WEBVTT - Concerns about the future

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<v Speaker 1>Suffering helps you. Suffering is good for you. It's hard

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<v Speaker 1>to think that when you're in it. You're in the

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<v Speaker 1>valley right now, you're laying there bleeding out, but it

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<v Speaker 1>always is good lean into it. Welcome to the podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>One of my favorite buddies, Bernie back. How many how

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<v Speaker 1>many of these episodes have you done? I lost count

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<v Speaker 1>a lot. We'd have a lot, probably fifteen twenty yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>maybe more. Yeah, it's been a lot of fun. Thanks

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<v Speaker 1>for having me back. Hopefully they've gotten better as we've

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<v Speaker 1>gone along. People love you, people love you. We get

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<v Speaker 1>on here. We answer people's questions. If you have a question,

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<v Speaker 1>email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. And if you

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<v Speaker 1>want anyone answering your personal life question, it would be

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<v Speaker 1>Bernie Calcoat. Know how to answer them because you helped

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<v Speaker 1>me with all money. Yeah, I know how to answer

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<v Speaker 1>or I'm willing to answer them now. Whether the advice

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<v Speaker 1>is something that's beneficial, that's up to you guys. But

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<v Speaker 1>I was actually thinking of something as I was driving

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<v Speaker 1>out here today that we always talk about this being,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, three folks around a campfire, right, that's the

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<v Speaker 1>third person. Well, what I realized or what I was

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<v Speaker 1>thinking is that typically when somebody is sitting with you

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<v Speaker 1>at the campfire, you know that person, and therefore the

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<v Speaker 1>way that you answer that question might be different based

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<v Speaker 1>on what you know about them and specifically their emotional,

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<v Speaker 1>spiritual security and maturity. And so I guess what I

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<v Speaker 1>was getting at is like, I hope that if you're

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<v Speaker 1>out there and you're hearing some of these answers, we're

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<v Speaker 1>speaking to you as if you're at this campfire with

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<v Speaker 1>us and you are, you know, mature in your spirituality,

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<v Speaker 1>in your emotional you know, state or whatever. So that

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<v Speaker 1>if if you hear things that we're saying and they

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<v Speaker 1>and you take it a little bit defensively, it's almost like, well,

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<v Speaker 1>you may need to kind of stop and think about

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<v Speaker 1>and have some awareness of like why why they're just

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<v Speaker 1>talking to me like they would somebody that can handle

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<v Speaker 1>hearing just real truth and real advice. Yeah, And it's

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<v Speaker 1>just perspective. It's not criticism. It's perspective, right, perspective, And

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<v Speaker 1>like Bernie said, we're not always right and we definitely

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<v Speaker 1>don't claim to be. And that's not what this podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>This isn't the podcast of truth or this isn't the

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<v Speaker 1>you know, the final answer, this is a conversation that

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<v Speaker 1>hopefully you know we're coming from the from the right heart,

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<v Speaker 1>and hopefully this this is a conversation that will help

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<v Speaker 1>you open up to find your own truth. Yep. Absolutely. Now.

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<v Speaker 1>I have had people email back to this podcast and

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<v Speaker 1>say things like, hey you I got one yesterday it said, hey,

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<v Speaker 1>you answered my question. Thank you for the tough love.

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<v Speaker 1>It's exactly what I needed to hear. That's awesome, and

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<v Speaker 1>that reassures me like, Okay, good, because sometimes I think,

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<v Speaker 1>I hope I'm not coming across as mean, yeah, or

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<v Speaker 1>degrading in any way. That's not our intent. Yeah, And

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<v Speaker 1>that's what I'm saying is is like you, if you

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<v Speaker 1>were sitting in a camp, that person would know you,

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<v Speaker 1>we would know them, and it's like it wouldn't be

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<v Speaker 1>received that way. And so that's the way we're coming

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<v Speaker 1>at it, and just the hope that the posture of

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<v Speaker 1>the listener is like, hey, just chill out, guys, it's

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<v Speaker 1>all yeah, And Bernie would probably say the same thing

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<v Speaker 1>as me, but I'm definitely going to say I don't

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<v Speaker 1>have life figured out. I'm constantly learning, I'm constantly trying

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<v Speaker 1>to readjust to new situations, and so don't ever think

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<v Speaker 1>that we're coming across as listen, I got this figured out. Artist,

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<v Speaker 1>I've been in your shoes because I haven't been in

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<v Speaker 1>your shoes, that's right. So yeah, let's start with the

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<v Speaker 1>first question, and I'm everything on this podcast will be

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<v Speaker 1>off the cuff, random, random questions. We don't have notes

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<v Speaker 1>sitting in front of us except for this first one.

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<v Speaker 1>I picked it because it's easier. Okay, it's lighter hearted,

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<v Speaker 1>so I picked the first one after this. Everything else

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<v Speaker 1>is who knows? Who knows what's coming? First question is

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<v Speaker 1>subject line is sweet, simple and straight to the point. Hey,

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<v Speaker 1>granger and friend, I hope you're having a blessed day

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<v Speaker 1>so far. My question is what is your favorite hobby

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<v Speaker 1>or activity to do with your spouse or significant other.

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<v Speaker 1>My husband and I love your faith podcast and of

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<v Speaker 1>course your music. Thank you for all you do. Best.

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<v Speaker 1>Hailey Whaley from Illinois parentheses. No, I'm not a doctor

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<v Speaker 1>Seus's character. Haley Haley Whaley Walley shout out to ill Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>and it's a good question. I'm gonna put this phone

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<v Speaker 1>on airplane mode because I could hear it through the mic.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a good question. That I think about a lot,

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<v Speaker 1>because sometimes I could be I could be guilty of

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<v Speaker 1>not having very many hobbies. What about you, Oh you

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<v Speaker 1>got too many? You've got too many hobbies. My wife's

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<v Speaker 1>like no more So the question specifically is what is

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<v Speaker 1>your favorite hobby with your spouse? Because I have a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of hobbies separate from Amber. She has hobbies separate

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<v Speaker 1>from me. For instance, I love snow skiing. I always have.

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<v Speaker 1>I'll take a mountain any chance I can get and

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<v Speaker 1>bring some skis that could be old or new, I

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<v Speaker 1>don't care. Amber does not like snow skiing. She skis

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<v Speaker 1>occasionally just because she loves me, but she does not

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<v Speaker 1>enjoy it one minute. She is terrified about it. So

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<v Speaker 1>that's an example of a hobby I love, but we

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<v Speaker 1>don't do it together. Yeah, mine without Leslie would be

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<v Speaker 1>like downhill mountain biking or mountain biking at any time.

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<v Speaker 1>It's intense. I mean you are just like holding on

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<v Speaker 1>and she doesn't really do that. She's like nope, no thanks,

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<v Speaker 1>I was gonna say, Leslie does that. Yeah, this is

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<v Speaker 1>like you were saying with snowskin, but one that we

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<v Speaker 1>would do together consistently. It's funny because I think it's

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<v Speaker 1>chained here. I don't know about you're at Amber, Like

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<v Speaker 1>it kind of changes over the years. When Leslie and

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<v Speaker 1>I first got married, she was horrible at tennis, and

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<v Speaker 1>I grew up playing tennis and played it and you know, competitively,

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<v Speaker 1>and so I've played a lot of tennis in my life.

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<v Speaker 1>I learned really quickly, Hey, this may not be something

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<v Speaker 1>we do together. Yeah, yeah, because she would get frustrated

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<v Speaker 1>every time we went and played. But recently she's like

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<v Speaker 1>been into some lessons and like really liking it. So

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<v Speaker 1>I think that's something if we're gonna do like a

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<v Speaker 1>active kind of date night, hobby, date night things like yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>let's just get a babysitter and go play some tennis. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>that's awesome. Amber. It's kind of opposite for us. Amber

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<v Speaker 1>is really good at tennis and she did it in

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<v Speaker 1>high school and I didn't. Maybe I should learn, Maybe

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<v Speaker 1>I should get lessons from you and learn. So what

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<v Speaker 1>about like raquetball? Does that ever come into play? No? No,

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<v Speaker 1>some folks have started asking us to play pickle ball.

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<v Speaker 1>Have you played that? Yeah? Yeah, it's actually really fun.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah it is fun, But no, racquetball never. I don't

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<v Speaker 1>know the rules. I just never did it. It's I

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<v Speaker 1>think unanimously. What I could say is if you said,

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<v Speaker 1>what do you and Amber want to do? Like, if

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<v Speaker 1>you could do anything, what are you going to do?

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<v Speaker 1>It might sound stupid, but go out to eat one

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<v Speaker 1>on one, no kids? Yeah, maybe go catch a movie

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<v Speaker 1>that would be That would be something we'd both be

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<v Speaker 1>on board right now. Yeah, is no kids a hobby

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<v Speaker 1>because I think I think we would do anything with

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<v Speaker 1>no kid, just the two of us, Like you're saying, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>both of us, Both me and you have busy schedules.

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<v Speaker 1>You you have multiple jobs, you and Leslie works some

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<v Speaker 1>of those with you, are all of im with you.

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<v Speaker 1>It's some capacity. Plus we have kids, plus the kids' activities,

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<v Speaker 1>and it doesn't leave very much room for what's you

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<v Speaker 1>and your wife's hobby. Separate So maybe we'll figure that

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<v Speaker 1>out more. But right now we enjoy a lot of things.

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<v Speaker 1>We tour. She loves to go on tour with me.

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<v Speaker 1>But if you're going to say, right now, it would

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<v Speaker 1>be time away from kids. That's my favorite hobby. Good

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<v Speaker 1>season of life, the season of life. Okay, we're out

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<v Speaker 1>into the weeds now, this is now. I have no

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<v Speaker 1>idea what's about to come up? I could you want

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<v Speaker 1>me to read a couple or you want me to

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<v Speaker 1>just hit the Let me hit the top one and

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<v Speaker 1>then I'll read a couple of these titles to you.

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<v Speaker 1>This one is called relationship Advice. Hey Grangeery, my ex

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<v Speaker 1>boyfriend and I had an amazing relationship. It lasted about

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<v Speaker 1>seven years, sixteen to twenty three years old. Throughout the years,

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<v Speaker 1>we had our ups and downs, but it was a

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<v Speaker 1>relationship that I personally found quote perfect. Our love was mutual.

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<v Speaker 1>But a few months ago, he broke up with me

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<v Speaker 1>and said that he wanted to focus on himself. Even

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<v Speaker 1>though we both pushed each other throughout the relationship, he

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<v Speaker 1>no longer wants to fight for the relationship, and I

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<v Speaker 1>feel like it's unreal. The saddest part is we had

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<v Speaker 1>plans of finally getting married after I finished school and

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<v Speaker 1>I only had one year left. I feel completely devastated

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<v Speaker 1>and heartbroken. I don't know how to take this situation

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<v Speaker 1>because it's something I never expected to happen. Because the

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<v Speaker 1>day before he broke up with me, he made me

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<v Speaker 1>feel like the luckiest girl on earth. I don't have

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<v Speaker 1>a name, and I don't have a place. So this

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<v Speaker 1>is anonymous. Do you have a specific question in there? Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>let me let me see. There was no question marks,

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<v Speaker 1>so there's I think this is just a confusion on

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<v Speaker 1>a breakup. And the first thing I could say to

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<v Speaker 1>anonymous here is that you this story is not uncommon.

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<v Speaker 1>This is a human story. This has been going on

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<v Speaker 1>since the beginning of time. You think one side thinks

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<v Speaker 1>it's going great, and they're led on by the other

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<v Speaker 1>side that it is great, and then the other side

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<v Speaker 1>cuts it off cold turkey. You're left confused, devastated, heartbroken,

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<v Speaker 1>and you don't know what to do. I don't know

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<v Speaker 1>what she means. By the day before he broke up

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<v Speaker 1>with me, he made me feel like the luckiest girl.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know exactly what that means. But she is

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<v Speaker 1>twenty three years old apparently, which is great. The reason

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<v Speaker 1>I say that it's because you're not forty eight, right,

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<v Speaker 1>it's not good. Right, this is great. You're twenty three

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<v Speaker 1>and you have so much ahead of you. So the

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<v Speaker 1>first thing I want to do is just validate your heartbrokenness.

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<v Speaker 1>That sounds that sounds terrible. You know, you were you

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<v Speaker 1>were let on. I'm not going to say that his

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<v Speaker 1>love wasn't real. But love is a decision. It's not

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<v Speaker 1>it's not some cosmic alignment in the stars. It's a decision,

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<v Speaker 1>and he decided not to love you anymore. Yeah, that's

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<v Speaker 1>that doesn't make you feel better? Yeah yeah I would.

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<v Speaker 1>I would echo that just empathy that man, that that's tough.

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<v Speaker 1>You put yourself out there. We all kind of know

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<v Speaker 1>what it's like in some capacity to put yourself out

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<v Speaker 1>there and kind of be put your trust out there

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<v Speaker 1>and be broken, you know, your heart be broken in

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<v Speaker 1>some way. You know. If we started to kind of

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<v Speaker 1>classify these podcast questions into these little, you know, barrels

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<v Speaker 1>like we've talked about, like, hey is this how would

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<v Speaker 1>this be answered? I think communication could be a big

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<v Speaker 1>one to help resolve some of this, if the X

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<v Speaker 1>would be willing to just kind of have some follow

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<v Speaker 1>up conversations like I'm really trying to understand here, what where?

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<v Speaker 1>When did the disconnect happen? Because I guarantee you it

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<v Speaker 1>didn't happen just one day. If he made you feel

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<v Speaker 1>like the most special girl in the world the day before,

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<v Speaker 1>there was something something going on and he was kind

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<v Speaker 1>of putting on that front and so get back to

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<v Speaker 1>like where did we go? Because if there's no reconciliation possible,

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<v Speaker 1>at least you'll be able to learn from it. At

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<v Speaker 1>least you'll be able to learn like, okay, either the

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<v Speaker 1>person that I look for next. You know, I need

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<v Speaker 1>to be aware of these things. I need to have

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<v Speaker 1>these boundaries. I need to treat them this way, Like

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<v Speaker 1>what what can you learn about yourself from that situation?

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<v Speaker 1>What can you learn about your future? You know, companion

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<v Speaker 1>or mate moving forward? That's so right. You're you're going

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<v Speaker 1>to be better for this, anonymous, No matter what, You're

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<v Speaker 1>going to be better from this pain and this could

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<v Speaker 1>lead This is any kind of suffering. People always want

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<v Speaker 1>to be so quick to say, if there's a god,

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<v Speaker 1>why does he allow suffering? And that question comes in

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<v Speaker 1>so many forms and as a result of so many

0:13:11.120 --> 0:13:13.320
<v Speaker 1>things in life. And then my question back to you

0:13:13.480 --> 0:13:16.600
<v Speaker 1>is how could you not think that suffering would make

0:13:16.640 --> 0:13:20.640
<v Speaker 1>you better? And they would say, no, suffering's bad, Suffering

0:13:20.760 --> 0:13:22.880
<v Speaker 1>is always bad and it always makes me worse, And

0:13:22.920 --> 0:13:26.079
<v Speaker 1>I say not, According to anything humans have ever done

0:13:26.320 --> 0:13:29.760
<v Speaker 1>in the history of humans. We make sports. For instance,

0:13:29.760 --> 0:13:34.920
<v Speaker 1>we make football. What makes football exciting and fun and addictive?

0:13:36.000 --> 0:13:41.040
<v Speaker 1>The adversity, the suffering. No one starts a season and goes, well,

0:13:41.320 --> 0:13:44.760
<v Speaker 1>we won the super Bowl. Why'd you win the super Bowl? Well,

0:13:45.000 --> 0:13:47.960
<v Speaker 1>we just won all the games. We didn't play them,

0:13:48.000 --> 0:13:49.800
<v Speaker 1>but we just got a w in for all the

0:13:49.840 --> 0:13:53.040
<v Speaker 1>games until we got the super Bowl trophy. Boring the

0:13:54.200 --> 0:13:56.880
<v Speaker 1>good think of any good Super Bowl or World Series,

0:13:56.880 --> 0:13:59.200
<v Speaker 1>which is going on right now. The World Series is

0:13:59.320 --> 0:14:03.800
<v Speaker 1>always better when it's it's the seventh game. It's been

0:14:03.840 --> 0:14:07.200
<v Speaker 1>a battle, there's injuries on both sides. Both teams have

0:14:07.280 --> 0:14:11.079
<v Speaker 1>overcome adversity all year. They've they've climbed these hurdles and

0:14:11.120 --> 0:14:13.680
<v Speaker 1>they've made it past them. And here they are and

0:14:13.720 --> 0:14:16.360
<v Speaker 1>it's not only the seventh game, but it's the ninth inning.

0:14:16.640 --> 0:14:20.440
<v Speaker 1>It's tied, it's the batter's up and he's got two

0:14:20.440 --> 0:14:24.560
<v Speaker 1>strikes on them, the bases are loaded. It's that's always

0:14:24.640 --> 0:14:28.480
<v Speaker 1>the better scenario is when they're suffering or adversity involved,

0:14:28.920 --> 0:14:32.720
<v Speaker 1>and then when you win that World Series, it's much

0:14:32.800 --> 0:14:36.040
<v Speaker 1>sweeter than if you've just swept them for to nothing. Right,

0:14:36.080 --> 0:14:38.840
<v Speaker 1>four games and nothing, No, you're absolutely right. And the

0:14:38.920 --> 0:14:41.760
<v Speaker 1>even deeper level of that is those guys that are

0:14:41.760 --> 0:14:44.080
<v Speaker 1>on the field playing those professional athletes. How did they

0:14:44.160 --> 0:14:47.920
<v Speaker 1>get as strong as they are? They their muscles were

0:14:48.080 --> 0:14:52.800
<v Speaker 1>torn in order for them to get stronger, Right like that,

0:14:52.480 --> 0:14:55.480
<v Speaker 1>that stuff has to happen for growth. And if you

0:14:55.600 --> 0:14:59.160
<v Speaker 1>view it that way and you keep your mindset on that, Anonymous,

0:15:00.040 --> 0:15:02.000
<v Speaker 1>I think you're going to be better for it moving forward.

0:15:03.000 --> 0:15:04.800
<v Speaker 1>I think you could get some clarity from the dude

0:15:04.840 --> 0:15:08.160
<v Speaker 1>if he'd be willing to. But if not, just focus forward.

0:15:08.480 --> 0:15:10.760
<v Speaker 1>You know, Yeah, have you ever cried in a movie

0:15:10.920 --> 0:15:12.680
<v Speaker 1>or watching a movie here? Have you ever cried at

0:15:12.680 --> 0:15:15.840
<v Speaker 1>the end? Well, if the answer is yes, Anonymous, the

0:15:15.920 --> 0:15:19.040
<v Speaker 1>reason you cried is because you saw the character go

0:15:19.200 --> 0:15:23.840
<v Speaker 1>through pain and turmoil and win in the end, they

0:15:23.960 --> 0:15:29.280
<v Speaker 1>overcame it and they won. Every movie, every single movie

0:15:29.320 --> 0:15:32.040
<v Speaker 1>that's good, always has a bad guy or a bad

0:15:32.080 --> 0:15:36.720
<v Speaker 1>situation always, and then when they defeat it or overcome

0:15:36.760 --> 0:15:41.360
<v Speaker 1>it or climb that mountain, they you cry because you

0:15:41.640 --> 0:15:44.760
<v Speaker 1>love you love this story, and you know what it takes.

0:15:45.000 --> 0:15:48.800
<v Speaker 1>Suffering helps you. Suffering is good for you. It's hard

0:15:48.880 --> 0:15:51.240
<v Speaker 1>to think that when you're in it. You're in the

0:15:51.400 --> 0:15:55.640
<v Speaker 1>you're in the valley right now, you're laying there bleeding out,

0:15:56.440 --> 0:15:58.600
<v Speaker 1>You're you're on the beach of Normandy and you're bleeding

0:15:58.600 --> 0:16:00.360
<v Speaker 1>out right now, and it's you think, how could this

0:16:00.440 --> 0:16:04.840
<v Speaker 1>be good? But it always is good. Lean into it.

0:16:05.040 --> 0:16:07.040
<v Speaker 1>You're going to be better, You're going to learn more,

0:16:07.240 --> 0:16:10.040
<v Speaker 1>You're going to be better because of this person. Yeah.

0:16:10.040 --> 0:16:13.360
<v Speaker 1>And one last thing to book in that, like try

0:16:13.520 --> 0:16:16.640
<v Speaker 1>I mean, this is just advice, you know, take it

0:16:16.760 --> 0:16:22.200
<v Speaker 1>or leave it. Don't date the next person for seven years, Like, yeah,

0:16:22.320 --> 0:16:25.200
<v Speaker 1>go into it with intention that, Hey, I am dating

0:16:25.280 --> 0:16:30.120
<v Speaker 1>someone to try my best and discern if they are

0:16:31.600 --> 0:16:33.280
<v Speaker 1>the one for me for the rest of my life.

0:16:33.280 --> 0:16:36.960
<v Speaker 1>And the minute that you get there, communicate that to them.

0:16:37.720 --> 0:16:40.640
<v Speaker 1>Put yourself out there, continue to trust. Don't let this

0:16:40.840 --> 0:16:44.440
<v Speaker 1>be something that scars you from trusting people in the future.

0:16:46.120 --> 0:16:49.160
<v Speaker 1>Find that person and I bet if they are, they're

0:16:49.200 --> 0:16:53.360
<v Speaker 1>going to trust you back. And don't just kind of

0:16:53.440 --> 0:16:58.960
<v Speaker 1>let it linger without that that commitment for seven years.

0:16:58.960 --> 0:17:01.880
<v Speaker 1>That's a long time. Good. One more thing to the

0:17:01.880 --> 0:17:04.800
<v Speaker 1>one more thing. Don't don't go back to this guy

0:17:04.960 --> 0:17:08.679
<v Speaker 1>and and he's you guys will probably have another fling.

0:17:09.680 --> 0:17:15.800
<v Speaker 1>Don't resist that, resist that fling, and don't don't go back.

0:17:15.840 --> 0:17:18.840
<v Speaker 1>Don't start texting him two weeks from now, and just say,

0:17:19.440 --> 0:17:22.240
<v Speaker 1>I still don't understand. Can you just tell me what happened?

0:17:22.520 --> 0:17:27.000
<v Speaker 1>Can you just please explain? Just don't yep, don't block

0:17:27.080 --> 0:17:28.560
<v Speaker 1>him in your phone if you have to. But it's

0:17:28.600 --> 0:17:32.879
<v Speaker 1>not good. He made a decision to leave you, so

0:17:33.080 --> 0:17:36.359
<v Speaker 1>let it go. It's nothing. Nothing is good by trying

0:17:36.359 --> 0:17:38.840
<v Speaker 1>to get one more explanation out of him, or trying

0:17:38.840 --> 0:17:41.360
<v Speaker 1>to figure out or when he calls and says could

0:17:41.359 --> 0:17:43.320
<v Speaker 1>we go? And could we could I take you to dinner?

0:17:43.600 --> 0:17:47.480
<v Speaker 1>You need to think hard about that because this dude

0:17:47.520 --> 0:17:52.320
<v Speaker 1>left you. Yep, when you're most vulnerable. Yeah, let's let's

0:17:52.320 --> 0:17:59.600
<v Speaker 1>do another question here. This is here's I saw this

0:17:59.680 --> 0:18:04.679
<v Speaker 1>came came in on Wednesday and it's very very short

0:18:05.080 --> 0:18:08.400
<v Speaker 1>and there's not a question. But I thought it was interesting,

0:18:08.440 --> 0:18:10.439
<v Speaker 1>so I pulled it in here. It says, hey Grangeer,

0:18:10.480 --> 0:18:12.760
<v Speaker 1>my name is Ida. I'm from Arizona. I love your

0:18:12.760 --> 0:18:14.960
<v Speaker 1>family and your faith and your music and everything it

0:18:15.000 --> 0:18:17.679
<v Speaker 1>stands for. That's the end of the email, but the

0:18:17.720 --> 0:18:24.560
<v Speaker 1>subject line says concerned about my future? What do you think?

0:18:24.680 --> 0:18:26.360
<v Speaker 1>What do you think? Things about? You think? They hit

0:18:26.440 --> 0:18:29.120
<v Speaker 1>send too early and then they're like, dangn I can't

0:18:29.160 --> 0:18:33.720
<v Speaker 1>email again. Well, concerned about my future. And then it's

0:18:33.840 --> 0:18:37.840
<v Speaker 1>just I think. And the reason I think it might

0:18:37.880 --> 0:18:39.919
<v Speaker 1>be interesting to talk about it is because I think

0:18:40.320 --> 0:18:43.480
<v Speaker 1>there's a lot of people concerned about their future in

0:18:43.520 --> 0:18:48.040
<v Speaker 1>the world right now and they don't even know why. Yeah,

0:18:48.080 --> 0:18:51.879
<v Speaker 1>they can't even explain why or how they feel like this,

0:18:53.119 --> 0:18:56.600
<v Speaker 1>And that email almost says that, It almost says, I

0:18:56.600 --> 0:19:02.600
<v Speaker 1>don't have anything else to write, specifically, worried because let's

0:19:02.640 --> 0:19:04.959
<v Speaker 1>fill in the blanks, because the media makes me nervous,

0:19:04.960 --> 0:19:08.400
<v Speaker 1>because Instagram makes me nervous. I see things on Facebook

0:19:08.400 --> 0:19:12.800
<v Speaker 1>every day and I'm concerned. Maybe you have kids, maybe

0:19:12.840 --> 0:19:16.840
<v Speaker 1>you don't, but everyone's talking about how public schools are

0:19:16.880 --> 0:19:20.840
<v Speaker 1>going down the gutter. Well maybe you have a parent

0:19:21.119 --> 0:19:24.359
<v Speaker 1>that that's sick right now and you're concerned. But but

0:19:24.480 --> 0:19:28.720
<v Speaker 1>this is the world we live in, concerned about the future, worries,

0:19:28.840 --> 0:19:33.440
<v Speaker 1>all kinds of worries all over man. And it's not new,

0:19:33.520 --> 0:19:38.479
<v Speaker 1>I mean, right, no, no, no, no, man, there is

0:19:39.160 --> 0:19:41.920
<v Speaker 1>I saw John Maxwell speak a couple of weeks ago,

0:19:42.880 --> 0:19:48.760
<v Speaker 1>and he was at a conference, and I was I

0:19:48.800 --> 0:19:53.479
<v Speaker 1>was blown away by by him speaking courage into people

0:19:53.840 --> 0:19:59.240
<v Speaker 1>and speaking fear away from people, especially Christians. He brought

0:19:59.280 --> 0:20:03.159
<v Speaker 1>up the fact that why do we see Christians nowadays

0:20:03.600 --> 0:20:06.480
<v Speaker 1>as one of the most worried groups of people on

0:20:06.520 --> 0:20:11.959
<v Speaker 1>the planet. Why are they not any more confident in

0:20:12.000 --> 0:20:17.080
<v Speaker 1>their life than any other person. It's strange. We're not

0:20:17.119 --> 0:20:20.440
<v Speaker 1>supposed to be fearful. We're not supposed to be to

0:20:20.560 --> 0:20:22.840
<v Speaker 1>dwell and worry. I know that we could worry and fear,

0:20:22.880 --> 0:20:25.040
<v Speaker 1>but we're not supposed to dwell on it and be

0:20:25.160 --> 0:20:29.800
<v Speaker 1>lost in it and voice it on Facebook like we're

0:20:30.280 --> 0:20:31.960
<v Speaker 1>in such trouble and we don't know what to do.

0:20:32.280 --> 0:20:34.240
<v Speaker 1>Aren't we supposed to be the ones that are confident

0:20:34.280 --> 0:20:37.720
<v Speaker 1>about this? Well? I agreed, But let me ask you this.

0:20:38.359 --> 0:20:42.360
<v Speaker 1>What if you were in the army and you were

0:20:42.440 --> 0:20:44.760
<v Speaker 1>about to go into battle. You were in battle, you're

0:20:44.960 --> 0:20:47.800
<v Speaker 1>I mean, you're about to jump out the helicopter, but

0:20:47.880 --> 0:20:53.640
<v Speaker 1>you don't have any weapons. You have not been trained properly.

0:20:53.880 --> 0:20:56.159
<v Speaker 1>You haven't been given a map that shows you where

0:20:56.359 --> 0:21:02.199
<v Speaker 1>you're supposed to be. Okay, are you all ware? Is

0:21:02.200 --> 0:21:06.200
<v Speaker 1>that where we are now? If we're speaking generally about

0:21:06.280 --> 0:21:08.760
<v Speaker 1>Christians in the West, I think that's where we are.

0:21:08.840 --> 0:21:13.000
<v Speaker 1>Don't we have a map? Though? Oh? We do? But

0:21:13.560 --> 0:21:15.439
<v Speaker 1>I think I hear you. I think that there's a

0:21:15.440 --> 0:21:19.159
<v Speaker 1>lot that have not been trained, they haven't taken up

0:21:19.160 --> 0:21:23.840
<v Speaker 1>the weapons, but for some reason they feel like I

0:21:23.880 --> 0:21:28.360
<v Speaker 1>should still get on this helicopter and go. It's like, well, hey, guys,

0:21:28.400 --> 0:21:30.560
<v Speaker 1>I don't think you understand the battle that you're getting

0:21:30.600 --> 0:21:36.320
<v Speaker 1>into here. Yeah, you're gonna get destroyed and you're gonna worry,

0:21:36.520 --> 0:21:39.840
<v Speaker 1>and you're gonna basically take a bunch of people down

0:21:39.920 --> 0:21:44.199
<v Speaker 1>with you. I don't know, just a thought, man. Let

0:21:44.240 --> 0:21:49.320
<v Speaker 1>me read something John Maxwell said, and I just I

0:21:49.359 --> 0:21:52.199
<v Speaker 1>was blown away by this. And if anyone sees me

0:21:52.240 --> 0:21:54.239
<v Speaker 1>on my phone or Bernie on his phone, I'm not

0:21:54.520 --> 0:21:58.399
<v Speaker 1>scrolling Twitter right now. It's relevant. I'm either looking at

0:21:58.400 --> 0:22:00.600
<v Speaker 1>the question or look at thinking about something relevant here.

0:22:01.040 --> 0:22:05.879
<v Speaker 1>But this is C. S. Lewis and he wrote he

0:22:05.960 --> 0:22:09.159
<v Speaker 1>wrote an article called how are We to Live in

0:22:09.200 --> 0:22:12.680
<v Speaker 1>an Atomic Age? And what John Maxwell said at the

0:22:12.720 --> 0:22:17.400
<v Speaker 1>conference was every time you hear atomic age or atomic bomb,

0:22:17.840 --> 0:22:22.159
<v Speaker 1>I want you to replace it with virus or COVID.

0:22:22.760 --> 0:22:25.439
<v Speaker 1>And then whoever wrote this email, whatever's going on in

0:22:25.480 --> 0:22:28.240
<v Speaker 1>your life. If that's not what you're talking about, you

0:22:28.280 --> 0:22:31.399
<v Speaker 1>could replace it with whatever you're going through. And so

0:22:31.480 --> 0:22:34.439
<v Speaker 1>think about it this way, Remember to replace atomic with

0:22:34.640 --> 0:22:37.520
<v Speaker 1>covid or virus or whatever you're going through. How are

0:22:37.560 --> 0:22:42.280
<v Speaker 1>we to live in atomic age? I am tempted to reply, why,

0:22:42.760 --> 0:22:45.520
<v Speaker 1>as you would have lived in the sixteenth century when

0:22:45.560 --> 0:22:48.560
<v Speaker 1>the plague visited London almost every year, or as you

0:22:48.600 --> 0:22:51.399
<v Speaker 1>would have lived in a Viking age, when raiders from

0:22:51.480 --> 0:22:55.520
<v Speaker 1>Scandinavia might land and cut your throat any night, Or indeed,

0:22:56.119 --> 0:22:58.400
<v Speaker 1>as you are already living in an age of cancer,

0:22:58.720 --> 0:23:02.400
<v Speaker 1>an age of syphilis, an age of paralysis, an age

0:23:02.440 --> 0:23:06.600
<v Speaker 1>of air raids, an age of railway at railway accidents,

0:23:07.119 --> 0:23:09.760
<v Speaker 1>an age of motor accidents. In other words, do not

0:23:10.040 --> 0:23:13.720
<v Speaker 1>let us begin by exaggerating the novelty of our situation.

0:23:14.560 --> 0:23:19.320
<v Speaker 1>Believe me, dear Sir of Madam, you and all you

0:23:19.560 --> 0:23:23.240
<v Speaker 1>who you love already are already sentenced to death before

0:23:23.280 --> 0:23:27.040
<v Speaker 1>the atomic bomb was invented, or before covid was invented,

0:23:27.960 --> 0:23:31.080
<v Speaker 1>and quite a high percentage of us we're going to

0:23:31.160 --> 0:23:35.640
<v Speaker 1>die in unpleasant ways. We had indeed one very great

0:23:35.640 --> 0:23:40.560
<v Speaker 1>advantage over our ancestors, but we have everything still that

0:23:40.600 --> 0:23:43.960
<v Speaker 1>we need. It is perfectly ridiculous to go about whimpering

0:23:44.520 --> 0:23:47.880
<v Speaker 1>and drawing long faces because the scientists have added one

0:23:47.920 --> 0:23:50.360
<v Speaker 1>more chance of painful and premature death to a world

0:23:50.400 --> 0:23:54.399
<v Speaker 1>which already bristled with such chances, and in which death

0:23:54.400 --> 0:23:59.240
<v Speaker 1>itself was not a chance at all, but a certainty.

0:24:00.200 --> 0:24:02.040
<v Speaker 1>He goes on to say, and I could read this,

0:24:02.119 --> 0:24:04.840
<v Speaker 1>But he goes on to say, so what are we

0:24:04.920 --> 0:24:08.800
<v Speaker 1>to do if we're all going to be destroyed by

0:24:08.800 --> 0:24:12.520
<v Speaker 1>an atomic bomb? Let the bomb come find us doing

0:24:12.560 --> 0:24:16.959
<v Speaker 1>sensible and human things like praying, working, teaching, reading, listening

0:24:16.960 --> 0:24:20.640
<v Speaker 1>to music, bathing the children playing tennis. Literally says that

0:24:21.400 --> 0:24:23.760
<v Speaker 1>chatting to our friends over a pint and a game

0:24:23.800 --> 0:24:27.399
<v Speaker 1>of darts, not huddled together like frightened sheep and thinking

0:24:27.440 --> 0:24:32.919
<v Speaker 1>about bombs. They may break our bodies. A microbe can

0:24:32.960 --> 0:24:38.000
<v Speaker 1>do that, but they need not dominate our minds. Nineteen

0:24:38.160 --> 0:24:43.560
<v Speaker 1>forty eight. Oh that's so good, So to piggyback on

0:24:43.680 --> 0:24:48.479
<v Speaker 1>what he's saying. Philippian, So what was this girl's name?

0:24:48.520 --> 0:24:50.760
<v Speaker 1>Do we have her name? No? Nothing? Okay, So if

0:24:50.760 --> 0:24:52.800
<v Speaker 1>you wrote that, or even if you did it, go

0:24:52.920 --> 0:24:57.480
<v Speaker 1>read Philippians four four through nine. So it starts with

0:24:57.560 --> 0:24:59.920
<v Speaker 1>rejoice and a gainsay rejoice, but then it goes into

0:25:00.080 --> 0:25:02.119
<v Speaker 1>I mean and this is written by Paul who's being

0:25:02.400 --> 0:25:06.280
<v Speaker 1>he's imprisoned, and this dude is in I promise you

0:25:06.359 --> 0:25:08.919
<v Speaker 1>a worse situation than you're in. I can't say that

0:25:08.960 --> 0:25:11.840
<v Speaker 1>for sure, for sure, but yeah, the odds are he

0:25:12.000 --> 0:25:14.960
<v Speaker 1>was in a much worse position. If you are in

0:25:14.960 --> 0:25:18.160
<v Speaker 1>a worse position, then that means you've been You've received

0:25:18.160 --> 0:25:24.760
<v Speaker 1>the forty lashings countless times, you've been beaten, stoned, broken, imprisoned,

0:25:25.000 --> 0:25:31.480
<v Speaker 1>countless times, starved, almost drowned, shipwrecked. Yeah, so if that's

0:25:31.480 --> 0:25:34.359
<v Speaker 1>happened to you, sorry about that. You probably don't have

0:25:34.400 --> 0:25:38.320
<v Speaker 1>a way to send an email a granger. But but

0:25:38.400 --> 0:25:43.840
<v Speaker 1>the point is is that even in that he's speaking

0:25:43.880 --> 0:25:48.120
<v Speaker 1>to these people saying, hey, don't don't be anxious, like

0:25:48.200 --> 0:25:55.520
<v Speaker 1>instead pray with thanksgiving, right, and this piece well that

0:25:55.520 --> 0:25:57.760
<v Speaker 1>surpassed the understanding will cover your heart and your mind.

0:25:57.880 --> 0:26:01.600
<v Speaker 1>And then he goes on to say, finally these things.

0:26:01.760 --> 0:26:05.240
<v Speaker 1>Think on these things. What's true, what's pure, what's lovely,

0:26:05.760 --> 0:26:11.480
<v Speaker 1>has excellence? He lists all these things. Think about these things.

0:26:11.480 --> 0:26:14.280
<v Speaker 1>So what C. S. Lewis is saying, Hey, they can

0:26:14.320 --> 0:26:16.320
<v Speaker 1>take all this stuff, but they can't take our minds.

0:26:16.359 --> 0:26:20.520
<v Speaker 1>Like think, we think on these things and then we

0:26:20.600 --> 0:26:23.399
<v Speaker 1>practice The last part of that is he says, what

0:26:23.440 --> 0:26:25.879
<v Speaker 1>you've seen and heard from me, practice this in the

0:26:25.920 --> 0:26:29.760
<v Speaker 1>God of peace will be with you. I think that that,

0:26:29.960 --> 0:26:34.280
<v Speaker 1>between that and Philippians, that's I think that's maybe the

0:26:34.280 --> 0:26:36.640
<v Speaker 1>answer to this question. Yeah. And C. S. Lewis got

0:26:36.640 --> 0:26:41.359
<v Speaker 1>his inspiration from Philippians. Yeah, you know, so, Paul was first.

0:26:42.960 --> 0:26:45.080
<v Speaker 1>I love how he says, in other words, do not

0:26:45.240 --> 0:26:48.959
<v Speaker 1>let us begin by exaggerating the novelty of our situation?

0:26:49.640 --> 0:26:53.520
<v Speaker 1>How crazy we do? Yeah? Oh, there's never been this bad, never,

0:26:53.560 --> 0:26:59.000
<v Speaker 1>We've never been this divided, We've never been this sick. Yeah,

0:26:59.119 --> 0:27:02.400
<v Speaker 1>we've never had leadership this bad. We never had an

0:27:02.400 --> 0:27:06.000
<v Speaker 1>election this good or this bad. Why do you why

0:27:06.000 --> 0:27:07.199
<v Speaker 1>do you think we do? Why do you think we

0:27:07.240 --> 0:27:12.200
<v Speaker 1>do that? We love to exaggerate the novelty of our situation,

0:27:12.320 --> 0:27:15.800
<v Speaker 1>and not just now, but like every every situation, we

0:27:15.880 --> 0:27:18.680
<v Speaker 1>want to exaggerate the novelty of it to make it

0:27:18.720 --> 0:27:21.040
<v Speaker 1>is it about us? Like we make it seem like

0:27:21.119 --> 0:27:24.680
<v Speaker 1>a bigger deal than it is. It's it's our arrogance

0:27:24.800 --> 0:27:27.000
<v Speaker 1>as humans that we've always thought that in CS. Lewis

0:27:27.000 --> 0:27:29.720
<v Speaker 1>goes on to say, believe me, sir or madam, you

0:27:29.880 --> 0:27:32.960
<v Speaker 1>and all whom you love were already sentenced to death

0:27:33.320 --> 0:27:40.600
<v Speaker 1>before the atomic bomb was invented. Yeah, yeah, so I

0:27:40.680 --> 0:27:42.879
<v Speaker 1>think you don't have to be a Christian to believe that. Yeah,

0:27:42.920 --> 0:27:45.440
<v Speaker 1>we have a humans have one hundred per death rate,

0:27:49.880 --> 0:27:59.560
<v Speaker 1>that's true. Let's Take a Break podcast has brought to

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0:28:01.800 --> 0:28:03.720
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<v Speaker 1>email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Got Bernie Caalcote

0:34:25.239 --> 0:34:28.600
<v Speaker 1>is my guest today, long time guest of the podcast.

0:34:29.160 --> 0:34:32.919
<v Speaker 1>Thank you guys for making this podcast always very high

0:34:32.920 --> 0:34:36.520
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<v Speaker 1>you guys go review it and give it the rating

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<v Speaker 1>and stuff. Yeah, it helps Grange get it up in

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<v Speaker 1>the charts and it helps just world domination, takeover for

0:34:47.280 --> 0:34:53.440
<v Speaker 1>a podcast happen. So let's go all right. Marriage after baby, Okay,

0:34:53.480 --> 0:34:56.759
<v Speaker 1>we both know. We both know that my husband and

0:34:56.800 --> 0:35:00.200
<v Speaker 1>I have had an almost one year old little boy.

0:35:00.320 --> 0:35:02.520
<v Speaker 1>He's the greatest baby, but I feel like our marriage

0:35:02.520 --> 0:35:05.120
<v Speaker 1>is struggling since his birth. A lot of times I

0:35:05.120 --> 0:35:08.040
<v Speaker 1>feel like I'm carrying the workload with our son and

0:35:08.080 --> 0:35:10.520
<v Speaker 1>the house on top of having a full time job.

0:35:10.640 --> 0:35:14.000
<v Speaker 1>My husband has a very demanding job also, and when

0:35:14.000 --> 0:35:16.000
<v Speaker 1>he's home, he mostly wants to sit on the couch

0:35:16.000 --> 0:35:20.040
<v Speaker 1>and watch TV. While I understand the need to decompress.

0:35:20.400 --> 0:35:23.720
<v Speaker 1>I feel like we don't spend any quality time together

0:35:23.880 --> 0:35:26.320
<v Speaker 1>talking or doing things together, and when I try to

0:35:26.360 --> 0:35:29.520
<v Speaker 1>explain how I'm feeling, it comes off as na nagging.

0:35:30.440 --> 0:35:33.440
<v Speaker 1>How do I get back to us after becoming parents?

0:35:33.480 --> 0:35:35.920
<v Speaker 1>Thanks for your podcast and being a sounding board for

0:35:35.960 --> 0:35:38.600
<v Speaker 1>so many people. I appreciate you and your guest ability

0:35:39.080 --> 0:35:41.800
<v Speaker 1>to look through a lens of faith and share solid advice. Lindsey,

0:35:43.120 --> 0:35:49.520
<v Speaker 1>thanks for sharing, Lindsay. This is not an uncommon nope situation.

0:35:49.719 --> 0:35:52.399
<v Speaker 1>There's people that didn't write this that are thinking, oh,

0:35:52.480 --> 0:35:56.480
<v Speaker 1>Lindsay just wrote my story. So thank you, Lindsey. Thank

0:35:56.520 --> 0:36:00.319
<v Speaker 1>you for bringing up something that's very common, and this

0:36:00.480 --> 0:36:06.080
<v Speaker 1>is let's let's uh, let's decide, let's kind of get

0:36:06.080 --> 0:36:11.040
<v Speaker 1>in and and knock this around a little bit. Uh,

0:36:11.080 --> 0:36:13.160
<v Speaker 1>Where do I don't know where to start? Where do

0:36:13.160 --> 0:36:17.800
<v Speaker 1>you want to start? I feel like the question could

0:36:17.800 --> 0:36:21.160
<v Speaker 1>be pretty simple to answer. I feel like it's a

0:36:21.160 --> 0:36:23.719
<v Speaker 1>communication thing. I feel like I feel like we may

0:36:23.719 --> 0:36:28.120
<v Speaker 1>have hit this before. Like you, you're coming from a

0:36:28.160 --> 0:36:30.760
<v Speaker 1>genuine perspective. You don't want to be the nagging wife,

0:36:31.160 --> 0:36:35.160
<v Speaker 1>but you're you're sensing this like overload, which is valid.

0:36:35.280 --> 0:36:38.880
<v Speaker 1>It is a lot. Kids are exhausting and and life

0:36:38.880 --> 0:36:40.480
<v Speaker 1>and all the stuff. So we feel you on that.

0:36:41.600 --> 0:36:47.160
<v Speaker 1>But I think you know, just having some really open,

0:36:47.200 --> 0:36:53.600
<v Speaker 1>honest communication with your husband about him asking does he

0:36:53.760 --> 0:36:56.880
<v Speaker 1>feel pressure from you to provide a certain level of

0:36:56.920 --> 0:37:01.719
<v Speaker 1>life where his work has to be that demanding. Yeah.

0:37:02.200 --> 0:37:05.239
<v Speaker 1>I think it's these responsibilities that we do stack up

0:37:05.280 --> 0:37:08.759
<v Speaker 1>on top of each other. It's just our culture to

0:37:08.800 --> 0:37:10.560
<v Speaker 1>be busy and to like stack up as much as

0:37:10.600 --> 0:37:13.800
<v Speaker 1>we can. And then in the very slim margins, we

0:37:13.960 --> 0:37:18.400
<v Speaker 1>leave the most important things our relationships with our spouses

0:37:18.440 --> 0:37:23.279
<v Speaker 1>and our kids. But I would suggest, like own that

0:37:23.440 --> 0:37:26.600
<v Speaker 1>for yourself and just be humble with your husband, like, Hey,

0:37:27.239 --> 0:37:29.040
<v Speaker 1>I don't feel like I'm doing a good job. I

0:37:29.040 --> 0:37:31.120
<v Speaker 1>feel like I don't have margin to really give you

0:37:31.560 --> 0:37:34.240
<v Speaker 1>the best side of me. I feel like you're getting

0:37:34.239 --> 0:37:36.160
<v Speaker 1>the worst of me, and I don't want that. I

0:37:36.200 --> 0:37:38.040
<v Speaker 1>want to give you the best of me. Are there

0:37:38.080 --> 0:37:39.719
<v Speaker 1>things in our lives that we need to change and

0:37:39.760 --> 0:37:43.280
<v Speaker 1>maybe go without so that we can just be happier

0:37:43.320 --> 0:37:46.799
<v Speaker 1>together and serve each other more? And I don't know, right,

0:37:47.160 --> 0:37:51.800
<v Speaker 1>So let me talk about go without, because one of

0:37:51.840 --> 0:37:55.920
<v Speaker 1>the thoughts I had was could you go without something

0:37:56.200 --> 0:37:59.959
<v Speaker 1>in your life financially in order to open up either

0:38:00.120 --> 0:38:04.279
<v Speaker 1>some time for you, So maybe you either you cut

0:38:04.320 --> 0:38:07.640
<v Speaker 1>back your hours or he cuts back his hours. You'll

0:38:07.640 --> 0:38:10.560
<v Speaker 1>have less money, but you'll have that more quality time.

0:38:11.600 --> 0:38:15.480
<v Speaker 1>Or do you go without in order to free up

0:38:15.520 --> 0:38:19.600
<v Speaker 1>some money to hire some help at the house, maybe

0:38:19.640 --> 0:38:21.759
<v Speaker 1>someone that can come in and do some of the

0:38:21.800 --> 0:38:25.080
<v Speaker 1>demanding housework, help you with some of these things that

0:38:25.120 --> 0:38:28.680
<v Speaker 1>are that are hurting you. But either way, you're gonna

0:38:28.680 --> 0:38:32.680
<v Speaker 1>have to go without an income of some level, which

0:38:32.719 --> 0:38:35.960
<v Speaker 1>is a great sacrifice. So sometimes we have to look

0:38:35.960 --> 0:38:38.200
<v Speaker 1>at our lives and go, what do I need what

0:38:38.280 --> 0:38:41.560
<v Speaker 1>do I need to survive? And what am I just

0:38:42.120 --> 0:38:45.319
<v Speaker 1>what kind of money am I just spending on meaningless things?

0:38:45.880 --> 0:38:48.640
<v Speaker 1>And if I cut out that meaningless spending and I

0:38:48.719 --> 0:38:51.560
<v Speaker 1>freed up this amount of money, money equals time and

0:38:51.600 --> 0:38:55.480
<v Speaker 1>time equals quality time with your family. So there's that.

0:38:55.640 --> 0:39:00.400
<v Speaker 1>There's that. That's just a practical idea. And then another

0:39:00.480 --> 0:39:07.120
<v Speaker 1>idea is are are you making your baby more important

0:39:07.160 --> 0:39:11.160
<v Speaker 1>than your husband? Just a question because sometimes we could

0:39:11.280 --> 0:39:14.520
<v Speaker 1>we sometimes in life we make our priorities where the

0:39:14.520 --> 0:39:17.800
<v Speaker 1>baby is on top of the spouse and are the

0:39:17.880 --> 0:39:21.239
<v Speaker 1>kids in general? And it's just we're not made We're

0:39:21.239 --> 0:39:24.160
<v Speaker 1>not set up that way. We're set up to to,

0:39:24.640 --> 0:39:30.319
<v Speaker 1>you know, God, first, spouse above the family, and your

0:39:30.400 --> 0:39:32.640
<v Speaker 1>husband needs to look at you that way, and you

0:39:32.680 --> 0:39:34.640
<v Speaker 1>need to look at your husband that way. Where they

0:39:34.640 --> 0:39:38.480
<v Speaker 1>are first, kids second. It's like the airplane when you

0:39:38.719 --> 0:39:41.719
<v Speaker 1>when the oxygen masks fall out, you put yours on

0:39:42.000 --> 0:39:46.560
<v Speaker 1>first kid second, because you have to function first in

0:39:46.680 --> 0:39:48.800
<v Speaker 1>order to take care of the kids. If you're dysfunctional,

0:39:49.200 --> 0:39:52.480
<v Speaker 1>you're not going to properly parent the kids anyway. So

0:39:52.560 --> 0:39:55.400
<v Speaker 1>take care of your spouse first. Are you doing that question?

0:39:56.239 --> 0:39:59.600
<v Speaker 1>My voice is getting loud, but I'm not mad, Lindsay,

0:39:59.640 --> 0:40:03.560
<v Speaker 1>I'm not mad. I'm just I'm just I'm offering these suggestions.

0:40:03.600 --> 0:40:07.640
<v Speaker 1>Are you putting your baby above your husband? Is your

0:40:07.719 --> 0:40:12.880
<v Speaker 1>husband putting the baby above you? And then lastly, not lastly,

0:40:12.960 --> 0:40:17.040
<v Speaker 1>but next, how are you approaching your husband when he's

0:40:17.040 --> 0:40:18.920
<v Speaker 1>on the couch. Me and you have been We've done

0:40:18.960 --> 0:40:25.120
<v Speaker 1>this on the podcast before. Are you coming in and saying, babe, seriously,

0:40:25.360 --> 0:40:28.040
<v Speaker 1>you're seriously gonna watch TV right now when you see

0:40:28.080 --> 0:40:30.239
<v Speaker 1>how much work I'm doing And I'm yeah, I got

0:40:30.320 --> 0:40:32.359
<v Speaker 1>so much to do and I have a full time job,

0:40:32.400 --> 0:40:35.040
<v Speaker 1>and you you're seriously gonna is that what you're doing,

0:40:35.239 --> 0:40:39.920
<v Speaker 1>because that's gonna get nowhere. Mm hmm, it's gonna get nowhere.

0:40:40.080 --> 0:40:43.840
<v Speaker 1>What well, he laughs, because Leslie's literally done that to

0:40:43.920 --> 0:40:47.319
<v Speaker 1>me when I'm watching TV. But so to speak your

0:40:47.320 --> 0:40:50.440
<v Speaker 1>head in and let's say seriously, and I know everything

0:40:50.480 --> 0:40:54.200
<v Speaker 1>that she's thinking from that seriously, but the same thing,

0:40:54.239 --> 0:40:57.000
<v Speaker 1>I'm not saying it's wrong of Lindsay to do it right.

0:40:57.120 --> 0:41:01.759
<v Speaker 1>This is not is not the most productive way to

0:41:01.960 --> 0:41:04.879
<v Speaker 1>like have the conversation. I get the frustration with her too,

0:41:05.239 --> 0:41:08.120
<v Speaker 1>but we're both in that place and that's why, Hey, Lindsay,

0:41:08.200 --> 0:41:11.920
<v Speaker 1>we feel you like on both sides of this. It's like, man,

0:41:12.120 --> 0:41:15.560
<v Speaker 1>I'm just so tired. Really, I've given everything today and

0:41:15.600 --> 0:41:18.759
<v Speaker 1>you've given everything, but yet the dishes still got to

0:41:18.800 --> 0:41:20.760
<v Speaker 1>get done and the kids got to get a bath,

0:41:20.840 --> 0:41:25.279
<v Speaker 1>and so somebody's gotta you know, So let me just say,

0:41:26.800 --> 0:41:28.480
<v Speaker 1>let me give you a little ray of hope. Lindsay,

0:41:28.600 --> 0:41:31.160
<v Speaker 1>you have an almost one year old. That's just you're

0:41:31.200 --> 0:41:33.480
<v Speaker 1>in the trenches right now. Yeah, because I'm there too,

0:41:33.480 --> 0:41:36.359
<v Speaker 1>I understand the baby thing. You're in the trenches. It

0:41:36.440 --> 0:41:39.680
<v Speaker 1>definitely gets better as long as you don't fill your

0:41:39.719 --> 0:41:41.719
<v Speaker 1>kids up with a million sports. They got to be

0:41:41.719 --> 0:41:44.680
<v Speaker 1>playing every single night of the week. I don't recommend

0:41:44.719 --> 0:41:46.920
<v Speaker 1>doing that either. I don't we do that currently, and

0:41:46.960 --> 0:41:48.839
<v Speaker 1>it's the worst. Don't do it. I hear so many

0:41:48.880 --> 0:41:52.160
<v Speaker 1>horror stories. But it gets so much better because they

0:41:52.200 --> 0:41:55.640
<v Speaker 1>get more independent. Like my kids now. And I tell

0:41:55.719 --> 0:41:58.200
<v Speaker 1>Ambery this, we do not do dishes in this house,

0:41:58.239 --> 0:42:02.680
<v Speaker 1>ambern I that is the kids, and I put them

0:42:02.719 --> 0:42:06.359
<v Speaker 1>to work, and I don't care if they complain about it.

0:42:06.400 --> 0:42:09.640
<v Speaker 1>When I first ask them, then that's five minutes earlier.

0:42:09.640 --> 0:42:11.040
<v Speaker 1>They got to go to bed. And then I'll add

0:42:11.040 --> 0:42:13.399
<v Speaker 1>another five minutes. So it's a it's a deal where

0:42:13.440 --> 0:42:15.279
<v Speaker 1>it's like, this is what you're gonna do. You're not

0:42:15.320 --> 0:42:18.120
<v Speaker 1>even gonna complain. You're gonna do all the dishes. And

0:42:18.160 --> 0:42:22.480
<v Speaker 1>so there's certain things around the house, laundry, cleaning up,

0:42:22.760 --> 0:42:27.359
<v Speaker 1>tidying up, feeding your animals, doing the dishes. These are

0:42:27.400 --> 0:42:29.160
<v Speaker 1>things that you could put one hundred percent on the

0:42:29.239 --> 0:42:31.160
<v Speaker 1>kids when they get to a certain level. So it

0:42:31.200 --> 0:42:33.279
<v Speaker 1>gets better. This isn't like you're going to be dealing

0:42:33.360 --> 0:42:35.520
<v Speaker 1>with this the rest of your life. Yeah, that's and

0:42:35.640 --> 0:42:38.560
<v Speaker 1>especially the first kid, like because you you you really

0:42:38.680 --> 0:42:41.560
<v Speaker 1>are just like this is new. I'm all in it.

0:42:41.920 --> 0:42:44.799
<v Speaker 1>And uh so it it does add another layer of that.

0:42:44.960 --> 0:42:47.759
<v Speaker 1>So before we move the next question, I want to

0:42:47.800 --> 0:42:49.680
<v Speaker 1>talk to the husband. And I know we don't know

0:42:49.760 --> 0:42:52.760
<v Speaker 1>this husband, he put Yeah, he may not be listening,

0:42:53.400 --> 0:42:56.120
<v Speaker 1>but the husband in this story is represented by a

0:42:56.120 --> 0:42:58.640
<v Speaker 1>bunch of guys out there, including us at putting me

0:43:00.760 --> 0:43:05.920
<v Speaker 1>so I like she said, she's even understanding that need

0:43:06.000 --> 0:43:12.640
<v Speaker 1>for decompression. Put your wife first, Like be a man

0:43:12.840 --> 0:43:16.080
<v Speaker 1>and draw from the inner strength that you have and

0:43:16.120 --> 0:43:19.560
<v Speaker 1>say no, I'm I'm gonna push a little bit harder

0:43:20.080 --> 0:43:23.520
<v Speaker 1>and give her what she needs. Okay, So then I'm

0:43:23.520 --> 0:43:29.040
<v Speaker 1>gonna speak to that's generally husband. So now, a Bible

0:43:29.080 --> 0:43:32.359
<v Speaker 1>believing Christian husband, I'm gonna speak to you about what

0:43:32.400 --> 0:43:35.959
<v Speaker 1>the Bible actually calls how he calls us to love

0:43:36.040 --> 0:43:39.320
<v Speaker 1>our wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself

0:43:39.400 --> 0:43:43.879
<v Speaker 1>up for her in all things. Yeah, I fail at

0:43:43.880 --> 0:43:46.440
<v Speaker 1>this every single day, And it's like, I know that

0:43:46.520 --> 0:43:49.600
<v Speaker 1>this is what I'm called to and I need to

0:43:49.719 --> 0:43:52.120
<v Speaker 1>meditate on that verse all the time. When on my

0:43:52.360 --> 0:43:54.880
<v Speaker 1>drive home, whenever I'm going in, it's like, no, I

0:43:54.920 --> 0:43:56.480
<v Speaker 1>know that you wanted to do this, You want to

0:43:56.520 --> 0:43:59.879
<v Speaker 1>do this, You're giving that up because you're you're going

0:44:00.080 --> 0:44:01.480
<v Speaker 1>to serve her. You're going to go in and you're

0:44:01.480 --> 0:44:04.920
<v Speaker 1>going to think, Hey, what can I do? I need

0:44:04.960 --> 0:44:07.040
<v Speaker 1>to I need to be thinking about that on my

0:44:07.200 --> 0:44:09.520
<v Speaker 1>lunch break. Hey what can I do for her? What

0:44:09.560 --> 0:44:12.480
<v Speaker 1>message can I send for her? What can I move

0:44:12.760 --> 0:44:15.520
<v Speaker 1>out of my schedule to free up even more margin

0:44:15.840 --> 0:44:20.960
<v Speaker 1>that I can serve her. I think if you do that,

0:44:21.880 --> 0:44:26.200
<v Speaker 1>the balance of parenthood starts to become a little bit

0:44:26.239 --> 0:44:32.359
<v Speaker 1>more easy to handle and navigate. Hey, listeners, whatever you've

0:44:32.360 --> 0:44:35.200
<v Speaker 1>been taught by man about what marriage is in the Bible,

0:44:35.719 --> 0:44:39.400
<v Speaker 1>and whatever preconceived ideas you have that the Bible says

0:44:39.400 --> 0:44:43.759
<v Speaker 1>about marriage. What Bernie says is biblical manhood. That's what

0:44:43.800 --> 0:44:47.000
<v Speaker 1>it says. Yeah, that's what it says. Bernie's read every

0:44:47.000 --> 0:44:50.479
<v Speaker 1>word in that book and there is nothing extra. That's

0:44:50.520 --> 0:44:53.320
<v Speaker 1>what it says, and that's how biblical manhood is. You

0:44:53.480 --> 0:44:56.960
<v Speaker 1>might have been taught that the Christians have some weird hierarchy.

0:44:57.480 --> 0:45:00.600
<v Speaker 1>That's not what it is. As far as is loving

0:45:00.640 --> 0:45:04.080
<v Speaker 1>your wife. You sacrifice everything you love her as Christ

0:45:04.160 --> 0:45:08.880
<v Speaker 1>love the church. Last thing, husband, her love language is

0:45:09.000 --> 0:45:14.800
<v Speaker 1>quality time. She just told us. Yeah, that's like a secret.

0:45:14.880 --> 0:45:16.640
<v Speaker 1>You just figured it out on if you didn't know it.

0:45:16.920 --> 0:45:19.439
<v Speaker 1>Sometimes you don't always know it, but she just told

0:45:19.520 --> 0:45:22.120
<v Speaker 1>us on this podcast. So last thing, last thing. If

0:45:22.120 --> 0:45:26.040
<v Speaker 1>you don't know your wife's love language, figure it out. Yeah,

0:45:26.200 --> 0:45:28.160
<v Speaker 1>game changer. Quality time is a great one for the

0:45:28.239 --> 0:45:30.279
<v Speaker 1>husband to know that she has because you don't have

0:45:30.280 --> 0:45:34.280
<v Speaker 1>to waste time in all these crazy gifts. Yeah, and

0:45:34.400 --> 0:45:37.319
<v Speaker 1>that's that's pretty good acts of service. Yeah, physical touch,

0:45:37.360 --> 0:45:39.640
<v Speaker 1>you don't have worry about any of that, just quality time. Yeah,

0:45:40.960 --> 0:45:45.160
<v Speaker 1>let's hit another one here. How about how about this

0:45:45.320 --> 0:45:50.520
<v Speaker 1>My best friend of twenty years has rejected God. Interesting,

0:45:51.160 --> 0:45:54.400
<v Speaker 1>hey granger and podcast guest. I'll try to keep this

0:45:54.440 --> 0:45:57.080
<v Speaker 1>as short as possible. One of my best friends about

0:45:57.120 --> 0:45:59.959
<v Speaker 1>four years ago told me she no longer believes in God,

0:46:00.600 --> 0:46:03.520
<v Speaker 1>doesn't want my prayers, doesn't want me to do anything

0:46:03.560 --> 0:46:06.320
<v Speaker 1>about it. She totally caught me off guard at the moment,

0:46:06.840 --> 0:46:08.799
<v Speaker 1>and I honestly, in the last four years, haven't said

0:46:08.840 --> 0:46:11.680
<v Speaker 1>anything to her about it, but I've prayed almost daily

0:46:11.719 --> 0:46:14.080
<v Speaker 1>for her since then. We grew up in church together

0:46:14.400 --> 0:46:16.919
<v Speaker 1>and that's where we met, and about six years ago,

0:46:16.960 --> 0:46:19.160
<v Speaker 1>our pastor at the time and some of the church

0:46:19.239 --> 0:46:22.760
<v Speaker 1>family absolutely burned her and her family and basically shunned

0:46:22.800 --> 0:46:28.320
<v Speaker 1>them and a few others. Long story, but I haven't

0:46:28.360 --> 0:46:30.640
<v Speaker 1>been back to that church since then, and I found

0:46:30.640 --> 0:46:34.480
<v Speaker 1>another church that me and my husband love. How in

0:46:34.520 --> 0:46:37.480
<v Speaker 1>the world do I go about beginning a conversation about

0:46:37.520 --> 0:46:39.719
<v Speaker 1>this now that I've waited so long. I love her

0:46:39.719 --> 0:46:42.840
<v Speaker 1>so much, my heart is broken over this. She's into

0:46:43.320 --> 0:46:46.320
<v Speaker 1>the occult and very new age practices. As a side note,

0:46:46.840 --> 0:46:49.400
<v Speaker 1>we basically just don't talk about religion or politics, and

0:46:49.480 --> 0:46:52.960
<v Speaker 1>when we talk, I've never spoke up about how I feel,

0:46:52.960 --> 0:46:55.239
<v Speaker 1>and I just really don't know how to start. There

0:46:55.239 --> 0:46:57.719
<v Speaker 1>are many of her other levels to this, but this

0:46:57.840 --> 0:47:01.319
<v Speaker 1>is the basics. Love to know your thoughts about this.

0:47:02.000 --> 0:47:03.759
<v Speaker 1>Thank you for all your family does. You guys have

0:47:04.280 --> 0:47:06.400
<v Speaker 1>changed my life and my faith journey. Keep doing what

0:47:06.440 --> 0:47:09.680
<v Speaker 1>you're doing, and please do a show closer to Alabama

0:47:10.200 --> 0:47:14.600
<v Speaker 1>with love and christ Corey. Thank you, Corey. I had

0:47:14.800 --> 0:47:17.959
<v Speaker 1>another great question that probably a lot of people could echo.

0:47:18.040 --> 0:47:21.279
<v Speaker 1>I could echo that. Okay, I could echo that for sure. No,

0:47:21.360 --> 0:47:23.720
<v Speaker 1>I mean I could. I could echo her a question

0:47:23.760 --> 0:47:27.080
<v Speaker 1>I can relate. I can relate, and I've talked to

0:47:27.120 --> 0:47:35.480
<v Speaker 1>Bernie about this many times off podcast where you said

0:47:36.800 --> 0:47:39.759
<v Speaker 1>we basically just don't talk about religion or politics, and

0:47:39.400 --> 0:47:42.839
<v Speaker 1>I've never spoke up about it or how I feel.

0:47:42.880 --> 0:47:45.280
<v Speaker 1>I just don't know how to start. Man. I feel

0:47:45.320 --> 0:47:48.160
<v Speaker 1>that because there's people in my life, and I've told

0:47:48.160 --> 0:47:51.919
<v Speaker 1>Bernie this, I'll let a situation pass when I could

0:47:51.920 --> 0:47:54.080
<v Speaker 1>have spoke up and I didn't, and then I feel

0:47:54.080 --> 0:47:56.760
<v Speaker 1>like a coward. I'm like, man, you had a chance

0:47:56.880 --> 0:48:01.680
<v Speaker 1>right then to speak truth into them, and then I

0:48:01.719 --> 0:48:06.120
<v Speaker 1>have to just recollect myself and try to do it again.

0:48:06.239 --> 0:48:09.279
<v Speaker 1>But here's The one thing that we could both say

0:48:09.320 --> 0:48:12.040
<v Speaker 1>Corey right off the bat is that no matter what

0:48:12.080 --> 0:48:15.920
<v Speaker 1>you say or what you do, you don't have that

0:48:16.040 --> 0:48:19.439
<v Speaker 1>kind of power to bring her back to God. Only

0:48:19.480 --> 0:48:23.440
<v Speaker 1>God can. And sometimes as humans we feel like it's

0:48:23.480 --> 0:48:26.600
<v Speaker 1>up to us, it's on our shoulders, or even worse,

0:48:26.640 --> 0:48:30.040
<v Speaker 1>it's on their shoulders, like it's their decision and if

0:48:30.080 --> 0:48:32.279
<v Speaker 1>they don't make it, then they'll never know God. And

0:48:32.320 --> 0:48:34.919
<v Speaker 1>that's up to them. God has a different idea about

0:48:34.920 --> 0:48:39.319
<v Speaker 1>this stuff. We're here to plant seeds and we're here

0:48:39.360 --> 0:48:42.440
<v Speaker 1>to walk away after we plant the seeds. I heard

0:48:42.440 --> 0:48:44.759
<v Speaker 1>a pastor tell me one time. We're not in the

0:48:44.840 --> 0:48:49.200
<v Speaker 1>results driven business, and almost everything else in life is

0:48:49.200 --> 0:48:55.600
<v Speaker 1>a result driven but not witnessing to lost. So all

0:48:55.600 --> 0:48:58.080
<v Speaker 1>we could do, and what you're doing right now is

0:48:59.040 --> 0:49:02.000
<v Speaker 1>is you're going to church and you're living. You're living

0:49:02.040 --> 0:49:04.920
<v Speaker 1>this out, which is great. That's an important component. And

0:49:05.000 --> 0:49:09.280
<v Speaker 1>the next step is telling her the gospel, because the gospel,

0:49:09.360 --> 0:49:14.000
<v Speaker 1>according to Romans, is the power of God for salvation.

0:49:14.239 --> 0:49:17.920
<v Speaker 1>The Gospel is the power of God for salvation, and

0:49:17.960 --> 0:49:20.600
<v Speaker 1>they have to hear it, and by hearing it they'll

0:49:20.640 --> 0:49:23.600
<v Speaker 1>believe it or they won't. But they have to hear it,

0:49:24.280 --> 0:49:28.000
<v Speaker 1>and that's not that's you have the power to tell them,

0:49:28.000 --> 0:49:29.640
<v Speaker 1>but you don't have a power for them to believe it.

0:49:30.960 --> 0:49:36.520
<v Speaker 1>What do you got, Burns? Yeah, I understand. And Griz

0:49:36.560 --> 0:49:42.080
<v Speaker 1>and I talked like you said that the delicate situation

0:49:42.400 --> 0:49:47.840
<v Speaker 1>that these things can present whenever you have these long

0:49:47.960 --> 0:49:54.040
<v Speaker 1>time relationships that have many, many layers of experiences and

0:49:54.200 --> 0:49:58.400
<v Speaker 1>things they've been through. And the only thing that I

0:49:58.440 --> 0:50:03.279
<v Speaker 1>can suggest, and that we've talked about before, is just

0:50:03.480 --> 0:50:07.160
<v Speaker 1>try to be as present with your friend as possible.

0:50:07.960 --> 0:50:11.200
<v Speaker 1>Try to be as genuine with your friend as possible.

0:50:11.239 --> 0:50:14.480
<v Speaker 1>If they're really your friend and they love you. Then

0:50:14.640 --> 0:50:20.319
<v Speaker 1>if you're talking about something and you just feel this,

0:50:20.719 --> 0:50:24.320
<v Speaker 1>you know in your life, in the in the propositional

0:50:24.360 --> 0:50:29.560
<v Speaker 1>truth and experiential truth connection, the answer to that question

0:50:29.640 --> 0:50:33.080
<v Speaker 1>that y'all are talking about is the gospel, or it's

0:50:33.080 --> 0:50:37.840
<v Speaker 1>some aspect of the gospel. Have confidence in the friendship

0:50:37.880 --> 0:50:39.879
<v Speaker 1>to be able to speak openly and say like, yeah,

0:50:39.920 --> 0:50:43.080
<v Speaker 1>well you know, Jesus taught me about this blah blah

0:50:43.080 --> 0:50:46.080
<v Speaker 1>blah blah. You know, and reference and one know what

0:50:46.120 --> 0:50:48.520
<v Speaker 1>you're talking about, study what you study your faith so

0:50:48.560 --> 0:50:51.319
<v Speaker 1>that you know and you can you know, like Granger said,

0:50:51.360 --> 0:50:55.719
<v Speaker 1>you can give testimony whenever the opportunity comes. Know what

0:50:55.760 --> 0:51:02.440
<v Speaker 1>you're talking about, study it. But also just in the quiet,

0:51:02.520 --> 0:51:10.320
<v Speaker 1>in the stillness, teach yourself to listen to that soft

0:51:10.400 --> 0:51:14.320
<v Speaker 1>voice of the Holy Spirit that says, hey, now speak

0:51:14.360 --> 0:51:17.799
<v Speaker 1>that and the one that says, hey, just hold tight.

0:51:19.880 --> 0:51:23.440
<v Speaker 1>I think that we don't spend enough time in the

0:51:23.480 --> 0:51:28.879
<v Speaker 1>stillness trying to discern that voice, and we are very

0:51:28.920 --> 0:51:31.440
<v Speaker 1>much results driven, and it's like we just have to

0:51:31.719 --> 0:51:34.000
<v Speaker 1>we have to say it because it's like fishing. Right,

0:51:34.080 --> 0:51:36.799
<v Speaker 1>the more times you cast, I know, the odds are

0:51:36.760 --> 0:51:39.680
<v Speaker 1>we're going to catch more, right right, No, it's like

0:51:39.760 --> 0:51:43.200
<v Speaker 1>you got to listen to the guide that takes you

0:51:43.760 --> 0:51:46.759
<v Speaker 1>to the spot the honey hole. He's like, no, we're

0:51:46.760 --> 0:51:49.560
<v Speaker 1>gonna catch fish here. So that's where this is the

0:51:49.640 --> 0:51:51.600
<v Speaker 1>time and the place that I want you to cast

0:51:51.640 --> 0:51:55.600
<v Speaker 1>that listen more speak less. Yeah, that's what Burns is saying.

0:51:56.239 --> 0:51:58.600
<v Speaker 1>Why would you do that? Well, first of all, you're

0:51:58.640 --> 0:52:02.359
<v Speaker 1>giving space for the Holy Spirit to do work. If

0:52:02.360 --> 0:52:05.359
<v Speaker 1>you don't, if you don't have space, if you're not

0:52:05.840 --> 0:52:09.040
<v Speaker 1>opening up that opportunity, then you're gonna fail every time

0:52:09.120 --> 0:52:12.840
<v Speaker 1>with your own words, so open up that space, rewind,

0:52:12.880 --> 0:52:15.200
<v Speaker 1>listen to what Burns just said, and next time you're

0:52:15.200 --> 0:52:19.080
<v Speaker 1>in that situation, you're one on one instead of just

0:52:19.160 --> 0:52:21.719
<v Speaker 1>diving into Hey, we need to talk about this God thing.

0:52:22.280 --> 0:52:23.840
<v Speaker 1>It's been bothering me for four years, ever since you

0:52:23.880 --> 0:52:25.560
<v Speaker 1>told me don't believe of God, and it's really bothered me,

0:52:25.560 --> 0:52:26.880
<v Speaker 1>and I pray every single day and I don't know

0:52:26.880 --> 0:52:30.080
<v Speaker 1>what to do. Like then then you're more worried and

0:52:30.080 --> 0:52:32.400
<v Speaker 1>anxious than they are, and they're like, WHOA, I don't

0:52:32.440 --> 0:52:35.120
<v Speaker 1>need whatever you got. Yeah, I don't want any of that.

0:52:36.040 --> 0:52:38.080
<v Speaker 1>If I've been if this has been bothering you so

0:52:38.160 --> 0:52:40.080
<v Speaker 1>much for four years that you've lost sleep over it,

0:52:40.080 --> 0:52:44.080
<v Speaker 1>I don't want any of that. I like my sleep. Yeah,

0:52:44.400 --> 0:52:45.920
<v Speaker 1>So yeah, you have to you have to live it.

0:52:45.960 --> 0:52:49.800
<v Speaker 1>You're You're absolutely right. You have to live. The Holy

0:52:49.880 --> 0:52:52.799
<v Speaker 1>Spirit has to endwell in you and live in a

0:52:52.840 --> 0:52:57.600
<v Speaker 1>way that reflects the joy that God can bring. Your

0:52:57.640 --> 0:53:02.520
<v Speaker 1>friend already knows they're gonna know, they're gonna see the

0:53:02.560 --> 0:53:05.719
<v Speaker 1>fruits of the spirit and be like, wow, where I

0:53:05.760 --> 0:53:07.920
<v Speaker 1>don't even have to ask where that comes from, because

0:53:07.960 --> 0:53:12.560
<v Speaker 1>I know I know Corey and that this is why

0:53:12.640 --> 0:53:16.000
<v Speaker 1>she believes, and man, I want that. I want to

0:53:16.080 --> 0:53:20.960
<v Speaker 1>believe that, and maybe that leads them to desperately coming

0:53:21.000 --> 0:53:25.800
<v Speaker 1>before God themselves is saying I want what they have. Ken,

0:53:26.400 --> 0:53:28.759
<v Speaker 1>Hey Corey, how do you always seem so confident in

0:53:28.800 --> 0:53:32.000
<v Speaker 1>these kinds of situations? Why are you not worried about

0:53:32.040 --> 0:53:35.120
<v Speaker 1>your kids right now? Why are you? What is the

0:53:35.160 --> 0:53:38.520
<v Speaker 1>source of your hope? That's what That's the question you need.

0:53:39.160 --> 0:53:41.520
<v Speaker 1>That's the question that's gonna open it all up. Hey, Corey,

0:53:41.600 --> 0:53:43.560
<v Speaker 1>were you just what is the source of your hope?

0:53:43.600 --> 0:53:47.839
<v Speaker 1>Because you just seem so collected in this chaotic time,

0:53:48.160 --> 0:53:51.080
<v Speaker 1>and so guess, Corey, guess what's hurts you? Back to

0:53:51.120 --> 0:53:53.960
<v Speaker 1>the first question, going to Facebook and going we're just

0:53:54.360 --> 0:53:57.279
<v Speaker 1>we're doomed. Our society it's all going to hell, and

0:53:57.320 --> 0:54:00.399
<v Speaker 1>our politicians don't know how to run in there once

0:54:00.440 --> 0:54:03.200
<v Speaker 1>against us, and we're gonna lose average churches they're closing

0:54:03.239 --> 0:54:06.080
<v Speaker 1>and we're never gonna God's going away from the schools

0:54:06.120 --> 0:54:08.880
<v Speaker 1>and we're never gonna Like that is gonna hurt you

0:54:09.719 --> 0:54:12.040
<v Speaker 1>because God, I don't want any part of that either me.

0:54:12.560 --> 0:54:16.560
<v Speaker 1>Whatever religion that is on Facebook, I don't want that either.

0:54:17.520 --> 0:54:20.600
<v Speaker 1>And I'm a believer. So let's just get that out there.

0:54:20.840 --> 0:54:24.360
<v Speaker 1>That's not Christianity. So set up the situation where she

0:54:24.480 --> 0:54:27.560
<v Speaker 1>where she it is a she right where she has

0:54:27.600 --> 0:54:30.600
<v Speaker 1>to ask you. What can't you just tell me what's

0:54:30.640 --> 0:54:34.680
<v Speaker 1>going on with you? Because I just I'm inspired by

0:54:34.680 --> 0:54:38.200
<v Speaker 1>your life. Yeah, and speak, You can still speak Jesus.

0:54:38.280 --> 0:54:40.920
<v Speaker 1>You still need to speak the gospel, but there's a

0:54:41.000 --> 0:54:43.719
<v Speaker 1>there's a non preachy way to do it. Yeah. Absolutely,

0:54:43.800 --> 0:54:47.400
<v Speaker 1>And don't go into the situation trying to like manifest

0:54:47.520 --> 0:54:51.200
<v Speaker 1>that conversation because then you're gonna be disappointed when she

0:54:51.320 --> 0:54:56.200
<v Speaker 1>doesn't ask Your expectation can't be well, God, I've done this,

0:54:56.360 --> 0:54:59.680
<v Speaker 1>I've lived this way and she hasn't asked me. Hey,

0:54:59.719 --> 0:55:03.360
<v Speaker 1>he's asking you. He's asking you to be obedient and

0:55:03.400 --> 0:55:06.480
<v Speaker 1>to live a life guided by the Word and the

0:55:06.480 --> 0:55:09.880
<v Speaker 1>Holy Spirit. Like, just do that. The other stuff, man,

0:55:10.200 --> 0:55:12.600
<v Speaker 1>it'll just come. All the conversations, the questions will come

0:55:13.000 --> 0:55:15.560
<v Speaker 1>if you truly do that and you study that book

0:55:15.600 --> 0:55:18.319
<v Speaker 1>long enough to know exactly what that means. And as

0:55:18.360 --> 0:55:21.200
<v Speaker 1>it says in Acts, all and all who were appointed

0:55:21.239 --> 0:55:27.360
<v Speaker 1>to eternal life believed, didn't say everyone, she might not

0:55:27.440 --> 0:55:29.440
<v Speaker 1>be one of them. We hope and we pray that

0:55:29.520 --> 0:55:33.560
<v Speaker 1>she is, but that's not up to us, and it

0:55:33.560 --> 0:55:36.839
<v Speaker 1>doesn't stop us from praying about it and trying to

0:55:36.880 --> 0:55:39.000
<v Speaker 1>activate that. But that's just that's the way it is.

0:55:39.080 --> 0:55:42.600
<v Speaker 1>So it's a good question, Corey. Keep us in touch

0:55:43.200 --> 0:55:48.520
<v Speaker 1>and hopefully we'll be closer to Alabama. Let's do We've

0:55:48.520 --> 0:55:52.080
<v Speaker 1>got time for one more burns, let's do it. Let's

0:55:52.080 --> 0:55:59.160
<v Speaker 1>see outdoors question. Kind of feel relieved just seeing that.

0:56:00.000 --> 0:56:01.960
<v Speaker 1>Hey Grange, my name is Aaron from Kansas. I'm a

0:56:02.040 --> 0:56:06.319
<v Speaker 1>huge outdoorsman. I love deer hunting and fishing, and if

0:56:06.320 --> 0:56:08.320
<v Speaker 1>you're ever looking to do some hunting and fishing in Kansas,

0:56:08.360 --> 0:56:11.160
<v Speaker 1>come on out. But I'm wanting to start recording myself

0:56:11.200 --> 0:56:14.480
<v Speaker 1>and getting footage. Can you recommend a good camera or

0:56:14.600 --> 0:56:17.439
<v Speaker 1>recording device to start with? It might not break the bank.

0:56:17.560 --> 0:56:19.719
<v Speaker 1>Love everything you do. Thanks for being so connected with

0:56:19.760 --> 0:56:22.399
<v Speaker 1>your fans. And I would also love if I could

0:56:22.400 --> 0:56:26.800
<v Speaker 1>just get a shout out, shout out erin what's up brothers?

0:56:27.040 --> 0:56:31.359
<v Speaker 1>Aaron from Kansas man, there's one answer to you, go pro.

0:56:32.080 --> 0:56:36.560
<v Speaker 1>Go pro for outdoor outdoor daytime footage, nighttime or dusk

0:56:36.640 --> 0:56:39.319
<v Speaker 1>or early morning. It's tough and low light, but you're

0:56:39.360 --> 0:56:41.080
<v Speaker 1>gonna want to go go pro. You gotta go pro

0:56:41.120 --> 0:56:44.160
<v Speaker 1>go Burns. Yeah you can't. I mean you use it

0:56:44.200 --> 0:56:47.520
<v Speaker 1>for a mountain biking Yeah right, there's no better camera

0:56:47.520 --> 0:56:51.440
<v Speaker 1>for mountain biking stability on it, the color, the quality,

0:56:51.480 --> 0:56:55.480
<v Speaker 1>Yeah yeah, Aaron GoPro with that one. I think we

0:56:55.480 --> 0:56:59.239
<v Speaker 1>could do one more, one more. Okay, this is a

0:56:59.600 --> 0:57:02.239
<v Speaker 1>relative short one. Dear Granger. I've been a fan of

0:57:02.280 --> 0:57:03.640
<v Speaker 1>you for years and you've helped me through a lot.

0:57:03.680 --> 0:57:08.440
<v Speaker 1>Your positivity, positivity helps me wake up. Your videos make

0:57:08.480 --> 0:57:11.280
<v Speaker 1>me laugh, and your music from Grangersmith and Earl Dibblis

0:57:11.360 --> 0:57:14.719
<v Speaker 1>Junior making me smile. Thank you. My question is how

0:57:14.719 --> 0:57:20.600
<v Speaker 1>do you keep so positive through tough times? I call Bernie.

0:57:21.920 --> 0:57:24.720
<v Speaker 1>I called Bernie during tough times helps me stay positive.

0:57:26.280 --> 0:57:30.680
<v Speaker 1>Gratitude he's asking about gratitude. How to cultivate gratitude is

0:57:30.720 --> 0:57:36.240
<v Speaker 1>basically your question, James, and it is. It's work. You

0:57:36.280 --> 0:57:38.360
<v Speaker 1>have to put in work. It's not I don't think

0:57:38.360 --> 0:57:42.640
<v Speaker 1>gratitude has naturally grown in you. You you cultivate it

0:57:42.720 --> 0:57:46.760
<v Speaker 1>and you harvest it like a seed. You're from, your

0:57:46.920 --> 0:57:49.480
<v Speaker 1>worry from He didn't say where he's from. I was

0:57:49.480 --> 0:57:51.840
<v Speaker 1>gonna think if he's from the Midwest. We talk about farming,

0:57:52.720 --> 0:57:55.440
<v Speaker 1>but you have to cultivate it. One way I know

0:57:55.520 --> 0:57:59.560
<v Speaker 1>Bernie and I have talked about this is a gratitude journal.

0:58:01.080 --> 0:58:05.280
<v Speaker 1>It helps tremendously and sometimes when time when things are

0:58:05.320 --> 0:58:08.640
<v Speaker 1>really rough in your life, sometimes you have to aim

0:58:08.720 --> 0:58:12.440
<v Speaker 1>super low to find gratitude. And that's okay because you

0:58:12.480 --> 0:58:16.360
<v Speaker 1>could find it in all situations even if you're aiming low.

0:58:17.240 --> 0:58:22.000
<v Speaker 1>For instance, you could be you could be going through

0:58:22.360 --> 0:58:24.680
<v Speaker 1>you you got kicked out of your house. You didn't

0:58:24.680 --> 0:58:26.120
<v Speaker 1>get to pay your electric bill, and you get get

0:58:26.200 --> 0:58:29.640
<v Speaker 1>kicked out of your house, and you could think, man,

0:58:29.680 --> 0:58:32.680
<v Speaker 1>this is this is terrible. And then you go out

0:58:32.680 --> 0:58:35.480
<v Speaker 1>and you you start your truck and you drive to

0:58:35.520 --> 0:58:37.320
<v Speaker 1>find a new place, and right then you can go,

0:58:38.360 --> 0:58:41.440
<v Speaker 1>thank God for this truck. It's always been here with me.

0:58:41.840 --> 0:58:43.800
<v Speaker 1>This is a good truck. And I'm using that as

0:58:43.840 --> 0:58:46.640
<v Speaker 1>an example of being able to aim low and take

0:58:46.720 --> 0:58:49.520
<v Speaker 1>something that you might not think every day. But you

0:58:49.600 --> 0:58:52.720
<v Speaker 1>have a car that drives and it starts there, you

0:58:52.720 --> 0:58:56.600
<v Speaker 1>have sunshine shining on your shoulders. It's not too cold

0:58:56.680 --> 0:58:59.120
<v Speaker 1>and it's not too hot. That's something to be grateful for.

0:58:59.680 --> 0:59:03.479
<v Speaker 1>Maybe it's not raining today grateful. Maybe it is raining

0:59:03.520 --> 0:59:05.720
<v Speaker 1>and it's been You've been in a drought in California

0:59:05.880 --> 0:59:10.280
<v Speaker 1>and it rains. Grateful, So you could find gratefulness through

0:59:10.360 --> 0:59:14.200
<v Speaker 1>any situation, and it helps to write it down. For me,

0:59:14.240 --> 0:59:18.600
<v Speaker 1>it's the morning. You're a morning got too. I keep

0:59:19.040 --> 0:59:21.960
<v Speaker 1>a journal, and then part of the journal is I'm

0:59:21.960 --> 0:59:24.400
<v Speaker 1>just going to write down three or four things that

0:59:24.440 --> 0:59:28.720
<v Speaker 1>I'm grateful for today. A hot cup of coffee, that's something.

0:59:30.000 --> 0:59:34.160
<v Speaker 1>And practicing that finding finding the little things and being

0:59:34.200 --> 0:59:38.600
<v Speaker 1>grateful for them really helps cultivate that and ultimately leads

0:59:38.600 --> 0:59:41.160
<v Speaker 1>to your question of being positive and a tough time.

0:59:42.680 --> 0:59:44.800
<v Speaker 1>I would say too, and I know you're great at

0:59:44.800 --> 0:59:50.000
<v Speaker 1>this stuff. Surround yourself with positive people, right. Negative people

0:59:50.040 --> 0:59:55.240
<v Speaker 1>will make a negative situation worse, and you're like a chameleon.

0:59:55.320 --> 0:59:59.840
<v Speaker 1>You just become negative around negative people. So pay attention

0:59:59.880 --> 1:00:03.840
<v Speaker 1>to who you're you're surrounding yourself with. Hang around positive people,

1:00:04.080 --> 1:00:09.120
<v Speaker 1>and you're gonna start thinking a lot more positive. It's crazy. Yeah, uh, yeah,

1:00:09.120 --> 1:00:11.440
<v Speaker 1>I got I got some thoughts. But first, what was

1:00:11.480 --> 1:00:14.840
<v Speaker 1>your uh in your gratitude journal this morning? What were

1:00:14.840 --> 1:00:18.920
<v Speaker 1>you grateful for? A hot cup of coffee and the

1:00:19.000 --> 1:00:21.960
<v Speaker 1>fact that you get to hang out with burn today. Yeah,

1:00:22.040 --> 1:00:25.640
<v Speaker 1>effect to hang out with Burns. Lincoln got up early,

1:00:26.520 --> 1:00:29.880
<v Speaker 1>and he's done this the last two mornings. It frustrates

1:00:29.880 --> 1:00:32.280
<v Speaker 1>me because I like to get up before everyone so

1:00:32.360 --> 1:00:34.840
<v Speaker 1>I could like have my quiet time read the Bible.

1:00:35.560 --> 1:00:37.840
<v Speaker 1>And then Lincoln gets up at like five point fifteen

1:00:38.640 --> 1:00:42.120
<v Speaker 1>and I'm like, bro, you have an hour and thirty

1:00:42.160 --> 1:00:44.960
<v Speaker 1>minutes to sleep, why are you up. This is my

1:00:45.040 --> 1:00:48.320
<v Speaker 1>hobby time. Yeah, like get out of here. But then

1:00:49.000 --> 1:00:51.160
<v Speaker 1>then he just comes and cuddles up next to me

1:00:51.200 --> 1:00:53.800
<v Speaker 1>in the chair and they're just like, Okay, I'll write

1:00:53.840 --> 1:01:00.240
<v Speaker 1>it man, my gratitude journal. Okay, that's awesome. So well,

1:01:00.880 --> 1:01:05.520
<v Speaker 1>I think that there there is a mindset there. There's

1:01:05.560 --> 1:01:08.880
<v Speaker 1>a mindset thing here, and like Granger said, I think

1:01:08.880 --> 1:01:12.120
<v Speaker 1>a lot of this is work. There's two ways, just

1:01:12.400 --> 1:01:15.320
<v Speaker 1>like you know down to the science of psychology that

1:01:15.520 --> 1:01:19.520
<v Speaker 1>there's two ways that in most situations that arise that

1:01:19.600 --> 1:01:23.280
<v Speaker 1>our brains go. They either go to curiosity or they

1:01:23.320 --> 1:01:27.360
<v Speaker 1>go to defense. Right, I'm trying to understand this situation

1:01:28.600 --> 1:01:31.760
<v Speaker 1>or I am afraid of this situation, and therefore I'm

1:01:31.800 --> 1:01:36.000
<v Speaker 1>going to go defensive. I think that so in any

1:01:36.040 --> 1:01:40.400
<v Speaker 1>situation in how do you stay positive in a tough situation? Well,

1:01:41.640 --> 1:01:46.800
<v Speaker 1>you have to over time create the mental habit of

1:01:47.040 --> 1:01:52.880
<v Speaker 1>switching to curiosity in any any situation you're in, Hey,

1:01:53.000 --> 1:01:56.720
<v Speaker 1>what what is truly happening here? Not what am I feeling?

1:01:56.720 --> 1:01:59.720
<v Speaker 1>And let my feelings kind of run into anxiety, you know,

1:02:00.200 --> 1:02:03.280
<v Speaker 1>but what is truly happening here? Why? You know, why

1:02:03.320 --> 1:02:05.600
<v Speaker 1>did that person say that? Let me let me ask them,

1:02:05.680 --> 1:02:10.640
<v Speaker 1>Let me let me remain curious, suspend my judgment until

1:02:10.680 --> 1:02:13.280
<v Speaker 1>I have all the details. So the gap in between

1:02:13.360 --> 1:02:16.920
<v Speaker 1>is me trying to figure out, Hey, let's card, why

1:02:16.960 --> 1:02:20.040
<v Speaker 1>did that? Why did that happen? Oh? And and then

1:02:20.440 --> 1:02:23.880
<v Speaker 1>you know, you start to realize that once you start

1:02:23.880 --> 1:02:26.200
<v Speaker 1>to fill in the gaps with the truth and not

1:02:26.480 --> 1:02:29.040
<v Speaker 1>just you're going to go defensive and then you're going

1:02:29.120 --> 1:02:31.600
<v Speaker 1>to start filling in those gaps. And typically when you're

1:02:31.640 --> 1:02:33.720
<v Speaker 1>in defensive mode and you start filling in those gaps,

1:02:34.680 --> 1:02:38.040
<v Speaker 1>they're kind of self preservation. They're they're more judgmental, and

1:02:38.040 --> 1:02:40.200
<v Speaker 1>they don't think the best of the other person. They

1:02:40.200 --> 1:02:42.520
<v Speaker 1>think the worst. So if you're thinking the worst of

1:02:42.560 --> 1:02:48.200
<v Speaker 1>the other person, that just affects your mental state. And

1:02:48.520 --> 1:02:51.240
<v Speaker 1>if you do that continually, continually. Yeah, you're going to

1:02:51.280 --> 1:02:54.440
<v Speaker 1>be in a place where something difficult happens and it

1:02:54.520 --> 1:02:57.240
<v Speaker 1>is everybody else's fault and you've already filled in the

1:02:57.240 --> 1:03:00.200
<v Speaker 1>gaps of why it happened, and you've run into the

1:03:00.240 --> 1:03:06.200
<v Speaker 1>anxiety cesspool. So you're saying more curiosity, less defensive, less defensive,

1:03:06.320 --> 1:03:10.000
<v Speaker 1>less judgment, more curiosity. And I think that that curiosity

1:03:10.080 --> 1:03:15.960
<v Speaker 1>will lead you because that piggybacks on what you're saying.

1:03:16.000 --> 1:03:20.040
<v Speaker 1>I think that there has to be this. You know,

1:03:20.280 --> 1:03:27.760
<v Speaker 1>confidence is rooted in gratitude. Man, I recognize all the

1:03:27.800 --> 1:03:30.720
<v Speaker 1>good things in my life. I realize what I deserved

1:03:30.760 --> 1:03:34.040
<v Speaker 1>and I realize what I got. Okay, at the very

1:03:34.040 --> 1:03:38.080
<v Speaker 1>basic level, I'm confident in those things. I'm secure in

1:03:38.120 --> 1:03:41.360
<v Speaker 1>those things. I'm secure enough in those things that I

1:03:41.400 --> 1:03:44.320
<v Speaker 1>can open my mind to curiosity. Because if you're not

1:03:44.360 --> 1:03:47.520
<v Speaker 1>secure in that, you have to put up walls of defense.

1:03:48.120 --> 1:03:52.440
<v Speaker 1>You have to like be defensive. There's no room for gratitude,

1:03:52.440 --> 1:03:55.320
<v Speaker 1>there's no room for curiosity because you're kind of in

1:03:55.360 --> 1:03:59.800
<v Speaker 1>that mode. So you have to like find that we

1:04:00.080 --> 1:04:03.000
<v Speaker 1>believe that that's in the hope of Jesus, that man,

1:04:03.080 --> 1:04:06.720
<v Speaker 1>this we know where that we were dead in our trespasses.

1:04:06.760 --> 1:04:13.120
<v Speaker 1>We know that you know, by uh through faith in

1:04:13.200 --> 1:04:20.080
<v Speaker 1>grace or sorry uh, by grace through faith that man,

1:04:20.120 --> 1:04:22.720
<v Speaker 1>we've we've been redeemed. And it's almost like every everything

1:04:22.760 --> 1:04:26.680
<v Speaker 1>else kind of becomes secondary to that. If we have

1:04:26.840 --> 1:04:29.800
<v Speaker 1>that to kind of be a baseline. Man, that's so good.

1:04:30.440 --> 1:04:34.360
<v Speaker 1>But I think you have to one take some time

1:04:34.400 --> 1:04:36.600
<v Speaker 1>and just become self aware of like, Okay, whenever I'm

1:04:36.600 --> 1:04:40.520
<v Speaker 1>in a situation, do I go to defense or do

1:04:40.560 --> 1:04:43.760
<v Speaker 1>I go to curiosity and like trying to assume the

1:04:43.760 --> 1:04:46.480
<v Speaker 1>best of the person until I know all the stuff,

1:04:46.560 --> 1:04:50.280
<v Speaker 1>or am I immediately like, well, dude, they just screwed

1:04:50.280 --> 1:04:53.320
<v Speaker 1>me over for no reason and they blah blah. It's like, dude, easy,

1:04:53.800 --> 1:04:57.720
<v Speaker 1>you're there. There's two paths that you're choosing there. So man,

1:04:57.760 --> 1:05:02.800
<v Speaker 1>that is so good, Burns James. That's it. And the

1:05:02.880 --> 1:05:04.920
<v Speaker 1>last thing I could say before we get before we

1:05:05.000 --> 1:05:09.959
<v Speaker 1>end this podcast is more sleep, less screens, less junk food,

1:05:10.680 --> 1:05:15.040
<v Speaker 1>and that'll help your process tremendously. Everything Bernie's saying is

1:05:15.160 --> 1:05:17.960
<v Speaker 1>hard to accomplish if you're you're not getting good sleep,

1:05:18.000 --> 1:05:19.800
<v Speaker 1>you're looking at your phone all day, and you're not

1:05:20.040 --> 1:05:24.240
<v Speaker 1>properly fueled drink water. Do that in there too, Yeah,

1:05:24.320 --> 1:05:26.840
<v Speaker 1>you need to put those things on a shirt. Like

1:05:28.240 --> 1:05:30.600
<v Speaker 1>Granger just summed up every question in this pocket. How

1:05:30.960 --> 1:05:33.240
<v Speaker 1>do you deal with all of these things? Everything about

1:05:33.400 --> 1:05:36.640
<v Speaker 1>everything you just said? Sleep no screens? Awesome, guys, We

1:05:37.120 --> 1:05:39.240
<v Speaker 1>love you, Love you Burns. Thank you so much, dude.

1:05:39.240 --> 1:05:41.160
<v Speaker 1>Thank you guys for having me on. See you next time.

1:05:41.200 --> 1:05:43.960
<v Speaker 1>Ye thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith Podcast. I

1:05:44.000 --> 1:05:46.600
<v Speaker 1>appreciate all of you. Guys. You could help me out

1:05:46.720 --> 1:05:49.960
<v Speaker 1>by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube,

1:05:50.200 --> 1:05:53.440
<v Speaker 1>subscribe to this channel, hit that little like button and

1:05:53.600 --> 1:05:57.320
<v Speaker 1>notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload

1:05:57.600 --> 1:05:59.760
<v Speaker 1>a video. If you have a question for me that

1:05:59.800 --> 1:06:04.360
<v Speaker 1>you like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail

1:06:04.720 --> 1:06:13.600
<v Speaker 1>dot com.