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Speaker 1: Suffering helps you. Suffering is good for you. It's hard

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Speaker 1: to think that when you're in it. You're in the

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Speaker 1: valley right now, you're laying there bleeding out, but it

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Speaker 1: always is good lean into it. Welcome to the podcast.

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Speaker 1: One of my favorite buddies, Bernie back. How many how

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Speaker 1: many of these episodes have you done? I lost count

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Speaker 1: a lot. We'd have a lot, probably fifteen twenty yeah,

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Speaker 1: maybe more. Yeah, it's been a lot of fun. Thanks

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Speaker 1: for having me back. Hopefully they've gotten better as we've

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Speaker 1: gone along. People love you, people love you. We get

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Speaker 1: on here. We answer people's questions. If you have a question,

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Speaker 1: email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. And if you

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Speaker 1: want anyone answering your personal life question, it would be

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Speaker 1: Bernie Calcoat. Know how to answer them because you helped

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Speaker 1: me with all money. Yeah, I know how to answer

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Speaker 1: or I'm willing to answer them now. Whether the advice

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Speaker 1: is something that's beneficial, that's up to you guys. But

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Speaker 1: I was actually thinking of something as I was driving

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Speaker 1: out here today that we always talk about this being,

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Speaker 1: you know, three folks around a campfire, right, that's the

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Speaker 1: third person. Well, what I realized or what I was

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Speaker 1: thinking is that typically when somebody is sitting with you

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Speaker 1: at the campfire, you know that person, and therefore the

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Speaker 1: way that you answer that question might be different based

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Speaker 1: on what you know about them and specifically their emotional,

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Speaker 1: spiritual security and maturity. And so I guess what I

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Speaker 1: was getting at is like, I hope that if you're

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Speaker 1: out there and you're hearing some of these answers, we're

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Speaker 1: speaking to you as if you're at this campfire with

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Speaker 1: us and you are, you know, mature in your spirituality,

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Speaker 1: in your emotional you know, state or whatever. So that

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Speaker 1: if if you hear things that we're saying and they

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Speaker 1: and you take it a little bit defensively, it's almost like, well,

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Speaker 1: you may need to kind of stop and think about

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Speaker 1: and have some awareness of like why why they're just

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Speaker 1: talking to me like they would somebody that can handle

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Speaker 1: hearing just real truth and real advice. Yeah, And it's

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Speaker 1: just perspective. It's not criticism. It's perspective, right, perspective, And

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Speaker 1: like Bernie said, we're not always right and we definitely

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Speaker 1: don't claim to be. And that's not what this podcast.

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Speaker 1: This isn't the podcast of truth or this isn't the

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Speaker 1: you know, the final answer, this is a conversation that

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Speaker 1: hopefully you know we're coming from the from the right heart,

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Speaker 1: and hopefully this this is a conversation that will help

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Speaker 1: you open up to find your own truth. Yep. Absolutely. Now.

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Speaker 1: I have had people email back to this podcast and

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Speaker 1: say things like, hey you I got one yesterday it said, hey,

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Speaker 1: you answered my question. Thank you for the tough love.

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Speaker 1: It's exactly what I needed to hear. That's awesome, and

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Speaker 1: that reassures me like, Okay, good, because sometimes I think,

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Speaker 1: I hope I'm not coming across as mean, yeah, or

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Speaker 1: degrading in any way. That's not our intent. Yeah, And

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Speaker 1: that's what I'm saying is is like you, if you

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Speaker 1: were sitting in a camp, that person would know you,

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Speaker 1: we would know them, and it's like it wouldn't be

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Speaker 1: received that way. And so that's the way we're coming

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Speaker 1: at it, and just the hope that the posture of

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Speaker 1: the listener is like, hey, just chill out, guys, it's

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Speaker 1: all yeah, And Bernie would probably say the same thing

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Speaker 1: as me, but I'm definitely going to say I don't

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Speaker 1: have life figured out. I'm constantly learning, I'm constantly trying

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Speaker 1: to readjust to new situations, and so don't ever think

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Speaker 1: that we're coming across as listen, I got this figured out. Artist,

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Speaker 1: I've been in your shoes because I haven't been in

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Speaker 1: your shoes, that's right. So yeah, let's start with the

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Speaker 1: first question, and I'm everything on this podcast will be

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Speaker 1: off the cuff, random, random questions. We don't have notes

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Speaker 1: sitting in front of us except for this first one.

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Speaker 1: I picked it because it's easier. Okay, it's lighter hearted,

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Speaker 1: so I picked the first one after this. Everything else

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Speaker 1: is who knows? Who knows what's coming? First question is

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Speaker 1: subject line is sweet, simple and straight to the point. Hey,

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Speaker 1: granger and friend, I hope you're having a blessed day

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Speaker 1: so far. My question is what is your favorite hobby

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Speaker 1: or activity to do with your spouse or significant other.

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Speaker 1: My husband and I love your faith podcast and of

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Speaker 1: course your music. Thank you for all you do. Best.

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Speaker 1: Hailey Whaley from Illinois parentheses. No, I'm not a doctor

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Speaker 1: Seus's character. Haley Haley Whaley Walley shout out to ill Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and it's a good question. I'm gonna put this phone

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Speaker 1: on airplane mode because I could hear it through the mic.

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Speaker 1: It's a good question. That I think about a lot,

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Speaker 1: because sometimes I could be I could be guilty of

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Speaker 1: not having very many hobbies. What about you, Oh you

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Speaker 1: got too many? You've got too many hobbies. My wife's

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Speaker 1: like no more So the question specifically is what is

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Speaker 1: your favorite hobby with your spouse? Because I have a

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Speaker 1: lot of hobbies separate from Amber. She has hobbies separate

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Speaker 1: from me. For instance, I love snow skiing. I always have.

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Speaker 1: I'll take a mountain any chance I can get and

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Speaker 1: bring some skis that could be old or new, I

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Speaker 1: don't care. Amber does not like snow skiing. She skis

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Speaker 1: occasionally just because she loves me, but she does not

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Speaker 1: enjoy it one minute. She is terrified about it. So

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Speaker 1: that's an example of a hobby I love, but we

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Speaker 1: don't do it together. Yeah, mine without Leslie would be

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Speaker 1: like downhill mountain biking or mountain biking at any time.

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Speaker 1: It's intense. I mean you are just like holding on

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Speaker 1: and she doesn't really do that. She's like nope, no thanks,

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Speaker 1: I was gonna say, Leslie does that. Yeah, this is

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Speaker 1: like you were saying with snowskin, but one that we

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Speaker 1: would do together consistently. It's funny because I think it's

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Speaker 1: chained here. I don't know about you're at Amber, Like

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Speaker 1: it kind of changes over the years. When Leslie and

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Speaker 1: I first got married, she was horrible at tennis, and

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Speaker 1: I grew up playing tennis and played it and you know, competitively,

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Speaker 1: and so I've played a lot of tennis in my life.

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Speaker 1: I learned really quickly, Hey, this may not be something

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Speaker 1: we do together. Yeah, yeah, because she would get frustrated

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Speaker 1: every time we went and played. But recently she's like

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Speaker 1: been into some lessons and like really liking it. So

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Speaker 1: I think that's something if we're gonna do like a

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Speaker 1: active kind of date night, hobby, date night things like yeah,

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Speaker 1: let's just get a babysitter and go play some tennis. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's awesome. Amber. It's kind of opposite for us. Amber

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Speaker 1: is really good at tennis and she did it in

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Speaker 1: high school and I didn't. Maybe I should learn, Maybe

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Speaker 1: I should get lessons from you and learn. So what

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Speaker 1: about like raquetball? Does that ever come into play? No? No,

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Speaker 1: some folks have started asking us to play pickle ball.

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Speaker 1: Have you played that? Yeah? Yeah, it's actually really fun.

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Speaker 1: Yeah it is fun, But no, racquetball never. I don't

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Speaker 1: know the rules. I just never did it. It's I

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Speaker 1: think unanimously. What I could say is if you said,

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Speaker 1: what do you and Amber want to do? Like, if

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Speaker 1: you could do anything, what are you going to do?

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Speaker 1: It might sound stupid, but go out to eat one

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Speaker 1: on one, no kids? Yeah, maybe go catch a movie

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Speaker 1: that would be That would be something we'd both be

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Speaker 1: on board right now. Yeah, is no kids a hobby

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Speaker 1: because I think I think we would do anything with

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Speaker 1: no kid, just the two of us, Like you're saying, yeah,

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Speaker 1: both of us, Both me and you have busy schedules.

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Speaker 1: You you have multiple jobs, you and Leslie works some

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Speaker 1: of those with you, are all of im with you.

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Speaker 1: It's some capacity. Plus we have kids, plus the kids' activities,

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Speaker 1: and it doesn't leave very much room for what's you

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Speaker 1: and your wife's hobby. Separate So maybe we'll figure that

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Speaker 1: out more. But right now we enjoy a lot of things.

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Speaker 1: We tour. She loves to go on tour with me.

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Speaker 1: But if you're going to say, right now, it would

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Speaker 1: be time away from kids. That's my favorite hobby. Good

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Speaker 1: season of life, the season of life. Okay, we're out

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Speaker 1: into the weeds now, this is now. I have no

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Speaker 1: idea what's about to come up? I could you want

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Speaker 1: me to read a couple or you want me to

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Speaker 1: just hit the Let me hit the top one and

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Speaker 1: then I'll read a couple of these titles to you.

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Speaker 1: This one is called relationship Advice. Hey Grangeery, my ex

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Speaker 1: boyfriend and I had an amazing relationship. It lasted about

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Speaker 1: seven years, sixteen to twenty three years old. Throughout the years,

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Speaker 1: we had our ups and downs, but it was a

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Speaker 1: relationship that I personally found quote perfect. Our love was mutual.

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Speaker 1: But a few months ago, he broke up with me

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Speaker 1: and said that he wanted to focus on himself. Even

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Speaker 1: though we both pushed each other throughout the relationship, he

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Speaker 1: no longer wants to fight for the relationship, and I

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Speaker 1: feel like it's unreal. The saddest part is we had

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Speaker 1: plans of finally getting married after I finished school and

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Speaker 1: I only had one year left. I feel completely devastated

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Speaker 1: and heartbroken. I don't know how to take this situation

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Speaker 1: because it's something I never expected to happen. Because the

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Speaker 1: day before he broke up with me, he made me

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Speaker 1: feel like the luckiest girl on earth. I don't have

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Speaker 1: a name, and I don't have a place. So this

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Speaker 1: is anonymous. Do you have a specific question in there? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: let me let me see. There was no question marks,

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Speaker 1: so there's I think this is just a confusion on

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Speaker 1: a breakup. And the first thing I could say to

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Speaker 1: anonymous here is that you this story is not uncommon.

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Speaker 1: This is a human story. This has been going on

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Speaker 1: since the beginning of time. You think one side thinks

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Speaker 1: it's going great, and they're led on by the other

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Speaker 1: side that it is great, and then the other side

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Speaker 1: cuts it off cold turkey. You're left confused, devastated, heartbroken,

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Speaker 1: and you don't know what to do. I don't know

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Speaker 1: what she means. By the day before he broke up

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Speaker 1: with me, he made me feel like the luckiest girl.

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Speaker 1: I don't know exactly what that means. But she is

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Speaker 1: twenty three years old apparently, which is great. The reason

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Speaker 1: I say that it's because you're not forty eight, right,

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Speaker 1: it's not good. Right, this is great. You're twenty three

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Speaker 1: and you have so much ahead of you. So the

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Speaker 1: first thing I want to do is just validate your heartbrokenness.

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Speaker 1: That sounds that sounds terrible. You know, you were you

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Speaker 1: were let on. I'm not going to say that his

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Speaker 1: love wasn't real. But love is a decision. It's not

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Speaker 1: it's not some cosmic alignment in the stars. It's a decision,

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Speaker 1: and he decided not to love you anymore. Yeah, that's

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Speaker 1: that doesn't make you feel better? Yeah yeah I would.

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Speaker 1: I would echo that just empathy that man, that that's tough.

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Speaker 1: You put yourself out there. We all kind of know

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Speaker 1: what it's like in some capacity to put yourself out

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Speaker 1: there and kind of be put your trust out there

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Speaker 1: and be broken, you know, your heart be broken in

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Speaker 1: some way. You know. If we started to kind of

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Speaker 1: classify these podcast questions into these little, you know, barrels

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Speaker 1: like we've talked about, like, hey is this how would

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Speaker 1: this be answered? I think communication could be a big

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Speaker 1: one to help resolve some of this, if the X

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Speaker 1: would be willing to just kind of have some follow

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Speaker 1: up conversations like I'm really trying to understand here, what where?

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Speaker 1: When did the disconnect happen? Because I guarantee you it

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Speaker 1: didn't happen just one day. If he made you feel

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Speaker 1: like the most special girl in the world the day before,

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Speaker 1: there was something something going on and he was kind

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Speaker 1: of putting on that front and so get back to

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Speaker 1: like where did we go? Because if there's no reconciliation possible,

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Speaker 1: at least you'll be able to learn from it. At

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Speaker 1: least you'll be able to learn like, okay, either the

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Speaker 1: person that I look for next. You know, I need

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Speaker 1: to be aware of these things. I need to have

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Speaker 1: these boundaries. I need to treat them this way, Like

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Speaker 1: what what can you learn about yourself from that situation?

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Speaker 1: What can you learn about your future? You know, companion

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Speaker 1: or mate moving forward? That's so right. You're you're going

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Speaker 1: to be better for this, anonymous, No matter what, You're

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Speaker 1: going to be better from this pain and this could

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Speaker 1: lead This is any kind of suffering. People always want

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Speaker 1: to be so quick to say, if there's a god,

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Speaker 1: why does he allow suffering? And that question comes in

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Speaker 1: so many forms and as a result of so many

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Speaker 1: things in life. And then my question back to you

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Speaker 1: is how could you not think that suffering would make

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Speaker 1: you better? And they would say, no, suffering's bad, Suffering

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Speaker 1: is always bad and it always makes me worse, And

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Speaker 1: I say not, According to anything humans have ever done

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Speaker 1: in the history of humans. We make sports. For instance,

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Speaker 1: we make football. What makes football exciting and fun and addictive?

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Speaker 1: The adversity, the suffering. No one starts a season and goes, well,

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Speaker 1: we won the super Bowl. Why'd you win the super Bowl? Well,

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Speaker 1: we just won all the games. We didn't play them,

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Speaker 1: but we just got a w in for all the

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Speaker 1: games until we got the super Bowl trophy. Boring the

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Speaker 1: good think of any good Super Bowl or World Series,

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Speaker 1: which is going on right now. The World Series is

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Speaker 1: always better when it's it's the seventh game. It's been

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Speaker 1: a battle, there's injuries on both sides. Both teams have

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Speaker 1: overcome adversity all year. They've they've climbed these hurdles and

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Speaker 1: they've made it past them. And here they are and

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Speaker 1: it's not only the seventh game, but it's the ninth inning.

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Speaker 1: It's tied, it's the batter's up and he's got two

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Speaker 1: strikes on them, the bases are loaded. It's that's always

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Speaker 1: the better scenario is when they're suffering or adversity involved,

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Speaker 1: and then when you win that World Series, it's much

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Speaker 1: sweeter than if you've just swept them for to nothing. Right,

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Speaker 1: four games and nothing, No, you're absolutely right. And the

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Speaker 1: even deeper level of that is those guys that are

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Speaker 1: on the field playing those professional athletes. How did they

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Speaker 1: get as strong as they are? They their muscles were

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Speaker 1: torn in order for them to get stronger, Right like that,

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Speaker 1: that stuff has to happen for growth. And if you

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Speaker 1: view it that way and you keep your mindset on that, Anonymous,

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Speaker 1: I think you're going to be better for it moving forward.

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Speaker 1: I think you could get some clarity from the dude

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Speaker 1: if he'd be willing to. But if not, just focus forward.

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Speaker 1: You know, Yeah, have you ever cried in a movie

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Speaker 1: or watching a movie here? Have you ever cried at

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Speaker 1: the end? Well, if the answer is yes, Anonymous, the

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Speaker 1: reason you cried is because you saw the character go

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Speaker 1: through pain and turmoil and win in the end, they

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Speaker 1: overcame it and they won. Every movie, every single movie

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Speaker 1: that's good, always has a bad guy or a bad

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Speaker 1: situation always, and then when they defeat it or overcome

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Speaker 1: it or climb that mountain, they you cry because you

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Speaker 1: love you love this story, and you know what it takes.

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Speaker 1: Suffering helps you. Suffering is good for you. It's hard

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Speaker 1: to think that when you're in it. You're in the

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Speaker 1: you're in the valley right now, you're laying there bleeding out,

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Speaker 1: You're you're on the beach of Normandy and you're bleeding

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Speaker 1: out right now, and it's you think, how could this

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Speaker 1: be good? But it always is good. Lean into it.

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Speaker 1: You're going to be better, You're going to learn more,

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Speaker 1: You're going to be better because of this person. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And one last thing to book in that, like try

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Speaker 1: I mean, this is just advice, you know, take it

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Speaker 1: or leave it. Don't date the next person for seven years, Like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: go into it with intention that, Hey, I am dating

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Speaker 1: someone to try my best and discern if they are

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Speaker 1: the one for me for the rest of my life.

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Speaker 1: And the minute that you get there, communicate that to them.

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Speaker 1: Put yourself out there, continue to trust. Don't let this

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Speaker 1: be something that scars you from trusting people in the future.

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Speaker 1: Find that person and I bet if they are, they're

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Speaker 1: going to trust you back. And don't just kind of

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Speaker 1: let it linger without that that commitment for seven years.

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Speaker 1: That's a long time. Good. One more thing to the

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Speaker 1: one more thing. Don't don't go back to this guy

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Speaker 1: and and he's you guys will probably have another fling.

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Speaker 1: Don't resist that, resist that fling, and don't don't go back.

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Speaker 1: Don't start texting him two weeks from now, and just say,

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Speaker 1: I still don't understand. Can you just tell me what happened?

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Speaker 1: Can you just please explain? Just don't yep, don't block

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Speaker 1: him in your phone if you have to. But it's

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Speaker 1: not good. He made a decision to leave you, so

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Speaker 1: let it go. It's nothing. Nothing is good by trying

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Speaker 1: to get one more explanation out of him, or trying

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Speaker 1: to figure out or when he calls and says could

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Speaker 1: we go? And could we could I take you to dinner?

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Speaker 1: You need to think hard about that because this dude

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Speaker 1: left you. Yep, when you're most vulnerable. Yeah, let's let's

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Speaker 1: do another question here. This is here's I saw this

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Speaker 1: came came in on Wednesday and it's very very short

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Speaker 1: and there's not a question. But I thought it was interesting,

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Speaker 1: so I pulled it in here. It says, hey Grangeer,

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Speaker 1: my name is Ida. I'm from Arizona. I love your

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Speaker 1: family and your faith and your music and everything it

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Speaker 1: stands for. That's the end of the email, but the

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Speaker 1: subject line says concerned about my future? What do you think?

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Speaker 1: What do you think? Things about? You think? They hit

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Speaker 1: send too early and then they're like, dangn I can't

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Speaker 1: email again. Well, concerned about my future. And then it's

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Speaker 1: just I think. And the reason I think it might

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Speaker 1: be interesting to talk about it is because I think

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Speaker 1: there's a lot of people concerned about their future in

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Speaker 1: the world right now and they don't even know why. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: they can't even explain why or how they feel like this,

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Speaker 1: And that email almost says that, It almost says, I

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Speaker 1: don't have anything else to write, specifically, worried because let's

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Speaker 1: fill in the blanks, because the media makes me nervous,

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Speaker 1: because Instagram makes me nervous. I see things on Facebook

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Speaker 1: every day and I'm concerned. Maybe you have kids, maybe

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Speaker 1: you don't, but everyone's talking about how public schools are

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Speaker 1: going down the gutter. Well maybe you have a parent

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Speaker 1: that that's sick right now and you're concerned. But but

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Speaker 1: this is the world we live in, concerned about the future, worries,

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Speaker 1: all kinds of worries all over man. And it's not new,

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Speaker 1: I mean, right, no, no, no, no, man, there is

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Speaker 1: I saw John Maxwell speak a couple of weeks ago,

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Speaker 1: and he was at a conference, and I was I

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Speaker 1: was blown away by by him speaking courage into people

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Speaker 1: and speaking fear away from people, especially Christians. He brought

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Speaker 1: up the fact that why do we see Christians nowadays

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Speaker 1: as one of the most worried groups of people on

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Speaker 1: the planet. Why are they not any more confident in

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Speaker 1: their life than any other person. It's strange. We're not

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Speaker 1: supposed to be fearful. We're not supposed to be to

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Speaker 1: dwell and worry. I know that we could worry and fear,

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Speaker 1: but we're not supposed to dwell on it and be

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Speaker 1: lost in it and voice it on Facebook like we're

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Speaker 1: in such trouble and we don't know what to do.

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Speaker 1: Aren't we supposed to be the ones that are confident

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Speaker 1: about this? Well? I agreed, But let me ask you this.

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Speaker 1: What if you were in the army and you were

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Speaker 1: about to go into battle. You were in battle, you're

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Speaker 1: I mean, you're about to jump out the helicopter, but

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Speaker 1: you don't have any weapons. You have not been trained properly.

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Speaker 1: You haven't been given a map that shows you where

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Speaker 1: you're supposed to be. Okay, are you all ware? Is

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Speaker 1: that where we are now? If we're speaking generally about

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Speaker 1: Christians in the West, I think that's where we are.

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Speaker 1: Don't we have a map? Though? Oh? We do? But

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Speaker 1: I think I hear you. I think that there's a

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Speaker 1: lot that have not been trained, they haven't taken up

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Speaker 1: the weapons, but for some reason they feel like I

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Speaker 1: should still get on this helicopter and go. It's like, well, hey, guys,

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Speaker 1: I don't think you understand the battle that you're getting

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Speaker 1: into here. Yeah, you're gonna get destroyed and you're gonna worry,

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Speaker 1: and you're gonna basically take a bunch of people down

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Speaker 1: with you. I don't know, just a thought, man. Let

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Speaker 1: me read something John Maxwell said, and I just I

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Speaker 1: was blown away by this. And if anyone sees me

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Speaker 1: on my phone or Bernie on his phone, I'm not

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Speaker 1: scrolling Twitter right now. It's relevant. I'm either looking at

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Speaker 1: the question or look at thinking about something relevant here.

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Speaker 1: But this is C. S. Lewis and he wrote he

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Speaker 1: wrote an article called how are We to Live in

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Speaker 1: an Atomic Age? And what John Maxwell said at the

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Speaker 1: conference was every time you hear atomic age or atomic bomb,

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Speaker 1: I want you to replace it with virus or COVID.

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Speaker 1: And then whoever wrote this email, whatever's going on in

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Speaker 1: your life. If that's not what you're talking about, you

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Speaker 1: could replace it with whatever you're going through. And so

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Speaker 1: think about it this way, Remember to replace atomic with

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Speaker 1: covid or virus or whatever you're going through. How are

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Speaker 1: we to live in atomic age? I am tempted to reply, why,

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Speaker 1: as you would have lived in the sixteenth century when

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Speaker 1: the plague visited London almost every year, or as you

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Speaker 1: would have lived in a Viking age, when raiders from

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Speaker 1: Scandinavia might land and cut your throat any night, Or indeed,

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Speaker 1: as you are already living in an age of cancer,

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Speaker 1: an age of syphilis, an age of paralysis, an age

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Speaker 1: of air raids, an age of railway at railway accidents,

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Speaker 1: an age of motor accidents. In other words, do not

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Speaker 1: let us begin by exaggerating the novelty of our situation.

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Speaker 1: Believe me, dear Sir of Madam, you and all you

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Speaker 1: who you love already are already sentenced to death before

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Speaker 1: the atomic bomb was invented, or before covid was invented,

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Speaker 1: and quite a high percentage of us we're going to

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Speaker 1: die in unpleasant ways. We had indeed one very great

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Speaker 1: advantage over our ancestors, but we have everything still that

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Speaker 1: we need. It is perfectly ridiculous to go about whimpering

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Speaker 1: and drawing long faces because the scientists have added one

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Speaker 1: more chance of painful and premature death to a world

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Speaker 1: which already bristled with such chances, and in which death

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Speaker 1: itself was not a chance at all, but a certainty.

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Speaker 1: He goes on to say, and I could read this,

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Speaker 1: But he goes on to say, so what are we

399
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Speaker 1: to do if we're all going to be destroyed by

400
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Speaker 1: an atomic bomb? Let the bomb come find us doing

401
00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:16,959
Speaker 1: sensible and human things like praying, working, teaching, reading, listening

402
00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:20,640
Speaker 1: to music, bathing the children playing tennis. Literally says that

403
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Speaker 1: chatting to our friends over a pint and a game

404
00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:27,399
Speaker 1: of darts, not huddled together like frightened sheep and thinking

405
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Speaker 1: about bombs. They may break our bodies. A microbe can

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Speaker 1: do that, but they need not dominate our minds. Nineteen

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Speaker 1: forty eight. Oh that's so good, So to piggyback on

408
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Speaker 1: what he's saying. Philippian, So what was this girl's name?

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Speaker 1: Do we have her name? No? Nothing? Okay, So if

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Speaker 1: you wrote that, or even if you did it, go

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Speaker 1: read Philippians four four through nine. So it starts with

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Speaker 1: rejoice and a gainsay rejoice, but then it goes into

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Speaker 1: I mean and this is written by Paul who's being

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Speaker 1: he's imprisoned, and this dude is in I promise you

415
00:25:06,359 --> 00:25:08,919
Speaker 1: a worse situation than you're in. I can't say that

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Speaker 1: for sure, for sure, but yeah, the odds are he

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Speaker 1: was in a much worse position. If you are in

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Speaker 1: a worse position, then that means you've been You've received

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00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:24,760
Speaker 1: the forty lashings countless times, you've been beaten, stoned, broken, imprisoned,

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00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:31,480
Speaker 1: countless times, starved, almost drowned, shipwrecked. Yeah, so if that's

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00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:34,359
Speaker 1: happened to you, sorry about that. You probably don't have

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00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:38,320
Speaker 1: a way to send an email a granger. But but

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Speaker 1: the point is is that even in that he's speaking

424
00:25:43,880 --> 00:25:48,120
Speaker 1: to these people saying, hey, don't don't be anxious, like

425
00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:55,520
Speaker 1: instead pray with thanksgiving, right, and this piece well that

426
00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:57,760
Speaker 1: surpassed the understanding will cover your heart and your mind.

427
00:25:57,880 --> 00:26:01,600
Speaker 1: And then he goes on to say, finally these things.

428
00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:05,240
Speaker 1: Think on these things. What's true, what's pure, what's lovely,

429
00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:11,480
Speaker 1: has excellence? He lists all these things. Think about these things.

430
00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:14,280
Speaker 1: So what C. S. Lewis is saying, Hey, they can

431
00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:16,320
Speaker 1: take all this stuff, but they can't take our minds.

432
00:26:16,359 --> 00:26:20,520
Speaker 1: Like think, we think on these things and then we

433
00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:23,399
Speaker 1: practice The last part of that is he says, what

434
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:25,879
Speaker 1: you've seen and heard from me, practice this in the

435
00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:29,760
Speaker 1: God of peace will be with you. I think that that,

436
00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:34,280
Speaker 1: between that and Philippians, that's I think that's maybe the

437
00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:36,640
Speaker 1: answer to this question. Yeah. And C. S. Lewis got

438
00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:41,359
Speaker 1: his inspiration from Philippians. Yeah, you know, so, Paul was first.

439
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:45,080
Speaker 1: I love how he says, in other words, do not

440
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:48,959
Speaker 1: let us begin by exaggerating the novelty of our situation?

441
00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:53,520
Speaker 1: How crazy we do? Yeah? Oh, there's never been this bad, never,

442
00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:59,000
Speaker 1: We've never been this divided, We've never been this sick. Yeah,

443
00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:02,400
Speaker 1: we've never had leadership this bad. We never had an

444
00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:06,000
Speaker 1: election this good or this bad. Why do you why

445
00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:07,199
Speaker 1: do you think we do? Why do you think we

446
00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:12,200
Speaker 1: do that? We love to exaggerate the novelty of our situation,

447
00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:15,800
Speaker 1: and not just now, but like every every situation, we

448
00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:18,680
Speaker 1: want to exaggerate the novelty of it to make it

449
00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:21,040
Speaker 1: is it about us? Like we make it seem like

450
00:27:21,119 --> 00:27:24,680
Speaker 1: a bigger deal than it is. It's it's our arrogance

451
00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:27,000
Speaker 1: as humans that we've always thought that in CS. Lewis

452
00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:29,720
Speaker 1: goes on to say, believe me, sir or madam, you

453
00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:32,960
Speaker 1: and all whom you love were already sentenced to death

454
00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:40,600
Speaker 1: before the atomic bomb was invented. Yeah, yeah, so I

455
00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:42,879
Speaker 1: think you don't have to be a Christian to believe that. Yeah,

456
00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:45,440
Speaker 1: we have a humans have one hundred per death rate,

457
00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:59,560
Speaker 1: that's true. Let's Take a Break podcast has brought to

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Speaker 1: email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Got Bernie Caalcote

572
00:34:25,239 --> 00:34:28,600
Speaker 1: is my guest today, long time guest of the podcast.

573
00:34:29,160 --> 00:34:32,919
Speaker 1: Thank you guys for making this podcast always very high

574
00:34:32,920 --> 00:34:36,520
Speaker 1: on the chart on all music podcasts. Yeah, make sure

575
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Speaker 1: you guys go review it and give it the rating

576
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Speaker 1: and stuff. Yeah, it helps Grange get it up in

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Speaker 1: the charts and it helps just world domination, takeover for

578
00:34:47,280 --> 00:34:53,440
Speaker 1: a podcast happen. So let's go all right. Marriage after baby, Okay,

579
00:34:53,480 --> 00:34:56,759
Speaker 1: we both know. We both know that my husband and

580
00:34:56,800 --> 00:35:00,200
Speaker 1: I have had an almost one year old little boy.

581
00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:02,520
Speaker 1: He's the greatest baby, but I feel like our marriage

582
00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:05,120
Speaker 1: is struggling since his birth. A lot of times I

583
00:35:05,120 --> 00:35:08,040
Speaker 1: feel like I'm carrying the workload with our son and

584
00:35:08,080 --> 00:35:10,520
Speaker 1: the house on top of having a full time job.

585
00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:14,000
Speaker 1: My husband has a very demanding job also, and when

586
00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:16,000
Speaker 1: he's home, he mostly wants to sit on the couch

587
00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:20,040
Speaker 1: and watch TV. While I understand the need to decompress.

588
00:35:20,400 --> 00:35:23,720
Speaker 1: I feel like we don't spend any quality time together

589
00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:26,320
Speaker 1: talking or doing things together, and when I try to

590
00:35:26,360 --> 00:35:29,520
Speaker 1: explain how I'm feeling, it comes off as na nagging.

591
00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:33,440
Speaker 1: How do I get back to us after becoming parents?

592
00:35:33,480 --> 00:35:35,920
Speaker 1: Thanks for your podcast and being a sounding board for

593
00:35:35,960 --> 00:35:38,600
Speaker 1: so many people. I appreciate you and your guest ability

594
00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:41,800
Speaker 1: to look through a lens of faith and share solid advice. Lindsey,

595
00:35:43,120 --> 00:35:49,520
Speaker 1: thanks for sharing, Lindsay. This is not an uncommon nope situation.

596
00:35:49,719 --> 00:35:52,399
Speaker 1: There's people that didn't write this that are thinking, oh,

597
00:35:52,480 --> 00:35:56,480
Speaker 1: Lindsay just wrote my story. So thank you, Lindsey. Thank

598
00:35:56,520 --> 00:36:00,319
Speaker 1: you for bringing up something that's very common, and this

599
00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:06,080
Speaker 1: is let's let's uh, let's decide, let's kind of get

600
00:36:06,080 --> 00:36:11,040
Speaker 1: in and and knock this around a little bit. Uh,

601
00:36:11,080 --> 00:36:13,160
Speaker 1: Where do I don't know where to start? Where do

602
00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:17,800
Speaker 1: you want to start? I feel like the question could

603
00:36:17,800 --> 00:36:21,160
Speaker 1: be pretty simple to answer. I feel like it's a

604
00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:23,719
Speaker 1: communication thing. I feel like I feel like we may

605
00:36:23,719 --> 00:36:28,120
Speaker 1: have hit this before. Like you, you're coming from a

606
00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:30,760
Speaker 1: genuine perspective. You don't want to be the nagging wife,

607
00:36:31,160 --> 00:36:35,160
Speaker 1: but you're you're sensing this like overload, which is valid.

608
00:36:35,280 --> 00:36:38,880
Speaker 1: It is a lot. Kids are exhausting and and life

609
00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:40,480
Speaker 1: and all the stuff. So we feel you on that.

610
00:36:41,600 --> 00:36:47,160
Speaker 1: But I think you know, just having some really open,

611
00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:53,600
Speaker 1: honest communication with your husband about him asking does he

612
00:36:53,760 --> 00:36:56,880
Speaker 1: feel pressure from you to provide a certain level of

613
00:36:56,920 --> 00:37:01,719
Speaker 1: life where his work has to be that demanding. Yeah.

614
00:37:02,200 --> 00:37:05,239
Speaker 1: I think it's these responsibilities that we do stack up

615
00:37:05,280 --> 00:37:08,759
Speaker 1: on top of each other. It's just our culture to

616
00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:10,560
Speaker 1: be busy and to like stack up as much as

617
00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:13,800
Speaker 1: we can. And then in the very slim margins, we

618
00:37:13,960 --> 00:37:18,400
Speaker 1: leave the most important things our relationships with our spouses

619
00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:23,279
Speaker 1: and our kids. But I would suggest, like own that

620
00:37:23,440 --> 00:37:26,600
Speaker 1: for yourself and just be humble with your husband, like, Hey,

621
00:37:27,239 --> 00:37:29,040
Speaker 1: I don't feel like I'm doing a good job. I

622
00:37:29,040 --> 00:37:31,120
Speaker 1: feel like I don't have margin to really give you

623
00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:34,240
Speaker 1: the best side of me. I feel like you're getting

624
00:37:34,239 --> 00:37:36,160
Speaker 1: the worst of me, and I don't want that. I

625
00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:38,040
Speaker 1: want to give you the best of me. Are there

626
00:37:38,080 --> 00:37:39,719
Speaker 1: things in our lives that we need to change and

627
00:37:39,760 --> 00:37:43,280
Speaker 1: maybe go without so that we can just be happier

628
00:37:43,320 --> 00:37:46,799
Speaker 1: together and serve each other more? And I don't know, right,

629
00:37:47,160 --> 00:37:51,800
Speaker 1: So let me talk about go without, because one of

630
00:37:51,840 --> 00:37:55,920
Speaker 1: the thoughts I had was could you go without something

631
00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:59,959
Speaker 1: in your life financially in order to open up either

632
00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:04,279
Speaker 1: some time for you, So maybe you either you cut

633
00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:07,640
Speaker 1: back your hours or he cuts back his hours. You'll

634
00:38:07,640 --> 00:38:10,560
Speaker 1: have less money, but you'll have that more quality time.

635
00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:15,480
Speaker 1: Or do you go without in order to free up

636
00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:19,600
Speaker 1: some money to hire some help at the house, maybe

637
00:38:19,640 --> 00:38:21,759
Speaker 1: someone that can come in and do some of the

638
00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:25,080
Speaker 1: demanding housework, help you with some of these things that

639
00:38:25,120 --> 00:38:28,680
Speaker 1: are that are hurting you. But either way, you're gonna

640
00:38:28,680 --> 00:38:32,680
Speaker 1: have to go without an income of some level, which

641
00:38:32,719 --> 00:38:35,960
Speaker 1: is a great sacrifice. So sometimes we have to look

642
00:38:35,960 --> 00:38:38,200
Speaker 1: at our lives and go, what do I need what

643
00:38:38,280 --> 00:38:41,560
Speaker 1: do I need to survive? And what am I just

644
00:38:42,120 --> 00:38:45,319
Speaker 1: what kind of money am I just spending on meaningless things?

645
00:38:45,880 --> 00:38:48,640
Speaker 1: And if I cut out that meaningless spending and I

646
00:38:48,719 --> 00:38:51,560
Speaker 1: freed up this amount of money, money equals time and

647
00:38:51,600 --> 00:38:55,480
Speaker 1: time equals quality time with your family. So there's that.

648
00:38:55,640 --> 00:39:00,400
Speaker 1: There's that. That's just a practical idea. And then another

649
00:39:00,480 --> 00:39:07,120
Speaker 1: idea is are are you making your baby more important

650
00:39:07,160 --> 00:39:11,160
Speaker 1: than your husband? Just a question because sometimes we could

651
00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:14,520
Speaker 1: we sometimes in life we make our priorities where the

652
00:39:14,520 --> 00:39:17,800
Speaker 1: baby is on top of the spouse and are the

653
00:39:17,880 --> 00:39:21,239
Speaker 1: kids in general? And it's just we're not made We're

654
00:39:21,239 --> 00:39:24,160
Speaker 1: not set up that way. We're set up to to,

655
00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:30,319
Speaker 1: you know, God, first, spouse above the family, and your

656
00:39:30,400 --> 00:39:32,640
Speaker 1: husband needs to look at you that way, and you

657
00:39:32,680 --> 00:39:34,640
Speaker 1: need to look at your husband that way. Where they

658
00:39:34,640 --> 00:39:38,480
Speaker 1: are first, kids second. It's like the airplane when you

659
00:39:38,719 --> 00:39:41,719
Speaker 1: when the oxygen masks fall out, you put yours on

660
00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:46,560
Speaker 1: first kid second, because you have to function first in

661
00:39:46,680 --> 00:39:48,800
Speaker 1: order to take care of the kids. If you're dysfunctional,

662
00:39:49,200 --> 00:39:52,480
Speaker 1: you're not going to properly parent the kids anyway. So

663
00:39:52,560 --> 00:39:55,400
Speaker 1: take care of your spouse first. Are you doing that question?

664
00:39:56,239 --> 00:39:59,600
Speaker 1: My voice is getting loud, but I'm not mad, Lindsay,

665
00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:03,560
Speaker 1: I'm not mad. I'm just I'm just I'm offering these suggestions.

666
00:40:03,600 --> 00:40:07,640
Speaker 1: Are you putting your baby above your husband? Is your

667
00:40:07,719 --> 00:40:12,880
Speaker 1: husband putting the baby above you? And then lastly, not lastly,

668
00:40:12,960 --> 00:40:17,040
Speaker 1: but next, how are you approaching your husband when he's

669
00:40:17,040 --> 00:40:18,920
Speaker 1: on the couch. Me and you have been We've done

670
00:40:18,960 --> 00:40:25,120
Speaker 1: this on the podcast before. Are you coming in and saying, babe, seriously,

671
00:40:25,360 --> 00:40:28,040
Speaker 1: you're seriously gonna watch TV right now when you see

672
00:40:28,080 --> 00:40:30,239
Speaker 1: how much work I'm doing And I'm yeah, I got

673
00:40:30,320 --> 00:40:32,359
Speaker 1: so much to do and I have a full time job,

674
00:40:32,400 --> 00:40:35,040
Speaker 1: and you you're seriously gonna is that what you're doing,

675
00:40:35,239 --> 00:40:39,920
Speaker 1: because that's gonna get nowhere. Mm hmm, it's gonna get nowhere.

676
00:40:40,080 --> 00:40:43,840
Speaker 1: What well, he laughs, because Leslie's literally done that to

677
00:40:43,920 --> 00:40:47,319
Speaker 1: me when I'm watching TV. But so to speak your

678
00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:50,440
Speaker 1: head in and let's say seriously, and I know everything

679
00:40:50,480 --> 00:40:54,200
Speaker 1: that she's thinking from that seriously, but the same thing,

680
00:40:54,239 --> 00:40:57,000
Speaker 1: I'm not saying it's wrong of Lindsay to do it right.

681
00:40:57,120 --> 00:41:01,759
Speaker 1: This is not is not the most productive way to

682
00:41:01,960 --> 00:41:04,879
Speaker 1: like have the conversation. I get the frustration with her too,

683
00:41:05,239 --> 00:41:08,120
Speaker 1: but we're both in that place and that's why, Hey, Lindsay,

684
00:41:08,200 --> 00:41:11,920
Speaker 1: we feel you like on both sides of this. It's like, man,

685
00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:15,560
Speaker 1: I'm just so tired. Really, I've given everything today and

686
00:41:15,600 --> 00:41:18,759
Speaker 1: you've given everything, but yet the dishes still got to

687
00:41:18,800 --> 00:41:20,760
Speaker 1: get done and the kids got to get a bath,

688
00:41:20,840 --> 00:41:25,279
Speaker 1: and so somebody's gotta you know, So let me just say,

689
00:41:26,800 --> 00:41:28,480
Speaker 1: let me give you a little ray of hope. Lindsay,

690
00:41:28,600 --> 00:41:31,160
Speaker 1: you have an almost one year old. That's just you're

691
00:41:31,200 --> 00:41:33,480
Speaker 1: in the trenches right now. Yeah, because I'm there too,

692
00:41:33,480 --> 00:41:36,359
Speaker 1: I understand the baby thing. You're in the trenches. It

693
00:41:36,440 --> 00:41:39,680
Speaker 1: definitely gets better as long as you don't fill your

694
00:41:39,719 --> 00:41:41,719
Speaker 1: kids up with a million sports. They got to be

695
00:41:41,719 --> 00:41:44,680
Speaker 1: playing every single night of the week. I don't recommend

696
00:41:44,719 --> 00:41:46,920
Speaker 1: doing that either. I don't we do that currently, and

697
00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:48,839
Speaker 1: it's the worst. Don't do it. I hear so many

698
00:41:48,880 --> 00:41:52,160
Speaker 1: horror stories. But it gets so much better because they

699
00:41:52,200 --> 00:41:55,640
Speaker 1: get more independent. Like my kids now. And I tell

700
00:41:55,719 --> 00:41:58,200
Speaker 1: Ambery this, we do not do dishes in this house,

701
00:41:58,239 --> 00:42:02,680
Speaker 1: ambern I that is the kids, and I put them

702
00:42:02,719 --> 00:42:06,359
Speaker 1: to work, and I don't care if they complain about it.

703
00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:09,640
Speaker 1: When I first ask them, then that's five minutes earlier.

704
00:42:09,640 --> 00:42:11,040
Speaker 1: They got to go to bed. And then I'll add

705
00:42:11,040 --> 00:42:13,399
Speaker 1: another five minutes. So it's a it's a deal where

706
00:42:13,440 --> 00:42:15,279
Speaker 1: it's like, this is what you're gonna do. You're not

707
00:42:15,320 --> 00:42:18,120
Speaker 1: even gonna complain. You're gonna do all the dishes. And

708
00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:22,480
Speaker 1: so there's certain things around the house, laundry, cleaning up,

709
00:42:22,760 --> 00:42:27,359
Speaker 1: tidying up, feeding your animals, doing the dishes. These are

710
00:42:27,400 --> 00:42:29,160
Speaker 1: things that you could put one hundred percent on the

711
00:42:29,239 --> 00:42:31,160
Speaker 1: kids when they get to a certain level. So it

712
00:42:31,200 --> 00:42:33,279
Speaker 1: gets better. This isn't like you're going to be dealing

713
00:42:33,360 --> 00:42:35,520
Speaker 1: with this the rest of your life. Yeah, that's and

714
00:42:35,640 --> 00:42:38,560
Speaker 1: especially the first kid, like because you you you really

715
00:42:38,680 --> 00:42:41,560
Speaker 1: are just like this is new. I'm all in it.

716
00:42:41,920 --> 00:42:44,799
Speaker 1: And uh so it it does add another layer of that.

717
00:42:44,960 --> 00:42:47,759
Speaker 1: So before we move the next question, I want to

718
00:42:47,800 --> 00:42:49,680
Speaker 1: talk to the husband. And I know we don't know

719
00:42:49,760 --> 00:42:52,760
Speaker 1: this husband, he put Yeah, he may not be listening,

720
00:42:53,400 --> 00:42:56,120
Speaker 1: but the husband in this story is represented by a

721
00:42:56,120 --> 00:42:58,640
Speaker 1: bunch of guys out there, including us at putting me

722
00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:05,920
Speaker 1: so I like she said, she's even understanding that need

723
00:43:06,000 --> 00:43:12,640
Speaker 1: for decompression. Put your wife first, Like be a man

724
00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:16,080
Speaker 1: and draw from the inner strength that you have and

725
00:43:16,120 --> 00:43:19,560
Speaker 1: say no, I'm I'm gonna push a little bit harder

726
00:43:20,080 --> 00:43:23,520
Speaker 1: and give her what she needs. Okay, So then I'm

727
00:43:23,520 --> 00:43:29,040
Speaker 1: gonna speak to that's generally husband. So now, a Bible

728
00:43:29,080 --> 00:43:32,359
Speaker 1: believing Christian husband, I'm gonna speak to you about what

729
00:43:32,400 --> 00:43:35,959
Speaker 1: the Bible actually calls how he calls us to love

730
00:43:36,040 --> 00:43:39,320
Speaker 1: our wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself

731
00:43:39,400 --> 00:43:43,879
Speaker 1: up for her in all things. Yeah, I fail at

732
00:43:43,880 --> 00:43:46,440
Speaker 1: this every single day, And it's like, I know that

733
00:43:46,520 --> 00:43:49,600
Speaker 1: this is what I'm called to and I need to

734
00:43:49,719 --> 00:43:52,120
Speaker 1: meditate on that verse all the time. When on my

735
00:43:52,360 --> 00:43:54,880
Speaker 1: drive home, whenever I'm going in, it's like, no, I

736
00:43:54,920 --> 00:43:56,480
Speaker 1: know that you wanted to do this, You want to

737
00:43:56,520 --> 00:43:59,879
Speaker 1: do this, You're giving that up because you're you're going

738
00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:01,480
Speaker 1: to serve her. You're going to go in and you're

739
00:44:01,480 --> 00:44:04,920
Speaker 1: going to think, Hey, what can I do? I need

740
00:44:04,960 --> 00:44:07,040
Speaker 1: to I need to be thinking about that on my

741
00:44:07,200 --> 00:44:09,520
Speaker 1: lunch break. Hey what can I do for her? What

742
00:44:09,560 --> 00:44:12,480
Speaker 1: message can I send for her? What can I move

743
00:44:12,760 --> 00:44:15,520
Speaker 1: out of my schedule to free up even more margin

744
00:44:15,840 --> 00:44:20,960
Speaker 1: that I can serve her. I think if you do that,

745
00:44:21,880 --> 00:44:26,200
Speaker 1: the balance of parenthood starts to become a little bit

746
00:44:26,239 --> 00:44:32,359
Speaker 1: more easy to handle and navigate. Hey, listeners, whatever you've

747
00:44:32,360 --> 00:44:35,200
Speaker 1: been taught by man about what marriage is in the Bible,

748
00:44:35,719 --> 00:44:39,400
Speaker 1: and whatever preconceived ideas you have that the Bible says

749
00:44:39,400 --> 00:44:43,759
Speaker 1: about marriage. What Bernie says is biblical manhood. That's what

750
00:44:43,800 --> 00:44:47,000
Speaker 1: it says. Yeah, that's what it says. Bernie's read every

751
00:44:47,000 --> 00:44:50,479
Speaker 1: word in that book and there is nothing extra. That's

752
00:44:50,520 --> 00:44:53,320
Speaker 1: what it says, and that's how biblical manhood is. You

753
00:44:53,480 --> 00:44:56,960
Speaker 1: might have been taught that the Christians have some weird hierarchy.

754
00:44:57,480 --> 00:45:00,600
Speaker 1: That's not what it is. As far as is loving

755
00:45:00,640 --> 00:45:04,080
Speaker 1: your wife. You sacrifice everything you love her as Christ

756
00:45:04,160 --> 00:45:08,880
Speaker 1: love the church. Last thing, husband, her love language is

757
00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:14,800
Speaker 1: quality time. She just told us. Yeah, that's like a secret.

758
00:45:14,880 --> 00:45:16,640
Speaker 1: You just figured it out on if you didn't know it.

759
00:45:16,920 --> 00:45:19,439
Speaker 1: Sometimes you don't always know it, but she just told

760
00:45:19,520 --> 00:45:22,120
Speaker 1: us on this podcast. So last thing, last thing. If

761
00:45:22,120 --> 00:45:26,040
Speaker 1: you don't know your wife's love language, figure it out. Yeah,

762
00:45:26,200 --> 00:45:28,160
Speaker 1: game changer. Quality time is a great one for the

763
00:45:28,239 --> 00:45:30,279
Speaker 1: husband to know that she has because you don't have

764
00:45:30,280 --> 00:45:34,280
Speaker 1: to waste time in all these crazy gifts. Yeah, and

765
00:45:34,400 --> 00:45:37,319
Speaker 1: that's that's pretty good acts of service. Yeah, physical touch,

766
00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:39,640
Speaker 1: you don't have worry about any of that, just quality time. Yeah,

767
00:45:40,960 --> 00:45:45,160
Speaker 1: let's hit another one here. How about how about this

768
00:45:45,320 --> 00:45:50,520
Speaker 1: My best friend of twenty years has rejected God. Interesting,

769
00:45:51,160 --> 00:45:54,400
Speaker 1: hey granger and podcast guest. I'll try to keep this

770
00:45:54,440 --> 00:45:57,080
Speaker 1: as short as possible. One of my best friends about

771
00:45:57,120 --> 00:45:59,959
Speaker 1: four years ago told me she no longer believes in God,

772
00:46:00,600 --> 00:46:03,520
Speaker 1: doesn't want my prayers, doesn't want me to do anything

773
00:46:03,560 --> 00:46:06,320
Speaker 1: about it. She totally caught me off guard at the moment,

774
00:46:06,840 --> 00:46:08,799
Speaker 1: and I honestly, in the last four years, haven't said

775
00:46:08,840 --> 00:46:11,680
Speaker 1: anything to her about it, but I've prayed almost daily

776
00:46:11,719 --> 00:46:14,080
Speaker 1: for her since then. We grew up in church together

777
00:46:14,400 --> 00:46:16,919
Speaker 1: and that's where we met, and about six years ago,

778
00:46:16,960 --> 00:46:19,160
Speaker 1: our pastor at the time and some of the church

779
00:46:19,239 --> 00:46:22,760
Speaker 1: family absolutely burned her and her family and basically shunned

780
00:46:22,800 --> 00:46:28,320
Speaker 1: them and a few others. Long story, but I haven't

781
00:46:28,360 --> 00:46:30,640
Speaker 1: been back to that church since then, and I found

782
00:46:30,640 --> 00:46:34,480
Speaker 1: another church that me and my husband love. How in

783
00:46:34,520 --> 00:46:37,480
Speaker 1: the world do I go about beginning a conversation about

784
00:46:37,520 --> 00:46:39,719
Speaker 1: this now that I've waited so long. I love her

785
00:46:39,719 --> 00:46:42,840
Speaker 1: so much, my heart is broken over this. She's into

786
00:46:43,320 --> 00:46:46,320
Speaker 1: the occult and very new age practices. As a side note,

787
00:46:46,840 --> 00:46:49,400
Speaker 1: we basically just don't talk about religion or politics, and

788
00:46:49,480 --> 00:46:52,960
Speaker 1: when we talk, I've never spoke up about how I feel,

789
00:46:52,960 --> 00:46:55,239
Speaker 1: and I just really don't know how to start. There

790
00:46:55,239 --> 00:46:57,719
Speaker 1: are many of her other levels to this, but this

791
00:46:57,840 --> 00:47:01,319
Speaker 1: is the basics. Love to know your thoughts about this.

792
00:47:02,000 --> 00:47:03,759
Speaker 1: Thank you for all your family does. You guys have

793
00:47:04,280 --> 00:47:06,400
Speaker 1: changed my life and my faith journey. Keep doing what

794
00:47:06,440 --> 00:47:09,680
Speaker 1: you're doing, and please do a show closer to Alabama

795
00:47:10,200 --> 00:47:14,600
Speaker 1: with love and christ Corey. Thank you, Corey. I had

796
00:47:14,800 --> 00:47:17,959
Speaker 1: another great question that probably a lot of people could echo.

797
00:47:18,040 --> 00:47:21,279
Speaker 1: I could echo that. Okay, I could echo that for sure. No,

798
00:47:21,360 --> 00:47:23,720
Speaker 1: I mean I could. I could echo her a question

799
00:47:23,760 --> 00:47:27,080
Speaker 1: I can relate. I can relate, and I've talked to

800
00:47:27,120 --> 00:47:35,480
Speaker 1: Bernie about this many times off podcast where you said

801
00:47:36,800 --> 00:47:39,759
Speaker 1: we basically just don't talk about religion or politics, and

802
00:47:39,400 --> 00:47:42,839
Speaker 1: I've never spoke up about it or how I feel.

803
00:47:42,880 --> 00:47:45,280
Speaker 1: I just don't know how to start. Man. I feel

804
00:47:45,320 --> 00:47:48,160
Speaker 1: that because there's people in my life, and I've told

805
00:47:48,160 --> 00:47:51,919
Speaker 1: Bernie this, I'll let a situation pass when I could

806
00:47:51,920 --> 00:47:54,080
Speaker 1: have spoke up and I didn't, and then I feel

807
00:47:54,080 --> 00:47:56,760
Speaker 1: like a coward. I'm like, man, you had a chance

808
00:47:56,880 --> 00:48:01,680
Speaker 1: right then to speak truth into them, and then I

809
00:48:01,719 --> 00:48:06,120
Speaker 1: have to just recollect myself and try to do it again.

810
00:48:06,239 --> 00:48:09,279
Speaker 1: But here's The one thing that we could both say

811
00:48:09,320 --> 00:48:12,040
Speaker 1: Corey right off the bat is that no matter what

812
00:48:12,080 --> 00:48:15,920
Speaker 1: you say or what you do, you don't have that

813
00:48:16,040 --> 00:48:19,439
Speaker 1: kind of power to bring her back to God. Only

814
00:48:19,480 --> 00:48:23,440
Speaker 1: God can. And sometimes as humans we feel like it's

815
00:48:23,480 --> 00:48:26,600
Speaker 1: up to us, it's on our shoulders, or even worse,

816
00:48:26,640 --> 00:48:30,040
Speaker 1: it's on their shoulders, like it's their decision and if

817
00:48:30,080 --> 00:48:32,279
Speaker 1: they don't make it, then they'll never know God. And

818
00:48:32,320 --> 00:48:34,919
Speaker 1: that's up to them. God has a different idea about

819
00:48:34,920 --> 00:48:39,319
Speaker 1: this stuff. We're here to plant seeds and we're here

820
00:48:39,360 --> 00:48:42,440
Speaker 1: to walk away after we plant the seeds. I heard

821
00:48:42,440 --> 00:48:44,759
Speaker 1: a pastor tell me one time. We're not in the

822
00:48:44,840 --> 00:48:49,200
Speaker 1: results driven business, and almost everything else in life is

823
00:48:49,200 --> 00:48:55,600
Speaker 1: a result driven but not witnessing to lost. So all

824
00:48:55,600 --> 00:48:58,080
Speaker 1: we could do, and what you're doing right now is

825
00:48:59,040 --> 00:49:02,000
Speaker 1: is you're going to church and you're living. You're living

826
00:49:02,040 --> 00:49:04,920
Speaker 1: this out, which is great. That's an important component. And

827
00:49:05,000 --> 00:49:09,280
Speaker 1: the next step is telling her the gospel, because the gospel,

828
00:49:09,360 --> 00:49:14,000
Speaker 1: according to Romans, is the power of God for salvation.

829
00:49:14,239 --> 00:49:17,920
Speaker 1: The Gospel is the power of God for salvation, and

830
00:49:17,960 --> 00:49:20,600
Speaker 1: they have to hear it, and by hearing it they'll

831
00:49:20,640 --> 00:49:23,600
Speaker 1: believe it or they won't. But they have to hear it,

832
00:49:24,280 --> 00:49:28,000
Speaker 1: and that's not that's you have the power to tell them,

833
00:49:28,000 --> 00:49:29,640
Speaker 1: but you don't have a power for them to believe it.

834
00:49:30,960 --> 00:49:36,520
Speaker 1: What do you got, Burns? Yeah, I understand. And Griz

835
00:49:36,560 --> 00:49:42,080
Speaker 1: and I talked like you said that the delicate situation

836
00:49:42,400 --> 00:49:47,840
Speaker 1: that these things can present whenever you have these long

837
00:49:47,960 --> 00:49:54,040
Speaker 1: time relationships that have many, many layers of experiences and

838
00:49:54,200 --> 00:49:58,400
Speaker 1: things they've been through. And the only thing that I

839
00:49:58,440 --> 00:50:03,279
Speaker 1: can suggest, and that we've talked about before, is just

840
00:50:03,480 --> 00:50:07,160
Speaker 1: try to be as present with your friend as possible.

841
00:50:07,960 --> 00:50:11,200
Speaker 1: Try to be as genuine with your friend as possible.

842
00:50:11,239 --> 00:50:14,480
Speaker 1: If they're really your friend and they love you. Then

843
00:50:14,640 --> 00:50:20,319
Speaker 1: if you're talking about something and you just feel this,

844
00:50:20,719 --> 00:50:24,320
Speaker 1: you know in your life, in the in the propositional

845
00:50:24,360 --> 00:50:29,560
Speaker 1: truth and experiential truth connection, the answer to that question

846
00:50:29,640 --> 00:50:33,080
Speaker 1: that y'all are talking about is the gospel, or it's

847
00:50:33,080 --> 00:50:37,840
Speaker 1: some aspect of the gospel. Have confidence in the friendship

848
00:50:37,880 --> 00:50:39,879
Speaker 1: to be able to speak openly and say like, yeah,

849
00:50:39,920 --> 00:50:43,080
Speaker 1: well you know, Jesus taught me about this blah blah

850
00:50:43,080 --> 00:50:46,080
Speaker 1: blah blah. You know, and reference and one know what

851
00:50:46,120 --> 00:50:48,520
Speaker 1: you're talking about, study what you study your faith so

852
00:50:48,560 --> 00:50:51,319
Speaker 1: that you know and you can you know, like Granger said,

853
00:50:51,360 --> 00:50:55,719
Speaker 1: you can give testimony whenever the opportunity comes. Know what

854
00:50:55,760 --> 00:51:02,440
Speaker 1: you're talking about, study it. But also just in the quiet,

855
00:51:02,520 --> 00:51:10,320
Speaker 1: in the stillness, teach yourself to listen to that soft

856
00:51:10,400 --> 00:51:14,320
Speaker 1: voice of the Holy Spirit that says, hey, now speak

857
00:51:14,360 --> 00:51:17,799
Speaker 1: that and the one that says, hey, just hold tight.

858
00:51:19,880 --> 00:51:23,440
Speaker 1: I think that we don't spend enough time in the

859
00:51:23,480 --> 00:51:28,879
Speaker 1: stillness trying to discern that voice, and we are very

860
00:51:28,920 --> 00:51:31,440
Speaker 1: much results driven, and it's like we just have to

861
00:51:31,719 --> 00:51:34,000
Speaker 1: we have to say it because it's like fishing. Right,

862
00:51:34,080 --> 00:51:36,799
Speaker 1: the more times you cast, I know, the odds are

863
00:51:36,760 --> 00:51:39,680
Speaker 1: we're going to catch more, right right, No, it's like

864
00:51:39,760 --> 00:51:43,200
Speaker 1: you got to listen to the guide that takes you

865
00:51:43,760 --> 00:51:46,759
Speaker 1: to the spot the honey hole. He's like, no, we're

866
00:51:46,760 --> 00:51:49,560
Speaker 1: gonna catch fish here. So that's where this is the

867
00:51:49,640 --> 00:51:51,600
Speaker 1: time and the place that I want you to cast

868
00:51:51,640 --> 00:51:55,600
Speaker 1: that listen more speak less. Yeah, that's what Burns is saying.

869
00:51:56,239 --> 00:51:58,600
Speaker 1: Why would you do that? Well, first of all, you're

870
00:51:58,640 --> 00:52:02,359
Speaker 1: giving space for the Holy Spirit to do work. If

871
00:52:02,360 --> 00:52:05,359
Speaker 1: you don't, if you don't have space, if you're not

872
00:52:05,840 --> 00:52:09,040
Speaker 1: opening up that opportunity, then you're gonna fail every time

873
00:52:09,120 --> 00:52:12,840
Speaker 1: with your own words, so open up that space, rewind,

874
00:52:12,880 --> 00:52:15,200
Speaker 1: listen to what Burns just said, and next time you're

875
00:52:15,200 --> 00:52:19,080
Speaker 1: in that situation, you're one on one instead of just

876
00:52:19,160 --> 00:52:21,719
Speaker 1: diving into Hey, we need to talk about this God thing.

877
00:52:22,280 --> 00:52:23,840
Speaker 1: It's been bothering me for four years, ever since you

878
00:52:23,880 --> 00:52:25,560
Speaker 1: told me don't believe of God, and it's really bothered me,

879
00:52:25,560 --> 00:52:26,880
Speaker 1: and I pray every single day and I don't know

880
00:52:26,880 --> 00:52:30,080
Speaker 1: what to do. Like then then you're more worried and

881
00:52:30,080 --> 00:52:32,400
Speaker 1: anxious than they are, and they're like, WHOA, I don't

882
00:52:32,440 --> 00:52:35,120
Speaker 1: need whatever you got. Yeah, I don't want any of that.

883
00:52:36,040 --> 00:52:38,080
Speaker 1: If I've been if this has been bothering you so

884
00:52:38,160 --> 00:52:40,080
Speaker 1: much for four years that you've lost sleep over it,

885
00:52:40,080 --> 00:52:44,080
Speaker 1: I don't want any of that. I like my sleep. Yeah,

886
00:52:44,400 --> 00:52:45,920
Speaker 1: So yeah, you have to you have to live it.

887
00:52:45,960 --> 00:52:49,800
Speaker 1: You're You're absolutely right. You have to live. The Holy

888
00:52:49,880 --> 00:52:52,799
Speaker 1: Spirit has to endwell in you and live in a

889
00:52:52,840 --> 00:52:57,600
Speaker 1: way that reflects the joy that God can bring. Your

890
00:52:57,640 --> 00:53:02,520
Speaker 1: friend already knows they're gonna know, they're gonna see the

891
00:53:02,560 --> 00:53:05,719
Speaker 1: fruits of the spirit and be like, wow, where I

892
00:53:05,760 --> 00:53:07,920
Speaker 1: don't even have to ask where that comes from, because

893
00:53:07,960 --> 00:53:12,560
Speaker 1: I know I know Corey and that this is why

894
00:53:12,640 --> 00:53:16,000
Speaker 1: she believes, and man, I want that. I want to

895
00:53:16,080 --> 00:53:20,960
Speaker 1: believe that, and maybe that leads them to desperately coming

896
00:53:21,000 --> 00:53:25,800
Speaker 1: before God themselves is saying I want what they have. Ken,

897
00:53:26,400 --> 00:53:28,759
Speaker 1: Hey Corey, how do you always seem so confident in

898
00:53:28,800 --> 00:53:32,000
Speaker 1: these kinds of situations? Why are you not worried about

899
00:53:32,040 --> 00:53:35,120
Speaker 1: your kids right now? Why are you? What is the

900
00:53:35,160 --> 00:53:38,520
Speaker 1: source of your hope? That's what That's the question you need.

901
00:53:39,160 --> 00:53:41,520
Speaker 1: That's the question that's gonna open it all up. Hey, Corey,

902
00:53:41,600 --> 00:53:43,560
Speaker 1: were you just what is the source of your hope?

903
00:53:43,600 --> 00:53:47,839
Speaker 1: Because you just seem so collected in this chaotic time,

904
00:53:48,160 --> 00:53:51,080
Speaker 1: and so guess, Corey, guess what's hurts you? Back to

905
00:53:51,120 --> 00:53:53,960
Speaker 1: the first question, going to Facebook and going we're just

906
00:53:54,360 --> 00:53:57,279
Speaker 1: we're doomed. Our society it's all going to hell, and

907
00:53:57,320 --> 00:54:00,399
Speaker 1: our politicians don't know how to run in there once

908
00:54:00,440 --> 00:54:03,200
Speaker 1: against us, and we're gonna lose average churches they're closing

909
00:54:03,239 --> 00:54:06,080
Speaker 1: and we're never gonna God's going away from the schools

910
00:54:06,120 --> 00:54:08,880
Speaker 1: and we're never gonna Like that is gonna hurt you

911
00:54:09,719 --> 00:54:12,040
Speaker 1: because God, I don't want any part of that either me.

912
00:54:12,560 --> 00:54:16,560
Speaker 1: Whatever religion that is on Facebook, I don't want that either.

913
00:54:17,520 --> 00:54:20,600
Speaker 1: And I'm a believer. So let's just get that out there.

914
00:54:20,840 --> 00:54:24,360
Speaker 1: That's not Christianity. So set up the situation where she

915
00:54:24,480 --> 00:54:27,560
Speaker 1: where she it is a she right where she has

916
00:54:27,600 --> 00:54:30,600
Speaker 1: to ask you. What can't you just tell me what's

917
00:54:30,640 --> 00:54:34,680
Speaker 1: going on with you? Because I just I'm inspired by

918
00:54:34,680 --> 00:54:38,200
Speaker 1: your life. Yeah, and speak, You can still speak Jesus.

919
00:54:38,280 --> 00:54:40,920
Speaker 1: You still need to speak the gospel, but there's a

920
00:54:41,000 --> 00:54:43,719
Speaker 1: there's a non preachy way to do it. Yeah. Absolutely,

921
00:54:43,800 --> 00:54:47,400
Speaker 1: And don't go into the situation trying to like manifest

922
00:54:47,520 --> 00:54:51,200
Speaker 1: that conversation because then you're gonna be disappointed when she

923
00:54:51,320 --> 00:54:56,200
Speaker 1: doesn't ask Your expectation can't be well, God, I've done this,

924
00:54:56,360 --> 00:54:59,680
Speaker 1: I've lived this way and she hasn't asked me. Hey,

925
00:54:59,719 --> 00:55:03,360
Speaker 1: he's asking you. He's asking you to be obedient and

926
00:55:03,400 --> 00:55:06,480
Speaker 1: to live a life guided by the Word and the

927
00:55:06,480 --> 00:55:09,880
Speaker 1: Holy Spirit. Like, just do that. The other stuff, man,

928
00:55:10,200 --> 00:55:12,600
Speaker 1: it'll just come. All the conversations, the questions will come

929
00:55:13,000 --> 00:55:15,560
Speaker 1: if you truly do that and you study that book

930
00:55:15,600 --> 00:55:18,319
Speaker 1: long enough to know exactly what that means. And as

931
00:55:18,360 --> 00:55:21,200
Speaker 1: it says in Acts, all and all who were appointed

932
00:55:21,239 --> 00:55:27,360
Speaker 1: to eternal life believed, didn't say everyone, she might not

933
00:55:27,440 --> 00:55:29,440
Speaker 1: be one of them. We hope and we pray that

934
00:55:29,520 --> 00:55:33,560
Speaker 1: she is, but that's not up to us, and it

935
00:55:33,560 --> 00:55:36,839
Speaker 1: doesn't stop us from praying about it and trying to

936
00:55:36,880 --> 00:55:39,000
Speaker 1: activate that. But that's just that's the way it is.

937
00:55:39,080 --> 00:55:42,600
Speaker 1: So it's a good question, Corey. Keep us in touch

938
00:55:43,200 --> 00:55:48,520
Speaker 1: and hopefully we'll be closer to Alabama. Let's do We've

939
00:55:48,520 --> 00:55:52,080
Speaker 1: got time for one more burns, let's do it. Let's

940
00:55:52,080 --> 00:55:59,160
Speaker 1: see outdoors question. Kind of feel relieved just seeing that.

941
00:56:00,000 --> 00:56:01,960
Speaker 1: Hey Grange, my name is Aaron from Kansas. I'm a

942
00:56:02,040 --> 00:56:06,319
Speaker 1: huge outdoorsman. I love deer hunting and fishing, and if

943
00:56:06,320 --> 00:56:08,320
Speaker 1: you're ever looking to do some hunting and fishing in Kansas,

944
00:56:08,360 --> 00:56:11,160
Speaker 1: come on out. But I'm wanting to start recording myself

945
00:56:11,200 --> 00:56:14,480
Speaker 1: and getting footage. Can you recommend a good camera or

946
00:56:14,600 --> 00:56:17,439
Speaker 1: recording device to start with? It might not break the bank.

947
00:56:17,560 --> 00:56:19,719
Speaker 1: Love everything you do. Thanks for being so connected with

948
00:56:19,760 --> 00:56:22,399
Speaker 1: your fans. And I would also love if I could

949
00:56:22,400 --> 00:56:26,800
Speaker 1: just get a shout out, shout out erin what's up brothers?

950
00:56:27,040 --> 00:56:31,359
Speaker 1: Aaron from Kansas man, there's one answer to you, go pro.

951
00:56:32,080 --> 00:56:36,560
Speaker 1: Go pro for outdoor outdoor daytime footage, nighttime or dusk

952
00:56:36,640 --> 00:56:39,319
Speaker 1: or early morning. It's tough and low light, but you're

953
00:56:39,360 --> 00:56:41,080
Speaker 1: gonna want to go go pro. You gotta go pro

954
00:56:41,120 --> 00:56:44,160
Speaker 1: go Burns. Yeah you can't. I mean you use it

955
00:56:44,200 --> 00:56:47,520
Speaker 1: for a mountain biking Yeah right, there's no better camera

956
00:56:47,520 --> 00:56:51,440
Speaker 1: for mountain biking stability on it, the color, the quality,

957
00:56:51,480 --> 00:56:55,480
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, Aaron GoPro with that one. I think we

958
00:56:55,480 --> 00:56:59,239
Speaker 1: could do one more, one more. Okay, this is a

959
00:56:59,600 --> 00:57:02,239
Speaker 1: relative short one. Dear Granger. I've been a fan of

960
00:57:02,280 --> 00:57:03,640
Speaker 1: you for years and you've helped me through a lot.

961
00:57:03,680 --> 00:57:08,440
Speaker 1: Your positivity, positivity helps me wake up. Your videos make

962
00:57:08,480 --> 00:57:11,280
Speaker 1: me laugh, and your music from Grangersmith and Earl Dibblis

963
00:57:11,360 --> 00:57:14,719
Speaker 1: Junior making me smile. Thank you. My question is how

964
00:57:14,719 --> 00:57:20,600
Speaker 1: do you keep so positive through tough times? I call Bernie.

965
00:57:21,920 --> 00:57:24,720
Speaker 1: I called Bernie during tough times helps me stay positive.

966
00:57:26,280 --> 00:57:30,680
Speaker 1: Gratitude he's asking about gratitude. How to cultivate gratitude is

967
00:57:30,720 --> 00:57:36,240
Speaker 1: basically your question, James, and it is. It's work. You

968
00:57:36,280 --> 00:57:38,360
Speaker 1: have to put in work. It's not I don't think

969
00:57:38,360 --> 00:57:42,640
Speaker 1: gratitude has naturally grown in you. You you cultivate it

970
00:57:42,720 --> 00:57:46,760
Speaker 1: and you harvest it like a seed. You're from, your

971
00:57:46,920 --> 00:57:49,480
Speaker 1: worry from He didn't say where he's from. I was

972
00:57:49,480 --> 00:57:51,840
Speaker 1: gonna think if he's from the Midwest. We talk about farming,

973
00:57:52,720 --> 00:57:55,440
Speaker 1: but you have to cultivate it. One way I know

974
00:57:55,520 --> 00:57:59,560
Speaker 1: Bernie and I have talked about this is a gratitude journal.

975
00:58:01,080 --> 00:58:05,280
Speaker 1: It helps tremendously and sometimes when time when things are

976
00:58:05,320 --> 00:58:08,640
Speaker 1: really rough in your life, sometimes you have to aim

977
00:58:08,720 --> 00:58:12,440
Speaker 1: super low to find gratitude. And that's okay because you

978
00:58:12,480 --> 00:58:16,360
Speaker 1: could find it in all situations even if you're aiming low.

979
00:58:17,240 --> 00:58:22,000
Speaker 1: For instance, you could be you could be going through

980
00:58:22,360 --> 00:58:24,680
Speaker 1: you you got kicked out of your house. You didn't

981
00:58:24,680 --> 00:58:26,120
Speaker 1: get to pay your electric bill, and you get get

982
00:58:26,200 --> 00:58:29,640
Speaker 1: kicked out of your house, and you could think, man,

983
00:58:29,680 --> 00:58:32,680
Speaker 1: this is this is terrible. And then you go out

984
00:58:32,680 --> 00:58:35,480
Speaker 1: and you you start your truck and you drive to

985
00:58:35,520 --> 00:58:37,320
Speaker 1: find a new place, and right then you can go,

986
00:58:38,360 --> 00:58:41,440
Speaker 1: thank God for this truck. It's always been here with me.

987
00:58:41,840 --> 00:58:43,800
Speaker 1: This is a good truck. And I'm using that as

988
00:58:43,840 --> 00:58:46,640
Speaker 1: an example of being able to aim low and take

989
00:58:46,720 --> 00:58:49,520
Speaker 1: something that you might not think every day. But you

990
00:58:49,600 --> 00:58:52,720
Speaker 1: have a car that drives and it starts there, you

991
00:58:52,720 --> 00:58:56,600
Speaker 1: have sunshine shining on your shoulders. It's not too cold

992
00:58:56,680 --> 00:58:59,120
Speaker 1: and it's not too hot. That's something to be grateful for.

993
00:58:59,680 --> 00:59:03,479
Speaker 1: Maybe it's not raining today grateful. Maybe it is raining

994
00:59:03,520 --> 00:59:05,720
Speaker 1: and it's been You've been in a drought in California

995
00:59:05,880 --> 00:59:10,280
Speaker 1: and it rains. Grateful, So you could find gratefulness through

996
00:59:10,360 --> 00:59:14,200
Speaker 1: any situation, and it helps to write it down. For me,

997
00:59:14,240 --> 00:59:18,600
Speaker 1: it's the morning. You're a morning got too. I keep

998
00:59:19,040 --> 00:59:21,960
Speaker 1: a journal, and then part of the journal is I'm

999
00:59:21,960 --> 00:59:24,400
Speaker 1: just going to write down three or four things that

1000
00:59:24,440 --> 00:59:28,720
Speaker 1: I'm grateful for today. A hot cup of coffee, that's something.

1001
00:59:30,000 --> 00:59:34,160
Speaker 1: And practicing that finding finding the little things and being

1002
00:59:34,200 --> 00:59:38,600
Speaker 1: grateful for them really helps cultivate that and ultimately leads

1003
00:59:38,600 --> 00:59:41,160
Speaker 1: to your question of being positive and a tough time.

1004
00:59:42,680 --> 00:59:44,800
Speaker 1: I would say too, and I know you're great at

1005
00:59:44,800 --> 00:59:50,000
Speaker 1: this stuff. Surround yourself with positive people, right. Negative people

1006
00:59:50,040 --> 00:59:55,240
Speaker 1: will make a negative situation worse, and you're like a chameleon.

1007
00:59:55,320 --> 00:59:59,840
Speaker 1: You just become negative around negative people. So pay attention

1008
00:59:59,880 --> 01:00:03,840
Speaker 1: to who you're you're surrounding yourself with. Hang around positive people,

1009
01:00:04,080 --> 01:00:09,120
Speaker 1: and you're gonna start thinking a lot more positive. It's crazy. Yeah, uh, yeah,

1010
01:00:09,120 --> 01:00:11,440
Speaker 1: I got I got some thoughts. But first, what was

1011
01:00:11,480 --> 01:00:14,840
Speaker 1: your uh in your gratitude journal this morning? What were

1012
01:00:14,840 --> 01:00:18,920
Speaker 1: you grateful for? A hot cup of coffee and the

1013
01:00:19,000 --> 01:00:21,960
Speaker 1: fact that you get to hang out with burn today. Yeah,

1014
01:00:22,040 --> 01:00:25,640
Speaker 1: effect to hang out with Burns. Lincoln got up early,

1015
01:00:26,520 --> 01:00:29,880
Speaker 1: and he's done this the last two mornings. It frustrates

1016
01:00:29,880 --> 01:00:32,280
Speaker 1: me because I like to get up before everyone so

1017
01:00:32,360 --> 01:00:34,840
Speaker 1: I could like have my quiet time read the Bible.

1018
01:00:35,560 --> 01:00:37,840
Speaker 1: And then Lincoln gets up at like five point fifteen

1019
01:00:38,640 --> 01:00:42,120
Speaker 1: and I'm like, bro, you have an hour and thirty

1020
01:00:42,160 --> 01:00:44,960
Speaker 1: minutes to sleep, why are you up. This is my

1021
01:00:45,040 --> 01:00:48,320
Speaker 1: hobby time. Yeah, like get out of here. But then

1022
01:00:49,000 --> 01:00:51,160
Speaker 1: then he just comes and cuddles up next to me

1023
01:00:51,200 --> 01:00:53,800
Speaker 1: in the chair and they're just like, Okay, I'll write

1024
01:00:53,840 --> 01:01:00,240
Speaker 1: it man, my gratitude journal. Okay, that's awesome. So well,

1025
01:01:00,880 --> 01:01:05,520
Speaker 1: I think that there there is a mindset there. There's

1026
01:01:05,560 --> 01:01:08,880
Speaker 1: a mindset thing here, and like Granger said, I think

1027
01:01:08,880 --> 01:01:12,120
Speaker 1: a lot of this is work. There's two ways, just

1028
01:01:12,400 --> 01:01:15,320
Speaker 1: like you know down to the science of psychology that

1029
01:01:15,520 --> 01:01:19,520
Speaker 1: there's two ways that in most situations that arise that

1030
01:01:19,600 --> 01:01:23,280
Speaker 1: our brains go. They either go to curiosity or they

1031
01:01:23,320 --> 01:01:27,360
Speaker 1: go to defense. Right, I'm trying to understand this situation

1032
01:01:28,600 --> 01:01:31,760
Speaker 1: or I am afraid of this situation, and therefore I'm

1033
01:01:31,800 --> 01:01:36,000
Speaker 1: going to go defensive. I think that so in any

1034
01:01:36,040 --> 01:01:40,400
Speaker 1: situation in how do you stay positive in a tough situation? Well,

1035
01:01:41,640 --> 01:01:46,800
Speaker 1: you have to over time create the mental habit of

1036
01:01:47,040 --> 01:01:52,880
Speaker 1: switching to curiosity in any any situation you're in, Hey,

1037
01:01:53,000 --> 01:01:56,720
Speaker 1: what what is truly happening here? Not what am I feeling?

1038
01:01:56,720 --> 01:01:59,720
Speaker 1: And let my feelings kind of run into anxiety, you know,

1039
01:02:00,200 --> 01:02:03,280
Speaker 1: but what is truly happening here? Why? You know, why

1040
01:02:03,320 --> 01:02:05,600
Speaker 1: did that person say that? Let me let me ask them,

1041
01:02:05,680 --> 01:02:10,640
Speaker 1: Let me let me remain curious, suspend my judgment until

1042
01:02:10,680 --> 01:02:13,280
Speaker 1: I have all the details. So the gap in between

1043
01:02:13,360 --> 01:02:16,920
Speaker 1: is me trying to figure out, Hey, let's card, why

1044
01:02:16,960 --> 01:02:20,040
Speaker 1: did that? Why did that happen? Oh? And and then

1045
01:02:20,440 --> 01:02:23,880
Speaker 1: you know, you start to realize that once you start

1046
01:02:23,880 --> 01:02:26,200
Speaker 1: to fill in the gaps with the truth and not

1047
01:02:26,480 --> 01:02:29,040
Speaker 1: just you're going to go defensive and then you're going

1048
01:02:29,120 --> 01:02:31,600
Speaker 1: to start filling in those gaps. And typically when you're

1049
01:02:31,640 --> 01:02:33,720
Speaker 1: in defensive mode and you start filling in those gaps,

1050
01:02:34,680 --> 01:02:38,040
Speaker 1: they're kind of self preservation. They're they're more judgmental, and

1051
01:02:38,040 --> 01:02:40,200
Speaker 1: they don't think the best of the other person. They

1052
01:02:40,200 --> 01:02:42,520
Speaker 1: think the worst. So if you're thinking the worst of

1053
01:02:42,560 --> 01:02:48,200
Speaker 1: the other person, that just affects your mental state. And

1054
01:02:48,520 --> 01:02:51,240
Speaker 1: if you do that continually, continually. Yeah, you're going to

1055
01:02:51,280 --> 01:02:54,440
Speaker 1: be in a place where something difficult happens and it

1056
01:02:54,520 --> 01:02:57,240
Speaker 1: is everybody else's fault and you've already filled in the

1057
01:02:57,240 --> 01:03:00,200
Speaker 1: gaps of why it happened, and you've run into the

1058
01:03:00,240 --> 01:03:06,200
Speaker 1: anxiety cesspool. So you're saying more curiosity, less defensive, less defensive,

1059
01:03:06,320 --> 01:03:10,000
Speaker 1: less judgment, more curiosity. And I think that that curiosity

1060
01:03:10,080 --> 01:03:15,960
Speaker 1: will lead you because that piggybacks on what you're saying.

1061
01:03:16,000 --> 01:03:20,040
Speaker 1: I think that there has to be this. You know,

1062
01:03:20,280 --> 01:03:27,760
Speaker 1: confidence is rooted in gratitude. Man, I recognize all the

1063
01:03:27,800 --> 01:03:30,720
Speaker 1: good things in my life. I realize what I deserved

1064
01:03:30,760 --> 01:03:34,040
Speaker 1: and I realize what I got. Okay, at the very

1065
01:03:34,040 --> 01:03:38,080
Speaker 1: basic level, I'm confident in those things. I'm secure in

1066
01:03:38,120 --> 01:03:41,360
Speaker 1: those things. I'm secure enough in those things that I

1067
01:03:41,400 --> 01:03:44,320
Speaker 1: can open my mind to curiosity. Because if you're not

1068
01:03:44,360 --> 01:03:47,520
Speaker 1: secure in that, you have to put up walls of defense.

1069
01:03:48,120 --> 01:03:52,440
Speaker 1: You have to like be defensive. There's no room for gratitude,

1070
01:03:52,440 --> 01:03:55,320
Speaker 1: there's no room for curiosity because you're kind of in

1071
01:03:55,360 --> 01:03:59,800
Speaker 1: that mode. So you have to like find that we

1072
01:04:00,080 --> 01:04:03,000
Speaker 1: believe that that's in the hope of Jesus, that man,

1073
01:04:03,080 --> 01:04:06,720
Speaker 1: this we know where that we were dead in our trespasses.

1074
01:04:06,760 --> 01:04:13,120
Speaker 1: We know that you know, by uh through faith in

1075
01:04:13,200 --> 01:04:20,080
Speaker 1: grace or sorry uh, by grace through faith that man,

1076
01:04:20,120 --> 01:04:22,720
Speaker 1: we've we've been redeemed. And it's almost like every everything

1077
01:04:22,760 --> 01:04:26,680
Speaker 1: else kind of becomes secondary to that. If we have

1078
01:04:26,840 --> 01:04:29,800
Speaker 1: that to kind of be a baseline. Man, that's so good.

1079
01:04:30,440 --> 01:04:34,360
Speaker 1: But I think you have to one take some time

1080
01:04:34,400 --> 01:04:36,600
Speaker 1: and just become self aware of like, Okay, whenever I'm

1081
01:04:36,600 --> 01:04:40,520
Speaker 1: in a situation, do I go to defense or do

1082
01:04:40,560 --> 01:04:43,760
Speaker 1: I go to curiosity and like trying to assume the

1083
01:04:43,760 --> 01:04:46,480
Speaker 1: best of the person until I know all the stuff,

1084
01:04:46,560 --> 01:04:50,280
Speaker 1: or am I immediately like, well, dude, they just screwed

1085
01:04:50,280 --> 01:04:53,320
Speaker 1: me over for no reason and they blah blah. It's like, dude, easy,

1086
01:04:53,800 --> 01:04:57,720
Speaker 1: you're there. There's two paths that you're choosing there. So man,

1087
01:04:57,760 --> 01:05:02,800
Speaker 1: that is so good, Burns James. That's it. And the

1088
01:05:02,880 --> 01:05:04,920
Speaker 1: last thing I could say before we get before we

1089
01:05:05,000 --> 01:05:09,959
Speaker 1: end this podcast is more sleep, less screens, less junk food,

1090
01:05:10,680 --> 01:05:15,040
Speaker 1: and that'll help your process tremendously. Everything Bernie's saying is

1091
01:05:15,160 --> 01:05:17,960
Speaker 1: hard to accomplish if you're you're not getting good sleep,

1092
01:05:18,000 --> 01:05:19,800
Speaker 1: you're looking at your phone all day, and you're not

1093
01:05:20,040 --> 01:05:24,240
Speaker 1: properly fueled drink water. Do that in there too, Yeah,

1094
01:05:24,320 --> 01:05:26,840
Speaker 1: you need to put those things on a shirt. Like

1095
01:05:28,240 --> 01:05:30,600
Speaker 1: Granger just summed up every question in this pocket. How

1096
01:05:30,960 --> 01:05:33,240
Speaker 1: do you deal with all of these things? Everything about

1097
01:05:33,400 --> 01:05:36,640
Speaker 1: everything you just said? Sleep no screens? Awesome, guys, We

1098
01:05:37,120 --> 01:05:39,240
Speaker 1: love you, Love you Burns. Thank you so much, dude.

1099
01:05:39,240 --> 01:05:41,160
Speaker 1: Thank you guys for having me on. See you next time.

1100
01:05:41,200 --> 01:05:43,960
Speaker 1: Ye thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith Podcast. I

1101
01:05:44,000 --> 01:05:46,600
Speaker 1: appreciate all of you. Guys. You could help me out

1102
01:05:46,720 --> 01:05:49,960
Speaker 1: by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube,

1103
01:05:50,200 --> 01:05:53,440
Speaker 1: subscribe to this channel, hit that little like button and

1104
01:05:53,600 --> 01:05:57,320
Speaker 1: notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload

1105
01:05:57,600 --> 01:05:59,760
Speaker 1: a video. If you have a question for me that

1106
01:05:59,800 --> 01:06:04,360
Speaker 1: you like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail

1107
01:06:04,720 --> 01:06:13,600
Speaker 1: dot com.