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Speaker 1: This is John.

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Speaker 2: This is the m mmm okay Storytime podcast hosts, and

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Speaker 2: we have some.

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Speaker 1: Good story is coming up for you. That's right.

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Speaker 2: But before that, we have a little more sol of

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Speaker 2: a two minute ad break from the sponsors, keeping the

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Speaker 2: show delicious.

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Speaker 1: Hmmm.

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Speaker 2: My boyfriend is obsessed with his hobby. His entire life

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Speaker 2: revolves around him. Is it Babe Blades? Is it Pokemon?

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Speaker 2: What's it gonna be? My boyfriend is obsessed with climbing

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Speaker 2: slash bouldering. He plans almost his entire life around it.

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Speaker 2: He's very good at it, and he's even become semi sponsored.

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Speaker 2: He gets discounted gear through sponsorships, not money. By the way,

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Speaker 2: this comes from user Mulco and if you want to

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Speaker 2: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

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Speaker 2: Storytime Suburdy. We met through climbing about four years ago

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Speaker 2: when we were both already in relationships and became friends.

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Speaker 2: While I've known him, he has become more and more

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Speaker 2: committed to the lifestyle. He sold his car to fund

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Speaker 2: a climbing trip. He was halfway through an engineering degree

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Speaker 2: and dropped out out because it was getting in the

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Speaker 2: way of competition. His other real life friends have all

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Speaker 2: moved on in various ways, so most of his friends

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Speaker 2: are just as obsessed with climbing as he is. He

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Speaker 2: still had other hobbies and a stable income until we

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Speaker 2: had relocated. I worked for the government whoo, and was

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Speaker 2: offered a promotion if I moved out west.

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Speaker 1: My boyfriend was thrilled and really supportive.

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Speaker 2: Because of how many rock climbing spots are out there,

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Speaker 2: we decided to take the risk, except the position and

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Speaker 2: move in together. The new position required a lot of changes.

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Speaker 2: I'm on call most weekends, so my days of super

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Speaker 2: competitive climbing are cut back. I get hair tested, so

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Speaker 2: no more fun substance times. Some days I have to

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Speaker 2: travel to different work sites, so I won't get home

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Speaker 2: until after midnight. Overall, the job has been great though.

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Speaker 2: It's laid back and fun, and the benefits are phenomenal.

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Speaker 2: I'm really happy that I made the jump. However, my

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Speaker 2: boyfriend has gone the total opposite. Back home, he had

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Speaker 2: a forty hour a week job with benefits. Out here,

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Speaker 2: one of his climbing buddies got him a job at

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Speaker 2: a sandwich shop, working the lunch shift. He explained it

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Speaker 2: would be temporary while he searched for something better. Well

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Speaker 2: six months later, he's still there with no interest in leaving.

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Speaker 2: In his defense, he lives the absolute bare bones lifestyle,

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Speaker 2: no car, no insurance, and minimum possessions. He can get

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Speaker 2: by on very little, which is financially responsible for his income,

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Speaker 2: but he also has no saving. Any extra money goes

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Speaker 2: towards climbing gear, granola, and travel money like gas flights

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Speaker 2: and bus tickets.

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Speaker 1: To attend competitions.

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Speaker 2: Don't get me wrong, I am still a competitive climber

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Speaker 2: and do well at it, but I really just want

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Speaker 2: to have fun and meet people. My boyfriend used to

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Speaker 2: be pretty relaxed about it as well, but since the

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Speaker 2: bar is so much higher out here, he's thrown himself

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Speaker 2: into getting better. The other climbing bros love it, and

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Speaker 2: they all feed off of one another. And let me

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Speaker 2: just say, most of those guys suck. They are almost

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Speaker 2: all single, one wears a wedding band with climbing inscribed

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Speaker 2: on it, Broke and shameless like musicians, but less cool.

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Speaker 2: The last time I hung out with all of them,

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Speaker 2: one of the guys told me I should buy drinks

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Speaker 2: since I make the big money. When he's not climbing

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Speaker 2: with the dudes, he's watching the same climbing videos online,

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Speaker 2: reading climbing forums, researching new gear, or can pu pulsively

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Speaker 2: checking scores on climbing results.

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Speaker 1: I feel like all we ever talk about or.

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Speaker 2: Do anymore is climbing related, and I'm getting so frustrated.

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Speaker 2: I've talked about making plans to do other things, but

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Speaker 2: he won't commit because he's waiting to hear about climbing.

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Speaker 1: No car means you're tied to the guy driving out.

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Speaker 2: I even tried to plan a trip to New York

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Speaker 2: City for his birthday, but he says he doesn't know

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Speaker 2: if he can go until he figures out whether he

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Speaker 2: has enough points to attend a world level climbing competition

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Speaker 2: in August.

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Speaker 1: And then I got pregnant.

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Speaker 2: He is supportive in small ways, but is reluctant to

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Speaker 2: cancel a climbing date to go to the gestational ultrasound.

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Speaker 2: When we talk about options, he says he doesn't think

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Speaker 2: we're in the right place. I've never given much thought

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Speaker 2: to having children, but feel this little heartache at his answer.

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Speaker 2: He thinks I'd be a great mom. He wants to

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Speaker 2: have kids someday, just not now. And then I lost it.

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Speaker 2: He's moved on but I'm still pretty sad about it.

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Speaker 1: Reddit. I want to talk to him about all of

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Speaker 1: these feeling we are really growing apart. While I still

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Speaker 1: find him attractive, I don't want to have spicy sleep anymore.

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Speaker 1: I'm afraid I'll become pregnant again, and since nothing in

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Speaker 1: his situation is changing, he'll still choose climbing. He's become

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Speaker 1: the people that we used to joke about, people.

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Speaker 2: Who live in a van or a tent at the

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Speaker 2: prime climbing spots to eat, sleep, and breathe climbing. On

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Speaker 2: one hand, I'm glad he's happy out here, but on

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Speaker 2: the other I've found myself having a harder time relating

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Speaker 2: to him. It feels like something we used to have

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Speaker 2: in common has become really divisive. My parents are furious,

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Speaker 2: as he spoke to them before we left about being

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Speaker 2: committed to building a future together, and they don't understand

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Speaker 2: why he's backsliding.

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Speaker 1: For that matter, I don't either.

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Speaker 2: I told him last month that I didn't want to

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Speaker 2: hurt his feelings, but I thought his lifestyle was pretty disappointing.

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Speaker 2: He said he would look for different work, but hasn't

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Speaker 2: even tried. In the climbing quote, mansion, which is an

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Speaker 2: old house with six climbing dudes living in it near us,

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Speaker 2: a room is opening up. I'm seriously considering asking him

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Speaker 2: to move out and live with his buddies. However, the

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Speaker 2: other night he told me he was really happy with

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Speaker 2: us and wanted to discuss the future.

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Speaker 1: I'm so confused.

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Speaker 2: I love him and want to support him, but his

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Speaker 2: lack of ambition is such a huge turnoff. How can

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Speaker 2: he even bring up the future? The only goals he

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Speaker 2: has are all centered or around some crazy sport that

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Speaker 2: could easily end if he hurt himself. How do I

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Speaker 2: talk to him about this without hitting below the belt?

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Speaker 2: I want to do it soon because he asked one

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Speaker 2: of my close friends about ring shopping. Oh wow, good

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Speaker 2: sweet lord. I don't want to get engaged right now. Help,

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Speaker 2: there's an update. I didn't think people would care that

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Speaker 2: much about an update, but I keep getting private messages

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Speaker 2: asking what happened.

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Speaker 1: I've gotten more messages than responses on my post.

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Speaker 2: Apparently a lot of us have dated climbers for the

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Speaker 2: sake of ending the story. Here's how things went after

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Speaker 2: our post or it could slow down a lot, and

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Speaker 2: while I was still putting in overtime here and there.

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Speaker 2: I wasn't really traveling to work sites. We were spending

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Speaker 2: more time together, and I felt like one night in

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Speaker 2: particular was a good time to bring up the subject.

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Speaker 2: The conversation went okay. I told him I was frustrated

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Speaker 2: that he keeps talking about finding a new job but

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Speaker 2: never follows through. I brought him two different work flyers

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Speaker 2: that I thought would be right up his alley. One

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Speaker 2: was for climbing up cellular reception towers. Come on, even,

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Speaker 2: I think that sounds intriguing and they pay really well, yeah,

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Speaker 2: it's super dangerousangerous. And the other was for an engineering assistant.

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Speaker 2: He basically said that he knows there's no future at

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Speaker 2: his current work, but it pays enough for him to

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Speaker 2: get by and he's having fun.

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Speaker 1: Oh.

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Speaker 2: I told him I understood, but I was thinking that

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Speaker 2: maybe we should stop living together. This turned into an

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Speaker 2: argument about chores, money, and the big one what we wanted.

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Speaker 1: Out of our future.

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Speaker 2: He reiterated that he wants kids, marriage, and that he

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Speaker 2: loves me very much, but he doesn't want to do

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Speaker 2: those things right now. I asked him what would happen

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Speaker 2: if I got pregnanty and he said that was very unlikely,

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Speaker 2: and I told him I felt that he had made

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Speaker 2: climbing his number one priority. He balked and said I

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Speaker 2: was exaggerating. I threw open the closet door and pulled

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Speaker 2: out all the camping equipment he bought before we came

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Speaker 2: out here, all still with tags attached. Unless I've used it.

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Speaker 2: He has not come on those trips because he's been climbing.

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Speaker 2: It's giving that SpongeBob with Patrick when they were taking

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Speaker 2: care of that.

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Speaker 1: Uh what were they taking care of?

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Speaker 2: But like SpongeBob like pulled like open, like the closet,

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Speaker 2: it's like just diapers.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. They had like the little scallop.

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah.

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Speaker 2: This is hundreds of dollars of gear untouched over an

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Speaker 2: eight month period. I pointed out his dusty mountain bike.

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Speaker 2: He said, he doesn't have a car. What about the

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Speaker 2: Frisbee golf bag that is in our storage container. He

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Speaker 2: hasn't had time. At this point, I just started crying.

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Speaker 2: These were all activities we used to really enjoy and

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Speaker 2: do together. I just feel like an idiot. I tell him,

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Speaker 2: I understand where he's at in his life, and I

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Speaker 2: want him to be happy, but I'm going to start

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Speaker 2: looking for another apartment. We have a little over a

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Speaker 2: month left on our lease, so at the end we

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Speaker 2: can part ways amicably. He looks completely devastated. All he

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Speaker 2: says back is if that's what you want, we're coming.

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Speaker 1: To the end of the story here.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, he's being shown like all the evidence that it's like, yes,

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Speaker 2: you really are prioritizing yeah, climbing over every other thing.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And he's just saying like nuh uh no.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, she's literally pulling out all of the things, right,

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Speaker 3: And it's not even like it's you know, promised to

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Speaker 3: things like things they might be interested in, and like,

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Speaker 3: like she said, it's things that they have been interested in.

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Speaker 3: And so it's like if he's not understanding right now,

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Speaker 3: because I'm sure, like from his perspective, I'm sure they

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Speaker 3: have nice moments. I'm sure they do hang out with

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Speaker 3: each other, like they live together, right, So it's like,

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Speaker 3: I'm sure that there is some evidence that there is

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Speaker 3: a happy relationship, but not like well rounded, you know

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Speaker 3: what i mean, Like obviously just a part of the relationship.

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Speaker 3: And there's more that seems to be like neglected from

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Speaker 3: all the climbing. So that must be heartbreaking for him

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Speaker 3: to hear. But if that's what he wants to do,

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Speaker 3: he can. It's just it just isn't what she wants.

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Speaker 2: If it is going to work, which it might not,

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Speaker 2: Like this would have to be the wake up moment. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: of like, oh okay, I can't just be like a

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Speaker 2: climbing vagrant, which is a really fun, cool, exciting lifestyle.

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Speaker 2: You're going all over the place, you're with friends, you're

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Speaker 2: living on a shoestring budget. It's like, yeah, I've been

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Speaker 2: there as like a snowboard guy, and it's really fun,

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Speaker 2: I'm sure, but like it's not conducive to starting a

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Speaker 2: family and raising a child or because like.

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Speaker 3: She said too, I mean like he could easily be

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Speaker 3: he could easily be injured from all of this, and

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Speaker 3: if he doesn't even have a savings to like fall

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Speaker 3: back on, Like that's what something I'm so scared of is,

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Speaker 3: Like I feel like I need to have a savings

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Speaker 3: because hospital bills are greatly expensive. So I'm like so

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Speaker 3: scared that, Like I mean, obviously you don't have to

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Speaker 3: say for like a house and stuff whatever, but like

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Speaker 3: the hospital, it will scare me the most, right, and

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Speaker 3: if he doesn't have any savings, and he's always doing

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Speaker 3: something physically like difficult.

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Speaker 4: He could totally get hurt.

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Speaker 2: They are currently wanting like diametrically opposed Yeah, lifestyle exactly strategies.

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Speaker 2: I found an apartment and we'll be moving out in

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Speaker 2: a week. Things have been cordial enough. We share a

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Speaker 2: studio and he keeps the bed while I sleep in

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Speaker 2: the closet on a camping cot Hey, it finally got

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Speaker 2: some use. He's moving into the climbinghouse temporarily. Apparently my

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Speaker 2: parents are worried that I'm falling apart, but I feel okay,

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Speaker 2: I'm sad, but okay, I still really care about him.

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Speaker 2: But I've realized almost all of the stress in my

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Speaker 2: life was coming from the energy I was putting into

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Speaker 2: our relationship.

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Speaker 1: Maybe it'll sink in when we finally do split ways.

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Speaker 1: So there you have it.

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Speaker 2: Wow, I have a feeling it will like that will

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Speaker 2: feel like the wake up call. But like I still

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Speaker 2: don't know if, like if he comes back and is

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Speaker 2: like no, no, no, no, like I would still give it.

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Speaker 2: The real thing is like, what do you want if

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Speaker 2: you want this for your life and you want to

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Speaker 2: be a climbing vagrant? You have the right to that

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Speaker 2: as a person. We can all choose the way we

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Speaker 2: want to live our lives exactly. But it just means

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Speaker 2: that y'all aren't going to work together.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you just gotta find another spider girl.

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Speaker 3: My girlfriend kept lying about graduating from college even after

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Speaker 3: I found proof.

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Speaker 2: Actually I graduated in the astral plane.

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Speaker 3: I recently found out that my girlfriend may not have

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Speaker 3: graduated from college and is lying to me and her

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Speaker 3: entire family about it. We have been dating for over

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Speaker 3: one and a half years. We moved in together after

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Speaker 3: only about six months of dating. But it's what we

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Speaker 3: both wanted. By the way, this comes from H ten

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Speaker 3: fifty three eighty and if you want to submit your

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Speaker 3: own stories, go to the our slash Okase story dumb

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Speaker 3: so I wrote it. But the first year or so

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Speaker 3: things had been great. She's my first serious girlfriend, and

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00:10:42,679 --> 00:10:44,599
Speaker 3: we both fell for each other really hard. About a

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Speaker 3: year in I was having some concerns about her finances

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Speaker 3: and that her job wasn't paying her very well. She

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Speaker 3: supposedly graduated with a bachelor's in science, right, yeah, in

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Speaker 3: general psychology in December twenty twenty three, and I just

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Speaker 3: graduated with a BSN Marine Science in May twenty two,

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Speaker 3: twenty four from the same university. I am now in

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Speaker 3: master's at the same university for sec ed to be

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Speaker 3: a biology teacher since the beginning of twenty twenty three,

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Speaker 3: before she graduated, she was hired as a BHT at

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Speaker 3: the local IU and work and works contracted max. Twenty

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Speaker 3: nine hours a week at twenty one dollars per hour.

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Speaker 3: At first, this was great while she finished school, but

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Speaker 3: she was supposed to graduate in May twenty twenty three

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Speaker 3: when her advisor told her that semester that she actually

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Speaker 3: had too many psychology electives and needed more general electives,

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Speaker 3: which would require her to stay at an extra semester.

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Speaker 3: It actually took her a few days to tell me

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Speaker 3: this once she found out, which I understand because this was.

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Speaker 4: Devastating for her.

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Speaker 3: But my mom and I now have a theory that

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Speaker 3: she may never have graduated due to some strange things

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00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:47,480
Speaker 3: that we noticed see below, and I have gained proof

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Speaker 3: of this. My girlfriend took summer classes online in twenty

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Speaker 3: twenty three to get her closer to graduating so that

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Speaker 3: she would only have to take her senior semester in

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Speaker 3: fall twenty twenty three and graduate and walk in December

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Speaker 3: twenty twenty five.

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Speaker 4: As far as I knew, she did just that.

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Speaker 3: I even dropped her off at her senior semester class

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Speaker 3: a few evenings early in the semester. She stopped going

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Speaker 3: after a week or two and told me that she

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Speaker 3: didn't have to go because the professor didn't take attendance

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00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:15,720
Speaker 3: and the class was basically about how to get a

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Speaker 3: psych job, which she already had. I didn't think much

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00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:20,720
Speaker 3: of this, and she really only ever attended one more

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Speaker 3: time to give a final presentation about her job, which

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00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:25,360
Speaker 3: I know that she made because she showed it to me.

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Speaker 3: But she decided that she did not want to go

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Speaker 3: to her commencement ceremony in December. Her family and I

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Speaker 3: were confused, but she said that all of her friends

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Speaker 3: walked the previous spring semester and she didn't want to

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Speaker 3: sit by herself and would rather we all go to

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Speaker 3: brunch instead.

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Speaker 4: We reluctantly agreed and had a good time.

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Speaker 3: Once she had her degree, her job was supposed to

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Speaker 3: negotiate a full time salary with her so that she

303
00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:49,920
Speaker 3: could increase her pay and k slowed from contracted work.

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Speaker 3: They had supposedly been telling her to expect a salary

305
00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:55,760
Speaker 3: offer of around thirty five K, but ended up offering

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Speaker 3: her twenty three K. She was shocked and upset and

307
00:12:58,679 --> 00:13:01,480
Speaker 3: turned this down, which I said supported, but to this day,

308
00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:04,760
Speaker 3: they have since not given her another full time offer.

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Speaker 3: She says her supervisors have tried to get HR rolling

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Speaker 3: on this to no avail. She is not exactly the

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Speaker 3: type to speak up for herself, so she hasn't done

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00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:15,040
Speaker 3: much to fight this, and has been working contracted for

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Speaker 3: almost a year and a half now. In addition, the

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Speaker 3: university still has not sent her diploma. I graduated this

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00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:23,720
Speaker 3: past May and received my electronic diploma in an email

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00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:26,520
Speaker 3: a few weeks ago that stated my physical diploma would

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00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:28,959
Speaker 3: be arriving two weeks from the date of the email,

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Speaker 3: which it did. My girlfriend has still not received hers

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00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:35,040
Speaker 3: electronic or physical. Her mom and I have tried to

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00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:37,000
Speaker 3: get her to call her email the school, but she

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00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:40,520
Speaker 3: keeps forgetting and doesn't seem all that interested in chasing

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Speaker 3: down her diploma, despite telling me that she has been

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Speaker 3: looking at other full time jobs who will likely request

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Speaker 3: a copy of her diploma.

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Speaker 4: This week, we are at the beach.

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Speaker 3: The night before we left, I was finishing packing and

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00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:54,079
Speaker 3: she was wrapping up work on her computer. She went

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00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:56,280
Speaker 3: to sleep and left it open, and this is where

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00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:59,280
Speaker 3: I admittedly did a bad thing. She has told me

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00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:01,920
Speaker 3: her password before, so I went onto her school portal

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00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:04,840
Speaker 3: and opened her transcript. Mine has a section at the

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00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:07,680
Speaker 3: top saying degrees awarded with my degree beneath.

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00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:10,640
Speaker 4: No such heading appears on her transcript.

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00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:13,640
Speaker 3: In fact, hers states that she only has one oh

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00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:17,560
Speaker 3: one credits of one twenty required to graduate. The semester

336
00:14:17,720 --> 00:14:20,720
Speaker 3: that we started dating Ball twenty twenty two, she has

337
00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:23,800
Speaker 3: a C, two d's, and an F, which I.

338
00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:24,320
Speaker 4: Did not know.

339
00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:27,040
Speaker 3: She's usually a straight A or B student and has

340
00:14:27,120 --> 00:14:30,640
Speaker 3: no c's or lower before the semester in winter twenty

341
00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:33,600
Speaker 3: twenty three, when she studied abroad, she has an A

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00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:36,200
Speaker 3: in her study Abroad class and an F in two

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00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:37,480
Speaker 3: other classes that I.

344
00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:39,280
Speaker 4: Did not know she was even enrolled in.

345
00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:42,360
Speaker 3: In spring twenty twenty three, she has five f's and

346
00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:45,240
Speaker 3: one B, which is in the class that she and

347
00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:48,000
Speaker 3: I took in person together. There is no record for

348
00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:50,880
Speaker 3: Fall twenty twenty three, when she supposedly took her last

349
00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:53,840
Speaker 3: class of senior semester to finish her degree.

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Speaker 4: I am floored.

351
00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:58,640
Speaker 3: I know that she withdrew from a class or two

352
00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:01,720
Speaker 3: in spring twenty twenty three, but five f's and no

353
00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:05,080
Speaker 3: class at all in fall twenty three. The evidence all

354
00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:08,280
Speaker 3: points to her lying about graduating. I try to casually

355
00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:09,800
Speaker 3: bring it up at the beach the other day, and

356
00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:12,120
Speaker 3: she said that her transcript does have the same section

357
00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:14,720
Speaker 3: as mine with the degrees awarded heading. I know it

358
00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:18,240
Speaker 3: doesn't because I took pictures of her transcript on her

359
00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:19,280
Speaker 3: computer for privacy.

360
00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:21,120
Speaker 4: I will not be posting them. I don't know what

361
00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:23,440
Speaker 4: to do without revealing. I snooped.

362
00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:25,480
Speaker 3: I feel like I need to confront her about this,

363
00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:27,680
Speaker 3: but we are on vacation with her family, and she

364
00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:29,680
Speaker 3: said that she didn't want to try to email about

365
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:32,240
Speaker 3: her transcript right now because she doesn't want to have

366
00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:34,360
Speaker 3: to deal with this on vacation. There's still a few

367
00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:36,840
Speaker 3: days left before we go home. I feel like if

368
00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:38,760
Speaker 3: she is lying about this, it might mean the end

369
00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:41,240
Speaker 3: of our relationship. What happens if she gets laid off

370
00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:44,040
Speaker 3: or our future kid has appointments. This is just the

371
00:15:44,120 --> 00:15:46,760
Speaker 3: tip of the iceberg. But we just signed a brand

372
00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:48,800
Speaker 3: new one year lease for a new apartment at the

373
00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:52,120
Speaker 3: beginning of July, and we have three cats together. I've

374
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:55,720
Speaker 3: expressed concerns about her low income before that she waves off,

375
00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:58,320
Speaker 3: and now I know there is an underlying lie. I

376
00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:00,360
Speaker 3: know she's not cheating because we lived in other and

377
00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:02,680
Speaker 3: besides work, she tries to spend every second with me.

378
00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:05,000
Speaker 4: So what should I do? And we do have some comments,

379
00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:07,160
Speaker 4: but to god, I want to hear yours.

380
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,960
Speaker 2: I mean, from the sounds of it, it sounds like

381
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:12,320
Speaker 2: you need to immediately be like, hey, so I snooped.

382
00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:13,520
Speaker 1: Whatever made you do it?

383
00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:17,880
Speaker 2: You're like something just felt weird and I looked to

384
00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:21,000
Speaker 2: just see and I can see that you you did

385
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:23,240
Speaker 2: not graduate in the I don't know, like it did

386
00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:25,120
Speaker 2: you know she was an a student or were you

387
00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:25,880
Speaker 2: just assuming that.

388
00:16:26,040 --> 00:16:27,240
Speaker 4: I'm assuming he knew.

389
00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:28,240
Speaker 1: If you knew, you.

390
00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:29,480
Speaker 2: Can be like, you know, you can have this come

391
00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:31,480
Speaker 2: from a place of concern, because it does sound like,

392
00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:34,240
Speaker 2: I don't know, concerning that's like a it sounds I mean,

393
00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:36,280
Speaker 2: if you were just looking at like paper, like watching

394
00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:39,680
Speaker 2: the grades, just like that would maybe look like an

395
00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:42,440
Speaker 2: acute issue, like like something like a substance abuse issue

396
00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:45,480
Speaker 2: or some sort of like acute like immersei emotional turmoil

397
00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:48,760
Speaker 2: going on in her life. Like something got something showed

398
00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:52,440
Speaker 2: up that completely removed her ability to crush school.

399
00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:53,680
Speaker 4: But there are some comments.

400
00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:57,520
Speaker 3: Comment Number one says, obviously she is deeply ashamed. There

401
00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:00,680
Speaker 3: is also huge social pressure around college that it basically

402
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,960
Speaker 3: determines your self worth Personally. I think college is overrated

403
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:06,920
Speaker 3: and I have no BS degree but make way more

404
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:08,600
Speaker 3: money than many who have a degree.

405
00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:11,240
Speaker 4: But I understand the deep cultural pressure about the topic.

406
00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:13,280
Speaker 3: Anyways, It's not going to be lying, but it's not

407
00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:15,040
Speaker 3: a mortal sin, so to speak.

408
00:17:15,119 --> 00:17:16,800
Speaker 4: It is something that she could grow past.

409
00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:19,439
Speaker 3: Maybe nobody in her life has ever been safe to

410
00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:22,600
Speaker 3: fail around. Maybe you can approach her with some compassion

411
00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:24,960
Speaker 3: and forgiving and be the person that she can actually

412
00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:26,720
Speaker 3: open up to. On the other hand, if she has

413
00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:29,359
Speaker 3: a pattern of bad decisions and behaviors and other parts

414
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:31,719
Speaker 3: of her life, it may be more concerning and maybe

415
00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:35,280
Speaker 3: not worth continuing. Ope, he responds, thank you. Generally speaking,

416
00:17:35,359 --> 00:17:38,240
Speaker 3: I feel like the honeymoon phase began to wear off

417
00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:40,480
Speaker 3: for me because she is not nearly as ambitious or

418
00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:42,879
Speaker 3: motivated as she was when we met. She wanted to

419
00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:45,479
Speaker 3: have a doctorate in psychology, and now she doesn't know

420
00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:47,880
Speaker 3: if this is what she wants for her career despite

421
00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:50,439
Speaker 3: liking her current job. I completely understand this, as I

422
00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:53,280
Speaker 3: switched majors multiple times, and I'm sure half of all

423
00:17:53,359 --> 00:17:56,280
Speaker 3: people working in the workforce are doing something different from

424
00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:59,160
Speaker 3: their degree. But she has made no effort to figure

425
00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:02,320
Speaker 3: out how to change or find a steadier or better

426
00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:04,760
Speaker 3: paying job, and it concerns me. I've brought it up

427
00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:07,400
Speaker 3: a few times, but she shuts down any conversation about

428
00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:10,840
Speaker 3: her job or finances because it gives her bad anxiety.

429
00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:13,879
Speaker 3: My understand because she struggles with anxiety and depression. But

430
00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:16,520
Speaker 3: these are all life decisions that must be made all

431
00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:18,040
Speaker 3: the time as a couple, and I feel like we

432
00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:20,560
Speaker 3: can't talk about them. She has two families child of

433
00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:22,840
Speaker 3: a dvors who have given her a hard time about

434
00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:25,800
Speaker 3: school situations in her financial independence in the past, so

435
00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:27,840
Speaker 3: that could explain it. But I feel like this does

436
00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:30,080
Speaker 3: not bode well, and she could be thinking that she

437
00:18:30,119 --> 00:18:32,080
Speaker 3: can get away with more if she can get away

438
00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:35,640
Speaker 3: with this. Someone responds, what are your relationship goals? Being

439
00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:37,919
Speaker 3: able to take care of yourself is important, but she

440
00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:40,320
Speaker 3: doesn't need to be highly paid. If you get married

441
00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:42,879
Speaker 3: and have kids, she should drop out of the workforce

442
00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:45,560
Speaker 3: to take care of them anyway, so her hurting potential

443
00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:48,480
Speaker 3: isn't as important as her mother central. That said, it

444
00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:50,159
Speaker 3: can be a bad sign if she claims to have

445
00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:53,320
Speaker 3: all these goals and ambitions that she realistically isn't able

446
00:18:53,359 --> 00:18:53,840
Speaker 3: to achieve.

447
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:55,399
Speaker 4: There's absolutely nothing.

448
00:18:55,119 --> 00:18:58,399
Speaker 3: Wrong with being a BHD at the local IU, and

449
00:18:58,680 --> 00:18:59,960
Speaker 3: I literally have no idea.

450
00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:00,840
Speaker 4: You know what that is.

451
00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:03,080
Speaker 3: My mom works in a grocery store and there's nothing

452
00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:05,440
Speaker 3: wrong with that either. There's nothing wrong with any job,

453
00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:08,119
Speaker 3: so she doesn't need a PhD in psychology to be

454
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:10,760
Speaker 3: a valuable person or a great partner. That said, you

455
00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:13,720
Speaker 3: also would be within your rights to end things now

456
00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:17,399
Speaker 3: based on this dishonesty. The big question is really what

457
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:20,280
Speaker 3: are your relationship goals and does she align with them?

458
00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:22,280
Speaker 4: In other words, what do you want out of a partner?

459
00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:24,560
Speaker 4: Do you want kids? Et cetera. Oh, peer spots.

460
00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:27,040
Speaker 3: Since pretty much the beginning of the relationship, we've been

461
00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:29,680
Speaker 3: on the same page. Want to get engaged and married

462
00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:32,280
Speaker 3: in the next few years, once both incomes are stable

463
00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:35,359
Speaker 3: and prefer and we prefer three kids. My income won't

464
00:19:35,359 --> 00:19:37,840
Speaker 3: be stable or full time until I graduate again in

465
00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:40,800
Speaker 3: May twenty twenty five. And look for full time teaching

466
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:43,560
Speaker 3: jobs that start in twenty twenty five. I agree that

467
00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:45,359
Speaker 3: she doesn't need to be highly paid as long as

468
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:47,480
Speaker 3: she is happy, but several times I've had to help

469
00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:49,800
Speaker 3: her with rent over the past year when she makes

470
00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:52,200
Speaker 3: more than me works more than me because I work

471
00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:55,240
Speaker 3: part time during school and has more time to find

472
00:19:55,359 --> 00:19:56,360
Speaker 3: more work hours.

473
00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:58,399
Speaker 4: In a perfect world, I'd love for her.

474
00:19:58,359 --> 00:20:00,440
Speaker 3: To leave the workforce to take care of our kids

475
00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:02,480
Speaker 3: when the time comes, but I will not be able

476
00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:04,840
Speaker 3: to support her and three kids by myself as a

477
00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:07,720
Speaker 3: high school teacher in an urban area. I apologize for

478
00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:10,800
Speaker 3: my lack of elaboration. She is a behavioral health tech

479
00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:15,359
Speaker 3: BHD at an intermediate unit, which means that she works

480
00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:17,760
Speaker 3: with kids twenty one and younger with special needs in

481
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:20,119
Speaker 3: their schools or in their homes. The problem with this

482
00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:22,920
Speaker 3: line of work is that, as she is contracted, she

483
00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:26,159
Speaker 3: cannot exceed twenty nine hours according to her contract, and

484
00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:29,000
Speaker 3: usually she does not hit twenty nine hours anyway due

485
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:31,480
Speaker 3: to conflicts with her clients beyond her control. She only

486
00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:34,320
Speaker 3: has three clients and kids, and almost every day one

487
00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:36,720
Speaker 3: of the kids is outsick or something with their family

488
00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:37,160
Speaker 3: comes up.

489
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:38,720
Speaker 4: Preventing her from getting hours.

490
00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:41,000
Speaker 3: This is troublesome when we are trying to make rent

491
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:43,160
Speaker 3: every month, and she has been pushing for us to be.

492
00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:44,960
Speaker 4: Engaged, which I also want.

493
00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:48,320
Speaker 3: But again, once my income is stable, our goals have

494
00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:50,560
Speaker 3: usually aligned, but I feel that she has not been

495
00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:53,320
Speaker 3: realistic lately in putting an effort with me to reach them.

496
00:20:53,359 --> 00:20:55,520
Speaker 4: And that's the end of the story. Whoa woo woo,

497
00:20:56,040 --> 00:21:01,040
Speaker 4: who abrupt ending woo. My boyfriend accuse me of cheating

498
00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:03,399
Speaker 4: on him, but I really didn't. I'll see about that.

499
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:06,360
Speaker 5: My boyfriend and I have been together for three years.

500
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:09,240
Speaker 5: We are long distance. We're from the same hometown, but

501
00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:11,320
Speaker 5: he goes to school in another state, so we see

502
00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:13,880
Speaker 5: each other over summer and most holidays. By the way,

503
00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:16,760
Speaker 5: this comes from throwaway didn't do it, and if you

504
00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:18,399
Speaker 5: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

505
00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:21,160
Speaker 5: slash Okay storytime suppered it. This past summer, I did

506
00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:24,000
Speaker 5: study abroad in Peru for two months. It was one

507
00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:27,280
Speaker 5: of the most amazing experiences and I had so much fun.

508
00:21:27,359 --> 00:21:29,639
Speaker 5: I didn't have a phone or regular internet, so I

509
00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:32,679
Speaker 5: communicated with email every couple of days. I told my

510
00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:35,320
Speaker 5: boyfriend this would be the case before leaving, and he

511
00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:37,680
Speaker 5: said it was okay when I get back. He was

512
00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:40,280
Speaker 5: excited to see me, and I was excited to see him,

513
00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:43,240
Speaker 5: but I was very tired and honestly fell asleep within

514
00:21:43,359 --> 00:21:45,840
Speaker 5: minutes of first seeing him. I'd literally gotten off the

515
00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:48,199
Speaker 5: plane just an hour before. When I woke up, he

516
00:21:48,359 --> 00:21:51,399
Speaker 5: seemed pissed. I asked what was up, and he just

517
00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:54,119
Speaker 5: started asking how my trip was. I told him it

518
00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:56,639
Speaker 5: was fun, told him about my friends, et cetera. Then

519
00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:59,639
Speaker 5: all of a sudden, he says, I know you cheated

520
00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:01,879
Speaker 5: on me. At this point, I'm confused. I just said what,

521
00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:04,840
Speaker 5: and he said, I know you did. It's okay whatever. Well,

522
00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:07,520
Speaker 5: I didn't cheat on him. There were only four other

523
00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:11,560
Speaker 5: guys on the trip. Two had girlfriends, one was incredibly gay,

524
00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:14,000
Speaker 5: and the only single straight one was hooking up with

525
00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:16,280
Speaker 5: this other girl. The whole time. I told him this,

526
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:19,080
Speaker 5: and he just kept saying he knew I cheated on him.

527
00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:22,440
Speaker 5: Asked people on the trip, and nobody said anything to him.

528
00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:24,760
Speaker 5: They're all just as confused as me. I asked my

529
00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:27,320
Speaker 5: boyfriend why he thinks I did, and he said, I

530
00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:30,400
Speaker 5: just know. The weird thing is that he's saying it's

531
00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:33,359
Speaker 5: he's okay with it, but still keeps bringing up that

532
00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:36,240
Speaker 5: I cheated on him. It's pissing me off because I didn't.

533
00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:40,040
Speaker 5: I had a lot of opportunities to and never even.

534
00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:41,520
Speaker 4: Got close to taking them.

535
00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:44,359
Speaker 5: I told him the only guy I did anything close

536
00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:46,879
Speaker 5: with was my gay friend, and all we did was

537
00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:49,919
Speaker 5: dance at a club together. He started saying, well, I

538
00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:51,520
Speaker 5: don't know if it was one of your friends or

539
00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:53,600
Speaker 5: a local. I don't know what to do. He just

540
00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:56,480
Speaker 5: keep saying I cheated, but I didn't. He also says

541
00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:58,840
Speaker 5: he doesn't care but brings it up. I can't figure

542
00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:01,439
Speaker 5: out how to convince some other aside from the fact

543
00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:05,439
Speaker 5: that this is totally ridiculous idea. We had literally no

544
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:07,919
Speaker 5: time to even talk to local people there enough to

545
00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:10,160
Speaker 5: hook up with him because we were busy every day

546
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:12,879
Speaker 5: and all day doing things. Is this breakup worthy? I

547
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:15,760
Speaker 5: love him, but I have no idea why he's doing this.

548
00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:18,280
Speaker 5: And there are some comments and an update comment one

549
00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:20,760
Speaker 5: ask your boyfriend for the evidence he has to support

550
00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:23,240
Speaker 5: his claim. I honestly think he cheated on you and

551
00:23:23,400 --> 00:23:26,080
Speaker 5: is projecting his cheating onto you and hopes you'll confess

552
00:23:26,119 --> 00:23:28,320
Speaker 5: so he can break up with you. And not tell

553
00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:30,920
Speaker 5: you he cheated and avoid being a giant a hole

554
00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:34,359
Speaker 5: for cheating. Oh, he says, Honestly, I've been wondering this myself.

555
00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:36,960
Speaker 5: Maybe he's saying he doesn't care and he's gonna drop

556
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:39,520
Speaker 5: the bomb that he did in hopes I don't care.

557
00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:42,440
Speaker 5: The only thing is that, like, I can't imagine how

558
00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:45,520
Speaker 5: he cheat. He has no female friends, and neither do

559
00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:46,600
Speaker 5: any of his male friends.

560
00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:50,560
Speaker 4: He's kind of weird and okay, do you like him?

561
00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:54,200
Speaker 6: The thing is like, listen, I'm on like, I still

562
00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:58,160
Speaker 6: I'm on her side. He's still coming out like crazy

563
00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:00,400
Speaker 6: with like the you cheat, like that's still that's not acceptable,

564
00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:02,359
Speaker 6: just straight up no jokes, no bits.

565
00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:03,560
Speaker 4: That's crazy.

566
00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:06,840
Speaker 6: But it's all so crazy to then be like I

567
00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:09,320
Speaker 6: don't know how he'd cheat. He kind of sucks into

568
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:09,879
Speaker 6: the loser.

569
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:12,879
Speaker 5: I'm like, all right, comment to my guess, he's very

570
00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:16,200
Speaker 5: insecure that he has heard slash read all the horror

571
00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:19,240
Speaker 5: stories of couples going abroad and cheating on the usso

572
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:22,760
Speaker 5: the whole time, and he's projecting that insecurity on this situation.

573
00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:25,879
Speaker 5: Common three with the timing of him getting pissed, I

574
00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:28,439
Speaker 5: think he snooped. I think he looked through your phone

575
00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:31,359
Speaker 5: and saw something he thought was incriminating. Maybe it was

576
00:24:31,359 --> 00:24:33,560
Speaker 5: a picture of someone with their shirt off. Maybe it

577
00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:36,960
Speaker 5: was a text message he misinterpreted, maybe with something old.

578
00:24:37,119 --> 00:24:39,520
Speaker 5: Maybe he found out that you deleted something, or assumes

579
00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:41,639
Speaker 5: you did. I think you should tell him that he

580
00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:44,560
Speaker 5: may not care that you cheated, but you care an

581
00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:47,520
Speaker 5: f of a lot that you've been accused of cheating

582
00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:50,080
Speaker 5: when you didn't tell him. You have no idea where

583
00:24:50,119 --> 00:24:52,280
Speaker 5: this is coming from, but you're starting to think he

584
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:54,920
Speaker 5: just wants you off balance because he cheated.

585
00:24:55,119 --> 00:24:56,000
Speaker 4: Give him a choice.

586
00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:58,919
Speaker 5: Either you will have an honest and mature conversation about this,

587
00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:01,400
Speaker 5: both about your cheat eating and about what he did

588
00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:04,480
Speaker 5: when you weren't around, or you're done. Opie says he

589
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:06,720
Speaker 5: fell asleep with me, so I don't think he snooped.

590
00:25:06,800 --> 00:25:08,440
Speaker 5: I'm pretty sure he was just mad that I had

591
00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:11,040
Speaker 5: fallen asleep instead of sitting up and talking with him

592
00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:11,600
Speaker 5: or whatever.

593
00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:13,000
Speaker 4: I was just so tired.

594
00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:16,080
Speaker 5: It is possible he woke up and snooped, And maybe

595
00:25:16,119 --> 00:25:18,320
Speaker 5: I didn't wake up. But I didn't even bring my

596
00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:20,680
Speaker 5: phone with me, so anything on my phone and computer

597
00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:22,760
Speaker 5: is before I even left. I'm got a double check

598
00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:24,880
Speaker 5: to see if there's anything funny in my messages though,

599
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:27,879
Speaker 5: and there is an update. Okay, So I want to

600
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:30,879
Speaker 5: thank everyone for all of the advice. I really appreciate

601
00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:33,400
Speaker 5: it that so many people cared to give their ideas.

602
00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:36,360
Speaker 5: A lot of people thought cheating, but some suggested he

603
00:25:36,440 --> 00:25:39,480
Speaker 5: was just insecure. Last night, I asked him to come over.

604
00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:42,520
Speaker 5: I should have mentioned INOPI that the original event actually

605
00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:45,840
Speaker 5: happened in mid August when it first happened. After enough,

606
00:25:45,960 --> 00:25:47,440
Speaker 5: I said, listen.

607
00:25:47,280 --> 00:25:48,400
Speaker 1: You're pissing me off.

608
00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:50,800
Speaker 4: Stop saying that I did something I didn't do.

609
00:25:51,359 --> 00:25:55,879
Speaker 5: And he just said, okay, sorry, exactly like that, but

610
00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:59,840
Speaker 5: then proceeded to occasionally bring it up since August until now. Also,

611
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:02,919
Speaker 5: we are long distance. He goes to school in another state,

612
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:05,720
Speaker 5: but is from my hometown. He's been here the past

613
00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:08,400
Speaker 5: few days due to family issues. So when he was over,

614
00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:11,719
Speaker 5: I asked him why he feels so strongly I cheated,

615
00:26:11,840 --> 00:26:13,960
Speaker 5: and at first he tried to brush it off. I

616
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:16,600
Speaker 5: kept pressing him, and finally he said, I just don't

617
00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:19,159
Speaker 5: feel like you could go somewhere like that with a

618
00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:22,119
Speaker 5: bunch of guys and nothing would happen. I told him, well,

619
00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:23,800
Speaker 5: you go to Florida for most of the year for

620
00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:25,800
Speaker 5: school with a bunch of girls. So are you saying

621
00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:27,679
Speaker 5: that you don't think I could do it because you've

622
00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:28,440
Speaker 5: done something?

623
00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:28,760
Speaker 4: Well?

624
00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:31,400
Speaker 5: He flew off the handle and freaked out, started yelling

625
00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:33,840
Speaker 5: that he was so pissed I'd even think to accuse

626
00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:37,600
Speaker 5: him of cheating. Jo He but he never had and

627
00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:39,760
Speaker 5: never will that I knew about any time a girl

628
00:26:39,800 --> 00:26:41,639
Speaker 5: came on to him too strong because he'd tell me

629
00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:43,439
Speaker 5: about it, which is true. I just sat there and

630
00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:46,119
Speaker 5: watched him, and then finally asked, well, how is it

631
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:48,240
Speaker 5: ridiculous for me to ask you that? But you think

632
00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:51,200
Speaker 5: it's ridiculous that I even argue that I never cheated?

633
00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:53,120
Speaker 5: He just said that he knows me, and he knows

634
00:26:53,119 --> 00:26:55,520
Speaker 5: what I do. Finally, I just got pissed and said

635
00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:57,959
Speaker 5: that if he can't trust me and think so lowly

636
00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:00,520
Speaker 5: of me, we probably shouldn't be together. He started going

637
00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:02,920
Speaker 5: off and saying, see, I knew you cheated. I got

638
00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:04,640
Speaker 5: fed up with the crazy and told him to go.

639
00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:07,080
Speaker 5: He asked if I was breaking up with him, and

640
00:27:07,119 --> 00:27:09,760
Speaker 5: I said no because I figured if I said yes,

641
00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:12,479
Speaker 5: he wouldn't leave. But I felt pretty sure that's what

642
00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:14,840
Speaker 5: I wanted to do. After he left, he called up

643
00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:17,520
Speaker 5: his brother, who I am sometimes close to, and told

644
00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:20,600
Speaker 5: him the story. He was surprised by how crazy he was,

645
00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:24,080
Speaker 5: but also told me that my boyfriend's last girlfriend his first,

646
00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:26,600
Speaker 5: had cheated on him, though he probably just thinks that

647
00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:29,040
Speaker 5: of everyone now. He told me that my boyfriend has

648
00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:32,280
Speaker 5: some massive anger issues. Well why did you never hear

649
00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:34,480
Speaker 5: about this if you're sometimes close with his brother. He

650
00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:36,800
Speaker 5: also told me about a bunch of other crazy things

651
00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:40,000
Speaker 5: my boyfriend has done, including running away from home as

652
00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:41,800
Speaker 5: a twenty year old when he didn't get his way.

653
00:27:42,040 --> 00:27:43,960
Speaker 4: Is it running away from home if you're.

654
00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:46,680
Speaker 5: Twenty cussing out his mom and telling her to pass away,

655
00:27:46,760 --> 00:27:49,119
Speaker 5: Oh my goodness, oh when she took his brother's side

656
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:52,720
Speaker 5: over a petty argument, et cetera. Some other minor things

657
00:27:52,720 --> 00:27:56,520
Speaker 5: were that my boyfriend has apparently stated he never wants

658
00:27:56,560 --> 00:27:59,080
Speaker 5: to move out of his parents' house and continues making

659
00:27:59,119 --> 00:28:00,200
Speaker 5: YouTube videos for.

660
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:02,199
Speaker 6: The rest of Asia, and who would be making YouTube

661
00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:03,880
Speaker 6: videos this weak?

662
00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:04,800
Speaker 4: Yeah?

663
00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:07,400
Speaker 5: That, and how stupid my boyfriend acted to me over

664
00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:10,600
Speaker 5: me doing literally nothing made me decide I wanted to

665
00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:13,200
Speaker 5: end it. I called up my boyfriend and told him

666
00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:15,800
Speaker 5: it's over. I'm pretty sad about it. I do love him,

667
00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:18,280
Speaker 5: but I don't want to deal with crazy meaner. Plus

668
00:28:18,320 --> 00:28:22,040
Speaker 5: it's pretty lame. We've been together three years oof and

669
00:28:22,119 --> 00:28:24,560
Speaker 5: he still thinks he wants to live with his parents forever.

670
00:28:24,720 --> 00:28:27,080
Speaker 5: I've asked him a million times what he wants to

671
00:28:27,119 --> 00:28:28,360
Speaker 5: do when he's out of college.

672
00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:29,679
Speaker 4: He just says, I don't know.

673
00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:33,240
Speaker 5: People are asking how I never noticed these red flags earlier.

674
00:28:33,359 --> 00:28:36,120
Speaker 5: I kind of did, but wasn't sure we were long distance,

675
00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:38,760
Speaker 5: which I think often left me confused. A lot of

676
00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:41,840
Speaker 5: times I'd wondered if his actions were just because we

677
00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:44,840
Speaker 5: were far. Hearing his brother say those things just confirmed

678
00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:47,600
Speaker 5: that's not the case. Also, a lot of you were upset.

679
00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:51,320
Speaker 5: I called his ex crazy and referenced her spicy flower

680
00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:54,240
Speaker 5: use as an example. I actually knew her personally. She

681
00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:58,160
Speaker 5: was a pathological liar as well as being actually clinically

682
00:28:58,200 --> 00:29:02,280
Speaker 5: insane and did a lot of spicy flower Throwing the

683
00:29:02,320 --> 00:29:04,800
Speaker 5: word crazy around was rude of me, and of course

684
00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:07,400
Speaker 5: the spicy flower use doesn't mean crazy.

685
00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:08,600
Speaker 4: I'm a bit jaded.

686
00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:09,960
Speaker 5: When it comes to her because she used to be

687
00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:12,600
Speaker 5: my friend but has done some pretty messed up stuffs.

688
00:29:12,800 --> 00:29:15,120
Speaker 5: So sorry if I came off as sensitive and for

689
00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:18,280
Speaker 5: tossing those words around like that. He's like, I'm so sorry.

690
00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:21,000
Speaker 5: I hate this girl. That's my bad. I shouldn't have

691
00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:21,480
Speaker 5: told you guys.

692
00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:25,480
Speaker 4: And that was the update was sorry, his ex is crazy.

693
00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:30,840
Speaker 4: I have proof I had a prophetic and also real

694
00:29:30,880 --> 00:29:32,520
Speaker 4: life agree. Yes exactly.

695
00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:34,320
Speaker 1: Hey it's Sean here.

696
00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:36,040
Speaker 2: We're gonna get back to this episode, but a quick

697
00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:39,480
Speaker 2: three minute break with Aswermur sponsors. I told my mother

698
00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:42,920
Speaker 2: to keep my pregnancy a secret, but she ignored me.

699
00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:44,760
Speaker 4: She was just so excited.

700
00:29:45,520 --> 00:29:48,400
Speaker 1: I just spent the weekend moving to our new home.

701
00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:50,800
Speaker 2: It was so tiresome I could barely keep my eyes

702
00:29:50,840 --> 00:29:53,920
Speaker 2: open past nine pm. My parents came to help us,

703
00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:57,840
Speaker 2: and they outdid themselves this time. They bought new home equipment,

704
00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:00,760
Speaker 2: helped move furniture boxes, clean you name it.

705
00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:02,760
Speaker 1: Wow. I was kind of waiting for that to be sarcastic,

706
00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:03,360
Speaker 1: but it wasn't.

707
00:30:03,440 --> 00:30:05,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, I know, they actually helped, very helpful.

708
00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:08,600
Speaker 2: I am deeply grateful for what they did for us,

709
00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:09,920
Speaker 2: and told them so.

710
00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:10,640
Speaker 1: By the way, this.

711
00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:16,680
Speaker 2: Comes from user I love Tarto phrases and if you

712
00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:19,440
Speaker 2: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

713
00:30:19,520 --> 00:30:23,760
Speaker 2: slage show Gay Storytime subreddit, so because there must be

714
00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:28,320
Speaker 2: a butt in this story. On Sunday, I received a

715
00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:32,040
Speaker 2: congratulatory comment on my Facebook about my pregnancy from someone

716
00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:35,680
Speaker 2: I didn't even know she knew. I clicked on the

717
00:30:35,720 --> 00:30:38,840
Speaker 2: link and it was one of fifteen other comments on

718
00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:41,760
Speaker 2: a picture of me and my mom posted without telling me.

719
00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:45,120
Speaker 1: No big deal, right. The trouble is.

720
00:30:45,120 --> 00:30:48,200
Speaker 2: I specifically asked her to keep my pregnancy to our

721
00:30:48,240 --> 00:30:52,040
Speaker 2: close family, my parents and my brothers. Even my husband

722
00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:55,360
Speaker 2: hadn't told all of his own family members. I especially

723
00:30:55,440 --> 00:30:58,160
Speaker 2: didn't want her sister to know yet, because she recently

724
00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:01,680
Speaker 2: turned into an extremist religious person and is well known

725
00:31:01,720 --> 00:31:05,440
Speaker 2: to not respect any boundary whatsoever. I am thirty six

726
00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:08,000
Speaker 2: years old, it is my first pregnancy, and I know

727
00:31:08,080 --> 00:31:10,360
Speaker 2: the rate of health issues with the baby.

728
00:31:10,640 --> 00:31:12,040
Speaker 1: I have enough fears like that.

729
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:14,720
Speaker 2: I don't need to deal with my crazy aunt if

730
00:31:14,720 --> 00:31:17,680
Speaker 2: we need to deal with the inevitable. I simply wanted

731
00:31:17,720 --> 00:31:19,520
Speaker 2: to wait a little to have the green light from

732
00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:22,880
Speaker 2: my obgyn to feel at ease sharing this news with

733
00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:25,640
Speaker 2: loved ones without it turning into a show on Facebook.

734
00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:29,680
Speaker 2: I am quite reserved and like my privacy especially during

735
00:31:29,720 --> 00:31:34,479
Speaker 2: such an intimate event. Well, I read the comment, didn't answer,

736
00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:38,000
Speaker 2: and wanted to calm down before saying anything to my mom.

737
00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:40,800
Speaker 2: When we were all leaving, I took my mother aside

738
00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:43,960
Speaker 2: and calmly told her I would really like her to

739
00:31:44,120 --> 00:31:47,200
Speaker 2: not share my pregnancy on Facebook, since I'm uncomfortable and

740
00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:49,760
Speaker 2: not all my husband's close relatives are in the loop.

741
00:31:49,840 --> 00:31:53,200
Speaker 2: Yet she just said that she didn't have ill meaning.

742
00:31:53,680 --> 00:31:55,320
Speaker 2: It turns out, once in the car, she got a

743
00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:57,600
Speaker 2: phone call with a friend and had a lengthy conversation

744
00:31:57,640 --> 00:32:00,880
Speaker 2: about me and my pregnancy with someone she never told me.

745
00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:03,760
Speaker 1: She told. I really tried to keep my cool.

746
00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:06,360
Speaker 2: I waited a few minutes to have a serious conversation

747
00:32:06,400 --> 00:32:09,080
Speaker 2: about it. I remembered not to start with negative words

748
00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:14,280
Speaker 2: or accusations, so it went like this quote, Mom, I

749
00:32:14,320 --> 00:32:16,520
Speaker 2: know you didn't have ill meaning, but I'd like to

750
00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:17,440
Speaker 2: know who knows.

751
00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:18,200
Speaker 1: About my pregnancy.

752
00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:22,520
Speaker 2: I cut my voice even well, she transformed into a

753
00:32:22,600 --> 00:32:25,680
Speaker 2: hysteric accusing me of so many things. I don't even

754
00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:29,720
Speaker 2: know where to start. I'm ungrateful, I'm unfair. I disrespected her.

755
00:32:30,040 --> 00:32:31,800
Speaker 2: She has the right to speak about my pregnancy to

756
00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:34,480
Speaker 2: whomever she pleases. I tried three or four times to

757
00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:37,200
Speaker 2: tell her I'd like to tell you something, until my dad,

758
00:32:37,440 --> 00:32:40,160
Speaker 2: who was driving, told her to let me speak. I

759
00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:44,400
Speaker 2: started like this quote, Mom, I'm thirty six years old.

760
00:32:44,760 --> 00:32:48,000
Speaker 2: One fourth of pregnancies at my age will stop by themselves.

761
00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:50,720
Speaker 1: I have a much higher risk of developing complications.

762
00:32:50,840 --> 00:32:52,880
Speaker 2: And then she cut me off, mocking me, saying I

763
00:32:52,920 --> 00:32:55,920
Speaker 2: was too melodramatic and abnormal to not be willing to

764
00:32:55,960 --> 00:32:56,640
Speaker 2: share the news.

765
00:32:56,880 --> 00:33:00,000
Speaker 5: It's very common for people to not share the news

766
00:33:00,040 --> 00:33:03,200
Speaker 5: about the pregnancies, especially early on in the pregnancy. So

767
00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:05,680
Speaker 5: I don't know what this mom is talking about.

768
00:33:05,560 --> 00:33:08,400
Speaker 1: Just crazy vibes to not be like my bad.

769
00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:11,360
Speaker 5: Yeah, I won't talk about it to anyone else. Immediately

770
00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:14,040
Speaker 5: just jumping on the defensive, even though he's not, you know,

771
00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:17,280
Speaker 5: even accusing her of really of anything. She's just saying, hey,

772
00:33:17,280 --> 00:33:19,200
Speaker 5: I know you didn't mean anything bad, but like, can

773
00:33:19,240 --> 00:33:20,320
Speaker 5: you not share it with anyone?

774
00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:21,040
Speaker 4: Yeah?

775
00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:23,320
Speaker 1: After all that was said, I lost my crap.

776
00:33:23,720 --> 00:33:26,720
Speaker 2: Not a proud moment, but I could not support being

777
00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:29,280
Speaker 2: there and telling her about my most profound fears and

778
00:33:29,320 --> 00:33:32,160
Speaker 2: then being mocked. I told her the only person that

779
00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:34,560
Speaker 2: had any right to this pregnancy is me and my husband,

780
00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:37,400
Speaker 2: and that I had the exact same conversation about privacy

781
00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:39,760
Speaker 2: with my mother in law, but at least she had

782
00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:42,040
Speaker 2: the decency to send an email to the person she

783
00:33:42,080 --> 00:33:44,360
Speaker 2: spoke to about us and not make a freak show

784
00:33:44,400 --> 00:33:48,400
Speaker 2: on Facebook. And she understood my reservations and asked for forgiveness.

785
00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:50,840
Speaker 2: I told her she was in hysterics because she got

786
00:33:50,880 --> 00:33:54,680
Speaker 2: caught red handed and hadn't the balls to recognize it

787
00:33:55,040 --> 00:33:58,080
Speaker 2: and was trying to shift the blame. She tried to

788
00:33:58,120 --> 00:34:00,960
Speaker 2: deny I asked for discretion, told me she would have

789
00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:04,000
Speaker 2: preferred that I hadn't told her. I told her I

790
00:34:04,040 --> 00:34:06,080
Speaker 2: did tell her. I asked her what I was supposed

791
00:34:06,120 --> 00:34:08,319
Speaker 2: to do if the baby had big health issues. I

792
00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:10,600
Speaker 2: told her I would never deal with her crazy sister

793
00:34:11,080 --> 00:34:13,719
Speaker 2: if such a thing were to happen. I told her

794
00:34:13,719 --> 00:34:16,360
Speaker 2: I never shared anything about her on Facebook because it

795
00:34:16,400 --> 00:34:20,200
Speaker 2: was her private life. Why does she think I didn't

796
00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:23,359
Speaker 2: deserve this same privacy? And finally I told her it's

797
00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:26,520
Speaker 2: cool she had no fears, but I do have profound

798
00:34:26,520 --> 00:34:29,600
Speaker 2: fears and asked her if it was too much to respect.

799
00:34:30,120 --> 00:34:33,960
Speaker 2: Silence ensued. They dropped me at my place. I told

800
00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:36,640
Speaker 2: my father goodbye. Turned to my mom and she asked

801
00:34:36,680 --> 00:34:39,560
Speaker 2: me if I wasn't about to tell her goodbye. I

802
00:34:39,600 --> 00:34:41,680
Speaker 2: asked her if she would again mock my fears, and

803
00:34:41,719 --> 00:34:44,719
Speaker 2: she tried again to shift the blame. I told her,

804
00:34:44,760 --> 00:34:47,920
Speaker 2: I just defended myself and I went away read it.

805
00:34:47,960 --> 00:34:49,200
Speaker 1: I don't know how to deal with this.

806
00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:52,200
Speaker 2: We're supposed to spend a week with them on Christmas,

807
00:34:52,520 --> 00:34:55,680
Speaker 2: but I am so tired of this BS. I cannot

808
00:34:55,680 --> 00:34:58,520
Speaker 2: tell her the slightest thing without it blowing out of proportion.

809
00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:02,840
Speaker 2: I just need to take the verbal abuse, take their gifts,

810
00:35:02,920 --> 00:35:06,600
Speaker 2: and shut up. If I'm not an ungrateful witch. I

811
00:35:06,640 --> 00:35:09,000
Speaker 2: am so tired of this. How can I keep my

812
00:35:09,040 --> 00:35:11,640
Speaker 2: family and my mental health at the same time?

813
00:35:12,080 --> 00:35:12,960
Speaker 1: And edit here?

814
00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:16,799
Speaker 2: Blown away by the comments and support you're giving me,

815
00:35:17,480 --> 00:35:19,720
Speaker 2: I'd like to thank every one of you. I really

816
00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:22,200
Speaker 2: needed some validation about being hurt by all of this.

817
00:35:22,640 --> 00:35:25,680
Speaker 2: I don't know yet what we're going to decide about Christmas,

818
00:35:25,760 --> 00:35:28,560
Speaker 2: but for the moment, I'm going no contact. And as always,

819
00:35:28,840 --> 00:35:31,000
Speaker 2: she tried to be helpful in some way so as

820
00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:33,280
Speaker 2: we keep contact without resolving anything.

821
00:35:33,560 --> 00:35:34,960
Speaker 1: This is very typical of her.

822
00:35:35,120 --> 00:35:36,680
Speaker 2: Like when I was a kid, she used to drop

823
00:35:36,719 --> 00:35:39,759
Speaker 2: money on my desk after we had an argument. Say ay,

824
00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:43,000
Speaker 2: hey colock In at your shift at the argument factory.

825
00:35:43,320 --> 00:35:45,160
Speaker 4: She said, you'll forget about this.

826
00:35:45,680 --> 00:35:49,759
Speaker 1: Hey, what is a nice George Washington? I have to

827
00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:50,440
Speaker 1: say about that?

828
00:35:51,040 --> 00:35:53,399
Speaker 4: I would you don't still one.

829
00:35:54,480 --> 00:35:56,640
Speaker 2: I learned a long time ago that anything I told

830
00:35:56,680 --> 00:35:58,920
Speaker 2: her could be turned against me. I guess I was

831
00:35:59,040 --> 00:36:01,120
Speaker 2: naive to open up to her. I won't make that

832
00:36:01,160 --> 00:36:04,480
Speaker 2: mistake again. Thank you again. There's a second edit and

833
00:36:04,520 --> 00:36:06,120
Speaker 2: then a little update, and we're still going to do this.

834
00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:09,080
Speaker 2: A second little edit. There are a lot of advices

835
00:36:09,120 --> 00:36:11,640
Speaker 2: about not going to Christmas, and as appealing as it sounds,

836
00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:16,080
Speaker 2: my mother is currently undergoing breast to treatment. Chemo is over,

837
00:36:16,239 --> 00:36:18,800
Speaker 2: thank god, but still she has a protocol to follow

838
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:22,399
Speaker 2: and we already last lost my grandmother last year, which

839
00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:25,160
Speaker 2: her mom, so I don't have the heart to miss

840
00:36:25,239 --> 00:36:27,759
Speaker 2: Christmas with her and my family. I'll probably cut the

841
00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:30,360
Speaker 2: time there though, and avoid any pregnancy topics.

842
00:36:30,680 --> 00:36:32,840
Speaker 1: And there is an update.

843
00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:37,480
Speaker 5: Yeah, Sophia, yeah, take it away.

844
00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:38,440
Speaker 1: What are we thinking?

845
00:36:38,560 --> 00:36:41,279
Speaker 5: Well, I think that your mom is clearly disrespecting your

846
00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:44,840
Speaker 5: boundaries when it comes to your child, and also doesn't

847
00:36:44,880 --> 00:36:50,480
Speaker 5: seem willing to, you know, listen to you or apologize,

848
00:36:51,280 --> 00:36:53,520
Speaker 5: but you also want to have a relationship with her

849
00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:55,680
Speaker 5: because you've had a really tough year, which is fair.

850
00:36:56,560 --> 00:36:58,520
Speaker 5: I think that you could go to Christmas and just

851
00:36:58,560 --> 00:37:00,480
Speaker 5: not have that conversation. I guess it's it's just like,

852
00:37:00,560 --> 00:37:04,799
Speaker 5: how is this the pill that you're willing to you know,

853
00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:08,120
Speaker 5: pass away on? And it's totally fine if it is,

854
00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:11,680
Speaker 5: because she did disrespect you and she did cross your boundaries,

855
00:37:12,960 --> 00:37:14,760
Speaker 5: but it doesn't seem like she's going to change.

856
00:37:15,120 --> 00:37:17,200
Speaker 2: I have a technique I'm trying to develop for these

857
00:37:17,239 --> 00:37:19,839
Speaker 2: kind of situations. Yeah, I don't know if this would

858
00:37:19,880 --> 00:37:22,840
Speaker 2: work for this one, because she seems pretty ordinary. Yeah,

859
00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:26,640
Speaker 2: but you turn her into a baby in your mind,

860
00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:29,120
Speaker 2: not in the real world, because that's we haven't invented

861
00:37:29,160 --> 00:37:30,720
Speaker 2: Benjamin button technology yet.

862
00:37:31,120 --> 00:37:34,680
Speaker 1: But you just go, silly baby in your head. You go,

863
00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:37,280
Speaker 1: what kids, My mom is such a silly baby.

864
00:37:37,360 --> 00:37:40,719
Speaker 2: She doesn't know that she needs to respect me right

865
00:37:40,760 --> 00:37:42,040
Speaker 2: now because it's my pregnancy.

866
00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:44,960
Speaker 1: H silly baby.

867
00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:47,879
Speaker 2: And uh, you know, it's probably not a real long term,

868
00:37:47,920 --> 00:37:50,480
Speaker 2: sustainable solution, but it might be able to get you

869
00:37:50,520 --> 00:37:51,279
Speaker 2: through Christmas.

870
00:37:51,440 --> 00:37:54,120
Speaker 1: Let's get into the update after reflection.

871
00:37:54,680 --> 00:37:57,080
Speaker 2: My husband and I decided to join my family on

872
00:37:57,160 --> 00:38:01,680
Speaker 2: Christmas at my parents' home, but we cut short the holidays.

873
00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:04,040
Speaker 2: It went well and we were all happy to share

874
00:38:04,080 --> 00:38:06,200
Speaker 2: and celebrate the news of my pregnancy with my brother's

875
00:38:06,239 --> 00:38:08,799
Speaker 2: aunt and cousins, and my mother didn't stir up any

876
00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:09,560
Speaker 2: more drama.

877
00:38:10,200 --> 00:38:10,520
Speaker 1: Good.

878
00:38:11,239 --> 00:38:13,600
Speaker 2: After that, my parents came to visit us on three

879
00:38:13,640 --> 00:38:16,720
Speaker 2: occasions to help us settle in, paint the rooms.

880
00:38:16,480 --> 00:38:18,400
Speaker 1: Blah blah blah, all pretty chill.

881
00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:21,760
Speaker 2: But everything came to an end after four days after

882
00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:24,200
Speaker 2: I gave birth to our precious baby boy.

883
00:38:24,400 --> 00:38:28,360
Speaker 4: Oh boy, the boy, the boy who lived.

884
00:38:28,719 --> 00:38:31,640
Speaker 2: And I'm still completely at a loss about what she

885
00:38:31,760 --> 00:38:35,440
Speaker 2: was able to tell me. So I gave birth last Thursday.

886
00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:38,120
Speaker 2: My parents wanted to visit us and meet the little one.

887
00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:41,160
Speaker 2: They called us to tell us they were coming on Sunday.

888
00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:46,080
Speaker 2: No problem first, A very strange thing that happened. On Saturday,

889
00:38:46,320 --> 00:38:48,839
Speaker 2: we received a text telling us they were on their

890
00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:53,000
Speaker 2: way and arriving in the afternoon. Okay, I guess my parents,

891
00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:56,720
Speaker 2: especially my father, are usually quite respectful about time and schedule,

892
00:38:57,080 --> 00:38:59,040
Speaker 2: so it was a bit odd that they didn't ask

893
00:38:59,120 --> 00:39:01,799
Speaker 2: us first, but no big deal. They came, They met

894
00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:04,000
Speaker 2: the baby, but they couldn't stay more than two hours

895
00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:07,000
Speaker 2: at the hospital and were coming back on Sunday. Sunday

896
00:39:07,080 --> 00:39:09,480
Speaker 2: arrived and my husband and I were expecting my parents

897
00:39:09,520 --> 00:39:12,640
Speaker 2: any minute, since they knew visits on Sunday finish earlier.

898
00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:17,000
Speaker 2: We spent all day waiting for them, with no notice whatsoever.

899
00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:21,480
Speaker 2: Finally they arrived at five o'clock. Bear in mind, I

900
00:39:21,520 --> 00:39:25,040
Speaker 2: had just given birth. I breastfeed my baby, so I

901
00:39:25,200 --> 00:39:28,120
Speaker 2: barely sleep at night and wake up super early, so

902
00:39:28,200 --> 00:39:30,799
Speaker 2: at five pm, I'm simply exhausted.

903
00:39:31,320 --> 00:39:32,840
Speaker 1: When they arrived, I asked.

904
00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:35,040
Speaker 2: Them what they were doing all day long since we

905
00:39:35,040 --> 00:39:38,040
Speaker 2: were expecting them. My mother replied they didn't want to

906
00:39:38,080 --> 00:39:41,200
Speaker 2: disturb my neighbor. I had to share my hospital room

907
00:39:41,239 --> 00:39:46,520
Speaker 2: with another lady and her baby. What and she spent

908
00:39:46,560 --> 00:39:50,000
Speaker 2: the day cleaning up our house, which was clean, by

909
00:39:50,040 --> 00:39:51,920
Speaker 2: the way, But my mother is a bit obsessed with

910
00:39:51,960 --> 00:39:54,680
Speaker 2: cleaning up. So I thanked my mom for the cleaning,

911
00:39:54,840 --> 00:39:57,600
Speaker 2: but told her I would have rather they came earlier.

912
00:39:58,239 --> 00:40:00,520
Speaker 2: On Monday, I was released and.

913
00:40:00,480 --> 00:40:03,600
Speaker 1: We all headed home. My mother took my husband shopping.

914
00:40:03,840 --> 00:40:07,000
Speaker 2: She brought us enough food to feed an army, diapers,

915
00:40:07,040 --> 00:40:09,560
Speaker 2: a new vacuum and a barbecue.

916
00:40:09,600 --> 00:40:12,440
Speaker 4: You can't go anywhere without your barbecue.

917
00:40:11,880 --> 00:40:15,520
Speaker 1: So she's all giddy with these new purchases.

918
00:40:15,800 --> 00:40:18,319
Speaker 2: We are really grateful and thank her, but honestly, we

919
00:40:18,360 --> 00:40:22,000
Speaker 2: did not ask nor need so much. The day went well,

920
00:40:22,480 --> 00:40:26,360
Speaker 2: except I noticed my baby asking for more feeding. My

921
00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:28,719
Speaker 2: husband asked my parents if they could stay with me

922
00:40:28,760 --> 00:40:32,160
Speaker 2: on Wednesday since he exceptionally had to go back to

923
00:40:32,200 --> 00:40:34,680
Speaker 2: work all day long and I was a bit anxious

924
00:40:34,719 --> 00:40:36,239
Speaker 2: to stay alone from eight am to.

925
00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:37,920
Speaker 1: Eight pm, and they agreed.

926
00:40:38,480 --> 00:40:40,880
Speaker 2: On Tuesday, we were all at home, but we needed

927
00:40:40,880 --> 00:40:43,200
Speaker 2: to go back to the hospital for a routine exam.

928
00:40:43,640 --> 00:40:45,440
Speaker 2: The trouble was it took me half the day to

929
00:40:45,480 --> 00:40:48,439
Speaker 2: secure an appointment to get it done. By the time

930
00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:50,920
Speaker 2: we arrived there, my slight headache from the previous night

931
00:40:50,960 --> 00:40:54,360
Speaker 2: had gotten bigger, the baby was still asking for more feeding,

932
00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:56,960
Speaker 2: and now we were stuck in the exam room with

933
00:40:57,080 --> 00:40:59,759
Speaker 2: the screams of babies surrounding us.

934
00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:03,200
Speaker 1: That's not good for a headache, No, it's gonna make

935
00:41:03,200 --> 00:41:07,719
Speaker 1: it worse. Of course, our baby boy was growing anxious too.

936
00:41:07,960 --> 00:41:08,680
Speaker 4: Ah, that's screaming.

937
00:41:09,200 --> 00:41:12,799
Speaker 2: Doctors and pediatric nurses told us everything was all right.

938
00:41:13,120 --> 00:41:14,040
Speaker 1: And we were free to go.

939
00:41:14,600 --> 00:41:17,440
Speaker 2: We came back home and the baby literally latched on

940
00:41:17,760 --> 00:41:21,759
Speaker 2: to my front air bag and I'm impossible to let

941
00:41:21,840 --> 00:41:25,160
Speaker 2: him go for five minutes without screaming. Now my mother

942
00:41:25,280 --> 00:41:27,719
Speaker 2: is growing anxious too, and telling me I probably need

943
00:41:27,760 --> 00:41:31,759
Speaker 2: to compliment his feeding with milk. My head is about

944
00:41:31,800 --> 00:41:35,160
Speaker 2: to explode no matter what medicine I take. My wife

945
00:41:35,200 --> 00:41:38,560
Speaker 2: called me to My midwife called me to check on me.

946
00:41:38,920 --> 00:41:41,160
Speaker 2: I told her what was happening, and she simply replied

947
00:41:41,160 --> 00:41:43,239
Speaker 2: that it is completely normal, and that the baby was

948
00:41:43,280 --> 00:41:46,480
Speaker 2: disturbed twice in his routine, first from the hospital to

949
00:41:46,520 --> 00:41:48,280
Speaker 2: our house and then to the hospital again.

950
00:41:48,760 --> 00:41:50,800
Speaker 1: And since all the signs are positive that he's.

951
00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:53,920
Speaker 2: Gaining weight and being correctly hydrated and fed, I only

952
00:41:53,960 --> 00:41:56,279
Speaker 2: have to feed him as he asks and keep him

953
00:41:56,280 --> 00:41:59,080
Speaker 2: close to us and it will pass. She was about

954
00:41:59,120 --> 00:42:01,760
Speaker 2: to visit us at home the following morning. I spent

955
00:42:01,840 --> 00:42:05,160
Speaker 2: almost five hours non stop nursing. By the time my

956
00:42:05,280 --> 00:42:09,279
Speaker 2: husband arrived home, my head was unliving me. I was dehydrated, sore,

957
00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:13,080
Speaker 2: stressed as I have never been, starving, and exhausted.

958
00:42:13,520 --> 00:42:15,080
Speaker 1: Thankfully, my parents made me dinner.

959
00:42:15,560 --> 00:42:17,479
Speaker 2: My husband took the baby so that I could eat

960
00:42:17,760 --> 00:42:20,880
Speaker 2: I barely had time to eat two mouthfuls before my

961
00:42:20,960 --> 00:42:23,600
Speaker 2: mother went at me again, telling me I needed to

962
00:42:23,600 --> 00:42:26,880
Speaker 2: compliment my milk, that I was not feeding him properly.

963
00:42:27,400 --> 00:42:30,040
Speaker 1: I could feel what was going on in my mom's head.

964
00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:33,520
Speaker 2: She was absolutely anxious and stressed and pouring it all

965
00:42:33,640 --> 00:42:36,600
Speaker 2: on to me. I repeated again with the doctor and

966
00:42:36,680 --> 00:42:40,240
Speaker 2: the pediatric nurses, and my midwife told me that it's normal.

967
00:42:40,480 --> 00:42:42,640
Speaker 2: He's gaining weight every day and there's nothing to do

968
00:42:42,680 --> 00:42:44,600
Speaker 2: at the moment, and my midwife will be there at

969
00:42:44,680 --> 00:42:47,600
Speaker 2: nine am the following day. She replied that I needed

970
00:42:47,640 --> 00:42:50,680
Speaker 2: to ask again until I had another answer, maybe an

971
00:42:50,719 --> 00:42:52,440
Speaker 2: answer that she liked and agreed with.

972
00:42:52,719 --> 00:42:57,200
Speaker 4: She needs to leave. She's not being helpful, truly, she's

973
00:42:57,280 --> 00:42:58,120
Speaker 4: just giving me a headache.

974
00:42:58,200 --> 00:42:59,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's like, hey, do you want to be more

975
00:42:59,520 --> 00:43:02,120
Speaker 2: stressed by Hey, Hey, you're doing that wrong.

976
00:43:02,200 --> 00:43:04,160
Speaker 1: You're doing the mom wrong. You need more milk.

977
00:43:04,239 --> 00:43:06,200
Speaker 5: Your milk is not there to already be in a

978
00:43:06,239 --> 00:43:09,640
Speaker 5: stressful situation and have someone who just actively makes it worse.

979
00:43:09,960 --> 00:43:12,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, now the baby is screaming again.

980
00:43:12,600 --> 00:43:15,120
Speaker 2: My headache is splitting my brain in a thousand pieces,

981
00:43:15,120 --> 00:43:15,879
Speaker 2: and I lost it.

982
00:43:16,320 --> 00:43:17,880
Speaker 1: I told her to stop it.

983
00:43:18,480 --> 00:43:21,120
Speaker 2: I couldn't bear to hear another negative comment, and that

984
00:43:21,200 --> 00:43:23,680
Speaker 2: I knew what she was doing, making me bear her

985
00:43:23,719 --> 00:43:27,040
Speaker 2: own anxiety, whereas I already had my own fears to bear.

986
00:43:27,480 --> 00:43:31,840
Speaker 2: I just couldn't take any more. My father interjected that

987
00:43:31,920 --> 00:43:35,000
Speaker 2: it was not a negative comment. My husband interrupted us

988
00:43:35,040 --> 00:43:36,640
Speaker 2: to tell me that the baby just needed to have

989
00:43:36,640 --> 00:43:39,160
Speaker 2: his diaper changed and to relax, and my mother started

990
00:43:39,160 --> 00:43:41,319
Speaker 2: screaming at me that she wanted to leave, that she

991
00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:44,239
Speaker 2: was there because we asked for her help, and that

992
00:43:44,360 --> 00:43:47,319
Speaker 2: she spent too much money on us too, and that

993
00:43:47,440 --> 00:43:51,359
Speaker 2: I always take her as a scapegoat. I replied, and

994
00:43:51,360 --> 00:43:53,680
Speaker 2: that I just gave birth, had a bloody headache for

995
00:43:53,680 --> 00:43:56,560
Speaker 2: two days, and was nursing for five hours, and that

996
00:43:56,600 --> 00:43:59,080
Speaker 2: I was and that I was at the end of

997
00:43:59,120 --> 00:44:01,960
Speaker 2: my rope and I just needed support and not criticism.

998
00:44:02,360 --> 00:44:05,799
Speaker 2: And the cherry on the cake was her response. If

999
00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:07,799
Speaker 2: you're at the end of your your rope, then you

1000
00:44:07,840 --> 00:44:09,640
Speaker 2: need to see a psychiatrist.

1001
00:44:09,800 --> 00:44:11,040
Speaker 1: I think you just need to leave.

1002
00:44:11,520 --> 00:44:16,719
Speaker 4: You just should go. Yeah, please just go. You tell

1003
00:44:16,760 --> 00:44:17,680
Speaker 4: your mom she gotta go.

1004
00:44:18,320 --> 00:44:21,080
Speaker 1: Your mom is the catalyst for your need for psychiatry.

1005
00:44:21,120 --> 00:44:23,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, did She dropped the comment on like I

1006
00:44:23,920 --> 00:44:25,560
Speaker 2: already spent too much more now and you I'd be like,

1007
00:44:25,719 --> 00:44:27,440
Speaker 2: then you can take all that stuff back at all.

1008
00:44:27,680 --> 00:44:28,680
Speaker 1: I didn't want that on it.

1009
00:44:29,280 --> 00:44:32,560
Speaker 5: You can ride it home, take it away, want your vacuum,

1010
00:44:32,680 --> 00:44:33,640
Speaker 5: take it back to the store.

1011
00:44:33,680 --> 00:44:34,000
Speaker 4: Cue.

1012
00:44:34,920 --> 00:44:37,640
Speaker 2: I asked her if she really thought she was helping

1013
00:44:37,680 --> 00:44:40,880
Speaker 2: me at that moment, and that if she couldn't understand

1014
00:44:40,920 --> 00:44:43,280
Speaker 2: that now was not the time for her to play victim.

1015
00:44:43,680 --> 00:44:46,560
Speaker 2: I really had nothing else to say. She yelled at me,

1016
00:44:46,640 --> 00:44:49,520
Speaker 2: saying she didn't want to hear anything else. I just

1017
00:44:49,560 --> 00:44:52,640
Speaker 2: told her, then go take your presence with you, since

1018
00:44:52,640 --> 00:44:55,399
Speaker 2: you always throw them in my face. I went back

1019
00:44:55,400 --> 00:44:57,360
Speaker 2: to my room, trying to close my eyes for a

1020
00:44:57,400 --> 00:44:59,200
Speaker 2: minute to ease my migraine.

1021
00:44:59,600 --> 00:45:00,520
Speaker 1: Ten minut and it's passed.

1022
00:45:00,600 --> 00:45:03,520
Speaker 2: My husband came back with our baby and everything was silent.

1023
00:45:03,920 --> 00:45:06,040
Speaker 2: He told me my parents went away without even telling

1024
00:45:06,080 --> 00:45:08,640
Speaker 2: him goodbye. He was alone, trying to calm our son

1025
00:45:08,719 --> 00:45:11,080
Speaker 2: in the bathroom. Came out asking for a hand and

1026
00:45:11,120 --> 00:45:14,520
Speaker 2: found no one. Ten minutes later, my migraine went away

1027
00:45:15,000 --> 00:45:16,400
Speaker 2: and our baby was sound asleep.

1028
00:45:16,880 --> 00:45:19,239
Speaker 4: Imagine that funny how that happens.

1029
00:45:19,640 --> 00:45:23,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, they left us at midnight without even telling me,

1030
00:45:23,360 --> 00:45:26,080
Speaker 2: without even telling my husband, who did nothing but tried

1031
00:45:26,120 --> 00:45:29,239
Speaker 2: to bring peace into this bloody mess. I've never felt

1032
00:45:29,280 --> 00:45:32,120
Speaker 2: so disgusted in my life. And just to be clear,

1033
00:45:32,280 --> 00:45:35,040
Speaker 2: when my midwife came the following day, she examined our

1034
00:45:35,080 --> 00:45:37,840
Speaker 2: son and assured me he was perfectly fine. He gained

1035
00:45:37,880 --> 00:45:41,439
Speaker 2: seventy grams in one day. The average is fifty quick

1036
00:45:41,480 --> 00:45:44,400
Speaker 2: at him. I told her what happened, and she understood

1037
00:45:44,440 --> 00:45:47,120
Speaker 2: completely that my mother was projecting something about her own

1038
00:45:47,200 --> 00:45:49,920
Speaker 2: story onto me, and that it wasn't fair nor healthy

1039
00:45:49,960 --> 00:45:52,959
Speaker 2: for me or the baby. The baby actually could feel

1040
00:45:52,960 --> 00:45:55,600
Speaker 2: the tension and was expressing it through his screams.

1041
00:45:56,440 --> 00:46:00,160
Speaker 4: They was like, come on, guys, it's working out. We

1042
00:46:00,160 --> 00:46:01,600
Speaker 4: don't need to fight anymore.

1043
00:46:02,400 --> 00:46:04,560
Speaker 1: The baby's just screaming in baby language.

1044
00:46:05,320 --> 00:46:13,920
Speaker 4: Grandma, leave stop it. No one gets what I'm saying.

1045
00:46:14,040 --> 00:46:17,880
Speaker 5: It's like baby geniuses. But he's like a licensed therapist.

1046
00:46:19,080 --> 00:46:24,200
Speaker 1: We shouldn't really be leaning on these parents for help

1047
00:46:24,239 --> 00:46:24,800
Speaker 1: in the future.

1048
00:46:25,360 --> 00:46:28,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, like you can go to Christmas and hang out

1049
00:46:28,040 --> 00:46:30,200
Speaker 5: with her, but I don't think having her over at

1050
00:46:30,200 --> 00:46:33,760
Speaker 5: your house in any sort of like you know, helping

1051
00:46:33,840 --> 00:46:35,880
Speaker 5: capacity is good because she's not helpful.

1052
00:46:36,239 --> 00:46:38,680
Speaker 1: Yes, so here I am read it.

1053
00:46:39,160 --> 00:46:41,680
Speaker 2: I haven't had any news from them since their departure

1054
00:46:41,680 --> 00:46:44,759
Speaker 2: two days ago. I've got the temptation to expose this

1055
00:46:44,880 --> 00:46:47,680
Speaker 2: story to the whole family, first to let them realize

1056
00:46:47,680 --> 00:46:49,799
Speaker 2: how awful they were to us, and secondly to warn

1057
00:46:49,840 --> 00:46:53,120
Speaker 2: my brothers that my mother is perhaps losing her head.

1058
00:46:53,640 --> 00:46:54,920
Speaker 1: But I really don't know what to do.

1059
00:46:55,360 --> 00:46:58,239
Speaker 2: Yesterday I received a weird message in my Facebook inbox.

1060
00:46:58,640 --> 00:47:01,040
Speaker 1: Apparently it was for my mother.

1061
00:47:00,880 --> 00:47:04,600
Speaker 2: In law, but somehow arrived in my inbox and my

1062
00:47:04,719 --> 00:47:08,000
Speaker 2: mother was inviting her at her home and telling her

1063
00:47:08,040 --> 00:47:10,360
Speaker 2: how happy she was for us and for our baby,

1064
00:47:10,400 --> 00:47:14,719
Speaker 2: as if nothing had happened. This is insane. So far,

1065
00:47:14,800 --> 00:47:17,960
Speaker 2: we're going no contact until a proper apology.

1066
00:47:18,360 --> 00:47:19,160
Speaker 1: What would you do?

1067
00:47:19,760 --> 00:47:22,160
Speaker 4: I don't think you need to go to the whole family.

1068
00:47:22,239 --> 00:47:23,839
Speaker 5: I think you could talk to your siblings if you're

1069
00:47:23,840 --> 00:47:26,600
Speaker 5: close with your siblings, But yeah, I don't know about

1070
00:47:26,600 --> 00:47:27,480
Speaker 5: like whole family.

1071
00:47:27,719 --> 00:47:30,080
Speaker 2: I think going to the whole family kind of You know,

1072
00:47:30,200 --> 00:47:33,800
Speaker 2: not to harp on the silly baby's technique, but when's

1073
00:47:33,800 --> 00:47:35,640
Speaker 2: the last time you sent a message to your whole

1074
00:47:35,640 --> 00:47:38,319
Speaker 2: family about something a silly baby did? Yeah, you know,

1075
00:47:39,080 --> 00:47:41,479
Speaker 2: so a silly baby pooped their pants? On your silly

1076
00:47:41,480 --> 00:47:42,799
Speaker 2: baby pooped your pants.

1077
00:47:42,480 --> 00:47:44,000
Speaker 4: Everyone texts the whole family, Chin.

1078
00:47:44,239 --> 00:47:46,520
Speaker 2: Baby pooped the pre Is it going to bring more

1079
00:47:46,560 --> 00:47:49,400
Speaker 2: peace into your life? To get your whole family? I

1080
00:47:49,440 --> 00:47:52,239
Speaker 2: think the only thing I would recommend there is if

1081
00:47:52,280 --> 00:47:55,000
Speaker 2: you really feel like your mom's behavior is like going

1082
00:47:55,040 --> 00:47:58,879
Speaker 2: to another level or like getting out of control, like yes,

1083
00:47:59,160 --> 00:48:01,239
Speaker 2: then going from a place have concerned to your family

1084
00:48:01,280 --> 00:48:03,360
Speaker 2: and being like, hey, do we all think mom is okay?

1085
00:48:03,640 --> 00:48:04,000
Speaker 1: Yeah?

1086
00:48:04,120 --> 00:48:05,200
Speaker 4: I think that would make sense.

1087
00:48:05,239 --> 00:48:08,080
Speaker 5: But in the like in any other circumstance, it just

1088
00:48:08,120 --> 00:48:09,879
Speaker 5: feels like added stress for you.

1089
00:48:10,239 --> 00:48:14,879
Speaker 1: Yeah, and for baby and for bab don't need this. Hey,

1090
00:48:14,880 --> 00:48:16,560
Speaker 1: it's Sam. We're gonna get back to these stories. But

1091
00:48:16,719 --> 00:48:18,960
Speaker 1: here's three minutes of ads for our sponsors.

1092
00:48:19,160 --> 00:48:22,239
Speaker 5: I gave my father an ultimatum about his life choices,

1093
00:48:22,480 --> 00:48:26,680
Speaker 5: but it changed nothing. Trigger warning booze. Over the past

1094
00:48:26,800 --> 00:48:28,680
Speaker 5: year and a half, my family has been having some

1095
00:48:28,800 --> 00:48:31,200
Speaker 5: problems centered around my dad's drinking.

1096
00:48:31,520 --> 00:48:33,680
Speaker 2: It will probably be it's gonna be a little intense,

1097
00:48:34,080 --> 00:48:34,920
Speaker 2: So if you guys.

1098
00:48:34,680 --> 00:48:37,520
Speaker 5: Do not want to hear that story, come back probably

1099
00:48:37,600 --> 00:48:41,440
Speaker 5: in thirty minutes. I am eighteen, my brother is sixteen,

1100
00:48:41,560 --> 00:48:44,360
Speaker 5: and my parents are forty male forty one female.

1101
00:48:44,440 --> 00:48:45,120
Speaker 4: By the way, this.

1102
00:48:45,040 --> 00:48:48,680
Speaker 5: Comes from Dad is a an alcoholic help and if

1103
00:48:48,680 --> 00:48:50,239
Speaker 5: you want to sumit your own stories go to the

1104
00:48:50,320 --> 00:48:54,600
Speaker 5: r slash Okay storytime separate it. So when the drinking started,

1105
00:48:54,920 --> 00:48:57,960
Speaker 5: both of my parents have always drank adult soda to

1106
00:48:58,040 --> 00:49:01,080
Speaker 5: a unwind after the day, couple of nights a week.

1107
00:49:01,480 --> 00:49:04,120
Speaker 5: They don't get sloppy, wasted or bits drink. They never

1108
00:49:04,239 --> 00:49:06,719
Speaker 5: drink and drive, have never been violent, nothing like that,

1109
00:49:07,280 --> 00:49:09,720
Speaker 5: so I have no problem with their adult soda drinking.

1110
00:49:10,000 --> 00:49:12,279
Speaker 5: About a year and a half ago, my dad had

1111
00:49:12,320 --> 00:49:15,080
Speaker 5: cut back on his hours at work and got depressed.

1112
00:49:15,520 --> 00:49:17,640
Speaker 5: He is a very intelligent man and I think he

1113
00:49:17,640 --> 00:49:20,800
Speaker 5: could have been so successful if he had devoted himself

1114
00:49:20,840 --> 00:49:23,640
Speaker 5: to his studies when he was younger. He has always

1115
00:49:23,719 --> 00:49:27,160
Speaker 5: loved science and has a passion for astronomy. After twenty

1116
00:49:27,239 --> 00:49:30,359
Speaker 5: years as a manager slash fry cook at the same restaurant, though,

1117
00:49:30,760 --> 00:49:34,320
Speaker 5: he really felt unfulfilled with his life. As a result,

1118
00:49:34,520 --> 00:49:38,440
Speaker 5: he turned to whiskey. When my dad drinks whiskey, he

1119
00:49:38,520 --> 00:49:41,719
Speaker 5: turns into the biggest a hole I have ever met.

1120
00:49:42,160 --> 00:49:43,120
Speaker 1: He gets really.

1121
00:49:42,880 --> 00:49:46,920
Speaker 5: Slurred, belligerent and all around annoying. It was just something

1122
00:49:46,920 --> 00:49:49,000
Speaker 5: my family put up with for a few months, but

1123
00:49:49,080 --> 00:49:52,440
Speaker 5: the nights where he'd get wasted became more and more frequent.

1124
00:49:52,920 --> 00:49:55,320
Speaker 5: Sometimes he would ask me to take him to the

1125
00:49:55,360 --> 00:49:57,960
Speaker 5: liquor store after he had already been drinking adult soda,

1126
00:49:58,400 --> 00:50:00,960
Speaker 5: and I apply. And I applied because I didn't want

1127
00:50:00,960 --> 00:50:03,240
Speaker 5: to make a mad and I hadn't realized the extent

1128
00:50:03,320 --> 00:50:06,160
Speaker 5: of the problem yet. He was drinking a large bottle

1129
00:50:06,239 --> 00:50:10,279
Speaker 5: of crappy, cheap whiskey every time he got wasted. He

1130
00:50:10,440 --> 00:50:13,759
Speaker 5: usually only drank later at night until he tried to

1131
00:50:13,840 --> 00:50:16,919
Speaker 5: quit smoking early February of this year. He would start

1132
00:50:16,960 --> 00:50:19,080
Speaker 5: drinking as soon as he got home from work two

1133
00:50:19,080 --> 00:50:22,360
Speaker 5: to three pm to try to curb his nicotine cravings.

1134
00:50:22,600 --> 00:50:25,240
Speaker 2: Oo oo, Yeah, and that if that's not the most

1135
00:50:25,719 --> 00:50:30,960
Speaker 2: addiction codd strategy for quitting cigarettes I've ever seen in

1136
00:50:30,960 --> 00:50:31,360
Speaker 2: my life.

1137
00:50:32,000 --> 00:50:33,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's pretty that's bad.

1138
00:50:33,920 --> 00:50:36,680
Speaker 5: But as you can imagine, it really only made them worse.

1139
00:50:37,080 --> 00:50:39,759
Speaker 5: My mom and I were becoming increasingly unhappy as this

1140
00:50:39,800 --> 00:50:42,200
Speaker 5: went on. For around a month. They would have a

1141
00:50:42,239 --> 00:50:45,000
Speaker 5: brief verbal fight almost every night until my mom just

1142
00:50:45,040 --> 00:50:47,840
Speaker 5: said ef it and went to bed. I dreaded coming

1143
00:50:47,880 --> 00:50:50,279
Speaker 5: home every day, not knowing how wasted, he would be.

1144
00:50:50,760 --> 00:50:52,879
Speaker 5: I acted pretty cold to him when he would try

1145
00:50:52,920 --> 00:50:55,360
Speaker 5: to talk to me during this time. One night, I

1146
00:50:55,400 --> 00:50:57,840
Speaker 5: came home at five forty five pm as he was

1147
00:50:57,880 --> 00:51:00,200
Speaker 5: angrily storming out of the house to get in his car.

1148
00:51:00,920 --> 00:51:04,520
Speaker 5: He has never drank and drove before, or even attempted to.

1149
00:51:05,120 --> 00:51:07,520
Speaker 5: He usually spends the night at whiche, her friend's house.

1150
00:51:07,520 --> 00:51:09,719
Speaker 5: He was playing poker at or gets a ride, so

1151
00:51:09,840 --> 00:51:13,360
Speaker 5: this was pretty uncharacteristic of him. Apparently, he had asked

1152
00:51:13,400 --> 00:51:15,359
Speaker 5: my brother to drive him to the liquor store when

1153
00:51:15,360 --> 00:51:17,880
Speaker 5: he realized he didn't have any whiskey. My brother as

1154
00:51:17,920 --> 00:51:20,440
Speaker 5: a permit, but hadn't driven in a few months and

1155
00:51:20,520 --> 00:51:23,799
Speaker 5: didn't feel comfortable driving on the highway at such a

1156
00:51:23,840 --> 00:51:26,480
Speaker 5: busy time of night, so he said no. I took

1157
00:51:26,520 --> 00:51:28,680
Speaker 5: my dad to the liquor store so he wouldn't drive,

1158
00:51:29,200 --> 00:51:31,160
Speaker 5: and we had an argument on the way there. I

1159
00:51:31,239 --> 00:51:34,040
Speaker 5: was giving him the cold shoulder, obviously, and I went

1160
00:51:34,120 --> 00:51:37,200
Speaker 5: something along the lines of him, Oh, so you're really

1161
00:51:37,239 --> 00:51:37,960
Speaker 5: gonna act like that?

1162
00:51:38,200 --> 00:51:38,640
Speaker 1: Huh?

1163
00:51:38,760 --> 00:51:40,359
Speaker 4: Is that how you're gonna be? God?

1164
00:51:40,480 --> 00:51:43,800
Speaker 5: Dang, you make me wanna buy SIGs while I'm there. Me,

1165
00:51:44,440 --> 00:51:47,000
Speaker 5: I'll turn this freaking car around right now. If you do,

1166
00:51:47,000 --> 00:51:48,919
Speaker 5: don't you dare try to blame this on me when

1167
00:51:48,920 --> 00:51:52,000
Speaker 5: Mom and I have been nothing but supportive and encouraging,

1168
00:51:52,239 --> 00:51:54,719
Speaker 5: even when you're being such a knuckle at. He said

1169
00:51:54,760 --> 00:51:58,120
Speaker 5: something and I ended up getting in the turning lane,

1170
00:51:58,200 --> 00:52:00,440
Speaker 5: but he said he wouldn't buy any so I took

1171
00:52:00,480 --> 00:52:02,239
Speaker 5: him on the condition that I would leave him there

1172
00:52:02,320 --> 00:52:05,000
Speaker 5: if he bought any. I made him empty his pockets

1173
00:52:05,040 --> 00:52:07,279
Speaker 5: in front of me and checked the receipt before I

1174
00:52:07,360 --> 00:52:09,960
Speaker 5: left him. Before I let him in the car, and

1175
00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:13,439
Speaker 5: I called him pathetic. We drove home in silence. When

1176
00:52:13,440 --> 00:52:16,920
Speaker 5: it came to ed around two weeks after that incident,

1177
00:52:17,120 --> 00:52:18,879
Speaker 5: my mom came out of a room where she had

1178
00:52:18,920 --> 00:52:21,560
Speaker 5: been talking to my dad and asked me to take

1179
00:52:21,560 --> 00:52:23,560
Speaker 5: her to a friend's house. I asked her what was

1180
00:52:23,600 --> 00:52:25,640
Speaker 5: going on, but she asked me to please take her.

1181
00:52:26,080 --> 00:52:27,920
Speaker 5: She needed to get away for a while. She just

1182
00:52:27,960 --> 00:52:30,839
Speaker 5: had this internal eternal sadness about her.

1183
00:52:31,200 --> 00:52:31,800
Speaker 4: It was awful.

1184
00:52:32,160 --> 00:52:34,080
Speaker 5: So we got in the car and I kept asking

1185
00:52:34,120 --> 00:52:36,560
Speaker 5: her what was going on. She kept saying, I just

1186
00:52:36,560 --> 00:52:38,920
Speaker 5: needed to get away. I've tried my last try. I've

1187
00:52:38,960 --> 00:52:41,480
Speaker 5: done all I can do. I pushed the subject and

1188
00:52:41,520 --> 00:52:44,760
Speaker 5: she told me that they had not had spicy sleep

1189
00:52:44,800 --> 00:52:45,680
Speaker 5: in two years.

1190
00:52:46,200 --> 00:52:47,560
Speaker 4: Why are you telling your daughter this?

1191
00:52:47,920 --> 00:52:49,640
Speaker 1: Why are we involving these people?

1192
00:52:49,800 --> 00:52:53,320
Speaker 5: This really pissed me off. My mother has always done

1193
00:52:53,440 --> 00:52:56,280
Speaker 5: so much for me and my brother. She works forty

1194
00:52:56,280 --> 00:52:59,799
Speaker 5: five hours a week Monday through Friday without fail, takes

1195
00:52:59,840 --> 00:53:02,680
Speaker 5: care of all the finances, are dogs, and the housework,

1196
00:53:02,719 --> 00:53:06,319
Speaker 5: while my dad pretty much does nothing. He makes less

1197
00:53:06,360 --> 00:53:08,239
Speaker 5: than half of what she does in one week when

1198
00:53:08,280 --> 00:53:10,760
Speaker 5: he used to make more than her, and we're pretty poor.

1199
00:53:11,200 --> 00:53:14,040
Speaker 5: So not only was my dad not satisfying her financially

1200
00:53:14,680 --> 00:53:18,719
Speaker 5: or emotionally anymore, he wasn't even satisfying her spicely.

1201
00:53:19,280 --> 00:53:21,840
Speaker 1: I was why are the kids tuned in to that?

1202
00:53:22,040 --> 00:53:24,920
Speaker 5: I don't that's I mean, I'm sure she's going through

1203
00:53:24,920 --> 00:53:27,680
Speaker 5: a really, really hard time, but don't involve your kids

1204
00:53:27,680 --> 00:53:31,319
Speaker 5: in that. I was so angry I almost cried right there,

1205
00:53:31,640 --> 00:53:34,239
Speaker 5: but I didn't. I dropped my mom off and went home.

1206
00:53:34,680 --> 00:53:36,840
Speaker 5: My dad was pissed off at me when I got home,

1207
00:53:36,840 --> 00:53:39,280
Speaker 5: but he just left me alone in my room after

1208
00:53:39,320 --> 00:53:42,120
Speaker 5: asking who's house she was staying at. I got online

1209
00:53:42,200 --> 00:53:44,120
Speaker 5: later that night to look at my mom's bank account

1210
00:53:44,160 --> 00:53:46,439
Speaker 5: to budget whether or not we could afford to move out.

1211
00:53:46,880 --> 00:53:48,960
Speaker 5: I found out we could, and I also found out

1212
00:53:48,960 --> 00:53:52,160
Speaker 5: the extent of my dad's whiskey purchases. It came out

1213
00:53:52,160 --> 00:53:54,680
Speaker 5: to around ninety dollars a week when he only makes

1214
00:53:54,719 --> 00:53:57,799
Speaker 5: two hundred and fifty dollars a week. I called my

1215
00:53:57,840 --> 00:53:59,640
Speaker 5: mom and told her we could afford it if we

1216
00:53:59,640 --> 00:54:02,319
Speaker 5: moved out. I said I loved her and told her

1217
00:54:02,400 --> 00:54:04,719
Speaker 5: good night. She came back the next day and my

1218
00:54:04,840 --> 00:54:08,120
Speaker 5: dad was angry, but it kind of fizzled out after that.

1219
00:54:08,280 --> 00:54:12,480
Speaker 5: He started smoking again and drinking decidedly less, although still

1220
00:54:12,480 --> 00:54:15,080
Speaker 5: too often and too much. During all of this time,

1221
00:54:15,160 --> 00:54:17,719
Speaker 5: I had never really spoken to him about how much

1222
00:54:17,719 --> 00:54:20,080
Speaker 5: it hurt me. My Mom had relaid some things I

1223
00:54:20,120 --> 00:54:21,879
Speaker 5: had told her, but I was too chicken to talk

1224
00:54:21,920 --> 00:54:25,400
Speaker 5: to him when I normally never avoid confrontation the past

1225
00:54:25,400 --> 00:54:28,360
Speaker 5: two weeks. After that, my dad drank less, but I

1226
00:54:28,440 --> 00:54:30,080
Speaker 5: was still angry at him for what he had put

1227
00:54:30,120 --> 00:54:33,080
Speaker 5: us through. My mom, brother and I had some emotional

1228
00:54:33,120 --> 00:54:36,080
Speaker 5: conversations about it, and my mom told my dad about

1229
00:54:36,120 --> 00:54:38,520
Speaker 5: how she had been depressed in the past and that

1230
00:54:38,719 --> 00:54:41,880
Speaker 5: something had to give. They had to start having spicy

1231
00:54:41,920 --> 00:54:44,960
Speaker 5: sleep again and he needed to quit drinking. She told

1232
00:54:45,040 --> 00:54:46,760
Speaker 5: him that I pretty much thought he was a loser.

1233
00:54:47,239 --> 00:54:49,240
Speaker 5: I also found out that the night I had taken

1234
00:54:49,239 --> 00:54:51,640
Speaker 5: her to a friend's house, she had made up her

1235
00:54:51,680 --> 00:54:54,440
Speaker 5: mind to leave him, but she decided to try again.

1236
00:54:55,000 --> 00:54:57,160
Speaker 5: My mom is such a strong woman and isn't the

1237
00:54:57,200 --> 00:54:59,480
Speaker 5: type to give up on someone so easily. As you

1238
00:54:59,520 --> 00:55:02,960
Speaker 5: can tell, he cried with her about it and promised

1239
00:55:03,000 --> 00:55:05,640
Speaker 5: he would change. He wrote me a letter two weeks

1240
00:55:05,680 --> 00:55:07,720
Speaker 5: ago and apologized for what he had put me through.

1241
00:55:08,200 --> 00:55:10,360
Speaker 5: He told me he had been depressed and had begun

1242
00:55:10,400 --> 00:55:12,600
Speaker 5: to take my brother and I for granted, even though

1243
00:55:12,640 --> 00:55:15,520
Speaker 5: we've been such awesome kids, and that he took my

1244
00:55:15,560 --> 00:55:18,120
Speaker 5: mom for granted too. He acknowledged that he had been

1245
00:55:18,160 --> 00:55:20,640
Speaker 5: drinking too much and promised to be a better man.

1246
00:55:21,120 --> 00:55:23,440
Speaker 5: But I think OP just like realized, this is someone

1247
00:55:23,440 --> 00:55:28,400
Speaker 5: who is actively, you know, has a drinking problem, and

1248
00:55:28,480 --> 00:55:31,840
Speaker 5: it doesn't just go away with them saying words. This

1249
00:55:31,960 --> 00:55:36,319
Speaker 5: is someone who needs professional help, and he's not doing

1250
00:55:36,360 --> 00:55:39,879
Speaker 5: it because he doesn't like you or you know, this

1251
00:55:39,920 --> 00:55:42,640
Speaker 5: is an addiction. I hugged him and told him I

1252
00:55:42,719 --> 00:55:44,719
Speaker 5: loved him after reading it, but I didn't get my

1253
00:55:44,760 --> 00:55:47,480
Speaker 5: hopes up for change, as I've been disappointed by him

1254
00:55:47,880 --> 00:55:51,160
Speaker 5: so many times in the past. Well, I was right

1255
00:55:51,560 --> 00:55:54,120
Speaker 5: not to get my hopes up. Things had started to

1256
00:55:54,120 --> 00:55:56,000
Speaker 5: look up because he was being nicer to my mom

1257
00:55:56,040 --> 00:55:59,600
Speaker 5: and they started having spicy sleep again. You shouldn't know this.

1258
00:56:00,800 --> 00:56:01,839
Speaker 5: You should not know that.

1259
00:56:01,960 --> 00:56:05,200
Speaker 1: What are the eight are? Am? I? What are there eighteen?

1260
00:56:05,680 --> 00:56:07,600
Speaker 4: I don't think a eighteen. I don't I don't want

1261
00:56:07,600 --> 00:56:09,799
Speaker 4: it at twenty four. I don't want to know.

1262
00:56:10,200 --> 00:56:11,560
Speaker 1: I don't like either of your parents.

1263
00:56:11,680 --> 00:56:13,439
Speaker 5: I don't think either of your parents should be telling

1264
00:56:13,440 --> 00:56:17,400
Speaker 5: you anything about their spicy life. That's totally inappropriate. He

1265
00:56:17,480 --> 00:56:20,480
Speaker 5: didn't stop drinking whiskey at all, though, he just started

1266
00:56:20,520 --> 00:56:23,080
Speaker 5: trying to hide it. I found bottles of whiskey in

1267
00:56:23,120 --> 00:56:24,920
Speaker 5: our game room. I don't know why he thought. I

1268
00:56:24,960 --> 00:56:26,560
Speaker 5: wasn't going to go in there and check for bottles,

1269
00:56:26,600 --> 00:56:29,200
Speaker 5: but I do every night. This past weekend, my mom

1270
00:56:29,239 --> 00:56:31,440
Speaker 5: went camping with her friends, and he sent me a

1271
00:56:31,480 --> 00:56:34,520
Speaker 5: text that said, disclaimer, I got some whiskey for tonight.

1272
00:56:35,040 --> 00:56:37,600
Speaker 5: I just sent him back a dot dot dot. When

1273
00:56:37,640 --> 00:56:40,040
Speaker 5: he got home and I was acting cold, he asked

1274
00:56:40,080 --> 00:56:43,080
Speaker 5: me what was wrong. I responded that he could probably

1275
00:56:43,160 --> 00:56:45,799
Speaker 5: figure it out on his own. Then he said the

1276
00:56:45,840 --> 00:56:48,319
Speaker 5: whiskey bough. Just get over it?

1277
00:56:48,840 --> 00:56:51,680
Speaker 4: Does he think I am so naive as to not notice.

1278
00:56:52,040 --> 00:56:53,360
Speaker 4: I'm eighteen, not four.

1279
00:56:53,880 --> 00:56:55,719
Speaker 5: I can tell that something is off when he goes

1280
00:56:55,760 --> 00:56:58,040
Speaker 5: out to the car to get SIGs and walks in

1281
00:56:58,280 --> 00:57:01,000
Speaker 5: oddly holding his arm over his to try to cover

1282
00:57:01,040 --> 00:57:03,520
Speaker 5: the bottle of whiskey. That happened last night, and I

1283
00:57:03,560 --> 00:57:06,759
Speaker 5: have been so angry all day thinking about it. I

1284
00:57:06,840 --> 00:57:09,120
Speaker 5: cried at school while venting to a friend about it,

1285
00:57:09,160 --> 00:57:11,799
Speaker 5: which was embarrassing. I really just want to rip up

1286
00:57:11,800 --> 00:57:13,799
Speaker 5: the letter and leave it in his chair and in

1287
00:57:13,840 --> 00:57:16,080
Speaker 5: the bottles in the game room so he'll bring it up,

1288
00:57:16,520 --> 00:57:21,200
Speaker 5: since I'm too chicken too. I hate avoiding conflict, which

1289
00:57:21,440 --> 00:57:24,680
Speaker 5: I never do, but I'm so scared of him actively

1290
00:57:24,760 --> 00:57:26,840
Speaker 5: choosing the whiskey over me once I lay it all

1291
00:57:26,880 --> 00:57:29,400
Speaker 5: out on the line. I just keep thinking about a

1292
00:57:29,480 --> 00:57:32,040
Speaker 5: video I saw where someone laid out a huge pile

1293
00:57:32,080 --> 00:57:35,720
Speaker 5: of jellybeans, with each jellybean representing one day of your life.

1294
00:57:36,160 --> 00:57:38,600
Speaker 5: He took away all the time the average person spends

1295
00:57:38,600 --> 00:57:41,160
Speaker 5: on leisure and basic tasks and work, until you're left

1296
00:57:41,200 --> 00:57:43,400
Speaker 5: with not very many jelly beans at all. I don't

1297
00:57:43,400 --> 00:57:45,760
Speaker 5: want to waste any more of a quote unquote jellybean

1298
00:57:45,800 --> 00:57:48,040
Speaker 5: worrying over this when I'm about to start a new

1299
00:57:48,080 --> 00:57:51,280
Speaker 5: life in the fall. I love my mother so much.

1300
00:57:51,840 --> 00:57:54,120
Speaker 5: She's my best friend, and I'm afraid that if I

1301
00:57:54,120 --> 00:57:56,479
Speaker 5: don't talk to my dad anymore, I won't be able

1302
00:57:56,520 --> 00:57:58,680
Speaker 5: to see her as much since my college is seven

1303
00:57:58,720 --> 00:58:02,040
Speaker 5: hours away. Talk to her about it again tonight, and

1304
00:58:02,080 --> 00:58:05,280
Speaker 5: she told me she understood how I felt her dad

1305
00:58:05,480 --> 00:58:07,920
Speaker 5: was a boozy ac too, which I already knew, so

1306
00:58:07,960 --> 00:58:10,520
Speaker 5: she really does know what I'm going through. She said

1307
00:58:10,560 --> 00:58:12,640
Speaker 5: things were starting to look up since the restaurant he

1308
00:58:12,680 --> 00:58:16,040
Speaker 5: works at is revamping itself and he'll be working more.

1309
00:58:16,440 --> 00:58:17,280
Speaker 4: She told me she.

1310
00:58:17,240 --> 00:58:20,400
Speaker 5: Wasn't necessarily going to stay forever, and that if things

1311
00:58:20,400 --> 00:58:23,760
Speaker 5: really didn't improve anymore, she'll leave. I just don't know

1312
00:58:23,800 --> 00:58:26,240
Speaker 5: how much longer I can keep doing this, though. I

1313
00:58:26,320 --> 00:58:28,160
Speaker 5: told her I was not going to act all hunky

1314
00:58:28,200 --> 00:58:31,280
Speaker 5: dory around him anymore. And at the point where he

1315
00:58:31,320 --> 00:58:33,680
Speaker 5: can either have whiskey in his life or his daughter,

1316
00:58:34,120 --> 00:58:35,800
Speaker 5: I really don't even want him to come to my

1317
00:58:35,880 --> 00:58:39,800
Speaker 5: graduation in three weeks either. That's how much I can't

1318
00:58:39,840 --> 00:58:43,720
Speaker 5: stand him. Help and there is an updates. This is

1319
00:58:43,760 --> 00:58:47,360
Speaker 5: not your responsibility. You don't know how, you're not a professional,

1320
00:58:47,400 --> 00:58:50,240
Speaker 5: you don't know how to fix this rightfully. So and

1321
00:58:50,400 --> 00:58:51,960
Speaker 5: I think this is like you're about to go off

1322
00:58:51,960 --> 00:58:54,160
Speaker 5: to college. Obviously, I'm sure you want to like keep

1323
00:58:54,160 --> 00:58:56,439
Speaker 5: your you know, brother, keep in touch with your brother

1324
00:58:56,480 --> 00:58:58,560
Speaker 5: and everything, and keep in touch with your mom.

1325
00:58:58,600 --> 00:58:59,480
Speaker 4: But I think it's.

1326
00:58:59,400 --> 00:59:05,280
Speaker 5: It's you're eating space so that you emotionally are doing okay,

1327
00:59:05,840 --> 00:59:09,160
Speaker 5: because yeah, you have this heavy, heavy burden and it's

1328
00:59:09,240 --> 00:59:11,160
Speaker 5: just too much for an eighteen year old to bear.

1329
00:59:11,640 --> 00:59:12,080
Speaker 4: Update.

1330
00:59:12,520 --> 00:59:14,800
Speaker 5: Since I posted a little over a week ago, not

1331
00:59:14,960 --> 00:59:18,040
Speaker 5: much has changed. This Saturday night after I posted, my

1332
00:59:18,120 --> 00:59:20,800
Speaker 5: dad was drinking again and was wasted. At this point

1333
00:59:21,080 --> 00:59:22,880
Speaker 5: I could kind of hear him and my mom talking

1334
00:59:22,920 --> 00:59:25,280
Speaker 5: about the whole situation and his depression out on the

1335
00:59:25,280 --> 00:59:27,840
Speaker 5: back porch. After a while, he went out to his

1336
00:59:27,840 --> 00:59:31,120
Speaker 5: car and I'm assuming got whiskey because he was walking

1337
00:59:31,160 --> 00:59:33,680
Speaker 5: strangely and went straight into the game room where he drinks.

1338
00:59:33,960 --> 00:59:36,280
Speaker 5: When he went back outside, I mustered up the courage

1339
00:59:36,280 --> 00:59:38,880
Speaker 5: to go out there and said something along these lines.

1340
00:59:38,960 --> 00:59:41,440
Speaker 4: Me, so are you guys talking about it or what?

1341
00:59:42,000 --> 00:59:45,480
Speaker 5: Him silence me, All right, Fine, you don't have to

1342
00:59:45,480 --> 00:59:47,560
Speaker 5: answer I'll bring it up and say what I want

1343
00:59:47,600 --> 00:59:50,920
Speaker 5: to say. You're a boozyac, and I hate it. Every

1344
00:59:51,000 --> 00:59:53,240
Speaker 5: time you pick up the bottle. It makes me hate.

1345
00:59:53,240 --> 00:59:55,640
Speaker 5: You used to be such an awesome father, and I

1346
00:59:55,640 --> 00:59:58,360
Speaker 5: don't know what's happened to you. I understand that people

1347
00:59:58,400 --> 01:00:00,680
Speaker 5: get depressed, but I feel like you took us all

1348
01:00:00,720 --> 01:00:04,240
Speaker 5: for granted. Every time you drink, you act fine. That's

1349
01:00:04,240 --> 01:00:06,760
Speaker 5: how you guys like to relax and have fun after work.

1350
01:00:06,800 --> 01:00:09,200
Speaker 5: Sometimes I get it. I don't have a problem with that.

1351
01:00:09,320 --> 01:00:12,040
Speaker 5: I have a problem with the whiskey. Every time you

1352
01:00:12,080 --> 01:00:15,040
Speaker 5: start drinking it, you turn into an a hole. You're annoying,

1353
01:00:15,080 --> 01:00:17,680
Speaker 5: and you push my buttons. And what really pisses me

1354
01:00:17,760 --> 01:00:19,680
Speaker 5: off is that you wrote me that letter saying you

1355
01:00:19,720 --> 01:00:22,320
Speaker 5: were going to change and that you love me and

1356
01:00:22,360 --> 01:00:25,160
Speaker 5: all that other crap. But you didn't even stop drinking

1357
01:00:25,360 --> 01:00:28,160
Speaker 5: for a frickin' day. That is not what I consider

1358
01:00:28,280 --> 01:00:31,280
Speaker 5: to be changed. So you can choose whiskey or me.

1359
01:00:31,480 --> 01:00:33,840
Speaker 5: You can't have them both. I love you and I

1360
01:00:33,840 --> 01:00:36,760
Speaker 5: want you to get better, but apparently that the loving

1361
01:00:36,800 --> 01:00:40,240
Speaker 5: approach isn't working with you. It never has before. So

1362
01:00:40,320 --> 01:00:42,960
Speaker 5: an ultimatum is my only way to go, But I'll

1363
01:00:43,000 --> 01:00:45,160
Speaker 5: tell you what. If you're going to try to act

1364
01:00:45,160 --> 01:00:47,880
Speaker 5: like you don't drink whiskey anymore, but you do, I'll

1365
01:00:47,880 --> 01:00:50,960
Speaker 5: find out, and then I will be gone forever, and

1366
01:00:51,320 --> 01:00:53,080
Speaker 5: you're going to miss out on being a part of

1367
01:00:53,080 --> 01:00:55,200
Speaker 5: my awesome life that I have ahead of me. I'm

1368
01:00:55,240 --> 01:00:57,080
Speaker 5: sure that's a lot more put together than what I

1369
01:00:57,160 --> 01:00:59,720
Speaker 5: actually said, but I did feel like I covered all

1370
01:00:59,720 --> 01:01:01,920
Speaker 5: of them points I wanted to in my little speech.

1371
01:01:02,320 --> 01:01:04,560
Speaker 5: I felt really proud of myself for keeping a calm

1372
01:01:04,600 --> 01:01:08,440
Speaker 5: tone throughout the whole time too. Anyway, he just didn't

1373
01:01:08,440 --> 01:01:10,880
Speaker 5: say anything after that, so I slammed the sliding glass

1374
01:01:10,920 --> 01:01:13,400
Speaker 5: door and went back to the computer. They were silent

1375
01:01:13,440 --> 01:01:16,360
Speaker 5: for a couple of minutes until I heard my mom say, well,

1376
01:01:16,400 --> 01:01:18,720
Speaker 5: I don't even know what to say right now, and

1377
01:01:18,760 --> 01:01:20,840
Speaker 5: then I couldn't hear the rest of their talk, nor

1378
01:01:20,880 --> 01:01:23,160
Speaker 5: did I really want to. My mom came in and

1379
01:01:23,200 --> 01:01:25,760
Speaker 5: talked to me, told me she loved me, et cetera,

1380
01:01:26,160 --> 01:01:28,479
Speaker 5: and I told her I was fine, I felt good

1381
01:01:28,640 --> 01:01:29,040
Speaker 5: and all that.

1382
01:01:29,120 --> 01:01:29,480
Speaker 1: Jazz.

1383
01:01:29,640 --> 01:01:31,880
Speaker 5: I feel bad because at one point she had tried

1384
01:01:31,920 --> 01:01:33,720
Speaker 5: to interrupt me, and I told her to shut up.

1385
01:01:34,200 --> 01:01:36,720
Speaker 5: I normally don't ever say anything like that to her,

1386
01:01:36,880 --> 01:01:39,080
Speaker 5: but I was in a rush to get all of

1387
01:01:39,120 --> 01:01:41,800
Speaker 5: my feelings and thoughts out at once, since I had

1388
01:01:41,800 --> 01:01:44,640
Speaker 5: been keeping them inside for so long. I apologized to

1389
01:01:44,640 --> 01:01:47,320
Speaker 5: her and she accepted. Over the past week, not much

1390
01:01:47,360 --> 01:01:50,360
Speaker 5: has gotten better at all. He drinks twice. He drank

1391
01:01:50,400 --> 01:01:53,040
Speaker 5: twice last week. I don't know if he did last night,

1392
01:01:53,080 --> 01:01:55,120
Speaker 5: but I know he didn't. I know he did tonight.

1393
01:01:55,640 --> 01:01:57,680
Speaker 5: I've been very short with him, not saying anything at

1394
01:01:57,680 --> 01:01:59,720
Speaker 5: all if I don't have to. I haven't told him

1395
01:01:59,720 --> 01:02:02,440
Speaker 5: I love you, or said good night back, nothing like that.

1396
01:02:03,000 --> 01:02:06,200
Speaker 5: My voice is always pretty monotone, but I'm trying not

1397
01:02:06,280 --> 01:02:09,520
Speaker 5: to sound witchy, just totally indifferent. I'm being eaten up

1398
01:02:09,520 --> 01:02:13,080
Speaker 5: by it on the inside, though I am utterly completely heartbroken.

1399
01:02:13,520 --> 01:02:13,640
Speaker 1: Yo.

1400
01:02:13,840 --> 01:02:17,400
Speaker 2: If his habits are as addictions off and are like

1401
01:02:17,440 --> 01:02:20,120
Speaker 2: motivated by like guilt or shame, and then you're bringing

1402
01:02:20,160 --> 01:02:22,640
Speaker 2: to him like, hey, I'm like ashamed of you and you.

1403
01:02:22,560 --> 01:02:24,480
Speaker 1: Should feel guilty about how.

1404
01:02:24,360 --> 01:02:29,800
Speaker 2: You drink, it sort of just like amplifies the downward spiral.

1405
01:02:29,880 --> 01:02:32,560
Speaker 2: It's like, so it's and you were totally in the right,

1406
01:02:32,600 --> 01:02:34,320
Speaker 2: and it's like you needed to stand up for yourself

1407
01:02:34,320 --> 01:02:35,840
Speaker 2: and say that, and it's like to get that off

1408
01:02:35,840 --> 01:02:38,320
Speaker 2: of you. But it's like, again, I think this is

1409
01:02:38,400 --> 01:02:41,560
Speaker 2: just your dad needs an addiction specialist.

1410
01:02:41,680 --> 01:02:43,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, because like you're eighteen, you don't know.

1411
01:02:43,760 --> 01:02:46,160
Speaker 2: See of course you're eighteen, and a lot of times

1412
01:02:46,160 --> 01:02:48,360
Speaker 2: people it's it's like that feels like the right thing

1413
01:02:48,360 --> 01:02:49,200
Speaker 2: to do in that situation.

1414
01:02:49,200 --> 01:02:50,919
Speaker 1: It's like try to wake them up, like hey, I'm

1415
01:02:51,000 --> 01:02:52,480
Speaker 1: this is this is reality.

1416
01:02:52,960 --> 01:02:56,800
Speaker 2: But then like, yeah, it can just kind of I mean,

1417
01:02:56,840 --> 01:02:59,320
Speaker 2: he kept drinking because he probably felt guilty and ashamed

1418
01:02:59,320 --> 01:03:03,040
Speaker 2: about it. But so maybe looking into resources and just

1419
01:03:03,120 --> 01:03:07,040
Speaker 2: take the burden of like this, any of that change

1420
01:03:07,160 --> 01:03:09,400
Speaker 2: off of you because it has nothing to do with you.

1421
01:03:09,640 --> 01:03:10,120
Speaker 6: Yeah.

1422
01:03:10,320 --> 01:03:12,560
Speaker 5: I didn't expect him to stop drinking whiskey when I

1423
01:03:12,560 --> 01:03:15,200
Speaker 5: gave him the ultimatum, but it really really sucks to

1424
01:03:15,200 --> 01:03:17,400
Speaker 5: be right about that. I was on a school senior

1425
01:03:17,440 --> 01:03:19,320
Speaker 5: trip this weekend and I talked about it to one

1426
01:03:19,360 --> 01:03:22,280
Speaker 5: of my friends and had a pretty good crying inventing session.

1427
01:03:22,720 --> 01:03:24,640
Speaker 5: I've been talking to my friends about it for a while,

1428
01:03:24,680 --> 01:03:26,560
Speaker 5: but nothing beats a heart to heart in the dark,

1429
01:03:26,720 --> 01:03:28,800
Speaker 5: especially on a front porch on the river at one am.

1430
01:03:29,200 --> 01:03:31,360
Speaker 5: It was a very peaceful moment, even though I felt

1431
01:03:31,400 --> 01:03:33,560
Speaker 5: sad and alone. There is a little bit left to

1432
01:03:33,680 --> 01:03:36,400
Speaker 5: this story. But do you have any final advice for.

1433
01:03:36,360 --> 01:03:39,960
Speaker 2: Op Focus on school, go to school, focus on you,

1434
01:03:41,960 --> 01:03:43,400
Speaker 2: maybe learn more about addiction.

1435
01:03:44,080 --> 01:03:45,560
Speaker 1: I think I think you can do such.

1436
01:03:46,080 --> 01:03:49,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, knowing that your dad is on his own journey

1437
01:03:49,800 --> 01:03:52,760
Speaker 5: and so is your mom, Like she's kind of stuck

1438
01:03:52,760 --> 01:03:55,960
Speaker 5: in this relationship. And the thing about like, ah, she

1439
01:03:56,000 --> 01:03:58,560
Speaker 5: doesn't want to quit's tricky because this is not a

1440
01:03:58,560 --> 01:04:04,120
Speaker 5: healthy relationship for anyone. But that's their own thing. They're adults,

1441
01:04:04,880 --> 01:04:08,280
Speaker 5: they are making choices, and I think, yeah, just just

1442
01:04:08,360 --> 01:04:09,880
Speaker 5: choose yourself.

1443
01:04:09,760 --> 01:04:11,120
Speaker 4: And that's all you can do right now.

1444
01:04:11,680 --> 01:04:13,760
Speaker 5: Yeah, but there is a little bit left to this story.

1445
01:04:14,200 --> 01:04:16,400
Speaker 5: To those who suggested going to an AA meaning, I've

1446
01:04:16,440 --> 01:04:18,480
Speaker 5: been looking into it. My only problem is that I'm

1447
01:04:18,520 --> 01:04:21,480
Speaker 5: agnostic in a very Christian area, so I know i'd

1448
01:04:21,480 --> 01:04:23,640
Speaker 5: be with people who are talking about the Christian God

1449
01:04:23,680 --> 01:04:27,040
Speaker 5: as their higher power. I'm going to I'm going to try,

1450
01:04:27,120 --> 01:04:29,760
Speaker 5: not this Monday, but next and see if I like it.

1451
01:04:29,840 --> 01:04:31,760
Speaker 5: In the meantime, I'm going to read some books on

1452
01:04:31,800 --> 01:04:33,800
Speaker 5: my situation. I've found a few that I want my

1453
01:04:33,840 --> 01:04:36,440
Speaker 5: mom to read too. My graduation is this Saturday, and

1454
01:04:36,560 --> 01:04:38,880
Speaker 5: even though I really don't want them there, I'm not

1455
01:04:38,920 --> 01:04:41,360
Speaker 5: sure I can keep them from going. I wish this

1456
01:04:41,480 --> 01:04:43,800
Speaker 5: wasn't going to overshadow It's supposed to be my day

1457
01:04:43,920 --> 01:04:47,120
Speaker 5: to celebrate my accomplishments these past four years. But I

1458
01:04:47,120 --> 01:04:49,480
Speaker 5: don't know what else can be done. I mean, you can,

1459
01:04:49,720 --> 01:04:51,720
Speaker 5: you can say I don't want you to come, or

1460
01:04:51,760 --> 01:04:54,080
Speaker 5: you tell your mom hopefully you'll listen to that.

1461
01:04:54,760 --> 01:04:59,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's tricky, I think. Oh, I'm sorry, someone is

1462
01:05:00,200 --> 01:05:02,880
Speaker 2: pointing this out to me. Uh, just me is saying

1463
01:05:03,000 --> 01:05:06,600
Speaker 2: al Anon is for the family a A is for

1464
01:05:06,720 --> 01:05:10,160
Speaker 2: the actual person going through the substance abuse.

1465
01:05:10,640 --> 01:05:14,360
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, so I actually did not.

1466
01:05:13,840 --> 01:05:16,280
Speaker 5: In the I just thought we couldn't say that. Yeah,

1467
01:05:16,280 --> 01:05:19,120
Speaker 5: I just yeah, they did say alan On in the post. Yes,

1468
01:05:20,800 --> 01:05:22,000
Speaker 5: I did not know that that was the thing.

1469
01:05:22,640 --> 01:05:24,400
Speaker 4: I also didn't know that that is when.

1470
01:05:24,480 --> 01:05:26,240
Speaker 1: That's the new thing I learned today.

1471
01:05:26,360 --> 01:05:28,160
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1472
01:05:28,440 --> 01:05:31,320
Speaker 5: But yeah, for anyone who's experiencing this with a family member,

1473
01:05:31,520 --> 01:05:34,160
Speaker 5: has experienced this, you know, reach out to the people

1474
01:05:34,160 --> 01:05:36,880
Speaker 5: that you love you and your support system. Check out

1475
01:05:36,920 --> 01:05:37,720
Speaker 5: alan Onray.

1476
01:05:39,680 --> 01:05:42,280
Speaker 2: And you're going to school, you're eighteen, you're going to college,

1477
01:05:42,320 --> 01:05:47,280
Speaker 2: like really like focus luck into that talk into your

1478
01:05:48,000 --> 01:05:50,680
Speaker 2: life and then just you know, don't hold any like

1479
01:05:50,840 --> 01:05:52,000
Speaker 2: hate or presentment in your heart.

1480
01:05:52,040 --> 01:05:53,400
Speaker 1: Just wish people wish me the best,