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Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome to another episode of Couch Talks.

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Speaker 1: My name is Kat and I am your host, and

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Speaker 1: if you are new to Couch Talks, it is the

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Speaker 1: special bonus episode of You Need Therapy, where I cat

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Speaker 1: answer the questions that you guys send into me and

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Speaker 1: you can send those two Catherine K A t h

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Speaker 1: r y n at You Need Therapy podcast dot com.

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Speaker 1: Normally I answer one question a week and it comes

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Speaker 1: from an anonymous listener who sends one in and I

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Speaker 1: give my thoughts. But I like to remind you guys

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Speaker 1: every week that even though I am answering your questions,

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Speaker 1: this is not therapy itself. It's not a substitute or

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Speaker 1: a placement. It's just a space where we get to

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Speaker 1: talk about mental health. We get to talk about psychology,

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Speaker 1: we get to talk about relationships, and we get to

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Speaker 1: create some dialogues over the podcast, which really ends up

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Speaker 1: mostly being me talking to myself that might get you

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Speaker 1: thinking or might impact your mental health therapy journey on

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Speaker 1: its own. Now, what a stressful five days that has been.

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Speaker 1: I'm speaking for myself. There's a lot out there right now,

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Speaker 1: a lot um I'm speaking of what happened on Friday

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Speaker 1: with the overturning of rope v Wade and all of

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Speaker 1: the things that are you know, following suit because of that,

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Speaker 1: and one thing I cannot do is act like nothing's

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Speaker 1: going on and just continue business as usual with this podcast. Um,

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Speaker 1: this isn't like a comedy podcast. It is a mental

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Speaker 1: health podcast, and this impacts our mental health. I'll say,

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Speaker 1: if you just want to laugh and feel good, then

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Speaker 1: this isn't always going to be the podcast for you.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes we do that. There are places for that here

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Speaker 1: and this is and will continue to be a place

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Speaker 1: where I try to bring in tough conversations and talk

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Speaker 1: about hard thing and that's part of the tagline of

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Speaker 1: the podcast. And while I do my best to try

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Speaker 1: to make that as fun as possible when I can,

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Speaker 1: sometimes it's impossible. And today is where there's not really

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Speaker 1: a fun way to spend what's going on, and we're

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Speaker 1: going to talk about it. I feel like it's necessary

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Speaker 1: for me to address what has happened in the last week.

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Speaker 1: And I realized that many listeners really will want me

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Speaker 1: to stay away from politics, and I'm sure I'll get

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Speaker 1: some negative comments or emails and I might lose some

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Speaker 1: listeners for saying this. I definitely have lost a bunch

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Speaker 1: of followers in the last couple of days. But this

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Speaker 1: is my podcast and I don't make it and continue

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Speaker 1: to create it to make everybody like me. I created

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Speaker 1: for what I said earlier, like, it's a place that

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Speaker 1: we have hard conversations and talk about the tough truths

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Speaker 1: of life, and when it's fun, we try to make

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Speaker 1: it fun. And when it's not fun, we have created

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Speaker 1: a safe place so hopeful we can all sit in

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Speaker 1: that on funness together and move through it. And my podcast.

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Speaker 1: Even though this platform that I've created isn't big, it's

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Speaker 1: still a platform, and I believe in the power of

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Speaker 1: standing up for what you believe is right. And I

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Speaker 1: want to use that power, the little bit of that

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Speaker 1: of that that I have and the trust that I

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Speaker 1: have kind of created with you guys as a community,

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Speaker 1: to offer helpful and truthful information. So with that being said,

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Speaker 1: if you need to skip this episode, I totally respect

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Speaker 1: that and I honor that fully. I also think what

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Speaker 1: I'm about to talk about is really important and what

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Speaker 1: I'm about to address might not be what you think

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Speaker 1: I'm about to address. I had a whole other episode

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Speaker 1: planned based on some questions that listeners sent in about

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Speaker 1: the overturning of v Wade and then the mental health

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Speaker 1: implications that that might bring, and I want to still

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Speaker 1: have an episode about that. But I got this message

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Speaker 1: on Instagram. I don't know if I got it last

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Speaker 1: night or this morning, but I saw it this morning

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Speaker 1: with someone asking my opinion on a specific Instagram real

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Speaker 1: about therapists and therapists and politics, and um, I feel

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Speaker 1: now more than effort, we need safe spaces to talk

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Speaker 1: and share and learn about ourselves. And so this real

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Speaker 1: and what it says is what I want to focus on.

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Speaker 1: The person who sent it to me asked what I

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Speaker 1: thought about it, and was like, I'm really interested in

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Speaker 1: hear your thoughts on this, and so I'm gonna give

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Speaker 1: you my thoughts. I want you to know that I'm

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Speaker 1: one therapist, so you can disagree with me. That's totally fine.

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Speaker 1: I really don't love when information is given as black

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Speaker 1: and white when it's not, and this is one of

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Speaker 1: those things that's not black and white. So if you

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Speaker 1: don't want to hold my thoughts and opinions as yours,

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Speaker 1: that's totally okay, and I respect that for sure. But

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Speaker 1: when there are things that are black and white when

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Speaker 1: it comes to mental health and therapy and all that,

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Speaker 1: and then there are a lot that isn't. And there

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Speaker 1: is a lot on on Instagram that is put out

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Speaker 1: there as black and white that isn't. So this is

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Speaker 1: one of those things, and I just want to talk

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Speaker 1: about it. So I want to focus on this because

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Speaker 1: I feel really sad that therapy sometimes, especially more recently,

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Speaker 1: gets misconstrued with a place that just ends up being

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Speaker 1: like an echo chamber where you get to be surrounded

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Speaker 1: by the same thoughts and opinions and you get to

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Speaker 1: feel good about staying the same thoughts and opinions. Therapy

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Speaker 1: is supposed to be hard, and it's supposed to be uncomfortable,

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Speaker 1: safe uncomfortable. Also, yes, safe and uncomfortable at the same time.

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Speaker 1: So this was a real that a therapist. He's pretty

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Speaker 1: well known therapist, and I hesitate putting his name out there.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna kind of I'm gonna leave him anonymous. Uh,

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Speaker 1: some of you might follow him, That's totally fine. There's

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Speaker 1: I don't follow him. So I'm sure there's information out

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Speaker 1: there that is awesome, but this is not one of

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Speaker 1: those things. In my opinion. It was a reel of

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Speaker 1: him talking and I'm just gonna read. I typed out

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Speaker 1: what he said, and so I'm gonna read what he

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Speaker 1: said in my voice. So in this real this person said,

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Speaker 1: your therapist is not neutral when it comes to politics

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Speaker 1: in what's going on in the world. Don't let them

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Speaker 1: make you believe that they are a blank slate. A

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Speaker 1: blank slate therapist is something that a bunch of old, white,

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Speaker 1: privileged men made up and we have moved past it.

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Speaker 1: Ask your therapist how they feel about things you care

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Speaker 1: deeply about so you know it's safe to bring up

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Speaker 1: certain issues. If they respond with some cliche therapist remark

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Speaker 1: like tell me why it's important to you to know this?

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Speaker 1: Say this, because I can't trust you if I don't

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Speaker 1: know your politics and value. So I'm going to need

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Speaker 1: you to be straight up with me or I won't

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Speaker 1: continue to pay you. If they can't be honest and

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Speaker 1: you can't bring up things you care deeply about, that's

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Speaker 1: affecting your mental health. They are doing something wrong and

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Speaker 1: it's time for you to find a new therapist. Okay,

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Speaker 1: So that was what he said. And I really hate

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Speaker 1: this video so much. I feel like it was made

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Speaker 1: in lieu of what's going on right now. This I'm making,

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Speaker 1: this is this assumption I'm making up, But I feel

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Speaker 1: like it was made more to get shares and likes

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Speaker 1: than to help people, because this, to me is instilling

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Speaker 1: a lot of fear and finding a therapist and all

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Speaker 1: so therapists ability to do their job. It is so true,

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Speaker 1: Like part of this is true. We are not neutral.

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Speaker 1: We are humans. We have beliefs and feelings, and I

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Speaker 1: don't think that we can be completely the blank slates

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Speaker 1: that we were originally taught to be. Because of this,

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Speaker 1: and I also think with the right training and supervision,

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Speaker 1: we are able to hone in on skills that allow

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Speaker 1: us to hold our personal bias outside of the client relationship.

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Speaker 1: For the most part, it's not easy, trust me, that

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Speaker 1: is not easy. That's part of like building your skills

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Speaker 1: as a therapist. That sometimes comes after a couple of

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Speaker 1: years that you really feel like you're able to do that.

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Speaker 1: But being a therapist is a really freaking hard job.

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Speaker 1: And I I don't know if people forget that that

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Speaker 1: not everybody can be a therapist, just like not everybody

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Speaker 1: can be a professional basketball player, and everybody can be

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Speaker 1: an accountant, or everybody can be an interior designer. Like

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Speaker 1: we are given different skills, and if we don't have

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Speaker 1: certain skills, some can be taught and some can't. And

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Speaker 1: sometimes we just can't do the jobs that maybe we

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Speaker 1: want to be able to do. And I will say

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Speaker 1: that therapy has become especially hard in the last couple

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Speaker 1: of years, and I really respect a lot of people

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Speaker 1: who have decided this isn't for me. I can't do

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Speaker 1: this anymore, um and I'm better student in a different role.

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Speaker 1: And some of those therapists have moved into coaching, and

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Speaker 1: that's totally fine. That's why coaching is so different than therapy.

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Speaker 1: Coaching is is a lot of times people using their

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Speaker 1: beliefs and personal beliefs and personal bias and all that

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Speaker 1: to help people and to talk about things in something

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Speaker 1: more like an echo chamber, totally. But therapy is not

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Speaker 1: just about our personal beliefs and values and morals. Sometimes

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Speaker 1: that comes into play, but it's not that black and white.

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Speaker 1: So if you can't do that in your therapist, if

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Speaker 1: you can't keep that outside of the room to in

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Speaker 1: a certain extent, I would one really encourage you to

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Speaker 1: seek some supervision and guidance. I still go to therapy

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Speaker 1: partly because of this, Like I go to therapy to

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Speaker 1: work on my own stuff and my own relationship, but

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Speaker 1: also go to therapy because sometimes I just need a place.

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Speaker 1: It's kind of like my supervision now. I need a

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Speaker 1: place to talk about the things that are getting in

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Speaker 1: the way of me doing my job the way I

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Speaker 1: know how to best do my job, and to keep

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Speaker 1: me in check. So I would seek some supervision and guidance,

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Speaker 1: and I also would check yourself in regards to why

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Speaker 1: you're a therapist. I personally don't need everyone to live

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Speaker 1: their life in accordance to how I think it should be.

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Speaker 1: I want to help people. I want to help people

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Speaker 1: live the lives that they want, and as long as

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Speaker 1: it's not causing direct harm to themselves or others, I'm

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Speaker 1: not inserting what I would want for them now. I

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Speaker 1: might share feelings with them at times, I might share

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Speaker 1: opinions with people at times, but when it really comes

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Speaker 1: down to it, I'm figuring out what it is this

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Speaker 1: client wants, and regardless of what I feel is right

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Speaker 1: or wrong for me, that's not being placed on them.

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Speaker 1: And again, I wasn't always very good at that. I

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Speaker 1: wasn't always very good at seeing and being able to

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Speaker 1: sit with a discomfort of like, Oh, I I wish

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Speaker 1: they could do this because I think they'd be happier

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Speaker 1: with this, or I think this is right, Like I

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Speaker 1: wasn't always good at being able to separate that because

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Speaker 1: when it comes down to it, what makes me happy

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Speaker 1: isn't going to be what makes somebody else happy. And again,

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Speaker 1: hard thing to do. It's also part of the job

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Speaker 1: requirement to be a therapist. So you may want to

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Speaker 1: know where we stand politically and religiously and what we

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Speaker 1: think about certain things, and sometimes we will tell you

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Speaker 1: without the blink of an eye. Sometimes we'll tell you

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Speaker 1: without you asking, and sometimes you don't need to know

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Speaker 1: these things. It varies person to person based on what

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Speaker 1: you're going through and what you're really looking for. That

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Speaker 1: isn't the point of therapy to find like an exact

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Speaker 1: like minded person. You may want one, but you don't

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Speaker 1: necessarily need one. So while you may want a therapist

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Speaker 1: who agrees with you, and y'all can talk openly on this,

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Speaker 1: it's not that black and white. You can create a

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Speaker 1: safe relationship with out knowing certain things and honestly, that

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Speaker 1: may make certain relationships more beneficial. I know that a

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Speaker 1: lot of my beliefs and a lot of my thoughts

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Speaker 1: are out in the open, but I have clients that

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Speaker 1: barely know a thing about me and my life and

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Speaker 1: what I believe. I have clients that know a ton,

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Speaker 1: and I have clients that make a lot of assumptions

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Speaker 1: but they don't know for sure. And yes, I have

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Speaker 1: this podcast and my Instagram is public and all of that,

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Speaker 1: but not all my clients listen to my podcast or

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Speaker 1: follow it or or follow me because some don't want

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Speaker 1: to know. And we actually have those conversations, that's okay,

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Speaker 1: Like they don't need to do that. You can feel

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Speaker 1: safe without being in complete alignment with somebody, And honestly,

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Speaker 1: I think that's one of the issues that is continuing

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Speaker 1: to make a lot of this stuff so difficult and

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Speaker 1: harmful that's out there right now. This idea that we

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Speaker 1: can only be in relationship and have fruitful, loving, hard

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Speaker 1: conversations with people who align with all parts of our

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Speaker 1: lives is damaging and I'm sad, and it's creating bigger,

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Speaker 1: thicker lines. And while I might still struggle with that

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Speaker 1: in my personal life, with certain relationships. When it comes

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Speaker 1: to my work, it's a whole different ball game. I

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Speaker 1: can not know certain things about people and still feel

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Speaker 1: safe with them, trust them, value them, honor them. My

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Speaker 1: therapist and I, I know have a lot of different beliefs,

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Speaker 1: and I still feel safe to say what i want

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Speaker 1: to say. Now, that's a relationship that I've built over

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Speaker 1: around five years. I've never directly asked her certain things.

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Speaker 1: I know that we have some different opinions, but I've

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Speaker 1: never sat down with her and said I need to

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Speaker 1: know X, Y and Z or I can't work with

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Speaker 1: you because I know we don't align in every single

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Speaker 1: ounce of everything, and that's okay. I don't need to

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Speaker 1: align with her to trust her and know that she

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Speaker 1: has my best interest at heart, because I know she's

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Speaker 1: a good therapist. I want people to hear this loud

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Speaker 1: and clear. You don't have to know a therapist opinion

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Speaker 1: to be able to benefit from therapy and reach your goals.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I've said this so many times during

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Speaker 1: this last ten minutes, and probably more than I need to.

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Speaker 1: But if you've heard anything about me talking about therapy here,

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Speaker 1: that it's not about us and what we believe as

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Speaker 1: a therapist. If that were the case, my client case

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Speaker 1: would look very different. Now, it's fair to say that

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Speaker 1: you may want a therapist that is affirming of some

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Speaker 1: part of your life, maybe due to experiences or trauma

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Speaker 1: or et cetera. That's totally okay. I'm not saying that,

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Speaker 1: like you might not want this or it might not

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Speaker 1: be a good thing to know these things for certain people.

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Speaker 1: I'm saying it's not that black and white and you

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Speaker 1: don't need it regardless of anything else. Because that the

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Speaker 1: video that we're talking about was very much putting out that, like,

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Speaker 1: you have to know this, and if they're not telling

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Speaker 1: you this, then they're not a good therapist or they're

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Speaker 1: not right for you. This might be something you need,

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Speaker 1: it might not, And that's what I want you guys

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Speaker 1: to hear. This is also different than needing a therapist

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Speaker 1: that has a specialty or as a certain understanding or expertise.

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Speaker 1: That's a whole other thing you can have. You need

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Speaker 1: to have those conversations of like do you have experience

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Speaker 1: working with blank? Do you know how to work with blank?

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Speaker 1: Do you have training to do blank? That's one thing,

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Speaker 1: but just wanting to know their personal opinion on politics

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Speaker 1: or their religion or any of these like high emotional

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Speaker 1: things that we're dealing with right now. You don't necessarily

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Speaker 1: need to know that in order for them to be

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Speaker 1: able to work with you. Now, I got a lot

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Speaker 1: of questions, like I said, or not a lot. A

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Speaker 1: couple of questions about the ramifications that might come around

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Speaker 1: mental health from what has happened with Row the Way,

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Speaker 1: And I promise I will work on um talking about

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Speaker 1: that and getting you some quality, good content around that.

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Speaker 1: But what I want to do is make sure that

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Speaker 1: when I do that, it will be from a place

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Speaker 1: of adequate knowledge and professionalism. I don't want it to

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Speaker 1: be me jumping on a bandwagon of this is like

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Speaker 1: a hot topic, so it's going to be clickbait. I

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Speaker 1: want to make sure that I know what I'm talking about,

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Speaker 1: and right now, my emotions are very high when it

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Speaker 1: comes to this stuff, and I've been doing a lot

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Speaker 1: throughout the past couple of days to to learn what

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Speaker 1: I need to learn, and then also to know when

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Speaker 1: my scope kind of comes to an end um and

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Speaker 1: when I need to reach out for help with people

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Speaker 1: that know how to talk about this stuff and how

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Speaker 1: to handle this stuff and understand this stuff better than me.

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Speaker 1: So for now, I want to urge you guys to

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Speaker 1: take the time to listen to those who are breaking

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Speaker 1: down what all this means in a very factful, truthful manner,

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Speaker 1: less in an emotional manner. I mean, you can look

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Speaker 1: at that stuff too, but I think it's really easy

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Speaker 1: to get emotions confused with facts, and I think right now,

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Speaker 1: more than ever, we really do need to look at

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Speaker 1: what's actually happening. It's also really easy to take the

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Speaker 1: position of ignorance right now because maybe this feels like

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Speaker 1: something distant that you'll never have to deal with. But

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Speaker 1: one thing I did here this week that will stay

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Speaker 1: with me forever is that people don't generally care what

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Speaker 1: the consequences of the laws are until those consequences affect them.

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Speaker 1: And I urge you to care now, because whether you

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Speaker 1: are currently feeling it or not, these consequences will most

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Speaker 1: likely be affecting you, whether they are directly or indirectly,

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Speaker 1: at some point in your life. Now. I'm not a lawyer,

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Speaker 1: I'm not a politician, and like I said, I don't

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Speaker 1: believe I have all the adequate knowledge as of now

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Speaker 1: to speak directly on all of this stuff to you,

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Speaker 1: guys um as a whole. I am researching and reaching

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Speaker 1: out and speaking with those who can help me and

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Speaker 1: help inform me so I can give you the information

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Speaker 1: that you deserve and that I think that you, guys

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Speaker 1: should have in a safe place. I think the systemic personally,

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Speaker 1: I will say this, I think the systemic issues that

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Speaker 1: this raises are immense. And at the same time, while

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Speaker 1: there might be a lot of fear in the error

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Speaker 1: for a lot of people on both sides of this,

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Speaker 1: I want to encourage all of you to hold onto hope,

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Speaker 1: because the second that we lose hope, we stop all

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Speaker 1: that is necessary to bring to fruition what it is

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Speaker 1: that we hope for. And it's times like this when

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Speaker 1: we can start to think that the world is just

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Speaker 1: full of a bunch of bad and evil people. And

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Speaker 1: I think on both sides of this spectrum that we're on,

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Speaker 1: we can it can feel like that right now. And

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Speaker 1: while there might be bad and evil people in the world,

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Speaker 1: there are still a lot of good people in the world,

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Speaker 1: and there's a lot of confused people in the world.

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Speaker 1: And as long as there are good people in the world,

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Speaker 1: we can help out those confused people, and we can

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Speaker 1: also find hope. So again I encourage you to do

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Speaker 1: your research and stop when you get overwhelmed, have conversations,

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Speaker 1: and take time out when they turn into debates. Ask

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Speaker 1: for a hug when you need one, ask for space

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Speaker 1: when you need space. Find resources now so when you

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Speaker 1: need them they're accessible. Use your voice when you want to,

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Speaker 1: and use silence when you want to. I know a

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Speaker 1: lot of us want a world where we and even

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Speaker 1: I don't talk about any of this stuff and don't

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Speaker 1: talk about politics because it's uncomfortable or once you realize

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Speaker 1: what I believe, you lose respect in me. And that's

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Speaker 1: why messages like the one I'm talking about today with

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Speaker 1: that therapist UM, that's where those messages are so frustrating

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Speaker 1: to me. The truth that I can't ignore is that

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Speaker 1: politics impact our mental health totally. They shouldn't, but they do, UM,

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Speaker 1: And there's no way around that it. Not every therapist

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Speaker 1: as an activist, not every therapist is a public figure.

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Speaker 1: And that's why this Instagram therapy world has gotten so

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Speaker 1: convoluted to me, and it's a scary place to me.

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Speaker 1: And I've kind of like started to change and reevaluate

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Speaker 1: how I even use social media and Instagram and how

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Speaker 1: I I post and what I post, and like what

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to do out there is because we're confusing

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Speaker 1: therapist jobs. Not every therapist is going to be completely

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Speaker 1: up to date on all of this stuff. Like, therapists

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Speaker 1: are humans, and it's not our job requirement to know

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Speaker 1: every single thing that's going on in the world all

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Speaker 1: the time. And so sometimes regardless of if we even

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Speaker 1: know what you're talking about, when it comes to a

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Speaker 1: social justice issue or something like this, we can still

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Speaker 1: help you, regardless of we even know about the issue

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Speaker 1: you're talking about. So while I can't ignore that politics

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Speaker 1: impact our mental health, I think a lot of therapists

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Speaker 1: that are not choosing to be public figures or active

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Speaker 1: this or any of that can choose to create space

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Speaker 1: and separation with politics and their job. So until the

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Speaker 1: day I stop fighting from fair mental health treatment, which

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Speaker 1: not every therapist in the world out there is doing,

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Speaker 1: I will speak on these matters, and I will put

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Speaker 1: my opinion out there to an extent, but it doesn't

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Speaker 1: mean that I have to share all of my personal

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Speaker 1: values and beliefs in detail with every client I have,

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Speaker 1: or even on this podcast, we cannot know things and

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Speaker 1: still create a safe environment. We can disagree and still

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Speaker 1: be safe. We can agree and be safe. We could

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Speaker 1: also agree and not be safe. Also, it's a whole

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Speaker 1: other thing. So the point really is when it comes

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Speaker 1: down to being a good therapist here and all of

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Speaker 1: what I've been talking about is we need to learn

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Speaker 1: how to offer respect, and therapists need to learn how

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Speaker 1: to offer adequate care to all of the people that

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Speaker 1: we agree to see, no matter who they are, no

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Speaker 1: matter what they believe, and no matter what we believe.

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Speaker 1: Therapists are allowed to use profess sational judgment in that area,

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Speaker 1: and therapists need to be able to continue to use

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Speaker 1: their professional judgment in that area as to how much

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Speaker 1: information and self disclosure they share with their clients or not,

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Speaker 1: because not every therapist is a public figure, and I

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Speaker 1: think that is one thing that I just really want

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Speaker 1: to drive home. And not every therapist owes every client

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Speaker 1: an explanation of what they believe and why they believe it,

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Speaker 1: because that does not always impact the ability to do

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Speaker 1: their job well. So if you hear anything today, hear

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Speaker 1: me say this is not black and white. I think

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Speaker 1: I'm speaking on the other side a lot of and

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Speaker 1: I'm just saying this to make sure I'm saying what

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Speaker 1: I really want to say. I think right now you're

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Speaker 1: hearing me really be on the other side of that video.

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Speaker 1: But what I want you guys to hear is that

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Speaker 1: there's multiple size of that. Sometimes it might be necessary

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Speaker 1: based on a certain client, sometimes it's not necessary, sometimes

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Speaker 1: it's harmful, and sometimes it doesn't matter. So just be

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Speaker 1: open and again things with a grain of salt. Just

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Speaker 1: because somebody's a licensed therapist does not mean that every

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Speaker 1: piece of content, even me, that they're putting out there,

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Speaker 1: has to apply to you and has to be fully right.

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Speaker 1: And I really try to say that over and over

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Speaker 1: again because as humans we have limitations. As therapists, we

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Speaker 1: are humans and we have limitations. So long winded way

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Speaker 1: to say, it's not that black and white, my friends.

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Speaker 1: I think I've said all I need to say today,

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Speaker 1: and geez, I'm exhausted. So I'm going to go have

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Speaker 1: a meeting with my financial planner and even feel even

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Speaker 1: more exhausted after that. I hope you guys have the

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Speaker 1: day you need to have. You listen to the content

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Speaker 1: you need to listen to, and you set down the

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Speaker 1: content that you don't need right now, because we are

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Speaker 1: all needing very different things right now based on who

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Speaker 1: we are, what our experiences are, and our own environments.

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Speaker 1: So I will put out a new episode on fourth

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Speaker 1: of July. Just think guys now. So if you're going

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Speaker 1: out of town or you're traveling, I'll still be talking

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Speaker 1: to you and maybe you can just listen to it

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Speaker 1: on Tuesday. But if you want to listen on Monday,

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Speaker 1: it will be there until then. Again, have the moments

435
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:13,440
Speaker 1: that you need to have, by guys. M