WEBVTT - Stop Apologizing Feat. Mel Robbins 0:00:12.840 --> 0:00:16.320 Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and 0:00:16.360 --> 0:00:19.880 I'm Mela. Happy Wednesday, Happy hump Day everyone. 0:00:20.360 --> 0:00:21.599 We've already started the episode. 0:00:21.600 --> 0:00:24.320 Before the episode started, I've already told our guest how 0:00:24.360 --> 0:00:27.200 I've had six wet dreams. Or Jamila shared with our guests, 0:00:27.200 --> 0:00:30.520 I've already had six wet dreams about Eminem, and our 0:00:30.520 --> 0:00:33.960 guest has since confirmed that Eminem looks like he might 0:00:34.080 --> 0:00:37.120 smell like he's been holding for forty eight hours waiting 0:00:37.120 --> 0:00:39.520 for his public defender to come defend him. 0:00:39.560 --> 0:00:42.040 So in the movie Here we Are a mile, Yes, 0:00:42.360 --> 0:00:45.760 that's one thousand percent what he I think would smell 0:00:45.840 --> 0:00:48.680 like in the basement scene where he's doing the wrap up. 0:00:48.800 --> 0:00:52.040 Yes, I don't know. 0:00:52.200 --> 0:00:54.440 I don't know why this keeps happening to me, But Eminem, 0:00:54.520 --> 0:00:55.400 call me, I'm here. 0:00:55.520 --> 0:00:57.440 Your secrets are not safe. I would love for that 0:00:57.480 --> 0:00:58.040 really to happen. 0:00:58.080 --> 0:01:00.280 So I'll tell you what I'd love to say. I'd 0:01:00.280 --> 0:01:02.120 love to see you do a peloton ad where you're 0:01:02.200 --> 0:01:03.000 riding next to him. 0:01:04.720 --> 0:01:07.319 Well, I don't know why that sounds so freakyrotic. I 0:01:07.360 --> 0:01:08.600 was just like a bitching that. 0:01:08.560 --> 0:01:10.840 And it's like I can't even imagine Eminem working out. 0:01:12.280 --> 0:01:14.520 I've said Eminem more than I've ever said his name 0:01:14.560 --> 0:01:19.320 in my entire lifetime today. Okay, I did have a 0:01:19.319 --> 0:01:22.160 crush on him too, back back in the day, and 0:01:22.200 --> 0:01:23.240 there's little options. 0:01:23.280 --> 0:01:24.000 There's something there. 0:01:24.560 --> 0:01:28.440 Anyway. How's your week, guys? How are you feeling today? 0:01:28.600 --> 0:01:30.240 I'm feeling good. I'm feeling great. 0:01:30.319 --> 0:01:32.480 I'm a little I smoked a little bit earlier and 0:01:32.520 --> 0:01:35.880 so I'm feeling relaxed. And my friend gave me these 0:01:35.920 --> 0:01:38.040 like rose essence drops that she like made me, and 0:01:38.080 --> 0:01:40.040 so I just put them under my tongue and they 0:01:40.040 --> 0:01:41.759 give me like I don't know, they make me feel 0:01:41.800 --> 0:01:44.919 like energized but positive. 0:01:45.640 --> 0:01:48.000 So are they like a rose essence THC. 0:01:48.720 --> 0:01:51.840 No, No, No, it's just some She's an herbalist and 0:01:51.840 --> 0:01:54.160 she I have. I suffer from anxiety, which is why 0:01:54.160 --> 0:01:55.080 I'm really happy you're here. 0:01:55.200 --> 0:01:57.040 Okay, help me. Am I going to make it worse? 0:01:57.120 --> 0:01:57.560 I hope not. 0:01:58.200 --> 0:02:01.160 Wait, let's introduce our guests. You're hearing a voice. It's 0:02:01.200 --> 0:02:05.360 not ours. We have an amazing bad ass woman here. 0:02:05.480 --> 0:02:06.440 She's an author. 0:02:06.600 --> 0:02:11.640 She's a lawyer, international best selling author, really an audible icon. 0:02:11.800 --> 0:02:12.920 I would say, I think. 0:02:12.880 --> 0:02:14.000 You're an audible icon. 0:02:14.120 --> 0:02:14.480 You are. 0:02:14.600 --> 0:02:18.280 She has like the most successful self published audible book. 0:02:18.080 --> 0:02:18.680 Of all time. 0:02:18.919 --> 0:02:22.960 It's true, and you're a motivational speaker. You're a mother 0:02:24.040 --> 0:02:27.920 and hot smoker. She has white pants on with patch 0:02:27.919 --> 0:02:30.160 on her asses as bad ass that she wore for us. 0:02:30.440 --> 0:02:32.800 I did, and I also did not realize I was 0:02:32.840 --> 0:02:35.800 coming to the headquarters of beauty blenders. So after I 0:02:35.840 --> 0:02:39.400 put my foundation on with my hands, I subconsciously rubbed 0:02:39.440 --> 0:02:41.360 them down the front of my white pants. So I 0:02:41.360 --> 0:02:44.160 have a foundation streak, like some loser right here. 0:02:44.240 --> 0:02:45.480 Please get her beauty blender. 0:02:45.760 --> 0:02:47.480 I had one. I just forgot to put it in 0:02:47.480 --> 0:02:48.560 my suitcase last. 0:02:48.400 --> 0:02:51.960 Night, and I figure out here an extra one. It's 0:02:52.000 --> 0:02:55.480 so crazy because me and Eric are so fucking professional. 0:02:55.560 --> 0:02:57.960 Last time Mel was supposed to come here and the 0:02:57.960 --> 0:02:59.960 wires got crossed and she was here and we were not, 0:03:00.639 --> 0:03:02.560 and we were in another meeting, and I was like, 0:03:02.639 --> 0:03:04.880 oh no, Eric, I like, I have to call her. 0:03:05.200 --> 0:03:07.519 I'm scared. Oh no. So I went outside. 0:03:07.600 --> 0:03:09.800 I'm like, hello, I didn't help her at all. 0:03:09.840 --> 0:03:11.079 I was like, she's gonna have to deal with Mel 0:03:11.160 --> 0:03:12.639 Robbins is outside of the office. 0:03:12.800 --> 0:03:13.880 I'm like, she doesn't have to deal with that. 0:03:13.919 --> 0:03:14.520 I can't do. I was. 0:03:14.560 --> 0:03:16.440 I was in the midst of like that day. I 0:03:16.480 --> 0:03:18.840 was like break, I like broke down and had like 0:03:18.919 --> 0:03:21.520 this crazy anxiety moment, and I was like, I can't 0:03:21.480 --> 0:03:21.960 I help. 0:03:21.800 --> 0:03:25.000 You, bitch. I should figure it out. 0:03:25.160 --> 0:03:26.800 And I thought for sure I was gonna get like 0:03:26.840 --> 0:03:29.519 your assistant. I was like perfect, Like, hey, so we're 0:03:29.560 --> 0:03:31.000 not there. She's like, no, this is mel I'm. 0:03:30.840 --> 0:03:34.200 Like, you did call. But then she got on the 0:03:34.240 --> 0:03:35.400 team and I said, give me that phone rung. 0:03:35.520 --> 0:03:37.960 She got me, you did, she got me together, so 0:03:38.160 --> 0:03:41.160 fucking why. I was like, shit, I was like, I just. 0:03:41.080 --> 0:03:41.560 Got a coach. 0:03:41.760 --> 0:03:45.000 She's like, don't apologie. I stop apologizing. It's fine. Shit happens. 0:03:45.040 --> 0:03:47.480 I'm like, you're okay, you're right. I'm not sorry. I 0:03:47.520 --> 0:03:47.920 am sorry. 0:03:48.000 --> 0:03:50.800 Sorry, No, do not say you're sorry like. 0:03:50.720 --> 0:03:52.440 Your team needs to be on luck cause you're growing. 0:03:52.480 --> 0:03:54.960 I'm like, you're motherfucking right, that's right. 0:03:55.400 --> 0:03:57.240 So so you asked me in the beginning, come to 0:03:57.280 --> 0:03:59.080 the table with a mantra and we're gonna talk why. 0:03:59.240 --> 0:04:03.040 Most mantras or bullshit, but one mantra I love is 0:04:03.080 --> 0:04:06.680 that I always say to myself, especially when the shit 0:04:06.760 --> 0:04:10.120 hits a fan or especially when I hear the anxiety 0:04:10.360 --> 0:04:12.800 or I feel the anxiety. And for anxiety for me 0:04:13.320 --> 0:04:16.520 always starts in my ankles and it rolls up like 0:04:16.560 --> 0:04:20.400 a train through my body. And I always say to myself, 0:04:21.279 --> 0:04:28.520 this moment is preparing me for something amazing that hasn't 0:04:28.560 --> 0:04:29.200 happened yet. 0:04:30.480 --> 0:04:32.880 This moment is. 0:04:32.760 --> 0:04:39.040 Preparing me for something amazing that hasn't happened yet. And 0:04:39.279 --> 0:04:42.840 so when I say that, it's a way to flip 0:04:42.880 --> 0:04:46.200 yourself out of anxiety and fear and self doubt and 0:04:46.200 --> 0:04:50.280 self rejection and self bashing and flip into this thing 0:04:50.320 --> 0:04:53.240 I call a high five attitude, which grounds you into 0:04:53.480 --> 0:04:57.440 faith and optimism and a little bit of confidence when 0:04:57.480 --> 0:04:59.840 you need it. Because the fact of the matter is 0:05:00.360 --> 0:05:04.359 that was the perfect breakdown for you to have, for 0:05:04.480 --> 0:05:06.600 me to be out here in La. I don't live 0:05:06.600 --> 0:05:11.159 in La to be standing here, you know, drive forty 0:05:11.200 --> 0:05:15.960 five minutes you know here, organize the day around coming here, 0:05:16.200 --> 0:05:17.680 you know, like, and I'm not saying this make you 0:05:17.680 --> 0:05:20.800 feel bad. I want you to understand that the universe 0:05:21.080 --> 0:05:24.080 gives you the size of a breakdown that you need 0:05:24.560 --> 0:05:27.360 in order to wake your ass up. And I'm telling 0:05:27.440 --> 0:05:30.920 you You have probably had other scheduling breakdowns. You have 0:05:31.040 --> 0:05:35.400 probably had other process breakdowns, but they weren't big enough 0:05:35.400 --> 0:05:39.320 to make you go, fuck, I'm going to pay attention now. 0:05:39.440 --> 0:05:42.279 And so when you stand in those moments and go, 0:05:42.360 --> 0:05:45.400 this is preparing me for something amazing that hasn't happened yet. 0:05:45.440 --> 0:05:49.640 What that moment prepared you for is respecting the platform 0:05:49.680 --> 0:05:55.040 you're building and respecting yourselves so that you take this 0:05:55.200 --> 0:05:59.000 moment and say, oh, I actually have to level up 0:05:59.120 --> 0:06:03.279 in this moment, I got up upgrade the systems around me. 0:06:03.360 --> 0:06:05.800 I got to upgrade the calendaring, I got to upgrade 0:06:05.880 --> 0:06:08.560 the you know, like whatever it is. And I can 0:06:08.640 --> 0:06:11.039 say that to you because I have fucked up so 0:06:11.240 --> 0:06:14.040 many times. And I think when you kind of get 0:06:14.080 --> 0:06:16.600 into something and you're in it because you really want 0:06:16.640 --> 0:06:18.560 to connect with people and you want to make an impact, 0:06:18.640 --> 0:06:22.920 and it sort of just happens organically. Me personally, I 0:06:23.120 --> 0:06:27.120 was completely naive about what it meant to have a 0:06:27.520 --> 0:06:30.760 business and do have a brand where you're the face 0:06:30.800 --> 0:06:33.560 of it, what it means for your family, what it 0:06:33.640 --> 0:06:36.960 means in terms of liability, what it means in terms 0:06:36.960 --> 0:06:39.800 of how fast things start coming at you, and So 0:06:39.960 --> 0:06:44.080 if I could, as somebody who is probably I don't know, 0:06:44.160 --> 0:06:47.359 twenty five more fuck ups ahead of you, save you 0:06:47.440 --> 0:06:49.760 the heartache and the headache that I have caused myself, 0:06:50.360 --> 0:06:52.279 then I would love to do that. And that's why 0:06:52.360 --> 0:06:54.599 I was literally like, don't you dare apologize? Like just 0:06:54.640 --> 0:06:58.320 get the lesson and like change the stuff. And the 0:06:58.360 --> 0:07:01.960 other reason why I want you to not apologize, like 0:07:02.000 --> 0:07:05.640 apologize when something happens to say like I really apologize 0:07:05.720 --> 0:07:09.040 or like whatever. But what I want you to do instead, 0:07:09.160 --> 0:07:13.280 especially as women, and especially as two women that are 0:07:13.320 --> 0:07:19.600 gonna build something monstrous, Okay, I want you to flip 0:07:20.040 --> 0:07:23.080 out of your vocabulary the word i'm sorry, and I 0:07:23.120 --> 0:07:26.160 want you to insert the word thank you, thank you, 0:07:26.200 --> 0:07:28.000 And I'll tell you why, because in that moment you're 0:07:28.040 --> 0:07:31.400 like i'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it becomes the 0:07:31.400 --> 0:07:34.800 focus goes on you making the mistake, so you feel terrible. 0:07:35.240 --> 0:07:37.400 It also makes the person on the receiving end of 0:07:37.480 --> 0:07:39.720 the i'm sorry feel like I need to reassure you 0:07:40.200 --> 0:07:43.280 when instead, in those moments where you, you know, legitimately 0:07:43.320 --> 0:07:46.120 have a like breakdown, you didn't intentionally go fuck Mel Robbins. 0:07:46.560 --> 0:07:50.080 Let's just ghost her, and let's let's put a video 0:07:50.120 --> 0:07:53.240 out front and let's see what this bitch does. That's 0:07:53.280 --> 0:07:54.200 not what happens. 0:07:54.240 --> 0:07:55.720 That's the core what she says about us. 0:07:55.600 --> 0:07:57.800 And see exactly that's not what happened at all. 0:07:57.960 --> 0:07:58.200 Punk. 0:07:58.720 --> 0:08:02.200 Yeah, literally, that's that's not what happened. So in you 0:08:02.240 --> 0:08:04.840 in those moments when you can go, hey, look we 0:08:04.880 --> 0:08:09.120 had a break down. Thank you for understanding, thank you 0:08:09.560 --> 0:08:11.920 for your patients. That's sorry, I got three kids, I 0:08:11.920 --> 0:08:12.880 know what it feels like. 0:08:13.200 --> 0:08:17.320 Whatever, just to see it's French fries, just at least 0:08:17.560 --> 0:08:17.880 one thing. 0:08:19.000 --> 0:08:21.240 But literally, see there you go, thank you like she 0:08:21.440 --> 0:08:24.239 literally like when you go, thank you for your patience, 0:08:24.560 --> 0:08:27.360 thank you for your understanding, thank you for your flexibility. 0:08:27.400 --> 0:08:30.880 You get it off the battering ram of hitting yourself 0:08:30.920 --> 0:08:33.840 and making yourself wrong and making somebody feel like they 0:08:33.880 --> 0:08:36.280 need to reassure you, and you step into your power 0:08:36.800 --> 0:08:39.400 and you go things happen. I appreciate you your flexibility, 0:08:39.440 --> 0:08:40.959 and I appreciate you. See what I'm saying, that's what 0:08:40.960 --> 0:08:41.720 are you betting from that? 0:08:41.760 --> 0:08:46.160 I'm just I'm thinking because I definitely I'm saying I'm sorry. 0:08:46.320 --> 0:08:48.600 It's definitely something I've I do a lot, but I've 0:08:48.679 --> 0:08:51.360 also I've been trying to undo and I also encourage 0:08:51.400 --> 0:08:55.280 my friends to not apologize too, but never really thinking 0:08:55.320 --> 0:08:57.720 about how it makes the person that you're saying i'm 0:08:57.720 --> 0:09:01.199 sorry to then have to reassure you not only maybe 0:09:01.200 --> 0:09:05.120 you've inconvenienced them, but then you're also making them have 0:09:05.240 --> 0:09:07.760 to reassure you that it's okay. You know, I never 0:09:07.840 --> 0:09:10.280 really thought about that part, because you think that you're 0:09:10.280 --> 0:09:14.680 doing them a service almost by saying I'm sorry, when 0:09:14.720 --> 0:09:17.200 really it's it's not. 0:09:16.760 --> 0:09:18.800 It doesn't change whatever has been done. 0:09:18.880 --> 0:09:19.000 Well. 0:09:19.200 --> 0:09:22.199 It makes them have to, like, like she said, reassure you, 0:09:22.520 --> 0:09:24.960 when like, that's not their job either. Not only are 0:09:25.000 --> 0:09:27.000 you sorry for whatever it is you did, but now 0:09:27.040 --> 0:09:29.800 they're also having to reassure whatever choice is well. 0:09:29.840 --> 0:09:32.520 And now, let me tell you the bigger thematic piece 0:09:32.520 --> 0:09:35.760 of this, because it's so conditioned into women and girls 0:09:35.800 --> 0:09:37.319 to say they're sorry. I was going to say that, 0:09:37.800 --> 0:09:41.719 is that when it becomes so casual that you are 0:09:41.760 --> 0:09:48.120 literally apologizing for ordering gluten free bread, right, I'm really sorry, 0:09:48.240 --> 0:09:49.679 I'm sorry that I'm a pain in the ass when 0:09:49.679 --> 0:09:51.880 I order. I'm sorry, but could I please have gluten 0:09:51.880 --> 0:09:57.080 free with that? That that you are taking away your 0:09:57.160 --> 0:10:01.040 right to take up space. You are in validating what 0:10:01.080 --> 0:10:05.800 you need. You are invalidating your right to request the 0:10:05.880 --> 0:10:09.760 things that support you. Like if you feel self conscious 0:10:09.760 --> 0:10:12.440 because you don't have a simple order, just say, hey, 0:10:12.520 --> 0:10:15.839 thank you so much. This is a really like important 0:10:15.880 --> 0:10:18.600 thing to make sure that it's gluten free. Now you're 0:10:18.640 --> 0:10:22.160 acknowledging the waiter instead of bashing yourself for having. 0:10:21.880 --> 0:10:24.440 A need, and you're actually empowering the waiter to do 0:10:24.720 --> 0:10:28.480 the job. Well, yes, because now they're like, wow, okay, 0:10:28.559 --> 0:10:29.480 I'm going to get this right. 0:10:29.920 --> 0:10:30.760 Yeah, you know. 0:10:30.760 --> 0:10:32.920 You can certainly apologize when you screw something up, but 0:10:32.960 --> 0:10:35.120 then flip it into a thank you to acknowledge the 0:10:35.160 --> 0:10:37.520 other person for giving you the grace to be human. 0:10:37.720 --> 0:10:41.559 Right, yeah, I think Sorry, it does take away giving 0:10:41.600 --> 0:10:44.160 yourself grace to be human. Like, no, I didn't do 0:10:44.200 --> 0:10:47.360 it on purpose. Yeah, that's so true. As women, we 0:10:47.440 --> 0:10:50.679 apologize all the time, all day long. I say it 0:10:50.760 --> 0:10:52.640 so so much that it just rolls off the tongue. 0:10:52.640 --> 0:10:54.280 I'm like, Hi, I'm sorry, I don't know why I 0:10:54.320 --> 0:10:58.840 said that. I'm like scooting past people who are too close. Sorry, sorry, no, bitch, 0:10:58.920 --> 0:11:03.800 back up? Yeah, you know, women were just like I 0:11:03.800 --> 0:11:07.160 think we are so conditioned to not take up space 0:11:07.520 --> 0:11:11.000 to be seen but not heard almost you know, yeah, 0:11:11.280 --> 0:11:14.560 it feels uncomfortable to do it. If even having the conversation, 0:11:14.600 --> 0:11:16.720 I'm like, damn, how am I gonna substitute thank you 0:11:16.760 --> 0:11:18.920 for I'm sorry. That's gonna be a lot of thank you. 0:11:19.840 --> 0:11:23.839 Yeah, but it's so it's empowering because you literally feel 0:11:23.840 --> 0:11:25.000 like you're in control of everything. 0:11:25.280 --> 0:11:25.520 Right. 0:11:26.160 --> 0:11:28.760 Thank you for waiting for me and shed if I'm 0:11:28.760 --> 0:11:29.280 sorry I'm late. 0:11:30.600 --> 0:11:33.320 Thank you for being flexible with us, and thank you 0:11:33.360 --> 0:11:36.120 for coming back and blessing us with these gems right 0:11:36.160 --> 0:11:38.320 off the top. Like I told her, I was like, 0:11:38.320 --> 0:11:40.800 I'm excited for this interview now, I'm like, wow, she 0:11:40.920 --> 0:11:43.079 just I don't know what. She was like, stop disrespecting 0:11:43.080 --> 0:11:45.520 your business. That is what she told me. I was like, damn, 0:11:45.640 --> 0:11:47.880 I never heard it put it that way. I'm gonna stop, 0:11:47.920 --> 0:11:51.000 I swear to god. Guess what happened The next that week, 0:11:51.040 --> 0:11:54.199 we had a fucking meeting everybody, like, you know, let's 0:11:54.200 --> 0:11:56.280 get on a call because she is getting she was 0:11:56.320 --> 0:12:00.240 slipping through the cracks and it's our business, so got 0:12:00.240 --> 0:12:01.400 to get it together. Well, and by the. 0:12:01.360 --> 0:12:05.000 Way, as you continue to level up, you're gonna have 0:12:05.040 --> 0:12:07.560 to do that again. And as you continue to level up, 0:12:07.600 --> 0:12:09.160 you're gonna have to do that again. We're doing that 0:12:09.280 --> 0:12:12.800 right now with our own social media team because we've 0:12:12.880 --> 0:12:14.680 just been in the middle of this big book launch 0:12:14.840 --> 0:12:17.240 and now we need to post mortem because you know, 0:12:17.280 --> 0:12:20.040 I think a lot of times, especially in a space 0:12:20.120 --> 0:12:24.520 where you're building something new, it's around something you're passionate about. 0:12:24.840 --> 0:12:27.040 You basically build the airplane as you're flying it. 0:12:27.640 --> 0:12:29.440 You've never put it so good when you said that 0:12:29.559 --> 0:12:32.960 when you have a business that you've developed through passion, 0:12:33.080 --> 0:12:35.520 that you really didn't even realize that that's you were 0:12:35.559 --> 0:12:37.719 building it. And then you're like, oh fuck, I'm in 0:12:37.800 --> 0:12:39.920 a business and there's people that need to be paid, 0:12:40.160 --> 0:12:42.720 and I there's all these moving parts that you really 0:12:42.720 --> 0:12:45.200 didn't expect. So you didn't like have a business plan 0:12:45.280 --> 0:12:47.680 and then implement the shit. It just happened because it 0:12:47.760 --> 0:12:50.360 is a project of passion. And like, I'm so happy 0:12:50.360 --> 0:12:52.600 to be sitting down with you because obviously you're ahead 0:12:52.640 --> 0:12:55.959 of us in this and taking this advice means a lot. 0:12:56.080 --> 0:12:57.960 Like sometimes we talk about it and we know it's true, 0:12:58.040 --> 0:13:00.480 but we're like, are we tripping a terrible business people? 0:13:00.920 --> 0:13:03.640 I'm like, kind of, this wasn't supposed to be a business. 0:13:04.080 --> 0:13:05.920 Well, and that's the other thing. You're not going to 0:13:05.960 --> 0:13:07.720 be good at everything. And so one of the biggest 0:13:07.720 --> 0:13:09.720 breakthroughs for me, and this was one of the gifts 0:13:09.720 --> 0:13:12.520 of doing that daytime talk show that I was eventually 0:13:12.600 --> 0:13:15.200 fired from, but one of the gifts of it, again, 0:13:15.400 --> 0:13:19.079 this moment is preparing you for something amazing. That's happening 0:13:19.480 --> 0:13:23.200 is to all of a sudden step into a television show. 0:13:23.440 --> 0:13:25.440 One hundred and thirty five people on the team Sony 0:13:25.480 --> 0:13:28.720 Pictures Television. We're filming at the CBS Broadcast Center. I 0:13:28.720 --> 0:13:31.160 had never been a part of a machine that big, 0:13:31.160 --> 0:13:34.400 one hundred and seventy five episodes taped in about five 0:13:34.400 --> 0:13:37.960 months flat. Wow, Like that is a machine. But what 0:13:38.040 --> 0:13:42.800 I realized is, Oh, I'm actually a really shitty CEO. 0:13:44.400 --> 0:13:47.600 Like no wonder. It's been painful, and I've been a 0:13:47.640 --> 0:13:51.840 workaholic because I have been disrespecting my business and I 0:13:51.880 --> 0:13:55.280 have been trying to do everything and I have been 0:13:55.440 --> 0:13:58.840 so insecure that I have not been confident enough to 0:13:59.000 --> 0:14:03.280 hire people around me that have more experience than me. 0:14:03.960 --> 0:14:06.880 And when I got into the right seat on that 0:14:07.640 --> 0:14:11.120 train that was moving a million miles an hour, I'm like, oh, 0:14:11.400 --> 0:14:14.320 I'm not supposed to be running the production. I'm supposed 0:14:14.360 --> 0:14:18.040 to empower people to create a production machine around me 0:14:18.559 --> 0:14:22.520 so I can do what I love doing and that 0:14:22.720 --> 0:14:25.000 will make it grow. And so that's what I also 0:14:25.080 --> 0:14:28.680 meant by stop disrespecting the business and yourselves. You two 0:14:28.760 --> 0:14:33.400 have a genius. You have a particular thing or things 0:14:33.480 --> 0:14:39.320 that you're remarkable at. I am horrible at execution. I 0:14:39.360 --> 0:14:42.160 can walk into a meeting and ideas a fly off 0:14:42.160 --> 0:14:44.680 for me. I can talk like we're gonna make a 0:14:44.720 --> 0:14:47.160 million dollars something like all these ideas are gonna hit, 0:14:47.200 --> 0:14:50.080 and they will the second I walk out of the door. 0:14:50.480 --> 0:14:53.520 I'm not doing any of that yet. So if you 0:14:53.600 --> 0:14:56.960 don't start to understand what piece of this makes the money, 0:14:56.960 --> 0:14:59.000 what piece do I love doing, what's the piece that 0:14:59.040 --> 0:15:01.320 we actually need to hire, you're at that stage, and 0:15:01.360 --> 0:15:07.520 that's the scariest stage in any business. Doesn't matter. There's 0:15:07.560 --> 0:15:10.000 a reason why my ask is to God. 0:15:10.040 --> 0:15:11.920 It's like, we need you this week, not that week. 0:15:12.200 --> 0:15:13.840 This is the day. This is the day we need 0:15:13.840 --> 0:15:16.880 to hear all these messages, It's like I'm getting goosebumps, 0:15:17.160 --> 0:15:17.320 you know. 0:15:17.360 --> 0:15:20.080 Oh, and I'm gonna give you one more. Everybody. The 0:15:20.120 --> 0:15:25.400 most incredible thing that you could ever do is say no. 0:15:26.400 --> 0:15:28.880 Like exercise saying no, no, no, no no. 0:15:28.960 --> 0:15:31.800 In business, okay, let me tell you why. Okay, you ready? 0:15:32.600 --> 0:15:36.600 So when it comes to negotiating, what happens when you 0:15:36.680 --> 0:15:40.080 start to get into talking deal terms for example, like 0:15:40.120 --> 0:15:42.800 this happened with Sony Pictures. They reached out to us 0:15:43.240 --> 0:15:45.760 and at this point we're on like Audible number three. 0:15:46.240 --> 0:15:48.840 I'm the most booked female speaker in the world. We've 0:15:48.840 --> 0:15:52.000 got half a million students and online classes. We are 0:15:52.160 --> 0:15:55.080 slaying it and doing it on terms, and they on 0:15:55.160 --> 0:15:57.240 our terms. And so they reach out to us and 0:15:57.280 --> 0:15:59.040 they say, we'd love to talk to you about a 0:15:59.120 --> 0:16:00.680 daytime syndicate to talk show. 0:16:01.080 --> 0:16:01.160 So. 0:16:01.240 --> 0:16:03.280 I grew up in Western Michigan. When I would come 0:16:03.320 --> 0:16:09.600 home from school, my mom would have on Oprah Donahue Montel. 0:16:10.040 --> 0:16:12.040 I grew up with the old school talk shows on. 0:16:12.240 --> 0:16:16.200 It had always been a dream of mine to host 0:16:16.200 --> 0:16:18.760 my daytime, to host my own daytime talk show be 0:16:18.880 --> 0:16:22.040 on TV like amazing. So even though I was like, 0:16:22.280 --> 0:16:25.360 I'm like a digital person, like like you two are. 0:16:25.760 --> 0:16:28.800 When it came in, I was secretly like fuck yeah, okay, yeah, 0:16:29.000 --> 0:16:30.800 oh my god. They want me right, But I'm like, 0:16:30.840 --> 0:16:33.240 why would I do that? Like why would I do 0:16:33.320 --> 0:16:35.360 a daytime syndicated talk show. And so we wrote back 0:16:35.360 --> 0:16:37.880 and said, no, no thanks, we got a lot going on. 0:16:38.080 --> 0:16:41.560 Not interested. And they wrote back and said, wait what, Yeah, 0:16:41.600 --> 0:16:44.360 you're not interested? Why aren't you interested? And I said, well, 0:16:44.480 --> 0:16:46.400 here's all the reason. I'll make more money than you'll 0:16:46.440 --> 0:16:47.880 pay me. I make more money doing what I do 0:16:47.920 --> 0:16:49.800 than you're ever going to pay me. I own everything 0:16:49.800 --> 0:16:52.760 that I do. I don't want to change or become 0:16:52.800 --> 0:16:55.080 a caricature of what I am. Like that like I 0:16:55.120 --> 0:16:59.480 want to And they wrote back and we're like, but 0:16:59.520 --> 0:17:02.800 would you still talk to us? And so like what 0:17:02.880 --> 0:17:04.960 happens is this in the deal When you say no? 0:17:05.880 --> 0:17:09.480 There is this chemical thing that floods somebody's body, especially 0:17:09.840 --> 0:17:14.960 if it's a dude, the testosterone, the chase, the part 0:17:15.040 --> 0:17:19.600 of the brain that is attracted to something you can't have. 0:17:20.480 --> 0:17:25.080 It literally takes over and because you said no, you 0:17:25.200 --> 0:17:30.520 become more desirable and more attractive. This also works for 0:17:30.600 --> 0:17:35.119 dating everybody with so familiar yes. So the more that 0:17:35.160 --> 0:17:38.720 you say no, the more you become something that somebody 0:17:38.760 --> 0:17:39.800 wants to get. 0:17:40.280 --> 0:17:44.680 Your value somehow raises because you're less accessible. Correct, They're like, oh, 0:17:44.800 --> 0:17:47.080 she's saying no, damn, Like maybe we should try harder 0:17:47.160 --> 0:17:50.480 raise our price, remove these dumb ass this dumb ass 0:17:50.480 --> 0:17:53.840 contractor we just proposed her. And because a lot of times, 0:17:53.960 --> 0:17:56.720 how many people on a daytime fucking talk show everybody? 0:17:56.720 --> 0:17:59.040 I wonder if I can be Oprah, but like how 0:17:59.080 --> 0:18:01.760 many people are saying no to shitty ass deals? People 0:18:01.800 --> 0:18:05.280 are like, oh, Sony Pictures, I'm in and then fucked. 0:18:05.720 --> 0:18:07.960 You know, all their shit that they've built is gone 0:18:08.000 --> 0:18:10.480 because they've given everything over to someone, and like, you know, 0:18:10.680 --> 0:18:14.960 we've obviously probably not to that to that standard yet, 0:18:15.040 --> 0:18:17.960 but like of course we've had proposals and companies and 0:18:18.000 --> 0:18:22.160 production companies and they're like, but we'll own everything, Like bitch, 0:18:22.200 --> 0:18:24.280 are you crazy? No? 0:18:24.640 --> 0:18:27.800 Too many years we recently said notice, like a big opportunity, 0:18:27.880 --> 0:18:29.840 and we sat on it for a while. 0:18:29.600 --> 0:18:31.679 Like should we were like like should we? We were 0:18:31.680 --> 0:18:32.480 trying to work it out. 0:18:33.080 --> 0:18:36.360 Everything in me was like no, no, And then when 0:18:36.359 --> 0:18:37.119 it came down to it. 0:18:37.240 --> 0:18:39.280 We were like, no, well what. 0:18:39.400 --> 0:18:42.280 Ultimately it was the ultimately the best decision that we've made. 0:18:42.320 --> 0:18:44.600 And I'm now like literally this week starting to see 0:18:44.880 --> 0:18:46.160 why I said no. 0:18:46.680 --> 0:18:48.920 Yes. And you know, even the thing we were talking about, 0:18:48.960 --> 0:18:50.679 I don't want to say what it was on a 0:18:50.720 --> 0:18:52.800 mic sou I don't know. If you're talking about it publicly, 0:18:53.640 --> 0:18:55.040 you should consider. 0:18:54.760 --> 0:18:57.400 Our book no no, okay, thing, You. 0:18:57.320 --> 0:19:01.520 Should consider doing it yourself because then you have control 0:19:01.760 --> 0:19:05.200 over it before it becomes a thing, and then the 0:19:05.240 --> 0:19:08.960 bigger fish buy the thing you created versus letting them 0:19:09.280 --> 0:19:13.280 futs around with you know what you're doing right thing. 0:19:13.720 --> 0:19:17.160 So you know, I ultimately said yes because we were 0:19:17.200 --> 0:19:19.840 in La. I think I was in La for a speech, 0:19:19.840 --> 0:19:21.359 and so I'm like, well, allsoin buy and hear what 0:19:21.400 --> 0:19:23.520 you have to say. And they're like, why did you 0:19:23.600 --> 0:19:26.879 show up? And I said, well, I showed up to 0:19:27.000 --> 0:19:29.200 honor the dream that I had as a little girl. 0:19:29.359 --> 0:19:32.320 I want to find out, like, actually, what you're thinking 0:19:32.440 --> 0:19:35.480