WEBVTT - Thanksgiving Bonus: Listener Questions 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:02.400 Holy Human with Leanne Rhymes is a production of I 0:00:02.520 --> 0:00:14.640 Heart Radio. Hey everyone, it is me Lee. Welcome to 0:00:15.240 --> 0:00:20.800 this special episode of Holy Human. It is our Thanksgiving special, 0:00:20.960 --> 0:00:27.320 our gratitude episode. I am so incredibly grateful for this podcast, 0:00:27.360 --> 0:00:30.280 for being able to share in this space with all 0:00:30.320 --> 0:00:33.440 of you, for all of you for tuning in, for 0:00:33.560 --> 0:00:38.680 sharing your heart and soul with me every episode, and yeah, 0:00:38.880 --> 0:00:43.360 just connecting on such a deep, true, honest human level. 0:00:43.640 --> 0:00:47.760 And I'm I'm incredibly incredibly grateful for you, so thank 0:00:47.800 --> 0:00:51.479 you all for being here. And today I thought that 0:00:51.520 --> 0:00:53.760 we would answer some of your questions. You all had 0:00:53.760 --> 0:00:57.840 some fantastic questions you sent in, and I thought we could, 0:00:58.320 --> 0:01:01.080 we could connect a bit more from you to me 0:01:01.200 --> 0:01:03.640 and me to you. So and I also thought I 0:01:03.640 --> 0:01:05.880 would have my dear friend Darryl Brown. I know you've 0:01:05.880 --> 0:01:08.480 heard me speak of him many times. He's usually the 0:01:08.480 --> 0:01:12.680 man behind, behind the a lot of things. Don't bring 0:01:12.720 --> 0:01:17.200 it up. That could sound very bad. I could go 0:01:17.240 --> 0:01:20.120 in many places with that, but no, he's usually the 0:01:20.200 --> 0:01:29.120 man behind me, supporting me, supporting me behind. So we 0:01:29.319 --> 0:01:31.880 thought that, uh, well, I thought I told him. He 0:01:31.920 --> 0:01:33.720 started asking me these questions and I'm like put the 0:01:33.760 --> 0:01:36.160 microphone up to your mouth. I want you to talk. Okay, 0:01:36.280 --> 0:01:39.080 here we go right, Oh my god, So he follows direction. 0:01:39.120 --> 0:01:43.600 Well number one, UM, and I'm glad that you are here, Daryl, 0:01:43.720 --> 0:01:45.800 thank you for joining me today. Well, thank you for 0:01:45.880 --> 0:01:48.600 letting me be here. You know, I love you and 0:01:48.000 --> 0:01:52.400 um and I love this podcast. I listened to it. 0:01:52.440 --> 0:01:54.640 I even record it with you, and I go back 0:01:54.680 --> 0:01:57.680 and re listen to it all the time. So I 0:01:57.680 --> 0:02:01.080 have gratitude and thanks for that too. Thank you. Well, 0:02:01.280 --> 0:02:03.760 we are going to get into some questions now and 0:02:04.040 --> 0:02:07.559 hopefully this will serve you in whatever ways needed. And 0:02:07.640 --> 0:02:12.160 so Darrell, yes, what are questions today? We have some 0:02:12.280 --> 0:02:17.160 questions from some fans and some listeners and podcast subscribers. 0:02:17.200 --> 0:02:18.919 And then we have a few a lot of questions. 0:02:18.960 --> 0:02:23.160 You have question Jim, Yes, I have no answers by 0:02:23.320 --> 0:02:26.480 questions and me to Well. The first one is kind 0:02:26.480 --> 0:02:31.280 of interesting is from Kristen and and she asked any 0:02:31.360 --> 0:02:36.919 tips on giving yourself compassion when you don't feel deserving 0:02:37.000 --> 0:02:40.960 of it. Before we jump to compassion, I think we 0:02:41.040 --> 0:02:44.639 have to start with acceptance. That would be where I 0:02:44.680 --> 0:02:47.839 would begin, And I know acceptance is such a key 0:02:47.919 --> 0:02:52.560 key piece and in healing and in our journey especially. 0:02:52.600 --> 0:02:55.200 I mean, I know from my own experience, unless I 0:02:55.240 --> 0:02:58.400 can accept everything as it is in this moment, there's 0:02:58.440 --> 0:03:02.000 no way to move from this moment forward. So can 0:03:02.080 --> 0:03:06.160 you accept the fact that you don't feel worthy? Can 0:03:06.240 --> 0:03:09.000 you sit in this moment and bring yourself into the 0:03:09.040 --> 0:03:14.680 present moment and accept all that is with full responsibility, 0:03:14.760 --> 0:03:18.040 and then from full responsibility you can begin to move 0:03:18.320 --> 0:03:27.000 into compassion. Wow, that's that's a great answer. Acceptance then compassion, well, 0:03:27.080 --> 0:03:32.240 acceptance and responsibility. So, and the idea of it is 0:03:32.280 --> 0:03:35.160 that if you don't have acceptance first and then take 0:03:35.200 --> 0:03:39.560 the responsibility. Is that what you're saying, Yes, then at 0:03:39.600 --> 0:03:43.520 that point, when you do do those things, you can 0:03:43.760 --> 0:03:46.960 give yourself compassion where it's needed. Yeah, I mean I 0:03:47.000 --> 0:03:51.520 think then you undo the victim card and you begin 0:03:51.760 --> 0:03:55.440 to take responsibility and actually can then begin to shift 0:03:55.560 --> 0:03:58.800 your own reality. That's interesting too, because if you don't 0:03:58.840 --> 0:04:01.960 do that, then you're just kind of putting a save 0:04:02.040 --> 0:04:05.840 on that you're kind of playating your own feelings, and 0:04:05.880 --> 0:04:09.680 then you then it fails. And he said, well, why 0:04:09.680 --> 0:04:14.000 should I give compassion to myself? It doesn't work? Yes? 0:04:14.520 --> 0:04:19.239 Then and then you're still victimized. Then you're still victimized. Right, Wow, great, 0:04:19.400 --> 0:04:22.359 some great tips on self compassion. I love it. Okay, 0:04:22.520 --> 0:04:27.240 let's see what we also we got here, Grandma Ma, oh, 0:04:27.320 --> 0:04:33.120 Grandma Lipstick seven. That in itself is that we need 0:04:33.160 --> 0:04:35.560 to ask you how you got that name. But the 0:04:36.320 --> 0:04:40.960 question for Grandma Lipsticks seven is how did your anxiety 0:04:42.000 --> 0:04:47.640 and depression affect your relationships with loved ones? I can 0:04:47.680 --> 0:04:54.240 answer that maybe I don't want you to do. Is 0:04:54.279 --> 0:04:57.359 this part of your own responsibility to back to understanding 0:04:57.440 --> 0:05:00.000 that I don't know where I want to go with this. Well, 0:05:00.080 --> 0:05:03.400 I know my feelings is that we're all connected each other, 0:05:03.600 --> 0:05:06.640 and the closer we are, like, how's closest I am, 0:05:06.680 --> 0:05:09.680 and Roger so you and some of the other friends 0:05:09.760 --> 0:05:12.440 we can name. And it's like that old thing said, 0:05:12.640 --> 0:05:17.000 when you feel bad, I feel bad. It's when you 0:05:17.080 --> 0:05:20.920 are drowning and we see you drowning all those years 0:05:20.920 --> 0:05:25.560 ago and you're telling us you're not drowning. Yeah. Well, 0:05:25.600 --> 0:05:30.080 that's probably the hardest time that we would have releasing 0:05:30.200 --> 0:05:35.240 ourselves for thinking that we could fix something and trusting 0:05:36.560 --> 0:05:42.039 higher power and maybe a little bit of self preservation. 0:05:42.160 --> 0:05:46.200 That's still there and that's someone, aren't you that you'll 0:05:46.279 --> 0:05:48.479 rise up and then we're healthy enough to be able 0:05:48.520 --> 0:05:52.760 to help if needed. Does that make sense? Yeah? I 0:05:52.800 --> 0:05:54.800 mean you can lead a horse to water, but you 0:05:54.800 --> 0:05:59.240 can't make them drink. You could bathe them though, So 0:05:59.400 --> 0:06:01.800 like in other words, how did how did your anxiety 0:06:01.800 --> 0:06:07.520 and depression in your viewpoint now looking back affect your 0:06:07.520 --> 0:06:11.520 relationships with your loved ones? To be really honest, it 0:06:11.560 --> 0:06:15.960 makes people for me, for my my experience, it's made 0:06:16.680 --> 0:06:19.279 all of us get more honest and made me have 0:06:19.520 --> 0:06:23.960 to connect with people on a deeper level. And it 0:06:24.040 --> 0:06:26.479 also pushed people to connect with me on a deeper level. 0:06:26.960 --> 0:06:28.800 I've kind of been one to always rock the boat. 0:06:30.279 --> 0:06:33.240 I think that's part of my gift, and that's part 0:06:33.279 --> 0:06:36.800 of the gift of what I went through. We all 0:06:36.839 --> 0:06:41.440 had to have harder conversations. We all had to grow. Yeah, 0:06:41.560 --> 0:06:43.599 we all had to grow, and we grew closer it. 0:06:43.680 --> 0:06:47.479 We could have repelled away from it. Yeah, I expected 0:06:47.480 --> 0:06:50.360 people to repel. I think I almost tried to make 0:06:50.400 --> 0:06:55.800 them just to prove myself right. My my one of 0:06:55.920 --> 0:06:58.240 my great therapist, I don't even know if I call 0:06:58.279 --> 0:06:59.600 him a therapist. I don't even know what he is, 0:06:59.640 --> 0:07:02.720 but he's read always says, do you want to be right? 0:07:02.839 --> 0:07:04.719 Or do you want to be well? Do you want 0:07:04.760 --> 0:07:06.280 to be right? Do you want to be right? Or 0:07:06.320 --> 0:07:07.800 do you want to be well? Like do I want 0:07:07.839 --> 0:07:12.160 to unconsciously my subconscious, my subconscious is trying to prove 0:07:12.160 --> 0:07:14.240 me right at old times. So do I want to 0:07:14.240 --> 0:07:16.120 be right that people are always going to leave me 0:07:16.200 --> 0:07:19.200 and I'm too much for people? Or do I want 0:07:19.240 --> 0:07:23.080 to be well? And I think I was very fortunate 0:07:23.200 --> 0:07:26.640 enough to have people around me that did love me, 0:07:26.800 --> 0:07:31.680 like truly loved me in the unconditional sense, and I 0:07:31.720 --> 0:07:34.720 have not had that in my life. And so I 0:07:34.760 --> 0:07:39.920 got to push every button, try and try to rebel everyone, 0:07:40.800 --> 0:07:44.480 and I got a completely different outcome. It took me 0:07:44.520 --> 0:07:47.120 a long time to recognize that that outcome was different 0:07:47.720 --> 0:07:50.480 still to this date, but very rarely. I mean, it's 0:07:50.520 --> 0:07:54.360 it's still there, but it's it's much more rare expected 0:07:54.440 --> 0:07:57.560 to still happen. That was a really deep groove for me, 0:07:58.400 --> 0:08:01.800 that expectation, and so that groove is still there, but 0:08:01.880 --> 0:08:04.800 it's very it's it's not as deep. I like that 0:08:04.840 --> 0:08:08.080 you say it was a gift. It's a really beautiful 0:08:08.080 --> 0:08:11.160 thing for you to say that, because Rod always talks 0:08:11.160 --> 0:08:13.559 about in the systemic way of things, it's like getting 0:08:13.560 --> 0:08:18.680 the whole system healthy. So if anything happen, and we've 0:08:18.680 --> 0:08:21.120 talked about this with certain people in your lives and 0:08:21.160 --> 0:08:25.560 our lives, once you got into the well trained on 0:08:25.600 --> 0:08:30.120 the health train, and you chose that chosen well, people 0:08:30.160 --> 0:08:32.840 had to get on or stay on the well trained 0:08:32.880 --> 0:08:36.240 or that health train as well. If not, you were 0:08:36.320 --> 0:08:39.600 leaving the station to it to a to a higher 0:08:39.600 --> 0:08:42.640 place or to a better place for yourself. People couldn't 0:08:42.840 --> 0:08:46.080 keep their ship and travel long when you're in the 0:08:46.160 --> 0:08:49.840 process of embracing errors and moving to a more expanded 0:08:49.920 --> 0:08:52.480 version of yourself, right, Yeah, And I think that's one 0:08:52.480 --> 0:08:54.840 of the scariest pieces of the journey, and it's also 0:08:54.880 --> 0:08:58.120 one of the scariest pieces of relationship within the healing journey, 0:08:58.240 --> 0:09:02.280 is that I've felt like I can't go too far, 0:09:02.760 --> 0:09:05.160 I can't be too healthy. I mean, this is an 0:09:05.200 --> 0:09:07.200 old it's an old belief. It's still it's a belief. 0:09:07.240 --> 0:09:10.280 Like I said that, it's a deep groove um because 0:09:10.280 --> 0:09:13.560 in the past, when I have changed, people have fallen away, 0:09:13.600 --> 0:09:16.440 and so I I've had to understand that my love 0:09:16.480 --> 0:09:19.719 for myself is priority, and if that happens, then that 0:09:19.880 --> 0:09:22.800 is going back to acceptance. That is I have to 0:09:22.880 --> 0:09:25.600 accept that. I don't have to. I mean, I can 0:09:25.679 --> 0:09:28.320 fight it and be in pain, but ultimately I have 0:09:28.400 --> 0:09:30.880 to accept that and know that my my expansion is 0:09:30.880 --> 0:09:34.559 my highest priority. And that's really hard. I think it's 0:09:34.679 --> 0:09:39.000 so challenging because we love people so much, or sometimes 0:09:39.040 --> 0:09:41.520 it's not love, sometimes it's more of addiction, but it's 0:09:42.559 --> 0:09:45.960 there is you know, there is true love in some situations, 0:09:46.000 --> 0:09:50.760 and that can't still coexist within the health and the 0:09:50.760 --> 0:09:53.679 new journey of the new version of you. That's one 0:09:53.720 --> 0:09:55.960 of it's one of the most challenging things still for 0:09:56.000 --> 0:09:58.480 me is to think that this is what comes up 0:09:58.520 --> 0:10:01.360 for me. My health could destroy but in the unhealth 0:10:01.400 --> 0:10:05.079 it's only destroying me. But that also answers Brady's question, 0:10:05.360 --> 0:10:08.960 do you know how much you inspire people's own spiritual growth? 0:10:09.280 --> 0:10:11.920 You kind of just answer that in some ways and 0:10:12.400 --> 0:10:16.640 for us it's very natural when you see so when 0:10:16.640 --> 0:10:21.280 you love rise up that it inspires you to take 0:10:21.400 --> 0:10:24.480 your own inventory of yourself and rise up as well. 0:10:24.800 --> 0:10:28.560 It also scaves a ship out of people. Yeah, in 0:10:28.600 --> 0:10:32.079 a good way, in a good way always, but sometimes 0:10:32.080 --> 0:10:34.559 our egos like I won't be met in that place. 0:10:35.000 --> 0:10:36.720 I can be very low, it can be very lonely. 0:10:36.800 --> 0:10:39.160 Maybe Brady's questions should have been, do you know how 0:10:39.240 --> 0:10:42.840 much you scare the ship out of your spiritual growth? Yes? 0:10:42.920 --> 0:10:46.520 I do that, I know. Trust me. I've had a 0:10:46.559 --> 0:10:50.080 deer in the headlights for many people Like what, Yeah, no, 0:10:50.240 --> 0:10:53.400 I do. I'm aware of it, and I actually I'm 0:10:53.440 --> 0:10:55.160 aware of it and I'm not aware of it at 0:10:55.200 --> 0:10:56.840 the same time, like it is a piece of my 0:10:56.920 --> 0:11:01.880 journey challenging people and also helping people feel into places 0:11:01.880 --> 0:11:04.800 where they don't normally feel into. Well, you've been inspired 0:11:04.840 --> 0:11:08.240 by others help too, so you just really, I mean 0:11:08.559 --> 0:11:11.559 all the books you've read, all the classes, all the 0:11:11.600 --> 0:11:16.199 workshops you've done, have is taken that inspiration that those 0:11:16.240 --> 0:11:19.400 people's journeys have given to you. You've absorbed it. And 0:11:19.480 --> 0:11:22.760 obviously the podcasts and you're sharing these things in other 0:11:22.760 --> 0:11:26.240 ways on your music sic and podcast it is supposed 0:11:26.280 --> 0:11:28.880 to help pass it off. Yeah. Absolutely, it's now a 0:11:28.920 --> 0:11:30.760 conscious choice. Like I said, I'm not aware of the 0:11:30.800 --> 0:11:33.320 depths of it sometimes because I'm not living I'm not 0:11:33.360 --> 0:11:35.320 in people's lives all the time, but it is a 0:11:35.320 --> 0:11:40.720 conscious choice in order to help people expand and through 0:11:40.760 --> 0:11:43.240 my own expansion. You know, we're all the teacher and 0:11:43.280 --> 0:11:46.800 the student, and so it's not a manipulation of helping 0:11:46.920 --> 0:11:49.520 trying to help people's spiritual growth. It is like it's 0:11:49.520 --> 0:11:55.520 a legit co creation of sorts of of co um curiosity, 0:11:55.880 --> 0:11:59.240 but people could. People have to get out of it 0:11:59.600 --> 0:12:02.080 what they can get out of it where they are, 0:12:02.920 --> 0:12:05.400 and then later you come back and you get more. 0:12:05.840 --> 0:12:08.120 That's like me watching Dirty Dancing when I was six, 0:12:08.840 --> 0:12:10.680 and I didn't realize what I was watching until I 0:12:10.679 --> 0:12:12.480 got older, and then I realized what I was watching, 0:12:13.120 --> 0:12:16.680 or singing a song like blue and not knowing. Yeah, 0:12:16.720 --> 0:12:21.439 my Dirty Dancing reference is way funny. You don't know, 0:12:21.880 --> 0:12:23.720 you don't know what. You don't know until you know it, 0:12:23.960 --> 0:12:26.440 you know it. I want to help people expand and learn, 0:12:26.600 --> 0:12:30.160 and it's only through my own journey that I'm able. 0:12:30.360 --> 0:12:33.160 I feel like I'm able to do that. I love it. 0:12:33.240 --> 0:12:53.080 I think it's great. Okay, this is a really cool 0:12:53.200 --> 0:12:56.640 question and it scared me when I just read it. Okay, 0:12:57.000 --> 0:13:01.640 Jill mc kervick. Jill asked first she says, I love 0:13:01.679 --> 0:13:05.160 everything about you. That's lovely, child. I'll tell you a 0:13:05.200 --> 0:13:09.640 few things later. She might love those two, but her 0:13:09.720 --> 0:13:14.360 question is, will you ever do a podcast on the 0:13:14.440 --> 0:13:19.440 father wound? I haven't done much research on that. Um. 0:13:19.480 --> 0:13:22.960 I've done plenty of therapy on it, um, but I 0:13:23.040 --> 0:13:27.600 have never really dug into if someone actually has taught 0:13:27.880 --> 0:13:31.000 the quote unquote father wound. The mother wound was newer 0:13:31.040 --> 0:13:34.240 to me because I always felt like my some of 0:13:34.280 --> 0:13:40.120 my mother wounding was daddy issues, daddy wounding. But I 0:13:40.160 --> 0:13:43.800 recognize now that a lot of it because of you know, 0:13:44.040 --> 0:13:48.400 our attachment to mother, to parental figure, to life. I mean, 0:13:48.480 --> 0:13:52.560 mother is life. Our attachment to mother is the most potent. 0:13:53.320 --> 0:13:56.480 My beautiful therapist is not a therapist once again, always 0:13:56.520 --> 0:14:00.760 says who chooses daddy mommy? So it all leads back 0:14:00.920 --> 0:14:06.360 to mommy ultimately, even daddy's choices, even daddy and yes, 0:14:06.520 --> 0:14:12.120 his his uh influence, all ultimately leads back to mommy 0:14:12.160 --> 0:14:16.640 because mommy chose daddy. I definitely would love to have 0:14:16.679 --> 0:14:19.040 that conversation. There's plenty to have there, I just I 0:14:19.080 --> 0:14:21.760 haven't done my own research down that path. Would be 0:14:21.760 --> 0:14:24.080 a good thing for season three we should look at. Yeah, 0:14:24.080 --> 0:14:30.320 for sure. Absolutely. Speaking of seasons on season two, this 0:14:30.400 --> 0:14:34.080 is a hard question, Danielle Um, who is your favorite 0:14:34.160 --> 0:14:37.560 guest this season? Which is cruel to ask anybody. Yeah, 0:14:37.600 --> 0:14:39.680 I can't choose that. That's like, let me ask you 0:14:39.720 --> 0:14:42.560 a different thing right now, just off the spur the 0:14:42.560 --> 0:14:45.280 top of head. Is there any kind of favorite experience 0:14:45.320 --> 0:14:48.240 you had on the podcast this last year that might 0:14:48.520 --> 0:14:52.479 rise up for you. Some of the most potent information 0:14:52.560 --> 0:14:54.960 that I received was from the Mother Wound, was from 0:14:55.000 --> 0:14:58.360 Bethany Webster. There's things I still use. I mean, I 0:14:58.480 --> 0:15:00.480 use all of it like it's all in fluenced me 0:15:00.520 --> 0:15:02.840 in some way, shape or form. But I think the 0:15:02.880 --> 0:15:06.840 Mother Wound is is some that I'm still still researching 0:15:06.880 --> 0:15:09.680 and exploring on my own. You know. I still use 0:15:09.760 --> 0:15:13.480 things from Ethan cross of you know, the chatter, the 0:15:13.800 --> 0:15:15.880 way I speak to myself in my mind, the way 0:15:15.920 --> 0:15:19.120 I put myself up with myself talk. I still use 0:15:19.160 --> 0:15:23.000 a lot from Dr jeff Brewer um on with anxiety 0:15:23.160 --> 0:15:28.080 and my habitual patterns. There's so much, honestly that I have. 0:15:28.960 --> 0:15:32.040 Jeffrey marsh affected me as too, and yet Jeffrey on 0:15:32.120 --> 0:15:36.480 as well. Yeah, No, Jeffrey's beautiful. Absolutely, Um, I still 0:15:36.520 --> 0:15:41.360 talk to them and I love them to death. Leads 0:15:41.360 --> 0:15:44.880 back to your acceptance thing, about the acceptance place of 0:15:44.960 --> 0:15:47.840 who and where you are at this moment and the 0:15:47.960 --> 0:15:51.760 love thing. Adding compassion, Jeffrey brought a lot of compassion 0:15:51.800 --> 0:15:54.200 to the show. Yeah, Jeffrey does bring a lot of compassion, 0:15:54.480 --> 0:15:56.720 almost to the point where it's painful, Like you don't 0:15:56.760 --> 0:15:59.800 even know how to give yourself that much compassion. It's 0:15:59.840 --> 0:16:03.400 a thing that I'm still learning for myself. Yeah, every 0:16:03.480 --> 0:16:07.640 every single person I've had on has been incredibly inspiring 0:16:07.920 --> 0:16:12.240 and an influential in and a piece of my my journey. Hey, 0:16:12.600 --> 0:16:16.120 so after two seasons, the first episode goes on fear 0:16:16.560 --> 0:16:19.640 and how terrified creating the podcast had made you. Have 0:16:19.760 --> 0:16:25.320 things changed? No, are you still as afraid really at times? Yeah, 0:16:25.480 --> 0:16:27.760 explained that what is that fear? Well, I mean things 0:16:27.760 --> 0:16:32.520 have definitely changed after two seasons. Like, I'm not as 0:16:33.360 --> 0:16:36.880 have you expanded or oh I've expanded and evolved. I'm 0:16:36.920 --> 0:16:41.880 not as like traumatized before I go into a podcast, 0:16:42.520 --> 0:16:49.160 um and apprehensive, but I'm still Yeah, I as actually 0:16:49.240 --> 0:16:54.080 noticing this. Last night I had a show, Um in Arizona, 0:16:54.360 --> 0:16:57.240 and coming off of a year and a half being 0:16:57.280 --> 0:17:02.640 off the road, I was terrified like going back into shows. 0:17:02.760 --> 0:17:06.159 And then I started, you know, working on my voice 0:17:06.240 --> 0:17:08.920 and feeling really good and like feeling really really free. 0:17:08.960 --> 0:17:10.919 And then I had like almost a month off and 0:17:10.960 --> 0:17:14.479 then I literally had a full on fucking panic attack 0:17:14.880 --> 0:17:18.920 for like three hours yesterday morning. And I think it's 0:17:19.000 --> 0:17:21.520 I don't I really don't know what has changed. I 0:17:21.560 --> 0:17:25.080 think it's maybe because I'm so I just came out 0:17:25.080 --> 0:17:28.520 of having such a deep fear about it that it's 0:17:28.520 --> 0:17:31.199 not like solidified the other piece of it for me again. 0:17:31.800 --> 0:17:34.200 But the same thing happens with the podcast. We'll go 0:17:34.320 --> 0:17:36.200 and we'll do twelve episodes and I'm like by the 0:17:36.240 --> 0:17:39.160 last one, I'm like, this is easy. And then we're 0:17:39.200 --> 0:17:41.760 off for six, seven, eight weeks and then all of 0:17:41.800 --> 0:17:43.760 a sudden, I'm like, oh, ship, we have to start 0:17:44.960 --> 0:17:47.240 my next podcast and do I ever remember how to 0:17:47.280 --> 0:17:50.760 do this? And like all the things like start to 0:17:50.760 --> 0:17:54.240 come back in my head. But no, Well it's human, 0:17:54.280 --> 0:17:57.040 but I think it also serves a purpose. Like for me, 0:17:57.680 --> 0:18:01.520 my old way of being has been that is an 0:18:01.560 --> 0:18:04.919 habitual pattern for me of like that's almost like the 0:18:04.960 --> 0:18:08.920 way I pumped myself up in some weird, fucked up way, 0:18:09.280 --> 0:18:13.720 Like that's what I can have to go into what 0:18:13.840 --> 0:18:16.800 I think is love. It's the way I think I'm 0:18:16.800 --> 0:18:19.439 protecting myself. My mother was like that. My mother was 0:18:19.480 --> 0:18:23.560 always a warrior. And so before my cognitive years, um, 0:18:23.600 --> 0:18:29.480 before I can understand what love is, which by the 0:18:29.520 --> 0:18:31.760 time I can understand that, I'm programmed to think it's 0:18:31.800 --> 0:18:38.240 something else. I think that worrying is loving myself. So 0:18:38.520 --> 0:18:42.480 I think that if I can worry enough about what's 0:18:42.480 --> 0:18:46.240 going to happen in the future, I'll protect myself against 0:18:47.119 --> 0:18:51.480 judgment and ridicule and whatever else may come at me failure. 0:18:51.800 --> 0:18:55.440 So I think that that's love. So I've literally talked 0:18:55.480 --> 0:19:00.240 about habitual patterning. I've had to. I'm starting to realize, oh, 0:19:00.680 --> 0:19:04.800 that's just a pattern. It's not something that I have 0:19:04.960 --> 0:19:07.400 to continue to live with. But it's such a deep 0:19:07.440 --> 0:19:11.360 groove again that it takes some time. But I'm aware 0:19:11.440 --> 0:19:14.159 that that's a pattern. Like there's nothing that's going to 0:19:14.280 --> 0:19:18.200 protect me from anything. That's not protecting me, it's only 0:19:18.240 --> 0:19:22.040 hurting me ultimately. So I've yes, So I guess I 0:19:22.080 --> 0:19:25.360 have changed, but that patterning is still there. I'm just 0:19:25.440 --> 0:19:28.600 handling it a bit different. It kind of started answering 0:19:28.640 --> 0:19:30.760 this too, is it has it? Has it been like 0:19:30.880 --> 0:19:34.439 we're challenging to be so open and vulnerable when sharing 0:19:34.480 --> 0:19:38.560 your stories during this season or the last season. How 0:19:38.640 --> 0:19:41.040 challenging is it for you to be open and vulnerable 0:19:41.080 --> 0:19:43.359 like this. It's not challenging at all for me to 0:19:43.400 --> 0:19:47.080 be open and vulnerable. Actually it feels enlivening, isn't it. Yeah, 0:19:47.119 --> 0:19:50.479 it does feel enlivening. I've been really digging into this 0:19:50.560 --> 0:19:55.600 for myself around secrecy and why being open and vulnerable 0:19:55.640 --> 0:19:58.679 feels so enlivening. And I do think it was, you know, 0:19:58.720 --> 0:20:01.320 going back to parents. No, not in blame at all, 0:20:01.400 --> 0:20:04.359 but for just awareness. Is that I really I felt 0:20:04.400 --> 0:20:06.000 like I had to hide a lot of things for 0:20:06.080 --> 0:20:09.600 my parents, like whether or not it was the fact 0:20:09.600 --> 0:20:11.680 that we didn't have a lot of money and we wanted, 0:20:11.920 --> 0:20:16.520 you know, we wanted to project a certain ideal, or 0:20:16.600 --> 0:20:18.520 that there was abuse in the house, or that my 0:20:18.560 --> 0:20:21.800 parents weren't happy like whatever it was, I always had 0:20:21.840 --> 0:20:26.080 to hide something for them. And so I think it 0:20:26.200 --> 0:20:30.280 taught me that I have to have these two worlds. 0:20:30.320 --> 0:20:32.720 I mean, even and then of course, like that group 0:20:32.760 --> 0:20:36.160 got even deeper when I had to become quote unquotely 0:20:36.200 --> 0:20:38.280 in rhymes and I had to have this like side 0:20:38.280 --> 0:20:40.639 of me that no one knew, and then I had 0:20:40.680 --> 0:20:46.040 to project this other worldly kind of persona onto, you know, 0:20:46.160 --> 0:20:48.520 into the world. That would be your hurdle, that that 0:20:48.600 --> 0:20:52.240 you had to chump you jumping over. Yeah, I mean, 0:20:52.280 --> 0:20:54.760 I think are all of our hurdles is that. I 0:20:54.760 --> 0:20:58.960 mean that mine just like multiplied because it was. Yeah, 0:20:59.000 --> 0:21:01.240 but all of our hurdles those you know, to actually 0:21:01.280 --> 0:21:05.360 like it past the mask. But I think that's why 0:21:05.440 --> 0:21:09.720 I enjoy this so much, is that there's no wall, Like, 0:21:09.800 --> 0:21:12.480 there's no I do get to be really honest like that. 0:21:12.520 --> 0:21:15.320 I created the space for myself to be able to 0:21:15.359 --> 0:21:21.000 do that. Yeah, yeah, in spite of how I felt. 0:21:21.160 --> 0:21:23.680 So that's how powerful we are. But I know from 0:21:23.680 --> 0:21:27.160 my own self, like I know, there's a higher piece 0:21:27.200 --> 0:21:29.760 of me that creates these kind of places for me 0:21:30.280 --> 0:21:32.719 to come and share my truth. And there's also that 0:21:32.840 --> 0:21:36.080 higher piece is also in my subconscious. So like my 0:21:36.160 --> 0:21:39.560 subconscious and the ego that we think is all the darker, 0:21:39.640 --> 0:21:42.800 shadowy stuff is also the place that holds the greatness 0:21:42.840 --> 0:21:45.679 in us that will create the space for me, Like 0:21:45.760 --> 0:21:49.960 I created this space almost unconsciously, and not until hindsight 0:21:50.040 --> 0:21:51.760 was I able to look back and go, oh, that 0:21:51.840 --> 0:21:54.480 was really me creating a space for me to be 0:21:54.560 --> 0:21:57.920 able to to be so open and honest. But there's 0:21:57.920 --> 0:22:01.080 so much of my shadow, the darker side quote unquote 0:22:01.440 --> 0:22:03.680 that is tied into that too. They both come from 0:22:03.680 --> 0:22:06.720 the same place, so it is kind of fascinating when 0:22:06.720 --> 0:22:09.560 you start to recognize that weakness and strength. They're so 0:22:09.640 --> 0:22:13.760 interesting where they're from the same place. City Genesis asked 0:22:14.200 --> 0:22:18.720 what is your favorite wellness topic to discuss? Narcissism? And 0:22:18.800 --> 0:22:28.040 I'm just kidding, Okay, you me, me, me, what's your 0:22:28.080 --> 0:22:34.160 favorite wellness topic to discuss? Actually, I find I find 0:22:34.160 --> 0:22:38.000 the subconscious fascinating, like you know, the fact that I 0:22:38.440 --> 0:22:41.080 we are like what I just said, Like that the 0:22:41.119 --> 0:22:45.280 subconscious is so powerful and it holds our shadow and 0:22:45.359 --> 0:22:48.719 it holds our light, like it holds both things. I 0:22:48.760 --> 0:22:52.399 find it. I find that truly, truly fascinating. Okay, this 0:22:52.440 --> 0:22:55.480 is it's a really simple question with a big answer. 0:22:56.920 --> 0:23:00.600 What has been the biggest takeaway for you personally from 0:23:00.880 --> 0:23:03.880 all of the guests so far? The fact that I'm 0:23:03.920 --> 0:23:07.040 still doing this on three. Season three, We're going into 0:23:07.080 --> 0:23:09.879 season three and like I'm still I'm still here and 0:23:10.000 --> 0:23:13.800 learning and being I'm willing to be this vulnerable and 0:23:14.119 --> 0:23:18.200 I'm really conquering a massive fear for myself and showing 0:23:18.280 --> 0:23:21.280 up every time to do so. I actually started doing 0:23:21.800 --> 0:23:27.199 ice baths um, which are have multiple fantastic benefits for 0:23:27.200 --> 0:23:31.480 the body of reducing inflammation and better sleep and um 0:23:31.520 --> 0:23:35.480 elevated mood, like so many different things. So I decided 0:23:35.520 --> 0:23:38.280 I wanted to try this, and I know that it 0:23:38.280 --> 0:23:43.359 has taken a certain level of clarity and healing for 0:23:43.400 --> 0:23:48.080 me to actually be able to consciously choose this torture 0:23:49.240 --> 0:23:52.359 is how describe it. It feels like torture UM. And 0:23:52.400 --> 0:23:56.119 I'm terrified of I'm terrified of cold, and the level 0:23:56.160 --> 0:23:58.119 of terror that the ice bath brought up at me 0:23:58.160 --> 0:24:03.440 when I experienced it was so intense. And I've only 0:24:03.480 --> 0:24:06.560 done a full submersion ice bath once, but I have 0:24:06.640 --> 0:24:10.399 continued to do my limbs, my feet, and my hands 0:24:10.440 --> 0:24:12.400 because our feet in our hands are the most sensitive, 0:24:12.920 --> 0:24:17.680 and so I'm working up to doing a completely full 0:24:17.920 --> 0:24:21.199 submersion again. I would like to, and I started to 0:24:21.320 --> 0:24:23.600 enjoy it. That's what I was getting at as I've 0:24:23.600 --> 0:24:27.600 actually started to enjoy the whole process of like knowing 0:24:27.640 --> 0:24:30.400 that each time I'm doing it, I'm conquering a new 0:24:30.520 --> 0:24:33.840 like level of fear, Like I'm peeling back another layer 0:24:33.880 --> 0:24:37.320