WEBVTT - Should We Split This? 0:00:00.920 --> 0:00:04.360 This is how men think with broths Light and Gavin 0:00:04.400 --> 0:00:09.040 to grab and I heard radio podcast. Okay, so we 0:00:09.119 --> 0:00:13.480 are going to intro our guest for today's discussion. And Amy, 0:00:13.680 --> 0:00:16.079 you are sitting there just gloating at because I feel 0:00:16.079 --> 0:00:19.640 it's perfect timing with Valentine's Day coming, with Valentine's coming 0:00:19.680 --> 0:00:22.239 in the head. No, but I will. I will say this. 0:00:22.640 --> 0:00:24.759 I'm not planning on it any by any means, but 0:00:24.800 --> 0:00:26.960 if I ever get divorced, it's gonna be before Valentine's 0:00:27.000 --> 0:00:33.599 Day because I hate Valentine's Dmitri just totally like, explain 0:00:33.720 --> 0:00:36.760 what we're doing. So we're talking about we're talking about Valentine. 0:00:36.880 --> 0:00:39.800 Way to steal the punchline, dude, So I will steal. 0:00:39.920 --> 0:00:43.839 I got So that is? That is Amy wanted to 0:00:43.880 --> 0:00:48.120 play some sick joke, could do a divorce conversation prior 0:00:48.159 --> 0:00:50.600 to Valentine's Day, but it turns out there's an actual 0:00:50.720 --> 0:00:54.880 real connection at this time of year for that. Um. So, Amy, 0:00:54.960 --> 0:00:57.920 do you want to introduce our steamed guests. We're very 0:00:58.000 --> 0:01:00.880 lucky to have her here we are today, So and Laura, 0:01:01.120 --> 0:01:07.440 Laura Wasser is here. And so when I introduced Laura 0:01:07.520 --> 0:01:09.839 to you, guys, I said, she is literally and I 0:01:09.959 --> 0:01:15.280 stand by this. Probably the most well known and prolific 0:01:16.040 --> 0:01:20.399 is that the right word divorce attorney in the country, dubious. 0:01:20.920 --> 0:01:22.759 So I know when I wrote notes, I said, your 0:01:22.840 --> 0:01:30.840 name is synonymous with divorce. How does that feel? Um? Yeah, 0:01:31.000 --> 0:01:34.280 it's uh, it feels great. You know when you think 0:01:34.280 --> 0:01:37.119 of a divorce and misery, you think Laura Wasser. People 0:01:37.160 --> 0:01:39.399 are gonna say, I'm getting a Wasser getting a Walker. 0:01:40.680 --> 0:01:44.600 Uh No, I My My whole jam is just trying 0:01:44.640 --> 0:01:48.280 to educate people about not only divorce, but about marriage 0:01:48.400 --> 0:01:55.280 and relationships and how with better communication and compassion, we 0:01:55.440 --> 0:01:59.040 can handle ourselves better in all relationships, but certainly if 0:01:59.080 --> 0:02:02.760 we're getting divorce, and particularly if we're getting divorced from 0:02:02.800 --> 0:02:04.920 someone with whom we have kids and are going to 0:02:05.000 --> 0:02:07.680 have to co parent. Okay, So I'll give you guys 0:02:07.720 --> 0:02:10.399 a little background for our listeners on Laura. So she's 0:02:10.400 --> 0:02:13.760 an attorney, she's an author, entrepreneur, and a family law expert. 0:02:13.840 --> 0:02:17.040 She's represented a huge list of celebrities Kim Kardashi and 0:02:17.040 --> 0:02:21.960 Bron Reynolds and affairs Jimmy Levine, Maria Shriver down the row. Um, 0:02:22.000 --> 0:02:26.800 But She maintains that divorce is the great equalizer in 0:02:26.880 --> 0:02:31.120 that it terrifies everybody, everybody. So she's made it her 0:02:31.120 --> 0:02:34.560 mission to change us by creating It's Over Easy, which 0:02:34.600 --> 0:02:37.720 gives divorcing couples an accessible and affordable resource to dissolve 0:02:37.760 --> 0:02:41.000 their marriage in all fifty states. You're an author of 0:02:41.040 --> 0:02:43.840 New York best Time seller like high five to that. 0:02:43.840 --> 0:02:46.040 That's amazing. I wish I could write that under my name. 0:02:46.040 --> 0:02:49.359 I just want to write Brooks like New York Best 0:02:49.360 --> 0:03:00.200 Brooks like mediocre podcast. You're a mediocre podcast manager. Want 0:03:00.200 --> 0:03:01.720 to make a I want to make a quick note. 0:03:01.720 --> 0:03:06.600 It's Jimmy Iovine, but I have I have a friend 0:03:06.600 --> 0:03:09.200 at school, his buddy of mine, and his kids are 0:03:09.240 --> 0:03:11.520 in his Jimmy Levine, so I don't want him to listen, 0:03:11.520 --> 0:03:15.280 and people think he's getting um So anyway, one of 0:03:15.320 --> 0:03:18.359 the most qualified people in this state. And Amy, why 0:03:18.360 --> 0:03:21.560 does this, why does this conversation for you have never 0:03:21.600 --> 0:03:24.200 been married? Why does this excite you so much? Well, 0:03:24.200 --> 0:03:28.000 it doesn't excite me, like Christmas. But here's what. You 0:03:28.040 --> 0:03:29.359 have to take your coat off because you said you're 0:03:29.440 --> 0:03:34.160 just getting sweaty. Because I think relationships fascinate me, and 0:03:34.200 --> 0:03:37.920 I think that look, fifty of marriages do not work. 0:03:38.000 --> 0:03:41.119 So I think if we start talking about divorce, we 0:03:41.160 --> 0:03:45.520 may make it easier for people that are going through it, 0:03:45.640 --> 0:03:48.840 and we also could prevent it. I think Laura has 0:03:48.880 --> 0:03:51.600 a lot of great input. We just had an amazing 0:03:51.600 --> 0:03:53.960 conversation for the last half an hour getting ready for 0:03:53.960 --> 0:03:58.280 the show about it's not about the divorce, it's about 0:03:58.280 --> 0:04:00.240 the relationship. I'll let Laura speak on that, but I 0:04:00.240 --> 0:04:02.520 would love to ask you do you think marriage works. 0:04:03.240 --> 0:04:05.400 I think marriage works for some people. I think if 0:04:05.440 --> 0:04:07.920 you are a couple that has found your soul mate 0:04:08.040 --> 0:04:09.600 or found even if it's not your soul mate, but 0:04:09.600 --> 0:04:11.640 it's your groove, your best friend, somebody who want to 0:04:11.640 --> 0:04:14.560 be with God bless I mean, I'm not I don't 0:04:14.600 --> 0:04:18.400 want people to get divorced. But I also think, realistically speaking, 0:04:18.520 --> 0:04:21.919 in there are people who have been married for a 0:04:21.960 --> 0:04:24.880 certain period of time and for whatever reason, have grown apart. 0:04:25.400 --> 0:04:28.400 Things have separated them in some way, and I think 0:04:28.400 --> 0:04:32.520 it's healthier for individuals and kids to see too happy 0:04:32.600 --> 0:04:35.320 parents that may not be living under the same roof 0:04:35.680 --> 0:04:37.840 than miserable people. But being able to say but we've 0:04:37.880 --> 0:04:40.400 been married for fifty years. So I think if it's 0:04:40.480 --> 0:04:43.440 not working and we can't figure out a way to 0:04:43.520 --> 0:04:46.320 make it work, I want it to be easier for people, 0:04:46.360 --> 0:04:52.160 at least financially and um legally to split up. Then 0:04:52.200 --> 0:04:54.719 I think they can really focus on the heart and 0:04:54.760 --> 0:04:57.320 the mind and emotionally doing things in a kind of 0:04:57.360 --> 0:05:00.719 a mindful, cost effective way. I've given that advice to 0:05:00.880 --> 0:05:04.039 one of my best friends in the world. He has 0:05:04.080 --> 0:05:07.920 four kids, um, eight, seven, six, and five. This is 0:05:07.920 --> 0:05:09.680 when I gave him this advice. But he isn't me 0:05:09.800 --> 0:05:17.080 is it given us the phone number? Um, But him 0:05:17.120 --> 0:05:19.919 and his wife were not happy. They were individually and 0:05:19.960 --> 0:05:22.360 as a partnership just not happy and it just didn't 0:05:22.400 --> 0:05:24.000 seem And I told him, I was like, buddy, give 0:05:24.040 --> 0:05:27.280 yourself a chance at happiness. Like, and also, these kids 0:05:27.279 --> 0:05:30.000 are smart. Kids will figure out that that they know 0:05:30.080 --> 0:05:32.800 that there's an energetic disconnect between mom and dad. Like 0:05:33.080 --> 0:05:36.800 they're already eight years old. They're figuring this stuff out already. UM. 0:05:36.839 --> 0:05:39.039 So I've given him that advice, like, I think it's 0:05:39.120 --> 0:05:41.520 best for you as my friend, for you and for 0:05:41.560 --> 0:05:45.480 her to separate and move into a different chapter of happiness. 0:05:45.839 --> 0:05:49.479 Totally and again helping people figure out a how to 0:05:49.560 --> 0:05:52.039 get to that next chapter and then how to thrive 0:05:52.080 --> 0:05:54.000 in that next chapter. I'm sure we've all known somebody 0:05:54.000 --> 0:05:56.279 who's been through a divorce and they're just still so 0:05:56.360 --> 0:05:59.279 angry ten years later. Women particularly, just they have that 0:05:59.360 --> 0:06:02.360 angry face. There's no botox that can fix it. They're 0:06:02.400 --> 0:06:06.599 just still so pissed about their ex. I also want 0:06:06.600 --> 0:06:09.159 people to be able to move into their next chapter. 0:06:10.960 --> 0:06:12.680 You know some of you know some of those who 0:06:14.760 --> 0:06:17.080 but you know, to move into that next chapter in 0:06:17.120 --> 0:06:22.280 a healthy way. Because I also know a huge number 0:06:22.400 --> 0:06:26.800 of very happily divorced people, like they seem to be 0:06:26.839 --> 0:06:30.240 the happiest group of all the people. Yeah, I mean 0:06:30.279 --> 0:06:32.040 you asked me if I've been married. I was married 0:06:32.120 --> 0:06:36.239 for like ten seconds in Okay, when I was a baby. 0:06:36.240 --> 0:06:40.039 We didn't have kids, but I have two boys with 0:06:40.120 --> 0:06:43.120 two different dads, neither to whom I was married. But 0:06:43.240 --> 0:06:46.279 you know, talk about happy divorced or happy separated. We 0:06:46.400 --> 0:06:49.200 all had Thanksgiving together a couple of months ago. Everybody 0:06:49.320 --> 0:06:53.279 was there, my kids, their dad's, my current boyfriend, his 0:06:53.360 --> 0:06:55.600 ex wife was like, how the hell did I end 0:06:55.680 --> 0:07:00.720 up here? But it was left a party. This is Thanksgiving, 0:07:00.839 --> 0:07:03.200 this is our thanks It sounds like you just showed 0:07:03.240 --> 0:07:07.240 up to the same restaurant by accident that my mom 0:07:07.320 --> 0:07:09.760 and actually I lost my mom over the summer, which 0:07:09.760 --> 0:07:11.800 and she always had Thanksgiving at her house in Malbou 0:07:11.880 --> 0:07:14.080 and she always had everyone there, even though she's married 0:07:14.120 --> 0:07:16.840 to my stepdad for like fifteen years. My dad was 0:07:16.880 --> 0:07:19.880 there with his wife. Like we were always very inclusive 0:07:19.920 --> 0:07:22.480 in our family. So that's how I learned. And so 0:07:22.560 --> 0:07:25.360 when we would have Thanksgiving, it my mom's all of 0:07:25.400 --> 0:07:27.600 the baby daddies and everyone would come. So this year 0:07:28.000 --> 0:07:29.440 I had to do it at my house, and so 0:07:29.480 --> 0:07:31.120 we had it at my house and we had all 0:07:31.160 --> 0:07:34.480 of the people there, and look, you know, sometimes is 0:07:34.480 --> 0:07:37.120 it trying to have these relationships and smile and maybe 0:07:37.120 --> 0:07:40.400 fake it till you make it? Yes, however one it was. 0:07:40.440 --> 0:07:44.080 It was a sad, kind of melancholy Thanksgiving for me 0:07:44.360 --> 0:07:47.480 and these family members that the fathers of my kids 0:07:47.480 --> 0:07:49.440 were there for me and we're like, we love you. 0:07:49.520 --> 0:07:52.120 This is our family. We all miss Bunny. But to 0:07:52.520 --> 0:07:56.240 all of our kids, my boyfriends included, we're so happy 0:07:56.280 --> 0:07:57.920 that their parents were one place. I don't know how 0:07:57.920 --> 0:08:00.720 many of you are children of divorce, but having that 0:08:00.760 --> 0:08:03.920 Thanksgiving were like halfway through. You gotta get everything bundled 0:08:03.960 --> 0:08:05.560 up and go to other person's house so that you 0:08:05.560 --> 0:08:08.200 can have dessert with that family. That's a pain and 0:08:08.240 --> 0:08:10.960 that does not make you thankful. So everybody was there. 0:08:11.040 --> 0:08:12.600 We did it for the kids. I say to people 0:08:12.600 --> 0:08:15.080 all the time, you gotta love your kids more than 0:08:15.120 --> 0:08:18.480 you hate your ex. What a great behind. I have 0:08:18.520 --> 0:08:21.440 that tattoo on my own. That's so weird. I have 0:08:21.480 --> 0:08:29.240 that tattoo from you because I'm forty five almost I 0:08:29.240 --> 0:08:31.760 guess I am forty six? Are you actually pretty sick? 0:08:32.280 --> 0:08:34.680 Like the same? We thought we were the same age. 0:08:34.800 --> 0:08:36.400 She was like, we're the same age, right, and I 0:08:36.440 --> 0:08:39.960 was like, no, we're not. I'm older. You're just trying 0:08:40.000 --> 0:08:43.040 to dial it back. One like it back, go back 0:08:43.080 --> 0:08:50.440 to I'm she whispers, It's like you're there. I have 0:08:50.559 --> 0:08:53.720 a lot of friends who are quote what I call 0:08:54.040 --> 0:08:59.320 sticking it out like it's not great. They are not miserable. 0:08:59.440 --> 0:09:02.640 There's no drama, like, there's not constant fighting. It's just 0:09:02.679 --> 0:09:05.480 sort of dead in the water. What is your advice 0:09:05.520 --> 0:09:09.280 to those people who have been married ten twelve fifteen 0:09:09.400 --> 0:09:15.520 years should be two years? Do Should people stick it out? 0:09:15.600 --> 0:09:19.160 How do you know when divorce is probably the better 0:09:19.200 --> 0:09:22.200 option or it's time to like pull the trigger and 0:09:22.200 --> 0:09:25.840 and move on. I don't know. I mean I literally, 0:09:25.920 --> 0:09:29.360 unless you are being you know, abused, or you're with 0:09:29.400 --> 0:09:31.839 somebody who has a serious drug and alcohol problem and 0:09:31.880 --> 0:09:34.680 they can't no matter how much rehab, they can't get better. 0:09:35.280 --> 0:09:37.120 I don't know. I mean, one thing is, and I 0:09:37.120 --> 0:09:41.080 don't think we all readily admit this marriage is sticking 0:09:41.080 --> 0:09:42.719 it out. I mean that's part of it. And if 0:09:42.720 --> 0:09:44.839 it's not his ship, it's gonna be somebody else's ship. 0:09:44.920 --> 0:09:47.880 So it's not always just like after the butterflies go 0:09:47.960 --> 0:09:50.679 away and you know the balloom is off the roads, 0:09:50.840 --> 0:09:52.880 you're like, I'm out that is That is a very 0:09:52.920 --> 0:09:55.240 Hollywood way of thinking. I want the newer, better deal. 0:09:55.280 --> 0:09:57.480 And I've seen that a lot of times men and 0:09:57.480 --> 0:09:59.680 women who come in and I'm like, wait, that looks 0:09:59.760 --> 0:10:04.400 just like your X, but like fifteen years younger. That's weird. Um. 0:10:04.440 --> 0:10:06.559 So I think that's part of it. Sticking it out 0:10:06.600 --> 0:10:08.240 has to do. Maybe you don't stick it out, maybe 0:10:08.240 --> 0:10:10.680 you figure out how to grow and evolve with this person. 0:10:10.800 --> 0:10:13.080 Rather than just cutting and running. I think that's it 0:10:13.160 --> 0:10:15.679 right there. I think you need to continually evolve. You're 0:10:15.679 --> 0:10:17.560 going to change. I'm going to change in the course 0:10:17.559 --> 0:10:19.319 of my life. My wife is going to change in 0:10:19.320 --> 0:10:21.720 the course of her life. But also I think people 0:10:21.960 --> 0:10:24.640 over time can develop some sort of indifference when there 0:10:24.640 --> 0:10:28.239 once there was an attraction. They can just develop an indifference, 0:10:28.240 --> 0:10:31.480 and it's not staying connected enough to continue to learn 0:10:31.840 --> 0:10:35.360 and grow and accept your changes except their changes, and 0:10:35.400 --> 0:10:41.080 also challenge each other. There's so many resources out there, seminars, um, 0:10:41.120 --> 0:10:43.520 all kinds of things, books, all kinds of things. There's 0:10:43.559 --> 0:10:47.120 areas in your relationship you can undoubtedly grow, and maybe 0:10:47.120 --> 0:10:49.200 there's just an indifference in people where they don't want 0:10:49.240 --> 0:10:50.840 to put in the energy to do it, or they 0:10:50.880 --> 0:10:53.160 don't think they can. I don't think a lot of 0:10:53.160 --> 0:10:58.679 people in their marriage really really truthfully communicate all the 0:10:58.720 --> 0:11:02.800 needs and desires and savings and yearnings they have for themselves, 0:11:02.800 --> 0:11:05.120 for their partner, all of it. I think there's they 0:11:05.200 --> 0:11:08.280 lack a little bit of courage there to share those 0:11:08.320 --> 0:11:11.280 things that could really actually keep people together and like 0:11:12.000 --> 0:11:14.920 light their marriage on floor and it's work. I mean, 0:11:14.920 --> 0:11:16.839 it's like we all go to the gym because we 0:11:16.880 --> 0:11:18.439 want to stay healthy, we want to stay tone. You 0:11:18.440 --> 0:11:20.880 want to say, you may have to do that, whether 0:11:20.920 --> 0:11:30.720 it's therapy, but mentioned you want sneakers over, your sneakers 0:11:30.760 --> 0:11:34.040 haven't arrived. I love what Brooks is talking about because 0:11:34.080 --> 0:11:35.840 I think a lot of couples in Laura, you probably 0:11:35.840 --> 0:11:38.880 know this because people have to tell you all their tales, 0:11:39.480 --> 0:11:42.640 is that they really let their connection go when they 0:11:42.720 --> 0:11:47.400 let their intimacy go. Because we know tons of couples 0:11:47.400 --> 0:11:49.560 that haven't had sex in a year, and it's like, 0:11:49.600 --> 0:11:51.720 if you have that, one of the things is like 0:11:52.000 --> 0:11:55.160 you got to get that back because that is connection, 0:11:55.840 --> 0:11:58.920 and then the marriage can improve, as opposed to saying 0:11:58.920 --> 0:12:02.680 like it's dead. Let's just that's true. But but there's 0:12:02.720 --> 0:12:05.400 also people. There's something also to be said about growing apart, 0:12:05.440 --> 0:12:07.800 and there's also something to be said about I think 0:12:07.840 --> 0:12:11.320 sometimes people when they get into a marriage, um, they 0:12:11.360 --> 0:12:15.240 probably you know, sacrifice certain things and maybe change who 0:12:15.240 --> 0:12:16.480 they are a little bit. And then as they get 0:12:16.480 --> 0:12:18.640 older they say, you know what, I wasn't that person, 0:12:18.679 --> 0:12:20.880 but I was being that person. So I think it's 0:12:20.920 --> 0:12:23.600 not always about reading books and like everything can be 0:12:23.640 --> 0:12:26.360 saved well again, but you could go to your partner 0:12:26.360 --> 0:12:28.080 and say, listen, these are some of the things I 0:12:28.120 --> 0:12:31.480 really was super passionate about when we got married and 0:12:31.520 --> 0:12:33.880 I let them go by the wayside for whatever reason, 0:12:33.920 --> 0:12:36.120 we had to move to a different state, we had kids. 0:12:36.160 --> 0:12:38.800 Whatever is he or she has to be willing to 0:12:38.840 --> 0:12:41.960 go I I hear you. I like that. Let's work 0:12:42.000 --> 0:12:43.600 on those things too. I mean you have to have 0:12:43.640 --> 0:12:46.240 somebody on the other end going, yeah, I'm willing to 0:12:46.280 --> 0:12:48.839 explore those things with you. You can't do it alone. 0:12:48.840 --> 0:12:51.240 It takes two to tango. So if you are willing 0:12:51.320 --> 0:12:52.960 to put in it, it's the hardest job you'll do. 0:12:53.000 --> 0:12:55.520 They say being a parent, Being a parent and being married. 0:12:55.600 --> 0:12:57.679 That's like you know, and you do. You really have 0:12:57.800 --> 0:12:59.760 to focus on it. And if you're doing it, but 0:12:59.800 --> 0:13:04.240 the other a person isn't getting married was to improve 0:13:04.320 --> 0:13:09.440 your life? What the purpose was? I mean, I'm not married, 0:13:09.520 --> 0:13:13.360 so I thought the whole purpose of getting married was 0:13:13.440 --> 0:13:19.400 the partnership of essentially improving each other's lives. So so 0:13:19.440 --> 0:13:22.199 if you're telling me that the two hardest things you're 0:13:22.200 --> 0:13:26.160 ever gonna do are having kids and maintaining a marriage, 0:13:27.040 --> 0:13:29.120 doesn't that sort of defeat the whole purpose of what 0:13:29.360 --> 0:13:32.680 the marriage is supposed to be, which is to improve 0:13:32.720 --> 0:13:35.480 each other's lives. What about what about doesn't come easy? 0:13:35.600 --> 0:13:38.520 What about your career? Your career? Your career is like 0:13:38.640 --> 0:13:40.960 I got to maintain I there's things it's it's not 0:13:41.000 --> 0:13:43.800 just my career is an absolute joy. Yeah, yeah, but 0:13:43.840 --> 0:13:47.280 there's there's grindwork in there, there's things that you probably 0:13:47.280 --> 0:13:49.559 don't like. I'm happy to do all of it. And 0:13:49.880 --> 0:13:52.360 in a marriage it's the same thing. Man have the 0:13:52.480 --> 0:13:54.920 same Barely ever do I think to myself, oh, I 0:13:55.000 --> 0:13:59.480 have to with my career. It almost never happens. So 0:13:59.559 --> 0:14:02.640 it's the same. So people feel that way about in marriage, 0:14:03.080 --> 0:14:06.000 I have to, Oh I have to change diaper, But 0:14:06.040 --> 0:14:08.000 then you have a clean baby and you're so psyched. 0:14:08.040 --> 0:14:09.920 I mean, that's just really what it is. It's the 0:14:10.000 --> 0:14:12.360 parenthood is a better analogy to be like, it's the 0:14:12.360 --> 0:14:15.320 hardest thing you'll do, but it's also the most rewarding. 0:14:15.320 --> 0:14:18.000 And we could say the same thing about having a marriage. 0:14:18.000 --> 0:14:21.720 To tell me about the joy of the diaper, there's 0:14:21.760 --> 0:14:24.960 no joy of the diaper. There's no joy of the 0:14:25.000 --> 0:14:27.600 diaper till the diaper is gone and the new diaper 0:14:27.640 --> 0:14:35.520 is man, I was what a joy kick this diaper 0:14:35.560 --> 0:14:37.400 and see what kin out of it? Kevin, I don't 0:14:37.400 --> 0:14:40.200 think it's question that you brought up a while back, 0:14:40.280 --> 0:14:45.480 was like, what point do you then decide let's get 0:14:45.480 --> 0:14:49.280 divorced after you've gone through the therapy? Maybe it's five 0:14:49.360 --> 0:14:52.640 therapists or whatever that maybe you know, like right, and again, 0:14:52.680 --> 0:14:54.400 people come to see me all the time, and I 0:14:54.960 --> 0:14:57.040 will never be the one to tell them that it's time. 0:14:57.080 --> 0:14:59.320 But when they come to me and say it's time, 0:15:00.040 --> 0:15:02.320 then what I try to make sure that they are 0:15:03.040 --> 0:15:06.960 doing is educating, getting their education of what this is 0:15:06.960 --> 0:15:09.200 going to look like, what other people have gone through, 0:15:09.480 --> 0:15:12.880 getting a support system for yourself. So many people come 0:15:12.920 --> 0:15:14.680 to me and they have no idea even what the 0:15:14.760 --> 0:15:17.880 law is in this state. So right, sofa bed to 0:15:17.960 --> 0:15:23.680 put in the apartment they're heading into, Jennifer convertibles. What 0:15:23.760 --> 0:15:26.840 Laura thinks of nesting? Do you wait, what is that? 0:15:28.120 --> 0:15:30.600 So nesting is? I mean it's people have been doing 0:15:30.640 --> 0:15:32.240 it for a long time, but it's really become kind 0:15:32.280 --> 0:15:35.920 of a trend in family law. It's when the kids 0:15:36.560 --> 0:15:39.480 stay in the family residence and the parents kind of 0:15:39.520 --> 0:15:43.280 shift out for customs. Okay, So I think it's great 0:15:43.480 --> 0:15:45.800 if it works for the family, and I think it's 0:15:45.920 --> 0:15:49.640 great for a short time. I don't think it usually 0:15:49.640 --> 0:15:52.760 works forever. Although I read a story about a Canadian 0:15:52.800 --> 0:15:54.600 couple actually that has been doing it for like seven 0:15:54.720 --> 0:15:58.120 or eight years. They actually built like two apartments onto 0:15:58.280 --> 0:16:00.840 either side of the house and they just rotate out 0:16:00.840 --> 0:16:09.240 and go into these apartments. Yeah, Canada people, But but 0:16:09.280 --> 0:16:12.080 I think it's really good, particularly during the process and 0:16:12.160 --> 0:16:14.840 maybe for like the first you know, six to twelve 0:16:14.880 --> 0:16:17.320 months after, because it's good for the kids and they 0:16:17.320 --> 0:16:20.360 don't have to keep moving and packing and going. Um. 0:16:20.400 --> 0:16:22.840 And I think if the people can get along and 0:16:22.880 --> 0:16:25.360 have somewhere else to go either they rent one apartment 0:16:25.760 --> 0:16:27.360 that they both go to on their off time. But 0:16:27.400 --> 0:16:30.760 you have to be super super considerate there too, because 0:16:30.800 --> 0:16:32.840 like if you show off, show up on your off 0:16:32.920 --> 0:16:35.560 day and there's like used condoms, that's not like you can't. 0:16:35.600 --> 0:16:37.880 There has to be some kind of right, not good 0:16:38.320 --> 0:16:45.640 or you yes, because they're still available to you. M 0:16:45.760 --> 0:16:50.120 here's a questions. That is what my entire gess, that's 0:16:50.200 --> 0:16:52.720 my point of the podcast is do not use condoms. 0:16:53.120 --> 0:17:00.200 Laura wasser Um here's a question for serious question. Here's 0:17:00.200 --> 0:17:07.960 a question for you in the praternity route, I really hustle. Um, 0:17:08.359 --> 0:17:11.040 So you make your living in the space of of 0:17:11.119 --> 0:17:15.960 dealing with divorce. Has that in any way crept into 0:17:16.040 --> 0:17:20.400 your life bled over into your personal life where you 0:17:20.440 --> 0:17:24.480 feel cynical or negative or anything about the connotation of 0:17:24.560 --> 0:17:29.240 marriage or are you able to compartmentalize compart mental compartmentalized, 0:17:29.240 --> 0:17:32.639 but departmental compartmentalized. This is what I do for a living, 0:17:33.040 --> 0:17:35.359 and I still have my beliefs and I believe in 0:17:35.400 --> 0:17:37.280 marriage here, or this is what I do for a 0:17:37.280 --> 0:17:40.040 living and I really don't believe in the sacrament of marriage. 0:17:40.840 --> 0:17:45.040 I am a great compartmentalizer. I believe in marriage for 0:17:45.160 --> 0:17:48.160 some people. It's not for me, Like, there's no reason 0:17:48.600 --> 0:17:50.680 for me to get married. I'm in a very committed, 0:17:50.840 --> 0:17:55.240 wonderful relationship right now. I'm not super down with the 0:17:55.240 --> 0:17:57.879 State of California being able to say what happens to 0:17:57.960 --> 0:18:00.680 my money or who I would owe money to if 0:18:00.720 --> 0:18:04.760 we ever split up. But you could do could I 0:18:04.800 --> 0:18:06.960 could do a prenup. I just you know, I don't 0:18:06.960 --> 0:18:10.160 need it for me and for my significant other. That's 0:18:10.160 --> 0:18:12.520 not something that we need, but I love a good wedding. 0:18:12.640 --> 0:18:16.080 I believe in marriage. I think it's important for people. Um, 0:18:16.119 --> 0:18:18.600 I don't believe you have to get married to have kids, obviously, 0:18:18.680 --> 0:18:20.320 like people say, oh, well, I wouldn't ever want to 0:18:20.359 --> 0:18:22.520 have kids if I wasn't. That's not for me. But again, 0:18:23.200 --> 0:18:25.800 one thing you get good at in my job is 0:18:25.840 --> 0:18:28.720 not judging. I don't judge other people because everybody has 0:18:28.800 --> 0:18:31.960 their ship, everybody has stuff. You never quite know what's 0:18:32.000 --> 0:18:35.159 in somebody's past or what's going on behind closed doors. 0:18:35.200 --> 0:18:37.080 So you try to listen and you try to problem 0:18:37.119 --> 0:18:42.479 solve question because you've seen so many different versions of 0:18:42.800 --> 0:18:48.640 failed relationships. The second year in a relationship with someone, 0:18:49.640 --> 0:18:54.200 and you see any similar stories happening in your relationship, 0:18:54.800 --> 0:18:58.119 do you assume it's headed towards the direction of the 0:18:58.200 --> 0:19:03.000 stories you've already seen and pandard No, No, I really don't. 0:19:03.040 --> 0:19:05.720 I mean, like, I'm fifty one years old, I've been 0:19:05.880 --> 0:19:08.920 in relationships for a long time. As you said, I've 0:19:08.960 --> 0:19:12.600 seen a lot of relationships. I think everything that comes 0:19:12.840 --> 0:19:16.880 my way personally and professionally is new. I also think 0:19:16.880 --> 0:19:19.840 there's only a certain amount of things that can go wrong. 0:19:19.880 --> 0:19:22.440 I mean I've now heard I thought pretty much everything. 0:19:22.920 --> 0:19:25.560 And you can see red flags in any relationship or 0:19:25.560 --> 0:19:27.639 any marriage. But like I said, if I'm watching somebody 0:19:27.640 --> 0:19:30.479 else's play out, I never know exactly what's going on. 0:19:30.520 --> 0:19:31.960 They don't say, well, like I won't be able to 0:19:32.000 --> 0:19:35.240 pick you up at at yoga because such and such, 0:19:35.240 --> 0:19:44.359 and you're thinking Mark versus Tina. No, I'm about three. 0:19:44.480 --> 0:19:47.240 It's over now, you know what I haven't. I have 0:19:47.359 --> 0:19:53.280 enough of my own relationship history that I could just go, Josh, 0:19:53.520 --> 0:19:55.440 good for you, Laura. I like you. We're gonna get, 0:19:55.560 --> 0:19:57.600 We're gonna have hold on, We'll get. We gotta take 0:19:57.600 --> 0:19:59.080 a quick break and then we're gonna dive more into 0:19:59.160 --> 0:20:09.840 Laura's story after. This is kind of a fun topic here. Okay, 0:20:09.840 --> 0:20:14.359 we're back from break and the timeliest podcast we've ever done. 0:20:13.560 --> 0:20:19.120 A happy vale Haymy just wants to ruin everybody's Valentize 0:20:19.240 --> 0:20:23.000 Day here with the divorce podcast prior to Valentized Day. 0:20:23.680 --> 0:20:26.240 But Amy, you had a real exciting question. You wanted 0:20:26.240 --> 0:20:28.600 to listen to Laura's podcast. So Laura has a podcast 0:20:28.680 --> 0:20:30.280 right now she'll tell us about and then she's coming 0:20:30.280 --> 0:20:35.760 to my heart. Yeah, welcome and it'll be very similar 0:20:35.760 --> 0:20:39.520 to her podcast now, but just broader and better. So 0:20:39.600 --> 0:20:41.840 I learned this on your show that set and I 0:20:41.920 --> 0:20:45.120 might be getting the stat slightly off, but it's all 0:20:45.200 --> 0:20:51.639 whatever semantics of divorces are filed by women, and I 0:20:51.680 --> 0:20:54.239 thought that it was a very interesting conversation that you 0:20:54.280 --> 0:20:57.480 can tell us about. But you sort of tied it 0:20:57.520 --> 0:20:59.960 to women are the ones who have this emotional can 0:21:00.040 --> 0:21:03.680 action and when they finally just cannot take it anymore, 0:21:03.720 --> 0:21:06.399 they will file, whereas men are have a little bit 0:21:06.440 --> 0:21:09.440 of an easier time sort of just rolling with it, 0:21:09.520 --> 0:21:11.240 and they maybe they golf or they go out with 0:21:11.280 --> 0:21:15.040 their buddies and they aren't so sort of distraught over 0:21:15.119 --> 0:21:20.000 the emotional breakdown of the relationship. Yeah, I mean one 0:21:20.080 --> 0:21:22.280 of the things that I do and we talk about 0:21:22.280 --> 0:21:24.640 on Divorce Sucks, which is the current podcast. It will 0:21:24.680 --> 0:21:28.320 become All's Fair, same feed, um, But on my heart, 0:21:28.359 --> 0:21:30.280 All's Fair was just a little broader and had more 0:21:30.320 --> 0:21:33.199 to do with all different kinds of relationships. But we 0:21:33.280 --> 0:21:36.800 talk about a lot the difference between men and women, 0:21:36.800 --> 0:21:39.560 and people always assume that I represent more women. I 0:21:39.600 --> 0:21:42.399 actually represent more men. You just I guess hear about 0:21:42.400 --> 0:21:44.800 more of the women. But so many men will come 0:21:44.840 --> 0:21:46.920 to me and they'll have their divorce papers that their 0:21:46.920 --> 0:21:49.199 wife filed and serve them with and they'll be like, 0:21:49.680 --> 0:21:52.959 I thought everything was fine, I mean what happened? Like 0:21:53.000 --> 0:21:55.120 I mean, yeah, it wasn't great. When was the last 0:21:55.160 --> 0:21:58.399 time you had sex with her? Yes? With her? You know, 0:21:58.440 --> 0:22:01.880 and or like they just you know. I think men 0:22:01.960 --> 0:22:05.000