Speaker 1: Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and
Speaker 1: I'm Mela. Happy Wednesday, Happy hump Day everyone.
Speaker 2: We've already started the episode.
Speaker 3: Before the episode started, I've already told our guest how
Speaker 3: I've had six wet dreams. Or Jamila shared with our guests,
Speaker 3: I've already had six wet dreams about Eminem, and our
Speaker 3: guest has since confirmed that Eminem looks like he might
Speaker 3: smell like he's been holding for forty eight hours waiting
Speaker 3: for his public defender to come defend him.
Speaker 4: So in the movie Here we Are a mile, Yes,
Speaker 4: that's one thousand percent what he I think would smell
Speaker 4: like in the basement scene where he's doing the wrap up.
Speaker 2: Yes, I don't know.
Speaker 3: I don't know why this keeps happening to me, But Eminem,
Speaker 3: call me, I'm here.
Speaker 1: Your secrets are not safe. I would love for that
Speaker 1: really to happen.
Speaker 4: So I'll tell you what I'd love to say. I'd
Speaker 4: love to see you do a peloton ad where you're
Speaker 4: riding next to him.
Speaker 1: Well, I don't know why that sounds so freakyrotic. I
Speaker 1: was just like a bitching that.
Speaker 3: And it's like I can't even imagine Eminem working out.
Speaker 1: I've said Eminem more than I've ever said his name
Speaker 1: in my entire lifetime today. Okay, I did have a
Speaker 1: crush on him too, back back in the day, and
Speaker 1: there's little options.
Speaker 3: There's something there.
Speaker 1: Anyway. How's your week, guys? How are you feeling today?
Speaker 2: I'm feeling good. I'm feeling great.
Speaker 3: I'm a little I smoked a little bit earlier and
Speaker 3: so I'm feeling relaxed. And my friend gave me these
Speaker 3: like rose essence drops that she like made me, and
Speaker 3: so I just put them under my tongue and they
Speaker 3: give me like I don't know, they make me feel
Speaker 3: like energized but positive.
Speaker 4: So are they like a rose essence THC.
Speaker 3: No, No, No, it's just some She's an herbalist and
Speaker 3: she I have. I suffer from anxiety, which is why
Speaker 3: I'm really happy you're here.
Speaker 4: Okay, help me. Am I going to make it worse?
Speaker 2: I hope not.
Speaker 1: Wait, let's introduce our guests. You're hearing a voice. It's
Speaker 1: not ours. We have an amazing bad ass woman here.
Speaker 1: She's an author.
Speaker 3: She's a lawyer, international best selling author, really an audible icon.
Speaker 1: I would say, I think.
Speaker 2: You're an audible icon.
Speaker 1: You are.
Speaker 3: She has like the most successful self published audible book.
Speaker 1: Of all time.
Speaker 3: It's true, and you're a motivational speaker. You're a mother
Speaker 3: and hot smoker. She has white pants on with patch
Speaker 3: on her asses as bad ass that she wore for us.
Speaker 4: I did, and I also did not realize I was
Speaker 4: coming to the headquarters of beauty blenders. So after I
Speaker 4: put my foundation on with my hands, I subconsciously rubbed
Speaker 4: them down the front of my white pants. So I
Speaker 4: have a foundation streak, like some loser right here.
Speaker 1: Please get her beauty blender.
Speaker 4: I had one. I just forgot to put it in
Speaker 4: my suitcase last.
Speaker 1: Night, and I figure out here an extra one. It's
Speaker 1: so crazy because me and Eric are so fucking professional.
Speaker 1: Last time Mel was supposed to come here and the
Speaker 1: wires got crossed and she was here and we were not,
Speaker 1: and we were in another meeting, and I was like,
Speaker 1: oh no, Eric, I like, I have to call her.
Speaker 1: I'm scared. Oh no. So I went outside.
Speaker 2: I'm like, hello, I didn't help her at all.
Speaker 3: I was like, she's gonna have to deal with Mel
Speaker 3: Robbins is outside of the office.
Speaker 2: I'm like, she doesn't have to deal with that.
Speaker 1: I can't do. I was.
Speaker 3: I was in the midst of like that day. I
Speaker 3: was like break, I like broke down and had like
Speaker 3: this crazy anxiety moment, and I was like, I can't
Speaker 3: I help.
Speaker 2: You, bitch. I should figure it out.
Speaker 1: And I thought for sure I was gonna get like
Speaker 1: your assistant. I was like perfect, Like, hey, so we're
Speaker 1: not there. She's like, no, this is mel I'm.
Speaker 4: Like, you did call. But then she got on the
Speaker 4: team and I said, give me that phone rung.
Speaker 1: She got me, you did, she got me together, so
Speaker 1: fucking why. I was like, shit, I was like, I just.
Speaker 2: Got a coach.
Speaker 1: She's like, don't apologie. I stop apologizing. It's fine. Shit happens.
Speaker 1: I'm like, you're okay, you're right. I'm not sorry. I
Speaker 1: am sorry.
Speaker 4: Sorry, No, do not say you're sorry like.
Speaker 1: Your team needs to be on luck cause you're growing.
Speaker 1: I'm like, you're motherfucking right, that's right.
Speaker 4: So so you asked me in the beginning, come to
Speaker 4: the table with a mantra and we're gonna talk why.
Speaker 4: Most mantras or bullshit, but one mantra I love is
Speaker 4: that I always say to myself, especially when the shit
Speaker 4: hits a fan or especially when I hear the anxiety
Speaker 4: or I feel the anxiety. And for anxiety for me
Speaker 4: always starts in my ankles and it rolls up like
Speaker 4: a train through my body. And I always say to myself,
Speaker 4: this moment is preparing me for something amazing that hasn't
Speaker 4: happened yet.
Speaker 1: This moment is.
Speaker 4: Preparing me for something amazing that hasn't happened yet. And
Speaker 4: so when I say that, it's a way to flip
Speaker 4: yourself out of anxiety and fear and self doubt and
Speaker 4: self rejection and self bashing and flip into this thing
Speaker 4: I call a high five attitude, which grounds you into
Speaker 4: faith and optimism and a little bit of confidence when
Speaker 4: you need it. Because the fact of the matter is
Speaker 4: that was the perfect breakdown for you to have, for
Speaker 4: me to be out here in La. I don't live
Speaker 4: in La to be standing here, you know, drive forty
Speaker 4: five minutes you know here, organize the day around coming here,
Speaker 4: you know, like, and I'm not saying this make you
Speaker 4: feel bad. I want you to understand that the universe
Speaker 4: gives you the size of a breakdown that you need
Speaker 4: in order to wake your ass up. And I'm telling
Speaker 4: you You have probably had other scheduling breakdowns. You have
Speaker 4: probably had other process breakdowns, but they weren't big enough
Speaker 4: to make you go, fuck, I'm going to pay attention now.
Speaker 4: And so when you stand in those moments and go,
Speaker 4: this is preparing me for something amazing that hasn't happened yet.
Speaker 4: What that moment prepared you for is respecting the platform
Speaker 4: you're building and respecting yourselves so that you take this
Speaker 4: moment and say, oh, I actually have to level up
Speaker 4: in this moment, I got up upgrade the systems around me.
Speaker 4: I got to upgrade the calendaring, I got to upgrade
Speaker 4: the you know, like whatever it is. And I can
Speaker 4: say that to you because I have fucked up so
Speaker 4: many times. And I think when you kind of get
Speaker 4: into something and you're in it because you really want
Speaker 4: to connect with people and you want to make an impact,
Speaker 4: and it sort of just happens organically. Me personally, I
Speaker 4: was completely naive about what it meant to have a
Speaker 4: business and do have a brand where you're the face
Speaker 4: of it, what it means for your family, what it
Speaker 4: means in terms of liability, what it means in terms
Speaker 4: of how fast things start coming at you, and So
Speaker 4: if I could, as somebody who is probably I don't know,
Speaker 4: twenty five more fuck ups ahead of you, save you
Speaker 4: the heartache and the headache that I have caused myself,
Speaker 4: then I would love to do that. And that's why
Speaker 4: I was literally like, don't you dare apologize? Like just
Speaker 4: get the lesson and like change the stuff. And the
Speaker 4: other reason why I want you to not apologize, like
Speaker 4: apologize when something happens to say like I really apologize
Speaker 4: or like whatever. But what I want you to do instead,
Speaker 4: especially as women, and especially as two women that are
Speaker 4: gonna build something monstrous, Okay, I want you to flip
Speaker 4: out of your vocabulary the word i'm sorry, and I
Speaker 4: want you to insert the word thank you, thank you,
Speaker 4: And I'll tell you why, because in that moment you're
Speaker 4: like i'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it becomes the
Speaker 4: focus goes on you making the mistake, so you feel terrible.
Speaker 4: It also makes the person on the receiving end of
Speaker 4: the i'm sorry feel like I need to reassure you
Speaker 4: when instead, in those moments where you, you know, legitimately
Speaker 4: have a like breakdown, you didn't intentionally go fuck Mel Robbins.
Speaker 4: Let's just ghost her, and let's let's put a video
Speaker 4: out front and let's see what this bitch does. That's
Speaker 4: not what happens.
Speaker 1: That's the core what she says about us.
Speaker 4: And see exactly that's not what happened at all.
Speaker 2: Punk.
Speaker 4: Yeah, literally, that's that's not what happened. So in you
Speaker 4: in those moments when you can go, hey, look we
Speaker 4: had a break down. Thank you for understanding, thank you
Speaker 4: for your patients. That's sorry, I got three kids, I
Speaker 4: know what it feels like.
Speaker 1: Whatever, just to see it's French fries, just at least
Speaker 1: one thing.
Speaker 4: But literally, see there you go, thank you like she
Speaker 4: literally like when you go, thank you for your patience,
Speaker 4: thank you for your understanding, thank you for your flexibility.
Speaker 4: You get it off the battering ram of hitting yourself
Speaker 4: and making yourself wrong and making somebody feel like they
Speaker 4: need to reassure you, and you step into your power
Speaker 4: and you go things happen. I appreciate you your flexibility,
Speaker 4: and I appreciate you. See what I'm saying, that's what
Speaker 4: are you betting from that?
Speaker 3: I'm just I'm thinking because I definitely I'm saying I'm sorry.
Speaker 3: It's definitely something I've I do a lot, but I've
Speaker 3: also I've been trying to undo and I also encourage
Speaker 3: my friends to not apologize too, but never really thinking
Speaker 3: about how it makes the person that you're saying i'm
Speaker 3: sorry to then have to reassure you not only maybe
Speaker 3: you've inconvenienced them, but then you're also making them have
Speaker 3: to reassure you that it's okay. You know, I never
Speaker 3: really thought about that part, because you think that you're
Speaker 3: doing them a service almost by saying I'm sorry, when
Speaker 3: really it's it's not.
Speaker 1: It doesn't change whatever has been done.
Speaker 4: Well.
Speaker 3: It makes them have to, like, like she said, reassure you,
Speaker 3: when like, that's not their job either. Not only are
Speaker 3: you sorry for whatever it is you did, but now
Speaker 3: they're also having to reassure whatever choice is well.
Speaker 4: And now, let me tell you the bigger thematic piece
Speaker 4: of this, because it's so conditioned into women and girls
Speaker 4: to say they're sorry. I was going to say that,
Speaker 4: is that when it becomes so casual that you are
Speaker 4: literally apologizing for ordering gluten free bread, right, I'm really sorry,
Speaker 4: I'm sorry that I'm a pain in the ass when
Speaker 4: I order. I'm sorry, but could I please have gluten
Speaker 4: free with that? That that you are taking away your
Speaker 4: right to take up space. You are in validating what
Speaker 4: you need. You are invalidating your right to request the
Speaker 4: things that support you. Like if you feel self conscious
Speaker 4: because you don't have a simple order, just say, hey,
Speaker 4: thank you so much. This is a really like important
Speaker 4: thing to make sure that it's gluten free. Now you're
Speaker 4: acknowledging the waiter instead of bashing yourself for having.
Speaker 3: A need, and you're actually empowering the waiter to do
Speaker 3: the job. Well, yes, because now they're like, wow, okay,
Speaker 3: I'm going to get this right.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know.
Speaker 4: You can certainly apologize when you screw something up, but
Speaker 4: then flip it into a thank you to acknowledge the
Speaker 4: other person for giving you the grace to be human.
Speaker 1: Right, yeah, I think Sorry, it does take away giving
Speaker 1: yourself grace to be human. Like, no, I didn't do
Speaker 1: it on purpose. Yeah, that's so true. As women, we
Speaker 1: apologize all the time, all day long. I say it
Speaker 1: so so much that it just rolls off the tongue.
Speaker 1: I'm like, Hi, I'm sorry, I don't know why I
Speaker 1: said that. I'm like scooting past people who are too close. Sorry, sorry, no, bitch,
Speaker 1: back up? Yeah, you know, women were just like I
Speaker 1: think we are so conditioned to not take up space
Speaker 1: to be seen but not heard almost you know, yeah,
Speaker 1: it feels uncomfortable to do it. If even having the conversation,
Speaker 1: I'm like, damn, how am I gonna substitute thank you
Speaker 1: for I'm sorry. That's gonna be a lot of thank you.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but it's so it's empowering because you literally feel
Speaker 4: like you're in control of everything.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 4: Thank you for waiting for me and shed if I'm
Speaker 4: sorry I'm late.
Speaker 1: Thank you for being flexible with us, and thank you
Speaker 1: for coming back and blessing us with these gems right
Speaker 1: off the top. Like I told her, I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm excited for this interview now, I'm like, wow, she
Speaker 1: just I don't know what. She was like, stop disrespecting
Speaker 1: your business. That is what she told me. I was like, damn,
Speaker 1: I never heard it put it that way. I'm gonna stop,
Speaker 1: I swear to god. Guess what happened The next that week,
Speaker 1: we had a fucking meeting everybody, like, you know, let's
Speaker 1: get on a call because she is getting she was
Speaker 1: slipping through the cracks and it's our business, so got
Speaker 1: to get it together. Well, and by the.
Speaker 4: Way, as you continue to level up, you're gonna have
Speaker 4: to do that again. And as you continue to level up,
Speaker 4: you're gonna have to do that again. We're doing that
Speaker 4: right now with our own social media team because we've
Speaker 4: just been in the middle of this big book launch
Speaker 4: and now we need to post mortem because you know,
Speaker 4: I think a lot of times, especially in a space
Speaker 4: where you're building something new, it's around something you're passionate about.
Speaker 4: You basically build the airplane as you're flying it.
Speaker 1: You've never put it so good when you said that
Speaker 1: when you have a business that you've developed through passion,
Speaker 1: that you really didn't even realize that that's you were
Speaker 1: building it. And then you're like, oh fuck, I'm in
Speaker 1: a business and there's people that need to be paid,
Speaker 1: and I there's all these moving parts that you really
Speaker 1: didn't expect. So you didn't like have a business plan
Speaker 1: and then implement the shit. It just happened because it
Speaker 1: is a project of passion. And like, I'm so happy
Speaker 1: to be sitting down with you because obviously you're ahead
Speaker 1: of us in this and taking this advice means a lot.
Speaker 1: Like sometimes we talk about it and we know it's true,
Speaker 1: but we're like, are we tripping a terrible business people?
Speaker 1: I'm like, kind of, this wasn't supposed to be a business.
Speaker 4: Well, and that's the other thing. You're not going to
Speaker 4: be good at everything. And so one of the biggest
Speaker 4: breakthroughs for me, and this was one of the gifts
Speaker 4: of doing that daytime talk show that I was eventually
Speaker 4: fired from, but one of the gifts of it, again,
Speaker 4: this moment is preparing you for something amazing. That's happening
Speaker 4: is to all of a sudden step into a television show.
Speaker 4: One hundred and thirty five people on the team Sony
Speaker 4: Pictures Television. We're filming at the CBS Broadcast Center. I
Speaker 4: had never been a part of a machine that big,
Speaker 4: one hundred and seventy five episodes taped in about five
Speaker 4: months flat. Wow, Like that is a machine. But what
Speaker 4: I realized is, Oh, I'm actually a really shitty CEO.
Speaker 4: Like no wonder. It's been painful, and I've been a
Speaker 4: workaholic because I have been disrespecting my business and I
Speaker 4: have been trying to do everything and I have been
Speaker 4: so insecure that I have not been confident enough to
Speaker 4: hire people around me that have more experience than me.
Speaker 4: And when I got into the right seat on that
Speaker 4: train that was moving a million miles an hour, I'm like, oh,
Speaker 4: I'm not supposed to be running the production. I'm supposed
Speaker 4: to empower people to create a production machine around me
Speaker 4: so I can do what I love doing and that
Speaker 4: will make it grow. And so that's what I also
Speaker 4: meant by stop disrespecting the business and yourselves. You two
Speaker 4: have a genius. You have a particular thing or things
Speaker 4: that you're remarkable at. I am horrible at execution. I
Speaker 4: can walk into a meeting and ideas a fly off
Speaker 4: for me. I can talk like we're gonna make a
Speaker 4: million dollars something like all these ideas are gonna hit,
Speaker 4: and they will the second I walk out of the door.
Speaker 4: I'm not doing any of that yet. So if you
Speaker 4: don't start to understand what piece of this makes the money,
Speaker 4: what piece do I love doing, what's the piece that
Speaker 4: we actually need to hire, you're at that stage, and
Speaker 4: that's the scariest stage in any business. Doesn't matter. There's
Speaker 4: a reason why my ask is to God.
Speaker 1: It's like, we need you this week, not that week.
Speaker 1: This is the day. This is the day we need
Speaker 1: to hear all these messages, It's like I'm getting goosebumps,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 4: Oh, and I'm gonna give you one more. Everybody. The
Speaker 4: most incredible thing that you could ever do is say no.
Speaker 1: Like exercise saying no, no, no, no no.
Speaker 4: In business, okay, let me tell you why. Okay, you ready?
Speaker 4: So when it comes to negotiating, what happens when you
Speaker 4: start to get into talking deal terms for example, like
Speaker 4: this happened with Sony Pictures. They reached out to us
Speaker 4: and at this point we're on like Audible number three.
Speaker 4: I'm the most booked female speaker in the world. We've
Speaker 4: got half a million students and online classes. We are
Speaker 4: slaying it and doing it on terms, and they on
Speaker 4: our terms. And so they reach out to us and
Speaker 4: they say, we'd love to talk to you about a
Speaker 4: daytime syndicate to talk show.
Speaker 1: So.
Speaker 4: I grew up in Western Michigan. When I would come
Speaker 4: home from school, my mom would have on Oprah Donahue Montel.
Speaker 4: I grew up with the old school talk shows on.
Speaker 4: It had always been a dream of mine to host
Speaker 4: my daytime, to host my own daytime talk show be
Speaker 4: on TV like amazing. So even though I was like,
Speaker 4: I'm like a digital person, like like you two are.
Speaker 4: When it came in, I was secretly like fuck yeah, okay, yeah,
Speaker 4: oh my god. They want me right, But I'm like,
Speaker 4: why would I do that? Like why would I do
Speaker 4: a daytime syndicated talk show. And so we wrote back
Speaker 4: and said, no, no thanks, we got a lot going on.
Speaker 4: Not interested. And they wrote back and said, wait what, Yeah,
Speaker 4: you're not interested? Why aren't you interested? And I said, well,
Speaker 4: here's all the reason. I'll make more money than you'll
Speaker 4: pay me. I make more money doing what I do
Speaker 4: than you're ever going to pay me. I own everything
Speaker 4: that I do. I don't want to change or become
Speaker 4: a caricature of what I am. Like that like I
Speaker 4: want to And they wrote back and we're like, but
Speaker 4: would you still talk to us? And so like what
Speaker 4: happens is this in the deal When you say no?
Speaker 4: There is this chemical thing that floods somebody's body, especially
Speaker 4: if it's a dude, the testosterone, the chase, the part
Speaker 4: of the brain that is attracted to something you can't have.
Speaker 4: It literally takes over and because you said no, you
Speaker 4: become more desirable and more attractive. This also works for
Speaker 4: dating everybody with so familiar yes. So the more that
Speaker 4: you say no, the more you become something that somebody
Speaker 4: wants to get.
Speaker 1: Your value somehow raises because you're less accessible. Correct, They're like, oh,
Speaker 1: she's saying no, damn, Like maybe we should try harder
Speaker 1: raise our price, remove these dumb ass this dumb ass
Speaker 1: contractor we just proposed her. And because a lot of times,
Speaker 1: how many people on a daytime fucking talk show everybody?
Speaker 1: I wonder if I can be Oprah, but like how
Speaker 1: many people are saying no to shitty ass deals? People
Speaker 1: are like, oh, Sony Pictures, I'm in and then fucked.
Speaker 1: You know, all their shit that they've built is gone
Speaker 1: because they've given everything over to someone, and like, you know,
Speaker 1: we've obviously probably not to that to that standard yet,
Speaker 1: but like of course we've had proposals and companies and
Speaker 1: production companies and they're like, but we'll own everything, Like bitch,
Speaker 1: are you crazy? No?
Speaker 3: Too many years we recently said notice, like a big opportunity,
Speaker 3: and we sat on it for a while.
Speaker 2: Like should we were like like should we? We were
Speaker 2: trying to work it out.
Speaker 3: Everything in me was like no, no, And then when
Speaker 3: it came down to it.
Speaker 2: We were like, no, well what.
Speaker 3: Ultimately it was the ultimately the best decision that we've made.
Speaker 3: And I'm now like literally this week starting to see
Speaker 3: why I said no.
Speaker 4: Yes. And you know, even the thing we were talking about,
Speaker 4: I don't want to say what it was on a
Speaker 4: mic sou I don't know. If you're talking about it publicly,
Speaker 4: you should consider.
Speaker 1: Our book no no, okay, thing, You.
Speaker 4: Should consider doing it yourself because then you have control
Speaker 4: over it before it becomes a thing, and then the
Speaker 4: bigger fish buy the thing you created versus letting them
Speaker 4: futs around with you know what you're doing right thing.
Speaker 4: So you know, I ultimately said yes because we were
Speaker 4: in La. I think I was in La for a speech,
Speaker 4: and so I'm like, well, allsoin buy and hear what
Speaker 4: you have to say. And they're like, why did you
Speaker 4: show up? And I said, well, I showed up to
Speaker 4: honor the dream that I had as a little girl.
Speaker 4: I want to find out, like, actually, what you're thinking
Speaker 4: and why you're interested. And what they said is, well,
Speaker 4: ever since Oprah left Daytime, it's fucking crap. Well that's
Speaker 4: not the words they use, that's the word I use.
Speaker 4: It's celebrity promotion, it is hot, hot breaking news topics,
Speaker 4: or it is such fake conflict that it is in
Speaker 4: service to nobody. And when I started to understand the
Speaker 4: demographic of a person who is still watching daytime television,
Speaker 4: it aligned directly with the impact that I'm out to
Speaker 4: make in the world, which is to make life changing
Speaker 4: concepts research science accessible to the everyday person. And when
Speaker 4: I realized that we could create a show potentially that
Speaker 4: could be a lifeline for folks that have been left
Speaker 4: behind by resources that have been left behind, by funding,
Speaker 4: that have been left behind when it comes to access
Speaker 4: to therapy or when it comes access to personal development,
Speaker 4: I thought, this is something I'm going to go for
Speaker 4: and it was absolutely something that I was destined to do.
Speaker 4: And then of course they found COVID and it was
Speaker 4: a dream job. I loved every single day. I loved
Speaker 4: working with that team. It was a dream come true.
Speaker 4: I felt like I was in for the first time
Speaker 4: of my life at the age of fifty one. I
Speaker 4: thought I was in the right place. And then they
Speaker 4: found COVID nineteen in the building on March tenth, and
Speaker 4: they walked into our studio and said, you have five
Speaker 4: and it's to evacuate shows, cancel, you're fired. That's it,
Speaker 4: We're done. And it was amazing, Like I first ran
Speaker 4: upstairs and grabbed everything that wasn't nailed down and stole
Speaker 4: everything I could for my dressing room, shut it all in.
Speaker 1: Fire me. Yeah, okay, we say give it all this shit.
Speaker 4: Okay, grab every blaser get let's get a couch. Yes exactly.
Speaker 4: If I could have grabbed a baker, I would have.
Speaker 4: I'm like, oh yeah, take it all this shit. So
Speaker 4: I literally and as I was coming out of CBS
Speaker 4: Broadcast Center in New York City, they were evacuating sixty
Speaker 4: minutes and entertainment tonight and our office is surreal. And
Speaker 4: that was the backdrop for when this new book started.
Speaker 4: Was life punched me in the face and said, yeah,
Speaker 4: I don't think so, Mel, you don't have it all handled.
Speaker 4: And I think we all have that moment where we
Speaker 4: knew the pandemic was going to turn your life upside down?
Speaker 4: Whether did you When was the moment for you where
Speaker 4: you're like, oh shit.
Speaker 1: We were in New York and it was the first
Speaker 1: week of March, and we had kept hearing about it.
Speaker 1: But me and Eric are the type of bitches. I
Speaker 1: want to live in a bubble so it will pass
Speaker 1: because we're not watching the news because it's negative. Don't talk,
Speaker 1: don't bring that negativity here. But we were leaving New
Speaker 1: York and kept hearing about it. I went on a
Speaker 1: date in this guy. I was like, aren't you scared?
Speaker 1: I was like, what the fuck are you talking about?
Speaker 1: But when we were leaving, we went to an event
Speaker 1: speaking event. Erica was speaking and this woman was like.
Speaker 1: We went out to reach her hand and she was like,
Speaker 1: I'm not shaking hands right now, and we were like,
Speaker 1: what the fuck is going on? She wasn't wearing a
Speaker 1: mask because the mask thing happened wasn't but it was
Speaker 1: being yeah, passed through handshakes at that point. But then
Speaker 1: we but then we went to the airport and everyone
Speaker 1: was wearing a mask and I'm like, do you think
Speaker 1: this shit is about to get real? We're about to
Speaker 1: be in like a zombie apocalypse. She's like, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: it's fine, And then she got fucking real. Like two
Speaker 1: days later, schools was sh We know how mom's knew
Speaker 1: school was shut do yeah? The teacher was like she
Speaker 1: might not come back this week. I'm like for how long?
Speaker 1: But she's like, I don't know, Like, oh no, it's real.
Speaker 1: What do you mean, don't it's Wednesday? That was my mind?
Speaker 3: I agree, I mean it was. It's a crazy time.
Speaker 3: But I mean, obviously, I think this time really allowed
Speaker 3: people like us and I think overall to kind of
Speaker 3: tap in, sit the fuck down, and figure out what now.
Speaker 3: And I'm so glad that this time you created this
Speaker 3: book the High five Habit, because I've been like skimming
Speaker 3: through it. I mean, I just got it, so I
Speaker 3: haven't read the whole thing.
Speaker 4: That's okay, but I know all about.
Speaker 3: But I'm just like wow, And I guess what really
Speaker 3: intrigued me so far about this too is kind of
Speaker 3: like the science behind it too that I never really
Speaker 3: realized when I was reading this section about you know,
Speaker 3: how NBA players and I'm an AFA athlete too, and
Speaker 3: like high fiving and how like it really does like
Speaker 3: transform the way you perform and the neurons in your brain.
Speaker 3: And just I was like, wow, that's so amazing that
Speaker 3: this moment that she had in the mirror just happened
Speaker 3: to also be backed by science too, Like this story
Speaker 3: alignment is crazy.
Speaker 4: It's the story is honest to god crazy. You know.
Speaker 4: It's not like I sat down and was like, Okay,
Speaker 4: I got to write a book, got to have a
Speaker 4: five in it. You know, it's been almost five years.
Speaker 4: That's not what happened. Life punched me in the face,
Speaker 4: like I lost everything I had been working on. Because
Speaker 4: the fact is, the second that I got home, drove
Speaker 4: home to Boston, our kids now come home, two of
Speaker 4: them in college. Their college experiences imploded. They're having cascading
Speaker 4: anxiety attacks and anger and grief. And the only one
Speaker 4: that seemed unfazed was our son, you know, who's fourteen,
Speaker 4: is like, I don't care. I don't have to go
Speaker 4: to school. This is amazing. I play video games all
Speaker 4: day and mom and dad are drinking starting at ten am.
Speaker 4: They're leaving me alone. And so I literally book contracts
Speaker 4: canceled and I need to return money I've already spent.
Speaker 4: There are nop loans or whatever the fuck they're called.
Speaker 4: So I didn't know how I was going to make payroll.
Speaker 4: Every speech started to ca ansel, which was really how
Speaker 4: I made a living, and it gave me a flashback
Speaker 4: to two thousand and eight, when my husband were eight
Speaker 4: hundred thousand dollars in debt. I was unemployed. He had
Speaker 4: gone into the restaurant business with his best friend. The
Speaker 4: first one had done great. It was a little pizza joint.
Speaker 4: So we cashed out everything like complete morons and shoved
Speaker 4: it all into the business. And then the housing crisis
Speaker 4: hit and everything in that business was secured by our home.
Speaker 4: We tapped the home equity line, we tapped the credit cards.
Speaker 4: There were leans on our house. I couldn't pay for groceries.
Speaker 4: That's when I invented the five second rule, and I
Speaker 4: invented the five second role, counting backwards five four, three
Speaker 4: two one to get my ass out of bed, because
Speaker 4: at that moment, the anxiety was pinning me to it
Speaker 4: like a gravity blanket. So I was now fifty one
Speaker 4: looking at the universe, going, are you fucking kidding me?
Speaker 1: I've been after.
Speaker 4: Ten years of clawing my ass out of that hole
Speaker 4: and like helping our family and repaying this debt and
Speaker 4: helping all these people, and I'm like a relatively okay,
Speaker 4: decent person, like I this is what you're doing to me?
Speaker 4: Like I was so hissed. So for the first three
Speaker 4: weeks of the pandemic, I literally did not change out
Speaker 4: of my pajamas. I started drinking and smoking weed at
Speaker 4: about ten o'clock in the morning, and then we would
Speaker 4: just literally turn on all of the different series with
Speaker 4: our kids and watch television all day. And then one
Speaker 4: morning in April, I woke up and I felt the
Speaker 4: weight of the world on my shoulders. And you don't
Speaker 4: even need the pandemic. Like this book has exploded. I'm
Speaker 4: talking to you six days from the release for the
Speaker 4: number one audiobook in the world. We are number one
Speaker 4: in Canada, we are in the top ten on Amazon.
Speaker 4: It is cracking something open inside people because I think,
Speaker 4: especially after the past eighteen months, everybody is hurting, and
Speaker 4: everybody feels beaten down and low energy and is tired
Speaker 4: of the uncertainty and feels a little stuck or lost.
Speaker 4: And it's just like, when are we gonna like go
Speaker 4: back to a life that feels like the shoe's not
Speaker 4: about to drop yet again? Right?
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I feel like there's been moments where like, oh, just
Speaker 1: when you're catching up, it's like bringing back down. It's
Speaker 1: been feeling just like this since completely.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And we are not designed to live with this
Speaker 4: level of sustained uncertainty the reason why you feel more
Speaker 4: on edge, or you feel your anxiety is more easily triggered,
Speaker 4: or you feel like you cry more easily, or if
Speaker 4: you're like me, you feel by one thirty in the
Speaker 4: afternoon like you've just taken the SAT exam and you
Speaker 4: need a martini. Like it's just like I can't focus
Speaker 4: on anything. It's because your nervous system is permanently in
Speaker 4: fight or flight. Right now, we wear a mask. We're
Speaker 4: not wear a master. We're a messing this spilling joy.
Speaker 4: Are they going to school? They're not going to say
Speaker 4: what's happening? I don't fucking know, give me the joint.
Speaker 4: So I I for real, for real, and so so
Speaker 4: you know, whether you're listening to us and you've just
Speaker 4: been broken up with or you didn't get the promotion,
Speaker 4: or you can't get yourself to fill out the application
Speaker 4: to go back to nursing school, or you listen to
Speaker 4: these two amazing ladies and you're like, I need to
Speaker 4: start that podcast and you're like, uh, Like, whatever it
Speaker 4: is that's pinning you to the bed and making you
Speaker 4: feel like you're overwhelmed by your life, I think it's
Speaker 4: a universal feeling and that's what I felt in April
Speaker 4: of twenty twenty, and so I used the five second
Speaker 4: roll five fourth three two one. I got out of bed,
Speaker 4: I made my bed. I always make my bed. That morning,
Speaker 4: I made my bed so I didn't climb back into it.
Speaker 4: I dragged myself to the bathroom and I'm standing there
Speaker 4: in my underwear and I catch a glimpse of my
Speaker 4: reflection and I literally think, oh my god, God, you
Speaker 4: look like hell. And then the beatdown starts. And this
Speaker 4: is the dirty secret that no one's talking about, and
Speaker 4: that is every human being has an ugly, awful habit,
Speaker 4: and I want to just blow the doors wide open
Speaker 4: on it. Every human being either stands in front of
Speaker 4: the mirror in the morning and either picks apart all
Speaker 4: the things that they need to fix, or this is unbelievable,
Speaker 4: how common this is. Can't even look at themselves in
Speaker 4: the mirror. Fifty percent of men and women cannot even
Speaker 4: look at themselves in the mirror. Wow, And that's how
Speaker 4: we're starting our days. And it's so much a part
Speaker 4: of our lives you don't even realize it. And so
Speaker 4: here I am picking myself apart, which only makes me
Speaker 4: feel worse about myself. And if you had walked into
Speaker 4: the bathroom at that moment and you were like going
Speaker 4: through it, I would have been able to spin on
Speaker 4: a dime and lift you up, just like at had
Speaker 4: on a call, right, like, oh, I got you right.
Speaker 4: But when it comes to picking yourself up, fuck that.
Speaker 4: I pile drive myself. We all do it. And I
Speaker 4: don't know what came over me, because I think you
Speaker 4: can tell I am not really a cheesy person, you know,
Speaker 4: like I'm not like somebody that would just invent some
Speaker 4: fluffy fucking thing to sell books, like that's just not
Speaker 4: my jam. But for whatever reason, standing there in my underwear,
Speaker 4: one boom hanging lower than the other, my gray hair
Speaker 4: coming in like saggy tits, saggy neck, like I'm a
Speaker 4: lot older than you, guys, just wait what's coming. And
Speaker 4: so I literally, just as pathetic as it sounds, I'd
Speaker 4: never done this before. I raised my hand in a
Speaker 4: high five of the woman in the mirror because she
Speaker 4: looked like she fucking needed.
Speaker 1: I haven't tried this yet, fuck it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And it's not like lightning strike. It's not like
Speaker 4: the Heaven's open and the angel sang like it's not like, ah,
Speaker 4: that's not what happened. But I'll tell you what. From
Speaker 4: the very first one, like something shifted and I felt
Speaker 4: this bit of like energy come back, like fucking pull
Speaker 4: it together, like you're not dead, you have a house,
Speaker 4: get out there. It's not that bad, you know, Like
Speaker 4: I didn't even think that stuff. That was sort of
Speaker 4: the energy, but it was the second day. Wait to
Speaker 4: hear this shit. Second day is when everything broke open.
Speaker 4: And I want to unpack this for you because I
Speaker 4: think you will really get this at a profound level.
Speaker 4: So I wake up again, same shit's going on, No
Speaker 4: idea how we're gonna deal with this financially overwhelmed, depleted,
Speaker 4: lost five or three, two on them up, make the bed.
Speaker 4: I start walking to the bathroom, and all of a sudden,
Speaker 4: before I even get to the bathroom, I have this
Speaker 4: realization that I am feeling something I have never felt
Speaker 4: in my entire adult life. And it was this. You
Speaker 4: know how when you're about to walk into a bar
Speaker 4: cafe and you're going to meet somebody who really like
Speaker 4: really great friend you haven't seen in a while, how
Speaker 4: do you feel.
Speaker 1: Tingly inside like a little butterflies? Yeah?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I felt that way about the idea of seeing myself.
Speaker 4: I am going to be fifty three in two days.
Speaker 4: I have never, at that point in my adult life
Speaker 4: had the experience of being excited to see me the
Speaker 4: human being. I've been excited to see an outfit or
Speaker 4: what my makeup looks like.
Speaker 2: Literally was going to say that.
Speaker 3: I was like, well, I've been excited when my makeup
Speaker 3: is done.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's a shouting. But to see yourself, no, I know. Yeah,
Speaker 4: when we were kids, we were like that. We saw dancing,
Speaker 4: kissing yourself, high five, trolling in the mirror, admiring yourself.
Speaker 4: Look at me, look at me, mom, mom, Yes, yes,
Speaker 4: they see their essence. And that's the other thing is
Speaker 4: I started walking into the bathroom, I realized the profound
Speaker 4: nature of what was happening, and I realized for the
Speaker 4: first time, Holy shit, there are two people in the
Speaker 4: bathroom every morning. There's you and there's a woman in
Speaker 4: the mirror. And she has been waiting for you to
Speaker 4: wake the fuck up and see her and to see
Speaker 4: what she's trying, and that she needs you, and she's
Speaker 4: tired of you beating her down and picking her apart.
Speaker 4: She needs your support. She needs your love, like she
Speaker 4: needs you.
Speaker 1: Wow, that is fucking profound.
Speaker 3: You know what, As you're describing this my mind, I'm
Speaker 3: just thinking of ray On Insecure pumping herself up in
Speaker 3: the mirror and show yeh And I'm like, yeah, it's
Speaker 3: it is true.
Speaker 2: There are two women in the room.
Speaker 4: There are yeah, And.
Speaker 1: We always forget to pump ourselves up. It's so easy
Speaker 1: to pump other people up. It's so people to mother
Speaker 1: your child, it's so easy to nurture other people and
Speaker 1: like it's okay, girl, But like we rarely do that
Speaker 1: to ourselves, you know. We rarely like it's okay, life
Speaker 1: goes on, You're going to be okay. We don't have
Speaker 1: those pep talks sometimes, Like I'll go all the way
Speaker 1: into Luna school drop her off, and then someone looks
Speaker 1: at me and I'm like, what the fuck do I
Speaker 1: look like the same thing? And then I'll look in
Speaker 1: the mirror and I'm like, I didn't look in the
Speaker 1: mirror at all. And I have a huge mirror in
Speaker 1: my bedroom, Like you can't miss the shit. I don't
Speaker 1: know how Ian I'll brush my teeth. I don't know where.
Speaker 4: I'm like, if you're thinking about everybody else.
Speaker 1: It's sometimes like I may have actually glanced in the mirror,
Speaker 1: but I did not look at myself. I'm thinking, I
Speaker 1: literally think, like did I not just did I see it?
Speaker 1: But not see it? Like you're really not acknowledging yourself.
Speaker 1: Your reflection is always there, but it's you thinking so
Speaker 1: much that you're not even processing and acknowledging yourself. And sometimes,
Speaker 1: like even standing in the mirror and looking at yourself
Speaker 1: for a very long time can feel.
Speaker 4: Almost awkward because its intimate too.
Speaker 1: It's intimate you don't do it, and like even we
Speaker 1: don't even look at our friends or each other that
Speaker 1: often if someone's making eye contact with you back, we
Speaker 1: rarely even do that because it's uncomfortable almost, so like
Speaker 1: I can imagine how profound that was to be, Like, damn,
Speaker 1: people need to hear about this.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well it didn't even hit then. So I had
Speaker 4: just read a piece of research from Harvard and it
Speaker 4: must be amazing since it's from Harvard, right, But I'd
Speaker 4: read it the day before because I was trying to
Speaker 4: figure out how the fuck am I going to keep
Speaker 4: my team inspired, Like I'm in the gutter here, And
Speaker 4: so I read this piece of research just the day
Speaker 4: before that was if you spend less than a minute
Speaker 4: as a leader thinking about how you're going to show
Speaker 4: up today, it changes your focus, your productivity, and the
Speaker 4: impact you make on people. And so for whatever reason,
Speaker 4: like I think it was like the universe, it was divine.
Speaker 4: It popped into my mind and I did something I'd
Speaker 4: never done before. I looked at my reflection and I
Speaker 4: asked myself this question, how am I going to show
Speaker 4: up for her? What does she need for me? And
Speaker 4: I think on that day I was sort of like, bitch,
Speaker 4: stop like bitching about everything. I need you to actually
Speaker 4: have a little I need to be kinder to me.
Speaker 4: I need to like like actually believe we're going to
Speaker 4: get through this, like stop with the death talk here
Speaker 4: and so I and then I just raised my hand
Speaker 4: and high five myself. And so I did this every
Speaker 4: morning for a couple of weeks. And then I literally
Speaker 4: posted one photo on my story. Had I known it
Speaker 4: was going to be this one in the book with
Speaker 4: the BedHead and the retainer in, I might have picked
Speaker 4: a different morning. But I within literally if you turn
Speaker 4: to chapter two, it's that it's photo there. But within
Speaker 4: an hour more than one hundred people around the world,
Speaker 4: all shapes, colors, sizes, religions, ages, genders up, like every
Speaker 4: started posting photos of themselves. I didn't even put any
Speaker 4: instructions down, and I thought, holy shit, maybe I'm not
Speaker 4: the only one who's feeling lost right now. And so
Speaker 4: I spent the last year researching this. The science is
Speaker 4: fucking crazy.
Speaker 2: It's insane.
Speaker 4: So let me unpack this through you, because it's bananas bananas.
Speaker 2: I know, I was reading.
Speaker 3: I mean, I'm sure it's even I didn't even get
Speaker 3: to read the whole thing, but I was like, oh
Speaker 3: my god.
Speaker 4: Wow, here's the coolest part of all of this.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 4: The coolest part of all of this is that all
Speaker 4: of the programming for why this works is already in
Speaker 4: your brain and your nervous system because you have been
Speaker 4: high five and other people your whole life.
Speaker 3: Kids, we just know, like we tell them to do it, like,
Speaker 3: and then they do it and then they can't stop because.
Speaker 1: It feels good.
Speaker 4: Yes, We're just gonna aim all this shit back at you.
Speaker 4: It's the coolest thing. So when you high five somebody else,
Speaker 4: what are you actually communicating? When you go to you
Speaker 4: and I hi five? Oh wait, Now see what happens
Speaker 4: when you do a shitty one. You gotta do it again? Yes,
Speaker 4: there you go. Oh, I gotta hit you too. Oh
Speaker 4: so when you do that, what are you communicating to somebody?
Speaker 1: Good job, let's go.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you got this, you got this.
Speaker 4: That's right. It says I believe you, I love you,
Speaker 4: I see you. If somebody's attitude's going down, you hit
Speaker 4: them high five. It's like, pick yourself up. I still
Speaker 4: believe in you. All of that programming is in your
Speaker 4: subconscious mind and it is fused with the action of
Speaker 4: a high five. This is called neuerroobics. I did not
Speaker 4: know this when I stumbled into this. Neuroobics is the
Speaker 4: fastest way to create a new mindset, to create new
Speaker 4: thinking patterns. And basically, when you marry a physical action
Speaker 4: with a different thought pattern, it plows a new neuropathway
Speaker 4: into your mind. So when you go to raise your
Speaker 4: hand to your reflection, you can stand in front of
Speaker 4: the mirror. And this is the best part. First of all,
Speaker 4: I don't want you to say or think anything when
Speaker 4: you do this. There is no mantra you need to have.
Speaker 4: You can stand before yourself and go I'm fat, I'm worthless,
Speaker 4: I hate myself, I have an ugly face, I am damaged.
Speaker 4: I will You can think all that that you've been
Speaker 4: thinking forever. When you go to raise your physical hand,
Speaker 4: your brain pulls all the programming from your subconscious mind
Speaker 4: because it knows what a high five is. It doesn't
Speaker 4: care if I'm high fiving either one of you or
Speaker 4: my own reflection. It'll shut that voice up because the
Speaker 4: action has programming. You've never high five somebody and thought
Speaker 4: you're a failure. I hate you, I hope you lose. Ever,
Speaker 4: so it is neurologically impossible to beat yourself up while
Speaker 4: you're high five in your own reflection. And we've had
Speaker 4: so many people now write to us and say, and
Speaker 4: a weird thing has happened, because energetically, your nervous system
Speaker 4: is hardwired for this. When you wave hello to somebody,
Speaker 4: you raise your hand. When you hug somebody, you raise
Speaker 4: your hand, when you cross a finish line, you raise
Speaker 4: your hand. When you high five somebody, You raise your
Speaker 4: hand when you do it to yourself. That kind of
Speaker 4: really corny, weird little boa that you get, that's your
Speaker 4: nervous system wired for celebration. You're tapping into that. Also,
Speaker 4: whenever anybody else has ever high five to you, your
Speaker 4: brain drips dopamine. You get the same fucking thing when
Speaker 4: you do it to yourself. Hmmm.
Speaker 3: It's that validation, it's that happiness. Yes, yeah, that makes sense.
Speaker 3: I mean I think when I was reading that section too,
Speaker 3: and they were talking about like the children, yes to
Speaker 3: dip the study that they did with the kids, and
Speaker 3: basically that you know, the kids perform all the kids
Speaker 3: that were high fiving performed at a higher level. That
Speaker 3: made sense to me because I felt like as a child,
Speaker 3: like I feel like action is so important, and for
Speaker 3: some reason when as we get older, like we kind
Speaker 3: of lose that part of us, like validating each other
Speaker 3: in action. We just say a lot of things, and
Speaker 3: you know, we're told even even us, like we're told
Speaker 3: we tell our listeners like you know, talk nice to yourself,
Speaker 3: like say thing like for me, like in therapy, one
Speaker 3: of the things that like my therapist helped me with
Speaker 3: because I had body issues, especially after I had my daughter,
Speaker 3: was like talking nice to my body. And like it
Speaker 3: took a while though, because I didn't believe it for
Speaker 3: a while. It took me a while to believe it.
Speaker 3: Eventually it did work though, but it did take longer.
Speaker 3: And reading about like, you know the issues that you
Speaker 3: have with certain mantras or affirmations is that like you
Speaker 3: don't actually believe them halfway?
Speaker 4: Well, you experience that, right, Yeah, So most people cannot
Speaker 4: stand in front of a mirror and look at themselves
Speaker 4: if for the last couple of years or decades they
Speaker 4: have hid in the back of every photo or they
Speaker 4: have gone ugh when they see themselves. They can't stand
Speaker 4: in front of the mirror and go, I love my
Speaker 4: stretch marks because neurologically, their brain has been programmed repeatedly
Speaker 4: to believe the opposite, and so repeating a mantra that
Speaker 4: you don't actually believe makes you feel worse about yourself.
Speaker 4: And what I love about the high five is, let's
Speaker 4: talk a little bit about the two experiences that people
Speaker 4: have when they do this for the first time, because
Speaker 4: we've studied this too. And what I love about the
Speaker 4: high five is that the physical action alone does the programming.
Speaker 4: So you're not only tapping into the programming that's in
Speaker 4: there associated with a lifetime of receiving and giving high
Speaker 4: fives to other people, but you are also tapping into
Speaker 4: something called behavioral activation therapy, which is shorthand for act
Speaker 4: like the person you want to become. So if you
Speaker 4: normally have a habit of self rejection in the mirror,
Speaker 4: picking yourself apart, which is self rejection, or not even
Speaker 4: looking yourself, which is self rejection, and your brain sees
Speaker 4: you high fiving your reflection, your brain goes, oh, we
Speaker 4: actually don't criticize that person. This is the person we
Speaker 4: cheer for. And as you keep repeating it, that picture
Speaker 4: of you, along with the dopamine and the jolt of energy,
Speaker 4: starts to seear in your mind and stay with you.
Speaker 4: And so it's an action that starts to prove to
Speaker 4: you that you actually do deserve support, you do deserve
Speaker 4: encouragement because every morning you're giving yourself that physical gesture,
Speaker 4: that means it.
Speaker 3: So for the woman who doesn't, who is trying to
Speaker 3: learn to love their stretch marks, like, is that when
Speaker 3: she does that high five? Does she say nothing?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 4: And so let me tell you what happens. So there's
Speaker 4: only two reactions to doing this. I'm so geeked out
Speaker 4: about this, Like you cannot believe the testimonials that are
Speaker 4: coming in like, we had a woman that wrote to
Speaker 4: us who is in a domestic violent shelter, extraordinary trauma
Speaker 4: from the age of four to thirteen. Then she escapes
Speaker 4: a wildly abusive four year relationship. She's lost everything, she's
Speaker 4: in a domestic violent shelter. She said, by simply doing
Speaker 4: the high five in the mirror and something else that
Speaker 4: we'll talk about called high five in your heart, which
Speaker 4: is an incredible thing for anxiety that in five days
Speaker 4: she knows she has a lifetime of healing. She has
Speaker 4: a long road that she needs to build to create
Speaker 4: her life again. But the high five in the mirror
Speaker 4: is teaching her that no matter what, she still has herself.
Speaker 4: And so what you're going to experience is you're either
Speaker 4: going to experience when the first time you go to
Speaker 4: do this is you're going to experience either a very
Speaker 4: positive experience. So you'll either laugh out loud that's the dopamine,
Speaker 4: or you'll weep in a very positive way. And it's
Speaker 4: a very positive emotional release because it's this joining in
Speaker 4: partnership with the human being you see in the mirror,
Speaker 4: your soul, your spirit, and this release is finally, like finally, motherfucker,
Speaker 4: you finally woke on, You finally see me, you're finally
Speaker 4: kind to me, and it's powerful. So it's really common
Speaker 4: to cry. But the more likely experience is negative because
Speaker 4: what most people do is they stand before the mirror
Speaker 4: and they resist it. And this is really sad, and
Speaker 4: let me unpack what's happening. So there are three reasons
Speaker 4: why people resist high fiving themselves, and it has to
Speaker 4: do with the two human beings, you and the human
Speaker 4: being in the mirror. Everybody brings their entire past into
Speaker 4: the bathroom every morning subconsciously, and it stands between you
Speaker 4: and the human being in the mirror. So if you
Speaker 4: are somebody like a lot of us, myself included, who
Speaker 4: has experienced childhood trauma, if you've been sexually abused, which
Speaker 4: I have as a young kid, if you have experienced discrimination,
Speaker 4: if you've experienced poverty, abandonment, violence, microaggressions, negative, like anything
Speaker 4: in the plethora of experiences that a human being could
Speaker 4: experience that have been done to you that you're not
Speaker 4: responsible for. A ton of people drag it into the
Speaker 4: bathroom and it makes them see a person that is unlovable, unworthy,
Speaker 4: or damaged. And what I'm here to say is if
Speaker 4: you've survived that shit and you're still breathing, you not
Speaker 4: only deserve a high five, you fucking need one to heal. Yeah,
Speaker 4: because you're saying I see you, I know what you've
Speaker 4: been through, and I still love you, and I still
Speaker 4: got you, and I still encourage you. It's compassion, it's support,
Speaker 4: it's a healing gesture. The second reason why people resist
Speaker 4: this is because the the other.
Speaker 5: Part of the past that we drag in is all
Speaker 5: the shit we did that we don't like, which I
Speaker 5: got a lot of personally. The bad choices, Oh yeah,
Speaker 5: more than bad choice, the lifestyle I was living, the cheating,
Speaker 5: the drinking, the addiction, the lying, the squandering of opportunity,
Speaker 5: the hurting people, the hurting myself, all of the shit
Speaker 5: you wish you could take back, stuff that I'd forgive
Speaker 5: the two of you for, somebody would forgive mel Robbins for.
Speaker 5: But when you stand in the mirror in the morning,
Speaker 5: you stand in judgment of yourself and you refuse to
Speaker 5: give yourself the forgiveness that you need to move on
Speaker 5: and to grow. The high five doesn't wipe that shit away.
Speaker 5: The high five is I know.
Speaker 4: And I still love you, and I'm still going to
Speaker 4: be here for you, and I'm still going to support you.
Speaker 4: And it's a way to repair your self esteem and
Speaker 4: your self worth by treating yourself with the encouragement and
Speaker 4: the support you still deserve. And then the third reason
Speaker 4: why people resist it is because we have been so
Speaker 4: trained to believe since we were very little, that you're
Speaker 4: only worthy of celebration if you're winning, when you get
Speaker 4: the good grade, when the team scores, when you're doing good,
Speaker 4: everybody cheers for you. And so you start to become
Speaker 4: an adult where you're like, well, I didn't get to
Speaker 4: the gym today, So do I still high five myself,
Speaker 4: but I don't weigh what I want to weigh. Do
Speaker 4: I still high five myself, but I didn't do the
Speaker 4: thing that I said I would do. Do I still yes, Yes, motherfucker,
Speaker 4: you still high five yourself every fucking morning. And the
Speaker 4: reason why is because you need support and encouragement to
Speaker 4: do the work to actually change your life.
Speaker 1: So fucking true, It's true. If you focus on the negative,
Speaker 1: it will literally consume you. I've been there, Like, bitch,
Speaker 1: you're talking so much shit, Like in my head, I'm
Speaker 1: having these conversations like a crazy person, like we're gonna
Speaker 1: get nowhere for just in this space, you literally cannot
Speaker 1: do better and get to the next part. If you're
Speaker 1: just dwelling on what you haven't done and you're what
Speaker 1: you're not good at or what you don't have, it
Speaker 1: literally does not work that way.
Speaker 4: No, it doesn't.
Speaker 1: But it's so easy to criticize ourselves. It's so easy
Speaker 1: to be like you, like you did good, But what's next?
Speaker 1: Like that was cool? Oh you got a book? Deal, cool?
Speaker 1: What's next?
Speaker 4: Well, I'll tell you why we've married, or at least
Speaker 4: I did. I'm married, whether or not I was worthy
Speaker 4: of love with what I was doing. And when you
Speaker 4: realize you are worthy of love because you're breathing, everything changes.
Speaker 4: So I think about our birthdays, right, what are we
Speaker 4: actually celebrating when you celebrate your birthday?
Speaker 1: Your birth your existence? Correct solely your existence, not your existence,
Speaker 1: and not your existence. And your book was the bomb
Speaker 1: on audible, not your existence, and you have a hot body.
Speaker 1: It's just purely solely you're here.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're still here.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're here.
Speaker 1: We forget that existing is the thing, you know, like
Speaker 1: whomever you believe in spirit God, ancestors, whatever the mystics lay,
Speaker 1: they brought you here and under these exact circumstances. And
Speaker 1: I think like a part of the cool thing about
Speaker 1: having this conversation with you is that you birth this
Speaker 1: amazing book and this amazing movement out of this dark
Speaker 1: place that you were in. But it's really the your purpose.
Speaker 1: You know, it's your passion. Because it's your purpose, it
Speaker 1: became easy, it got to this height of success because
Speaker 1: it was what you were supposed to the message, you
Speaker 1: were supposed to tell the world. Yeah, and I think,
Speaker 1: you know, people underestimate that little thing you know, that
Speaker 1: is planted, that seed, that's planet. That's like damn, maybe
Speaker 1: someone else is experiencing this because I needed to hear
Speaker 1: this for a shift to happen, like even for me
Speaker 1: and Erica. Like you're saying, like saying no to big
Speaker 1: brands and big core you know, people who come in.
Speaker 1: It's like, when you know your purpose and your passion
Speaker 1: is fucking important, nobody can come in and put any
Speaker 1: dollar price on it and say give it to me.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 4: I love that you're tying it back to that. Let
Speaker 4: me tell you why, Because if you start your day
Speaker 4: by picking yourself apart and then thinking fuck, I didn't
Speaker 4: do this, and then I got to do that, and
Speaker 4: you're kind of in this negative space. Some big brand
Speaker 4: rolls in, you'll be like, oh, thank god, Okay. If
Speaker 4: you can start every day validating yourself, going I see you,
Speaker 4: I'm playing a big game. I got you, and you
Speaker 4: demonstrate it, that's the important part. You don't have to
Speaker 4: do the self talk. All you have to do is
Speaker 4: demonstrate it. Let's talk common sense. You're you know, you
Speaker 4: were mentioning the NBA study and we're going to unpack
Speaker 4: that cause I think it's important for people to understand.
Speaker 4: If you think about your favorite sports teams, they don't
Speaker 4: start a big game by going, well, you really sucked
Speaker 4: in the last one, and so I'm not throwing the
Speaker 4: ball to you and oh shit, like we're gonna lose,
Speaker 4: and why are we even bothering and oh my god,
Speaker 4: I look like you look like hell right now, Fuck this.
Speaker 4: That's not how they start. They literally start by setting
Speaker 4: an intention about how they're going to show up, and
Speaker 4: then they steal it with a high five and they
Speaker 4: send themselves into the game. I want you to send
Speaker 4: yourself into the game of life. Every fucking day, just
Speaker 4: knowing that, just like that, I.
Speaker 2: Just have this vision of me.
Speaker 3: My daughter had our kids had a soccer game this
Speaker 3: weekend and in the car, I was like hyping my
Speaker 3: daughter up and I was like, I was like.
Speaker 4: What are we gonna do?
Speaker 1: Try it? What are we gonna do? Win? What are
Speaker 1: we gonna do? Quinn?
Speaker 3: And then I like fist pumped her yeah, and she
Speaker 3: was so pumped. And then this this weekend I was
Speaker 3: reading your book and I was like, oh, I did
Speaker 3: that for her. I do that for her all the time.
Speaker 3: I have all sorts of fucking weird ass handshakes with
Speaker 3: my kid. When the fuck do I high five myself never, never, ever.
Speaker 1: It's so fucking important. And she killed it. She did
Speaker 1: so great as an adult. And I say this all
Speaker 1: the time. My damn life is difficult. I say, like
Speaker 1: a lot. I'm like, how the fuck did I become
Speaker 1: an adult? Every day I take my kid to school
Speaker 1: and I get her to there on time, I'm like, yes,
Speaker 1: I'm killing this shit. She gets there. My son at
Speaker 1: fifty five, bitch has done it. But it's because but
Speaker 1: it's because it's it feels like if I feel strange,
Speaker 1: you guys, I still feel like I can't believe this
Speaker 1: is I'm an adult, I'm someone's keeper. I'm responsible for
Speaker 1: you and myself. You know, sometimes I get scared, like
Speaker 1: are we gonna eat? Yes, they're gonna eat. Bitch, do
Speaker 1: we have somewhere to live? You have somewhere to live,
Speaker 1: check check like you know, but like those are just
Speaker 1: the basic necessities of life. But like that, shit is hard.
Speaker 1: People don't have support, like when you're when you're like
Speaker 1: the looming, like responsibilities of existing are so heavy. Sometimes
Speaker 1: we forget that every day is a win, every day
Speaker 1: is a gift. We just said that this morning, like okay,
Speaker 1: like you have to wake up and it's crazy, and
Speaker 1: when you're saying when you're in the bed and you
Speaker 1: have to you had to five four three to you.
Speaker 1: That's something I use all the time because sometimes I
Speaker 1: just am sleepy and I don't know why I didn't
Speaker 1: do shit. I'm just tired and I can't. Probably it's
Speaker 1: depression and anxiety. But if I can't. Even since I
Speaker 1: was a kid, I've used like i' haveing a countdown
Speaker 1: and bitch, you gotta get up. We gotta do this stuff.
Speaker 1: You gotta do it or else you're you can you'll
Speaker 1: die here. Oh that's empowering, but that like that five
Speaker 1: four three two one make dinner boo, you gotta go
Speaker 1: do it. But like waking up every morning, because it's
Speaker 1: crazy if you observe yourself as a human being, some
Speaker 1: days you wake up great and ready to go, and
Speaker 1: some days you're just not great. You have an attitude.
Speaker 1: Shit doesn't feel good, and you have to remind yourself.
Speaker 1: I have to remind myself like what are you panicking about? Internally?
Speaker 1: What are you not feeling good about?
Speaker 2: What is it?
Speaker 1: What the fuck you're doing good? Everyone's okay. But it's
Speaker 1: just like we're so constantly in survival mode that we
Speaker 1: forget to hype ourselves up. We forget to be like, okay,
Speaker 1: you're in a good, sweet space because for one at least,
Speaker 1: I know my purpose in this life, and like good moms,
Speaker 1: I feel like, okay, I know no matter what, this
Speaker 1: is my space. I'm supposed to be empowering. I'm supposed
Speaker 1: to change minds. But if I can just a little
Speaker 1: bit of change in someone's thought process, I've done my job.
Speaker 1: But like, keeping that consistent energy every day is practice.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, it really is. And like unlearning the trauma, acknowledging
Speaker 1: the childhood shit and then saying, oh damn, I'm fucking
Speaker 1: thirty three and I'm still suffering because I haven't done
Speaker 1: the work to just say it's okay, move forward from it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know a couple things about that that I
Speaker 4: want to just unpack and really highlight for people. And
Speaker 4: it's this I feel as though part of the problem
Speaker 4: is none of us give ourselves any credit for what
Speaker 4: we're actually doing. Like, honestly, life is hard. You got
Speaker 4: out of bed high five, you made your bed high five,
Speaker 4: you walk the dog high five, You got those kids
Speaker 4: on the bosser to school high fucking five. Like you
Speaker 4: are not even recognizing all the things you're actually doing.
Speaker 4: And when you start to focus on all the things
Speaker 4: that you're actually doing, you start to feel little bit
Speaker 4: of wind at your back. You start to build some
Speaker 4: small wins. You start to then feel more emboldened that
Speaker 4: if I can, I got out of bed, I got
Speaker 4: myself to work, I got these kids where they need
Speaker 4: to be. I remember to eat lunch. I got a
Speaker 4: couple of emails off. When you start to feel that
Speaker 4: now you are encouraging yourself to continue forward and to
Speaker 4: also start doing some of the bigger stuff. And that's
Speaker 4: why this is so empowering. You know, they studied the
Speaker 4: NBA study that you were talking about. Researchers looked at
Speaker 4: NBA teams and they could predict who were going to
Speaker 4: be the winning Why came say winning ast teams at
Speaker 4: the end of a season based on one habit during
Speaker 4: the preseason, and it was the number of pats on
Speaker 4: the back and fist bumps and high fives that a
Speaker 4: team gives each other in the preseason that determines whether
Speaker 4: or not they're successful in the end. And the same
Speaker 4: is true about the teams that perform the worst. They
Speaker 4: have the least number of pats on the back and
Speaker 4: high fives and fist bumps. And why why that matters
Speaker 4: is because these small gestures build partnership, they build trust,
Speaker 4: they build momentum forward. And if you've ever had a
Speaker 4: halftime speech, or you've ever had a coach like just
Speaker 4: kind of rail into you and then high five you
Speaker 4: to shake your attitude back, you know, exactly what I'm
Speaker 4: talking about, And so this is super important because I
Speaker 4: also think the average person does not feel like every
Speaker 4: day is a gift. The average person has an experience
Speaker 4: of feeling invisible, of feeling disrespected, of feeling stuck, of
Speaker 4: feeling lost. And I'm here to tell you part of
Speaker 4: the reason why it's hard to get out of that
Speaker 4: feeling is because you're waiting for some outside force to
Speaker 4: come along and validate you or say that you're worth it,
Speaker 4: some person you're going to date, or somebody's gonna like
Speaker 4: follow you or come up with like You've got to
Speaker 4: bring that shit back in house. You've got to learn
Speaker 4: how to validate yourself for where you are, even if
Speaker 4: it's not where you want to be, You're still fucking here.
Speaker 1: Because what happens when we expect validation or put all
Speaker 1: of our you know, expecting validation from someone is what
Speaker 1: happens when they disrespect you. What happens when they don't
Speaker 1: tell you you're beautiful, you're great. Then you're believing you're
Speaker 1: putting all of your inside and your back where you
Speaker 1: started in the hands of somebody else.
Speaker 2: You're exactly back where you started.
Speaker 3: When you have the person in the room that knows
Speaker 3: you the best, knows you the most, just been through
Speaker 3: everything you've been through, because that person is you, and
Speaker 3: now's your look. She's looking at you, and you're like,
Speaker 3: oh shit, you know all my shit.
Speaker 1: Oh you got me, you got me, of course you know.
Speaker 3: And then you add that high five, you add that
Speaker 3: action to it, and it just I feel like I understand,
Speaker 3: I get it, Like why it feels empowering, Why it
Speaker 3: gets you not only counting backwards out of bed, but
Speaker 3: walking out of the door to like do what you
Speaker 3: gotta fucking.
Speaker 4: Do, because you're gonna face all kinds of shit all
Speaker 4: day long. And what's wonderful is if you start your
Speaker 4: day demonstrating that you like yourself, even if somebody else
Speaker 4: doesn't like you or disrespects you, it does not change
Speaker 4: the fact that you like yourself and you're back yourself.
Speaker 4: They cannot take that away from me.
Speaker 1: I hug myself.
Speaker 2: I love that.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I hug myself. I'm like something like because the contact,
Speaker 1: you know, like just for a moment, you know, we
Speaker 1: hug each other, and that feels good. We need to connect,
Speaker 1: but sometimes just like give me my Maybe that could
Speaker 1: be your next book.
Speaker 2: The five second hug.
Speaker 4: Well, I want to teach you this high five in
Speaker 4: your heart, especially since you said the thing about anxiety.
Speaker 3: That's I wasn't ask you next. I was like, please
Speaker 3: you we can't forget about the high fiving heart because
Speaker 3: I need to know because I have, yeah, anxieties and
Speaker 3: something that I've struggled with. I think on and off,
Speaker 3: but I didn't know what anxiety, didn't have a word
Speaker 3: for it for a long time. I think like the
Speaker 3: word anxiety has become I think it's always existed, right,
Speaker 3: but like it's it's finally people understand, like what the
Speaker 3: feeling is.
Speaker 4: What is it for you?
Speaker 3: Well, for me, like you said, your starts at the
Speaker 3: bottom of your your feet and go works its way up.
Speaker 3: For me, it always starts right in my throat and
Speaker 3: I start to feel like I almost it feels like
Speaker 3: I noticed that I haven't been breathing, and a lot
Speaker 3: of it my anxiety starts to build because I'm holding
Speaker 3: my breath. I hold my breath all of the time,
Speaker 3: and I have to breathing as a real practice for me,
Speaker 3: just normal breathing, Like Okay, I've just realized I just
Speaker 3: haven't really been breathing all day and like, I know
Speaker 3: people do this, like we have to do this to live,
Speaker 3: but like I'm pretty sure I'm an expert, Like I
Speaker 3: could hold my breath for absurdly long amounts of time.
Speaker 4: Do you remember when you first experienced it.
Speaker 2: It's childhood trauma for sure.
Speaker 3: My father, like you know me feeling like anxious about
Speaker 3: you know him, like me having to go to his
Speaker 3: house because I didn't really know him. And that was
Speaker 3: when it first started. When I'd go there and I'd
Speaker 3: be like, this is different. I don't know how to
Speaker 3: act here. This isn't my home and you're a stranger,
Speaker 3: and it would happen. He'd pick me up every like
Speaker 3: a few months, so I would notice, like that's when
Speaker 3: it would happen, and then it would get nervous. And
Speaker 3: now obviously it's trickled into so many different areas of
Speaker 3: my life.
Speaker 4: Well, just any moment where you feel uncertain, uncertain, that's it.
Speaker 4: That's it. So I'm going to teach you something incredible.
Speaker 4: Do you do you experience anxiety too?
Speaker 1: I do? I do? I think I do hold my
Speaker 1: breath like I'll forget to breathe, I clench my jaw
Speaker 1: I do that, my jaw gets my body gets really tight.
Speaker 1: I noticed that. I'm like, you know, I'm like, oh, like,
Speaker 1: what the fuck is going on? Why am I doing that?
Speaker 1: But I'll just even be typing like clench the fuck up.
Speaker 1: My body is so tense.
Speaker 4: And do you remember like when you first started experiencing that.
Speaker 1: Mmm, probably I remember like high school that I can't remember,
Speaker 1: just like tightening it, like my body getting really tense,
Speaker 1: just like drama with my parents, things that were uncomfortable
Speaker 1: for me that I don't want to talk about. That
Speaker 1: I felt triggered by just.
Speaker 4: Yeah, got it? Well, I asked that because it's important
Speaker 4: to kind of understand triggers to get control of it.
Speaker 4: I'm going to teach you a science back technique that
Speaker 4: I call high fiving your heart. It's a lifesaver and
Speaker 4: it also helps with trauma. So the way that I
Speaker 4: think about anxiety is anxiety as alarm system in your body,
Speaker 4: and it has a really important purpose. So let's say
Speaker 4: that we're driving down the car or driving down the car.
Speaker 4: See the joints already kicking in. We're driving down the
Speaker 4: highway and we're just talking up a storm. We're playing
Speaker 4: eminem it's fucking awesome. So we are literally driving down
Speaker 4: the highway, it's an incredible time, and all of a sudden,
Speaker 4: out of nowhere, this freaking semi truck like fucking pulls
Speaker 4: into our lane. What you feel in that moment as
Speaker 4: you swerve out of the way and your armpits sweat,
Speaker 4: and your throat tents and your body's shoulders go up
Speaker 4: and your ankles have the hot flash go. That's anxiety.
Speaker 4: It's an alarm system that's saying, wake the fuck up, bitch,
Speaker 4: Like that's what it's saying. Like, that's what it is.
Speaker 4: But what happens in your body when the semi truck
Speaker 4: pulls away and you realize you're safe. What happens? We'll
Speaker 4: release this correct because anxiety in that moment makes sense intellectually.
Speaker 4: What becomes a problem in life is when you feel
Speaker 4: that alarm response in your body and you're just making
Speaker 4: a cup of coffee in your kitchen. And there's there's
Speaker 4: also a connection between worrying, which sounds an alarm in
Speaker 4: your mind, because if you allow your mind to dwell
Speaker 4: too long in the what if this, and what if that?
Speaker 4: And what if the other fucking thing, and what your
Speaker 4: body starts to notice that your mind is alarmed. So
Speaker 4: the body then starts to signal the alarm to and
Speaker 4: so you got to really watch your thoughts. And we
Speaker 4: can talk about this for the next time I come back.
Speaker 4: I'll come and train you in like the hand to
Speaker 4: fist combat with your own mind. But for now, what
Speaker 4: I want to teach you is how to master your
Speaker 4: nervous system. Because this fucking shit is cool. Okay, So
Speaker 4: here's what we're gonna do. You're gonna take your hands
Speaker 4: and you're gonna put them on your heart. That's called
Speaker 4: hight like, right, I put them right in the center.
Speaker 4: I don't put it on like my boob or anything.
Speaker 4: I like, put it right on the center and press
Speaker 4: in the center and in the center of your chest.
Speaker 4: What you're gonna feel is you're gonna feel the vaguus nerve.
Speaker 4: This is a fucking treasure in your body. Okay. This
Speaker 4: is like a range rover in your system, and you
Speaker 4: just want the lottery. It goes from your ass, through
Speaker 4: every major organ, through your vocal cords, and up to
Speaker 4: the top of your head. This is your on off
Speaker 4: switch between fight or flight and being calm and cool.
Speaker 4: I already feel better, right, So when you put your
Speaker 4: hands here, we're going to take a deep breath. Now.
Speaker 4: I want you to repeat these three sentences after me.
Speaker 4: I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm safe. I'm safe, I'm safe,
Speaker 4: I'm loved, I'm loved. What do you feel?
Speaker 1: Peace? I feel a little at peace.
Speaker 3: I feel a lot more at peace because even talking
Speaker 3: about my anxiety gives me anxiety. So I started to
Speaker 3: feel anxious when I was talking to you about it.
Speaker 3: And at that, literally the moment I put both my
Speaker 3: hands here, I felt like, Okay, I feel like this
Speaker 3: is something's happening. And actually, our friend Bruna, she had
Speaker 3: told me something. I had mentioned that whenever she starts
Speaker 3: to feel anxious, she has to do this, but she
Speaker 3: didn't have these things to say. But it feels wow. Really, guys,
Speaker 3: if you're listening, do this shit right now?
Speaker 4: Yeah, you want to press here because here's the thing.
Speaker 4: And there are mornings when you know shit was going down,
Speaker 4: and I was just I would wake up and say
Speaker 4: this fifty three times. And it's a way to flip
Speaker 4: the switch between what's called your sympathetic which is your
Speaker 4: fight or flight nervous system and your parasympathetic which is
Speaker 4: your grounded I call it your cool, calm nervous system.
Speaker 4: This is your resting nervous system. This is where your
Speaker 4: power is when you're in your body, when you're grounded.
Speaker 4: And so if you like, you can do it anytime
Speaker 4: a day. Teach it to your kids. It's free. It
Speaker 4: uses science. Repeat that I'm okay, I'm safe, I'm loved.
Speaker 4: The I'm safe might make you cry a little bit,
Speaker 4: because part of the trigger for so many of us
Speaker 4: that have childhood trauma is this sort of hard wiring
Speaker 4: in your nervous system that you're not safe when things
Speaker 4: are uncertain, because many of us weren't, and so your
Speaker 4: body remembers this. And so when you have this free tool,
Speaker 4: and I recommend five four three two one, get up,
Speaker 4: get out of that bed, because nothing good is going
Speaker 4: to happen with you laying there feeling anxious, thinking, overthinking, worrying,
Speaker 4: staring at the ceiling or your phone. Once you're up,
Speaker 4: you can sit on the edge of the bed, or
Speaker 4: you can stand up, high five your heart until you
Speaker 4: feel yourself coming back into your body. Then you're going
Speaker 4: to walk into the bathroom and as you're brushing. I
Speaker 4: want you to right after you brush your teeth, because
Speaker 4: I want you to use science to remember to do this.
Speaker 4: We're going to stack the habit of brushing your teeth
Speaker 4: because hopefully you're fucking brushing your mouth and getting that
Speaker 4: nasty ass breath out so you're not like spreading that
Speaker 4: shit everywhere. Now, let's hie five you to get that
Speaker 4: nasty ass shit out of your mind, body and spirit.
Speaker 4: Like this could be generational shit that's going to end
Speaker 4: with you. I was talking with I don't know if
Speaker 4: you guys know Jason Wilson, Mister Jason Wilson. He's incredible.
Speaker 4: He's in Detroit. I'm a Michigan gal, so anybody from
Speaker 4: Michigan is a family to me. He runs a martial
Speaker 4: arts what do they called a dojo in Detroit and
Speaker 4: his whole mission is about emotional fitness for boys and men.
Speaker 4: And he and I are great friends. And we were
Speaker 4: talking the other day. His books are Cry Like a
Speaker 4: Man and Battle Cry, and he literally said, and he's
Speaker 4: a real soft spoken guy, and he's got a big
Speaker 4: white beard, beautiful bald heads. It now now you know me.
Speaker 4: I'm here. I'm helping all these boys the emotionally fit.
Speaker 3: Now.
Speaker 4: I went to raise my hand to my mirror and
Speaker 4: my dojo. You know, ma'am, I realized it was so
Speaker 4: hard because my father never did that for me. My
Speaker 4: father wasn't in my life. And he started to talk
Speaker 4: about how it really struck him deep. Even as self aware,
Speaker 4: as spiritual, as impactful as his work is, it hadn't
Speaker 4: occurred to him that he's always focused on what's next,
Speaker 4: He's never stopping to see himself, to celebrate himself every
Speaker 4: step of the way, because nobody did it for him.
Speaker 4: And so you know, I want you to do that
Speaker 4: for yourself. Look at the human being in the mirror.
Speaker 4: Create a trust in partnership with yourself. You're gonna that's
Speaker 4: the one person you're going to go through life with.
Speaker 2: That's your bestie.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I gonna make me cry over here.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I wasn't told enough as a child either.
Speaker 4: None of us were, because none of our parents were right.
Speaker 4: They were only doing you know, I'm not justifying anything
Speaker 4: that they did when I seek to understand what happened
Speaker 4: and kind of understanding that most of our parents didn't
Speaker 4: get any of their emotional needs met either. That's why
Speaker 4: they didn't know how to meet ours. That doesn't that
Speaker 4: does not excuse the fact that they didn't give you
Speaker 4: what you needed as a kid, but it certainly helps me.
Speaker 4: It helps explain it so that I can change how
Speaker 4: I treat myself, how I can take ownership of the
Speaker 4: next fifty years of my life. I can break free
Speaker 4: of the habits and the patterns that are not even mine.
Speaker 4: They're generational patterns. And it's going to fucking stop with
Speaker 4: me and.
Speaker 2: You and your children.
Speaker 3: I mean, how do your children take on, you know,
Speaker 3: all of your tools. I mean, because you know, kids
Speaker 3: were like so resistant of our parents. I know, even
Speaker 3: my mom, Like my mom created this an amazing tool,
Speaker 3: right and she wanted me to use it, and I
Speaker 3: was like, I'm good with my hands, mom, I'm cool.
Speaker 3: Fast forward twenty years later, you know, no one's using
Speaker 3: their hands except mel Robbins when she forgets.
Speaker 4: I forgot to pack, and I'm sorry.
Speaker 3: But I'm curious to know, like how your kids, you know,
Speaker 3: react to this amazing you know, education, vice, lifestyle, just
Speaker 3: you know.
Speaker 4: A gigantic eye roll at sometimes, but then they use
Speaker 4: it when they need it. I know they're listening because
Speaker 4: they call me and they call their dad when the
Speaker 4: shit is hitting the fan, and they are in this book.
Speaker 4: So there's in chapter four. As I was writing this book,
Speaker 4: I got a text from one of my daughters that said,
Speaker 4: why do I always feel like the ugliest girl at
Speaker 4: the bar? Now? Something that breaks everybody's heart, but it
Speaker 4: is is the perfect example of the fact that it
Speaker 4: doesn't matter what I say to her. I could tell
Speaker 4: her you're what do you mean You're not? Look at
Speaker 4: that hole over there, She's fucking hideous just the second of.
Speaker 1: Take a picture of the.
Speaker 4: Yeah, seriously, like I you could say all that, it
Speaker 4: wouldn't mean anything. I could. I could pump her up
Speaker 4: like I have. You're loyal, you're amazing, you're smart, you're
Speaker 4: hard working, you're beautiful, You're this, you're that, you're the
Speaker 4: other thing. Can't even hear it because she doesn't believe it.
Speaker 4: That's why the high five habit is so important because
Speaker 4: it starts with you. Your relationship with yourself is everything.
Speaker 4: You can think you're the ugliest person at the bar
Speaker 4: and then high five yourself, and that beat down silences
Speaker 4: because you still see a human being that you're going
Speaker 4: to encourage and support, and when you come from that
Speaker 4: place and you start an act of the defiant, it's
Speaker 4: like an act of defiant. So yeah, fuck off, watch me.
Speaker 4: I'm not going to listen to this shit more from
Speaker 4: my own head. Like, so you have to do the
Speaker 4: work yourself, because nobody can change your self doubt and
Speaker 4: your negative mindset and your self rejection. But you, no
Speaker 4: one else can do this for.
Speaker 2: You, right.
Speaker 1: I think it's difficult to deal with self doubt and
Speaker 1: self rejection without giving yourself the grace. You know, we
Speaker 1: forget that, Like we can criticize ourselves all day and
Speaker 1: night when nobody's fucking perfect, But if you don't love
Speaker 1: on yourself equally as much, that shit's never going to
Speaker 1: come through. Just like if I'm talking to you all
Speaker 1: day like you're not shit, You're not this book it's
Speaker 1: all right, I read it. It's okay, it's a five
Speaker 1: out of ten, you know. Like, but if I tell you, oh,
Speaker 1: it's good, you know, Like if I'm always telling you,
Speaker 1: talking shit to you, and then I tell you something,
Speaker 1: you may not believe that.
Speaker 4: Well, it's interesting you say that, because my daughters busted
Speaker 4: me as I was writing this book. They allowed me
Speaker 4: to share a bunch of like personal stories of stuff
Speaker 4: they were struggling with, and something from our son at
Speaker 4: not great parenting moments. By the way, these are not
Speaker 4: the things that are that I'm proud to write about.
Speaker 4: But it's interesting because my daughter, Kendall, the one that's
Speaker 4: out here in California studying, said well, you know why
Speaker 4: we trash ourselves? And I'm like no, She's like, well,
Speaker 4: because you fucking trash yourself all the time. I'm like,
Speaker 4: what are you talking about. She's like, every time we
Speaker 4: take a picture you and we show it to you,
Speaker 4: You're like, do I really look like that? And mom,
Speaker 4: we think you're beautiful, So if you don't believe it,
Speaker 4: why would we think we're beautiful? If we think you
Speaker 4: are and you don't believe it, And I'm like, fuck,
Speaker 4: there's three more years of therapy.
Speaker 2: Right, fuck, must write another books.
Speaker 4: Shit, well, that is my brand of self help. Either
Speaker 4: fall in a hole or dig one myself and then
Speaker 4: I need a ladder.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, that's literally what all this businesses, everything
Speaker 3: that we do. We're like, Okay, what do we need
Speaker 3: to work on. Let's make it a challenge. What do
Speaker 3: we need to work let's go on.
Speaker 2: We need healing. Let's plan a retreat.
Speaker 1: Don't have sex you don't want we should stop having sex.
Speaker 1: Tell everyone's going to.
Speaker 2: Stop having sex with us. Like I feel that, I
Speaker 2: really feel that.
Speaker 4: What did you two get from this conversation? Like, what's
Speaker 4: the most important thing you think you got?
Speaker 1: I do need to be better at looking at the
Speaker 1: person in the mirror, being kinder to that person, acknowledging
Speaker 1: why maybe I'm not kind, or acknowledging the things that
Speaker 1: are good. I'm getting emotional. I'm such a cancer.
Speaker 4: What are you getting emotional about?
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think that I do need to
Speaker 1: work on being nicer to myself. It's like, internally, why
Speaker 1: does that scare you? I don't know. I don't even
Speaker 1: know why I'm crying.
Speaker 4: I'll tell you why, because this shit hits deep. Like
Speaker 4: the interesting thing about this book is that it's the
Speaker 4: stupidest thing on its face.
Speaker 1: I know, I will be honest. I opened the book,
Speaker 1: I was like, high five, have it? High five yourself?
Speaker 2: What total?
Speaker 4: Everybody has that reaction because it's so pervasive to beat
Speaker 4: the shit out of yourself, and for a lot of us,
Speaker 4: being tough is a survival mechanism because we think if
Speaker 4: we get vulnerable or cry or you know, feel the pain,
Speaker 4: that that's gonna be even worse. Like I think it's
Speaker 4: hard to actually think about how much I fucked up
Speaker 4: in my life. That's why it was hard to forgive myself.
Speaker 4: I wouldn't actually go there because it was too painful
Speaker 4: to think about for just how long I hated myself
Speaker 4: and I was in survival mode because I didn't know
Speaker 4: any better. I didn't know how my childhood trauma was
Speaker 4: impacting me. And it's painful when you slow down and
Speaker 4: you see the person in the mirror that's hurting, that
Speaker 4: needs you.
Speaker 2: It's true, but.
Speaker 4: It's also beautiful.
Speaker 1: Thank you. I was thinking this week. I've been needing
Speaker 1: my dad a lot this week because he's been helping
Speaker 1: me with my daughter. But all he does is talk shit.
Speaker 1: You guys, he is the number one shit talking dad
Speaker 1: of the fucking universe. I'm like, can you shut the
Speaker 1: fuck up? Literally told that's how we talked to each other.
Speaker 1: It's not healthy. He lily. He like had a key
Speaker 1: to my house because he did something. He came in
Speaker 1: at one o'clock in the morning, me and my daughter asleep,
Speaker 1: He's like, where's my backpack? First? One'm alarmed as fuck,
Speaker 1: I'm deserving a truder. He's like, it's me. I'm I
Speaker 1: guess up here. He's literally talking shit to me as
Speaker 1: he's getting it. You parked in a straight Where are
Speaker 1: the keys? You? What the fuck would you park like that?
Speaker 1: I was just like I gonna even respond, but I
Speaker 1: had dawned on me this week. I'm like, I'm so
Speaker 1: used to being talked to this way. I'm so used
Speaker 1: to being criticized. So is he. And it's true, that's
Speaker 1: how we talk to each other. That's how my family
Speaker 1: talks to each other. And it's not healthy, but it's normal.
Speaker 2: And it's almost like.
Speaker 1: If we get sensitive, it's weird, like don't you know
Speaker 1: what I mean? And it's it's probably my inner voice
Speaker 1: is that criticism, And that's a crazy, weird realization.
Speaker 4: Yeah, your dad is your inner voice, Like that voice,
Speaker 4: the way that he talks is the way you talk
Speaker 4: to yourself. And so it's not even yours. And here's
Speaker 4: the enormous opportunity. You're strong enough to withstand the eye
Speaker 4: rolls and the oh, for God's sakes from your family
Speaker 4: to be the one that actually shifts the way that
Speaker 4: everybody shows up for each other. It would be transformational
Speaker 4: for you to go, hey, I am tired of this
Speaker 4: life is hard enough. I actually need some love from you, Dad,
Speaker 4: and I love you, I need you, but I can't
Speaker 4: have you come over if you're gonna ship talk me.
Speaker 4: I need something else from you.
Speaker 3: It's so crazy to watch your parents eodynamic with him
Speaker 3: because they love each other so much. I'm sure they
Speaker 3: know he shows up for her, like he like, you know,
Speaker 3: I mean, I know that you guys have your ship,
Speaker 3: but like he's a great grandfather, Like he shows.
Speaker 1: Up, but he does.
Speaker 3: He talks shit the whole fucking time. But he's like
Speaker 3: he's like, has this happy demeanor as he does it.
Speaker 3: So it's like it's weird. And then they're talking shit.
Speaker 3: I'm listening to the talk shit the other day yesterday
Speaker 3: I was like, you guys, I was like, you guys
Speaker 3: only get one daughter and one and one's grandfather. I'm like,
Speaker 3: you guys need to stop talking shit to each other. Yeah,
Speaker 3: you guys are talking shit. He's literally to be like
Speaker 3: help doing everything he tells me.
Speaker 4: Here's an example. What does he say?
Speaker 3: He was just like oh God, God, Like I wish
Speaker 3: my daughter would just get her shit together, like she's
Speaker 3: just you know, everything's everywhere, and like what was he saying.
Speaker 3: He was just saying, like, yeah, he did say he
Speaker 3: even acknowledged that. He's like, and the way you parked
Speaker 3: in front of the house, it was fucking crazy. And
Speaker 3: she was like, well, Dad, you're at the fucking house
Speaker 3: at one in the morning, and Luna's there too, and
Speaker 3: they're both lunas to his her daughter, so she's hearing
Speaker 3: them talk the shit and it's so normal for them.
Speaker 3: It's not normal for me because that's not how me
Speaker 3: and my family communicate whatever. We have our own fucked
Speaker 3: up communication. But that's a whole other episode. But it's
Speaker 3: more passive aggressive, so it's like secret nice. They're just
Speaker 3: like straight, straight to the point. And I was like,
Speaker 3: this is hilarious. It was funny, but it's not funny.
Speaker 3: But it was funny because I was like, they love
Speaker 3: each other so much, they're literally doing things for one
Speaker 3: another as they're talking shit to each other.
Speaker 4: Well, it's sort of like if you're raised in a
Speaker 4: household that speaks English, you learn English. True, it's where
Speaker 4: whatever the vibe, the language, the content, the tone, whether
Speaker 4: it's passive aggressive, whether it's a silent treatment, whether it's
Speaker 4: shit talk. And maybe another way that you could do
Speaker 4: this instead of like drawing a boundary is make a
Speaker 4: commitment to yourself and the game that you're gonna play
Speaker 4: when you send yourself into the game of life with
Speaker 4: the high five is today, no matter what my father says,
Speaker 4: I'm not shit talking to him, Oh.
Speaker 1: Don't drive. Maybe say thank you Dad, thank you.
Speaker 4: I know you're just worried about me. I love you too,
Speaker 4: and watch the.
Speaker 1: Time, which is also super hard for me to be
Speaker 1: to do.
Speaker 2: That, to be nice to him.
Speaker 1: Well, sometimes it's hard for me to give words affirmation
Speaker 1: because that's not what I'm used to hearing, Like, I
Speaker 1: can think about nice things and I'm kind. You know,
Speaker 1: I'm kind. I'll do things for you. Well, do you
Speaker 1: know that.
Speaker 4: You have the right to sit your father down and
Speaker 4: say I do not want my daughter to talk like this,
Speaker 4: and starting today, I need your help changing the way
Speaker 4: we treat each other. Dad, I love you. I do
Speaker 4: not want to go to the grave talking to each
Speaker 4: other like this. You show up physically, but emotionally verbally,
Speaker 4: it's brutal can we work on this together for her?
Speaker 1: I'm so glad this is recorded. This is for me
Speaker 1: to you from health.
Speaker 4: Because trust me, he probably doesn't hear it. He doesn't
Speaker 4: know how much it hurts you. I don't know all back, right.
Speaker 2: It's how they communicate. I think that.
Speaker 3: I think that's so simply put. But I feel like
Speaker 3: that's all.
Speaker 1: That really would.
Speaker 3: I feel like your dad would be receptive to that.
Speaker 2: I think he would.
Speaker 3: He's going to talk shit a little bit because it's
Speaker 3: just in his nature to talk shit, and it takes
Speaker 3: a second to do the unlearning. And maybe he needs
Speaker 3: to high five himself too.
Speaker 1: Well.
Speaker 4: That comes from like hardness and pain. I can't only
Speaker 4: imagine how he was talked to in his life that
Speaker 4: he does it so casually with you. And you've only
Speaker 4: ever known this, which is why you're accepting it. But
Speaker 4: you're no longer a child in his house. You're a
Speaker 4: grown ass woman in her own house.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 4: You're building a fucking empire, and you get to say
Speaker 4: how somebody talks to you. Now you get to say
Speaker 4: what relationship you would like to build with your dad.
Speaker 4: Now you get to say where this habit is just
Speaker 4: a pattern ends in terms of your family, and you
Speaker 4: get to say what is acceptable around your daughter. That's powerful,
Speaker 4: not easy, not easy at all, not easy at all,
Speaker 4: but you can do it. And high fiving yourself and
Speaker 4: affirming that you're worth it is literally going to help
Speaker 4: you do it.
Speaker 3: I believe that, and I would say the things that
Speaker 3: something that I've learned today two is that I just
Speaker 3: feel like being able to master my neurosystem I think
Speaker 3: is something that I'm excited to try and do because
Speaker 3: it is out of fucking control.
Speaker 4: Oh, when you need to, not only for your mental health.
Speaker 2: It is out of control.
Speaker 1: Would you call it neuonamics idea?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 4: Neuerobic synboy is that thing? It's the nervous system thing.
Speaker 4: And the nervous system responds with the high five the
Speaker 4: heart you're talking about, Yeah, yeah, And then your mind
Speaker 4: will get rewired with the neuerobic activity of high fiving
Speaker 4: yourself in the mirror, and you don't have to say anything.
Speaker 4: Just let all the science in your body and the
Speaker 4: programming that's already there work for you. That's all that
Speaker 4: you need to do. The other reason why it is
Speaker 4: important and this was new to me, so I didn't
Speaker 4: know this, But when it makes sense. When your nervous
Speaker 4: system is on edge. Your prefrontal cortex, the part of
Speaker 4: your brain that you're going to use to build this
Speaker 4: empire and to change your relationship with your father for
Speaker 4: the better, it doesn't work properly because your nervous system
Speaker 4: overrides it. Like if somebody all if the fire alarm
Speaker 4: started going off in here for real and we smelled
Speaker 4: like real smoke, not just joint smoke, we wouldn't be
Speaker 4: able to solve a math problem because the alarm system
Speaker 4: in your body would take over. We've been and you've
Speaker 4: been on high alert for eighteen months or longer. When
Speaker 4: you think about the last administration, right and the bullshit
Speaker 4: that you've had to deal with. We've all seen unfolding
Speaker 4: on television, the fight for racial justice, all of it
Speaker 4: just fucking boom boom boom at people. Your nervous system
Speaker 4: is on edge. Everybody's is. You're going to go build
Speaker 4: a business, You're gonna heal this relationship and transform it.
Speaker 4: You need this part of your brain to be able
Speaker 4: to focus and think clearly. That's also why getting your
Speaker 4: nervous system I like the word you use, though, it
Speaker 4: was like nero I don't know, you're like nerve neuros zeros.
Speaker 1: Yes, what's the.
Speaker 4: Word that is?
Speaker 2: I love that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're like when you get that in order you
Speaker 4: will be able to sit in a businessman and like nope,
Speaker 4: because you will be in your body and in your power.
Speaker 3: I'm going to use it because I've been struggling and
Speaker 3: I'm going to also empower my friend to you know,
Speaker 3: with us together, like do these high fives?
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're gonna going to see its high fiving in
Speaker 1: every major event ever. Absolutely, I think we need a
Speaker 1: high five. Our teamwore David, I'm high fiving you high five.
Speaker 1: Never not doing esessionly without a high five.
Speaker 2: I mean I've learned a lot.
Speaker 3: I've learned a lot about like, yeah, how to how
Speaker 3: to you know, empower the people around me as a
Speaker 3: business woman, as a mother, as a friend, and you
Speaker 3: know how to control my crazy nurse.
Speaker 2: Neuros nervous system.
Speaker 3: And I'm just so grateful that you're here with us
Speaker 3: and that we connected and that you that thank you
Speaker 3: for coming back, thank.
Speaker 1: You for inviting me, and yeah, wow, wow, this is
Speaker 1: much more than I expected. I feel like I'm like
Speaker 1: in therapy with Mail right now. Wow, Well, you know
Speaker 1: I'm not a license therapist.
Speaker 3: Every thousands and thousands of dollars worth of therapy.
Speaker 4: I had a question, what car did we pull?
Speaker 1: Well, it's funny you may ask. I was wondering we
Speaker 1: forgot to do? I let it ride. I'm like, maybe
Speaker 1: it'll make more sense at the end. The car be
Speaker 1: pulled was the seven of brooms, which is the seven
Speaker 1: of wands generally, and it means after the success of
Speaker 1: six of one, you are now in an inviable position
Speaker 1: and are being challenged by others who want to take
Speaker 1: your place. You worked hard to get to where you are,
Speaker 1: but some people covet what you have and are prepared
Speaker 1: to fight for it. While it is flattering that they
Speaker 1: strive for your success, it also makes for tense and
Speaker 1: competitive environment because you need to protect what you earned
Speaker 1: and must continually prove yourself. It is a sad e
Speaker 1: fact of life. But the more visibility you have as
Speaker 1: a leader in your field and the bigger your audience,
Speaker 1: the more likely it is that you will need to
Speaker 1: grapple with this kind of pressure. Others see your success
Speaker 1: and will either challenge your point of view or want
Speaker 1: to take it down. The seven of wants may appear
Speaker 1: when you hold a contentious point of view or wish
Speaker 1: to voice your opinion in a public forum. Be ready
Speaker 1: to support your argument and back yourself. Stand firm and
Speaker 1: your conviction of what you believe and why, so that
Speaker 1: others do not topple you from your mountain of self belief.
Speaker 1: Sometimes this threat is opposition may catch you by surprise
Speaker 1: and you'll feel inadequately inadequately prepared.
Speaker 3: No, we won't, because we're high fiving, bitch, and we're
Speaker 3: prepared for such a battle. I'm prepared, Okay, yes, but
Speaker 3: you know what.
Speaker 2: I am safe, I am powerful.
Speaker 1: But it's talking about someone in this translation, it's talking
Speaker 1: about maybe someone outside of you. But I think biggest
Speaker 1: on this conversation, I think the biggest lesson is that
Speaker 1: our biggest problem, our biggest opponent is often ourselves. And
Speaker 1: if you are not prepared to face yourself and face
Speaker 1: your dad and a shit talking or you know, your
Speaker 1: business or whatever parts of yourself that you're avoiding because
Speaker 1: you're drinking, you're getting blacked out drunk, or maybe you're
Speaker 1: having sex, or you're just sleeping and not wanting to
Speaker 1: get the fuck up out the bed or cleaning. It's
Speaker 1: really the part that needs to be tackled, which is
Speaker 1: in fact the person in the mirror.
Speaker 4: Correct all comes back to them, it does.
Speaker 1: This is good. I want to ask you something has
Speaker 1: nothing to do with any of these things. Sure, do
Speaker 1: you have a whory? We forgot to tell you because
Speaker 1: I don't think we were thinking about this. But it's
Speaker 1: a highly horrorsh story. Something you've done though was like
Speaker 1: very horrorsh Maybe it could be with your husband, maybe
Speaker 1: before you're married.
Speaker 4: Do you mean like the time that I was basically
Speaker 4: a port whoreor for a guy that was a Navy seal.
Speaker 1: Who stories what is like a groupie of the port No.
Speaker 4: Meaning like you know, guys that are in the military
Speaker 4: have a different girlfriend in every city.
Speaker 1: Oh, so you're his what city you're.
Speaker 4: Well, I met him in Boston, but the real amazing
Speaker 4: hookup was in Chicago.
Speaker 1: Well can you tell us quickly about the amazing hookup
Speaker 1: in Chicago?
Speaker 4: Sure? What do you want to know?
Speaker 1: I know what was so amazing about it? Was it
Speaker 1: like something something like you know what it was?
Speaker 4: I was in law school at the time and he
Speaker 4: was like fifteen years older than me. So it was
Speaker 4: the first time I had had sex with a fucking man.
Speaker 4: Like until that point, it had been boys and I
Speaker 4: was either learning with them or in them. This was
Speaker 4: like feeling like I was a fucking rag doll. Yeah,
Speaker 4: my god, yes.
Speaker 1: Your sub he was domining you.
Speaker 4: I mean, I don't know what he was doing, but
Speaker 4: it was amazing, Like I had never experienced that with
Speaker 4: a fifteen to a twenty two year old man before,
Speaker 4: and this was a guy who I think was thirty
Speaker 4: five at the time. I can't believe I don't have
Speaker 4: a venereal disease from.
Speaker 1: Maybe he wasn't as much as a port horror as
Speaker 1: you thought. Maybe maybe not, maybe not, maybe not, maybe
Speaker 1: with those moves, probably yeah.
Speaker 4: And then I remember having that feeling. I don't even
Speaker 4: know how to describe it because a couple months later,
Speaker 4: you know, of course, we didn't have cell phones back then,
Speaker 4: so it's not like he could kind of ghost meet
Speaker 4: because you couldn't really reach anybody. But I remember being
Speaker 4: out at a restaurant in Boston and watching him come
Speaker 4: into a restaurant with somebody else, and that moment where
Speaker 4: you are admitting to yourself that you actually already had
Speaker 4: the fantasy in your mind that you were Cinderella and
Speaker 4: they were going to come back and marry you and
Speaker 4: you were the one, and then he's clearly in a
Speaker 4: relationship with somebody or you know, it was kind of
Speaker 4: one of those moments you're like, I basically want to
Speaker 4: die right now.
Speaker 1: Okay, I've been thinking about you for months?
Speaker 4: Yes, exactly, clearly you haven't been.
Speaker 1: We've all had those moments.
Speaker 3: Yes, well, mel thank you again for coming on the show.
Speaker 3: Can you tell our listeners where they can get the
Speaker 3: high five fat Habit and you.
Speaker 4: Can buy it anywhere you want. You can buy it
Speaker 4: anywhere you want. You can. It's coming out in twenty
Speaker 4: three languages and counting by the end of the year.
Speaker 1: Hopefully graduate fucking relations Thank you. That's a big shit girl.
Speaker 1: Thank you. But they're killing it.
Speaker 4: Thank you. You know what, when you work your ass
Speaker 4: off and you are out to make an impact, it
Speaker 4: all does work out. It may not work out on
Speaker 4: the timeline that you want, but when you stay true
Speaker 4: to what you want to do in the world, when
Speaker 4: you keep telling yourself that this moment is preparing you
Speaker 4: for something amazing that's coming, and you stay true, it
Speaker 4: doesn't all ever unfold. The way that you think it will,
Speaker 4: but it does what's meant for you, finds you period.
Speaker 4: And so one of the things that I wanted to
Speaker 4: say about this is that I am so committed because
Speaker 4: even with the five second Rule, which has changed the
Speaker 4: lives of millions of people, we know of one hundred
Speaker 4: and eleven people who have stopped themselves from committing suicide
Speaker 4: by using five four three two one. It is helping
Speaker 4: people reprogram triggers associated with PTSD. Pediatricians use it to
Speaker 4: reframe worries for kids you know who have anxiety. It's extraordinary.
Speaker 4: This book is only out now five days. I think
Speaker 4: it's going to be a thousand times more impactful in
Speaker 4: people's lives than even the five second Rule, because the
Speaker 4: five second rule will help you push through shit. This
Speaker 4: goes down to the fucking core of who you are
Speaker 4: and how you feel about yourself, and when you change
Speaker 4: how you see yourself and how you treat yourself, it
Speaker 4: changes your whole life. And so I am so committed
Speaker 4: to sharing these tools. I want to thank you from
Speaker 4: the bottom of my heart for having me on to
Speaker 4: introduce this stuff to your audience. But I want everyone
Speaker 4: to know you don't need to buy the book. I
Speaker 4: am reading the book cover to cover for free every
Speaker 4: single day online. We have started on social media. I
Speaker 4: read two or three pages a day. I then coach
Speaker 4: people because I want people who can't afford the book
Speaker 4: or find it to be able to use it. And
Speaker 4: we also created something called the High five Challenge, which
Speaker 4: is you just go to high five Challenge dot com.
Speaker 4: There's eighty five thousand people in it right now from
Speaker 4: ninety one countries. It is free. You do not have
Speaker 4: to buy the book to be in it. It's not
Speaker 4: even on social media. I got an app to give
Speaker 4: everybody access for free, because you know there's nothing. You know,
Speaker 4: Facebook groups are pain in the ass because you see
Speaker 4: the ads, and so this is you go to high
Speaker 4: five Challenge dot com. Just the number five and you
Speaker 4: can jump in it any time you're hearing this, and
Speaker 4: for five days we will coach you. We will give
Speaker 4: you journaling prompts, and you'll have this massive global community
Speaker 4: of people who are all high fiving themselves, uploading photos
Speaker 4: during each other on to get you started. Because for me,
Speaker 4: this is so much bigger, just like it's so much
Speaker 4: bigger for the two of you, Like it's not about
Speaker 4: the book deal. It's not really about the podcast. It's
Speaker 4: about something you're awakening in people who are listening. It's
Speaker 4: about something you're discovering about yourself as you're sharing your
Speaker 4: journey in life and everything that you're fucking up and
Speaker 4: that you're learning. I so want these tools out in
Speaker 4: the world because they're free. They fucking work. I don't
Speaker 4: care where you live, what language you speak, how old
Speaker 4: you are, what you do. Everybody needs to know how
Speaker 4: to look in the mirror and support the person they
Speaker 4: see staring back at them. So thank you for having
Speaker 4: me on and buy the book if you can. If
Speaker 4: you can't, just fucking share this shit everything. If you
Speaker 4: liked this podcast, you share this shit. Yeah, everybody who
Speaker 4: needs to hear it.
Speaker 2: Please, and everybody does.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not a question. Let's just get it to them.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Mel I feel like I have
Speaker 1: a new best friend.
Speaker 4: To be Absolutely you have my phones. You better text me.
Speaker 2: Can I put me on the group text?
Speaker 1: Hold, I'm sorry, I was keep here for myself. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna put us on the group text. I We're supposed
Speaker 1: to have a drink for your birthday, but I do
Speaker 1: have shit to do. Happy birthday.
Speaker 4: Drink with you.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm so honored that you get to come on
Speaker 1: our show and share with us, you guys. She is
Speaker 1: shout out to Mark and Europa Agency. She's on our
Speaker 1: literary agency with us. We're so blessed to be like
Speaker 1: no represented by the same agency. I'm like so much pressure.
Speaker 1: This book better to be fucking good.
Speaker 4: Oh hell, yes, and count me on your launch team.
Speaker 4: Yes when it comes out. Please.
Speaker 1: Wow, I'm so excited. You have a hell of an
Speaker 1: email list over there. Anyway, I hope everyone heard this
Speaker 1: and this resonated. I know it did. Please pick up
Speaker 1: the high five habit five the number, and don't forget
Speaker 1: to rate and review us because it matters to us.
Speaker 4: You give them fucking five stars, don't you dare? Listen
Speaker 4: to their ship and give them anything less.
Speaker 1: Don't be a taker, you know, listen. This was he
Speaker 1: By the way, game free Gems. You know where to
Speaker 1: find us Good Mom's Bad Choices dot com and Good
Speaker 1: Mom's Underscore Bad Choices on Instagram.
Speaker 3: You can watch this episode on Patreon and we'll see
Speaker 3: you guys next week.
Speaker 1: Thanks bye bye, Ella Solo