Speaker 1: Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home? Either way,
Speaker 1: we want to be there.
Speaker 2: Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us
Speaker 2: time and a terminol and gay.
Speaker 1: We want to send you off in style.
Speaker 2: We wanna welcome you back home.
Speaker 1: Tell us all about it.
Speaker 2: We scared her?
Speaker 3: Was it fine?
Speaker 2: Malcorn? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Ride? Do you need.
Speaker 5: With?
Speaker 1: Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: This is Chris Fairbanks and this is Karen Kilgara.
Speaker 1: Hello, my friend Karen.
Speaker 2: Hello Chris.
Speaker 4: Hi, Hi, oh.
Speaker 3: Well hey hi, oh oh well.
Speaker 2: So you've got something to share? I can feel it.
Speaker 1: Oh, I mean.
Speaker 6: Earlier today, I on the floor saw a what I
Speaker 6: thought was a wiggling worm. This is kind of a
Speaker 6: scary Halloween story, okay, And I look closer and it
Speaker 6: was a lizard's tale, just a tale wiggling on its own.
Speaker 1: The lizard.
Speaker 6: I don't have a cat. I'm worried. I it's still
Speaker 6: in my house. It's a pat Now I guess the
Speaker 6: tail is lizard. It has to be somewhere if it
Speaker 6: lost its tail, I think, out of fear, what if
Speaker 6: I step on it.
Speaker 1: I'm a little paranoid. But it's a tiny little tail.
Speaker 1: What do I do? Uh leave out cheese? What do
Speaker 1: I do?
Speaker 2: I don't think they liked you. Well, here's the thing.
Speaker 2: This happened to me one time, and I forgive me
Speaker 2: Aunt Joe who listens to this podcast, But I got
Speaker 2: really stoned one time and went into the house to
Speaker 2: get a drink, and when I walked up to the refrigerator,
Speaker 2: I looked down and there was a very large, detached
Speaker 2: lizard tail with blood on one end, wriggling back and
Speaker 2: flood and it yes, because the dog, either the cat
Speaker 2: a cat or a dog caught the lizard and the
Speaker 2: lizard was like, I'm getting away, right, That's how they
Speaker 2: do it. But there was like a there was a
Speaker 2: bloody element to this, so it was very It looked
Speaker 2: very much like a Halloween decoration in real life, where
Speaker 2: it was like it was out of context. I was
Speaker 2: having an outside kind of like chill out and then
Speaker 2: suddenly we have disembodied lizard tail. Was it moving, Yes,
Speaker 2: it was shaking back and forth like it was trying
Speaker 2: to get away from me.
Speaker 1: Okay, because no one ever.
Speaker 6: I was never breathed on the I didn't know a
Speaker 6: disembodied tail moved on its own accord.
Speaker 1: That that shocked me right off the bat.
Speaker 6: I think initially, maybe I don't know when this happened,
Speaker 6: but I think I scared.
Speaker 1: The tail off of the lizard.
Speaker 6: But it didn't look painful. I even I picked it up.
Speaker 6: I looked at it. It looked like it was molted off,
Speaker 6: but it was still moving.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the still moving part is what is very upsetting,
Speaker 2: because you just know that lizard was there moments ago,
Speaker 2: like his hat would be flying in the air if
Speaker 2: it was a cartoon lizard.
Speaker 6: I'm not worried about, you know, if I lay in
Speaker 6: bed and it crawls on my face, I'm really not
Speaker 6: scared of a tiny little lizard.
Speaker 1: I'm actually that's pretty excited for the companionship, Okay.
Speaker 6: I hope it blossoms into more than friends.
Speaker 1: Weird.
Speaker 2: Yeah that yeah, that's private.
Speaker 1: Yeah I didn't mean romantically. I'd like to reword that, Okay.
Speaker 1: I just want I mean roommates more than from I
Speaker 1: want to be roommates.
Speaker 4: With the lizard.
Speaker 2: That's less than friends.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're right, you're right. Yeah, I don't want to
Speaker 1: get too close to it, that's all.
Speaker 2: What if you wake up head on the pillow sideways
Speaker 2: like movie where he was sleeping on pancakes. Yes, you
Speaker 2: look up and you look over and there's this lizard
Speaker 2: looking back at you, sleeping also on the other pillow,
Speaker 2: and it's the one from Geico and it has a
Speaker 2: British accent.
Speaker 6: I first of all, will probably change my insurance because
Speaker 6: I hear they're pretty good. Great, I'm already sold, and yeah,
Speaker 6: I can't wait for that to happen.
Speaker 1: Please let it be.
Speaker 2: So I'm glad I ran that impossible scenario by you.
Speaker 2: So now you're prepared. I mean, this really is spooky season.
Speaker 2: If you're if you wanna talk about that.
Speaker 6: Oh you mean my uh, slightly finished costume, which is
Speaker 6: a perfect casting of a toilet made out of plaster gauze,
Speaker 6: the same stuff you'd you know, mend someone's sprained ankle with.
Speaker 1: I cast my toilet. You have to be very careful.
Speaker 6: If you imagine casting a balloon, you have to do
Speaker 6: each hemisphere of the balloon, pull it apart, then attach
Speaker 6: it later. So I did both sides of the tank.
Speaker 6: I did the front of the bowl and it looks
Speaker 6: exactly like a toilet. I will then in the bowl
Speaker 6: make two leg holes.
Speaker 1: I have white tights.
Speaker 6: I got some bunny rabbit slippers that happen to look
Speaker 6: exactly like claw foot bathtub feet. I will be a
Speaker 6: walking toilet on top. I have foam rubber. I'm using
Speaker 6: a memory foam pillow that I haven't used because of allergies.
Speaker 6: I'm going to carve perfect little dangling legs that will
Speaker 6: kick when I walk. All of it will be attached
Speaker 6: to my body with belt loops. So I'm going to
Speaker 6: be a walking toilet with the legs. The fake ones
Speaker 6: will be attached to it.
Speaker 1: Elvis.
Speaker 6: We all know that Elvis. I haven't done the research,
Speaker 6: but I do believe died on a toilet. It's I'm
Speaker 6: not gonna be morbid. I don't think it's.
Speaker 1: Gonna be zombie Elvis, although now that I.
Speaker 6: Say it outlout, it should be. It should be a
Speaker 6: zombie Elvis. I was going to be Elvis in the
Speaker 6: moments before, just out of good taste, because you know
Speaker 6: that that movie's on the.
Speaker 3: Max right now, the Max, HBO Maxie.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 6: Yeah, So anyway, it's gonna I the toilet once I.
Speaker 6: Once I sand it and I spray it with some
Speaker 6: sort of shellac. It's gonna look like a toilet, but
Speaker 6: it here's the thing. It weighs about three pounds.
Speaker 2: Amazing.
Speaker 6: I can't I can't tell you how excited I am
Speaker 6: about this costume to be coming together.
Speaker 2: I think this is the perfect time to introduce our
Speaker 2: guest and then allow him to weigh in on exactly
Speaker 2: how he feels.
Speaker 3: About the toilet.
Speaker 6: Yes, right, everyone, you've seen him on I recently. So
Speaker 6: I was trying to catch up on what we do
Speaker 6: in the Shadows and he was on there and it
Speaker 6: was a great I hopefully he remembers that.
Speaker 1: He probably remembers it.
Speaker 6: He's got podcasts, he's a hilarious actor, and we're going
Speaker 6: to talk about all that.
Speaker 1: Everyone put your ears together for John Gabrius. Yay, Buddy, yay.
Speaker 4: Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 5: Chris, I thought for sure you'd hit them with the
Speaker 5: credit sometime segment producer for World's Dumbest, which is how
Speaker 5: I first met you when I first moved here and
Speaker 5: did all strone got me hired to read you questions
Speaker 5: and let you just riff on whatever that insane show was.
Speaker 6: Yeah, what happened to the poppy? You've done those talking headshows?
Speaker 5: That's that was how my bread was. I started as
Speaker 5: a PA in my career on Best Week Ever. Then
Speaker 5: I would eventually be a producer on that show while
Speaker 5: being a talking head on Guy Code.
Speaker 4: It's all the same ship.
Speaker 1: Was I nice or did I snap? Sometimes? I you were?
Speaker 5: If anyhow, hopefully none of the other talking heads are listening.
Speaker 4: But you were our favorite, Chris.
Speaker 1: Thank you. I was not pitching for that. I thought
Speaker 1: I was.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, I would not have. If I didn't have that,
Speaker 5: I wouldn't have said it.
Speaker 1: I didn't.
Speaker 5: I mean, it's a World's Tallest Little Person competition over there.
Speaker 5: You're the beat, You're the B team captain, Okay, but
Speaker 5: I'm the water boy.
Speaker 4: I'm the bet squad. So I'm aware where I'm at too.
Speaker 6: And you, I remember, you gave like you helped immensely
Speaker 6: with the wording of jokes because sometimes I get a
Speaker 6: little too wordy, like what most sentences I've even given today,
Speaker 6: And you were, and.
Speaker 1: You were great at editing my jokes. And then I
Speaker 1: didn't even know.
Speaker 6: And then I started to become more familiar with your work,
Speaker 6: and you were on like comedy Bang Bang as really
Speaker 6: great characters, and I'm like, oh, I did not know
Speaker 6: that this guy probably should have been in my position.
Speaker 4: We did, you know?
Speaker 5: Please, I'll do anything for two hundred dollars non union.
Speaker 5: That number has gone up, but I'm in I won't
Speaker 5: say it because it's humiliatingly low.
Speaker 4: It's like two sixty five at this point. I'll do something.
Speaker 5: I'll sit in a chair and look at a clip
Speaker 5: and riff on whatever the fuck you need.
Speaker 4: It's been a try.
Speaker 6: It was such an interesting, like producer director job, because
Speaker 6: I've been on the other side like you were. I mean,
Speaker 6: that was what I did on the days I wasn't
Speaker 6: on the show. And it's like you have to silently
Speaker 6: laugh at someone's joke with like a smile and a
Speaker 6: thumbs up because they don't want laughing in the background.
Speaker 6: And it became something that I thought I was pretty
Speaker 6: skilled at, just the silent approval, which is usually yeah,
Speaker 6: keep going, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, elaborate you start.
Speaker 5: Can we just say that again, but like a little
Speaker 5: tighter say that? Can we say freaking instead of fucking?
Speaker 5: Can we say that a little tighter, and why don't
Speaker 5: we take a breath there in case we want to
Speaker 5: lose the whole second half. Just tell the truth just
Speaker 5: you want to do. And we love car chases is
Speaker 5: all they fucking want. Like that's why I That's why
Speaker 5: I was so successful, because I'm just a fat Italian
Speaker 5: who talks with his hands. So they were like, oh, guy, coda,
Speaker 5: I'm just like, you gotta buy more toilet paper. People
Speaker 5: are like, that's not even a punchline. But it's exciting
Speaker 5: and loud and the background is colorful, so I'm gonna
Speaker 5: keep this channel on.
Speaker 2: It's not easy.
Speaker 1: We want how to use some colorful gesticulation.
Speaker 5: Yeah, we want like it's like you might as well
Speaker 5: shake keys, like that's all you know what I mean.
Speaker 5: It's like that you're just like you're watching a show
Speaker 5: full of just heads talking. So now I'm the most
Speaker 5: thrill one because I shout and move and you could
Speaker 5: see sweat on my brow.
Speaker 1: Thank you for watching true TV where we entertain babies.
Speaker 2: And produce ourselves. I love that idea that both of
Speaker 2: you have. We're both producers and in front of the
Speaker 2: camera we.
Speaker 4: Just switch and then we keep going like nodding to
Speaker 4: each other.
Speaker 2: Who can be more and more supportive as the job
Speaker 2: goes on. But silently, John, do you know you want
Speaker 2: to be sorry? Do you prefer to be called gabers?
Speaker 5: It doesn't matter to me. I just most people do
Speaker 5: call me gabors. But I answer to John. I'm cool
Speaker 5: with it. Whatever is easier for you.
Speaker 2: The thing is, I know you by your work book.
Speaker 2: I have never hung out with you.
Speaker 5: No, right, Like, we have a ton of mutuals, but
Speaker 5: we've never hung out. We were at a friend's wedding together, yeah,
Speaker 5: but like we were barely together at that wedding.
Speaker 4: We just hap. That's how I knew we had mutual
Speaker 4: friends Patlash's wedding.
Speaker 6: You were saying, yes, okay, So you didn't go together
Speaker 6: as Gates and Karen has forgotten.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I know, Karen. We met and I went with
Speaker 4: you to a wedding. It was your cousin. I gave
Speaker 4: a speech. I remember, I got with the hands moving.
Speaker 2: He used to talk to him, just like, yeah, I'll
Speaker 2: go to this wedding with you, but please, let's not
Speaker 2: get to know each other.
Speaker 4: That is all I did that shit.
Speaker 5: In fifth grade, I went to an ice skating formal
Speaker 5: with poor mar I almost use Margo's last name, but
Speaker 5: with a young woman named Margo who I didn't speak
Speaker 5: to you the whole time we were there, and she
Speaker 5: didn't speak to me. We didn't even see each other,
Speaker 5: but we were there as a couple.
Speaker 2: A lot of pressure on those early I remember our
Speaker 2: first I think it was freshman like winter formal. My
Speaker 2: friend David Knowles asked me who I adored, and I
Speaker 2: was super excited to go with him, but we were
Speaker 2: regular friends. And then he came to my house put
Speaker 2: a boot near on my wrist, and suddenly I had
Speaker 2: nothing to say to him, and I was so nervous,
Speaker 2: like I couldn't eat my weird grill Mark chicken dinner.
Speaker 2: I was just like, oh it was It just changed everything,
Speaker 2: and it was like, it's just that same guy, Like,
Speaker 2: what are you doing?
Speaker 5: Dude's at like three or four years ago, at the
Speaker 5: age of thirty seven ish, I had this realization that
Speaker 5: I was like, man, probably that girl I was hanging
Speaker 5: out with like every weekend in sixth grade and we
Speaker 5: were just friends and we would dance and we didn't
Speaker 5: date anyone else, like and I liked her, but I
Speaker 5: was too afraid to Saint maybe we were. I could
Speaker 5: have said, like, there's so much stuff in my life
Speaker 5: where I'm like, oh, you know what, I think we
Speaker 5: liked each other. That was a year of my life
Speaker 5: and like pressing boners into fucking Arizona jeans. So I
Speaker 5: totally get and like, especially if you're like funny as
Speaker 5: a defense mechanism person.
Speaker 4: The second you're like.
Speaker 5: Oh, I'm like the funny one around my friends, and
Speaker 5: then the second it's like, well, we're gonna have a
Speaker 5: title for the brief moment, all of a sudden you're like, wow,
Speaker 5: you can't just be a goofball with Christine, you know,
Speaker 5: I have to be suave or something.
Speaker 2: Yeah, change the show ends, and suddenly it's like yeah,
Speaker 2: it's a one on one where you're just like, oh,
Speaker 2: I just yeah, I have nothing to bring to this.
Speaker 2: If there aren't like six girls standing behind you with
Speaker 2: their arms crossed that I'm you know, trying to like
Speaker 2: make laugh, then there's just nothing to say. I don't
Speaker 2: know what you want.
Speaker 6: It's so funny because you described I had a girlfriend
Speaker 6: in sixth grade and all of her friends would stand
Speaker 6: around us in a semi circle with their arms crossed
Speaker 6: berating me and asking me why I was scared to
Speaker 6: kiss her for the first time. And it's because, well,
Speaker 6: it's cause you're all surrounding me and you have us
Speaker 6: backed against the wall. It's not the most romantic sixth
Speaker 6: grade Plus I'm scared what if I don't know how
Speaker 6: to do it, even after all this pillow practice.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I had a group of girls tell me how
Speaker 5: to kiss. Like they were my girlfriend's friends and we
Speaker 5: were like making out. Was like seventh grade, so we
Speaker 5: were new to making out. And me and this girl
Speaker 5: and we're making out all the time, and then her
Speaker 5: friends had like an intervention with me. It was like,
Speaker 5: you need to like calm down a little.
Speaker 4: Like I was like the harshest like hearing that.
Speaker 5: You're like, I was so excited to be French kissing
Speaker 5: a girl regularly, and then I'm being told by her girlfriends.
Speaker 5: And then of course your brain, if you're at all
Speaker 5: neurotic or creative, you're like, you visualize her telling her
Speaker 5: friends and this is how this fat fucking pig kisses.
Speaker 1: Me and you're like, he stabs me with his tongue.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And I was like I was the most timid.
Speaker 5: I was so scared, so like what I was doing
Speaker 5: was just like inaccurate representation of how I was feeling too.
Speaker 4: I was just like, it's so humbling.
Speaker 6: Yeah, they do all these open mouth notes. It's movie kisses.
Speaker 6: You know, it's bad if all you do. If you're
Speaker 6: raised by television, which I know you are because of
Speaker 6: the podcast you have that's called Raised by TV that
Speaker 6: I'm able to fit in plug you are.
Speaker 5: You're like Wikipedia that you can have organic hyperlinks in
Speaker 5: your conversation.
Speaker 4: Live footnoting of my career. Thank you. Yeah, I amd
Speaker 4: p link.
Speaker 6: To well talking and sometimes I just say the word asterisk.
Speaker 1: And then I go back to it later.
Speaker 6: Okay, that was too, but yeah it's we we get back.
Speaker 6: You pick up bad habits from movie kissing, that's on.
Speaker 6: That's my defense.
Speaker 2: Well, and you just don't know, like you truly are new.
Speaker 2: The idea that you would then be getting notes from
Speaker 2: people outside of the immediate pair is very upsetting.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's like what your worst nightmare is is that
Speaker 5: you're like like, it's it's locker room talk. Yeah, not
Speaker 5: as we know it now, but.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah seventh grade.
Speaker 4: Oh man.
Speaker 5: Yeah, she also told everyone I was weird because the
Speaker 5: first time she gave me a hand job. I didn't come.
Speaker 5: That is I haven't listened to Do you need a
Speaker 5: ride in a wild?
Speaker 2: Is?
Speaker 4: This is it? This live day? I'm sorry if I'm
Speaker 4: being too wrong.
Speaker 1: We talk about coming all the time, just non stop.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's medically dangerous, but we don't care. I actually
Speaker 2: this made me think of and I'm not going to
Speaker 2: say anyone's name, but there was a boy that I
Speaker 2: absolutely adored from sixth grade to eighth grade. And I
Speaker 2: can't I can't be too humiliated.
Speaker 4: Noah.
Speaker 2: I grew up in South Africa, so so so then
Speaker 2: one year, like when we were in our thirties, it
Speaker 2: was Christmas break and everyone comes back home and goes
Speaker 2: to the same bar, so you get to see everybody
Speaker 2: kind of like years after, and we got super shit faced, Me,
Speaker 2: my sister, and her friend Adrian. We leave the bar.
Speaker 2: We're walking back to our car and I see that
Speaker 2: this boy that I my basically junior high super crush
Speaker 2: is walking down the street toward me shit faced and
Speaker 2: I'm shit faced. And we walk up to each other
Speaker 2: and he's like, oh my god, hey, and I'm like hi,
Speaker 2: and then he walks me to the car and we
Speaker 2: start making out, and which was thrilling in the moment,
Speaker 2: and the way he kissed it was so strange. It
Speaker 2: was like like a kind of like a lizard tongue
Speaker 2: just going due in and out real fast.
Speaker 4: Oh wow, and it was and.
Speaker 2: I finally said, wait, stop doing that, kiss me like
Speaker 2: you're in seventh grade. And then we really made out.
Speaker 2: It was awesome, but it was almost like I like
Speaker 2: the entire time, I was like, I was so jealous
Speaker 2: of all those girls I knew you were making out
Speaker 2: with in junior high and that's what you were doing,
Speaker 2: Like that is no when I first stopped you and said,
Speaker 2: this is weird.
Speaker 6: But you brought up seventh grade and he did it
Speaker 6: old old school and he was better at.
Speaker 2: It, like he took a note like he wasn't. I
Speaker 2: was my own group of girls with their arms crossed,
Speaker 2: and I was just like, you don't need to do it.
Speaker 5: You got him out of his head. I bet, like,
Speaker 5: I bet you that's what you'd like. He was over
Speaker 5: and then you said that, and I like, the ice
Speaker 5: is broken. I mean, I know you're already making out,
Speaker 5: but yeah, you broke the residual ice there.
Speaker 4: I feel like that that was It.
Speaker 2: Was basically my way of saying, can we time travel
Speaker 2: back to when I really like, do you please? Because
Speaker 2: this is I feel like this is a huge get
Speaker 2: back that I'm like, I really won this long game,
Speaker 2: the serious, like twenty eight year long game.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's awesome.
Speaker 5: That's like the version of like, if I could go
Speaker 5: back with what I know now now you're like confident,
Speaker 5: funny Karen, who's like kiss me like a fucking seventh grader,
Speaker 5: you know, I'm nuts, and you're like yes, yeah.
Speaker 2: And then my sister was like get in the car,
Speaker 2: you're so drunk, and then he kind of disappeared, and
Speaker 2: that was it. That was the hell, you know, that
Speaker 2: was it?
Speaker 1: It is.
Speaker 6: It is possibly unhealthy how often I play that game.
Speaker 1: If I could go back.
Speaker 6: Knowing what I know now and in dreams and everything,
Speaker 6: and you know, during a PEP assembly where I wish
Speaker 6: I knew how to play piano, every things, just like
Speaker 6: Groundhog Day, Like I don't know why that.
Speaker 5: Was minor all, like I should have done this instead
Speaker 5: of what I did in that moment, and my life
Speaker 5: I wouldn't have like a shudder in the shower.
Speaker 4: Monthly like and yours is.
Speaker 5: I wish I would have gotten up and played the
Speaker 5: surprised everyone with a recital.
Speaker 2: I whish I was more involved in the arts.
Speaker 6: I don't know why it was either yeah, piano or
Speaker 6: saxophone in front of.
Speaker 4: The whole school.
Speaker 1: I didn't do anything.
Speaker 6: All I did was brewed and not make ye contact,
Speaker 6: skate and skate silently without making eye contact. I should
Speaker 6: have been playing sweet Sweet sax in front of the
Speaker 6: whole school.
Speaker 1: Yeah, ah man, it's too late to go back, though.
Speaker 2: I also had that as a college student who really
Speaker 2: leaned heavily on drinking as much beer as I could
Speaker 2: to get through all of the awkwardness that I thought
Speaker 2: I was the only one who felt all the time right.
Speaker 2: And there was there was someone who I then later met,
Speaker 2: like three years later, who was like, yeah, you and
Speaker 2: me or whatever, and then I was like nahuh, like
Speaker 2: to his face, that kind of thing where you're like,
Speaker 2: if I wasn't so in my head like you're saying,
Speaker 2: it's like and I and it's nice to say it.
Speaker 2: It's like because we're creative. That's the excuse where it's like, okay, good,
Speaker 2: that's because I was creative. Because it makes me feel
Speaker 2: crazy where it's like I literally saw the world incorrectly.
Speaker 2: It feels like in looking back where it's just like, God,
Speaker 2: I was stupid. God I was only focusing on like
Speaker 2: the worst, dumbest things.
Speaker 5: Oh man, I know that shit is brutal when you
Speaker 5: really like you're like, ah, like I frequently I'm childless,
Speaker 5: don't intend to have any kids, but I frequently flashed
Speaker 5: to me scream crying in my parents face with a
Speaker 5: lie within the I know it's a lie, and going.
Speaker 4: How come you don't fuck it? Believe me?
Speaker 5: Like hysterical crying, And I just think about that, and
Speaker 5: I'm like, they know they knew I was lying in
Speaker 5: that moment.
Speaker 4: They like I.
Speaker 5: And I'm like, it's Jesus, I'm like saying the most
Speaker 5: dramatic shit, and I'm like, just think. I think about
Speaker 5: that all the time, and I'm like, you could have
Speaker 5: just fucking went downstairs and played video games and kept
Speaker 5: your fucking mouth shut and you wouldn't have absolutely been
Speaker 5: a prick to your parent, like who sucked. So it's
Speaker 5: like it's equal, like her fair, but it's not like
Speaker 5: but I just like that's the behavior I come to
Speaker 5: where I'm like, oh my god, or like pining over
Speaker 5: who I thought who everyone agreed was the hottest chicken school,
Speaker 5: and like ignoring like the busty nerd who I was
Speaker 5: friends with, you know, like now is my absolute type?
Speaker 4: You know, Like, what the fuck was I doing?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 6: Well, she was wearing overalls covered with paint. It's hard
Speaker 6: to know.
Speaker 4: I was I supposed to know. So she took her
Speaker 4: hair down.
Speaker 6: Yeah, then you'd be like, what in the world I
Speaker 6: didn't know? She walked in slow motion along time.
Speaker 5: Aha, I never dated a girl with a messy top nott.
Speaker 4: I'm sixty.
Speaker 2: Cheerleader or bus every time. John, Do you know what
Speaker 2: you're gonna be for Halloween?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Yeah, Oh I was really The toilet costume really got me,
Speaker 5: especially because I know you're so artistic, so I was stoked.
Speaker 1: I was like, you know what I'm saying, though you visualized.
Speaker 5: That it was visually, I'm here for it, a plaster
Speaker 5: toilet that you're walking like.
Speaker 4: I didn't even I was so on board.
Speaker 5: And then you said Elvis, which I think is like
Speaker 5: the crucial part of the costume, and I was already
Speaker 5: like this is bananas perfect. I was like, oh, I
Speaker 5: would have like loose snickers and twigs floating around and there.
Speaker 4: But now I'm like the Elvis thing is even better.
Speaker 1: Think about yeah, peanut butter, but you can.
Speaker 5: Have it in wrappers and people could get that, and
Speaker 5: then you could also be sharing candy with friends.
Speaker 1: Oh that's a great idea. Then it's interactive.
Speaker 5: Yeah, the people could reach into the toilet where you're
Speaker 5: genitals I think will be and that's called takeaway.
Speaker 2: That's the audience needs to take away.
Speaker 5: And everyone gets insane allergic reactions to your memory phone pillow.
Speaker 1: There's a reason I don't use it.
Speaker 4: I'm going to stand in it.
Speaker 1: The best party is they're going to be tiny legs.
Speaker 6: I'm on purpose making them little legs because I know
Speaker 6: it'll be funnier.
Speaker 2: Little withered Elvis legs.
Speaker 1: Yeah, just trying convinced everyone.
Speaker 6: I wanted to be so realistic that people leave the
Speaker 6: party going did Elvis have little legs? We just were distracted.
Speaker 6: No one noticed because of his pelvic work.
Speaker 2: To draw the eye up and away from his spindly legs.
Speaker 4: It's little tiny, Yeah.
Speaker 1: Gabris, have you given it any thought? What are you
Speaker 1: going to be?
Speaker 4: See?
Speaker 5: This is I never really have like a Halloween costume occasion,
Speaker 5: you know what I mean, Like, I'm not like it's uh,
Speaker 5: since mutual friend Scotti stopped having his Halloween party, I
Speaker 5: kind of don't have like a costume party that thing
Speaker 5: I go to my and my my wife always dresses up,
Speaker 5: but she like dresses up like from her closet in
Speaker 5: an insane way. Actually, you know what, I'm gonna call
Speaker 5: bullshit on her, but she's not here to defend herself
Speaker 5: so perfect. She buys herself insane actual clothes, you know,
Speaker 5: expensive dresses that she's like, this.
Speaker 4: Is my Halloween dress.
Speaker 5: So I was like, okay, it's a nine hundred dollars costume,
Speaker 5: I guess, and no one knows.
Speaker 4: What you're being. It's just beautiful. Okay.
Speaker 2: There I'm a fancy lady out on the town. It's like, great,
Speaker 2: you can wear it again sometime.
Speaker 4: Hell, I mean it's I guess that's better.
Speaker 5: I always end up slapping together some random, like dumb
Speaker 5: movie reference from like a from a forty year old
Speaker 5: white guy, like you'd imagine that like Kurt Russell four
Speaker 5: times in like four different Yeah yeah.
Speaker 6: Look sunglasses and her dress shirt and tidy whities a movie.
Speaker 5: I was risky business twice in college.
Speaker 1: I know it.
Speaker 2: So you just got to walk around in your underwear
Speaker 2: all night with.
Speaker 4: A big job.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that was that was kind of part for the
Speaker 5: course for me. I was, you know, like a light
Speaker 5: I was a light exhibitionist. I mean, what was I
Speaker 5: guess I am, but still but it was a direct
Speaker 5: conflict to my lack of confidence.
Speaker 4: In my body, in my so I like I went through. Yeah,
Speaker 4: I was like, I'm the guy. I'm like Bill, we's
Speaker 4: like shirt off first at the party. It's like, I
Speaker 4: know I'm fat.
Speaker 5: Say something, you fucking assholes, like, okay, we're.
Speaker 2: Just skin tone. You can't argue with this.
Speaker 5: And then if only I knew when I was at
Speaker 5: the age I'm talking about, I was in the best
Speaker 5: shape I'll ever be.
Speaker 4: And I'm a little fat fifteen year old.
Speaker 5: It's my brother, You're gonna you have no idea where
Speaker 5: this train is on.
Speaker 2: And we don't have to skip to this right now.
Speaker 2: We can keep talking about Halloween. But I just want
Speaker 2: to say on the show that you were on with
Speaker 2: Adam Paley one hundred and one Places to Party Before
Speaker 2: You Die, which I am the Max One fan of.
Speaker 6: On the Max Max, did you know we were calling
Speaker 6: it the Max you earlier, Okay, started this is it.
Speaker 2: It's already taken off, yes, but there's a bunch of
Speaker 2: scenes where you jump into bodies of water and like,
Speaker 2: and it's like a smash cut from you guys doing
Speaker 2: shots somewhere to you in a I was gonna say,
Speaker 2: a bikini it is. It's a boys bikini, just like
Speaker 2: doing a swan dive into something and the first time.
Speaker 2: And and I want you to take this in the
Speaker 2: correct way. I laughed in that way where it was
Speaker 2: like freedom, Like fuck, yes, you're like because it looks
Speaker 2: great and it looks super fun, and it's so like
Speaker 2: the spirit of that show is so fucking delightful on
Speaker 2: like a Sunday afternoon to be like now I'm there,
Speaker 2: now I'm doing that like very almost quarantining. It would
Speaker 2: be the dream quarantine show.
Speaker 5: But we're but we're hopefully, hopefully we get another life
Speaker 5: threatening disease hits uh hits the state side, so that
Speaker 5: our show people, our ratings will pop final maybe, Karen,
Speaker 5: that is so nice of you to say.
Speaker 4: I want to say that. Thank you so much. That's
Speaker 4: very No, it really is.
Speaker 2: It's and I was watching it first because it's like
Speaker 2: I adore out in Pally and I know he's just
Speaker 2: always funny and the two of you to get I
Speaker 2: was like, well, this guy's this guy's really funny. Like
Speaker 2: like the combination of the two of you, the fact
Speaker 2: that you're actually friends, and then the things you're doing,
Speaker 2: which are actually things you want to be doing. So
Speaker 2: it's not it does not feel produced, it doesn't feel
Speaker 2: in any way fake.
Speaker 5: Like it's the first time in this industry that like
Speaker 5: imposter syndrome was not activated in me.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I was just like, oh, I actually and I
Speaker 5: had confidence while we were shooting. I'm like, I'm actually
Speaker 5: pretty good at flirt being funnily with in a comedic
Speaker 5: way with the server, Like that's what I do every
Speaker 5: night of the week.
Speaker 4: Hey, and now I get to do it on Like
Speaker 4: I'm just like, oh shit.
Speaker 5: Like I was so like I felt so in the pocket,
Speaker 5: Like I was just like, oh, this is what I
Speaker 5: do well, because it wasn't acting, you know what I mean.
Speaker 5: Like I was just like, oh, go to the restaurant
Speaker 5: and eat and drink what you would eat and drink
Speaker 5: normally with your friend.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and fuck it could.
Speaker 2: Be so funny.
Speaker 6: There's also an active like they have you go and
Speaker 6: do is it stunts or how intense are the actual
Speaker 6: activities they have?
Speaker 4: We do like, uh, pretty not.
Speaker 5: We do pretty basic activities normally, but then in a
Speaker 5: couple episodes we do some shit that like and we
Speaker 5: are conveying how much we dislike. We repel down a
Speaker 5: waterfall and Mawi and both of us hate it and
Speaker 5: scream the whole time, and we were terrified.
Speaker 4: I was legit terrified.
Speaker 5: We were like Adam and I were like like nauseous.
Speaker 5: In the ride up, we were like and we're forty
Speaker 5: year old men who are like, we're executive producers.
Speaker 4: Can't we just not do this?
Speaker 5: Like like I fucking you know if I'm trying to
Speaker 5: think of like any actor of any if Ed Helms
Speaker 5: didn't want to do something, they wouldn't be like, no,
Speaker 5: get your.
Speaker 4: Ass on the fucking waterfall Ed Helms. No.
Speaker 5: He has final say I'm like, why don't we have
Speaker 5: And it's like we do, but at the same time
Speaker 5: we're like, We're also like this, I have the energy
Speaker 5: of like I'm a I have like fomo in such
Speaker 5: a way that I counter it by like I want
Speaker 5: to check off the box of I want to try
Speaker 5: and do everything in life.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so I was like I can't say no, but
Speaker 4: I was.
Speaker 5: And I don't like riding horses either, and I had
Speaker 5: to do that too, And that comes across in the
Speaker 5: episode anything where like someone's in charge of my weight.
Speaker 4: I'm like, that's not fair to you. You didn't do this.
Speaker 5: I did this to myself. I'll carry myself around. You
Speaker 5: don't have to do this. You're just living your life.
Speaker 5: Beauregard or whatever the fuck your name.
Speaker 2: Is, also Chris, just you know, in that episode, the
Speaker 2: two men who were teaching these guys how to repel
Speaker 2: were the most lithe tiny. They're just like, here's how
Speaker 2: you do it. It's like, right, that's how you fucking
Speaker 2: do it. It's easy for you. It's like a.
Speaker 5: Undgoing professional guides. They were like, it's just this. I'm like,
Speaker 5: do you have any idea to disconnect from me? Seeing
Speaker 5: what you are doing to me trying to do that.
Speaker 5: They're different species of the creature, you and I.
Speaker 2: But then it really did feel like when you guys
Speaker 2: got down the bottom, like I literally exhaled and I
Speaker 2: was like, this is fucking great TV because it wasn't
Speaker 2: like it's not like it was, you know, a giant
Speaker 2: mountain or whatever, but there was like just this short
Speaker 2: amount of risk that it's just like are they gonna
Speaker 2: do it? I would quit? Like I literally was like
Speaker 2: I would quit. I wouldn't do it.
Speaker 5: We were like hugging it at the bottom, like we
Speaker 5: really did it. Like we were so proud of each
Speaker 5: other that we were like, oh, now we understand like
Speaker 5: why this is gonna be in the show, Like like
Speaker 5: we're like we were like literally like we don't give
Speaker 5: something like such like you know your life is cush
Speaker 5: when like a vag cation activity was like I finally
Speaker 5: overcame something and I did something that's expensive and fun that.
Speaker 4: Families do when I did it and it was a triumph.
Speaker 6: Is this a show that you and Adam developed like
Speaker 6: came up with or yeah.
Speaker 5: We bought the rights to a book called The hundred
Speaker 5: one Places to Get Fucked Up Before You Die and
Speaker 5: then kind of adapted it to like more about the
Speaker 5: before you die, like make it for for forty year olds,
Speaker 5: by forty year olds?
Speaker 4: Are you four not young people? By not young people?
Speaker 5: And h we wanted to be uh you know and
Speaker 5: like it was it's a backdoor way to do improv
Speaker 5: on TV. Like, you know, improv is so hacked to
Speaker 5: watch when it's like it on TV and specifically, but
Speaker 5: when it's Curb or when it's uh, you know, fucking
Speaker 5: Bordain conversing with the bartender in Marrakesh or whatever, you're like,
Speaker 5: this fucking rules. Like so we wanted to and we
Speaker 5: loved and we love them. The movies The Trip like that,
Speaker 5: we like were obsessed with those when they came out.
Speaker 5: We were like, this is the gig, dude, you eat
Speaker 5: at these fancy restaurants and talk about but whatever you want,
Speaker 5: someone makes it into a movie, like and then like
Speaker 5: that's where the fucking nexus the that's the inkling of
Speaker 5: how this show came together. We shot a movie together
Speaker 5: in Italy and had a couple of days off together
Speaker 5: and we were just driving around and having so much
Speaker 5: more fun than the days on the movie on our
Speaker 5: days off, and we were like, you know, when you're
Speaker 5: fucked up with your friends and you go, this is
Speaker 5: the show. Like we did that and somehow completed that idea,
Speaker 5: like and.
Speaker 4: It was we were like, dude, this is the show.
Speaker 5: It's just you and I fucked up out of our minds,
Speaker 5: trying to get Prejudo in Tuscany, Euros.
Speaker 1: It's the trip to the Steve Coogan thing. Yeah, oh
Speaker 1: it's the best.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so good. Those guys are so fucking funny.
Speaker 2: There's this part two and not to sorry, not to
Speaker 2: be like super nerdy or whatever, but this was one
Speaker 2: of those things we're like, I'm always searching for a
Speaker 2: show to hook into, and it's usually a like on scrittish.
Speaker 5: Okay, I thought I had. I thought I had a
Speaker 5: guess there. That's, by the way, the we should talk.
Speaker 5: Because the amount of Danish and Nordic fucking crime thriller
Speaker 5: series I've watched.
Speaker 4: Have you watched das Chessnutsman or whatever? The chestnut Man?
Speaker 2: I started it and it seemed really dark, and I
Speaker 2: was like, am I in a okay headspace to watch
Speaker 2: this because it seemed like children were killed?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's fucked I know, but I'm in your I'm
Speaker 5: in that wheelhouse too. I love that shit. I love
Speaker 5: like a brooding person in a parka.
Speaker 2: I love watching people go into snow, but I don't
Speaker 2: have to be cold like that is and then do
Speaker 2: some crimes. But the thing I was going to say
Speaker 2: about watching you guys is all those things you just
Speaker 2: said where it's true you it's real. So you guys
Speaker 2: know how to be on camera and still be real
Speaker 2: and be funny. Like so the riffing is really excellent
Speaker 2: and appreciated because it is so hard. Like you know,
Speaker 2: I worked on the production side of TV a lot
Speaker 2: like you guys, and that thing of trying to do
Speaker 2: field pieces and man on the street. Everybody thinks it's
Speaker 2: like easy and you just go out. It's so fucking
Speaker 2: hard to get people to act normal, to act normal yourself,
Speaker 2: to have it be like in that pocket. But the
Speaker 2: other thing I observed is you guys have fucking immaculate manners.
Speaker 2: So you are modeling behavior for like young partying people
Speaker 2: that so it's like be friends with your bartender. They'll
Speaker 2: fucking hip you to what's good, Ask people what they think,
Speaker 2: say hi to the regular that's sitting at the end.
Speaker 2: Like there's all these things where I'm like, this is
Speaker 2: more than a travel shit.
Speaker 1: A behavior lesson.
Speaker 4: It is.
Speaker 2: It's like, this is this is how you have the
Speaker 2: most fun. Don't be a dick, Yeah, invite other people
Speaker 2: into your party, drink as many fucking of the signature
Speaker 2: cocktails as you can, like it's just fun.
Speaker 5: It's been a drunk my whole life and only been
Speaker 5: thrown out of a place like once or twice, and
Speaker 5: it was like private functions, not the bar, like because
Speaker 5: I I'm also I was a bartender, I was a server,
Speaker 5: I was a bouncer, So I did all that shit,
Speaker 5: So I don't want to fucking make anybody's day harder.
Speaker 4: I've eaten meals with fucking hair in it.
Speaker 5: I've eaten a meal that was cold and not what
Speaker 5: I ordered without saying a fucking word.
Speaker 4: I've drank drink.
Speaker 5: Some allergic too at like out of like pride, but
Speaker 5: I just love. And the other thing was it was
Speaker 5: post pandemic. So I had been like thinking a lot
Speaker 5: about all my friends that I met, like bartending and
Speaker 5: serving like in that industry, and how they were like
Speaker 5: treated like like the nurse and my my family's a
Speaker 5: nurses and teachers, so they fucking put their time in.
Speaker 5: But like I was thinking about the waiters who didn't
Speaker 5: even get like pots banged for them, and shit, right,
Speaker 5: short order cooks are getting like risking their life so
Speaker 5: that I can get my fucking truffle fries or whatever, you.
Speaker 4: Know what I mean.
Speaker 5: So it's like I and during that Adam and I
Speaker 5: were talking a lot because we were pitching it and
Speaker 5: then once it's sold. We actually sold it in February
Speaker 5: twenty twenty on the pitch and they were like, I,
Speaker 5: we'll shoot it in like April, and then we just
Speaker 5: pushed it like three months, six times and eventually, but
Speaker 5: that whole time we were like, dude, our show. And
Speaker 5: because also we couldn't go to crowded places due to
Speaker 5: Warner Brothers like COVID regulations. So when were shooting the pilot,
Speaker 5: it's like, dude, we should be talking to the servers
Speaker 5: and bartenders and not like the drink expert guy. Let's
Speaker 5: talk to whoever the guys the person is doing the shift.
Speaker 5: And that ended up being like the best part of
Speaker 5: the show for me, was talking like and eventually people
Speaker 5: don't want to hear from two like successful forty year
Speaker 5: old white straight guys all that believe.
Speaker 1: It or not.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, like we're just we're on vacation.
Speaker 5: Eventually people are gonna be like, we fucking hate these guys.
Speaker 4: They're just like, oh man, I have diarrhea again.
Speaker 5: They're like so getting to talk to like servers and
Speaker 5: bartenders and all these different cities and shit like that.
Speaker 5: Really like like open the show up. So I appreciate
Speaker 5: you noticing that. And then for us it's like showcasing
Speaker 5: the bartender is like if people start going to law
Speaker 5: Factory and tip the ship out of Carlos, I'm honored.
Speaker 4: Like that makes me very happy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, no, it's great.
Speaker 6: I can't wait to watch it. I'm gonna I'm not
Speaker 6: I don't I'm not a liar. I'm just gonna say
Speaker 6: that right now, right when we're done, I'm gonna watch
Speaker 6: at least three episodes.
Speaker 5: I'm not a person who thinks you should have have
Speaker 5: watched it by now, So don't worry, Like I don't
Speaker 5: give a fuck, Like I appreciate that you are gonna
Speaker 5: watch it, but if you never do, that's fine. Why
Speaker 5: don't you believe me? John, I totally believe you did it,
Speaker 5: like because I would. I can sniff. I've sniffed out,
Speaker 5: like I had to do a bunch of press for
Speaker 5: this job. I sniffed out like so many liars, and
Speaker 5: I just like I'm not gonna like, oh, thanks, for
Speaker 5: having me on your fucking that that that you know.
Speaker 5: I'm just like, this is it's so cool. So you
Speaker 5: guys are like partying partying. It's like you got a clip,
Speaker 5: I know you can. You did watch it?
Speaker 2: Just watch it five minutes, all.
Speaker 5: Right, John Grabis, Adam Pauley, we're talking to him tonight,
Speaker 5: Thank you.
Speaker 2: I was my nephew came to visit me for the weekend,
Speaker 2: and I had just watched the first episode, and so
Speaker 2: he and I were hanging out and then I'm like,
Speaker 2: can I just make you watch a TV show real quick?
Speaker 2: And we binge the rest of the season like he
Speaker 2: because I was like he was young. He's like thirty
Speaker 2: basically and a young single guy out on his own
Speaker 2: or whatever. Where It's just like I want you to
Speaker 2: see this. I want you to know, like how this
Speaker 2: is a great way to be funny, this is a
Speaker 2: great way to hang out, Like this is a great
Speaker 2: way to be like the idea that you guys call
Speaker 2: your family. It's just like this shit. I was every
Speaker 2: time you guys did something like that, I was like,
Speaker 2: fucking yes, a plus like and I didn't realize you
Speaker 2: guys were the EPs. I didn't realize you guys had
Speaker 2: so much. I was like, whoever's producing this is a
Speaker 2: fucking badass.
Speaker 6: They know what they're doing making them do these stunts
Speaker 6: against their will as a genius.
Speaker 5: We had a hell of a showrunner and a great
Speaker 5: producing team, not only on like the front end of
Speaker 5: like finding cool spots for us to go to and
Speaker 5: heating our feedback and our ideas of like I want
Speaker 5: to make Adam play rugby with me in Hawaii or whatever.
Speaker 4: So it's cool to get to do a lot of
Speaker 4: that shit.
Speaker 5: But like our team is just so good and like
Speaker 5: they know they're like, give them another like twenty five minutes,
Speaker 5: they're gonna find like they're just fucking getting, you know,
Speaker 5: like they're like, let the three drinks hit them. Then
Speaker 5: they'll be fucking that speaking chibberish. But right now we
Speaker 5: just got like, oh.
Speaker 4: You guys want to get anything else. They're like experts
Speaker 4: at keeping.
Speaker 5: They're like, and my my one of my best friends,
Speaker 5: one of mine, Adam's other friends were started in comedy together.
Speaker 5: Is the producer, like the guy behind the scenes. Yeah,
Speaker 5: this my buddy Justin Tyler and he and he's an
Speaker 5: ex server and a X and current alcoholics, so like
Speaker 5: all of it like us, like and we were drinking
Speaker 5: together for like twenty years. So it's like having that
Speaker 5: guy is like your producer is like gave hers another
Speaker 5: fucking drinker, Like like it's like it the vibes are
Speaker 5: really fun. I mean you would imagine like to take
Speaker 5: this job on the crew, it's like not a fun
Speaker 5: it's a hard job and you have to be around
Speaker 5: fun and.
Speaker 2: Not having any participate.
Speaker 5: Yeah yeah yeah. So every night is like the crew
Speaker 5: is like we're ready to get ripped to Me and
Speaker 5: Adam were like we're good for a couple. And then
Speaker 5: it's like I'm absolutely hung over the next day while
Speaker 5: I gotta go fucking go to brunch and eat a
Speaker 5: French onion soup omelet.
Speaker 1: Or some shit my favorite.
Speaker 6: I'm so jealous of I just you talking about this
Speaker 6: job and Karen, she's not blowing smoke because she was
Speaker 6: telling me about this show.
Speaker 5: She's into deep if she's like if she's just if
Speaker 5: she's just she's just being nice, she's fucking going for it,
Speaker 5: and that's I am.
Speaker 4: I have to watch this. I have.
Speaker 5: You're just like you were like guessing all this crazy,
Speaker 5: like fucking right, I made a sandwich.
Speaker 2: You made a sandwich in New Orleans, right, And also
Speaker 2: I guess because I really I'm one of those people
Speaker 2: that kind of hates everything and that I'm from the nineties,
Speaker 2: so it's like that used to be my personality, like
Speaker 2: one thousand percent, where I'm just like I'm the one
Speaker 2: that says noted the thing you love or whatever, and
Speaker 2: so kind of it sucks, you know, trying to lose
Speaker 2: that like that isn't cool, Like it's over pavement, get Away,
Speaker 2: Kurt Cobain, whatever, and going into like the the improvish
Speaker 2: you know, Internet based two thousands that were in, which
Speaker 2: is so much better. It's like stand up versus improv,
Speaker 2: where like stand ups are controlling and it has to
Speaker 2: be like I get the joke and you don't get.
Speaker 4: The joke or whatever.
Speaker 2: And the first improv class I took, I was like,
Speaker 2: oh fuck, this is what we're.
Speaker 5: They have no jokes and they all think they're funny.
Speaker 5: This is amazing.
Speaker 4: I take this from someone who dedicated twenty years of
Speaker 4: their life to when they say can art form.
Speaker 5: That and made almost ten grand in those twenty years
Speaker 5: to it.
Speaker 4: I'm the five figure I'm one.
Speaker 5: Of the probably included because I also I did Wilden Out,
Speaker 5: so I actually have kind of like a one of
Speaker 5: the higher improv salaries.
Speaker 4: I mean, just find like Colin Mockery probably.
Speaker 2: That good good improv money.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that non union improv Baby, no residuals. You didn't
Speaker 4: spend any time right in this bullshit down so that no.
Speaker 1: Go ahead, Kert.
Speaker 2: I was just gonna ask you got is UCB New York?
Speaker 2: Were you?
Speaker 4: That's what I was gonna ask.
Speaker 1: A kidding, no kidding.
Speaker 5: I got started in my early twenties in New York
Speaker 5: City at UCB New York.
Speaker 4: I'm from Long Island.
Speaker 5: So when I was home for a summer from college
Speaker 5: and I was doing short form in sketch comedy and
Speaker 5: making videos at school with friends, and I was like,
Speaker 5: I came home like googled improv, yahooed improv.
Speaker 4: Yes, nineteen ninety nine. No, this would be like two thousand. Yeah.
Speaker 5: I met a crawler to Alta Vista in it was
Speaker 5: so it was like two thousand and three. I think
Speaker 5: I took my first class. The summer I was a
Speaker 5: beach lifeguard bartender and then like one night a week
Speaker 5: in flip flops and board shorts.
Speaker 4: And this is.
Speaker 5: Another moment in your life when you're you're like a
Speaker 5: twenty one year old beach bum who happens to be
Speaker 5: like the funniest kid at lifeguarding, and then you're taking
Speaker 5: like taking that insane confidence on the train to New
Speaker 5: York City to like artists doing art and you are like,
Speaker 5: I'm the school clown, you know, and like I just
Speaker 5: showed up super tan and like flip flops, and everybody
Speaker 5: was like, Oh, this fun. And like in hindsight, like
Speaker 5: I'm just imagining after teaching, you know, seventy level one classes,
Speaker 5: I'm like, oh my god, if I had a kid
Speaker 5: like myself, Like, dude, you have so much life is
Speaker 5: going to be so much worse for you to.
Speaker 6: But then you find out that everyone you're doing improv
Speaker 6: with is also a really good lifeguard.
Speaker 2: They I know.
Speaker 5: That was always like by how I maintained my confidence
Speaker 5: was like I was always either like a lifeguard or
Speaker 5: a powerlifter or playing rugby in New York City and
Speaker 5: a comedian. So I was always like the strongest, like
Speaker 5: jockiest improv guy and always the funniest guy on the
Speaker 5: rugby team, never really excelling in the right category at
Speaker 5: the right time. But it was enough for the ego
Speaker 5: boost that I'd be like, I love playing rugby. They
Speaker 5: all think I'm hilarious. I love doing comedy. They all
Speaker 5: think I'm big and strong. Did you have someday that'll flip?
Speaker 5: But yeah, it never happened.
Speaker 1: Yeah you got that one with your rugby.
Speaker 6: Did you ever go to Missoula, my hometown to play
Speaker 6: Maggot Fest.
Speaker 4: No, but that is like legendary. Everyone talks about Maggot.
Speaker 5: I met dudes in Maui outside that biker bar from
Speaker 5: the episode Chris.
Speaker 4: You'll get that eventually.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I always gotta do my research.
Speaker 5: There were just these bikers were like, dude, you played
Speaker 5: with the Maui rugby team, right, And I was like yeah,
Speaker 5: it's like you got it.
Speaker 4: Come the Maggot Fest.
Speaker 2: Man.
Speaker 5: This guy's like sixty with like a bald head with
Speaker 5: tattoos on his head. I was like, yeah, man, probably
Speaker 5: gonna skip this one.
Speaker 6: It was my first because I would go. I did
Speaker 6: T shirts every year for Maggot Fest. I worked at
Speaker 6: a at a screen printing shop, and so I was
Speaker 6: allowed to go and it was my first time, you know,
Speaker 6: as a young adult realizing Oh, I totally get along
Speaker 6: with big, tough, alpha male dudes.
Speaker 1: Maybe I secretly am one. I was just born with.
Speaker 4: Little legs like elvis.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I got a lot of chill a little time.
Speaker 1: But you gotta see my pelvis work. And that's how
Speaker 1: I got into maggot Fest.
Speaker 4: All pelvis. But yeah, it was.
Speaker 6: It's just insane partying and people intents and enjoyable fights
Speaker 6: and like where guys punch each other and then they
Speaker 6: hug and I'm like, oh that this is one hundred
Speaker 6: percent healthy, even though I just watched a guy punch someone.
Speaker 4: It was.
Speaker 5: Yeah, Rugby players we like to say soccer is a
Speaker 5: gentleman's sport played by hooligans, and rugby is a hooligan
Speaker 5: sport played by gentlemen.
Speaker 1: Well that's yeah.
Speaker 5: See there's like an unspoken code, like you're allowed to
Speaker 5: get in fights on the pitch and like you know,
Speaker 5: shit can happen like that stepping on each other and
Speaker 5: like drop. But afterwards, the home team hosts the other
Speaker 5: team for a drink up and you have to like
Speaker 5: drink together. So it's like, yeah, it's a really obviously
Speaker 5: you see how I found the sport. But like that
Speaker 5: vibe was always like cool and like I'm just jumping
Speaker 5: out projecting here, Chris. But like from like extreme extreme
Speaker 5: sports people, you know, street sports people, they are always
Speaker 5: like they do a thing that they love that is
Speaker 5: so obviously going to hurt them at some point. Yeah,
Speaker 5: you know what I mean. So I think there's a
Speaker 5: kinship amongst like the skater snowboarder world and like the
Speaker 5: rugby playing world, because it's like, I love this fucking
Speaker 5: thing that we always like, you know, frequently substances are
Speaker 5: involved during or after, and it's like that. I think
Speaker 5: there's the kinship there because I grew up skating on
Speaker 5: Long Island, so like the vibes are like, dude, he
Speaker 5: fucking wrecked on that deck and it's like that was
Speaker 5: sick and you're like limping for a day and you're
Speaker 5: like proud of it. And that was me with like
Speaker 5: I have scars in my temple from where a cleat
Speaker 5: scrape me and I like still talk about it and
Speaker 5: it happened eighteen years ago.
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, I know that.
Speaker 1: I swear to you, I'm not making it.
Speaker 6: When I was bonding with these older rugby men, it
Speaker 6: was all about I've broken this ankle twice, and this
Speaker 6: foot once and this I separated this shoulder, and then
Speaker 6: they're like skateboarding and I'm like, yeah, yeah, it's and.
Speaker 5: Then they're like, dude, this guy's fucking hard. You should
Speaker 5: be the hooker man. Yea Fairbanks where this jurseye like
Speaker 5: but it's a double extra large. No, that's just one
Speaker 5: of our largest The coolest thing about like the or
Speaker 5: the weirdest thing about rugby too, especially in America, is
Speaker 5: not enough people play it to like really field teams
Speaker 5: like that you want. And also no one really has
Speaker 5: like experience in it, and people get hurt. Especially in
Speaker 5: men's league or adults league. You you don't last as long.
Speaker 5: So bodies matter. So people are down to be like, hey,
Speaker 5: I got this this fucking skateboard dude. He's got little
Speaker 5: legs like Elvis, you know, traditionally, but he's tough as
Speaker 5: nails and he's down the clown. Everyone's like sign him up,
Speaker 5: and everyone would like on your team, would like weirdly
Speaker 5: respect you, even though like that is not like how
Speaker 5: you think the alpha system works. What.
Speaker 4: Everyone's just like, we got another body throw it in
Speaker 4: the wall.
Speaker 5: You know. It's just like it's like a draft. We're
Speaker 5: happy to have whoever. So and like you know, they'll
Speaker 5: be like, hey, I've played with like a Mormon and
Speaker 5: Polynesian team from Utah in a tournament where I was like, hey,
Speaker 5: can I get it run in with you guys? They're like, yeah,
Speaker 5: what do you play? I'm like prop but I'm I'm
Speaker 5: out of shape. They're like, great, we'll pull you in
Speaker 5: at the second half. And like playing with like a
Speaker 5: strange team made up of like Mormons and fucking Polynesian Mormons.
Speaker 5: I got people who moved to Utah from different from
Speaker 5: the South Pacific.
Speaker 4: Wow, it was fucking rat as hell.
Speaker 5: And then also you realize like mission work and like,
Speaker 5: oh this is kind of weird, and I don't fully
Speaker 5: understand religion and colonies and all that shit.
Speaker 6: But they're all playing rugby in white button up shirts,
Speaker 6: all right.
Speaker 5: They're name tags causing blood to come out of their passage.
Speaker 2: I have to tell you, guys, actually I had two
Speaker 2: Mormons ring my doorbell a couple of weeks ago. It
Speaker 2: was probably three weeks ago, and it was like at
Speaker 2: eight o'clock at night, so it was pitch black outside
Speaker 2: and the doorbell rings, and I'm like this is scary,
Speaker 2: but let's see what happens. And I opened the door
Speaker 2: and it's two Mormons and they, I think, had met
Speaker 2: the guy that owned the house before I did, so
Speaker 2: they were they were asking for him, like it was like,
Speaker 2: we need to talk to him. He's the guy that
Speaker 2: talks to us. And I was just like no, no,
Speaker 2: And then I almost almost said I was about to
Speaker 2: shut the door, and I almost said, don't do this
Speaker 2: at night. Don't do this, like once the sun goes down,
Speaker 2: it's bad for you, it's bad for me.
Speaker 4: Like we aren't going to answer the door.
Speaker 5: I mean, people aren't going to answer the door, but like,
Speaker 5: you know, my wife will call me and she'd be
Speaker 5: like someone's knocking on the door.
Speaker 4: I'm not home, Like who is it? I'm not looking.
Speaker 4: Then they'll know I'm home, Yes, exactly.
Speaker 2: Then the little thing opens, the light goes through spired.
Speaker 2: I was like what I thought they only could do
Speaker 2: it during sun up?
Speaker 1: Like isn't it called doing service.
Speaker 4: On a mission?
Speaker 5: Moments are sort of anti vampires, right, they have to
Speaker 5: be home before dark.
Speaker 4: And like Oca Cola is there garlic cafe?
Speaker 2: Yeah, They're like, wait, what's in this? Oh?
Speaker 1: No, we're going to multiply. Well, sorry, that's gremlin.
Speaker 5: I was confused though, And BB's kids, they don't die,
Speaker 5: they multiply.
Speaker 2: Oh right?
Speaker 4: Why do I know that?
Speaker 5: Because I have like forty phrases burned in my brain
Speaker 5: that if I hear half of it, I have to
Speaker 5: say the other half. I know why you said multiply.
Speaker 5: I'm like, we don't die. We multiply likes to be said, yeah,
Speaker 5: broke it, and if not, I'll get off with you.
Speaker 5: And then I'll go out to my wife and be like,
Speaker 5: we don't die. We want baby's kids, and she's like,
Speaker 5: what is this from.
Speaker 4: I'm like, help me get it out of my system.
Speaker 2: Do something, Please, do something, react funny, tell me get
Speaker 2: that be happy.
Speaker 4: It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter. I just need it.
Speaker 4: I need a blink, blink If it's okay.
Speaker 2: John Gabris, is there anything you want to talk about
Speaker 2: before we say goodbye? Anything you want to.
Speaker 4: Plug or like, I just weigh in.
Speaker 5: I'm like, insane, global politics, let's stay the funck at
Speaker 5: a crimea And everyone's like, what so uninformed? He moved
Speaker 5: his hands a lot, so I believe him. No, I
Speaker 5: got nothing. I got some I got some podcasts. You
Speaker 5: can find them wherever you get podcasts. High and Mighty
Speaker 5: and Action Boys and one hundred one places The Party
Speaker 5: Before you Die Now on the Max. If you're a
Speaker 5: dinar reader, you know what the Max is.
Speaker 4: Uh, it's not where the Bayside kids hang out.
Speaker 5: Okay, see that's another It's like biting my head the
Speaker 5: whole time. The Max is like, that's the name of
Speaker 5: the you know. You're like, you don't have to tell
Speaker 5: them that, You're just to get.
Speaker 6: It for the credit for the wait, isn't that the
Speaker 6: peach Pit? But then I realize I have the shows confused.
Speaker 1: Of course it was the Max. Of course, John, You're hilarious.
Speaker 2: Here's the best.
Speaker 5: This was a blast you guys rule. I'm such fans
Speaker 5: so this roles.
Speaker 4: This was fun, same.
Speaker 2: Same that went by. Honestly felt like five minutes. I'm
Speaker 2: so excited. That was so easy.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, we have to have you back when we're
Speaker 6: inevitably in a car and we'll give you a ride
Speaker 6: to something.
Speaker 1: Yes, you've been listening to Do you need a ride?
Speaker 4: D Y n A R.
Speaker 1: This has been an exactly right production.
Speaker 2: Produced by Annalise Nelson.
Speaker 1: Mixed by John Bradley.
Speaker 2: Our talent booker is Patrick Cottner.
Speaker 1: Theme song by Karen Colbert.
Speaker 2: Artwork by Chris Fairbanks. Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter,
Speaker 2: and Facebook at dinar podcast That's d y n ar podcast.
Speaker 6: For more information, go to exactly rightmedia dot com.
Speaker 3: Thank you, Oh You're welcome. Hong Kong outra.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we used to do the honk in the car job.
Speaker 1: That's why I have to say it.