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Speaker 1: The Fred Show is on. It's stay or go?

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Speaker 2: Hi, Ry Brian, Brian, Brian, what it's like?

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Speaker 1: You weren't sure? Well I wasn't.

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Speaker 2: I had to click over make sure I don't memorize

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Speaker 2: every third. I mean, I know most of the thirteen

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Speaker 2: people's listen to our show's name because my mom is

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Speaker 2: one of them. I know her name, and like your

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Speaker 2: dad and your mom Martha, Yeah, Danita Westloup, tom So, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I can name most of them.

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Speaker 1: Hi, Brian, how you doing all right?

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Speaker 3: How are you guys?

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry that I don't know your social Security number

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Speaker 2: and blood type, but I'm sure Rufio will figure it out.

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Speaker 1: What's going on with you? Brian?

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Speaker 2: What's happening in this is about your wife?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, we've been going to kind of a rough patch

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Speaker 3: for a while now, and I'm just trying to get

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Speaker 3: some advice about that.

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Speaker 1: You know what.

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Speaker 2: You have come to the right place because we give

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Speaker 2: incredible advice. Some people in this room their advice they

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Speaker 2: follow it in their real life and then things go

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Speaker 2: really well. Other people, like me, I give great advice.

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Speaker 2: I just am sort of a disaster personally, So let

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Speaker 2: me fix your life though, please, By all means tell

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Speaker 2: us what's going on.

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Speaker 3: Well, yeah, so, like I said, we've been going through

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Speaker 3: a rough patch. Everything kind of seems to turn into

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Speaker 3: a fight. Nowadays, it doesn't matter, you know what we're

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Speaker 3: talking about. I've been seeing a therapist for a little while.

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Speaker 3: That's been helping me out a lot.

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Speaker 1: I'm a lot.

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Speaker 3: Calmer, I'm able to just be in the moment more.

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Speaker 3: But she's resisting. She doesn't want to go to couple's counseling.

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Speaker 3: I mentioned that, I mentioned maybe just going to therapy

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Speaker 3: on her own, so it's not like in front of me.

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Speaker 3: She says she doesn't need it and she can work

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Speaker 3: it out, that we can work it out, and we're

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Speaker 3: not trying hard enough.

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Speaker 2: Huh. So you guys are not getting along. You can't

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Speaker 2: solve it yourselves. You're doing the work on your end.

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Speaker 2: Is she going? Is she at least going to therapy

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Speaker 2: on her You're not going together, but is she going

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Speaker 2: on her end?

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Speaker 3: No, she says she doesn't need it, that we can

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Speaker 3: work it out on her own.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I thought as far as like, she's not going

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Speaker 2: with you because I have to tell you if things

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Speaker 2: are not going well, and you did, we've got some

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Speaker 2: married folks in the room, so you guys can are

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Speaker 2: nearly married in Jason's case, if things are not going

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Speaker 2: well in common law, if there was such a thing.

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Speaker 4: Oh I wish this was a common law state.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, there was such a thing.

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Speaker 2: Then you own half of them exactly, and he owns

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Speaker 2: half of you, which is a bunch of debts. So right,

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Speaker 2: But if you're in a relationship, you're married, and it's

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Speaker 2: not going well and no one, no one has any

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Speaker 2: solutions for how to make it better. I think therapy

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Speaker 2: is a good one, or you know, if you're religious,

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Speaker 2: maybe you go to church. I don't know, some form

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Speaker 2: of like mediation. But if if no one has any ideas,

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Speaker 2: then I don't. I don't know how hard anybody's trying,

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Speaker 2: or how much anybody really wants to be there, because

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Speaker 2: that requires some self awareness and it requires some compromise.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 2: It sounds like she doesn't think she's doing anything wrong.

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Speaker 2: Sounds like she thinks is the problem is all you,

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Speaker 2: So if you just go to therapy and work on it,

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Speaker 2: we'll get better. And you're saying, no, I have needs

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Speaker 2: that are being met too.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely, Like if it feels like she doesn't want

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Speaker 3: to even work things out as much as I do.

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Speaker 3: Like she she doesn't want to put in the work,

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Speaker 3: Like we're just in a slump and that's just the

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Speaker 3: way it's going to be.

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Speaker 1: Do you think she would agree things are not going well?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: We talk about it all the time, like, okay, we're

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Speaker 3: fighting constantly.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So then have you tried going to her and saying, hey, look,

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Speaker 2: this isn't working. I'm suggesting couples therapy. You're saying no,

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Speaker 2: So what is your suggestion? Like, what do you think

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Speaker 2: we should do to make this better? Have you tried that? Yeah?

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Speaker 3: She says we can go on a vacation for a

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Speaker 3: few days. I'm trying to stay, you know, get away

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Speaker 3: from all all of our problems. But I'm like, they'll

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Speaker 3: be here when we get back.

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Speaker 1: It's it's going to be a fake thingey, But let's

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Speaker 1: go on vacation.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's almost as good as things are going terribly.

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Speaker 2: Let's have a child, Yeah, that's next, which is what people.

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Speaker 2: Unfortunately a lot of people do that and like somehow

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Speaker 2: that adding that stress of another life, will we'll solve

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Speaker 2: all the problems? Yeah? I don't know, Brian, We're gonna

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Speaker 2: talk about you behind your back and take some phone

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Speaker 2: calls and have the radio on. And I'm sorry going

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Speaker 2: through this and I wish you the very best man.

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Speaker 3: Thank you guy.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, eight five five, five nine one one oh three five.

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Speaker 2: You can call and text the same number. All right,

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Speaker 2: married people, first, what do you think, Paulina If you're

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Speaker 2: having trouble in your marriage and you're suggesting therapy, and

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Speaker 2: in this case, Javier is saying, no way, I won't go.

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Speaker 2: I'm not going. I know we have problems, but I'm

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Speaker 2: not gonna do anything about it.

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Speaker 1: What do you do?

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Speaker 5: So first, I'm really proud of Brian because I feel

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Speaker 5: like I don't really hear of a lot of men

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Speaker 5: being the ones to kind of, you know, suggest therapy

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Speaker 5: and be the one who wants to do it.

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Speaker 4: So I love that for them.

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Speaker 5: But I have been in Brian's shoes where my husband,

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Speaker 5: Javier did not want to go to therapy.

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Speaker 4: We have not done couple's therapy. It's not off the table.

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Speaker 5: I still want to do it, but I want to

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Speaker 5: understand that it's not a sign of weakness. It doesn't

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Speaker 5: mean that your marriage is like that you're not good

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Speaker 5: with this marriage thing. It's just someone's going to provide

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Speaker 5: tools to help you guys get through your issues.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I would argue it's a sign of strength. I

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Speaker 2: would argue, for help is strength. That's what I hear

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Speaker 2: a lot of people, and culturally or otherwise I was

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Speaker 2: gonna say gender based or whatever it is, there are

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Speaker 2: people that just have this opinion that it's like voodoo

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Speaker 2: magic and then it's beyond word.

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Speaker 5: And I'm married to a Mexican man, and I think culturally,

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Speaker 5: I think that's something that's just not ever talked about

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Speaker 5: or for for him too, like that's not he's not

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Speaker 5: about that life.

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Speaker 4: And I've told him before.

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Speaker 5: And I didn't mean to like weaponize it, but I'm like,

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Speaker 5: I really think therapy would help you and me because

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Speaker 5: I have a therapist and she told me that for

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Speaker 5: us to continue doing this together, we can go to

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Speaker 5: a couple's therapy.

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Speaker 4: We'll find another therapist. It doesn't have to be mine,

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Speaker 4: because you.

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Speaker 2: Should find you should find a neutral therapist. You should

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Speaker 2: not go to.

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Speaker 4: Yours exactly or his or his exactly.

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Speaker 5: So I was like, we'll find somebody neutral that I

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Speaker 5: have not spoken to, and we can do this together.

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Speaker 4: It's not off the table.

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Speaker 5: We have a daughter now, so I want us to

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Speaker 5: be in the best damn shape or when it comes to, like,

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Speaker 5: you know, being mentally.

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Speaker 4: Good for us to be able to raise her well.

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Speaker 5: So for me, I'm still working on it, and I

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Speaker 5: know he's open to it, he's not shut me down,

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Speaker 5: but we haven't gotten there yet.

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Speaker 2: I think for some people it's a pride thing. It's

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Speaker 2: like to go into a room and tell a stranger

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Speaker 2: about everything that's not working. You know you're having It's

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Speaker 2: a kind of vulnerability and a level of exposure that

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Speaker 2: a lot of people are not comfortable with, and that

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Speaker 2: that makes sense. I understand that, But I know someone

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Speaker 2: else is going through something very similar right now, where

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Speaker 2: it's just not working, and they would both tell you

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Speaker 2: independently it's not working. But yet he refuses. He will

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Speaker 2: not accept help. He will not there's no mediation. It

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Speaker 2: doesn't matter if he picks a therapist, it doesn't matter

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Speaker 2: if they go to a church, it doesn't matter any

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Speaker 2: of them.

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Speaker 1: He won't do it.

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Speaker 2: And it's like, then, my thing is if you're if

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Speaker 2: you're not going to do anything to make it better,

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Speaker 2: then I don't even know what they're doing right because

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Speaker 2: nothing's going to change unless that unless he in this case,

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Speaker 2: just I guess, caves on everything that he has an

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Speaker 2: issue with which is not sustainable either.

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Speaker 1: What would you do.

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Speaker 4: I'm a big advocate for therapy.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, I think he should absolutely or she should absolutely

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Speaker 6: go to therapy to say her marriage, Like, your partner

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Speaker 6: is still there, Your partner is still willing to fight,

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Speaker 6: They want to help you guys get over this hump,

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Speaker 6: like they still the desire to be together is still there.

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Speaker 6: And if that is the case, then you both parties

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Speaker 6: should be willing to do whatever it takes to get.

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Speaker 1: It right right.

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Speaker 2: But it sounds like, you know, in some cases it's like, well,

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Speaker 2: the problem is all his. And I think if you're

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Speaker 2: in a relationship and you're saying the problem is entirely

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Speaker 2: on someone else, I think that shows a tremendous lack

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Speaker 2: of self awareness because the problem is never one hundred

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Speaker 2: rarely one hundred percent on one side. It may not

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Speaker 2: be fifty to fifty all the time, but it's never

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Speaker 2: always somebody else's fault. There's gotta be something that you

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Speaker 2: could do in response or get out or leave if

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Speaker 2: it really is, if the person is that much of

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Speaker 2: a monster.

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Speaker 1: Then I don't know what you're doing there?

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Speaker 2: Then what's the point and you can't fix it or

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Speaker 2: work towards it?

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Speaker 1: Than why even there?

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Speaker 6: True? But as a couple, I just feel like you

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Speaker 6: got to be willing. Even if you believe in your

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Speaker 6: mind that it's all the other person, you're still in

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Speaker 6: a relationship, so you need to be willing to help

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Speaker 6: work help them work through their issue.

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Speaker 2: I also think sometimes when people won't go to therapy,

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Speaker 2: it's because they know that they're going to be told

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Speaker 2: they're doing things wrong and they can't handle that.

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Speaker 4: True, that's a good point.

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Speaker 1: I agree.

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Speaker 2: It's like they don't they don't want to go because

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Speaker 2: someone might hold them accountable for something, you know, and

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Speaker 2: they it might turn out that there are things that

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Speaker 2: they could do better too, and they don't want to

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Speaker 2: hear it from a stranger. That's really yeah, and that's

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Speaker 2: that's fair, and that's really that's really honest.

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Speaker 7: So it's been brought up in our marriage that you know,

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Speaker 7: we've gotten to the point where it's just like we'll

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Speaker 7: fight and it's like a big fight and she'll be like,

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Speaker 7: you need we need therapy like this, you know whatever,

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Speaker 7: And I am one that like I advocate to anybody

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Speaker 7: else to go to Like for me, I feel like

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Speaker 7: it I don't know, like it's it's a pride thing,

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Speaker 7: it's a it's a cultural thing, like I feel like,

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Speaker 7: I don't know.

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Speaker 2: But it's so you don't want to go in there

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Speaker 2: and have them say, hey, you know what, Rufio, like

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Speaker 2: you should do this, this and this differently, and you

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Speaker 2: don't really want to hear from somebody e yes. Do

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Speaker 2: you think though that I mean, I'm sure they would

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Speaker 2: have things for jests too, but do you think that

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Speaker 2: if you could get past that, that hearing it or

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Speaker 2: at least working through it with somebody who's trained to

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Speaker 2: sort of extract information from her and extract information from

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Speaker 2: you and then sort of because it's not even necessarily

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Speaker 2: they're going to sit there and judge you. You know,

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Speaker 2: in a lot of ways, it's about communication techniques. It's

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Speaker 2: like you're going to say this, and you're going to

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Speaker 2: say that, and as opposed to having this impast where

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Speaker 2: you both go to your corners, you know, it would

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Speaker 2: be the professional who would then say, okay, are you

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Speaker 2: hearing this from both sides? And you know what I mean,

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Speaker 2: Like there's there's there's obviously a technique to all this.

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Speaker 2: It's not necessarily they're going to tell you that you're

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Speaker 2: a terrible husher.

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Speaker 8: I know it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't. I just don't know. I don't.

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Speaker 7: The financial aspect of it also, right, So it's it's

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Speaker 7: there's so many issues, but like obviously Just and I

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Speaker 7: work through issues and then we're good. But like, sometimes

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Speaker 7: it does come up, and I'm always the one to

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Speaker 7: be like like, I don't want to do it interesting.

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Speaker 9: So before things get you know what I mean, Like

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Speaker 9: you can go when things are good so that things

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Speaker 9: don't get back, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 2: I know people who have gone when they're engaged like that,

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Speaker 2: like I think you should. Things are going great, I

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Speaker 2: mean great, great enough that you just got engaged, but

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Speaker 2: they're going ahead of time. Like it's almost you know,

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Speaker 2: prophylactically preemptively because you're right, we're not fighting yet, but like,

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Speaker 2: let's maybe get ahead of it and discover some things

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Speaker 2: about ourselves and our communication techniques and whatever else before

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Speaker 2: it gets to that point.

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Speaker 4: It's honest, it's very scary to go through that.

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Speaker 2: No, and that is super honest. I'm proud of you

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Speaker 2: for saying that, yeah, you know, I don't know. I

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Speaker 2: think it could. You know, I'm always going to advocate

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Speaker 2: for it. I'm always going to advocate for therapy because

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Speaker 2: it's helped me so much.

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Speaker 9: And my mom's a therapy you know what I mean.

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Speaker 9: It's just making that call and like talking to someone new.

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Speaker 4: And I grew up with a therapist, so yeah, I

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Speaker 4: get it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Hey Megan, Right, Hi Megan, So just let me

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Speaker 2: recap here. There go someone just tuning in. Brian called.

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Speaker 2: He and his wife are having issues in their relationship

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Speaker 2: and they fight all the time and they acknowledge that

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Speaker 2: there are issues. He's saying, hey, let's go to a

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Speaker 2: couple's therapies. She's saying I'm not going, and so he's

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Speaker 2: wondering what do I do? What does he do?

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Speaker 1: Well?

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Speaker 10: I was in a very similar situation as Brian about

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Speaker 10: two and a half years ago. I wanted to go

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Speaker 10: to a couple of counseling. I was seeing a therapist

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Speaker 10: on my own, and my then husband said, nope, I'm

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Speaker 10: totally fine, there's nothing wrong with me. If we go

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Speaker 10: to a couple of counseling, the counselor is going to

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Speaker 10: pick on you. Because you have all the issues, you

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Speaker 10: have all the problems. So he refused to go. And

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Speaker 10: now we are two and a half years divorced. So

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Speaker 10: there's only so much you can do. So much you

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Speaker 10: can say, is she doesn't want to work on it,

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Speaker 10: then yeah, she admits that there's problems, but the whole

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Speaker 10: vacation thing, trying to run away again, problems are going

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Speaker 10: to be there when you get back.

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Speaker 2: And I think it's interesting really in the case I'm

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Speaker 2: thinking of where it's like, well, then is a friend

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Speaker 2: of mine for a long time, like, we'll go to him.

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Speaker 1: What does he suggest then?

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Speaker 2: And the only thing that he seems to suggest is

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Speaker 2: that she should change everything about who she is and

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Speaker 2: everything that she's doing. That is not sustainable, that is

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Speaker 2: not realistic. And even if she did all of that,

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Speaker 2: that's not true to her. That's not a compromise, that's

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Speaker 2: not being heard, that's not being self aware or accountable.

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Speaker 1: It's not gonna work.

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Speaker 2: So, you know, if you're worried about going to so

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Speaker 2: and so therapist or so and so, then you pick it, fine,

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Speaker 2: you go find somebody. Then you know, you go find

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Speaker 2: a professional and not your buddy, like someone who's logo,

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Speaker 2: your licensed you know who's independent. But thank you Megan

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Speaker 2: and I. I'm sorry to hear about that outcome, but

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Speaker 2: I hope, I hope you know, moving forward, it was.

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Speaker 1: A good thing.

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Speaker 10: Oh no, that's okay. I'm not sorry at all.

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Speaker 2: Fair enough, thank you. Someone said, did Fred to say prophylactically?

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Speaker 2: Look it up. It's not just condoms. I didn't just

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Speaker 2: tell people to work condoms. There's another meaning for the word. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: that's interesting, Actually how you do it. Every time I

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Speaker 2: say prophilogically, people are like, he just had condoms?

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Speaker 1: I did. I didn't, Hi, Ashley, what do you want

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Speaker 1: to say?

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Speaker 11: So I was saying go only because I went through

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Speaker 11: literally the same exact thing. But I have two experiences

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Speaker 11: of wanting of somebody I was with wanting to go

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Speaker 11: to therapy. The first time it happened, I was engaged.

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Speaker 11: I was so mentally checked out of that relationship. She

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Speaker 11: was actually the one that wanted to go to therapy,

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Speaker 11: and I was one hundred percent like how Brian's wife

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Speaker 11: is acting, didn't want to go, blamed all the problems

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Speaker 11: on her or whatever.

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Speaker 10: Yeah, it wasn't great.

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Speaker 11: In that relationship, But needle us to say that relationship

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Speaker 11: ended after we were engaged, never got married. I am

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Speaker 11: happily married. Now we kind of hit a little bit of.

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Speaker 2: A rough patch.

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Speaker 11: My wife suggested therapy, and I, you know, I love

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Speaker 11: her so much and I was absolutely one hundred percent

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Speaker 11: on it with going to therapy with her.

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Speaker 10: I let her choose who we went to.

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Speaker 11: We've been seeing the same thing therapist for a couple

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Speaker 11: months now and it's actually been going amazing and it's

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Speaker 11: been helping. So I'm saying, oh, only because if she

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Speaker 11: wanted to go, if she loved it and wanted to

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Speaker 11: fix it.

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Speaker 3: She would go to therapy.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Well, Ashley, thank you for sharing that. And I'm glad

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Speaker 2: that it sounds like maybe you learned from the last

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Speaker 2: situation and didn't make the same mistake twice. So good

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Speaker 2: for you. All right, thank you, Thank you, Ashley. Have

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Speaker 2: a good day. She's like, good, I got friend's approval,

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Speaker 2: so I can move on with life now. I don't

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Speaker 2: care what you think.

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Speaker 1: Hey Kendall, Hi, good morning, Hey, good morning guys. Hi

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Speaker 1: are you yeah? I go doing great? Stare go? What

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Speaker 1: do you think?

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Speaker 12: So I would say to try to stay and I

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Speaker 12: only say this, and I have to kind of backstory slightly.

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Speaker 12: I started therapy way back in the day when I

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Speaker 12: was eighteen or nineteen, and I had a father that

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Speaker 12: didn't advocate for therapy and told me I just needed

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Speaker 12: to try harder. So it was really difficult to accept

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Speaker 12: the help just on my own going I needed something else.

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Speaker 12: So it's the one thing that I've learned, and I'm

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Speaker 12: happily married now. We're so mainly went for going on

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Speaker 12: three years, but with me doing the therapy on my own,

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Speaker 12: it's actually helped my perspective on how I communicate with

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Speaker 12: my husband. And yes, it's hard to get someone to

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Speaker 12: do something they don't want to do. You can't force that.

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Speaker 12: But by being able to go, okay, well this is

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Speaker 12: how I feel, and to kind of pull the therapy

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Speaker 12: card on them, it does kind of help that communication

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Speaker 12: with each other. And I also feel there's that stereotype of,

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Speaker 12: for whatever reason, the generations before us think if you're

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Speaker 12: in therapy, there's something wrong with you. But again, as

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Speaker 12: you all were saying, it's very admirable to admit, hey,

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Speaker 12: I need to work on this, I need to help,

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Speaker 12: we need to help. And if it takes one person

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Speaker 12: to just work a little harder to kind of open

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Speaker 12: that door for his significant other. Then that might be

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Speaker 12: what happens, and if it doesn't, then there might be

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Speaker 12: another discussion. But it's just communica. She needs to go

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Speaker 12: both ways. Yeah, yeah, I'm a coal advocate.

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Speaker 2: They well, and Kendall, I'm glad you've had your having

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Speaker 2: success and you're happy and everything's going well. And thank

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Speaker 2: you for listening for calling. Have a great day you too.

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Speaker 2: And I know there are a lot of different barriers

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Speaker 2: to entry for therapy. Maybe it's expense, maybe it's a stigma,

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Speaker 2: maybe it's you know, I don't know, misunderstanding or whatever,

387
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Speaker 2: a lack of vulnerability. But I have to tell you,

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Speaker 2: as someone who has gone to therapy consistently for ten years,

389
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Speaker 2: I almost resent people in my life who refuse to

390
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Speaker 2: do it, especially if they want to sit back and

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Speaker 2: make comments about me or about a relationship.

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Speaker 1: It's like, wait a minute.

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Speaker 2: But and in some ways I have to even rain

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Speaker 2: it in a little bit because I become like it's

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Speaker 2: almost the elitist. It's like, wait a minute, I'm doing

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Speaker 2: the work like I every week, and how.

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Speaker 1: Hard is it?

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Speaker 2: I mean I sit there and I go and I

399
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Speaker 2: bear my soul to this woman and then she tells

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Speaker 2: me what she thinks or whatever. But it's like, but

401
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Speaker 2: you're not even willing to do that for yourself, but

402
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Speaker 2: yet you're gonna tell me what you think about me.

403
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Speaker 2: It's like, that's I don't like that. I think it's

404
00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:05,880
Speaker 2: very telling when you're doing the work and somebody else

405
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Speaker 2: won't do the work and will continue to point fingers

406
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Speaker 2: at you. I've also I've also known people to weaponize

407
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Speaker 2: therapy too, but that's a whole different conversation.

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Speaker 1: I think, I don't know.

409
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Speaker 2: I think what happens in the confines of your therapy,

410
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Speaker 2: you have to keep in mind is for you. And like,

411
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Speaker 2: you can tell your therapist whatever you want. You can

412
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Speaker 2: you can tell your therapist any story you want, and

413
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Speaker 2: they can give you the advice based in the story

414
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Speaker 2: you told. Then you can use that against somebody else.

415
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Speaker 2: Doesn't make it doesn't mean it's true. It doesn't mean

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Speaker 2: you were telling the story accurately or that. And that's

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Speaker 2: another thing too. It's like, if you're going to go

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Speaker 2: in and tell your therapist a bunch of bs so

419
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Speaker 2: that they can tell you that your partner's an idiot,

420
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Speaker 2: well that's not going to help anything, So you're what

421
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Speaker 2: you're wasting everybody's time at that point, Like you got

422
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Speaker 2: to go into this thing willing to say here, here

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Speaker 2: are here are my issues that I have with the

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Speaker 2: other person, and here are the issues they have with me.

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Speaker 2: You know, you've got to be willing to do that,

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Speaker 2: otherwise you won't work. Is it am a met Yes?

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Speaker 1: How you do? Hey, good morning to be on Hi

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Speaker 1: there go? What are you think? So?

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Speaker 8: One of my mentors say, is a relationship beat spousal anything.

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Speaker 8: It's always one hundred hundred, not fifty to fifty. So

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Speaker 8: I believe at times when we as spouse and I'm

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Speaker 8: myself married, we tend to see that, okay, what can

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Speaker 8: we do together?

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Speaker 3: Fifty fifty?

435
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Speaker 8: Putting in the relationship. I think somehow that dogma fails,

436
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Speaker 8: and I think I'm just trying to change the frame

437
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Speaker 8: from going to couple therapy as a question point to

438
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Speaker 8: more of how could brand solve this issue? There are

439
00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:41,720
Speaker 8: I'm from India and what I've seen is back in India,

440
00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:44,399
Speaker 8: unlike in Western cultures, a couple therapy is not a

441
00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:48,800
Speaker 8: big big thing over there. Over there, typically we seek

442
00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:52,200
Speaker 8: advice from elders and obviously it could change something over

443
00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:57,000
Speaker 8: here in the similar respect looking but seeking advice from

444
00:18:57,040 --> 00:18:59,800
Speaker 8: somebody who has gone through those ups and downs in

445
00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:04,520
Speaker 8: the journey is definitely very helpful. And one of the

446
00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:08,360
Speaker 8: advice that I think that can help Brian would be

447
00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:12,280
Speaker 8: that there's an event by Tony Robbins. He calls it

448
00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:15,160
Speaker 8: as a date with Destiny in which there's a specific

449
00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:19,200
Speaker 8: segment around relationships. So instead of if this spouse is

450
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:22,280
Speaker 8: not ready to go for a couple therapy, it's sort

451
00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:25,320
Speaker 8: of that same thing, but he opens the door for

452
00:19:25,359 --> 00:19:28,280
Speaker 8: your own opening, uh and changes a vantage point to

453
00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:32,040
Speaker 8: see the relationship itself and with more than so many people.

454
00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:33,399
Speaker 8: I'm not trying to advocate it the event, but I

455
00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:36,840
Speaker 8: understand say some of those things, some of those interventions

456
00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:39,240
Speaker 8: are definitely required. It could be in any shape and

457
00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:41,360
Speaker 8: form that I've been working there.

458
00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:44,159
Speaker 1: All right, that's a good point, Yeah, yeah, it is.

459
00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:46,359
Speaker 1: Thank you have a great day. I'm glad you called him.

460
00:19:47,119 --> 00:19:49,240
Speaker 6: He may not have a therapist, but like he mentioned,

461
00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:51,680
Speaker 6: going to other couples who have been through it already

462
00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:53,920
Speaker 6: or confiding in like elders.

463
00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:55,600
Speaker 1: I know for Timothy and.

464
00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:58,679
Speaker 6: I like our therapist is my brother and his wife,

465
00:19:58,720 --> 00:20:01,400
Speaker 6: Like we both go to the when there's an issue

466
00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:04,120
Speaker 6: and we've had them you know, come to us with things,

467
00:20:04,119 --> 00:20:06,120
Speaker 6: and it kind of like it helps. You know, it's

468
00:20:06,119 --> 00:20:08,040
Speaker 6: not therapy, but you should have an outlet that you

469
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:11,639
Speaker 6: can trust that's non biased, that can help you get advice.

470
00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:14,040
Speaker 2: And that's good that it's your people, but but you

471
00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:17,880
Speaker 2: both feel in this case like like like they're able

472
00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:20,720
Speaker 2: to be impartial. Right, That's because that's another thing is

473
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:22,800
Speaker 2: about the therapy is you could go to your sister

474
00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:25,120
Speaker 2: and be like big Tim's is an idiot for all

475
00:20:25,119 --> 00:20:27,879
Speaker 2: these reasons and not talk about any of the you know,

476
00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:29,360
Speaker 2: maybe culpability that you have.

477
00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:31,359
Speaker 1: Right, maybe it's not fifty to fifty.

478
00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:34,160
Speaker 2: Maybe it's seventy thirty, maybe it's sixty forty, whatever it is,

479
00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:36,040
Speaker 2: but it's you know, if you go to the Homer

480
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:39,400
Speaker 2: and you tell the Homer everything it's terrible, then they're

481
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:40,400
Speaker 2: going to be they're gonna tell.

482
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:42,040
Speaker 1: You're right, right, Like if I go to my sister

483
00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:43,680
Speaker 1: and they're going to enable you, there's.

484
00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:45,719
Speaker 6: Absolutely like my she's like, Kiki's right, I don't care

485
00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:48,080
Speaker 6: what I'm talking about, but my brothers will actually called

486
00:20:48,119 --> 00:20:48,960
Speaker 6: me out on my stuff.

487
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:49,160
Speaker 1: Too.

488
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:51,520
Speaker 6: So doing that kind of couple or friendship that you

489
00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:53,960
Speaker 6: can go to is helpful to because.

490
00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:55,520
Speaker 2: Everyone's got that person that can go to who's going

491
00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:57,919
Speaker 2: to gass them up no matter what. And it's just

492
00:20:57,960 --> 00:21:01,760
Speaker 2: not that may not be helpful, you know, because because

493
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:03,879
Speaker 2: they may just be gassing you up, but you may

494
00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:04,720
Speaker 2: be dead ass wrong.

495
00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:07,040
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, no. Everyone tells me I'm wrong, but I

496
00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:09,160
Speaker 5: asked them. I'm like, be honest, especially my mom.

497
00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:11,520
Speaker 2: Because it doesn't do you any good for people just

498
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:13,080
Speaker 2: to tell you that you're right all the time when

499
00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:13,679
Speaker 2: maybe you're not.

500
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:16,639
Speaker 5: Nope, literally like roast me, drill me, Like tell me

501
00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:19,320
Speaker 5: what you gotta tell me? No, Like like like tell me,

502
00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:20,840
Speaker 5: be honest.

503
00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:25,040
Speaker 2: Roast me, drill me. I think it's a song. And yeah,

504
00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:29,239
Speaker 2: yeah yeah, if you want to roast drill me. What

505
00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:32,040
Speaker 2: were the other two tall?

506
00:21:32,359 --> 00:21:35,120
Speaker 1: Push me? It's carpenter topic.

507
00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:37,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know it's coming up in just a minute,

508
00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:39,280
Speaker 2: the Entertainment Report and she'll be Shelly.

509
00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:40,000
Speaker 1: Both next friends