1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:04,200 Speaker 1: There are ten people I would like to meet when 2 00:00:04,280 --> 00:00:07,400 Speaker 1: I get to the Pearly Gates. I'm going to list 3 00:00:07,480 --> 00:00:11,760 Speaker 1: them on my show, and one is not Phoebe Kates. 4 00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:14,800 Speaker 1: Phoebe Cats is not dead, so she wouldn't be in 5 00:00:14,920 --> 00:00:19,919 Speaker 1: heaven in any way. She's a wonderful person, a wonderful, 6 00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:26,520 Speaker 1: blonderful person. Ten people I would like to meet in Heaven. Hello, 7 00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:29,560 Speaker 1: podcast listeners. My name is Ron Burgundy, and I'm an 8 00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:33,760 Speaker 1: exceptional man. About a year ago, another wonderful man named 9 00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:37,640 Speaker 1: Mitch Palbon came out with a very popular book called 10 00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:41,000 Speaker 1: The Five People You Meet in Heaven, And although I 11 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:43,800 Speaker 1: didn't read the book, it was a big time bestseller. 12 00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:47,600 Speaker 1: I prefer saucier stuff when I read. I like historical 13 00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:51,240 Speaker 1: novels about lords and ladies and body wenches and sword 14 00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:54,720 Speaker 1: play I do. I like sword play in my fiction, 15 00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:58,160 Speaker 1: and I like comely lasses too. I also like thought 16 00:00:58,280 --> 00:01:01,920 Speaker 1: provoking literature about the Roman Times. I'm a bit of 17 00:01:01,920 --> 00:01:04,760 Speaker 1: a scholar when it comes to the Roman Times. Did 18 00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:07,600 Speaker 1: you know that they didn't refer to the Roman Times 19 00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:11,360 Speaker 1: as the Roman Times? In the Roman Times? They didn't. 20 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:14,319 Speaker 1: They called them the now Times, just like we do now. 21 00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:19,319 Speaker 1: Isn't that funny. Oh yes, yes, Carolina is here as always. 22 00:01:19,319 --> 00:01:23,199 Speaker 1: She's my partner in crime for these entertaining talkie talks 23 00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:26,319 Speaker 1: we do called podcast. Hello there, old friend. Were you 24 00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:29,399 Speaker 1: going to tell people what to show is all about? Nonsense? 25 00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:32,360 Speaker 1: It's about nonsense like it is every week. I'm going 26 00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:34,920 Speaker 1: to talk and talk and talk until it's all over, 27 00:01:34,959 --> 00:01:37,360 Speaker 1: and then I'm going to walk to my car, take 28 00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:39,080 Speaker 1: a nap in my car, and then drive to a 29 00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:42,360 Speaker 1: supermarket and get a bottle of scotch. From there, I'll 30 00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:45,280 Speaker 1: head home so I can lounge on my balcony and 31 00:01:45,319 --> 00:01:48,480 Speaker 1: the nude drinking Scotch until I pass out. At some 32 00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:50,840 Speaker 1: point I will eat a steak. You told me there 33 00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:54,680 Speaker 1: was a theme to today's show, though I did, Oh 34 00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:58,200 Speaker 1: so I did. It was the book by Mitch Gablon 35 00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:04,200 Speaker 1: called People You've Got to Meet in Heaven. Well, guess what, Carolina. 36 00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:07,440 Speaker 1: We are going to beat this Ganton guy and we're 37 00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:11,160 Speaker 1: going to talk about not five, but ten people I 38 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:14,240 Speaker 1: would like to meet in heaven. That's twice what that 39 00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:16,960 Speaker 1: guy talked about. So today's episode is going to be 40 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:19,200 Speaker 1: about the ten people we would like to meet in heaven. 41 00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:22,760 Speaker 1: That's right, And I think everyone has a shortlist of 42 00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:26,280 Speaker 1: people throughout history that they would like to meet when 43 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:29,200 Speaker 1: they finally get to Heaven. I mean, don't you, Carolina, 44 00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:32,320 Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't mean you probably could make 45 00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:34,920 Speaker 1: I mean, let's be clear, Heaven's not just going to 46 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:37,240 Speaker 1: be about meeting people. There will be tennis courts and 47 00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:40,920 Speaker 1: poolside bars with all you can eat, buffets with tacos 48 00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:43,240 Speaker 1: and make your own ice cream Sundays. There will be 49 00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:46,760 Speaker 1: movie nights and meet and greet socials and Katie Hawkins 50 00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:50,280 Speaker 1: dances and let's not forget world class Sadie Hawkins dance. 51 00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:55,560 Speaker 1: You mean, yeah, Sadie or Katie, depends on what part 52 00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:58,680 Speaker 1: of the country you're from. Also, let's not forget in 53 00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:01,919 Speaker 1: Heaven there's gonna be world class entertainment along with seven 54 00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:05,560 Speaker 1: gaming rooms and the beds. Don't get me started on 55 00:03:05,639 --> 00:03:08,799 Speaker 1: the beds. The thread count on the sheets in Heaven 56 00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:14,919 Speaker 1: will be simply the best. I'm guessing Egyptian cotton, maybe Macy's, 57 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:17,480 Speaker 1: or maybe they get a discounted bed bath. And beyond it, 58 00:03:18,280 --> 00:03:20,360 Speaker 1: I don't I don't know what I'm saying. Maybe the 59 00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:22,600 Speaker 1: angels make the sheets and Heaven. You know what, Carolina, 60 00:03:23,919 --> 00:03:27,680 Speaker 1: you just don't know. You don't that's what That's what 61 00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:31,040 Speaker 1: I know. You just don't know. You don't know much 62 00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:35,680 Speaker 1: about heaven except that it will be pure luxury. Oh Carolina, 63 00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:38,560 Speaker 1: You and I would love to have in my bathroom 64 00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:42,080 Speaker 1: up in heaven one of those shower nozzles that hits 65 00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:44,480 Speaker 1: you like thirty five different ways, right in the butt 66 00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:47,440 Speaker 1: hole and the donker. I've always wanted one of those. 67 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:49,280 Speaker 1: How about you? What kind of shower would you like 68 00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:52,080 Speaker 1: in Heaven? Um, I don't know. I've never really thought 69 00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:54,240 Speaker 1: about it. I mean, I guess I would like it 70 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:58,600 Speaker 1: to work when I turn it on, and and I 71 00:03:58,680 --> 00:04:01,160 Speaker 1: guess it would be great if the hot water didn't 72 00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:04,680 Speaker 1: cut out all of a sudden. Come on, Carolina, dream 73 00:04:04,720 --> 00:04:07,240 Speaker 1: a little. It's heaven we're talking about. I mean, I 74 00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:10,800 Speaker 1: like good water pressure, But what about thirty five jets 75 00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:15,720 Speaker 1: of high power water hitting your boobies in your butt? Um? Sure, 76 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:19,560 Speaker 1: I guess I would like that. Now we're talking huh man, 77 00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:22,360 Speaker 1: I can hardly wait to get their TV in the bathroom. 78 00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:24,720 Speaker 1: Should we get on with the theme of today's show? 79 00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:28,360 Speaker 1: You bet. Here's the theme song I wrote for today's show. 80 00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:31,080 Speaker 1: Even though we always have our normal theme songs that 81 00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:33,320 Speaker 1: we play at the beginning of the podcast. But it 82 00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:38,400 Speaker 1: goes like this, there are ten people I would like 83 00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:41,719 Speaker 1: to meet when I get to the early gates. I'm 84 00:04:41,760 --> 00:04:45,360 Speaker 1: going to list them on my show. And one is 85 00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:49,280 Speaker 1: not Phoebe Kates. Phoebe Cats is not dead, so she 86 00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:54,159 Speaker 1: wouldn't be in heaven in any way. She's a wonderful person, 87 00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:58,200 Speaker 1: a wonderful, blonderful person. Ten people I would like to 88 00:04:58,360 --> 00:05:03,760 Speaker 1: meet in heaven. Oh that grab you Huh? You just 89 00:05:03,839 --> 00:05:06,280 Speaker 1: made that up. I've been working on that theme song 90 00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:10,880 Speaker 1: for a week. Nope, Carolina, you are a quick little 91 00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:14,680 Speaker 1: smarty bands. I did indeed make that up. Well, let's 92 00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:18,760 Speaker 1: get on with today's show. The first person I would 93 00:05:18,839 --> 00:05:22,800 Speaker 1: like to meet in heaven is Dougie Stupor knot. Who 94 00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:27,640 Speaker 1: is Douggy stupor Not? Interesting story. I was in junior high, 95 00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:31,480 Speaker 1: so we are going back sometime. And I had a 96 00:05:31,520 --> 00:05:35,200 Speaker 1: baseball glove. And and this was not just any baseball glove, 97 00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:38,560 Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Baseball glove did I ever? 98 00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:41,919 Speaker 1: I slept with it, I brought it to dances. I 99 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:45,120 Speaker 1: went everywhere with that baseball glove. I didn't take that 100 00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:48,400 Speaker 1: darn thing off my hand for a whole year, and 101 00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:53,880 Speaker 1: then one day my baseball glove goes missing and I panic. 102 00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:56,640 Speaker 1: I mean, I tried to burn down the school. I 103 00:05:56,680 --> 00:06:00,360 Speaker 1: called the FBI, no joke. I got a drug sniffing 104 00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:03,320 Speaker 1: dog and tried to teach it to smell leather. It 105 00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:05,880 Speaker 1: found horse saddles and wallets and car seats, but the 106 00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:09,080 Speaker 1: stupid dog never found my glove. Then one day I 107 00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:11,520 Speaker 1: got a hot tip. Some people said that they saw 108 00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:15,400 Speaker 1: Dougie stuborn Not with my glove in the park. Now 109 00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:17,719 Speaker 1: stupor Ko had the locker right next to mine, so 110 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:20,880 Speaker 1: it made perfect sense. I went to his house and 111 00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:24,839 Speaker 1: I confronted him, and you know what he did, He 112 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:29,440 Speaker 1: lied right to my face. So long story short, when 113 00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:31,600 Speaker 1: I get to Heaven, I'm gonna find doug you stuber Not, 114 00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:33,840 Speaker 1: and I'm gonna punch him in the nose and get 115 00:06:33,839 --> 00:06:36,920 Speaker 1: my glove back. The first person you meet in heaven 116 00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:39,200 Speaker 1: a guy named Dougie Stuborn. Not You're going to punch 117 00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:42,400 Speaker 1: in the nose. Okay, who else would you like to 118 00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:47,960 Speaker 1: meet in heaven? Michael Jackson? Oh okay, that's interesting. Why 119 00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:51,200 Speaker 1: does that surprise you? We we were friends once. I 120 00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:54,159 Speaker 1: didn't know anything about any of that other junk that 121 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:56,479 Speaker 1: was going on. I was. I was more friends with Tito, 122 00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:58,919 Speaker 1: but Michael and I had a love of animals. We shared. 123 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:03,080 Speaker 1: He had his monkeys and I had Baxter. Anyway, most 124 00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:05,200 Speaker 1: people know that for a short while I had the 125 00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:09,080 Speaker 1: world's largest collection of domesticated big horn sheep. Can you 126 00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:12,320 Speaker 1: domesticate a big horn sheep? Not really, but I had 127 00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:14,840 Speaker 1: two of them in my backyard and they were about 128 00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:17,600 Speaker 1: as domesticated as you could get. That was the world's 129 00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:21,720 Speaker 1: largest collection, world's largest, or maybe they were they were 130 00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:25,320 Speaker 1: just sick, who knows. I had the Jackson's over for 131 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:28,760 Speaker 1: dinner one night. Michael was just a boy, maybe fourteen. Anyway, 132 00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:31,320 Speaker 1: I could tell he liked the big horns, and well, 133 00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:34,040 Speaker 1: it was a wonderful night. We played twister and sang 134 00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:36,520 Speaker 1: songs and and then they left. And then I noticed 135 00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:40,000 Speaker 1: that one of my big horns was gone. Yeah, the 136 00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:42,800 Speaker 1: one I called lazy butt, on account that he never 137 00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:45,560 Speaker 1: moved or did anything and just sat around and looked 138 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:49,040 Speaker 1: tired and sad. And I found out years later Michael 139 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:52,080 Speaker 1: Jackson has a whole zoo at his house. So the 140 00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:54,480 Speaker 1: proof is in the pudding. I know that that guy 141 00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:57,120 Speaker 1: stole one of my big horns. Anyway, when I get 142 00:07:57,120 --> 00:07:59,720 Speaker 1: to Heaven, I'm gonna find Michael Jackson and punch him 143 00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:01,360 Speaker 1: in the news and find out what happened to my 144 00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:04,480 Speaker 1: bighorn sheep. So are there people you would want to 145 00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:07,680 Speaker 1: meet in Heaven that you wouldn't punch the nose? Sure? 146 00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:11,680 Speaker 1: What about Yoda? Yoda from Star Wars? Yep, he's not 147 00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:15,520 Speaker 1: real in heaven, he's real. I'd really like to sit 148 00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:19,280 Speaker 1: down with Yoda. Not because he's a green blob of 149 00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:22,720 Speaker 1: a guy, or because he talks backwards, or because he's 150 00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:25,480 Speaker 1: a smart guy, or because he can float in the air. 151 00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:27,600 Speaker 1: I would like to talk to Yoda because he's like 152 00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:32,360 Speaker 1: eight hundred years old. How fun would that be? Right? 153 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:35,960 Speaker 1: You could ask a guy like that almost anything. What 154 00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:38,240 Speaker 1: was it like to roll a hoop down the street 155 00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:41,240 Speaker 1: for fun? What? What what's it like to kill a witch? 156 00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:44,679 Speaker 1: Who was the baddest mofo during the Civil War? How 157 00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:47,679 Speaker 1: tall was Alexander Hamilton's And believe me, he would be 158 00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:50,240 Speaker 1: happy to tell you. That guy can talk up a stormy. 159 00:08:50,679 --> 00:08:53,840 Speaker 1: He takes his time, but he can sure talk. Did 160 00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:56,760 Speaker 1: you ever see the movie Star Wars. Did I see 161 00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:59,679 Speaker 1: Star Wars? Yes, it's it's a movie that takes place 162 00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:04,440 Speaker 1: in outer space with laser shooters. Huh did you see Yeah, 163 00:09:04,559 --> 00:09:07,160 Speaker 1: everyone saw Star Wars. Yes, I saw it. Then you 164 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:10,240 Speaker 1: know about Yoda. He doesn't really show up until the 165 00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:14,040 Speaker 1: Second Star Wars. You know. You may know it as 166 00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:16,000 Speaker 1: the fifth Star Wars, but in my day it was 167 00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:20,000 Speaker 1: called the second Star Wars. Actually, Ronald Reagan started Star Wars, 168 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:23,480 Speaker 1: but George Lucas gave it the pizzas. So you would 169 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:26,160 Speaker 1: like to meet Yoda in heaven and ask him about 170 00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:29,480 Speaker 1: notable moments from American history. Notice I said Yoda, not 171 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:34,120 Speaker 1: baby Yoda. Baby Yoda is ridiculous and stupid. I had 172 00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:36,880 Speaker 1: no intention of ever talking to that guy. I don't 173 00:09:36,920 --> 00:09:39,000 Speaker 1: see what the big deal is. He's not cute, he 174 00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:41,920 Speaker 1: doesn't talk, he's not even a good actor, but the 175 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:44,880 Speaker 1: real grown up Yoda. But he's a cool customer in heaven, 176 00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:47,760 Speaker 1: and there's there's probably a line out the back of 177 00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:50,360 Speaker 1: Heaven to talk to him or get him to sign stuff. 178 00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:52,680 Speaker 1: And I wouldn't wait in a line. But eventually I 179 00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:55,560 Speaker 1: get my chance to talk to Yoda. I'm not one 180 00:09:55,559 --> 00:09:57,760 Speaker 1: of those crazy Star wars. People you see down in 181 00:09:57,920 --> 00:10:00,440 Speaker 1: my neck of the woods around comic con, you know 182 00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:02,760 Speaker 1: the type. They get all dressed up and play with 183 00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:06,680 Speaker 1: fake lightsabers. Carolina, you ever you ever heard of comic con? 184 00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:10,160 Speaker 1: Once again, everyone has heard of comic con. Don't sense me. 185 00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:12,800 Speaker 1: It's a very big deal down in my neck of 186 00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:16,120 Speaker 1: the woods. It happens every year, and let me tell 187 00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:19,160 Speaker 1: you it is a magical extravagance. Of the streets are 188 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:21,280 Speaker 1: filled with the colors of the rainbow, and there's like 189 00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:24,839 Speaker 1: sixteen Spider Man's and thirty Wonder Woman's and usually a 190 00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:27,800 Speaker 1: Count Dracula. And you're like, guy, is that the best 191 00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:30,480 Speaker 1: you can do? Count Dracula? But it's a it's a 192 00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:33,199 Speaker 1: ton of fun. I usually open up a little butter 193 00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:35,680 Speaker 1: brickle stand to make a few extra shekels the week 194 00:10:35,679 --> 00:10:39,400 Speaker 1: comic Con comes to town, don't It's called ron Burgundies 195 00:10:39,559 --> 00:10:43,240 Speaker 1: Bodacious butter brickle, and it's usually the hit a comic con. 196 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:47,160 Speaker 1: Google it you'll see it's called ron burgundiese bodacious butter Brickle. 197 00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:52,000 Speaker 1: That's goody, you know, Carolina. Before we continue, I let's 198 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:54,320 Speaker 1: take an ad break. We'll take a little pause here, 199 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:57,040 Speaker 1: and when we come back, we will talk a little 200 00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:59,520 Speaker 1: bit more on people I would love to meet in heaven. 201 00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:14,880 Speaker 1: And we're back at the Ron Burgundy Podcast. We're listening 202 00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:18,680 Speaker 1: to Ron list his ten people he would like to 203 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:22,200 Speaker 1: meet in heaven. Yes, he's a controversial one. I'd like 204 00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:25,560 Speaker 1: to meet John F. Kennedy when I get to heaven. No. Yeah, 205 00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:28,720 Speaker 1: he would be interesting, probably very smart. The main reason 206 00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:32,800 Speaker 1: I'd like to meet JFK. As he is sometimes known, 207 00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:36,120 Speaker 1: is because he might be able to confirm my deepest 208 00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:40,160 Speaker 1: suspicion about who really killed him. H Lee Harvey Oswald 209 00:11:40,240 --> 00:12:01,440 Speaker 1: killed Kennedy. Ah, oh, Carolina, you said, unquestioning, naive young woman. 210 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:04,600 Speaker 1: I wouldn't expect you to understand. But the world isn't 211 00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:07,600 Speaker 1: always wrapped up in the neat little pink bow that 212 00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:10,800 Speaker 1: you wanted to be. No, there are a lot of 213 00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:14,760 Speaker 1: theories about who killed Kennedy. Did the Russians do it? 214 00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:19,200 Speaker 1: What about the mob? Some people think Lyndon B. Johnson 215 00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:22,840 Speaker 1: paid Oswald to do it. Hoover was in love with Oswald. 216 00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:24,840 Speaker 1: That was a known fact, so maybe he did it. 217 00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:28,599 Speaker 1: There are those not many who think Christopher Walkin did it. 218 00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:31,800 Speaker 1: Even aliens come into play, But I've I've had my 219 00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:35,439 Speaker 1: own theory for quite some time. And if I get 220 00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:37,400 Speaker 1: a chance to ask j f K, I bet he 221 00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:42,400 Speaker 1: would tell me. I'm right. Who do you think killed Kennedy? Well, 222 00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:45,760 Speaker 1: simple math. Everyone knew the thirty fifth president was sleeping 223 00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:50,800 Speaker 1: with Marilyn Monroe, that voluptuous, blonde bombshell and Hollywood vixen. 224 00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:55,120 Speaker 1: And what red blooded American male would not sleep with 225 00:12:55,160 --> 00:13:00,600 Speaker 1: Marilyn Monroe if given the chance? Huh? Wh wouldn't sleep 226 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:04,520 Speaker 1: with Marilyn Monroe? Can you think of anyone? Would you 227 00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:07,040 Speaker 1: would sleep with her? Right? I mean, yeah, I guess 228 00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:08,760 Speaker 1: I would. You wouldn't kick her out of bed for 229 00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:13,840 Speaker 1: eating crackers? No, I wouldn't Marilyn Monroe? Classic, I mean, 230 00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:16,280 Speaker 1: I dig up her grave and take her for a 231 00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:18,680 Speaker 1: ride today if I thought the worms hadn't already eaten 232 00:13:18,679 --> 00:13:27,120 Speaker 1: her up. Oh my god? Uh uh you know what? No, 233 00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:29,920 Speaker 1: I yeah, I shouldn't have said that. Don't work, you 234 00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:32,520 Speaker 1: know what? I will edit that out later. No, No, 235 00:13:32,559 --> 00:13:36,720 Speaker 1: I got it. Anyway, all of Washington, New JFK, and 236 00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:40,040 Speaker 1: Maryland were sneaking off to engage in sexual activity, and 237 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,840 Speaker 1: this did not sit well with someone in particular. And 238 00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:47,280 Speaker 1: this someone hatched a plan. While the motorcaid steered its 239 00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:50,400 Speaker 1: way through the hot streets of Dallas that unforgettable day, 240 00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:53,959 Speaker 1: Jacqueline Lee Kennedy reached into her purse and pulled out 241 00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:57,000 Speaker 1: a tiny pistol that blew open our president's head. So 242 00:13:57,080 --> 00:14:00,800 Speaker 1: do you think Jackie Kennedy killed jfk Hell no fury 243 00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:05,000 Speaker 1: like a woman scorned. It's a theory. I dabbled in criminology, 244 00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:07,160 Speaker 1: A parlor game, really, but it's a lot of fun. 245 00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:09,480 Speaker 1: So if I saw him in heaven, I would ask him, Hey, 246 00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:11,640 Speaker 1: did your wife shoot you in the head. I can 247 00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:14,040 Speaker 1: see it now, the slow smile and the chuckle and 248 00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:17,080 Speaker 1: finally the admission. You'd probably shake my hand as the 249 00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:21,560 Speaker 1: first person to solve the case. Anyway, who else? I mean, 250 00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:25,400 Speaker 1: you can meet anyone. What about like Gandhi or Napoleon 251 00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:31,560 Speaker 1: or Lincoln. I've got one Jerry Lewis. That guy always 252 00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:34,040 Speaker 1: made me laugh with his antics, The King of slapstick. 253 00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:39,720 Speaker 1: Jerry Lewis. What a performer. That's a guy I would 254 00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:43,600 Speaker 1: want to meet. Then I'd go for jazz musician Miles Davis. 255 00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:47,920 Speaker 1: That's pretty cool, ye, Well, for those of you who 256 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:50,960 Speaker 1: don't know, I play a pretty solid jazz flute. In fact, 257 00:14:51,480 --> 00:14:54,360 Speaker 1: I'd say I can sit in with the best of them. Anyway, 258 00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:57,560 Speaker 1: Miles and I go way back. I was once covering 259 00:14:57,560 --> 00:14:59,760 Speaker 1: a news story in a little town outside of Denver 260 00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:04,240 Speaker 1: called Mullenston. Look it up, It's on Google. And after 261 00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:07,480 Speaker 1: a after a long day's work, I pulled into a 262 00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:10,280 Speaker 1: roadside bar to have a scotch and check out the 263 00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:14,080 Speaker 1: local color. Up on the bandstand was none other than 264 00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:17,440 Speaker 1: Miles Davis. This was in his Coltrane period, so it 265 00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:21,160 Speaker 1: was him and John Coltrane. Anyway. The crowd was comprised 266 00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:24,120 Speaker 1: of mainly cowboys and hicks, and it it struck me 267 00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:26,320 Speaker 1: as odd that Miles would have gotten the gig in 268 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:28,600 Speaker 1: this out of the way joint. But I was digging 269 00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:30,600 Speaker 1: the sound and enjoying the scotch when all of a 270 00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:33,360 Speaker 1: sudden there was a roar of thunder and the doors 271 00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:36,320 Speaker 1: burst open. It was a biker gang, but not just 272 00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:39,680 Speaker 1: any biker gang, but the most fearsome of them all, 273 00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:43,280 Speaker 1: the Crimson Dragons. I thought the Hell's Angels were like 274 00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:46,520 Speaker 1: the most notorious biker gang. Okay, but you know what, 275 00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:49,000 Speaker 1: this is my story, Caroline. If you want to make 276 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:51,280 Speaker 1: up a biker gang name for your stories, then you 277 00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:54,000 Speaker 1: can do that. But but this is my story. So 278 00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:56,800 Speaker 1: the Crimson Dragons it is. It just doesn't even sound tough. 279 00:15:56,840 --> 00:15:59,720 Speaker 1: It sounds like a girls soccer team. These were tough 280 00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:03,720 Speaker 1: guy eyes. It must have been fifty of them, leather jackets, beards, 281 00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:06,920 Speaker 1: blue jeans, the whole nine yards. And they didn't like jazz. 282 00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:09,840 Speaker 1: The leader of the group a big scary guy named 283 00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:13,040 Speaker 1: Mustache Bill. Yell out, get them musicians off the stage. 284 00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:17,120 Speaker 1: Mustache the leader of the Crimson Dragons. Yes, he was 285 00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:21,840 Speaker 1: six ft ten weighed three hundred pounds. To kill him 286 00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:25,400 Speaker 1: with a gun would take fifteen rounds. He ate like 287 00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:28,600 Speaker 1: a bear, and he smelled like one too. Every time 288 00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:31,640 Speaker 1: he pooped it was a mountain of pooh. In one 289 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:35,520 Speaker 1: hand he held across from his wife. In the other 290 00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:38,840 Speaker 1: hand he carried a big bowie knife. The cross was 291 00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:42,440 Speaker 1: for prayer and the knife for to kill. And that's 292 00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:47,000 Speaker 1: why they called him Mustache Bill. You wrote a poem. 293 00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:50,360 Speaker 1: I'm not sure what you're talking about anyway, This mean 294 00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:54,320 Speaker 1: old Mustache Bill says, get them musicians off the stage. 295 00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:58,640 Speaker 1: And I could see that Miles and Train were scared 296 00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:01,760 Speaker 1: to death. The old gang started running for the band, 297 00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:05,440 Speaker 1: knocking over chairs and tossing people around. Well that's when 298 00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:07,760 Speaker 1: I remember that I had my flute with me, and 299 00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:10,240 Speaker 1: as they are running to beat up the guys in 300 00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:13,520 Speaker 1: the band, I yell out, anyone who doesn't like jazz 301 00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:16,639 Speaker 1: is a square. And I know it sounds like a 302 00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:21,080 Speaker 1: pretty soft insult these days, but back then, whoa boy? 303 00:17:21,359 --> 00:17:23,439 Speaker 1: You call someone a square? And it was like calling 304 00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:27,879 Speaker 1: them a mother today anyway, the guy comes to a 305 00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:31,400 Speaker 1: dead halt and turns to look at me. The bar 306 00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:34,439 Speaker 1: is as quiet as a whorehouse on a Sunday morning. 307 00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:38,360 Speaker 1: Mustache Bill starts to walk towards me, holding the big 308 00:17:38,359 --> 00:17:43,439 Speaker 1: booie knife that there wasn't a poem. He starts to 309 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:46,240 Speaker 1: walk towards me, and that's when I bring the flute 310 00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:50,560 Speaker 1: to my mouth and blow. At first something soft and juicy, 311 00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:53,720 Speaker 1: But then my mojo gets going and I get real soulful, 312 00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:56,640 Speaker 1: and some of the guys in the motorcycle gang start 313 00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:59,120 Speaker 1: getting into the groove, as they say, and I get 314 00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:01,920 Speaker 1: deeper into a day own home jazz funk kind of thing. 315 00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:05,000 Speaker 1: The rhythm section starts to join in, and I can 316 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:07,280 Speaker 1: see now I have the whole gang in the palm 317 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:10,919 Speaker 1: of my hand. Then Miles and Coltrane start playing with me. 318 00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:14,680 Speaker 1: Each new riff has them cheering and shouting. They hardly 319 00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:17,680 Speaker 1: let us finish. I want more jazz, shouted Mustache Bill. 320 00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:21,439 Speaker 1: We played on into the morning. Miles Davis thank me 321 00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:23,800 Speaker 1: for saving the band, and off I went into the 322 00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:27,080 Speaker 1: early morning air of the Rocky Mountains, satisfied that jazz 323 00:18:27,080 --> 00:18:31,240 Speaker 1: flute had saved another life. So yeah, I'd like to 324 00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:34,280 Speaker 1: see my old friend Miles Davis when I get to heaven. 325 00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:37,040 Speaker 1: We could have a good laugh over Mustache Bill and 326 00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:40,720 Speaker 1: the Crimson Dragons. I'm sorry, I can't help it. Mustache 327 00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:43,359 Speaker 1: Bill and the Crimson Dragon sounds like a children's book. 328 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:47,400 Speaker 1: You know who else I'd like to meet in heaven? Cleopatra. 329 00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:50,359 Speaker 1: Oh that's a good choice, don't I know it. Cleopatra 330 00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:53,560 Speaker 1: was probably the foxiest woman of all time. She had 331 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:56,159 Speaker 1: a way about her, that's for sure. I like the 332 00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:58,960 Speaker 1: way she did her stuff all right, man, that was 333 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:01,840 Speaker 1: all woman, packed of that Egyptian frame. Hot cha cha. 334 00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:05,560 Speaker 1: Where there's smoke, there's fire. You know what I'm talking about? 335 00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:09,159 Speaker 1: Sea Balls? My name isn't Sea Balls? What happened to you? 336 00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:12,600 Speaker 1: So you want to meet Cleopatra because she was beautiful? 337 00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:16,040 Speaker 1: Is that it? Little background? Sea balls. I am an 338 00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:20,640 Speaker 1: amateur historian. Almost everyone knows that I've actually won awards 339 00:19:20,680 --> 00:19:24,320 Speaker 1: with my history stuff. AnyWho not to brag, but ancient 340 00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:27,320 Speaker 1: Roman times is kind of my thing. In short, I've 341 00:19:27,359 --> 00:19:30,920 Speaker 1: done the research. Cleopatra, as she was known, was the 342 00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:34,359 Speaker 1: ruler of Egypt, and this Egypt was not the show 343 00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:36,720 Speaker 1: it is today, no, sir. This is what they call 344 00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:39,480 Speaker 1: the Golden period of Egypt, when all of Egypt looked 345 00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:43,280 Speaker 1: like palm springs. The women looked like the MGM backlot 346 00:19:43,320 --> 00:19:45,560 Speaker 1: in the forties, and the men looked like guys working 347 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:48,359 Speaker 1: out in muscle beach. Most of the men walked around 348 00:19:48,359 --> 00:19:51,840 Speaker 1: in long beach towels they called togas, and the women 349 00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:54,800 Speaker 1: mainly wore one piece bathing suits and four inch heels. 350 00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:58,359 Speaker 1: It was a glorious time. There was much playing around 351 00:19:58,359 --> 00:20:02,119 Speaker 1: in the sun, games like volley all played with human heads. 352 00:20:02,359 --> 00:20:06,240 Speaker 1: The research shows, and other sports that were specific to 353 00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:10,359 Speaker 1: the time, like the game ner athene, which I don't 354 00:20:10,359 --> 00:20:12,719 Speaker 1: have the time to explain, but it was something like 355 00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:15,560 Speaker 1: the game lacrosse with shovels and rocks and was very popular. 356 00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:19,240 Speaker 1: According to my research, into this world of blissful pleasure 357 00:20:19,640 --> 00:20:25,080 Speaker 1: comes Cleopatra, Cha, Mama Louis. She looked like Estra Williams 358 00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:28,720 Speaker 1: climbing out of a pool. Sorry. She looked like Dorothy 359 00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:33,400 Speaker 1: Lamore walking out of the jungle, Dorothy Veronica Lake, swishing 360 00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:36,119 Speaker 1: and swaying her way onto the scene. I don't know 361 00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:39,120 Speaker 1: her either. Sorry, Okay, I'll make it easy, said Charis 362 00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:44,240 Speaker 1: in American in Paris. I wooka nothing. Sorry, Janet Lee, No, 363 00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:48,880 Speaker 1: I don't know Gene Harlow nothing. I can't. Let's see 364 00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:52,000 Speaker 1: think ron more modern. Here's one Tina Louise moving on. 365 00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:54,639 Speaker 1: I don't know her. Okay, what if I threw Angie 366 00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:59,720 Speaker 1: Dickinson your way? Three fast ones, Anita Eckbert, Jane Manson, 367 00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:04,880 Speaker 1: Adrian Barbara. Come on, she's contemporary, got it? Wrap your 368 00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:08,200 Speaker 1: millennial mind around this bow, Derek, Now, you're just making 369 00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:11,240 Speaker 1: up names. I give up. Let's reframe this. Who was 370 00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:14,840 Speaker 1: the most beautiful woman today? I don't know. I think 371 00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:17,280 Speaker 1: we have different ideas of beauty. I mean I find 372 00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:23,760 Speaker 1: Ruth pader Ginsburg to be beautiful. Boy. Okay, forget the analogy. 373 00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:28,280 Speaker 1: Into this land of pleasure and decadence walks the lovely Cleopatra, 374 00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:31,240 Speaker 1: looking like Barbara Eden from I Dream of Genie. I 375 00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:34,080 Speaker 1: don't know who that is anyway. This beautiful woman, who 376 00:21:34,359 --> 00:21:39,600 Speaker 1: apparently looks like no one that Carolina can recognize, even 377 00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:45,680 Speaker 1: though I gave her fifty prominent examples that any Tom 378 00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:50,080 Speaker 1: Dicker Harry could name, comes over to Julius Caesar's house 379 00:21:50,119 --> 00:21:53,040 Speaker 1: in Rome just the biggest, baddest ruler of all time, 380 00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:56,600 Speaker 1: seduces him, has some children, and then heads home on 381 00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:59,600 Speaker 1: a party boat. Cut to a few years later. Now 382 00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:02,320 Speaker 1: there's an new guy in room named Mark Anthony who 383 00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:05,200 Speaker 1: looked like Victor Mature without his shirt on. Who's that? 384 00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:07,680 Speaker 1: Just some guy? Forget I said it. He goes to 385 00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:10,960 Speaker 1: visit Cleopatra up the Nile, and guess what, he seduces him. 386 00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:13,639 Speaker 1: They have a couple of kids. So now you see, 387 00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:15,280 Speaker 1: you see why I want to meet up with her. 388 00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:19,560 Speaker 1: I don't know. It's simple. Do I Ron Burgundy have 389 00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:22,639 Speaker 1: the power to resist the greatest temptress in the history 390 00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:27,000 Speaker 1: of mankind? Probably not, but I just gotta find out. 391 00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:32,080 Speaker 1: It's ah, it's time for another ad break. We'll be 392 00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:35,440 Speaker 1: right back. You're just not gonna believe who rounds out 393 00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:38,040 Speaker 1: my list on the people I would love to meet 394 00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:53,439 Speaker 1: in Heaven more after this. Alright, we're back to the 395 00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:58,200 Speaker 1: Ron Burgundy Podcast. Thank you for your listenership. And uh, Carolina, 396 00:22:58,320 --> 00:23:02,840 Speaker 1: I think you're really been enjoying my list of the 397 00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:04,640 Speaker 1: people I'd like to meet in Heaven. I can tell 398 00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:06,439 Speaker 1: by the smile on your face. I mean, it's just 399 00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:10,600 Speaker 1: another day at work. I'm I'm just doing my job. Good. Great, 400 00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:15,840 Speaker 1: it's great. It's great to have a job, isn't it, Carolina? Yes? Yes, 401 00:23:16,359 --> 00:23:19,200 Speaker 1: Oh my god? So where were we? Oh? Yeah, I'd 402 00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:22,160 Speaker 1: like to sit down and meet Lassie, last the dog. 403 00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:24,800 Speaker 1: That's right, Lastie, the Collie dog. Of all the great 404 00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:26,560 Speaker 1: animals that have passed away and gone to heaven, I 405 00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:29,080 Speaker 1: think Lastie would be the most interesting to meet. Sure, 406 00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:31,359 Speaker 1: Flipper the dolphin or Babe the pig come to mind, 407 00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:33,800 Speaker 1: But if I see them in a coffee shop up there, 408 00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:36,040 Speaker 1: I will no doubt say hello. But Lassie is the 409 00:23:36,119 --> 00:23:38,240 Speaker 1: lady I want to talk to you. Do you think 410 00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:41,399 Speaker 1: you'll be able to communicate with animals in heaven? Why not? 411 00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:43,760 Speaker 1: I mean I talked to you know, my dog Baxter 412 00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:46,720 Speaker 1: every day, and he talks back to me quite often 413 00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:50,920 Speaker 1: in a very dismissive tone. Baxter is a cantankerous little 414 00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:53,160 Speaker 1: rascal sometimes who can dish it out just as much 415 00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:57,240 Speaker 1: as he can take it. He could be a real Now, Lastie, 416 00:23:57,320 --> 00:24:01,000 Speaker 1: that's a classy lady. She's she saved lives, stopped criminals, 417 00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:04,880 Speaker 1: started her own TV show, What a guest she would 418 00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:07,879 Speaker 1: be on the Ron Burgundy Podcast in Heaven. You do 419 00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:10,800 Speaker 1: know that over the years there were probably multiple last 420 00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:13,200 Speaker 1: Sees that played the part of Lassie, like they all 421 00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:16,520 Speaker 1: had different names and different trainers. Probably you can be 422 00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:21,960 Speaker 1: a real pill sometimes. Well, next William Shakespeare, the writer, 423 00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:26,560 Speaker 1: is there another William Shakespeare? Well, I don't know if 424 00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:29,040 Speaker 1: if you knew that William Shakespeare was a writer. No, 425 00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:32,000 Speaker 1: most people know that. Well you never heard of Dorothy Lamore, 426 00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:34,119 Speaker 1: so I figured maybe there was a gas leak or something, 427 00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:37,040 Speaker 1: or you couldn't remember stuff. I know who William Shakespeare 428 00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:39,280 Speaker 1: is good. He's one of the ten people that I'd 429 00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:42,760 Speaker 1: like to meet in Heaven. That's the theme of today's show. 430 00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:46,359 Speaker 1: As as you know, I'm also a writer, mainly letters 431 00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:49,040 Speaker 1: to food companies and airlines, but I also have written 432 00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:53,119 Speaker 1: eight unpublished novels and two books of poetry, a self 433 00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:56,000 Speaker 1: help book, a total fitness book, a book about ghosts, 434 00:24:56,280 --> 00:24:59,239 Speaker 1: and I'm working on a history of all mankind. So 435 00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:01,960 Speaker 1: as a writer, I think it would be very interesting 436 00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:04,960 Speaker 1: to get into the mind of this guy Shakespeare, writer 437 00:25:05,119 --> 00:25:09,280 Speaker 1: to writer. How does he work, what's his process? And 438 00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:11,640 Speaker 1: when starting a novel does he like to work off 439 00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:15,040 Speaker 1: an outline? That kind of stuff? He wrote plays in poetry, 440 00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:19,680 Speaker 1: didn't he didn't write any novels. Okay, miss college graduate, 441 00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:23,160 Speaker 1: I'm sure he wrote some novels. They probably just weren't 442 00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:25,800 Speaker 1: published at the time. Hamlet was a novel. The Hamlet 443 00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:28,640 Speaker 1: is a play. I'll be checking that on Google later. 444 00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:31,480 Speaker 1: People throw facts around these days like they know stuff, 445 00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:34,679 Speaker 1: but you can't escape the Google anyway. My point is, 446 00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:37,000 Speaker 1: if I could sit down with this guy Shakespeare, I 447 00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:40,119 Speaker 1: could really figure out what makes him tick and not 448 00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:42,199 Speaker 1: to toot my own horn, but I can imagine he 449 00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:45,120 Speaker 1: would want to know my process as well. For instance, 450 00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:47,399 Speaker 1: I talked into a tape recorder when I feel a 451 00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:50,560 Speaker 1: novel coming on, I can talk out a whole novel 452 00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:53,720 Speaker 1: on a regular Sunday drive. Then I have someone type 453 00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:58,359 Speaker 1: it up and viola, I'm done. One complete novel. But 454 00:25:58,680 --> 00:26:02,520 Speaker 1: I bet Shakespeare wishes he could have done that. Huh 455 00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:05,320 Speaker 1: do you think? I don't know? Well, anyway, Shakespeare and 456 00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:07,360 Speaker 1: I probably have a ton of common, so I bet 457 00:26:07,359 --> 00:26:09,800 Speaker 1: we could be pals in heaven. That's eight people, and 458 00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:12,920 Speaker 1: you have two more. Here's someone I would love to meeting. 459 00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:14,920 Speaker 1: And I don't care, Lota, you're a big fan of two? 460 00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:22,240 Speaker 1: Mr Evil Knevil? Yes, what is the interest there? Well? 461 00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:25,399 Speaker 1: I mean, that guy just played by his own rules. 462 00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:29,280 Speaker 1: You know, he just said, Hey, you don't think I 463 00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:37,240 Speaker 1: can jump twenty one British double decker busses at Wimbley Stadium. 464 00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:40,520 Speaker 1: Let me show you which, by the way, he clipped 465 00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:44,680 Speaker 1: the last bus and wiped out horribly. But my point 466 00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:50,880 Speaker 1: is the pageantry, the flare, the capes, just the moxie. Yeah, 467 00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:54,399 Speaker 1: he sounded like from what I've read about him, that 468 00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:58,840 Speaker 1: he really struggle with alcoholism and openly cheated on his wife. 469 00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:01,480 Speaker 1: And you know a lot of the stunts he pulled. 470 00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:03,639 Speaker 1: He knew he would get an audience just because he 471 00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:07,240 Speaker 1: would fail and injure himself. Then wouldn't that be fascinating 472 00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:12,720 Speaker 1: to talk to him face to face? Um? Yeah, okay, okay, 473 00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:15,439 Speaker 1: And what I love too. Is that he that was 474 00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:18,200 Speaker 1: his birth name and he turned it into a positive. 475 00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:22,240 Speaker 1: Someone named him Evil Knevil. Clarence and Marcia kne Evil 476 00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:27,760 Speaker 1: named their son Evil, and he said, I'm gonna turn 477 00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:30,639 Speaker 1: this into a positive and make some sense out of 478 00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:35,240 Speaker 1: this name. So crazy, Clarence and Marcia just couldn't help themselves. 479 00:27:35,280 --> 00:27:39,600 Speaker 1: I bet you he had few regrets. I actually think 480 00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:42,200 Speaker 1: he may have had many, and that's something you could 481 00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:45,200 Speaker 1: talk to about. Yeah, I just feel like I'm gonna 482 00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:50,040 Speaker 1: want to meet different people, and so you can meet him, 483 00:27:50,119 --> 00:27:55,760 Speaker 1: and I will talk to Winston Churchill. I just I 484 00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:58,679 Speaker 1: feel like we might be in different crowds. Okay, but 485 00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:03,160 Speaker 1: don't call me on my heaven cell phone when you're 486 00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:05,800 Speaker 1: hearing you know how great my dinner parties are going 487 00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:11,159 Speaker 1: compared to yours. Okay, I won't. I will call you 488 00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:14,160 Speaker 1: on your heaven cell phone when I want to talk, 489 00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:19,080 Speaker 1: but we'll have separate parties. Fine. Fine, And I have 490 00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:24,520 Speaker 1: a feeling you're going to regret that statement. I hope, 491 00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:28,200 Speaker 1: I hope. I don't. In fact, I don't know if 492 00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:30,320 Speaker 1: I want you at some of my parties in heaven. 493 00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:34,399 Speaker 1: So I'm already not invited but what if I'm in 494 00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:37,959 Speaker 1: the neighborhood. What if I make a wrong turn and 495 00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:40,800 Speaker 1: I end up in your cul de sect? Just respect 496 00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:44,840 Speaker 1: that I might want privacy. You know, Heaven's golf course living. 497 00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:49,240 Speaker 1: It's a resort style living, right, My heaven might be different, 498 00:28:49,320 --> 00:28:55,000 Speaker 1: but sure, we don't have a choice. Okay, I just 499 00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:56,880 Speaker 1: find it sad that my heaven I'll be living on 500 00:28:56,920 --> 00:29:03,560 Speaker 1: a golf course. Most theologians concur that a rough guideline 501 00:29:03,560 --> 00:29:06,120 Speaker 1: of what heaven is going to look like. Now, I've 502 00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:09,560 Speaker 1: never been to this place myself personally. I've seen photos 503 00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:13,600 Speaker 1: and it looks marvelous, but a rough template of what 504 00:29:13,640 --> 00:29:19,040 Speaker 1: heaven is going to look like mar lago. I I 505 00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:26,800 Speaker 1: truly think that might be how coral colored Italian villas, stucco, 506 00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:35,960 Speaker 1: beautiful sculptures, fountains, marble for days, and golf, a lot 507 00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:41,240 Speaker 1: of green pillars, a lot of faux antiquities. And that's 508 00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:44,880 Speaker 1: that's what is in store. I just feel like heavens 509 00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:48,560 Speaker 1: a little bit more like a Raphallian painting. You know, 510 00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:54,040 Speaker 1: maybe um, some nymphs, maybe some centaurs who are kept 511 00:29:54,040 --> 00:29:57,360 Speaker 1: in a zoo. No, you go, you can go visit 512 00:29:57,400 --> 00:29:59,680 Speaker 1: the nymphs. And the centers at the zoo, the Heaven Zoo. 513 00:29:59,720 --> 00:30:02,800 Speaker 1: I don't one zoos. In Heaven. Everyone gets their own 514 00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:05,920 Speaker 1: golf cart. Did you know that? No? I didn't. They 515 00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:13,040 Speaker 1: do absolutely. Can you remember the joy and the thrill 516 00:30:13,400 --> 00:30:15,160 Speaker 1: of the first time you got to drive in a 517 00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:20,200 Speaker 1: golf cart as a little kid? Pretty fun? Yeah, So 518 00:30:20,440 --> 00:30:23,000 Speaker 1: you're gonna have your own personalized golf cart. You don't 519 00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:26,360 Speaker 1: have to recharge it. It's Heaven. It's an endless power 520 00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:30,240 Speaker 1: supply and you're just gonna cruise around and you know, 521 00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:35,040 Speaker 1: have breakfast at ten in the morning, leisurely breakfast, play 522 00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:38,720 Speaker 1: a few rounds of golf, grab a grab a soak, 523 00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:45,080 Speaker 1: a sauna or a hot tub, lunch, cocktails at three, 524 00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:52,400 Speaker 1: fish dinner at six in bed by eight forever, fish 525 00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:58,440 Speaker 1: dinner at six, or you can order the tenderline. So 526 00:30:58,920 --> 00:31:02,960 Speaker 1: that's that's roughly what it's going to be like. I 527 00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:05,800 Speaker 1: just wish there are more options. I guess, well, it's 528 00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:11,400 Speaker 1: tough when you're only option is high level luxury. So 529 00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:15,080 Speaker 1: I mean, is there any how do you go up 530 00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:22,760 Speaker 1: from there? Oh? I feel like after infinity, tenderloins or fish, 531 00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:26,200 Speaker 1: I would start to hate Heaven. But do you like 532 00:31:26,280 --> 00:31:30,520 Speaker 1: infinity pools, because there will be one infinity pool in 533 00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:35,000 Speaker 1: the center of the property that no joke goes on 534 00:31:35,120 --> 00:31:39,240 Speaker 1: for infinity. Oh, that's an existential crisis. In fact, you 535 00:31:39,280 --> 00:31:41,080 Speaker 1: have to be careful because you don't figure out where 536 00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:43,600 Speaker 1: the entrance point of the pool is. You'll just you'll 537 00:31:43,640 --> 00:31:46,640 Speaker 1: go forever. Yeah, you may start back up again, may 538 00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:52,200 Speaker 1: start exactly. Um, but that's a brief that's a brief 539 00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:58,920 Speaker 1: sketch of what the cozy confines of heaven. Eleven o'clock 540 00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:01,080 Speaker 1: cur for you. By the way, what do the guys 541 00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:08,040 Speaker 1: wear there? Golf attire? Slacks, um golf shirts. You can 542 00:32:08,080 --> 00:32:09,640 Speaker 1: wear shorts, but you gotta make sure you tuck your 543 00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:12,600 Speaker 1: shirt in. I don't look good in that outfit. By 544 00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:17,520 Speaker 1: the way, women preferably skirts. You can wear pants with pleats, 545 00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:22,880 Speaker 1: you have to be pleaded, but comfortable golf attire. Yeah, 546 00:32:22,920 --> 00:32:25,440 Speaker 1: it's gonna be hard. So it's good. It sounds great. 547 00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:28,800 Speaker 1: I feel like I might be single in heaven. And 548 00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:32,680 Speaker 1: speaking of heaven, will round up our list the number 549 00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:37,080 Speaker 1: one person I'd like to meet, Yes, drum roll please, 550 00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:44,520 Speaker 1: Jesus Christ. Not not a I know that's day one stuff. 551 00:32:44,560 --> 00:32:47,160 Speaker 1: But you don't go to the Louver Museum without seeing 552 00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:49,720 Speaker 1: the Mona Lisa. You don't go to New York without 553 00:32:49,760 --> 00:32:51,760 Speaker 1: climbing to the top of the christ they're building, and 554 00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:55,680 Speaker 1: you don't go to Heaven without seeing the man. Just 555 00:32:55,720 --> 00:32:59,280 Speaker 1: be interesting to sit down with that cat. Would you 556 00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:03,280 Speaker 1: ask for a picture, of course? Yeah, well there's going 557 00:33:03,360 --> 00:33:07,360 Speaker 1: once again, there's going to be a photographer throughout There 558 00:33:07,480 --> 00:33:12,840 Speaker 1: always be an on set photographer that haven't just and 559 00:33:12,880 --> 00:33:15,160 Speaker 1: he'll be like, can I get you two together? Please 560 00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:17,080 Speaker 1: put your drinks down. They never want you know, they 561 00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:19,040 Speaker 1: don't want you to be photographed with a cocktailer man. 562 00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:22,400 Speaker 1: So yeah, I'll probably I'd probably get a photograph upfront. 563 00:33:22,640 --> 00:33:26,440 Speaker 1: It's like an expensive armitsvah, yeah, that's where the production 564 00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:30,280 Speaker 1: value and uh, and then I would just let's see, 565 00:33:30,320 --> 00:33:32,920 Speaker 1: I'd I'd say, uh, I'd say why did you do it? 566 00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:35,200 Speaker 1: Why did you and your dad come up with the 567 00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:39,040 Speaker 1: whole shebang? That's what I'd ask him. Until then, That's 568 00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:42,800 Speaker 1: that's what we ask ourselves every day. Why the whole shebang? 569 00:33:43,440 --> 00:33:46,120 Speaker 1: Why the reason for any of it? What the hell 570 00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:49,200 Speaker 1: is all the nonsense about? I suspect we would have 571 00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:51,440 Speaker 1: to say something like we're here to love one another. 572 00:33:52,120 --> 00:33:54,440 Speaker 1: It's a shame, really that most of us wait until 573 00:33:54,560 --> 00:33:56,479 Speaker 1: we get to heaven to realize it. But what a 574 00:33:56,520 --> 00:34:00,600 Speaker 1: beautiful shame right in the meantime, Let's keep on deluding ourselves. 575 00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:04,600 Speaker 1: If we we can't love everyone, let's try and stay glassy, folks. 576 00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:17,040 Speaker 1: My name is Bron Burgundy. Good Night, Boston, Boston. The 577 00:34:17,160 --> 00:34:20,360 Speaker 1: Ron Burgundy Podcast is a production of I Heart Radio. 578 00:34:20,719 --> 00:34:25,520 Speaker 1: Ii'm Ron Burgundy. The host, writer and executive producer Carolina 579 00:34:25,560 --> 00:34:29,520 Speaker 1: Barlow is my co host, writer and producer. Our producer 580 00:34:29,719 --> 00:34:34,520 Speaker 1: is Nick Stump. Our talent coordinator is Anna Hosnier. Writers 581 00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:38,960 Speaker 1: are Andrew Steele and Jake Fobois. This episode was engineered, mixed, 582 00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:42,440 Speaker 1: and edited by Nick Stuff. Until next time, this is 583 00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:48,840 Speaker 1: Ron Burgundy.