speaker 3: let us know what you would do in the comments,

430
00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:41,720
Speaker 3: and Obi says a little background. My girlfriend has two

431
00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:44,560
Speaker 3: best friends, a male and female, who are dating and

432
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:47,960
Speaker 3: they're all close. They sleep over at each other's place,

433
00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:51,040
Speaker 3: often drive each other around, and go on vacations together.

434
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:55,080
Speaker 3: Her female bff, i'll call her Alison twenty one female,

435
00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:59,720
Speaker 3: is just a tiny bit controlling in my opinion. She

436
00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:02,119
Speaker 3: would I always tell girlfriend to sleep at her place

437
00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:05,080
Speaker 3: in bed with her, refusing to drive her back, and

438
00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:08,520
Speaker 3: insists that if they're hanging out, it's no phones, no excuses.

439
00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:11,240
Speaker 3: It was fine with me because girlfriend has her own

440
00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:13,960
Speaker 3: life and her own boundaries, and if she was cool

441
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:17,239
Speaker 3: with that, then sure, so I invited girlfriend and her

442
00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:20,560
Speaker 3: best friend to go karting my treat. It was fun.

443
00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:24,480
Speaker 3: After the race, Alison started freaking out with a full

444
00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:27,720
Speaker 3: blown panic attack. We went to a quiet corner of

445
00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:29,880
Speaker 3: the place and I gave them some space. And she's

446
00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:32,439
Speaker 3: not really more than an acquintance to me yet, and

447
00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:36,520
Speaker 3: I didn't want to intrude. I overheard Alison telling girlfriend

448
00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:40,760
Speaker 3: and Alison's boyfriend that she wouldn't be comfortable sleeping alone

449
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:41,240
Speaker 3: that night.

450
00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:44,240
Speaker 1: That seems a little suspicious.

451
00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:47,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, wait, I'm sorry. She asking for both of them

452
00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:48,520
Speaker 3: to sleep in the same bed with her.

453
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:53,080
Speaker 1: I know, I think she's just asking for I don't know.

454
00:21:53,359 --> 00:21:56,359
Speaker 3: The original plan was for Allison's boyfriend to drive me

455
00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:59,679
Speaker 3: and girlfriend back to girlfriend's place, then Alison and her

456
00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:02,600
Speaker 3: boyfriend friend would sleep at Alison's house. With what Alison

457
00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:05,719
Speaker 3: was saying about not sleeping alone, I thought she just

458
00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:09,600
Speaker 3: meant she wanted her boyfriend around. Apparently she meant she

459
00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:14,520
Speaker 3: wanted girlfriend to sleep over too. Alison is either in

460
00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:18,720
Speaker 3: love with her girlfriend or incredibly codependent. I looked at girlfriend,

461
00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:20,959
Speaker 3: who seemed fine with it, and inside I was like,

462
00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:24,960
Speaker 3: what the F I tried asking all three of them.

463
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:27,880
Speaker 3: For a compromise, maybe girlfriend and I could ride back

464
00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:31,520
Speaker 3: to Alison's house with them until Alison fell asleep. Then

465
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:34,320
Speaker 3: we'd take a lift a girlfriend's place, or if there

466
00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:36,520
Speaker 3: was a couch I could occupy, since it would be

467
00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:40,400
Speaker 3: awkward to be alone at someone else's house. Alison's boyfriend

468
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:43,639
Speaker 3: didn't mind, but it wasn't his place. Alison said no.

469
00:22:44,359 --> 00:22:47,040
Speaker 3: Girlfriend didn't want to make Alison upset and said no,

470
00:22:47,359 --> 00:22:48,920
Speaker 3: and then she told me I could just take a

471
00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:51,720
Speaker 3: lift back to her place alone while she slept at Allison's.

472
00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:55,560
Speaker 3: At this point, I was getting upset I was in

473
00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:58,639
Speaker 3: a different country staying with my girlfriend, and then she

474
00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:01,320
Speaker 3: up and ditched me because as her best friend told

475
00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:04,480
Speaker 3: her to. I just emotionally shut down. Then, because I

476
00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:09,120
Speaker 3: felt like girlfriend wasn't considering my circumstances, I told girlfriend

477
00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:12,119
Speaker 3: she was being ridiculous babying Alison so much, and that

478
00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:15,680
Speaker 3: she may as well be Allison's mom. I would understand

479
00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:18,440
Speaker 3: her ditching me if it was a bigger medical emergency

480
00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:21,320
Speaker 3: or something, but I felt like girlfriend was choosing Alison

481
00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:25,000
Speaker 3: over me when I had nothing in this country besides girlfriend.

482
00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:27,359
Speaker 3: Then she called me an ale and left with her

483
00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:29,440
Speaker 3: best friends. I went to a nearby twenty four hour

484
00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:31,880
Speaker 3: cafe for the night because girlfriend didn't get to hand

485
00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:34,040
Speaker 3: me the key card to her apartment before they left.

486
00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:37,600
Speaker 3: It's been two days and our conversations have been short

487
00:23:37,920 --> 00:23:41,080
Speaker 3: and tense. Am I the a hole in this situation?

488
00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:43,560
Speaker 3: And we've got an update? But what do you think?

489
00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:48,560
Speaker 1: Oh? No, you are the victim in this charad?

490
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:53,600
Speaker 3: This is strange, estrange, You're a victim? Uh no, this

491
00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:57,280
Speaker 3: is really weird. I don't understand why your girlfriend, I

492
00:23:57,280 --> 00:24:00,960
Speaker 3: don't know, is so willing to go along with this

493
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:07,640
Speaker 3: extreme codependency on Allison's part. Maybe she's also codependent your girlfriend? Um,

494
00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:10,639
Speaker 3: but ye know this is this is strange. Are they

495
00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:12,520
Speaker 3: all sleeping in the same bed? What's going on here?

496
00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:13,920
Speaker 3: What's going on?

497
00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:14,879
Speaker 1: What is going on?

498
00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:17,480
Speaker 3: Godfriend apologize for forgetting to give me the key card?

499
00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:21,119
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness. Wait, oh wait, I totally misread that.

500
00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:22,800
Speaker 3: I went to a nearby twenty four hour cafe for

501
00:24:22,840 --> 00:24:24,679
Speaker 3: the night because girlfriend didn't get a handy the key card.

502
00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:27,480
Speaker 3: So OP had to go to a random twenty four

503
00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:30,040
Speaker 3: hour cafe because he couldn't get into our apartment.

504
00:24:30,119 --> 00:24:32,159
Speaker 1: There was nowhere to go She.

505
00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:35,400
Speaker 3: Literally left him stranded in another country that he wasn't

506
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:38,199
Speaker 3: familiar with. Because her friend said I really need my

507
00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:40,359
Speaker 3: boyfriend and my best friend is sleep with me, I

508
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:41,800
Speaker 3: would break up with her. That's it.

509
00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:45,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, truly, that's that's that's I'm I'm going on a

510
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:46,840
Speaker 1: solo adventure now.

511
00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:49,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm exploring the country without you.

512
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:49,400
Speaker 1: Yeah.

513
00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:52,200
Speaker 3: Girlfriend apologized for forgetting to give me the key card.

514
00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:54,719
Speaker 3: I don't believe it was malicious, but still stands by

515
00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:58,520
Speaker 3: choosing Alison. I apologize for being immature in my wording,

516
00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:02,440
Speaker 3: but still think girlfriend bab Alison too much. For more context,

517
00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:06,080
Speaker 3: other things Alison has done. Alison insisted for girlfriend to

518
00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:08,800
Speaker 3: stay the night at her place by hiding girlfriend's things

519
00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:11,120
Speaker 3: or refusing to girl to drive girlfriend back.

520
00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:14,199
Speaker 1: So but see now, your girlfriend is also entertaining all

521
00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:15,960
Speaker 1: of this nonsense, yep, because.

522
00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:18,360
Speaker 3: She agreed to stay with Alison. Alison got angry when

523
00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:20,560
Speaker 3: girlfriend made a new female friend who was friendly and

524
00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:23,400
Speaker 3: touchy with girlfriends saying why are you letting her hug

525
00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:26,080
Speaker 3: you when you never let me. Alison also yelled at

526
00:25:26,119 --> 00:25:29,760
Speaker 3: girlfriend when we were long distance relationship and texting, saying

527
00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:31,800
Speaker 3: that her taping was too loud or her screen was

528
00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:34,240
Speaker 3: too bright. I asked girlfriend if she liked being around

529
00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:36,960
Speaker 3: for Alison this way and if she ever saw things changing.

530
00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:40,080
Speaker 3: She said she doesn't mind that Alison gets overbearing at

531
00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:43,080
Speaker 3: times because it causes no real harm except it did.

532
00:25:43,359 --> 00:25:44,720
Speaker 4: Are you are you sure?

533
00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:47,520
Speaker 3: Are you sure that your relationship is going to last?

534
00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:49,560
Speaker 1: Are you sure about that?

535
00:25:50,119 --> 00:25:52,560
Speaker 3: And that she liked being a person Alison could count on,

536
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:58,000
Speaker 3: could step on like a bug. I told her that yeah,

537
00:25:58,119 --> 00:26:01,520
Speaker 3: Alison can count on her for but I can't count

538
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:03,959
Speaker 3: on girlfriend as a partner if things go on like this.

539
00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:06,919
Speaker 3: I explained that Alison's actions do cause harm since it

540
00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:09,119
Speaker 3: left me with nowhere to sleep in a different country,

541
00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:11,800
Speaker 3: and I don't have anyone else I can count on

542
00:26:11,840 --> 00:26:14,440
Speaker 3: in this situation. I also said that Alison is going

543
00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:17,600
Speaker 3: to think it's okay to demand things from everyone, and

544
00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:20,680
Speaker 3: that she's justified in expecting that from the people around her,

545
00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:23,240
Speaker 3: and that she's going to live a miserable, stressful life

546
00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:26,240
Speaker 3: when she discovers that's not how the world works. Because

547
00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:31,840
Speaker 3: girlfriend and Alison's boyfriend are enabling this toxic behavior. Girlfriends

548
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:35,160
Speaker 3: started getting upset and denying that that would happen. Sorry

549
00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:37,440
Speaker 3: let her air those feelings out, but said that if

550
00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:39,920
Speaker 3: she wants to fix it for her and Alison's sake,

551
00:26:40,359 --> 00:26:43,520
Speaker 3: she needs to set some appropriate boundaries. I said that

552
00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:47,240
Speaker 3: if girlfriend couldn't handle setting boundaries between them, then this

553
00:26:47,359 --> 00:26:50,480
Speaker 3: relationship between us wasn't going to be one worth pursuing.

554
00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:52,919
Speaker 3: And I would even wish her and her best friends.

555
00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:54,440
Speaker 3: Well Ni Soapie.

556
00:26:54,240 --> 00:26:57,160
Speaker 1: Joyce, what do you think she's gonna do? I don't know, man,

557
00:26:57,400 --> 00:27:00,399
Speaker 1: it's I mean, like, it's crazy to me. She can

558
00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:04,320
Speaker 1: say that there's no issues being caused by her behavior,

559
00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:05,359
Speaker 1: by Alison's behavior.

560
00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:07,360
Speaker 3: I think that just shows that she doesn't really care

561
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:08,560
Speaker 3: about this relationship.

562
00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:11,959
Speaker 1: She thinks there's no issues, Like if she can't identify

563
00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:16,520
Speaker 1: that as problematic, Like you literally abandoned your partner and

564
00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:19,000
Speaker 1: had them locked out of the place they were staying

565
00:27:19,320 --> 00:27:22,359
Speaker 1: so that you could go snuggle up to some girl

566
00:27:23,119 --> 00:27:26,640
Speaker 1: and her boyfriend. Yeah, I mind you in the same room,

567
00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:31,680
Speaker 1: which is weird. Weird if well, I was about to

568
00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:34,040
Speaker 1: say if my girlfriend did that, and then I was like,

569
00:27:34,119 --> 00:27:37,800
Speaker 1: well if somehow, somehow I feel like if it was you, yeah,

570
00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:40,200
Speaker 1: it wouldn't No, yeah, you know be that bad?

571
00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:44,040
Speaker 5: I know, Yeah, But like I think because I know

572
00:27:44,280 --> 00:27:47,920
Speaker 5: you and your boyfriend, yeah and y'all, Like, I would

573
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:51,760
Speaker 5: just be like, Wow, whatever's happening must be really extreme,

574
00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:53,720
Speaker 5: so I'll just roll with that.

575
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:56,440
Speaker 1: But also if she had, like could see that, Like,

576
00:27:57,000 --> 00:28:01,359
Speaker 1: if that happened and she like left me locked in

577
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:05,520
Speaker 1: like a place and like didn't let me out, I'd

578
00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:07,600
Speaker 1: be a little upset. I'd be upset about that.

579
00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:11,080
Speaker 3: Girlfriend chose to set boundaries no spending nights at Allison's

580
00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:14,920
Speaker 3: anymore unless Allison gets therapy for her control issues. We

581
00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:17,800
Speaker 3: asked Allison's boyfriend to come over while Allison was at

582
00:28:17,880 --> 00:28:20,600
Speaker 3: work so we could talk about how else to suggest

583
00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:23,760
Speaker 3: and encourage therapy for Allison and find out if he

584
00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:26,480
Speaker 3: had any boundaries that he felt were being violated too.

585
00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:29,600
Speaker 3: Thanks for all the comments and judgment. Quite a few

586
00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:32,119
Speaker 3: told me to break up with girlfriend immediately, but I

587
00:28:32,200 --> 00:28:35,280
Speaker 3: couldn't in good conscience leave things as they were without

588
00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:37,800
Speaker 3: trying to work them out, since I really like girlfriend

589
00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:39,960
Speaker 3: and see a future with her. Ps they are not

590
00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:43,240
Speaker 3: a thropple and girlfriend sleeps on the pull out, okay,

591
00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:45,440
Speaker 3: or in the other room when all three of them

592
00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:47,960
Speaker 3: are at Allison's place. If Allison does want a poly

593
00:28:48,120 --> 00:28:51,360
Speaker 3: arrangement with girlfriend. That's not something girlfriend would entertain as

594
00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:52,400
Speaker 3: far as I know, As far.

595
00:28:52,320 --> 00:28:54,600
Speaker 1: As you know, which means you don't, you don't know.

596
00:28:56,760 --> 00:28:59,040
Speaker 1: And that's the end of this story. Let's head to

597
00:28:59,080 --> 00:28:59,600
Speaker 1: the next one.

598
00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:03,640
Speaker 2: Hey, it's Carly, your favorite Axelatel host.

599
00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:03,880
Speaker 5: Here.

600
00:29:04,120 --> 00:29:06,240
Speaker 2: We're going to get back to the stories. But here's

601
00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:08,120
Speaker 2: three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

602
00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:11,880
Speaker 1: My maid of honor compared me to a Bible verse

603
00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:17,400
Speaker 1: about a dog. I certainly had a response, huh which one?

604
00:29:18,160 --> 00:29:18,200
Speaker 2: So?

605
00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:21,280
Speaker 1: My maid of Honor, Female twenty four and I, female

606
00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:24,600
Speaker 1: twenty five, have been friends since seventh grade. We have

607
00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:27,000
Speaker 1: had plenty of ups and downs between the two of us,

608
00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:29,800
Speaker 1: but I know I have been a great friend. I've

609
00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:33,720
Speaker 1: helped her with her daughter by babysitting, buying clothes and food,

610
00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:36,040
Speaker 1: and giving her money when she needs it. She has

611
00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:39,959
Speaker 1: always had a hard time being grateful, and occasionally her

612
00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:42,960
Speaker 1: attitude can get out of control, but I have stopped

613
00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:45,360
Speaker 1: letting it bother me. By the way, this comes from

614
00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:48,240
Speaker 1: user these Shape seven point five one. If you want

615
00:29:48,240 --> 00:29:49,720
Speaker 1: to submit your own stories, go to the our SLAS

616
00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:53,520
Speaker 1: Showcase storytime subrette. I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia, and we're here

617
00:29:53,600 --> 00:29:55,400
Speaker 1: to read this Yere's story, maybe have a hoot and

618
00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:57,560
Speaker 1: a holler about it, maybe give some advice. But we

619
00:29:57,600 --> 00:29:59,840
Speaker 1: don't know the answers to everything. But if you know

620
00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:01,640
Speaker 1: what you would do, let us know in the comments.

621
00:30:01,840 --> 00:30:04,800
Speaker 1: And op says. I got engaged back in December twenty

622
00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:07,960
Speaker 1: twenty five and was so excited to tell her. She

623
00:30:08,920 --> 00:30:12,959
Speaker 1: was not happy. She got mad that my fiance didn't

624
00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:16,240
Speaker 1: tell her first so she could know, and that he

625
00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:20,240
Speaker 1: didn't hire her for photography since that's her job. He

626
00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:23,840
Speaker 1: was in between jobs because his last job went under

627
00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:26,960
Speaker 1: and there were massive layoffs, so he was doing his

628
00:30:27,080 --> 00:30:29,800
Speaker 1: best and I was surprised he even had a ring

629
00:30:30,280 --> 00:30:32,800
Speaker 1: let alone proposed. I asked her to be my maid

630
00:30:32,840 --> 00:30:35,440
Speaker 1: of honor, and she had no problem with it. I

631
00:30:35,680 --> 00:30:38,720
Speaker 1: told her she was not taking on a typical maide

632
00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:41,360
Speaker 1: of honor role, and that she would just be coordinating

633
00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:44,440
Speaker 1: with my grandma, who is my matron of honor on

634
00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:47,240
Speaker 1: things like the bridle shower, and that she would not

635
00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:50,560
Speaker 1: have to pay for anything but her own dress. She

636
00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:53,720
Speaker 1: was fine with all of that. About a month later,

637
00:30:54,240 --> 00:30:56,240
Speaker 1: my Grandma and I had a spur of the moment

638
00:30:56,360 --> 00:30:59,480
Speaker 1: dress shopping day. We planned it two days prior. I

639
00:30:59,600 --> 00:31:02,440
Speaker 1: told her one day prior and she said she would go.

640
00:31:03,280 --> 00:31:05,760
Speaker 1: We started trying to coordinate, but she had a job

641
00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:08,760
Speaker 1: interview that day around one point thirty pm, so my

642
00:31:08,840 --> 00:31:12,600
Speaker 1: grandmother suggested she drive herself and meet us there rather

643
00:31:12,720 --> 00:31:14,760
Speaker 1: than having us stop in the middle of the trip

644
00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:17,200
Speaker 1: to bring her back home. After I told her this,

645
00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:20,440
Speaker 1: she said she would just sit this one out, but

646
00:31:20,560 --> 00:31:23,240
Speaker 1: then she went on a rant about how she was

647
00:31:23,320 --> 00:31:28,000
Speaker 1: not originally invited. I had invited her the day before,

648
00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:32,360
Speaker 1: the plans were only made the prior evening, but I

649
00:31:32,480 --> 00:31:35,200
Speaker 1: ignored it. Then she said she wanted to step down

650
00:31:35,280 --> 00:31:38,200
Speaker 1: from being made of honor because she felt like an afterthought,

651
00:31:38,600 --> 00:31:41,080
Speaker 1: and that she and her daughter could just attend as guests.

652
00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:44,440
Speaker 1: Her daughter's my flower girl, and I just picked out

653
00:31:44,480 --> 00:31:47,560
Speaker 1: her dress and was so excited about it. We had

654
00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:49,880
Speaker 1: plans to meet up that night and I tried talking

655
00:31:49,920 --> 00:31:52,880
Speaker 1: to her about stepping down, but she just laughed it

656
00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:57,520
Speaker 1: off and said she wasn't serious, so I brushed it off.

657
00:31:58,160 --> 00:32:01,360
Speaker 1: She had wished me well on fire dress, and I

658
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:04,000
Speaker 1: did find the one. I was so happy the moment

659
00:32:04,040 --> 00:32:06,280
Speaker 1: I put it on. I also got a free photographer,

660
00:32:06,600 --> 00:32:08,640
Speaker 1: which was great news since she had wanted to do

661
00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:12,240
Speaker 1: photography as made of honor, and this way she would

662
00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:14,520
Speaker 1: not have to work my wedding and we could all

663
00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:17,360
Speaker 1: just relax. I called her while my grandma was still

664
00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:20,720
Speaker 1: with me, super excited to share the news. She congratulated

665
00:32:20,800 --> 00:32:23,680
Speaker 1: me on the dress and the photographer, but then laughed

666
00:32:23,800 --> 00:32:27,640
Speaker 1: and said she was being serious about stepping down a girl.

667
00:32:27,720 --> 00:32:29,080
Speaker 1: At this point, you're not coming to the wedding.

668
00:32:29,440 --> 00:32:33,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, you only get two the second one time

669
00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:37,080
Speaker 3: you say I'm serious about stepping down, You're stepping down.

670
00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:37,920
Speaker 3: You're not coming back up.

671
00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:39,800
Speaker 1: And there's not really anything you can do about this

672
00:32:39,840 --> 00:32:42,840
Speaker 1: op because you've set the standard that this girl gets

673
00:32:42,880 --> 00:32:45,080
Speaker 1: away with whatever. So if you put your foot down

674
00:32:45,160 --> 00:32:47,520
Speaker 1: now and you say this is actually unacceptable, and if

675
00:32:47,560 --> 00:32:51,160
Speaker 1: you do this, you're sabotaging and jeopardizing our entire relationship.

676
00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:54,040
Speaker 1: She's not gonna care and it's gone. You have to

677
00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:56,960
Speaker 1: let this person go at this point, they're not gonna change.

678
00:32:57,480 --> 00:33:01,760
Speaker 1: She said she felt extremely respected and went on a

679
00:33:01,880 --> 00:33:04,320
Speaker 1: three minute rant about how I had not considered her

680
00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:08,120
Speaker 1: feelings and how disrespectful my grandma was for not including

681
00:33:08,200 --> 00:33:11,320
Speaker 1: her from the start. She did not know my grandma

682
00:33:11,520 --> 00:33:15,120
Speaker 1: was there listening the whole time. My voice started to

683
00:33:15,360 --> 00:33:17,720
Speaker 1: crack when I ended the call because I was about

684
00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:21,000
Speaker 1: to cry. My fiance feels she's trying to make herself

685
00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:23,560
Speaker 1: more important and wants me to focus on what she

686
00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:26,480
Speaker 1: wants rather than what I need for the wedding. My

687
00:33:26,560 --> 00:33:28,960
Speaker 1: grandma is proud of me for standing my ground and

688
00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:31,880
Speaker 1: leaving the decision up to her. The last time I

689
00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:33,760
Speaker 1: talked to her, it sounded like she had made her

690
00:33:33,800 --> 00:33:37,480
Speaker 1: final decision to step down. At this point, I didn't

691
00:33:37,520 --> 00:33:39,960
Speaker 1: know whether to get another bridesmaid to take her place

692
00:33:40,080 --> 00:33:43,160
Speaker 1: and invite her and her daughter as guests. I did

693
00:33:43,240 --> 00:33:46,160
Speaker 1: not want to not invite them at all, because her

694
00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:48,680
Speaker 1: daughter was so excited to be the flower girl, and

695
00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:50,760
Speaker 1: I didn't want that taken away from her. Am I

696
00:33:50,960 --> 00:33:52,320
Speaker 1: the able here, I.

697
00:33:52,360 --> 00:33:53,840
Speaker 3: Mean, like you're just a pushover.

698
00:33:54,320 --> 00:33:56,960
Speaker 1: I think I think this might be a thing where

699
00:33:57,440 --> 00:34:01,200
Speaker 1: this is like a microcosm in her relationship with this

700
00:34:01,360 --> 00:34:04,120
Speaker 1: one person. Yes, it's like a small like a little

701
00:34:04,160 --> 00:34:07,720
Speaker 1: self contained bubble essentially, and especially because of her daughter.

702
00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:11,640
Speaker 3: It's basically, yeah, basically saying like this one instance that

703
00:34:11,719 --> 00:34:14,799
Speaker 3: we're talking about, right, now is an example of their

704
00:34:15,040 --> 00:34:18,319
Speaker 3: entire relationship, and and.

705
00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:20,040
Speaker 1: That she might not be this way with all her

706
00:34:20,120 --> 00:34:21,800
Speaker 1: other friends, Like she might not be a pushover in

707
00:34:21,840 --> 00:34:23,759
Speaker 1: every aspect of her life, but this one friend, and

708
00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:26,040
Speaker 1: she's taken care, she's helped her. They've known each other

709
00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:28,600
Speaker 1: since seventh grade, she's known, they've them forever. She's taken

710
00:34:28,640 --> 00:34:32,040
Speaker 1: care of her daughter. She's you know, I think I I.

711
00:34:32,120 --> 00:34:33,640
Speaker 3: Used to have a friend like this when I was

712
00:34:33,680 --> 00:34:36,279
Speaker 3: in seventh grade who like took charge of things, and

713
00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:41,560
Speaker 3: you know, like I would kind of follow, because when

714
00:34:41,560 --> 00:34:44,240
Speaker 3: you're when you're in elementary school, I think there's usually

715
00:34:44,640 --> 00:34:47,960
Speaker 3: a leader oftentimes who's a little bit more confident, a

716
00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:50,400
Speaker 3: little bit more you know, not necessarily bossy, but you know,

717
00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:53,800
Speaker 3: and then when you I'm no longer like, I'm no

718
00:34:53,880 --> 00:34:56,320
Speaker 3: longer close with that person, not for any bad reason,

719
00:34:56,800 --> 00:34:58,800
Speaker 3: but I think when you have that person that you

720
00:34:58,880 --> 00:35:01,520
Speaker 3: make friends with in seventh grade and then you stay

721
00:35:01,760 --> 00:35:07,480
Speaker 3: friends with them, those dynamics never really leave. Sometimes they

722
00:35:07,719 --> 00:35:10,600
Speaker 3: change and grow as people, but also sometimes you have

723
00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:14,239
Speaker 3: you know, that person stayed the exact same and you

724
00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:17,399
Speaker 3: see those things that maybe were shown up in seventh

725
00:35:17,440 --> 00:35:18,200
Speaker 3: grade show up again.

726
00:35:18,360 --> 00:35:20,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, it wasn't that long for me, but

727
00:35:20,280 --> 00:35:21,920
Speaker 1: I had the exact same thing happened to me or

728
00:35:21,960 --> 00:35:23,680
Speaker 1: the friend I had in high school. Yeah, and it

729
00:35:23,840 --> 00:35:26,440
Speaker 1: was that same dynamic, and I was like, this doesn't

730
00:35:26,520 --> 00:35:28,920
Speaker 1: work for me at all. I can't. I can't continue

731
00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:31,960
Speaker 1: to be this person who like follows you around, yeah

732
00:35:32,160 --> 00:35:35,960
Speaker 1: like or and listens to you, because it's untenable. But

733
00:35:36,040 --> 00:35:38,480
Speaker 1: we do have an update. I took the advice from

734
00:35:38,520 --> 00:35:42,319
Speaker 1: my previous post. She had been texting me since four

735
00:35:42,520 --> 00:35:45,239
Speaker 1: a m. That morning, continuing to bring up her maid

736
00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:48,720
Speaker 1: of honor position. I told her quote, I totally understand

737
00:35:48,760 --> 00:35:51,440
Speaker 1: you stepping down. I never meant for it to be disrespectful,

738
00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:53,440
Speaker 1: and I don't want to put you in that position.

739
00:35:53,800 --> 00:35:56,920
Speaker 1: I'd rather preserve our friendship, So I accept your decision.

740
00:35:57,480 --> 00:36:00,520
Speaker 1: I'll send you invites with the rest of the guests.

741
00:36:01,239 --> 00:36:04,040
Speaker 1: She went off saying she felt like she was repeating

742
00:36:04,080 --> 00:36:05,719
Speaker 1: herself and was not being heard.

743
00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:07,240
Speaker 3: I don't want to listen to you anymore.

744
00:36:07,400 --> 00:36:09,399
Speaker 1: See you know what's crazy about that? Yeah?

745
00:36:09,680 --> 00:36:09,880
Speaker 2: Is that?

746
00:36:10,080 --> 00:36:12,239
Speaker 1: What she really means is you didn't give me the

747
00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:13,440
Speaker 1: response that I wanted.

748
00:36:13,560 --> 00:36:15,960
Speaker 3: She wanted you to go brazerk and be all upset

749
00:36:16,120 --> 00:36:17,880
Speaker 3: that she wasn't in your wedding anymore.

750
00:36:17,960 --> 00:36:21,080
Speaker 1: That's what she wanted attention exactly. I was not going

751
00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:23,040
Speaker 1: to beg her to stay on as my maid of honor,

752
00:36:23,280 --> 00:36:25,359
Speaker 1: so I tried to be as respectful and kind as

753
00:36:25,400 --> 00:36:30,040
Speaker 1: I could and simply accept her decision. She is now blocked.

754
00:36:31,000 --> 00:36:33,920
Speaker 1: She uninvited herself and her daughter from the wedding and

755
00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:37,880
Speaker 1: continued to bash me, my grandmother, and my fiance for

756
00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:41,279
Speaker 1: not inviting her to the proposal or hiring her as

757
00:36:41,360 --> 00:36:45,439
Speaker 1: a photographer for it. She said, quote, I just didn't

758
00:36:45,560 --> 00:36:47,600
Speaker 1: know that this process hasn't felt good for me, and

759
00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:50,280
Speaker 1: that's why I made the decision I did for myself

760
00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:55,759
Speaker 1: and for Lynn Eileen. There's no way, Aileen, there is

761
00:36:56,120 --> 00:37:02,160
Speaker 1: absolutely no way. I l y nni. You need to

762
00:37:02,239 --> 00:37:05,040
Speaker 1: go to jail. If that is your name, it's no

763
00:37:05,239 --> 00:37:07,719
Speaker 1: that's what you named your daughter. I l y n

764
00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:10,440
Speaker 1: n so it's either illin, which I don't think it's

765
00:37:10,520 --> 00:37:13,200
Speaker 1: illin illin because we're not in medieval times.

766
00:37:13,400 --> 00:37:13,720
Speaker 4: Ellen.

767
00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:17,520
Speaker 1: I think that is an insane spelling of Eileen, and

768
00:37:17,600 --> 00:37:21,239
Speaker 1: I am angry woo, but yeah, Shani Opie says, if

769
00:37:21,280 --> 00:37:23,960
Speaker 1: her daughter's name is Eileen spelled, that way. It makes

770
00:37:24,080 --> 00:37:27,719
Speaker 1: a lot of sense now it does, so okay, So

771
00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:30,920
Speaker 1: her friend continues, this is a completely different kind of situation.

772
00:37:31,320 --> 00:37:34,240
Speaker 1: It's a once in a lifetime experience. I truly appreciate

773
00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:36,840
Speaker 1: the ways you've been there for us, but this feels different,

774
00:37:37,160 --> 00:37:40,040
Speaker 1: and that's why I needed to step back. That's all

775
00:37:40,160 --> 00:37:43,120
Speaker 1: the further I have to say. I responded by pointing

776
00:37:43,160 --> 00:37:45,719
Speaker 1: out that she was invited to the dress shopping the

777
00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:48,640
Speaker 1: day after plans were made, and I had no idea

778
00:37:48,760 --> 00:37:52,239
Speaker 1: my own proposal was happening, and that I had told

779
00:37:52,280 --> 00:37:54,880
Speaker 1: her multiple times she could step down if she wanted to.

780
00:37:55,520 --> 00:37:58,000
Speaker 1: I reminded her that I never asked her to pay

781
00:37:58,040 --> 00:38:00,440
Speaker 1: for anything except for her own dress, and that she

782
00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:03,240
Speaker 1: was only coordinating with my grandma for the bridal shower,

783
00:38:03,600 --> 00:38:05,960
Speaker 1: and that I had even offered to cover the cost

784
00:38:06,400 --> 00:38:11,319
Speaker 1: of her daughter's flower girl dress. I told her, quote, obviously,

785
00:38:11,520 --> 00:38:14,560
Speaker 1: you haven't been happy for me this entire time, and

786
00:38:14,680 --> 00:38:18,040
Speaker 1: you've just been thinking about yourself and how you've been wrong.

787
00:38:18,360 --> 00:38:21,720
Speaker 1: I like this. It's hard to break off a friendship

788
00:38:21,760 --> 00:38:23,600
Speaker 1: that's this long, but I think you're doing it the

789
00:38:23,640 --> 00:38:24,759
Speaker 1: best way you possibly could.

790
00:38:24,920 --> 00:38:25,360
Speaker 2: I agree.

791
00:38:25,480 --> 00:38:28,399
Speaker 3: I think it's it's time, you got this st Ma Honor.

792
00:38:28,480 --> 00:38:30,280
Speaker 1: But you know, yeah, well you've got your grandma.

793
00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:33,680
Speaker 3: Hello, Grandma, Grandma New made of Honor, Grandma Honor.

794
00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:37,919
Speaker 1: So let's finish this story. She then uninvited herself, her daughter,

795
00:38:38,120 --> 00:38:42,239
Speaker 1: and her entire family from the wedding, saying it would

796
00:38:42,239 --> 00:38:46,520
Speaker 1: help with finances since that was the biggest issue. She

797
00:38:46,719 --> 00:38:49,719
Speaker 1: kept repeating that she had been disrespected and brought up

798
00:38:49,840 --> 00:38:53,040
Speaker 1: things that had nothing to do with the original conversation.

799
00:38:53,920 --> 00:38:56,600
Speaker 1: I officially ended things when she compared me to the

800
00:38:56,719 --> 00:39:01,960
Speaker 1: dog in Proverbs twenty six eleven and called my attitude vomit.

801
00:39:02,320 --> 00:39:05,640
Speaker 1: I told her she was right, but if I was

802
00:39:05,719 --> 00:39:08,560
Speaker 1: the dog, then she was the vomit. I kept returning to.

803
00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:13,680
Speaker 3: Bars bars my drop.

804
00:39:14,000 --> 00:39:16,600
Speaker 1: Because I had been nothing but kind to her and

805
00:39:16,719 --> 00:39:20,120
Speaker 1: supportive of her and her daughter. I blocked her on everything,

806
00:39:20,160 --> 00:39:23,160
Speaker 1: her number, her Facebook, and her photography business page. It's

807
00:39:23,239 --> 00:39:26,960
Speaker 1: like an annual event with her starting drama, blocking me,

808
00:39:27,320 --> 00:39:29,360
Speaker 1: and then coming back when she feels ready to have

809
00:39:29,560 --> 00:39:33,359
Speaker 1: friends again. I don't want to do that anymore. After

810
00:39:33,520 --> 00:39:38,160
Speaker 1: almost ten years, I am done. I just hope she

811
00:39:38,239 --> 00:39:40,920
Speaker 1: does not say something to hurt her daughter or make

812
00:39:41,040 --> 00:39:43,320
Speaker 1: something up to explain why she is no longer in

813
00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:45,680
Speaker 1: the wedding because her daughter is too young to be

814
00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:48,280
Speaker 1: brought into any of this and that little girl deserves

815
00:39:48,360 --> 00:39:50,480
Speaker 1: better than that, and that is the end of that story.

816
00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:54,560
Speaker 4: My son wanted to inherit my business, but his friend

817
00:39:54,640 --> 00:39:55,479
Speaker 4: is the better fit.

818
00:39:55,680 --> 00:39:57,200
Speaker 2: Ooh, that's a tough one.

819
00:39:57,520 --> 00:39:58,960
Speaker 3: I fifty eight male, have.

820
00:39:59,080 --> 00:40:03,000
Speaker 4: Two kids, thirty two mail and Susan twenty nine female,

821
00:40:03,040 --> 00:40:05,680
Speaker 4: and I started business back in my late twenties after

822
00:40:05,800 --> 00:40:07,600
Speaker 4: they were born. I have been growing it for the

823
00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:11,120
Speaker 4: better part of three decades. However, my wife and I

824
00:40:11,239 --> 00:40:13,880
Speaker 4: agreed that we have more than enough for me to retire,

825
00:40:14,160 --> 00:40:16,520
Speaker 4: and so I am. By the way, this comes from

826
00:40:16,840 --> 00:40:19,600
Speaker 4: Flaky Arugula one sixty seven, and if you want to

827
00:40:19,600 --> 00:40:21,800
Speaker 4: submit your own stories, go to the our slash Okay

828
00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:25,279
Speaker 4: story time subreddit. I'm Savannah, I'm Carly, and we're here

829
00:40:25,320 --> 00:40:27,160
Speaker 4: to get some good vice gooofully, But we don't have

830
00:40:27,280 --> 00:40:28,880
Speaker 4: all the answers. We would only tell you what we

831
00:40:28,880 --> 00:40:30,640
Speaker 4: would do in the situation, but you should let us

832
00:40:30,680 --> 00:40:34,000
Speaker 4: know what you would do in the comments. Some backstory.

833
00:40:34,320 --> 00:40:36,200
Speaker 4: Back when John was in high school, I gave him

834
00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:39,040
Speaker 4: a job at my business and soon after he started

835
00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:41,760
Speaker 4: he asked if I could give his friend Sam thirty

836
00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:45,040
Speaker 4: two mail now seventeen. When he started a job as well.

837
00:40:45,200 --> 00:40:47,759
Speaker 4: John was not interested in the work and quit after

838
00:40:47,880 --> 00:40:51,239
Speaker 4: four months, and I will wholeheartedly admit that that was

839
00:40:51,920 --> 00:40:53,160
Speaker 4: very painful at the time.

840
00:40:53,239 --> 00:40:54,680
Speaker 3: But Sam loved the job.

841
00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:57,480
Speaker 4: He continued to work throughout college, where he went into

842
00:40:57,560 --> 00:40:59,480
Speaker 4: the same field as me, and I gave him a

843
00:40:59,520 --> 00:41:02,399
Speaker 4: promotion when he completed his studies. Sam is very much

844
00:41:02,520 --> 00:41:05,680
Speaker 4: my protege and I see him as my second son.

845
00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:09,080
Speaker 4: John studied finance and after working at some other places,

846
00:41:09,520 --> 00:41:11,359
Speaker 4: asked me if I could give him a job. I did,

847
00:41:11,440 --> 00:41:13,719
Speaker 4: and he's extremely good at what he does. I love

848
00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:15,440
Speaker 4: the fact that I get to work with both of them.

849
00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:17,960
Speaker 4: I took my wife, John, Susan, and Sam out to

850
00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:20,360
Speaker 4: dinner last week to tell them my plan for retirement.

851
00:41:20,520 --> 00:41:23,440
Speaker 4: Sam will take my place and own sixty percent, while

852
00:41:23,520 --> 00:41:26,000
Speaker 4: John and Susan would each get twenty percent. I have

853
00:41:26,239 --> 00:41:30,239
Speaker 4: never seen John so furious. He asked how I could

854
00:41:30,320 --> 00:41:33,200
Speaker 4: choose Sam over him my own flesh and blood. He

855
00:41:33,320 --> 00:41:36,239
Speaker 4: also said he's the one who studied running businesses and

856
00:41:36,320 --> 00:41:38,279
Speaker 4: that he should be the one in charge. I told

857
00:41:38,360 --> 00:41:39,880
Speaker 4: him that he has only worked for me for a

858
00:41:39,960 --> 00:41:42,560
Speaker 4: few years and already quit once, whereas Sam has been

859
00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:45,920
Speaker 4: working for me for fifteen years, knows all the clients,

860
00:41:46,120 --> 00:41:48,880
Speaker 4: the products, and the production team and has their respect.

861
00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:51,680
Speaker 4: He then asked if he had my respect, and I

862
00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:52,360
Speaker 4: told him.

863
00:41:52,239 --> 00:41:52,800
Speaker 1: Of course.

864
00:41:53,040 --> 00:41:55,160
Speaker 4: He's the best at what he does, but that doesn't

865
00:41:55,239 --> 00:41:57,320
Speaker 4: mean he's the best fit for being the boss. My

866
00:41:57,440 --> 00:42:00,279
Speaker 4: wife and Susan tried de escalating the situation, but John

867
00:42:00,400 --> 00:42:03,280
Speaker 4: left in a huff and hasn't been talking to anyone

868
00:42:03,400 --> 00:42:06,080
Speaker 4: but Susan since I know John's hurt, but Sam is

869
00:42:06,160 --> 00:42:09,200
Speaker 4: the better choice, since he's been working directly under me

870
00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:11,640
Speaker 4: for years and knows the ins and outs better than

871
00:42:11,719 --> 00:42:14,759
Speaker 4: anyone but me. I've tried talking to John and apologizing,

872
00:42:14,840 --> 00:42:15,560
Speaker 4: but he won't let me.

873
00:42:15,880 --> 00:42:17,000
Speaker 3: Am I the a hole.

874
00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:19,560
Speaker 4: There are some comments I don't think that you are.

875
00:42:19,920 --> 00:42:21,840
Speaker 2: He just did what was best in your eyes for

876
00:42:21,960 --> 00:42:22,960
Speaker 2: your business.

877
00:42:22,800 --> 00:42:25,040
Speaker 4: Exactly, and Sam's been your run hand man the whole time.

878
00:42:25,080 --> 00:42:27,440
Speaker 4: He's been there for fifteen years. I mean, like, I

879
00:42:27,560 --> 00:42:30,640
Speaker 4: understand that like your son like maybe wants to take

880
00:42:30,719 --> 00:42:31,080
Speaker 4: it over.

881
00:42:31,600 --> 00:42:33,200
Speaker 2: Was I still getting a part of it?

882
00:42:33,640 --> 00:42:36,359
Speaker 4: Yeah, he's It's not like he like completely disregarded him.

883
00:42:36,400 --> 00:42:38,560
Speaker 4: He's like, oh, well, Sam's been here for fifteen years,

884
00:42:38,640 --> 00:42:40,960
Speaker 4: not that you. You know, like you already you quit

885
00:42:41,120 --> 00:42:43,200
Speaker 4: once and then you went and did your own thing,

886
00:42:43,320 --> 00:42:44,360
Speaker 4: and then he came back.

887
00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:47,080
Speaker 2: But like, which I can see that side of it too,

888
00:42:47,160 --> 00:42:49,160
Speaker 2: Like he went and got a business degree, like he

889
00:42:49,320 --> 00:42:51,760
Speaker 2: probably was expecting back and run a business.

890
00:42:52,080 --> 00:42:52,520
Speaker 1: I get it.

891
00:42:52,680 --> 00:42:55,680
Speaker 4: But you know, you kind of missed out on the opportunity.

892
00:42:55,760 --> 00:42:59,960
Speaker 4: There no dimension fifty forty six, says Info. It is

893
00:43:00,200 --> 00:43:02,799
Speaker 4: possible your son made a decision about his life path

894
00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:05,759
Speaker 4: to please you. As you said, he did not enjoy

895
00:43:05,800 --> 00:43:08,040
Speaker 4: the work as a younger person, and then came back.

896
00:43:08,200 --> 00:43:10,040
Speaker 4: Is it possible that your son has been under the

897
00:43:10,080 --> 00:43:12,839
Speaker 4: wrong impression for many years? Is it possible this could

898
00:43:12,880 --> 00:43:15,520
Speaker 4: have been avoided by having a simple but uncomfortable conversation

899
00:43:15,800 --> 00:43:19,000
Speaker 4: years ago. Have you ever explicitly let him know that

900
00:43:19,160 --> 00:43:21,759
Speaker 4: he should follow his own life path and that you

901
00:43:21,880 --> 00:43:23,640
Speaker 4: expect him to make the bulk of his own money.

902
00:43:23,800 --> 00:43:26,400
Speaker 4: Of course, it is perfectly reasonable that you chose the

903
00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:28,560
Speaker 4: best candidate for the future of your business. Oh, he

904
00:43:28,719 --> 00:43:30,799
Speaker 4: responds John made it clear to me when he got

905
00:43:30,840 --> 00:43:33,000
Speaker 4: accepted to college that he didn't want to go into

906
00:43:33,080 --> 00:43:35,400
Speaker 4: my field, and I'm certain that he didn't ask me

907
00:43:35,480 --> 00:43:37,399
Speaker 4: for a job to please me, but because the market

908
00:43:37,520 --> 00:43:39,839
Speaker 4: was rough at the time. However, this comment really made

909
00:43:39,840 --> 00:43:41,840
Speaker 4: me think. I don't know whether he expected to be

910
00:43:41,920 --> 00:43:44,080
Speaker 4: in charge or how long he has if he did.

911
00:43:44,280 --> 00:43:48,080
Speaker 4: Robo Ratka says, just wondering how you gave the business.

912
00:43:48,480 --> 00:43:51,720
Speaker 4: Sounds like Sam now owns the business and has full control.

913
00:43:51,920 --> 00:43:54,680
Speaker 4: This is a complex arrangement that could tear the business

914
00:43:54,760 --> 00:43:56,919
Speaker 4: and your family apart. I think you should have talked

915
00:43:56,920 --> 00:43:59,520
Speaker 4: about it with your children before giving it to someone

916
00:43:59,560 --> 00:44:02,279
Speaker 4: outside the family. I don't understand why you didn't. Is

917
00:44:02,320 --> 00:44:05,280
Speaker 4: it because you already knew John would disagree? Hope, He responds,

918
00:44:05,360 --> 00:44:07,920
Speaker 4: Sam is in charge with majority holding. I didn't bring

919
00:44:07,960 --> 00:44:09,960
Speaker 4: it up before because I didn't expect John to want

920
00:44:10,000 --> 00:44:11,719
Speaker 4: to be in charge or have a problem with Sam

921
00:44:11,800 --> 00:44:12,399
Speaker 4: being in charge.

922
00:44:12,520 --> 00:44:12,719
Speaker 5: Yeah.

923
00:44:12,840 --> 00:44:15,759
Speaker 2: I was also curious if he went into business to

924
00:44:16,040 --> 00:44:17,000
Speaker 2: own the business.

925
00:44:17,400 --> 00:44:20,319
Speaker 4: Yeah, But even then I'd be like, well, I still

926
00:44:20,400 --> 00:44:22,200
Speaker 4: would trust the guy who's just been.

927
00:44:22,120 --> 00:44:25,080
Speaker 2: Here yeah for fifteen years, And I agree with that,

928
00:44:25,320 --> 00:44:27,640
Speaker 2: But then I would kind of take a step back

929
00:44:27,719 --> 00:44:30,360
Speaker 2: and be like, Okay, well if he did all that specifically,

930
00:44:30,719 --> 00:44:35,000
Speaker 2: like if I swayed his life path so much, maybe

931
00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:36,759
Speaker 2: I should give him more of a share. Not the

932
00:44:36,880 --> 00:44:39,479
Speaker 2: majority even still, but maybe just more of a share.

933
00:44:39,719 --> 00:44:42,960
Speaker 4: Reason in Madness says, when your son asked for a job,

934
00:44:43,080 --> 00:44:45,600
Speaker 4: was it because he had an interest in eventually running it?

935
00:44:45,800 --> 00:44:48,080
Speaker 4: Has he shown any interest in running it? How long

936
00:44:48,160 --> 00:44:50,680
Speaker 4: has he worked there now? Had you taken the time

937
00:44:50,760 --> 00:44:53,600
Speaker 4: to discuss his interest in taking over the family business

938
00:44:53,640 --> 00:44:56,759
Speaker 4: prior to your decision? Has Susan shown any interest in

939
00:44:56,840 --> 00:44:59,600
Speaker 4: the company? Has she ever worked there? Any particular reason

940
00:44:59,680 --> 00:45:01,719
Speaker 4: why Susan would get the same amount of shares as

941
00:45:01,800 --> 00:45:04,719
Speaker 4: your son. As for your opinion on his decision not

942
00:45:04,880 --> 00:45:07,040
Speaker 4: to work there when he was a teenager, To me,

943
00:45:07,600 --> 00:45:10,040
Speaker 4: it's completely understandable that your son didn't want to follow

944
00:45:10,080 --> 00:45:12,040
Speaker 4: in the family business when he was a teenager, so

945
00:45:12,120 --> 00:45:14,360
Speaker 4: holding his decision against him feels a bit harsh. My

946
00:45:14,520 --> 00:45:17,160
Speaker 4: question on that last part, then, is very basic. Is

947
00:45:17,239 --> 00:45:19,640
Speaker 4: it possible your son didn't come back to the business

948
00:45:19,719 --> 00:45:22,120
Speaker 4: because of how hurt you were when he decided to

949
00:45:22,200 --> 00:45:24,919
Speaker 4: go about his life without you. Did you perhaps place

950
00:45:25,000 --> 00:45:27,000
Speaker 4: a stigma on the notion of him returning to work

951
00:45:27,040 --> 00:45:29,640
Speaker 4: for you, which inevitably caused him to not return so

952
00:45:29,800 --> 00:45:33,120
Speaker 4: quickly after college, OPI responds. John came to me four

953
00:45:33,239 --> 00:45:35,680
Speaker 4: years ago saying he was having trouble getting a job

954
00:45:35,760 --> 00:45:38,600
Speaker 4: after he was laid off due to downsizing. He has

955
00:45:38,680 --> 00:45:41,480
Speaker 4: never showed interest in the actual business or the day

956
00:45:41,520 --> 00:45:43,560
Speaker 4: to day running of it, let alone being the boss.

957
00:45:43,680 --> 00:45:45,840
Speaker 4: I didn't talked with him about it because of this.

958
00:45:46,160 --> 00:45:48,880
Speaker 4: Susan has worked off and on as a contractor, but

959
00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:51,040
Speaker 4: hasn't for a while since she has kids. I gave

960
00:45:51,120 --> 00:45:53,160
Speaker 4: them both the same because I wanted to ensure some

961
00:45:53,280 --> 00:45:55,839
Speaker 4: financial help for them, not because I wanted or even

962
00:45:55,920 --> 00:45:58,040
Speaker 4: thought that they'd want to be the boss. So the

963
00:45:58,160 --> 00:46:00,759
Speaker 4: last question, I have told both of my kids they

964
00:46:00,800 --> 00:46:03,520
Speaker 4: will always have a job at the business. But it

965
00:46:03,640 --> 00:46:05,960
Speaker 4: is possible that what you said is true. Ben and

966
00:46:06,040 --> 00:46:10,319
Speaker 4: his Pets responds, I think it's quite important to mention

967
00:46:10,520 --> 00:46:13,520
Speaker 4: how many employees there are other than Sam. And also,

968
00:46:13,600 --> 00:46:15,759
Speaker 4: why are you giving away the business to anyone at all.

969
00:46:15,920 --> 00:46:19,319
Speaker 4: You're retiring, not passing away. It's not usual for someone

970
00:46:19,360 --> 00:46:21,800
Speaker 4: to give away their business when they retire, just retire

971
00:46:21,920 --> 00:46:25,320
Speaker 4: like you say that it's done. I think that, OPI,

972
00:46:25,440 --> 00:46:27,640
Speaker 4: you're not the ahole for any of this. You didn't

973
00:46:27,680 --> 00:46:30,440
Speaker 4: know because your son never had an interest in it

974
00:46:30,560 --> 00:46:33,879
Speaker 4: at all before, never once said hey, like I hope

975
00:46:33,920 --> 00:46:36,280
Speaker 4: to own the business, or hey, let's have a conversation

976
00:46:36,320 --> 00:46:39,080
Speaker 4: about what happens when you retire. Like none of that was,

977
00:46:39,520 --> 00:46:43,000
Speaker 4: like said, because the thing is, if say that, you know,

978
00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:46,359
Speaker 4: he didn't get fired from his job, like John didn't

979
00:46:46,360 --> 00:46:48,480
Speaker 4: get fired from his job, he wouldn't have come to

980
00:46:48,560 --> 00:46:50,319
Speaker 4: the family business. He would have been in another job.

981
00:46:50,480 --> 00:46:52,960
Speaker 4: So like it was just like circumstances led to this,

982
00:46:53,120 --> 00:46:55,160
Speaker 4: But that doesn't mean that now I have to give

983
00:46:55,200 --> 00:46:56,839
Speaker 4: you the business because you're a way for me again.

984
00:46:57,040 --> 00:46:59,960
Speaker 4: And that's why the twenty percent feels like right yeah

985
00:47:00,239 --> 00:47:02,359
Speaker 4: in my head. Yeah, And Susan comes in and out.

986
00:47:02,440 --> 00:47:05,200
Speaker 4: She's more of a contractor, like yeah, Like, I don't

987
00:47:05,239 --> 00:47:08,160
Speaker 4: think that you're doing anything wrong Herepe, just retire, like

988
00:47:08,320 --> 00:47:10,880
Speaker 4: you say, then it's done. Promote Sam to be manager

989
00:47:11,000 --> 00:47:14,320
Speaker 4: slash in charge with a nice three month salary bonus

990
00:47:14,440 --> 00:47:16,879
Speaker 4: or something, and then leave it to do its thing.

991
00:47:17,080 --> 00:47:20,120
Speaker 4: OPI responds ninety four employees. I have more than enough

992
00:47:20,160 --> 00:47:22,120
Speaker 4: money for me and my wife to retire, and I

993
00:47:22,200 --> 00:47:23,759
Speaker 4: want the money from the business to go to the

994
00:47:23,800 --> 00:47:26,279
Speaker 4: three of them. There is a consensus that OPI is

995
00:47:26,360 --> 00:47:28,880
Speaker 4: not the a hole and there is an edit. Some

996
00:47:29,000 --> 00:47:31,440
Speaker 4: people keep asking why I gave Susan the same amount

997
00:47:31,600 --> 00:47:33,920
Speaker 4: and what her relation to the business is. She's worked

998
00:47:33,960 --> 00:47:36,120
Speaker 4: off and on as a contractor, and especially since she

999
00:47:36,200 --> 00:47:37,840
Speaker 4: has kids of her own, I wanted to give her

1000
00:47:37,880 --> 00:47:40,680
Speaker 4: some financial stability. It's the same with John, as he's

1001
00:47:40,760 --> 00:47:42,960
Speaker 4: never expressed any interest in running the place and came

1002
00:47:43,040 --> 00:47:45,080
Speaker 4: back to work for me because he got laid off

1003
00:47:45,400 --> 00:47:47,520
Speaker 4: and had a hard time finding another job. I wanted

1004
00:47:47,560 --> 00:47:50,719
Speaker 4: to ensure some financial stability for him while making sure

1005
00:47:50,840 --> 00:47:53,000
Speaker 4: Sam was the one in charge. And I feel like

1006
00:47:53,200 --> 00:47:55,600
Speaker 4: that's the correct thing to do. Like, I don't see

1007
00:47:55,640 --> 00:47:58,040
Speaker 4: anything wrong with your reasoning. I don't know.

1008
00:47:58,160 --> 00:48:01,920
Speaker 3: John can literally get over it. Probably will, Yeah, he will.

1009
00:48:02,000 --> 00:48:04,160
Speaker 4: He thinks that he wants it now, and then once

1010
00:48:04,200 --> 00:48:06,359
Speaker 4: you start getting into it, I feel like he would

1011
00:48:06,400 --> 00:48:08,879
Speaker 4: just keep asking Sam what to do anyway, and Sam

1012
00:48:08,920 --> 00:48:10,359
Speaker 4: would just be running it right.

1013
00:48:10,600 --> 00:48:13,440
Speaker 2: I think once he realizes that the business is running

1014
00:48:13,719 --> 00:48:16,320
Speaker 2: pretty much the exact same way it was running before,

1015
00:48:16,440 --> 00:48:20,080
Speaker 2: because you're still alive, you're just like, oh, the shares

1016
00:48:20,160 --> 00:48:23,600
Speaker 2: go somewhere else when you eventually pass, Like he'll be fine.

1017
00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:26,880
Speaker 4: First, a point of clarity, nothing has actually been signed

1018
00:48:26,920 --> 00:48:29,200
Speaker 4: yet and I'm still in charge. Susan came to the

1019
00:48:29,239 --> 00:48:31,960
Speaker 4: house and we just had a long discussion. She's been

1020
00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:34,200
Speaker 4: talking with John and she told me he feels like

1021
00:48:34,440 --> 00:48:37,359
Speaker 4: this is me telling John that Sam is my real son.

1022
00:48:37,680 --> 00:48:40,440
Speaker 4: I asked her if she felt the same way. She doesn't,

1023
00:48:40,560 --> 00:48:42,839
Speaker 4: but she sees how it looks to John. I then

1024
00:48:42,920 --> 00:48:45,000
Speaker 4: asked her what she thinks I should do, and she

1025
00:48:45,120 --> 00:48:47,160
Speaker 4: told me I should lower her share and give it

1026
00:48:47,239 --> 00:48:49,360
Speaker 4: to John. She said she would rather give him the

1027
00:48:49,440 --> 00:48:52,319
Speaker 4: money than watch him disappear from the family. I also

1028
00:48:52,440 --> 00:48:55,320
Speaker 4: asked if she knew whether he actually wanted and or

1029
00:48:55,440 --> 00:48:58,359
Speaker 4: expected to run the business, and as far as she knew,

1030
00:48:58,520 --> 00:49:01,439
Speaker 4: he didn't, and was surprised at how poorly he reacted. Okay,

1031
00:49:01,520 --> 00:49:04,760
Speaker 4: so everyone was surprised because like he never expressed interest

1032
00:49:04,840 --> 00:49:06,640
Speaker 4: in it, and everyone's like, oh, you just don't want

1033
00:49:06,640 --> 00:49:07,960
Speaker 4: to do this, Like how am I supposed to be

1034
00:49:07,960 --> 00:49:08,479
Speaker 4: a mind reader?

1035
00:49:08,600 --> 00:49:11,160
Speaker 2: I feel like maybe the conversation should have come up

1036
00:49:11,360 --> 00:49:13,600
Speaker 2: naturally with you owning a business and you knowing that

1037
00:49:13,719 --> 00:49:16,480
Speaker 2: he went into business. But at the same time, no

1038
00:49:16,560 --> 00:49:18,880
Speaker 2: one's a mind reader. Just like Savannah said, like you

1039
00:49:19,000 --> 00:49:19,880
Speaker 2: can't expect that.

1040
00:49:20,280 --> 00:49:22,719
Speaker 4: Yeah, before she left, I asked her to try and

1041
00:49:22,760 --> 00:49:24,680
Speaker 4: get him to have a conversation about this, and she

1042
00:49:24,800 --> 00:49:27,239
Speaker 4: told me, sure, but don't count on it being soon.

1043
00:49:27,360 --> 00:49:29,399
Speaker 4: It's a third at it. I am sick of all

1044
00:49:29,480 --> 00:49:31,840
Speaker 4: the comments saying I don't care about my kids. My

1045
00:49:31,920 --> 00:49:34,440
Speaker 4: wife doesn't see it that way, my daughter doesn't see

1046
00:49:34,440 --> 00:49:37,720
Speaker 4: it that way. Yes, I wasn't always present in their lives,

1047
00:49:37,800 --> 00:49:40,600
Speaker 4: and yes my business did take priority at times, but

1048
00:49:40,719 --> 00:49:44,080
Speaker 4: I did my absolute darnedest to be there as much

1049
00:49:44,120 --> 00:49:47,560
Speaker 4: as I possibly could. I made time for graduations, sports events,

1050
00:49:47,600 --> 00:49:50,160
Speaker 4: and other big milestones and events as best as I could,

1051
00:49:50,320 --> 00:49:52,239
Speaker 4: and I was there for most of them. I may

1052
00:49:52,320 --> 00:49:54,160
Speaker 4: not have been present at all times, but I did

1053
00:49:54,200 --> 00:49:56,279
Speaker 4: my best to try to be. Also, Sam is not

1054
00:49:56,440 --> 00:50:00,239
Speaker 4: a complete stranger. And there is an update. Susan this

1055
00:50:00,360 --> 00:50:02,080
Speaker 4: morning and told me John is willing to talk this

1056
00:50:02,160 --> 00:50:04,879
Speaker 4: out today at lunch, just me and him. I'm going

1057
00:50:04,920 --> 00:50:06,920
Speaker 4: to make a list of talking points based on common

1058
00:50:06,960 --> 00:50:08,960
Speaker 4: things I've read here. Do everyone saying I should have

1059
00:50:09,040 --> 00:50:11,920
Speaker 4: talked to lawyer slash accountants. I agree, in hindsight that

1060
00:50:12,040 --> 00:50:14,160
Speaker 4: that would have been best, but I wanted the three

1061
00:50:14,200 --> 00:50:17,040
Speaker 4: of them to know first that I was retiring and

1062
00:50:17,200 --> 00:50:20,120
Speaker 4: my plans as I saw them. Update number two. I

1063
00:50:20,200 --> 00:50:22,600
Speaker 4: talked with John for about two hours over lunch and

1064
00:50:22,719 --> 00:50:26,200
Speaker 4: things went good. A thing I started out by apologizing

1065
00:50:26,239 --> 00:50:28,279
Speaker 4: to him for springing it on him without warning, and

1066
00:50:28,320 --> 00:50:29,920
Speaker 4: that he has my son and he has a say

1067
00:50:30,000 --> 00:50:32,080
Speaker 4: in this. And the first thing I asked him was

1068
00:50:32,120 --> 00:50:34,880
Speaker 4: if he wanted Slash expected to run the business. He

1069
00:50:35,000 --> 00:50:37,439
Speaker 4: said no to both. He recognizes that Sam is better

1070
00:50:37,480 --> 00:50:38,759
Speaker 4: prepared and he prefers.

1071
00:50:38,520 --> 00:50:39,560
Speaker 3: The work he already does.

1072
00:50:39,719 --> 00:50:42,480
Speaker 4: However, he feels that this is me officially saying that

1073
00:50:42,600 --> 00:50:45,400
Speaker 4: Sam is my real son and all he is is

1074
00:50:45,480 --> 00:50:48,200
Speaker 4: a number cruncher. When he quit, originally it was because

1075
00:50:48,200 --> 00:50:51,080
Speaker 4: he saw ME taking Sam under my wing and was jealous,

1076
00:50:51,280 --> 00:50:53,399
Speaker 4: and his lack of interest in the business made him

1077
00:50:53,400 --> 00:50:55,800
Speaker 4: feel guilty for not being the son I wanted. He

1078
00:50:55,920 --> 00:50:58,520
Speaker 4: says he knows I care about and love him, but

1079
00:50:58,600 --> 00:51:01,320
Speaker 4: it's felt like he's taken a backseat to Sam for

1080
00:51:01,360 --> 00:51:03,440
Speaker 4: the past fifteen years. I asked him what I could

1081
00:51:03,480 --> 00:51:04,879
Speaker 4: do to make it up to him, and he said

1082
00:51:04,920 --> 00:51:07,000
Speaker 4: he didn't know, and I can't move past it for now.

1083
00:51:07,160 --> 00:51:09,640
Speaker 4: I asked if he thinks he ever could he doesn't

1084
00:51:09,680 --> 00:51:13,000
Speaker 4: know this is not Opie's fault, Like this is John

1085
00:51:13,320 --> 00:51:15,080
Speaker 4: tried to, you know, like be a part of the

1086
00:51:15,120 --> 00:51:17,520
Speaker 4: family business, but then was like, oh, like I'm jealous

1087
00:51:17,520 --> 00:51:19,160
Speaker 4: of my friend, I'm gonna quit blah blah blah. So

1088
00:51:19,239 --> 00:51:21,239
Speaker 4: you did your own thing. Then you had to come

1089
00:51:21,280 --> 00:51:23,600
Speaker 4: back because you got you know, fired from your job whatever.

1090
00:51:23,800 --> 00:51:26,680
Speaker 4: But op doesn't really like, obviously he's gonna do his

1091
00:51:26,760 --> 00:51:29,239
Speaker 4: best because your family, But like that doesn't mean this

1092
00:51:29,440 --> 00:51:32,839
Speaker 4: all stems from jealousy of your friend and how your

1093
00:51:32,880 --> 00:51:35,520
Speaker 4: friend stayed there and just got to know your dad

1094
00:51:35,640 --> 00:51:38,200
Speaker 4: more on a regular basis. And now it's like, oh,

1095
00:51:38,360 --> 00:51:40,360
Speaker 4: like now he has another son. But it's like, but

1096
00:51:40,600 --> 00:51:43,560
Speaker 4: he's not trying to have your replace. That wasn't like

1097
00:51:43,680 --> 00:51:46,040
Speaker 4: the whole thing. There wasn't like some scheme that was

1098
00:51:46,160 --> 00:51:48,040
Speaker 4: behind your back saying like oh I can't wait to

1099
00:51:48,360 --> 00:51:50,399
Speaker 4: get rid of John and only hang out with sam

1100
00:51:50,520 --> 00:51:53,120
Speaker 4: My real son. You know, like none of that was

1101
00:51:53,200 --> 00:51:56,000
Speaker 4: happening behind your back, and you feel betrayed. But that's

1102
00:51:56,280 --> 00:51:59,440
Speaker 4: your own projection though, because OPI wasn't trying to make

1103
00:51:59,520 --> 00:52:02,800
Speaker 4: you like you're the one who quit. Was he supposed

1104
00:52:02,840 --> 00:52:04,719
Speaker 4: to like beg on his knees and be like, no, please,

1105
00:52:04,719 --> 00:52:06,320
Speaker 4: don't go like you're my son, I want you to

1106
00:52:06,360 --> 00:52:08,279
Speaker 4: take over lah lah lah like it just you know,

1107
00:52:08,600 --> 00:52:11,120
Speaker 4: your dad saw that you didn't really like it, and

1108
00:52:11,480 --> 00:52:14,359
Speaker 4: you quit and went to go study business instead. That's

1109
00:52:14,440 --> 00:52:16,920
Speaker 4: not a bad thing, Like you shouldn't feel bad about that.

1110
00:52:17,120 --> 00:52:19,200
Speaker 4: But if you did that because you were jealous, and

1111
00:52:19,239 --> 00:52:21,360
Speaker 4: then you expected like to come back and be like,

1112
00:52:21,480 --> 00:52:24,400
Speaker 4: oh now I'm like the number one again, that's on you.

1113
00:52:24,760 --> 00:52:26,880
Speaker 4: That has nothing to do with Ope, these are your

1114
00:52:26,960 --> 00:52:27,839
Speaker 4: own projections.

1115
00:52:28,000 --> 00:52:28,200
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1116
00:52:28,200 --> 00:52:29,960
Speaker 2: I am worried though that it's what people in the

1117
00:52:30,000 --> 00:52:32,480
Speaker 2: comments were saying that, like he went and got a

1118
00:52:32,560 --> 00:52:35,799
Speaker 2: business degree with like the expectation to take it over,

1119
00:52:35,960 --> 00:52:37,440
Speaker 2: but ultimately he said he doesn't want to take it

1120
00:52:37,480 --> 00:52:38,960
Speaker 2: over exactly, you're chilling.

1121
00:52:39,040 --> 00:52:42,359
Speaker 4: He just wants respect and wants your time basically, which

1122
00:52:42,440 --> 00:52:45,480
Speaker 4: he can get without being tied to the business. Like

1123
00:52:45,680 --> 00:52:48,440
Speaker 4: it's not the business that's the problem. Then he asked

1124
00:52:48,480 --> 00:52:51,600
Speaker 4: me whether I held him quitting against him since he

1125
00:52:51,680 --> 00:52:54,240
Speaker 4: always felt like I did. After reading so many comments

1126
00:52:54,320 --> 00:52:57,279
Speaker 4: here saying I am, I wasn't sure. And that's when

1127
00:52:57,320 --> 00:52:59,160
Speaker 4: I showed him this post and told him I might

1128
00:52:59,280 --> 00:53:01,040
Speaker 4: have but I don't. I don't know. I was hurt

1129
00:53:01,080 --> 00:53:03,200
Speaker 4: and put effort into Sam because I wanted to connect

1130
00:53:03,239 --> 00:53:06,480
Speaker 4: with someone about the business and that maybe subconsciously I

1131
00:53:06,600 --> 00:53:09,160
Speaker 4: did hold it against him, and that I was sorry

1132
00:53:09,280 --> 00:53:11,480
Speaker 4: for how I treated him regardless. He asked me for

1133
00:53:11,680 --> 00:53:13,680
Speaker 4: some time off and I told him that his job

1134
00:53:13,760 --> 00:53:16,480
Speaker 4: here is always guaranteed, and take as much time as

1135
00:53:16,520 --> 00:53:18,279
Speaker 4: he needed. Before we left, I told him that I'll

1136
00:53:18,320 --> 00:53:20,719
Speaker 4: give him space, but he needs to know that I'm

1137
00:53:20,760 --> 00:53:24,239
Speaker 4: there for him if he needs apprehensive Girls seventy eight

1138
00:53:24,400 --> 00:53:27,279
Speaker 4: ninety five. So this is the Sun's side, and this

1139
00:53:27,400 --> 00:53:28,279
Speaker 4: is two days later.

1140
00:53:28,480 --> 00:53:29,200
Speaker 3: This is John.

1141
00:53:29,480 --> 00:53:31,680
Speaker 4: I'm only here to fill you all in on the

1142
00:53:31,719 --> 00:53:34,480
Speaker 4: things my dad omitted. Sam has been my friend from

1143
00:53:34,480 --> 00:53:37,200
Speaker 4: the age of twelve. His parents passed away when he

1144
00:53:37,360 --> 00:53:39,680
Speaker 4: was a kid, and he moved in with his grandparents.

1145
00:53:39,760 --> 00:53:41,440
Speaker 4: We went to school together and hung out a lot.

1146
00:53:41,520 --> 00:53:43,719
Speaker 4: He slept in our guest room so much that over

1147
00:53:43,840 --> 00:53:46,480
Speaker 4: time my mom jokingly referred to it as his room.

1148
00:53:46,640 --> 00:53:49,160
Speaker 4: We were best friends, and we still are. My dad

1149
00:53:49,239 --> 00:53:52,080
Speaker 4: isn't lying when he said he was mostly there and

1150
00:53:52,400 --> 00:53:54,640
Speaker 4: that he was at my soccer games, but he would

1151
00:53:54,680 --> 00:53:56,759
Speaker 4: be on the phone for half of it. I love

1152
00:53:56,840 --> 00:53:59,040
Speaker 4: my dad, but I felt like I fought for his

1153
00:53:59,160 --> 00:54:01,319
Speaker 4: attention then, and he said I needed a job when

1154
00:54:01,360 --> 00:54:03,879
Speaker 4: I turned seventeen, and he always promised i'd work with him.

1155
00:54:03,920 --> 00:54:06,799
Speaker 4: I'm going to respect my father's privacy and keep this anonymous,

1156
00:54:06,960 --> 00:54:10,040
Speaker 4: but his work is niche. I wanted to like it,

1157
00:54:10,200 --> 00:54:12,759
Speaker 4: but I just didn't. However, my dad tried to make

1158
00:54:12,840 --> 00:54:15,160
Speaker 4: it fun for me, and despite wanting to quit after

1159
00:54:15,200 --> 00:54:17,759
Speaker 4: the first week, I have really great memories from the

1160
00:54:17,800 --> 00:54:20,640
Speaker 4: first four months. Sam joined a month after me, and

1161
00:54:20,800 --> 00:54:23,479
Speaker 4: he got into it very quickly, and he got better

1162
00:54:23,600 --> 00:54:26,040
Speaker 4: way faster than me. I quit because I couldn't stand

1163
00:54:26,080 --> 00:54:28,000
Speaker 4: it anymore, and my dad really tried his best to

1164
00:54:28,040 --> 00:54:30,239
Speaker 4: find something I could do there that I was happy with.

1165
00:54:30,360 --> 00:54:32,560
Speaker 4: I knew it hurt him, but I didn't understand why.

1166
00:54:32,680 --> 00:54:35,279
Speaker 4: The only time he was ever truly there was at work.

1167
00:54:35,320 --> 00:54:37,680
Speaker 4: I didn't understand why he preferred doing that with Sam

1168
00:54:37,760 --> 00:54:39,440
Speaker 4: over me. I went out of state for college and

1169
00:54:39,600 --> 00:54:41,840
Speaker 4: wasn't sure if i'd come back. While I was at college,

1170
00:54:41,960 --> 00:54:44,320
Speaker 4: Sam and my sister started dating, and I learned this

1171
00:54:44,480 --> 00:54:47,000
Speaker 4: when I went back for Christmas my first year, when

1172
00:54:47,000 --> 00:54:49,160
Speaker 4: they told me they asked me for my blessing since

1173
00:54:49,480 --> 00:54:51,399
Speaker 4: he was my best friend and wanted to make sure

1174
00:54:51,400 --> 00:54:52,120
Speaker 4: I accepted them.

1175
00:54:52,200 --> 00:54:52,720
Speaker 3: I didn't.

1176
00:54:52,920 --> 00:54:55,080
Speaker 4: I broke down in front of them and begged them

1177
00:54:55,200 --> 00:54:58,680
Speaker 4: not to. Then I'd have been officially replaced. It was

1178
00:54:58,760 --> 00:55:01,120
Speaker 4: a very awkward winter break. After that, Sam went to

1179
00:55:01,160 --> 00:55:03,279
Speaker 4: college close to home and started renting a room for

1180
00:55:03,360 --> 00:55:05,520
Speaker 4: my dad. We didn't really talk much for the rest

1181
00:55:05,560 --> 00:55:07,759
Speaker 4: of college, and my parents didn't bring him up much

1182
00:55:07,880 --> 00:55:10,640
Speaker 4: unless I asked. My dad told me all throughout college

1183
00:55:10,680 --> 00:55:12,480
Speaker 4: that I am always welcome back to his company and

1184
00:55:12,520 --> 00:55:14,399
Speaker 4: he'd find the right role for me. I didn't want

1185
00:55:14,400 --> 00:55:16,000
Speaker 4: to go back, I said all my breaks at my

1186
00:55:16,080 --> 00:55:18,640
Speaker 4: college city. My sister ended up going to college across

1187
00:55:18,719 --> 00:55:20,719
Speaker 4: the country, and no one heard from her for a while.

1188
00:55:21,200 --> 00:55:23,120
Speaker 4: She'd call me maybe two times a year, and our

1189
00:55:23,200 --> 00:55:25,600
Speaker 4: parents a little more than that. A while after college,

1190
00:55:25,719 --> 00:55:28,279
Speaker 4: Sam came to visit me unexpectedly. He said he was

1191
00:55:28,320 --> 00:55:30,680
Speaker 4: sorry and hated the fact that he was the reason

1192
00:55:30,840 --> 00:55:32,759
Speaker 4: why I didn't want to come home for the past

1193
00:55:32,880 --> 00:55:35,279
Speaker 4: five years. He understood if I couldn't stand to be

1194
00:55:35,360 --> 00:55:37,719
Speaker 4: near him, but that I'm still his best friend even

1195
00:55:37,760 --> 00:55:39,880
Speaker 4: if I felt differently. He was also angry at me

1196
00:55:40,080 --> 00:55:41,680
Speaker 4: for a few years since I was the one who

1197
00:55:41,800 --> 00:55:44,719
Speaker 4: lost to him his love. But my dad accidentally called

1198
00:55:44,760 --> 00:55:47,360
Speaker 4: him by my name, and it dawned on him what

1199
00:55:47,480 --> 00:55:49,840
Speaker 4: I was feeling. When I saw him ditting my sister.

1200
00:55:50,120 --> 00:55:52,560
Speaker 4: I forgave him and apologized for keeping him from my sister,

1201
00:55:52,719 --> 00:55:55,040
Speaker 4: but I said I still didn't think i'd come home.

1202
00:55:55,200 --> 00:55:57,080
Speaker 4: He accepted that, but said I needed to.

1203
00:55:57,120 --> 00:55:57,680
Speaker 2: Call and visit.

1204
00:55:58,040 --> 00:55:59,920
Speaker 4: My sister moved back to our hometown with a guy

1205
00:56:00,160 --> 00:56:02,359
Speaker 4: she met in college. They got married soon after. Sam

1206
00:56:02,440 --> 00:56:05,200
Speaker 4: didn't take it the best, but he eventually found someone

1207
00:56:05,239 --> 00:56:07,360
Speaker 4: and moved into the same neighborhood as my dad. I

1208
00:56:07,480 --> 00:56:09,560
Speaker 4: was working in my college city for a few years

1209
00:56:09,600 --> 00:56:11,560
Speaker 4: as an accountant, and I met a girl. But my

1210
00:56:11,680 --> 00:56:14,439
Speaker 4: company downsized and I lost both my job and the girl.

1211
00:56:14,880 --> 00:56:17,479
Speaker 4: So you go it through it, And you had past

1212
00:56:17,560 --> 00:56:21,279
Speaker 4: trauma from like always feeling in like Sam's shadow and

1213
00:56:21,400 --> 00:56:22,879
Speaker 4: not being enough for your dad.

1214
00:56:23,040 --> 00:56:24,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, I can see how this piled up.

1215
00:56:24,560 --> 00:56:26,640
Speaker 4: I told my dad, and he said he'd cover all

1216
00:56:26,719 --> 00:56:28,799
Speaker 4: my rent until I found another job. Instead of half

1217
00:56:28,920 --> 00:56:31,040
Speaker 4: like he normally did, I asked if he could use

1218
00:56:31,080 --> 00:56:33,799
Speaker 4: an accountant. He lit up immediately and said, of course

1219
00:56:33,880 --> 00:56:35,759
Speaker 4: he did. I spent a few months back at home

1220
00:56:35,840 --> 00:56:37,799
Speaker 4: so I could find a place that was four years

1221
00:56:37,840 --> 00:56:39,920
Speaker 4: ago and the four years since my dad has had

1222
00:56:40,000 --> 00:56:42,160
Speaker 4: lunch with me and Sam every day. I actually really

1223
00:56:42,280 --> 00:56:44,040
Speaker 4: enjoyed it, and it made me think of the good

1224
00:56:44,120 --> 00:56:46,360
Speaker 4: memories from when I worked there as a teenager, and

1225
00:56:46,520 --> 00:56:48,879
Speaker 4: my job is actually enjoyable. I knew he was going

1226
00:56:48,920 --> 00:56:51,319
Speaker 4: to replace my dad. He should I was and still

1227
00:56:51,360 --> 00:56:53,920
Speaker 4: am a bit bitter about it. The term spoil Brad

1228
00:56:54,080 --> 00:56:55,000
Speaker 4: is really prevalent here.

1229
00:56:55,160 --> 00:56:57,279
Speaker 2: I mean, I think that's good that it's coming out now,

1230
00:56:57,520 --> 00:56:59,360
Speaker 2: but I think it's Yes. Do I agree with you

1231
00:56:59,440 --> 00:57:01,399
Speaker 2: that a lot of this is coming from insecurity, Yeah,

1232
00:57:01,560 --> 00:57:03,560
Speaker 2: for sure, But I also just feel like a lot

1233
00:57:03,600 --> 00:57:07,040
Speaker 2: of it's like you didn't feel like loved or wanted

1234
00:57:07,120 --> 00:57:09,720
Speaker 2: from your dad when you sound like you were trying,

1235
00:57:10,080 --> 00:57:11,799
Speaker 2: like I could totally see how that was hard.

1236
00:57:12,000 --> 00:57:13,880
Speaker 4: I could see how this has been building up and

1237
00:57:14,000 --> 00:57:17,919
Speaker 4: that this is a big, like unhealed wound that has

1238
00:57:18,280 --> 00:57:21,320
Speaker 4: yet to start the healing process. I think now talking

1239
00:57:21,360 --> 00:57:24,000
Speaker 4: to your dad about it has like there's been no

1240
00:57:24,200 --> 00:57:27,880
Speaker 4: discussion of it whatsoever four years, and now all of

1241
00:57:27,920 --> 00:57:30,560
Speaker 4: a sudden, it just you know, you took enough and

1242
00:57:30,720 --> 00:57:32,800
Speaker 4: your body knows, your body knows when it's time.

1243
00:57:33,000 --> 00:57:36,280
Speaker 2: It sounds like a lot of avoided topics for this year.

1244
00:57:36,760 --> 00:57:38,600
Speaker 4: You let it all just push onto the rug. Well,

1245
00:57:38,680 --> 00:57:41,280
Speaker 4: the rug is now exploded, and now you have to

1246
00:57:41,320 --> 00:57:43,240
Speaker 4: deal with your trauma. You know what better time to

1247
00:57:43,280 --> 00:57:45,200
Speaker 4: do it than now? And here we come to dinner.

1248
00:57:45,360 --> 00:57:47,560
Speaker 4: But before I need to stress something about my dad.

1249
00:57:47,720 --> 00:57:50,120
Speaker 4: He is scatterbrained and kind of reckless. You will make

1250
00:57:50,160 --> 00:57:53,200
Speaker 4: bad financial decisions, which is why he has two dedicated

1251
00:57:53,320 --> 00:57:57,080
Speaker 4: financial planners employed. He talks to before he signs anything.

1252
00:57:57,280 --> 00:57:59,800
Speaker 4: So at the restaurant when he said what his plans are,

1253
00:58:00,040 --> 00:58:02,160
Speaker 4: I know that's not what actually is going to happen.

1254
00:58:02,280 --> 00:58:05,040
Speaker 4: Bert and Ernie won't let him do that. My dad

1255
00:58:05,120 --> 00:58:07,720
Speaker 4: covered our talk we had today. I wanted to post

1256
00:58:07,760 --> 00:58:09,800
Speaker 4: here because of the number of people here who are

1257
00:58:09,840 --> 00:58:13,480
Speaker 4: imposing such radical presumptions of the situation, and assuming I'm

1258
00:58:13,520 --> 00:58:16,560
Speaker 4: so better, I'd f over my dad's company just to

1259
00:58:16,600 --> 00:58:18,800
Speaker 4: stick it to him. I've realized how much resentment I

1260
00:58:18,880 --> 00:58:21,040
Speaker 4: have built up, and I don't know if I'm going

1261
00:58:21,120 --> 00:58:23,919
Speaker 4: to stay here or move yet. Honestly, kind of cool

1262
00:58:23,960 --> 00:58:25,360
Speaker 4: that we got two perspectives.

1263
00:58:25,560 --> 00:58:27,120
Speaker 2: I love the stories when we get this.

1264
00:58:27,440 --> 00:58:30,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, I've never witnessed that. Yeah, so I've always just

1265
00:58:30,600 --> 00:58:34,200
Speaker 4: had the one. But I kind of like because it's like, yeah,

1266
00:58:34,440 --> 00:58:36,680
Speaker 4: you hear both sides, and it's like, okay, so this

1267
00:58:36,880 --> 00:58:40,880
Speaker 4: is resentment from the sun and he's grew up in

1268
00:58:41,080 --> 00:58:43,080
Speaker 4: you know, his best friend's shadow, and it's hard.

1269
00:58:43,320 --> 00:58:45,040
Speaker 2: I also like at the end, he's like, I'm not

1270
00:58:45,040 --> 00:58:46,760
Speaker 2: sure if I'm gonna move, Like I think that it

1271
00:58:46,800 --> 00:58:48,600
Speaker 2: could be really nice to move and like kind of

1272
00:58:48,640 --> 00:58:51,360
Speaker 2: start fresh. But I feel like you will have to

1273
00:58:51,480 --> 00:58:53,640
Speaker 2: work a lot harder to make sure that you're like

1274
00:58:53,800 --> 00:58:56,640
Speaker 2: continuing to talk to your parents if you want to

1275
00:58:56,760 --> 00:58:58,240
Speaker 2: try to rebuild this relationship.

1276
00:58:58,400 --> 00:59:01,600
Speaker 4: You definitely, John, I hope that you learn how to

1277
00:59:02,280 --> 00:59:04,680
Speaker 4: deal with your trauma and talk it out and talk

1278
00:59:04,720 --> 00:59:07,200
Speaker 4: it through and communicate with people that are involved in it,

1279
00:59:07,280 --> 00:59:09,200
Speaker 4: because they're not mind readers. They don't know, like your

1280
00:59:09,280 --> 00:59:12,920
Speaker 4: dad literally had no idea. So that's the issue here

1281
00:59:13,080 --> 00:59:15,680
Speaker 4: is that there wasn't enough communication happening between the two

1282
00:59:15,760 --> 00:59:17,680
Speaker 4: of you, And I think if there was a clear

1283
00:59:17,720 --> 00:59:20,400
Speaker 4: communication and if you both sat down, like you know,

1284
00:59:20,560 --> 00:59:23,080
Speaker 4: once a month or something and like really just talked

1285
00:59:23,120 --> 00:59:26,160
Speaker 4: it out, like just talk through things and figure out, like,

1286
00:59:26,320 --> 00:59:28,840
Speaker 4: how can this become something more? How can we grow

1287
00:59:28,920 --> 00:59:30,880
Speaker 4: on this? How can we come to a resolution?

1288
00:59:31,080 --> 00:59:31,200
Speaker 2: You know?

1289
00:59:31,480 --> 00:59:32,760
Speaker 4: And it is going to take time, it's going to

1290
00:59:32,800 --> 00:59:34,680
Speaker 4: take effort, and if you both want it, you'll both

1291
00:59:34,760 --> 00:59:36,200
Speaker 4: do it. I wish you the best of luck. I

1292
00:59:36,240 --> 00:59:38,320
Speaker 4: think it'll all work out. I think that you guys

1293
00:59:38,400 --> 00:59:40,920
Speaker 4: have a good family, and like it seems like it

1294
00:59:41,040 --> 00:59:44,440
Speaker 4: from this, and everyone's kind of like open and respectful

1295
00:59:44,520 --> 00:59:45,560
Speaker 4: and supportive of each other.

1296
00:59:45,880 --> 00:59:48,640
Speaker 2: But there's the end story, and we got another one.

1297
00:59:49,480 --> 00:59:53,040
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite goofball host here, and we're

1298
00:59:53,040 --> 00:59:54,800
Speaker 1: going to get back to the stories. But here's three

1299
00:59:54,840 --> 00:59:56,440
Speaker 1: minutes of ads from our sponsors.

1300
00:59:57,280 --> 01:00:00,840
Speaker 2: My dad scheduled his wedding of the day after my graduation,

1301
01:00:01,240 --> 01:00:02,760
Speaker 2: and I had a choice to make.

1302
01:00:02,920 --> 01:00:04,640
Speaker 4: I'm a little busy graduating.

1303
01:00:04,880 --> 01:00:07,960
Speaker 2: Okay, So I'm writing this at twenty eight, and all

1304
01:00:08,080 --> 01:00:10,000
Speaker 2: of these events took place while I was in my

1305
01:00:10,160 --> 01:00:13,400
Speaker 2: late teens and early twenties. I have a good relationship

1306
01:00:13,480 --> 01:00:15,920
Speaker 2: with both my dad and his wife. I'll call her

1307
01:00:16,080 --> 01:00:19,200
Speaker 2: Victoria here today, and I pretty much always have. But

1308
01:00:19,360 --> 01:00:22,640
Speaker 2: looking back, I realized my dad's wife was very unfair

1309
01:00:22,760 --> 01:00:25,600
Speaker 2: and unkind to me. On a number of occasions when

1310
01:00:25,640 --> 01:00:28,120
Speaker 2: I was still technically a child, and later when I

1311
01:00:28,280 --> 01:00:30,520
Speaker 2: was still in a position where I needed my dad's

1312
01:00:30,600 --> 01:00:33,960
Speaker 2: help with the things that weren't huge inconveniences to him.

1313
01:00:34,000 --> 01:00:36,080
Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from Snowpen and if you

1314
01:00:36,120 --> 01:00:37,840
Speaker 2: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

1315
01:00:37,880 --> 01:00:40,840
Speaker 2: slash Okay storytime sub brought it. I'm Carly and I'm Savannah,

1316
01:00:40,960 --> 01:00:43,080
Speaker 2: and we're here to give good advice. Goofully, but we

1317
01:00:43,160 --> 01:00:45,080
Speaker 2: don't have all the answers. We only know what we

1318
01:00:45,120 --> 01:00:46,560
Speaker 2: would do. Let us know what you would do in

1319
01:00:46,600 --> 01:00:49,320
Speaker 2: the comments. My dad hasn't ever really been unkind to

1320
01:00:49,440 --> 01:00:51,720
Speaker 2: me on purpose, but he's played a part in it

1321
01:00:51,880 --> 01:00:54,120
Speaker 2: since he hasn't ever really stood up for me. A

1322
01:00:54,160 --> 01:00:56,800
Speaker 2: pretty important detail is that my dad can be pretty

1323
01:00:56,800 --> 01:00:59,880
Speaker 2: impulsive and tends to feel that other people are entitled

1324
01:01:00,080 --> 01:01:03,280
Speaker 2: and using him, and Victoria shares this trait, making them

1325
01:01:03,320 --> 01:01:05,720
Speaker 2: pretty unpleasant to deal with that time. My dad and

1326
01:01:05,800 --> 01:01:08,120
Speaker 2: his wife have been together since I was fifteen or

1327
01:01:08,200 --> 01:01:11,000
Speaker 2: sixteen years old. I have a brother who's four years

1328
01:01:11,000 --> 01:01:13,560
Speaker 2: older than me, and Victoria has a daughter who's my

1329
01:01:13,680 --> 01:01:16,400
Speaker 2: brother's age, so when they got together, I was the

1330
01:01:16,520 --> 01:01:19,360
Speaker 2: only kid who was still underage and living with my dad.

1331
01:01:19,520 --> 01:01:22,400
Speaker 2: At the beginning of their relationship, everything was totally fine,

1332
01:01:22,600 --> 01:01:24,880
Speaker 2: and Victoria and I got along well enough, but we

1333
01:01:24,960 --> 01:01:27,360
Speaker 2: didn't see each other very much since she and Dad

1334
01:01:27,400 --> 01:01:29,800
Speaker 2: didn't live together and I only stayed with him every

1335
01:01:29,880 --> 01:01:33,800
Speaker 2: other week. Pretty soon, however, she started making remarks implying

1336
01:01:33,880 --> 01:01:36,520
Speaker 2: that my parents spoiled me, mainly that they spent too

1337
01:01:36,600 --> 01:01:38,960
Speaker 2: much time helping me with things like driving me to

1338
01:01:39,040 --> 01:01:41,880
Speaker 2: basketball games, cooking for me, or making sure I did

1339
01:01:41,960 --> 01:01:47,280
Speaker 2: my homework. I have EUPD emotionally unstable personality disorder and

1340
01:01:47,520 --> 01:01:50,920
Speaker 2: GAD and recurring depression that went undiagnosed until I was

1341
01:01:50,960 --> 01:01:53,080
Speaker 2: twenty two, and as a result, I've always had a

1342
01:01:53,120 --> 01:01:56,080
Speaker 2: pretty low self esteem and low sense of self worth.

1343
01:01:56,280 --> 01:01:59,560
Speaker 2: So when Victoria implied that I was demanding and getting

1344
01:01:59,560 --> 01:02:02,560
Speaker 2: attention and I wasn't entitled to, it really hit home

1345
01:02:02,680 --> 01:02:05,080
Speaker 2: and made me feel terrible. There were also a bunch

1346
01:02:05,160 --> 01:02:07,640
Speaker 2: of instances where she said or implied that I was

1347
01:02:07,800 --> 01:02:11,440
Speaker 2: ungrateful and didn't show my dad enough appreciation. One occurrence

1348
01:02:11,480 --> 01:02:14,600
Speaker 2: I remember very clearly and actually felt was unfair at

1349
01:02:14,640 --> 01:02:16,960
Speaker 2: the time since it was so blatant. Happened when I

1350
01:02:17,120 --> 01:02:20,120
Speaker 2: was nineteen and graduating high school. My parents hadn't been

1351
01:02:20,200 --> 01:02:23,080
Speaker 2: overly strict about me not partying and drinking while I

1352
01:02:23,200 --> 01:02:25,520
Speaker 2: was in school. I live in Sweden, where it's legal

1353
01:02:25,600 --> 01:02:28,560
Speaker 2: to drink at eighteen, and my graduation was definitely a

1354
01:02:28,640 --> 01:02:31,920
Speaker 2: day where getting sauced was fine, with no judgment regarding

1355
01:02:31,960 --> 01:02:34,800
Speaker 2: the resulting hangover. My parents were throwing me a party

1356
01:02:34,960 --> 01:02:37,200
Speaker 2: and inviting a ton of family and friends, which is

1357
01:02:37,280 --> 01:02:40,000
Speaker 2: the custom in Sweden, and I was really looking forward

1358
01:02:40,080 --> 01:02:42,760
Speaker 2: to it. Then, maybe three weeks before the big day,

1359
01:02:42,920 --> 01:02:45,280
Speaker 2: my dad in Victoria announced that they were going to

1360
01:02:45,360 --> 01:02:49,040
Speaker 2: get married the day after my graduation. At noon, they

1361
01:02:49,120 --> 01:02:51,640
Speaker 2: were just going to an open air museum and park

1362
01:02:51,720 --> 01:02:54,760
Speaker 2: in Stockholm where they were conducting wedding ceremonies on that

1363
01:02:54,880 --> 01:02:57,080
Speaker 2: particular day. They told me they would really like me

1364
01:02:57,200 --> 01:02:59,480
Speaker 2: to come celebrate with them and maybe sing a song

1365
01:02:59,560 --> 01:03:01,960
Speaker 2: at the saramony. I feel like not attending would be

1366
01:03:02,080 --> 01:03:06,400
Speaker 2: like passively aggressively disapproving of their marriage. But going then

1367
01:03:06,440 --> 01:03:08,120
Speaker 2: I would have to get up early and be in

1368
01:03:08,240 --> 01:03:10,959
Speaker 2: good shape the morning after my graduation, and it wasn't

1369
01:03:11,040 --> 01:03:13,280
Speaker 2: like they had planned it before knowing the date of

1370
01:03:13,360 --> 01:03:16,680
Speaker 2: my graduation either having to choose between going all out

1371
01:03:16,760 --> 01:03:19,960
Speaker 2: on my own graduation and being an unselfish daughter gave

1372
01:03:20,000 --> 01:03:22,439
Speaker 2: me a lot of anxiety. In the end, my mom

1373
01:03:22,560 --> 01:03:24,920
Speaker 2: put her foot down and explained to my dad how

1374
01:03:25,080 --> 01:03:27,440
Speaker 2: thoughtless it was to decide to get married on that

1375
01:03:27,640 --> 01:03:30,240
Speaker 2: particular day and to make me feel like I was

1376
01:03:30,320 --> 01:03:33,080
Speaker 2: in the wrong for wanting to prioritize my own celebration

1377
01:03:33,400 --> 01:03:36,200
Speaker 2: over their ceremony, which they could have held at literally

1378
01:03:36,320 --> 01:03:39,040
Speaker 2: any other time. So when I told Dad in Victoria

1379
01:03:39,120 --> 01:03:41,439
Speaker 2: that I wouldn't attend because I'd be too tired after

1380
01:03:41,520 --> 01:03:45,120
Speaker 2: my graduation, Victoria acted really sad and disappointed in me.

1381
01:03:45,280 --> 01:03:47,720
Speaker 2: When the day of my graduation came, they spent pretty

1382
01:03:47,800 --> 01:03:51,320
Speaker 2: much my entire party talking to the guests about the wedding,

1383
01:03:51,520 --> 01:03:53,800
Speaker 2: and they left it around five pm because they had

1384
01:03:53,960 --> 01:03:56,760
Speaker 2: such a big day tomorrow. Meanwhile, my mom's boyfriend of

1385
01:03:56,800 --> 01:04:00,640
Speaker 2: six months helped out a bunch at the party take pictures,

1386
01:04:00,760 --> 01:04:03,920
Speaker 2: making sure people had drinks and keeping the buffet looking nice,

1387
01:04:04,000 --> 01:04:06,480
Speaker 2: and he had absolutely no obligation to do any of that.

1388
01:04:06,720 --> 01:04:09,800
Speaker 2: This is such a clear example of them totally disregarding

1389
01:04:09,920 --> 01:04:12,640
Speaker 2: my feelings while making me feel like the bad guy.

1390
01:04:12,720 --> 01:04:14,720
Speaker 2: And it was not the first nor the last time

1391
01:04:14,800 --> 01:04:17,440
Speaker 2: they did something like this. For example, I spent the

1392
01:04:17,520 --> 01:04:20,240
Speaker 2: year after graduation working as an au pair in Germany

1393
01:04:20,440 --> 01:04:23,240
Speaker 2: and came home for Christmas. Getting to the airport outside

1394
01:04:23,280 --> 01:04:27,560
Speaker 2: of Stockholm via public transport is expensive, time consuming, and

1395
01:04:27,680 --> 01:04:29,720
Speaker 2: a hassle when you have a lot of luggage, so

1396
01:04:29,840 --> 01:04:31,440
Speaker 2: I asked my dad if he would give me a

1397
01:04:31,560 --> 01:04:33,720
Speaker 2: ride when I was heading back to Germany for another

1398
01:04:33,800 --> 01:04:36,400
Speaker 2: eight months. Victoria was there when I asked, and she

1399
01:04:36,520 --> 01:04:40,000
Speaker 2: immediately said it was unnecessary since it would only take

1400
01:04:40,080 --> 01:04:42,360
Speaker 2: up about two hours of his day, and then I

1401
01:04:42,400 --> 01:04:45,800
Speaker 2: should just take public transport. There was some minor inconvenience

1402
01:04:45,840 --> 01:04:48,320
Speaker 2: involved for them, like having to leave their cabin a

1403
01:04:48,400 --> 01:04:50,840
Speaker 2: bit earlier than they wanted to, so asking for a

1404
01:04:50,960 --> 01:04:53,560
Speaker 2: ride was apparently a sign of how spoiled I was.

1405
01:04:53,760 --> 01:04:56,480
Speaker 2: My dad agreed and asked why my mom couldn't drive me,

1406
01:04:56,800 --> 01:04:59,680
Speaker 2: not knowing she was having surgery that day, which was

1407
01:04:59,760 --> 01:05:01,360
Speaker 2: the the only reason I had asked him in the

1408
01:05:01,440 --> 01:05:04,560
Speaker 2: first place. Victoria told me to grow up and just

1409
01:05:04,720 --> 01:05:06,880
Speaker 2: take the bus. Right Then it hit me to ask

1410
01:05:06,960 --> 01:05:09,120
Speaker 2: her whether she didn't give her own daughter a ride

1411
01:05:09,160 --> 01:05:11,560
Speaker 2: to the train station when she was going to university.

1412
01:05:11,720 --> 01:05:14,280
Speaker 2: Which was around three hours away by train with a

1413
01:05:14,320 --> 01:05:17,080
Speaker 2: lot of luggage. She answered without blinking that if she

1414
01:05:17,160 --> 01:05:19,440
Speaker 2: has a lot of luggage, I simply drive her all

1415
01:05:19,520 --> 01:05:22,000
Speaker 2: the way there, which takes about four hours by car.

1416
01:05:22,320 --> 01:05:25,120
Speaker 2: And even after this, she and my dad still insisted

1417
01:05:25,200 --> 01:05:27,840
Speaker 2: that I was spoiled for wanting a ride. As I

1418
01:05:27,960 --> 01:05:30,680
Speaker 2: said at the beginning, my dad, Victoria and I are

1419
01:05:30,760 --> 01:05:33,440
Speaker 2: on good terms today and there's no friction. Part of

1420
01:05:33,480 --> 01:05:36,240
Speaker 2: that is probably because I've gotten better at not asking

1421
01:05:36,320 --> 01:05:38,200
Speaker 2: them for help, and because we don't hang out or

1422
01:05:38,240 --> 01:05:40,520
Speaker 2: talk a lot. I don't really see things changing. But

1423
01:05:40,640 --> 01:05:42,920
Speaker 2: I'm also okay with the way things are, and we

1424
01:05:43,000 --> 01:05:43,520
Speaker 2: haven't edit.

1425
01:05:43,680 --> 01:05:47,120
Speaker 4: But oh boy, oh boy, yeah, this woman just like

1426
01:05:47,280 --> 01:05:49,560
Speaker 4: we read so many stories about how like you know,

1427
01:05:49,760 --> 01:05:51,800
Speaker 4: stepmom comes in and they try to like take over

1428
01:05:51,920 --> 01:05:54,080
Speaker 4: the whole household and like make it theirs, and then

1429
01:05:54,200 --> 01:05:57,160
Speaker 4: like you know, partner of the step whatever.

1430
01:05:57,320 --> 01:06:00,920
Speaker 3: Is always just like, well, you know what she wants.

1431
01:06:01,160 --> 01:06:04,240
Speaker 4: Go Well, it's like I have a backgroone and be like, no, actually,

1432
01:06:04,520 --> 01:06:06,840
Speaker 4: you shouldn't be like coming into my family to change it.

1433
01:06:06,960 --> 01:06:09,680
Speaker 4: You should be in a nice addition to it, right, that's.

1434
01:06:09,560 --> 01:06:09,840
Speaker 1: What you do.

1435
01:06:10,320 --> 01:06:12,440
Speaker 2: I realized, I should add some context about the wedding,

1436
01:06:12,480 --> 01:06:15,240
Speaker 2: since there might be cultural and language differences around what

1437
01:06:15,480 --> 01:06:18,640
Speaker 2: constitutes a wedding, and this might cause some misunderstanding. My

1438
01:06:18,760 --> 01:06:22,280
Speaker 2: dad in Victoria got married primarily for financial reasons, as

1439
01:06:22,360 --> 01:06:24,680
Speaker 2: they were buying a house together. Wedding might not have

1440
01:06:24,760 --> 01:06:27,640
Speaker 2: been the correct word. Eloping might be more accurate for

1441
01:06:27,720 --> 01:06:29,480
Speaker 2: what they did. They went to this park where an

1442
01:06:29,480 --> 01:06:32,439
Speaker 2: officiant was available for free that day, stood in line

1443
01:06:32,480 --> 01:06:34,600
Speaker 2: with a bunch of other couples, got married and had

1444
01:06:34,640 --> 01:06:36,800
Speaker 2: a picnic after they planned it on a whim when

1445
01:06:36,840 --> 01:06:39,360
Speaker 2: they heard about the setup, and knowing my dad, they

1446
01:06:39,400 --> 01:06:41,960
Speaker 2: probably didn't realize or remember it was the day after

1447
01:06:42,040 --> 01:06:44,959
Speaker 2: my graduation until they told me. They hadn't heard about

1448
01:06:45,000 --> 01:06:47,440
Speaker 2: this particular event. They would have just gone to the

1449
01:06:47,520 --> 01:06:51,400
Speaker 2: courthouse anytime and signed the papers and had a dinner afterward.

1450
01:06:51,520 --> 01:06:54,000
Speaker 2: Other very viable options would have been too highre an

1451
01:06:54,040 --> 01:06:56,520
Speaker 2: efficiant to wed them in the park on a different date,

1452
01:06:56,720 --> 01:06:59,280
Speaker 2: or to ask one of my dad's many judge colleagues

1453
01:06:59,360 --> 01:07:02,000
Speaker 2: to officiate. It sounds like they could have changed this

1454
01:07:02,240 --> 01:07:04,560
Speaker 2: to any other day once they found out.

1455
01:07:04,840 --> 01:07:07,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, and it's just the fact that they're being very

1456
01:07:07,720 --> 01:07:10,840
Speaker 4: inconsiderate even though they're on separate days. Like I understand that,

1457
01:07:11,040 --> 01:07:13,360
Speaker 4: and I understand you probably could, like it's not like

1458
01:07:13,440 --> 01:07:15,440
Speaker 4: you spent all day at to graduation, but you do

1459
01:07:15,600 --> 01:07:16,160
Speaker 4: kind of see, but.

1460
01:07:16,200 --> 01:07:20,000
Speaker 2: They wanted to hope you wanted to party, Yeah, and

1461
01:07:20,160 --> 01:07:20,680
Speaker 2: like you should.

1462
01:07:20,720 --> 01:07:23,439
Speaker 4: It's a big deal, graduations of huge deals. So yeah,

1463
01:07:23,480 --> 01:07:25,680
Speaker 4: you should be able to have that day to like,

1464
01:07:26,160 --> 01:07:28,160
Speaker 4: you know, a party whatever, and then the next day

1465
01:07:28,160 --> 01:07:28,960
Speaker 4: you not have to worry.

1466
01:07:28,840 --> 01:07:32,000
Speaker 1: About getting up and like getting ready going like a wedding.

1467
01:07:32,160 --> 01:07:35,480
Speaker 4: Like that's crazy, and also like, I just don't think

1468
01:07:35,720 --> 01:07:38,640
Speaker 4: that you should have done that when they found out

1469
01:07:38,640 --> 01:07:39,640
Speaker 4: that they actually could.

1470
01:07:39,640 --> 01:07:41,800
Speaker 2: Just change it. I really have no idea why it

1471
01:07:41,880 --> 01:07:43,680
Speaker 2: was so important for them to get married on that

1472
01:07:43,840 --> 01:07:46,080
Speaker 2: specific day, as it has nothing to do with an

1473
01:07:46,080 --> 01:07:48,960
Speaker 2: anniversary or anything like that. My best guess is that

1474
01:07:49,040 --> 01:07:51,680
Speaker 2: my dad didn't remember I was graduating the day before,

1475
01:07:51,920 --> 01:07:54,120
Speaker 2: and they didn't want to change it once they realized,

1476
01:07:54,200 --> 01:07:56,560
Speaker 2: so they decided I was the problem. Since it was

1477
01:07:56,640 --> 01:07:59,560
Speaker 2: such short notice, not many people came either. In the end,

1478
01:07:59,600 --> 01:08:01,840
Speaker 2: I think it was Victoria's daughter and mother and a

1479
01:08:01,920 --> 01:08:04,400
Speaker 2: couple of friends who made it. My brother also declined

1480
01:08:04,400 --> 01:08:07,280
Speaker 2: to attend with no particular reason given, and they had

1481
01:08:07,400 --> 01:08:09,680
Speaker 2: no problem with that. That's the end of the story.

1482
01:08:09,840 --> 01:08:11,720
Speaker 4: Wow, so these people actually suck.

1483
01:08:11,880 --> 01:08:13,680
Speaker 2: Sounds like they just wanted to have a problem.

1484
01:08:13,840 --> 01:08:16,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, it sounds like they were like, hmmm, how can

1485
01:08:17,000 --> 01:08:19,680
Speaker 4: I make this not my issue and turn it on

1486
01:08:19,800 --> 01:08:20,960
Speaker 4: everyone else involved?

1487
01:08:21,240 --> 01:08:25,120
Speaker 2: So I'm glad that you guys are good now, I guess.

1488
01:08:25,439 --> 01:08:27,719
Speaker 4: Yeah, I guess yeah, because this was written like probably

1489
01:08:27,800 --> 01:08:30,519
Speaker 4: ten years ago. Well it was written now, but this

1490
01:08:30,800 --> 01:08:34,000
Speaker 4: happened like ten years ago, so I'm guessing everything's fine.

1491
01:08:34,000 --> 01:08:35,519
Speaker 1: I don't know. We didn't get the update on now.

1492
01:08:35,760 --> 01:08:37,760
Speaker 2: So she said everything was better now.

1493
01:08:38,080 --> 01:08:40,240
Speaker 4: Oh, everything's better now. Okay, everything's better.

1494
01:08:40,160 --> 01:08:42,120
Speaker 2: Now, probably because she just hasn't hit.

1495
01:08:42,080 --> 01:08:42,760
Speaker 3: Them up as much.

1496
01:08:42,840 --> 01:08:43,280
Speaker 1: And there you go.

1497
01:08:43,640 --> 01:08:44,519
Speaker 4: Go on contact.

1498
01:08:44,720 --> 01:08:46,800
Speaker 2: But that's the end of that story and the end

1499
01:08:46,840 --> 01:08:47,519
Speaker 2: of the episode.