Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central. What do you think of
Speaker 1: when you think of the future.
Speaker 2: Is it space travel, robots, trucks with the word cyber
Speaker 2: in front of them. Whatever your vision, there is one
Speaker 2: man working to make it a reality.
Speaker 1: He's part Thomas Edison, part.
Speaker 2: Iron man, part annoying dude in the group chat and
Speaker 2: is anything but your standard CEO.
Speaker 3: I changed my title to to Techno Kang. And by
Speaker 3: the way, this is a formal SEC filing. It's I'm
Speaker 3: legally for whatever Techno kan. I just did that as
Speaker 3: kind of like a joke.
Speaker 2: Yes, he's the Technic King, but as a joke, and
Speaker 2: soon we'll all be served that in a funny way,
Speaker 2: because while he may be an eccentric satellite launching, terminally
Speaker 2: online billionaire who wants to plug people into computer hooters
Speaker 2: and build the best network of underground tunnels, it's not
Speaker 2: like he's some kind of super villain.
Speaker 3: And eventually you can transform Mars into an earthlike planet,
Speaker 3: drop the nuclear weapons over the polls.
Speaker 2: Well, maybe a little so strappy turn on the autobotot,
Speaker 2: but keep your hands on his steering wheel in case
Speaker 2: of pedestrians, because this is the daily Shiwography.
Speaker 1: Of Elon Musk visionary future man.
Speaker 2: Elon Musk was born in Pretoria, South Africa in Earth
Speaker 2: year nineteen seventy one. His father made a fortune in construction,
Speaker 2: and Emerald manulicas Africa's resources.
Speaker 1: Are like free money for white people, I badly believe.
Speaker 2: In school, Elon overcame many hardships, although unlike other South
Speaker 2: African celebrities, he didn't make his childhood into a whole thing.
Speaker 2: By age ten, he was learning the program computer. At twelve,
Speaker 2: he built a video game he called Blastar, which started
Speaker 2: his lifelong life of inventing things that already exist. Soon after,
Speaker 2: he South Africa and made his way to a booming
Speaker 2: Silicon valley, where he launched his first company, zip Too,
Speaker 2: which he eventually sold a compact computer for three hundred
Speaker 2: and five million dollars. Like so many tech entrepreneurs, he
Speaker 2: earned his unimaginable wealth by doing something invaluable for society,
Speaker 2: selling a startup you've never heard of to a company.
Speaker 1: That doesn't exist anymore.
Speaker 2: Musks celebrated by buying himself a million dollar supercar.
Speaker 3: There are sixty two McLarens in the world, and I
Speaker 3: will earn one of them.
Speaker 2: Yes, Musk is so rich he could afford to have
Speaker 2: a midlife crisis while he was still in his twenties. Sadly,
Speaker 2: his new toy wouldn't last long.
Speaker 3: I didn't really know how to drive the McLaren because
Speaker 3: it's like a difficult cart at dryer, and I flawed
Speaker 3: it and did a lame change on the back wheels,
Speaker 3: broke news on the cross fun around, and then we
Speaker 3: hit the embankment and knocked the car into the air,
Speaker 3: which continued spinning like a discus, like three feet in
Speaker 3: the air.
Speaker 2: That's right, Musks. McClaren crashed worse than Dodge Coin. After
Speaker 2: Saturday Night Live. For his next act, Musk created x
Speaker 2: dot com, which would later become PayPal, the app your
Speaker 2: uncle had to use because Venmo and cash app won't
Speaker 2: work and as in Nokia. Musk took the money he
Speaker 2: made from that business and built an empire of cool
Speaker 2: ast ship, rocket ships, electric cars, solar farms, artificial intelligence, europtechnology,
Speaker 2: and underground highways, all while dating celebrities and starting a
Speaker 2: record label to release his own edm tracks. A banker,
Speaker 2: all the more impressive considering Musk had clearly never heard
Speaker 2: music before yes, Elon Musk refuses to stainless lay much
Speaker 2: like a Tesla on autopiolence.
Speaker 3: Changing lands by itself.
Speaker 2: Tesla's groundbreaking cars ludicrous me God brought unprecedented power, range,
Speaker 2: and sexuists to electric vehicles, a market previously reserved for
Speaker 2: nerds who cared about the environment. And Musk even promise
Speaker 2: the dream of full self driving technology and so feedale
Speaker 2: thing like promised repeatedly.
Speaker 4: I'm confident that in less than a year you'll be
Speaker 4: able to go from highway on ramp to highway exit
Speaker 4: without touching any control.
Speaker 5: Holy shit, it just ran that red light.
Speaker 3: Confident in three years the call will be able to
Speaker 3: take you from a point to point. And I think
Speaker 3: we're basically less than two years away from complete autonomy.
Speaker 6: Oh shit, shit.
Speaker 4: We heard that cross country from La to New York
Speaker 4: by the end of the year, fully autonomous. Extremely confident
Speaker 4: of achieving full autonomy uh and releasing it to the
Speaker 4: Tesla customer base next year.
Speaker 2: But must can't stop drinking big even when they probably should,
Speaker 2: like when SpaceX made history with the world's first reusable
Speaker 2: rocket technology and then use it to launch the first
Speaker 2: car into space. Technically the second if you can elon
Speaker 2: Musk's McLaren must special brand of achievement. It's one of
Speaker 2: a totally normal and healthy fan days around the world.
Speaker 2: But success didn't come easy. He had to overcome a
Speaker 2: lot of doubters, starting with himself.
Speaker 3: I don't want to give the impression that I thought
Speaker 3: Tesla would be successful from the beginning.
Speaker 1: I actually thought we would fail.
Speaker 3: We were only a few days from bankruptcy. It's literally
Speaker 3: two days.
Speaker 1: It pushed him to the brink.
Speaker 2: Musk could have gone from being a multi billionaire all
Speaker 2: the way down to the very lowest rung of society millionaire.
Speaker 2: But through the years Musk kept as many benches going
Speaker 2: with little more than his can.
Speaker 1: Do attitude, oh oh, Jesus sorry.
Speaker 2: And billions of dollars in government subsidies. Today Musk isn't
Speaker 2: merely the richest man in the world. Is networth is
Speaker 2: higher than the GDP of most countries. Should Musk be
Speaker 2: a country, he does have a national anthem.
Speaker 1: But don't worry. It's not like he's got an army
Speaker 1: or anything.
Speaker 3: I went to Russia to look at buying I repoverished ICVM,
Speaker 3: which is a very trippy experience.
Speaker 1: Okay, maybe worry a little. And he's not just greet
Speaker 1: at making money. He's also an.
Speaker 2: Experus saving it by paying almost nothing in taxes for
Speaker 2: three years and then actually nothing in twenty eighteen. Of course,
Speaker 2: there's always haters who like to nitpick musk business methods.
Speaker 7: There are charges of unreported injuries, excessive hours, abusive conditions,
Speaker 7: injuries on the job, breathing toxic fumes, over one hundred
Speaker 7: ambulance calls.
Speaker 3: I don't think that's correct. I mean I was literally
Speaker 3: living in the factory. If these, if those like toxic fumes,
Speaker 3: I'm breathing them.
Speaker 2: Okay, exactly does Musk seem like a man who is
Speaker 2: inhaling toxic fumes? But Elon Musk also understands that all
Speaker 2: work and no play make x ash a twelve a
Speaker 2: dull boy, and like any well adjusted person, his favorite
Speaker 2: pastime is spending twelve to fourteen hours a day on Twitter.
Speaker 2: So it made sense when Musk announced that he would
Speaker 2: buy the social media platform, and even more sense when
Speaker 2: the deal spun out of control and crashed into an
Speaker 2: unbankmund But Musk doesn't only use Twitter for fun. He
Speaker 2: uses to make the world a better place, or at
Speaker 2: least promised to him. It's where he promised to solve
Speaker 2: world hunger and traffic, fight COVID, and fix Flint's water,
Speaker 2: And when a Thai soccer team was stuck in a cane,
Speaker 2: Elon even promised to rescue those kids from the guy
Speaker 2: who rescued. That's why Musk is such a champion of
Speaker 2: free speech. If you can't randomly accuse someone who was
Speaker 2: saving people's lives of being a pedo guy, does civil.
Speaker 1: Discourse even exists.
Speaker 2: Elon Musk is dedicated to building a brighter future for
Speaker 2: old humanity. It's why he backed the most futuristic presidential
Speaker 2: candidate of twenty twenty. It's why he's so dedicated to
Speaker 2: turning every aspect of our lives into a platform for
Speaker 2: his dumb jokes. From robots to cybernetic implants, to AI,
Speaker 2: to space travel to unfettered social media, Elon Musk is
Speaker 2: building a future that humanity only imagined in the movies.
Speaker 1: And who wouldn't want to live there?
Speaker 3: You? Basically, I think I have to hate humanity if
Speaker 3: you don't like that future.
Speaker 2: And that's why Elon Musk fuly is a visionary future man.
Speaker 8: Zuck Bezos, Tim Cook Elon Tictac guy, the Google guy,
Speaker 8: but six guys who control maybe twenty percent of the
Speaker 8: world's wealth and one hundred percent of your nudes.
Speaker 6: You don't need to pretend with me. I don't know
Speaker 6: what he's talking about.
Speaker 1: Delete it.
Speaker 6: Populism, ladies and gentlemen. Shouldn't this gathering be happening in
Speaker 6: a volcanoes layer near Zurich? Or are we just open
Speaker 6: source Illuminati? Now where's the conspiracy fund in that? Honestly,
Speaker 6: there is not a useful app of communication not controlled
Speaker 6: by at least one of these individuals. And you may
Speaker 6: not be concerned that they've all ponied up a million
Speaker 6: dollars to be sitting there and are kissing the ass
Speaker 6: of a president who openly threatens non ass kissers. But
Speaker 6: trust me, shit's gonna get weird. Even by that afternoon.
Speaker 9: Disappearance of Elon Muscat, an earlier trunk rallies getting loads
Speaker 9: of attention because of a one armed gesture he made.
Speaker 3: This one really matters, and I just want to say
Speaker 3: thank you for making it happen. Thank you.
Speaker 6: Okay, charitably, I'm going to say that was just an
Speaker 6: awkward My heart goes out to you. Yes, sure any
Speaker 6: of you might have done it like this. You know,
Speaker 6: even Taylor Swift has done that. You know, my heart,
Speaker 6: but she almost never does nothing goes down to you
Speaker 6: like just always stays with But you know, listen, it's
Speaker 6: nerve wracking day. You're not normally a public speaker. It's
Speaker 6: one off gesture. Please try not to use it again,
Speaker 6: some of a bit. I really want to make sure
Speaker 6: that people in the back seat. I guess I'm just
Speaker 6: going to be generous and say, maybe that was Elon's
Speaker 6: attempt at dabbing on the haters.
Speaker 9: I don't.
Speaker 6: By the way, do people still dab on haters? Is
Speaker 6: that was that a very old man? Okay? Wasn't that
Speaker 6: a pain at one time?
Speaker 10: No?
Speaker 6: I think I think it's important in these troubled times
Speaker 6: to continue to dab on the haters.
Speaker 11: We all know Donald Trump isn't a details kind of guy.
Speaker 11: We elected him to come up with big, brilliant ideas
Speaker 11: like renaming the Gulf of Mexico. No one else could
Speaker 11: have thought of that or should have thought of that.
Speaker 5: But it's okay that.
Speaker 11: He's not big on details, because during the campaign he
Speaker 11: promised us that he knew a guy.
Speaker 10: I'm going to appoint Elon Musk, who's fantastic guy, to
Speaker 10: lead a government efficiency commission tasked with saving trillions of
Speaker 10: dollars in fraud, waste, and abuse. We have tremendous fed,
Speaker 10: tremendous feed.
Speaker 11: Don't take the bait? Does he don't take the bait?
Speaker 11: Be the bigger person, Be the bigger person. Okay, that's right.
Speaker 11: Elon Musk, the world's richest man and guy who cheers
Speaker 11: in the wrong parts of saving private Ryan Trump promised
Speaker 11: us that he'd give Elon full access to the federal government,
Speaker 11: pull it to the side, and get all up in it.
Speaker 11: And unlike his wedding vows, this is a promise he kept.
Speaker 11: Elon musk sweeping push to make over the federal government,
Speaker 11: sparking democratic panic and warnings of a constitutional crisis.
Speaker 12: Now we have learned that his team has gained access
Speaker 12: to something extraordinarily sensitive, the system that the Treasury Department
Speaker 12: uses to disperse almost every check and expenditure of any
Speaker 12: kind made by the US government.
Speaker 11: That is a vast database with millions of americans personal
Speaker 11: information on it. Yeah. Yeah, Elon Musk has access to
Speaker 11: your Social Security number. And that is not cool. If
Speaker 11: you want our personal data, Elon, you go buy it
Speaker 11: off the dark web like everyone else. Okay, you might
Speaker 11: be thinking, I don't want white nationalist Tony Stark to
Speaker 11: have sole control of the inner workings of the federal government.
Speaker 11: But relax, it's not just Elon. He has a fully
Speaker 11: equipped team.
Speaker 13: Longtime government employees this week were shocked to find that
Speaker 13: their new supervisors from Elon Musk's Doge department include recent
Speaker 13: college and high school graduates between nineteen and twenty four
Speaker 13: years old. One of the young men is apparently a
Speaker 13: former Internet Musk's neuralink company who goes by the online
Speaker 13: handle Big Balls.
Speaker 11: Great Big Bulls has my Social Security number. Now I
Speaker 11: feel better. I know we complained about our leaders being
Speaker 11: too old, but doesn't this go a little too far
Speaker 11: in the other direction. Surely there must be a middle
Speaker 11: ground somewhere between crypto bros and crypt keepers. Not only that,
Speaker 11: Musk has been installing his big bulls in a whole
Speaker 11: bunch of little known agencies that are crucial and actually
Speaker 11: running the government, the GSA, THEPM, the OMB, the OC
Speaker 11: and SVU. And of course, the big question about this takeover,
Speaker 11: and the question we'll be asking ourselves a lot over
Speaker 11: the next four years. Is is this legal? Which brings
Speaker 11: me to our new segment, Is that legal? To help
Speaker 11: us out, we go to our very own Troy E wata.
Speaker 14: Ty.
Speaker 11: Thank you for acting as our resident legal expert.
Speaker 15: You can count on me, DESI, I'm versed in legal statutes,
Speaker 15: i have access to a network of law professors, and
Speaker 15: I'm wearing a bow tie.
Speaker 11: Perfect Can you help us find out if it's legal
Speaker 11: for Musk and as lost boys to access the sensitive
Speaker 11: information of the federal government.
Speaker 15: That is a beautiful question, DESI. It doesn't sound legal,
Speaker 15: but nothing does anymore.
Speaker 5: Let me tell you what.
Speaker 15: I'll do some research and I'll get back to you.
Speaker 11: Oh okay, great, Well we'll check back in a minute.
Speaker 11: Thank you, Troy. Now, Elon Musk isn't just going to
Speaker 11: get full access to the federal government just to sit
Speaker 11: back and watch it function like he's some sort of cook. No,
Speaker 11: he's gonna jump in there and do some cutting.
Speaker 13: This weekend, Musk taking aim at the US Agency for
Speaker 13: International Development, or us AID, which is in charge of
Speaker 13: dispensing tens of billions of dollars in foreign aid.
Speaker 12: USAID employees are waking up this morning to an email
Speaker 12: notice telling them not to show up to work today.
Speaker 12: As Musk says, he is shutting the agency down.
Speaker 11: Yes, the richest man in the world is cutting off
Speaker 11: aid to poor countries. Why can't you just be a
Speaker 11: normal billionaire and co host Shark Tank or run an
Speaker 11: NBA team into the ground. Now, I'm not saying there's
Speaker 11: not some cuts to be made in foreign aid spending.
Speaker 11: You just don't want to throw the baby out with
Speaker 11: the bathwater, or what's the expression I'm looking for.
Speaker 3: As we dug into USAID, it became apparent that what
Speaker 3: we have here is not an apple with a worm
Speaker 3: in it, but we have actually just a bowl of worms.
Speaker 3: And so at the point, which you don't really like.
Speaker 3: If you go to an apple it's got a women,
Speaker 3: it maybe can take the worm out. But if you've
Speaker 3: got actually just a ball of worms, it's hopeless.
Speaker 1: And us ID is a bowl of worms. There is
Speaker 1: no apple.
Speaker 3: And when there is no apple, this you've just got
Speaker 3: to basically get rid of the whole thing.
Speaker 11: Okay, we get it, We get the metaphor. You don't
Speaker 11: have to keep saying worms over and over again. You know,
Speaker 11: I have a metaphor too. Elon Musk's charisma reminds me
Speaker 11: of a ball of worms. Of course, USAID was codified
Speaker 11: by an Act of Congress, so if Trump thinks he
Speaker 11: can have Elon Musk kill it, he must have a
Speaker 11: strong legal reason for why he can do that without
Speaker 11: an Act of Congress.
Speaker 10: Will take an Act of Congress to do away with
Speaker 10: USA or I.
Speaker 1: Don't know, I don't think so.
Speaker 3: Or not?
Speaker 11: Why should he know? He's just the president. Fortunately, we
Speaker 11: have a legal expert who can help answer that question.
Speaker 11: Let's go back to Troy. You wata what.
Speaker 5: Troy?
Speaker 11: I got another one for you? Is it legal for
Speaker 11: the president to shut down USAID without an Act Act
Speaker 11: of Congress?
Speaker 15: Oh, I'm not done looking at the Treasury Department thing.
Speaker 11: Well, Toory, we kind of need to know this. Now
Speaker 11: we have to keep up with Trump.
Speaker 15: Okay, okay, So should I do that question first?
Speaker 10: Uh?
Speaker 15: No?
Speaker 5: Do both first?
Speaker 15: Okay?
Speaker 11: Well, this is it's going to take a lot of work,
Speaker 11: so I have to thank you now. Obviously, Republicans are
Speaker 11: standing by Musk for the most part. They say that
Speaker 11: Trump ran on cutting spending and this is all just
Speaker 11: a part of that. But is there perhaps a senator
Speaker 11: who could make that point in the weirdest, creepiest way possible.
Speaker 14: I'm like, hommach. I mean, I'm ruling like homewas I
Speaker 14: could eat an almlet at every meal. I'm like alm
Speaker 14: was better than sex. Not really, but you get the point.
Speaker 14: I'm like homage, you got to make an alms without
Speaker 14: breaking some eggs?
Speaker 11: Did we really have to learn all of out this
Speaker 11: guy's sex life just so he could get to a
Speaker 11: common expression. I can only climbax when someone steps on
Speaker 11: my balls. Anyway, There's no use crying over spilt milk. Look,
Speaker 11: I don't know if I understand Senator Kennedy's metaphor, but
Speaker 11: I definitely understand why he's been banned from Denny's. Anyway.
Speaker 11: If you're looking for Senator Kennedy's wife, she's the woman
Speaker 11: in the grocery store yelling at the eggs. You stay
Speaker 11: away from my husband. You can't praise blood.
Speaker 15: Va.
Speaker 11: I'm just kidding. I'm sure she prefers eggs to having
Speaker 11: sex with him too. But Elon Musk isn't the only
Speaker 11: one having people finger banging their eggs Florentine with excitement.
Speaker 11: Donald Trump is also reducing the government workforce, although his
Speaker 11: interests seemed to be less about cost cutting and more
Speaker 11: about sweet sweet revenge.
Speaker 12: I'm tremendous unrest inside the FBI as prosecutors and agents
Speaker 12: who worked on the January sixth investigation that are being targeted.
Speaker 12: It looks like a wholesale purge of the FBI. As
Speaker 12: you know, already, the eight top officials at the Federal
Speaker 12: Bureau of Investigation have either been fired or forced to resign.
Speaker 12: Now the FBI is being asked to produce a list
Speaker 12: of every employee who worked on any case related to
Speaker 12: January sixth. I am told this is some six thousand
Speaker 12: FBI employees, all told.
Speaker 11: What the These agents were doing their job enforcing the law,
Speaker 11: and now they're getting fired. That is not how it works.
Speaker 11: I cannot believe I have to explain firing to the
Speaker 11: star of the Apprentice that was your whole fake job.
Speaker 11: And this is obviously just the beginning, because Trump is
Speaker 11: going to be targeting everyone that's ever come after him.
Speaker 11: And I just want to say, I'm not scared, So
Speaker 11: mister Trump, bring it on. Okay, that's coming from me.
Speaker 11: Jordan Klepper k L E P P E R. Now, obviously,
Speaker 11: of course, the big question over Trump's fire. Trump firing
Speaker 11: the FBI agents? Is is that legal? Troy?
Speaker 5: What?
Speaker 15: Well, I'm still doing the other stuff.
Speaker 11: Don't worry about that stuff, but also finish that stuff
Speaker 11: and add on this new stuff. Find out if the
Speaker 11: president's executive powers include the termination of officials ordered by
Speaker 11: the former attorney general to investigate the criminal actions of
Speaker 11: his accomplices.
Speaker 15: I didn't get any of what you just said. Okay,
Speaker 15: I need to I need to get my notepet.
Speaker 11: The truth is practically everything Trump is doing these days
Speaker 11: is in a legal gray zone. Just today, he announced
Speaker 11: an executive order dismantling the Department of Education. He started
Speaker 11: a sovereign wealth fund, He's considering deporting US prisoners to
Speaker 11: El Salvador, And he's ordered billions of gallons of water
Speaker 11: to be wasted in Central California.
Speaker 5: Troy, Oh my god, you can't be serious.
Speaker 11: Is the sovereign wealth education citizen deporting water? Wasting? Legal?
Speaker 5: Hown of our questions?
Speaker 3: Are there gonna be eight more every hour for the
Speaker 3: next four years.
Speaker 15: You're gonna find out in a second if it's legal
Speaker 15: for me to blow my brains out on the air well,
Speaker 15: is it?
Speaker 16: I don't know.
Speaker 13: Troy.
Speaker 11: Look, I know, I know this is a hectic pace,
Speaker 11: but it's important that we find out the answers so
Speaker 11: we can be as informed as possible about whether this
Speaker 11: administration's actions are legal. Don't you agree, Troy? Wait?
Speaker 1: Yo, what's up?
Speaker 15: Troy got fired by Elon Musk.
Speaker 11: What is that legal for Elon Musk to fire one
Speaker 11: of our employees?
Speaker 1: Of course it is.
Speaker 5: Everything Elon does is legal.
Speaker 11: Bro, Wait, who are you? Are you big balls?
Speaker 5: No, of course not big Balls. Was my fraternity brother.
Speaker 5: You can call me Floppy taint.
Speaker 11: God, damn it, floppy taint everyone.
Speaker 9: For weeks, people have been raising alarms about how Trump
Speaker 9: seems to be handing way too much power over to
Speaker 9: Elon Musk, and yesterday Trump replied, I hear you.
Speaker 5: You want me to give more power to Elon Musk.
Speaker 16: President Trump's setting new guidelines for hiring in the federal
Speaker 16: work force while giving more power to Elon Musk and
Speaker 16: his team at the Department of Government Efficiency or DOGE.
Speaker 16: A new executive order directs government agencies to pursue large
Speaker 16: scale cuts, saying they now need hiring approval from DOGE.
Speaker 9: Yes, Elon Musk is now in charge of all government highlings, hirants, hirants. Sorry,
Speaker 9: I didn't say that, right, right, I didn't say right?
Speaker 5: Yeah, Okay, okay.
Speaker 9: I don't know why I keep Hitler misspeaking. I don't
Speaker 9: know why I keep misspeaking. So this was already a
Speaker 9: pretty unusual thing for president to do, but Trump being Trump,
Speaker 9: he had to make it even more ridiculous by introducing
Speaker 9: it with a full on circus act in the Oval Office.
Speaker 5: And look at this scene.
Speaker 9: Musk is holding court with his hands tented like a
Speaker 9: bond villain to stop him from doing a Nazi salute.
Speaker 9: This with this four year old child in tow I mean,
Speaker 9: that poor kid. His dad literally runs SpaceX and Elon
Speaker 9: took him to a meeting on federal spending.
Speaker 5: Dad, are we gonna get to see the rockets?
Speaker 9: No, sun, We're gonna discuss budgets because I'm a shitty dad.
Speaker 5: I mean, everything about this event was so bizarre.
Speaker 9: Trump was sitting quietly for half an hour, retreating to
Speaker 9: his happy place, thinking about Arnold Palmer's giant doze. And
Speaker 9: I mean, and who thought cloning Stephen Miller was.
Speaker 5: A good idea? I mean, is it for spare parts?
Speaker 9: I mean they look like a before and even more
Speaker 9: before picture. I mean, okay, all right, leaving aside this
Speaker 9: renaissance painting done by the dogs playing poker guy, it's
Speaker 9: good that we have Elon us here because we've been
Speaker 9: watching them slashing programs and shuddering agencies for a month now,
Speaker 9: and we can finally ask Elon why are you doing this?
Speaker 3: If the people cannot vote on hope, they will be
Speaker 3: decided by their elected representatives in the form of the
Speaker 3: President and the Senate in the House, then we don't
Speaker 3: live in a democracy. We live in a bureaucracy. So
Speaker 3: it's incredibly important that the President of the House and
Speaker 3: the Senate decide what happens as opposed to a large
Speaker 3: unelected bureaucracy.
Speaker 9: Wow wow, I mean, you see why this guy's a genius.
Speaker 9: You don't want an unelected bureaucrat running the country. It
Speaker 9: makes a lot of sense. No questions here. I do
Speaker 9: have one question, though, isn't that you?
Speaker 17: I mean, am I going crazy because it feels like
Speaker 17: I'm watching seen Drake saing not like us said carry okay, does.
Speaker 5: He not know?
Speaker 9: Is having this one unaccountable bureaucrat in charge better than
Speaker 9: having those other unaccountable bureaucrats in charge because because at
Speaker 9: least the others have to follow transparency laws. The only
Speaker 9: thing transparent about DOGE is Elon's skin. I mean, his
Speaker 9: financial disclosure is being kept secret. Doge is exempt from
Speaker 9: open records laws. And when someone on Twitter merely identified
Speaker 9: some of the people who work for Doge, Elon suspended
Speaker 9: their account and said, you have committed a crime, which
Speaker 9: we tried to fact check with career officials at the FBI,
Speaker 9: but they're.
Speaker 5: All working at a Panera now. So Elon, I gotta
Speaker 5: tell you, I don't think you're being that transparent.
Speaker 3: So all of our actions are maximally transparent effect. I
Speaker 3: don't think there's been I don't know of a case
Speaker 3: that we're organization's being more transparent than those organizations. And
Speaker 3: I fully expect to be scrutinized and get you a
Speaker 3: daily proctology exam.
Speaker 9: Oh well, I did the exam, and what an asshole.
Speaker 5: You know what, I don't want to give you a
Speaker 5: proctology exam.
Speaker 9: I just want to know what you're doing because another
Speaker 9: advantage of federal bureaucrats is that they can't have conflicts
Speaker 9: of interest, whereas you seem to have every conflict of interest.
Speaker 9: Space X has government contracts, Tesla is under government oversight,
Speaker 9: X is under government investigation, and as hair plugs are
Speaker 9: being investigated by the Department of No one's buying this.
Speaker 9: You're basically a walking conflict of interest. Is that not
Speaker 9: a huge problem?
Speaker 3: Well, all of our actions are aren't fully public. So
Speaker 3: if you see anything you say, wait a second, hey,
Speaker 3: you know that, doesn't that seems like maybe that's you know,
Speaker 3: there's a conflict there. It felt like people are going
Speaker 3: to be shy about saying that. They'll say it immediately,
Speaker 3: you know.
Speaker 18: Oh good, Okay, if we see a conflict, we just
Speaker 18: need to say something, Hey, Eylon, I know as a conflict,
Speaker 18: did that work?
Speaker 9: No, No, nothing happened. There's no accountability and nothing matters. Great,
Speaker 9: perfect system.
Speaker 6: Well fuck it.
Speaker 9: He's not going to be transparent and he's riddled with
Speaker 9: conflicts of interest. But at least he's a genius and
Speaker 9: the work he's gonna do will be flawless.
Speaker 19: And missus must you said on X that an example
Speaker 19: of the fraud that you have cited was fifty million
Speaker 19: dollars of condoms was sent to Gaza. How can we
Speaker 19: make sure that all the statements that you said were correct,
Speaker 19: so we can't trust what you say.
Speaker 3: Well, first, well, some of the things that I say
Speaker 3: will be incorrect and should be corrected. So nobody's going
Speaker 3: to beat one thousands.
Speaker 5: Nobody's going to bat a thousand.
Speaker 9: You made up a fifty million dollar conspiracy of sending
Speaker 9: condoms to Gaza. You're not grounding out to third you're
Speaker 9: puking into the umpire's mind. Just for the record, of course,
Speaker 9: the United States didn't send fifty million dollars worth of
Speaker 9: condoms to Gaza. We sent five million dollars of vibrating
Speaker 9: sex swings to North Korea, and I believe it stopped
Speaker 9: nuclear war.
Speaker 5: But don't quote me on that. I'm not going to
Speaker 5: bat a thousand.
Speaker 9: So to summarize, he's not transparent, he has tons of conflict.
Speaker 9: He believes any lie he hears, and he spreads false rumors.
Speaker 5: That go global.
Speaker 9: Honestly, I'd be pretty mad at him right now if
Speaker 9: he didn't have so much gosh darn charisma.
Speaker 3: So you know, this is crazy things like just crossery
Speaker 3: examination of social security and we've got people in there
Speaker 3: at one hundred and fifty years old, not you know
Speaker 3: any want to h one hundred.
Speaker 1: And fifty iron?
Speaker 3: Okay? They should be on the Guinness Poker World records.
Speaker 9: They're messing out, So yeah, yeah, held, he's a tough
Speaker 9: crown top crowd.
Speaker 5: Is this thing on? Is this thing on? Anyone here
Speaker 5: from Washington d C? Anyone know you're all from Washington DC.
Speaker 9: Look, if you want to see more of that kind
Speaker 9: of comedy, then don't worry because there's a new special
Speaker 9: coming out that's just for.
Speaker 20: You, Live from the Oval Office. It's the Musk See
Speaker 20: Comedy special that will have you dozing in your chair.
Speaker 20: It's Elon Musk Lola Garch not.
Speaker 3: You know any want to h one hundred and fifty iron? Okay?
Speaker 3: They should be on the Guinness Poker World records. They're
Speaker 3: messing out.
Speaker 20: Oh snap, he's the CEO of comedy.
Speaker 1: I have detractors.
Speaker 20: Sorry, you'll want to neurolink these jokes straight into your
Speaker 20: brainstep featuring an opening act by the Balding Brothers. Order
Speaker 20: now and you'll get even more of Elon's most hilarious bits.
Speaker 3: Blackmailing with money, go yourself.
Speaker 20: The one thing he's not cutting is the last.
Speaker 3: I am Aspirationally, you know aspirationally funny, So.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
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Speaker 20: to pay for this.
Speaker 12: Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching.
Speaker 5: The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts. Watch The
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Speaker 2: Ten Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime
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