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Speaker 1: Welcome. You are now listening to the Professional Professional Hey,

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Speaker 1: Professional home Girls is the kid of a name from

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Speaker 1: the PSD podcast, the only place where you would hear

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Speaker 1: interviews from black women an honestly on stories that will

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Speaker 1: enlightened and expand on taboo topics. Now, if you hear

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Speaker 1: someone that sounds familiar, mind the business that pays you child.

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Speaker 1: If you like the PhD podcast, please rate, review and

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Speaker 1: subscribe on Apple Podcasts, please five star reviews only. Hold

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Speaker 1: Me Down, Don't Hold Me Up is now available on

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Speaker 1: the site as well as my book list, so please

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Speaker 1: make sure you visit the link in the show notes below.

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Speaker 1: You can connect with the kids on Instagram at the

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Speaker 1: Professional home Girl and at the PhD podcast. If you

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Speaker 1: are on Twitter, please follow me at the PhD podcast now.

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Speaker 1: If you are all caught up with episode, listen to

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Speaker 1: the bonus episodes by supporting the PSD podcast Patreon account.

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Speaker 1: To support, please visit www dot Patreon dot com. Forward

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Speaker 1: slash the PSD podcast now. Please keep in mind that

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Speaker 1: all of my guests are nonnes so list again this

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Speaker 1: week's episode, so it's safe to say that you don't

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Speaker 1: believe in heaven or Hell. Yes, you don't believe in

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Speaker 1: the Bible. Yes, and Satan is not real. Well, I

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Speaker 1: don't know. That's a hard one, Like that is I

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Speaker 1: think the thing is very specific. So I mean, I

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Speaker 1: don't know. I feel like the most I can say

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Speaker 1: that I don't believe in it, but like I can't.

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Speaker 1: There's no way I can put together, you know, a

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Speaker 1: packet of information say, okay, here's why sating is. You know,

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Speaker 1: I can prove to you that sating is not really

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Speaker 1: and most I can say it like, I just don't

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Speaker 1: believe it. And I therefore I don't live my life

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Speaker 1: in a way thinking that saying Israel. But I can't

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Speaker 1: tell someone that know, I know for sure that he's

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Speaker 1: not really you know, right, So as you think in

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Speaker 1: the transition to being a nonbeliever, what were some of

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Speaker 1: the emotions you felt, Yeah, I feel like I it

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Speaker 1: was mainly just it was lonely because I, yeah, like

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Speaker 1: I do as you know, I like talk a lot,

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Speaker 1: so I feel like I like talking about things and

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Speaker 1: I do value um the exchange of ideas. But with

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Speaker 1: that one, it was just risky, like I couldn't There

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Speaker 1: wasn't a lot of people I could go back and

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Speaker 1: forth and even like before I even determined I was

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Speaker 1: going to be agnostic or atheists or whatever, just like

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Speaker 1: talking to somebody about the struggles I was having with

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Speaker 1: trying to balance this belief with like my my changing

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Speaker 1: world view, like not having someone to kind of go

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Speaker 1: back and forth with and kind of cool through that,

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Speaker 1: and um having someone who's empathetic, you know, like who

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Speaker 1: can say, Okay, you know you're fine, like it's cool,

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Speaker 1: like you know, it's okay to have feeless or whatever whatever.

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Speaker 1: So I think not having that just felt lonely. So

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Speaker 1: there's always just going in my head thinking about spiraling

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Speaker 1: in my head about it. And then also like I

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Speaker 1: it's a lot of anxiety about it because I you know,

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Speaker 1: I was already that that youth group or not, I

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Speaker 1: guess you won't you you were young at Also in

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Speaker 1: that campus group that I was on, like they were

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Speaker 1: very insistent upon like well one person in particular was

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Speaker 1: insistent about they wanted me like, oh, you have to

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Speaker 1: keep trying and like, you know, trying to. I want

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Speaker 1: to say, I want to say force it on me

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Speaker 1: because that's a negative connotation, but they were very like

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Speaker 1: adamant about like you have to try you have to

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Speaker 1: keep doing this and keep doing this. And they didn't

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Speaker 1: even know what I was going through internally. They just

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Speaker 1: knew that I was, like, you know, skipping out on

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Speaker 1: meetings or not taking it as seriously or not really

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Speaker 1: engaging with the with the contents anymore, and that kind

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Speaker 1: of like was throwing them off. And so I think

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Speaker 1: it's definitely a loneliness, a confusion because it's not like

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Speaker 1: there's now you can probably find, you know, books and

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Speaker 1: things that can help people figure it out, but like

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Speaker 1: I wasn't at the time like reading stuff. I think

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Speaker 1: some people think that, you know, people who are atheists

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Speaker 1: are obsessed with Dawkins. Like I remember one time this

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Speaker 1: guy that was involved with he had come to campus

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Speaker 1: specifically Ghostly Dawkins, and I had zero interest in going

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Speaker 1: to I don't mind. Am I gonna go to listen

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Speaker 1: to this old guy talking like I don't care? Like

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Speaker 1: I was not interested in like consuming atheist content or

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Speaker 1: anything like that. So I just felt like I didn't

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Speaker 1: have a lot of resource. I didn't have resource, I

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Speaker 1: didn't have any talk. So it was just merely me

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Speaker 1: in my head and my thoughts right um, and my

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Speaker 1: journal and my journal so after I kind of got

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Speaker 1: out of college, it just became more so like I

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Speaker 1: just became more hyper critical of my upbringing and then

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Speaker 1: as far as more angry because I'm like, that's what

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Speaker 1: I was sayingind of looking processing all the things I

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Speaker 1: had grown up with, So how they had positioned women

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Speaker 1: in our in our church, how they had like to

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Speaker 1: the children, Like there's really a lot of harsh things

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Speaker 1: that you know, parents had done to the kids in

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Speaker 1: the name of God. Right, So I think a lot

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Speaker 1: of anger was bumbling up about you know, how we

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Speaker 1: were treated or how they treated my mom, or just

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Speaker 1: like how the social aspect of the church. And that's

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Speaker 1: looking back on it, I just put a lot of

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Speaker 1: anger and a lot of anger. I'd like, you know,

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Speaker 1: the religion itself, Like, you know, if I start to

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Speaker 1: let go of this belief, the next thing I asked

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Speaker 1: myself was like, well, then why are they doing it?

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Speaker 1: Like why are these pastors taking all this money for people?

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Speaker 1: Like how why are they? Why are people going to war?

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Speaker 1: Why are people killing people because of these religious beliefs?

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Speaker 1: Why are people you know hurting women Like there's you know,

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Speaker 1: female general general mulation. That's a hard thing to say,

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Speaker 1: but it's not always types of religion, but a lot

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Speaker 1: of the times it's done in the name of religion. Right,

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Speaker 1: So I'm like, oh my gosh, there's so many I

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Speaker 1: can only see the next It is for a while,

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Speaker 1: like angry at all the things I was seeing happening

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Speaker 1: in the world in the name of religion, sometimes directly

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Speaker 1: from the doctrine, sometimes just things that things that you know,

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Speaker 1: humans made up based on this beliefs, Right, So there's

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Speaker 1: lots of anger. Um, I think I was anxiety, anxious

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Speaker 1: because I knew that like my mom would like he devastated.

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Speaker 1: I knew she would be so because I know that

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Speaker 1: she and I are opposite people. There's nothing in this

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Speaker 1: life that I can do to change my mom's mind.

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Speaker 1: Like she is a believer through and through. She's never

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Speaker 1: going to change her mind. And so now that she

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Speaker 1: knows who I really am, like till the day that

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Speaker 1: you know, I die or she dies, She's going to

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Speaker 1: believe that I'm going to go to hell. There's no

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Speaker 1: way around that. And I do believe that she loves me,

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Speaker 1: like I do believe my mom loves me, and I

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Speaker 1: do believe that it deeply pains her like it genuinely

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Speaker 1: consumes her that she can she's gonna have to live

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Speaker 1: the rest of her life thinking that her daughter is

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Speaker 1: going to burn and help fire for eternity. So I

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Speaker 1: know the mental stress that I'm causing her, um by

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Speaker 1: her knowing this, and I don't, like I don't want

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Speaker 1: to intentionally hurt her, but like, I can't not live

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Speaker 1: my life, you know what I mean. I can't just

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Speaker 1: and I go was a fake it for the rest

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Speaker 1: of my life and just light or I don't know.

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Speaker 1: So it's hard to get passed up. So I think

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Speaker 1: that that guilt and anxiety, like thinking about what it's

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Speaker 1: going to do to my mom was really big during

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Speaker 1: that time. UM. But then after a while, like the

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Speaker 1: first couple of years, like maybe some numbness and just

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Speaker 1: kind of like going through it in my head. And

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Speaker 1: then more so when I started to graduate and I

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Speaker 1: came back home, you know, I did feel a sense

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Speaker 1: of like once I understood what it was. I think

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Speaker 1: once I came to terms with it, because it's not

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Speaker 1: immediately that I said, oh, I get it, I'm an atheist.

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Speaker 1: It's more so trying I was trying to understand what's

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Speaker 1: wrong with me, like, why is it that, like all

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Speaker 1: my friends can kind of go to church and be

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Speaker 1: fine and do all this and believe that can do this,

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Speaker 1: and they're not, like why isn't anyone else talking about

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Speaker 1: these things? Like why is DON'TE talking about the act that,

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Speaker 1: like we don't know if this is true or not right?

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Speaker 1: And so I was spent a long time trying to

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Speaker 1: figure out what's wrong with me, and then eventually I

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Speaker 1: just like kind of utgrew that phase and it became like,

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Speaker 1: you know, I'm so grateful to be on this side

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Speaker 1: because now how I can interact with the world is

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Speaker 1: personally for me so much more fulfilling. Like I don't

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Speaker 1: have to like go by a doctrine. I can just

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Speaker 1: interact with my world as it is and take take

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Speaker 1: things as it is, take people how they are, based

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Speaker 1: my experience with people by how they treat me and

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Speaker 1: how I, you know, how I treat them, and like

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Speaker 1: make my own sense of morality and I don't have

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Speaker 1: to like if I want to de side of something

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Speaker 1: is good or not good, I will have the internal

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Speaker 1: work of the side. Okay, what is the benefit? What

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Speaker 1: is the negative side of it? Why do I believe

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Speaker 1: this thing, How can I do better? Like what do

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Speaker 1: I actually value? Like what do I want on a life?

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Speaker 1: What do I think is important for us to have?

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Speaker 1: And like doing that internal um, doing that in a

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Speaker 1: battle with myself just help me, like be so much

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Speaker 1: more secure in my own values and what I want

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Speaker 1: on in my own life and how I want to

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Speaker 1: live my life. Because everything I choose to do in

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Speaker 1: my life, obviously outside of phone in the law, right,

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Speaker 1: but everything I was I choose to do in my

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Speaker 1: life is because I chose, like I chose to behave

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Speaker 1: in this way. I chose to value humanity because I

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Speaker 1: said so, because I feel like it is the best

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Speaker 1: way for us to be as people, and therefore I

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Speaker 1: believe it's so much more it's so much more clean

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Speaker 1: for me, like to say, Okay, I I chose to

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Speaker 1: believe this thing because of all the different you know,

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Speaker 1: all the things I did to kind of come to

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Speaker 1: that conclusion. And so therefore when I when I pick

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Speaker 1: a value or when I move forward with the value,

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Speaker 1: it's a hon percent coming from me. And therefore I

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Speaker 1: I am able to live much more authentically, if that

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Speaker 1: makes sense. M hmm. So how did you decided to

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Speaker 1: tell your family and what were their reactions? I mean,

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Speaker 1: I can only imagine I am reactive, But how was

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Speaker 1: how was your dad a siblings? Yeah, it wasn't it

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Speaker 1: wasn't it. I mean it was honestly the only reason

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Speaker 1: they found out. I believe it was because of my channel.

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Speaker 1: Like one of my cousins had sense I know, and

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Speaker 1: I like, I it is what it is now, Like

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Speaker 1: she didn't have this girl, Yeah, you'd never do that,

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Speaker 1: but she ended up somehow getting it to my mom.

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Speaker 1: Mom was livid, she was pissed. I mean I had

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Speaker 1: talked about her. I think of the first few videos,

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Speaker 1: like my upbringing things like that, Like I had talked

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Speaker 1: about you know, I did pot, I did poke some

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Speaker 1: fun at her church and like the way that they

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Speaker 1: did things. And you called her a monster. No, no,

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Speaker 1: I did call her a monster. I did not call

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Speaker 1: her monster. I was doing the comments and somebody was saying,

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Speaker 1: how you called her a moster? Mom, No, it definitely

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Speaker 1: didn't call her monster. I think it's either the caption

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Speaker 1: was wrong or the audio was really bad. It was

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Speaker 1: really loud. I definitely call her mind to go and

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Speaker 1: find out what video that wasn't Whenever, ever, ever ever

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Speaker 1: called her Mama monster. Um but I do remember that

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Speaker 1: coming up, and I forgot either the caption was off

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Speaker 1: or the audio. Yeah, I think all of the sound

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Speaker 1: was just trashed the first few videos, and people constantly

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Speaker 1: be comments like that the music is too loud, and like,

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Speaker 1: I know, this was a year and a half, it

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Speaker 1: was a long time ago. Too late now, um so

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Speaker 1: that I hate. It's like guys, I know, I know

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Speaker 1: yea more. It's a little lot of tiger. I can't

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Speaker 1: take it off and re put it up now. So

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Speaker 1: but yeah, I think it was so she saw it.

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Speaker 1: You know, she had left me a lot of text

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Speaker 1: messages and so what's the messages like, you know, you

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Speaker 1: clean up? Yeah, basically, may God have mercy on your soul?

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Speaker 1: Like how dare you? Like she told she says she's

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Speaker 1: gonna tell YouTube on me. She's gonna have YouTube like

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Speaker 1: she's gonna report me that YouTube is and that. Um

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Speaker 1: so she was really upset about it. But then like

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Speaker 1: she forgot about it somehow because I think at the time,

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Speaker 1: because I feel like it wasn't until like halfway through

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Speaker 1: my YouTube videos that I rebranded and I kind of

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Speaker 1: started putting black atheists on there. So I think when

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Speaker 1: it was just the agnostic side of things, she and

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Speaker 1: I think she did watch the videos and in her

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Speaker 1: mind she just came up. Her conclusion was that this

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Speaker 1: child is confused, this child has that influence in her life.

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Speaker 1: I can still save her. You're just kind of you're

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Speaker 1: young and stupid. You know, I'll be fine. Don't talk

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Speaker 1: about my family anymore, you know. Situation. And then like

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Speaker 1: later on when I rebranded and like kind of like

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Speaker 1: out of the atheist side because also I was going

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Speaker 1: through a journey too, like from the time I started

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Speaker 1: my channel until today, Like I said, I started the

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Speaker 1: channel as agnostics, Like I wasn't even like thinking about

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Speaker 1: using the term atheists until later on. I had to

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Speaker 1: just like get over using that word, just like say

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Speaker 1: it is what it is. Um she found out like

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Speaker 1: because I had sent them a video of the one

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Speaker 1: of the things I made through my family's group checks.

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Speaker 1: I thought they already knew. So I thought, like, she's

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Speaker 1: over it, like under a video of that, and then

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Speaker 1: that's when she does the atheist thing. And then that's

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Speaker 1: when like you know, she got up said again, and

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Speaker 1: she called me and she was yelling at me and

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Speaker 1: like you know, and it is hard for me because

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Speaker 1: like I think I'm a silly person and like I

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Speaker 1: don't genuinely do well with confrontation. So like even as

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Speaker 1: she's talking to me, like I'm still not like you know,

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Speaker 1: I still kind of make silly remarks and like try

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Speaker 1: to downplay it, like what are you talking about? You

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Speaker 1: know this and that, and so like it was just

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Speaker 1: like a really awkward conversation um tea at their house

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Speaker 1: she had When I going to the house one time,

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Speaker 1: she and my dad cornered me and like she was

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Speaker 1: trying to explain things to me about agnosticism and how

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Speaker 1: it was demonic, and like like she really genuinely thought

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Speaker 1: she was gonna I'm sure she went to Bible study

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Speaker 1: and her small group and told them what happened. They

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Speaker 1: gave her how to deal with how to deal with

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Speaker 1: your atheist child, and here's what to say to them,

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Speaker 1: all this kind of stuff. So we did that, and

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Speaker 1: like that was the first time I had like say

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Speaker 1: firm like no, I just don't believe this. And here's why.

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Speaker 1: I think she still just thinks it's a demon. She

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Speaker 1: thinks the spirit that she can she can figure out.

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Speaker 1: My dad honestly, I think had he been born in

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Speaker 1: a different time, in a different place, he probably would

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Speaker 1: have been more unbelieving. I think he generally is a

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Speaker 1: man of culture, so he just goes by tradition and

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Speaker 1: like this is what we do, like you don't question

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Speaker 1: certain things. Like he's just bound by culture, so he

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Speaker 1: doesn't understand why I learned to do the thing that's

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Speaker 1: part of our culture. Just and he's like, why would

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Speaker 1: you want to be different? Like that's that's exhausting. Just

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Speaker 1: go to church, all online and stuff in case you're wrong.

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Speaker 1: What's He's like, what's the harm? Like why what does

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Speaker 1: it hurting you? Like why does it hurt you to

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Speaker 1: believe in? To just go along with it? And he's

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Speaker 1: like just do it. I'm like yes, because then I

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Speaker 1: would be lying. Do you want me to lie to people?

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Speaker 1: Like how do I live? Or lie to myself? So

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Speaker 1: I'm like I don't. It's not like a switch that

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Speaker 1: I can just turn on and off, Like I can't

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Speaker 1: and just say okay, yeah, it's probably better that I

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Speaker 1: believe this because then in my heart, like I still

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Speaker 1: don't believe. It's like God can see my heart, like

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Speaker 1: it there's a God he can see my heart, he

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Speaker 1: would know, So I don't know how like just going

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Speaker 1: through the motions would be helpful to me if you

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Speaker 1: don't actually have the actual beliefs, right. So my dad,

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Speaker 1: I think the most part, he doesn't have major issues

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Speaker 1: with it. He's more just like live and let live.

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Speaker 1: He's like, whatever you want to do, Like, I can't

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Speaker 1: be coorse you do anything, but please don't don't upset

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Speaker 1: your mom because then she's gonna have set me. So

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Speaker 1: like he doesn't want my mom causing headache for hands,

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Speaker 1: or like, just do whatever your mom wants so that

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Speaker 1: you know we can be done with this. Her family

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Speaker 1: is off the chain, like they definitely have issues. Um,

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Speaker 1: none of my siblings care, none of that has anything

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Speaker 1: to me about it. They don't really we don't talk

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Speaker 1: about a lot of that stuff. So they're believers. They

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Speaker 1: do their own thing. I do my own thing. We

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Speaker 1: don't talk about it when me were like common stuff.

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Speaker 1: But so my parents, I think that the biggest fallout

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Speaker 1: was that like I recently got engaged and like the

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Speaker 1: yeah it was very easily, so thank you. It was

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Speaker 1: like I was dreading telling my parents because they met him,

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Speaker 1: they know him, They know that he's not Christian. They

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Speaker 1: know he's not a believer. And so my mom, which

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Speaker 1: is like whatever, once the demons out of her, she'll

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Speaker 1: come to her sciences and she'll be fine. But then

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Speaker 1: now that I, like I have now said I'm going

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Speaker 1: to marry this person, like she lost her mind again,

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Speaker 1: and she was so upset because she's like, now you're

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Speaker 1: going into spiritual deeper, like deeper spiritual sunkenness because you're

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Speaker 1: gonna be tied to a person who's an unbeliever. Like

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00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:37,000
Speaker 1: that's even worse now, like how are you gonna get

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Speaker 1: out of this? And so that was really heartbreak because

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Speaker 1: it's like, you know, you want to tell your parents

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Speaker 1: that you're engaged to be a happy moment and like

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Speaker 1: you know, you know they're supposed be happy for you,

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Speaker 1: that you're making this step in your life. Is a

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00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,960
Speaker 1: big commitment all that, but it ended up being a

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Speaker 1: very bad experience because like she wasn't couldn't even be

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Speaker 1: happy for like a minute before she started getting on

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Speaker 1: me about like how dare you do this? And it's

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Speaker 1: my fault for letting you go to that she called

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Speaker 1: the school. I went to an antichrist liberal college. And

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Speaker 1: she's like, it's my fault for then you go there

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Speaker 1: and like how you know, you go where your whole upbringing.

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Speaker 1: So she just made it like a very negative experience

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Speaker 1: for me. And so that's when I realized, like, oh

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00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:16,720
Speaker 1: my gosh, this is it's much more real now because

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00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:19,600
Speaker 1: like it's coming to the point where she's going to

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Speaker 1: have to decide if she wants to continue to, you know,

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Speaker 1: be in my life because I don't know, I'm going

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Speaker 1: to have a partner that she hates and it's not like,

356
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Speaker 1: you know, it's not a good mental state to be in,

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Speaker 1: you know. Um, So yeah, it was still it's still

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00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:35,320
Speaker 1: rough because we're still working through that, like thinking about

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00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:39,639
Speaker 1: playing the wedding and stuff like that. Basically, she's like,

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Speaker 1: if we're not going to do it the way that

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Speaker 1: she wants us to do it, she just doesn't want

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Speaker 1: to be involved. I'm like, what do you want me

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Speaker 1: to do with that? Like how what am I supposed

364
00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:48,280
Speaker 1: to do with that information? You know what I mean?

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Speaker 1: Like I would love you to be involved, but like

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to, you know, do things how you

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Speaker 1: want me to do them, just because you know of

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Speaker 1: your own beliefs. So it's still still litill today. We're

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00:17:58,040 --> 00:18:00,080
Speaker 1: still working on it, but they're gotta be a lot it.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I can't even imagine it because I'm just

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Speaker 1: thinking about the videos and not picturing you and your

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Speaker 1: parents like pretty much cornering you and like in your face,

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Speaker 1: Like that's intense. Yeah, and it's and like I generally

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Speaker 1: have anxiety, and like I generally, like you know, I

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Speaker 1: don't I don't like confrontation, Like I'm generally a peaceful

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Speaker 1: person at my core, and so like I just wanted

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Speaker 1: to live and let live. And so when it's the

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00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:27,760
Speaker 1: people that you love who are like coming at you

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Speaker 1: like that, You're like, I don't want to fight you,

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Speaker 1: like I don't want to. I'm not trying to hurt you,

381
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Speaker 1: like I'm not trying to like you know, but like

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00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:36,800
Speaker 1: it's hard when they believe, like my mom genuinely believes

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Speaker 1: like I will bring demons to her house, like I

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Speaker 1: will bring you know, if your family thinks like her family,

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Speaker 1: that I will bring negativity to them, like I will

386
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Speaker 1: bring bad spirit to them, like exactly, And it genuinely

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00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:53,439
Speaker 1: hurts because it's like I'm not that's not what I

388
00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:55,840
Speaker 1: want to do, Like I want to be chill, have community,

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00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:58,640
Speaker 1: all that kind of stuff, and so it's definitely hard,

390
00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:02,520
Speaker 1: and like she doesn't like, like my mom is who

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00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:06,760
Speaker 1: she is, and like she, like I said, she believes

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00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:09,720
Speaker 1: this stuff with every single fiber in her belief, in

393
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Speaker 1: her being, and she feels like it's a personal attack

394
00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:15,359
Speaker 1: on her, like, oh, you know, she's like in our community,

395
00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:17,800
Speaker 1: she's known as the lady who praised the listeners and this,

396
00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:21,080
Speaker 1: and so she feels like if I were to like

397
00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:23,760
Speaker 1: come out and be out and proud atheists and like,

398
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Speaker 1: you know, not do my wedding in the church, that

399
00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:28,480
Speaker 1: all the negative stuff is gonna come on to her

400
00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:30,480
Speaker 1: and people will like start to judge her and this

401
00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:34,000
Speaker 1: and that, and so like trying to navigate that dynamics,

402
00:19:34,080 --> 00:19:36,639
Speaker 1: like it's really tricky, and like she's just not gonna

403
00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:39,320
Speaker 1: let up. She's never going to like I don't think

404
00:19:39,359 --> 00:19:41,320
Speaker 1: she's never gonna be like, Okay, fine, I'll leave you alone.

405
00:19:41,359 --> 00:19:45,080
Speaker 1: I'll just be about my business. She's she's constantly going

406
00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:49,240
Speaker 1: to try to fix the situation, which is exhausting. Yeah,

407
00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:52,400
Speaker 1: it's just accepting for who you are. Yeah, it's gonna

408
00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:56,600
Speaker 1: be real tough, and I'm not convinced from where I'm

409
00:19:56,640 --> 00:20:01,040
Speaker 1: standing today that that's going to be possible maybe like

410
00:20:01,119 --> 00:20:03,600
Speaker 1: fifteen years from now, but like today, tomorrow, next year,

411
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:05,679
Speaker 1: it's gonna be a lot. It's gonna be able to

412
00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:08,040
Speaker 1: tough to get her to kind of like just let

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Speaker 1: it go, you know. So how does your partner feel

414
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Speaker 1: about religion or about my parents? Just about the parents

415
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:19,160
Speaker 1: and stuff, Like how is his parents the same way?

416
00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:23,200
Speaker 1: Like no, So, like his family is Christian, but they're

417
00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:25,199
Speaker 1: like Christian lights, so like, you know, they generally have

418
00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:28,639
Speaker 1: the belief you know, they weren't like my mom is

419
00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:31,440
Speaker 1: definitely super involved in the spiritual world. So they're like

420
00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:33,280
Speaker 1: Christian life, Like they believe in Jesus, they believe in

421
00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:34,720
Speaker 1: the Bible, all that kind of stuff, and they'll they'll

422
00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:36,520
Speaker 1: go to church once in a while, but they're not like,

423
00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:40,399
Speaker 1: you know, super super heavily involved in church, if that

424
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:45,320
Speaker 1: makes sense. So, um, he himself not a believer. He

425
00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:48,520
Speaker 1: kind of is the same. He goes by agnostic and

426
00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:50,679
Speaker 1: I go by atheist, and like it's whatever to us

427
00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:52,600
Speaker 1: because like, at the end of the day, our values

428
00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:54,960
Speaker 1: are the same. So we both know that we don't

429
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:58,119
Speaker 1: treat people differently based on what related my dictate. We

430
00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:00,320
Speaker 1: just don't believe it. We don't like make the pitsions

431
00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:02,520
Speaker 1: based off of it. It's not like in our day

432
00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:04,760
Speaker 1: day lives. We don't walk around talk about how atheists

433
00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:07,080
Speaker 1: or idosophy we are like you know a religions and

434
00:21:07,119 --> 00:21:08,720
Speaker 1: that we just generally want to just live our life

435
00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:10,399
Speaker 1: in peace and like, you know, take the world as

436
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:12,520
Speaker 1: it is. So we're in line with that. And so

437
00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:15,879
Speaker 1: he knows all the struggle with my families, and so

438
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:18,760
Speaker 1: he's like, well, you know, he's down. Like he's like,

439
00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:21,119
Speaker 1: I'm gonna like you know, we're gonna get married. I

440
00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:23,640
Speaker 1: love you, Like I'm not marrying your family, Like I'm

441
00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:25,720
Speaker 1: not like I would whatever you want me to do.

442
00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:28,520
Speaker 1: So he's like, if you want me to do it

443
00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:31,080
Speaker 1: in a church or to please your family, I'll do it.

444
00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:32,679
Speaker 1: If you want me, We'll do whatever you want me

445
00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:35,199
Speaker 1: to do. I'll support you, like we'll get through at

446
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:39,440
Speaker 1: the end of the day, we're gonna have Huh, that's

447
00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:42,480
Speaker 1: not fair to y'all, because how will what does a

448
00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:45,320
Speaker 1: boy to look like to you? To me, that's a

449
00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:47,960
Speaker 1: good question because we really recently me talking about like

450
00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:49,719
Speaker 1: how do we want to do it, and like what

451
00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:53,280
Speaker 1: it means to us like a celebration of our love together.

452
00:21:53,359 --> 00:21:56,360
Speaker 1: And so like we just want to bring our closest

453
00:21:56,359 --> 00:21:59,280
Speaker 1: people together to announce our love to them and say, hey,

454
00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:01,480
Speaker 1: we are enjoying in our lives together. We want you

455
00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:03,400
Speaker 1: guys to be here to witness it and be involved

456
00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:06,520
Speaker 1: in and like it's a celebration of like us joining

457
00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:10,439
Speaker 1: our lives together. And so like, you know, I like music,

458
00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:12,280
Speaker 1: you know, I I envisioned in my head all my

459
00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:14,800
Speaker 1: little cousins, like dressing them up in a cute outfice,

460
00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:16,639
Speaker 1: like dancing down the aisles. You know. I wanted to

461
00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:19,160
Speaker 1: be fun and like you know, I want to get food,

462
00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:22,239
Speaker 1: and like I want us to celebrate happiness together. So

463
00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:25,080
Speaker 1: it's like that's what it looks like to me. Like,

464
00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:27,960
Speaker 1: you know, we'll probably have some kind of talk about,

465
00:22:28,119 --> 00:22:31,119
Speaker 1: you know, what love is, or like talk about what

466
00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:33,199
Speaker 1: the commitment that we're Like I want to highlight the

467
00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:36,280
Speaker 1: commitment that we're making to each other. Um. I just

468
00:22:36,359 --> 00:22:38,000
Speaker 1: the things I don't want to have is I don't

469
00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:43,199
Speaker 1: want to turn it into a church um uh, like

470
00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:45,600
Speaker 1: a sermon, Like I don't feel like we need to

471
00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:48,399
Speaker 1: read from the Bible Um, I don't feel like we

472
00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:51,280
Speaker 1: need to do a special prayer. Um, I don't feel

473
00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:53,159
Speaker 1: like my mom is really into anointing oil, So I

474
00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:55,000
Speaker 1: don't feel like we've got to annoying anything. You know,

475
00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:57,480
Speaker 1: things like that, well is the main those are the

476
00:22:57,520 --> 00:22:59,520
Speaker 1: main things. Other than that, it will be a pretty

477
00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:02,000
Speaker 1: typical like what we expect for weddings is just you know,

478
00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:04,600
Speaker 1: the people that you love. You express some kind of

479
00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:07,160
Speaker 1: commit moment to each other. You maybe speak some words

480
00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:10,440
Speaker 1: that are you know, important or value to us, exchange vows.

481
00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:13,600
Speaker 1: And I definitely love outfits. I definitely I'm gonna like

482
00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:16,080
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have every single one of my little cousins,

483
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:17,840
Speaker 1: all my you know them. I want all of them

484
00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:20,639
Speaker 1: to be able to wear their fancy outfits and dance

485
00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:24,479
Speaker 1: down the aisland have a good time. Mm hmm. Now

486
00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:27,080
Speaker 1: I thought this was funny. How is it that you're

487
00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:33,959
Speaker 1: afraid of scary shit but you don't Yeah, I know, honestly,

488
00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:38,920
Speaker 1: I don't know, like for sure, for sure why that's

489
00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:42,480
Speaker 1: the case, but it's true. And I think it's just

490
00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:47,040
Speaker 1: my personality type. Like I'm a very like I have

491
00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:49,320
Speaker 1: a lot of anxiety, and like I think I was

492
00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:53,160
Speaker 1: a very anxious child, and it's just something about the

493
00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:57,680
Speaker 1: the images, like my body remembers, like like I don't

494
00:23:57,760 --> 00:23:59,880
Speaker 1: understand how people can go to movie theater and sit

495
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:02,000
Speaker 1: there and watch a scary movie for two hours. Like

496
00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:07,160
Speaker 1: people hate me because I love scary movies, Like anybody

497
00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:09,399
Speaker 1: would tell you, Like if I want to relax, like

498
00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:11,720
Speaker 1: ially war scary movies every night to put me to sleep,

499
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:15,199
Speaker 1: I can't do it, and I can't I try, Like

500
00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:18,200
Speaker 1: I Jurassic Park when I was a kid. Jurassic Park

501
00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:20,000
Speaker 1: scared the ship out of me. It was so scary,

502
00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:23,879
Speaker 1: like the images, like the sounds like and my like

503
00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:26,879
Speaker 1: I love movies and like I'll anticipate what's gonna happen,

504
00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:31,440
Speaker 1: and like thinking about what's happening or the streccial situation like, um,

505
00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:33,119
Speaker 1: I think I think it's cortosol. I think that the

506
00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:37,320
Speaker 1: stress hormone, like when it floods my body, like some

507
00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:39,920
Speaker 1: people can just like like it'll go away and they'll

508
00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:42,600
Speaker 1: lead the theater and it goes away, but it stays

509
00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:45,000
Speaker 1: in my body, like it'll stay there and my my

510
00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:47,800
Speaker 1: mind will still be at that heightened sense of like

511
00:24:48,040 --> 00:24:50,840
Speaker 1: that fight or flight feeling, you know, and it's a tenseness.

512
00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:53,600
Speaker 1: And then I'll try to sleep and like my brain

513
00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:56,480
Speaker 1: would just pull those images and my heart would be fluttering,

514
00:24:56,480 --> 00:24:58,600
Speaker 1: and it's like it is so hard for me to

515
00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:01,480
Speaker 1: shake that cortisol into shake that you know, high level

516
00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:04,240
Speaker 1: of stress. So I just don't do it. No. I

517
00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:11,240
Speaker 1: love no, I love dramas, but like I can't. I

518
00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:14,119
Speaker 1: don't like bloody things. Like if I see people getting

519
00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:16,400
Speaker 1: their heads chopped off or legs chopped off, like my

520
00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:19,359
Speaker 1: brain will don't replay that image, Like I can't like

521
00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:22,480
Speaker 1: shut her off, and like why am I thinking about that?

522
00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:24,919
Speaker 1: I can't turn off, so like I just avoid it.

523
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:27,119
Speaker 1: And like I don't like the dark night, like my

524
00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:30,280
Speaker 1: people in the dark um just like you know, I

525
00:25:30,359 --> 00:25:32,200
Speaker 1: don't know what it is. I think it's just because

526
00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:35,760
Speaker 1: I think I'm not a psychologist or psychiatrist. So I

527
00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:38,560
Speaker 1: think when we were younger, like that's just a world

528
00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:41,120
Speaker 1: that we lived in. Like my mom was always praying

529
00:25:41,119 --> 00:25:44,360
Speaker 1: against demons like the Maid of the Night, yelling, screaming,

530
00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:47,000
Speaker 1: so like I remember being at night like just scared,

531
00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:48,480
Speaker 1: like oh my gosh, Like if I walk it on

532
00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:50,359
Speaker 1: the hallway, Demon's gonna come into my soul you know,

533
00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:53,159
Speaker 1: things like that, and like just being stressed about it.

534
00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:55,960
Speaker 1: And so I'm just trying to unlearn those things. I

535
00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:59,600
Speaker 1: feel like, is really is really a struggle. Yeah, they

536
00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:01,480
Speaker 1: she too know you you telling the story when you

537
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:02,800
Speaker 1: was a kid or something. You want to go to

538
00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:07,720
Speaker 1: them you're hurt. Yeah, listen, I'm not even kidding. Like

539
00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:11,200
Speaker 1: at her church, like at my mom's first couple of churches,

540
00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:15,199
Speaker 1: they was, they feel like if they're praying against demons, right,

541
00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:17,920
Speaker 1: like you have the congregation there, like people are praying

542
00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:20,680
Speaker 1: like any demon of sickness, anybody here who's sick, we're

543
00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:23,520
Speaker 1: gonna pray and let me pray, pray die in the

544
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:26,280
Speaker 1: prant of demons, right, So they're the rationale was that

545
00:26:26,359 --> 00:26:28,879
Speaker 1: like if we're praying out these demons, they got to

546
00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:32,159
Speaker 1: go into somebody's body. And so like if you're if

547
00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:34,399
Speaker 1: they see if someone wandering around, they're going to enter

548
00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:36,080
Speaker 1: your body. And so you have to be careful to

549
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:38,440
Speaker 1: like not leave the sanctuary because you never know it

550
00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:40,359
Speaker 1: might be a loose deemon wandering around looking for a

551
00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:43,680
Speaker 1: soul to infiltrate, you know. Um, So it's just scary,

552
00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:46,960
Speaker 1: like I don't know, like living with that you know,

553
00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:50,720
Speaker 1: and even normal things like if you sleep too long,

554
00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:53,200
Speaker 1: right then like oh you have the spirit of whatever

555
00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:55,600
Speaker 1: you know of sleeping everything was a spirit Like oh

556
00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:58,680
Speaker 1: my gosh, okay, am I all right? Like what's going on? Yeah,

557
00:26:58,680 --> 00:27:01,560
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie because it self that is so

558
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:03,440
Speaker 1: true though, because like if you sleep too long or

559
00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:05,560
Speaker 1: you can't wake up, but you can't move with you

560
00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:07,399
Speaker 1: up there said it devil running your back? You ever

561
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:09,520
Speaker 1: heard of that? Yeah, yeah, no, I haven't heard. I

562
00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:12,520
Speaker 1: had heard that specifically, but like, yeah, I am I

563
00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:16,439
Speaker 1: understand the idea of like a lot like everything negative

564
00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:20,000
Speaker 1: is caused by some kind of spirits, like as a kid,

565
00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:22,760
Speaker 1: like that's the world you live in where it's just

566
00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:26,360
Speaker 1: like you know, I'm constantly scared of spirits and things

567
00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:28,760
Speaker 1: like that. And also I think just naturally who I am,

568
00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:32,080
Speaker 1: like with my my own hormones or whatever, like shaking

569
00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:36,800
Speaker 1: that stress is harder for me for my body mm hmm. Yeah.

570
00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:40,119
Speaker 1: So when you do decide to have kids, how do

571
00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:43,720
Speaker 1: you plan to teach them about religion? Yeah, that's a

572
00:27:43,800 --> 00:27:46,920
Speaker 1: good question. It's a good good question. Like there's not

573
00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:49,159
Speaker 1: a lot of examples that I'm over here trying to

574
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:53,040
Speaker 1: find it's any atheist families or like bloggers or anyone

575
00:27:53,119 --> 00:27:54,359
Speaker 1: that I can kind of look to it for, like,

576
00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:57,399
Speaker 1: how do you teach a child that? Um? Because I

577
00:27:57,440 --> 00:27:59,800
Speaker 1: think going into it, I think I'm just preparing myself

578
00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:03,399
Speaker 1: mentally that no matter what I do, they're going to

579
00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:06,840
Speaker 1: end up an independent thinking human being, regardless of what

580
00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:09,600
Speaker 1: I teach them. UM. Because my mom never in a

581
00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:12,760
Speaker 1: million years would have thought that her own child would

582
00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:14,719
Speaker 1: happen in at the atheist So I'm like, I'm preparing

583
00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:17,680
Speaker 1: myself for my child to be evangelical because like, who

584
00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:21,960
Speaker 1: knows how this stuff works, and so um, Generally, what

585
00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:24,600
Speaker 1: I think is that we'll just kind of like introduce

586
00:28:24,720 --> 00:28:28,040
Speaker 1: them to expose them, like just like you expose to

587
00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:30,520
Speaker 1: all kinds of cultures and say, okay, so you know,

588
00:28:31,400 --> 00:28:34,240
Speaker 1: find children's books and maybe like take them place like

589
00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:36,560
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna I'm not. I don't want to shield

590
00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:39,400
Speaker 1: them from religions. I don't think that works. I don't

591
00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:41,720
Speaker 1: think hiding things from them ever, it just makes it

592
00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:44,480
Speaker 1: maybe more appealing. So I think I would I would

593
00:28:44,520 --> 00:28:47,160
Speaker 1: take them to churches, I would take them to synagogues,

594
00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:49,120
Speaker 1: I would take them to moss I would expose them

595
00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:52,720
Speaker 1: to a variety of of different religions in ways that

596
00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:55,560
Speaker 1: people interact with the spirits fal world. But I also

597
00:28:55,640 --> 00:28:57,520
Speaker 1: let them know, like, hey, so here's what you know,

598
00:28:57,600 --> 00:28:59,560
Speaker 1: here's what I believe, or here's how I, you know,

599
00:28:59,680 --> 00:29:02,640
Speaker 1: inter act with this content. But there's so many different

600
00:29:02,680 --> 00:29:05,360
Speaker 1: ways that people interact with this so you have to

601
00:29:05,440 --> 00:29:07,720
Speaker 1: find what works for you. So don't let anyone ever

602
00:29:07,800 --> 00:29:11,040
Speaker 1: tell you how you should believe or how you shouldn't believe.

603
00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:14,920
Speaker 1: Like you're alive, you can feel, you can think. Here's

604
00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:17,760
Speaker 1: um you know, I probably can't explain every single religion

605
00:29:17,800 --> 00:29:20,840
Speaker 1: out there, every single spiritual practice, but I'll try my

606
00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:22,920
Speaker 1: best to kind of expose them to, you know, at

607
00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:26,640
Speaker 1: age appropriate levels. Right right here, here's the diversity of

608
00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:30,640
Speaker 1: ways that people experience spirituality. You can pick you you

609
00:29:30,800 --> 00:29:34,400
Speaker 1: have a choice to pick what you feel attracted to,

610
00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:37,240
Speaker 1: what you feel drawn to, what feeds your soul. You

611
00:29:37,280 --> 00:29:40,440
Speaker 1: should I would try to emphasize like pro social behavior.

612
00:29:40,560 --> 00:29:44,280
Speaker 1: So like, you know, don't ever let a belief lead

613
00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:46,840
Speaker 1: you to hurt someone. Don't ever let let a belief

614
00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:49,080
Speaker 1: lead you to to make someone feel less than Like

615
00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:52,520
Speaker 1: you're not better than anyone. You know, you should try

616
00:29:52,640 --> 00:29:55,720
Speaker 1: to do pro social things like work with people, communicate

617
00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:59,800
Speaker 1: with people, understand your own emotions, Understand why you like things,

618
00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:03,040
Speaker 1: why you don't like things, Learn about yourself, learn what

619
00:30:03,160 --> 00:30:06,360
Speaker 1: makes you take interact with the world in a positive way.

620
00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:09,160
Speaker 1: And then whatever you decide, we're gonna love you regardless.

621
00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:11,720
Speaker 1: I mean, if they choose become a mass murderer, I

622
00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:14,800
Speaker 1: might have to reconsider, right, But if they choose Buddhism,

623
00:30:14,880 --> 00:30:17,240
Speaker 1: or even if they choose Christianity or whatever it is,

624
00:30:17,400 --> 00:30:21,040
Speaker 1: as long as their actions are not hurting people, as

625
00:30:21,120 --> 00:30:24,240
Speaker 1: long as they're doing pro social behaviors, I'm gonna a lot.

626
00:30:24,360 --> 00:30:27,000
Speaker 1: Like I'm not gonna keep them from doing anything. I'm

627
00:30:27,040 --> 00:30:29,720
Speaker 1: never going to like withhold love or like tell them

628
00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:31,200
Speaker 1: like you have to do in my way the highway.

629
00:30:31,240 --> 00:30:32,640
Speaker 1: I'm going to allow them to be who they are

630
00:30:33,360 --> 00:30:35,680
Speaker 1: um and just do my best to expose them and like,

631
00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:37,720
Speaker 1: you know, set an example like for them for how

632
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:39,720
Speaker 1: they should treat others or how they should be involved

633
00:30:39,760 --> 00:30:42,120
Speaker 1: to community, your like giving back, Like if you're in

634
00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:45,240
Speaker 1: a position of privilege, or you know you have your

635
00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:47,800
Speaker 1: position to kind of help others or a position of power,

636
00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:50,800
Speaker 1: always do it in a way that is to uplift people,

637
00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:53,960
Speaker 1: and um, hopefully that will be, that will will be. Okay,

638
00:30:54,960 --> 00:30:57,360
Speaker 1: I'm just curious. What do you think happens to our

639
00:30:57,680 --> 00:31:01,000
Speaker 1: to our souls when we die. I don't know. And

640
00:31:01,120 --> 00:31:05,760
Speaker 1: it's like I don't even know, like you know, because

641
00:31:05,760 --> 00:31:08,920
Speaker 1: I know what happens to our physical bodies. But then

642
00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:13,160
Speaker 1: like the idea of a soul is that like there's

643
00:31:13,240 --> 00:31:16,080
Speaker 1: something else, there's something there's a there's something else, right,

644
00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:20,040
Speaker 1: and so it's like, here's the thing I here's what

645
00:31:20,200 --> 00:31:24,880
Speaker 1: I generally land on, is that whatever happens the next

646
00:31:26,120 --> 00:31:31,000
Speaker 1: I don't believe that because for something else to have,

647
00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:34,680
Speaker 1: for there to be a soul, right, the if you

648
00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:38,000
Speaker 1: want to say, the science behind it, or like the rationality,

649
00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:41,480
Speaker 1: not even a good word, Like the same thing how

650
00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:43,800
Speaker 1: I feel about God, Like if a god exists, or

651
00:31:43,840 --> 00:31:46,600
Speaker 1: if some kind of entity exists, that's above our level

652
00:31:46,760 --> 00:31:51,680
Speaker 1: of beyond our grasp of understanding. There's no human words,

653
00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:57,520
Speaker 1: there's no human concepts, there's no way we can even

654
00:31:58,760 --> 00:32:02,360
Speaker 1: if it's supernatural, it's supernatural. We do not have the language,

655
00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:06,840
Speaker 1: We do not have the mental ability to even comprehend it.

656
00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:09,760
Speaker 1: The idea that people think that whatever happens next to

657
00:32:09,800 --> 00:32:12,760
Speaker 1: something that we can kind of neatly understand, doesn't make

658
00:32:12,840 --> 00:32:14,920
Speaker 1: sense to me because like people say hell is hot,

659
00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:18,120
Speaker 1: but the only reason hell is hot is because we

660
00:32:18,280 --> 00:32:21,520
Speaker 1: have a sense, you know, sense receptors in our in

661
00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:23,480
Speaker 1: our bodies that then sense it befo our brain that

662
00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:26,680
Speaker 1: that interpreted as heat. So when I say hell is hot,

663
00:32:26,760 --> 00:32:29,240
Speaker 1: I'm like, how does heat affect a soul? Like how

664
00:32:29,280 --> 00:32:31,320
Speaker 1: does that even? Like if you have a soul that

665
00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:33,280
Speaker 1: doesn't happen, doesn't have a brain to it them, Like,

666
00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:36,760
Speaker 1: how does that work to then perceive heat? Right? So, honestly,

667
00:32:36,800 --> 00:32:39,160
Speaker 1: I don't I can't say I don't know what happens,

668
00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:42,560
Speaker 1: but I do know that anything that happens after this

669
00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:46,280
Speaker 1: outside of our reality completely, right, we don't have the

670
00:32:46,400 --> 00:32:50,560
Speaker 1: mental capacity to conceptualize it, If that makes sense. I

671
00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:53,160
Speaker 1: can't tell you, oh, it's gonna be you know, it'd

672
00:32:53,160 --> 00:32:55,440
Speaker 1: be soft like a cloud, and then we'll have robes

673
00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:57,200
Speaker 1: that like are kind of like silk, because all those

674
00:32:57,240 --> 00:33:00,680
Speaker 1: things are using terms and indicators and concepts that make

675
00:33:00,760 --> 00:33:03,200
Speaker 1: sense to us in this physical reality. Right, So if

676
00:33:03,240 --> 00:33:06,400
Speaker 1: you remove our it's like asking us remove yourself completely

677
00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:08,800
Speaker 1: from this physical reality and then explain to me what

678
00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:11,680
Speaker 1: that is, right, Like, how do you even? The best

679
00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:14,320
Speaker 1: I can do is say that you know, whatever it is,

680
00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:19,280
Speaker 1: I don't have the mental ability to describe it because

681
00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:21,200
Speaker 1: I would only be able to describe it given things

682
00:33:21,240 --> 00:33:23,560
Speaker 1: that I know with this current body. That makes sense.

683
00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:26,880
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. That's the same thing I feel about God too,

684
00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:28,320
Speaker 1: is like, if there's a God out there is a

685
00:33:28,360 --> 00:33:33,680
Speaker 1: higher power entity out there, people, you can't even explain

686
00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:36,080
Speaker 1: it using any concept that our human brains can come

687
00:33:36,160 --> 00:33:41,080
Speaker 1: up with because we're so limited to our current psychological

688
00:33:41,160 --> 00:33:43,800
Speaker 1: and mental and physical state and anything out to remove

689
00:33:43,880 --> 00:33:48,440
Speaker 1: ourselves completely from that, we literally should that we should

690
00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:50,280
Speaker 1: not be able to describe it. And the fact that

691
00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:52,800
Speaker 1: so many people try to describe it to me makes

692
00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:55,360
Speaker 1: me feel like these are just human concepts that people

693
00:33:55,400 --> 00:33:59,959
Speaker 1: are making up. Mm hmm. So that's not least. We'll

694
00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:02,160
Speaker 1: be your advice to those who want to come out

695
00:34:02,240 --> 00:34:05,640
Speaker 1: but they are too afraid to say they are nonbelieving

696
00:34:05,840 --> 00:34:13,560
Speaker 1: or if they are atheists. Um, I mean I would

697
00:34:13,600 --> 00:34:18,839
Speaker 1: say write it down. I think that's helpful. I think

698
00:34:18,880 --> 00:34:21,800
Speaker 1: that helped me. I was a writer. I think writing

699
00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:24,200
Speaker 1: my feelings down and still getting it out some way

700
00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:31,120
Speaker 1: was helpful for me. Um, I think it's hard. It

701
00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:33,400
Speaker 1: depends on where you are. Like I think the advice,

702
00:34:33,680 --> 00:34:37,320
Speaker 1: My advice would be too, always work on yourself. I

703
00:34:37,400 --> 00:34:40,000
Speaker 1: think some atheists get caught up in trying to tear

704
00:34:40,080 --> 00:34:43,400
Speaker 1: down religion or trying to like you know, there's this

705
00:34:43,520 --> 00:34:46,239
Speaker 1: like angst to it and like this this need to

706
00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:49,839
Speaker 1: fight or this need to kind of you know, becombative

707
00:34:49,880 --> 00:34:52,880
Speaker 1: about it. But I would say, always look inwards. So

708
00:34:54,400 --> 00:34:57,440
Speaker 1: focus on yourself, focus on your own beliefs, focus on

709
00:34:57,480 --> 00:35:01,120
Speaker 1: your own impact on the world, focus what you can control,

710
00:35:02,120 --> 00:35:04,239
Speaker 1: you know, and then always try to better yourself and

711
00:35:04,360 --> 00:35:07,000
Speaker 1: move forward in your life. I would say. And as

712
00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:10,120
Speaker 1: far as coming out, it just depends on where you are, Like,

713
00:35:10,200 --> 00:35:13,600
Speaker 1: if you're safe, try telling it to somebody, like maybe

714
00:35:13,600 --> 00:35:15,879
Speaker 1: at the coffee shop and just tell somebody that maybe

715
00:35:15,880 --> 00:35:18,520
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter so much in your life, right, Maybe

716
00:35:18,560 --> 00:35:20,399
Speaker 1: tell someone that you see at the gym or whatever

717
00:35:20,520 --> 00:35:23,360
Speaker 1: that's not going to really affect your life. UM, find

718
00:35:23,840 --> 00:35:26,480
Speaker 1: find some kind of space where you can be yourself.

719
00:35:26,560 --> 00:35:30,360
Speaker 1: So whether it's virtually online or there's meta groups around you,

720
00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:35,040
Speaker 1: but find somewhere where you can be safe to be yourself. First,

721
00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:37,080
Speaker 1: I would say that it would be really hard to

722
00:35:37,160 --> 00:35:42,400
Speaker 1: start that journey off in hostile, hostile territory. So, um,

723
00:35:43,480 --> 00:35:45,440
Speaker 1: you know, if if you don't have any space space

724
00:35:45,640 --> 00:35:47,680
Speaker 1: safe place physically, I would just try to find a

725
00:35:47,760 --> 00:35:50,320
Speaker 1: message board or like somewhere where you can kind of

726
00:35:50,400 --> 00:35:54,759
Speaker 1: interact with people. Um kind of would be uh more

727
00:35:54,800 --> 00:35:56,680
Speaker 1: receptive to it. That makes I would say, start in

728
00:35:56,760 --> 00:35:58,719
Speaker 1: a in a more receptive place. I want to start

729
00:35:58,800 --> 00:36:00,960
Speaker 1: right away with the people who might be the most

730
00:36:01,400 --> 00:36:07,520
Speaker 1: hesitant about it. Well, I thought this was an amazing conversation. Okay,

731
00:36:07,719 --> 00:36:09,760
Speaker 1: thank you. I'm glad. I feel like I was sweating

732
00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:11,400
Speaker 1: over here. I'm like, I'm not what I'm saying, Like,

733
00:36:11,480 --> 00:36:14,879
Speaker 1: I hope it's okay, It's good. I'm pretty sure it's

734
00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:16,239
Speaker 1: gonna be a lot of people reaching out to me.

735
00:36:16,360 --> 00:36:19,320
Speaker 1: So if you have any questions of comment or anything

736
00:36:19,560 --> 00:36:21,160
Speaker 1: you want to get to know Marguts more, please make

737
00:36:21,200 --> 00:36:23,880
Speaker 1: sure to email me at hello at the PFD podcast

738
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:28,200
Speaker 1: dot com. And thank you so much. I really appreciate you.

739
00:36:28,719 --> 00:36:30,960
Speaker 1: I appreciate you so much, and like I love what

740
00:36:31,160 --> 00:36:34,480
Speaker 1: you do. Like I feel like there's never enough spaces

741
00:36:34,640 --> 00:36:37,080
Speaker 1: for women, for black women to come and just talk

742
00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:39,880
Speaker 1: about who we are and like have that space. So

743
00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:43,880
Speaker 1: you're doing a tremendous service to like community to have

744
00:36:44,040 --> 00:36:46,080
Speaker 1: that and be able to talk and get things out.

745
00:36:46,120 --> 00:36:47,879
Speaker 1: So I do appreciate you do, and I have so much,

746
00:36:48,120 --> 00:36:50,600
Speaker 1: very much value having um you have me on here.

747
00:36:51,280 --> 00:36:54,680
Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you, thank you, and until next time,

748
00:36:54,840 --> 00:37:01,160
Speaker 1: everyone later. I'm not gonna say, by y'all, I didn't

749
00:37:01,160 --> 00:37:02,560
Speaker 1: know like it's a cutting or not. By