Speaker 1: Suffering helps you. Suffering is good for you. It's hard
Speaker 1: to think that when you're in it. You're in the
Speaker 1: valley right now, you're laying there bleeding out, but it
Speaker 1: always is good lean into it. Welcome to the podcast.
Speaker 1: One of my favorite buddies, Bernie back. How many how
Speaker 1: many of these episodes have you done? I lost count
Speaker 1: a lot. We'd have a lot, probably fifteen twenty yeah,
Speaker 1: maybe more. Yeah, it's been a lot of fun. Thanks
Speaker 1: for having me back. Hopefully they've gotten better as we've
Speaker 1: gone along. People love you, people love you. We get
Speaker 1: on here. We answer people's questions. If you have a question,
Speaker 1: email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. And if you
Speaker 1: want anyone answering your personal life question, it would be
Speaker 1: Bernie Calcoat. Know how to answer them because you helped
Speaker 1: me with all money. Yeah, I know how to answer
Speaker 1: or I'm willing to answer them now. Whether the advice
Speaker 1: is something that's beneficial, that's up to you guys. But
Speaker 1: I was actually thinking of something as I was driving
Speaker 1: out here today that we always talk about this being,
Speaker 1: you know, three folks around a campfire, right, that's the
Speaker 1: third person. Well, what I realized or what I was
Speaker 1: thinking is that typically when somebody is sitting with you
Speaker 1: at the campfire, you know that person, and therefore the
Speaker 1: way that you answer that question might be different based
Speaker 1: on what you know about them and specifically their emotional,
Speaker 1: spiritual security and maturity. And so I guess what I
Speaker 1: was getting at is like, I hope that if you're
Speaker 1: out there and you're hearing some of these answers, we're
Speaker 1: speaking to you as if you're at this campfire with
Speaker 1: us and you are, you know, mature in your spirituality,
Speaker 1: in your emotional you know, state or whatever. So that
Speaker 1: if if you hear things that we're saying and they
Speaker 1: and you take it a little bit defensively, it's almost like, well,
Speaker 1: you may need to kind of stop and think about
Speaker 1: and have some awareness of like why why they're just
Speaker 1: talking to me like they would somebody that can handle
Speaker 1: hearing just real truth and real advice. Yeah, And it's
Speaker 1: just perspective. It's not criticism. It's perspective, right, perspective, And
Speaker 1: like Bernie said, we're not always right and we definitely
Speaker 1: don't claim to be. And that's not what this podcast.
Speaker 1: This isn't the podcast of truth or this isn't the
Speaker 1: you know, the final answer, this is a conversation that
Speaker 1: hopefully you know we're coming from the from the right heart,
Speaker 1: and hopefully this this is a conversation that will help
Speaker 1: you open up to find your own truth. Yep. Absolutely. Now.
Speaker 1: I have had people email back to this podcast and
Speaker 1: say things like, hey you I got one yesterday it said, hey,
Speaker 1: you answered my question. Thank you for the tough love.
Speaker 1: It's exactly what I needed to hear. That's awesome, and
Speaker 1: that reassures me like, Okay, good, because sometimes I think,
Speaker 1: I hope I'm not coming across as mean, yeah, or
Speaker 1: degrading in any way. That's not our intent. Yeah, And
Speaker 1: that's what I'm saying is is like you, if you
Speaker 1: were sitting in a camp, that person would know you,
Speaker 1: we would know them, and it's like it wouldn't be
Speaker 1: received that way. And so that's the way we're coming
Speaker 1: at it, and just the hope that the posture of
Speaker 1: the listener is like, hey, just chill out, guys, it's
Speaker 1: all yeah, And Bernie would probably say the same thing
Speaker 1: as me, but I'm definitely going to say I don't
Speaker 1: have life figured out. I'm constantly learning, I'm constantly trying
Speaker 1: to readjust to new situations, and so don't ever think
Speaker 1: that we're coming across as listen, I got this figured out. Artist,
Speaker 1: I've been in your shoes because I haven't been in
Speaker 1: your shoes, that's right. So yeah, let's start with the
Speaker 1: first question, and I'm everything on this podcast will be
Speaker 1: off the cuff, random, random questions. We don't have notes
Speaker 1: sitting in front of us except for this first one.
Speaker 1: I picked it because it's easier. Okay, it's lighter hearted,
Speaker 1: so I picked the first one after this. Everything else
Speaker 1: is who knows? Who knows what's coming? First question is
Speaker 1: subject line is sweet, simple and straight to the point. Hey,
Speaker 1: granger and friend, I hope you're having a blessed day
Speaker 1: so far. My question is what is your favorite hobby
Speaker 1: or activity to do with your spouse or significant other.
Speaker 1: My husband and I love your faith podcast and of
Speaker 1: course your music. Thank you for all you do. Best.
Speaker 1: Hailey Whaley from Illinois parentheses. No, I'm not a doctor
Speaker 1: Seus's character. Haley Haley Whaley Walley shout out to ill Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it's a good question. I'm gonna put this phone
Speaker 1: on airplane mode because I could hear it through the mic.
Speaker 1: It's a good question. That I think about a lot,
Speaker 1: because sometimes I could be I could be guilty of
Speaker 1: not having very many hobbies. What about you, Oh you
Speaker 1: got too many? You've got too many hobbies. My wife's
Speaker 1: like no more So the question specifically is what is
Speaker 1: your favorite hobby with your spouse? Because I have a
Speaker 1: lot of hobbies separate from Amber. She has hobbies separate
Speaker 1: from me. For instance, I love snow skiing. I always have.
Speaker 1: I'll take a mountain any chance I can get and
Speaker 1: bring some skis that could be old or new, I
Speaker 1: don't care. Amber does not like snow skiing. She skis
Speaker 1: occasionally just because she loves me, but she does not
Speaker 1: enjoy it one minute. She is terrified about it. So
Speaker 1: that's an example of a hobby I love, but we
Speaker 1: don't do it together. Yeah, mine without Leslie would be
Speaker 1: like downhill mountain biking or mountain biking at any time.
Speaker 1: It's intense. I mean you are just like holding on
Speaker 1: and she doesn't really do that. She's like nope, no thanks,
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, Leslie does that. Yeah, this is
Speaker 1: like you were saying with snowskin, but one that we
Speaker 1: would do together consistently. It's funny because I think it's
Speaker 1: chained here. I don't know about you're at Amber, Like
Speaker 1: it kind of changes over the years. When Leslie and
Speaker 1: I first got married, she was horrible at tennis, and
Speaker 1: I grew up playing tennis and played it and you know, competitively,
Speaker 1: and so I've played a lot of tennis in my life.
Speaker 1: I learned really quickly, Hey, this may not be something
Speaker 1: we do together. Yeah, yeah, because she would get frustrated
Speaker 1: every time we went and played. But recently she's like
Speaker 1: been into some lessons and like really liking it. So
Speaker 1: I think that's something if we're gonna do like a
Speaker 1: active kind of date night, hobby, date night things like yeah,
Speaker 1: let's just get a babysitter and go play some tennis. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's awesome. Amber. It's kind of opposite for us. Amber
Speaker 1: is really good at tennis and she did it in
Speaker 1: high school and I didn't. Maybe I should learn, Maybe
Speaker 1: I should get lessons from you and learn. So what
Speaker 1: about like raquetball? Does that ever come into play? No? No,
Speaker 1: some folks have started asking us to play pickle ball.
Speaker 1: Have you played that? Yeah? Yeah, it's actually really fun.
Speaker 1: Yeah it is fun, But no, racquetball never. I don't
Speaker 1: know the rules. I just never did it. It's I
Speaker 1: think unanimously. What I could say is if you said,
Speaker 1: what do you and Amber want to do? Like, if
Speaker 1: you could do anything, what are you going to do?
Speaker 1: It might sound stupid, but go out to eat one
Speaker 1: on one, no kids? Yeah, maybe go catch a movie
Speaker 1: that would be That would be something we'd both be
Speaker 1: on board right now. Yeah, is no kids a hobby
Speaker 1: because I think I think we would do anything with
Speaker 1: no kid, just the two of us, Like you're saying, yeah,
Speaker 1: both of us, Both me and you have busy schedules.
Speaker 1: You you have multiple jobs, you and Leslie works some
Speaker 1: of those with you, are all of im with you.
Speaker 1: It's some capacity. Plus we have kids, plus the kids' activities,
Speaker 1: and it doesn't leave very much room for what's you
Speaker 1: and your wife's hobby. Separate So maybe we'll figure that
Speaker 1: out more. But right now we enjoy a lot of things.
Speaker 1: We tour. She loves to go on tour with me.
Speaker 1: But if you're going to say, right now, it would
Speaker 1: be time away from kids. That's my favorite hobby. Good
Speaker 1: season of life, the season of life. Okay, we're out
Speaker 1: into the weeds now, this is now. I have no
Speaker 1: idea what's about to come up? I could you want
Speaker 1: me to read a couple or you want me to
Speaker 1: just hit the Let me hit the top one and
Speaker 1: then I'll read a couple of these titles to you.
Speaker 1: This one is called relationship Advice. Hey Grangeery, my ex
Speaker 1: boyfriend and I had an amazing relationship. It lasted about
Speaker 1: seven years, sixteen to twenty three years old. Throughout the years,
Speaker 1: we had our ups and downs, but it was a
Speaker 1: relationship that I personally found quote perfect. Our love was mutual.
Speaker 1: But a few months ago, he broke up with me
Speaker 1: and said that he wanted to focus on himself. Even
Speaker 1: though we both pushed each other throughout the relationship, he
Speaker 1: no longer wants to fight for the relationship, and I
Speaker 1: feel like it's unreal. The saddest part is we had
Speaker 1: plans of finally getting married after I finished school and
Speaker 1: I only had one year left. I feel completely devastated
Speaker 1: and heartbroken. I don't know how to take this situation
Speaker 1: because it's something I never expected to happen. Because the
Speaker 1: day before he broke up with me, he made me
Speaker 1: feel like the luckiest girl on earth. I don't have
Speaker 1: a name, and I don't have a place. So this
Speaker 1: is anonymous. Do you have a specific question in there? Yeah,
Speaker 1: let me let me see. There was no question marks,
Speaker 1: so there's I think this is just a confusion on
Speaker 1: a breakup. And the first thing I could say to
Speaker 1: anonymous here is that you this story is not uncommon.
Speaker 1: This is a human story. This has been going on
Speaker 1: since the beginning of time. You think one side thinks
Speaker 1: it's going great, and they're led on by the other
Speaker 1: side that it is great, and then the other side
Speaker 1: cuts it off cold turkey. You're left confused, devastated, heartbroken,
Speaker 1: and you don't know what to do. I don't know
Speaker 1: what she means. By the day before he broke up
Speaker 1: with me, he made me feel like the luckiest girl.
Speaker 1: I don't know exactly what that means. But she is
Speaker 1: twenty three years old apparently, which is great. The reason
Speaker 1: I say that it's because you're not forty eight, right,
Speaker 1: it's not good. Right, this is great. You're twenty three
Speaker 1: and you have so much ahead of you. So the
Speaker 1: first thing I want to do is just validate your heartbrokenness.
Speaker 1: That sounds that sounds terrible. You know, you were you
Speaker 1: were let on. I'm not going to say that his
Speaker 1: love wasn't real. But love is a decision. It's not
Speaker 1: it's not some cosmic alignment in the stars. It's a decision,
Speaker 1: and he decided not to love you anymore. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: that doesn't make you feel better? Yeah yeah I would.
Speaker 1: I would echo that just empathy that man, that that's tough.
Speaker 1: You put yourself out there. We all kind of know
Speaker 1: what it's like in some capacity to put yourself out
Speaker 1: there and kind of be put your trust out there
Speaker 1: and be broken, you know, your heart be broken in
Speaker 1: some way. You know. If we started to kind of
Speaker 1: classify these podcast questions into these little, you know, barrels
Speaker 1: like we've talked about, like, hey is this how would
Speaker 1: this be answered? I think communication could be a big
Speaker 1: one to help resolve some of this, if the X
Speaker 1: would be willing to just kind of have some follow
Speaker 1: up conversations like I'm really trying to understand here, what where?
Speaker 1: When did the disconnect happen? Because I guarantee you it
Speaker 1: didn't happen just one day. If he made you feel
Speaker 1: like the most special girl in the world the day before,
Speaker 1: there was something something going on and he was kind
Speaker 1: of putting on that front and so get back to
Speaker 1: like where did we go? Because if there's no reconciliation possible,
Speaker 1: at least you'll be able to learn from it. At
Speaker 1: least you'll be able to learn like, okay, either the
Speaker 1: person that I look for next. You know, I need
Speaker 1: to be aware of these things. I need to have
Speaker 1: these boundaries. I need to treat them this way, Like
Speaker 1: what what can you learn about yourself from that situation?
Speaker 1: What can you learn about your future? You know, companion
Speaker 1: or mate moving forward? That's so right. You're you're going
Speaker 1: to be better for this, anonymous, No matter what, You're
Speaker 1: going to be better from this pain and this could
Speaker 1: lead This is any kind of suffering. People always want
Speaker 1: to be so quick to say, if there's a god,
Speaker 1: why does he allow suffering? And that question comes in
Speaker 1: so many forms and as a result of so many
Speaker 1: things in life. And then my question back to you
Speaker 1: is how could you not think that suffering would make
Speaker 1: you better? And they would say, no, suffering's bad, Suffering
Speaker 1: is always bad and it always makes me worse, And
Speaker 1: I say not, According to anything humans have ever done
Speaker 1: in the history of humans. We make sports. For instance,
Speaker 1: we make football. What makes football exciting and fun and addictive?
Speaker 1: The adversity, the suffering. No one starts a season and goes, well,
Speaker 1: we won the super Bowl. Why'd you win the super Bowl? Well,
Speaker 1: we just won all the games. We didn't play them,
Speaker 1: but we just got a w in for all the
Speaker 1: games until we got the super Bowl trophy. Boring the
Speaker 1: good think of any good Super Bowl or World Series,
Speaker 1: which is going on right now. The World Series is
Speaker 1: always better when it's it's the seventh game. It's been
Speaker 1: a battle, there's injuries on both sides. Both teams have
Speaker 1: overcome adversity all year. They've they've climbed these hurdles and
Speaker 1: they've made it past them. And here they are and
Speaker 1: it's not only the seventh game, but it's the ninth inning.
Speaker 1: It's tied, it's the batter's up and he's got two
Speaker 1: strikes on them, the bases are loaded. It's that's always
Speaker 1: the better scenario is when they're suffering or adversity involved,
Speaker 1: and then when you win that World Series, it's much
Speaker 1: sweeter than if you've just swept them for to nothing. Right,
Speaker 1: four games and nothing, No, you're absolutely right. And the
Speaker 1: even deeper level of that is those guys that are
Speaker 1: on the field playing those professional athletes. How did they
Speaker 1: get as strong as they are? They their muscles were
Speaker 1: torn in order for them to get stronger, Right like that,
Speaker 1: that stuff has to happen for growth. And if you
Speaker 1: view it that way and you keep your mindset on that, Anonymous,
Speaker 1: I think you're going to be better for it moving forward.
Speaker 1: I think you could get some clarity from the dude
Speaker 1: if he'd be willing to. But if not, just focus forward.
Speaker 1: You know, Yeah, have you ever cried in a movie
Speaker 1: or watching a movie here? Have you ever cried at
Speaker 1: the end? Well, if the answer is yes, Anonymous, the
Speaker 1: reason you cried is because you saw the character go
Speaker 1: through pain and turmoil and win in the end, they
Speaker 1: overcame it and they won. Every movie, every single movie
Speaker 1: that's good, always has a bad guy or a bad
Speaker 1: situation always, and then when they defeat it or overcome
Speaker 1: it or climb that mountain, they you cry because you
Speaker 1: love you love this story, and you know what it takes.
Speaker 1: Suffering helps you. Suffering is good for you. It's hard
Speaker 1: to think that when you're in it. You're in the
Speaker 1: you're in the valley right now, you're laying there bleeding out,
Speaker 1: You're you're on the beach of Normandy and you're bleeding
Speaker 1: out right now, and it's you think, how could this
Speaker 1: be good? But it always is good. Lean into it.
Speaker 1: You're going to be better, You're going to learn more,
Speaker 1: You're going to be better because of this person. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And one last thing to book in that, like try
Speaker 1: I mean, this is just advice, you know, take it
Speaker 1: or leave it. Don't date the next person for seven years, Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: go into it with intention that, Hey, I am dating
Speaker 1: someone to try my best and discern if they are
Speaker 1: the one for me for the rest of my life.
Speaker 1: And the minute that you get there, communicate that to them.
Speaker 1: Put yourself out there, continue to trust. Don't let this
Speaker 1: be something that scars you from trusting people in the future.
Speaker 1: Find that person and I bet if they are, they're
Speaker 1: going to trust you back. And don't just kind of
Speaker 1: let it linger without that that commitment for seven years.
Speaker 1: That's a long time. Good. One more thing to the
Speaker 1: one more thing. Don't don't go back to this guy
Speaker 1: and and he's you guys will probably have another fling.
Speaker 1: Don't resist that, resist that fling, and don't don't go back.
Speaker 1: Don't start texting him two weeks from now, and just say,
Speaker 1: I still don't understand. Can you just tell me what happened?
Speaker 1: Can you just please explain? Just don't yep, don't block
Speaker 1: him in your phone if you have to. But it's
Speaker 1: not good. He made a decision to leave you, so
Speaker 1: let it go. It's nothing. Nothing is good by trying
Speaker 1: to get one more explanation out of him, or trying
Speaker 1: to figure out or when he calls and says could
Speaker 1: we go? And could we could I take you to dinner?
Speaker 1: You need to think hard about that because this dude
Speaker 1: left you. Yep, when you're most vulnerable. Yeah, let's let's
Speaker 1: do another question here. This is here's I saw this
Speaker 1: came came in on Wednesday and it's very very short
Speaker 1: and there's not a question. But I thought it was interesting,
Speaker 1: so I pulled it in here. It says, hey Grangeer,
Speaker 1: my name is Ida. I'm from Arizona. I love your
Speaker 1: family and your faith and your music and everything it
Speaker 1: stands for. That's the end of the email, but the
Speaker 1: subject line says concerned about my future? What do you think?
Speaker 1: What do you think? Things about? You think? They hit
Speaker 1: send too early and then they're like, dangn I can't
Speaker 1: email again. Well, concerned about my future. And then it's
Speaker 1: just I think. And the reason I think it might
Speaker 1: be interesting to talk about it is because I think
Speaker 1: there's a lot of people concerned about their future in
Speaker 1: the world right now and they don't even know why. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they can't even explain why or how they feel like this,
Speaker 1: And that email almost says that, It almost says, I
Speaker 1: don't have anything else to write, specifically, worried because let's
Speaker 1: fill in the blanks, because the media makes me nervous,
Speaker 1: because Instagram makes me nervous. I see things on Facebook
Speaker 1: every day and I'm concerned. Maybe you have kids, maybe
Speaker 1: you don't, but everyone's talking about how public schools are
Speaker 1: going down the gutter. Well maybe you have a parent
Speaker 1: that that's sick right now and you're concerned. But but
Speaker 1: this is the world we live in, concerned about the future, worries,
Speaker 1: all kinds of worries all over man. And it's not new,
Speaker 1: I mean, right, no, no, no, no, man, there is
Speaker 1: I saw John Maxwell speak a couple of weeks ago,
Speaker 1: and he was at a conference, and I was I
Speaker 1: was blown away by by him speaking courage into people
Speaker 1: and speaking fear away from people, especially Christians. He brought
Speaker 1: up the fact that why do we see Christians nowadays
Speaker 1: as one of the most worried groups of people on
Speaker 1: the planet. Why are they not any more confident in
Speaker 1: their life than any other person. It's strange. We're not
Speaker 1: supposed to be fearful. We're not supposed to be to
Speaker 1: dwell and worry. I know that we could worry and fear,
Speaker 1: but we're not supposed to dwell on it and be
Speaker 1: lost in it and voice it on Facebook like we're
Speaker 1: in such trouble and we don't know what to do.
Speaker 1: Aren't we supposed to be the ones that are confident
Speaker 1: about this? Well? I agreed, But let me ask you this.
Speaker 1: What if you were in the army and you were
Speaker 1: about to go into battle. You were in battle, you're
Speaker 1: I mean, you're about to jump out the helicopter, but
Speaker 1: you don't have any weapons. You have not been trained properly.
Speaker 1: You haven't been given a map that shows you where
Speaker 1: you're supposed to be. Okay, are you all ware? Is
Speaker 1: that where we are now? If we're speaking generally about
Speaker 1: Christians in the West, I think that's where we are.
Speaker 1: Don't we have a map? Though? Oh? We do? But
Speaker 1: I think I hear you. I think that there's a
Speaker 1: lot that have not been trained, they haven't taken up
Speaker 1: the weapons, but for some reason they feel like I
Speaker 1: should still get on this helicopter and go. It's like, well, hey, guys,
Speaker 1: I don't think you understand the battle that you're getting
Speaker 1: into here. Yeah, you're gonna get destroyed and you're gonna worry,
Speaker 1: and you're gonna basically take a bunch of people down
Speaker 1: with you. I don't know, just a thought, man. Let
Speaker 1: me read something John Maxwell said, and I just I
Speaker 1: was blown away by this. And if anyone sees me
Speaker 1: on my phone or Bernie on his phone, I'm not
Speaker 1: scrolling Twitter right now. It's relevant. I'm either looking at
Speaker 1: the question or look at thinking about something relevant here.
Speaker 1: But this is C. S. Lewis and he wrote he
Speaker 1: wrote an article called how are We to Live in
Speaker 1: an Atomic Age? And what John Maxwell said at the
Speaker 1: conference was every time you hear atomic age or atomic bomb,
Speaker 1: I want you to replace it with virus or COVID.
Speaker 1: And then whoever wrote this email, whatever's going on in
Speaker 1: your life. If that's not what you're talking about, you
Speaker 1: could replace it with whatever you're going through. And so
Speaker 1: think about it this way, Remember to replace atomic with
Speaker 1: covid or virus or whatever you're going through. How are
Speaker 1: we to live in atomic age? I am tempted to reply, why,
Speaker 1: as you would have lived in the sixteenth century when
Speaker 1: the plague visited London almost every year, or as you
Speaker 1: would have lived in a Viking age, when raiders from
Speaker 1: Scandinavia might land and cut your throat any night, Or indeed,
Speaker 1: as you are already living in an age of cancer,
Speaker 1: an age of syphilis, an age of paralysis, an age
Speaker 1: of air raids, an age of railway at railway accidents,
Speaker 1: an age of motor accidents. In other words, do not
Speaker 1: let us begin by exaggerating the novelty of our situation.
Speaker 1: Believe me, dear Sir of Madam, you and all you
Speaker 1: who you love already are already sentenced to death before
Speaker 1: the atomic bomb was invented, or before covid was invented,
Speaker 1: and quite a high percentage of us we're going to
Speaker 1: die in unpleasant ways. We had indeed one very great
Speaker 1: advantage over our ancestors, but we have everything still that
Speaker 1: we need. It is perfectly ridiculous to go about whimpering
Speaker 1: and drawing long faces because the scientists have added one
Speaker 1: more chance of painful and premature death to a world
Speaker 1: which already bristled with such chances, and in which death
Speaker 1: itself was not a chance at all, but a certainty.
Speaker 1: He goes on to say, and I could read this,
Speaker 1: But he goes on to say, so what are we
Speaker 1: to do if we're all going to be destroyed by
Speaker 1: an atomic bomb? Let the bomb come find us doing
Speaker 1: sensible and human things like praying, working, teaching, reading, listening
Speaker 1: to music, bathing the children playing tennis. Literally says that
Speaker 1: chatting to our friends over a pint and a game
Speaker 1: of darts, not huddled together like frightened sheep and thinking
Speaker 1: about bombs. They may break our bodies. A microbe can
Speaker 1: do that, but they need not dominate our minds. Nineteen
Speaker 1: forty eight. Oh that's so good, So to piggyback on
Speaker 1: what he's saying. Philippian, So what was this girl's name?
Speaker 1: Do we have her name? No? Nothing? Okay, So if
Speaker 1: you wrote that, or even if you did it, go
Speaker 1: read Philippians four four through nine. So it starts with
Speaker 1: rejoice and a gainsay rejoice, but then it goes into
Speaker 1: I mean and this is written by Paul who's being
Speaker 1: he's imprisoned, and this dude is in I promise you
Speaker 1: a worse situation than you're in. I can't say that
Speaker 1: for sure, for sure, but yeah, the odds are he
Speaker 1: was in a much worse position. If you are in
Speaker 1: a worse position, then that means you've been You've received
Speaker 1: the forty lashings countless times, you've been beaten, stoned, broken, imprisoned,
Speaker 1: countless times, starved, almost drowned, shipwrecked. Yeah, so if that's
Speaker 1: happened to you, sorry about that. You probably don't have
Speaker 1: a way to send an email a granger. But but
Speaker 1: the point is is that even in that he's speaking
Speaker 1: to these people saying, hey, don't don't be anxious, like
Speaker 1: instead pray with thanksgiving, right, and this piece well that
Speaker 1: surpassed the understanding will cover your heart and your mind.
Speaker 1: And then he goes on to say, finally these things.
Speaker 1: Think on these things. What's true, what's pure, what's lovely,
Speaker 1: has excellence? He lists all these things. Think about these things.
Speaker 1: So what C. S. Lewis is saying, Hey, they can
Speaker 1: take all this stuff, but they can't take our minds.
Speaker 1: Like think, we think on these things and then we
Speaker 1: practice The last part of that is he says, what
Speaker 1: you've seen and heard from me, practice this in the
Speaker 1: God of peace will be with you. I think that that,
Speaker 1: between that and Philippians, that's I think that's maybe the
Speaker 1: answer to this question. Yeah. And C. S. Lewis got
Speaker 1: his inspiration from Philippians. Yeah, you know, so, Paul was first.
Speaker 1: I love how he says, in other words, do not
Speaker 1: let us begin by exaggerating the novelty of our situation?
Speaker 1: How crazy we do? Yeah? Oh, there's never been this bad, never,
Speaker 1: We've never been this divided, We've never been this sick. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we've never had leadership this bad. We never had an
Speaker 1: election this good or this bad. Why do you why
Speaker 1: do you think we do? Why do you think we
Speaker 1: do that? We love to exaggerate the novelty of our situation,
Speaker 1: and not just now, but like every every situation, we
Speaker 1: want to exaggerate the novelty of it to make it
Speaker 1: is it about us? Like we make it seem like
Speaker 1: a bigger deal than it is. It's it's our arrogance
Speaker 1: as humans that we've always thought that in CS. Lewis
Speaker 1: goes on to say, believe me, sir or madam, you
Speaker 1: and all whom you love were already sentenced to death
Speaker 1: before the atomic bomb was invented. Yeah, yeah, so I
Speaker 1: think you don't have to be a Christian to believe that. Yeah,
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Speaker 1: email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Got Bernie Caalcote
Speaker 1: is my guest today, long time guest of the podcast.
Speaker 1: Thank you guys for making this podcast always very high
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Speaker 1: the charts and it helps just world domination, takeover for
Speaker 1: a podcast happen. So let's go all right. Marriage after baby, Okay,
Speaker 1: we both know. We both know that my husband and
Speaker 1: I have had an almost one year old little boy.
Speaker 1: He's the greatest baby, but I feel like our marriage
Speaker 1: is struggling since his birth. A lot of times I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm carrying the workload with our son and
Speaker 1: the house on top of having a full time job.
Speaker 1: My husband has a very demanding job also, and when
Speaker 1: he's home, he mostly wants to sit on the couch
Speaker 1: and watch TV. While I understand the need to decompress.
Speaker 1: I feel like we don't spend any quality time together
Speaker 1: talking or doing things together, and when I try to
Speaker 1: explain how I'm feeling, it comes off as na nagging.
Speaker 1: How do I get back to us after becoming parents?
Speaker 1: Thanks for your podcast and being a sounding board for
Speaker 1: so many people. I appreciate you and your guest ability
Speaker 1: to look through a lens of faith and share solid advice. Lindsey,
Speaker 1: thanks for sharing, Lindsay. This is not an uncommon nope situation.
Speaker 1: There's people that didn't write this that are thinking, oh,
Speaker 1: Lindsay just wrote my story. So thank you, Lindsey. Thank
Speaker 1: you for bringing up something that's very common, and this
Speaker 1: is let's let's uh, let's decide, let's kind of get
Speaker 1: in and and knock this around a little bit. Uh,
Speaker 1: Where do I don't know where to start? Where do
Speaker 1: you want to start? I feel like the question could
Speaker 1: be pretty simple to answer. I feel like it's a
Speaker 1: communication thing. I feel like I feel like we may
Speaker 1: have hit this before. Like you, you're coming from a
Speaker 1: genuine perspective. You don't want to be the nagging wife,
Speaker 1: but you're you're sensing this like overload, which is valid.
Speaker 1: It is a lot. Kids are exhausting and and life
Speaker 1: and all the stuff. So we feel you on that.
Speaker 1: But I think you know, just having some really open,
Speaker 1: honest communication with your husband about him asking does he
Speaker 1: feel pressure from you to provide a certain level of
Speaker 1: life where his work has to be that demanding. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think it's these responsibilities that we do stack up
Speaker 1: on top of each other. It's just our culture to
Speaker 1: be busy and to like stack up as much as
Speaker 1: we can. And then in the very slim margins, we
Speaker 1: leave the most important things our relationships with our spouses
Speaker 1: and our kids. But I would suggest, like own that
Speaker 1: for yourself and just be humble with your husband, like, Hey,
Speaker 1: I don't feel like I'm doing a good job. I
Speaker 1: feel like I don't have margin to really give you
Speaker 1: the best side of me. I feel like you're getting
Speaker 1: the worst of me, and I don't want that. I
Speaker 1: want to give you the best of me. Are there
Speaker 1: things in our lives that we need to change and
Speaker 1: maybe go without so that we can just be happier
Speaker 1: together and serve each other more? And I don't know, right,
Speaker 1: So let me talk about go without, because one of
Speaker 1: the thoughts I had was could you go without something
Speaker 1: in your life financially in order to open up either
Speaker 1: some time for you, So maybe you either you cut
Speaker 1: back your hours or he cuts back his hours. You'll
Speaker 1: have less money, but you'll have that more quality time.
Speaker 1: Or do you go without in order to free up
Speaker 1: some money to hire some help at the house, maybe
Speaker 1: someone that can come in and do some of the
Speaker 1: demanding housework, help you with some of these things that
Speaker 1: are that are hurting you. But either way, you're gonna
Speaker 1: have to go without an income of some level, which
Speaker 1: is a great sacrifice. So sometimes we have to look
Speaker 1: at our lives and go, what do I need what
Speaker 1: do I need to survive? And what am I just
Speaker 1: what kind of money am I just spending on meaningless things?
Speaker 1: And if I cut out that meaningless spending and I
Speaker 1: freed up this amount of money, money equals time and
Speaker 1: time equals quality time with your family. So there's that.
Speaker 1: There's that. That's just a practical idea. And then another
Speaker 1: idea is are are you making your baby more important
Speaker 1: than your husband? Just a question because sometimes we could
Speaker 1: we sometimes in life we make our priorities where the
Speaker 1: baby is on top of the spouse and are the
Speaker 1: kids in general? And it's just we're not made We're
Speaker 1: not set up that way. We're set up to to,
Speaker 1: you know, God, first, spouse above the family, and your
Speaker 1: husband needs to look at you that way, and you
Speaker 1: need to look at your husband that way. Where they
Speaker 1: are first, kids second. It's like the airplane when you
Speaker 1: when the oxygen masks fall out, you put yours on
Speaker 1: first kid second, because you have to function first in
Speaker 1: order to take care of the kids. If you're dysfunctional,
Speaker 1: you're not going to properly parent the kids anyway. So
Speaker 1: take care of your spouse first. Are you doing that question?
Speaker 1: My voice is getting loud, but I'm not mad, Lindsay,
Speaker 1: I'm not mad. I'm just I'm just I'm offering these suggestions.
Speaker 1: Are you putting your baby above your husband? Is your
Speaker 1: husband putting the baby above you? And then lastly, not lastly,
Speaker 1: but next, how are you approaching your husband when he's
Speaker 1: on the couch. Me and you have been We've done
Speaker 1: this on the podcast before. Are you coming in and saying, babe, seriously,
Speaker 1: you're seriously gonna watch TV right now when you see
Speaker 1: how much work I'm doing And I'm yeah, I got
Speaker 1: so much to do and I have a full time job,
Speaker 1: and you you're seriously gonna is that what you're doing,
Speaker 1: because that's gonna get nowhere. Mm hmm, it's gonna get nowhere.
Speaker 1: What well, he laughs, because Leslie's literally done that to
Speaker 1: me when I'm watching TV. But so to speak your
Speaker 1: head in and let's say seriously, and I know everything
Speaker 1: that she's thinking from that seriously, but the same thing,
Speaker 1: I'm not saying it's wrong of Lindsay to do it right.
Speaker 1: This is not is not the most productive way to
Speaker 1: like have the conversation. I get the frustration with her too,
Speaker 1: but we're both in that place and that's why, Hey, Lindsay,
Speaker 1: we feel you like on both sides of this. It's like, man,
Speaker 1: I'm just so tired. Really, I've given everything today and
Speaker 1: you've given everything, but yet the dishes still got to
Speaker 1: get done and the kids got to get a bath,
Speaker 1: and so somebody's gotta you know, So let me just say,
Speaker 1: let me give you a little ray of hope. Lindsay,
Speaker 1: you have an almost one year old. That's just you're
Speaker 1: in the trenches right now. Yeah, because I'm there too,
Speaker 1: I understand the baby thing. You're in the trenches. It
Speaker 1: definitely gets better as long as you don't fill your
Speaker 1: kids up with a million sports. They got to be
Speaker 1: playing every single night of the week. I don't recommend
Speaker 1: doing that either. I don't we do that currently, and
Speaker 1: it's the worst. Don't do it. I hear so many
Speaker 1: horror stories. But it gets so much better because they
Speaker 1: get more independent. Like my kids now. And I tell
Speaker 1: Ambery this, we do not do dishes in this house,
Speaker 1: ambern I that is the kids, and I put them
Speaker 1: to work, and I don't care if they complain about it.
Speaker 1: When I first ask them, then that's five minutes earlier.
Speaker 1: They got to go to bed. And then I'll add
Speaker 1: another five minutes. So it's a it's a deal where
Speaker 1: it's like, this is what you're gonna do. You're not
Speaker 1: even gonna complain. You're gonna do all the dishes. And
Speaker 1: so there's certain things around the house, laundry, cleaning up,
Speaker 1: tidying up, feeding your animals, doing the dishes. These are
Speaker 1: things that you could put one hundred percent on the
Speaker 1: kids when they get to a certain level. So it
Speaker 1: gets better. This isn't like you're going to be dealing
Speaker 1: with this the rest of your life. Yeah, that's and
Speaker 1: especially the first kid, like because you you you really
Speaker 1: are just like this is new. I'm all in it.
Speaker 1: And uh so it it does add another layer of that.
Speaker 1: So before we move the next question, I want to
Speaker 1: talk to the husband. And I know we don't know
Speaker 1: this husband, he put Yeah, he may not be listening,
Speaker 1: but the husband in this story is represented by a
Speaker 1: bunch of guys out there, including us at putting me
Speaker 1: so I like she said, she's even understanding that need
Speaker 1: for decompression. Put your wife first, Like be a man
Speaker 1: and draw from the inner strength that you have and
Speaker 1: say no, I'm I'm gonna push a little bit harder
Speaker 1: and give her what she needs. Okay, So then I'm
Speaker 1: gonna speak to that's generally husband. So now, a Bible
Speaker 1: believing Christian husband, I'm gonna speak to you about what
Speaker 1: the Bible actually calls how he calls us to love
Speaker 1: our wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself
Speaker 1: up for her in all things. Yeah, I fail at
Speaker 1: this every single day, And it's like, I know that
Speaker 1: this is what I'm called to and I need to
Speaker 1: meditate on that verse all the time. When on my
Speaker 1: drive home, whenever I'm going in, it's like, no, I
Speaker 1: know that you wanted to do this, You want to
Speaker 1: do this, You're giving that up because you're you're going
Speaker 1: to serve her. You're going to go in and you're
Speaker 1: going to think, Hey, what can I do? I need
Speaker 1: to I need to be thinking about that on my
Speaker 1: lunch break. Hey what can I do for her? What
Speaker 1: message can I send for her? What can I move
Speaker 1: out of my schedule to free up even more margin
Speaker 1: that I can serve her. I think if you do that,
Speaker 1: the balance of parenthood starts to become a little bit
Speaker 1: more easy to handle and navigate. Hey, listeners, whatever you've
Speaker 1: been taught by man about what marriage is in the Bible,
Speaker 1: and whatever preconceived ideas you have that the Bible says
Speaker 1: about marriage. What Bernie says is biblical manhood. That's what
Speaker 1: it says. Yeah, that's what it says. Bernie's read every
Speaker 1: word in that book and there is nothing extra. That's
Speaker 1: what it says, and that's how biblical manhood is. You
Speaker 1: might have been taught that the Christians have some weird hierarchy.
Speaker 1: That's not what it is. As far as is loving
Speaker 1: your wife. You sacrifice everything you love her as Christ
Speaker 1: love the church. Last thing, husband, her love language is
Speaker 1: quality time. She just told us. Yeah, that's like a secret.
Speaker 1: You just figured it out on if you didn't know it.
Speaker 1: Sometimes you don't always know it, but she just told
Speaker 1: us on this podcast. So last thing, last thing. If
Speaker 1: you don't know your wife's love language, figure it out. Yeah,
Speaker 1: game changer. Quality time is a great one for the
Speaker 1: husband to know that she has because you don't have
Speaker 1: to waste time in all these crazy gifts. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: that's that's pretty good acts of service. Yeah, physical touch,
Speaker 1: you don't have worry about any of that, just quality time. Yeah,
Speaker 1: let's hit another one here. How about how about this
Speaker 1: My best friend of twenty years has rejected God. Interesting,
Speaker 1: hey granger and podcast guest. I'll try to keep this
Speaker 1: as short as possible. One of my best friends about
Speaker 1: four years ago told me she no longer believes in God,
Speaker 1: doesn't want my prayers, doesn't want me to do anything
Speaker 1: about it. She totally caught me off guard at the moment,
Speaker 1: and I honestly, in the last four years, haven't said
Speaker 1: anything to her about it, but I've prayed almost daily
Speaker 1: for her since then. We grew up in church together
Speaker 1: and that's where we met, and about six years ago,
Speaker 1: our pastor at the time and some of the church
Speaker 1: family absolutely burned her and her family and basically shunned
Speaker 1: them and a few others. Long story, but I haven't
Speaker 1: been back to that church since then, and I found
Speaker 1: another church that me and my husband love. How in
Speaker 1: the world do I go about beginning a conversation about
Speaker 1: this now that I've waited so long. I love her
Speaker 1: so much, my heart is broken over this. She's into
Speaker 1: the occult and very new age practices. As a side note,
Speaker 1: we basically just don't talk about religion or politics, and
Speaker 1: when we talk, I've never spoke up about how I feel,
Speaker 1: and I just really don't know how to start. There
Speaker 1: are many of her other levels to this, but this
Speaker 1: is the basics. Love to know your thoughts about this.
Speaker 1: Thank you for all your family does. You guys have
Speaker 1: changed my life and my faith journey. Keep doing what
Speaker 1: you're doing, and please do a show closer to Alabama
Speaker 1: with love and christ Corey. Thank you, Corey. I had
Speaker 1: another great question that probably a lot of people could echo.
Speaker 1: I could echo that. Okay, I could echo that for sure. No,
Speaker 1: I mean I could. I could echo her a question
Speaker 1: I can relate. I can relate, and I've talked to
Speaker 1: Bernie about this many times off podcast where you said
Speaker 1: we basically just don't talk about religion or politics, and
Speaker 1: I've never spoke up about it or how I feel.
Speaker 1: I just don't know how to start. Man. I feel
Speaker 1: that because there's people in my life, and I've told
Speaker 1: Bernie this, I'll let a situation pass when I could
Speaker 1: have spoke up and I didn't, and then I feel
Speaker 1: like a coward. I'm like, man, you had a chance
Speaker 1: right then to speak truth into them, and then I
Speaker 1: have to just recollect myself and try to do it again.
Speaker 1: But here's The one thing that we could both say
Speaker 1: Corey right off the bat is that no matter what
Speaker 1: you say or what you do, you don't have that
Speaker 1: kind of power to bring her back to God. Only
Speaker 1: God can. And sometimes as humans we feel like it's
Speaker 1: up to us, it's on our shoulders, or even worse,
Speaker 1: it's on their shoulders, like it's their decision and if
Speaker 1: they don't make it, then they'll never know God. And
Speaker 1: that's up to them. God has a different idea about
Speaker 1: this stuff. We're here to plant seeds and we're here
Speaker 1: to walk away after we plant the seeds. I heard
Speaker 1: a pastor tell me one time. We're not in the
Speaker 1: results driven business, and almost everything else in life is
Speaker 1: a result driven but not witnessing to lost. So all
Speaker 1: we could do, and what you're doing right now is
Speaker 1: is you're going to church and you're living. You're living
Speaker 1: this out, which is great. That's an important component. And
Speaker 1: the next step is telling her the gospel, because the gospel,
Speaker 1: according to Romans, is the power of God for salvation.
Speaker 1: The Gospel is the power of God for salvation, and
Speaker 1: they have to hear it, and by hearing it they'll
Speaker 1: believe it or they won't. But they have to hear it,
Speaker 1: and that's not that's you have the power to tell them,
Speaker 1: but you don't have a power for them to believe it.
Speaker 1: What do you got, Burns? Yeah, I understand. And Griz
Speaker 1: and I talked like you said that the delicate situation
Speaker 1: that these things can present whenever you have these long
Speaker 1: time relationships that have many, many layers of experiences and
Speaker 1: things they've been through. And the only thing that I
Speaker 1: can suggest, and that we've talked about before, is just
Speaker 1: try to be as present with your friend as possible.
Speaker 1: Try to be as genuine with your friend as possible.
Speaker 1: If they're really your friend and they love you. Then
Speaker 1: if you're talking about something and you just feel this,
Speaker 1: you know in your life, in the in the propositional
Speaker 1: truth and experiential truth connection, the answer to that question
Speaker 1: that y'all are talking about is the gospel, or it's
Speaker 1: some aspect of the gospel. Have confidence in the friendship
Speaker 1: to be able to speak openly and say like, yeah,
Speaker 1: well you know, Jesus taught me about this blah blah
Speaker 1: blah blah. You know, and reference and one know what
Speaker 1: you're talking about, study what you study your faith so
Speaker 1: that you know and you can you know, like Granger said,
Speaker 1: you can give testimony whenever the opportunity comes. Know what
Speaker 1: you're talking about, study it. But also just in the quiet,
Speaker 1: in the stillness, teach yourself to listen to that soft
Speaker 1: voice of the Holy Spirit that says, hey, now speak
Speaker 1: that and the one that says, hey, just hold tight.
Speaker 1: I think that we don't spend enough time in the
Speaker 1: stillness trying to discern that voice, and we are very
Speaker 1: much results driven, and it's like we just have to
Speaker 1: we have to say it because it's like fishing. Right,
Speaker 1: the more times you cast, I know, the odds are
Speaker 1: we're going to catch more, right right, No, it's like
Speaker 1: you got to listen to the guide that takes you
Speaker 1: to the spot the honey hole. He's like, no, we're
Speaker 1: gonna catch fish here. So that's where this is the
Speaker 1: time and the place that I want you to cast
Speaker 1: that listen more speak less. Yeah, that's what Burns is saying.
Speaker 1: Why would you do that? Well, first of all, you're
Speaker 1: giving space for the Holy Spirit to do work. If
Speaker 1: you don't, if you don't have space, if you're not
Speaker 1: opening up that opportunity, then you're gonna fail every time
Speaker 1: with your own words, so open up that space, rewind,
Speaker 1: listen to what Burns just said, and next time you're
Speaker 1: in that situation, you're one on one instead of just
Speaker 1: diving into Hey, we need to talk about this God thing.
Speaker 1: It's been bothering me for four years, ever since you
Speaker 1: told me don't believe of God, and it's really bothered me,
Speaker 1: and I pray every single day and I don't know
Speaker 1: what to do. Like then then you're more worried and
Speaker 1: anxious than they are, and they're like, WHOA, I don't
Speaker 1: need whatever you got. Yeah, I don't want any of that.
Speaker 1: If I've been if this has been bothering you so
Speaker 1: much for four years that you've lost sleep over it,
Speaker 1: I don't want any of that. I like my sleep. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So yeah, you have to you have to live it.
Speaker 1: You're You're absolutely right. You have to live. The Holy
Speaker 1: Spirit has to endwell in you and live in a
Speaker 1: way that reflects the joy that God can bring. Your
Speaker 1: friend already knows they're gonna know, they're gonna see the
Speaker 1: fruits of the spirit and be like, wow, where I
Speaker 1: don't even have to ask where that comes from, because
Speaker 1: I know I know Corey and that this is why
Speaker 1: she believes, and man, I want that. I want to
Speaker 1: believe that, and maybe that leads them to desperately coming
Speaker 1: before God themselves is saying I want what they have. Ken,
Speaker 1: Hey Corey, how do you always seem so confident in
Speaker 1: these kinds of situations? Why are you not worried about
Speaker 1: your kids right now? Why are you? What is the
Speaker 1: source of your hope? That's what That's the question you need.
Speaker 1: That's the question that's gonna open it all up. Hey, Corey,
Speaker 1: were you just what is the source of your hope?
Speaker 1: Because you just seem so collected in this chaotic time,
Speaker 1: and so guess, Corey, guess what's hurts you? Back to
Speaker 1: the first question, going to Facebook and going we're just
Speaker 1: we're doomed. Our society it's all going to hell, and
Speaker 1: our politicians don't know how to run in there once
Speaker 1: against us, and we're gonna lose average churches they're closing
Speaker 1: and we're never gonna God's going away from the schools
Speaker 1: and we're never gonna Like that is gonna hurt you
Speaker 1: because God, I don't want any part of that either me.
Speaker 1: Whatever religion that is on Facebook, I don't want that either.
Speaker 1: And I'm a believer. So let's just get that out there.
Speaker 1: That's not Christianity. So set up the situation where she
Speaker 1: where she it is a she right where she has
Speaker 1: to ask you. What can't you just tell me what's
Speaker 1: going on with you? Because I just I'm inspired by
Speaker 1: your life. Yeah, and speak, You can still speak Jesus.
Speaker 1: You still need to speak the gospel, but there's a
Speaker 1: there's a non preachy way to do it. Yeah. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: And don't go into the situation trying to like manifest
Speaker 1: that conversation because then you're gonna be disappointed when she
Speaker 1: doesn't ask Your expectation can't be well, God, I've done this,
Speaker 1: I've lived this way and she hasn't asked me. Hey,
Speaker 1: he's asking you. He's asking you to be obedient and
Speaker 1: to live a life guided by the Word and the
Speaker 1: Holy Spirit. Like, just do that. The other stuff, man,
Speaker 1: it'll just come. All the conversations, the questions will come
Speaker 1: if you truly do that and you study that book
Speaker 1: long enough to know exactly what that means. And as
Speaker 1: it says in Acts, all and all who were appointed
Speaker 1: to eternal life believed, didn't say everyone, she might not
Speaker 1: be one of them. We hope and we pray that
Speaker 1: she is, but that's not up to us, and it
Speaker 1: doesn't stop us from praying about it and trying to
Speaker 1: activate that. But that's just that's the way it is.
Speaker 1: So it's a good question, Corey. Keep us in touch
Speaker 1: and hopefully we'll be closer to Alabama. Let's do We've
Speaker 1: got time for one more burns, let's do it. Let's
Speaker 1: see outdoors question. Kind of feel relieved just seeing that.
Speaker 1: Hey Grange, my name is Aaron from Kansas. I'm a
Speaker 1: huge outdoorsman. I love deer hunting and fishing, and if
Speaker 1: you're ever looking to do some hunting and fishing in Kansas,
Speaker 1: come on out. But I'm wanting to start recording myself
Speaker 1: and getting footage. Can you recommend a good camera or
Speaker 1: recording device to start with? It might not break the bank.
Speaker 1: Love everything you do. Thanks for being so connected with
Speaker 1: your fans. And I would also love if I could
Speaker 1: just get a shout out, shout out erin what's up brothers?
Speaker 1: Aaron from Kansas man, there's one answer to you, go pro.
Speaker 1: Go pro for outdoor outdoor daytime footage, nighttime or dusk
Speaker 1: or early morning. It's tough and low light, but you're
Speaker 1: gonna want to go go pro. You gotta go pro
Speaker 1: go Burns. Yeah you can't. I mean you use it
Speaker 1: for a mountain biking Yeah right, there's no better camera
Speaker 1: for mountain biking stability on it, the color, the quality,
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, Aaron GoPro with that one. I think we
Speaker 1: could do one more, one more. Okay, this is a
Speaker 1: relative short one. Dear Granger. I've been a fan of
Speaker 1: you for years and you've helped me through a lot.
Speaker 1: Your positivity, positivity helps me wake up. Your videos make
Speaker 1: me laugh, and your music from Grangersmith and Earl Dibblis
Speaker 1: Junior making me smile. Thank you. My question is how
Speaker 1: do you keep so positive through tough times? I call Bernie.
Speaker 1: I called Bernie during tough times helps me stay positive.
Speaker 1: Gratitude he's asking about gratitude. How to cultivate gratitude is
Speaker 1: basically your question, James, and it is. It's work. You
Speaker 1: have to put in work. It's not I don't think
Speaker 1: gratitude has naturally grown in you. You you cultivate it
Speaker 1: and you harvest it like a seed. You're from, your
Speaker 1: worry from He didn't say where he's from. I was
Speaker 1: gonna think if he's from the Midwest. We talk about farming,
Speaker 1: but you have to cultivate it. One way I know
Speaker 1: Bernie and I have talked about this is a gratitude journal.
Speaker 1: It helps tremendously and sometimes when time when things are
Speaker 1: really rough in your life, sometimes you have to aim
Speaker 1: super low to find gratitude. And that's okay because you
Speaker 1: could find it in all situations even if you're aiming low.
Speaker 1: For instance, you could be you could be going through
Speaker 1: you you got kicked out of your house. You didn't
Speaker 1: get to pay your electric bill, and you get get
Speaker 1: kicked out of your house, and you could think, man,
Speaker 1: this is this is terrible. And then you go out
Speaker 1: and you you start your truck and you drive to
Speaker 1: find a new place, and right then you can go,
Speaker 1: thank God for this truck. It's always been here with me.
Speaker 1: This is a good truck. And I'm using that as
Speaker 1: an example of being able to aim low and take
Speaker 1: something that you might not think every day. But you
Speaker 1: have a car that drives and it starts there, you
Speaker 1: have sunshine shining on your shoulders. It's not too cold
Speaker 1: and it's not too hot. That's something to be grateful for.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's not raining today grateful. Maybe it is raining
Speaker 1: and it's been You've been in a drought in California
Speaker 1: and it rains. Grateful, So you could find gratefulness through
Speaker 1: any situation, and it helps to write it down. For me,
Speaker 1: it's the morning. You're a morning got too. I keep
Speaker 1: a journal, and then part of the journal is I'm
Speaker 1: just going to write down three or four things that
Speaker 1: I'm grateful for today. A hot cup of coffee, that's something.
Speaker 1: And practicing that finding finding the little things and being
Speaker 1: grateful for them really helps cultivate that and ultimately leads
Speaker 1: to your question of being positive and a tough time.
Speaker 1: I would say too, and I know you're great at
Speaker 1: this stuff. Surround yourself with positive people, right. Negative people
Speaker 1: will make a negative situation worse, and you're like a chameleon.
Speaker 1: You just become negative around negative people. So pay attention
Speaker 1: to who you're you're surrounding yourself with. Hang around positive people,
Speaker 1: and you're gonna start thinking a lot more positive. It's crazy. Yeah, uh, yeah,
Speaker 1: I got I got some thoughts. But first, what was
Speaker 1: your uh in your gratitude journal this morning? What were
Speaker 1: you grateful for? A hot cup of coffee and the
Speaker 1: fact that you get to hang out with burn today. Yeah,
Speaker 1: effect to hang out with Burns. Lincoln got up early,
Speaker 1: and he's done this the last two mornings. It frustrates
Speaker 1: me because I like to get up before everyone so
Speaker 1: I could like have my quiet time read the Bible.
Speaker 1: And then Lincoln gets up at like five point fifteen
Speaker 1: and I'm like, bro, you have an hour and thirty
Speaker 1: minutes to sleep, why are you up. This is my
Speaker 1: hobby time. Yeah, like get out of here. But then
Speaker 1: then he just comes and cuddles up next to me
Speaker 1: in the chair and they're just like, Okay, I'll write
Speaker 1: it man, my gratitude journal. Okay, that's awesome. So well,
Speaker 1: I think that there there is a mindset there. There's
Speaker 1: a mindset thing here, and like Granger said, I think
Speaker 1: a lot of this is work. There's two ways, just
Speaker 1: like you know down to the science of psychology that
Speaker 1: there's two ways that in most situations that arise that
Speaker 1: our brains go. They either go to curiosity or they
Speaker 1: go to defense. Right, I'm trying to understand this situation
Speaker 1: or I am afraid of this situation, and therefore I'm
Speaker 1: going to go defensive. I think that so in any
Speaker 1: situation in how do you stay positive in a tough situation? Well,
Speaker 1: you have to over time create the mental habit of
Speaker 1: switching to curiosity in any any situation you're in, Hey,
Speaker 1: what what is truly happening here? Not what am I feeling?
Speaker 1: And let my feelings kind of run into anxiety, you know,
Speaker 1: but what is truly happening here? Why? You know, why
Speaker 1: did that person say that? Let me let me ask them,
Speaker 1: Let me let me remain curious, suspend my judgment until
Speaker 1: I have all the details. So the gap in between
Speaker 1: is me trying to figure out, Hey, let's card, why
Speaker 1: did that? Why did that happen? Oh? And and then
Speaker 1: you know, you start to realize that once you start
Speaker 1: to fill in the gaps with the truth and not
Speaker 1: just you're going to go defensive and then you're going
Speaker 1: to start filling in those gaps. And typically when you're
Speaker 1: in defensive mode and you start filling in those gaps,
Speaker 1: they're kind of self preservation. They're they're more judgmental, and
Speaker 1: they don't think the best of the other person. They
Speaker 1: think the worst. So if you're thinking the worst of
Speaker 1: the other person, that just affects your mental state. And
Speaker 1: if you do that continually, continually. Yeah, you're going to
Speaker 1: be in a place where something difficult happens and it
Speaker 1: is everybody else's fault and you've already filled in the
Speaker 1: gaps of why it happened, and you've run into the
Speaker 1: anxiety cesspool. So you're saying more curiosity, less defensive, less defensive,
Speaker 1: less judgment, more curiosity. And I think that that curiosity
Speaker 1: will lead you because that piggybacks on what you're saying.
Speaker 1: I think that there has to be this. You know,
Speaker 1: confidence is rooted in gratitude. Man, I recognize all the
Speaker 1: good things in my life. I realize what I deserved
Speaker 1: and I realize what I got. Okay, at the very
Speaker 1: basic level, I'm confident in those things. I'm secure in
Speaker 1: those things. I'm secure enough in those things that I
Speaker 1: can open my mind to curiosity. Because if you're not
Speaker 1: secure in that, you have to put up walls of defense.
Speaker 1: You have to like be defensive. There's no room for gratitude,
Speaker 1: there's no room for curiosity because you're kind of in
Speaker 1: that mode. So you have to like find that we
Speaker 1: believe that that's in the hope of Jesus, that man,
Speaker 1: this we know where that we were dead in our trespasses.
Speaker 1: We know that you know, by uh through faith in
Speaker 1: grace or sorry uh, by grace through faith that man,
Speaker 1: we've we've been redeemed. And it's almost like every everything
Speaker 1: else kind of becomes secondary to that. If we have
Speaker 1: that to kind of be a baseline. Man, that's so good.
Speaker 1: But I think you have to one take some time
Speaker 1: and just become self aware of like, Okay, whenever I'm
Speaker 1: in a situation, do I go to defense or do
Speaker 1: I go to curiosity and like trying to assume the
Speaker 1: best of the person until I know all the stuff,
Speaker 1: or am I immediately like, well, dude, they just screwed
Speaker 1: me over for no reason and they blah blah. It's like, dude, easy,
Speaker 1: you're there. There's two paths that you're choosing there. So man,
Speaker 1: that is so good, Burns James. That's it. And the
Speaker 1: last thing I could say before we get before we
Speaker 1: end this podcast is more sleep, less screens, less junk food,
Speaker 1: and that'll help your process tremendously. Everything Bernie's saying is
Speaker 1: hard to accomplish if you're you're not getting good sleep,
Speaker 1: you're looking at your phone all day, and you're not
Speaker 1: properly fueled drink water. Do that in there too, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you need to put those things on a shirt. Like
Speaker 1: Granger just summed up every question in this pocket. How
Speaker 1: do you deal with all of these things? Everything about
Speaker 1: everything you just said? Sleep no screens? Awesome, guys, We
Speaker 1: love you, Love you Burns. Thank you so much, dude.
Speaker 1: Thank you guys for having me on. See you next time.
Speaker 1: Ye thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith Podcast. I
Speaker 1: appreciate all of you. Guys. You could help me out
Speaker 1: by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube,
Speaker 1: subscribe to this channel, hit that little like button and
Speaker 1: notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload
Speaker 1: a video. If you have a question for me that
Speaker 1: you like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail
Speaker 1: dot com.