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I'm your host, Emily Tish Sussman. 0:02:49.000 --> 0:02:51.720 I first met Brookes Shield at the Marie Claire Power 0:02:51.800 --> 0:02:55.800 Trip talking about her company Beginning is Now, which encapsulates 0:02:56.160 --> 0:02:58.160 so much of what she Pivots is about. 0:02:58.840 --> 0:03:02.240 There's a resilience and a strength and women, and they're 0:03:02.280 --> 0:03:06.120 often not told that it's okay to show it when 0:03:06.160 --> 0:03:08.720 they show it. We're not taught that as you get 0:03:08.760 --> 0:03:13.480 older you can be more confident, strong, or sexier every 0:03:13.639 --> 0:03:14.959 stage of your life. 0:03:14.960 --> 0:03:17.680 As a new Beginning, I immediately wanted to have her 0:03:17.720 --> 0:03:19.959 on the show, but that was almost a year and 0:03:19.960 --> 0:03:22.720 a half ago, and with the release of her documentary 0:03:22.800 --> 0:03:26.280 Pretty Baby, I've learned so much about her life and 0:03:26.320 --> 0:03:28.800 how she fought to pivot away from a narrative that 0:03:28.880 --> 0:03:31.679 was defined for her since her childhood. 0:03:33.680 --> 0:03:38.240 You've been famous all your life. You were practically born famous. 0:03:38.240 --> 0:03:42.800 In nineteen eighty eleven major magazine covers in eleven months. 0:03:43.520 --> 0:03:46.640 She's also rapidly becoming one of the movies most sought 0:03:46.680 --> 0:03:50.800 after Stars and has received the nineteen eighty People's Choice 0:03:50.840 --> 0:03:55.080 Award as Favorite Young Performer. So please welcome Brookshield. 0:03:55.960 --> 0:03:59.040 From dealing with her alcoholic mother who was over controlling 0:03:59.400 --> 0:04:01.320 but love Brooke deeply. 0:04:01.120 --> 0:04:03.600 Because not only is my mom my mom, but she 0:04:03.720 --> 0:04:04.800 is also my manager. 0:04:04.960 --> 0:04:07.200 Were crazy and drove her to be better. 0:04:07.240 --> 0:04:10.080 If you are a child of an alcoholic, it defines 0:04:10.120 --> 0:04:14.120 you to a certain extent, so there's extreme highs and lows, 0:04:14.200 --> 0:04:18.280 and my mom's alcoloholism was a battle that she never. 0:04:18.279 --> 0:04:21.840 Won to later finding her way closer to her own 0:04:21.920 --> 0:04:24.480 voice and agency through her time at Princeton. 0:04:24.880 --> 0:04:27.479 Prior to university, I had sort of one life and 0:04:27.600 --> 0:04:29.800 was very active in it, and then wasn't even sure 0:04:29.839 --> 0:04:32.400 if I wanted to continue in the industry. When I 0:04:32.440 --> 0:04:34.800 finished school, I took about a year off and really 0:04:34.839 --> 0:04:35.800 thought about it, as. 0:04:35.720 --> 0:04:36.800 What did you think about doing? 0:04:37.560 --> 0:04:38.400 I wasn't sure. 0:04:38.839 --> 0:04:41.840 Then, after years of work, she slowly learned how to 0:04:41.880 --> 0:04:45.760 redefine her success and find her own narrative. 0:04:46.760 --> 0:04:51.080 Had I not decided to really, for lack of a 0:04:51.120 --> 0:04:53.359 better way of saying it, just go for it to 0:04:53.440 --> 0:04:57.080 it that I would never know. You know, success is 0:04:57.120 --> 0:05:02.200 a very relative concept, mean person's version of successes could 0:05:02.240 --> 0:05:05.159 be completely different than another. And to me being able 0:05:05.240 --> 0:05:07.599 to really commit to what I want and what I 0:05:07.640 --> 0:05:11.119 believe in as an actress and see where that takes 0:05:11.160 --> 0:05:15.040 me well professionally, I'm gonna I was at a crossroads 0:05:15.040 --> 0:05:17.240 and sort of still am, just coming into a new 0:05:17.279 --> 0:05:19.320 place in my own life and in my own career. 0:05:19.800 --> 0:05:22.320 I'm much more in control of my own career now 0:05:22.360 --> 0:05:25.040 and much more in control of the choices that I'm making. 0:05:26.200 --> 0:05:29.599 Finding a new definition of success was a huge motivator 0:05:29.640 --> 0:05:33.799 in starting this podcast. Brooks story truly blew me away. 0:05:34.520 --> 0:05:36.880 She started modeling as a baby and had been in 0:05:36.880 --> 0:05:41.240 the spotlight ever since. Despite every obstacle or rumor about her, 0:05:41.360 --> 0:05:44.359 she overcame the noise and found her own path and 0:05:44.400 --> 0:05:53.000 her own voice. So I usually started these interviews asking 0:05:53.000 --> 0:05:56.159 about people's childhoods and what they wanted to be when 0:05:56.200 --> 0:05:58.200 they what they thought they wanted to be. But you 0:05:58.200 --> 0:05:59.920 were already in it, and we've seen a lot of 0:06:00.120 --> 0:06:03.400 your childhood. But you were in it so young, Like, 0:06:03.440 --> 0:06:07.359 did you ever think I'm going to be something other 0:06:07.520 --> 0:06:08.240 than an actor? 0:06:09.120 --> 0:06:10.920 I just didn't know anything else. 0:06:11.040 --> 0:06:14.520 I mean, I was nine when I made my first movie, 0:06:14.720 --> 0:06:17.640 and you know it's like kids grow up playing sports. 0:06:18.240 --> 0:06:19.200 That was my sport. 0:06:19.600 --> 0:06:23.479 Yeah, I was put into that arena and that was 0:06:23.520 --> 0:06:24.040 my sport. 0:06:24.160 --> 0:06:25.000 That was my hobby. 0:06:25.720 --> 0:06:26.000 Thank you. 0:06:26.120 --> 0:06:27.720 I did my first job with him, did you how 0:06:27.720 --> 0:06:28.240 old were you? 0:06:29.040 --> 0:06:29.640 Eleven months? 0:06:30.000 --> 0:06:33.520 Eleven months? That was what I did during my summer breaks. 0:06:33.880 --> 0:06:38.440 But I didn't realize how much I loved it. Not 0:06:38.560 --> 0:06:40.919 the modeling so much. I mean, the modeling was whatever 0:06:40.960 --> 0:06:43.280 it was. It just it was sort of a thing 0:06:43.320 --> 0:06:45.479 and you did it and we got to pay the rent. 0:06:45.560 --> 0:06:50.840 And but the acting part and the performance aspect as 0:06:51.000 --> 0:06:53.200 other people, I don't. 0:06:53.000 --> 0:06:55.400 Think I knew how much I. 0:06:55.040 --> 0:06:59.520 Thrived on it and needed it until I stepped away 0:06:59.560 --> 0:06:59.920 from it. 0:07:00.680 --> 0:07:03.360 I mean, even as a child, you brought so much. 0:07:03.920 --> 0:07:06.520 I don't know what the right acting word is, like realness, 0:07:06.520 --> 0:07:09.440 Like it's authenticity to your roles of what were you 0:07:09.840 --> 0:07:12.480 drawing from as a child and a teenager to be 0:07:12.520 --> 0:07:13.520 in these roles. 0:07:14.280 --> 0:07:16.760 I don't think I was drawing from much. I mean 0:07:16.880 --> 0:07:19.200 I think if I was drawing from anything, it would 0:07:19.240 --> 0:07:20.720 not have been personal experience. 0:07:20.760 --> 0:07:21.640 It would have been. 0:07:21.680 --> 0:07:27.280 Fellini movies and beautiful French actresses who just seemed like 0:07:28.000 --> 0:07:30.800 they were badass and they could walk into a room 0:07:30.800 --> 0:07:32.640 and nobody was going to mess with them, and this 0:07:32.840 --> 0:07:36.120 sort of larger than life. It was so affected by 0:07:37.120 --> 0:07:40.720 European films and by spending time in Europe, and it 0:07:40.760 --> 0:07:44.720 was just a very different sensibility. But I think when 0:07:44.760 --> 0:07:47.560 I look back, and I really have only ever really 0:07:47.600 --> 0:07:51.760 looked back at Louis Man because he's just, I think, 0:07:51.840 --> 0:07:55.000 the one, true, true, true, true, true artists that I've 0:07:55.040 --> 0:07:58.200 been able to be in the presence of. And albeit 0:07:58.360 --> 0:08:03.120 not very taught, he didn't want me being skilled in 0:08:03.200 --> 0:08:06.880 drawing from experience. He just wanted me to react, And 0:08:06.960 --> 0:08:10.920 so from a very early age, on the one hand, 0:08:11.160 --> 0:08:13.840 I wasn't being given any tools. On the other hand, 0:08:14.240 --> 0:08:17.640 just being in the moment and being present was enough 0:08:18.160 --> 0:08:20.800 for some roles. I don't think it was enough for 0:08:20.840 --> 0:08:24.160 every role, and I think I fell short many times. 0:08:24.200 --> 0:08:26.520 But when I look back at the early, early, sort 0:08:26.520 --> 0:08:30.960 of unadulterated stuff, mostly like Pretty Baby, and then interestingly 0:08:31.000 --> 0:08:37.080 not again until comedy, and comedy was the purest form 0:08:37.360 --> 0:08:42.040 of being present for me because you couldn't overthink it, 0:08:42.400 --> 0:08:46.280 you couldn't research how to be funny. The material was 0:08:46.320 --> 0:08:48.599 either good or not good, but even bad material you 0:08:48.640 --> 0:08:51.079 could find something to make of it. But it had 0:08:51.120 --> 0:08:53.040 to happen in the moment. And so I think I 0:08:53.160 --> 0:08:56.440 learned at an early age that being present and truly 0:08:56.520 --> 0:09:00.080 reacting and listening. And you go to school later and 0:09:00.080 --> 0:09:03.679 they meisner or whatever and the listening things, and I 0:09:03.679 --> 0:09:06.240 would go in these classes and I think, not not 0:09:06.400 --> 0:09:08.439 better if than any of this, but I would think, 0:09:08.840 --> 0:09:10.800 wait a minute, wasn't I just listening when I was 0:09:10.840 --> 0:09:13.440 a kid? Like maybe I just gotta go back to that. 0:09:13.480 --> 0:09:16.880 I can't complicate this, not to say that I'm some raw, 0:09:17.360 --> 0:09:20.600 unbelievable talent, but there was something in the essence of 0:09:20.640 --> 0:09:23.800 that as a child that I learned to really value. 0:09:24.400 --> 0:09:26.880 Well, I feel like that applies to so many things, 0:09:27.559 --> 0:09:30.960 not just in acting, but across the board in reacting, 0:09:30.960 --> 0:09:33.200 that we should trust our instincts from being a child 0:09:33.280 --> 0:09:34.840 and go back to it. Like, I feel like that 0:09:34.880 --> 0:09:36.720 could apply in so many contexts. 0:09:37.320 --> 0:09:38.680 It definitely does. 0:09:38.720 --> 0:09:40.680 I mean, I think it does in parenting as well. 0:09:40.800 --> 0:09:43.480 If you're willing to get out of your own way 0:09:43.840 --> 0:09:46.520 and get to know your children in a way where 0:09:46.720 --> 0:09:50.160 you know them probably better than most people. If you 0:09:50.280 --> 0:09:53.800 listen to them, and if you ask them, they have nothing. Really, 0:09:53.840 --> 0:09:57.840 they haven't had stuff undone yet. Yeah, you know, and 0:09:58.000 --> 0:10:00.480 all the while putting it in a four I'm at 0:10:00.880 --> 0:10:03.800 that allows them to go out into the world and 0:10:03.920 --> 0:10:06.760 know that there are there are rules, and there are consequences, 0:10:06.760 --> 0:10:07.760 and there are all these things. 0:10:07.800 --> 0:10:09.600 But how they feel about it. 0:10:10.000 --> 0:10:13.559 But what I said to my daughters is like, yes, 0:10:13.760 --> 0:10:16.240 you confide in me, you get angry at me, you 0:10:16.280 --> 0:10:18.640 can yell at me, rage at me. Then you need 0:10:18.679 --> 0:10:24.040 me all of these things. But I cannot be fully 0:10:24.120 --> 0:10:29.359 objective because I. 0:10:28.120 --> 0:10:29.120 Love you so much. 0:10:29.360 --> 0:10:32.000 So what happens is either I'm going to try to 0:10:32.000 --> 0:10:34.839 fix it, which I've gotten better at not doing all 0:10:34.880 --> 0:10:37.160 the time, or I'm going to try to give you 0:10:37.200 --> 0:10:39.520 tough love when I need it. But I was like, 0:10:39.600 --> 0:10:44.079 you need to be able to complain about me to somebody. Yeah, 0:10:44.280 --> 0:10:47.920 somebody who can give you constructive criticism or give you 0:10:48.040 --> 0:10:50.559 or just be an ear. I was like, you can't 0:10:50.920 --> 0:10:53.040 just complain to your friends about me, because it's not 0:10:53.080 --> 0:10:55.559 going to be helpful to you, but. 0:10:55.600 --> 0:10:58.400 Also a sign of good parenting that you and your 0:10:58.440 --> 0:11:03.480 kids are talking about with your therapist. Yeah, so I've 0:11:03.520 --> 0:11:07.080 seen you and your older daughter together, and I feel 0:11:07.160 --> 0:11:10.640 like you guys have a really good peer dynamic as 0:11:10.640 --> 0:11:12.040 well as mother daughter dynamic. 0:11:12.880 --> 0:11:16.959 It's become a healthy dose of that. I don't want 0:11:17.000 --> 0:11:19.960 to try to be a nineteen year old again. And 0:11:20.040 --> 0:11:23.439 I see people do that, or I see it's hard. 0:11:23.559 --> 0:11:25.959 You know, we kind of covet what they are because 0:11:26.520 --> 0:11:29.600 we used to be that, yeah at the beginning of 0:11:29.640 --> 0:11:34.400 the story, and everything's perky and flush and great, and 0:11:34.520 --> 0:11:36.720 you know, and they've got everything to look forward to, 0:11:36.920 --> 0:11:40.000 and you kind of go fun of a bitch, really, 0:11:41.320 --> 0:11:43.400 but I don't want to chase it, you know, I 0:11:43.400 --> 0:11:46.560 don't need to hang out with all our friends. But 0:11:46.880 --> 0:11:51.360 our conversation has changed in a really that's where the 0:11:51.440 --> 0:11:54.920 peer part comes in. We're able to talk as two 0:11:54.960 --> 0:11:57.640 women because now I can hear her as a woman, 0:11:57.720 --> 0:12:01.839 I hear her woman this in her. So I've adjusted 0:12:02.280 --> 0:12:05.559 and try to find like that balance. But I will 0:12:05.600 --> 0:12:09.240 say I'm still your mom, especially from my younger one, 0:12:09.240 --> 0:12:11.960 I'm like, you still have to respect me because I 0:12:12.000 --> 0:12:14.880 am your mother. You don't necessarily have to fear me, 0:12:15.120 --> 0:12:17.120 but you do have to respect me. And so it's 0:12:17.480 --> 0:12:22.520 with my older daughter, we've found a really nice balance. 0:12:22.800 --> 0:12:25.560 And my younger daughter, you know, she's three years behind 0:12:25.679 --> 0:12:28.840 and this is the first time she's been an only 0:12:28.960 --> 0:12:32.040 child in the house and that's foreign to her, and 0:12:32.080 --> 0:12:35.400 she's afraid of what's to come. We haven't gotten to. 0:12:35.400 --> 0:12:40.040 That full balance yet, but I think it all happen. Yeah. 0:12:40.240 --> 0:12:42.840 You know, I've never spent any time being a horrible 0:12:42.840 --> 0:12:46.040 teenage daughter, and so when my daughters are horrible. 0:12:45.800 --> 0:12:51.760 Teenage daughters, I'm like, I don't understand this. It's foreign 0:12:51.840 --> 0:12:52.080 to me. 0:12:52.720 --> 0:12:55.760 But you know, they don't have to take care of me, right, 0:12:56.200 --> 0:12:58.560 And when I see them starting to go down that 0:12:58.720 --> 0:13:01.439 road in any way, I just pull back and go, 0:13:01.679 --> 0:13:05.720 I am not for you to parent. I am the parent. 0:13:06.120 --> 0:13:08.400 I do not want to put this on you. I 0:13:08.400 --> 0:13:11.440 don't know if it's just daughters or just whatever, but 0:13:11.720 --> 0:13:14.199 whenever I've seen that start to happen in any way 0:13:14.240 --> 0:13:17.240 where I get insecure and I need their validation for something, 0:13:17.760 --> 0:13:21.439 I just always have to put the brakes on and say, Nope, 0:13:21.600 --> 0:13:23.040 I am not irresponsibility. 0:13:23.960 --> 0:13:27.079 You're making me think about where I put myself in 0:13:27.200 --> 0:13:32.200 our relationship with my kids, because I think that a 0:13:32.280 --> 0:13:34.600 positive that I've gotten out of parenting that I didn't 0:13:34.640 --> 0:13:38.280 expect is that it's unlocked. It's like sillier part of 0:13:38.320 --> 0:13:42.120 me that I had kind of tucked away in adulthood, 0:13:42.200 --> 0:13:45.920 and I find so fun. And it's been like, Okay, 0:13:45.960 --> 0:13:48.840 now we're dance partying, like now we're playing grocery store 0:13:48.880 --> 0:13:52.280 and like getting super into it. But I'm partly doing 0:13:52.320 --> 0:13:53.720 it because they like it, because I'm partly doing it. 0:13:53.679 --> 0:13:54.640 Because I like it. 0:13:55.200 --> 0:13:58.680 Right, I was an only child with my mom, and 0:13:58.679 --> 0:14:00.720 then I had my father's whole fan which was just 0:14:00.880 --> 0:14:03.040 very very different experience and. 0:14:03.240 --> 0:14:04.920 Very great to have both. 0:14:05.200 --> 0:14:09.400 But it's we are a really fun household because we 0:14:09.640 --> 0:14:12.920 laugh a lot. That is something I did retain from 0:14:12.960 --> 0:14:15.880 my mother, Like we used to laugh all the time, 0:14:16.280 --> 0:14:18.760 and she was silly, but I had to sort of 0:14:18.800 --> 0:14:22.800 be more the adult. So now with my friends, I 0:14:22.840 --> 0:14:27.760 will be more joyous around them and silly around them. 0:14:28.000 --> 0:14:30.360 And the things that my father. 0:14:30.240 --> 0:14:34.320 Other parents don't necessarily bother me because the kids, you. 0:14:34.280 --> 0:14:34.720 Know what I mean. 0:14:35.320 --> 0:14:39.520 Yeah, but I mean the interviews that you did starting young, 0:14:40.440 --> 0:14:45.760 you were so poised. Did you have coaching around doing 0:14:45.840 --> 0:14:46.880 media interviews? 0:14:46.920 --> 0:14:50.080 Like oh god, no, no, no, no, no, no, I 0:14:50.080 --> 0:14:52.960 mean I think it was just they were not as 0:14:53.000 --> 0:14:55.720 important to me, and their questions were not as important 0:14:55.720 --> 0:14:59.040 to me as protecting my mother was. So like you 0:14:59.080 --> 0:15:01.200 sit in like when I see those I mean, they're 0:15:01.240 --> 0:15:03.960 sort of rather heartbreaking. 0:15:03.560 --> 0:15:07.440 And yet sweet and also you kind of want. 0:15:07.280 --> 0:15:10.720 To say, like, good for you, kid, because you didn't 0:15:10.760 --> 0:15:14.320 let them throw you at all. Yeah, but I wasn't 0:15:14.760 --> 0:15:18.040 scared of them because I deep down I don't think 0:15:18.080 --> 0:15:21.920 I was respecting them. I don't think I respected these 0:15:21.920 --> 0:15:26.600 adults because they were supposed to be in positions of 0:15:27.120 --> 0:15:31.760 power in intellectual ways, and they just kept asking the 0:15:31.760 --> 0:15:33.040 same stupid questions. 0:15:33.360 --> 0:15:35.000 So I was like, oh, here we go again. 0:15:35.160 --> 0:15:37.880 You know, I just got so sort of immune to it, 0:15:38.200 --> 0:15:40.080 but also wanted to be a good girl. 0:15:41.280 --> 0:15:43.640 What became really clear to me and was eye opening 0:15:43.680 --> 0:15:47.359 to me through the documentary is that this whole narrative, 0:15:47.440 --> 0:15:51.040 this whole media narrative around you was formulating in the 0:15:51.080 --> 0:15:54.840 country and you were the symbol of this like young sexualization. 0:15:55.840 --> 0:15:58.960 And what I got from Pretty Baby was that you 0:15:59.000 --> 0:16:01.200 weren't really aware of it, like you just kept going 0:16:01.240 --> 0:16:02.480 through these interviews. 0:16:02.800 --> 0:16:04.280 Oh, I wasn't aware of it at all. 0:16:04.360 --> 0:16:07.800 I was completely shut off too, because I was home 0:16:07.840 --> 0:16:11.320 and in bed and did my homework, and we lived 0:16:11.320 --> 0:16:11.840 in New York. 0:16:11.960 --> 0:16:13.160 It was just my mom and I. 0:16:13.240 --> 0:16:15.120 We would go off Chinese food and then we would 0:16:15.240 --> 0:16:17.760 maybe watch I Love Lucy or something like that, and 0:16:17.800 --> 0:16:19.840 then get to bed and go to school the next day. 0:16:19.880 --> 0:16:24.120 And so it was like this really strange. I shut 0:16:24.160 --> 0:16:26.640 myself off to it, like it just didn't exist. 0:16:27.480 --> 0:16:30.480 How does someone who is sexually inexperienced, a twelve year 0:16:30.520 --> 0:16:34.000 old girl get into the mindset to do a seduction scene? 0:16:34.480 --> 0:16:36.320 What experience do you draw on? 0:16:37.600 --> 0:16:42.360 There is an almost scandalous sensuality to Brookshields. So stay 0:16:42.360 --> 0:16:49.680 with us for a not so innocent evening upstairs at Zee. Now, 0:16:50.520 --> 0:16:52.880 now all of this is added up into now that 0:16:53.040 --> 0:16:55.040 you were perceived and have been for the last couple 0:16:55.120 --> 0:16:56.560 years as a sex symbol. 0:16:57.640 --> 0:16:58.800 How did you relate to that? 0:16:58.800 --> 0:17:01.400 That's another one of the things that I don't even. 0:17:01.320 --> 0:17:01.800 Think about it. 0:17:02.880 --> 0:17:04.919 Do you think your mom was aware of it, that 0:17:04.960 --> 0:17:09.080 there was a whole national conversation about your sexualization as 0:17:09.119 --> 0:17:09.760 a teenager. 0:17:10.480 --> 0:17:12.399 I think she buried her head in the sand a 0:17:12.440 --> 0:17:14.000 lot about a lot of it. 0:17:14.040 --> 0:17:16.360 I think I think she just my. 0:17:16.359 --> 0:17:23.600 Mom didn't think a lot about consequences to anything. She reacted. 0:17:24.480 --> 0:17:28.840 She was never really fully sober. She wanted me to. 0:17:28.840 --> 0:17:32.600 Be adored, and if that. 0:17:32.800 --> 0:17:35.240 Meant I mean, she always used to say sex sel. 0:17:35.600 --> 0:17:38.160 It was always an advertising being a model with sort 0:17:38.160 --> 0:17:41.080 of her ticket out of Newark, and she saw the 0:17:41.119 --> 0:17:44.240 power in her own beauty. And then she had this 0:17:44.960 --> 0:17:48.240 baby that was everything to her. She didn't exist after 0:17:48.280 --> 0:17:51.200 that baby was born, and so it almost didn't matter. 0:17:51.680 --> 0:17:53.600 She would say, it doesn't matter what they're saying about you, 0:17:53.880 --> 0:17:57.159 as long as they're talking about you. So I just 0:17:57.200 --> 0:17:59.080 don't think she gave it any thought. 0:17:59.200 --> 0:18:00.000 There was never a place. 0:18:00.880 --> 0:18:03.560 There was never will do this and then maybe you'll 0:18:03.560 --> 0:18:06.960 follow up that with maybe a theater production. And she 0:18:06.960 --> 0:18:11.399 wouldn't listen to any agents, any managers, anybody that wanted 0:18:11.440 --> 0:18:14.480 to come in and sort of take my career. She 0:18:14.680 --> 0:18:17.960 was like, oh no, that meant removing her and that 0:18:18.000 --> 0:18:21.080 was never going to happen. So on the one hand, 0:18:21.160 --> 0:18:23.600 she was putting me out there, but then on the 0:18:23.600 --> 0:18:25.760 other hand, she didn't want to lose me, so she 0:18:25.920 --> 0:18:29.439 had to keep me really tethered. And I think that 0:18:29.640 --> 0:18:32.879 was just fear and insecurity on her part. You know, 0:18:33.520 --> 0:18:37.639 any type of independence wouldn't mean she would be abandoned. 0:18:38.920 --> 0:18:42.120 You were really at a high point in career when 0:18:42.160 --> 0:18:46.439 you decided to go to college, which wasn't necessarily traditional 0:18:46.680 --> 0:18:49.320 in the industry. Did you feel like you were trying 0:18:49.320 --> 0:18:51.360 to get away from the entertainment industry. 0:18:52.359 --> 0:18:54.480 I wasn't trying to get away from it, because I 0:18:55.119 --> 0:18:57.480 loved it and I just wanted to be in it. 0:18:57.880 --> 0:19:01.000 But I didn't want it to take away from me, 0:19:01.680 --> 0:19:03.960 and I didn't want it to steal college from me. 0:19:04.040 --> 0:19:06.640 And I didn't want it to steal you know. And 0:19:06.720 --> 0:19:10.920 remember I always went to regular schools. You go there 0:19:10.960 --> 0:19:14.600 that first day, and when I was little, it didn't 0:19:14.640 --> 0:19:16.399 really matter. But then you go to high school and 0:19:16.440 --> 0:19:19.840 it's like, oh, you're a famous person, and you're like, Okay, 0:19:20.040 --> 0:19:22.080 I'm just going to wait this out, and it's going 0:19:22.160 --> 0:19:25.280 to suck, and people are either going to avoid me 0:19:25.440 --> 0:19:28.120 or be mean to me, and I'm just gonna I'm 0:19:28.119 --> 0:19:30.680 gonna wait them out, and I am going to make 0:19:30.720 --> 0:19:33.399 them like me. And I did it, and I did 0:19:33.440 --> 0:19:35.200 it in high school and I did it in college. 0:19:35.280 --> 0:19:39.080 And people don't have a very long attention span. After 0:19:39.200 --> 0:19:41.600 a while, I'm no longer going to be a novelty 0:19:42.160 --> 0:19:44.680 in eighth grade or ninth grade, right, so they'll get 0:19:44.680 --> 0:19:47.919 bored with it and tired. Then they'll just we'll be 0:19:47.960 --> 0:19:50.400 able to meet each other as people. And I think 0:19:50.440 --> 0:19:52.960 I learned that at a very early age, and so 0:19:53.040 --> 0:19:57.520 it became this source of defiance for me. There's a too, 0:19:58.200 --> 0:20:01.119 a really good friend of mine from college. She and 0:20:01.200 --> 0:20:05.200 her wife adopted two children, and my two girls there 0:20:05.200 --> 0:20:07.919 best friends, and they went in to grade school together. 0:20:07.960 --> 0:20:10.040 And we were all on vacation at one of our 0:20:10.040 --> 0:20:14.119 other roommates from college's house, and the girls all of 0:20:14.119 --> 0:20:15.680 a sudden looked at their mom and they. 0:20:15.640 --> 0:20:19.760 Were like, what, why do you Why are you and 0:20:19.800 --> 0:20:20.479 Brooke friends? 0:20:21.160 --> 0:20:25.920 And we have complete opposite lives, And I mean, she's 0:20:25.960 --> 0:20:28.800 in finance. And I looked at the little girl and 0:20:28.840 --> 0:20:30.800 I said, oh, I said, your mom did not want 0:20:30.840 --> 0:20:32.600 to like me at first, I said, but I beat 0:20:32.640 --> 0:20:33.040 her down. 0:20:33.240 --> 0:20:35.439 I said, I beat her down, and I did it 0:20:35.440 --> 0:20:35.960 with humor. 0:20:36.640 --> 0:20:39.200 That's the way I approached things because I was always 0:20:39.200 --> 0:20:42.280 at a disadvantage. It was always me against the world 0:20:42.359 --> 0:20:46.600 or them. So instead of giving it all away and 0:20:46.640 --> 0:20:51.880 being so isolated and lonely, I would charge forward to it. 0:20:51.880 --> 0:20:54.320 It sounded like it took a while in college and 0:20:54.320 --> 0:20:56.560 that at one point you wanted to leave, but your 0:20:56.600 --> 0:20:58.320 mom actually encouraged you to stay. 0:20:59.280 --> 0:21:03.600 It is the most selfless, scared thing I think she's 0:21:03.840 --> 0:21:07.080 ever done. And I think it was the beginning of 0:21:07.119 --> 0:21:09.760 a demise for her because she was letting go. 0:21:10.240 --> 0:21:11.639 But I will say I. 0:21:11.520 --> 0:21:15.200 Appreciate it so much because I was so homesick the 0:21:15.359 --> 0:21:20.720 entire first semester. I was sick about being away from home. 0:21:20.840 --> 0:21:25.480