WEBVTT - Ep. 56 — So, About That Debt I Owe... 0:00:16.200 --> 0:00:19.520 And we're back. We're back, We're back, We're back. Hey Mandy, 0:00:19.560 --> 0:00:20.040 how are you? 0:00:20.280 --> 0:00:21.440 Hey, mis Tiffany. 0:00:22.400 --> 0:00:26.400 We are doing a very special midweek recording of Brown Ambition. 0:00:28.360 --> 0:00:30.960 But we both have something in common. We've got something 0:00:31.120 --> 0:00:34.280 in comment. I heard you won an award. Well, I 0:00:34.280 --> 0:00:35.760 saw the picture. First of all. Let me say that 0:00:35.800 --> 0:00:37.920 your hair was everything and that dress was really cute. 0:00:38.000 --> 0:00:42.519 Oh, thank you very much, Hey TJ Max thirteen. 0:00:43.360 --> 0:00:45.400 I was like, oh my good Mandy Snatch. 0:00:45.680 --> 0:00:49.360 Thank you. You know it's funny, so thank you so much. Yes, 0:00:49.440 --> 0:00:53.360 I was awarded by the National Association of Black Journalists 0:00:53.479 --> 0:00:57.680 in New York for Best Online Investigative. 0:00:57.080 --> 0:00:59.120 Story for a story I wrote last year. 0:00:59.000 --> 0:01:04.800 About students who were cheated by the Corinthian College Corinthian 0:01:04.840 --> 0:01:10.080 College for Profit scandal, so really exciting. That story took 0:01:10.120 --> 0:01:13.040 me like probably two months, and I thought I many 0:01:13.080 --> 0:01:15.840 times like drank myself into a stupor because I was 0:01:15.840 --> 0:01:18.320 so stressed at it was a hard story. But it's 0:01:18.319 --> 0:01:20.720 really nice a year later to get that recognition, especially 0:01:20.800 --> 0:01:24.720 from NABJ, because they've been my faan for a decade. 0:01:24.760 --> 0:01:27.480 Ever since I set foot on my college campus. I 0:01:27.520 --> 0:01:29.399 went straight to NABJ as signed Up. 0:01:29.880 --> 0:01:32.360 Started out as a treasurer work my way Up. 0:01:32.360 --> 0:01:35.160 I was president by my junior year, and it's such 0:01:35.160 --> 0:01:40.600 an amazing professional organization, really supportive of more inclusiveness and 0:01:40.720 --> 0:01:44.960 media and it couldn't be more important what NABJ does 0:01:45.000 --> 0:01:48.080 than times like now with what's happening in the news. 0:01:48.120 --> 0:01:50.800 So it was a really nice night. And thank you 0:01:50.840 --> 0:01:53.360 for mentioning my hair. Because guess who I ran into. 0:01:53.840 --> 0:01:58.880 Oh Miss Jesse herself. Well not Miss Jesse herself, the 0:01:58.920 --> 0:02:01.800 founder of Miss Jesse, Miko Branch was there because she 0:02:01.920 --> 0:02:04.600 was sponsoring the goodie bag, So you know I had 0:02:04.600 --> 0:02:05.760 a couple goodie bags with her. 0:02:05.760 --> 0:02:08.280 I'm gonna say, you know what, these days, I don't 0:02:08.320 --> 0:02:09.880 know what put on my locks, but that's awfo. I'm 0:02:09.880 --> 0:02:11.359 gonna tell you Miss Jessee story later. 0:02:11.440 --> 0:02:13.040 Oh okay, she handed me. 0:02:13.240 --> 0:02:15.000 Of course, she's you know, you know, black women, we 0:02:15.040 --> 0:02:17.560 are all about the branding. She literally pulled a book 0:02:17.560 --> 0:02:18.480 out of her purse and was like. 0:02:18.480 --> 0:02:22.640 Here's my latest book. 0:02:24.040 --> 0:02:26.360 I can't but I can't because that is so me. 0:02:26.400 --> 0:02:28.000 I'd be like, so you want to buy the bracelet 0:02:28.040 --> 0:02:30.320 or nah? She was. 0:02:30.400 --> 0:02:31.400 She was really sweet. 0:02:31.440 --> 0:02:34.839 I met her through her her one of her sort 0:02:34.880 --> 0:02:37.440 of publicists. His name is Patrick, and he's just like, oh, 0:02:37.480 --> 0:02:39.200 I mean, Patrick's one of these characters who you just 0:02:39.240 --> 0:02:40.880 feel like you want them to tell you stories all 0:02:40.960 --> 0:02:44.880 day long. He hosts like a karaoke night in Harlem 0:02:44.919 --> 0:02:47.040 like every weekend. He's just he's just one of those 0:02:47.040 --> 0:02:50.840 people who knows everybody. So thank you, Patrick, if you're listening, 0:02:50.880 --> 0:02:53.919 for introducing us to miss Miko Branch and we might 0:02:53.960 --> 0:02:54.960 try and get her on the show. 0:02:55.680 --> 0:02:58.520 It may or may not be happening, but yeah, it was. 0:02:58.639 --> 0:03:00.720 It was lucky that my hair looked okay because there 0:03:00.760 --> 0:03:02.280 she was in the flesh right. 0:03:03.320 --> 0:03:05.520 It's like dentists. I'm like, I'm not looking at your teeth, 0:03:05.560 --> 0:03:06.760 they are looking at your teeth. 0:03:07.440 --> 0:03:08.399 I have to tell you though. 0:03:08.440 --> 0:03:10.600 I started reading her book and then I tried her 0:03:10.600 --> 0:03:13.440 products from the goodie bag last night in my hair. 0:03:14.200 --> 0:03:17.480 And I have tried every like all of the shelf 0:03:17.560 --> 0:03:19.760 products except for like miss Jessie' because she tends to 0:03:19.800 --> 0:03:20.480 be more expensive. 0:03:20.480 --> 0:03:23.440 So I get the Shay and the Carol's Daughter and 0:03:23.480 --> 0:03:26.440 what else. Have I tried everything, but I haven't tried 0:03:26.440 --> 0:03:28.960 miss Jessee stuff. I love it. 0:03:29.240 --> 0:03:30.440 I don't know what I can't. 0:03:30.200 --> 0:03:32.160 Tell you what it's called. It's some kind of curling meringue. 0:03:32.200 --> 0:03:35.720 It all sounds like dessert, but it was, yeah, like 0:03:35.800 --> 0:03:37.560 I put it in my curls, and you know, I'm like, 0:03:37.960 --> 0:03:41.200 I'm two years into this transition and I'm struggling to 0:03:41.240 --> 0:03:43.120 get Some parts of my hair want to be curly 0:03:43.400 --> 0:03:45.120 and some parts are like you've been beating us with 0:03:45.160 --> 0:03:47.320 a flat iron for thirty years, so we are gonna 0:03:47.320 --> 0:03:47.880 stay straight. 0:03:49.200 --> 0:03:51.960 And yeah, like it really defined all my curls. 0:03:51.960 --> 0:03:55.720 So here's an unofficial plug for whatever Miss Jelli miss 0:03:55.800 --> 0:03:58.080 Jessie is selling, because uh, it's good stuff. 0:03:58.200 --> 0:04:01.400 So I have my own wind. This week, I too, 0:04:02.120 --> 0:04:05.040 was honored by some brown folks, the National Association of 0:04:05.080 --> 0:04:09.560 Black Accountants NABA hey neba. So it was really dope 0:04:09.600 --> 0:04:12.360 because my dad is an accountant, and you know, I 0:04:12.360 --> 0:04:15.640 teach money stuff. So they gave me the Entrepreneur Award, 0:04:15.720 --> 0:04:18.880 New Jersey's Finest Entrepreneur. I don't know about all that, 0:04:18.920 --> 0:04:19.839 but I'll take it. 0:04:19.920 --> 0:04:20.600 In what context? 0:04:20.680 --> 0:04:21.040 Do they mean? 0:04:21.160 --> 0:04:21.440 Fine? 0:04:22.880 --> 0:04:22.920 No? 0:04:23.200 --> 0:04:25.240 Just me look like fine? 0:04:27.480 --> 0:04:28.880 It's such an interesting. 0:04:28.600 --> 0:04:30.160 Description for an award. 0:04:30.480 --> 0:04:32.839 It is, and I thought that was weird. I mean, no, 0:04:32.839 --> 0:04:35.240 no shape, nap I'm totally excited. But I did was like, 0:04:35.400 --> 0:04:40.920 I mean, al, I'll take it. The got to celebrate themselves. 0:04:41.440 --> 0:04:42.920 You gotta put that on your brand now in New 0:04:43.000 --> 0:04:46.320 Jersey's finest I know, no, but. 0:04:46.240 --> 0:04:49.120 Really the award was for they're looking for small businesses 0:04:49.600 --> 0:04:52.760 that you know, not only make a profit, but that 0:04:52.880 --> 0:04:56.520 are shifting and changing the community for better. So I 0:04:56.560 --> 0:04:57.880 was like, oh, that's me, that's me. So it was 0:04:57.920 --> 0:04:59.320 really great because it was just a room. It was 0:04:59.360 --> 0:05:01.680 a Newark where I lived, so that was really nice. 0:05:02.040 --> 0:05:04.960 And my sister came, so that was really nice as well. 0:05:05.560 --> 0:05:07.400 I invited her because you know, Superman is tired of 0:05:07.440 --> 0:05:11.160 going to these awards where he just sits and says, oh, hi, yeah, 0:05:11.240 --> 0:05:15.160 I'm Superman, so so she came. So honestly, it was 0:05:15.160 --> 0:05:18.000 a really nice night and she dressed me as per usual. 0:05:18.080 --> 0:05:19.920 She's like, beautiful, I love that dress. 0:05:20.320 --> 0:05:22.160 Thank you, JC Panny, Honey. I think it was like 0:05:22.200 --> 0:05:26.240 twenty bucks who jaz Benny. Yes, I know, and honestly, 0:05:26.320 --> 0:05:28.960 I was no shade JC Penny, but let's be real, 0:05:29.000 --> 0:05:31.240 you were not really known for being fashionable. But she 0:05:31.320 --> 0:05:34.000 took me to buy clothes like earlier in the summer 0:05:34.400 --> 0:05:36.679 and we saw this dress and she's like, you should 0:05:36.680 --> 0:05:37.760 get it, and I was like, but I don't have 0:05:37.760 --> 0:05:39.760 any place to wear it. She said, A place will appear, 0:05:40.200 --> 0:05:41.920 And so I'm glad I bought it because yesterday I 0:05:41.920 --> 0:05:43.520 didn't know what I was gonna wear. And I looked 0:05:43.520 --> 0:05:45.520 into my closet and there was with a tax till 0:05:45.600 --> 0:05:49.479 on it, and so there I was twenty dollars fly em. 0:05:49.520 --> 0:05:52.240 That's like, that's the universe at work right there. Yeah, 0:05:52.279 --> 0:05:54.760 don't don't use that if you're budgeting. Don't use that 0:05:54.839 --> 0:05:58.960 excuse for everything. If I buy this, buy it, If 0:05:59.040 --> 0:06:01.320 I buy this boat, the money to pay for it 0:06:01.360 --> 0:06:01.839 will appear. 0:06:03.360 --> 0:06:05.320 Yeah, No, it was. It was a really great night. 0:06:05.360 --> 0:06:09.080 So yeah, so to look at us two awards, nice. 0:06:08.839 --> 0:06:12.320 To be recognized, and I was, were you did you 0:06:12.360 --> 0:06:13.720 have to give a little speech when you won? 0:06:14.400 --> 0:06:16.680 I did, and so like I just I just talked 0:06:16.680 --> 0:06:19.760 about how an accountain changed my life my father, and 0:06:19.800 --> 0:06:22.320 how what they're doing matters, and how it changes the 0:06:22.400 --> 0:06:24.840 lives of people who are around them, and you just 0:06:24.880 --> 0:06:26.680 never know who you're going to touch and who they're 0:06:26.720 --> 0:06:29.159 going to touch. As a result, leave. 0:06:29.000 --> 0:06:30.640 It to you to make accounting and make me want 0:06:30.640 --> 0:06:31.240 to tear up. 0:06:32.839 --> 0:06:37.360 You. I was good. I was like, you can't get 0:06:37.360 --> 0:06:39.080 at this stuff. I was like you. 0:06:39.080 --> 0:06:41.560 Now, yeah, I didn't realize I wasn't have to give 0:06:41.560 --> 0:06:44.719 a speech and they were honoring so many amazing journalists. 0:06:44.800 --> 0:06:48.400 Raheema Ellis from NBC won the Lifetime Achievement Award that night. 0:06:48.800 --> 0:06:51.080 She's one of those reporters and anchors who you see 0:06:51.080 --> 0:06:54.320 all the time, but she's like the like the backbone 0:06:54.360 --> 0:06:56.839 of some of those NBC News reports and like on her. 0:06:57.200 --> 0:06:59.560 They did a really nice package for her and NBC 0:06:59.600 --> 0:07:02.920 produced and they had Lester Hold Tom Brokaw talking about 0:07:03.000 --> 0:07:03.800 Raheema Ellison. 0:07:03.880 --> 0:07:04.279 Wow. 0:07:04.440 --> 0:07:05.280 What was crazy though? 0:07:05.320 --> 0:07:07.000 When when she got up to the stage she was 0:07:07.040 --> 0:07:09.520 accepting a Lifetime Achievement of ward. This woman looks like 0:07:09.600 --> 0:07:14.160 she is thirty two maybe maybe thirty two, maybe thirty five, 0:07:14.320 --> 0:07:16.520 like a very wise thirty five. It's just so she 0:07:16.600 --> 0:07:19.440 looks so beautiful, so young, and she was like, just 0:07:19.480 --> 0:07:21.120 so you know, I'm not done yet. 0:07:21.840 --> 0:07:23.360 It was it was a really nice speech. It was 0:07:23.360 --> 0:07:24.040 hard to follow. 0:07:25.080 --> 0:07:27.680 It was so there was a woman there who was 0:07:27.720 --> 0:07:31.800 being honored. I said, only black women. Her name is Natasha. 0:07:32.560 --> 0:07:37.160 Was it Rogers, so her bio read like one. Natasha 0:07:37.280 --> 0:07:42.560 Rogers is a engineer, lawyer, has her NBA worked at 0:07:42.560 --> 0:07:45.840 Goldman's Facts. Mandy, I was like, it's almost like four 0:07:45.840 --> 0:07:48.280 people in one and she's thirty five years old, and 0:07:48.320 --> 0:07:50.800 I'm looking at her like, how houseway? How do you 0:07:51.600 --> 0:07:54.320 MEI was born and raised in the projects of Newark, 0:07:54.640 --> 0:07:56.960 and I was and I asked her how she was like, honestly, 0:07:57.360 --> 0:08:00.000 I was singularly focused on not being broken. 0:08:00.480 --> 0:08:00.760 Hmm. 0:08:01.400 --> 0:08:03.320 The first the first in her in her family to 0:08:03.360 --> 0:08:05.960 go to college. And she just said, growing up the 0:08:05.960 --> 0:08:08.240 way group was so traumatizing that I honestly was like, 0:08:08.240 --> 0:08:09.960 I will not come back. I will not I will 0:08:10.000 --> 0:08:12.000 not come back here. That I have to do better. 0:08:12.240 --> 0:08:16.040 So she said it just motivated her and that she 0:08:16.080 --> 0:08:19.120 wasn't like like collecting degrees for the sake of collecting them. 0:08:19.240 --> 0:08:21.480 She said that when she wanted to achieve a different goal, 0:08:21.680 --> 0:08:23.160 they would tell her where you need that, and she 0:08:23.200 --> 0:08:24.040 would just go get it. 0:08:24.720 --> 0:08:26.880 I feel like you just describe what brown ambition is 0:08:26.920 --> 0:08:30.320 all about for real. Honestly, that's a band ambition moment 0:08:30.400 --> 0:08:30.800 right there. 0:08:31.000 --> 0:08:34.640 Yes, she and when you meet her, Manny just so like, oh, Hey, 0:08:34.679 --> 0:08:38.320 what's up? Like just you you clearly she's brilliant. I mean, 0:08:38.360 --> 0:08:41.920 you don't have an engineering law and an MBA from 0:08:41.960 --> 0:08:44.000 like some of the top schools and just be like 0:08:44.040 --> 0:08:48.000 some like regular everyday thinking person. She's clearly brilliant, but 0:08:48.080 --> 0:08:50.480 so down to earth. It's so nice. And she was 0:08:50.520 --> 0:08:52.280 honestly like, I'm not gonna lie. At thirty five, I'm 0:08:52.320 --> 0:08:54.680 finally coming up for air. So like, what's going on, Like, 0:08:54.679 --> 0:08:55.880 what's happening on here in the world? 0:08:57.720 --> 0:08:58.880 Brandolina still together. 0:09:00.160 --> 0:09:02.600 She was like, Kylee, She's like, Jackson is pregnant. 0:09:03.840 --> 0:09:05.079 We may be going to Mars. 0:09:06.760 --> 0:09:10.439 Did you see the pleasures of Janet with their baby? 0:09:11.040 --> 0:09:12.320 And so I told her, I was like, I took 0:09:12.360 --> 0:09:14.160 her number. I was like, don't worry, girl, We're gonna 0:09:14.160 --> 0:09:16.240 get you. We're gonna get you socialized. But we had 0:09:16.280 --> 0:09:18.760 such a great conversation about like you know, like just 0:09:18.800 --> 0:09:23.080 about life and relationships and just like you know, achievement, 0:09:23.360 --> 0:09:26.640 and it was just such a really good conversation. And 0:09:26.679 --> 0:09:28.880 I just thought to myself, this is what I wish 0:09:28.960 --> 0:09:31.280 more people could see. It's just women like her who 0:09:31.280 --> 0:09:32.719 don't necessarily you're not going to see her in the 0:09:32.760 --> 0:09:38.200 news or whatever necessarily, but she's amazing, you know, go ahead, 0:09:38.200 --> 0:09:40.360 what was her name and was you know, I'm like 0:09:40.400 --> 0:09:42.520 the worst like me find. 0:09:42.320 --> 0:09:45.560 Her miss gold Go ahead and miss Golden Golden sex. 0:09:46.559 --> 0:09:49.840 I remember her. Her first name was the Pasha and 0:09:49.920 --> 0:09:52.160 her Yeah. 0:09:51.679 --> 0:09:53.560 That's okay, I need to put her on blast like that. 0:09:53.600 --> 0:09:54.680 I just want to say, hi, miss. 0:09:54.600 --> 0:10:00.440 Natasha, thank you for carrying the Brown Ambition flag. 0:10:01.840 --> 0:10:04.840 Yes, and being for being amazing and for she said 0:10:04.880 --> 0:10:07.040 no matter where she goes, she represents for new work 0:10:07.080 --> 0:10:09.600 and she wants to show that they're you know, there 0:10:09.720 --> 0:10:11.600 is good here, you know, because you know how people 0:10:11.640 --> 0:10:12.880 are out a certain cities. 0:10:12.920 --> 0:10:14.640 You know, we should share more. 0:10:14.800 --> 0:10:17.200 We have some amazing listeners out there, don't I don't 0:10:17.200 --> 0:10:19.400 know if missus Natasha is a listener, but if you 0:10:19.440 --> 0:10:21.920 guys have little inspirational stories, I mean, feel free to 0:10:21.960 --> 0:10:25.320 go to Brian Ambition dot com Brianambition podcast dot com 0:10:25.360 --> 0:10:27.800 and you can just send us your story through to 0:10:27.840 --> 0:10:29.880 ask us anything for It's super easy. 0:10:30.000 --> 0:10:31.480 Just fill out your question. 0:10:31.320 --> 0:10:33.880 And put your email and by being by the boom, 0:10:33.960 --> 0:10:34.960 you were in our inbox. 0:10:35.840 --> 0:10:39.000 Yeah, because we'd love to hear about like people that 0:10:39.160 --> 0:10:42.679 represent Brown Ambition to you just because it's it's always 0:10:42.760 --> 0:10:45.040 good to see that, you know, outside of the celebrity 0:10:45.440 --> 0:10:47.360 they are amazing people that you know that we know. 0:10:47.440 --> 0:10:50.000 We'd love to honor them, yes, ma'am. 0:10:50.600 --> 0:10:54.439 And today's show is basically all about you, guys. We 0:10:54.600 --> 0:10:57.559 are finally getting to the questions that we've been putting off, 0:10:58.400 --> 0:11:00.200 so we have a handful of questions today. 0:11:00.200 --> 0:11:01.360 So this show is going. 0:11:01.320 --> 0:11:04.439 To be all about you, your money and career questions, 0:11:04.960 --> 0:11:07.360 and we'd love for you guys to continue sending us 0:11:07.360 --> 0:11:09.880 to those again. You can go to brand Ambition podcast 0:11:09.960 --> 0:11:13.920 dot com, the brand new, fresh looking website that we 0:11:14.080 --> 0:11:16.880 just redesigned. There is a super easy way to send 0:11:16.960 --> 0:11:20.000 us questions. It's called to Ask Us Anything Form. Just 0:11:20.040 --> 0:11:22.080 go there, submit your question and you might hear it 0:11:22.120 --> 0:11:25.480 on the show. But before we get to questions, I 0:11:25.480 --> 0:11:26.520 got to hear about fin Con. 0:11:28.240 --> 0:11:33.320 So finn Con was it was all different in this way, 0:11:33.440 --> 0:11:35.199 so you know how usually fincn's like four or five 0:11:35.240 --> 0:11:37.160 hundred of your closest financial friends. 0:11:37.240 --> 0:11:39.559 Right for people who don't know, describe the FINCN is 0:11:39.559 --> 0:11:41.280 important to me and Tiff because it's where we met 0:11:41.720 --> 0:11:42.240 in person. 0:11:43.840 --> 0:11:50.040 Ye fIF God is a finance It started off as 0:11:50.080 --> 0:11:52.760 a financial bloggers conference, but it's since grown to a 0:11:52.840 --> 0:11:57.200 financial content conference. So you get bloggers, writers, speakers, educators, 0:11:57.480 --> 0:12:00.240 all things money and finance. They kind of gather here 0:12:00.280 --> 0:12:02.840 once a year and it's all around the country. Pet 0:12:03.160 --> 0:12:07.120 who is the founder of finn Con, Philip Taylor, he 0:12:07.760 --> 0:12:09.840 decided this year year he wanted it to be the 0:12:09.840 --> 0:12:12.760 biggest year yet. So typically fin Con is between three 0:12:12.760 --> 0:12:15.600 and five hundred folks, and this year it was almost 0:12:15.600 --> 0:12:22.120 thirteen hundred or about thirty Mandy honestly, So it was like, 0:12:22.840 --> 0:12:25.160 that's exactly how the old folks felt. We were all like, oh, 0:12:25.280 --> 0:12:27.040 because you know, I'm used to going to finn Con 0:12:27.400 --> 0:12:29.760 and knowing not all the faces, but like a good 0:12:29.800 --> 0:12:32.120 chunk of them. Yeah, So you know, this time I 0:12:32.160 --> 0:12:33.920 went and I was like, I don't know you. I 0:12:33.920 --> 0:12:35.800 don't know you. I don't know you. I mean, I 0:12:35.800 --> 0:12:40.360 don't know you or you oh u either. So it 0:12:40.400 --> 0:12:42.720 was I mean, San Diego was beautiful, the location that 0:12:42.800 --> 0:12:47.040 he chose was beautiful. Everything looked great. So it was that, 0:12:47.520 --> 0:12:49.960 I mean I felt both good and not good about 0:12:50.000 --> 0:12:53.440 the amount of people because one there were so many 0:12:53.440 --> 0:12:55.360 more brown people. Oh my gosh, Mandy, it was like 0:12:55.559 --> 0:12:57.160 a plethora of beautiful brown people. 0:12:57.440 --> 0:12:58.880 That's a huge change from last year. 0:12:59.280 --> 0:13:02.040 What we took over, what so many of us went 0:13:02.120 --> 0:13:04.520 Plutus Awards. So Plutus Awards for those of you who 0:13:04.520 --> 0:13:08.160 didn't know, are like the Emmys for financial educators, writers 0:13:08.160 --> 0:13:11.559 and stuff like that. And so I think, like Tanya 0:13:11.640 --> 0:13:15.600 one from my Fat Finance tie in talent from His 0:13:15.720 --> 0:13:21.120 and Her Money. Some other browns one me and Patrise 0:13:21.200 --> 0:13:24.640 hit the main stage. So right before the keynote, they 0:13:24.679 --> 0:13:26.320 had something called the Big Ideas and it was like 0:13:26.320 --> 0:13:28.840 a Tedex style talk. So I went on Friday, Patrice 0:13:28.880 --> 0:13:31.400 went on Saturday. I don't think any brown person has 0:13:31.440 --> 0:13:33.480 ever hit the stage, so they have two. This year 0:13:33.600 --> 0:13:38.319 was like amazing. We were thanks, we were and honestly 0:13:38.400 --> 0:13:41.880 it was so in that respect. They clearly heard our 0:13:42.200 --> 0:13:45.400 grumblings from last year about there being a lack of diversity, 0:13:45.720 --> 0:13:49.200 and this year they really surged forward and had so 0:13:49.280 --> 0:13:52.760 many speakers, so many podcasters, so many people there. Oh, 0:13:52.760 --> 0:13:55.520 I have a picture for you from the podcast movement 0:13:56.200 --> 0:13:58.760 of like they have our picture brighton center and one 0:13:58.760 --> 0:14:02.079 of their on one of their band o word cool. 0:14:02.280 --> 0:14:03.319 I've a picture said to you. I was like, I 0:14:03.360 --> 0:14:05.880 gotta take it, said Bandy. So yeah, it was just 0:14:06.440 --> 0:14:08.320 it was good in that way, and that there were 0:14:08.400 --> 0:14:11.559 way more people like you know, so more way more 0:14:11.559 --> 0:14:14.320 people of color. But it was also I felt like 0:14:14.320 --> 0:14:17.120 I lost touch with some of my old FINCN family. Yeah, 0:14:17.200 --> 0:14:19.040 but like I said, I all all fin Con was fun. 0:14:19.520 --> 0:14:25.960 They're having it in Dallas twenty seventeen, which is Pet's hometown. Yeah. 0:14:26.000 --> 0:14:28.960 So I've heard a little whisperings that there might be 0:14:29.000 --> 0:14:33.240 some shifting in finn Con. I don't know. Yeah, I mean, like, 0:14:33.360 --> 0:14:36.240 you know, I'm sure he's tired. I don't know. Let 0:14:36.240 --> 0:14:37.560 me not even say, let me not even say. 0:14:38.000 --> 0:14:40.560 Okay, are we breaking news or are we breaking night? 0:14:40.680 --> 0:14:41.520 What's happening here? 0:14:42.200 --> 0:14:44.320 Because you know, brendan ambition and listeners come to hear 0:14:44.320 --> 0:14:48.440 about the latest in Finncon drama. That was exactly what 0:14:48.440 --> 0:14:49.000 they're here for. 0:14:49.320 --> 0:14:52.840 I know, you're like, who what, Let's move on, Okay, 0:14:52.880 --> 0:14:54.320 So yeah that's Fencon news. 0:14:54.840 --> 0:15:00.960 Okay, Well, congrats to all them, the powerful pos representing 0:15:01.360 --> 0:15:02.200 fin Cone. 0:15:02.640 --> 0:15:05.520 The browns, and yeah, that part was really great to 0:15:05.680 --> 0:15:08.480 really see, like, wow, so many great brown people here 0:15:08.480 --> 0:15:09.360 doing their dang. 0:15:09.840 --> 0:15:14.200 And we both so you're so today. It's been a September. 0:15:14.240 --> 0:15:16.440 I feel like I don't even know where it went 0:15:16.640 --> 0:15:19.480 or like what all happened. Just so much happened in September. 0:15:20.480 --> 0:15:22.440 But the highlight was that wedding last weekend. These were 0:15:22.440 --> 0:15:24.720 my best friends. And I'll tell you the quick story 0:15:24.720 --> 0:15:28.400 of us. It's a romantic story. So I've never been 0:15:28.440 --> 0:15:30.120 in a I've never I've been in my sister's wedding, 0:15:30.160 --> 0:15:32.280 but it was a very small, intimate wedding. I was 0:15:32.320 --> 0:15:34.320 the only one standing up with her. This was the 0:15:34.320 --> 0:15:36.520 first time I was like a bridesmaid in my best 0:15:36.520 --> 0:15:39.240 friend's wedding. And this is my friend Brian. 0:15:39.640 --> 0:15:40.480 He and I met. 0:15:40.840 --> 0:15:44.280 So to flashback two thousand and five, Hurricane Katrina hit 0:15:45.040 --> 0:15:47.960 the Gulf Coast. I was a freshman in college. I 0:15:48.080 --> 0:15:51.040 was home in my dorm with a nasty cold, and 0:15:51.080 --> 0:15:53.840 I was like flipping through MTV and I saw an 0:15:53.920 --> 0:15:56.880 ad looking for volunteers. They were going to send to 0:15:57.720 --> 0:16:01.240 the Golf Coast to like help rebuild after and they 0:16:01.240 --> 0:16:04.400 were accepting one hundred kids from across the country, two 0:16:04.400 --> 0:16:06.360 from each state, and they were going to go to 0:16:06.920 --> 0:16:11.640 the Gulf Coast Mississippi, Louisiana and help them rebuild. 0:16:11.720 --> 0:16:13.600 And I entered. I don't know what possessed me. 0:16:13.600 --> 0:16:17.080 I entered this contest and they picked me and another 0:16:17.160 --> 0:16:19.400 and like a hundred other kids from around the country 0:16:19.400 --> 0:16:21.920 and we all went. We were all just like babies. 0:16:21.960 --> 0:16:24.200 It was my first time flying on a plane by myself. 0:16:24.600 --> 0:16:28.080 I had never really traveled alone before. I had never 0:16:28.120 --> 0:16:29.920 even gone to like summer camp. I mean I didn't, 0:16:29.920 --> 0:16:31.080 and I was going to spend a week with all 0:16:31.080 --> 0:16:34.120 these strangers, and it ended up being like the single 0:16:34.200 --> 0:16:37.160 most important week of my life, if I can, if 0:16:37.160 --> 0:16:40.040 I'm not even being that dramatic about it, because the 0:16:40.040 --> 0:16:42.120 friends I made there were still friends. 0:16:41.800 --> 0:16:42.400 To this day. 0:16:42.760 --> 0:16:44.560 And Brian was one of the very first people that 0:16:44.600 --> 0:16:49.200 I met in We were in Biloxi, Mississippi, during that week, 0:16:49.240 --> 0:16:51.440 and it was just that week is the reason why 0:16:51.960 --> 0:16:55.160 I became brave enough to travel and travel by myself 0:16:55.200 --> 0:16:57.520 and do more volunteering, and it taught me how to 0:16:57.520 --> 0:16:59.720 be a leader. I kept going back every year and 0:17:00.040 --> 0:17:03.960 came a team leader. I mean, just so impactful, and 0:17:04.720 --> 0:17:06.439 not least of which was because of the friendship. So 0:17:06.480 --> 0:17:09.159 Brian and I met, of course during that trip, and 0:17:09.160 --> 0:17:12.480 then all my other best friends that are now all 0:17:12.520 --> 0:17:14.840 over the country, we all met and now that we're 0:17:14.880 --> 0:17:18.239 all older, it's just it's been ten years and I 0:17:18.320 --> 0:17:20.840 was at the I was, you know, part of Brian's wedding, 0:17:20.840 --> 0:17:22.800 and it just it like hit me when I was 0:17:22.840 --> 0:17:25.280 standing there watching him get married to his wife, Diana, 0:17:25.280 --> 0:17:27.840 who's also become a really good friend of mine, and. 0:17:27.760 --> 0:17:31.240 I was like the biggest baby. It was real embarrassing. 0:17:32.160 --> 0:17:35.479 I was like doing not even a cute cry, like 0:17:35.520 --> 0:17:38.760 the ugly cry, like I had to hide, I had 0:17:38.760 --> 0:17:41.600 to hide behind my bouquet. But it was just, you know, 0:17:41.680 --> 0:17:43.439 it's such a I don't know, I've never been in 0:17:43.480 --> 0:17:46.439 a wedding like that before. It really felt like damn, 0:17:46.680 --> 0:17:51.240 like full circle. Yes, seeing people you love love each 0:17:51.280 --> 0:17:53.679 other and get married, and like all my other friends 0:17:53.680 --> 0:17:56.400 from that trip were there, and I don't know, it 0:17:56.440 --> 0:17:59.199 was it's just it's amazing that we all came this 0:17:59.280 --> 0:18:02.560 far and we could all be together. It was just beautiful, beautiful. 0:18:03.160 --> 0:18:05.240 Oh that's really because you're like, you know, it's like 0:18:06.400 --> 0:18:07.719 I was talking to my best friend the other day. 0:18:07.720 --> 0:18:09.600 I saw her like downtown and she had her son, 0:18:10.160 --> 0:18:13.119 and you know, Meanwhile, I've known Drena since middle school 0:18:13.720 --> 0:18:15.840 and so it still has not hit me that she 0:18:15.880 --> 0:18:19.040 has a child, because it's like, you're making that transition 0:18:19.119 --> 0:18:22.040 in your mind that like people that are no longer 0:18:22.160 --> 0:18:23.800 ten can now have kids, like you know what I mean? 0:18:23.840 --> 0:18:26.280 Like and so like whenever I see her with her son, 0:18:26.840 --> 0:18:29.879 like my mind categorizes it is, Oh, there's Drena with 0:18:29.920 --> 0:18:34.879 this kid, like like not her kid. When then she 0:18:34.960 --> 0:18:37.000 said something like I don't know, like you know, like 0:18:37.040 --> 0:18:40.400 tickle him or whatever. And then it hit me. I'm like, wait, meanwhile, 0:18:40.440 --> 0:18:43.000 the baby is one years old and it's my godson. 0:18:43.400 --> 0:18:46.600 I'm like, wait, Drena, this is your baby. She looked 0:18:46.600 --> 0:18:47.879 at me like what is wrong with you? I was like, 0:18:47.920 --> 0:18:50.040 now it just hit me, like how is this happening? 0:18:50.400 --> 0:18:53.159 How are we appropriating? Because it just seems weird when 0:18:53.200 --> 0:18:57.040 people get married have kids, people that you've known, like 0:18:57.080 --> 0:18:59.000 you know, when you were too young to do those 0:18:59.040 --> 0:19:01.960 things and when it had happens making that transition. It's 0:19:01.960 --> 0:19:05.640 like both emotional, it's cool, it's fun, but yeah it's 0:19:05.680 --> 0:19:07.720 a lot. But so I could totally you. 0:19:07.680 --> 0:19:11.159 Know, it's wild, and Brian was like, yeah, this is 0:19:11.160 --> 0:19:13.240 no secret if you know Brian, I love you, Brian. 0:19:13.240 --> 0:19:14.840 He listens to the show. He was one of our 0:19:14.880 --> 0:19:15.560 early fans. 0:19:17.080 --> 0:19:17.920 He was. 0:19:19.560 --> 0:19:22.240 He was a little bit of a player back in 0:19:22.280 --> 0:19:24.280 the day. It's, you know, in a. 0:19:24.200 --> 0:19:26.080 Little bit of a I'm gonna use a d word, 0:19:26.119 --> 0:19:28.000 a little bit of a douche in some ways, A 0:19:28.000 --> 0:19:29.760 lovable douche, but a douche nonetheless. 0:19:30.440 --> 0:19:31.760 And we had our moments. 0:19:32.320 --> 0:19:34.040 But when I moved to New York City in twenty ten, 0:19:34.200 --> 0:19:36.160 he was one of my first first people I called, 0:19:36.880 --> 0:19:39.800 and he and his cousin Tran God Tran Like they 0:19:39.840 --> 0:19:42.320 lived in the teeny tiniest I mean, they called it 0:19:42.320 --> 0:19:44.000 a two bedroom, but it was like two closets in 0:19:44.000 --> 0:19:47.040 a hallway. And they lived in that teeny tiny apartment. 0:19:47.080 --> 0:19:49.680 And Brian still was like, you can come stay with us. 0:19:49.760 --> 0:19:51.520 We have a little Ikia cot. 0:19:51.560 --> 0:19:52.399 We'll make it work. 0:19:52.640 --> 0:19:55.600 And I stayed there for two weeks, and you know, 0:19:55.640 --> 0:19:58.440 he would That's how that's the asb like, the love 0:19:58.480 --> 0:20:01.080 that we had, and that's our friendship. And I'm just 0:20:01.080 --> 0:20:02.720 really I'm just so happy for them, and. 0:20:02.880 --> 0:20:05.760 It's just and I'm next. 0:20:06.200 --> 0:20:08.840 And that was also tripping me out because now that 0:20:08.880 --> 0:20:11.680 they're done out. It feels like, oh shit, I gotta 0:20:11.680 --> 0:20:13.560 put on a show now, because they did. 0:20:13.800 --> 0:20:14.600 They did it. 0:20:14.480 --> 0:20:16.879 Like it was really pretty. Like there was one picture 0:20:16.920 --> 0:20:19.600 that I thought that you posted. It was like she 0:20:20.000 --> 0:20:22.000 was kind of like far away and I don't know. 0:20:22.080 --> 0:20:23.760 It was just so beautiful. It didn't even look like 0:20:23.800 --> 0:20:25.960 a real person or wedding. It was just beautiful. 0:20:26.040 --> 0:20:28.879 She was a human precious moments all that's what, Yes, 0:20:30.000 --> 0:20:33.280 that is what. Diana was, this goddess who could not 0:20:33.600 --> 0:20:35.520 think she was less of a goddess. I mean she 0:20:35.520 --> 0:20:37.520 she's like so humble, and I'm like, Diana, can you just. 0:20:37.520 --> 0:20:38.600 Stop for a second. 0:20:38.280 --> 0:20:42.160 And just like accept that you are the beauty goddess 0:20:42.359 --> 0:20:44.680 queen that you are right now because literally two hours 0:20:44.680 --> 0:20:48.120 before her wedding she was ziplining and doing kickball and 0:20:48.160 --> 0:20:50.199 playing long games and having a cookout like that was 0:20:50.200 --> 0:20:53.440 the whole weekend was like at camp. They had archery 0:20:53.720 --> 0:20:55.320 and canoeing and all this stuff. 0:20:55.359 --> 0:21:05.760 It was like so of them and just so beautiful. So, 0:21:06.240 --> 0:21:07.360 without further ado. 0:21:07.800 --> 0:21:11.360 I cleaned out the inbox. You guys send them excellent questions. 0:21:11.400 --> 0:21:14.280 I picked out a handful of some of my favorite questions, 0:21:14.840 --> 0:21:16.959 and again, please do not be shy. I send us 0:21:16.960 --> 0:21:19.880 your questions. Go to Brown Ambition Podcast dot com. There's 0:21:19.920 --> 0:21:21.720 a super easy form you can fill out there. We 0:21:21.840 --> 0:21:24.239 love to hear from you guys. And while you're at it, 0:21:24.840 --> 0:21:28.639 like the page, leave us a review on iTunes, you know, 0:21:28.880 --> 0:21:31.040 just say hey, tell a friend, do whatever you gotta do. 0:21:31.880 --> 0:21:34.480 It's it's it helps us so much when you share 0:21:34.560 --> 0:21:36.560 and spread the word about Brown Ambition. 0:21:38.920 --> 0:21:39.920 Anything you want to add. 0:21:39.720 --> 0:21:43.439 To No, I'm just listening because you don't be up. 0:21:43.480 --> 0:21:45.199 Like when it comes to the communication piece, I'm like, 0:21:45.560 --> 0:21:48.080 I don't remember that the email. But if you go 0:21:48.080 --> 0:21:50.680 to broad Ambition podcast dot. 0:21:50.359 --> 0:21:52.560 Com, that's what we're ever gonna start doing. Just send 0:21:52.560 --> 0:21:54.760 them directly to our Our website is so nice now. It 0:21:54.800 --> 0:22:00.399 has all the information, our social media, our bios, photos. 0:22:00.119 --> 0:22:01.080 Latest episodes. 0:22:01.160 --> 0:22:04.440 It is your go to destination for Brown Ambition news. 0:22:04.800 --> 0:22:06.800 Yeah, everything's right there so that I can remember. 0:22:07.080 --> 0:22:09.680 Yes, good, got it only took us a year. 0:22:09.760 --> 0:22:13.080 But okay, no judgment, no judgment. 0:22:13.440 --> 0:22:18.359 Okay, So here are some questions. Here's our first question. 0:22:18.840 --> 0:22:20.640 Nobody told me not to use their names. I'm using 0:22:20.640 --> 0:22:23.440 the names. I'm sorry, you know, call my lawyer if 0:22:23.440 --> 0:22:26.399 you're upset. So our first name, our first questions from 0:22:26.480 --> 0:22:28.920 someone named Kimoi. I hope I'm pronouncing that right. 0:22:30.080 --> 0:22:31.880 She says, I would really love. 0:22:31.680 --> 0:22:35.600 If you guys can expand on something Tiffany mentioned once 0:22:35.640 --> 0:22:38.600 about how she did a visualization process to make room 0:22:38.680 --> 0:22:42.239 for the men, the man in her life. I'd love 0:22:42.280 --> 0:22:44.480 if you could expand on this and share more tips 0:22:44.480 --> 0:22:46.760 on how I can prepare for the man in my life. 0:22:47.040 --> 0:22:48.960 And then my early thirties and while I don't feel 0:22:49.000 --> 0:22:51.200 the pressure to have kids and I'm not sure if 0:22:51.200 --> 0:22:53.679 I want any, I still want to be married and 0:22:53.760 --> 0:22:57.520 be with the man of my dreams. Thanks in advance, Kimoi. 0:22:57.880 --> 0:22:59.960 So kimeoy. So this is what I did well want. 0:23:00.440 --> 0:23:02.320 I was in my early thirties when I started this. 0:23:02.440 --> 0:23:04.439 I had reached out to a friend of mine, like 0:23:04.480 --> 0:23:06.960 the budgetiesta was starting to take off. But every time 0:23:07.000 --> 0:23:09.800 I came home home to an empty house, I was like, Ugh, 0:23:10.400 --> 0:23:13.679 this sucks. Like I wasn't really dating. I mean, I 0:23:13.720 --> 0:23:16.679 was dating, but he wasn't really a great fit. And 0:23:16.840 --> 0:23:18.359 you know how you date some guys that you know, 0:23:18.920 --> 0:23:22.240 this is not anyone who I'm going to be spending 0:23:22.280 --> 0:23:24.399 the rest of my life with. This is just for now. 0:23:24.600 --> 0:23:26.919 And I was tired of for now because when you 0:23:26.960 --> 0:23:29.240 go home, it's you're still by yourself. And I was 0:23:29.280 --> 0:23:32.960 finally ready because I had not seriously dated anyone since 0:23:33.000 --> 0:23:35.640 my late twenties, and on purpose, because I was building myself. 0:23:35.880 --> 0:23:38.399 So I reached out to a friend who was successful. 0:23:38.480 --> 0:23:41.320 She's married with a child, and I said to her, 0:23:41.359 --> 0:23:46.000 she's an entrepreneur, like how how did you do it? 0:23:46.119 --> 0:23:47.840 Or you know, like, what can I do? Because I 0:23:47.880 --> 0:23:51.800 feel like, you know, everything's going great except for my 0:23:52.040 --> 0:23:55.080 personal life, my love life because family's good, friends were good, 0:23:55.119 --> 0:23:59.359 but my love life was not. And she said, Tiffany, 0:23:59.600 --> 0:24:01.520 how many hours a day do you work on a budgeanisa? 0:24:01.640 --> 0:24:04.480 I said, I don't know, girl, like all hours? And 0:24:04.560 --> 0:24:06.240 she said, how many hours a day do you work 0:24:06.240 --> 0:24:08.840 on your relationship? I'm like, well, there is no relationship. 0:24:08.880 --> 0:24:10.760 What's to work on? She was like, but work on 0:24:10.960 --> 0:24:15.440 like securing like love. I'm like, well, that's not how 0:24:15.480 --> 0:24:18.400 it works. She said, it is in your thirties. She said, 0:24:18.400 --> 0:24:21.800 in your twenties, you know, things can happen a little 0:24:21.800 --> 0:24:25.320 bit more organically. You don't have to necessarily be as intentional, 0:24:25.560 --> 0:24:28.040 you know, because I don't know why. I guess you're 0:24:28.119 --> 0:24:29.639 just like free and open. But she's like, you know, 0:24:29.800 --> 0:24:33.399 if you're at an age where you're wanting someone in 0:24:33.400 --> 0:24:35.879 your life and it's not happening as organically as you'd like, 0:24:36.080 --> 0:24:38.760 you have to put work. If you put a quarter 0:24:39.160 --> 0:24:41.119 of the work toward your love life that you did 0:24:41.160 --> 0:24:43.399 toward the Budgeanisa, you'd have someone. And I was like, 0:24:43.400 --> 0:24:45.720 at first, it felt unnatural, like I'm not trying to 0:24:45.720 --> 0:24:47.640 put work toward it. I want to, you know, walk 0:24:47.680 --> 0:24:49.920 down the street and bump into someone and I dropped 0:24:49.920 --> 0:24:51.480 my pen and he looks into my eyes and we 0:24:51.520 --> 0:24:54.480 fall madly in love. But she was just like, good 0:24:54.560 --> 0:24:56.399 luck with that, and so I thought about it and 0:24:56.440 --> 0:24:59.840 I said okay. So one I realized she said, even 0:24:59.880 --> 0:25:01.480 if if a man were to come into your life now, 0:25:01.600 --> 0:25:04.399 is there even space for him? And that resonated with me. 0:25:04.480 --> 0:25:08.080 I said, you know what, No, there isn't. So first 0:25:08.119 --> 0:25:10.159 thing I did was something it seems like weird and corny, 0:25:10.200 --> 0:25:13.800 but I started creating physical space in my life just 0:25:13.800 --> 0:25:17.159 to be symbolic. So I started like, like I usually 0:25:17.160 --> 0:25:19.240 sleep like wild all over the bed, and I started 0:25:19.240 --> 0:25:21.159 sleeping on one side of the bed because Boo was 0:25:21.160 --> 0:25:24.159 gonna sleep on the other. I actually like pushed like 0:25:24.200 --> 0:25:27.760 some like I opened up some closet space in my closet, 0:25:28.119 --> 0:25:30.440 you know, I opened up some space on my dresser 0:25:30.760 --> 0:25:33.439 just for a simple like just the symbolism for me 0:25:33.600 --> 0:25:38.200 was I'm creating physical space in my space for someone. Usually, 0:25:38.760 --> 0:25:40.320 like anybody who knows me knows I'm kind of like 0:25:40.320 --> 0:25:42.520 a tomboy at heart. I mean, I get dressed up 0:25:42.560 --> 0:25:44.480 to speak, but that is not me. So I usually 0:25:44.480 --> 0:25:46.600 will leave the house looking like who shot Bob and why? 0:25:46.960 --> 0:25:48.919 So I stopped doing that. I was like, no, at 0:25:49.000 --> 0:25:51.000 least you don't have to get dressed up, but at 0:25:51.080 --> 0:25:53.240 least look decent, like if you see someone, you're not 0:25:53.280 --> 0:25:55.479 gonna like avert your eyes because you know you look crazy. 0:25:56.080 --> 0:25:59.120 So and then too leave the house. I am such 0:25:59.119 --> 0:26:01.800 a homebody. And I'm like, she's ativity the man that 0:26:01.840 --> 0:26:03.800 you're gonna marry is not gonna knock on your door, 0:26:04.160 --> 0:26:08.679 you know, likely anyway, not likely. So I like actually 0:26:08.720 --> 0:26:11.320 started like leaving because I never if I wasn't doing 0:26:11.400 --> 0:26:13.760 budget theese stuff, I would never leave the house. And 0:26:13.800 --> 0:26:16.320 she was like, no, make it a point, like instead 0:26:16.320 --> 0:26:19.560 of doing work, at home, walk to the cafe in 0:26:19.600 --> 0:26:22.399 a cute dress and do something there. So I started 0:26:22.400 --> 0:26:24.560 doing those things, and I also started doing what I 0:26:24.560 --> 0:26:26.480 call mirror work, where I used to look in the 0:26:26.480 --> 0:26:29.320 mirror every day and tell myself that I was beautiful, amazing, smart, 0:26:29.680 --> 0:26:31.399 Like before I left the house, there's a mirror right 0:26:31.440 --> 0:26:34.560 by the door, and I would stop in it and say, hey, beautiful, 0:26:35.080 --> 0:26:37.760 You're amazing, You're Smarty're this year. That just to pump 0:26:37.840 --> 0:26:42.760 myself up. And then I was open to dating non 0:26:42.840 --> 0:26:47.359 traditional like my type, and so well that's what it 0:26:47.440 --> 0:26:48.840 like it all came down to. And then I also 0:26:48.840 --> 0:26:51.080 started looking like, you know, I started I'm like so 0:26:51.160 --> 0:26:54.199 strategic about everything. I really started looking back through my 0:26:54.280 --> 0:26:57.760 old relationships mentally of like which ones, like, you know, 0:26:57.800 --> 0:27:00.120 we're really great, which ones weren't really great? And why 0:27:01.160 --> 0:27:02.920 how you know, who did I feel my best with? 0:27:03.080 --> 0:27:05.119 So I could just be clear about what I was, 0:27:05.400 --> 0:27:08.480 what I was looking for, what I was open to find, 0:27:08.880 --> 0:27:10.560 not like he had to be a doctor, lawyer, but 0:27:10.640 --> 0:27:13.359 like he had to be open to the fact that 0:27:13.400 --> 0:27:15.600 I work for myself and what that looks like. You know, 0:27:15.640 --> 0:27:17.639 I wanted someone who was a giver because I was 0:27:17.680 --> 0:27:21.080 always dating takers because I'm an overgiver. So I was like, 0:27:21.119 --> 0:27:23.800 I'm tired of always feeling depleted. So I knew I 0:27:23.840 --> 0:27:25.480 wanted someone who was a giver. And I took the 0:27:25.560 --> 0:27:28.520 other things off, like he has to be African American, 0:27:28.600 --> 0:27:30.240 he has to look a certain type of way. I 0:27:30.280 --> 0:27:34.080 took those things off, and I said, what's really really important, 0:27:34.280 --> 0:27:37.560 Him being a giver, him being him being naturally kind. 0:27:37.640 --> 0:27:39.960 I was looking for someone who wasn't just nice to me, 0:27:40.280 --> 0:27:42.640 but just nice in general. So those are the things 0:27:42.640 --> 0:27:45.600 I started looking for. And oddly enough, the man I 0:27:45.680 --> 0:27:48.080 ended up being with was someone who I had known 0:27:48.680 --> 0:27:51.760 from in my twenties and we were friends and he'd 0:27:51.800 --> 0:27:54.119 randomly hit me up after I started creating all the space, 0:27:54.560 --> 0:27:57.439 and we went out for like an ice cream kind 0:27:57.480 --> 0:28:00.879 of like a date, and I was like, wow, this 0:28:01.000 --> 0:28:03.359 seems like what it just it just started to like 0:28:03.560 --> 0:28:06.360 tumble for before I knew it. You know, here we are, 0:28:06.520 --> 0:28:08.919 and I think I'm pretty sure I'm getting my ring 0:28:08.960 --> 0:28:09.840 on my birthday. 0:28:12.200 --> 0:28:14.560 Oh man, this ring saga. 0:28:14.119 --> 0:28:16.120 I know, I don't y'all don't even know. I can't 0:28:16.119 --> 0:28:17.960 wait to share it all once I get it. I 0:28:18.000 --> 0:28:20.640 can't wait to share all the shenanigans. I'm not fully 0:28:20.640 --> 0:28:22.199 proud of myself, but I don't care. Y'all know I 0:28:22.200 --> 0:28:27.040 tell the truth. But yeah, so you know so I did. Yeah. No, 0:28:27.160 --> 0:28:28.560 I'm just gonna say that. That's what I would just 0:28:28.560 --> 0:28:33.680 suggest is creating mental, physical, and like spiritual space in 0:28:33.720 --> 0:28:36.960 your life and being open and honestly staying ready. 0:28:37.840 --> 0:28:39.280 I think the key is being open. 0:28:39.360 --> 0:28:42.680 I think all the things you did probably I mean, 0:28:42.720 --> 0:28:45.600 I don't think like I didn't do any of that stuff, 0:28:45.960 --> 0:28:48.880 but I think that the being open to it. I 0:28:48.920 --> 0:28:52.840 think a lot of people get like start to feel like, oh, 0:28:52.840 --> 0:28:55.040 it's never gonna happen for me, I'm never going to 0:28:55.120 --> 0:28:57.160 find them that didn't work out with the last person. 0:28:57.240 --> 0:28:58.160 I'm you know, I'm not this. 0:28:58.280 --> 0:29:01.080 I'm not that men are dog like and you wrap 0:29:01.120 --> 0:29:03.400 yourself in that negative energy and then you don't attract 0:29:03.440 --> 0:29:08.600 anyone because you're repelling them with that negative energy. So 0:29:09.000 --> 0:29:11.440 I think for me it was I don't know, I 0:29:11.520 --> 0:29:15.320 was a little bit different, and I'm also kind of 0:29:15.400 --> 0:29:17.280 uncomfortable assuming the role of like. 0:29:17.240 --> 0:29:18.280 I've made it. 0:29:18.320 --> 0:29:19.920 I found a man, you know, like, I have so 0:29:20.000 --> 0:29:22.880 much wisdom to impart I was a hot mess for 0:29:22.920 --> 0:29:26.800 a long time. I dated and slept with all the 0:29:26.840 --> 0:29:29.360 wrong people. Well, I mean some right people, but made 0:29:29.360 --> 0:29:32.240 mistakes for sure. Moved to New York, had my fun 0:29:32.760 --> 0:29:34.720 and I like, you know, had my fun or whatever, 0:29:34.760 --> 0:29:38.800 and I was it was around twenty twelve ish, it was, 0:29:38.840 --> 0:29:40.760 I'll tell you when. It was the fall of twenty twelve, 0:29:40.800 --> 0:29:42.880 and I was like, you know what, that was cool. 0:29:43.120 --> 0:29:43.880 I think I've done. 0:29:43.920 --> 0:29:46.640 I kind of want a more something serious. I'm ready 0:29:46.760 --> 0:29:49.520 for what I deserve, which is, you know, someone who 0:29:49.640 --> 0:29:51.440 respects and loves me and like wants to be there 0:29:52.480 --> 0:29:54.240 all the time, and you know, more of like a 0:29:54.240 --> 0:29:58.760 traditional relationship. And I just became really intentional. And I'm 0:29:58.800 --> 0:30:00.440 not going to say that even worked out it well 0:30:01.240 --> 0:30:03.600 because the first way I became intentional was to start 0:30:03.600 --> 0:30:09.360 professing my love for guys I was close with already. 0:30:09.920 --> 0:30:11.640 It was kind of like the let's just throw something 0:30:11.640 --> 0:30:13.320 at the wall and websticks. 0:30:14.080 --> 0:30:16.880 Hey, you love, You're pretty cute, love, we're. 0:30:16.640 --> 0:30:18.760 Really good friends. We should probably date each other. 0:30:19.880 --> 0:30:22.040 And I'm not gonna lie I did that too ready. 0:30:22.280 --> 0:30:23.719 I mean, you got to work your way through your 0:30:23.720 --> 0:30:24.560 guy friends, right. 0:30:24.600 --> 0:30:26.520 You gotta just go from one to one, Oh, that 0:30:26.520 --> 0:30:28.280 one's taking Okay, fine, on to the next one. Oh, 0:30:28.280 --> 0:30:30.000 we've been friends for what I mean, he's cute enough, 0:30:30.040 --> 0:30:30.240 you know. 0:30:31.840 --> 0:30:32.080 Yeah. 0:30:32.200 --> 0:30:35.320 So to the to the male friends who had to 0:30:35.440 --> 0:30:38.720 endure that for me, I apologize I was going through something, 0:30:38.760 --> 0:30:41.640 but it was necessary, Like it was almost my you know, 0:30:41.640 --> 0:30:43.360 when I was fourteen years or how old was I 0:30:43.400 --> 0:30:46.200 fifteen years old? I don't know what it is in 0:30:46.240 --> 0:30:48.400 my brain. I like dare myself to do things. When 0:30:48.400 --> 0:30:50.480 I was fifteen years old, there was a cute boy 0:30:50.480 --> 0:30:53.040 in school and I was a new girl in school, okay, 0:30:53.160 --> 0:30:55.760 brand new to the school, didn't really have any friends, 0:30:55.800 --> 0:30:58.400 super hocky, and but at this cute boy and I 0:30:58.480 --> 0:30:59.280 rode the bus together. 0:30:59.440 --> 0:31:00.600 I don't even mimber his name. 0:31:01.160 --> 0:31:03.400 And it was around Valentine's Day and I was like, 0:31:03.440 --> 0:31:05.479 I'm just gonna ask him out. I'm just gonna ask 0:31:05.520 --> 0:31:09.280 him out from Valentine's Day and I just psyched myself up. 0:31:09.400 --> 0:31:12.000 I had literally no girlfriends there to like witness or 0:31:12.000 --> 0:31:13.480 help me or whatever. And I just like went to 0:31:13.520 --> 0:31:14.880 his locker and I was like, Hey, so and so, 0:31:15.520 --> 0:31:16.600 do you want to go out sometime. 0:31:17.480 --> 0:31:19.400 He's like, oh, I'm sorry, my. 0:31:19.400 --> 0:31:23.440 Girlfriend's over there, and it was like my first I 0:31:23.440 --> 0:31:25.560 guess that was my first rejection and ever since then 0:31:25.600 --> 0:31:27.240 I was like, well, okay, I had I experienced that 0:31:27.320 --> 0:31:29.920 I can do anything now. So for me, it was 0:31:29.960 --> 0:31:32.880 more about like it was, I just was tired of waiting. 0:31:32.920 --> 0:31:35.440 I always I always hate waiting for things to come 0:31:35.480 --> 0:31:37.080 to me in a way, and I just like rather 0:31:37.120 --> 0:31:39.200 go out there and get the answer right away, like 0:31:39.280 --> 0:31:40.840 are you into me? Do you want to date me? 0:31:42.520 --> 0:31:44.160 But I'm making myself sound crazy. 0:31:44.200 --> 0:31:44.880 I'm really no. 0:31:45.400 --> 0:31:47.880 I inmire, You're way more bold than I am. I'm 0:31:47.920 --> 0:31:51.400 always like really scared. So it's dead. I mean, like 0:31:51.480 --> 0:31:53.760 Mandy said, it's not like the things I did weren't 0:31:53.800 --> 0:31:55.480 for the magic of like you know how people tell 0:31:55.520 --> 0:31:59.160 you like manifestation, and I mean, to a certain degree, 0:31:59.200 --> 0:32:02.600 I agree, But I'll say this that it was more 0:32:02.680 --> 0:32:07.600 so to get myself in the mindset to be ready 0:32:07.600 --> 0:32:09.239 to have what it is that I wanted. So I 0:32:09.240 --> 0:32:11.200 did all those things really not because like I thought 0:32:11.240 --> 0:32:13.360 to myself, oh, if I magically sleep on one side 0:32:13.360 --> 0:32:15.240 of the bed, he's gonna come. No. But it was 0:32:15.320 --> 0:32:19.440 really like a daily reminder of you know, Tiffany, you 0:32:19.480 --> 0:32:21.959 said you want this, so you have to make space, 0:32:22.360 --> 0:32:25.120 you know, and so it was more symbolic than anything else. 0:32:25.160 --> 0:32:28.520 So honestly, I mean, if you're not leaving the house, 0:32:28.840 --> 0:32:29.800 you know you need to. 0:32:30.200 --> 0:32:33.920 Yeah, all about the energy you put out, you know, yes, 0:32:34.120 --> 0:32:38.800 And anyway to finish my story after making those wrong 0:32:39.280 --> 0:32:43.000 proposition sounds also like a terrible I'm my worst advocate, 0:32:44.280 --> 0:32:48.440 but yeah, like hitting striking out and then I ended up. 0:32:49.160 --> 0:32:49.680 I had been. 0:32:49.920 --> 0:32:52.280 All my friends were like, get online, going Okay Cupid. 0:32:52.360 --> 0:32:54.959 It's the shit, Like you're gonna find somebody on okaycupd 0:32:55.400 --> 0:32:59.160 excuse me. I was like, online dating is lame, it's 0:32:59.240 --> 0:33:02.080 for old people. My mom met my stepdad in like 0:33:02.160 --> 0:33:03.680 match dot com when it first came. 0:33:03.560 --> 0:33:05.280 Out in two thousand and two or whatever. 0:33:06.280 --> 0:33:07.600 But I got on there and I tried, and it 0:33:07.640 --> 0:33:10.040 was almost like the list you made because I'm on 0:33:10.160 --> 0:33:12.560 Okay Cupid, which I realize now is not the cool 0:33:12.600 --> 0:33:15.160 website anymore because that's, you know, I feel really old now. 0:33:15.640 --> 0:33:17.720 All the young kids are on Tender and stuff. But anyway, 0:33:18.040 --> 0:33:20.120 you put down like you basically put a list of 0:33:20.160 --> 0:33:21.760 what you want, and you put what you're interested in, 0:33:21.760 --> 0:33:24.000 and they find you. People who have that in common already. 0:33:25.040 --> 0:33:26.800 One thing I will say about okay See is that 0:33:27.000 --> 0:33:29.720 when I finally met fiance bou there, I messaged him. 0:33:29.840 --> 0:33:32.480 I never went on any dates. He was my very 0:33:32.480 --> 0:33:34.480 first Oka Cupid date, and I was on there for 0:33:34.520 --> 0:33:36.480 a couple a couple of months, and I found out 0:33:36.520 --> 0:33:39.280 only the creepers would message you, Like it'd be like 0:33:39.320 --> 0:33:42.320 so and so from New Jersey who has like a 0:33:42.360 --> 0:33:45.040 twenty percent match with you, and like whatever I was wearing, 0:33:45.080 --> 0:33:48.120 like sweatpants and his boxers hanging out in his photo. 0:33:48.800 --> 0:33:50.680 Those guys would message me. But I was like, I 0:33:50.760 --> 0:33:52.640 just I can't wait for someone to message me. I 0:33:52.640 --> 0:33:55.400 have to message the guys I'm interested in. And yeah, 0:33:55.400 --> 0:33:58.880 I saw his I saw his page, and I pinged them, 0:33:59.080 --> 0:34:01.600 and we want on a date, like I guess. A 0:34:01.640 --> 0:34:05.120 few weeks later and the rest is history. And I 0:34:05.160 --> 0:34:07.840 know everyone who's online dating probably hates that story because 0:34:07.840 --> 0:34:09.839 it's not a reflection of how it usually is. 0:34:09.880 --> 0:34:11.440 Like your first days. 0:34:12.800 --> 0:34:16.080 I'm actually like sometimes I'm like, well, damn, I thought 0:34:16.120 --> 0:34:18.080 I was going to have my whole you know, sex 0:34:18.160 --> 0:34:19.799 and the city online dating. I was going to write 0:34:19.800 --> 0:34:22.680 a blog about it, and then instantly just like found 0:34:23.719 --> 0:34:26.879 mister man, and uh, I mean took me a while 0:34:26.960 --> 0:34:31.040 to realize it was mister the man because I was 0:34:31.040 --> 0:34:33.919 still in like my little you know, kind of want 0:34:34.000 --> 0:34:38.320 something serious, kind of not sure face. But yeah, I 0:34:38.360 --> 0:34:41.520 think it was all about just me intentionally looking for 0:34:41.560 --> 0:34:45.000 people who were interested in a relationship and stop fooling 0:34:45.040 --> 0:34:47.319 around with the guys who I knew, you know, were 0:34:47.400 --> 0:34:49.120 just you know, out for having fun. 0:34:49.760 --> 0:34:52.480 Yeah, that I think, honestly, to me, now that I 0:34:52.480 --> 0:34:55.440 really think about it, that last piece that you just 0:34:55.480 --> 0:34:59.719 said made the most difference. I stopped dating the guy 0:35:00.080 --> 0:35:02.359 I that was not really like a mad remember I said, 0:35:02.360 --> 0:35:03.839 I was like dating I'm like, eh, he was kind 0:35:03.840 --> 0:35:05.520 of I used to call my fake boyfriend, and it 0:35:05.600 --> 0:35:07.440 was like, oh, somebody to hang out with and to like, 0:35:07.440 --> 0:35:10.640 you know, deal with, because like in the meantime I 0:35:10.680 --> 0:35:13.600 actually had to doad that because I'm like Tiffany, like, 0:35:13.640 --> 0:35:15.879 you're not leaving any room for the right guy when 0:35:15.880 --> 0:35:18.520 you have in the meantime hanging around, So let him go. 0:35:19.080 --> 0:35:21.600 And even though it was so comfortable, so when I 0:35:21.640 --> 0:35:24.040 finally let him go, I was able to like, Okay, 0:35:24.360 --> 0:35:29.600 have space and room really for who apparently for coffee 0:35:31.760 --> 0:35:36.160 that came out of nowhere. I know. So yeah, I 0:35:36.200 --> 0:35:38.480 don't know. I mean, honestly, there's no one way. I 0:35:38.560 --> 0:35:41.080 just you know, open intention and getting out there. 0:35:41.480 --> 0:35:45.360 Yes, ma'am, okay, you owe us one thousand dollars now, no, 0:35:45.360 --> 0:35:52.200 I'm kidding. Next question is from Erica. She asks, can 0:35:52.280 --> 0:35:54.920 you talk about writing goodwill letters to companies to have 0:35:55.040 --> 0:35:57.920 negative marks removed from your credit report? Have you all 0:35:58.000 --> 0:36:01.120 done this or know someone you have has? I love 0:36:01.200 --> 0:36:03.720 the show. Your website looks great too, thanks, miss Erica. 0:36:03.840 --> 0:36:08.080 I will pass that on to our web developer, Miss Terry. Okay, yeah, 0:36:08.160 --> 0:36:11.200 good will letters to companies to have negative marks removed 0:36:11.200 --> 0:36:15.040 from credit reports. You must have dealt with this at 0:36:15.040 --> 0:36:16.200 some point, I know I have. 0:36:17.040 --> 0:36:20.000 Yeah. I mean, I'll say this that you have to 0:36:20.040 --> 0:36:22.560 remember when you write a good will letter that companies 0:36:22.560 --> 0:36:26.840 are under no obligation to comply, because that's really the 0:36:26.880 --> 0:36:29.279 purpose of the good will letters. That you're just asking, like, hey, 0:36:30.560 --> 0:36:33.919 because people think this about their credit report. That people 0:36:33.920 --> 0:36:36.200 will tell me this all the time, Hey, Tiffany had 0:36:36.200 --> 0:36:38.600 this negative mark. I was late, but I'm on time 0:36:38.640 --> 0:36:40.640 now and I'm fully paid up. Why is it still there? 0:36:41.120 --> 0:36:46.440 I'm like girl, because it happened. Your credit report is 0:36:46.480 --> 0:36:49.440 supposed to be a report of what has happened, just 0:36:49.480 --> 0:36:52.200 because you've made better decisions, so that better decision will 0:36:52.239 --> 0:36:55.319 be reflected along with the fact that at one point 0:36:55.320 --> 0:36:58.520 you didn't make good decisions right, so you know, so 0:36:58.719 --> 0:37:00.760 you have to keep that in mind. So the company's 0:37:00.800 --> 0:37:04.279 not doing anything wrong by keeping your poor decisions on 0:37:04.320 --> 0:37:06.399 your credit report. You know, after a while they fall off, 0:37:06.440 --> 0:37:08.120 but if it was just like a few months ago 0:37:08.200 --> 0:37:10.400 or a couple of years ago, they're likely still going 0:37:10.480 --> 0:37:13.240 to be there now. You can write a letter asking 0:37:13.760 --> 0:37:16.239 that they remove them, especially if you've been on time. 0:37:16.800 --> 0:37:18.960 This is what I suggest to people is that if 0:37:18.960 --> 0:37:22.399 you're making like a lump some payment or paying most 0:37:22.400 --> 0:37:25.400 of it off, like before you make that payment, making 0:37:25.440 --> 0:37:28.120 that request like, Hey, I'm about to send my lump 0:37:28.239 --> 0:37:30.480 some payment and know I'm late. Can I ask that 0:37:30.520 --> 0:37:34.200 you do this after I submit this payment? And sometimes 0:37:34.200 --> 0:37:37.960 you can get them to agree, and then if they 0:37:38.000 --> 0:37:40.479 agree on paper like via email or be a letter 0:37:40.560 --> 0:37:42.440 or whatever, and they don't take it off, you can 0:37:42.480 --> 0:37:44.279 send that to the credit bureaus to say, hey, they 0:37:44.360 --> 0:37:45.680 agree to take it off and they have not. 0:37:46.440 --> 0:37:49.000 Yeah, and you should always get a letter, some sort 0:37:49.040 --> 0:37:52.320 of letter with the agreement. But what you were talking 0:37:52.320 --> 0:37:55.279 about making a lump some payment, is that like a 0:37:55.320 --> 0:37:57.160 form of settling the debt, Like do you mean paying 0:37:57.160 --> 0:37:57.960 the entire thing off? 0:37:58.600 --> 0:38:02.040 Well, either way, So I find that this that that 0:38:02.120 --> 0:38:04.279 cause I A couple of my friends, so they're, much 0:38:04.280 --> 0:38:07.920 to their shame, were actually work for like credit collection agencies, 0:38:08.920 --> 0:38:12.080 and they told me that if you're either you know, 0:38:12.120 --> 0:38:13.800 gonna pay, Like, let's just say, you know, you owe 0:38:13.880 --> 0:38:16.600 thirty bucks and for whatever reason, you forgot to pay it. 0:38:16.600 --> 0:38:18.640 So now it's on your credit report and you're just 0:38:18.680 --> 0:38:21.200 gonna go ahead and pay the thirty bucks, So before 0:38:21.239 --> 0:38:23.720 doing so, working out some sort of deal, because ultimately 0:38:23.760 --> 0:38:26.680 the credit credit people that you owe, they don't care 0:38:26.680 --> 0:38:28.920 about your credit report and score. They just want their money. 0:38:29.320 --> 0:38:30.920 So if you're kind of like, you know, not that 0:38:30.960 --> 0:38:33.239 you're dangling the carrot, but basically you are like, hey, 0:38:34.000 --> 0:38:36.560 I've got your thirty bucks, could you guys take this 0:38:36.640 --> 0:38:38.719 off completely once I give it to you? Like I said, 0:38:38.719 --> 0:38:40.839 they don't have to, but that's something you could definitely ask. 0:38:41.000 --> 0:38:43.840 But let's just say you are gonna settle because you 0:38:43.880 --> 0:38:45.520 owe ten thousand and you're like, I don't have it, 0:38:45.560 --> 0:38:49.120 and they've agreed to settle for three thousand. So typically 0:38:49.120 --> 0:38:51.080 if they're gonna settle for three thousand, they're gonna want 0:38:51.080 --> 0:38:52.759 a lump some Like, no one's trying to settle for 0:38:52.760 --> 0:38:55.359 three thousand. Twenty bucks a months is what you're paying. Yeah, 0:38:55.440 --> 0:38:57.960 so you know, if you're going to settle and you're 0:38:57.960 --> 0:39:01.759 gonna get them that lump some ask. Now, the more 0:39:01.800 --> 0:39:03.880 that you're settling for, the more that you're getting off, 0:39:03.920 --> 0:39:07.399 the less likely they're going to be accommodating. So you know, 0:39:07.520 --> 0:39:09.320 if you're if you owe ten and you're gonna be 0:39:09.320 --> 0:39:11.759 paying fifteen hundred, they're probably gonna be like, girl, you're 0:39:11.840 --> 0:39:13.800 lucky that you don't have to pay this eighty five hundred, 0:39:14.120 --> 0:39:16.480 you know. But so the more that you're kind of giving, 0:39:16.719 --> 0:39:19.239 the more leeway you have to say, I'm about to 0:39:19.280 --> 0:39:21.640 set this payment, but I would love in writing for 0:39:21.680 --> 0:39:23.320 you to say that you'll take this off my credit 0:39:23.520 --> 0:39:26.640 report as a result, Like I said, you just it's 0:39:26.680 --> 0:39:29.759 just lump sum just gives you more leeway because there 0:39:29.920 --> 0:39:33.280 is if I'm paying you month a month, then there's 0:39:33.280 --> 0:39:36.120 no guarantee that I'm going to finish paying you. So 0:39:36.160 --> 0:39:37.960 it's like, so why should I take this off? And 0:39:38.080 --> 0:39:41.160 you're it's we have three years until you finish paying 0:39:41.160 --> 0:39:43.960 this off. No, so I would, I would, you know, 0:39:44.000 --> 0:39:45.920 I would negotiate with a lump sum payment. 0:39:46.320 --> 0:39:48.200 And it usually works best if you've already missed a 0:39:48.239 --> 0:39:50.359 bunch of payments, like when you're in delinquency, because what 0:39:50.480 --> 0:39:52.839 leaders will do anyway is they're eventually going to sell 0:39:52.880 --> 0:39:55.040 your dut to a dut collector, and they're going to 0:39:55.120 --> 0:39:57.279 sell it to them for pennies on the dollar. 0:39:57.080 --> 0:39:59.360 For whatever it's actually worth. So they could this. 0:39:59.600 --> 0:40:03.160 Sometimes they accept settlements or accept lump some payments from 0:40:03.200 --> 0:40:05.600 you because they're probably going to make more money off 0:40:05.600 --> 0:40:07.560 that lump some than if they were to sell it 0:40:07.600 --> 0:40:09.000 to a debt collectorate. 0:40:09.040 --> 0:40:11.839 And they know that. But one thing exactly it can 0:40:11.920 --> 0:40:12.279 be done. 0:40:12.320 --> 0:40:14.120 What I will say is if it's over a certain amount, 0:40:14.200 --> 0:40:18.280 I believe you have to that forgiven debt. The amount 0:40:18.320 --> 0:40:23.920 that they forgive is treated as taxable income. So you 0:40:23.960 --> 0:40:28.000 may receive a tax from the lender saying we forgave 0:40:28.040 --> 0:40:30.080 you for ten thousand dollars. Now you have to report 0:40:30.120 --> 0:40:32.120 this on your taxes, and you may actually have to 0:40:32.120 --> 0:40:35.400 pay taxes on that money, so it may not be 0:40:35.440 --> 0:40:37.600 a completely clean break from the debt. 0:40:38.000 --> 0:40:41.040 So typically it's like anything over like six hundred dollars. 0:40:41.120 --> 0:40:43.720 But my account did tell me if your net worth 0:40:44.719 --> 0:40:47.560 is zero or negative, then you won't have to and 0:40:47.600 --> 0:40:49.880 most people's networth, like if you're if you're owing that 0:40:49.960 --> 0:40:53.280 much money, you probably don't have a network that's going 0:40:53.520 --> 0:40:56.160 to force you to pay taxes on it. But still 0:40:56.160 --> 0:41:00.239 you just never know. That's definitely a possibility. 0:40:59.040 --> 0:41:03.920 Yes, ma'am. So let's do one more question. Let's see, 0:41:05.239 --> 0:41:09.440 so this was a super long question. Okay, all right, 0:41:09.480 --> 0:41:11.720 so let's do one more question. This was a super 0:41:11.760 --> 0:41:13.799 long question. I'm just going to get to that what 0:41:13.880 --> 0:41:16.520 I think is the real crux of her question, and 0:41:16.560 --> 0:41:21.400 it's from someone named Sonny. So Sonny says she's trying 0:41:21.400 --> 0:41:23.600 to get an apartment. She says her credit My credit 0:41:23.600 --> 0:41:26.600 score has remained around six fifty five for quite some time. 0:41:26.960 --> 0:41:29.839 I pay all my bills before their due. I earn 0:41:29.920 --> 0:41:33.560 over twenty five hundred dollars per month. Recently, I applied 0:41:33.560 --> 0:41:35.879 for a studio apartment where the rent was just seven 0:41:36.000 --> 0:41:38.600 hundred and seventy five dollars a month with everything included 0:41:38.640 --> 0:41:41.319 minus electricity. Sonny, where do you live? Because I am 0:41:41.360 --> 0:41:45.560 moving there because that is so cheap, She says. However, 0:41:46.000 --> 0:41:49.520 the rental company came back to me and declined me. 0:41:49.840 --> 0:41:52.960 They said because my credit line was so small and 0:41:53.000 --> 0:41:55.840 I never expanded it over the course of you know, 0:41:55.960 --> 0:41:58.880 using credit, and that I would require a co signer. 0:41:59.120 --> 0:42:02.000 I don't know what to do, Please help me. So basically, 0:42:02.080 --> 0:42:05.560 she has a short credit history because she waited so 0:42:05.640 --> 0:42:08.040 long to get her first card and then when she 0:42:08.160 --> 0:42:10.720 got it, she ran into some issues paying the bills 0:42:10.719 --> 0:42:12.799 and her score is now around six fifty five. 0:42:15.440 --> 0:42:16.560 Yeah, being similar. 0:42:17.560 --> 0:42:20.719 So yeah, that's like that because she's like at that 0:42:20.760 --> 0:42:23.160 place where it's like it's not terrible, but it's not 0:42:23.400 --> 0:42:24.000 that good. 0:42:24.360 --> 0:42:25.040 It sucks, you know. 0:42:25.239 --> 0:42:27.280 So part of the question I didn't read. She says, 0:42:27.800 --> 0:42:29.920 I've never bothered getting more credit because I'm in the 0:42:29.960 --> 0:42:32.719 habit of couponing, saving and just buying stuff with cash. 0:42:32.960 --> 0:42:34.960 And it's almost like in the in the world we 0:42:35.000 --> 0:42:37.359 live in today, you're almost punished if you don't use 0:42:37.360 --> 0:42:40.240 credit because you need credit to get good credit. And 0:42:40.360 --> 0:42:43.120 although using cash can definitely key and it's good to 0:42:43.239 --> 0:42:46.080 use cash because you're staying out of debt. When it 0:42:46.080 --> 0:42:48.480 comes time to apply for things like apartments, get a 0:42:48.520 --> 0:42:51.720 car loan, mortgage loan, they want to see a long 0:42:51.920 --> 0:42:53.000 sort of credit history. 0:42:53.520 --> 0:42:54.239 So I feel for her. 0:42:54.360 --> 0:42:57.080 Yeah, and it is sucky. This is why I kind 0:42:57.080 --> 0:42:58.759 of like, I didn't understand where my dad had me 0:42:58.800 --> 0:43:00.560 get like a credit card when I was eighteen in 0:43:00.560 --> 0:43:02.600 college and he was like, but you're not allowed to 0:43:02.719 --> 0:43:06.000 use it for anything but books, But it was because 0:43:06.040 --> 0:43:07.920 and I still have that same credit card, and honestly, 0:43:07.960 --> 0:43:10.560 the credit limit now is thirty thousand dollars and I 0:43:10.560 --> 0:43:14.440 don't even I mean for me to swipe over a 0:43:14.520 --> 0:43:16.600 thousand is a lot. And I use it for business 0:43:16.680 --> 0:43:19.000 and paid off in full. But I allowed it to 0:43:19.080 --> 0:43:23.399 expand like that because for that reason. It's because I knew, well, one, 0:43:23.480 --> 0:43:25.120 you have to have the discipline, because you don't want 0:43:25.120 --> 0:43:27.040 to have a limit of thirty thousand and not have 0:43:27.160 --> 0:43:30.920 the discipline not to spend thirty thousand. But two, I 0:43:31.040 --> 0:43:32.839 use it because I wanted to show that, like, look, 0:43:32.880 --> 0:43:37.040 I can manage this level of credit available to me, 0:43:37.520 --> 0:43:40.399 So that part sucks. I would just say that, I mean, 0:43:40.520 --> 0:43:43.960 you can call your the person that you have the 0:43:43.960 --> 0:43:46.600 credit card with and see if you can get an expansion. 0:43:46.640 --> 0:43:49.400 But know this that asking for them to increase your 0:43:49.400 --> 0:43:51.560 credit limit that might result in a harder in career. 0:43:51.840 --> 0:43:55.200 So ask that because sometimes they have to look into 0:43:55.200 --> 0:43:56.680 your credit to see if they're going to allot you 0:43:56.719 --> 0:44:03.480 more credit. And a hard incree, a hard inquiry well 0:44:03.600 --> 0:44:06.719 temporarily lower your score. It's not for a super long time. 0:44:06.960 --> 0:44:08.799 I don't have a trade off because you do like 0:44:08.840 --> 0:44:11.239 it's helping your score by having a larger line of 0:44:11.280 --> 0:44:14.080 credit available to you, But then you get that little ping, 0:44:14.120 --> 0:44:17.000 the little ding on your score from asking for more money. 0:44:17.840 --> 0:44:19.320 Exactly, I feel. 0:44:19.080 --> 0:44:21.040 Like my advice would be okay, So you need to 0:44:21.320 --> 0:44:23.360 I understand why they're asking you for a co signer. 0:44:24.160 --> 0:44:27.799 Rental apart rental companies sometimes a lot of times do 0:44:27.800 --> 0:44:30.920 do credit background checks and may ask for a co signer. 0:44:31.280 --> 0:44:33.440 If no one's willing to be a co signer, you 0:44:33.480 --> 0:44:34.640 might just need to find another. 0:44:34.440 --> 0:44:35.160 Place to go. 0:44:35.560 --> 0:44:37.239 Well, you can write them a letter, you know. I 0:44:37.280 --> 0:44:39.759 did this when I first moved to New York. I 0:44:40.360 --> 0:44:42.600 had to put in an application with my landlord and 0:44:42.640 --> 0:44:45.440 her lawyer, you know, did the credit background check, and 0:44:45.520 --> 0:44:48.000 I didn't realize I'd never checked my credit before, and 0:44:48.080 --> 0:44:51.640 my credit score was terrible because when I was in college, 0:44:51.680 --> 0:44:53.759 someone opened up a Chase credit card under my name, 0:44:54.120 --> 0:44:56.799 racked up twelve thousand dollars and never paid it. I 0:44:56.840 --> 0:44:58.560 never heard about it, never knew about it because I 0:44:58.560 --> 0:45:01.000 never checked my credit and that's how I found out. 0:45:01.040 --> 0:45:03.240 He was like, I can't approve you because this happened. 0:45:03.520 --> 0:45:05.960 So I had to file disputes with the credit bureaus, 0:45:06.040 --> 0:45:08.880 and I wrote the landlord a very long letter explaining 0:45:08.880 --> 0:45:11.440 what happened, showing proof that I filed a dispute, and 0:45:11.640 --> 0:45:14.040 based on their own you know, they were just being basically, 0:45:14.040 --> 0:45:15.920 it was up to them and they were nice and 0:45:16.000 --> 0:45:18.840 they decided to take a risk on me. I also 0:45:18.920 --> 0:45:21.759 sent a letter of referral from a previous landlord who 0:45:21.760 --> 0:45:24.000 said I'd always paid the rent on time and then 0:45:24.000 --> 0:45:26.480 I was a good tenant, and I think that a 0:45:26.520 --> 0:45:30.840 long way toward convincing them to accept my application despite 0:45:31.040 --> 0:45:34.399 the what my credit history showed. So that's one thing 0:45:34.440 --> 0:45:37.640 you could try. Either, you know, get some letters recommendation, 0:45:38.000 --> 0:45:39.880 write a letter to them explaining what you know, what 0:45:39.920 --> 0:45:43.279 your situation is, or try and find someone you know 0:45:43.719 --> 0:45:47.080 who you trust and who trust you to be a 0:45:47.120 --> 0:45:49.160 co signer or you know, unfortunately you may have to 0:45:49.200 --> 0:45:49.960 find somewhere else. 0:45:50.640 --> 0:45:52.400 Yeah, and then letters do really work because I remember 0:45:52.400 --> 0:45:54.640 when I went to buy my house, I was like 0:45:54.719 --> 0:45:57.239 twenty five, and I didn't have like a whole bunch 0:45:57.280 --> 0:46:00.120 of like debt and credit and stuff, and so oh, 0:46:00.280 --> 0:46:02.560 I actually had to get my landlord to write a letter. 0:46:02.840 --> 0:46:04.520 I had to get a notarized, and I had to 0:46:04.560 --> 0:46:07.239 show like bank statements showing that like, yes, on the 0:46:07.280 --> 0:46:10.320 first of every month, I made my my rent payment 0:46:10.360 --> 0:46:12.560 for like the last two years, So that helped. That 0:46:12.600 --> 0:46:15.799 went a long way, because ultimately, what they're really doing 0:46:15.880 --> 0:46:17.880 is trying to figure out are you the type to 0:46:17.920 --> 0:46:21.760 pay mm hm. So if you can show them that exactly, 0:46:21.800 --> 0:46:24.480 if you could show that that to them through alternative means, 0:46:24.520 --> 0:46:25.719 then that should be helpful. 0:46:27.120 --> 0:46:28.560 Yes, miss Sonny, good luck to you. 0:46:29.280 --> 0:46:31.200 I like your name too, Sunny miss Sonny. 0:46:31.200 --> 0:46:33.200 I think it was was a pseudonym, but I like 0:46:33.239 --> 0:46:33.480 it too. 0:46:34.520 --> 0:46:37.799 Yeah, we're just gonna call you that anyway. 0:46:37.719 --> 0:46:42.359 All right, our lovely listeners. So we have some sort 0:46:42.400 --> 0:46:44.560 of sad news. I guess we're gonna have one we're 0:46:44.560 --> 0:46:48.960 gonna be one podcast short for October. I believe Tiffany 0:46:49.000 --> 0:46:53.160 for exciting reasons. I'm heading to London with my little Hermannito, 0:46:53.280 --> 0:46:56.040 my little brother today for a brother or sister trip 0:46:56.040 --> 0:46:58.440 to London, and Miss Tiffany is going through. 0:46:58.560 --> 0:47:02.480 Heavy yes, and I'm going to Paris and my mom 0:47:03.560 --> 0:47:06.879 prag which I'm super excited about. I leave on next 0:47:06.880 --> 0:47:09.120 week and I'm like, yes, I've never been to Paris, 0:47:09.160 --> 0:47:11.480 although I've been to France and so yeah, So we 0:47:11.520 --> 0:47:15.400 will be gallivanting and we won't be able to tape, 0:47:15.520 --> 0:47:20.680 but we will think of you as we enjoy Europe, 0:47:20.760 --> 0:47:23.319 and we'll come back with some great stories and maybe 0:47:23.320 --> 0:47:26.080 some croissants. Yeah, well, we won't be able to share 0:47:26.120 --> 0:47:27.799 them with each other. Maybe with each other. 0:47:28.600 --> 0:47:31.839 You'll be there in spirit, listeners, So in the meantime, 0:47:32.200 --> 0:47:35.239 please go to Brunambition podcast dot com send us your 0:47:35.320 --> 0:47:37.920 questions comments. We've gotten a lot of lovely emails from 0:47:37.920 --> 0:47:39.960 people lately about the show and what it means to them. 0:47:40.520 --> 0:47:43.080 Love the emails, but we love even more when you 0:47:43.120 --> 0:47:46.200 take the time and leave us reviews on iTunes or 0:47:46.239 --> 0:47:49.000 wherever you listen, stitch your SoundCloud, leave us a kind 0:47:49.040 --> 0:47:51.239 note there. It lets other people find the show and 0:47:51.320 --> 0:47:55.000 lets everyone know what you already know, which is. 0:47:54.920 --> 0:47:58.000 That we yeah, awesome, you'll already know. 0:48:00.239 --> 0:48:02.520 No, no, you know you know listeners. 0:48:03.080 --> 0:48:04.080 I was like, wait, I. 0:48:09.280 --> 0:48:13.719 For all that. Nope, you're not gonna get me. All right, well, 0:48:13.719 --> 0:48:16.600 bom voyage. Yeah, I wish to be luck. It's my 0:48:16.680 --> 0:48:18.200 I haven't been to London before. I'm excited. 0:48:18.760 --> 0:48:21.160 Okay, I think you'll enjoy. I've been twice and it's 0:48:21.200 --> 0:48:21.719 not my face. 0:48:23.440 --> 0:48:25.239 Yeah okay, never mind, talk to you about it. 0:48:27.200 --> 0:48:28.879 You have a good trip, all right, girl,