Speaker 1: Hey everyone, it's Ja Shetty and I'm thrilled to announce
Speaker 1: my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can
Speaker 1: experience on purpose in person. Join me in a city
Speaker 1: near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It
Speaker 1: could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO
Speaker 1: or business leader. We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth,
Speaker 1: spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to
Speaker 1: meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences
Speaker 1: for a private Q and a intimate meditation and a
Speaker 1: meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now.
Speaker 1: Head to Jsheddy, dop Me Forward Slash Tour and get yours.
Speaker 2: Today I wasn't happy, and I was burnt, and I
Speaker 2: just felt like a punching bag. And I also was
Speaker 2: getting really bad performance anxiety. Right before I did my
Speaker 2: first ever stand up set, I thought, oh no, I'm
Speaker 2: going to start getting those feelings I would get before
Speaker 2: for a match of just like dread and.
Speaker 3: Shame and stand up.
Speaker 2: I went on stage and I felt a calmness I
Speaker 2: hadn't felt before. It's kind of like why I try
Speaker 2: to fit into something that isn't right, so I urge
Speaker 2: people to find their calm.
Speaker 1: The number one health and wellness podcast Jay Shetty Jay
Speaker 1: Shetty See One Only Shedy. Hey, everyone, welcome back to
Speaker 1: on Purpose. I am so excited for today's guest. I
Speaker 1: was a guest on her show probably just over a
Speaker 1: year ago. We had the best time, and if you
Speaker 1: haven't listened to it, I hope you will after this episode.
Speaker 1: Today's guest is someone that is known for being hilariously funny,
Speaker 1: extremely witty, someone who's got the ability to make you think, laugh,
Speaker 1: and all of the same at the same time. Her
Speaker 1: name is Hannah Berner, one of the most influential rising
Speaker 1: comedians of this generation. She has two hit podcasts, Is
Speaker 1: If One Wasn't Good Enough Gigle Squad and Bernafhone, which
Speaker 1: have goneered over one hundred million combined DOWNLOADSAH video series
Speaker 1: Hanna on the Street has earned over three hundred and
Speaker 1: fifty million views, and Hannah was named one of Variety's
Speaker 1: Top ten Comics to Watch in twenty twenty three. She
Speaker 1: also just finished touring her solo stand up routine to
Speaker 1: sold out theaters across North America and Europe, and William
Speaker 1: Bark on a Club Gigli national tour with co host
Speaker 1: Paige Disorbo. The duo will release their book How to Giggle,
Speaker 1: A Guide to Taking Life Less Seriously via Simon and
Speaker 1: Schuster on April fifteenth, twenty twenty five. So let's look
Speaker 1: forward to and most recently, Hannah debuted her first Netflix
Speaker 1: comedy special, We Ride at Dawn, which premiered at number
Speaker 1: two on the platform and is streaming now. Welcome to
Speaker 1: the show, Hannah Bernard, and.
Speaker 3: People got everything. I've nothing left to say.
Speaker 1: That's it. You No, thank.
Speaker 3: You for that. I appreciate it.
Speaker 1: It's amazing. It's so fun. Like when we met last year,
Speaker 1: I was learning all of my team are huge fans,
Speaker 1: like huge fans, and I was learning so much about
Speaker 1: you through them, and they were just like, this is
Speaker 1: it's amazing, you know, And just to see the incredible
Speaker 1: journey you've been on over the last eighteen months is amazing.
Speaker 3: Thank you.
Speaker 1: And I was gonna started by asking you, like, have
Speaker 1: you always been this confident?
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I think I always was delusional, Like
Speaker 2: I always was like bored without having like a dream,
Speaker 2: Like at like seven years old, I wanted to be
Speaker 2: a professional tennis player, and someone told my parents like
Speaker 2: she's too late to start. My parents told me, like,
Speaker 2: you can't be a professional tennis player. Someone told us that,
Speaker 2: and apparently I cried all day, like what kind of
Speaker 2: passionate little seven year old? Was like how dare they
Speaker 2: tell me I can't do that? And then I just
Speaker 2: was like that's my dream. I just always wanted to.
Speaker 2: I wanted to be like different and great in some capacity,
Speaker 2: which could be very ego now that I'm looking back,
Speaker 2: but like I just wanted to challenge myself and chase something.
Speaker 1: Had you ever played tennis before? I go?
Speaker 3: I still haven't played tennis night now.
Speaker 2: I was like I was at I was an athletic kid,
Speaker 2: and I think like I was the Serena generation. Like
Speaker 2: seeing Serena, I was like, why can't that be me?
Speaker 2: It was always kind of like, yeah, why can't I
Speaker 2: do that? I don't know if it was intrinsically, like
Speaker 2: my dad definitely instilled a lot of belief in me,
Speaker 2: and I just always was like why can't me, especially
Speaker 2: in like spaces that I felt like I didn't belong,
Speaker 2: whether it was like male dominated spaces or just like
Speaker 2: like places that I didn't think easily I could get into.
Speaker 2: I Even my dad has a story that we were
Speaker 2: ice skating once when I was like six, and all
Speaker 2: the girls were in the middle doing the jumps and
Speaker 2: then everyone else is like scared holding the rink on
Speaker 2: the outside, and I was like, I want to go
Speaker 2: to the middle, and he was like, you've never ice
Speaker 2: skated before, and I'm like, put me in the middle, coach.
Speaker 2: So I just always had that attitude, and it's it's
Speaker 2: hard to always be chasing like lofty goals, but I
Speaker 2: think that's like the high that I like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's dope. I mean, that's such a great mindset.
Speaker 1: I mean, you reminded me of me. I skating when
Speaker 1: I was young. I was I was like, I'm so bad,
Speaker 1: but I could skate then and I couldn't stop, Like
Speaker 1: I didn't matter slow down, so I would just fall when
Speaker 1: I had to stop. And now it's like I'm the
Speaker 1: guy holding the side.
Speaker 2: Guy I get older, You're like, this is an insane
Speaker 2: hobby to have. Yeah, Like, there's so many things that
Speaker 2: can go wrong totally.
Speaker 1: I've seen people like break their teeth and ship them
Speaker 1: and I've seen fingers flying things flying. I'm like, I
Speaker 1: don't need that to happen at this age, but it
Speaker 1: seems like you've channeled that into your career, right, like
Speaker 1: that energy, it's not like it got lost somewhere. Yeah,
Speaker 1: But before we get to that, I wanted to ask
Speaker 1: you a few more things because when I was looking
Speaker 1: into parts of your journey and what you've talked about,
Speaker 1: what you haven't.
Speaker 3: There's a lot of lives and like a cat, yeah.
Speaker 1: You've lived so many lives. But I feel you've been
Speaker 1: amazing at pivoting and you've been like what I what
Speaker 1: I like to think of, like an expert in quitting,
Speaker 1: Like you've been good at you can.
Speaker 2: Say firing, you can say you don't have to sugarcoat it. No,
Speaker 2: it's funny. I recently was like dming an astrologer as
Speaker 2: you do, and she was like, you're really about like
Speaker 2: rebirth and you're all about like things falling apart and
Speaker 2: then coming up like a phoenix. And I was like,
Speaker 2: why couldn't I have something easier.
Speaker 3: Be my purpose?
Speaker 2: But I've Yeah, I when I outgrow something or don't
Speaker 2: feel right, like, I get out of it, and sometimes
Speaker 2: people get out of it for me when I don't
Speaker 2: have the balls to be like, this isn't my space anymore.
Speaker 2: But yeah, I've been I had to quit. I quit tennis,
Speaker 2: so I felt like a loser even though I spent
Speaker 2: my whole life pursuing it and I played number one
Speaker 2: for the University of Wisconsin full scholarship. Like externally, people
Speaker 2: were like, she's successful. Or in my head, I'm like,
Speaker 2: I'm a loser failure because I didn't win Wimbledon. And
Speaker 2: then I'm like, why did I do all that? And
Speaker 2: then I got into eventually got into video production, and
Speaker 2: I got fired from that drum and then I did
Speaker 2: really TV and I got fired from that and now
Speaker 2: I have enough look special, But it really where some
Speaker 2: people might be like, oh, like you're getting fired. I
Speaker 2: really was like I was finding myself every time. And
Speaker 2: the more you are connected to yourself, the more and
Speaker 2: honest you are with yourself and in tune with yourself,
Speaker 2: the more spaces might not be right for you. I've
Speaker 2: never been good at just like blindly following. I don't
Speaker 2: like being fake. I can't pretend to be happy like
Speaker 2: my body will reject situation the same with like relationships,
Speaker 2: like I can't the second I'm like, this is not
Speaker 2: right for me. I like blurted out, like like it
Speaker 2: needs to come out.
Speaker 1: How will your body tell you that? Like what's the anxiety?
Speaker 3: And it's funny. At first I was like, oh, no,
Speaker 3: do I have anxiety?
Speaker 2: And I've talked to people and they're like, no, your
Speaker 2: intuitions actually really good.
Speaker 3: You just have to listen to it.
Speaker 2: But when you question it, that's when you like, I've
Speaker 2: been in places where I'm like I must self sabotaging,
Speaker 2: but my body's just like this isn't for you.
Speaker 1: That's so powerful. I love that you said that because
Speaker 1: I think we don't connect those two things. We see
Speaker 1: it as, oh, I'm having anxious feelings. I feel nervous.
Speaker 3: Body's protecting you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, totally, but it is signaling something, it's telling you something.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I feel like we can lie to ourselves
Speaker 2: a lot, especially when you're like mentally strong, and in
Speaker 2: tennis you have to really suppress your mind. You have
Speaker 2: to be like, I'm not nervous, I'm not tired, I'm
Speaker 2: so ready for this match, and you have to like.
Speaker 3: Numb your your inner thoughts.
Speaker 2: And as I got older, I realized weight I have
Speaker 2: to start listening to my inner thoughts because they're actually right.
Speaker 2: And with tennis, I realize looking back, all the success
Speaker 2: I have now is because of the tennis training I had.
Speaker 2: It really was part of who I am now. Like,
Speaker 2: just because you lost a dream doesn't mean that's not
Speaker 2: going to make you better at something else. It's not like, oh,
Speaker 2: that was a waste, which I love to tell people,
Speaker 2: but also like I love divorce, love, I love firing,
Speaker 2: I love leaving places that aren't right for you, And
Speaker 2: I feel like so many times you think you have
Speaker 2: to stay. I think the coolest part about life is
Speaker 2: tomorrow I could wake up and say I don't want
Speaker 2: to do this anymore, and there's such a beauty in that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, why do you think we project that expectation onto
Speaker 1: a dream? Like if you think about it, when you
Speaker 1: think you're going to become a tennis player today, you're
Speaker 1: a comedian. You've lived a million lives in between. I'm
Speaker 1: sure you'll live a million more and you'll keep evolving.
Speaker 1: But a lot of us, like you said, we just
Speaker 1: stayed glued. So I could have been, I should have
Speaker 1: been if only I would have been, And that way
Speaker 1: we never shift our lens what allows you to be
Speaker 1: so positive about going Let me trust that that isn't
Speaker 1: for me, and I don't fit in here. If people
Speaker 1: are listening and watching and they're thinking their first dream
Speaker 1: hasn't come true or they failed at their first dream, yeah,
Speaker 1: how do you start believing in a second dream.
Speaker 2: It's so funny because everything is perspective, like even me
Speaker 2: joking like I did that that was a waste and
Speaker 2: I didn't when Wimbledon and you laughed like it's funny,
Speaker 2: But then it's also like comeing up.
Speaker 1: Sorry.
Speaker 2: When I was I was like, the fact you didn't
Speaker 2: win Wimbledon, you're a piece of shit, because that was
Speaker 2: twenty years of putting your heart and soul into this dream.
Speaker 2: But when I when I started doing comedy, my career
Speaker 2: likes sended like I abnormally fast and it's I tell people,
Speaker 2: I'm like, it's because I had a career before this
Speaker 2: to prepare me. And I approach comedy the way I
Speaker 2: approached tennis. But like healthier tennis, I was very hard
Speaker 2: on myself and I had the work ethic, but I
Speaker 2: didn't always practice smart.
Speaker 3: I was very.
Speaker 2: Like negative self talk, and with comedy I'm now like
Speaker 2: recoaching myself in a new way. So I'm like, when
Speaker 2: you go on stage, you're gonna be positive, you're not
Speaker 2: a loser when you mess up. And I get to
Speaker 2: speak to myself the way I wish I was spoken
Speaker 2: to in my past career. And I see so many
Speaker 2: people who are like sad because they're ending something, and
Speaker 2: I'm like, you're gonna be so good at the next thing.
Speaker 2: And also there's a lot of shame that comes with
Speaker 2: like when you didn't accomplish something you wanted to. But
Speaker 2: these are all just your own games you're playing in
Speaker 2: your head of what you should be. Because if I
Speaker 2: look back, I actually my first love was like acting
Speaker 2: and being goofy, like I love drama class, I love painting,
Speaker 2: I loved creating, but I happened to be super athletic,
Speaker 2: and that was where I was kind of pushed towards.
Speaker 2: And looking back, I'm like, wait, I didn't think you
Speaker 2: could make money doing what you love. I thought you
Speaker 2: had to be like a tortured athlete who was just
Speaker 2: like on the grind. And for anyone who's feeling kind
Speaker 2: of not having a purpose right now, think back to
Speaker 2: what you loved when you were a kid, and I
Speaker 2: know it sounds crazy, but like you can still be
Speaker 2: that kid and have that joy before society told you
Speaker 2: all these things that you.
Speaker 3: Should do to be successful.
Speaker 2: And I kind of realized tennis there were too many
Speaker 2: rules and I like don't enjoy playing by the rules,
Speaker 2: Like I don't like staying in the box, and tennis
Speaker 2: was all about like.
Speaker 3: Hitting in the lines. Yeah, and stand up.
Speaker 2: I think I love because like I go on stage
Speaker 2: and no one can tell me what to do, and
Speaker 2: it turns out that's where I can be my most myself.
Speaker 1: I love that you would have been that play smashing
Speaker 1: the racket.
Speaker 3: Oh I've broken rackets.
Speaker 2: I've definitely you know, had like coaches that wanted me
Speaker 2: to change stuff about my game that I would try,
Speaker 2: but I didn't.
Speaker 3: Really believe it. It was a lot of like just.
Speaker 2: Trust your coach and don't listen to yourself, and it
Speaker 2: really it made me who I am. And I actually
Speaker 2: couldn't watch tennis for years after. I was very like
Speaker 2: it was like an ex boyfriend, like because it was
Speaker 2: the longest relationship I ever had. Yeah, So but now
Speaker 2: I like love tennis like I have it on all
Speaker 2: the time. I played a lot this summer to get fit,
Speaker 2: and I was like, wait, it's it's a part of
Speaker 2: me and it makes me who I am, and me
Speaker 2: calling myself a loser is just that's a perspective you
Speaker 2: can take or you can be. Like, by the way,
Speaker 2: I actually was really good at tennis back in the day.
Speaker 3: Isn't that cool?
Speaker 1: I can relate to you in so many ways, like
Speaker 1: my life's so different, but as you're speaking, I feel
Speaker 1: exactly the same way. Like I think even when we
Speaker 1: sat on your show, I was talking about how leaving
Speaker 1: being a monk felt like a divorce at the time, Yes,
Speaker 1: and because I felt like I was getting married. It
Speaker 1: was a commitment, it was something I was really excited about.
Speaker 1: And then now it's been eleven years since I've left
Speaker 1: the monastery and I am so happy I left. And
Speaker 1: I couldn't agree with you more that I too, have
Speaker 1: lived so many lives in between that and this. I
Speaker 1: went back into the corporate world. I worked in a
Speaker 1: massive corporation with five hundred thousand employees and all of
Speaker 1: what that looked like. And then I worked at a
Speaker 1: media company. I was at half Post for briefly, and
Speaker 1: so I've lived so many lives, and I couldn't agree
Speaker 1: with you more that I've just constantly tried to move
Speaker 1: closer to who I really am and align with how
Speaker 1: I want to express myself who I want to be.
Speaker 3: And you can't just know it.
Speaker 2: You can't, like you have to go through those trials
Speaker 2: and tribulations. Like I tried entertainment in so many different ways,
Speaker 2: Like I were at a company, I did reality TV,
Speaker 2: like I did a lot of things that I did
Speaker 2: it and I was like, doesn't really feel right, but
Speaker 2: I do like parts of it. So then you grow
Speaker 2: and you just take what you learned. That's why anyone
Speaker 2: who's having a tough time in their twenties, you're supposed
Speaker 2: to have a tough time. Like the twenties, everyone's flailing,
Speaker 2: and you take that time. So by the time you
Speaker 2: get to thirty, you're like, Oh, first of all, I'm tired.
Speaker 2: I'm too tired to be like upset about things. And two,
Speaker 2: I kind of know what I like and what I
Speaker 2: don't like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, is it true that I've I heard somewhere very
Speaker 1: briefly that you were hit by a car?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 1: Is that? Like? I because I couldn't really I was trying.
Speaker 2: To I don't like say it that much because I
Speaker 2: don't want people to think I stopped tennis because I
Speaker 2: got hit by a fire right. But my last year
Speaker 2: at University of Wisconsin, I was playing number one for
Speaker 2: the team and I kind of had this idea that
Speaker 2: if I had a great season, I would then go pro.
Speaker 2: And this season was it was going pretty well, and
Speaker 2: then right before like the Big Ten tournament, I got
Speaker 2: hit by a car going to practice and it was
Speaker 2: like seven am University of Wisconsin. It was like zero degrees.
Speaker 2: I had a big park on and a guy hit
Speaker 2: me from the car and I'm lying on the ground,
Speaker 2: and the first thing I thought about was like, tell
Speaker 2: my coach, I'm gonna be late because I'm gonna be
Speaker 2: in trouble cause like he's gonna be like, why is
Speaker 2: she not here?
Speaker 3: Like I was. So it's almost.
Speaker 2: Cultish, like you're just so obsessed with this team and
Speaker 2: doing your best and winning. And I recovered after a
Speaker 2: couple of months, but I wasn't like my sharpest and
Speaker 2: I lost.
Speaker 3: This is very sports talk, but I.
Speaker 2: Lost five matches in third set tiebreakers, So it basically
Speaker 2: means like I'm like one or two points were the
Speaker 2: difference in five matches, and if I had won those
Speaker 2: five matches, I would have like won all these awards,
Speaker 2: I would have probably gone pro and for whatever reason,
Speaker 2: like these are really just these minuscule moments, I didn't
Speaker 2: win those matches, and I remember being like I think
Speaker 2: the universe like a person can only take so much.
Speaker 2: But the thing is I could have kept playing tennis
Speaker 2: and I would have been fine. But I knew there
Speaker 2: was more happiness in life that I just wasn't living
Speaker 2: and I wasn't happy, and I was burnt and I
Speaker 2: just felt like a punching bag. And I also was
Speaker 2: getting really bad performance anxiety. And what's cool about the
Speaker 2: performance anxiety is that I thought I would have it
Speaker 2: in comedy too, and I didn't. Like right before I
Speaker 2: did my first ever stand up set, I thought, oh no,
Speaker 2: I'm going to start getting those feelings I would get
Speaker 2: before a match of just like dread and shame and
Speaker 2: like judgment day, like whatever happens is gonna there's a
Speaker 2: lot weighing on it. And stand up I went on
Speaker 2: stage and I felt a calmness I hadn't felt before,
Speaker 2: so I urged people to find their calm. It's kind
Speaker 2: of like why try to fit into something that isn't right?
Speaker 2: And I do think I was playing for other people
Speaker 2: besides myself. I wanted my parents to be proud of me.
Speaker 2: I wanted my peers to think I was cool, and
Speaker 2: that's all you know when you're younger.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I like that idea of moving towards your calm.
Speaker 1: I mean it's the same in relationships, yes, like I had,
Speaker 1: You're so right one of my friends, she's gonna hate
Speaker 1: me for putting it out. One of my friends messaged
Speaker 1: me the other day and she was just like, just
Speaker 1: went out of this guy. He was perfect, we had
Speaker 1: the same values. He'd be an amazing dad. But I
Speaker 1: just didn't feel it. And I was like, dude, did
Speaker 1: you feel peace? Did you feel calm? And she was
Speaker 1: like I felt so peaceful, felt so calm. I was like,
Speaker 1: you should at least give it a second date or
Speaker 1: a fair day, like you don't just write it off.
Speaker 1: And it was so interesting to me how we're so
Speaker 1: averse to things feeling aligned, Like we have this kind
Speaker 1: of allergic reaction when something feels aligned, and something actually
Speaker 1: feels you.
Speaker 3: Almost feel guilty.
Speaker 2: When something comes easy, You're like that's not how it's
Speaker 2: supposed to be. The dating stuff is so funny because
Speaker 2: I have a friend who like loves dating like drummers
Speaker 2: who were in jail, Like that's her thing, and she's
Speaker 2: gorgeous and like such a catch, but she loves these
Speaker 2: like projects to take on and she recently met this
Speaker 2: guy and she was like, I love him, but like
Speaker 2: I feel like he needs like a neck tattoo or something.
Speaker 2: And I was like, let's just take a breather keep
Speaker 2: seeing him, because Yeah, there was this addiction to tennis
Speaker 2: that almost wasn't that healthy, Like I was addicted to
Speaker 2: the drama and the the just like the anxiety it
Speaker 2: was provoking in the highs, and I was actually still
Speaker 2: able to find those highs in comedy that was just
Speaker 2: like less torturous to me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I really like that comparison between the two because
Speaker 1: obviously you were brilliant at both. And it's hard to decipher,
Speaker 1: Like I meet a lot of people who are like, Jay,
Speaker 1: I could do this, or I could do this, which
Speaker 1: one should I do? Yeah, it's like a very common
Speaker 1: question that I get, Like I'm passionate about this, and
Speaker 1: I'm passionate about this, and what I hear what you're
Speaker 1: saying to kind of deciphering divide the two is well,
Speaker 1: maybe you're addicted to this, and maybe you have a
Speaker 1: lot of affection for this over here, and go with
Speaker 1: the thing that feels less overtly stressful, less dramatic, less
Speaker 1: like the high's really high and the loads really low.
Speaker 2: Yes, right, Yes, I mean I'm kind of obsessed with.
Speaker 2: And by obsessed with, I mean I heard about it
Speaker 2: once and I like it stoicism because.
Speaker 3: That was not my life.
Speaker 2: It's like, especially as an athlete, as a tennis player,
Speaker 2: you're like.
Speaker 3: Losing all the time, or you're like I'm the greatest
Speaker 3: that ever did this, or you're like, oh so going
Speaker 3: to quit.
Speaker 2: And I think what I realized with tennis, and it
Speaker 2: was hard to admit, but I actually did not like
Speaker 2: the competition. But I thought that was just a problem
Speaker 2: that I had to overcome. I was like, you're you're
Speaker 2: just not doing it right. But all the girls around
Speaker 2: me would be like, I actually hate practice, but like
Speaker 2: I love the competition, and the competition is literally what
Speaker 2: it means to be a professional athlete. When it came
Speaker 2: to comedy, some people will be like, I hate going
Speaker 2: on stage. I live for the stage, Like I'm more
Speaker 2: uncomfortable at like a group dinner.
Speaker 3: But if you give me because I'm like, when do
Speaker 3: I talk, do it? Do less?
Speaker 1: Door?
Speaker 3: I do more?
Speaker 2: But when I have a mic on stage, I know
Speaker 2: exactly what to do. And it's corny to say, but like,
Speaker 2: go towards your purpose and go to and the calmness
Speaker 2: is where it's like, oh, this is where you're supposed
Speaker 2: to be. It's almost like with friend groups, like you
Speaker 2: know when you're with people and you just feel like
Speaker 2: I'm saying everything wrong. I'm awkward. Oh my god, I
Speaker 2: hate myself. I'm so embarrassed. You could say those same
Speaker 2: things with the right people and you would feel like comfortable.
Speaker 2: So I feel like that with careers. So going back
Speaker 2: to your question of which one should I do? I
Speaker 2: literally did not like competing, but I liked I was
Speaker 2: so comfortable with the idea of being a tennis player
Speaker 2: and overcoming this performed anxiety and getting to the next level.
Speaker 2: And it's like, if you're going to do something for
Speaker 2: a long time and be good at it and want
Speaker 2: to be successful, you have.
Speaker 3: To like it. And I know that sounds so simple.
Speaker 1: People come up to me.
Speaker 3: They're like, I want to start a podcast. What should
Speaker 3: I do?
Speaker 2: And I'm like, do something that you would do for
Speaker 2: free and talk about for years. Yeah, you can't just
Speaker 2: do it because you're like, oh, I want to see
Speaker 2: my face on a chart. There. You won't make it.
Speaker 2: There's no longevity in that. They are also my people.
Speaker 2: I was going through a hard time with reality TV actually,
Speaker 2: and I started doing stand up and I would tell
Speaker 2: people what I'm going through, and the stand ups were
Speaker 2: just like making fun of me and seeing it through
Speaker 2: their lens. I suddenly felt safe, I felt calm, and
Speaker 2: I started to relate to them. I'm like, wait, I
Speaker 2: think like these people. Finding community is a huge part
Speaker 2: of my happiness. Where tennis is very lonely, yeah, everyone
Speaker 2: was my competition, and comedy is lonely too, but I
Speaker 2: was able to find a community within it.
Speaker 3: It's interesting.
Speaker 2: I'm like figuring this out right now as I'm speaking,
Speaker 2: because people will say, like, it's not about money, it's
Speaker 2: not about fame, it's about community. But I'm a pretty
Speaker 2: like I don't love partying, socialize, but comedy I almost
Speaker 2: accidentally found people who accepted me, which I think has
Speaker 2: overall helped my day to day like happiness.
Speaker 1: You've reminded me of this great book that I read
Speaker 1: a long time ago called Flow State. It's all about flow,
Speaker 1: and it talks about this idea that comedians, speakers, musicians,
Speaker 1: athletes experience flow state. Flow state is defined as when
Speaker 1: your skills meet the challenge. So when your skills in
Speaker 1: challenge are perfectly aligned, you experience flow. But well, most
Speaker 1: of us experience are the opposite. So we experience our
Speaker 1: skills being above our challenge, so we feel bored and
Speaker 1: frustrated and kind of lethargic. Or you experience where your
Speaker 1: challenge is way above your skills, and then you feel
Speaker 1: depressed and you feel annoyed, and you feel control out
Speaker 1: of control. And so we've got to constantly find a
Speaker 1: space or find the thing where your challenges and your
Speaker 1: skills meet. And I've always liked that idea. And how
Speaker 1: does competition look like as a comedian?
Speaker 3: To me, it was like arts and crafts.
Speaker 2: I was like, we're all just painting, and like, I
Speaker 2: like your painting, you like mine.
Speaker 3: And I think.
Speaker 2: Some some comics get really into the comparison game because
Speaker 2: it's easy to be like, why did they get picked
Speaker 2: for that or they get picked for that.
Speaker 3: And I think I don't have an ego with.
Speaker 2: Comedy, because I'll Beyonnest. I have an ego with tennis.
Speaker 2: Tennis was my everything, So comedy to me was something
Speaker 2: I no one even anticipated me to be in. So
Speaker 2: I have a lot of gratitude and it's almost like
Speaker 2: because of my failure with tennis, I'm able to have
Speaker 2: such a nice outlook in the comedy space. Every now
Speaker 2: and then, you know, I do have that like tennis
Speaker 2: voice that comes in. I remember before I shot my
Speaker 2: Netflix special, it started to hit me the result voice
Speaker 2: that I have that with tennis, which was like, oh,
Speaker 2: your whole career is writing on this and comedy. I
Speaker 2: consider myself in a flow state because I'm not trying
Speaker 2: to be perfect on stage.
Speaker 3: It's about my energy, it's vibes.
Speaker 2: I always say, people don't remember the joke you said,
Speaker 2: they remember how you made them feel.
Speaker 1: Yes.
Speaker 3: But then for the Netflix.
Speaker 2: Special, I felt like, oh my god, this is like
Speaker 2: a final, like I have to get every word right,
Speaker 2: and the perfectionist like tennis players start coming back. I
Speaker 2: like called my therapist. I was like getting a beta blocker,
Speaker 2: like I was I started to get this crazy anxiety,
Speaker 2: and I feel like it was almost like, if you
Speaker 2: want to get to the next level, you have to
Speaker 2: face those demons that you thought you could just like
Speaker 2: leave by going to another career. I'm still the same
Speaker 2: person who was having trouble with tennis, so I was
Speaker 2: able to kind of battle some demons. I remember a
Speaker 2: quote that I loved that was like, what if you
Speaker 2: let your dreams come true? And I remember being like,
Speaker 2: I think you're not the same girl. Actually, you've grown,
Speaker 2: you've matured, You're safer mentally, and right before I went on,
Speaker 2: I was very nervous. Right before I went on, I
Speaker 2: was like, you're in control and your skills are ready
Speaker 2: for them. And I felt the same with Fallon, where
Speaker 2: I was like, you could go up and fumble all
Speaker 2: your words and blank out, because that was what I
Speaker 2: would do on the court. I would anything I was
Speaker 2: scared of. I would do like, oh no, I hope
Speaker 2: it don't double fault. I double fault. Like it was
Speaker 2: so frustrating, and comedy has been a way for me
Speaker 2: to like just like a new avenue for me to
Speaker 2: express myself in a much more like safer, positive place.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I have the.
Speaker 2: Same like drive and work ethic I think I had
Speaker 2: with Tennis.
Speaker 1: I really love the way you've analyzed both. And I
Speaker 1: think anyone who's listening right now would gain so much
Speaker 1: from it, because I think so many people are doing
Speaker 1: this mental exercise in their head, like the pros and
Speaker 1: cons of like if I stay in this job, what's
Speaker 1: it going to feel like? If I quit my job,
Speaker 1: what's it going to feel like? Well, if I if
Speaker 1: I start a podcast, as the example you gave, or
Speaker 1: if I do this, what's it going to feel like?
Speaker 1: And the truth is, this is what you've got to
Speaker 1: move towards.
Speaker 2: And I also think we're told a lot like keep
Speaker 2: chasing your dreams, pushed through.
Speaker 3: Don't quit.
Speaker 2: So I'm not telling everyone to quit, but I actually
Speaker 2: think that you know when you're supposed to get out
Speaker 2: of something, and I think I knew it with Tennis.
Speaker 2: When the Winds, I was feeling nothing. It was like
Speaker 2: a drug where if I lost, I'd feel horrible, and
Speaker 2: then the winds I wasn't even getting the highs anymore.
Speaker 2: So in my head it's like, why am I doing
Speaker 2: this if I'm not even getting a high anymore? And
Speaker 2: I think That's when I knew, like, we're not even
Speaker 2: chasing anything anymore. We're just at We're just trying to
Speaker 2: stay afloat. And that's when you know, like, oh the
Speaker 2: love is gone. And I also tell people like when
Speaker 2: they're confused about jobs, relationships, I'm like, and if you
Speaker 2: made the wrong decision, go back. Then no one's like,
Speaker 2: there's no police that are policing your decisions of being like, oops,
Speaker 2: I messed up. And sometimes when you give people the
Speaker 2: freedom to be like you can go back, they leave.
Speaker 1: Yeah. What's really great is that it sounds like you
Speaker 1: evaluate things as how you feel about them. And so
Speaker 1: I wonder what's your relationship like with wanting to be liked.
Speaker 2: I'm a people pleaser. I'm nothing to be a comedian
Speaker 2: like you want ever? Would have like the best time ever?
Speaker 2: And that brings me joy. I think I have to
Speaker 2: think reality TV because my reality TV my biggest fear
Speaker 2: was to be perceived not who I was. But when
Speaker 2: you're twenty six, you don't know who you are, Like
Speaker 2: I remember, I'd go into social situations and I put
Speaker 2: a lot of pressure on myself to be like I want.
Speaker 3: Everyone to think I'm really funny.
Speaker 2: And I'm really nice and I'm and I care about
Speaker 2: them and I'm smart, and it's like putting so much
Speaker 2: pressure on myself every time it interacts. I wanted to
Speaker 2: be control of everything. I was like a type A
Speaker 2: student and achiever, and reality TV you give up control.
Speaker 2: My first two seasons were good. My third season I
Speaker 2: experienced what people like tell you could happen, which is
Speaker 2: like you lose the narrative and they're not showing your
Speaker 2: perspective anymore. They're showing it through like other lenses. And
Speaker 2: it was my biggest fear to be misunderstood, like there's
Speaker 2: one thing for tennis or comedy for people to be
Speaker 2: like I don't like how she play it, I don't
Speaker 2: like her jokes, but to be perceived based on like
Speaker 2: things that didn't actually happen was very painful for me,
Speaker 2: and I think I realized I also didn't have the
Speaker 2: heart for it, like I was too sensitive to be
Speaker 2: in a show that was about kind of.
Speaker 3: Like who's good, who's bad? Who were rooting for?
Speaker 2: Like WWE type stuff, where I was like, it really
Speaker 2: is like sports for women of being like, let's who
Speaker 2: we're gonna root for this season? Who actually sucks that
Speaker 2: we didn't know and that energy was I was not
Speaker 2: good with it and I got fired, and at the
Speaker 2: time I was like I got a talk show from it,
Speaker 2: and I was like, you just ub your chance. And
Speaker 2: also I was confused because I was like I was
Speaker 2: engaging with everything, I was responding to everything. I did
Speaker 2: everything everyone wanted me to do. So the math wasn't
Speaker 2: mathing my like Tennis mind of like, I worked hard,
Speaker 2: I'm doing well, and I got fired. If I didn't
Speaker 2: get fired, I wouldn't have a Netflix special, and I
Speaker 2: also would probably not be in a healthy marriage. And
Speaker 2: I also would probably not feel like myself. So but
Speaker 2: also when I got fired, I laugh, but ooh, I
Speaker 2: got a fire in me. And I think it goes
Speaker 2: back to that rebirth thing. I realized the one thing
Speaker 2: I can control that I'm so proud of myself is
Speaker 2: that I can handle adversity. The stuff I went through
Speaker 2: with Tennis. It was I went through some bad stuff
Speaker 2: like yips, like someone Biles type stuff, not to that level, obviously,
Speaker 2: but I will bounce back and I don't care what
Speaker 2: people try to do to me or what happens to me.
Speaker 2: The cream will rise like I'm kind of annoying, where
Speaker 2: like I'm all about justice and I want everything to
Speaker 2: be in the right place and for everyone be treated right.
Speaker 2: It's not life, but you're not a victim. You have
Speaker 2: to again have the perspective of like just because I failed,
Speaker 2: just because I got fired, that.
Speaker 3: Doesn't have to define you.
Speaker 2: So I kind of got this silly idea where I
Speaker 2: was like, Okay, I got fired from really TV show
Speaker 2: and didn't feel like my I was shown to be
Speaker 2: who I was authentically.
Speaker 3: What if I became like the biggest comedian I could.
Speaker 2: Be, which again not a normal thought so much I have,
Speaker 2: but that's I always think big, Like that's how I've
Speaker 2: always thought. I really like put the head down and
Speaker 2: was so motivated by the firing, like I wouldn't be
Speaker 2: here if I wasn't fired, and it wasn't like these people.
Speaker 2: It was like I hear you, I see you. Let's
Speaker 2: find a new outlet. Even I remember after tennis when
Speaker 2: I just discovered comedy, I felt like a horse that
Speaker 2: was like walking around lost and then finally they put
Speaker 2: me in my lane and I was like, I found
Speaker 2: my lane. So I just wanted to find my lane,
Speaker 2: and then I could go and finding your lane is
Speaker 2: very fun because you're just like self exploratory.
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Speaker 1: and make sure you use the code on purpose. How
Speaker 1: does Bravo tell you that you're fired over Zoom? Really?
Speaker 3: Well, it's during COVID.
Speaker 2: I think it was kind of like you're not coming back.
Speaker 2: And I think it's hard because with a lot of people,
Speaker 2: your whole thing is about your story, which is like
Speaker 2: the ebbs and flows of evolving, and Bravo's very like,
Speaker 2: well break you down, we'll build you back up. So
Speaker 2: they kind of were like, and this is the end
Speaker 2: for you. So then it was like really in my
Speaker 2: court to be now punintended, but to be like where
Speaker 2: do I take this from here? And I learned a
Speaker 2: lot about like production, reality and unscripted stuff that definitely
Speaker 2: helped me like do fun stuff and will help me
Speaker 2: do fun stuff later in my career. Wow.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and how many people on this zoon? I think
Speaker 1: it was me and two people Okay, yeah, it's quite intnight.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah it was. And it's also you're getting
Speaker 2: fired for like being you.
Speaker 3: It was pretty hurtful.
Speaker 1: Did you cry?
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah for sure.
Speaker 2: And also you felt like you lost all the friends
Speaker 2: who the show was about. It basically was like, no
Speaker 2: one wants to be friends with you anymore. Looking back,
Speaker 2: it was such a blessing and people kept telling that
Speaker 2: to me. They were like, you're so lucky. This is
Speaker 2: for a reason, and don't you hate that when you're
Speaker 2: going to Yes, this is for a reason. And I'm like,
Speaker 2: I need to make money, like I lost both my jobs,
Speaker 2: Like I was on a talk show too, and I
Speaker 2: was just like I have nothing and I have a
Speaker 2: guy who I'm engaged to who in my head it
Speaker 2: was like why would you want to be with me
Speaker 2: when I'm a failure? Because whenever I used to win
Speaker 2: and do well, people loved me more. So this was
Speaker 2: a really like pivotal moment of like I had to
Speaker 2: love myself and believe in myself because like no one
Speaker 2: was going to fix it.
Speaker 1: What's the difference between self confidence and self worth? And
Speaker 1: how did you work on the latter.
Speaker 2: I think I realized that my power is how I
Speaker 2: deal with adversity. It's not avoiding adversity, And I think
Speaker 2: for people who deal with that in relationships, I realize,
Speaker 2: like when you marry someone, you're dating someone, you're dealing
Speaker 2: with their life, which is full of ups and downs.
Speaker 2: So when someone's with you, it's not about being perfect
Speaker 2: and easy going and cool girl, like that's what I
Speaker 2: wanted to be, but like, realistically, I just got fired,
Speaker 2: And you're finding someone who's going to be with you
Speaker 2: through the highs and lows, and no one's life is
Speaker 2: perfect and no one's relationship is going to be perfect.
Speaker 2: Who's going to be in the trenches with you? And like,
Speaker 2: I found my person to be in the trenches with me.
Speaker 1: How did you stop yourself from letting any bitterness or
Speaker 1: revenge mindset creep in.
Speaker 2: I do want to say, I fully do have a
Speaker 2: revenge mindset, but my revenge is never to hurt people.
Speaker 2: They're already hurt. They're hurting you, obviously they're hurt if
Speaker 2: they tried to hurt you. It's like the classic quote,
Speaker 2: but like you being mad at them is just like
Speaker 2: you adding venom to yourself, and they clearly don't give
Speaker 2: a fuck.
Speaker 3: About you because they hurt you.
Speaker 2: I realized that people's hate towards me was because they
Speaker 2: saw something in me, and I almost took it as
Speaker 2: a compliment. Honestly, getting fired is there's some star power too,
Speaker 2: Like there's a and I'm not telling everyone, you know,
Speaker 2: get fired because you'll find your purpose. But it's like
Speaker 2: I listened. I wasn't like trying to undo the past.
Speaker 2: I was like, I can't change what happened. I can
Speaker 2: only change going forward. And I think great athletes are
Speaker 2: like that, Like you make a mistake and instead of
Speaker 2: harping on the mistake, that's not going.
Speaker 3: To help you in this next point. Yeah, and I
Speaker 3: dealt with.
Speaker 2: A lot of depression, a lot of you know, questioning
Speaker 2: why why Why me. I wasn't just like completely you know,
Speaker 2: strong out of it. But I do think I have
Speaker 2: a lot of gratitude now. I even like I went
Speaker 2: to some like hotel recently and someone was complaining about
Speaker 2: like how the hotel sucked or whatever or something happened,
Speaker 2: and I was like, I remember when no one would
Speaker 2: have even booked me to be able to stay at
Speaker 2: this hotel to perform absolutely so the lows actually have
Speaker 2: given me the mindset for success.
Speaker 1: But also the right seeds planted in those lows, because
Speaker 1: in one sense, that's what I was getting at that
Speaker 1: if you had planted it out of this bitterness, I'm
Speaker 1: going to show you. You know, you realize how great
Speaker 1: I am when you do it from perspective, which which
Speaker 1: is natural. By the way, I'm not even judging anyone
Speaker 1: who has that intention. It's just that if that's the
Speaker 1: seed you plant, then even if you make it to
Speaker 1: that hotel, or make it to that podium, or make
Speaker 1: it to a Netflix special, you will never go sleep happy.
Speaker 1: Like it's just not possible.
Speaker 2: That's yeah, That's why I remember, like they never liked you,
Speaker 2: They're not going to like you totally. Like everyone's dealing
Speaker 2: with their shit. But I do have to say I
Speaker 2: don't forgive people. I'm not going to be friends like
Speaker 2: I learned from situations. But I also feel like my
Speaker 2: particular situation, like I was on a show about friends
Speaker 2: getting drunk and starting fights with each other and I
Speaker 2: wasn't fitting in and people kind of turned on me,
Speaker 2: and I was like, that's actually a compliment that, like
Speaker 2: you weren't thriving in that environment. The friends that I've
Speaker 2: been able to make recently, like I found the most smart, powerful,
Speaker 2: inspiring people like Ali Riiseman. Has she been on this spot?
Speaker 2: You have to have her on. She's an incredible gymnast
Speaker 2: who was like the captain of the Olympic team was like, hey,
Speaker 2: I love your special I'd love to get coffee. And
Speaker 2: I was sitting there talking to this girl, feeling so
Speaker 2: like lucky that I can even like understand how her
Speaker 2: brain works and be connecting with her. Again, you go
Speaker 2: back and you're like, thank god I got kicked out
Speaker 2: of where I didn't belong.
Speaker 1: Yeah. You reminded me of a commence speech that Federick
Speaker 1: just gave and he was talking about I love. He
Speaker 1: was talking about how he's only won eighty percent of
Speaker 1: games in his career, and he's only won just over
Speaker 1: fifty percent of points yes in those games. Yes, And
Speaker 1: so he was like, I have to get so used
Speaker 1: to losing a point.
Speaker 2: I always say, as a tennis player, to win six
Speaker 2: four six four, you lose forty percent of the point exactly.
Speaker 2: And it's and I do think that tennis mentality helped me,
Speaker 2: Like when something bad would happen, I'd be like, yeah,
Speaker 2: that's part of the ride. Yeah, And I also do
Speaker 2: love storytelling. That's why, like this pod is so fun
Speaker 2: for me. I love when bad things happen because I
Speaker 2: am that person that's like I can't wait to go
Speaker 2: on a podcast one day and be like I was
Speaker 2: fired and sad and then I rose from the ashes.
Speaker 2: And I do think people connect with me because they
Speaker 2: see like, Okay, if she can do it, I can
Speaker 2: do it. And that's what I want people to feel,
Speaker 2: because it's it really is just your mentality. When you
Speaker 2: get up in the morning, you're just like, I'm not
Speaker 2: gonna let that past pain define me.
Speaker 1: When you're putting it into comedy, where's all the content
Speaker 1: coming from the storytelling?
Speaker 2: Well, the funny thing about comedy is I definitely never
Speaker 2: wanted to be a stand up comedian, and I think
Speaker 2: it was a blessing in a way that like I
Speaker 2: very have my own distinct voice and way I am
Speaker 2: on stage, Like I wasn't ever trying to copy anyone else.
Speaker 3: I didn't even think I was.
Speaker 2: Gonna get a Netflix special, so when I did, I
Speaker 2: was kind of just like cool.
Speaker 3: And then I've been joking. I was like, what do
Speaker 3: you do next?
Speaker 2: Do another Netflix special, like how many Netflix specials does
Speaker 2: a person need? But it's been an interesting moment creatively
Speaker 2: because with a stand up, after you do your hour,
Speaker 2: the materials burned. They call it so unlike a singer
Speaker 2: who can like theyt you write a great hit and
Speaker 2: you can do it forever, like my hit is like
Speaker 2: my great hit. I love my gun joke or my
Speaker 2: quief joke. I can't do that anymore. So now I'm
Speaker 2: doing these new material shows where it's basically like watching
Speaker 2: your favorite athletes start as a beginner. So I'm literally
Speaker 2: on stage being like, cankles are cankles?
Speaker 3: Funny?
Speaker 2: Do we like cankles? And I've had some insecurities being
Speaker 2: like this is difficult. I went from a tried and
Speaker 2: tested like hour that I know every single moment what
Speaker 2: will happen and the laughs I'll get to being just
Speaker 2: like feeling naked on stage. And my husband's been inspiring
Speaker 2: because he's like, you don't even know, like the special
Speaker 2: is gonna be better than the last one. So I think
Speaker 2: with comedy, I like that it keeps me on my toes,
Speaker 2: it keeps me I don't feel completely like I got
Speaker 2: this all the time, and I think it keeps me
Speaker 2: motivated because I feel so I'm constantly learning about myself
Speaker 2: and challenging myself. Last week, I even I went on
Speaker 2: stage just with a bunch of papers, which I've never
Speaker 2: done before, and just was like, let's see what happens.
Speaker 2: So look, maybe I'm sick in the head as we're
Speaker 2: talking it out and I'm saying it out loud, but
Speaker 2: I like to put myself in uncomfortable positions and see
Speaker 2: how I can get out of it. I think that's
Speaker 2: what crowd work is, which is something that I've taken
Speaker 2: accustomed to.
Speaker 1: I actually think it's the only mindset, like if you
Speaker 1: know what you're going to do every month, you'll end
Speaker 1: up living the same year again and again and again.
Speaker 2: And part of me is jealous of those people. I
Speaker 2: do to say there are maybe some like neurotypical people
Speaker 2: that are like I want to just like like I
Speaker 2: want to go to work, i want to enjoy my friends,
Speaker 2: I want to go home, and I'm so thankful for
Speaker 2: this life. And I'm envious to those people like I
Speaker 2: wish that are you actually well?
Speaker 3: I think that they actually are fulfilled. And then there's
Speaker 3: people like.
Speaker 2: Me who need some crazy shit to like feel alive
Speaker 2: all the time. And I definitely am neurodivergent, like I'm
Speaker 2: realizing now, Like I do think I have ADHD in
Speaker 2: like a powerful way. Like when I'm doing a joke,
Speaker 2: I could like know what crowd work I'm gonna do next,
Speaker 2: and I'm also gonna do a callback to this joke,
Speaker 2: Like I have a bazillion tabs open in my head
Speaker 2: and I need constant dopamine hits. But it's it's made
Speaker 2: me a creative and a performer. So I think like
Speaker 2: both ways of life, Like you know, you see a
Speaker 2: kid and you're like, this kid is happy, chilling, and
Speaker 2: you see a kid that's just running around being chaotic,
Speaker 2: and you're like they're just different vibes.
Speaker 1: Totally, totally yeah, And I feel like everyone's needing to
Speaker 1: balance out by doing the other. Yes, someone who lives
Speaker 1: crazy a crazy life, like you can find more joy
Speaker 1: from relationships and the simple things in some way, who's
Speaker 1: living a more as you called it, a neurotypical life
Speaker 1: also needs to find new goals and things to grow towards,
Speaker 1: because both end up feeling out of balance and out
Speaker 1: of scene.
Speaker 3: Are you good at vacationing?
Speaker 1: I really enjoy it. I wouldn't say I'm good at
Speaker 1: it in the sense of I don't like I could
Speaker 1: go years and probably did in the beginning, and then
Speaker 1: I got a bit better at it and then probably
Speaker 1: got bad again. Yeah, I'm okay at it.
Speaker 2: I'd say i've recently, like this summer after the special,
Speaker 2: I was like, take some time, yeah, and like you
Speaker 2: wake up and you're.
Speaker 1: Like, what are we doing? Oh, I'm good at that?
Speaker 1: Oh I'm good at that. Once I'm there, I'm goody good.
Speaker 2: I have I find with vacationing or like giving yourself breaks,
Speaker 2: especially as the entrepreneur, because it's always like when you're
Speaker 2: not working, you're just not like making money or whatever.
Speaker 2: You'll be like, okay, let's relax, and it takes you
Speaker 2: like four days to relax. Then you're finally relaxed and
Speaker 2: it's like we got to go back home and you're like, oh.
Speaker 1: No, yeah, I'm really lucky. I can like lock into
Speaker 1: any mode that I'm in.
Speaker 3: That's good immediately more than me correct.
Speaker 1: But finding the time to get a way, that's what
Speaker 1: I was thinking.
Speaker 3: I was like, you have to prioritize.
Speaker 1: That I'm not I'm okay at that, like sometimes I'm
Speaker 1: good at planning it out, sometimes I'm not. I'm good
Speaker 1: at starting my year off right, Like I always make
Speaker 1: sure that I start my year off in India back
Speaker 1: at the monastery taking time out, and I've done that
Speaker 1: every year religiously for the past seven years or whatever
Speaker 1: it is, maybe even more now, And that to me
Speaker 1: is like I'm good at doing that.
Speaker 2: I heard the Dua Lipa always takes your line in
Speaker 2: August off. I actually also could have started a rumor there,
Speaker 2: but I heard that and I was like, do Leapa
Speaker 2: is always like crushing it, And part of me like
Speaker 2: loved that, and that means it's like European or something.
Speaker 2: But I'm realizing in this life that like no one's
Speaker 2: gonna make you take a break, and you actually have
Speaker 2: to have the self love, even if you think you
Speaker 2: don't need it to be like you do need to
Speaker 2: have balance. And I'm a workaholic and I love the
Speaker 2: highs of it, but I've also been working on like
Speaker 2: also when you're relaxing, like don't be mean to yourself.
Speaker 2: Don't spend the whole day relaxing being like you should
Speaker 2: have gone to pilates. So it's you, Yeah, creating the
Speaker 2: right narrative in your head of like that you're in
Speaker 2: the right space at the right time is kind of
Speaker 2: what I've been working on.
Speaker 1: Yeah, now that you've started a crazy room about doing it. Now,
Speaker 1: I was gonna ask you, what's the craziest rumor you've
Speaker 1: ever heard about yourself?
Speaker 2: I mean, honestly, the biggest rumors were like stuff that
Speaker 2: would happen on reality TV, because like there would be
Speaker 2: scenes where the back of my head would say something
Speaker 2: to someone and I.
Speaker 3: Was like, that was not what the response was.
Speaker 2: So it was like living with like moments that just
Speaker 2: didn't happen that you had to kind of just like own.
Speaker 3: I didn't really own it. I would be like, no,
Speaker 3: it didn't happen. Everyone like shut up.
Speaker 2: But I think my support system has been really great,
Speaker 2: and I I only took it for granted or I
Speaker 2: just I have very small support systems, So I never
Speaker 2: thought that I was like special in any way, But
Speaker 2: now I'm realizing, like it really is quality over quantity.
Speaker 2: Like I always have that one best friend, my mom
Speaker 2: and my dad, my brother and my husband, maybe a
Speaker 2: couple other friends depending on the time. And I thought, like,
Speaker 2: you're kind of a lonely bitch. But then these people
Speaker 2: are so special that I can call it any time,
Speaker 2: and they get me so well that I'm realizing more like, oh,
Speaker 2: they got me through that, like I could not have
Speaker 2: done it alone. Yeah, my poor mom, the calls she
Speaker 2: has to takes.
Speaker 1: That's so wonderful to hear though. Yeah, it's interesting, isn't it?
Speaker 1: Because I think as things grow, also you realize the
Speaker 1: different values of your community as well. As you get older,
Speaker 1: you realize the value that they play in different You
Speaker 1: go through more, you go through more, and so you
Speaker 1: rely on them for more things. Like when you're a kid,
Speaker 1: maybe they helped you move to college or maybe they
Speaker 1: you know, it's things like that, Whereas when you grow up,
Speaker 1: you're like, no, I just called you and cried for me.
Speaker 1: It was like my mom saying something. I was going
Speaker 1: through a tough time. And I don't really call my
Speaker 1: mom for advice. I never have. Yeah, she's always been
Speaker 1: loving in supporting.
Speaker 2: The very guy of you. Like my brother call my
Speaker 2: mom like once a month and I called it.
Speaker 1: I'm that color.
Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm eating chicken nugget.
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, that's my wife. My wife, her mom like
Speaker 1: six times a day and I never I literally called
Speaker 1: my mom once a month. And I remember my mom
Speaker 1: just like once, like we were on a call and
Speaker 1: I didn't tell her things were hard, but obviously she's
Speaker 1: my mom. She can sense that things were hard. This
Speaker 1: was like seven eight years ago, and she just said
Speaker 1: like one of the most motivational things to me ever,
Speaker 1: and she never does that, so like I'm not used
Speaker 1: to that from her. And it was about me and
Speaker 1: about something in my past I'll tell you off camera later,
Speaker 1: and it was just one of those things that I
Speaker 1: was like, no way, like I didn't even know we
Speaker 1: had that relationship or you just gave me like a
Speaker 1: really big gift in my I was just turning thirty
Speaker 1: maybe like at that time, and I couldn't believe that
Speaker 1: she said that to me then, and so I would
Speaker 1: never have realized that if I wasn't going through that
Speaker 1: point in my life. Yes, and she didn't sense it.
Speaker 1: So I didn't see the value my mom could offer me.
Speaker 2: It's so funny how heavy a mom's words could be
Speaker 2: so heavy. Like I remember I was in tent like
Speaker 2: tennis craziness, and I called my mom and I just
Speaker 2: was like just dark, and my mom was like, you're
Speaker 2: not being yourself and I was like, who, what do
Speaker 2: you even mean? And she's like, you're a lighthearted, funny, silly,
Speaker 2: like goofy girl, Like that's who Hannah is. Like I
Speaker 2: don't know who this is right now, but I'm just,
Speaker 2: you know, trying to figure out who I am an
Speaker 2: eighteen year old, And looking back, I'm like, she's so
Speaker 2: right that I was. I was turning into someone I
Speaker 2: wasn't because I was just forcing things. I also think
Speaker 2: with friendships and relationships in your thirties, you start being
Speaker 2: like enough time to force things, and also why would
Speaker 2: I force anything? Like me and you, for example, Like
Speaker 2: I feel like if I was like I need Jay
Speaker 2: to like me, and like was obsessed with like connecting
Speaker 2: with you, who knows if that would have worked, but
Speaker 2: like we naturally hit it off and we have a
Speaker 2: friendship where like I feel like sometimes people will be
Speaker 2: like if I if I ask them to get coffee
Speaker 2: and I do this, I live my life kind of
Speaker 2: like put your energy out there and the right energies
Speaker 2: will come back. Authentic relationships are better than thousands of
Speaker 2: people that you're like, they wouldn't be there for me
Speaker 2: when I need to bury a body.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm still trying to get you to like I
Speaker 1: was trying.
Speaker 3: No, I do think it's good vibe.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, no for sure, and and I can agree
Speaker 1: with you more there isn't. I think tactics and hacks
Speaker 1: and things like that get you very don't get you
Speaker 1: very far with humans. Like they work on things, they
Speaker 1: work on tools, they work on strategy and projects and
Speaker 1: things like that, but they don't really work well with people.
Speaker 3: I also find it with dating.
Speaker 2: I used to be like, if I construct the perfect
Speaker 2: text message, he's gonna realize that I'm freaking cool. I
Speaker 2: was so into I'd get nervous and be like if
Speaker 2: I say this, or like I wasn't funny enough, and
Speaker 2: looking back, you're like the emoji or not emoji did
Speaker 2: not change, Like it's funny because my husband he met
Speaker 2: me going when I was in the middle of this
Speaker 2: like sane reality TV time, which arguably like I was
Speaker 2: crying more than I've ever cried before. Like that's not
Speaker 2: what it's like being with me. I'm I have other issues,
Speaker 2: but crying was not a thing. So it's talk about
Speaker 2: like someone loving you at your worst. It's almost like
Speaker 2: he saw me as like an open wound and he
Speaker 2: loved me through that. So I joke, now I'm like,
Speaker 2: first date, get in a fight, like like start crying,
Speaker 2: tell him all your trauma, and like if you can't
Speaker 2: with it, be on to the next one.
Speaker 3: Why are we pretending to be perfect for three years?
Speaker 1: Yea?
Speaker 3: And then realizing you hate that.
Speaker 2: I really thought that, like if I was perfect, perfect
Speaker 2: things would happen to me, and that's just not the game.
Speaker 1: So we've talked so much about your confidence in these places,
Speaker 1: how you applied to your love life, Like what was
Speaker 1: that like in relationship? In dating? Were you as analytical?
Speaker 1: Were you able to make sense of stuff or in
Speaker 1: that area? Were you like, oh my.
Speaker 2: God, it's so funny how everything's so similar. I was
Speaker 2: like tennis, where like even when I was like could
Speaker 2: not hit a serve, I had this confidence that I
Speaker 2: could still win.
Speaker 3: And I I win.
Speaker 2: But like I always I joke, like I always think
Speaker 2: everyone loves me, Like I'm I'll have friends, I'll walk
Speaker 2: into a room like I have reverse by dysmorphia, Like
Speaker 2: I think everyone's attracted to me. And but I just
Speaker 2: had this confidence that no matter what was going on
Speaker 2: like that I'll fall in love and I'll have the
Speaker 2: most amazing relationship and everyone's attracted to me and wants
Speaker 2: to be with me.
Speaker 3: And that was just what I put into the world.
Speaker 2: But I also had an ego with it, where like
Speaker 2: I realized that I would go after emotionally unavailable guys
Speaker 2: because I wasn't ready. I was like, no one's rejecting me,
Speaker 2: Like no one's rejecting me. And I'd go after like
Speaker 2: really good looking men who I didn't respect emotionally, so
Speaker 2: that if it didn't work out, I'd be like he's
Speaker 2: going stupid, like obviously I didn't like him, or like
Speaker 2: they wouldn't make me laugh, or like I liked having
Speaker 2: hot men around me, and it is kind of I
Speaker 2: always like male dominate spaces and where you tie right now,
Speaker 2: but I kind of liked I thought it was powerful
Speaker 2: to be like a girl that like I could date
Speaker 2: a lot of hot guys. It's like I didn't want
Speaker 2: to be fully seen either. And I finally like, my
Speaker 2: husband is a guy who very good looking, but I
Speaker 2: really respect emotionally, and he sees me and he calls
Speaker 2: me out on stuff and is okay with all the
Speaker 2: things that come with me, and it was like scary
Speaker 2: and vulnerable, but it also felt really safe because I
Speaker 2: think it was with the right person. I have been
Speaker 2: in relationships where I felt confident, like this guy on
Speaker 2: paper is like everything someone would want. Like girls probably
Speaker 2: look and go like, oh, yeah, he's great, but I
Speaker 2: didn't feel like myself and I'm proud of myself. I
Speaker 2: got out of a relationship when I was younger that
Speaker 2: like other people were like, why would you leave that guy?
Speaker 2: But because when I was alone at night, I didn't
Speaker 2: feel like I was able to be myself with him,
Speaker 2: and I got out of it, and I realized, your partner,
Speaker 2: if they're not an asset. I don't mean it like
Speaker 2: we have to make everything great in life happy. No,
Speaker 2: if they're not enhancing and supporting you and who you are,
Speaker 2: there's no reason to be in a relationship. Yeah, someone
Speaker 2: said something kind of powerful that the person you're with
Speaker 2: directly or flecs how much you love yourself. Even though
Speaker 2: I was like dating and confident, I wasn't like really
Speaker 2: putting myself out there fully because I didn't know if
Speaker 2: someone really saw me, they would be scary if they
Speaker 2: didn't love me. So I was like, well, I don't
Speaker 2: love them, I don't need them, but I don't honestly
Speaker 2: think having a bad relationship that hurts your mental health
Speaker 2: is so nice because spare with me, you start realizing
Speaker 2: I don't want to be in a relationship. Being a relationship,
Speaker 2: it's too risky if someone is bringing me down, Like
Speaker 2: I'd really really rather be single one hundred percent of
Speaker 2: the time. So once I got in that mentality, like
Speaker 2: in my late twenties, when the right guy I finally came,
Speaker 2: I knew it because I wasn't just dating to date.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like so many of the people I
Speaker 1: know right now are just struggling with dating, Like I'm
Speaker 1: sure you have loads of single friends too, or yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah right, you were just like Jay, can you introduce
Speaker 1: you to someone? Or I don't know how to meet someone.
Speaker 1: I'm on all the apps, I'm doing this, I'm doing that,
Speaker 1: and it feels like it's just the wild world rest
Speaker 1: for people, Like it's so hard. I know, at least
Speaker 1: that's how.
Speaker 3: I know my advice.
Speaker 2: I really do joke about it that, like first date,
Speaker 2: if you go back to his apartment, like hide his
Speaker 2: remote and see what his true character is like because
Speaker 2: I really feel, especially in a light, everyone's hot, and
Speaker 2: I'm like I could get along with a hot person
Speaker 2: for months before I like realize what's going on. I
Speaker 2: think life is so short. It's like you can convince
Speaker 2: yourself that so many people are great for you, but
Speaker 2: like stop lying to yourself and immediately just be like
Speaker 2: do you feel like yourself with them? And is it
Speaker 2: someone that you want to sit on the couch with
Speaker 2: for hours. Let's stop with the Instagram bullshit. Let's stop
Speaker 2: with how it looks esthetically and find someone that's good
Speaker 2: for your soul. Because your relationship is like a mirror,
Speaker 2: where like it's a voice that you have to listen
Speaker 2: to for the rest of your life. Make sure that
Speaker 2: voice is someone you want to talk to, and like
Speaker 2: they create the vibe of your life.
Speaker 3: I love quitting. I love getting out of stuff.
Speaker 2: If you're not with the right person, like there is
Speaker 2: the right person there get out?
Speaker 1: Yeah no, but I think you're so right that the
Speaker 1: halo effects so strong, Like we can stay with someone
Speaker 1: off of like the tiniest thing. Like people will stay
Speaker 1: in a relationship because someone's hot, because someone makes lots
Speaker 1: of money, because someone's really good at one thing, yes,
Speaker 1: and it's so easy to do that because the halo
Speaker 1: effect is so powerful. You are saying in a very
Speaker 1: sincere way, like do you want to listen to their
Speaker 1: voice with the rest of your life? And I just
Speaker 1: think of someone going to me, I really like the
Speaker 1: sound of his voice, and it's like you're just attracted
Speaker 1: to the sound of someone's voice, but not really the
Speaker 1: content of what they're saying or who they are and
Speaker 1: what you're talking about someone's soul, and it's it's so
Speaker 1: hard for our brains to detach from that which is
Speaker 1: pleasurable to that which is actually.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, you're saying right. I loved having a crush.
Speaker 2: I would make it up. He would just have to
Speaker 2: show like a little bit, and I was like, I
Speaker 2: love this. I want to wake up with that.
Speaker 3: Hide like is it it?
Speaker 1: Text me?
Speaker 2: And then you finally like meet him and you're like,
Speaker 2: oh my god, this is not it.
Speaker 3: It took me a while.
Speaker 2: I would really just be like, as long as he's tall,
Speaker 2: I could figure this out. And then I remember feeling
Speaker 2: like I was signing my soul to the devil. I
Speaker 2: was like, you deserve better, and I do think like
Speaker 2: you love yourself. The person you're with is showing how
Speaker 2: much you love yourself. You deserve the best, also with
Speaker 2: someone who's just got married, Like I do have to say,
Speaker 2: when you're growing up.
Speaker 3: You're like, who's my soulmate? Who's my soulmate?
Speaker 2: And not to be a de Wie downer, I believe
Speaker 2: there are soulmates. I don't think at all that there's
Speaker 2: one person. I really think of marriage as like a
Speaker 2: best friend and that it's very similar to friendships. You know,
Speaker 2: when you meet someone, like I'll meet a girl and
Speaker 2: immediately I'm like, whe have has.
Speaker 3: This bitch been all my life? She's amazing. I'm obsessed
Speaker 3: with her.
Speaker 2: And I'll have a couple of those kind of relationships
Speaker 2: in your life. And that's how I feel with men
Speaker 2: as well, romantic relationships. So it's like the person I'm
Speaker 2: with right now, he's so right for me, he's amazing.
Speaker 2: I do think there's other people in the world that
Speaker 2: potentially I could have married and had that I haven't met.
Speaker 2: So it's like you create your own adventure and you
Speaker 2: find the person that's right for you. In that moment,
Speaker 2: people will be mad, like why did I marry this guy?
Speaker 2: And I'm like, maybe he was right for you in
Speaker 2: nineteen ninety seven or whatever it happened, and he was
Speaker 2: perfect for you in that time, So stop putting so
Speaker 2: much pressure on this like one insane thing. It's like, no,
Speaker 2: it's it's vibes and it's like finding your best friend. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and you'll have a lot of beautiful relationships in your life.
Speaker 1: What were some of the surprising challenges that came up
Speaker 1: in marriage that maybe you didn't expect.
Speaker 3: I do have to say. My husband has a joke.
Speaker 3: He's a comedian too.
Speaker 2: He actually has a really good bit about mindfulness that
Speaker 2: I feel like you.
Speaker 1: I'll send it to you, man, please do.
Speaker 2: It's just about how mindfulness he jokes about back then
Speaker 2: it was just like watching for sipitation go down. She's like,
Speaker 2: you can't even sit and take a shit without like scrolling,
Speaker 2: Like mindfulness used to just be existing. I butchered that bit,
Speaker 2: but it's about that. But he has this joke about marriage,
Speaker 2: how he'll tell people like, we don't spend a lot
Speaker 2: of time together because I'm on the road a lot.
Speaker 2: He's on the road, and how people like thirty five
Speaker 2: and under are like, oh, that must be really hard
Speaker 2: but that people thirty five and over are like, you
Speaker 2: guys are gonna make it Like we never get into
Speaker 2: that like roommate situation where you start feeling like, oh,
Speaker 2: this is just a roommate that I have that lives
Speaker 2: with me. It stays kind of exciting because we don't
Speaker 2: have that routine. Our Our careers are very kind of
Speaker 2: crazy and we're really good at communicating. I think the
Speaker 2: funny thing about marriage is that dating is a lot
Speaker 2: of chasing. There's a lot of like.
Speaker 3: Are we gonna get engaged, are we gonna get married?
Speaker 3: What is this gonna be? And then you become it.
Speaker 2: It reminds me of life, where like if you don't
Speaker 2: love the journey, there's no point to it and you
Speaker 2: realize like, oh, this isn't about getting the ring, Like
Speaker 2: this is just about finding someone I want to be
Speaker 2: with with him. It's like we're married, We're not I'm
Speaker 2: not playing any more games. The games are over. And
Speaker 2: I liked kind of being like, what's going to happen
Speaker 2: and there's no game playing?
Speaker 3: That's your person.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I remember reading a study that talked about how
Speaker 1: what we really get addicted to at the beginning of
Speaker 1: a relationship is stress and excitement. Yes, so the excitement
Speaker 1: of I just texted them, the stress of will they
Speaker 1: text me back? Yes, you got the excitement of like
Speaker 1: I just told all my friends about this guy, the
Speaker 1: stress of I don't know if he's talking about me
Speaker 1: to his friends. Yeah, And so that keeps you. It's
Speaker 1: what you're saying. The game keeps you going. And then
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, when you actually end up with
Speaker 1: someone then and everyone goes, wait a minute, there's no
Speaker 1: excitement anymore. It's like, no, no, no, you were just addicted
Speaker 1: to stress.
Speaker 2: Yes, And I do have to say the peacefulness of
Speaker 2: marriage has been really nice for me in terms of,
Speaker 2: like dating actually was really time consuming and stressful. So
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm able to focus more on my
Speaker 2: career and being myself. I used to like not be
Speaker 2: able to enjoy friends sometimes because I'm sitting there thinking
Speaker 2: about a guy or at dinner and I'm just like,
Speaker 2: I don't really care about this because like so and
Speaker 2: so hasn't texted me back. Where now I have this
Speaker 2: like comfort of like I have my person who's my
Speaker 2: sidekick and there for me, and I can actually be
Speaker 2: myself more, which has been really nice when I was single,
Speaker 2: I was boy crazy, and I was like putting it
Speaker 2: on a pedestal. So I've I've done that and been that,
Speaker 2: and I think once you realize, you just you don't
Speaker 2: want to force it.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: My ultimate dating tip is that do the things you
Speaker 2: love and it will track people who will love you
Speaker 2: where it's I tell people like, I know this is corny,
Speaker 2: but like if you like volleyball, join a volleyball league.
Speaker 2: You can't just like sit around hoping like be you
Speaker 2: and they will come.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah the.
Speaker 2: Baseball field, as they say, you build it, they will come.
Speaker 1: For men, I think it's similar. Like all the most
Speaker 1: successful men that I've spoken to have all said that
Speaker 1: their success came when they committed to one woman. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then they actually had time and energy to build
Speaker 1: everything else.
Speaker 3: It is exhausted.
Speaker 1: Other than the exhaustion of thinking that it was cool
Speaker 1: to date multiple women or have affairs or whatever they
Speaker 1: thought it was when they were going.
Speaker 2: Stress that again, distress they added to exactly. But I
Speaker 2: do have to say to be a little positive, my
Speaker 2: parents have a really beautiful relationship and like they still
Speaker 2: like they flirt, they love each other, they make each
Speaker 2: other laugh and in my relationship, Like I still my
Speaker 2: friend makes fun of me, but like I still get
Speaker 2: butterflies with him, like I do have it. It's not
Speaker 2: you know, we're two years in and it's early, but
Speaker 2: I found someone who keeps me like excited, so that's possible.
Speaker 2: It's not like, oh, you meet someone and then you're
Speaker 2: just like, yay, we're bored. No, Like I found someone
Speaker 2: who he definitely is emotionally, like we say, like our
Speaker 2: love languages laughter, So we're making fun of each other
Speaker 2: and it's like we're constantly playing the game of how
Speaker 2: can we make each other laugh?
Speaker 1: Absolutely? Yeah, we banter all day in my wife so
Speaker 1: important when we're around.
Speaker 3: You, guys have a really fun yeah yeah, yeah I am.
Speaker 1: We're laughter as our love language for sure too, and
Speaker 1: it has need to be. We always feel like when
Speaker 1: we're around new people or new couples, they're like, do
Speaker 1: you have have issues with each other? I'm like no, no, no,
Speaker 1: this is just this is who we are. Like we're
Speaker 1: constantly bantering and that's yeah, that's our way of showing
Speaker 1: love to each other and it works for us. And
Speaker 1: I can also get really emotional, like when Rady's traveling whatever,
Speaker 1: I literally like there's no light in the house, Like
Speaker 1: I'm just like I get fully like I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: the house feels different, like it's not the same because
Speaker 1: I'm so used to just walking back there seeing her
Speaker 1: giving her a hug, whatever it is, even in the work.
Speaker 1: Then then when she's traveling, I'm like, no, where is she?
Speaker 1: But I love the idea of missing her.
Speaker 2: It was Yes, I was going to say, it makes
Speaker 2: you not take for granted them being there when you
Speaker 2: wake up. Yeah, And we also are very good at communicating,
Speaker 2: like we'll be on the phone like all day, even
Speaker 2: if it's just like a two minute call to be
Speaker 2: like this thing happened to me. It's just natural. And
Speaker 2: I joke like be with some You're relationship is a
Speaker 2: conversation you have for the rest of your life, Like
Speaker 2: do you want to have it? I saw like a
Speaker 2: random probably a TikTok about how the person who marry
Speaker 2: is the person that's going to be with you when
Speaker 2: like your parents pass away, Like who do you want
Speaker 2: to be with you in those hard times? It's not
Speaker 2: who do you want to be in the wedding photo
Speaker 2: with you?
Speaker 1: Mike, That's real, No, that's so real. That's the realist thing.
Speaker 1: Ever it's and then I wish I wish more people
Speaker 1: would internalize that because that is exactly what it is
Speaker 1: and having And I have a friend who was with
Speaker 1: this partner through the loss of her mum recently. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it was the hardest thing for her, and he
Speaker 1: was He was the best partner I think she could
Speaker 1: have had during.
Speaker 2: That and she she needed him, and I realized I
Speaker 2: needed my husband during my hard time. And I also
Speaker 2: think that trauma bonding is real. Obviously, truma bonding can
Speaker 2: be bad, but like I think we are so much
Speaker 2: powerful of a couple because early on we were dealing
Speaker 2: with so much adversity that now when something happens, like
Speaker 2: we're so easily able to handle it. So when bad
Speaker 2: things happen to you when you're in a relationship, it's
Speaker 2: actually gonna show you if you're in the right relationship,
Speaker 2: which is awesome.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I wanted to pivot slightly because I feel like
Speaker 1: you pointed out your tie earlier, and I think this
Speaker 1: is a really great outfit. I think we have to
Speaker 1: talk about it, but you know, I feel like your
Speaker 1: whole career, from day one, it's been operating in a
Speaker 1: male dominant Like even I mean this article headline was
Speaker 1: so this one fifteen years ago New York Times she
Speaker 1: plays with boys and rivals don't like it. Yeah, it's crazy.
Speaker 1: I mean it's like that's crazy, right, Yeah, it's like
Speaker 1: fifteen years ago. Even now, like comedy is definitely more
Speaker 1: male dominated, has been. Yeah, And I think it's a
Speaker 1: really interesting thing because I've been speaking to a lot
Speaker 1: of my male friends recently either married or have have
Speaker 1: girlfriends long long term relationships, and a lot of the
Speaker 1: women there with feel really scared about pivoting careers, feel
Speaker 1: scared about changing their identity, about how they're perceived in
Speaker 1: their small community of friends. And these aren't people who
Speaker 1: are saying I want to be really famous or I
Speaker 1: want to be really rich. It's just people thinking like
Speaker 1: maybe I don't want to be a doctor, and maybe
Speaker 1: I do want to do this, so maybe I do
Speaker 1: want to be a yoga instructor, or maybe I do
Speaker 1: want to do fitness, so whatever it is, it's people
Speaker 1: making just genuine choices. And it's funny because when I'll
Speaker 1: talk to my guy friends about it, they've all done it,
Speaker 1: and it feels really easy for a guy to like
Speaker 1: somewhat change his perception and identity, Whereas for women it
Speaker 1: feels a bit harder if you had to say something
Speaker 1: to them. What would you say to women who are
Speaker 1: feeling like it's hard?
Speaker 3: Two things.
Speaker 2: One, I do think that women do have like they
Speaker 2: have the biological clock in their head where they're like, okay,
Speaker 2: if I switch this and then I have kids at
Speaker 2: this time, and then I'll be behind it like they're
Speaker 2: dealing with like that kind of stuff.
Speaker 3: I do have to do a shout out to my parents.
Speaker 2: I think I was raised a very not unique, but
Speaker 2: I was raised very like genderless, like I wore whatever
Speaker 2: clothes I want to wear. My dad really treated me.
Speaker 2: I wouldn't even say like a boy, just like I
Speaker 2: was never said I was pretty. It was about like
Speaker 2: being hard work. And I think growing up as I
Speaker 2: got older and people started to be like, you're a girl,
Speaker 2: you're not allowed to do that, I was like, woo,
Speaker 2: that's hilarious, and I'm going to.
Speaker 3: Show you that that's not true.
Speaker 2: And I think even like wearing the tie, I joked
Speaker 2: that like it makes me feel people are like listening
Speaker 2: to me more like I could say things I don't
Speaker 2: know about and people are like, she sounds like she
Speaker 2: knows what she's talking about. And I love playing with
Speaker 2: the gender roles because I think they're socially constructed in
Speaker 2: a way. But I also do realize now that I'm
Speaker 2: I'm thirty three, and some male comics their careers are
Speaker 2: popping off like mine, where I'm like, if I want
Speaker 2: to have a kid, I have to do it in
Speaker 2: the next couple of years. How is that going to
Speaker 2: affect my trajectory where they cannot have They don't give
Speaker 2: off about that. And I'm used to being like, there's
Speaker 2: no difference between me and you, but then I realized, like,
Speaker 2: oh shit, there is differences. But I like to be
Speaker 2: in terms of like my feminism, people get confused thinking
Speaker 2: that feminists are like men and women are equal.
Speaker 3: We're not. We're very different in so many beautiful.
Speaker 2: Ways, and like we want equal opportunities, but we're going
Speaker 2: to go about it our own way. So it's finding
Speaker 2: like what is your superpower as a woman, And I
Speaker 2: do think with women this is good. Women love to
Speaker 2: be over prepared and overqualified for things before we do it.
Speaker 2: I'm working on this new bit about like I say,
Speaker 2: a lot of men are pilots, because no woman would
Speaker 2: just wake up and be like I could fly a plane,
Speaker 2: Like she would have to be like so good at
Speaker 2: flying planes to finally be like, can I fly a plane?
Speaker 2: And then I joke like if women flew planes, we'd
Speaker 2: literally be lost all the time and like need snacks
Speaker 2: and stuff like that. But anyway, it's multi fascetating. So
Speaker 2: I think with women, stop waiting to be like over
Speaker 2: prepared to do something, and I think so many men
Speaker 2: will just be like a little bit confident and be
Speaker 2: like I'll figure it out where women, Like even a
Speaker 2: job interviews, I feel like men will be like I'll
Speaker 2: figure it out where girls will have to be so
Speaker 2: over prepared to even go into the interview. Like even
Speaker 2: when I was like a sports reporter for a second,
Speaker 2: I had to show that I knew sports soaking well
Speaker 2: to even get in the same room, where like a dude,
Speaker 2: they just assume he knows it because it's like sports.
Speaker 2: So for girls, I'd say, do things you're you're not
Speaker 2: qualified for. I was not qualified to get a Netflix special,
Speaker 2: but I did it. If you looked at my resume,
Speaker 2: you'd say that girl should not have a Netflix special,
Speaker 2: But I did, and it was top five on Netflix.
Speaker 2: So I think for the girls, don't wait till you're overqualified.
Speaker 2: Challenge yourself and you gain confidence when you're able to
Speaker 2: do something you didn't know you could do.
Speaker 1: That's great advice. I love that. And you're sport on.
Speaker 1: I remember looking at the studies a few years ago.
Speaker 1: He literally said that if a guy looks at an
Speaker 1: application and he can do four and have ten things,
Speaker 1: he'll apply, And if a girl looks in it and
Speaker 1: she can do eight of ten things, she won't apply.
Speaker 3: I literally have chills.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I have chills because that is so true, and
Speaker 2: women are so competent, but I guess they like there's
Speaker 2: like a safety thing with it.
Speaker 3: I do say something about experience.
Speaker 2: They did a study somewhere I suppear this wasn't from TikTok,
Speaker 2: but a study about like doctors and how some new
Speaker 2: doctors were actually better than doctors who had like forty
Speaker 2: years of experience because they were actually like fresher and
Speaker 2: more open minded, more up to date, and just how
Speaker 2: like just because someone has more experience with you doesn't
Speaker 2: necessarily make them better than you had.
Speaker 3: Something.
Speaker 2: My advice for like job interviews is I would go
Speaker 2: in and be like, I don't have the year's experience
Speaker 2: you want, but these are all the ideas I have
Speaker 2: of what I'm gonna do. So don't wait till you're overqualified,
Speaker 2: Like do things are underqualified for and see what you're
Speaker 2: capable of.
Speaker 1: So needed that's great advice. I thank you. I love that.
Speaker 1: How do if your younger self was to look at
Speaker 1: you now, if you were to go meet her and
Speaker 1: she saw you having the Netflix special or doing what
Speaker 1: you're doing today touring, what do you think she'd say?
Speaker 2: She wouldn't imagine it, but I feel like she be like,
Speaker 2: that's awesome. I do think there was a time when
Speaker 2: I was like twenty four and I was like in
Speaker 2: sales or something, and when my cousins said, like he
Speaker 2: was gonna move to LA to be an actor, and
Speaker 2: I remember getting like a guttural jealousy that I was
Speaker 2: like not expecting, and looking back, I was like, why
Speaker 2: are you jealous that your cousins move in LA to
Speaker 2: do acting?
Speaker 3: That's insane. You don't even want to be an actress?
Speaker 2: But deep deep down I did, and I like didn't
Speaker 2: admit it to myself because it's like a lot to
Speaker 2: admit that you want to be a performer or want
Speaker 2: your dreams. It's scary to say what dreams you want
Speaker 2: for anyone who's feeling like a jealousy towards something, that's
Speaker 2: the universe telling you you want to do it. Yeah,
Speaker 2: And it's crazy that years later now, like I'm getting
Speaker 2: into acting and I tried so hard to fight it,
Speaker 2: but the universe was like, you're not doing that. You're
Speaker 2: not doing that until I got in this lane, I
Speaker 2: like to say, even though I've never served, it's like
Speaker 2: so where like when you find the right wave, it's going.
Speaker 3: To feel easier and you're gonna love it. It's gonna
Speaker 3: be fun. So like, find your wave.
Speaker 1: That jealousy point is so clear. I feel like we're
Speaker 1: living at a time where it's so scary to share
Speaker 1: your dreams with someone else because you're scared it might
Speaker 1: remind them that they're not chasing theirs, and you're scared
Speaker 1: that they may react and tell you not to chase
Speaker 1: it because they don't believe in you. And the truth
Speaker 1: is they never had the strength to even give themselves
Speaker 1: the worth to chase their Yeah. And then at the
Speaker 1: same time, you're scared of hearing it, because it might
Speaker 1: remind you of the doubt you already have in your
Speaker 1: own abilities, and the fears you already have, and the
Speaker 1: insecurities you have that it's not possible for you. And
Speaker 1: it creates a really messy situation in society, I feel,
Speaker 1: because you have less people wanting to chase their dreams,
Speaker 1: less people rooting for them, and less people admitting what
Speaker 1: their dreams are. And that feels like a really bad
Speaker 1: place to live, where dreams are becoming buried deeper and
Speaker 1: deeper and deeper inside someone's soul and you know, never
Speaker 1: get seen. Yes, And so if someone's feeling that, and
Speaker 1: they're feeling that jealousy, which you so beautifully said, could
Speaker 1: be a sign or a signal that that's what you
Speaker 1: want to do, what would you say is the first
Speaker 1: three steps someone should take if they think they have
Speaker 1: a crazy dream. They may never have done it before,
Speaker 1: they don't really get it, but they feel that deep
Speaker 1: inside of them it's always been there.
Speaker 2: I was always obsessed with successful people, like I'd look
Speaker 2: at like Rihanna, and I'm like, what is different about
Speaker 2: her than other people?
Speaker 3: And when you strip it down, it always starts with
Speaker 3: she tried.
Speaker 2: Like eighty percent of it is being like I want
Speaker 2: to be this and I'm going to do it. And
Speaker 2: then I like to literally sit down and like say
Speaker 2: something crazy like Okay, I want to get a Netflix special.
Speaker 2: Then I literally go backwards of all the things you
Speaker 2: have to do to get there. Okay, get an Flix special.
Speaker 2: You'd have to perform in front of someone at Netflix.
Speaker 2: How do you do that? You'd have to be selling
Speaker 2: out theaters. How do you do that? You'd have to
Speaker 2: get JFL. How do you get JFL? You'd have to
Speaker 2: go in the clubs. How do you get in the clubs?
Speaker 2: You'd have to start writing? How do you start writing?
Speaker 2: By don't it tomorrow? So then it's like you literally
Speaker 2: have the path and it starts so small, and I
Speaker 2: think so many people don't want to go through the
Speaker 2: whole path. And then when you think about it, it's
Speaker 2: like you just have to go do it. It's actually
Speaker 2: a lot less overwhelming when you think I just have
Speaker 2: to write tomorrow than be like I've see a Netflix
Speaker 2: special in two years, but realistically I got an Eflics
Speaker 2: special in like five years. Of comedy plus COVID, which
Speaker 2: is crazy, but it's because that wasn't the plan. It
Speaker 2: was just I wanted to be myself and have fun
Speaker 2: doing comedy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so funny. Seven years ago, I had a
Speaker 1: production company reach out to me from LA. They'd seen
Speaker 1: my first ever video that had gone viral and they
Speaker 1: loved it, and they'd reached out and said, we want
Speaker 1: to build a TV show around you. And so I
Speaker 1: was like, I couldn't believe it because I just started
Speaker 1: creating content and had a viral video and I thought
Speaker 1: that was cool enough as it was so anyway, I
Speaker 1: like flew to LA on my own dime. I didn't
Speaker 1: have a lot of money, then sat down, had meetings,
Speaker 1: went back and forth, worked on creative on top of
Speaker 1: my day job. Came back to pitch it again on
Speaker 1: my own dime, like I was trying to figure out
Speaker 1: how I was going to do it. We pitched it
Speaker 1: and no one wanted the show. But I built loads
Speaker 1: of great relationships, and so I built all these great
Speaker 1: relationships at streamers production companies, became really good friends with
Speaker 1: some of them, but no one liked the show idea
Speaker 1: that we had. And it's so funny because I always
Speaker 1: look at that and I go, I'm so glad that
Speaker 1: an idea that I didn't fully own, that wasn't fully
Speaker 1: mine got rejected because then I built this even.
Speaker 2: Though at the time it probably were like yeah, at
Speaker 2: the time, it was just like it felt like everything
Speaker 2: was going not everything was going wrong, but that that
Speaker 2: was the big moment and I fumbled it somehow.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, and like right, it.
Speaker 3: Was felt like I fumbled.
Speaker 1: Yeah you just like you just dropped the ball. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you were like, that was my moment and that's it when.
Speaker 2: Life has like so many moments. One of my favorite
Speaker 2: things to tell people is especially like video creation.
Speaker 3: People would be like.
Speaker 2: What if I told you the fifteenth video you post
Speaker 2: is going to go viral? How quick would you post
Speaker 2: the next video? I kind of am obsessed with the
Speaker 2: gritty work. It was this concept I think like with tennis,
Speaker 2: people would say like when are you practicing when people
Speaker 2: aren't watching? Are you practicing in the rain? Like that
Speaker 2: type of like sports stuff. So I feel like, yeah,
Speaker 2: people will go and do the flashy stuff, but I
Speaker 2: think I get ahead because I'm doing this boring stuff
Speaker 2: that people don't want to do. So when you realize like, oh,
Speaker 2: someone got a Netflix special because they did the little
Speaker 2: tedious things that are actually anyone could do. It's just
Speaker 2: people don't want to do it. So it's like put
Speaker 2: your head down and like you can accomplish anything.
Speaker 1: Well said Hannah, it's been such a joy talking to you, honestly,
Speaker 1: so much fun.
Speaker 3: I love this is actually like the should I love
Speaker 3: talking about it.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm like, we have to do this again.
Speaker 2: I feel like a motivational speaker just through like quef jokes,
Speaker 2: but like I actually feel connected to you because I
Speaker 2: love through my jokes like inspiring people to see the
Speaker 2: world differently, even though it's not that serious at all.
Speaker 2: But I do love like motivating, and I love coaching
Speaker 2: and I love making people inspired in some way.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, I think everything you shed today has been
Speaker 1: super powerful and.
Speaker 3: You bring it out of me.
Speaker 1: Oh no, I love it. You you brought it. We
Speaker 1: We end every episode with a final five, oh boss
Speaker 1: five that we asked to all guests. Hanna, Berna, these
Speaker 1: are your FOSS five. Questionable one what is the best
Speaker 1: advice you ever heard or received? Oh?
Speaker 2: I like this quote that says, even when it's raining,
Speaker 2: the hoop is always there.
Speaker 3: Not to give like more sports book, but.
Speaker 2: It's basically like you're not seeing it, but like you're
Speaker 2: actually okay and the world is your oyster.
Speaker 3: You just are there's a cloud right now.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I love that. Second question, what is the worst
Speaker 1: advice you ever heard or received?
Speaker 2: Probably people who just think they know better than you
Speaker 2: about your own life and like telling you based on
Speaker 2: their own experiences when you're completely different to be like,
Speaker 2: I wouldn't do that if I were you.
Speaker 1: Well, you're not me, so question number three, what is
Speaker 1: something you think people don't know about you?
Speaker 3: People probably will not be surprised they heard.
Speaker 2: But I'm like really messy, Like I have trouble keeping
Speaker 2: the home, like okay, and I but I lean into
Speaker 2: it and I'll be like I'm a creative but like
Speaker 2: some of my friends are so organized and I'm so
Speaker 2: jealous of them, but like I will always go to
Speaker 2: edit a video before like putting the dishes away, and
Speaker 2: then I will never put the dishes away, So I'm
Speaker 2: kind of like, don't have my shit together in the home.
Speaker 1: I love it. Question number of Wait, what stasie.
Speaker 2: A Leo sun virgo moon but clearly just about work
Speaker 2: and scorpio rising?
Speaker 1: Okay, oh wow, you know all of it? Wow, all right,
Speaker 1: question before what question numb before? Apart from your apart
Speaker 1: from your astrologer, was it that you d Who's the
Speaker 1: last person you DMD?
Speaker 2: It's probably Paige, my co host, because after the show,
Speaker 2: we see all these like funny videos from the shows
Speaker 2: and I'll send it to her and feel like that
Speaker 2: was funny, that was cute. So we're just like enjoying
Speaker 2: when we get home looking at all the stories.
Speaker 1: I love that. And question umber five, we asked this
Speaker 1: every guest who's ever been on the show. If you
Speaker 1: could create one law that everyone in the world had
Speaker 1: to follow, what would it be.
Speaker 2: I think children should have more mental health in schools, Like,
Speaker 2: I think it should be a lot that kids should
Speaker 2: learn start learning more about, like happiness, mindfulness, meditation, Like
Speaker 2: I don't know why that wouldn't be in the curriculum
Speaker 2: when that's like the most important thing to having a
Speaker 2: happy life.
Speaker 1: Mental health by Hannah Banner.
Speaker 3: Yeah, mental health.
Speaker 1: I love it.
Speaker 3: Get the kids, start them young.
Speaker 1: I love it. Everyone go and watch We write at
Speaker 1: door on right now. And if you don't follow Hannah already,
Speaker 1: make sure you follow her across the Instagram, TikTok and
Speaker 1: all of social media, and I'm so excited for us
Speaker 1: to continue our friendships and thank you for having me. Honestly,
Speaker 1: you are so much fun to talk to. If you
Speaker 1: ever want to just you.
Speaker 3: Might have to open for you in one of your life.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I would love. Oh my god, I
Speaker 1: would love that. You're so people would be like, Okay,
Speaker 1: you're so kind to Oh my gosh, that's an honor.
Speaker 3: I love.
Speaker 1: That's such a kind offer. That's so sweet. I'm going
Speaker 1: to take you off on that.
Speaker 3: We'll see if you your team allows it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she'll definitely allow it. Had to burner everyone else
Speaker 1: you can tell not only hilariously funny, you got so
Speaker 1: many great insights, thoughts, wisdom. I mean, you can drop
Speaker 1: the mic today. Amazing, amazing, and I really hope we
Speaker 1: get to hear you do more tennis commentary, more sport commentary,
Speaker 1: like all of it. Yeah, I'm excited. Yeah, I'm excited
Speaker 1: to see it.
Speaker 3: I think I work for ESPN.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love it. Thank you so much, Thank you
Speaker 1: so grateful. If you love this episode, you're going to
Speaker 1: love my conversation with Matthew Hussey on how to get
Speaker 1: over your ex and find true love in your relationships.
Speaker 4: People should be compassionate to themselves that extend that compassion
Speaker 4: to your future self, because truly extending your compassion to
Speaker 4: your future self is doing something that gives him or
Speaker 4: her a shot at a happy and a peaceful life