WEBVTT - Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me 0:00:01.880 --> 0:00:04.960 Hey everyone, it's Ja Shetty and I'm thrilled to announce 0:00:05.000 --> 0:00:07.840 my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can 0:00:07.880 --> 0:00:12.120 experience on purpose in person. Join me in a city 0:00:12.200 --> 0:00:17.200 near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It 0:00:17.239 --> 0:00:20.439 could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO 0:00:20.720 --> 0:00:25.079 or business leader. We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, 0:00:25.360 --> 0:00:29.159 spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to 0:00:29.200 --> 0:00:32.400 meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences 0:00:32.600 --> 0:00:36.000 for a private Q and a intimate meditation and a 0:00:36.080 --> 0:00:39.360 meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. 0:00:39.720 --> 0:00:43.840 Head to Jsheddy, dop Me Forward Slash Tour and get yours. 0:00:43.840 --> 0:00:49.159 Today I wasn't happy, and I was burnt, and I 0:00:49.320 --> 0:00:52.479 just felt like a punching bag. And I also was 0:00:52.520 --> 0:00:55.400 getting really bad performance anxiety. Right before I did my 0:00:55.440 --> 0:00:58.040 first ever stand up set, I thought, oh no, I'm 0:00:58.040 --> 0:01:00.000 going to start getting those feelings I would get before 0:01:00.080 --> 0:01:02.800 for a match of just like dread and. 0:01:02.680 --> 0:01:04.280 Shame and stand up. 0:01:04.280 --> 0:01:06.240 I went on stage and I felt a calmness I 0:01:06.280 --> 0:01:09.080 hadn't felt before. It's kind of like why I try 0:01:09.120 --> 0:01:12.040 to fit into something that isn't right, so I urge 0:01:12.040 --> 0:01:14.959 people to find their calm. 0:01:15.240 --> 0:01:18.840 The number one health and wellness podcast Jay Shetty Jay 0:01:18.880 --> 0:01:24.920 Shetty See One Only Shedy. Hey, everyone, welcome back to 0:01:25.000 --> 0:01:27.840 on Purpose. I am so excited for today's guest. I 0:01:27.880 --> 0:01:29.960 was a guest on her show probably just over a 0:01:30.040 --> 0:01:32.120 year ago. We had the best time, and if you 0:01:32.160 --> 0:01:35.320 haven't listened to it, I hope you will after this episode. 0:01:35.520 --> 0:01:39.319 Today's guest is someone that is known for being hilariously funny, 0:01:39.720 --> 0:01:43.360 extremely witty, someone who's got the ability to make you think, laugh, 0:01:43.440 --> 0:01:45.560 and all of the same at the same time. Her 0:01:45.640 --> 0:01:48.880 name is Hannah Berner, one of the most influential rising 0:01:48.880 --> 0:01:52.640 comedians of this generation. She has two hit podcasts, Is 0:01:52.680 --> 0:01:56.240 If One Wasn't Good Enough Gigle Squad and Bernafhone, which 0:01:56.240 --> 0:02:00.840 have goneered over one hundred million combined DOWNLOADSAH video series 0:02:00.880 --> 0:02:03.200 Hanna on the Street has earned over three hundred and 0:02:03.240 --> 0:02:06.400 fifty million views, and Hannah was named one of Variety's 0:02:06.440 --> 0:02:09.560 Top ten Comics to Watch in twenty twenty three. She 0:02:09.639 --> 0:02:12.640 also just finished touring her solo stand up routine to 0:02:12.760 --> 0:02:16.320 sold out theaters across North America and Europe, and William 0:02:16.400 --> 0:02:19.400 Bark on a Club Gigli national tour with co host 0:02:19.600 --> 0:02:23.520 Paige Disorbo. The duo will release their book How to Giggle, 0:02:23.800 --> 0:02:26.679 A Guide to Taking Life Less Seriously via Simon and 0:02:26.720 --> 0:02:30.200 Schuster on April fifteenth, twenty twenty five. So let's look 0:02:30.240 --> 0:02:33.680 forward to and most recently, Hannah debuted her first Netflix 0:02:33.680 --> 0:02:37.600 comedy special, We Ride at Dawn, which premiered at number 0:02:37.600 --> 0:02:40.760 two on the platform and is streaming now. Welcome to 0:02:40.800 --> 0:02:42.680 the show, Hannah Bernard, and. 0:02:42.600 --> 0:02:44.959 People got everything. I've nothing left to say. 0:02:45.480 --> 0:02:48.560 That's it. You No, thank. 0:02:48.360 --> 0:02:49.799 You for that. I appreciate it. 0:02:49.800 --> 0:02:52.919 It's amazing. It's so fun. Like when we met last year, 0:02:53.639 --> 0:02:56.079 I was learning all of my team are huge fans, 0:02:56.120 --> 0:02:58.400 like huge fans, and I was learning so much about 0:02:58.400 --> 0:02:59.800 you through them, and they were just like, this is 0:03:00.360 --> 0:03:03.160 it's amazing, you know, And just to see the incredible 0:03:03.200 --> 0:03:05.960 journey you've been on over the last eighteen months is amazing. 0:03:06.040 --> 0:03:06.400 Thank you. 0:03:06.560 --> 0:03:08.240 And I was gonna started by asking you, like, have 0:03:08.320 --> 0:03:09.960 you always been this confident? 0:03:10.680 --> 0:03:15.120 Oh my god, I think I always was delusional, Like 0:03:15.200 --> 0:03:19.680 I always was like bored without having like a dream, 0:03:20.040 --> 0:03:22.880 Like at like seven years old, I wanted to be 0:03:22.919 --> 0:03:26.640 a professional tennis player, and someone told my parents like 0:03:26.720 --> 0:03:29.440 she's too late to start. My parents told me, like, 0:03:29.480 --> 0:03:31.560 you can't be a professional tennis player. Someone told us that, 0:03:31.840 --> 0:03:34.520 and apparently I cried all day, like what kind of 0:03:34.760 --> 0:03:37.640 passionate little seven year old? Was like how dare they 0:03:37.680 --> 0:03:40.520 tell me I can't do that? And then I just 0:03:40.680 --> 0:03:42.840 was like that's my dream. I just always wanted to. 0:03:43.720 --> 0:03:47.720 I wanted to be like different and great in some capacity, 0:03:47.760 --> 0:03:49.960 which could be very ego now that I'm looking back, 0:03:50.000 --> 0:03:54.800 but like I just wanted to challenge myself and chase something. 0:03:55.160 --> 0:03:58.320 Had you ever played tennis before? I go? 0:03:58.600 --> 0:03:59.960 I still haven't played tennis night now. 0:04:00.440 --> 0:04:03.040 I was like I was at I was an athletic kid, 0:04:03.080 --> 0:04:05.880 and I think like I was the Serena generation. Like 0:04:05.920 --> 0:04:07.960 seeing Serena, I was like, why can't that be me? 0:04:08.080 --> 0:04:10.160 It was always kind of like, yeah, why can't I 0:04:10.280 --> 0:04:12.720 do that? I don't know if it was intrinsically, like 0:04:13.080 --> 0:04:16.200 my dad definitely instilled a lot of belief in me, 0:04:16.839 --> 0:04:20.160 and I just always was like why can't me, especially 0:04:20.160 --> 0:04:22.839 in like spaces that I felt like I didn't belong, 0:04:23.360 --> 0:04:26.760 whether it was like male dominated spaces or just like 0:04:26.760 --> 0:04:30.080 like places that I didn't think easily I could get into. 0:04:30.400 --> 0:04:32.160 I Even my dad has a story that we were 0:04:32.160 --> 0:04:35.000 ice skating once when I was like six, and all 0:04:35.000 --> 0:04:36.880 the girls were in the middle doing the jumps and 0:04:36.880 --> 0:04:39.159 then everyone else is like scared holding the rink on 0:04:39.200 --> 0:04:41.200 the outside, and I was like, I want to go 0:04:41.200 --> 0:04:42.840 to the middle, and he was like, you've never ice 0:04:42.839 --> 0:04:44.679 skated before, and I'm like, put me in the middle, coach. 0:04:45.240 --> 0:04:48.800 So I just always had that attitude, and it's it's 0:04:48.839 --> 0:04:52.520 hard to always be chasing like lofty goals, but I 0:04:52.520 --> 0:04:54.320 think that's like the high that I like. 0:04:54.920 --> 0:04:57.080 Yeah, that's dope. I mean, that's such a great mindset. 0:04:57.120 --> 0:04:59.360 I mean, you reminded me of me. I skating when 0:04:59.400 --> 0:05:02.000 I was young. I was I was like, I'm so bad, 0:05:02.040 --> 0:05:05.000 but I could skate then and I couldn't stop, Like 0:05:05.000 --> 0:05:07.200 I didn't matter slow down, so I would just fall when 0:05:07.240 --> 0:05:09.279 I had to stop. And now it's like I'm the 0:05:09.279 --> 0:05:10.400 guy holding the side. 0:05:10.440 --> 0:05:12.839 Guy I get older, You're like, this is an insane 0:05:13.200 --> 0:05:15.680 hobby to have. Yeah, Like, there's so many things that 0:05:15.720 --> 0:05:16.760 can go wrong totally. 0:05:16.880 --> 0:05:19.279 I've seen people like break their teeth and ship them 0:05:19.320 --> 0:05:21.720 and I've seen fingers flying things flying. I'm like, I 0:05:21.720 --> 0:05:24.200 don't need that to happen at this age, but it 0:05:24.279 --> 0:05:27.760 seems like you've channeled that into your career, right, like 0:05:27.800 --> 0:05:30.200 that energy, it's not like it got lost somewhere. Yeah, 0:05:30.360 --> 0:05:32.040 But before we get to that, I wanted to ask 0:05:32.040 --> 0:05:33.799 you a few more things because when I was looking 0:05:33.839 --> 0:05:36.000 into parts of your journey and what you've talked about, 0:05:36.040 --> 0:05:36.679 what you haven't. 0:05:36.800 --> 0:05:39.000 There's a lot of lives and like a cat, yeah. 0:05:38.880 --> 0:05:42.640 You've lived so many lives. But I feel you've been 0:05:42.680 --> 0:05:45.840 amazing at pivoting and you've been like what I what 0:05:45.920 --> 0:05:48.200 I like to think of, like an expert in quitting, 0:05:48.680 --> 0:05:49.920 Like you've been good at you can. 0:05:49.839 --> 0:05:54.080 Say firing, you can say you don't have to sugarcoat it. No, 0:05:54.279 --> 0:05:57.080 it's funny. I recently was like dming an astrologer as 0:05:57.080 --> 0:06:00.680 you do, and she was like, you're really about like 0:06:00.800 --> 0:06:05.599 rebirth and you're all about like things falling apart and 0:06:05.640 --> 0:06:08.240 then coming up like a phoenix. And I was like, 0:06:08.760 --> 0:06:10.560 why couldn't I have something easier. 0:06:10.320 --> 0:06:11.039 Be my purpose? 0:06:11.440 --> 0:06:16.560 But I've Yeah, I when I outgrow something or don't 0:06:16.600 --> 0:06:21.000 feel right, like, I get out of it, and sometimes 0:06:21.040 --> 0:06:23.279 people get out of it for me when I don't 0:06:23.360 --> 0:06:25.839 have the balls to be like, this isn't my space anymore. 0:06:26.240 --> 0:06:30.000 But yeah, I've been I had to quit. I quit tennis, 0:06:30.040 --> 0:06:32.760 so I felt like a loser even though I spent 0:06:32.839 --> 0:06:36.000 my whole life pursuing it and I played number one 0:06:36.040 --> 0:06:39.480 for the University of Wisconsin full scholarship. Like externally, people 0:06:39.480 --> 0:06:42.240 were like, she's successful. Or in my head, I'm like, 0:06:42.279 --> 0:06:45.440 I'm a loser failure because I didn't win Wimbledon. And 0:06:45.480 --> 0:06:48.000 then I'm like, why did I do all that? And 0:06:48.040 --> 0:06:51.800 then I got into eventually got into video production, and 0:06:51.880 --> 0:06:54.440 I got fired from that drum and then I did 0:06:54.520 --> 0:06:57.960 really TV and I got fired from that and now 0:06:57.960 --> 0:07:00.280 I have enough look special, But it really where some 0:07:00.320 --> 0:07:02.039 people might be like, oh, like you're getting fired. I 0:07:02.120 --> 0:07:06.880 really was like I was finding myself every time. And 0:07:07.279 --> 0:07:10.560 the more you are connected to yourself, the more and 0:07:10.640 --> 0:07:13.480 honest you are with yourself and in tune with yourself, 0:07:13.960 --> 0:07:16.920 the more spaces might not be right for you. I've 0:07:16.960 --> 0:07:20.559 never been good at just like blindly following. I don't 0:07:21.080 --> 0:07:25.800 like being fake. I can't pretend to be happy like 0:07:25.840 --> 0:07:29.480 my body will reject situation the same with like relationships, 0:07:29.520 --> 0:07:31.520 like I can't the second I'm like, this is not 0:07:31.600 --> 0:07:34.240 right for me. I like blurted out, like like it 0:07:34.280 --> 0:07:34.840 needs to come out. 0:07:34.880 --> 0:07:37.360 How will your body tell you that? Like what's the anxiety? 0:07:38.200 --> 0:07:39.480 And it's funny. At first I was like, oh, no, 0:07:39.600 --> 0:07:40.600 do I have anxiety? 0:07:40.720 --> 0:07:43.200 And I've talked to people and they're like, no, your 0:07:43.200 --> 0:07:44.840 intuitions actually really good. 0:07:45.440 --> 0:07:46.720 You just have to listen to it. 0:07:47.120 --> 0:07:50.040 But when you question it, that's when you like, I've 0:07:50.080 --> 0:07:52.320 been in places where I'm like I must self sabotaging, 0:07:53.040 --> 0:07:55.200 but my body's just like this isn't for you. 0:07:55.600 --> 0:07:57.760 That's so powerful. I love that you said that because 0:07:57.800 --> 0:08:00.480 I think we don't connect those two things. We see 0:08:00.480 --> 0:08:03.760 it as, oh, I'm having anxious feelings. I feel nervous. 0:08:04.040 --> 0:08:05.120 Body's protecting you. 0:08:05.480 --> 0:08:08.720 Yeah, totally, but it is signaling something, it's telling you something. 0:08:08.800 --> 0:08:10.760 Yeah, because I feel like we can lie to ourselves 0:08:10.760 --> 0:08:13.720 a lot, especially when you're like mentally strong, and in 0:08:13.760 --> 0:08:17.040 tennis you have to really suppress your mind. You have 0:08:17.080 --> 0:08:19.520 to be like, I'm not nervous, I'm not tired, I'm 0:08:19.560 --> 0:08:21.680 so ready for this match, and you have to like. 0:08:21.760 --> 0:08:24.480 Numb your your inner thoughts. 0:08:25.320 --> 0:08:27.440 And as I got older, I realized weight I have 0:08:27.480 --> 0:08:30.160 to start listening to my inner thoughts because they're actually right. 0:08:30.680 --> 0:08:34.120 And with tennis, I realize looking back, all the success 0:08:34.120 --> 0:08:36.679 I have now is because of the tennis training I had. 0:08:37.080 --> 0:08:39.720 It really was part of who I am now. Like, 0:08:39.880 --> 0:08:42.680 just because you lost a dream doesn't mean that's not 0:08:42.720 --> 0:08:46.200 going to make you better at something else. It's not like, oh, 0:08:46.240 --> 0:08:48.880 that was a waste, which I love to tell people, 0:08:49.640 --> 0:08:55.160 but also like I love divorce, love, I love firing, 0:08:55.280 --> 0:08:59.160 I love leaving places that aren't right for you, And 0:08:59.200 --> 0:09:01.079 I feel like so many times you think you have 0:09:01.160 --> 0:09:03.480 to stay. I think the coolest part about life is 0:09:03.520 --> 0:09:06.040 tomorrow I could wake up and say I don't want 0:09:06.040 --> 0:09:09.280 to do this anymore, and there's such a beauty in that. 0:09:09.760 --> 0:09:13.440 Yeah, why do you think we project that expectation onto 0:09:13.480 --> 0:09:16.000 a dream? Like if you think about it, when you 0:09:16.040 --> 0:09:18.360 think you're going to become a tennis player today, you're 0:09:18.360 --> 0:09:20.719 a comedian. You've lived a million lives in between. I'm 0:09:20.720 --> 0:09:24.360 sure you'll live a million more and you'll keep evolving. 0:09:24.440 --> 0:09:26.200 But a lot of us, like you said, we just 0:09:26.240 --> 0:09:29.800 stayed glued. So I could have been, I should have 0:09:29.880 --> 0:09:32.840 been if only I would have been, And that way 0:09:32.880 --> 0:09:36.800 we never shift our lens what allows you to be 0:09:36.880 --> 0:09:40.240 so positive about going Let me trust that that isn't 0:09:40.240 --> 0:09:42.520 for me, and I don't fit in here. If people 0:09:42.559 --> 0:09:45.200 are listening and watching and they're thinking their first dream 0:09:45.240 --> 0:09:48.280 hasn't come true or they failed at their first dream, yeah, 0:09:48.360 --> 0:09:50.120 how do you start believing in a second dream. 0:09:50.320 --> 0:09:52.960 It's so funny because everything is perspective, like even me 0:09:53.080 --> 0:09:55.520 joking like I did that that was a waste and 0:09:55.600 --> 0:09:58.680 I didn't when Wimbledon and you laughed like it's funny, 0:09:58.679 --> 0:10:00.000 But then it's also like comeing up. 0:10:00.080 --> 0:10:01.000 Sorry. 0:10:01.840 --> 0:10:03.760 When I was I was like, the fact you didn't 0:10:03.800 --> 0:10:06.360 win Wimbledon, you're a piece of shit, because that was 0:10:06.480 --> 0:10:09.280 twenty years of putting your heart and soul into this dream. 0:10:09.840 --> 0:10:13.640 But when I when I started doing comedy, my career 0:10:13.800 --> 0:10:18.000 likes sended like I abnormally fast and it's I tell people, 0:10:18.000 --> 0:10:20.320 I'm like, it's because I had a career before this 0:10:20.480 --> 0:10:26.079 to prepare me. And I approach comedy the way I 0:10:26.120 --> 0:10:29.760 approached tennis. But like healthier tennis, I was very hard 0:10:29.800 --> 0:10:32.280 on myself and I had the work ethic, but I 0:10:32.320 --> 0:10:33.720 didn't always practice smart. 0:10:33.800 --> 0:10:35.600 I was very. 0:10:37.120 --> 0:10:41.320 Like negative self talk, and with comedy I'm now like 0:10:41.400 --> 0:10:44.760 recoaching myself in a new way. So I'm like, when 0:10:44.760 --> 0:10:47.840 you go on stage, you're gonna be positive, you're not 0:10:47.880 --> 0:10:50.520 a loser when you mess up. And I get to 0:10:50.600 --> 0:10:52.840 speak to myself the way I wish I was spoken 0:10:52.880 --> 0:10:56.360 to in my past career. And I see so many 0:10:56.360 --> 0:10:59.480 people who are like sad because they're ending something, and 0:10:59.559 --> 0:11:02.320 I'm like, you're gonna be so good at the next thing. 0:11:02.840 --> 0:11:06.319 And also there's a lot of shame that comes with 0:11:06.360 --> 0:11:08.760 like when you didn't accomplish something you wanted to. But 0:11:08.760 --> 0:11:11.320 these are all just your own games you're playing in 0:11:11.360 --> 0:11:13.439 your head of what you should be. Because if I 0:11:13.480 --> 0:11:18.320 look back, I actually my first love was like acting 0:11:18.400 --> 0:11:21.280 and being goofy, like I love drama class, I love painting, 0:11:21.320 --> 0:11:24.320 I loved creating, but I happened to be super athletic, 0:11:24.520 --> 0:11:27.360 and that was where I was kind of pushed towards. 0:11:28.160 --> 0:11:31.120 And looking back, I'm like, wait, I didn't think you 0:11:31.160 --> 0:11:33.440 could make money doing what you love. I thought you 0:11:33.480 --> 0:11:36.560 had to be like a tortured athlete who was just 0:11:36.600 --> 0:11:40.439 like on the grind. And for anyone who's feeling kind 0:11:40.480 --> 0:11:43.400 of not having a purpose right now, think back to 0:11:43.440 --> 0:11:45.440 what you loved when you were a kid, and I 0:11:45.480 --> 0:11:47.760 know it sounds crazy, but like you can still be 0:11:47.880 --> 0:11:51.480 that kid and have that joy before society told you 0:11:51.559 --> 0:11:52.880 all these things that you. 0:11:52.840 --> 0:11:54.599 Should do to be successful. 0:11:55.360 --> 0:11:57.920 And I kind of realized tennis there were too many 0:11:58.000 --> 0:12:01.680 rules and I like don't enjoy playing by the rules, 0:12:01.720 --> 0:12:03.760 Like I don't like staying in the box, and tennis 0:12:03.840 --> 0:12:04.720 was all about like. 0:12:05.520 --> 0:12:07.920 Hitting in the lines. Yeah, and stand up. 0:12:07.960 --> 0:12:09.720 I think I love because like I go on stage 0:12:09.720 --> 0:12:11.760 and no one can tell me what to do, and 0:12:11.800 --> 0:12:14.680 it turns out that's where I can be my most myself. 0:12:14.880 --> 0:12:16.640 I love that you would have been that play smashing 0:12:16.679 --> 0:12:17.200 the racket. 0:12:17.280 --> 0:12:18.959 Oh I've broken rackets. 0:12:19.520 --> 0:12:22.840 I've definitely you know, had like coaches that wanted me 0:12:22.880 --> 0:12:25.160 to change stuff about my game that I would try, 0:12:25.240 --> 0:12:26.480 but I didn't. 0:12:26.280 --> 0:12:28.079 Really believe it. It was a lot of like just. 0:12:28.040 --> 0:12:32.800 Trust your coach and don't listen to yourself, and it 0:12:32.840 --> 0:12:35.079 really it made me who I am. And I actually 0:12:35.080 --> 0:12:37.840 couldn't watch tennis for years after. I was very like 0:12:38.200 --> 0:12:40.559 it was like an ex boyfriend, like because it was 0:12:40.559 --> 0:12:43.960 the longest relationship I ever had. Yeah, So but now 0:12:44.000 --> 0:12:46.640 I like love tennis like I have it on all 0:12:46.679 --> 0:12:50.240 the time. I played a lot this summer to get fit, 0:12:50.440 --> 0:12:52.080 and I was like, wait, it's it's a part of 0:12:52.120 --> 0:12:54.760 me and it makes me who I am, and me 0:12:54.880 --> 0:12:58.120 calling myself a loser is just that's a perspective you 0:12:58.120 --> 0:13:00.199 can take or you can be. Like, by the way, 0:13:00.200 --> 0:13:02.080 I actually was really good at tennis back in the day. 0:13:02.120 --> 0:13:02.680 Isn't that cool? 0:13:04.080 --> 0:13:05.800 I can relate to you in so many ways, like 0:13:05.880 --> 0:13:08.800 my life's so different, but as you're speaking, I feel 0:13:08.840 --> 0:13:11.280 exactly the same way. Like I think even when we 0:13:11.320 --> 0:13:13.960 sat on your show, I was talking about how leaving 0:13:14.040 --> 0:13:16.320 being a monk felt like a divorce at the time, Yes, 0:13:16.400 --> 0:13:19.240 and because I felt like I was getting married. It 0:13:19.280 --> 0:13:21.520 was a commitment, it was something I was really excited about. 0:13:21.840 --> 0:13:24.120 And then now it's been eleven years since I've left 0:13:24.440 --> 0:13:27.400 the monastery and I am so happy I left. And 0:13:27.440 --> 0:13:29.760 I couldn't agree with you more that I too, have 0:13:29.840 --> 0:13:31.760 lived so many lives in between that and this. I 0:13:31.800 --> 0:13:34.280 went back into the corporate world. I worked in a 0:13:34.320 --> 0:13:37.800 massive corporation with five hundred thousand employees and all of 0:13:37.800 --> 0:13:39.920 what that looked like. And then I worked at a 0:13:39.960 --> 0:13:41.960 media company. I was at half Post for briefly, and 0:13:42.040 --> 0:13:44.680 so I've lived so many lives, and I couldn't agree 0:13:44.720 --> 0:13:47.240 with you more that I've just constantly tried to move 0:13:47.280 --> 0:13:50.000 closer to who I really am and align with how 0:13:50.000 --> 0:13:51.840 I want to express myself who I want to be. 0:13:52.440 --> 0:13:53.520 And you can't just know it. 0:13:53.600 --> 0:13:55.840 You can't, like you have to go through those trials 0:13:55.840 --> 0:13:59.680 and tribulations. Like I tried entertainment in so many different ways, 0:13:59.679 --> 0:14:02.160 Like I were at a company, I did reality TV, 0:14:02.400 --> 0:14:03.920 like I did a lot of things that I did 0:14:03.920 --> 0:14:05.960 it and I was like, doesn't really feel right, but 0:14:06.040 --> 0:14:08.480 I do like parts of it. So then you grow 0:14:08.640 --> 0:14:10.560 and you just take what you learned. That's why anyone 0:14:10.559 --> 0:14:13.400 who's having a tough time in their twenties, you're supposed 0:14:13.400 --> 0:14:16.000 to have a tough time. Like the twenties, everyone's flailing, 0:14:16.440 --> 0:14:18.160 and you take that time. So by the time you 0:14:18.160 --> 0:14:20.760 get to thirty, you're like, Oh, first of all, I'm tired. 0:14:21.880 --> 0:14:24.520 I'm too tired to be like upset about things. And two, 0:14:25.120 --> 0:14:26.880 I kind of know what I like and what I 0:14:26.880 --> 0:14:27.320 don't like. 0:14:27.560 --> 0:14:30.440 Yeah, is it true that I've I heard somewhere very 0:14:30.480 --> 0:14:32.400 briefly that you were hit by a car? 0:14:32.840 --> 0:14:33.360 Oh? 0:14:33.440 --> 0:14:36.800 Is that? Like? I because I couldn't really I was trying. 0:14:36.560 --> 0:14:38.680 To I don't like say it that much because I 0:14:38.720 --> 0:14:41.400 don't want people to think I stopped tennis because I 0:14:41.440 --> 0:14:44.840 got hit by a fire right. But my last year 0:14:45.360 --> 0:14:47.840 at University of Wisconsin, I was playing number one for 0:14:47.880 --> 0:14:50.320 the team and I kind of had this idea that 0:14:50.400 --> 0:14:53.480 if I had a great season, I would then go pro. 0:14:54.520 --> 0:14:57.680 And this season was it was going pretty well, and 0:14:57.720 --> 0:15:01.280 then right before like the Big Ten tournament, I got 0:15:01.320 --> 0:15:03.960 hit by a car going to practice and it was 0:15:04.040 --> 0:15:07.320 like seven am University of Wisconsin. It was like zero degrees. 0:15:07.360 --> 0:15:09.840 I had a big park on and a guy hit 0:15:09.880 --> 0:15:12.360 me from the car and I'm lying on the ground, 0:15:12.560 --> 0:15:14.240 and the first thing I thought about was like, tell 0:15:14.240 --> 0:15:16.000 my coach, I'm gonna be late because I'm gonna be 0:15:16.000 --> 0:15:18.360 in trouble cause like he's gonna be like, why is 0:15:18.400 --> 0:15:19.040 she not here? 0:15:19.360 --> 0:15:21.800 Like I was. So it's almost. 0:15:21.520 --> 0:15:24.560 Cultish, like you're just so obsessed with this team and 0:15:24.880 --> 0:15:27.800 doing your best and winning. And I recovered after a 0:15:27.840 --> 0:15:32.160 couple of months, but I wasn't like my sharpest and 0:15:32.240 --> 0:15:32.840 I lost. 0:15:33.080 --> 0:15:35.320 This is very sports talk, but I. 0:15:35.200 --> 0:15:39.840 Lost five matches in third set tiebreakers, So it basically 0:15:39.920 --> 0:15:42.400 means like I'm like one or two points were the 0:15:42.400 --> 0:15:44.840 difference in five matches, and if I had won those 0:15:44.880 --> 0:15:48.320 five matches, I would have like won all these awards, 0:15:48.400 --> 0:15:52.240 I would have probably gone pro and for whatever reason, 0:15:52.280 --> 0:15:55.440 like these are really just these minuscule moments, I didn't 0:15:55.440 --> 0:15:58.120 win those matches, and I remember being like I think 0:15:58.200 --> 0:16:01.680 the universe like a person can only take so much. 0:16:04.040 --> 0:16:06.440 But the thing is I could have kept playing tennis 0:16:06.480 --> 0:16:10.360 and I would have been fine. But I knew there 0:16:10.480 --> 0:16:14.600 was more happiness in life that I just wasn't living 0:16:15.800 --> 0:16:19.880 and I wasn't happy, and I was burnt and I 0:16:20.000 --> 0:16:23.120 just felt like a punching bag. And I also was 0:16:23.200 --> 0:16:27.000 getting really bad performance anxiety. And what's cool about the 0:16:27.040 --> 0:16:32.120 performance anxiety is that I thought I would have it 0:16:32.160 --> 0:16:36.600 in comedy too, and I didn't. Like right before I 0:16:36.600 --> 0:16:39.920 did my first ever stand up set, I thought, oh no, 0:16:40.000 --> 0:16:42.040 I'm going to start getting those feelings I would get 0:16:42.080 --> 0:16:46.040 before a match of just like dread and shame and 0:16:46.200 --> 0:16:50.040 like judgment day, like whatever happens is gonna there's a 0:16:50.080 --> 0:16:52.320 lot weighing on it. And stand up I went on 0:16:52.360 --> 0:16:54.880 stage and I felt a calmness I hadn't felt before, 0:16:55.560 --> 0:17:00.520 so I urged people to find their calm. It's kind 0:17:00.520 --> 0:17:03.200 of like why try to fit into something that isn't right? 0:17:04.040 --> 0:17:05.720 And I do think I was playing for other people 0:17:05.760 --> 0:17:08.280 besides myself. I wanted my parents to be proud of me. 0:17:08.440 --> 0:17:12.560 I wanted my peers to think I was cool, and 0:17:13.320 --> 0:17:14.639 that's all you know when you're younger. 0:17:15.080 --> 0:17:18.600 Yeah, yeah, I like that idea of moving towards your calm. 0:17:18.600 --> 0:17:21.840 I mean it's the same in relationships, yes, like I had, 0:17:22.200 --> 0:17:24.200 You're so right one of my friends, she's gonna hate 0:17:24.200 --> 0:17:27.399 me for putting it out. One of my friends messaged 0:17:27.400 --> 0:17:29.000 me the other day and she was just like, just 0:17:29.040 --> 0:17:31.080 went out of this guy. He was perfect, we had 0:17:31.119 --> 0:17:34.320 the same values. He'd be an amazing dad. But I 0:17:34.359 --> 0:17:36.159 just didn't feel it. And I was like, dude, did 0:17:36.200 --> 0:17:37.840 you feel peace? Did you feel calm? And she was 0:17:37.840 --> 0:17:40.399 like I felt so peaceful, felt so calm. I was like, 0:17:40.880 --> 0:17:42.520 you should at least give it a second date or 0:17:42.560 --> 0:17:44.400 a fair day, like you don't just write it off. 0:17:44.440 --> 0:17:46.480 And it was so interesting to me how we're so 0:17:46.640 --> 0:17:50.560 averse to things feeling aligned, Like we have this kind 0:17:50.600 --> 0:17:55.119 of allergic reaction when something feels aligned, and something actually 0:17:55.119 --> 0:17:55.560 feels you. 0:17:55.520 --> 0:17:56.520 Almost feel guilty. 0:17:56.560 --> 0:17:58.879 When something comes easy, You're like that's not how it's 0:17:58.920 --> 0:18:01.480 supposed to be. The dating stuff is so funny because 0:18:01.480 --> 0:18:04.320 I have a friend who like loves dating like drummers 0:18:04.320 --> 0:18:06.879 who were in jail, Like that's her thing, and she's 0:18:06.960 --> 0:18:09.800 gorgeous and like such a catch, but she loves these 0:18:09.840 --> 0:18:12.919 like projects to take on and she recently met this 0:18:12.960 --> 0:18:14.840 guy and she was like, I love him, but like 0:18:14.880 --> 0:18:17.119 I feel like he needs like a neck tattoo or something. 0:18:17.280 --> 0:18:21.000 And I was like, let's just take a breather keep 0:18:21.040 --> 0:18:26.800 seeing him, because Yeah, there was this addiction to tennis 0:18:27.119 --> 0:18:29.919 that almost wasn't that healthy, Like I was addicted to 0:18:30.000 --> 0:18:34.320 the drama and the the just like the anxiety it 0:18:34.359 --> 0:18:36.960 was provoking in the highs, and I was actually still 0:18:37.000 --> 0:18:39.239 able to find those highs in comedy that was just 0:18:39.280 --> 0:18:40.920 like less torturous to me. 0:18:41.280 --> 0:18:43.920 Yeah, I really like that comparison between the two because 0:18:43.960 --> 0:18:48.919 obviously you were brilliant at both. And it's hard to decipher, 0:18:49.000 --> 0:18:50.920 Like I meet a lot of people who are like, Jay, 0:18:51.080 --> 0:18:52.760 I could do this, or I could do this, which 0:18:52.760 --> 0:18:54.600 one should I do? Yeah, it's like a very common 0:18:54.640 --> 0:18:56.840 question that I get, Like I'm passionate about this, and 0:18:56.880 --> 0:18:59.080 I'm passionate about this, and what I hear what you're 0:18:59.119 --> 0:19:03.320 saying to kind of deciphering divide the two is well, 0:19:03.359 --> 0:19:06.399 maybe you're addicted to this, and maybe you have a 0:19:06.400 --> 0:19:09.000 lot of affection for this over here, and go with 0:19:09.080 --> 0:19:14.679 the thing that feels less overtly stressful, less dramatic, less 0:19:14.920 --> 0:19:16.840 like the high's really high and the loads really low. 0:19:17.119 --> 0:19:19.919 Yes, right, Yes, I mean I'm kind of obsessed with. 0:19:19.960 --> 0:19:21.879 And by obsessed with, I mean I heard about it 0:19:21.880 --> 0:19:26.320 once and I like it stoicism because. 0:19:25.960 --> 0:19:27.000 That was not my life. 0:19:27.040 --> 0:19:29.560 It's like, especially as an athlete, as a tennis player, 0:19:29.680 --> 0:19:30.200 you're like. 0:19:30.240 --> 0:19:33.320 Losing all the time, or you're like I'm the greatest 0:19:33.320 --> 0:19:35.680 that ever did this, or you're like, oh so going 0:19:35.760 --> 0:19:36.359 to quit. 0:19:37.240 --> 0:19:40.320 And I think what I realized with tennis, and it 0:19:40.400 --> 0:19:42.560 was hard to admit, but I actually did not like 0:19:42.960 --> 0:19:47.160 the competition. But I thought that was just a problem 0:19:47.200 --> 0:19:50.840 that I had to overcome. I was like, you're you're 0:19:50.880 --> 0:19:53.919 just not doing it right. But all the girls around 0:19:53.920 --> 0:19:56.000 me would be like, I actually hate practice, but like 0:19:56.040 --> 0:19:58.760 I love the competition, and the competition is literally what 0:19:58.800 --> 0:20:01.800 it means to be a professional athlete. When it came 0:20:01.840 --> 0:20:05.520 to comedy, some people will be like, I hate going 0:20:05.560 --> 0:20:08.960 on stage. I live for the stage, Like I'm more 0:20:09.000 --> 0:20:10.879 uncomfortable at like a group dinner. 0:20:11.119 --> 0:20:12.720 But if you give me because I'm like, when do 0:20:12.760 --> 0:20:13.840 I talk, do it? Do less? 0:20:13.880 --> 0:20:14.000 Door? 0:20:14.000 --> 0:20:14.520 I do more? 0:20:15.080 --> 0:20:17.639 But when I have a mic on stage, I know 0:20:17.720 --> 0:20:21.000 exactly what to do. And it's corny to say, but like, 0:20:21.680 --> 0:20:24.600 go towards your purpose and go to and the calmness 0:20:24.760 --> 0:20:26.760 is where it's like, oh, this is where you're supposed 0:20:26.760 --> 0:20:29.879 to be. It's almost like with friend groups, like you 0:20:29.920 --> 0:20:31.639 know when you're with people and you just feel like 0:20:31.760 --> 0:20:34.600 I'm saying everything wrong. I'm awkward. Oh my god, I 0:20:34.640 --> 0:20:37.560 hate myself. I'm so embarrassed. You could say those same 0:20:37.600 --> 0:20:41.840 things with the right people and you would feel like comfortable. 0:20:42.440 --> 0:20:44.960 So I feel like that with careers. So going back 0:20:44.960 --> 0:20:47.199 to your question of which one should I do? I 0:20:47.320 --> 0:20:50.600 literally did not like competing, but I liked I was 0:20:50.640 --> 0:20:52.600 so comfortable with the idea of being a tennis player 0:20:52.640 --> 0:20:57.520 and overcoming this performed anxiety and getting to the next level. 0:20:57.840 --> 0:21:00.159 And it's like, if you're going to do something for 0:21:00.200 --> 0:21:01.720 a long time and be good at it and want 0:21:01.760 --> 0:21:03.359 to be successful, you have. 0:21:03.280 --> 0:21:07.000 To like it. And I know that sounds so simple. 0:21:07.200 --> 0:21:07.879 People come up to me. 0:21:07.880 --> 0:21:09.440 They're like, I want to start a podcast. What should 0:21:09.440 --> 0:21:09.639 I do? 0:21:09.680 --> 0:21:12.639 And I'm like, do something that you would do for 0:21:12.720 --> 0:21:16.280 free and talk about for years. Yeah, you can't just 0:21:16.359 --> 0:21:17.840 do it because you're like, oh, I want to see 0:21:17.880 --> 0:21:21.399 my face on a chart. There. You won't make it. 0:21:21.640 --> 0:21:24.159 There's no longevity in that. They are also my people. 0:21:24.440 --> 0:21:26.520 I was going through a hard time with reality TV actually, 0:21:27.480 --> 0:21:30.280 and I started doing stand up and I would tell 0:21:30.320 --> 0:21:32.120 people what I'm going through, and the stand ups were 0:21:32.160 --> 0:21:34.200 just like making fun of me and seeing it through 0:21:34.240 --> 0:21:37.320 their lens. I suddenly felt safe, I felt calm, and 0:21:37.359 --> 0:21:39.199 I started to relate to them. I'm like, wait, I 0:21:39.240 --> 0:21:43.320 think like these people. Finding community is a huge part 0:21:43.359 --> 0:21:47.000 of my happiness. Where tennis is very lonely, yeah, everyone 0:21:47.080 --> 0:21:50.840 was my competition, and comedy is lonely too, but I 0:21:50.920 --> 0:21:53.720 was able to find a community within it. 0:21:53.720 --> 0:21:54.200 It's interesting. 0:21:54.240 --> 0:21:57.000 I'm like figuring this out right now as I'm speaking, 0:21:57.200 --> 0:21:59.520 because people will say, like, it's not about money, it's 0:21:59.520 --> 0:22:02.000 not about fame, it's about community. But I'm a pretty 0:22:02.119 --> 0:22:06.960 like I don't love partying, socialize, but comedy I almost 0:22:07.040 --> 0:22:11.160 accidentally found people who accepted me, which I think has 0:22:11.480 --> 0:22:14.600 overall helped my day to day like happiness. 0:22:14.840 --> 0:22:17.040 You've reminded me of this great book that I read 0:22:17.040 --> 0:22:20.280 a long time ago called Flow State. It's all about flow, 0:22:20.320 --> 0:22:24.040 and it talks about this idea that comedians, speakers, musicians, 0:22:24.119 --> 0:22:27.680 athletes experience flow state. Flow state is defined as when 0:22:27.800 --> 0:22:31.320 your skills meet the challenge. So when your skills in 0:22:31.400 --> 0:22:34.960 challenge are perfectly aligned, you experience flow. But well, most 0:22:35.000 --> 0:22:37.520 of us experience are the opposite. So we experience our 0:22:37.560 --> 0:22:40.760 skills being above our challenge, so we feel bored and 0:22:41.240 --> 0:22:44.560 frustrated and kind of lethargic. Or you experience where your 0:22:44.680 --> 0:22:47.040 challenge is way above your skills, and then you feel 0:22:47.080 --> 0:22:50.520 depressed and you feel annoyed, and you feel control out 0:22:50.560 --> 0:22:53.040 of control. And so we've got to constantly find a 0:22:53.119 --> 0:22:55.280 space or find the thing where your challenges and your 0:22:55.280 --> 0:22:58.480 skills meet. And I've always liked that idea. And how 0:22:58.480 --> 0:23:00.520 does competition look like as a comedian? 0:23:00.720 --> 0:23:02.200 To me, it was like arts and crafts. 0:23:02.280 --> 0:23:04.760 I was like, we're all just painting, and like, I 0:23:04.840 --> 0:23:06.280 like your painting, you like mine. 0:23:06.359 --> 0:23:06.879 And I think. 0:23:06.760 --> 0:23:11.480 Some some comics get really into the comparison game because 0:23:11.520 --> 0:23:13.120 it's easy to be like, why did they get picked 0:23:13.119 --> 0:23:14.400 for that or they get picked for that. 0:23:14.960 --> 0:23:17.240 And I think I don't have an ego with. 0:23:17.240 --> 0:23:20.120 Comedy, because I'll Beyonnest. I have an ego with tennis. 0:23:20.320 --> 0:23:24.520 Tennis was my everything, So comedy to me was something 0:23:24.760 --> 0:23:28.280 I no one even anticipated me to be in. So 0:23:28.320 --> 0:23:31.480 I have a lot of gratitude and it's almost like 0:23:31.520 --> 0:23:34.000 because of my failure with tennis, I'm able to have 0:23:34.080 --> 0:23:37.679 such a nice outlook in the comedy space. Every now 0:23:37.680 --> 0:23:40.800 and then, you know, I do have that like tennis 0:23:40.880 --> 0:23:43.720 voice that comes in. I remember before I shot my 0:23:43.760 --> 0:23:47.879 Netflix special, it started to hit me the result voice 0:23:48.119 --> 0:23:51.000 that I have that with tennis, which was like, oh, 0:23:51.040 --> 0:23:53.520 your whole career is writing on this and comedy. I 0:23:53.560 --> 0:23:56.880 consider myself in a flow state because I'm not trying 0:23:56.880 --> 0:23:58.120 to be perfect on stage. 0:23:58.160 --> 0:24:00.640 It's about my energy, it's vibes. 0:24:01.440 --> 0:24:03.560 I always say, people don't remember the joke you said, 0:24:03.560 --> 0:24:04.960 they remember how you made them feel. 0:24:05.080 --> 0:24:05.240 Yes. 0:24:05.359 --> 0:24:06.600 But then for the Netflix. 0:24:06.240 --> 0:24:08.359 Special, I felt like, oh my god, this is like 0:24:08.440 --> 0:24:11.440 a final, like I have to get every word right, 0:24:11.520 --> 0:24:15.399 and the perfectionist like tennis players start coming back. I 0:24:15.520 --> 0:24:19.160 like called my therapist. I was like getting a beta blocker, 0:24:19.280 --> 0:24:21.680 like I was I started to get this crazy anxiety, 0:24:21.720 --> 0:24:23.600 and I feel like it was almost like, if you 0:24:23.600 --> 0:24:26.399 want to get to the next level, you have to 0:24:26.480 --> 0:24:29.080 face those demons that you thought you could just like 0:24:29.840 --> 0:24:33.520 leave by going to another career. I'm still the same 0:24:33.560 --> 0:24:37.439 person who was having trouble with tennis, so I was 0:24:37.480 --> 0:24:40.359 able to kind of battle some demons. I remember a 0:24:40.440 --> 0:24:42.960 quote that I loved that was like, what if you 0:24:43.040 --> 0:24:45.800 let your dreams come true? And I remember being like, 0:24:46.359 --> 0:24:49.119 I think you're not the same girl. Actually, you've grown, 0:24:49.160 --> 0:24:52.760 you've matured, You're safer mentally, and right before I went on, 0:24:52.960 --> 0:24:54.879 I was very nervous. Right before I went on, I 0:24:54.960 --> 0:24:59.679 was like, you're in control and your skills are ready 0:24:59.680 --> 0:25:02.720 for them. And I felt the same with Fallon, where 0:25:02.760 --> 0:25:04.719 I was like, you could go up and fumble all 0:25:04.760 --> 0:25:07.800 your words and blank out, because that was what I 0:25:07.840 --> 0:25:09.399 would do on the court. I would anything I was 0:25:09.440 --> 0:25:10.840 scared of. I would do like, oh no, I hope 0:25:10.840 --> 0:25:12.560 it don't double fault. I double fault. Like it was 0:25:12.600 --> 0:25:16.359 so frustrating, and comedy has been a way for me 0:25:16.440 --> 0:25:19.679 to like just like a new avenue for me to 0:25:19.680 --> 0:25:23.200 express myself in a much more like safer, positive place. 0:25:23.560 --> 0:25:24.520 Yeah, but I have the. 0:25:24.480 --> 0:25:26.960 Same like drive and work ethic I think I had 0:25:26.960 --> 0:25:27.600 with Tennis. 0:25:27.840 --> 0:25:29.679 I really love the way you've analyzed both. And I 0:25:29.680 --> 0:25:32.480 think anyone who's listening right now would gain so much 0:25:32.520 --> 0:25:35.040 from it, because I think so many people are doing 0:25:35.119 --> 0:25:37.919 this mental exercise in their head, like the pros and 0:25:37.920 --> 0:25:39.840 cons of like if I stay in this job, what's 0:25:39.880 --> 0:25:41.080 it going to feel like? If I quit my job, 0:25:41.119 --> 0:25:43.080 what's it going to feel like? Well, if I if 0:25:43.119 --> 0:25:45.520 I start a podcast, as the example you gave, or 0:25:45.600 --> 0:25:47.199 if I do this, what's it going to feel like? 0:25:47.280 --> 0:25:49.520 And the truth is, this is what you've got to 0:25:49.520 --> 0:25:50.320 move towards. 0:25:50.560 --> 0:25:53.480 And I also think we're told a lot like keep 0:25:53.520 --> 0:25:55.120 chasing your dreams, pushed through. 0:25:55.040 --> 0:25:55.600 Don't quit. 0:25:56.640 --> 0:25:59.199 So I'm not telling everyone to quit, but I actually 0:25:59.200 --> 0:26:03.440 think that you know when you're supposed to get out 0:26:03.440 --> 0:26:05.600 of something, and I think I knew it with Tennis. 0:26:05.640 --> 0:26:08.960 When the Winds, I was feeling nothing. It was like 0:26:09.000 --> 0:26:11.280 a drug where if I lost, I'd feel horrible, and 0:26:11.320 --> 0:26:13.720 then the winds I wasn't even getting the highs anymore. 0:26:14.280 --> 0:26:16.359 So in my head it's like, why am I doing 0:26:16.359 --> 0:26:18.800 this if I'm not even getting a high anymore? And 0:26:18.800 --> 0:26:21.120 I think That's when I knew, like, we're not even 0:26:21.160 --> 0:26:23.600 chasing anything anymore. We're just at We're just trying to 0:26:23.640 --> 0:26:27.480 stay afloat. And that's when you know, like, oh the 0:26:27.560 --> 0:26:30.639 love is gone. And I also tell people like when 0:26:30.680 --> 0:26:33.280 they're confused about jobs, relationships, I'm like, and if you 0:26:33.400 --> 0:26:36.840 made the wrong decision, go back. Then no one's like, 0:26:36.920 --> 0:26:41.159 there's no police that are policing your decisions of being like, oops, 0:26:41.200 --> 0:26:43.800 I messed up. And sometimes when you give people the 0:26:43.800 --> 0:26:46.440 freedom to be like you can go back, they leave. 0:26:47.040 --> 0:26:49.439 Yeah. What's really great is that it sounds like you 0:26:49.520 --> 0:26:53.080 evaluate things as how you feel about them. And so 0:26:53.119 --> 0:26:56.240 I wonder what's your relationship like with wanting to be liked. 0:26:56.480 --> 0:26:58.720 I'm a people pleaser. I'm nothing to be a comedian 0:26:58.840 --> 0:27:01.600 like you want ever? Would have like the best time ever? 0:27:01.640 --> 0:27:03.960 And that brings me joy. I think I have to 0:27:04.400 --> 0:27:08.040 think reality TV because my reality TV my biggest fear 0:27:08.720 --> 0:27:12.560 was to be perceived not who I was. But when 0:27:12.600 --> 0:27:15.679 you're twenty six, you don't know who you are, Like 0:27:15.720 --> 0:27:18.480 I remember, I'd go into social situations and I put 0:27:18.480 --> 0:27:20.399 a lot of pressure on myself to be like I want. 0:27:20.280 --> 0:27:21.800 Everyone to think I'm really funny. 0:27:21.800 --> 0:27:23.800 And I'm really nice and I'm and I care about 0:27:23.840 --> 0:27:26.280 them and I'm smart, and it's like putting so much 0:27:26.600 --> 0:27:28.840 pressure on myself every time it interacts. I wanted to 0:27:28.840 --> 0:27:32.200 be control of everything. I was like a type A 0:27:32.240 --> 0:27:36.840 student and achiever, and reality TV you give up control. 0:27:37.200 --> 0:27:39.320 My first two seasons were good. My third season I 0:27:39.359 --> 0:27:42.560 experienced what people like tell you could happen, which is 0:27:42.600 --> 0:27:46.359 like you lose the narrative and they're not showing your 0:27:46.440 --> 0:27:50.200 perspective anymore. They're showing it through like other lenses. And 0:27:50.520 --> 0:27:53.800 it was my biggest fear to be misunderstood, like there's 0:27:53.840 --> 0:27:55.760 one thing for tennis or comedy for people to be 0:27:55.760 --> 0:27:56.880 like I don't like how she play it, I don't 0:27:56.920 --> 0:27:59.479 like her jokes, but to be perceived based on like 0:27:59.520 --> 0:28:03.439 things that didn't actually happen was very painful for me, 0:28:03.960 --> 0:28:06.280 and I think I realized I also didn't have the 0:28:06.359 --> 0:28:10.480 heart for it, like I was too sensitive to be 0:28:10.600 --> 0:28:12.640 in a show that was about kind of. 0:28:12.560 --> 0:28:15.080 Like who's good, who's bad? Who were rooting for? 0:28:15.200 --> 0:28:18.600 Like WWE type stuff, where I was like, it really 0:28:18.680 --> 0:28:21.600 is like sports for women of being like, let's who 0:28:21.600 --> 0:28:24.600 we're gonna root for this season? Who actually sucks that 0:28:24.640 --> 0:28:28.080 we didn't know and that energy was I was not 0:28:28.200 --> 0:28:30.960 good with it and I got fired, and at the 0:28:31.000 --> 0:28:33.360 time I was like I got a talk show from it, 0:28:33.920 --> 0:28:37.439 and I was like, you just ub your chance. And 0:28:37.480 --> 0:28:39.040 also I was confused because I was like I was 0:28:39.040 --> 0:28:41.200 engaging with everything, I was responding to everything. I did 0:28:41.200 --> 0:28:43.800 everything everyone wanted me to do. So the math wasn't 0:28:43.840 --> 0:28:46.280 mathing my like Tennis mind of like, I worked hard, 0:28:46.640 --> 0:28:49.400 I'm doing well, and I got fired. If I didn't 0:28:49.400 --> 0:28:52.800 get fired, I wouldn't have a Netflix special, and I 0:28:52.840 --> 0:28:55.160 also would probably not be in a healthy marriage. And 0:28:55.240 --> 0:29:00.400 I also would probably not feel like myself. So but 0:29:00.480 --> 0:29:05.400 also when I got fired, I laugh, but ooh, I 0:29:05.440 --> 0:29:07.920 got a fire in me. And I think it goes 0:29:07.960 --> 0:29:11.200 back to that rebirth thing. I realized the one thing 0:29:11.240 --> 0:29:15.120 I can control that I'm so proud of myself is 0:29:15.160 --> 0:29:18.240 that I can handle adversity. The stuff I went through 0:29:18.240 --> 0:29:20.240 with Tennis. It was I went through some bad stuff 0:29:20.280 --> 0:29:24.520 like yips, like someone Biles type stuff, not to that level, obviously, 0:29:24.600 --> 0:29:28.040 but I will bounce back and I don't care what 0:29:28.080 --> 0:29:31.720 people try to do to me or what happens to me. 0:29:32.320 --> 0:29:35.520 The cream will rise like I'm kind of annoying, where 0:29:35.520 --> 0:29:37.800 like I'm all about justice and I want everything to 0:29:37.880 --> 0:29:40.160 be in the right place and for everyone be treated right. 0:29:40.600 --> 0:29:44.360 It's not life, but you're not a victim. You have 0:29:44.400 --> 0:29:47.480 to again have the perspective of like just because I failed, 0:29:47.640 --> 0:29:50.160 just because I got fired, that. 0:29:50.440 --> 0:29:51.720 Doesn't have to define you. 0:29:52.200 --> 0:29:55.320 So I kind of got this silly idea where I 0:29:55.360 --> 0:29:57.720 was like, Okay, I got fired from really TV show 0:29:57.960 --> 0:30:00.120 and didn't feel like my I was shown to be 0:30:00.240 --> 0:30:01.480 who I was authentically. 0:30:01.920 --> 0:30:05.480 What if I became like the biggest comedian I could. 0:30:05.240 --> 0:30:08.080 Be, which again not a normal thought so much I have, 0:30:09.080 --> 0:30:11.239 but that's I always think big, Like that's how I've 0:30:11.280 --> 0:30:14.719 always thought. I really like put the head down and 0:30:15.960 --> 0:30:20.160 was so motivated by the firing, like I wouldn't be 0:30:20.240 --> 0:30:23.480 here if I wasn't fired, and it wasn't like these people. 0:30:23.520 --> 0:30:26.720 It was like I hear you, I see you. Let's 0:30:26.760 --> 0:30:30.720 find a new outlet. Even I remember after tennis when 0:30:30.760 --> 0:30:33.840 I just discovered comedy, I felt like a horse that 0:30:33.960 --> 0:30:37.000 was like walking around lost and then finally they put 0:30:37.040 --> 0:30:39.600 me in my lane and I was like, I found 0:30:39.680 --> 0:30:42.280 my lane. So I just wanted to find my lane, 0:30:42.320 --> 0:30:44.920 and then I could go and finding your lane is 0:30:45.400 --> 0:30:47.960 very fun because you're just like self exploratory. 0:30:49.520 --> 0:30:52.480 I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special 0:30:52.640 --> 0:30:54.680 with all you TA lovers out there. 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So 0:31:58.520 --> 0:32:02.960 visit drink Juni dot com today to elevate your wellness 0:32:03.000 --> 0:32:06.800 journey and use code on purpose to receive fifteen percent 0:32:06.920 --> 0:32:11.840 of your first order. That's drink ja Ni dot com 0:32:12.160 --> 0:32:15.840 and make sure you use the code on purpose. How 0:32:15.880 --> 0:32:20.280 does Bravo tell you that you're fired over Zoom? Really? 0:32:20.440 --> 0:32:21.400 Well, it's during COVID. 0:32:22.280 --> 0:32:25.200 I think it was kind of like you're not coming back. 0:32:25.240 --> 0:32:27.360 And I think it's hard because with a lot of people, 0:32:27.560 --> 0:32:29.520 your whole thing is about your story, which is like 0:32:29.560 --> 0:32:32.120 the ebbs and flows of evolving, and Bravo's very like, 0:32:32.520 --> 0:32:34.560 well break you down, we'll build you back up. So 0:32:34.760 --> 0:32:36.080 they kind of were like, and this is the end 0:32:36.120 --> 0:32:38.800 for you. So then it was like really in my 0:32:38.880 --> 0:32:42.520 court to be now punintended, but to be like where 0:32:42.520 --> 0:32:44.760 do I take this from here? And I learned a 0:32:44.760 --> 0:32:49.200 lot about like production, reality and unscripted stuff that definitely 0:32:49.280 --> 0:32:52.360 helped me like do fun stuff and will help me 0:32:52.400 --> 0:32:54.160 do fun stuff later in my career. Wow. 0:32:54.360 --> 0:32:57.440 Yeah, and how many people on this zoon? I think 0:32:57.440 --> 0:33:01.280 it was me and two people Okay, yeah, it's quite intnight. 0:33:01.680 --> 0:33:05.000 Yeah yeah, yeah it was. And it's also you're getting 0:33:05.040 --> 0:33:06.760 fired for like being you. 0:33:07.640 --> 0:33:09.000 It was pretty hurtful. 0:33:09.280 --> 0:33:09.840 Did you cry? 0:33:10.400 --> 0:33:12.160 Yeah, yeah for sure. 0:33:12.160 --> 0:33:14.560 And also you felt like you lost all the friends 0:33:15.160 --> 0:33:17.320 who the show was about. It basically was like, no 0:33:17.360 --> 0:33:19.520 one wants to be friends with you anymore. Looking back, 0:33:19.840 --> 0:33:21.680 it was such a blessing and people kept telling that 0:33:21.720 --> 0:33:23.600 to me. They were like, you're so lucky. This is 0:33:23.880 --> 0:33:25.600 for a reason, and don't you hate that when you're 0:33:25.600 --> 0:33:28.840 going to Yes, this is for a reason. And I'm like, 0:33:29.000 --> 0:33:32.280 I need to make money, like I lost both my jobs, 0:33:32.360 --> 0:33:34.400 Like I was on a talk show too, and I 0:33:34.440 --> 0:33:36.360 was just like I have nothing and I have a 0:33:36.400 --> 0:33:39.280 guy who I'm engaged to who in my head it 0:33:39.320 --> 0:33:40.520 was like why would you want to be with me 0:33:40.560 --> 0:33:43.080 when I'm a failure? Because whenever I used to win 0:33:43.120 --> 0:33:45.000 and do well, people loved me more. So this was 0:33:45.000 --> 0:33:48.280 a really like pivotal moment of like I had to 0:33:48.280 --> 0:33:50.479 love myself and believe in myself because like no one 0:33:50.600 --> 0:33:51.240 was going to fix it. 0:33:51.800 --> 0:33:55.320 What's the difference between self confidence and self worth? And 0:33:55.640 --> 0:33:56.960 how did you work on the latter. 0:33:58.160 --> 0:34:01.840 I think I realized that my power is how I 0:34:01.880 --> 0:34:04.920 deal with adversity. It's not avoiding adversity, And I think 0:34:04.960 --> 0:34:07.520 for people who deal with that in relationships, I realize, 0:34:07.560 --> 0:34:11.520 like when you marry someone, you're dating someone, you're dealing 0:34:11.560 --> 0:34:14.160 with their life, which is full of ups and downs. 0:34:14.440 --> 0:34:17.239 So when someone's with you, it's not about being perfect 0:34:17.320 --> 0:34:20.239 and easy going and cool girl, like that's what I 0:34:20.320 --> 0:34:22.920 wanted to be, but like, realistically, I just got fired, 0:34:23.320 --> 0:34:26.399 And you're finding someone who's going to be with you 0:34:26.520 --> 0:34:28.640 through the highs and lows, and no one's life is 0:34:28.680 --> 0:34:31.040 perfect and no one's relationship is going to be perfect. 0:34:31.520 --> 0:34:34.080 Who's going to be in the trenches with you? And like, 0:34:34.120 --> 0:34:36.160 I found my person to be in the trenches with me. 0:34:36.560 --> 0:34:40.919 How did you stop yourself from letting any bitterness or 0:34:41.320 --> 0:34:43.200 revenge mindset creep in. 0:34:43.520 --> 0:34:45.319 I do want to say, I fully do have a 0:34:45.360 --> 0:34:50.880 revenge mindset, but my revenge is never to hurt people. 0:34:51.239 --> 0:34:54.200 They're already hurt. They're hurting you, obviously they're hurt if 0:34:54.280 --> 0:34:56.520 they tried to hurt you. It's like the classic quote, 0:34:56.600 --> 0:34:58.839 but like you being mad at them is just like 0:34:59.000 --> 0:35:03.719 you adding venom to yourself, and they clearly don't give 0:35:03.760 --> 0:35:04.080 a fuck. 0:35:04.120 --> 0:35:05.880 About you because they hurt you. 0:35:06.400 --> 0:35:08.880 I realized that people's hate towards me was because they 0:35:08.920 --> 0:35:11.239 saw something in me, and I almost took it as 0:35:11.239 --> 0:35:14.520 a compliment. Honestly, getting fired is there's some star power too, 0:35:15.920 --> 0:35:18.640 Like there's a and I'm not telling everyone, you know, 0:35:18.840 --> 0:35:22.080 get fired because you'll find your purpose. But it's like 0:35:22.400 --> 0:35:26.120 I listened. I wasn't like trying to undo the past. 0:35:26.239 --> 0:35:28.319 I was like, I can't change what happened. I can 0:35:28.440 --> 0:35:31.560 only change going forward. And I think great athletes are 0:35:31.600 --> 0:35:34.719 like that, Like you make a mistake and instead of 0:35:34.760 --> 0:35:36.959 harping on the mistake, that's not going. 0:35:36.880 --> 0:35:39.000 To help you in this next point. Yeah, and I 0:35:39.000 --> 0:35:39.359 dealt with. 0:35:39.320 --> 0:35:43.200 A lot of depression, a lot of you know, questioning 0:35:43.280 --> 0:35:47.960 why why Why me. I wasn't just like completely you know, 0:35:48.080 --> 0:35:51.279 strong out of it. But I do think I have 0:35:51.280 --> 0:35:53.960 a lot of gratitude now. I even like I went 0:35:54.040 --> 0:35:57.600 to some like hotel recently and someone was complaining about 0:35:57.600 --> 0:35:59.680 like how the hotel sucked or whatever or something happened, 0:35:59.680 --> 0:36:01.439 and I was like, I remember when no one would 0:36:01.480 --> 0:36:03.640 have even booked me to be able to stay at 0:36:03.640 --> 0:36:07.200 this hotel to perform absolutely so the lows actually have 0:36:07.640 --> 0:36:10.360 given me the mindset for success. 0:36:10.120 --> 0:36:13.920 But also the right seeds planted in those lows, because 0:36:14.000 --> 0:36:15.840 in one sense, that's what I was getting at that 0:36:15.880 --> 0:36:18.879 if you had planted it out of this bitterness, I'm 0:36:18.880 --> 0:36:22.000 going to show you. You know, you realize how great 0:36:22.000 --> 0:36:25.040 I am when you do it from perspective, which which 0:36:25.080 --> 0:36:27.600 is natural. By the way, I'm not even judging anyone 0:36:27.640 --> 0:36:30.120 who has that intention. It's just that if that's the 0:36:30.160 --> 0:36:32.239 seed you plant, then even if you make it to 0:36:32.239 --> 0:36:34.680 that hotel, or make it to that podium, or make 0:36:34.680 --> 0:36:37.960 it to a Netflix special, you will never go sleep happy. 0:36:38.120 --> 0:36:39.200 Like it's just not possible. 0:36:39.239 --> 0:36:41.120 That's yeah, That's why I remember, like they never liked you, 0:36:41.160 --> 0:36:43.680 They're not going to like you totally. Like everyone's dealing 0:36:43.760 --> 0:36:45.080 with their shit. But I do have to say I 0:36:45.080 --> 0:36:48.080 don't forgive people. I'm not going to be friends like 0:36:48.120 --> 0:36:50.560 I learned from situations. But I also feel like my 0:36:50.640 --> 0:36:52.719 particular situation, like I was on a show about friends 0:36:52.760 --> 0:36:56.640 getting drunk and starting fights with each other and I 0:36:56.880 --> 0:36:59.360 wasn't fitting in and people kind of turned on me, 0:36:59.680 --> 0:37:02.400 and I was like, that's actually a compliment that, like 0:37:02.520 --> 0:37:06.200 you weren't thriving in that environment. The friends that I've 0:37:06.200 --> 0:37:10.600 been able to make recently, like I found the most smart, powerful, 0:37:11.560 --> 0:37:15.560 inspiring people like Ali Riiseman. Has she been on this spot? 0:37:15.800 --> 0:37:18.200 You have to have her on. She's an incredible gymnast 0:37:18.600 --> 0:37:21.359 who was like the captain of the Olympic team was like, hey, 0:37:21.360 --> 0:37:23.440 I love your special I'd love to get coffee. And 0:37:23.480 --> 0:37:26.600 I was sitting there talking to this girl, feeling so 0:37:26.960 --> 0:37:29.920 like lucky that I can even like understand how her 0:37:29.960 --> 0:37:32.600 brain works and be connecting with her. Again, you go 0:37:32.640 --> 0:37:34.560 back and you're like, thank god I got kicked out 0:37:34.560 --> 0:37:35.800 of where I didn't belong. 0:37:36.200 --> 0:37:39.400 Yeah. You reminded me of a commence speech that Federick 0:37:39.480 --> 0:37:43.279 just gave and he was talking about I love. He 0:37:43.400 --> 0:37:46.040 was talking about how he's only won eighty percent of 0:37:46.080 --> 0:37:49.960 games in his career, and he's only won just over 0:37:50.040 --> 0:37:53.080 fifty percent of points yes in those games. Yes, And 0:37:53.120 --> 0:37:54.839 so he was like, I have to get so used 0:37:54.880 --> 0:37:55.800 to losing a point. 0:37:55.840 --> 0:37:58.440 I always say, as a tennis player, to win six 0:37:58.560 --> 0:38:01.760 four six four, you lose forty percent of the point exactly. 0:38:01.920 --> 0:38:06.200 And it's and I do think that tennis mentality helped me, 0:38:06.400 --> 0:38:09.280 Like when something bad would happen, I'd be like, yeah, 0:38:09.440 --> 0:38:12.000 that's part of the ride. Yeah, And I also do 0:38:12.120 --> 0:38:15.000 love storytelling. That's why, like this pod is so fun 0:38:15.040 --> 0:38:17.239 for me. I love when bad things happen because I 0:38:17.280 --> 0:38:18.600 am that person that's like I can't wait to go 0:38:18.600 --> 0:38:21.200 on a podcast one day and be like I was 0:38:21.280 --> 0:38:24.560 fired and sad and then I rose from the ashes. 0:38:24.760 --> 0:38:28.239 And I do think people connect with me because they 0:38:28.280 --> 0:38:30.200 see like, Okay, if she can do it, I can 0:38:30.200 --> 0:38:32.360 do it. And that's what I want people to feel, 0:38:32.360 --> 0:38:34.960 because it's it really is just your mentality. When you 0:38:35.040 --> 0:38:37.440 get up in the morning, you're just like, I'm not 0:38:37.520 --> 0:38:41.319 gonna let that past pain define me. 0:38:41.640 --> 0:38:45.560 When you're putting it into comedy, where's all the content 0:38:45.640 --> 0:38:47.040 coming from the storytelling? 0:38:47.120 --> 0:38:50.799 Well, the funny thing about comedy is I definitely never 0:38:50.880 --> 0:38:52.919 wanted to be a stand up comedian, and I think 0:38:52.920 --> 0:38:55.200 it was a blessing in a way that like I 0:38:55.320 --> 0:38:58.160 very have my own distinct voice and way I am 0:38:58.239 --> 0:39:01.440 on stage, Like I wasn't ever trying to copy anyone else. 0:39:01.960 --> 0:39:03.480 I didn't even think I was. 0:39:03.440 --> 0:39:06.080 Gonna get a Netflix special, so when I did, I 0:39:06.120 --> 0:39:07.920 was kind of just like cool. 0:39:08.160 --> 0:39:09.719 And then I've been joking. I was like, what do 0:39:09.760 --> 0:39:10.400 you do next? 0:39:10.560 --> 0:39:13.319 Do another Netflix special, like how many Netflix specials does 0:39:13.360 --> 0:39:17.240 a person need? But it's been an interesting moment creatively 0:39:17.280 --> 0:39:19.840 because with a stand up, after you do your hour, 0:39:20.400 --> 0:39:23.600 the materials burned. They call it so unlike a singer 0:39:23.640 --> 0:39:26.040 who can like theyt you write a great hit and 0:39:26.080 --> 0:39:28.239 you can do it forever, like my hit is like 0:39:28.320 --> 0:39:30.160 my great hit. I love my gun joke or my 0:39:30.239 --> 0:39:34.480 quief joke. I can't do that anymore. So now I'm 0:39:34.480 --> 0:39:36.960 doing these new material shows where it's basically like watching 0:39:36.960 --> 0:39:39.880 your favorite athletes start as a beginner. So I'm literally 0:39:39.880 --> 0:39:42.360 on stage being like, cankles are cankles? 0:39:42.400 --> 0:39:42.680 Funny? 0:39:42.719 --> 0:39:45.680 Do we like cankles? And I've had some insecurities being 0:39:45.719 --> 0:39:49.000 like this is difficult. I went from a tried and 0:39:49.120 --> 0:39:52.880 tested like hour that I know every single moment what 0:39:52.960 --> 0:39:55.960 will happen and the laughs I'll get to being just 0:39:56.000 --> 0:39:59.600 like feeling naked on stage. And my husband's been inspiring 0:39:59.600 --> 0:40:01.440 because he's like, you don't even know, like the special 0:40:01.520 --> 0:40:03.960 is gonna be better than the last one. So I think 0:40:04.000 --> 0:40:06.480 with comedy, I like that it keeps me on my toes, 0:40:06.480 --> 0:40:10.520 it keeps me I don't feel completely like I got 0:40:10.560 --> 0:40:12.400 this all the time, and I think it keeps me 0:40:12.480 --> 0:40:16.240 motivated because I feel so I'm constantly learning about myself 0:40:16.280 --> 0:40:19.400 and challenging myself. Last week, I even I went on 0:40:19.440 --> 0:40:21.520 stage just with a bunch of papers, which I've never 0:40:21.520 --> 0:40:23.840 done before, and just was like, let's see what happens. 0:40:24.080 --> 0:40:26.239 So look, maybe I'm sick in the head as we're 0:40:26.239 --> 0:40:28.319 talking it out and I'm saying it out loud, but 0:40:29.239 --> 0:40:33.640 I like to put myself in uncomfortable positions and see 0:40:33.640 --> 0:40:35.799 how I can get out of it. I think that's 0:40:35.840 --> 0:40:39.200 what crowd work is, which is something that I've taken 0:40:39.640 --> 0:40:40.279 accustomed to. 0:40:40.480 --> 0:40:42.640 I actually think it's the only mindset, like if you 0:40:42.840 --> 0:40:46.799 know what you're going to do every month, you'll end 0:40:46.880 --> 0:40:49.200 up living the same year again and again and again. 0:40:49.560 --> 0:40:52.520 And part of me is jealous of those people. I 0:40:52.560 --> 0:40:55.600 do to say there are maybe some like neurotypical people 0:40:55.640 --> 0:40:58.120 that are like I want to just like like I 0:40:58.160 --> 0:41:00.440 want to go to work, i want to enjoy my friends, 0:41:00.440 --> 0:41:02.279 I want to go home, and I'm so thankful for 0:41:02.320 --> 0:41:04.759 this life. And I'm envious to those people like I 0:41:04.840 --> 0:41:06.640 wish that are you actually well? 0:41:06.640 --> 0:41:10.200 I think that they actually are fulfilled. And then there's 0:41:10.239 --> 0:41:11.080 people like. 0:41:11.200 --> 0:41:15.360 Me who need some crazy shit to like feel alive 0:41:15.480 --> 0:41:18.279 all the time. And I definitely am neurodivergent, like I'm 0:41:18.280 --> 0:41:21.719 realizing now, Like I do think I have ADHD in 0:41:21.760 --> 0:41:24.680 like a powerful way. Like when I'm doing a joke, 0:41:24.719 --> 0:41:26.680 I could like know what crowd work I'm gonna do next, 0:41:26.680 --> 0:41:28.520 and I'm also gonna do a callback to this joke, 0:41:28.560 --> 0:41:30.520 Like I have a bazillion tabs open in my head 0:41:30.960 --> 0:41:34.640 and I need constant dopamine hits. But it's it's made 0:41:34.719 --> 0:41:38.799 me a creative and a performer. So I think like 0:41:38.920 --> 0:41:41.440 both ways of life, Like you know, you see a 0:41:41.520 --> 0:41:43.520 kid and you're like, this kid is happy, chilling, and 0:41:43.600 --> 0:41:46.200 you see a kid that's just running around being chaotic, 0:41:46.239 --> 0:41:48.440 and you're like they're just different vibes. 0:41:48.520 --> 0:41:52.120 Totally, totally yeah, And I feel like everyone's needing to 0:41:52.160 --> 0:41:54.759 balance out by doing the other. Yes, someone who lives 0:41:54.800 --> 0:41:57.800 crazy a crazy life, like you can find more joy 0:41:57.880 --> 0:42:00.360 from relationships and the simple things in some way, who's 0:42:00.719 --> 0:42:03.800 living a more as you called it, a neurotypical life 0:42:03.960 --> 0:42:06.760 also needs to find new goals and things to grow towards, 0:42:06.800 --> 0:42:09.480 because both end up feeling out of balance and out 0:42:09.520 --> 0:42:09.880 of scene. 0:42:09.960 --> 0:42:11.239 Are you good at vacationing? 0:42:11.560 --> 0:42:13.759 I really enjoy it. I wouldn't say I'm good at 0:42:13.760 --> 0:42:16.960 it in the sense of I don't like I could 0:42:16.960 --> 0:42:19.480 go years and probably did in the beginning, and then 0:42:19.480 --> 0:42:21.000 I got a bit better at it and then probably 0:42:21.000 --> 0:42:23.319 got bad again. Yeah, I'm okay at it. 0:42:23.360 --> 0:42:26.080 I'd say i've recently, like this summer after the special, 0:42:26.160 --> 0:42:28.400 I was like, take some time, yeah, and like you 0:42:29.000 --> 0:42:29.880 wake up and you're. 0:42:29.760 --> 0:42:31.879 Like, what are we doing? Oh, I'm good at that? 0:42:32.040 --> 0:42:35.359 Oh I'm good at that. Once I'm there, I'm goody good. 0:42:35.600 --> 0:42:38.400 I have I find with vacationing or like giving yourself breaks, 0:42:38.680 --> 0:42:41.879 especially as the entrepreneur, because it's always like when you're 0:42:41.880 --> 0:42:44.160 not working, you're just not like making money or whatever. 0:42:44.840 --> 0:42:47.600 You'll be like, okay, let's relax, and it takes you 0:42:47.640 --> 0:42:49.480 like four days to relax. Then you're finally relaxed and 0:42:49.480 --> 0:42:51.280 it's like we got to go back home and you're like, oh. 0:42:51.160 --> 0:42:54.319 No, yeah, I'm really lucky. I can like lock into 0:42:54.360 --> 0:42:55.640 any mode that I'm in. 0:42:55.560 --> 0:42:58.000 That's good immediately more than me correct. 0:42:58.040 --> 0:43:00.640 But finding the time to get a way, that's what 0:43:00.680 --> 0:43:01.160 I was thinking. 0:43:01.400 --> 0:43:03.560 I was like, you have to prioritize. 0:43:03.160 --> 0:43:05.880 That I'm not I'm okay at that, like sometimes I'm 0:43:05.920 --> 0:43:07.960 good at planning it out, sometimes I'm not. I'm good 0:43:08.000 --> 0:43:10.120 at starting my year off right, Like I always make 0:43:10.160 --> 0:43:12.759 sure that I start my year off in India back 0:43:12.760 --> 0:43:15.040 at the monastery taking time out, and I've done that 0:43:15.120 --> 0:43:18.080 every year religiously for the past seven years or whatever 0:43:18.080 --> 0:43:20.239 it is, maybe even more now, And that to me 0:43:20.320 --> 0:43:21.560 is like I'm good at doing that. 0:43:21.800 --> 0:43:24.160 I heard the Dua Lipa always takes your line in 0:43:24.239 --> 0:43:27.040 August off. I actually also could have started a rumor there, 0:43:27.320 --> 0:43:29.080 but I heard that and I was like, do Leapa 0:43:29.160 --> 0:43:32.840 is always like crushing it, And part of me like 0:43:32.960 --> 0:43:35.200 loved that, and that means it's like European or something. 0:43:35.480 --> 0:43:39.040 But I'm realizing in this life that like no one's 0:43:39.080 --> 0:43:41.680 gonna make you take a break, and you actually have 0:43:41.760 --> 0:43:45.120 to have the self love, even if you think you 0:43:45.200 --> 0:43:47.640 don't need it to be like you do need to 0:43:47.680 --> 0:43:50.800 have balance. And I'm a workaholic and I love the 0:43:50.880 --> 0:43:52.920 highs of it, but I've also been working on like 0:43:53.200 --> 0:43:55.640 also when you're relaxing, like don't be mean to yourself. 0:43:55.760 --> 0:43:57.880 Don't spend the whole day relaxing being like you should 0:43:57.920 --> 0:44:01.400 have gone to pilates. So it's you, Yeah, creating the 0:44:01.480 --> 0:44:04.600 right narrative in your head of like that you're in 0:44:04.640 --> 0:44:06.960 the right space at the right time is kind of 0:44:06.960 --> 0:44:07.839 what I've been working on. 0:44:08.160 --> 0:44:14.239 Yeah, now that you've started a crazy room about doing it. Now, 0:44:14.280 --> 0:44:16.040 I was gonna ask you, what's the craziest rumor you've 0:44:16.040 --> 0:44:17.040 ever heard about yourself? 0:44:17.160 --> 0:44:19.440 I mean, honestly, the biggest rumors were like stuff that 0:44:19.440 --> 0:44:22.319 would happen on reality TV, because like there would be 0:44:22.400 --> 0:44:25.120 scenes where the back of my head would say something 0:44:25.640 --> 0:44:27.040 to someone and I. 0:44:27.040 --> 0:44:29.000 Was like, that was not what the response was. 0:44:29.080 --> 0:44:32.359 So it was like living with like moments that just 0:44:32.400 --> 0:44:35.160 didn't happen that you had to kind of just like own. 0:44:36.200 --> 0:44:38.160 I didn't really own it. I would be like, no, 0:44:38.200 --> 0:44:39.520 it didn't happen. Everyone like shut up. 0:44:41.440 --> 0:44:45.880 But I think my support system has been really great, 0:44:46.040 --> 0:44:48.239 and I I only took it for granted or I 0:44:48.320 --> 0:44:50.960 just I have very small support systems, So I never 0:44:51.000 --> 0:44:54.359 thought that I was like special in any way, But 0:44:54.560 --> 0:44:58.040 now I'm realizing, like it really is quality over quantity. 0:44:58.160 --> 0:45:00.839 Like I always have that one best friend, my mom 0:45:00.880 --> 0:45:04.400 and my dad, my brother and my husband, maybe a 0:45:04.400 --> 0:45:07.759 couple other friends depending on the time. And I thought, like, 0:45:07.920 --> 0:45:10.680 you're kind of a lonely bitch. But then these people 0:45:10.719 --> 0:45:13.400 are so special that I can call it any time, 0:45:13.760 --> 0:45:17.640 and they get me so well that I'm realizing more like, oh, 0:45:17.719 --> 0:45:20.640 they got me through that, like I could not have 0:45:20.680 --> 0:45:23.719 done it alone. Yeah, my poor mom, the calls she 0:45:23.800 --> 0:45:25.960 has to takes. 0:45:26.080 --> 0:45:28.880 That's so wonderful to hear though. Yeah, it's interesting, isn't it? 0:45:28.880 --> 0:45:31.960 Because I think as things grow, also you realize the 0:45:32.040 --> 0:45:34.680 different values of your community as well. As you get older, 0:45:34.719 --> 0:45:37.239 you realize the value that they play in different You 0:45:37.280 --> 0:45:39.600 go through more, you go through more, and so you 0:45:39.680 --> 0:45:42.120 rely on them for more things. Like when you're a kid, 0:45:42.160 --> 0:45:44.040 maybe they helped you move to college or maybe they 0:45:44.120 --> 0:45:46.359 you know, it's things like that, Whereas when you grow up, 0:45:46.360 --> 0:45:49.279 you're like, no, I just called you and cried for me. 0:45:49.320 --> 0:45:51.439 It was like my mom saying something. I was going 0:45:51.440 --> 0:45:53.000 through a tough time. And I don't really call my 0:45:53.040 --> 0:45:55.359 mom for advice. I never have. Yeah, she's always been 0:45:55.400 --> 0:45:56.600 loving in supporting. 0:45:56.160 --> 0:45:58.200 The very guy of you. Like my brother call my 0:45:58.200 --> 0:45:59.840 mom like once a month and I called it. 0:46:00.120 --> 0:46:00.839 I'm that color. 0:46:00.880 --> 0:46:02.120 I'm like, I'm eating chicken nugget. 0:46:02.640 --> 0:46:05.920 Yeah, exactly, that's my wife. My wife, her mom like 0:46:05.920 --> 0:46:08.399 six times a day and I never I literally called 0:46:08.400 --> 0:46:10.759 my mom once a month. And I remember my mom 0:46:10.880 --> 0:46:13.080 just like once, like we were on a call and 0:46:13.320 --> 0:46:15.120 I didn't tell her things were hard, but obviously she's 0:46:15.160 --> 0:46:16.920 my mom. She can sense that things were hard. This 0:46:17.040 --> 0:46:19.800 was like seven eight years ago, and she just said 0:46:19.840 --> 0:46:22.640 like one of the most motivational things to me ever, 0:46:23.040 --> 0:46:25.000 and she never does that, so like I'm not used 0:46:25.040 --> 0:46:27.120 to that from her. And it was about me and 0:46:27.160 --> 0:46:29.120 about something in my past I'll tell you off camera later, 0:46:29.160 --> 0:46:31.239 and it was just one of those things that I 0:46:31.320 --> 0:46:33.920 was like, no way, like I didn't even know we 0:46:34.000 --> 0:46:36.640 had that relationship or you just gave me like a 0:46:36.719 --> 0:46:40.800 really big gift in my I was just turning thirty 0:46:40.840 --> 0:46:44.279 maybe like at that time, and I couldn't believe that 0:46:44.320 --> 0:46:46.399 she said that to me then, and so I would 0:46:46.400 --> 0:46:48.360 never have realized that if I wasn't going through that 0:46:48.400 --> 0:46:50.400 point in my life. Yes, and she didn't sense it. 0:46:50.440 --> 0:46:52.440 So I didn't see the value my mom could offer me. 0:46:52.520 --> 0:46:55.359 It's so funny how heavy a mom's words could be 0:46:55.440 --> 0:46:58.359 so heavy. Like I remember I was in tent like 0:46:58.560 --> 0:47:00.920 tennis craziness, and I called my mom and I just 0:47:01.040 --> 0:47:04.839 was like just dark, and my mom was like, you're 0:47:04.880 --> 0:47:07.400 not being yourself and I was like, who, what do 0:47:07.400 --> 0:47:11.360 you even mean? And she's like, you're a lighthearted, funny, silly, 0:47:11.520 --> 0:47:15.359 like goofy girl, Like that's who Hannah is. Like I 0:47:15.360 --> 0:47:18.000 don't know who this is right now, but I'm just, 0:47:18.040 --> 0:47:19.840 you know, trying to figure out who I am an 0:47:19.920 --> 0:47:22.440 eighteen year old, And looking back, I'm like, she's so 0:47:22.680 --> 0:47:25.160 right that I was. I was turning into someone I 0:47:25.239 --> 0:47:28.719 wasn't because I was just forcing things. I also think 0:47:28.760 --> 0:47:32.080 with friendships and relationships in your thirties, you start being 0:47:32.120 --> 0:47:35.479 like enough time to force things, and also why would 0:47:35.520 --> 0:47:38.120 I force anything? Like me and you, for example, Like 0:47:38.160 --> 0:47:40.359 I feel like if I was like I need Jay 0:47:40.480 --> 0:47:43.400 to like me, and like was obsessed with like connecting 0:47:43.400 --> 0:47:45.839 with you, who knows if that would have worked, but 0:47:45.920 --> 0:47:48.400 like we naturally hit it off and we have a 0:47:48.440 --> 0:47:52.080 friendship where like I feel like sometimes people will be 0:47:52.160 --> 0:47:53.800 like if I if I ask them to get coffee 0:47:53.800 --> 0:47:55.360 and I do this, I live my life kind of 0:47:55.360 --> 0:47:58.360 like put your energy out there and the right energies 0:47:58.400 --> 0:48:02.080 will come back. Authentic relationships are better than thousands of 0:48:02.120 --> 0:48:04.759 people that you're like, they wouldn't be there for me 0:48:04.920 --> 0:48:06.080 when I need to bury a body. 0:48:08.680 --> 0:48:12.680 Yeah, I'm still trying to get you to like I 0:48:12.760 --> 0:48:13.240 was trying. 0:48:16.239 --> 0:48:18.719 No, I do think it's good vibe. 0:48:18.800 --> 0:48:21.080 Yeah yeah, no for sure, and and I can agree 0:48:21.080 --> 0:48:25.480 with you more there isn't. I think tactics and hacks 0:48:25.520 --> 0:48:28.279 and things like that get you very don't get you 0:48:28.400 --> 0:48:31.239 very far with humans. Like they work on things, they 0:48:31.280 --> 0:48:35.040 work on tools, they work on strategy and projects and 0:48:35.080 --> 0:48:37.280 things like that, but they don't really work well with people. 0:48:37.640 --> 0:48:38.800 I also find it with dating. 0:48:38.800 --> 0:48:42.000 I used to be like, if I construct the perfect 0:48:42.040 --> 0:48:46.680 text message, he's gonna realize that I'm freaking cool. I 0:48:46.760 --> 0:48:49.000 was so into I'd get nervous and be like if 0:48:49.040 --> 0:48:51.520 I say this, or like I wasn't funny enough, and 0:48:51.760 --> 0:48:54.879 looking back, you're like the emoji or not emoji did 0:48:54.920 --> 0:48:58.160 not change, Like it's funny because my husband he met 0:48:58.200 --> 0:48:59.680 me going when I was in the middle of this 0:48:59.719 --> 0:49:03.600 like sane reality TV time, which arguably like I was 0:49:03.640 --> 0:49:05.960 crying more than I've ever cried before. Like that's not 0:49:06.440 --> 0:49:09.200 what it's like being with me. I'm I have other issues, 0:49:09.200 --> 0:49:12.760 but crying was not a thing. So it's talk about 0:49:12.800 --> 0:49:14.880 like someone loving you at your worst. It's almost like 0:49:14.920 --> 0:49:17.520 he saw me as like an open wound and he 0:49:17.560 --> 0:49:19.600 loved me through that. So I joke, now I'm like, 0:49:19.680 --> 0:49:23.480 first date, get in a fight, like like start crying, 0:49:23.560 --> 0:49:25.680 tell him all your trauma, and like if you can't 0:49:25.840 --> 0:49:26.839 with it, be on to the next one. 0:49:26.840 --> 0:49:28.840 Why are we pretending to be perfect for three years? 0:49:28.920 --> 0:49:29.080 Yea? 0:49:29.200 --> 0:49:30.640 And then realizing you hate that. 0:49:32.800 --> 0:49:35.840 I really thought that, like if I was perfect, perfect 0:49:35.840 --> 0:49:38.840 things would happen to me, and that's just not the game. 0:49:39.160 --> 0:49:41.440 So we've talked so much about your confidence in these places, 0:49:41.480 --> 0:49:43.799 how you applied to your love life, Like what was 0:49:43.840 --> 0:49:47.000 that like in relationship? In dating? Were you as analytical? 0:49:47.000 --> 0:49:49.040 Were you able to make sense of stuff or in 0:49:49.080 --> 0:49:50.640 that area? Were you like, oh my. 0:49:50.640 --> 0:49:52.880 God, it's so funny how everything's so similar. I was 0:49:52.920 --> 0:49:56.160 like tennis, where like even when I was like could 0:49:56.160 --> 0:49:58.440 not hit a serve, I had this confidence that I 0:49:58.480 --> 0:49:59.280 could still win. 0:49:59.640 --> 0:50:00.400 And I I win. 0:50:01.360 --> 0:50:04.040 But like I always I joke, like I always think 0:50:04.120 --> 0:50:08.319 everyone loves me, Like I'm I'll have friends, I'll walk 0:50:08.360 --> 0:50:11.040 into a room like I have reverse by dysmorphia, Like 0:50:11.080 --> 0:50:14.640 I think everyone's attracted to me. And but I just 0:50:14.680 --> 0:50:16.920 had this confidence that no matter what was going on 0:50:17.040 --> 0:50:18.680 like that I'll fall in love and I'll have the 0:50:18.719 --> 0:50:21.759 most amazing relationship and everyone's attracted to me and wants 0:50:21.800 --> 0:50:22.279 to be with me. 0:50:22.880 --> 0:50:25.400 And that was just what I put into the world. 0:50:25.920 --> 0:50:28.920 But I also had an ego with it, where like 0:50:29.160 --> 0:50:32.080 I realized that I would go after emotionally unavailable guys 0:50:32.400 --> 0:50:35.440 because I wasn't ready. I was like, no one's rejecting me, 0:50:35.920 --> 0:50:38.080 Like no one's rejecting me. And I'd go after like 0:50:38.200 --> 0:50:42.680 really good looking men who I didn't respect emotionally, so 0:50:42.719 --> 0:50:44.680 that if it didn't work out, I'd be like he's 0:50:44.920 --> 0:50:48.520 going stupid, like obviously I didn't like him, or like 0:50:48.560 --> 0:50:51.040 they wouldn't make me laugh, or like I liked having 0:50:51.080 --> 0:50:53.520 hot men around me, and it is kind of I 0:50:53.520 --> 0:50:56.799 always like male dominate spaces and where you tie right now, 0:50:56.800 --> 0:50:58.400 but I kind of liked I thought it was powerful 0:50:58.440 --> 0:51:01.120 to be like a girl that like I could date 0:51:01.160 --> 0:51:03.879 a lot of hot guys. It's like I didn't want 0:51:03.920 --> 0:51:08.440 to be fully seen either. And I finally like, my 0:51:08.600 --> 0:51:12.399 husband is a guy who very good looking, but I 0:51:12.440 --> 0:51:18.960 really respect emotionally, and he sees me and he calls 0:51:19.000 --> 0:51:23.680 me out on stuff and is okay with all the 0:51:23.719 --> 0:51:27.200 things that come with me, and it was like scary 0:51:27.280 --> 0:51:30.239 and vulnerable, but it also felt really safe because I 0:51:30.280 --> 0:51:33.000 think it was with the right person. I have been 0:51:33.000 --> 0:51:35.680 in relationships where I felt confident, like this guy on 0:51:35.760 --> 0:51:39.560 paper is like everything someone would want. Like girls probably 0:51:39.600 --> 0:51:41.719 look and go like, oh, yeah, he's great, but I 0:51:41.760 --> 0:51:45.080 didn't feel like myself and I'm proud of myself. I 0:51:45.080 --> 0:51:47.359 got out of a relationship when I was younger that 0:51:47.440 --> 0:51:49.759 like other people were like, why would you leave that guy? 0:51:49.840 --> 0:51:52.959 But because when I was alone at night, I didn't 0:51:53.040 --> 0:51:56.319 feel like I was able to be myself with him, 0:51:57.200 --> 0:52:00.640 and I got out of it, and I realized, your partner, 0:52:00.719 --> 0:52:03.560 if they're not an asset. I don't mean it like 0:52:03.560 --> 0:52:06.200 we have to make everything great in life happy. No, 0:52:06.280 --> 0:52:09.439 if they're not enhancing and supporting you and who you are, 0:52:09.719 --> 0:52:12.600 there's no reason to be in a relationship. Yeah, someone 0:52:12.640 --> 0:52:15.000 said something kind of powerful that the person you're with 0:52:15.200 --> 0:52:18.839 directly or flecs how much you love yourself. Even though 0:52:18.840 --> 0:52:23.479 I was like dating and confident, I wasn't like really 0:52:23.520 --> 0:52:26.720 putting myself out there fully because I didn't know if 0:52:26.719 --> 0:52:29.480 someone really saw me, they would be scary if they 0:52:29.480 --> 0:52:31.879 didn't love me. So I was like, well, I don't 0:52:31.920 --> 0:52:36.920 love them, I don't need them, but I don't honestly 0:52:37.000 --> 0:52:39.920 think having a bad relationship that hurts your mental health 0:52:40.920 --> 0:52:45.600 is so nice because spare with me, you start realizing 0:52:46.120 --> 0:52:48.359 I don't want to be in a relationship. Being a relationship, 0:52:48.680 --> 0:52:52.279 it's too risky if someone is bringing me down, Like 0:52:52.320 --> 0:52:55.319 I'd really really rather be single one hundred percent of 0:52:55.320 --> 0:52:57.799 the time. So once I got in that mentality, like 0:52:57.800 --> 0:53:00.880 in my late twenties, when the right guy I finally came, 0:53:01.600 --> 0:53:04.399 I knew it because I wasn't just dating to date. 0:53:04.600 --> 0:53:07.200 Yeah, I feel like so many of the people I 0:53:07.200 --> 0:53:10.040 know right now are just struggling with dating, Like I'm 0:53:10.080 --> 0:53:12.640 sure you have loads of single friends too, or yeah, 0:53:12.680 --> 0:53:15.000 yeah right, you were just like Jay, can you introduce 0:53:15.040 --> 0:53:17.080 you to someone? Or I don't know how to meet someone. 0:53:17.200 --> 0:53:19.040 I'm on all the apps, I'm doing this, I'm doing that, 0:53:19.120 --> 0:53:22.160 and it feels like it's just the wild world rest 0:53:22.160 --> 0:53:24.279 for people, Like it's so hard. I know, at least 0:53:24.320 --> 0:53:24.719 that's how. 0:53:25.160 --> 0:53:26.360 I know my advice. 0:53:26.440 --> 0:53:28.879 I really do joke about it that, like first date, 0:53:29.360 --> 0:53:31.680 if you go back to his apartment, like hide his 0:53:31.760 --> 0:53:35.160 remote and see what his true character is like because 0:53:35.200 --> 0:53:37.520 I really feel, especially in a light, everyone's hot, and 0:53:37.560 --> 0:53:40.440 I'm like I could get along with a hot person 0:53:40.680 --> 0:53:44.680 for months before I like realize what's going on. I 0:53:44.719 --> 0:53:47.760 think life is so short. It's like you can convince 0:53:47.800 --> 0:53:50.080 yourself that so many people are great for you, but 0:53:50.120 --> 0:53:53.840 like stop lying to yourself and immediately just be like 0:53:53.880 --> 0:53:56.200 do you feel like yourself with them? And is it 0:53:56.239 --> 0:53:57.560 someone that you want to sit on the couch with 0:53:57.640 --> 0:54:01.480 for hours. Let's stop with the Instagram bullshit. Let's stop 0:54:01.520 --> 0:54:05.440 with how it looks esthetically and find someone that's good 0:54:05.440 --> 0:54:08.440 for your soul. Because your relationship is like a mirror, 0:54:08.760 --> 0:54:11.760 where like it's a voice that you have to listen 0:54:11.800 --> 0:54:14.000 to for the rest of your life. Make sure that 0:54:14.080 --> 0:54:17.080 voice is someone you want to talk to, and like 0:54:17.200 --> 0:54:20.319 they create the vibe of your life. 0:54:20.680 --> 0:54:22.640 I love quitting. I love getting out of stuff. 0:54:22.640 --> 0:54:24.440 If you're not with the right person, like there is 0:54:24.520 --> 0:54:26.279 the right person there get out? 0:54:26.640 --> 0:54:28.680 Yeah no, but I think you're so right that the 0:54:28.680 --> 0:54:31.960 halo effects so strong, Like we can stay with someone 0:54:32.480 --> 0:54:35.279 off of like the tiniest thing. Like people will stay 0:54:35.320 --> 0:54:37.600 in a relationship because someone's hot, because someone makes lots 0:54:37.640 --> 0:54:40.360 of money, because someone's really good at one thing, yes, 0:54:40.400 --> 0:54:42.200 and it's so easy to do that because the halo 0:54:42.200 --> 0:54:44.879 effect is so powerful. You are saying in a very 0:54:44.920 --> 0:54:46.360 sincere way, like do you want to listen to their 0:54:46.400 --> 0:54:47.800 voice with the rest of your life? And I just 0:54:47.840 --> 0:54:49.520 think of someone going to me, I really like the 0:54:49.520 --> 0:54:51.480 sound of his voice, and it's like you're just attracted 0:54:51.520 --> 0:54:54.040 to the sound of someone's voice, but not really the 0:54:54.080 --> 0:54:56.160 content of what they're saying or who they are and 0:54:56.600 --> 0:54:59.160 what you're talking about someone's soul, and it's it's so 0:54:59.400 --> 0:55:02.319 hard for our brains to detach from that which is 0:55:02.320 --> 0:55:04.319 pleasurable to that which is actually. 0:55:04.040 --> 0:55:06.120 Oh my god, you're saying right. I loved having a crush. 0:55:06.200 --> 0:55:07.719 I would make it up. He would just have to 0:55:07.760 --> 0:55:09.160 show like a little bit, and I was like, I 0:55:09.280 --> 0:55:10.480 love this. I want to wake up with that. 0:55:10.600 --> 0:55:11.239 Hide like is it it? 0:55:11.360 --> 0:55:11.719 Text me? 0:55:11.880 --> 0:55:13.640 And then you finally like meet him and you're like, 0:55:13.719 --> 0:55:15.920 oh my god, this is not it. 0:55:15.920 --> 0:55:16.800 It took me a while. 0:55:16.920 --> 0:55:19.080 I would really just be like, as long as he's tall, 0:55:19.480 --> 0:55:22.320 I could figure this out. And then I remember feeling 0:55:22.320 --> 0:55:24.040 like I was signing my soul to the devil. I 0:55:24.080 --> 0:55:26.840 was like, you deserve better, and I do think like 0:55:27.200 --> 0:55:30.359 you love yourself. The person you're with is showing how 0:55:30.440 --> 0:55:33.600 much you love yourself. You deserve the best, also with 0:55:33.719 --> 0:55:36.560 someone who's just got married, Like I do have to say, 0:55:36.719 --> 0:55:37.600 when you're growing up. 0:55:37.480 --> 0:55:40.040 You're like, who's my soulmate? Who's my soulmate? 0:55:40.480 --> 0:55:42.880 And not to be a de Wie downer, I believe 0:55:42.920 --> 0:55:45.600 there are soulmates. I don't think at all that there's 0:55:45.640 --> 0:55:49.279 one person. I really think of marriage as like a 0:55:49.320 --> 0:55:52.600 best friend and that it's very similar to friendships. You know, 0:55:52.640 --> 0:55:55.000 when you meet someone, like I'll meet a girl and 0:55:55.440 --> 0:55:56.719 immediately I'm like, whe have has. 0:55:56.680 --> 0:55:59.280 This bitch been all my life? She's amazing. I'm obsessed 0:55:59.280 --> 0:55:59.640 with her. 0:55:59.719 --> 0:56:01.920 And I'll have a couple of those kind of relationships 0:56:01.920 --> 0:56:03.239 in your life. And that's how I feel with men 0:56:03.320 --> 0:56:07.040 as well, romantic relationships. So it's like the person I'm 0:56:07.040 --> 0:56:10.200 with right now, he's so right for me, he's amazing. 0:56:10.280 --> 0:56:11.920 I do think there's other people in the world that 0:56:12.000 --> 0:56:15.319 potentially I could have married and had that I haven't met. 0:56:15.719 --> 0:56:18.719 So it's like you create your own adventure and you 0:56:18.800 --> 0:56:20.560 find the person that's right for you. In that moment, 0:56:20.880 --> 0:56:23.319 people will be mad, like why did I marry this guy? 0:56:23.800 --> 0:56:26.279 And I'm like, maybe he was right for you in 0:56:26.360 --> 0:56:29.600 nineteen ninety seven or whatever it happened, and he was 0:56:29.640 --> 0:56:32.040 perfect for you in that time, So stop putting so 0:56:32.080 --> 0:56:35.719 much pressure on this like one insane thing. It's like, no, 0:56:35.800 --> 0:56:39.440 it's it's vibes and it's like finding your best friend. Yeah, 0:56:39.480 --> 0:56:41.840 and you'll have a lot of beautiful relationships in your life. 0:56:41.880 --> 0:56:44.000 What were some of the surprising challenges that came up 0:56:44.040 --> 0:56:45.640 in marriage that maybe you didn't expect. 0:56:45.800 --> 0:56:47.960 I do have to say. My husband has a joke. 0:56:48.000 --> 0:56:48.879 He's a comedian too. 0:56:49.400 --> 0:56:51.719 He actually has a really good bit about mindfulness that 0:56:51.800 --> 0:56:52.360 I feel like you. 0:56:53.719 --> 0:56:55.239 I'll send it to you, man, please do. 0:56:55.800 --> 0:56:58.719 It's just about how mindfulness he jokes about back then 0:56:58.800 --> 0:57:01.960 it was just like watching for sipitation go down. She's like, 0:57:02.000 --> 0:57:04.480 you can't even sit and take a shit without like scrolling, 0:57:04.600 --> 0:57:07.120 Like mindfulness used to just be existing. I butchered that bit, 0:57:07.160 --> 0:57:12.880 but it's about that. But he has this joke about marriage, 0:57:12.880 --> 0:57:14.960 how he'll tell people like, we don't spend a lot 0:57:14.960 --> 0:57:16.920 of time together because I'm on the road a lot. 0:57:16.960 --> 0:57:19.640 He's on the road, and how people like thirty five 0:57:19.680 --> 0:57:21.560 and under are like, oh, that must be really hard 0:57:21.840 --> 0:57:23.960 but that people thirty five and over are like, you 0:57:24.000 --> 0:57:29.600 guys are gonna make it Like we never get into 0:57:29.640 --> 0:57:32.720 that like roommate situation where you start feeling like, oh, 0:57:32.760 --> 0:57:34.720 this is just a roommate that I have that lives 0:57:34.720 --> 0:57:38.160 with me. It stays kind of exciting because we don't 0:57:38.160 --> 0:57:40.800 have that routine. Our Our careers are very kind of 0:57:40.880 --> 0:57:44.800 crazy and we're really good at communicating. I think the 0:57:44.840 --> 0:57:47.840 funny thing about marriage is that dating is a lot 0:57:47.880 --> 0:57:50.040 of chasing. There's a lot of like. 0:57:50.560 --> 0:57:53.120 Are we gonna get engaged, are we gonna get married? 0:57:53.200 --> 0:57:56.320 What is this gonna be? And then you become it. 0:57:56.320 --> 0:57:58.160 It reminds me of life, where like if you don't 0:57:58.200 --> 0:58:02.280 love the journey, there's no point to it and you 0:58:02.360 --> 0:58:05.520 realize like, oh, this isn't about getting the ring, Like 0:58:05.560 --> 0:58:07.960 this is just about finding someone I want to be 0:58:08.040 --> 0:58:11.760 with with him. It's like we're married, We're not I'm 0:58:11.800 --> 0:58:14.840 not playing any more games. The games are over. And 0:58:14.880 --> 0:58:17.560 I liked kind of being like, what's going to happen 0:58:17.960 --> 0:58:20.240 and there's no game playing? 0:58:21.440 --> 0:58:22.200 That's your person. 0:58:22.640 --> 0:58:24.880 Yeah. I remember reading a study that talked about how 0:58:25.480 --> 0:58:27.720 what we really get addicted to at the beginning of 0:58:27.720 --> 0:58:32.120 a relationship is stress and excitement. Yes, so the excitement 0:58:32.160 --> 0:58:34.520 of I just texted them, the stress of will they 0:58:34.560 --> 0:58:36.680 text me back? Yes, you got the excitement of like 0:58:36.880 --> 0:58:38.640 I just told all my friends about this guy, the 0:58:38.640 --> 0:58:40.840 stress of I don't know if he's talking about me 0:58:40.880 --> 0:58:43.240 to his friends. Yeah, And so that keeps you. It's 0:58:43.240 --> 0:58:45.640 what you're saying. The game keeps you going. And then 0:58:45.640 --> 0:58:47.440 all of a sudden, when you actually end up with 0:58:47.480 --> 0:58:50.920 someone then and everyone goes, wait a minute, there's no 0:58:50.960 --> 0:58:53.160 excitement anymore. It's like, no, no, no, you were just addicted 0:58:53.200 --> 0:58:53.680 to stress. 0:58:53.800 --> 0:58:56.120 Yes, And I do have to say the peacefulness of 0:58:56.160 --> 0:58:58.520 marriage has been really nice for me in terms of, 0:58:58.560 --> 0:59:02.160 like dating actually was really time consuming and stressful. So 0:59:02.200 --> 0:59:03.720 I feel like I'm able to focus more on my 0:59:03.800 --> 0:59:06.520 career and being myself. I used to like not be 0:59:06.520 --> 0:59:09.040 able to enjoy friends sometimes because I'm sitting there thinking 0:59:09.040 --> 0:59:11.400 about a guy or at dinner and I'm just like, 0:59:11.480 --> 0:59:13.160 I don't really care about this because like so and 0:59:13.200 --> 0:59:17.040 so hasn't texted me back. Where now I have this 0:59:17.160 --> 0:59:20.200 like comfort of like I have my person who's my 0:59:20.280 --> 0:59:22.880 sidekick and there for me, and I can actually be 0:59:23.080 --> 0:59:27.000 myself more, which has been really nice when I was single, 0:59:27.040 --> 0:59:29.000 I was boy crazy, and I was like putting it 0:59:29.000 --> 0:59:31.320 on a pedestal. So I've I've done that and been that, 0:59:31.640 --> 0:59:34.400 and I think once you realize, you just you don't 0:59:34.400 --> 0:59:35.120 want to force it. 0:59:35.440 --> 0:59:35.800 Yeah. 0:59:35.880 --> 0:59:38.960 My ultimate dating tip is that do the things you 0:59:39.040 --> 0:59:41.080 love and it will track people who will love you 0:59:42.160 --> 0:59:44.680 where it's I tell people like, I know this is corny, 0:59:44.720 --> 0:59:47.080 but like if you like volleyball, join a volleyball league. 0:59:47.600 --> 0:59:50.080 You can't just like sit around hoping like be you 0:59:50.440 --> 0:59:51.280 and they will come. 0:59:51.600 --> 0:59:53.000 Yeah, yeah the. 0:59:52.960 --> 0:59:55.880 Baseball field, as they say, you build it, they will come. 0:59:56.040 --> 0:59:59.000 For men, I think it's similar. Like all the most 0:59:59.000 --> 1:00:01.760 successful men that I've spoken to have all said that 1:00:02.400 --> 1:00:05.320 their success came when they committed to one woman. Yeah, 1:00:05.360 --> 1:00:07.360 and then they actually had time and energy to build 1:00:07.400 --> 1:00:07.880 everything else. 1:00:07.960 --> 1:00:08.720 It is exhausted. 1:00:08.880 --> 1:00:11.320 Other than the exhaustion of thinking that it was cool 1:00:11.360 --> 1:00:14.400 to date multiple women or have affairs or whatever they 1:00:14.400 --> 1:00:15.600 thought it was when they were going. 1:00:15.480 --> 1:00:19.040 Stress that again, distress they added to exactly. But I 1:00:19.040 --> 1:00:21.160 do have to say to be a little positive, my 1:00:21.480 --> 1:00:24.760 parents have a really beautiful relationship and like they still 1:00:24.800 --> 1:00:27.280 like they flirt, they love each other, they make each 1:00:27.280 --> 1:00:30.400 other laugh and in my relationship, Like I still my 1:00:30.440 --> 1:00:32.280 friend makes fun of me, but like I still get 1:00:32.280 --> 1:00:34.480 butterflies with him, like I do have it. It's not 1:00:35.000 --> 1:00:37.000 you know, we're two years in and it's early, but 1:00:37.040 --> 1:00:41.040 I found someone who keeps me like excited, so that's possible. 1:00:41.080 --> 1:00:43.080 It's not like, oh, you meet someone and then you're 1:00:43.120 --> 1:00:46.680 just like, yay, we're bored. No, Like I found someone 1:00:46.680 --> 1:00:50.320 who he definitely is emotionally, like we say, like our 1:00:50.360 --> 1:00:53.080 love languages laughter, So we're making fun of each other 1:00:53.400 --> 1:00:56.600 and it's like we're constantly playing the game of how 1:00:56.640 --> 1:00:57.640 can we make each other laugh? 1:00:57.800 --> 1:01:00.720 Absolutely? Yeah, we banter all day in my wife so 1:01:00.760 --> 1:01:02.640 important when we're around. 1:01:02.480 --> 1:01:05.320 You, guys have a really fun yeah yeah, yeah I am. 1:01:05.520 --> 1:01:07.640 We're laughter as our love language for sure too, and 1:01:07.640 --> 1:01:09.800 it has need to be. We always feel like when 1:01:09.800 --> 1:01:11.960 we're around new people or new couples, they're like, do 1:01:12.000 --> 1:01:14.280 you have have issues with each other? I'm like no, no, no, 1:01:14.320 --> 1:01:16.680 this is just this is who we are. Like we're 1:01:16.760 --> 1:01:19.640 constantly bantering and that's yeah, that's our way of showing 1:01:19.640 --> 1:01:21.240 love to each other and it works for us. And 1:01:21.640 --> 1:01:24.280 I can also get really emotional, like when Rady's traveling whatever, 1:01:24.560 --> 1:01:26.320 I literally like there's no light in the house, Like 1:01:26.360 --> 1:01:28.400 I'm just like I get fully like I'm like, no, 1:01:28.600 --> 1:01:31.040 the house feels different, like it's not the same because 1:01:31.040 --> 1:01:33.720 I'm so used to just walking back there seeing her 1:01:33.800 --> 1:01:35.919 giving her a hug, whatever it is, even in the work. 1:01:35.920 --> 1:01:38.080 Then then when she's traveling, I'm like, no, where is she? 1:01:38.160 --> 1:01:39.600 But I love the idea of missing her. 1:01:39.760 --> 1:01:42.080 It was Yes, I was going to say, it makes 1:01:42.120 --> 1:01:46.000 you not take for granted them being there when you 1:01:46.040 --> 1:01:49.200 wake up. Yeah, And we also are very good at communicating, 1:01:49.320 --> 1:01:52.200 like we'll be on the phone like all day, even 1:01:52.240 --> 1:01:53.840 if it's just like a two minute call to be 1:01:53.880 --> 1:01:57.520 like this thing happened to me. It's just natural. And 1:01:57.720 --> 1:02:00.720 I joke like be with some You're relationship is a 1:02:00.720 --> 1:02:02.200 conversation you have for the rest of your life, Like 1:02:02.240 --> 1:02:04.160 do you want to have it? I saw like a 1:02:04.280 --> 1:02:08.320 random probably a TikTok about how the person who marry 1:02:08.320 --> 1:02:09.760 is the person that's going to be with you when 1:02:09.800 --> 1:02:12.400 like your parents pass away, Like who do you want 1:02:12.440 --> 1:02:14.160 to be with you in those hard times? It's not 1:02:14.280 --> 1:02:16.000 who do you want to be in the wedding photo 1:02:16.040 --> 1:02:16.280 with you? 1:02:18.000 --> 1:02:22.360 Mike, That's real, No, that's so real. That's the realist thing. 1:02:22.400 --> 1:02:25.120 Ever it's and then I wish I wish more people 1:02:25.120 --> 1:02:28.120 would internalize that because that is exactly what it is 1:02:28.160 --> 1:02:30.880 and having And I have a friend who was with 1:02:30.960 --> 1:02:33.960 this partner through the loss of her mum recently. Yeah, 1:02:34.000 --> 1:02:36.120 and it was the hardest thing for her, and he 1:02:36.200 --> 1:02:38.720 was He was the best partner I think she could 1:02:38.720 --> 1:02:39.360 have had during. 1:02:39.240 --> 1:02:41.120 That and she she needed him, and I realized I 1:02:41.200 --> 1:02:44.880 needed my husband during my hard time. And I also 1:02:44.960 --> 1:02:47.440 think that trauma bonding is real. Obviously, truma bonding can 1:02:47.480 --> 1:02:51.120 be bad, but like I think we are so much 1:02:51.200 --> 1:02:55.400 powerful of a couple because early on we were dealing 1:02:55.400 --> 1:02:58.240 with so much adversity that now when something happens, like 1:02:58.320 --> 1:03:01.760 we're so easily able to handle it. So when bad 1:03:01.800 --> 1:03:04.400 things happen to you when you're in a relationship, it's 1:03:04.480 --> 1:03:08.080 actually gonna show you if you're in the right relationship, 1:03:08.120 --> 1:03:09.280 which is awesome. 1:03:09.560 --> 1:03:11.760 Yeah, I wanted to pivot slightly because I feel like 1:03:11.800 --> 1:03:13.720 you pointed out your tie earlier, and I think this 1:03:13.800 --> 1:03:15.840 is a really great outfit. I think we have to 1:03:15.840 --> 1:03:17.920 talk about it, but you know, I feel like your 1:03:17.920 --> 1:03:21.760 whole career, from day one, it's been operating in a 1:03:21.880 --> 1:03:24.960 male dominant Like even I mean this article headline was 1:03:25.160 --> 1:03:27.560 so this one fifteen years ago New York Times she 1:03:27.640 --> 1:03:30.400 plays with boys and rivals don't like it. Yeah, it's crazy. 1:03:30.400 --> 1:03:32.800 I mean it's like that's crazy, right, Yeah, it's like 1:03:32.880 --> 1:03:36.360 fifteen years ago. Even now, like comedy is definitely more 1:03:36.400 --> 1:03:39.000 male dominated, has been. Yeah, And I think it's a 1:03:39.040 --> 1:03:40.800 really interesting thing because I've been speaking to a lot 1:03:40.800 --> 1:03:44.960 of my male friends recently either married or have have 1:03:45.000 --> 1:03:47.920 girlfriends long long term relationships, and a lot of the 1:03:47.920 --> 1:03:52.120 women there with feel really scared about pivoting careers, feel 1:03:52.240 --> 1:03:55.560 scared about changing their identity, about how they're perceived in 1:03:55.600 --> 1:03:58.000 their small community of friends. And these aren't people who 1:03:58.000 --> 1:03:59.720 are saying I want to be really famous or I 1:03:59.760 --> 1:04:01.920 want to be really rich. It's just people thinking like 1:04:02.160 --> 1:04:03.600 maybe I don't want to be a doctor, and maybe 1:04:03.680 --> 1:04:05.960 I do want to do this, so maybe I do 1:04:06.000 --> 1:04:08.040 want to be a yoga instructor, or maybe I do 1:04:08.080 --> 1:04:10.360 want to do fitness, so whatever it is, it's people 1:04:10.400 --> 1:04:14.040 making just genuine choices. And it's funny because when I'll 1:04:14.040 --> 1:04:15.920 talk to my guy friends about it, they've all done it, 1:04:16.360 --> 1:04:18.280 and it feels really easy for a guy to like 1:04:18.480 --> 1:04:23.480 somewhat change his perception and identity, Whereas for women it 1:04:23.520 --> 1:04:26.040 feels a bit harder if you had to say something 1:04:26.040 --> 1:04:27.560 to them. What would you say to women who are 1:04:27.560 --> 1:04:28.560 feeling like it's hard? 1:04:28.880 --> 1:04:29.360 Two things. 1:04:29.400 --> 1:04:32.360 One, I do think that women do have like they 1:04:32.360 --> 1:04:35.400 have the biological clock in their head where they're like, okay, 1:04:35.480 --> 1:04:37.200 if I switch this and then I have kids at 1:04:37.200 --> 1:04:39.560 this time, and then I'll be behind it like they're 1:04:39.560 --> 1:04:41.040 dealing with like that kind of stuff. 1:04:41.120 --> 1:04:43.000 I do have to do a shout out to my parents. 1:04:43.600 --> 1:04:47.360 I think I was raised a very not unique, but 1:04:47.400 --> 1:04:51.960 I was raised very like genderless, like I wore whatever 1:04:52.040 --> 1:04:55.320 clothes I want to wear. My dad really treated me. 1:04:55.400 --> 1:04:57.080 I wouldn't even say like a boy, just like I 1:04:57.160 --> 1:04:58.920 was never said I was pretty. It was about like 1:04:59.000 --> 1:05:02.320 being hard work. And I think growing up as I 1:05:02.360 --> 1:05:04.560 got older and people started to be like, you're a girl, 1:05:04.640 --> 1:05:06.360 you're not allowed to do that, I was like, woo, 1:05:07.440 --> 1:05:09.120 that's hilarious, and I'm going to. 1:05:09.160 --> 1:05:11.280 Show you that that's not true. 1:05:12.040 --> 1:05:14.760 And I think even like wearing the tie, I joked 1:05:14.760 --> 1:05:17.680 that like it makes me feel people are like listening 1:05:17.760 --> 1:05:19.680 to me more like I could say things I don't 1:05:19.720 --> 1:05:21.320 know about and people are like, she sounds like she 1:05:21.360 --> 1:05:24.880 knows what she's talking about. And I love playing with 1:05:25.000 --> 1:05:28.320 the gender roles because I think they're socially constructed in 1:05:28.360 --> 1:05:30.520 a way. But I also do realize now that I'm 1:05:30.960 --> 1:05:34.200 I'm thirty three, and some male comics their careers are 1:05:34.280 --> 1:05:38.320 popping off like mine, where I'm like, if I want 1:05:38.320 --> 1:05:39.480 to have a kid, I have to do it in 1:05:39.520 --> 1:05:41.440 the next couple of years. How is that going to 1:05:41.520 --> 1:05:44.640 affect my trajectory where they cannot have They don't give 1:05:44.640 --> 1:05:47.800 off about that. And I'm used to being like, there's 1:05:47.840 --> 1:05:49.960 no difference between me and you, but then I realized, like, 1:05:49.960 --> 1:05:53.640 oh shit, there is differences. But I like to be 1:05:53.760 --> 1:05:56.520 in terms of like my feminism, people get confused thinking 1:05:56.520 --> 1:05:58.960 that feminists are like men and women are equal. 1:05:59.200 --> 1:06:03.280 We're not. We're very different in so many beautiful. 1:06:02.800 --> 1:06:05.680 Ways, and like we want equal opportunities, but we're going 1:06:05.760 --> 1:06:08.640 to go about it our own way. So it's finding 1:06:08.720 --> 1:06:12.200 like what is your superpower as a woman, And I 1:06:12.240 --> 1:06:16.800 do think with women this is good. Women love to 1:06:16.880 --> 1:06:22.080 be over prepared and overqualified for things before we do it. 1:06:22.600 --> 1:06:24.920 I'm working on this new bit about like I say, 1:06:24.960 --> 1:06:27.760 a lot of men are pilots, because no woman would 1:06:27.760 --> 1:06:29.960 just wake up and be like I could fly a plane, 1:06:30.320 --> 1:06:31.920 Like she would have to be like so good at 1:06:31.960 --> 1:06:34.480 flying planes to finally be like, can I fly a plane? 1:06:34.800 --> 1:06:36.720 And then I joke like if women flew planes, we'd 1:06:36.880 --> 1:06:39.360 literally be lost all the time and like need snacks 1:06:39.400 --> 1:06:44.520 and stuff like that. But anyway, it's multi fascetating. So 1:06:44.680 --> 1:06:48.920 I think with women, stop waiting to be like over 1:06:49.000 --> 1:06:53.360 prepared to do something, and I think so many men 1:06:54.360 --> 1:06:56.480 will just be like a little bit confident and be 1:06:56.520 --> 1:06:58.880 like I'll figure it out where women, Like even a 1:06:59.040 --> 1:07:01.200 job interviews, I feel like men will be like I'll 1:07:01.240 --> 1:07:03.320 figure it out where girls will have to be so 1:07:03.480 --> 1:07:07.000 over prepared to even go into the interview. Like even 1:07:07.000 --> 1:07:08.960 when I was like a sports reporter for a second, 1:07:09.760 --> 1:07:12.720 I had to show that I knew sports soaking well 1:07:12.760 --> 1:07:15.120 to even get in the same room, where like a dude, 1:07:15.120 --> 1:07:17.280 they just assume he knows it because it's like sports. 1:07:17.560 --> 1:07:21.280 So for girls, I'd say, do things you're you're not 1:07:21.680 --> 1:07:25.200 qualified for. I was not qualified to get a Netflix special, 1:07:25.520 --> 1:07:28.680 but I did it. If you looked at my resume, 1:07:28.720 --> 1:07:31.520 you'd say that girl should not have a Netflix special, 1:07:32.080 --> 1:07:34.520 But I did, and it was top five on Netflix. 1:07:34.840 --> 1:07:38.160 So I think for the girls, don't wait till you're overqualified. 1:07:38.560 --> 1:07:41.800 Challenge yourself and you gain confidence when you're able to 1:07:43.000 --> 1:07:44.280 do something you didn't know you could do. 1:07:44.600 --> 1:07:47.160 That's great advice. I love that. And you're sport on. 1:07:47.200 --> 1:07:49.120 I remember looking at the studies a few years ago. 1:07:49.480 --> 1:07:51.080 He literally said that if a guy looks at an 1:07:51.120 --> 1:07:53.400 application and he can do four and have ten things, 1:07:53.680 --> 1:07:55.520 he'll apply, And if a girl looks in it and 1:07:55.520 --> 1:07:57.400 she can do eight of ten things, she won't apply. 1:07:57.600 --> 1:07:58.560 I literally have chills. 1:07:58.640 --> 1:08:01.640 Yeah, I have chills because that is so true, and 1:08:01.800 --> 1:08:04.640 women are so competent, but I guess they like there's 1:08:04.680 --> 1:08:06.040 like a safety thing with it. 1:08:06.320 --> 1:08:07.840 I do say something about experience. 1:08:08.640 --> 1:08:11.840 They did a study somewhere I suppear this wasn't from TikTok, 1:08:11.960 --> 1:08:15.680 but a study about like doctors and how some new 1:08:15.760 --> 1:08:19.240 doctors were actually better than doctors who had like forty 1:08:19.280 --> 1:08:21.600 years of experience because they were actually like fresher and 1:08:21.680 --> 1:08:24.240 more open minded, more up to date, and just how 1:08:24.320 --> 1:08:26.639 like just because someone has more experience with you doesn't 1:08:26.680 --> 1:08:28.599 necessarily make them better than you had. 1:08:28.640 --> 1:08:28.960 Something. 1:08:29.640 --> 1:08:32.280 My advice for like job interviews is I would go 1:08:32.320 --> 1:08:34.320 in and be like, I don't have the year's experience 1:08:34.360 --> 1:08:36.880 you want, but these are all the ideas I have 1:08:36.960 --> 1:08:40.160 of what I'm gonna do. So don't wait till you're overqualified, 1:08:40.280 --> 1:08:43.519 Like do things are underqualified for and see what you're 1:08:43.520 --> 1:08:44.120 capable of. 1:08:44.560 --> 1:08:47.240 So needed that's great advice. I thank you. I love that. 1:08:47.439 --> 1:08:49.559 How do if your younger self was to look at 1:08:49.640 --> 1:08:52.439 you now, if you were to go meet her and 1:08:52.520 --> 1:08:54.880 she saw you having the Netflix special or doing what 1:08:54.880 --> 1:08:58.200 you're doing today touring, what do you think she'd say? 1:08:58.360 --> 1:09:00.360 She wouldn't imagine it, but I feel like she be like, 1:09:00.400 --> 1:09:03.800 that's awesome. I do think there was a time when 1:09:03.800 --> 1:09:05.840 I was like twenty four and I was like in 1:09:05.920 --> 1:09:09.479 sales or something, and when my cousins said, like he 1:09:09.560 --> 1:09:12.120 was gonna move to LA to be an actor, and 1:09:12.160 --> 1:09:17.000 I remember getting like a guttural jealousy that I was 1:09:17.040 --> 1:09:21.599 like not expecting, and looking back, I was like, why 1:09:21.640 --> 1:09:23.800 are you jealous that your cousins move in LA to 1:09:23.800 --> 1:09:24.320 do acting? 1:09:25.040 --> 1:09:27.000 That's insane. You don't even want to be an actress? 1:09:27.280 --> 1:09:30.559 But deep deep down I did, and I like didn't 1:09:30.600 --> 1:09:32.920 admit it to myself because it's like a lot to 1:09:32.960 --> 1:09:35.439 admit that you want to be a performer or want 1:09:35.479 --> 1:09:37.679 your dreams. It's scary to say what dreams you want 1:09:38.240 --> 1:09:42.080 for anyone who's feeling like a jealousy towards something, that's 1:09:42.120 --> 1:09:44.879 the universe telling you you want to do it. Yeah, 1:09:44.920 --> 1:09:48.120 And it's crazy that years later now, like I'm getting 1:09:48.160 --> 1:09:52.160 into acting and I tried so hard to fight it, 1:09:52.560 --> 1:09:54.920 but the universe was like, you're not doing that. You're 1:09:54.960 --> 1:09:57.840 not doing that until I got in this lane, I 1:09:58.000 --> 1:09:59.760 like to say, even though I've never served, it's like 1:09:59.800 --> 1:10:03.080 so where like when you find the right wave, it's going. 1:10:03.040 --> 1:10:05.639 To feel easier and you're gonna love it. It's gonna 1:10:05.640 --> 1:10:08.000 be fun. So like, find your wave. 1:10:08.320 --> 1:10:11.000 That jealousy point is so clear. I feel like we're 1:10:11.040 --> 1:10:13.160 living at a time where it's so scary to share 1:10:13.160 --> 1:10:15.960 your dreams with someone else because you're scared it might 1:10:16.000 --> 1:10:19.160 remind them that they're not chasing theirs, and you're scared 1:10:19.200 --> 1:10:21.320 that they may react and tell you not to chase 1:10:21.360 --> 1:10:23.559 it because they don't believe in you. And the truth 1:10:23.640 --> 1:10:26.479 is they never had the strength to even give themselves 1:10:26.479 --> 1:10:28.960 the worth to chase their Yeah. And then at the 1:10:29.000 --> 1:10:31.880 same time, you're scared of hearing it, because it might 1:10:31.920 --> 1:10:34.599 remind you of the doubt you already have in your 1:10:34.600 --> 1:10:37.400 own abilities, and the fears you already have, and the 1:10:37.400 --> 1:10:40.280 insecurities you have that it's not possible for you. And 1:10:40.320 --> 1:10:42.880 it creates a really messy situation in society, I feel, 1:10:42.920 --> 1:10:45.639 because you have less people wanting to chase their dreams, 1:10:45.920 --> 1:10:49.519 less people rooting for them, and less people admitting what 1:10:49.600 --> 1:10:52.080 their dreams are. And that feels like a really bad 1:10:52.080 --> 1:10:55.920 place to live, where dreams are becoming buried deeper and 1:10:55.960 --> 1:10:58.639 deeper and deeper inside someone's soul and you know, never 1:10:58.640 --> 1:11:02.560 get seen. Yes, And so if someone's feeling that, and 1:11:02.600 --> 1:11:05.040 they're feeling that jealousy, which you so beautifully said, could 1:11:05.040 --> 1:11:07.240 be a sign or a signal that that's what you 1:11:07.280 --> 1:11:09.960 want to do, what would you say is the first 1:11:10.000 --> 1:11:12.280 three steps someone should take if they think they have 1:11:12.280 --> 1:11:14.880 a crazy dream. They may never have done it before, 1:11:15.280 --> 1:11:17.639 they don't really get it, but they feel that deep 1:11:17.640 --> 1:11:19.000 inside of them it's always been there. 1:11:19.160 --> 1:11:21.920 I was always obsessed with successful people, like I'd look 1:11:21.920 --> 1:11:24.800 at like Rihanna, and I'm like, what is different about 1:11:24.840 --> 1:11:25.759 her than other people? 1:11:26.080 --> 1:11:28.880 And when you strip it down, it always starts with 1:11:29.360 --> 1:11:29.920 she tried. 1:11:30.400 --> 1:11:32.880 Like eighty percent of it is being like I want 1:11:32.920 --> 1:11:34.960 to be this and I'm going to do it. And 1:11:35.000 --> 1:11:38.240 then I like to literally sit down and like say 1:11:38.280 --> 1:11:42.240 something crazy like Okay, I want to get a Netflix special. 1:11:42.640 --> 1:11:45.800 Then I literally go backwards of all the things you 1:11:45.840 --> 1:11:47.639 have to do to get there. Okay, get an Flix special. 1:11:48.040 --> 1:11:50.360 You'd have to perform in front of someone at Netflix. 1:11:50.400 --> 1:11:52.800 How do you do that? You'd have to be selling 1:11:52.800 --> 1:11:54.240 out theaters. How do you do that? You'd have to 1:11:54.240 --> 1:11:56.400 get JFL. How do you get JFL? You'd have to 1:11:56.439 --> 1:11:58.280 go in the clubs. How do you get in the clubs? 1:11:58.360 --> 1:12:00.840 You'd have to start writing? How do you start writing? 1:12:00.880 --> 1:12:03.479 By don't it tomorrow? So then it's like you literally 1:12:03.520 --> 1:12:06.080 have the path and it starts so small, and I 1:12:06.160 --> 1:12:08.160 think so many people don't want to go through the 1:12:08.160 --> 1:12:10.120 whole path. And then when you think about it, it's 1:12:10.120 --> 1:12:13.599 like you just have to go do it. It's actually 1:12:14.000 --> 1:12:16.240 a lot less overwhelming when you think I just have 1:12:16.320 --> 1:12:18.639 to write tomorrow than be like I've see a Netflix 1:12:18.640 --> 1:12:22.080 special in two years, but realistically I got an Eflics 1:12:22.080 --> 1:12:27.000 special in like five years. Of comedy plus COVID, which 1:12:27.040 --> 1:12:29.559 is crazy, but it's because that wasn't the plan. It 1:12:29.640 --> 1:12:31.840 was just I wanted to be myself and have fun 1:12:31.880 --> 1:12:32.519 doing comedy. 1:12:32.720 --> 1:12:36.080 Yeah, it's so funny. Seven years ago, I had a 1:12:36.080 --> 1:12:38.760 production company reach out to me from LA. They'd seen 1:12:38.840 --> 1:12:41.640 my first ever video that had gone viral and they 1:12:41.680 --> 1:12:43.160 loved it, and they'd reached out and said, we want 1:12:43.160 --> 1:12:45.960 to build a TV show around you. And so I 1:12:46.080 --> 1:12:48.360 was like, I couldn't believe it because I just started 1:12:48.400 --> 1:12:51.080 creating content and had a viral video and I thought 1:12:51.160 --> 1:12:52.960 that was cool enough as it was so anyway, I 1:12:53.000 --> 1:12:54.960 like flew to LA on my own dime. I didn't 1:12:55.000 --> 1:12:57.439 have a lot of money, then sat down, had meetings, 1:12:57.479 --> 1:12:59.600 went back and forth, worked on creative on top of 1:12:59.640 --> 1:13:02.640 my day job. Came back to pitch it again on 1:13:02.680 --> 1:13:04.439 my own dime, like I was trying to figure out 1:13:04.479 --> 1:13:07.000 how I was going to do it. We pitched it 1:13:07.160 --> 1:13:09.719 and no one wanted the show. But I built loads 1:13:09.720 --> 1:13:11.760 of great relationships, and so I built all these great 1:13:11.800 --> 1:13:15.040 relationships at streamers production companies, became really good friends with 1:13:15.080 --> 1:13:16.960 some of them, but no one liked the show idea 1:13:17.000 --> 1:13:21.160 that we had. And it's so funny because I always 1:13:21.200 --> 1:13:23.840 look at that and I go, I'm so glad that 1:13:23.920 --> 1:13:27.120 an idea that I didn't fully own, that wasn't fully 1:13:27.200 --> 1:13:29.719 mine got rejected because then I built this even. 1:13:29.600 --> 1:13:32.400 Though at the time it probably were like yeah, at 1:13:32.400 --> 1:13:34.759 the time, it was just like it felt like everything 1:13:34.840 --> 1:13:37.120 was going not everything was going wrong, but that that 1:13:37.280 --> 1:13:39.640 was the big moment and I fumbled it somehow. 1:13:39.320 --> 1:13:41.120 Yeah yeah, and like right, it. 1:13:41.040 --> 1:13:42.160 Was felt like I fumbled. 1:13:42.240 --> 1:13:44.439 Yeah you just like you just dropped the ball. Yeah, 1:13:44.479 --> 1:13:48.200 you were like, that was my moment and that's it when. 1:13:48.120 --> 1:13:51.000 Life has like so many moments. One of my favorite 1:13:51.040 --> 1:13:53.639 things to tell people is especially like video creation. 1:13:54.320 --> 1:13:55.200 People would be like. 1:13:55.520 --> 1:13:58.719 What if I told you the fifteenth video you post 1:13:58.800 --> 1:14:00.880 is going to go viral? How quick would you post 1:14:00.920 --> 1:14:03.640 the next video? I kind of am obsessed with the 1:14:03.680 --> 1:14:06.479 gritty work. It was this concept I think like with tennis, 1:14:06.520 --> 1:14:09.639 people would say like when are you practicing when people 1:14:09.840 --> 1:14:12.479 aren't watching? Are you practicing in the rain? Like that 1:14:12.560 --> 1:14:16.840 type of like sports stuff. So I feel like, yeah, 1:14:16.880 --> 1:14:18.880 people will go and do the flashy stuff, but I 1:14:18.920 --> 1:14:21.759 think I get ahead because I'm doing this boring stuff 1:14:21.760 --> 1:14:24.759 that people don't want to do. So when you realize like, oh, 1:14:24.920 --> 1:14:27.320 someone got a Netflix special because they did the little 1:14:27.360 --> 1:14:30.400 tedious things that are actually anyone could do. It's just 1:14:30.439 --> 1:14:33.200 people don't want to do it. So it's like put 1:14:33.280 --> 1:14:36.719 your head down and like you can accomplish anything. 1:14:36.920 --> 1:14:40.200 Well said Hannah, it's been such a joy talking to you, honestly, 1:14:40.439 --> 1:14:40.880 so much fun. 1:14:40.960 --> 1:14:43.080 I love this is actually like the should I love 1:14:43.160 --> 1:14:43.840 talking about it. 1:14:43.840 --> 1:14:45.719 I mean, I'm like, we have to do this again. 1:14:45.880 --> 1:14:50.679 I feel like a motivational speaker just through like quef jokes, 1:14:50.880 --> 1:14:52.680 but like I actually feel connected to you because I 1:14:52.760 --> 1:14:56.320 love through my jokes like inspiring people to see the 1:14:56.360 --> 1:14:59.519 world differently, even though it's not that serious at all. 1:15:00.000 --> 1:15:03.000 But I do love like motivating, and I love coaching 1:15:03.040 --> 1:15:05.400 and I love making people inspired in some way. 1:15:05.520 --> 1:15:07.240 Yeah. Well, I think everything you shed today has been 1:15:07.240 --> 1:15:08.120 super powerful and. 1:15:08.439 --> 1:15:10.559 You bring it out of me. 1:15:10.720 --> 1:15:13.559 Oh no, I love it. You you brought it. We 1:15:13.560 --> 1:15:16.439 We end every episode with a final five, oh boss 1:15:16.520 --> 1:15:19.120 five that we asked to all guests. Hanna, Berna, these 1:15:19.120 --> 1:15:22.040 are your FOSS five. Questionable one what is the best 1:15:22.080 --> 1:15:23.960 advice you ever heard or received? Oh? 1:15:24.040 --> 1:15:26.920 I like this quote that says, even when it's raining, 1:15:27.160 --> 1:15:28.280 the hoop is always there. 1:15:29.040 --> 1:15:31.479 Not to give like more sports book, but. 1:15:31.360 --> 1:15:34.240 It's basically like you're not seeing it, but like you're 1:15:34.320 --> 1:15:37.120 actually okay and the world is your oyster. 1:15:37.240 --> 1:15:39.479 You just are there's a cloud right now. 1:15:39.800 --> 1:15:42.200 Yeah. I love that. Second question, what is the worst 1:15:42.240 --> 1:15:43.719 advice you ever heard or received? 1:15:43.920 --> 1:15:48.320 Probably people who just think they know better than you 1:15:48.400 --> 1:15:51.160 about your own life and like telling you based on 1:15:51.200 --> 1:15:54.320 their own experiences when you're completely different to be like, 1:15:54.400 --> 1:15:55.800 I wouldn't do that if I were you. 1:15:55.880 --> 1:15:58.439 Well, you're not me, so question number three, what is 1:15:58.479 --> 1:16:00.840 something you think people don't know about you? 1:16:00.920 --> 1:16:03.200 People probably will not be surprised they heard. 1:16:03.200 --> 1:16:06.679 But I'm like really messy, Like I have trouble keeping 1:16:06.720 --> 1:16:11.639 the home, like okay, and I but I lean into 1:16:11.640 --> 1:16:13.680 it and I'll be like I'm a creative but like 1:16:13.760 --> 1:16:15.840 some of my friends are so organized and I'm so 1:16:15.960 --> 1:16:18.120 jealous of them, but like I will always go to 1:16:18.240 --> 1:16:20.960 edit a video before like putting the dishes away, and 1:16:21.000 --> 1:16:22.920 then I will never put the dishes away, So I'm 1:16:23.000 --> 1:16:25.880 kind of like, don't have my shit together in the home. 1:16:27.280 --> 1:16:30.840 I love it. Question number of Wait, what stasie. 1:16:30.400 --> 1:16:35.160 A Leo sun virgo moon but clearly just about work 1:16:35.720 --> 1:16:37.320 and scorpio rising? 1:16:37.360 --> 1:16:39.479 Okay, oh wow, you know all of it? Wow, all right, 1:16:39.560 --> 1:16:42.920 question before what question numb before? Apart from your apart 1:16:42.920 --> 1:16:46.200 from your astrologer, was it that you d Who's the 1:16:46.280 --> 1:16:47.360 last person you DMD? 1:16:47.560 --> 1:16:50.320 It's probably Paige, my co host, because after the show, 1:16:50.400 --> 1:16:52.960 we see all these like funny videos from the shows 1:16:52.960 --> 1:16:54.240 and I'll send it to her and feel like that 1:16:54.320 --> 1:16:57.799 was funny, that was cute. So we're just like enjoying 1:16:58.240 --> 1:17:00.280 when we get home looking at all the stories. 1:17:00.360 --> 1:17:02.080 I love that. And question umber five, we asked this 1:17:02.200 --> 1:17:04.240 every guest who's ever been on the show. If you 1:17:04.280 --> 1:17:06.840 could create one law that everyone in the world had 1:17:06.840 --> 1:17:08.320 to follow, what would it be. 1:17:08.680 --> 1:17:12.960 I think children should have more mental health in schools, Like, 1:17:13.000 --> 1:17:14.759 I think it should be a lot that kids should 1:17:14.800 --> 1:17:19.280 learn start learning more about, like happiness, mindfulness, meditation, Like 1:17:19.320 --> 1:17:21.080 I don't know why that wouldn't be in the curriculum 1:17:21.120 --> 1:17:23.720 when that's like the most important thing to having a 1:17:23.760 --> 1:17:24.400 happy life. 1:17:24.600 --> 1:17:25.840 Mental health by Hannah Banner. 1:17:25.920 --> 1:17:26.599 Yeah, mental health. 1:17:28.320 --> 1:17:28.720 I love it. 1:17:28.760 --> 1:17:30.080 Get the kids, start them young. 1:17:31.560 --> 1:17:34.680 I love it. Everyone go and watch We write at 1:17:34.760 --> 1:17:36.839 door on right now. And if you don't follow Hannah already, 1:17:37.120 --> 1:17:39.240 make sure you follow her across the Instagram, TikTok and 1:17:39.560 --> 1:17:43.000 all of social media, and I'm so excited for us 1:17:43.040 --> 1:17:45.759 to continue our friendships and thank you for having me. Honestly, 1:17:45.840 --> 1:17:47.519 you are so much fun to talk to. If you 1:17:47.560 --> 1:17:48.519 ever want to just you. 1:17:48.600 --> 1:17:50.280 Might have to open for you in one of your life. 1:17:50.520 --> 1:17:53.800 Oh my gosh, I would love. Oh my god, I 1:17:53.800 --> 1:17:56.519 would love that. You're so people would be like, Okay, 1:17:56.600 --> 1:17:59.439 you're so kind to Oh my gosh, that's an honor. 1:17:59.479 --> 1:17:59.840 I love. 1:18:00.400 --> 1:18:03.000 That's such a kind offer. That's so sweet. I'm going 1:18:03.040 --> 1:18:03.800 to take you off on that. 1:18:03.840 --> 1:18:05.880 We'll see if you your team allows it. 1:18:06.120 --> 1:18:11.680 Yeah, she'll definitely allow it. Had to burner everyone else 1:18:11.720 --> 1:18:14.600 you can tell not only hilariously funny, you got so 1:18:14.600 --> 1:18:17.360 many great insights, thoughts, wisdom. I mean, you can drop 1:18:17.400 --> 1:18:22.000 the mic today. Amazing, amazing, and I really hope we 1:18:22.080 --> 1:18:24.919 get to hear you do more tennis commentary, more sport commentary, 1:18:25.000 --> 1:18:27.519 like all of it. Yeah, I'm excited. Yeah, I'm excited 1:18:27.560 --> 1:18:27.920 to see it. 1:18:27.960 --> 1:18:29.080 I think I work for ESPN. 1:18:29.280 --> 1:18:32.519 Yeah, I love it. Thank you so much, Thank you 1:18:32.560 --> 1:18:35.360 so grateful. If you love this episode, you're going to 1:18:35.479 --> 1:18:38.840 love my conversation with Matthew Hussey on how to get 1:18:38.880 --> 1:18:42.360 over your ex and find true love in your relationships. 1:18:42.520 --> 1:18:46.800 People should be compassionate to themselves that extend that compassion 1:18:46.920 --> 1:18:50.960 to your future self, because truly extending your compassion to 1:18:51.000 --> 1:18:54.040 your future self is doing something that gives him or 1:18:54.080 --> 1:18:56.439 her a shot at a happy and a peaceful life