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Speaker 1: This is John, this is Sam, your og Okay Storytime

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Speaker 1: podcast hosts.

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Speaker 2: We have some spectacular stories coming up, but.

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Speaker 1: Real quick, we got a two minute break from our

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Speaker 1: lovely sponsors keeping this ship sailing.

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Speaker 2: I cheated on my wife with my colleague, but now

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Speaker 2: she's hesitant about what howdy? So long story short two

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Speaker 2: years ago now, my marriage of ten years was difficult.

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Speaker 2: We had one kid who was currently five, but we

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Speaker 2: wanted two, and we were attending relationship counseling. It felt

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Speaker 2: like everything was getting better. We were working through our

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Speaker 2: relationship issues and slowly making progress and could continue with

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Speaker 2: our premeditated plan to have another kid. By the way,

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Speaker 2: that comes from born Information nine to one four and

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Speaker 2: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

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Speaker 2: the r slash Okay Storytime Subpreddit. So both my wife

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Speaker 2: thirty seven female, and I thirty four male, had different

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Speaker 2: issues with our marriage. She felt unappreciated amongst a large

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Speaker 2: list of other things, and I was struggling with a

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Speaker 2: complete lack of intimacy from her. We were able to

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Speaker 2: work through these problems, but literally as soon as the

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Speaker 2: positive pregnancy test came through, everything quickly fell apart. In

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Speaker 2: the next relationship counseling session. The wife stated that during

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Speaker 2: spicey sleep she faked everything and pretty much hated everything

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Speaker 2: about anything intimate with me. It was really hard to

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Speaker 2: hear and completely destroyed my self esteem. I couldn't even

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Speaker 2: contact the relationship counselor to cancel or confirm the next session.

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Speaker 2: I just ignored their emails. The wife went completely cold

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Speaker 2: from this point on and spent literally no time with

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Speaker 2: me and made zero effort.

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Speaker 1: Dude, you guys are none who.

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Speaker 2: Sounds like it. I would probably go as far as

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Speaker 2: saying that she made an effort to be cold and

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Speaker 2: distant from me. The pregnancy and new baby were obviously exhausting,

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Speaker 2: and I tried to cut her some slack for this,

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Speaker 2: But when I look back on this time period now,

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Speaker 2: they are some of the worst two years of my

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Speaker 2: life when they should have been the best. I was

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Speaker 2: extremely mad at my wife. At times. We would rarely

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Speaker 2: fight and actually gone with each other quite well during

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Speaker 2: the day, but any attempts to kiss or get any

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Speaker 2: affection for my wife were quickly rejected. Every few months

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Speaker 2: we would have a bit of a meltdown and need

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Speaker 2: to stop and air our grievances. It felt like I

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Speaker 2: was going back to square one. During every discos, there

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Speaker 2: was a long list of things that I had to

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Speaker 2: do before she would consider giving me affection. But it

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Speaker 2: was tough and impossible for me to get everything right

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Speaker 2: and definitely wouldn't end in me getting any affection. Even

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Speaker 2: thinking about this now makes me feel exhausted. As the

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Speaker 2: two years went by, the only thing keeping me there

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Speaker 2: was the kids. My parents split when I was a kid,

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Speaker 2: and before committing to having children, I swore that I

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Speaker 2: would never abandon them and leave them feeling as I

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Speaker 2: did during our last discussion slash argument. I wanted out,

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Speaker 2: but I just powered through, thinking that I needed to

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Speaker 2: do what is best for the kids no matter what.

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Speaker 2: I knew that I was lying to myself and to

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Speaker 2: the wife, and I didn't mind it being dishonest as

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Speaker 2: I could say that I was doing what's best for

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Speaker 2: the kids as an excuse. Fast forward to August. We

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Speaker 2: were having a big sales drive at work and I

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Speaker 2: was assigned to go on a two week sales drive

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Speaker 2: across several states with a colleague. I picked up my

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Speaker 2: relatively new colleague, thirty female, and drove her to the airport.

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Speaker 2: Up until this point, I had barely noticed her or

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Speaker 2: spoken to her. I'd try and be as professional as

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Speaker 2: possible at work. I was dreading the trip. I'd no

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Speaker 2: self steam and didn't want to be annoying or uncool.

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Speaker 2: I knew that we would need to spend lots of

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Speaker 2: time together, and I just wanted to do the job

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Speaker 2: well and for her to at least have an okay

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Speaker 2: time and not to hate me.

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Speaker 1: By the end of it.

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Speaker 2: I have a feeling that they had an actually really

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Speaker 2: great trip.

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Speaker 1: I really having fun on this. You guys don't like

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Speaker 1: each other? Y, Wow, you guys really don't like each other. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: Like a majority of this marriage has just been you

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Speaker 1: guys don't like each other. Yeah, Like her saying I've

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Speaker 1: never enjoyed any spicy stuff that we do.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And then it just seems like she's you have to

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Speaker 1: work hard for any of the affection that she's getting

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Speaker 1: or that she's giving out. It's just this is bad, right,

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Speaker 1: It's just this.

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Speaker 2: Is not not going well. Not going well. Man. As

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Speaker 2: we drove to the airport, we started talking and we

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Speaker 2: just didn't stop. We went to the bar, stayed up

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Speaker 2: talking until two am, and then went to work, starting

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Speaker 2: at eight am. The next day, we easily powered through

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Speaker 2: the day somehow despite the hangover, and did the same

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Speaker 2: thing the next night. It turns out we have so

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Speaker 2: much in common and we're also both unhappy in our

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Speaker 2: current relationships. Oh stop stop. The third night was the same,

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Speaker 2: but at two am the flirting progressed. We ended up

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Speaker 2: kissing and went to the same room. Just like everything else,

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Speaker 2: the spicy sleep was beyond amazing, but somehow this is

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Speaker 2: almost a minor detail interesting. The rest of the trip

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Speaker 2: was a dream. We spent twenty four hours with each other,

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Speaker 2: and that wasn't nearly enough.

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Speaker 1: You suck, You're the a hole. You're the a hole.

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Speaker 1: You have no excuses.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. We would stay up until we literally couldn't keep

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Speaker 2: our eyelids open. It was literally a dream and everything

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Speaker 2: was perfect until we realized the trip was ending. There

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Speaker 2: were some tears that we both didn't want to go

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Speaker 2: back to reality. We had realized by this time that

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Speaker 2: we were deeply in love with each other.

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Speaker 1: The fin on airport roll, are you spent like, how

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Speaker 1: long with this girl? Three days?

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Speaker 2: Two days, few days?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and you're deeply in love with her? This isn't

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Speaker 1: a freaking Disney Channel movie. You don't follow with someone

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Speaker 1: over three days, exactly, exactly, this is ridiculous throwing your

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Speaker 1: way your marriage.

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Speaker 2: I don't.

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Speaker 1: I mean it apparently sucks right leave your marriage, But

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Speaker 1: throwing it away because you fell in love with someone

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Speaker 1: over three days.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, the final airport journey was incredibly sad. She also

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Speaker 2: said that no one can ever find out about this.

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Speaker 2: She's from a very religious family in a rural backwards

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Speaker 2: country and said that if any of her family or

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Speaker 2: friends found out that she had split a family up,

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Speaker 2: that she would be disowned. I got back home immediately

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Speaker 2: and broke things off with the wife as gently as

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Speaker 2: I could. I didn't tell the whole truth. I didn't

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Speaker 2: want to hurt her feelings or have my new girlfriend disowned,

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Speaker 2: or have any complications at work. So fast forward to today.

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Speaker 2: My colleague and I are crazily in love, but are

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Speaker 2: also on and off. We are secretly dating outside of work,

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Speaker 2: but things are bumpy, to say the least, split up

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Speaker 2: and gotten back together a few times. She's having great

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Speaker 2: difficulty with the situation and needs to go to therapy

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Speaker 2: to get through. We are great at the start of

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Speaker 2: the week, but as Thursday approaches, when I have the kids,

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Speaker 2: she breaks down To complicate things, I spend a lot

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Speaker 2: of time at the family home and haven't found a

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Speaker 2: good place for myself yet. When things are going well

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Speaker 2: between us, I feel invincible, have a lot more energy

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Speaker 2: than the start of the year. But when things are rough,

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Speaker 2: I have to deal with missing the kids on top

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Speaker 2: of the sadness from the breakup. I feel extremely vincible,

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Speaker 2: and now I'm also visiting a therapist. I want some

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Speaker 2: stability in life and can't seem to get any for

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Speaker 2: a long enough period of time to reassemble, find a

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Speaker 2: good house in a decent suburb, and move in with

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Speaker 2: my colleague, and it just seems as though things are

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Speaker 2: getting worse. I don't think she's married. It said relationships

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Speaker 2: like we're both in bad relationships.

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Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, so it might not be memoried. So I

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Speaker 1: guess maybe they're not married but they were, or she

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Speaker 1: was in a bad relationship.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. The wife and I haven't publicly announced our separation,

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Speaker 2: and this is also making things much harder for my

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Speaker 2: new partner. She's only breaking up with me because the

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Speaker 2: situation is hurting her badly, and she doesn't know if

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Speaker 2: she even wants to be with me. Long term, even

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Speaker 2: if everything was sorted, she wants to have her own

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Speaker 2: kids and isn't sure that she wants to start again

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Speaker 2: with someone who already has a family.

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Speaker 1: It seems like, oh, he's like, oh my god, I've

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Speaker 1: cheated on my wife with my colleague who I am

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Speaker 1: in love with after three days, and I left my

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Speaker 1: wife for her, and she doesn't want to be with me. Like, no, doy, dude,

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Speaker 1: Like the woman who like clearly didn't have the morals

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Speaker 1: to not cheat on her partner and also to cheat

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Speaker 1: with someone who's married and as kids.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe it's not gonna.

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Speaker 1: You know, want a long term relationship with you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And I honestly want to know more details about

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Speaker 2: like what the wife like, what problems the wife had

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Speaker 2: in the relationship in the first place. Yes, because I feel.

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Speaker 1: Like helot, he told us all about what she did,

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Speaker 1: but yeah, not like why she felt unappreciated.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, because I think what a lot of men forget

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Speaker 2: is that, like a lot of for a lot of men,

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Speaker 2: intimacy is the way to fix problems and that solves things.

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Speaker 2: But for a lot of women, intimacy isn't comfortable unless

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Speaker 2: problems are already fixed. You know, so I have a

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Speaker 2: feeling that that is a part of it. But at

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Speaker 2: the same time, you know, if he was being truthful

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Speaker 2: and if if that's true, that like he was really

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Speaker 2: trying everything that he could and there were just so

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Speaker 2: many things that just weren't working, you know, and she's

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Speaker 2: demanding so much or something like that, then I can understand,

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Speaker 2: you know, his his position, not the cheating, but like

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Speaker 2: you know, complaining about the intimacy. But yeah, dude, it

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Speaker 2: just feels like it feels like there's not enough to

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Speaker 2: this story because.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like you're hiding things. Yeah, yourself look better,

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Speaker 1: but like you cheated on your wife, doesn't matter if

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Speaker 1: you guys had a terrible relationship cheat on her, should

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Speaker 1: have left her before you cheated on her, right, and

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Speaker 1: don't be surprised when you're a fair is it a

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Speaker 1: perfect relationship because it's an affair.

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Speaker 2: It was an affair, so apart from moving out, finalizing

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Speaker 2: the separation and divorce, I really don't know what to do.

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Speaker 2: I can keep trying with my new partner even though

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Speaker 2: it's hurting her and we are currently on a break.

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Speaker 2: We love each other, but I know she's crying herself

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Speaker 2: to sleep each night. Should I let her go? I

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Speaker 2: think the world of her, and seeing her like this

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Speaker 2: is terrible. There's probably still an option to pretend like

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Speaker 2: nothing happened before the kids, but I don't even want

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Speaker 2: to think about that. It'll certainly destroy me. Is it

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Speaker 2: best if I end at the new relationship? And there

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Speaker 2: are some comments. Comment number one says, how does one

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Speaker 2: give advice to a person as clueless as you? Yeah,

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Speaker 2: that's it as a whole comment.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Comment number two says, maybe it's hurting her because she

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Speaker 2: found her conscience and knows that someone who cheats on

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Speaker 2: their partner or spouse and breaks up a child's home

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Speaker 2: it's not a good person.

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Speaker 1: Well, she even said it. She's like, I don't want

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Speaker 1: to break up a home, and then you went, okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna leave my wife and kids for you. Way, No,

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Speaker 1: I broke up a family.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Like, I think it's very possible that he didn't

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Speaker 2: really realize that that meant that she didn't want to

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Speaker 2: continue a relationship, because I think either they both said

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Speaker 2: or she said that, like they don't know if they

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Speaker 2: can have a relationship like a long term She's I

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Speaker 2: think it did. She said she didn't know if she

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Speaker 2: wanted a full time relationship with.

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Speaker 1: This deaf or she was like, I don't know if

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Speaker 1: I want to continue this.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, So I feel like you are a bit clueless here.

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Speaker 2: Bud Coming number three says that that's not a thing

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Speaker 2: about your relationship with your a fair partner that will

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Speaker 2: allow it to survive in real life. And that's what

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Speaker 2: you are seeing now. Affairs are fantasy. There's no mortgage,

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Speaker 2: no kids, no bills, no doing the dishes.

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Speaker 1: No mowing the lawn.

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Speaker 2: You each left your spouse is for a fantasy of

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Speaker 2: something that existed only in the liminal spaces of life,

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Speaker 2: not on the main drag of real life. So of

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Speaker 2: course it's not surviving your attempt to go legit after adultery.

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Speaker 2: You'r A fair partner is struggling with your children because

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Speaker 2: as a parent herself, she knows how important they are

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Speaker 2: and how much they need their father. But the affair

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Speaker 2: is born of selfishness, and adulterers are selfish, so she

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Speaker 2: wants your complete attention like she had on the trip.

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Speaker 2: The cognitive dissonance is wearing on her. The two of

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Speaker 2: you are at best off going no contact with each other,

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Speaker 2: learn how to live as a single dad and be

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Speaker 2: a good co parent, then start to date again in

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Speaker 2: the real world, and someone else responds. Just to add,

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Speaker 2: have you self reflected on how you went about all

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Speaker 2: of this at all? What I mean is you went

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Speaker 2: on a trip for a few days with a colleague,

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Speaker 2: had a few days of great, spicy sleep and getting wasted,

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Speaker 2: et cetera, and came home and decided that you were

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Speaker 2: leaving your wife and child for a woman you barely know,

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Speaker 2: for a woman you only spend a few days with.

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Speaker 2: You have no idea how she would be as a

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Speaker 2: step parent. You have no idea if your child will

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Speaker 2: adjust well to her. You have apparently already made these

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Speaker 2: decisions that you want to live together without even knowing

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Speaker 2: if this person will be a person who will be

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Speaker 2: in the best interest of your child to live with.

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Speaker 2: Do you not find that strange? You seem very focused

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Speaker 2: on how this woman is adjusting to aelve of us,

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Speaker 2: Yet I have seen nothing mentioned on how your child

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Speaker 2: is adjusting. What is your plan in helping your child

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Speaker 2: adjust to a split household, or have you shown any

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Speaker 2: kind of concern of if your child will adjust well

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Speaker 2: to having this new person in their life?

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Speaker 1: I don't think he's thought about his kid at all.

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Speaker 1: I think he's thinking about as a fair partner.

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Speaker 2: I agree, Yeah, I that's pretty much the end of

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Speaker 2: that comment. But yeah, I agree, he's definitely enough thinking

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Speaker 2: at all. I think, you know, and this is something

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Speaker 2: that it seems like a lot of parents struggle with

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Speaker 2: from these stories. I'm not a parent, I don't know,

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Speaker 2: but like I feel like a lot of people think, oh,

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Speaker 2: I'll just stay for the kids when it's like okay,

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Speaker 2: but if you really wanted to do what's actually right

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Speaker 2: for the kids is to do what's right for yourself

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Speaker 2: so that they could know, like yourself and your wife

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Speaker 2: obviously not just like go and cheat, but like it

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Speaker 2: be a good example of how you should choose your

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Speaker 2: relationships in front of your kids, you know.

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Speaker 1: And you're choosing a person you cheated on your wife with, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: fell with over three days, right, and now like want

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Speaker 1: to move in with her. That's not exactly really modeling

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Speaker 1: good relationships here. I made a new friend and my

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Speaker 1: wife is unhappy with my plans with him.

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Speaker 2: Oh, just be friends. Come on.

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Speaker 1: My wife Amy twenty seven female and I twenty seven male,

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Speaker 1: have a spare room in our home. We've gone back

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Speaker 1: and forth since we moved in ten plus years ago

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Speaker 1: about what we wanted to do with it, but we

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Speaker 1: never took the initiative to actually implement any of those plans.

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Speaker 1: We already have a sufficient number of guest rooms and

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Speaker 1: an office, so the rooms just sit there unutilized. I'm

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Speaker 1: not that worried about it, but my wife brings it

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Speaker 1: up now and then. These mentions are just of the

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Speaker 1: unused room itself, not anything concrete she actually wants to

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Speaker 1: use it for. By the way, this comes from spare

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Speaker 1: Room Throwaway And if you want to spit your own stories,

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Speaker 1: go to the r slash Okay story time supret it.

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Speaker 1: So I made a new friend Ben thirty mail about

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Speaker 1: eight months ago, and it was very much one of

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Speaker 1: those we connect for the first time. We spoke to

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Speaker 1: each other's situations.

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Speaker 2: Ah.

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Speaker 1: I've actually never had that many close male friends, so

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Speaker 1: this connection is especially important to me. The conversation flowed

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Speaker 1: so easily, we had loads in common. I didn't think

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Speaker 1: such a huge amount of genuine love and respect for

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Speaker 1: a person could be developed in less than a year,

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Speaker 1: but it's been very cool to experience that and get

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Speaker 1: to know them. One of the things that we bonded

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Speaker 1: over was a similar love for art and music. Ben

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Speaker 1: is way way more talented than I am when it

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Speaker 1: comes to painting, but it's something we both enjoy. His

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Speaker 1: birthday is coming up, and I thought, on top of

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Speaker 1: what else I was getting him, I could turn the

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Speaker 1: spare room into something similar to an art studio for

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Speaker 1: both of us to use. I already ordered a few

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Speaker 1: things for it and was getting ready to jump into

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Speaker 1: painting the walls when my wife came in and demanded

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Speaker 1: to know what I was doing. I explained that I

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Speaker 1: was finally fixing up the spare room. She said it

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Speaker 1: was unacceptable. I had done this without confirming with her

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Speaker 1: that I was okay, but I didn't think I would

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Speaker 1: need to since it's been two years and the room

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Speaker 1: has basically never been touched. Am I the ale so

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Speaker 1: so he's he didn't do anything yet. He was just

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Speaker 1: about to paint the room.

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Speaker 2: So it feels like a no.

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Speaker 1: To me. It feels like a no. I think it's

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Speaker 1: not an a whole move that you were about to

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Speaker 1: like paint it. I think maybe you probably should have

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Speaker 1: talked to her about it, but she shouldn't, like I

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Speaker 1: feel like that's a little bit of an overreaction for

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Speaker 1: her to be like, yeah, you should have been like, hey,

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Speaker 1: can you.

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Speaker 2: Like talk to me about that before, right, right.

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Speaker 1: So just make sure we're on the same page.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly.

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Speaker 1: I do think if you haven't talked to her about

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Speaker 1: Ben using the spare room, that is an ale moved.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that that is a big deal.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I was a little bit unclear whether or

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Speaker 1: not that's happened. So if she knows then and this

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Speaker 1: is all about the paint, then this is kind of

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Speaker 1: I don't know if we need to go a whole

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Speaker 1: Maybe it was inconsiderate, But if she doesn't know about Ben, yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's maybe problem. Consensus A people point out that it

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Speaker 1: seems he wants to spend time with Ben instead of Amy.

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Speaker 1: Really notable comment says, his birthday is coming up soon,

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Speaker 1: and I thought, on top of what else I was

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Speaker 1: getting him, I could turn the spare room into something

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Speaker 1: similar to an art studio. What else are you getting

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Speaker 1: him for his birthday?

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Speaker 2: Op?

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Speaker 1: Is what I want to know. Ben's not moving in,

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Speaker 1: He's just using the spare room for an art studio.

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Speaker 2: Yes, which is arguably weirder.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, in my opinion.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Inevitable Music seven to seven ninet nine says I would

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Speaker 1: bet money them not being able to find a use

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Speaker 1: for the room is because wife was thinking nursery while

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Speaker 1: her husband's thinking, mank for my best friend that doesn't

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Speaker 1: even live at this house. Yeah, yeah, so okay, it

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Speaker 1: seems like she definitely doesn't know. Look, I'm just gonna

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Speaker 1: throw it out there because I'm pretty sure I'm not

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Speaker 1: the only one thinking it. The way you talk about

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Speaker 1: this relationship with Ben versus your wife makes it sounds

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Speaker 1: like he's more than just a friend. Maybe it's on

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Speaker 1: a subconscious level, only you don't nilatterally decide what to

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Speaker 1: do with a room and a house you share with

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Speaker 1: your wife. It's weird that your first thought is, oh,

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Speaker 1: I want to set up this space for me and

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00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:08,040
Speaker 1: the friend. It's weird that you view this as some

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Speaker 1: kind of gift to the friend on top of whatever

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00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:12,280
Speaker 1: else you've gotten him. It's weird you want to give

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00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:13,880
Speaker 1: a key to the house you share with your wife

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Speaker 1: to the friend without asking her. You're the a hole.

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Speaker 1: I think I didn't fully understand when I first read it.

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00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:21,240
Speaker 1: I think so too so because I was like, that's

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Speaker 1: so weird. I couldn't possibly be that. So he wants

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00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:28,040
Speaker 1: to give his friend a room in their house as

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00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:31,240
Speaker 1: either a communal or just an arts to you rahim,

390
00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:35,720
Speaker 1: it seems. And he hasn't asked his wife about that.

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Speaker 1: I thought he just wanted to paint the room and

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Speaker 1: maybe like let him stay for a little bit.

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Speaker 2: No, he wants to paint the room and then paint

394
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Speaker 2: a whole bunch of more stuff.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and like Ben just gets to have part of

396
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Speaker 1: this room. Now, Yeah, you can't do that without talking

397
00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:54,000
Speaker 1: to your wife. Yeah, what I'm on these common side,

398
00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:57,400
Speaker 1: that's weird. Yeah, that's that's true. I don't know if

399
00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:59,439
Speaker 1: it's like a too friendly or something.

400
00:17:59,440 --> 00:17:59,800
Speaker 2: I don't know.

401
00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:01,960
Speaker 1: I can't say that yet. Yeah, but I think it's

402
00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:04,320
Speaker 1: disrespectful for sure.

403
00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:07,640
Speaker 2: I'm just like so confused by because it is one

404
00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:09,680
Speaker 2: thing to be like, hey, like my my friend's gonna

405
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Speaker 2: like stay here in this room.

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Speaker 1: That's what I thought for a second, Right.

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00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:15,320
Speaker 2: It's still in that case, it's like a no, definitely

408
00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:17,760
Speaker 2: talk to your wife. Yeah, like you stupid. But then

409
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:22,880
Speaker 2: this is like I it's the same amount.

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Speaker 1: Of an office in someone else's house. Yeah, Like it's

411
00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:30,120
Speaker 1: just just boggling my mind right now, it's my mind

412
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:32,880
Speaker 1: is boggled? Yeah, am I the only one that thinks

413
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:34,880
Speaker 1: this guy is in love with his friend? Either way,

414
00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:38,359
Speaker 1: you're the ale And there is an update. Six days later,

415
00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:40,960
Speaker 1: Ben and I sat down and talked on Tuesday night

416
00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:44,840
Speaker 1: about everything. It was overwhelming, to say the least. He

417
00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:47,480
Speaker 1: was gentle and sweet as always and allowed me the

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00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:50,520
Speaker 1: time and space to say everything I needed to. That

419
00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:52,919
Speaker 1: night was one of the most beautiful of my life.

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Speaker 1: Hold on what just happened? I need to go back

421
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Speaker 1: to I.

422
00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:00,679
Speaker 2: Was like, not really with that comment, with thinking that

423
00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:02,080
Speaker 2: he's in love with him, But now.

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Speaker 1: I think he's Now I think he's in love with him.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

426
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:09,320
Speaker 1: Acceptance, love and trust are truly so so powerful, life changing.

427
00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:12,720
Speaker 2: What is going on with acceptance of nis?

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00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:16,639
Speaker 1: Oh Amy and I had a conversation about the spare

429
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Speaker 1: room last night. I had been putting it off since

430
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Speaker 1: my post a few days ago and was hoping to

431
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Speaker 1: wait until the weekend to talk about it all, but

432
00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:25,560
Speaker 1: she insisted I did as a lot of comment suggested,

433
00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:27,880
Speaker 1: and use the renovation as a lead in to talk

434
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Speaker 1: about the other things going on. I told her that

435
00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:32,600
Speaker 1: her reaction to it brought up a lot of confusing

436
00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:34,760
Speaker 1: emotions for me that I've spent the last few days

437
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:39,199
Speaker 1: working through, and things continued from there. I had toyed

438
00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:41,560
Speaker 1: with the idea of couple's therapy, and it was something

439
00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:44,760
Speaker 1: she suggested, but I don't think it's a viable option.

440
00:19:45,359 --> 00:19:48,840
Speaker 1: I love her, but I've come to realize that I

441
00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:54,159
Speaker 1: was never in love with her. Like I once thought, whoa, dude,

442
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:55,479
Speaker 1: he's forbid.

443
00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:56,840
Speaker 2: Yeah.

444
00:19:57,080 --> 00:20:00,720
Speaker 1: I feel like I didn't even read the first right.

445
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:03,359
Speaker 2: I feel like there was like a it would just

446
00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:06,240
Speaker 2: like a trilogy, and we just didn't see the second book.

447
00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:10,240
Speaker 1: Literally, I was like, whoa. Okay, I was like, oh, yeah,

448
00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:12,400
Speaker 1: that's kind of rude that, you know, decided that Ben

449
00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:15,120
Speaker 1: can have us to do. Oh you're in love? Yeah,

450
00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:18,080
Speaker 1: And after getting to really and truly experience that it

451
00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:19,920
Speaker 1: wouldn't be fair to either of us if we tried

452
00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:22,280
Speaker 1: to force something that I'm not capable of giving to her.

453
00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:24,760
Speaker 1: I'll be splitting my time staying in one of our

454
00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:27,320
Speaker 1: guest rooms with Ben in his apartment for the time

455
00:20:27,359 --> 00:20:30,800
Speaker 1: being while we separate and work things out moving forward. Obviously,

456
00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:33,359
Speaker 1: that means the room renovations have been paused until further

457
00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:36,919
Speaker 1: notice and really really excited for the future.

458
00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:39,080
Speaker 2: These storytellers, they really need to work on their pacing.

459
00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:45,240
Speaker 1: That's crazy notable comments. So you cheated on your wife

460
00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:48,399
Speaker 1: with an emotional affair, blamed her for your decisions with

461
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:51,720
Speaker 1: the whole Your reaction made me confuse, bit and now

462
00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:54,280
Speaker 1: you're leaving her to go with your affair partner. Doesn't

463
00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:58,480
Speaker 1: matter if it wasn't physical. This is an obvious emotional affair,

464
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:03,000
Speaker 1: aim me. She deserves so much better. You do plan

465
00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:04,520
Speaker 1: on letting her have most of the assets in the

466
00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:07,640
Speaker 1: divorce since you wore the unfaithful and wreck the marriage

467
00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:10,360
Speaker 1: right and poor Amy thought she only had to worry

468
00:21:10,359 --> 00:21:13,560
Speaker 1: about a spare room being used without her permission. This

469
00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:16,280
Speaker 1: my heart broke a little for I bet she's thinking

470
00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:18,800
Speaker 1: that if she hadn't gotten upset about the room, maybe

471
00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:20,800
Speaker 1: her husband would still love her and be with her.

472
00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:23,119
Speaker 1: I hope Amy reads these posts to see how much

473
00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:24,560
Speaker 1: the rest of us wish her the best out of

474
00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:27,840
Speaker 1: a horrible situation. Dude, I'm all for living as your

475
00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:31,200
Speaker 1: authentic self, but this euphoria you obviously feel after breaking

476
00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:34,400
Speaker 1: out of your ill conceived art room closet doesn't absolve

477
00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:37,080
Speaker 1: you from being an ale. Celebrating the evolution of your

478
00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:40,240
Speaker 1: emotional affair into a full blown one while your marriage

479
00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:43,320
Speaker 1: is collapsing around you is incredibly poor taste and shows

480
00:21:43,359 --> 00:21:45,960
Speaker 1: an astounding lack of empathy and compassion for your soon

481
00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:48,840
Speaker 1: to be ex wife. The reality is that you did

482
00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:52,040
Speaker 1: try to move Bed into your marital home when you

483
00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:56,240
Speaker 1: decided to repurpose a spare bedroom into a music room,

484
00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:58,560
Speaker 1: art studio, love nest, So it's not much of a

485
00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:00,560
Speaker 1: stretch to believe you would do it now for real.

486
00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:04,560
Speaker 1: I get that you misspoke, we're unclear, retracted the statement,

487
00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:06,919
Speaker 1: but you can't honestly be surprised that people think the

488
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:09,400
Speaker 1: worst of you when you put it on display yourself.

489
00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:13,159
Speaker 1: Amy's been at best and afterthought through this entire ordeal,

490
00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:16,240
Speaker 1: and that just is sad. I feel so sorry for

491
00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:18,560
Speaker 1: her and hope that you grow a conscience in time

492
00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:22,040
Speaker 1: to make up for your lack of emotional generosity by

493
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:24,959
Speaker 1: giving her everything she wants in the divorce. There are

494
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:29,280
Speaker 1: more comments, but we're gonna pause. Oh my gosh, I mean,

495
00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:32,840
Speaker 1: I get what they're saying. Yeah, Like, on the one hand, yes,

496
00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:37,920
Speaker 1: you can't stay with Amy because you don't love her,

497
00:22:38,119 --> 00:22:40,440
Speaker 1: and you're in love with someone else, so yeah, don't

498
00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:42,520
Speaker 1: stay with her. But I do think there is this

499
00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:45,160
Speaker 1: kind of like, sorry, Amy, I gotta go with Ben

500
00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:48,440
Speaker 1: now bye. Yeah, I get that flippancy.

501
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:52,480
Speaker 2: I maybe it's like the pacing of this story or

502
00:22:52,520 --> 00:22:55,480
Speaker 2: something like that, but I was shocked at those comments

503
00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:58,240
Speaker 2: though me too. I was like, oh, oh man, we

504
00:22:58,359 --> 00:23:02,080
Speaker 2: got some big emotions over here. But yeah, I do agree, yeah,

505
00:23:02,119 --> 00:23:04,760
Speaker 2: a little bit at least. I mean, it seemed from

506
00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:07,119
Speaker 2: how he was telling it, it seemed innocent, and it

507
00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:09,760
Speaker 2: seems like I didn't really realize I loved him, you know,

508
00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:12,040
Speaker 2: that kind of thing, even though he definitely should have

509
00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:15,199
Speaker 2: seen that he shouldn't move in his best feat. Like

510
00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:16,200
Speaker 2: that was just weird.

511
00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:20,080
Speaker 1: But like it is super like I'm thinking of this

512
00:23:20,119 --> 00:23:22,679
Speaker 1: from just like a dating standpoint, but like if you're

513
00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:25,040
Speaker 1: dating someone and then they're like, hey, I got a

514
00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:27,119
Speaker 1: break up with you to go be with someone else, yeah,

515
00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:32,560
Speaker 1: that's pretty heartbreaking. And this is wife wife, Yeah that's heartbreaking.

516
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:34,920
Speaker 1: And it does feel like there's not been a lot

517
00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:37,679
Speaker 1: of like focus on Amy's emotions. It's just like this

518
00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:41,080
Speaker 1: is what I want to do, so bye, right right,

519
00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:46,000
Speaker 1: I'm living my best life. Yeah, so yeah. Another commenter says,

520
00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:48,280
Speaker 1: the fact that you sat bend down to talk about

521
00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:50,840
Speaker 1: things you and him already knew, since you know you've

522
00:23:50,840 --> 00:23:53,679
Speaker 1: been having an emotional affair days before you talk to

523
00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:58,000
Speaker 1: your wife, speaks volumes about your character. I don't okay.

524
00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:01,080
Speaker 1: I partially agree that you should have talking to Amy first,

525
00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:04,240
Speaker 1: or that he should have talked to Amy first. Yeah,

526
00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:07,600
Speaker 1: but I feel like everyone's kind of harping on like

527
00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:09,440
Speaker 1: you already knew you were having an emotional affair. I

528
00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:12,480
Speaker 1: don't think up he knew exactly. You were even forced

529
00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:14,639
Speaker 1: by your wife to have that talk with her. She

530
00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:17,840
Speaker 1: deserved the first conversation. She was your wife, Your fair

531
00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:19,639
Speaker 1: partner should have been put on the back burner for

532
00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:21,600
Speaker 1: five minutes while you figured this out with her. I

533
00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:23,920
Speaker 1: do agree with that. Yeah, had your live altering night

534
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:26,200
Speaker 1: with your boyfriend while your wife is still wondering about

535
00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:28,840
Speaker 1: your spare room days later. The poor girl thought she

536
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:31,480
Speaker 1: was going to have a conversation about it, and instead

537
00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:33,879
Speaker 1: you blew up her life and gave her absolutely no

538
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:37,199
Speaker 1: remorse about how you went about things aka cheating on

539
00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:40,000
Speaker 1: your wife. Good on you for figuring yourself out, but

540
00:24:40,119 --> 00:24:42,280
Speaker 1: you are like at bottom of the barrel of humans

541
00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:42,800
Speaker 1: at this point.

542
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:44,560
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I feel like.

543
00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:48,160
Speaker 1: Rings different stories. He was gonna wait until this weekend

544
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:49,760
Speaker 1: to talk to her about it. Not claim I was

545
00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:52,080
Speaker 1: the reason he changed his mind, but I badgered him

546
00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:55,879
Speaker 1: pretty consistently about it and is now deleted post because

547
00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:58,040
Speaker 1: he was apparently set on trickle truth in her instead

548
00:24:58,080 --> 00:25:00,280
Speaker 1: of ripping the band aid off. I think I'd have

549
00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:03,280
Speaker 1: been better received because I clarified that I'm a sapphog

550
00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:07,119
Speaker 1: and wasn't coming at the situation from a closet guard standpoint.

551
00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:11,280
Speaker 1: But Jesus Christ, this man, this man, I am too invested.

552
00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:13,480
Speaker 1: What was the gist of his post basically that he

553
00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:15,280
Speaker 1: would give her time to come to terms with their

554
00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:19,840
Speaker 1: separation by letting her believe he's by and then telling

555
00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:22,439
Speaker 1: her he's after because it would let her down easier

556
00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:26,800
Speaker 1: or something. Wow, that's a huge a hole move.

557
00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:29,399
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a huge a whole move.

558
00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:33,400
Speaker 1: Be honest, Jarney, leaving her, don't just say like, honestly,

559
00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:37,360
Speaker 1: it would probably feel better for her to know, like, oh,

560
00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:39,760
Speaker 1: you just can't love me like that?

561
00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:40,840
Speaker 2: Yeah.

562
00:25:40,960 --> 00:25:43,280
Speaker 1: Absolutely, I don't know, Like if someone I don't know,

563
00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:45,640
Speaker 1: if he was like if he was like, oh, I'm

564
00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:49,639
Speaker 1: by I'm gonna go be with Ben, right, don't love you?

565
00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:53,679
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah exactly, that would be like okay, so like

566
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:56,800
Speaker 2: you could, but yeah, like you said, it's it's.

567
00:25:56,800 --> 00:25:58,359
Speaker 1: But but also the fact that he was going to

568
00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:00,680
Speaker 1: lie about that and then come clean is even worse,

569
00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:04,199
Speaker 1: Like why just complain? I relatively politely towrem a new

570
00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:07,000
Speaker 1: one over that. And that is the end of that story.

571
00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:08,800
Speaker 1: And I do want to say I feel for Amy

572
00:26:08,880 --> 00:26:12,239
Speaker 1: because she's definitely like getting the short stick of this

573
00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:15,800
Speaker 1: whole situation, and that is a really awful place to be.

574
00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:19,000
Speaker 2: Uh so, good luck, Amy, exactly.

575
00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:23,200
Speaker 1: Sorry, your husband's an a hole. Sorry, Hey, it's Sam,

576
00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:24,080
Speaker 1: your og host. Here.

577
00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:25,159
Speaker 2: We're gonna get back to the stories.

578
00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:27,600
Speaker 1: But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors. My

579
00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:31,400
Speaker 1: husband went back on his word just to please his mother.

580
00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:34,680
Speaker 2: Oh we got a little mommy's bowling in our hands.

581
00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:37,800
Speaker 1: My twenty three female husband, twenty seven Mail and I

582
00:26:38,119 --> 00:26:41,120
Speaker 1: just recently had our first baby. Being a first time

583
00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:45,000
Speaker 1: parent definitely hasn't been the easiest, but I am absolutely

584
00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:48,040
Speaker 1: loving every moment I have to bond and learn how

585
00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:51,880
Speaker 1: to be a good parent with my son. Well, almost everything.

586
00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:55,240
Speaker 1: Even before I had given birth, I was having difficult

587
00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:58,399
Speaker 1: feelings regarding my mother in law. In order to understand everything,

588
00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:01,359
Speaker 1: I'll have to give some backstory. By the way, this

589
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:03,760
Speaker 1: comes from otherwise soft ten to eleven, and if you

590
00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:06,160
Speaker 1: want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash. Okay,

591
00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:09,800
Speaker 1: Storytime subpared it so to start it off, I can't

592
00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:12,280
Speaker 1: go into too much detail as i'd like to for

593
00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:15,480
Speaker 1: legal reasons. About a year after I had met my husband,

594
00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:19,040
Speaker 1: his brother got into some legal troubles that led to

595
00:27:19,119 --> 00:27:22,720
Speaker 1: him being arrested. Because of this, my now ex sister

596
00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:25,520
Speaker 1: in law and their newborn son ended up moving in

597
00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:28,200
Speaker 1: with my mother in law and father in law. Everything

598
00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:30,840
Speaker 1: was going okay until my ex sister in law randomly

599
00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:34,000
Speaker 1: one day while everyone was away from the house, packed

600
00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:38,440
Speaker 1: up everything and took her baby and left. The entire

601
00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:42,720
Speaker 1: family was devastated, especially my mother in law. She's the

602
00:27:42,760 --> 00:27:45,320
Speaker 1: type of person who will overthink something to the point

603
00:27:45,359 --> 00:27:49,439
Speaker 1: where they drive themselves crazy, and in this situation, she

604
00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:52,440
Speaker 1: did just that. A couple of months after she left,

605
00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:56,440
Speaker 1: brother in law had his first trial, and to everyone's surprise,

606
00:27:56,680 --> 00:28:00,520
Speaker 1: my former ex sister in law testified against him that

607
00:28:00,680 --> 00:28:03,320
Speaker 1: added to the hurt and betrayal, and once again, my

608
00:28:03,359 --> 00:28:07,359
Speaker 1: mother in law drove herself basically crazy. Overthinking ex sister

609
00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:10,640
Speaker 1: in law ended up filing for divorce and moving states

610
00:28:10,640 --> 00:28:13,199
Speaker 1: away with the baby. Since then, we have had no

611
00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:15,800
Speaker 1: contact with her and nobody has been able to see

612
00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:19,200
Speaker 1: or talk to the baby. Last year, on my birthday,

613
00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:22,320
Speaker 1: I found out I was pregnant. This was about four

614
00:28:22,359 --> 00:28:25,640
Speaker 1: months after everything went down. When we told my mother

615
00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:27,959
Speaker 1: in law and father in law, they were happy, but

616
00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:30,400
Speaker 1: you could tell that they immediately thought of my ex

617
00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:33,240
Speaker 1: sister in law and her baby. I would like to

618
00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:36,400
Speaker 1: go ahead and say that I understand and sympathize with them.

619
00:28:36,960 --> 00:28:39,640
Speaker 1: After all, that was their grandchild that they helped take

620
00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:42,040
Speaker 1: care of, only for him to be taken away without

621
00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:45,520
Speaker 1: being able to say goodbye. That would hurt anyone, I'm sure,

622
00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:47,920
Speaker 1: and I knew that they were going to need time

623
00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:52,360
Speaker 1: to heal. However, despite all of that, my mother in

624
00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:55,320
Speaker 1: law jumped on board with helping me figure out doctor's

625
00:28:55,320 --> 00:28:58,520
Speaker 1: appointments and everything that I needed to do since I

626
00:28:58,560 --> 00:29:01,280
Speaker 1: had no clue what to do. She was a really

627
00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:04,320
Speaker 1: big help during my early stages of pregnancy and I

628
00:29:04,480 --> 00:29:09,480
Speaker 1: will forever be grateful for that, But this is now

629
00:29:09,560 --> 00:29:12,160
Speaker 1: where we start running into the beginning of the issues.

630
00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:15,040
Speaker 1: About three months into my pregnancy, we found out I

631
00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:17,160
Speaker 1: was having a boy and my due date was the

632
00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:19,960
Speaker 1: same month as my ex sister in law's baby's birthday.

633
00:29:20,440 --> 00:29:23,760
Speaker 1: My mother in law was ecstatic. She started telling me

634
00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:26,720
Speaker 1: that she had prayed to God and that with me

635
00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:29,120
Speaker 1: having a boy and him being born in the same

636
00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:32,120
Speaker 1: month as ex sister in law's baby, that he had

637
00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:34,360
Speaker 1: answered her prayer and my son was going to be

638
00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:38,760
Speaker 1: their restoration. I gotta shut that down and be like, nope, uh,

639
00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:41,280
Speaker 1: this is not a replacement baby. This is a new baby.

640
00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:43,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, like new baby.

641
00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:46,240
Speaker 1: I was a little weirded out with the wording, but

642
00:29:46,280 --> 00:29:48,400
Speaker 1: I just figured this was her way of healing and

643
00:29:48,440 --> 00:29:51,959
Speaker 1: getting past all of the pain. Then it got worse.

644
00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:54,960
Speaker 1: It felt like I was constantly being compared to my

645
00:29:55,040 --> 00:29:57,920
Speaker 1: ex sister in law. For example, before we found out

646
00:29:57,960 --> 00:30:01,320
Speaker 1: I was pregnant, my husband was te me how to drive. Yes,

647
00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:04,800
Speaker 1: I don't know how to drive. However, that stopped once

648
00:30:04,840 --> 00:30:08,080
Speaker 1: we did find out due to him wanting to be careful.

649
00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:10,520
Speaker 1: There was a day where he couldn't get off work

650
00:30:10,520 --> 00:30:13,040
Speaker 1: in time to take me to a doctor's appointment, and

651
00:30:13,080 --> 00:30:15,480
Speaker 1: he asked mother in law if she could. She ended

652
00:30:15,560 --> 00:30:17,520
Speaker 1: up going on a speech about how my ex sister

653
00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:20,200
Speaker 1: in law got our license and would drive to our

654
00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:22,960
Speaker 1: doctor appointments all by yourself, and that I should be

655
00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:25,360
Speaker 1: more like that. I mean, you want her to be

656
00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:28,680
Speaker 1: more like the ex sister in law who ran away. Yeah,

657
00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:31,360
Speaker 1: I'd be like, oh, so you want me to take

658
00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:34,280
Speaker 1: my baby and go? Is that how I should be?

659
00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:35,480
Speaker 1: Sister in law?

660
00:30:35,720 --> 00:30:35,880
Speaker 2: Right?

661
00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:39,000
Speaker 1: She knew it was my husband's idea to stop teaching

662
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:41,640
Speaker 1: me how to drive. When she found out my husband

663
00:30:41,680 --> 00:30:44,120
Speaker 1: told me what she had said, she ended up crying

664
00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:48,400
Speaker 1: and saying sorry. However, even after that, it got worse

665
00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:50,680
Speaker 1: with the comparison. It got to the point where it

666
00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:54,080
Speaker 1: was about everything, what I ate, what I wore, how

667
00:30:54,120 --> 00:30:57,000
Speaker 1: much I slept, which hospital I was going to, even

668
00:30:57,080 --> 00:30:58,880
Speaker 1: down to who I wanted in the room when I

669
00:30:58,920 --> 00:31:01,920
Speaker 1: gave birth. It also felt like she became obsessed with

670
00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:05,840
Speaker 1: the fact that my son was her restoration. She would

671
00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:08,160
Speaker 1: go on and on about how she prayed for him

672
00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:10,680
Speaker 1: and that was the reason I got pregnant. She would

673
00:31:10,760 --> 00:31:12,480
Speaker 1: constantly ask me if I was going to.

674
00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:14,640
Speaker 2: Take him away from her like I sister.

675
00:31:14,440 --> 00:31:17,400
Speaker 1: In law did, saying that she wasn't going to let

676
00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:20,160
Speaker 1: my son out of her sight for a second and

677
00:31:20,280 --> 00:31:22,280
Speaker 1: even told me that my husband and I should move

678
00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:24,320
Speaker 1: in with her and father in law so they could

679
00:31:24,320 --> 00:31:27,800
Speaker 1: watch and make sure he stays. To say our relationship

680
00:31:27,880 --> 00:31:32,640
Speaker 1: started feeling strained would be an understatement. My husband tried

681
00:31:32,760 --> 00:31:36,400
Speaker 1: talking to her multiple times about her behavior, but every

682
00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:39,640
Speaker 1: time she would cry and say sorry, she doesn't want

683
00:31:39,680 --> 00:31:43,520
Speaker 1: another baby taken from her. Now, I know PTSD is

684
00:31:43,560 --> 00:31:46,280
Speaker 1: a thing, and it's something that constantly will bring back

685
00:31:46,400 --> 00:31:49,880
Speaker 1: painful memories. However, at this point it had been over

686
00:31:49,920 --> 00:31:53,160
Speaker 1: a year since all that had happened. Maybe I'd come

687
00:31:53,200 --> 00:31:55,480
Speaker 1: across a little heartless when I say this, or maybe

688
00:31:55,520 --> 00:31:58,760
Speaker 1: I'm fed up with the constant comparison. But you cannot

689
00:31:58,800 --> 00:32:01,640
Speaker 1: continue to blame your behavior on things from the past

690
00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:06,000
Speaker 1: if you are forcing yourself to stay in the past. Anyway,

691
00:32:06,120 --> 00:32:08,840
Speaker 1: getting to the reason of this post, I had my

692
00:32:08,920 --> 00:32:11,239
Speaker 1: son back in May. He's the best thing that has

693
00:32:11,280 --> 00:32:13,640
Speaker 1: ever happened to me. I love this kid so much.

694
00:32:14,320 --> 00:32:16,440
Speaker 1: When it comes to mother in law and father in law,

695
00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:18,880
Speaker 1: I tend to try and walk on eggshells around them

696
00:32:18,880 --> 00:32:22,480
Speaker 1: when it comes to my son. They absolutely adore him.

697
00:32:22,720 --> 00:32:25,320
Speaker 1: He is now almost three months old. Time needs to

698
00:32:25,400 --> 00:32:28,880
Speaker 1: slow down, and my husband and I are finally letting

699
00:32:28,960 --> 00:32:31,120
Speaker 1: them watch him for a few hours here and there,

700
00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:35,160
Speaker 1: despite my nervousness. The last few times they've watched him,

701
00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:37,320
Speaker 1: my mother in law has told us that he's been

702
00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:41,840
Speaker 1: projectile vomiting every time they feed him. That's concerting. Obviously,

703
00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:44,400
Speaker 1: that's raised concern with me because he never does that

704
00:32:44,440 --> 00:32:47,080
Speaker 1: when we feed him here. So I started to do

705
00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:50,840
Speaker 1: some questioning. I eventually found out my mother in law

706
00:32:50,880 --> 00:32:53,440
Speaker 1: will feed him, not burp him, and then lay him

707
00:32:53,440 --> 00:32:54,440
Speaker 1: flat on his back.

708
00:32:54,960 --> 00:32:58,680
Speaker 2: Bro, do you ro what?

709
00:32:58,680 --> 00:32:59,479
Speaker 3: What you know?

710
00:32:59,480 --> 00:33:00,840
Speaker 1: Know how to take it? He a baby?

711
00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:03,959
Speaker 2: You have children, this is your grandchild.

712
00:33:04,160 --> 00:33:07,680
Speaker 1: Wow. After he pukes, she'll repeat the process. When I

713
00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:10,040
Speaker 1: told her she needed to burp him, she got mad

714
00:33:10,120 --> 00:33:12,320
Speaker 1: and argued with me, saying she doesn't need to burp

715
00:33:12,400 --> 00:33:14,960
Speaker 1: him and that she's raised two kids so she knows

716
00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:19,080
Speaker 1: what she's doing. The baby is projectile vomiting every time

717
00:33:19,160 --> 00:33:20,000
Speaker 1: you feed them.

718
00:33:20,320 --> 00:33:22,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like that's what babies do.

719
00:33:22,480 --> 00:33:23,200
Speaker 1: Is babies.

720
00:33:24,160 --> 00:33:25,880
Speaker 2: Everything will come out, Everything's fine.

721
00:33:25,960 --> 00:33:28,200
Speaker 1: No. When I talk to my husband about it, he

722
00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:30,239
Speaker 1: told me. I need to be more mama bear with

723
00:33:30,280 --> 00:33:32,280
Speaker 1: my son when it comes to mother in law, or

724
00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:35,000
Speaker 1: you can stand up against your own mother.

725
00:33:35,120 --> 00:33:36,680
Speaker 2: Could be Papa bear. Come on, man.

726
00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:38,640
Speaker 1: I asked him if I did that, if he was

727
00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:40,520
Speaker 1: going to help me if she started trying to go

728
00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:43,360
Speaker 1: against what I say, and he said he would. He

729
00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:44,719
Speaker 1: should be the one addressing all this.

730
00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:45,640
Speaker 2: Oh.

731
00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:48,600
Speaker 1: Obviously, ever since finding out that's what's happening when my

732
00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:51,400
Speaker 1: son goes to their house, I've been more wary about

733
00:33:51,400 --> 00:33:54,000
Speaker 1: them having him. This past Sunday, we were invited to

734
00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:56,720
Speaker 1: go to a different church with different family. With it

735
00:33:56,760 --> 00:33:58,800
Speaker 1: being a different church, I told my husband that I

736
00:33:58,880 --> 00:34:01,560
Speaker 1: was probably going to hold the baby and not let

737
00:34:01,600 --> 00:34:04,240
Speaker 1: mother in law and father in law have him this time,

738
00:34:04,480 --> 00:34:07,520
Speaker 1: and he agreed that was a good idea. When church began,

739
00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:10,120
Speaker 1: my son started fussing a little bit. I fixed him

740
00:34:10,120 --> 00:34:12,880
Speaker 1: a bottle and was feeding him. I could see and

741
00:34:13,280 --> 00:34:16,080
Speaker 1: feel both my mother in law and father in law

742
00:34:16,120 --> 00:34:19,319
Speaker 1: looking past my husband to me and the baby, and

743
00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:22,360
Speaker 1: I could tell they wanted him. I tried to ignore

744
00:34:22,400 --> 00:34:24,440
Speaker 1: them until my husband poked me and told me that

745
00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:27,000
Speaker 1: they wanted him, to which I replied that I knew,

746
00:34:27,440 --> 00:34:29,600
Speaker 1: but I was feeding him, and I knew that if

747
00:34:29,600 --> 00:34:32,560
Speaker 1: he started getting passed around he would start crying. My

748
00:34:32,640 --> 00:34:34,440
Speaker 1: husband then told me that was fine and to just

749
00:34:34,480 --> 00:34:37,240
Speaker 1: take my time. My son finished eating and I started

750
00:34:37,239 --> 00:34:39,840
Speaker 1: burping him, and then after he burped, I started to

751
00:34:39,920 --> 00:34:42,920
Speaker 1: kind of entertain him quietly so he wouldn't fuss, all

752
00:34:43,000 --> 00:34:45,680
Speaker 1: the while still feeling the gaze of my mother in

753
00:34:45,760 --> 00:34:48,560
Speaker 1: law and father in law. My husband then again told

754
00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:50,880
Speaker 1: me they wanted him to which I again told them

755
00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:54,160
Speaker 1: a little more forcefully that I knew and I did

756
00:34:54,200 --> 00:34:56,760
Speaker 1: not care that I was going to hold my baby.

757
00:34:57,239 --> 00:34:59,560
Speaker 1: You literally asked her to be more mamma bear and

758
00:34:59,640 --> 00:35:01,200
Speaker 1: now and now she gotta be mom and bear.

759
00:35:01,239 --> 00:35:02,440
Speaker 2: Do you exactly?

760
00:35:03,040 --> 00:35:04,520
Speaker 1: He then got mad at me and told me that

761
00:35:04,719 --> 00:35:06,759
Speaker 1: it wasn't that big of a deal and proceeded to

762
00:35:06,920 --> 00:35:09,719
Speaker 1: take my son from me and give him to mother

763
00:35:09,760 --> 00:35:12,480
Speaker 1: in law. Not even a minute later, my son was

764
00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:16,520
Speaker 1: full blown crying and being passed back to me. Come on,

765
00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:19,239
Speaker 1: and I ended up having to go outside to calm

766
00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:22,239
Speaker 1: him down, Like you did that literally and then you

767
00:35:22,320 --> 00:35:24,920
Speaker 1: pass him back to mom to fix it. Yeah, that's

768
00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:27,120
Speaker 1: what I'm thinking. It's like, you're not even gonna.

769
00:35:27,200 --> 00:35:29,359
Speaker 2: Be self aware and be like, oh, yeah, I am

770
00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:31,640
Speaker 2: the problem. Maybe I should figure like.

771
00:35:32,520 --> 00:35:35,360
Speaker 1: My husband followed after shortly to help, and then you

772
00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:38,120
Speaker 1: guessed it. Mother in law. She came up asking if

773
00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:39,880
Speaker 1: she needed to take him from me, to which I

774
00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:42,880
Speaker 1: said no, that I was okay. A couple of minutes

775
00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:45,640
Speaker 1: later she asked me again and I said the same thing.

776
00:35:46,120 --> 00:35:48,480
Speaker 1: My husband ran to the bathroom real quick, and in

777
00:35:48,520 --> 00:35:51,319
Speaker 1: that time she asked again, and I told her that

778
00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:54,680
Speaker 1: I was okay. We were in an unfamiliar place, my

779
00:35:54,760 --> 00:35:57,600
Speaker 1: baby was crying and I wanted to comfort him. She

780
00:35:57,680 --> 00:35:59,560
Speaker 1: then asked me if I was keeping her from holding

781
00:35:59,600 --> 00:36:02,359
Speaker 1: him because I've spoiled him to only want me. By

782
00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:04,440
Speaker 1: this point, my husband came back and I told him

783
00:36:04,440 --> 00:36:06,920
Speaker 1: I was ready to leave, so we packed up and left.

784
00:36:07,160 --> 00:36:12,040
Speaker 2: I mean, really, like you think that Opie is spoiling.

785
00:36:11,480 --> 00:36:15,759
Speaker 1: Him to be held by his own mom.

786
00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:18,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then when you try to hold him and

787
00:36:18,400 --> 00:36:21,120
Speaker 2: then he starts crying because it's not the time or

788
00:36:21,200 --> 00:36:23,960
Speaker 2: place to hold him, you just give him back.

789
00:36:23,760 --> 00:36:25,799
Speaker 1: Give him right back, and then come out and be like,

790
00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:27,719
Speaker 1: oh can I can I take him again? After op

791
00:36:27,760 --> 00:36:29,279
Speaker 1: he has seemingly calmed him down.

792
00:36:29,280 --> 00:36:31,080
Speaker 2: It's like you know, it's like no, no, no, no,

793
00:36:31,120 --> 00:36:32,960
Speaker 2: you can't take him, Like, why did you want to

794
00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:34,000
Speaker 2: do that earlier? Yeah?

795
00:36:34,000 --> 00:36:35,520
Speaker 1: Why did you hand him right back to me?

796
00:36:35,800 --> 00:36:36,240
Speaker 2: Literally?

797
00:36:36,360 --> 00:36:38,360
Speaker 1: Come on, like you go outside and figure out how

798
00:36:38,360 --> 00:36:40,759
Speaker 1: to calm down. Come on, right, But there is a little

799
00:36:40,760 --> 00:36:43,200
Speaker 1: bit left of the story. But final thought, husband, you

800
00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:45,520
Speaker 1: are not fulfilling your end of the bargain. You're not

801
00:36:45,600 --> 00:36:47,920
Speaker 1: helping at all, not at all. You're just doing whatever

802
00:36:47,960 --> 00:36:51,200
Speaker 1: mommy said. I was livid at my husband and the

803
00:36:51,239 --> 00:36:53,959
Speaker 1: audacity of my mother in law. When we got home,

804
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:55,560
Speaker 1: I told him what she had said to me, and

805
00:36:55,600 --> 00:36:58,160
Speaker 1: then I told him I didn't appreciate him telling me

806
00:36:58,239 --> 00:37:01,239
Speaker 1: to be mama bear and agreeing with me about me

807
00:37:01,400 --> 00:37:03,640
Speaker 1: holding him, only for him to go back on his word.

808
00:37:04,040 --> 00:37:05,680
Speaker 1: All he had to say was that he could tell

809
00:37:05,680 --> 00:37:07,520
Speaker 1: mother in law wanted him, and he gave him to

810
00:37:07,560 --> 00:37:09,560
Speaker 1: her for a second to get it out of her system.

811
00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:13,600
Speaker 2: I don't care, then, don't get mad baby.

812
00:37:14,080 --> 00:37:17,359
Speaker 1: I can't use the baby to calm mother in law down.

813
00:37:17,520 --> 00:37:18,000
Speaker 2: Exactly.

814
00:37:18,320 --> 00:37:20,319
Speaker 1: At this point, I was fed up, and I told

815
00:37:20,400 --> 00:37:22,600
Speaker 1: him that I didn't care if she wanted him or

816
00:37:22,719 --> 00:37:25,239
Speaker 1: needed to get it out of her system. That was

817
00:37:25,480 --> 00:37:28,440
Speaker 1: my son not hers and what I said regarding him

818
00:37:28,600 --> 00:37:31,000
Speaker 1: should stick. He got mad and said it was like

819
00:37:31,040 --> 00:37:33,480
Speaker 1: I didn't want anyone to hold him, to which I

820
00:37:33,600 --> 00:37:36,200
Speaker 1: replied saying that if I didn't want someone to hold

821
00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:38,920
Speaker 1: my baby, they weren't going to hold him. End of story.

822
00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:41,480
Speaker 1: He's been mad at me ever since, and I'm honestly

823
00:37:41,520 --> 00:37:43,560
Speaker 1: starting to worry if I went too far and let

824
00:37:43,560 --> 00:37:46,879
Speaker 1: my emotions get the better of me. Any advice appreciated.

825
00:37:47,080 --> 00:37:50,239
Speaker 1: I'm still friends with my ex and my husband is

826
00:37:50,360 --> 00:37:54,480
Speaker 1: not happy with it. Shakespearean, It's true and this comes

827
00:37:54,520 --> 00:37:57,440
Speaker 1: directly from the r slash okay Storytime suppered it. So

828
00:37:57,920 --> 00:38:00,839
Speaker 1: my ex thirty two mail will call Jim and I

829
00:38:00,880 --> 00:38:03,719
Speaker 1: thirty one non binary divorce. Back in twenty twenty two,

830
00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:06,760
Speaker 1: we agreed when we divorced we would always put our child,

831
00:38:06,840 --> 00:38:09,759
Speaker 1: five male first. We have a set custody agreement that

832
00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:12,360
Speaker 1: we don't really follow. I have him during the weeks

833
00:38:12,400 --> 00:38:14,400
Speaker 1: and Jay has him on the weekends, but if he

834
00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:16,560
Speaker 1: wants to stay with his dad or spend time with

835
00:38:16,640 --> 00:38:18,600
Speaker 1: his dad during the week it's not a problem. We

836
00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:21,040
Speaker 1: also agreed we would do family dinners at least twice

837
00:38:21,040 --> 00:38:23,080
Speaker 1: a month. We wanted to show our son that just

838
00:38:23,120 --> 00:38:25,600
Speaker 1: because his parents aren't a couple, that doesn't mean we

839
00:38:25,640 --> 00:38:28,239
Speaker 1: aren't a family. By the way, this comes from Bunbunboo

840
00:38:28,360 --> 00:38:30,240
Speaker 1: ninety three and if you want to spend your own stories,

841
00:38:30,280 --> 00:38:32,600
Speaker 1: go to the r slash. Okay, storytime supped it now.

842
00:38:32,640 --> 00:38:35,239
Speaker 1: Of course, outside of our son, we also agreed we

843
00:38:35,280 --> 00:38:37,840
Speaker 1: would continue being friends. We have known each other for

844
00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:40,720
Speaker 1: seven years and have been there for each other's major

845
00:38:40,760 --> 00:38:43,640
Speaker 1: life events. I remarried a year after our divorce. I

846
00:38:43,719 --> 00:38:46,640
Speaker 1: know I moved way too fast. My husband will call him.

847
00:38:46,719 --> 00:38:49,719
Speaker 1: Tony used to have no problem with me having this

848
00:38:49,840 --> 00:38:52,360
Speaker 1: arrangement with Jay. We even used to invite Tony to

849
00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:54,920
Speaker 1: our family dinners or anything else we would want to

850
00:38:54,960 --> 00:38:57,640
Speaker 1: do as a family since he's well our son's stepfather.

851
00:38:57,880 --> 00:39:02,800
Speaker 1: He would always turn us down, so we stopped inviting him. Okay,

852
00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:06,680
Speaker 1: concerning I have never pushed for Tony to have a

853
00:39:06,719 --> 00:39:10,839
Speaker 1: relationship with my son or with Jay. Also a little concerning,

854
00:39:11,040 --> 00:39:13,320
Speaker 1: I don't think I would want to marry someone until

855
00:39:13,320 --> 00:39:14,759
Speaker 1: they were vibing with my son.

856
00:39:14,920 --> 00:39:15,480
Speaker 2: That's fair.

857
00:39:15,960 --> 00:39:18,280
Speaker 1: I know these things take time and need to happen

858
00:39:18,320 --> 00:39:20,040
Speaker 1: on their own. Tony and my son at this point

859
00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:22,520
Speaker 1: have grown a special bond and my son even calls

860
00:39:22,560 --> 00:39:25,520
Speaker 1: him Dad. Okay, We've got it. Fast forward to now.

861
00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:29,000
Speaker 1: Nothing with my relationship with Jay has changed. We hang

862
00:39:29,040 --> 00:39:32,400
Speaker 1: out with our son together. Sometimes, we play online games together.

863
00:39:32,440 --> 00:39:34,520
Speaker 1: Once in a while, we heap each other informed if

864
00:39:34,520 --> 00:39:36,520
Speaker 1: we need the other to take our son, and maybe

865
00:39:36,520 --> 00:39:38,359
Speaker 1: once a month I'll go over and cut his hair.

866
00:39:38,520 --> 00:39:40,640
Speaker 1: A couple of times I have house sat for him

867
00:39:40,640 --> 00:39:42,480
Speaker 1: while he was on a business trip. For some reason,

868
00:39:42,560 --> 00:39:46,080
Speaker 1: this is starting to rub Tony the wrong way. He

869
00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:49,279
Speaker 1: gets mad whenever I go over there. He tries to

870
00:39:49,320 --> 00:39:52,880
Speaker 1: say I ignore him when I'm with Jay that whenever

871
00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:55,320
Speaker 1: Jay calls, I go running over there all the time.

872
00:39:55,560 --> 00:39:57,799
Speaker 1: This is far from the truth. Most of the time,

873
00:39:57,840 --> 00:39:59,719
Speaker 1: when Jay and I text or call each other, it's

874
00:39:59,760 --> 00:40:02,480
Speaker 1: a b out our son, because you guys, you have.

875
00:40:02,600 --> 00:40:05,479
Speaker 3: Made a human life together and you kind of gotta

876
00:40:05,560 --> 00:40:06,719
Speaker 3: keep tabs on that kid.

877
00:40:06,920 --> 00:40:09,719
Speaker 1: Yeah. To us, if it's not about our son, it's

878
00:40:09,760 --> 00:40:11,640
Speaker 1: to see if we want a game. To Tony, this

879
00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:14,520
Speaker 1: is a weird relationship to have with your ex. To

880
00:40:14,600 --> 00:40:16,640
Speaker 1: everyone else in our lives, they see us having a

881
00:40:16,640 --> 00:40:20,440
Speaker 1: perfectly healthy co parenting relationship. I knew that, Tony, truly

882
00:40:20,560 --> 00:40:23,520
Speaker 1: doesn't understand what I was just like, I don't understand

883
00:40:23,840 --> 00:40:26,080
Speaker 1: why you're always with I mean, what is he like

884
00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:28,959
Speaker 1: the father of your child? They're like yeah, yeah, yes,

885
00:40:29,160 --> 00:40:31,440
Speaker 1: and he's like it's almost like you're going over all

886
00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:34,759
Speaker 1: the time. It's like he's the father of your child. Yeah,

887
00:40:34,760 --> 00:40:37,080
Speaker 1: and she's like no, yeah, like yeah, Tony, He's like,

888
00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:40,400
Speaker 1: I just don't get it. I don't understand. Now, I'll admit.

889
00:40:40,520 --> 00:40:42,680
Speaker 1: Jay has also given me a place to stay when

890
00:40:42,719 --> 00:40:45,200
Speaker 1: Tony and I were having relationship issues when his sister

891
00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:46,280
Speaker 1: was living with us.

892
00:40:46,680 --> 00:40:47,600
Speaker 2: I'm still listen.

893
00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:51,400
Speaker 1: I go in sort of assuming the best, and I agree.

894
00:40:51,520 --> 00:40:53,200
Speaker 1: I slept on the couch for a week while she

895
00:40:53,320 --> 00:40:55,279
Speaker 1: was moving out of my house. This was mostly to

896
00:40:55,360 --> 00:40:57,600
Speaker 1: keep our son away from the drama and to give

897
00:40:57,600 --> 00:41:00,840
Speaker 1: me somewhere to go for some space and piece of mind. Now,

898
00:41:00,840 --> 00:41:03,640
Speaker 1: do I feel bad this friendship bothers my husband, Yes,

899
00:41:04,080 --> 00:41:06,360
Speaker 1: but I have never given him any reason to believe

900
00:41:06,400 --> 00:41:08,720
Speaker 1: I would be unfaithful to him with my ex husband.

901
00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:12,200
Speaker 1: Tony also feels the same way about pretty much all

902
00:41:12,239 --> 00:41:13,840
Speaker 1: of my male friends.

903
00:41:14,560 --> 00:41:15,480
Speaker 2: I mean, they can't all.

904
00:41:15,360 --> 00:41:19,239
Speaker 1: Be the father's Yeah, you're telling me that guy's too

905
00:41:20,719 --> 00:41:24,799
Speaker 1: likely stories. What is this, Mamma Mia. Granted, most of

906
00:41:24,840 --> 00:41:28,400
Speaker 1: my male friends are either attracted the same gender, married,

907
00:41:28,480 --> 00:41:30,880
Speaker 1: flash and long term relationships, or have been in my

908
00:41:30,920 --> 00:41:33,520
Speaker 1: life so long they're more like family. I would never

909
00:41:33,640 --> 00:41:35,480
Speaker 1: have a friendship with someone that would try to sleep

910
00:41:35,480 --> 00:41:38,480
Speaker 1: with me. I have told him this countless times. I

911
00:41:38,520 --> 00:41:41,160
Speaker 1: have never and would never cheat on him. But I

912
00:41:41,200 --> 00:41:43,080
Speaker 1: need to know. Am I the a hole for having

913
00:41:43,080 --> 00:41:45,720
Speaker 1: a friendship with my ex husband even if it bothers

914
00:41:45,800 --> 00:41:50,320
Speaker 1: my husband? And there is an edit and an update?

915
00:41:50,680 --> 00:41:51,520
Speaker 1: But what do you think?

916
00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:52,040
Speaker 3: Nah?

917
00:41:52,320 --> 00:41:55,440
Speaker 4: Nah n, that's the father of your child.

918
00:41:55,640 --> 00:41:57,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a platonic friendship.

919
00:41:57,880 --> 00:42:00,920
Speaker 1: You have to interact with that person to talk about

920
00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:03,600
Speaker 1: your child that you made little human.

921
00:42:03,640 --> 00:42:06,239
Speaker 4: And again, the thing that gets me to is when

922
00:42:06,239 --> 00:42:08,560
Speaker 4: they say he's liked this about all my male friends.

923
00:42:08,600 --> 00:42:09,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, Okay, there it is.

924
00:42:10,160 --> 00:42:13,200
Speaker 1: That's the thing. And also I think it would be

925
00:42:13,200 --> 00:42:17,080
Speaker 1: confusing to me as ope if I had been presumably

926
00:42:17,200 --> 00:42:20,120
Speaker 1: very upfront about the type of relationship I had with

927
00:42:20,160 --> 00:42:23,640
Speaker 1: my AX and my male friends going into this relationship

928
00:42:23,680 --> 00:42:28,040
Speaker 1: and then he's still married you even knowing.

929
00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:30,520
Speaker 5: All the this just isn't how it went down in

930
00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:31,200
Speaker 5: Mama Mia.

931
00:42:31,480 --> 00:42:36,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, I thought that for this, I thought that I

932
00:42:36,719 --> 00:42:40,919
Speaker 1: was what was his name, Peter Brosnan, Yeah, the main

933
00:42:40,960 --> 00:42:43,719
Speaker 1: guy that that Meryl Streep chooses. I thought I was

934
00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:44,200
Speaker 1: that guy.

935
00:42:44,600 --> 00:42:45,799
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh my god.

936
00:42:46,400 --> 00:42:49,360
Speaker 1: At the end, she chooses Peter, and then all of

937
00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:51,840
Speaker 1: the the other ladies get one of the guys.

938
00:42:52,080 --> 00:42:54,640
Speaker 3: I think one of the Actually, I just thought they

939
00:42:54,640 --> 00:42:56,960
Speaker 3: were all kind of doing whatever they wanted to do

940
00:42:57,120 --> 00:42:58,080
Speaker 3: in Greece over.

941
00:42:57,920 --> 00:43:02,960
Speaker 1: There, whatever happens in these days in Greece at it. So,

942
00:43:03,080 --> 00:43:05,160
Speaker 1: I've seen this a couple of times. I should add

943
00:43:05,200 --> 00:43:07,680
Speaker 1: a little more info about my relationship with Jay and Tony.

944
00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:11,160
Speaker 1: With Jay, we are never hanging out alone. We're always

945
00:43:11,239 --> 00:43:14,160
Speaker 1: with our son. We only hang out about twice a month.

946
00:43:14,200 --> 00:43:16,400
Speaker 1: Either I'll come over and cook dinner, or we'll go

947
00:43:16,440 --> 00:43:18,359
Speaker 1: out to dinner. If he needs me to cut his hair.

948
00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:20,719
Speaker 1: It's either like this, I cut his hair, I cook

949
00:43:20,760 --> 00:43:22,400
Speaker 1: dinner while he's in the shower, and then I go

950
00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:24,759
Speaker 1: home after we eat, or we go out to eat,

951
00:43:24,880 --> 00:43:26,839
Speaker 1: we go back to his place and I cut his hair.

952
00:43:27,080 --> 00:43:28,839
Speaker 1: Then I leave a lot of the time my son

953
00:43:28,880 --> 00:43:30,400
Speaker 1: will tell me to go back to my house so

954
00:43:30,440 --> 00:43:32,000
Speaker 1: he can spend time with his daddy.

955
00:43:32,320 --> 00:43:35,840
Speaker 2: Leave us alone, we're playing Legos.

956
00:43:36,200 --> 00:43:38,600
Speaker 1: Over the past couple of years, we have invited Tony

957
00:43:38,680 --> 00:43:42,319
Speaker 1: many times. He's always said no the coming, so we

958
00:43:42,400 --> 00:43:45,080
Speaker 1: stopped inviting him. When we do play games online, we

959
00:43:45,200 --> 00:43:47,440
Speaker 1: normally have either his best friend with us and or

960
00:43:47,520 --> 00:43:50,480
Speaker 1: my younger brother. We only play maybe once a week,

961
00:43:50,560 --> 00:43:52,960
Speaker 1: depending on schedules. Tony is always in the room with me.

962
00:43:53,000 --> 00:43:54,680
Speaker 1: When I play with him, you can always hear what

963
00:43:54,760 --> 00:43:57,160
Speaker 1: is being said. What is normally being said is the

964
00:43:57,160 --> 00:43:59,239
Speaker 1: best friend and I roasting each other, Jay and his

965
00:43:59,280 --> 00:44:02,839
Speaker 1: best friend with each other, trash talking the monsters we

966
00:44:02,880 --> 00:44:05,680
Speaker 1: play Monster Hunter Wilds together, or it's my brother and

967
00:44:05,760 --> 00:44:08,759
Speaker 1: I making inside jokes and Folks, there's a little bit

968
00:44:08,840 --> 00:44:11,520
Speaker 1: left this story. Do you have any final thoughts.

969
00:44:11,800 --> 00:44:13,319
Speaker 2: I'm sick of this Tony guy.

970
00:44:13,440 --> 00:44:14,400
Speaker 1: I'm sick of Tony.

971
00:44:14,760 --> 00:44:15,440
Speaker 2: I'm sick of it.

972
00:44:15,560 --> 00:44:17,960
Speaker 1: Tony's got a lot of thoughts and a lot of feelings,

973
00:44:18,000 --> 00:44:20,319
Speaker 1: and none of them are valid. Tony needs to go

974
00:44:20,360 --> 00:44:23,399
Speaker 1: to Greece. It's kind of what I think. Tony needs

975
00:44:23,400 --> 00:44:24,560
Speaker 1: to have his Mamma Mia summer.

976
00:44:24,719 --> 00:44:25,840
Speaker 2: That's what I'm saying.

977
00:44:26,160 --> 00:44:28,400
Speaker 3: He thinks this is a Mama mea situation.

978
00:44:28,480 --> 00:44:33,160
Speaker 4: He's like, maybe, yeah, well, I'm just saying there's two

979
00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:37,319
Speaker 4: like maybe he's like, it's me, Tony, it's Jay, and

980
00:44:37,400 --> 00:44:39,640
Speaker 4: the third third man, any of us could be the

981
00:44:39,760 --> 00:44:40,760
Speaker 4: father of this child.

982
00:44:40,880 --> 00:44:42,560
Speaker 1: He ape has to be like, that's not he's not

983
00:44:42,600 --> 00:44:46,440
Speaker 1: your He just doesn't understand that it's not possible for

984
00:44:46,520 --> 00:44:48,320
Speaker 1: him to be the father. He's like, your son calls

985
00:44:48,320 --> 00:44:51,080
Speaker 1: me dad, son calls me dad. That's got a mean.

986
00:44:52,719 --> 00:44:55,640
Speaker 2: He's not telling me. But there's a.

987
00:44:55,560 --> 00:44:57,719
Speaker 1: Little bit left. With Tony. I do my best to

988
00:44:57,760 --> 00:45:00,680
Speaker 1: take his feelings seriously. I make sure he where I am,

989
00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:03,560
Speaker 1: who I'm with, and when i'll be home. Whenever he asks,

990
00:45:03,640 --> 00:45:05,960
Speaker 1: I'll always tell him who I'm texting or talking to

991
00:45:06,040 --> 00:45:08,239
Speaker 1: and what it's about. I hardly go anywhere without him.

992
00:45:08,320 --> 00:45:10,400
Speaker 1: If I do go without him, my best female friend,

993
00:45:10,440 --> 00:45:12,279
Speaker 1: my son, or my brother is with me. When I

994
00:45:12,320 --> 00:45:14,319
Speaker 1: do hang out with my brother, Tony always wants me

995
00:45:14,360 --> 00:45:16,680
Speaker 1: to send him a picture of him and I together

996
00:45:16,840 --> 00:45:20,160
Speaker 1: to prove I'm with my brother. This reeks of insecurity.

997
00:45:20,239 --> 00:45:21,960
Speaker 1: It annoys me, but I do it to prove I'm

998
00:45:21,960 --> 00:45:24,400
Speaker 1: not lying to him. I text him as much as

999
00:45:24,440 --> 00:45:26,120
Speaker 1: I can throughout the day. It's hard to do so

1000
00:45:26,160 --> 00:45:28,960
Speaker 1: when I'm working or driving. If I don't respond, he

1001
00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:31,200
Speaker 1: will either blow up on me or call me until

1002
00:45:31,200 --> 00:45:33,560
Speaker 1: I pick up. I have had to remind him many

1003
00:45:33,640 --> 00:45:36,120
Speaker 1: times I can't always respond right away when I'm busy.

1004
00:45:36,280 --> 00:45:38,600
Speaker 1: He does this no matter where I am hanging out

1005
00:45:38,640 --> 00:45:41,479
Speaker 1: with my cousin, blowing up my phone, watching a movie

1006
00:45:41,520 --> 00:45:44,080
Speaker 1: with my uncle and brother, blowing up my phone, driving

1007
00:45:44,080 --> 00:45:46,360
Speaker 1: places to do things for work, blowing up my phone.

1008
00:45:47,400 --> 00:45:49,280
Speaker 1: I have tried my best to make sure he feels

1009
00:45:49,280 --> 00:45:52,640
Speaker 1: secure in our relationship, but sometimes this is just too much.

1010
00:45:53,040 --> 00:45:55,000
Speaker 1: Looks like one comment, so I'll read that.

1011
00:45:55,160 --> 00:45:55,759
Speaker 2: Not the ale.

1012
00:45:56,520 --> 00:45:58,520
Speaker 1: You and your ex are giving your son a wonderful

1013
00:45:58,600 --> 00:46:01,200
Speaker 1: childhood and modeling how how adults can break up but

1014
00:46:01,239 --> 00:46:04,480
Speaker 1: still be mature and respectful. Tony came into a healthy

1015
00:46:04,520 --> 00:46:08,280
Speaker 1: situation and brought jealousy and a controlling attitude into something

1016
00:46:08,280 --> 00:46:11,840
Speaker 1: that existed before him and was working just fine. You

1017
00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:15,400
Speaker 1: don't need to change he does, And yeah, maybe you

1018
00:46:15,400 --> 00:46:17,799
Speaker 1: should have known him better before getting married, but that

1019
00:46:17,800 --> 00:46:19,880
Speaker 1: doesn't mean you can't change your mind and make a

1020
00:46:19,880 --> 00:46:22,680
Speaker 1: better choice now. As someone whose parents have been divorced

1021
00:46:22,680 --> 00:46:25,840
Speaker 1: for almost forty five years and still remain friends, My

1022
00:46:25,960 --> 00:46:28,960
Speaker 1: dad even lived seven houses down the street. Trust me

1023
00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:31,319
Speaker 1: that your son will eventually understand what a gift you

1024
00:46:31,320 --> 00:46:33,319
Speaker 1: and his dad are giving him. He'll know how to

1025
00:46:33,320 --> 00:46:36,280
Speaker 1: treat people, even X's, and he'll thank you for making

1026
00:46:36,280 --> 00:46:39,239
Speaker 1: his childhood drama free. My dad also married a woman

1027
00:46:39,239 --> 00:46:42,000
Speaker 1: who wanted him to choose her over his kids and

1028
00:46:42,120 --> 00:46:45,319
Speaker 1: his good relationship with her mom. She's long gone and

1029
00:46:45,360 --> 00:46:47,760
Speaker 1: none of us regret him cutting out the real drama.

1030
00:46:47,840 --> 00:46:50,320
Speaker 1: You're doing great. Don't change a thing. Here's a comment

1031
00:46:50,320 --> 00:46:52,520
Speaker 1: from Ope. We have tried in the past for over

1032
00:46:52,520 --> 00:46:55,040
Speaker 1: a year to include Tony, and when Jay had a girlfriend,

1033
00:46:55,080 --> 00:46:57,319
Speaker 1: her and things as well. Tony didn't want to go

1034
00:46:57,440 --> 00:46:59,120
Speaker 1: with us to the park or out for dinner. He

1035
00:46:59,160 --> 00:47:02,400
Speaker 1: would always tell no, that's your time to spend with

1036
00:47:02,480 --> 00:47:05,319
Speaker 1: your son, just the two of you. Now, all of

1037
00:47:05,320 --> 00:47:08,399
Speaker 1: a sudden, it's a problem. We haven't changed anything about

1038
00:47:08,400 --> 00:47:10,239
Speaker 1: what we're doing. I do my best to make sure

1039
00:47:10,320 --> 00:47:12,880
Speaker 1: Tony feels comfortable when he asks to come along with

1040
00:47:12,920 --> 00:47:14,960
Speaker 1: me to places I bring him. I always let him

1041
00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:17,239
Speaker 1: know who I'm talking to and about what I just

1042
00:47:17,280 --> 00:47:20,040
Speaker 1: don't understand what changed in him. We got a little

1043
00:47:20,080 --> 00:47:22,520
Speaker 1: bit more comments from a Pee. I don't think this

1044
00:47:22,600 --> 00:47:23,880
Speaker 1: is a good relationship anymore.

1045
00:47:23,920 --> 00:47:28,040
Speaker 3: I'll be fully honest, and this is one of our own. Yeah,

1046
00:47:28,080 --> 00:47:29,719
Speaker 3: so you can be fully honest with one of our own.

1047
00:47:29,760 --> 00:47:30,720
Speaker 1: I'll be fully honest.

1048
00:47:30,840 --> 00:47:35,239
Speaker 3: I've mostly been thinking about song titles for Mama Mia

1049
00:47:35,400 --> 00:47:39,439
Speaker 3: to sort of put into this conversation and really haven't

1050
00:47:40,080 --> 00:47:41,239
Speaker 3: been super successful.

1051
00:47:41,680 --> 00:47:46,080
Speaker 1: That's okay. What's that one? Like? How do I get

1052
00:47:46,120 --> 00:47:50,399
Speaker 1: cheeky in here? Get a waterloo situation? You know what?

1053
00:47:50,560 --> 00:47:51,600
Speaker 1: Maybe this one applies.

1054
00:47:51,760 --> 00:47:54,120
Speaker 2: The winner takes it all the winter takes and maybe.

1055
00:47:54,120 --> 00:47:57,239
Speaker 3: The winner is you the winn takes you your ring

1056
00:47:58,000 --> 00:47:59,040
Speaker 3: off of your finger.

1057
00:47:59,480 --> 00:48:01,319
Speaker 1: That I think that that was a really great point, right,

1058
00:48:01,360 --> 00:48:04,840
Speaker 1: thank you. I'm very concerned about your relationship. It feels

1059
00:48:04,880 --> 00:48:08,640
Speaker 1: like he's very controlling and if this is a big

1060
00:48:08,760 --> 00:48:10,520
Speaker 1: switch up from how he was at the beginning of

1061
00:48:10,520 --> 00:48:14,160
Speaker 1: the relationship. It's either he feels like he has a

1062
00:48:14,200 --> 00:48:17,000
Speaker 1: little bit more control because you guys are tied together

1063
00:48:17,200 --> 00:48:19,400
Speaker 1: through marriage and so he's a little bit more comfortable

1064
00:48:19,440 --> 00:48:23,040
Speaker 1: showing you who he actually is, or as we get

1065
00:48:23,080 --> 00:48:25,880
Speaker 1: in a lot of stories, he's projecting and it is cheating,

1066
00:48:26,760 --> 00:48:29,680
Speaker 1: you know, if he's trying to control everywhere you are

1067
00:48:29,719 --> 00:48:32,359
Speaker 1: and demanding you give proof that you're not with other men.

1068
00:48:33,120 --> 00:48:34,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, then he might be.

1069
00:48:34,560 --> 00:48:37,799
Speaker 1: Doing something, but either way, this is not a healthy relationship.

1070
00:48:37,920 --> 00:48:40,160
Speaker 1: And I don't want to say, like, leave him immediately

1071
00:48:40,200 --> 00:48:41,880
Speaker 1: because it seems like your son is a good bond

1072
00:48:41,880 --> 00:48:44,239
Speaker 1: with him. But either you need to tell him this

1073
00:48:44,280 --> 00:48:47,240
Speaker 1: is not okay and you need to get some heavy counseling,

1074
00:48:47,360 --> 00:48:50,080
Speaker 1: or you do need to end this marriage because you

1075
00:48:50,080 --> 00:48:51,960
Speaker 1: have a really great thing going on with your ex

1076
00:48:52,000 --> 00:48:55,800
Speaker 1: and your son and don't jeopardize that for this guy. Three,

1077
00:48:55,840 --> 00:48:58,719
Speaker 1: I honestly think neither of you are the a hole.

1078
00:48:59,040 --> 00:49:01,719
Speaker 1: This is just a delicate situation. I agree you're doing

1079
00:49:01,719 --> 00:49:04,040
Speaker 1: what's best for your son and that should be a priority,

1080
00:49:04,080 --> 00:49:06,160
Speaker 1: But just imagine if the roles were reversed and your

1081
00:49:06,200 --> 00:49:08,760
Speaker 1: partner at a child with an X and was frequently

1082
00:49:08,840 --> 00:49:11,560
Speaker 1: visiting her and messaging her. It may be completely fine

1083
00:49:11,560 --> 00:49:13,960
Speaker 1: to you because you know it's completely harmless, but your

1084
00:49:14,000 --> 00:49:16,359
Speaker 1: partner can't feel what you feel or see the world

1085
00:49:16,400 --> 00:49:19,000
Speaker 1: through your eyes. That's the same as any relationship. I

1086
00:49:19,000 --> 00:49:21,200
Speaker 1: think it's normal for anyone to feel a little insecure

1087
00:49:21,239 --> 00:49:23,960
Speaker 1: that their partner is frequently engaging with the rex, especially

1088
00:49:24,000 --> 00:49:26,120
Speaker 1: the father or mother of their partner's child, because that

1089
00:49:26,280 --> 00:49:29,200
Speaker 1: in itself creates a bond that can't be replicated by them,

1090
00:49:29,400 --> 00:49:31,640
Speaker 1: even if it's not romantic. I don't think it means

1091
00:49:31,640 --> 00:49:34,000
Speaker 1: he doesn't trust you or that he's controlling. I think

1092
00:49:34,040 --> 00:49:37,000
Speaker 1: it means he's human with human vulnerabilities. I also think

1093
00:49:37,040 --> 00:49:39,560
Speaker 1: the insecurities that are slowly building from your ex are

1094
00:49:39,560 --> 00:49:42,200
Speaker 1: starting to overflow into other males in your life too.

1095
00:49:42,320 --> 00:49:45,200
Speaker 1: As you said, he's getting uncomfortable with male friends and colleagues.

1096
00:49:45,480 --> 00:49:48,560
Speaker 1: I think his insecurities are snowballing. He needs to communicate

1097
00:49:48,600 --> 00:49:50,960
Speaker 1: better with you and express his feelings so you can

1098
00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:54,319
Speaker 1: discuss it together and maybe set boundaries or provide some

1099
00:49:54,400 --> 00:49:56,919
Speaker 1: reassurance for him. I don't know, but it may also

1100
00:49:56,960 --> 00:49:59,040
Speaker 1: be the case he doesn't understand what he's feeling or

1101
00:49:59,040 --> 00:50:01,959
Speaker 1: why he's feeling it. In any case, communication is key.

1102
00:50:02,040 --> 00:50:04,480
Speaker 1: I feel you need to be aware Tony's insecurities in

1103
00:50:04,480 --> 00:50:07,760
Speaker 1: this situation are normal and something to work on together. However,

1104
00:50:07,920 --> 00:50:09,920
Speaker 1: Tony is also going to have to step up and

1105
00:50:10,000 --> 00:50:12,879
Speaker 1: work on communication and work on the situation himself too.

1106
00:50:13,000 --> 00:50:15,200
Speaker 1: You said he says no when you invite him over.

1107
00:50:15,360 --> 00:50:16,719
Speaker 1: Maybe he doesn't want to get in the way of

1108
00:50:16,760 --> 00:50:18,920
Speaker 1: family time with you, your son, and your ex, because

1109
00:50:18,920 --> 00:50:20,840
Speaker 1: he probably wants your son to have that time with

1110
00:50:20,920 --> 00:50:22,600
Speaker 1: you too. But he needs to figure out what he

1111
00:50:22,640 --> 00:50:25,600
Speaker 1: can do to overcome these feelings too and hope. He replies,

1112
00:50:25,760 --> 00:50:28,120
Speaker 1: I agree. I have tried many times to have an

1113
00:50:28,160 --> 00:50:30,440
Speaker 1: open communication about his feelings and what I can do

1114
00:50:30,520 --> 00:50:32,640
Speaker 1: to help him feel better. He shuts me down or

1115
00:50:32,640 --> 00:50:35,239
Speaker 1: it turns into a fight. Huge red flag. I have

1116
00:50:35,360 --> 00:50:38,640
Speaker 1: limited my communications with my ex and other male friends.

1117
00:50:39,160 --> 00:50:42,080
Speaker 1: Huge red flag, Huge red flag. I have even offered

1118
00:50:42,080 --> 00:50:43,960
Speaker 1: to let him meet all my friends of all genders.

1119
00:50:44,160 --> 00:50:45,480
Speaker 1: He has refused to meet them.

1120
00:50:45,560 --> 00:50:48,799
Speaker 2: That's craze. I want to meet your friends.

1121
00:50:49,080 --> 00:50:51,760
Speaker 1: I'm actively accusing you are my friends.

1122
00:50:51,800 --> 00:50:52,400
Speaker 2: Is so cool?

1123
00:50:52,440 --> 00:50:53,680
Speaker 1: What do you mean you don't mail to meet them.

1124
00:50:53,880 --> 00:50:55,920
Speaker 1: It has gotten to the point he's asking our mutual

1125
00:50:55,960 --> 00:50:57,960
Speaker 1: friends if he believes I would cheat on him. The

1126
00:50:58,040 --> 00:51:01,560
Speaker 1: relationship is over, Yeah, the relationship is over. It We

1127
00:51:01,600 --> 00:51:03,840
Speaker 1: are at the point, like, I really disagree with that

1128
00:51:03,880 --> 00:51:07,640
Speaker 1: previous comment. This is not oh maybe he doesn't trust you.

1129
00:51:07,719 --> 00:51:10,160
Speaker 1: He doesn't trust you. He's actively asking other people if

1130
00:51:10,160 --> 00:51:12,560
Speaker 1: you would cheat on him. He's forcing you to send

1131
00:51:12,640 --> 00:51:16,560
Speaker 1: him pictures at all times. Yea, even when you're with family,

1132
00:51:17,200 --> 00:51:20,440
Speaker 1: literal family, because he thinks that there's something suspicious going on,

1133
00:51:20,680 --> 00:51:25,000
Speaker 1: and now you're actively pushing away your ex that you

1134
00:51:25,040 --> 00:51:28,319
Speaker 1: have a great relationship with and your male friends. For him,

1135
00:51:28,880 --> 00:51:32,480
Speaker 1: this is no longer a healthy relationship. And maybe you

1136
00:51:32,760 --> 00:51:36,080
Speaker 1: separate and he has time alone figures out his life

1137
00:51:36,120 --> 00:51:38,120
Speaker 1: and down the line you can see.

1138
00:51:38,680 --> 00:51:42,920
Speaker 3: But as of right now, yeah, I'm downing.

1139
00:51:43,200 --> 00:51:49,160
Speaker 1: I'm seconding that open the gates. They have all told

1140
00:51:49,239 --> 00:51:51,760
Speaker 1: him no repeatedly. I don't know what else I should

1141
00:51:51,760 --> 00:51:54,040
Speaker 1: do to make him feel better about our situation. He's

1142
00:51:54,120 --> 00:51:55,040
Speaker 1: johnio og host here.

1143
00:51:55,080 --> 00:51:56,440
Speaker 5: We're gonna get back to the stories, but he's a

1144
00:51:56,480 --> 00:51:58,320
Speaker 5: quick three minute break of ass from our sponsors.

1145
00:51:58,920 --> 00:52:02,239
Speaker 2: I'm envious of my stepdaughter because of the time she

1146
00:52:02,320 --> 00:52:03,520
Speaker 2: spends with her father.

1147
00:52:04,239 --> 00:52:07,319
Speaker 3: Oh man, I don't even have some quippie for this one.

1148
00:52:07,560 --> 00:52:10,000
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm just like, let's get into it.

1149
00:52:10,400 --> 00:52:13,120
Speaker 2: And this one comes straight from the r slash Okay

1150
00:52:13,120 --> 00:52:16,359
Speaker 2: storytime sepreddit. This is another one of our own. So

1151
00:52:17,040 --> 00:52:19,759
Speaker 2: I thirty five female, married my husband, thirty five male,

1152
00:52:19,880 --> 00:52:22,600
Speaker 2: one year ago after a little over a year of dating.

1153
00:52:22,719 --> 00:52:24,560
Speaker 2: This is the first marriage for both of us, but

1154
00:52:24,640 --> 00:52:27,160
Speaker 2: we both came to the relationship with one child. Mine

1155
00:52:27,200 --> 00:52:29,719
Speaker 2: is a son currently eleven, and his is a daughter

1156
00:52:29,840 --> 00:52:32,600
Speaker 2: currently nine. We will call my son Josh and his

1157
00:52:32,719 --> 00:52:35,439
Speaker 2: daughter April. By the way, this comes from Cashew Lover

1158
00:52:35,560 --> 00:52:37,480
Speaker 2: twenty six oh one, and if you want to submit

1159
00:52:37,520 --> 00:52:40,160
Speaker 2: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime Sepreddit.

1160
00:52:40,320 --> 00:52:40,400
Speaker 6: So.

1161
00:52:40,680 --> 00:52:43,680
Speaker 2: My husband, who I'll referred to as Atlas, is a

1162
00:52:43,760 --> 00:52:47,160
Speaker 2: refugee immigrants US citizen who was born and raised in

1163
00:52:47,160 --> 00:52:50,000
Speaker 2: a Central Asian country, a former Soviet Union, and he

1164
00:52:50,080 --> 00:52:52,600
Speaker 2: moved to the US at age sixteen and has been

1165
00:52:52,640 --> 00:52:55,640
Speaker 2: here ever since. I admire him so much and love

1166
00:52:55,719 --> 00:52:59,160
Speaker 2: him so much. Our relationship has had its challenges, mostly external,

1167
00:52:59,239 --> 00:53:01,560
Speaker 2: but we have stayed friends and lovers through it all,

1168
00:53:01,719 --> 00:53:04,040
Speaker 2: and I can't imagine being married to anyone else. He

1169
00:53:04,120 --> 00:53:08,200
Speaker 2: is solid, reliable, responsible, beloved by all, takes care of

1170
00:53:08,600 --> 00:53:12,680
Speaker 2: and protects his family, myself included, so fiercely. This is

1171
00:53:12,719 --> 00:53:15,600
Speaker 2: all pertinent. When we got together, neither of us were

1172
00:53:15,600 --> 00:53:18,200
Speaker 2: looking for a relationship. We were doing the single parent

1173
00:53:18,320 --> 00:53:20,799
Speaker 2: thing and content with our lives raising our kids. He

1174
00:53:20,880 --> 00:53:23,000
Speaker 2: shares custody of his daughter with an ex, and my

1175
00:53:23,120 --> 00:53:25,799
Speaker 2: son is fully with me and doesn't see his dad

1176
00:53:25,840 --> 00:53:28,319
Speaker 2: at all. As I mentioned, our relationship was kind of

1177
00:53:28,360 --> 00:53:30,840
Speaker 2: a whirlwind. Being parents, we both kind of knew what

1178
00:53:30,840 --> 00:53:34,239
Speaker 2: we wanted, were mature, felt like we knew ourselves pretty well,

1179
00:53:34,239 --> 00:53:37,239
Speaker 2: and were financially established in our own right when we

1180
00:53:37,280 --> 00:53:40,040
Speaker 2: decided to move in together Atlas in April. Naturally moved

1181
00:53:40,040 --> 00:53:42,960
Speaker 2: in with Josh and I because they had been staying

1182
00:53:43,000 --> 00:53:45,720
Speaker 2: in a studio and I had a two bedroom condo

1183
00:53:45,840 --> 00:53:48,200
Speaker 2: in a very expensive city at the time. The kids

1184
00:53:48,200 --> 00:53:50,279
Speaker 2: were seven and nine, so we had them share a

1185
00:53:50,320 --> 00:53:52,680
Speaker 2: room with the two twin beds, and my son was

1186
00:53:52,719 --> 00:53:55,320
Speaker 2: gracious to give up some of his space with no complaints.

1187
00:53:55,520 --> 00:53:58,240
Speaker 2: In fact, he was excited and called her his sister

1188
00:53:58,320 --> 00:54:00,560
Speaker 2: pretty quickly. That's so cute, dude.

1189
00:54:01,600 --> 00:54:02,160
Speaker 1: Really good.

1190
00:54:02,360 --> 00:54:05,200
Speaker 3: It's always scary for me when they start out really well.

1191
00:54:06,000 --> 00:54:08,759
Speaker 2: No, I know, right, it's usually yeah, it's like so

1192
00:54:08,840 --> 00:54:11,879
Speaker 2: far this it's just a lovely story. And here, Yeah,

1193
00:54:12,320 --> 00:54:16,080
Speaker 2: I'm so glad everyone's exactly. It's like finishing La La

1194
00:54:16,200 --> 00:54:18,760
Speaker 2: Land fifteen minutes before the end. Will talk.

1195
00:54:20,640 --> 00:54:21,239
Speaker 1: You've seen it?

1196
00:54:21,400 --> 00:54:25,000
Speaker 2: Nope, but I've seen the memes. Sorry, guys, I could

1197
00:54:25,040 --> 00:54:29,080
Speaker 2: have gotten away with that. Riley and I approached him

1198
00:54:29,120 --> 00:54:30,919
Speaker 2: with this up. But my ex did tell me our

1199
00:54:31,000 --> 00:54:32,880
Speaker 2: story was going to be like la la land, like

1200
00:54:32,920 --> 00:54:38,280
Speaker 2: not even a weekend of us dating weekend. Very good.

1201
00:54:38,600 --> 00:54:42,560
Speaker 3: Well, she didn't know what she was talking idea.

1202
00:54:43,320 --> 00:54:45,759
Speaker 2: She seemed excited at first, but the novelty wore off

1203
00:54:45,800 --> 00:54:48,120
Speaker 2: pretty quickly and she became much more closed off to

1204
00:54:48,200 --> 00:54:50,960
Speaker 2: Josh for a bit. Now two and a half years later,

1205
00:54:51,040 --> 00:54:53,239
Speaker 2: they get along and have a lot in common and

1206
00:54:53,320 --> 00:54:56,000
Speaker 2: also bicker and are you quite a bit too? What

1207
00:54:56,040 --> 00:54:57,840
Speaker 2: I'm told is typical sibling behavior.

1208
00:54:57,920 --> 00:54:58,880
Speaker 1: I'm guessing, oh, he is.

1209
00:54:58,880 --> 00:55:01,080
Speaker 2: An only child. Sorry it's taking so long for me

1210
00:55:01,160 --> 00:55:02,680
Speaker 2: to get to the point, but I feel like all

1211
00:55:02,760 --> 00:55:05,640
Speaker 2: this context is important to my issue. At first, all

1212
00:55:05,760 --> 00:55:07,799
Speaker 2: was great in the condo at Lis had told me

1213
00:55:07,880 --> 00:55:10,120
Speaker 2: in his culture it was normal for families to co

1214
00:55:10,239 --> 00:55:12,319
Speaker 2: sleep for a long time, and in their studio. He

1215
00:55:12,400 --> 00:55:15,920
Speaker 2: had originally gotten April her own bed, but she inevitably

1216
00:55:16,120 --> 00:55:19,240
Speaker 2: ended up sleeping with him every night. They're very cuddly,

1217
00:55:19,280 --> 00:55:22,200
Speaker 2: affectionate and sweet with one another, and him being a

1218
00:55:22,239 --> 00:55:24,600
Speaker 2: great dad is one of my biggest attractions to him. I,

1219
00:55:24,719 --> 00:55:26,720
Speaker 2: on the other hand, am not a super touchy feely

1220
00:55:26,800 --> 00:55:28,680
Speaker 2: type of person. So when we put the kids to

1221
00:55:28,719 --> 00:55:31,000
Speaker 2: bed at night, at Lias would crawl in April's bed

1222
00:55:31,040 --> 00:55:34,000
Speaker 2: and they would read some stories, talk, fall asleep wrapped

1223
00:55:34,000 --> 00:55:37,240
Speaker 2: in each other's arms. We with Josh was me sitting

1224
00:55:37,239 --> 00:55:39,200
Speaker 2: in a chair next to his bed. We would also

1225
00:55:39,280 --> 00:55:41,320
Speaker 2: read and talk, and I would rub his back until

1226
00:55:41,320 --> 00:55:44,000
Speaker 2: he fell asleep, which is how we have operated since

1227
00:55:44,000 --> 00:55:46,280
Speaker 2: he was like three. So when Atlas would fall asleep

1228
00:55:46,280 --> 00:55:48,120
Speaker 2: with April, I would typically wait a bit and then

1229
00:55:48,200 --> 00:55:50,200
Speaker 2: wake him up to come hang out with me before bed,

1230
00:55:50,480 --> 00:55:52,840
Speaker 2: and we would go to bed together. It's also important

1231
00:55:52,880 --> 00:55:54,920
Speaker 2: to note that the first few months of our relationship,

1232
00:55:54,920 --> 00:55:57,440
Speaker 2: April only came to our house on weekends. Then she

1233
00:55:57,560 --> 00:55:59,520
Speaker 2: switched to staying with us for the school year. That

1234
00:55:59,640 --> 00:56:02,759
Speaker 2: year was fine, she would occasionally have nightmares and come

1235
00:56:02,800 --> 00:56:05,360
Speaker 2: into our bed. It was uncomfortable for me, so I

1236
00:56:05,440 --> 00:56:07,360
Speaker 2: let Atlas know and even went to sleep on the

1237
00:56:07,360 --> 00:56:10,120
Speaker 2: couch a few nights when this happened. He tried to

1238
00:56:10,160 --> 00:56:12,440
Speaker 2: be mindful of keeping her away from my side of

1239
00:56:12,440 --> 00:56:15,080
Speaker 2: the bed, But about a year into our relationship, the

1240
00:56:15,200 --> 00:56:18,040
Speaker 2: nightmares increased to the point that she was coming into

1241
00:56:18,120 --> 00:56:21,480
Speaker 2: our bed almost nightly, and I was super uncomfortable. With this,

1242
00:56:21,719 --> 00:56:25,760
Speaker 2: both physically and emotionally. So it was around fourteen months

1243
00:56:25,800 --> 00:56:28,279
Speaker 2: in we started looking for a bigger place to accommodate

1244
00:56:28,400 --> 00:56:30,560
Speaker 2: us because we knew we couldn't keep the kids together

1245
00:56:30,600 --> 00:56:33,399
Speaker 2: in a room much longer. And our relationship was solid. See,

1246
00:56:33,400 --> 00:56:37,600
Speaker 2: it feels like there's not giant problems so far. The

1247
00:56:37,640 --> 00:56:39,640
Speaker 2: one's still scared. Yeah. The one thing that I'm trying

1248
00:56:39,680 --> 00:56:41,880
Speaker 2: to figure out is because she the ages were what

1249
00:56:42,080 --> 00:56:43,040
Speaker 2: seven and nine?

1250
00:56:43,040 --> 00:56:45,560
Speaker 7: Seven and nine men a little bit older, so it's

1251
00:56:45,600 --> 00:56:47,000
Speaker 7: what nine and eleven?

1252
00:56:47,120 --> 00:56:47,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think.

1253
00:56:47,680 --> 00:56:51,160
Speaker 7: So everybody's like entitled to their own opinions and their

1254
00:56:51,160 --> 00:56:53,359
Speaker 7: own feelings. It is interesting to me that she is

1255
00:56:53,520 --> 00:56:58,000
Speaker 7: so like I was really uncomfortable with his nine year

1256
00:56:58,000 --> 00:56:59,960
Speaker 7: old daughter, like coming in like after a nightmare.

1257
00:57:00,120 --> 00:57:01,799
Speaker 4: Like that's the one thing that's kind of flagging to me.

1258
00:57:01,840 --> 00:57:03,840
Speaker 4: So I'm like, okay, oh, why.

1259
00:57:03,920 --> 00:57:07,279
Speaker 3: That to me seems pretty normal kid stuff or like

1260
00:57:07,320 --> 00:57:09,080
Speaker 3: you have a nightmare and you come So I don't know.

1261
00:57:09,440 --> 00:57:12,560
Speaker 2: And because she did say both physically and emotionally uncomfortable too.

1262
00:57:12,600 --> 00:57:14,520
Speaker 4: I know, and I'm and I'm kind of like, I'm

1263
00:57:14,520 --> 00:57:16,560
Speaker 4: not saying you can't feel that way right?

1264
00:57:16,760 --> 00:57:19,040
Speaker 2: Well, why, like, what's going on.

1265
00:57:18,960 --> 00:57:21,240
Speaker 5: There that you're like, I hate it she has a

1266
00:57:21,320 --> 00:57:22,480
Speaker 5: nightmare and comes to.

1267
00:57:22,440 --> 00:57:25,680
Speaker 2: Her Bobby, I don't know. We were super blessed to

1268
00:57:25,800 --> 00:57:28,680
Speaker 2: find an affordable three bedroom home in a great neighborhood,

1269
00:57:28,840 --> 00:57:31,160
Speaker 2: and even though April was switching to her moms for

1270
00:57:31,200 --> 00:57:33,360
Speaker 2: that school year, we figured we would get all of

1271
00:57:33,440 --> 00:57:36,400
Speaker 2: us queen sized beds and use April's room for company

1272
00:57:36,600 --> 00:57:39,360
Speaker 2: when it was vacant, and also he could go sleep

1273
00:57:39,400 --> 00:57:41,560
Speaker 2: in her room with her when she has a nightmare.

1274
00:57:41,840 --> 00:57:45,160
Speaker 2: Since our current setup sash situation was making me uncomfortable,

1275
00:57:45,240 --> 00:57:48,880
Speaker 2: felt like the perfect solution. Now onto my issue. She's

1276
00:57:49,000 --> 00:57:51,480
Speaker 2: at our home less, but as most married couples know,

1277
00:57:51,680 --> 00:57:54,840
Speaker 2: weekends are sometimes ideal for spicy sleep time because you

1278
00:57:54,840 --> 00:57:56,560
Speaker 2: don't have to be up super early for work. But

1279
00:57:56,640 --> 00:57:59,360
Speaker 2: she's with us on weekends, and either he falls asleep

1280
00:57:59,400 --> 00:58:01,280
Speaker 2: in there with her, or she'll come to the room

1281
00:58:01,400 --> 00:58:03,320
Speaker 2: late in the night and he'll go sleep with her.

1282
00:58:03,360 --> 00:58:03,520
Speaker 1: Then.

1283
00:58:03,720 --> 00:58:06,320
Speaker 2: Even though this is the compromise I agree to, I'm

1284
00:58:06,400 --> 00:58:09,520
Speaker 2: still feeling increasingly some type of way about the amount

1285
00:58:09,560 --> 00:58:11,880
Speaker 2: of time he spent sleeping with her. Just to clarify,

1286
00:58:12,120 --> 00:58:14,840
Speaker 2: I do not feel their relationship is inappropriate or he's

1287
00:58:14,880 --> 00:58:18,000
Speaker 2: being creepy. I know their cultural background of co sleeping

1288
00:58:18,040 --> 00:58:21,240
Speaker 2: being quite normal. I in no way feel judgmental. I'm

1289
00:58:21,240 --> 00:58:23,560
Speaker 2: just struggling with feeling a bit envious, and I don't

1290
00:58:23,560 --> 00:58:26,280
Speaker 2: want to say jealous because that makes me feel pathetic

1291
00:58:26,360 --> 00:58:29,320
Speaker 2: since I'm not in competition with his child. But still

1292
00:58:29,360 --> 00:58:32,280
Speaker 2: I do feel hurt, and I manage this by being

1293
00:58:32,400 --> 00:58:35,080
Speaker 2: kind of cold and distant towards him the following day.

1294
00:58:35,200 --> 00:58:37,600
Speaker 2: Not what I want to do. Nor am I proud

1295
00:58:37,600 --> 00:58:40,200
Speaker 2: of this reaction, and just being honest. We have had

1296
00:58:40,240 --> 00:58:42,960
Speaker 2: conversations about this, and it's kind of a stalemate. He's

1297
00:58:43,000 --> 00:58:45,919
Speaker 2: already compromised by not allowing her in our bed, which

1298
00:58:45,960 --> 00:58:48,960
Speaker 2: he's very thoughtful about. When we started this relationship, we

1299
00:58:49,040 --> 00:58:51,400
Speaker 2: both agreed the kids come first, in the sense that

1300
00:58:51,520 --> 00:58:54,000
Speaker 2: we had very established bonds with our kids and their

1301
00:58:54,000 --> 00:58:56,920
Speaker 2: health and safety would always be number one priority. But that,

1302
00:58:57,080 --> 00:59:00,120
Speaker 2: of course, is such a broad thing. Like we are

1303
00:59:00,160 --> 00:59:02,520
Speaker 2: both spiritual, and our faith is one of the foundational

1304
00:59:02,760 --> 00:59:05,880
Speaker 2: cornerstones of our relationship. In my faith, it says God first,

1305
00:59:06,000 --> 00:59:08,960
Speaker 2: then your spouse and kids next, because it's important to

1306
00:59:09,000 --> 00:59:11,200
Speaker 2: have the right balance in the family. This being the

1307
00:59:11,240 --> 00:59:13,720
Speaker 2: first time both of us are formally married. We have

1308
00:59:13,800 --> 00:59:16,760
Speaker 2: both taken our vows, commitment and intentions of our marriage

1309
00:59:16,840 --> 00:59:21,240
Speaker 2: very seriously. We've attended therapy, read books, gone to marriage seminars.

1310
00:59:21,280 --> 00:59:24,280
Speaker 2: All the professionals just say blending of family is hard.

1311
00:59:24,480 --> 00:59:26,920
Speaker 2: A good blend can take up to seven years. Wow,

1312
00:59:27,200 --> 00:59:30,360
Speaker 2: that's a long time. I guess it makes sense in

1313
00:59:30,440 --> 00:59:31,080
Speaker 2: terms of.

1314
00:59:31,000 --> 00:59:35,560
Speaker 8: Like nurture is such a everybody's unique upbringings or some

1315
00:59:36,320 --> 00:59:38,600
Speaker 8: specific that then you put them in the same house

1316
00:59:38,640 --> 00:59:41,120
Speaker 8: even to something right having like a roommate or something,

1317
00:59:41,120 --> 00:59:42,000
Speaker 8: and suddenly being.

1318
00:59:41,880 --> 00:59:45,040
Speaker 2: Like you refrigerate that. Yeah, that's fascinating.

1319
00:59:45,200 --> 00:59:48,600
Speaker 3: I've never seen anybody like the peanut butter or whatever.

1320
00:59:49,080 --> 00:59:51,560
Speaker 4: So I guess it makes sense where if you're adding

1321
00:59:51,600 --> 00:59:54,200
Speaker 4: all this familial stuff into but yeah, seven years, it's

1322
00:59:54,280 --> 00:59:55,040
Speaker 4: the Yeah.

1323
00:59:55,080 --> 00:59:58,440
Speaker 2: And I wonder too if that comes from like starting

1324
00:59:58,520 --> 01:00:02,240
Speaker 2: kids after marriage, you know, like so it takes the

1325
01:00:02,280 --> 01:00:04,320
Speaker 2: seven years of like them growing up to kind of

1326
01:00:04,600 --> 01:00:07,880
Speaker 2: see how the kids are and how y'ah adapting to life.

1327
01:00:07,920 --> 01:00:11,080
Speaker 2: I don't know, but I wonder if the kids already

1328
01:00:11,280 --> 01:00:14,640
Speaker 2: being a bit older before they became a family is like, yeah,

1329
01:00:14,680 --> 01:00:15,520
Speaker 2: affecting that.

1330
01:00:15,560 --> 01:00:19,400
Speaker 5: You're dealing with multiple a lot more personalities that have.

1331
01:00:19,360 --> 01:00:23,320
Speaker 2: Ever and like different experiences of growing up too. But

1332
01:00:23,720 --> 01:00:26,960
Speaker 2: I'm still feeling defeated, even though it felt humiliating to

1333
01:00:26,960 --> 01:00:30,439
Speaker 2: share these feelings with Atlas, because again, the jealous word

1334
01:00:30,520 --> 01:00:32,520
Speaker 2: just feels cringe. When I did bring it up to

1335
01:00:32,520 --> 01:00:34,960
Speaker 2: my husband, he had the sweetest answer that made me

1336
01:00:35,040 --> 01:00:37,520
Speaker 2: love him even more. He said, I don't get to

1337
01:00:37,560 --> 01:00:39,360
Speaker 2: be with her all the time, and I never want

1338
01:00:39,400 --> 01:00:41,840
Speaker 2: her to be lacking the love that she craves because

1339
01:00:41,880 --> 01:00:45,800
Speaker 2: when the time comes that she seeks attention and validation elsewhere.

1340
01:00:45,880 --> 01:00:48,520
Speaker 2: I want her to have the highest level of expectations

1341
01:00:48,560 --> 01:00:51,600
Speaker 2: because I've been there for her showing her what true

1342
01:00:51,600 --> 01:00:55,360
Speaker 2: love looks like. That is really sweet. Ah, this made

1343
01:00:55,400 --> 01:00:57,880
Speaker 2: so much sense to me, especially coming from a divorced

1344
01:00:57,920 --> 01:01:01,200
Speaker 2: family with my own daddy wounds. My mind does not

1345
01:01:01,320 --> 01:01:03,480
Speaker 2: want to feel this way, but I can't control my

1346
01:01:03,560 --> 01:01:05,920
Speaker 2: heart and there is a little bit more to the story.

1347
01:01:05,960 --> 01:01:06,920
Speaker 2: But that's sweet.

1348
01:01:07,280 --> 01:01:08,400
Speaker 1: And I think somebody.

1349
01:01:08,080 --> 01:01:10,320
Speaker 4: Even mentioned it in the comments of like, oh, it's

1350
01:01:10,360 --> 01:01:11,880
Speaker 4: good that OPI is self aware.

1351
01:01:12,160 --> 01:01:14,280
Speaker 1: You know, they're saying, you know, I don't.

1352
01:01:14,360 --> 01:01:17,000
Speaker 5: It's weird to like it is a weird, awkward feeling

1353
01:01:17,040 --> 01:01:20,040
Speaker 5: to have we have awkward feelings as human beings are

1354
01:01:20,040 --> 01:01:20,640
Speaker 5: the planet.

1355
01:01:20,680 --> 01:01:22,480
Speaker 2: I don't want to feel it's there.

1356
01:01:22,840 --> 01:01:25,000
Speaker 1: So it's like it's good. I'm glad she's there.

1357
01:01:25,160 --> 01:01:27,680
Speaker 6: But it's always such an interesting thing with these stories

1358
01:01:27,720 --> 01:01:29,280
Speaker 6: where I feel like you always just kind of get

1359
01:01:29,320 --> 01:01:32,800
Speaker 6: to the point where you're like, well, there's only so

1360
01:01:32,880 --> 01:01:34,800
Speaker 6: much I has read it can do to help you say,

1361
01:01:34,960 --> 01:01:37,440
Speaker 6: you just kind of got to sit and reflect or

1362
01:01:37,480 --> 01:01:39,360
Speaker 6: like journal, you know, right.

1363
01:01:39,240 --> 01:01:42,000
Speaker 2: Right, yeah, And I mean a big thing that she

1364
01:01:42,200 --> 01:01:44,960
Speaker 2: seems to be focusing on is like the kind of

1365
01:01:45,040 --> 01:01:49,200
Speaker 2: intimate part of their relationship, and that is something that

1366
01:01:49,280 --> 01:01:52,320
Speaker 2: I've I've heard married couples with kids have a trouble

1367
01:01:52,400 --> 01:01:54,760
Speaker 2: with you know, like I'm obviously not married, I don't

1368
01:01:54,800 --> 01:01:57,439
Speaker 2: have kids, but you know, I hear that people are like, well,

1369
01:01:57,440 --> 01:01:59,440
Speaker 2: once you have kids, it's like you don't really have

1370
01:01:59,440 --> 01:02:01,760
Speaker 2: time to do it any of that stuff. So I like,

1371
01:02:02,040 --> 01:02:04,560
Speaker 2: I wonder if they just kind of need to figure

1372
01:02:04,600 --> 01:02:06,800
Speaker 2: out their schedules and so when they can like have.

1373
01:02:06,880 --> 01:02:08,800
Speaker 1: Their get the planets out. Yeah right.

1374
01:02:09,400 --> 01:02:11,959
Speaker 2: Also a side note, he is such a great dad.

1375
01:02:12,080 --> 01:02:14,320
Speaker 2: He doesn't treat her like a little princess all the time.

1376
01:02:14,400 --> 01:02:16,760
Speaker 2: He has high standards for both the kids and loves

1377
01:02:16,800 --> 01:02:19,600
Speaker 2: them wholeheartedly. He is firm but fair, while also being

1378
01:02:19,720 --> 01:02:22,280
Speaker 2: very affectionate. Also, I have done everything in my own

1379
01:02:22,320 --> 01:02:24,880
Speaker 2: power to not let my feelings affect how I treat April.

1380
01:02:24,960 --> 01:02:27,000
Speaker 2: Of course I am closer to Josh because we know

1381
01:02:27,080 --> 01:02:29,920
Speaker 2: each other more, but I am mindful not to mistreat

1382
01:02:29,920 --> 01:02:31,920
Speaker 2: her or be harsher with her, even though I am

1383
01:02:31,920 --> 01:02:34,360
Speaker 2: harboring those hard feelings. Part of me is just telling

1384
01:02:34,400 --> 01:02:36,400
Speaker 2: myself to keep my head down and wait it out.

1385
01:02:36,600 --> 01:02:38,880
Speaker 2: She'll get older and won't need or crave this level

1386
01:02:38,880 --> 01:02:40,760
Speaker 2: of closeness with her dad. Nor do I feel like

1387
01:02:40,800 --> 01:02:42,800
Speaker 2: my husband would find it appropriate to sleep with her

1388
01:02:42,840 --> 01:02:45,440
Speaker 2: after peaberty. But I don't know. Am I the a

1389
01:02:45,520 --> 01:02:48,440
Speaker 2: hole for harboring these feelings? Is there something else I

1390
01:02:48,440 --> 01:02:50,920
Speaker 2: should do? Or say? Thanks? It really helps to get

1391
01:02:50,960 --> 01:02:53,040
Speaker 2: it all out, and there are some comments. Comment number

1392
01:02:53,080 --> 01:02:55,160
Speaker 2: one says, not the a hole for having the feelings,

1393
01:02:55,200 --> 01:02:57,200
Speaker 2: but why are you cold to him the next day?

1394
01:02:57,400 --> 01:02:59,560
Speaker 2: I'm hoping that was what you found yourself doing prior

1395
01:02:59,600 --> 01:03:01,640
Speaker 2: to your common conversation and you no longer do it.

1396
01:03:01,680 --> 01:03:04,640
Speaker 2: Don't punish him for being a good father, Congratulate yourself

1397
01:03:04,640 --> 01:03:06,960
Speaker 2: for choosing a good man. I think it's great that

1398
01:03:07,000 --> 01:03:09,680
Speaker 2: you've identified the emotion and have discussed it with your husband.

1399
01:03:09,880 --> 01:03:11,880
Speaker 2: I also think it's wise to be mindful of how

1400
01:03:11,920 --> 01:03:14,200
Speaker 2: you treat her and make sure it's not affecting how

1401
01:03:14,240 --> 01:03:17,520
Speaker 2: you treat her. Perhaps consider counseling to explore why you're

1402
01:03:17,920 --> 01:03:21,040
Speaker 2: hanging onto those feelings. This stage will pass come in

1403
01:03:21,080 --> 01:03:23,640
Speaker 2: over two says. After kids go to bed, it's bonding

1404
01:03:23,680 --> 01:03:27,400
Speaker 2: time with your partner verbally, physically. I can totally see

1405
01:03:27,560 --> 01:03:30,480
Speaker 2: why you feel a second, and that's okay. Have you

1406
01:03:30,520 --> 01:03:32,840
Speaker 2: looked at trying to find the cause of the nightmares

1407
01:03:33,080 --> 01:03:37,320
Speaker 2: or the content? I personally dream so realistically that sometimes

1408
01:03:37,320 --> 01:03:39,520
Speaker 2: I cannot tell if it happened or was a dream.

1409
01:03:39,800 --> 01:03:42,200
Speaker 2: I've had to eliminate certain things from my life because

1410
01:03:42,280 --> 01:03:45,840
Speaker 2: nightmares were so intense. Wow, it's drastically reduced mine, and

1411
01:03:45,880 --> 01:03:47,720
Speaker 2: I'm no longer afraid to go to bed as a

1412
01:03:47,760 --> 01:03:48,560
Speaker 2: full grown adult,